The Muppet Show (1976–1981): Season 5, Episode 8 - Señor Wences - full transcript
[CHUCKLES]
[DOOR OPENS]
Who are you?
I'm Linda Ronstadt.
I'm gonna be the guest on your show.
Oh, yeah. Linda Ronstadt.
Oh, Kermit said
to roll out the red carpet for you.
Got a little moth problem here?
No, a big moth problem.
It's The Muppet Show, with our
very special guest star, Linda Ronstadt.
[CHEERS]
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
♪ To have to watch this show ♪
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
♪ This is what we call ♪
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
Popcorn!
Thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
You picked a great show not to miss,
because our guest star
is one of the great singers of all time,
Miss Linda Ronstadt!
Yes. But first, let's get things started
with Bugsy Salsapueda
and his Hypnotized Horse!
[HORSE BLUSTERS]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
This sure is heavy.
It should be.
It contains my entire fungus collection.
Terrific.
Oh, no. We forgot the mildew.
Will you please watch it?
Yuck.
Kermie, Kermie.
Hey, is she here yet?
Kermie. You're all dressed up.
Well, of course.
Linda Ronstadt is our guest.
Oh. Yes. The, uh, ahem, girl singer.
Oh, I just can't wait to meet her.
She is terrific.
And besides that, she's a real foxy lady.
"Foxy lady"?
Excuse me,
I gotta get the flowers I ordered.
"Flowers"?
Oh, good grief.
It's what's-her-name Ronstadt.
Hi, Miss Piggy. Have you seen Kermit?
[PIGGY CHUCKLES]
Many times, dear.
I've never met him.
Oh, I'm such a fan of his.
Oh, are you really, now?
There's something about him.
Well, he's just so earnest.
Uh-huh. Um, dear,
Kermie just might be behind stage.
Why don't you go have a look over there,
and you can put on
the rest of your clothes.
[GRUMBLES]
Time for decisive action.
Oh, Linda? I got some flow-- Aah!
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
That should be decisive enough.
KERMIT:
Help! Help! Help!
Get off. Off. Off. Get off. Get off!
Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen,
Kermit has asked a friend of his
to introduce what's-her-face.
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
Linda Ronstadt. Yay!
♪ I feel so bad, I got a worried mind ♪
[FROGS CROAKING TO RHYTHM]
♪ I'm so lonesome all the time ♪
♪ Since I left my baby behind ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Savin' nickels, savin' dimes ♪
♪ Workin' till the sun don't shine ♪
♪ Lookin' forward to happy times ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ I'm going back some day ♪
♪ Come what may ♪
♪ To Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Where the folks are fine ♪
♪ And the world is mine ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Where those fishing boats ♪
♪ With their sails afloat♪
♪ If I could only see ♪
♪ That familiar sunrise ♪
♪ Through sleepy eyes ♪
♪ How happy I'd be ♪
♪ Gonna be with some of my friends ♪
♪ Gonna see my baby again ♪
♪ Maybe I'll feel better again ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ I'm going back some day ♪
♪ Come what may ♪
♪ To Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Where the folks are fine ♪
♪ And the world is mine ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Oh, that boy of mine ♪
♪ By my side ♪
♪ The silver moon ♪
♪ And the evenin' tide ♪
♪ Oh, some sweet day ♪
♪ Gonna take away ♪
♪ This hurtin' inside ♪
♪ Well, I'll never be blue ♪
♪ My dreams come true ♪
♪ On Blue ♪
♪ Bayou ♪
I thought that bayou number was okay,
didn't you?
Well, it's okay by me if it's okay bayou.
[SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
♪ Bork, bork, bork ♪
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLS]
NEWSMAN:
Here is a Muppet News Flash.
Local citizens have reported the sighting
of an unidentified flying object.
When last seen, it was directly over
the Muppet Newsroom. Huh?
[CHEF YELLING]
♪ Little Benny had a cat ♪
♪ That they wouldn't let him keep ♪
♪ So he put her up for sale ♪
♪ At a price he thought was cheap ♪
♪ He took her to a neighbor ♪
♪ To ask him for advice ♪
-♪ He said ♪
-♪ Leave the kitty here ♪
♪ She'll help me with the mice ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
♪ Little Benny met a man ♪
♪ Who was drivin' way out west ♪
♪ He would give the cat a ride ♪
♪ As a special honored guest ♪
♪ The steering wheel was wobbly ♪
♪ He drove into a tree ♪
[CRASHING]
♪ The car was just a total wreck ♪
♪ As anyone could see ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
♪ Little Benny bought a gun ♪
♪ From the human cannonball ♪
♪ He put the cat inside ♪
♪ With trinitrotoluol ♪
♪ When Benny pulled the trigger ♪
♪ The cannon made a roar ♪
[CAT SCREECHES]
♪ The neighbors all surrendered ♪
♪ 'Cause they thought it was a war ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ On the very next day ♪
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
Last verse, here we go.
♪ Little Benny gave the cat ♪
♪ To a man who had a bomb ♪
♪ When he took the cat away ♪
♪ She was acting cool and calm ♪
♪ And then the bomb exploded ♪
♪ It made an awful sound ♪
[CAT SCREECHES]
♪ They looked and looked for ages ♪
♪ And the man was never found ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
Sing!
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
Very nice.
Woof woof.
Meow.
Well, I see the cat came back.
Well, we all came back.
That's because the number's over.
-Go on, cat. Go on. Whoa!
-Kermit.
Kermit. Have you seen Kermit?
Well, no. But it's not like him to leave.
I'll look for him for you.
Uh, but don't touch that trunk.
It's full of fungus.
Ick. Thanks for the warning.
Kermit?
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
KERMIT:
Let me out of here!
[PANTING]
Ew. You're not fungus.
I'm sorry about the smell.
You're Kermit the Frog.
Oh, Linda.
I'm so glad you're doing the show.
Oh, I'm so pleased to be here.
Oh, good.
You know, I got some flowers for you.
Darn, they got crushed.
Aw, nothing wrong with crushes.
Huh?
♪ I've got a crush on you ♪
On me?
♪ Sweetie pie ♪
♪ Morning, noon and nighttime ♪
♪ Hear me sigh ♪
♪ The world will pardon my mush ♪
♪ 'Cause I have got a crush ♪
♪ My baby ♪
♪ On you ♪
I don't know what to say, Linda.
Well, uh...
Maybe I'd better go get dressed
for my next number.
Uh, see you later, sweetie.
[KERMIT SHOUTS]
Don't count on it, fungus face!
♪ I'm ♪
♪ So happy ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ So glad ♪
♪ Life ♪
♪ Is wonderful to me ♪
♪ That's why ♪
♪ I'm so happy ♪
♪ I'm so happy ♪
♪ He's so happy he could die ♪
♪ I'm so gay ♪
♪ He's so gay ♪
♪ I must be ♪
♪ The luckiest man alive ♪
♪ Though lucky isn't the word ♪
♪ Why don't you ♪
♪ Be happy too ♪
♪ I like to have fun ♪
♪ He likes to have his fun ♪
♪ Lying in the sun ♪
♪ Sometimes he lies in the rain ♪
♪ And laughing, laughing, laughing ♪
♪ All day ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ Why don't you ♪
♪ Be happy too ♪
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Is that you, Kermit?
-No, it's just me. Hi, Linda.
-Oh, hi, Janice.
You wanna go over the song?
-Yeah, I guess so.
-Great.
-You haven't seen Kermit, have you?
-No.
Well, he was here,
but now I can't seem to find him again.
Oh, bummer.
-Well, at least I got his picture.
-Mm.
♪ Does he love me? ♪
♪ I wanna know ♪
♪ How can I tell ♪
♪ If he loves me so? ♪
♪ Is it in his eyes? ♪
♪ Oh, no, you'll make believe ♪
♪ Is it in his sighs? ♪
♪ Oh, no, you'll be deceived ♪
♪ If you wanna know ♪
♪ If he loves you so ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
-♪ That's where it is ♪
-♪ Oh ♪
♪ Is it in his face? ♪
♪ Oh, no, that's just his charms ♪
♪ In his warm embrace? ♪
♪ Oh, no, that's just his arms ♪
♪ If you wanna know ♪
♪ If he loves you so♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
-♪ That's where it is ♪
-♪ Whoa ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Hug him and squeeze him tight ♪
♪ And find out what you wanna know ♪
♪ If it's love ♪
♪ If it really is ♪
♪ It's there in his kiss ♪
♪ How 'bout the way he acts? ♪
♪ Oh, no, that's not the way ♪
♪ And you're not listenin' to all I say ♪
♪ If you wanna know ♪
♪ If he loves you so ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
-♪ That's where it is ♪
-♪ Oh ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Oh, it's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, it's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
Well, we still don't have Kermit the Frog,
but we do have Lola the Fan Dancer!
[STRUTTING BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING]
[SHOUTING]
[SCREAMS]
[CRASHING]
Pigs in Space on next.
Scooter, have you seen Kermit?
I'm still looking for him.
Aren't we all?
I thought he liked me.
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
Kermit. Are you still in there?
Kermit.
KERMIT:
Piggy did this. She locked me in.
You gotta stop doing this.
Pigs in Space on-stage.
PIGGY:
Watch out, guys.
-Miss Piggy.
-Hello, Linda dear. Heh.
Miss Piggy, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
-Uh-oh.
-Locking Kermit in that trunk.
Um... Trunk. Well, it's not a trunk.
It's a, um, sauna. Yes, it's a sauna.
Frogs love it. Dry heat, don't you know.
Piggy, on-stage, now.
Oh, yes, yes.
I'll just take my prop with me.
Scooter, Kermit's in that trunk.
I know, Linda. But the show must go on.
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
As you may remember,
the crew of the Swinetrek
had captured a deadly battle robot.
A deadly battle robot.
Oh! I'm so frightened.
Where is the deadly battle robot, Link?
Uh, First Mate Piggy has it.
[GRUNTING]
Uh, that's a deadly battle robot?
-Looks like a steamer trunk.
-Mm.
Um, well, the deadly battle robots often
disguise themselves as steamer trunks.
Oh! Oh!
Don't be scared, Captain Link.
I will neutralize the deadly battle robot
with the Zappo ray.
It's Zappo time.
KERMIT:
No! No! No!
Just a moment, just a moment.
Kermie. Are you going
to see Linda Ronstadt again?
KERMIT:
Piggy, that's not fair.
It's Zappo time!
Okay.
[KERMIT YELLING]
[STRANGEPORK CHUCKLES]
Oh. Look!
-Ronstadt!
-Oh.
What happened to the deadly battle robot?
I don't know. I must have zapped it
into the fifth dimension.
Oh, thank you.
Don't dimension it.
No, please don't take my frog away.
I'm taking him to a locksmith.
Ha! Love laughs at locksmiths.
[LAUGHS]
Wait a minute.
Are you actually trying to tell me
you're in love with Kermit?
Linda, I love my frog
more than life itself.
I love him
more than sunshine and laughter.
I love him more than--
More than chocolate cookies
with white stuff in the middle?
Linda.
I do love Kermie.
Oh, Piggy.
I do. I do.
KERMIT:
Uh, hey, guys. Yoo-hoo.
Oh, oh. Kermie, Kermie.
Here's a key. Here's a key.
Take it. We're coming.
Listen, Piggy, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'm gonna dedicate our final duet
to just you and Kermit.
Oh!
I'll never take your frog from you.
Come on, Kermit.
What?
Okay, yeah, we'll talk about that later,
Miss Piggy.
Oh, Kermit.
Thanks for singing this song for me.
Even though I know your heart
still belongs to Piggy.
Well, you may know that,
and Piggy may know that,
but the vote's not in yet from the frog.
Well, it's been nice being with you.
Even if it's only been for a little while.
♪ We have been gay ♪
♪ Going our way ♪
♪ Life has been beautiful ♪
♪ We have been young ♪
♪ After you've gone ♪
♪ Life will go on ♪
♪ Like an old song ♪
♪ We have sung ♪
♪ When I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ I'll have you ♪
♪ To remember ♪
♪ When I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ Your love ♪
♪ Will live in my heart ♪
So, Kermit.
♪ So kiss me ♪
♪ My sweet ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ Let us part ♪
♪ And when I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ That kiss ♪
♪ Will live in my heart ♪
♪ And when I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ Your love ♪
♪ Will live in my heart ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Your love ♪
♪ Will live ♪
♪ In my ♪
♪ Heart ♪
We've just about come to the end
of another one.
I'm sorry I didn't get to see more of it
because our guest star has been
the very talented, the very beautiful,
Miss Linda Ronstadt! Yeah!
It's been fun singing with the very cute
and the very green, Kermit the Frog.
Aw, thank you.
And by way of thank you,
could I have a good night kiss?
Do you think we should?
I mean, Miss Piggy.
Don't worry about Miss Piggy.
I've taken care of her.
She will cause us no problem.
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
Uh... Uh...
Just try to ignore that, Linda.
Now about that kiss?
PIGGY:
Hi-yah!
Maybe we'd better just shake hands
and say good night.
You got it, kid. We'll see you
next time on The Muppet Show.
PIGGY:
Hi-yah!
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
[CHATTERING]
I wouldn't believe it
if I hadn't watched it.
Believe what?
I don't know. I wasn't watching.
[DOOR OPENS]
Who are you?
I'm Linda Ronstadt.
I'm gonna be the guest on your show.
Oh, yeah. Linda Ronstadt.
Oh, Kermit said
to roll out the red carpet for you.
Got a little moth problem here?
No, a big moth problem.
It's The Muppet Show, with our
very special guest star, Linda Ronstadt.
[CHEERS]
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
♪ To have to watch this show ♪
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
♪ This is what we call ♪
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
Popcorn!
Thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
You picked a great show not to miss,
because our guest star
is one of the great singers of all time,
Miss Linda Ronstadt!
Yes. But first, let's get things started
with Bugsy Salsapueda
and his Hypnotized Horse!
[HORSE BLUSTERS]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
This sure is heavy.
It should be.
It contains my entire fungus collection.
Terrific.
Oh, no. We forgot the mildew.
Will you please watch it?
Yuck.
Kermie, Kermie.
Hey, is she here yet?
Kermie. You're all dressed up.
Well, of course.
Linda Ronstadt is our guest.
Oh. Yes. The, uh, ahem, girl singer.
Oh, I just can't wait to meet her.
She is terrific.
And besides that, she's a real foxy lady.
"Foxy lady"?
Excuse me,
I gotta get the flowers I ordered.
"Flowers"?
Oh, good grief.
It's what's-her-name Ronstadt.
Hi, Miss Piggy. Have you seen Kermit?
[PIGGY CHUCKLES]
Many times, dear.
I've never met him.
Oh, I'm such a fan of his.
Oh, are you really, now?
There's something about him.
Well, he's just so earnest.
Uh-huh. Um, dear,
Kermie just might be behind stage.
Why don't you go have a look over there,
and you can put on
the rest of your clothes.
[GRUMBLES]
Time for decisive action.
Oh, Linda? I got some flow-- Aah!
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
That should be decisive enough.
KERMIT:
Help! Help! Help!
Get off. Off. Off. Get off. Get off!
Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen,
Kermit has asked a friend of his
to introduce what's-her-face.
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
Linda Ronstadt. Yay!
♪ I feel so bad, I got a worried mind ♪
[FROGS CROAKING TO RHYTHM]
♪ I'm so lonesome all the time ♪
♪ Since I left my baby behind ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Savin' nickels, savin' dimes ♪
♪ Workin' till the sun don't shine ♪
♪ Lookin' forward to happy times ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ I'm going back some day ♪
♪ Come what may ♪
♪ To Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Where the folks are fine ♪
♪ And the world is mine ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Where those fishing boats ♪
♪ With their sails afloat♪
♪ If I could only see ♪
♪ That familiar sunrise ♪
♪ Through sleepy eyes ♪
♪ How happy I'd be ♪
♪ Gonna be with some of my friends ♪
♪ Gonna see my baby again ♪
♪ Maybe I'll feel better again ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ I'm going back some day ♪
♪ Come what may ♪
♪ To Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Where the folks are fine ♪
♪ And the world is mine ♪
♪ On Blue Bayou ♪
♪ Oh, that boy of mine ♪
♪ By my side ♪
♪ The silver moon ♪
♪ And the evenin' tide ♪
♪ Oh, some sweet day ♪
♪ Gonna take away ♪
♪ This hurtin' inside ♪
♪ Well, I'll never be blue ♪
♪ My dreams come true ♪
♪ On Blue ♪
♪ Bayou ♪
I thought that bayou number was okay,
didn't you?
Well, it's okay by me if it's okay bayou.
[SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
♪ Bork, bork, bork ♪
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLS]
NEWSMAN:
Here is a Muppet News Flash.
Local citizens have reported the sighting
of an unidentified flying object.
When last seen, it was directly over
the Muppet Newsroom. Huh?
[CHEF YELLING]
♪ Little Benny had a cat ♪
♪ That they wouldn't let him keep ♪
♪ So he put her up for sale ♪
♪ At a price he thought was cheap ♪
♪ He took her to a neighbor ♪
♪ To ask him for advice ♪
-♪ He said ♪
-♪ Leave the kitty here ♪
♪ She'll help me with the mice ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
♪ Little Benny met a man ♪
♪ Who was drivin' way out west ♪
♪ He would give the cat a ride ♪
♪ As a special honored guest ♪
♪ The steering wheel was wobbly ♪
♪ He drove into a tree ♪
[CRASHING]
♪ The car was just a total wreck ♪
♪ As anyone could see ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
♪ Little Benny bought a gun ♪
♪ From the human cannonball ♪
♪ He put the cat inside ♪
♪ With trinitrotoluol ♪
♪ When Benny pulled the trigger ♪
♪ The cannon made a roar ♪
[CAT SCREECHES]
♪ The neighbors all surrendered ♪
♪ 'Cause they thought it was a war ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ On the very next day ♪
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
Last verse, here we go.
♪ Little Benny gave the cat ♪
♪ To a man who had a bomb ♪
♪ When he took the cat away ♪
♪ She was acting cool and calm ♪
♪ And then the bomb exploded ♪
♪ It made an awful sound ♪
[CAT SCREECHES]
♪ They looked and looked for ages ♪
♪ And the man was never found ♪
♪ But the cat came back ♪
♪ She wouldn't stay away ♪
♪ She was sitting on the porch ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
Sing!
♪ The cat came back ♪
♪ She didn't want to roam ♪
♪ The very next day ♪
♪ It was home, sweet home ♪
Very nice.
Woof woof.
Meow.
Well, I see the cat came back.
Well, we all came back.
That's because the number's over.
-Go on, cat. Go on. Whoa!
-Kermit.
Kermit. Have you seen Kermit?
Well, no. But it's not like him to leave.
I'll look for him for you.
Uh, but don't touch that trunk.
It's full of fungus.
Ick. Thanks for the warning.
Kermit?
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
KERMIT:
Let me out of here!
[PANTING]
Ew. You're not fungus.
I'm sorry about the smell.
You're Kermit the Frog.
Oh, Linda.
I'm so glad you're doing the show.
Oh, I'm so pleased to be here.
Oh, good.
You know, I got some flowers for you.
Darn, they got crushed.
Aw, nothing wrong with crushes.
Huh?
♪ I've got a crush on you ♪
On me?
♪ Sweetie pie ♪
♪ Morning, noon and nighttime ♪
♪ Hear me sigh ♪
♪ The world will pardon my mush ♪
♪ 'Cause I have got a crush ♪
♪ My baby ♪
♪ On you ♪
I don't know what to say, Linda.
Well, uh...
Maybe I'd better go get dressed
for my next number.
Uh, see you later, sweetie.
[KERMIT SHOUTS]
Don't count on it, fungus face!
♪ I'm ♪
♪ So happy ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ So glad ♪
♪ Life ♪
♪ Is wonderful to me ♪
♪ That's why ♪
♪ I'm so happy ♪
♪ I'm so happy ♪
♪ He's so happy he could die ♪
♪ I'm so gay ♪
♪ He's so gay ♪
♪ I must be ♪
♪ The luckiest man alive ♪
♪ Though lucky isn't the word ♪
♪ Why don't you ♪
♪ Be happy too ♪
♪ I like to have fun ♪
♪ He likes to have his fun ♪
♪ Lying in the sun ♪
♪ Sometimes he lies in the rain ♪
♪ And laughing, laughing, laughing ♪
♪ All day ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ Why don't you ♪
♪ Be happy too ♪
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Is that you, Kermit?
-No, it's just me. Hi, Linda.
-Oh, hi, Janice.
You wanna go over the song?
-Yeah, I guess so.
-Great.
-You haven't seen Kermit, have you?
-No.
Well, he was here,
but now I can't seem to find him again.
Oh, bummer.
-Well, at least I got his picture.
-Mm.
♪ Does he love me? ♪
♪ I wanna know ♪
♪ How can I tell ♪
♪ If he loves me so? ♪
♪ Is it in his eyes? ♪
♪ Oh, no, you'll make believe ♪
♪ Is it in his sighs? ♪
♪ Oh, no, you'll be deceived ♪
♪ If you wanna know ♪
♪ If he loves you so ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
-♪ That's where it is ♪
-♪ Oh ♪
♪ Is it in his face? ♪
♪ Oh, no, that's just his charms ♪
♪ In his warm embrace? ♪
♪ Oh, no, that's just his arms ♪
♪ If you wanna know ♪
♪ If he loves you so♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
-♪ That's where it is ♪
-♪ Whoa ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Hug him and squeeze him tight ♪
♪ And find out what you wanna know ♪
♪ If it's love ♪
♪ If it really is ♪
♪ It's there in his kiss ♪
♪ How 'bout the way he acts? ♪
♪ Oh, no, that's not the way ♪
♪ And you're not listenin' to all I say ♪
♪ If you wanna know ♪
♪ If he loves you so ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
-♪ That's where it is ♪
-♪ Oh ♪
♪ It's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Oh, it's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, it's in his kiss ♪
♪ That's where it is ♪
Well, we still don't have Kermit the Frog,
but we do have Lola the Fan Dancer!
[STRUTTING BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING]
[SHOUTING]
[SCREAMS]
[CRASHING]
Pigs in Space on next.
Scooter, have you seen Kermit?
I'm still looking for him.
Aren't we all?
I thought he liked me.
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
Kermit. Are you still in there?
Kermit.
KERMIT:
Piggy did this. She locked me in.
You gotta stop doing this.
Pigs in Space on-stage.
PIGGY:
Watch out, guys.
-Miss Piggy.
-Hello, Linda dear. Heh.
Miss Piggy, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
-Uh-oh.
-Locking Kermit in that trunk.
Um... Trunk. Well, it's not a trunk.
It's a, um, sauna. Yes, it's a sauna.
Frogs love it. Dry heat, don't you know.
Piggy, on-stage, now.
Oh, yes, yes.
I'll just take my prop with me.
Scooter, Kermit's in that trunk.
I know, Linda. But the show must go on.
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
As you may remember,
the crew of the Swinetrek
had captured a deadly battle robot.
A deadly battle robot.
Oh! I'm so frightened.
Where is the deadly battle robot, Link?
Uh, First Mate Piggy has it.
[GRUNTING]
Uh, that's a deadly battle robot?
-Looks like a steamer trunk.
-Mm.
Um, well, the deadly battle robots often
disguise themselves as steamer trunks.
Oh! Oh!
Don't be scared, Captain Link.
I will neutralize the deadly battle robot
with the Zappo ray.
It's Zappo time.
KERMIT:
No! No! No!
Just a moment, just a moment.
Kermie. Are you going
to see Linda Ronstadt again?
KERMIT:
Piggy, that's not fair.
It's Zappo time!
Okay.
[KERMIT YELLING]
[STRANGEPORK CHUCKLES]
Oh. Look!
-Ronstadt!
-Oh.
What happened to the deadly battle robot?
I don't know. I must have zapped it
into the fifth dimension.
Oh, thank you.
Don't dimension it.
No, please don't take my frog away.
I'm taking him to a locksmith.
Ha! Love laughs at locksmiths.
[LAUGHS]
Wait a minute.
Are you actually trying to tell me
you're in love with Kermit?
Linda, I love my frog
more than life itself.
I love him
more than sunshine and laughter.
I love him more than--
More than chocolate cookies
with white stuff in the middle?
Linda.
I do love Kermie.
Oh, Piggy.
I do. I do.
KERMIT:
Uh, hey, guys. Yoo-hoo.
Oh, oh. Kermie, Kermie.
Here's a key. Here's a key.
Take it. We're coming.
Listen, Piggy, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'm gonna dedicate our final duet
to just you and Kermit.
Oh!
I'll never take your frog from you.
Come on, Kermit.
What?
Okay, yeah, we'll talk about that later,
Miss Piggy.
Oh, Kermit.
Thanks for singing this song for me.
Even though I know your heart
still belongs to Piggy.
Well, you may know that,
and Piggy may know that,
but the vote's not in yet from the frog.
Well, it's been nice being with you.
Even if it's only been for a little while.
♪ We have been gay ♪
♪ Going our way ♪
♪ Life has been beautiful ♪
♪ We have been young ♪
♪ After you've gone ♪
♪ Life will go on ♪
♪ Like an old song ♪
♪ We have sung ♪
♪ When I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ I'll have you ♪
♪ To remember ♪
♪ When I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ Your love ♪
♪ Will live in my heart ♪
So, Kermit.
♪ So kiss me ♪
♪ My sweet ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ Let us part ♪
♪ And when I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ That kiss ♪
♪ Will live in my heart ♪
♪ And when I grow ♪
♪ Too old to dream ♪
♪ Your love ♪
♪ Will live in my heart ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Your love ♪
♪ Will live ♪
♪ In my ♪
♪ Heart ♪
We've just about come to the end
of another one.
I'm sorry I didn't get to see more of it
because our guest star has been
the very talented, the very beautiful,
Miss Linda Ronstadt! Yeah!
It's been fun singing with the very cute
and the very green, Kermit the Frog.
Aw, thank you.
And by way of thank you,
could I have a good night kiss?
Do you think we should?
I mean, Miss Piggy.
Don't worry about Miss Piggy.
I've taken care of her.
She will cause us no problem.
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
Uh... Uh...
Just try to ignore that, Linda.
Now about that kiss?
PIGGY:
Hi-yah!
Maybe we'd better just shake hands
and say good night.
You got it, kid. We'll see you
next time on The Muppet Show.
PIGGY:
Hi-yah!
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
[CHATTERING]
I wouldn't believe it
if I hadn't watched it.
Believe what?
I don't know. I wasn't watching.