The Munsters (1964–1966): Season 2, Episode 30 - Herman's Sorority Caper - full transcript

Herman comes home with a violent case of the hiccups after a scary movie at the drive-in. Grandpa attempts to cure his son-in-law by putting him under a hypnotic spell. That night, two ...

First, we will
synchronize our watches.

9:07.

9:07.

Lily. Yes, dear.

You will take Position A. Right.

Marilyn. Yes, Uncle Herman?

You will take Position B. Check.

Grandpa, you will
cover the left flank.

And since little Edward is confined
to his room with extra homework...

you will also cover
the rear. Cover the rear.

I will take care of the driving.



Now, are there any
questions? Yes, there is one.

Why do we need a master
plan to go to a drive-in movie?

Grandpa, Herman has
a very mechanical brain.

In fact, I believe it used to
belong to an old mechanic.

Grandpa, will you stop
arguing and check the popcorn?

Aye, aye, sir.

[wind howling]

What movie is playing
tonight, Herman?

The Beast That Ate
Lower New Jersey.

A critical success
from coast to coast.

[engine revs]

Popcorn, A-Okay.

Contact!

This is too much.



The architect who designed this place
must have been Frank Lloyd Wrong.

Yeah, I spotted
this dump last week.

Man, it's the ideal place
for our fraternity initiation.

We'll bring the guys
here around midnight.

Boy, what a creepy place.

I sure wouldn't want to spend
the night in a dump like this.

Now take it easy,
Herman. You'll be all right.

This is the worst
attack you've ever had.

You know, it was on account of
you we missed half the movie?

I never even got to see if
the creature ate New Jersey.

Grandpa, he ate it all
the way up to Atlantic City.

That ought to be
enough to satisfy anyone.

I don't know why everyone is making
such a big fuss over a few little hiccups.

[door creaking]

[Herman hiccupping]

[crashing]

Oh, boy.

I'll say one thing, though, his
hiccups aren't as bad as they were.

I sure hope they go away.

Oh, no. Don't tell me
Pop's got the hiccups again.

Yes, and it was so embarrassing.

Right in the middle of the movie all
the people at the drive-in got so mad...

because he hiccupped
and the screen fell down.

It must have been a
very cheap drive-in.

When we demanded
our money back...

the manager ran and
hid behind the box office.

[hiccups]

Earthquake!

[squawking]

If we don't cure Uncle
Herman's hiccups...

we won't get any sleep tonight.

[hiccups]

Twenty-five glasses of water,
and even that didn't work.

Okay, Grandpa...

[stomach gurgling]

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute, I've got
an idea for another cure.

You take a deep breath, and
then you hold it as long as you can.

And the hiccups go away.

Well. Come on, Uncle
Herman, it's almost 12:00.

Go ahead, Herman.

Inhale.

Well, I'll try.

[hiccups]

[whooshing]

Boy, Pop! That was
neat. Do it again.

[bat screeching]

(Grandpa) Just relax, Herman.

But I don't want to be
hypnotized, Grandpa.

Herman, we're desperate.

We don't want you to hiccup
us out of house and home.

I'll hypnotize you. You'll
wake up tomorrow morning...

and your hiccups will be gone.

Last time you hypnotized
me, I woke up in the morning...

and my wallet was gone.

That was just a coincidence.

Now, look me right in the eye.

(Grandpa) Right in the eye.

You're getting sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleepy.

[chuckling]

That's fine, Grandpa, but
Igor doesn't have the hiccups.

[hiccups]

Oh, dear! He's still hiccupping.
Have patience, Marilyn.

It's times like this that it's comforting
to have a father who is a mad scientist.

Boy.

Herman, it's a well
publicized fact...

that some people are too
stupid to be hypnotized.

You know, I'm beginning
to buy that theory.

Because I'm going
to subject you...

to the most powerful
weapon known in hypnotism.

The Transylvanian Brain Freezer.

I'll bet you didn't get that out
of the Fannie Farmer Cookbook.

As a matter of fact, I didn't.

I learned it from Svengali when
the poor fellow was down and out.

I got it from him for a cup
of coffee and a sweet roll.

Now, Herman.

Stand right over here.

And brace yourself. Because
I'm gonna lay it on you.

[grunting]

[electric buzzing]

[buzzing]

Lily, Marilyn,
Eddie, come quick!

I did it!

I did it.

I did it.

(Lily) We'll take him upstairs
and we'll put him to bed.

And then we'll get some sleep.

After all this excitement, I'm
just about dead on my feet.

Will he stay like
this till morning?

Yes, and his
hiccups will be gone.

And then Grandpa will be able to
snap him out of his trance at any time.

If I can't, you can always
use him as an ironing board.

Okay, you pledges.

As part of your initiation, you spend
the night in this old deserted pad.

And if you chicken out,
you don't make it with us.

[guffawing]

Boy, wonder how the fraternity
found this rotten-looking old place.

This looks like the kind of a house
you'd have to be dead to move into.

[wolf howling]

[wind whooshing]

Well, what are we
waiting for? Let's go on in.

You go first. You're the one who
wants to be the big fraternity man.

[clearing throat]

[door creaking]

[door creaking]

[roaring]

Did you see that?

That was really very funny,
wasn't it? Yeah, real funny.

Yeah, the fraternity must have
spent a fortune rigging that gag up.

You know, if we didn't know this
was all a put-on, we might just go ape.

Come on, let's split.

No. Come on, let's go see what
other gadgets they've got rigged up.

Come on.

[clattering]

Herman, what was that?

Excuse me, poopsie. I
forgot you're hypnotized.

[footsteps pattering]

It's nothing.

Probably just one of Grandpa's
experiments walking around.

A trapdoor.

Come on, let's get down there and
see what they've got rigged up for us.

This is crazy. Cobwebs.

Look at this weird set-up here.

[both screaming]

(Phil) Wait.

You know, this is just what those
fraternity big-shots wanted us to do.

Yeah, they think
they can panic us.

You know that big creep hanging
back there is just a dummy?

Yeah, that's what I figured.

You go find out. I'll stay here.

It's cold and clammy.

And he's got a green face.

That's the phoniest
dummy I've ever seen.

Dummy. Just a phony dummy.

I knew it all the time.
Good night, you big dummy.

I could have sworn
somebody was just here.

[yawning]

I guess not.

Shucks.

Why do I always wake up in
the middle of a perfect nightmare?

Phil, why did we
have to come upstairs?

I want to see what they've
got rigged up for us up here.

I can't get over that dummy
down there in the basement.

He looked like a four-F vampire.

Get a load of these two.

They look like a couple of rejects
from an old Vincent Price movie.

Phil. What?

I'm dropping out of college.

Oh, no, don't tell me you're scared
of a couple more wax dummies.

No, I'm just scared
of that big green one.

He makes the Hunchback of Notre
Dame look like Captain Kangaroo.

He's a phony, John. He's just
like everything else in this house.

Wait a minute.

I have got a great idea.
Let's get out of here.

We're going to get out of here all right,
but we're taking that big dummy with us.

What for? We are going
to be famous on campus.

We're going to be
legends in our own time.

We are going to take
that big green dummy...

and put him in the Alpha
Kappa Sorority House.

It's going to be a gas!
I'll bet. Come on, let's go.

He's not light.

Grandpa, emergency!

What happened? I'll
tell you what happened.

Herman is missing.

I thought you said it
was an emergency.

Lily, I think you're trying
to tell me something.

Of course she is,
Grandpa. Aunt Lily's worried.

Uncle Herman may be wandering
around somewhere in a trance.

Well, do something!

Don't just sit there
enjoying the obituaries.

Please, I told you
I'd take care of it.

I can snap Herman
out of it any time.

Herman Munster...

wherever you are...

snap out of the trance.

Snap out of the trance.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Pardon me, madam.

Do you have any idea where...

Madam?

It's just a dress
with no people in it.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my Gosh.

I'm in a girl's closet.

Please, let it be Lily's.

I am in a sorority house. And in
a sorority house they have girls.

And a married man in a sorority
house full of girls means only one thing.

San Quentin.

Where have you been? What's
the matter with you? Come on!

[sighs]

I think I was better
off in the closet.

Come on. Hurry up. We
only have 10 minutes till class.

Where's my hair brush? I
think you left it in the bathroom.

Left it in the bathroom?

I think I have
time for a shower.

You won't have time for a shower
if you're going to get your hair done.

And Nancy said she'd help
you with your hairdo, so come on.

I guess a shower is out.

Cindy. Cindy, look.

Oh, my gosh. I didn't
know the water was that hot.

Come on, Janice. Let's
go down to Nancy's room.

Well, at least I found
a cure for the hiccups.

Live steam.

(girl) Well, that's the
greatest thing I've ever heard.

[girls laughing]

Gosh, I hope we can get a court.

Tom promised he'd get us one.

He's really a doll, isn't he?

Yeah.

Got to call Lily. She's
probably worried stiff about me.

[girls laughing]

[phone ringing]

I'm sorry the number you have reached
has been temporarily disconnected.

This is a recording.

[coin clinks]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Herman.

You great big green
lump of sweetness.

You're safe.

That's right, dear, it's me...

your great big green lump of
sweetness. But I'm not safe.

He's in some sort of danger.

Herman, are you there?

I'm here, dear. I'm here
and I'm in big trouble.

You've got to help me.

You tell us where you are...

and Grandpa will be
right over to rescue you.

You poor lost baby.

Good, I'm in the Alpha
Kappa Sorority House.

Sorority house?

Why, you two-bit girl chaser!

And here I was worried about
you and you're down there...

playing den mother
to a bunch of co-eds!

No, no. Lily, dear, I... Lily?

Lily.

Lily.

[tapping phone] Hello?

[grunts]

[girls laughing]

[girls chattering]

What was that
again? To the left first.

Yeah, like that? Left
first and then to the right.

Yeah. Okay.

Now, let's get going.

Grandpa.

I demand that you do
something about Herman.

Well, Lily, I got him into
this, and I'll get him out of it.

Make way.

It's Count Dracula
to the rescue.

[bat screeching]

Go, Grandpa! Go!

Boy, Cindy, you sure
have an uncomfortable bed.

Yeah, I never noticed
it was so lumpy before.

Well, maybe it would help
if we turned the mattress.

Well, let's try it.

Boy, Cindy, you should clean out
some of that junk under your bed.

I just put my foot in a hat box.

Cindy, let's forget it. It's
clean sheets tomorrow.

We'll turn it in the
morning. Okay.

[bat screeching]

Cindy, look!

Cindy, come on! We
gotta get out of here.

[girls squealing]

What are we
gonna do? It's a bat!

Help! A bat!

[screaming]

(Grandpa) Herman,
you idiot! Where are you?

Here I am, Grandpa.

Am I happy to see you.

You're a lifesaver. I'm
so happy I could kiss you.

Get away from me, you slob.
You better get out of here.

Well, fine, but what about you?

I'm a bat. They'll
never catch me!

Geronimo!

[screaming]

[thudding]

I'll scare them when
they come back.

[girls chattering]

Look! Where did he come from?

Stay away from me. I'm a bat.

I'm a bat.

Run. Run, I'll fly in your hair!

Hey, will you be careful?
You'll break my wings!

Want me to bite you in the neck?

Charlie, I think
we got a nut here.

Come on. Let's go.
You better be careful.

I am a member of a bat union.

Look, wait a minute.
The bat pill, it wore off.

Knock it off, you old wino.

Where's the Dean?
They're scaring the women.

Boy, wait till I tell all
the kids at school...

that my very own
grandfather was a jailbird.

Eddie, please! Not
a jailbird, a jail-bat.

I think it was very nice of the police to
release you in our custody, Grandpa.

What was the charge
again, Grandpa?

First degree chicken
chasing? Yeah.

At least we are all together
again, safe and sound.

And back to our
wonderful normal lives.

And you know what
caused this mess?

Herman and his hiccups.

Well, you can rest assured
that that will never happen again.

I'm cured and that's that.

[chuckling]

[hiccupping]

Talk to you later, Herman.

I'll be seeing you, Pop.

We'll write you, Uncle Herman.

I'll holler. So long, fathead.

[hiccups]

[hiccupping]

[hiccupping]