The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Welcome to Soul Food - full transcript

(BICYCLE BELLS RINGING)

Greetings, four-wheeled friends.

Dave, do you ever just say "hi"?

Oh. Nay.

Look at you guys, out for a bike ride.

Yeah. Back in Kalamazoo, we
used to take family rides

all the time.

Not on Old Duck Lane, of course,

with all the traffic.

(SCOFFS) Well, around here, if
you see a grown man on a bike,

his sidepiece slashed his tires.



What's a sidepiece?

Oh, well, it's when a guy...

Dave!

gets an extra piece of chicken.

Cool! Then next time, I'm
gonna get a sidepiece.

Well, I don't know about you, but
I sure worked up an appetite

- for our double date tonight.
- (CHUCKLES)

Double date?

Who's the unlucky couple? (LAUGHING)

We are.

What? Tina, I thought you and I

were going to The Lobster Factory.

Uh, we are, but the Johnsons
are coming with us,

and we're not going to
The Lobster Factory.



We're going to this hip new place

called Sprout and Jar.

I've been dying to try it.

Everything's served in mason jars.

Except for the drinks,
which come to the table

in a communal trough.

Come on, Tina.

Saturday is one of my cheat days.

I just want to go to a classy place,

where, you know, I can put on a bib

and suck butter off my fingers.

I know, baby.

That's why we didn't ask you.

Mwah!

Calvin, don't worry,

Sprout and Jar has a lobster dish.

Oh. Okay.

It's an aerated foam
served in a balloon.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

To use your words:

Nay.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

Ooh...

- Wow, this place is really nice.
- I know.

Everything they serve
here is farm-to-table.

Ooh. Well, as long as they
kill it somewhere in between,

I'm good.

(CHUCKLES)

Ooh, Calvin, check this out.

The menus are printed on rice paper.

When you're done ordering,

you can eat them as an appetizer.

I don't know.

I-I don't want to fill up on menu.

Hey, babe...

didn't this used to be
Alfreeda's check-cashing place?

Yeah, until the cops found out

it was also Alfreeda's
drug-dealing place.

You see? Just another example

of gentrification taking over a
fine, locally owned business.

(MUTTERS)

Greetings.

Thank you for the
opportunity to nourish you.

Doesn't anybody just say "hi" anymore?

We have a reservation under Johnson.

Oh. We prefer not to use
the term "reservation"

out of respect to Native Americans.

Then how do we do this?

We also prefer you don't
use the world "how."

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry, we're running a bit behind.

It's gonna be about an hour and a half.

An hour and a half?

How long does it take to shove
a lobster in a balloon?

You know, that-that is a long wait.

Maybe we should go someplace else.

Well, I did just read about
a new soul food restaurant

around the corner.

Ooh, that sounds good.

Gemma, are you cool with that?

(SCOFFS SOFTLY) I mean,
sure, it just took me

- six weeks to get the reserva...
- (CLEARS THROAT)

table holding.

Calvin, what do you say?

Oh. So I guess you think all
black people want soul food.

N...

N-No. I'm sorry, I didn't...

I'm just kidding with you, man.
Hell yeah, let's go.

You know what? I'm
just gonna grab a menu

for a little snack on the way.

Hey, hey, party people!

- Yo, what's up, man?
- Hey.

So, what's this school project
you need help on, Grover?

Is it a report on a foreign country?

Because if it's Madagascar,

the capital is Antananarivo.

Actually, I have to interview
people in my neighborhood,

so I thought I'd do a podcast.

Oh, your very own podcast.

That's pretty cool, man.

Yeah, you know, it's not as cool

as having a pen pal in
Antananarivo, but...

Sit down.

The podcast is called
Gabbin' with Grover.

My dad helped me with the theme song.

Okay, well, let's do it, then.

DAVE: ♪ Gabbin' with Grover,
Gabbin' with Grover ♪

♪ Gabbin' our cares away ♪

♪ Ice cream or wizards,
kickball or lizards ♪

♪ Whatever's on his
mind today, hey, hey. ♪

- It's catchy, it's catchy.
- It's nice, nice. Nice.

There's three more verses.
Want to hear 'em?

- Hell no.
- Hell no.

Okay, then let's start.

Hey, Mrs. Sweeney and
the rest of room 14.

Except Spencer.

I heard about your birthday party.

So, I'd like to welcome
my first guests,

Malcolm and Marty Butler.

Hey, hey! What's up, Mrs. Sweeney?

Uh, hello, everyone, except Spencer.

Not cool, bro.

Okay, let's start with you, Marty.

All right, you got it.

What's on your mind, little man?

You have a really cool
job, you're super smart,

and you dress nice.

(CHUCKLES) Thank you.

So why don't you have a girlfriend?

Wha... What?

You know...

why don't girls like you?

(LAUGHS)

Well, well, uh, w-well...

Uh, uh, uh, answer the question, man.

Room 14 wants to know. (LAUGHS)

Now, this is what I'm talkin' about.

Got pictures of our people on the wall,

and it smells just like
my grandmama's kitchen.

And did you hear what the waitress said

when we walked in?

She said, "Hi."

Which is more than what
Calvin's bitter old grandma

ever said to me.

Lord rest her soul.

Let's see.

Cracklin' Bread. Hoppin' John.

Ooh, hush puppies.

I'm gonna get those.
They sound adorable.

Mr. and Mrs. Butler!
How you folks doing?

- Hey.
- Hey, Daryl.

I see you finally grew into that head.

(CHUCKLES)

How's your mama and them?

Who's "Andem"?

Oh. That's black for "er'body."

Which is black for "everybody."

So, does anyone have any
questions about the menu?

I do.

What exactly are chitterlings?

(BOTH LAUGH)

Dave, Dave, Dave, we say

"chitlins."

It's boiled pig intestines.

It's a black delicacy.

Oh. I have trouble digesting
things that, you know...

digest things.

We just had vegan meat loaf
at your house last week.

Consider this payback.

And I had to sit...

in that lost-and-found for over an hour

before my mama came and got me.

Is it any surprise that I
have abandonment issues?!

Can we please be done
with the interview?

I stopped asking you questions,
like, ten minutes ago.

So, let's move on to Malcolm.

Oh, thank God.

All right, bring on
the questions, G-man.

Unlike my brother, I've
had a ton of girlfriends,

I'm emotionally stable, and
I've never lost my swimsuit

on a waterslide.

Yeah, I didn't lose it.
You pulled it down.

Okay, Malcolm. You wanted to be

a professional baseball player
before you got hurt, right?

Uh, yeah, that's right. (CHUCKLES)

Are you that good at anything else?

And if not, does that make you sad?

(CLEARS THROAT): Um...

well, that's a complicated question.

It's okay. Take your time.

Looks like he yanked
your swimsuit down.

Mm. Excuse me.

I am smackin' so loud, I'm embarrassed.

I'm sorry, Grandmama,

but somebody's giving your
food a run for its money.

(LAUGHS)

I think you're looking
in the wrong direction.

Sweetie, are you okay?

- You're looking a little sweaty.
- Oh...

it's the spice.

Oh, my mouth has been numb
since that first hush puppy.

Dave, what your white
body is reacting to

is a thing we like to call flavor.

This is the food

of our people...

Our blood, sweat and tears,

400 years of resilience in every dish.

Oh, Lord, he's going
into preacher mode.

It's pride on a plate.

Soul in a bowl.

Hot damn in the hot sauce!

- Hallelujah.
- Yeah, hallelujah.

How's everyone doing here?

I could use another glass of ice water.

(CHUCKLES)

Everything was amazing, Daryl.

I mean, this food really
takes me back, man.

Give my compliments to the chef.

Why don't you tell him yourself?

Chef Mitchell!

Someone wants to meet you.

Thanks for coming to my restaurant.

How are we enjoying everything?

Ah.

I'm guessing he looks
nothing like your grandma.

Whenever you're ready.

Wow. These desserts are even
better than the main course.

Yeah, the yellow cake is great.

Again... (CLEARS THROAT)

a little spicy, but...

but great.

Well, baby, you haven't
touched your dessert.

You know what? You're right.

There. I touched it.

Oh, come on, Calvin.

You were raving about the food

before you found out
the chef was white.

That's before he tricked me
into thinking it was delicious.

Tina, this is a classic
example of appropriation:

a white chef stealing black cuisine.

Stealing? I wouldn't call it stealing.

Uh, someone who's not of my culture

cooking my culture's food?

(CHUCKLES) You don't see
me making avocado toast.

(CHUCKLES)

But isn't all cooking
kind of appropriation?

I mean, I'm not Italian, but I
make spaghetti all the time.

And I'm not Mexican, but...

Please don't bring Taco
Tuesday into this.

Oh, come on, Calvin. We
were having a good time.

No, no. I-I am sick and tired

of black culture being taken from us.

I mean, our food,

our music, our clothes.

White people even tried
to take Tiger Woods

and then tried to give him back!

Calvin, I don't think the
chef is taking your food.

I think he's celebrating it.

Like how I play the
maracas on Taco Tuesday.

Look, I don't care what you call it.

I am done eating this chef's food.

It's a good thing I kept a
few bites of this menu.

♪ ♪

♪ Gabbin' with Grover,
Gabbin' with Grover ♪

♪ Gabbin' our cares away. ♪

Dave, if you're writing
me another love song,

just know

it's gonna be tough to top last week's.

No. I've given up on that.

Nothing rhymes with Gemma.

It's a real problem.

Some might call it a...

dilemma.

I mean, I guess.

No, I'm-I'm rerecording the
theme song to Grover's podcast.

- Why?
- Well,

I'm afraid that my rap version
is appropriating black culture.

Which is a shame,

because it was straight fire.

I think you may be
overreacting a little.

Well, maybe, but, you know,
I don't think it's up to us

to decide what's offensive
and what's not.

So what are you gonna do,

just stop using things that were
invented by other cultures?

'Cause I don't see you
giving up your nunchucks.

I'm gonna make an exception for those.

It's a matter of home security.

I just think maybe Calvin has a point.

Then why didn't it bother Tina?

Well, maybe it did and she
just didn't say anything.

Really, Dave? I once saw
her tell a librarian,

"No, you keep it down."

Well,

in the librarian's defense,

that book was eight years overdue.

Dave, sharing different
cultures is a good thing.

If we all just stuck to our own
little corners of the world,

there'd be no tolerance,
no understanding,

no progress.

Okay.

I see your point.

Maybe I should just keep rapping.

How 'bout we ask Tina about that?

Are you watching Do the Right Thing?

I sure am.

Black actors with a black director

who made his first movie on credit.

Now, that's black.

Oh, so I see.

You're still worked up about
that chef being white.

You're damn right I am.

Why do you think I'm
eating potato chips...

Invented by a black man...

Dipping it in peanut butter...

Also made by a black man?

Who knew legacy could be so delicious?

Oh, you don't have to tell me.

I used to eat that when I
was pregnant with Marty.

Also made by a black man.

Look, Calvin,

you got to let this go.

No. I can't.

I-I've been thinking about this.

And from now on,

if it's not black-owned
or black-invented,

we blackballing it.

Calvin, baby, I respect
what you're trying to do,

- but you got to bemore realistic.
- No.

No, what I got to do is
remind this community

is that what we need to be doing
is investing in ourselves.

All right. I'm all for that.

But you lay one hand on
my Louis Vuitton bag,

you coming back with a nub.

I'm serious, Tina.

I've been up all night
thinking about this,

and I'm not taking this laying down.

All right. Fine. What you gonna do?

I'm gonna take a stand.

All right.

Right after I take a nap.

That peanut butter giving me the itis.

(GRUNTS)

MARTY: Hey, man.

I got your text. You don't
want to go to the bar tonight?

Ah, what's the point, man?

After gabbing with Grover,

I can't stop thinking about
how depressing my life is.

I'm starting to get why
Spencer didn't invite

his little ass to his party.

Yeah, man, that interview
really shook my confidence.

I haven't felt this naked
and exposed since...

since the waterslide.

Hey, man, well, at least you
have a job that you love.

Yeah, but I can't go
on dates with my job.

My job can't give me a hug
after a long day at work.

My job c... Oh, no. Here
come the waterworks.

Hey. Whoa, whoa, dude, dude.

Marty, you don't see me crying,

and I'm in a worse spot than you are.

I was on track to be a pro
baseball player, man.

Now I'm just a security guard.

Yeah, but think about it like this:

most baseball players' careers
are over by the time they're 30.

You could be a security guard
for the rest of your life, man.

You are lucky I'm too
depressed to punch you.

Look, look.

Malcolm, I know it's
not your dream job,

but that doesn't mean
you won't find it.

It's just... it's just a matter of time

before things turn around.

Yeah, I guess you're right, man.

And don't worry. You're
gonna find somebody.

The world is full of girls, man.
(CHUCKLES)

One of 'em's got to like you.

(CHUCKLES)

You think she's cute?

Oh, yeah.

You know, in a nerdy,

comic book-loving, - Ooh.

Headgear-wearing type of way.

Yeah, she sounds hot.

(CHUCKLES)

You know what, man?

We should go to that bar.

Yeah. Maybe my dream girl is there.

Actually, my gut's telling
me she don't get out much.

Hey. Lewis.

I heard you're about
to be a grandfather.

That's great.

Chef's white.

Mable?

I ain't seen you in a hot minute.

Have you lost weight?

Chef's white.

Calvin?

What are you doing here?

I'm letting these people know

before they spend their black dollar

that the chef's white.

Really?

Sabotaging this restaurant?

I can't believe you.

I can't believe you either.

Anyone who cared about me

would not support this
business or eat this food.

All right, Gemma, I'm ready
to get my grub on...

Tina? You, too? (SCOFFS)

I told you, Calvin.

This is your fight, not mine.

You know what, I can't believe you two.

I guess Dave is the only
person I can count on.

- Well, I gotmy antacids and...
- Oh.

Am I the only one who cares
what's happening around here?

I mean,

apparently, if the food is good enough,

you don't care if our culture's stolen.

You know what,

Calvin makes a good point.

It's not stolen.

I read that the chef's from Louisiana.

His recipes go back three generations.

(EXHALES)

Can't argue with that.

I don't care where he's from.

He's just another white dude

moving into our community,
trying to be down.

Doesn't get more wack than that.

Look, Calvin, we hear you,

but what are we supposed to do,

stop going to white-owned businesses?

Oh. Now, I don't have anything
against white businesses.

They take things back
without a receipt.

- So...
- Oh. (SCOFFING)

So if you're not opposed
to white businesses,

then what's the problem?

The problem is

is that other people are
profiting off our culture,

when it should be us.

Fine. I don't see it that way.

But for the sake of our friendship,

I'm willing to give up delicious
ham hocks and pigs' feet.

Hey! Two nights in a row.

I'm glad our food's
got you coming back.

Yeah, well, sorry, Daryl. We're
actually on our way out.

Now, h-hold on, hold on.

Can I ask you a question?

- Do you like working here?
- Yeah.

- Hmm.
- Well, wouldn't you rather

be working for a black chef?

That would be cool, but
Chef Mitchell's dope.

He's teaching me a lot.

What can he teach you about soul
food that your grandmama can't?

(CHUCKLES) It's not
just about the food.

You know, he's also teaching
me about the business.

You never know, Mr. Butler.

Someday, you could be
rolling up in my place.

Mm.

You hear that, Calvin?

Yeah, I heard it.

Well, it sounds to me like this place

is giving our people
pretty good opportunities.

And the food is legit.

- I-I said I heard it.
- Okay.

Okay.

What do you say, Calvin?

It's your call.

Well,

I did work up a pretty big appetite

trying to shut this place down.

Okay. We'll take a table for four.

Great. You can follow me.

- Thank you.
- (CHUCKLES)

Hey, uh, Calvin, since...

I paid last time, tonight's on you?

Well, I mean, chef's
white, you're white.

Let's just keep that going. Yeah.

Thanks for letting me
interview you, Mr. Calvin.

Oh, you got it, little man.

What I don't understand is
why you two want to be here.

Oh. We just want to watch
you do your thing, Pop.

Yeah, Dad. You know, we
just want to soak up

some of that fatherly wisdom.

I am quite wise, aren't I?

All right, Grover. Fire away.

Okay, first question.

You're funny and cool and
everyone looks up to you.

Yeah, and...?

Why didn't Malcolm and
Marty get any of that?

How much time you got?