The Neighborhood (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Welcome to the Dinner Guest - full transcript

Dave, look at all these hipsters.

Are we cool enough to be here?

Oh, yeah. Look, you know, Gemma,

some people need mustaches
and suspenders to feel cool.

Some of us are born with it.

Hey, look, it's Marty over there.

Oh, cool. Let's go say hi.

Oh, no. I don't want to go bother him

when he's out with his friends.

On second thought, I don't
want to be impolite.

Hey, Marty!



Oh, uh, wow. Okay, this is a surprise.

What are you guys doing here?

We're just out for a
little date night fun.

Marty,

aren't you gonna introduce us?

Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, of course.

Uh, this is Dave and Gemma.

They live next door to my parents.

- Hi.
- Hi.

And this is

Chloe, my girlfriend.

Girlfriend?!

Inside voice, Gemma.

Okay, give me the deets.



How'd you guys meet?

We, uh, we were assigned

on a project together at work.

Aw.

Oh, oh, so you're a scientist as well?

I better be, or that
satellite's coming down.

Well, it was great
bumping into you guys,

but we were actually just about to go.

I'm gonna run to the ladie"
room before we leave.

Ooh! Me, too.

Girl talk.

So, I didn't know you had a girlfriend.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know who else doesn't know?

My parents.

So could you just, uh,
keep that kind of quiet?

Sure. But why wouldn't you tell them?

David.

If my parents knew I was dating a
white girl, they would flip out.

There's an old saying
in the black community:

"If she can't use your comb,
you don't bring her home."

Okay, look,

you know your parents
way better than I do,

but don't you think
keeping it from them

is only gonna make it
worse if they find out?

Yeah, you're probably right.

So... you're gonna tell them?

Oh, God, no.

No. No, no, no.

Uh, but you aren't gonna
tell them either, right?

No. Your secret is safe with me.

What about Gemma?

Oh, my God, I love her.

You guys are gonna have
the cutest babies.

Oh.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

- Bye, guys.
- Bye.

I'll tell them tomorrow.

Good.

Uh, hey, guys.

Oh, hey, baby. I didn't
know you were stopping by.

I didn't know men wore pink pants.

Wearing pink doesn't make
you less of a man, Pop.

Yeah, besides, Dad, they're
not pink, they're salmon.

Yeah, that's not helping
your case, bro.

Well, baby, what brings you by?

Well, uh, there's something I
need to talk to you guys about.

Oh, "need to talk" is never good news.

Either somebody pregnant
or he going to jail.

Is everything all right, Marty?

No, everything's fine. In
fact, everything's great.

- Oh
- Uh, I just wanted to tell you guys

that I have a girlfriend.

You do?

Has she seen those pants?

Oh, that's wonderful, baby.

You know what? I've been
praying that you find someone.

Yeah, man, who is she?

Well, her name is Chloe,
and I really like her.

So why were you nervous
to tell us that?

Yeah.

Well, uh...

let's just say I've been
playing in the snow lately.

- What?
- What? What?

I've been sprinkling a
lot of powdered sugar

on my French toast.

Well, you know, you got to watch that,

'cause we got a lot of
diabetes run in our family.

You got to be careful.

No, no. Dad, listen, um,

I set a trap in the woods
and I caught a polar bear.

You're dating a white girl?

Yes!

Well, who cares if she's white,

as long as Marty likes her, right?

I'm just trying to
protect the boy, babe.

You know how intolerant
people can be about color.

Oh, like you and his pink pants?

And besides, don't we have

enough white people around here now?

I mean, with the Johnsons
and now this girl,

it's starting to feel like Connecticut.

Well, I, for one, want to meet her.

So why don't you invite
her over tomorrow night

- for Sunday dinner?
- Oh, I don't know, Mom.

You know, we've only been
dating for a couple months.

It might be a bit too soon.

Oh, maybe I didn't make myself clear.

She's coming over for Sunday dinner,

and if you're free, you're
welcome to come, too.

Wha...

And give your girlfriend
her pants back.

I am so excited for you to meet Chloe.

Thank you for inviting us.

Oh, my pleasure.

Maybe with you guys here,
Calvin will give her a chance.

Why would us being here matter?

Well, next to Dave, maybe
she won't seem so white.

Hey, DJ Calvin, can I make a request?

No, but I can give you one.

Go stand over there.

Okay, look, I know you're not happy

with Marty's choice, but at
least he was brave enough

to tell you the truth.

The truth is, is when he
comes in here with Chloe,

the white people in my house

are gonna outnumber the black people.

Wait. What?

It'll be four and four.

You're so white, I count you twice.

Your dad seems grumpier than usual.

That's because Marty is challenging him

to expand his point of view.

What does that mean?

Well, that means, for the
first time in a long time,

I'm the favorite son.

Love you, boy.

Uh, hey, guys. We're here.

Hey, baby. So glad you could make it.

So, you must be Chloe.

I am Marty's mother, Tina.
Nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you, too, Mrs.
Butler.

Here. These are for you.

Flowers today, grandbabies tomorrow!

It's good to see you again, Chloe.

You remember my wife,
your bathroom bestie.

Oh.

And this is my father, Calvin.

Hello.

It's nice to meet you, Mr. Butler.

Marty's told me a lot about you.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

He's only told us one thing about you.

Dad, come on. It's okay.

He's being funny.

Now I see where Marty
gets his sense of humor.

Oh, wow!

Look at this vinyl collection.

Oh, you like listening to records?

Yeah, they just sound so much warmer.

Ooh, hey, uh, just a piece of
advice: don't make any requests.

So, Chloe, where are you from?

Here. Born and raised in Los Angeles.

Mm, let me guess.

Bel Air? Beverly Hills?

Malibu?

Echo Park, actually.

Oh, that's near Dodger Stadium.

Yeah! Are you a fan?

Oh, I've been going to games
since Tommy Lasorda was skinny.

You know, my family has season tickets.

Maybe you can come to a game
with Marty and me sometime.

Season tickets? Wh-Where are the seats?

Field level, first base side.

Field level.

I have been hit in the
face by a foul ball twice.

Well, all right!

Aw, damn. There goes my
"favorite son" position.

Maybe you should get
a white girlfriend.

Where should I sit?

Why don't you sit here next to me,

just like we're gonna do
at those Dodger games.

So, I guess we're all set.

You good over there,
Grover and Malcolm?

Yeah, Ma!

I'm doing great.

When you fall, you fall hard.

Okay, so, before we eat, I
just want to thank everyone

for being here, especially you, Chloe.

Oh, and since you're our guest,

why don't you go ahead
and lead us in grace.

Never asked me to say grace.

Oh. Um...

Uh, you know, Dad, that-that's
really nice of you,

but I think it might be a lot
of pressure to put on Chloe.

Maybe someone else should do it.

Love to. Okay, let's all hold hands.

Dave. Dave.

Aw, don't feel any pressure.

God doesn't need anything fancy.

It's not that I feel too much pressure.

Uh, I just think it might
be more appropriate

if someone else did it.

Ooh, again, all over it.

Okay... Dave.

Dave, Dave, Dave.

Well, why wouldn't it
be appropriate for you?

Well, because I don't believe in God.

Mm-mm.

I see.

And just like Jesus, I'm risen again.

Food's delicious, Mrs. Butler.

Yeah, you know, Mom,
Chloe's quite a cook, too.

Mm, she likes the Dodgers
and she can burn?

She'll be burning, all right.

Uh, so, Chloe, what kind
of scientist are you?

I'm an astrophysicist.

I'd say it's not rocket science, but...

it's basically rocket science.

Girl's funny, huh?

I would like to hear why
you don't believe in God.

Well, it's just that, as a scientist,

I have to go where the facts lead me,

and... there's no empirical
evidence of a higher power.

Hmm.

Hmm.

That's an interesting opinion.
Don't you th...?

Y-Yeah, it sure is. Right, Dave?

Absolutely. Malcolm, what do you think?

Oh, I think it's great.

So if you got some empirical evidence,

- would you believe?
- Sure.

Oh.

But I don't think there's ever gonna be

any evidence of an old, bearded
man who lives in the sky,

granting wishes like it's magic.

"Like it's magic"?

You know what's magical
is Tina's desserts.

You know, baby,

I will go get it ready.

Marty, would you come help
me in the kitchen, please?

You know, Malcolm could...

Marty!

That was going great till you
found out Chloe was a heathen.

Martin Lawrence Butler.

What are you doing with a girl
who doesn't believe in God?

Just because she doesn't believe in God

doesn't mean she's not a good person.

I didn't say she wasn't.

So you think she's a good person?

Of course I don't! She
doesn't believe in God!

How can you be so judgmental?

The Bible says, "Judge
not, lest you be judged.

Oh, whoa. Don't you throw
scripture at me, boy.

I am your mother. And the Bible
says I can judge whoever I want.

Tell me where it says that.

First Corinthians, Second Tina.

It's my favorite verse.

See? I can't talk to you
when you're like this.

No, no, where do you
think you're going?

- We're leaving.
- Oh, no.

You're gonna stay here, and
you're gonna listen to me.

Why, when you won't listen to me?

Fine. Leave.

She wouldn't like dessert
anyway; it's angel food cake!

Hey, Calvin, are you
changing the oil again?

Yeah.

Didn't you do that last week?

Stop stalking me, Dave.

I already got enough on my
plate with this Tina thing.

Ooh. She's still upset
about Marty, huh?

Yeah. And now she's upset with me.

Why?

Because she thinks I
should be mad, too.

To be honest, I'm a little
surprised you're not.

There's nothing to be mad at.

The boy's just having fun.
They're just dating.

But Tina act like they're
all at the altar already.

Well, you were upset when you
found out she was white.

I've grown, Dave.

I don't see black or white.

All I see is Dodger blue.

Well, you know me.

I don't like sticking my nose
in other people's business.

But if you want, I have some advice.

Fine. Go ahead, get it off your chest.

Ooh. Give me a second. I
wasn't expecting that.

Okay.

I discovered something
years ago with Gemma

when we were watching The Bachelor.

I take it back. I don't
want to hear this.

No, no, it's too late; train
has already left the station.

Now, Gemma was livid when Ben
picked Ashley over Trisha.

Oh, she was yelling at the TV,
she was beating up pillows,

and the more I tried to calm
her down, the madder she got.

Mad? Like I'm getting right now?

What I realized is that Gemma
didn't want to be calmed down,

she wanted someone to be mad with her.

Okay. So what did you do?

Well, I went ballistic.

You know? I yelled, I threw the remote,

posted tirades on all
the Bachelor blogs.

I was an animal.

How did any of that help?

Because once I started
acting more mad than her,

she felt like she
needed to calm me down,

which required her to calm down.

And then, Calvin, we made love.

Okay.

Keep me out of your bedroom, Dave.

Ooh. It was not in the bedroom.

I don't care if it was
in Dodger Stadium.

Keep it to yourself!

Hey, baby.

Uh, I...

I think those pillows are clean.

Don't "baby" me. Where you been?

Uh, I'll tell you where I been.

I been... I been walking the streets,

angry, thinking about
that Marty situation.

Oh, really?

So now you care, Mr. Field Level Seats?

Yeah. No, but you're right, Tina.

I got to admit, I was
blinded by the Dodger blue.

But, uh, you know, the
more I think about it,

I couldn't have got upset,
'cause if I would've got mad,

I would've had to unleash the beast
up in here, you know what I mean?

- Well, it's about time, Calvin.
- Yeah.

And I'm mad, Tina. Uh-huh.

- I mean, I'm furious!
- Mm-hmm.

That's right! That's right!

- Who does that boy think he is?!
- You're right, baby!

You know what, I'm gonna
flip this couch right now!

Wait, what?

Baby, no, no, no, no.

Whew! That couch a little heavy.
Let me start right here.

No!

Oh, no, no! Calvin!

Wait a minute. Don't-don't-don't...

I can't, baby. You
know what I'm saying?

They done unleashed the kraken up
in here, as far as I'm concerned!

Wait, wait, wait.

Don't. Wait. Calvin, Calvin, Calvin!

Wait a minute, just
calm down, calm down.

It's gonna be okay. I
mean, we trippin'.

You know what?

You-you don't know what it's like.

- To have all this pent-up anger.
- I know, baby.

You don't know what to do with it.

- Oh! Ooh!
- Oh!

Oh, see, baby? Just, oh, just sit down.

- Sit down, sit down. Come on, sit down.
- Yeah.

- Sit down.
- Oh, man, I...

You got to forgive me, girl, I...

I lost my mind there for a second.

- I know. I know.
- Yeah?

Kids'll make you do that.

- How you doing?
- Terrible.

- You all right?
- I'm okay.

I'm okay, baby.

I think we both need to relax.

- Yeah.
- You know?

I mean, you know, the
fact that we was...

we was both upset about
the same thing...

- Same thing. It's our baby.
- You know,

- It's our baby.
- You know...

You know, but now, you
know, we're just chillin'.

- Yeah, we chillin', baby.
- You know what I mean? Yeah.

Calvin, why are you touching my butt?

Oh, babe, I just...

I thought since we
weren't angry anymore,

we'd just get back to
our lovin' selves.

Hmm?

What?

Were you pretending to be
mad just to get you some?

What?! No!

I cannot believe you. Here
I'm about to lose my baby,

and you're trying to make another one?

- Look, Tina...
- Oh, my God.

I was just trying to
get you to calm down,

- all right?
- Mm, mm.

'Cause on The Bachelor,
Dave has said, what...

What?

Basically what happens
on The Bachelor...

Dave?

- Oh, hell no!
- Oh, Tina...

You-you-you...

Tina, don't you... Tina, you don't...

- You...
- Come on, now, you know...

You know, I'm not dealing
with this no more. What?

- Tina, you need to stop...
- Come on, now, quit playing.

Whew.

That didn't go like I thought.

Whoa!

How did you get in here?

Bobby pin.

I wasn't always your mother.

Sit down. We need to talk.

If you're here to tell me

to break up with Chloe,
you're too late.

We already did.

Oh, baby, you okay?

Don't pretend like you're not happy.

I heard your bracelets jingling
while you were celebrating.

Okay, fine. I'm happy.

I was just worried about
you being with someone

who doesn't believe in God.

What does it matter if she
doesn't as long as I do?

So you do still believe in God?

Of course I do.

But my relationship to
God is personal to me.

It doesn't have to be
the same as Chloe's,

or yours.

Listen, baby,

I need you to understand me right now.

Faith has been so important in my life.

I mean, it's gotten me
through my mother passing,

it got me through raising two
black sons in Los Angeles,

and more importantly,

it's still getting me through
being married to your father.

Well, if Chloe wanted empirical
evidence of God, there it is.

I just want to make sure that
you have the same foundation

to build your life upon, you know?

Of course I do.

What do you think got me through

being bullied in high
school for being a nerd?

What do you think got me
through four years of college

and two years of graduate school?

What do you think got
me through being scared

when I moved out on my own?

Marty, I'm just worried.

You're my baby.

I know, Mama.

But you raised me my whole
life to have faith.

Now you need to have faith
that you did your job.

Mm!

So, what happened with you and Chloe?

Ah. Well, we realized we
were better as friends.

Wait, wait, wait. So... you
weren't really that serious?

Well, why would you bring her home?!

Because you made me!

Well, boy, you're grown now.

You got to learn to
start saying no to me.

Calvin, you seem mad. Are you okay?

No.

Marty and Chloe broke up.

Oh, no! Poor Marty.

Marty? What about poor me?

I justlost field level seats.

Those come with a parking pass.

You know what, Calvin? You're right.

I liked that girl.

I thought they were gonna
have pretty babies!

Okay...

Whoa, Gem-Gemma?

You know, I just raked those.

I can't help it, okay? I'm-I'm livid!

My blood is boiling!

She broke our hearts!
That girl needs to know,

when you hurt a Butler,
you hurt a Johnson!

Okay, whoa, Gemma, calm down!

Don't tell me to calm down, Calvin!

Gemma, let it go.
There'll be other girls.

Okay.

Okay, yeah. Oh, you're right.

You're right. I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Grover, come here. Let's go inside.
Sorry.

Wow, Mom.

You were really angry.

No, sweetie, I was just helping Mr.
Calvin calm down.

It's a little trick I use

when your dad freaks
out over The Bachelor.