The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 19 - Welcome to the Jump - full transcript

Hey, Tina.
How's it going?

Don't ask.

Uh-oh. Is that
a "don't ask don't ask"

or a "don't ask please ask"?

Actually, I don't
know why I'm asking,

'cause either way
I'm gonna ask.

I just haven't been
feeling right lately,

so I went to the doctor, and...

he told me
I'm starting menopause.

What?!

You seem way too
young for menopause.



Don't let this
high-sittin' booty fool you.

It is holding onto my
lower back for dear life.

Tina Butler, don't you talk
about your booty that way.

Your booty is
my booty's personal hero.

Face it, Gemma,

I'm turning into an old lady.

If I try to drop it
like it's hot now,

I might not be ableto pick it up.

That's ridiculous.

You don't understand.

From here on out, it's all downhill.

My health is gonna fail,
my memory is gonna go,

and worst of all,
I might start looking my age!

Look, I-I know you're upset,



but this is
a natural part of life.

And you have
an amazing partner in Calvin

to help you through it.

Yeah.

It's just a huge thing,
you know?

I don't know how to tell him.

Well, however
you decide to do it,

I'm sure it will be right.

Hey, Tina.
What's for dinner?

I'm starting menopause!

No, that's okay.
I had a big lunch.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*

Season 02 Episode 19
Episode Title: "Welcome to the Jump"

Aired on: April 06, 2020

Hey, Calvin.
Whatcha doing?

I'm just having some lunch,
watching the game.

I'd offer you a slice,
but I don't want to.

Why are you doing it out here
when you got

a couch
and big-screen TV inside?

Oh. 'Cause Tina is in there

going through
some major mood swings.

You ever seen someone
yell, laugh and cry

all at once?

It's like a whole Lifetime movie
crammed into one woman.

I'd watch that.

I'm telling you, man,

this menopause thingis no joke.

I am walking on eggshellsaround there.

And not just because
shethrew a dozen eggs at me.

Gemma filled me in.

I figured something was up
when Tina barked at me,

"You keep walkin', Screech!"

Let me guess...

she got all sad
and teary-eyed after that.

One of us did.

Well, at this point,

I think it's just best
that I keep my distance

until this whole mess
blows over.

Well, Calvin, menopause
isn't something

that just "blows over."

It's a big deal for women.

You know, when my
mom went through it,

she was afraid that men wouldn't
see her as a sexual being anymore.

And I had to convince her that
she was still smokin' hot.

Now, that's a Lifetime movie
I would watch.

- Hey, Marty.
- Oh, hey, Grover.

Any chance I could come
and do my laundry here?

I asked my mom to do it,
but she started crying,

then laughing,
then she threw an egg at me.

Sure. Come on in.

Hey-hey, what's all this?

I'm building a robot.

My school has a fighter bot
competition next week,

and I really want
to beat Spencer.

Oh, Spencer. Isn't that the
kidthat started that rumor

that your mom
still tucks you in?

Yeah. Total lie.

Yeah, I can relate.
When I was in middle school,

some kid started a rumor
that I practiced kissing

on my Chewbacca doll.

That's gross.
No one would do that.

Yeah. Total lie.

You know, if you want,
I could give you some pointers

while you build your robot.

Help you take
this Spencer punk down.

That'd be great!

Then we can track down the guy

who started the rumor
about you.

Yeah, well,
we don't have to look far.

Malcolm lives right next door.

Malcolm!

I'm having another hot flash!

Crank up the air conditioner!

Hey, come on, Ma,

I'm already
freezing to death in here.

Boy, don't test me.

My body may be out of eggs,
but I'm not!

Get the door!

- Hey, Gemma.
- Hey, guys. Oh!

It's like a meat locker
in here.

You see, Ma?

Even the white people
are cold in here.

Hey, girl.

Thanks for coming over.

It's so nice when young people
come and visit you.

Okay, Tina,
I have been thinking

about what you're
going through,

and I realized I totally
know how you feel.

You do?

Yeah. I know
you're feeling old

and past your prime.

I felt the exact same
way when I turned 30.

Which is nothing like what
you're going through.

Please don't throw
an egg at me.

So, what's your point?

I'm saying I felt like
my days of adventure

and youth were over.

But Dave figured out
a way to help me.

How?

He took me skydiving.

Skydiving?

You mean like gettingoff
a plane before it lands?

Yeah. I know it
sounds crazy,

but after I jumped,
I felt wild and fun and alive.

And afterwards, the
idea of getting older

wasn't so scary anymore.

Ah. I guess
that makes sense.

And I think if you try it,

you'll see that the most
exciting parts of your life

are still ahead of you.

You know what?

What the hell? I'm in.

We're going skydiving.

Oh, I'm not going.
I worked out my mess.

Ho-ho! Nice job,
little man.

- Your design looks good.
- Thanks.

Now, you sure your mama's okay
with you using all her forks?

If this thing works,

I'll be making the rules
around here.

Wow. Looks like
I helped build two monsters.

Here, let's give it
a test run.

Attack this pillow.

- This is gonna be awesome!
- Yeah.

No!

Ah, should've
seen this coming

when your blueprints
were in crayon.

What am I gonna do?

I can't beat Spencer
with this.

Little man, you can't beat
a Caesar salad with this.

This is so embarrassing.

Spencer's gonna have the
whole school making fun of me.

I should just give up.

Are you kidding?
There is no way

we're letting
Spencer win.

What am I going to do?

My robot just lost
a pillow fight.

To a pillow!

Okay, don't worry,
I got a plan.

I'm gonna take this down
to the robotics lab at JPL

and give this thing
some serious firepower.

You can do that?

Well, I can
definitely do better

than a table
setting for eight.

Awesome! I can't wait
to tell my mom

when she tucks me...

I mean, when Iput myself
to bed.

Yeah, that's okay. We both
know I made out with that doll.

Hey, beautiful.

Damn, it's
white-people cold in here.

What's that behind your back?

- These.
- Oh...

They're gorgeous. Oh.

And I got 'em from an actual
flower shop this time,

not that creepy dude that
lives by the off-ramp.

- Thank you, baby.
- Mm!

Hey, look, babe.

You know, as a man,
there's no way for me

to understand what
you're feeling,

and I just want to
let you know that...

you're not in this alone.

So no matter what
the future holds,

you're my ride-or-die.

That is really great to hear.

- Mm.
- You know, 'causel've been thinking

about us doing
something a little crazy.

You know? To make us feel
young and wild again.

Well, all right!

Oh!

Malcolm! If you
home, get out!

No, no, no, baby.

I'm talking about something
outside of the house.

Oh. So you're trying to get freaky
freaky.

Okay.
All right, Malcolm,

you can stay... we're leaving.

- Come on, now.
- No, no,

no, no, baby.

We're not leaving.

We're going skydiving.

- Skydiving?
- Mm-hmm.

Please tell me that's
a new position.

No. I will be jumping
out of an airplane tomorrow.

And now that I know
we're in this together,

I don't have to do it alone.

Right?

C-C-Can men get
the menopause?

Huh?

'Cause I'm having
a hot flash.

Oh.

Great. I'm glad you're here.

Oh, here we go.

Whenever you're glad to see me,
you need my help.

That's not true.

But I need your help.

Look, I need you to
convince your mother

not to go skydiving.

Why, Pop?
Are you worried about her?

No. I'm worried about me.

Okay, then just tell her
you don't want to go.

I can't do that.

This is important
to the woman I love.

I got to pretend
like I care.

Oh, so you want me
to be the bad guy

and kill her dreams
so you don't have to?

Good. So you get it.

All right, today's
the big day.

And I support that.

Come on. Go.

Yeah.

Hey, Ma, look,

about this whole,
uh, skydiving thing?

You know, I couldn't
sleep all night worrying

that something might
happen to you.

I mean, jumping out of a
plane... that's really dangerous.

Oh, you don't have
to worry about that.

It's a lot safer
than you think.

Yeah, maybe, but still,

what if something
goes wrong? What if...?

Malcolm! Stop it!

What?

This is very important
to your mother.

We raised you
better than that.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay,
but-but think...

about the risk, right?

Have you considered...?

Your mother's feelings?

Because I have,
and you should, too.

Oh, it's okay, Calvin.
You know, he's just...

You know what, Ma?
Pop is right. You should go.

What? Yeah, I was
being selfish.

I should be
more supportive.

Like you, Pop.

Aw. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Now, now, now, now,
hold-hold on now.

You know,
the-the morel think about it,

Malcolm did make
some good points.

And you're always
telling him

that he's smarter
than I think he is.

Nope, you
convinced me.

I was completely
wrong.

Go ahead, Ma. I'll see
you when you get back.

Ah.

If you get back.

Whoa!

Is that my
fighter bot?!

It sure is.

Complete with an infrared,

motion-activated
targeting system

and artificial intelligence.

Awesome!
What does that mean?

It means once we activate theAI,
the robot controls itself.

So I didn't build it,
and I don't control it.

How is this still my project?

Well, I wrote your name
on the bottom.

- It's good enough for me.
- All right.

Okay, let me show you
how this works.

Okay.

All right.

Right now, it's learning its environment.

And now,
it's lookingfor a target.

Uh, now we better run!

Oh!

Come on.

Thanks again
for arranging this, Dave.

Yeah, Dave.

You definitely got
some payback coming.Ah.

Uh, wow, Calvin. I thought you
were gonna be mad about this.

Okay, jumpers,

I hope you all enjoyed
the instructional video.

And not to brag, but those were
my hands doing the buckles.

So, does anyone
have any questions?

Yeah, I do. Um, how
dangerous is this?

And, you know, I'm not
asking for me, but...

our unsupportive son is
very worried about us.

There's no reason
to be afraid.

We've had thousands of jumps
without any accidents.

One lady even jumped
with her cat.

Spoiler alert... it was me!

Aw, that's so cute,

but I ain't jumping
with no damn cat. - Yeah.

Oh, don't worry.
He's not here, but want to see

some pictures of him
in his jumpsuit?

Okay, Calvin...

I can tell that
you're nervous,

but trust me,
you're gonna be fine.

In the military, I
jumped dozens of times,

and almost all of 'em
went off without a hitch.

Almost?
What do you mean "almost"?

I don't really like
to talk about it,

but there was one
night jump outside of Baghdad.

Yeah, our plane was
under heavy fire,

so... we had to bail
out fast and low,

and I... I got
pretty messed up.

Wow. Dave, were you shot?

Oh, no. I landed
in an olive tree.

Spent the whole night fighting
off this, oh, very horny owl.

Uh, quick follow-up.

Will there be owls?

Oh, come on, Calvin.

Are you gonna do this
with me or not?

I thought you said
you were my ride-or-die.

Yeah, but right now,
I'm focusing on the "ride" part.

Okay, since you two
are beginners,

you're gonna be tandem jumping,
which means

you'll be strapped
to an expert.

Tina, you're gonna be with me.Ah.

And, uh, what expert
will I be strapped to?

Hey, buddy.

Oh, hell no.

I'd rather spend the nightwith a horny owl.

Okay, I think
it's gone into sleep mode.

I'm gonna slowly get
to the controller

and hit the kill switch.

Whoa!

Okay, plan B...
we live up here forever.

What are we gonna do?!

Well, don't worry.
As long as we stay up here,

we're perfectly safe.

So it can't climb stairs?

We are notsafe.

Oh...

Hey, guys.
What are you doing up there?

Mom, look out!

Oh, is that your little robot?

Gemma, freeze!

Okay, I don't have timeto explain,

but I built your son
a killer robot.

It may have acquired
the taste for blood.

What?!
Why would you do that?!

Because Malcolm said
I kissed Chewbacca!

Well, what do I do?!

Okay, I can hear the panicin
your voice.

And so can it. Run!

What? Oh!

Come on!

Oh! Make it stop! Make it stop!

Okay, stay here.

I'm gonna help her.

Oh!

She was a nice lady.

Marty, I think
this belongs to you.

How did you beat it?

I'm married to Dave.

You think that's the first
crazy robot I've had to kill?

Dear Lord, I know
I'm not a perfect man,

but pleaselet me land safely.

Amen.

Okay, guys, we're
approaching the jump zone.

Who's ready to see if
these new chutes work?

Just kidding.
They're ancient.

Tina... we're up.

Okay. All right.

Uh...

Aah. Aah.

All right.

Time for Tina Butler to show
the world she ain't giving up!

Let's do this!

Oh, hell no,
I can't do it!

- Oh.
- No!

I can't do it!
I can't do it!

You can. Yes, you can, Tina.

Aah. Okay. Okay.
All right.

I'm good. I'm good.
I can do it.

Oh, God! Aah!

Aah! No! No! Oh.

Oh, no. Uh, I-I wa...

I shouldn't have
brought you up here.

Why did I think
I could do this?

Tina, trust me,
you're gonna be fine.

He's right. Although by law,
we can't guarantee that.

This was a stupid idea...

trying to convince myself
I'm young and adventurous.

I-I got to face it... I-I-I'mtoo old,
and it's too late.

No, Tina,

don't you talk like that.

There's nothing
old about you.

You're just trying
to make me feel better.

No... I'm not.

Now, Tina, I know
that you think life is over,

but it's not true.

You've got
so many adventures left,

and I'm gonna be
right there by your side.

Like I said,
I'm your ride-or-die, baby!

Calvin, you can't see it,

but my goggles arefilling up with tears.

So what do you say, babe?

Are you ready to jump out
of this plane together?

I love you, Calvin,
but you don't have to do this.

Tina, I meant what I said
about standing by your side.

Except for right now,
'cause I'm going first!

Oh.

And in case I don't make it,

I got 320 bucks
in my sock drawer!

No, you don't! I used it
to pay for this!

What?

Oh.

All right, Tina,
are you ready to do this?

You're damn right!

Now enjoy the ride
on my high-sitting booty.

You're flying first class!

See, Tina? Isn't
this amazing?

Oh, it sure is.

And you're not
scared anymore?

Oh, not at all.

In fact,
I've never felt so peaceful.

Calvin, calm down!

- Calm down!
- Oh...

Calm down, Calvin!

And look... there's
Calvin and Dave below us.

Oh, I wish I could see
Calvin's face right now.

I bet he's loving this
as much as I am.

Oh, my God, you're
worse than the owl!

No! Aah! Aah!