The Nanny (1993–1999): Season 4, Episode 26 - Fran's Gotta Have It - full transcript

Isn't he adorable?

My next door neighbor's cat had kittens.

You mean that old bald cat with no tail?

Perfect. Even she has kids before me.

It's spring, Fran.
Everyone gets a little hot and bothered.

The Discovery Channel
said it affects all living orgasms.

Orgasms, Val?

What were you watching,
Norm Crosby's Wild Kingdom?

Excuse me, you just finished exercising.

What are you doing eating cake, Sylvia?

-Carrot cake, vegetable.
-Excuse me.



I need a reward.
I just skated my butt off.

Not really.

I'm going for a whole new, youthful look.

I've been killing myself all week,
trying to drop a pound.

How does Mr. Sheffield keep in shape?

Running from commitment.

Here's Carl Lewis now.

I'm off to London, Miss Fine,
to catch Celine Dion in concert.

I'm gonna try and talk her
into doing Broadway.

I'm leaving at 6:00.

What is that intoxicating scent
you have on?

I'm not-- Wait a minute.

It's a Snuggle.

You look very fetching in that robe.



What do you mean?

I packed your bags, sir.

Here's your passport, your ticket,
pictures of the children,

and one of Miss Fine.

You know,
I almost got this robe in pink, too--

You're taking a picture of me?

You are family, Miss Fine.
I have some of Niles in here.

Well, meanwhile,
he ain't wearing a bikini.

I am in this one.

Anyway, I'll be gone for three whole days.

I'm gonna miss you.

So, if you need me,
I'll be at the Connell.

Okay, have a safe trip.

Can you believe that guy?

He sniffs my Snuggles,
and then he's out of here.

That is it.

I am just putting an end to this whole
cat and mouse thing, for once and for all.

-Oh, my God, Fran! How romantic.
-What?

You're gonna follow him to London

and then rekindle the passion
you guys had in Paris.

Well, I was gonna quit,
but your way's good too.

Yeah.

She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny

So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door

She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more

She had style, she had flair
She was there

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed
That the girl we described

Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?

-Now the father finds her beguiling
-Watch out, C.C.

-And the kids are actually smiling
-Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran

What does this remind you of?

It reminds me of Miss Fine, Miss Fine!

What the devil are you doing here?

Well, apparently,
I'm blowing 40,000 frequent flyer miles.

Look, forgive me.
I'm just a little confused.

I thought, when a couple's
been together as long as we have,

it would be nice to get away
from the kids and work,

so that we can rekindle our romance.

What romance?

Mr. Sheffield, playing hard to get
doesn't really work with me.

Why don't you just go for it?
See if I back off.

Miss Fine, look,
I'm suffering from jet lag.

And I don't want to say anything wrong,

because God knows
you'll never let me forget it.

What could you possibly say that's wrong?

Let's just get to your own room, shall we?

My own room. Two seconds.
There's a new world record.

Miss Fine, I'm here on business.
I can't just drop everything.

Explain to me why I need a baby-sitter.

I'm old enough to fly a chopper
in the Israeli army.

Look, Fran loves us.

She just wants to make sure
we're left in good hands.

You know, this chair is going.
I can feel all the springs.

That's because you sat on me, Yetta.

What?

Smart.

Doing it gradually,
so no one would notice.

Same way you became a woman.

What do you think, Yetta?

I can't comment on the hair
until you take off that beret.

Who is it you look like?
Wait, I know. Do this.

Hey, lady!

Can we be serious for a moment?

Mr. Sheffield telephoned.
He hasn't seen Celine Dion yet.

-What's he doing in London?
-One would hope, Miss Fine.

But if you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that

It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me

If you see me like this
And if you need me like that

It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me

The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me

I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

Isn't she just incredible?

She'll be a sensation on Broadway.

Would you look at these gorgeous clothes.

How I wish that I had a job

where I could change into
designer outfits every five minutes.

Excuse me, where's the sound man?

Thanks. Excuse me, you know, when I sang,

it was like those weird feedbacks
in my ears, like...

What? You sounded gorgeous.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Okay, never mind.
I found the source of the problem.

Celine, you were wonderful,
just wonderful.

Yeah. Great.

So tell me,
have you given any more thought

to the kind of Broadway show
you'd like to do?

Actually, yes, I would love to do a show
with my musical family.

Do you know that my mom wrote
the first song that I have ever recorded?

You know, it goes like this...

-It's such a great song.
-Is that beautiful.

You know, my mother wrote
the first song that I ever sang too.

Charming. I'm sorry for rushing.

I have to go,
you know, this is my only time

while I'm in London,
to really indulge my passion for shopping.

You got a passion for shopping.

I swear, if you weren't Canadian,
internationally successful

and can carry a tune, I'd think
that we were separated at birth.

Well, Celine, what about our project?

You know, I'll let you know.

I'm just not ready to make a commitment.

How's it feel, baby?

So, what do you wanna do now?

I'll tell you, after the day we had today,

all I want to do is take off my clothes
and get into bed.

-Tired?
-No.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield...

Mr. Sheffield...

Where did he go?

Miss Fine, I can't, I'm sorry.
I just can't.

Mr. Sheffield, is there something
that you haven't told me,

something that might have happened
in the Falklands?

Of course not. I'm talking about this.

I'm talking about
what we were about to do.

It just all seems wrong.

You know,
now I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I mean,
you keep giving me mixed messages.

-You act like you want me.
-Of course I want you.

You're a very sexy, beautiful woman.

Now would be a good time
to end this argument.

Miss Fine, don't you see?

What we were about to do here
was a very serious step to take.

You're not just a one-night stand.

Me? Oh, yeah. No, of course not.

Look, Mr. Sheffield, I always thought

that we were going to end up together,

but if it ain't gonna happen now,
it ain't gonna happen.

I didn't say it will never happen.

I think that my chances
are only going to decrease

as I slowly morph into Yetta.

Four years, it's enough already.
I can't take it anymore, it's too difficult.

I'm out of here. I got to go out of here--

Miss Fine, I am not giving into my urges.

The stakes are far too high.
I'm a bloody gentleman after all.

Yes, what is it?

Miss Fine, don't go.

I'm sorry.
I can't take it anymore. It's over.

Niles just had a heart attack.

I can't believe Niles had a heart attack.
Why did I ever leave home?

-Why did I ever go to London?
-Miss Fine, you can't blame yourself.

Was I talking to you?

C.C., thank God.
Where is he? Is he all right?

He's in there, I don't know.

Maxwell, everything was perfectly normal.

I said to Niles,
"I wish I'd gone to England with you."

And he said, "Oh, sure.

You could have visited
your old neighborhood, Stonehenge."

And I said, "You mean the place
where the rocks are older than yours?"

Which I thought was so clever.
And then the scariest thing happened.

-He had the heart attack?
-No, not yet.

There I was waiting for a zinger,
and nothing.

I even set him up again.
I said, "Don't make me get ugly."

But his eyes just rolled up into his head,

and he collapsed on the floor.

I've killed him! It's all my fault!
Don't leave me!

Hector, who is she?

Doctor, I'm Maxwell Sheffield,
Niles' employer.

How is he?

He suffered a mild heart attack,
but I'm very optimistic.

Come on, you can see him.

Mr. Sheffield, look. He looks so helpless.

Doctor, listen,
this man has stood by me my whole life.

You have to help him, whatever it takes.
Money is no object.

Oh, God, look at him.

How can he not have dyed
his eyebrows too?

He's going to be fine.

He just needs to cut down
on the goose liver pâté,

the brie and the chocolate mousse.

So this Godiva would be poison for him.

But it'll help us through
this stressful time.

So, Doctor, is he comfortable?

He's on ten milligrams of morphine.

He's Cheech and Chong comfortable.

-Miss Fine.
-Mr. Sheffield.

Miss Fine, I wanted to say

how much I appreciate your standing by me
at this difficult time.

Let's just get something straight.
I'm not staying here for you.

While Niles is in the hospital,

I wanna make sure that the children
have a home-cooked meal.

And when you cook tonight's meal,
please do remember the action figure.

We still don't have a Yoda.

Excuse me for ordering in.

It's just that I did have
a whole house to clean.

I'm done with the toilets
and I'm never having boys.

I'm surprised you didn't send Brighton
and Maggie to pick up my dry cleaning.

-Don't be ridiculous.
-Okay. Get upstairs.

Move, move, move!

Miss Babcock.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

That is not coffee. It's gravy.

Thank you, Nanny Fine.
I miss him so much.

You know, I was gonna make
a highball in a dribble cup

but it's so messy,
and the kids are all busy.

I know everyone thought
Niles and I hated each other,

but that's the only way
I can have a relationship.

When you really get to know me,
I'm not a well woman.

-I know.
-And look, you're being so sweet.

I really should find a way to repay you.

But I won't. It's just not who I am.

Hi, Doc. I brought Niles
some homemade fudge.

Can he eat that yet?

-No.
-No?

Oh, Niles.

Look at you! So sweet.

I wish there was something
I could do for you.

Niles, everything is such a mess.

I wish you were awake,
so I could talk to about Mr. Sheffield.

You wanted us to get together
even more than Ma.

Maybe not more than Ma.

Look how sweet you look.

What's going on
in that little head of yours?

Come on, Mr. Sheffield,
it's been 22 years.

Can't you tell me
that you love me already?

Miss Fine...

I'm concerned about the children.

But Gracie is 40.

Maxwell, I'm sorry I'm late,
but my date kept me out all night.

Did he change the locks on you again?

Actually, I didn't even have a date.
I lied to make you jealous.

-Did it work?
-Let's find out.

Wait a minute.
I thought you two hated each other.

Miss Fine, you're no Niles.

You don't know everything
that goes on in this house.

Miss Fine, I'm sorry. I'll wait outside.

That's all right, Mr. Sheffield.
You can stay.

We can share Niles.
He's like our love child.

You know, it's very nice of you
to bring him something,

but you know he can't have sweets.

-It's just dried fruit.
-That he can have.

Miss Fine, it's so strange
seeing him lying there like this.

Even since we were children,

he's always been my protector.
He helped me get through Eaton.

I wasn't much of a scholar.
He helped me get girls.

A guy with a butler is a major turn-on.

Miss Fine, when he gets well,
things are gonna be different.

For a start,
I'm gonna give Niles Saturdays off.

No, I'll need him Saturdays.

I tell you, it really makes you think,
doesn't it.?

-How unpredictable life can be?
-That's right.

That's why you have to live every day
to the fullest.

You never know
when it's gonna be your last.

Nope.

Mr. Sheffield.

Niles, I'm so glad you're awake.

How are you feeling?
Is there anything I can get for you?

I would like another pillow.

Of course.

All of us here at The Nanny
wanna thank you for 100 fabulous episodes.

We couldn't have done it without you.
Here's to 100 more.

Ma!