The Munsters (1964–1966): Season 2, Episode 14 - The Treasure of Mockingbird Heights - full transcript
Herman and Grandpa stumble upon a secret compartment through the dungeon and find a clue that leads them to Henry Morgan's pirate treasure. Lily and Marilyn are touched to see the two men working together, but as soon as the treasure is found, their companionship turns to suspicion and rivalry.
[thunder rumbling]
Any luck with the lights yet, Aunt
Lily? The storm knocked them all out.
Not yet.
How are you doing,
Eddie? Okay, Mom.
I'm finishing my
homework in the dark.
Good boy.
Grandpa and Herman are down in
the dungeon looking for the fuse box.
I hope they find it
in time to watch TV.
They're having one of Grandpa's
favorite operations on Dr. Kildare tonight.
[thunder rumbling]
[stuttering]
There's something here.
(Grandpa) Herman,
will you cut it out?
It's just that
carving on the wall.
Dumb old lizard.
Pipe down and
look for the fuse box.
Herman.
Herman.
Look, this is no time
to play hide and seek.
Herman.
Herman, where are you?
(Herman) I'm behind this wall.
[Herman banging]
Are you in here?
Are you in here, Herman?
Here I am.
Gee, Grandpa, I never knew
you had a hobby room off the lab.
I'll admit it's a fun
place, but believe me...
I never saw this playpen before.
You know, I once heard that this
house was built on top of an old fort.
And this must have been
the dungeon for prisoners.
Look, there's something
written on the wall.
You'd better look first.
It might be a naughty word.
"Morgan's treasure
in this valley.
"Look behind the noble Sally."
Now, that's not too naughty.
"Morgan's treasure
in this valley.
"Look behind the noble Sally."
Pretty rotten poet, wasn't he?
Herman, you knothead.
[laughing] Morgan's
treasure. Morgan, the pirate.
Somewhere in this
house is Morgan's gold.
A fortune in treasure
from the Spanish Main.
[both laugh]
We've got to find it. Now
we gotta find the treasure.
Then we'll be rich...
and we'll live in the lap of
luxury, and have millions.
Millions!
[both laughing]
(Grandpa) "Ancient
Pirates and Buccaneers.
"Revised edition.
"Bluebeard.
"Captain Blood.
"Captain Kidd.
"Long John Silver."
Here we are,
Herman, here we are.
"Henry Morgan."
[chuckling]
[shushing]
It says here that
Morgan and his crew...
visited Mockingbird
Valley back in 1672...
when they were hiding
from the Spanish Navy.
"He is thought to have buried
some of his loot in the vicinity.
[chuckles]
"He planned to return for
it, but like so many pirates...
"he was brought to justice
and hanged in the end."
That's funny.
I thought they usually
hung them by the neck.
Here you go, Aunt Lily.
Marilyn, have you seen
Grandpa or Herman?
I have an idea they're
up to something.
They've been acting
very odd all day.
Well, they're down in the dungeon
with the trap door bolted from the inside.
Those two.
The last time they
acted this sneaky...
Grandpa was trying to get a
license from the Federal Reserve.
He wanted to open
his own blood bank.
"Look behind the noble Sally."
Never been a
Sally in this house.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Maybe we get out the telephone
book and call all the girls named Sally.
Now, will you be
quiet? I'm trying to think.
[banging]
Herman, what are you doing?
I'm thinking, too.
Well, knock it off.
It's too dangerous.
That's it. That's it!
[Grandpa laughs]
That's Sally! There it is.
Sally. Sally. Where
is she? Where's Sally?
Sally, the lizard.
Sally salamander!
The lizard, Sally.
Sally salamander.
I don't get it. What do you
mean "you don't get it?"
A lizard is a salamander...
and "Sally" is short
for salamander.
The secret to the treasure
is hidden behind this rock.
[laughs]
Herman, don't stand
there. Get me a hammer.
Grandpa, allow me.
There's no treasure in here.
Just this old piece of paper.
Old piece of paper.
Herman, this is a genuine
pirate treasure map.
How do you know? How do I know?
'Cause everything
here is spelled wrong.
Here's that river that
runs through our town.
Look. There's that little
hill behind our house.
And there's Camel Rock,
the big boulder in our yard.
Herman, the treasure
is buried right here.
It's ours. Ours!
Ours. Ours.
Well, now they're out there in the
yard with their shovels and pickaxes.
Imagine looking for Morgan's
treasure in our own back yard.
I asked them to
wait till morning...
but Grandpa says he always
does his best digging at night.
You know, Aunt Lily...
there could be something
to this buried treasure story.
Now, our history professor says
that there were pirates in this area.
I don't know, Marilyn.
Finding buried treasure
and pirates' gold...
things like that just don't happen
to normal, everyday families like us.
But Grandpa and Uncle Herman did
find the map and it looked authentic.
Your Uncle Herman
just isn't the lucky type.
Like that time a few years ago. We
won those cruise tickets on the Titanic.
At the last minute, he
couldn't get time off from work.
It says, "Walk due north...
"from the... aunk?"
[coyote howling]
"Take eight goodly
paces from the aunk."
Wait a minute. Herman?
What is an "aunk?" An "aunk?"
Well, an "aunk" is a...
You big dummy, there's
no such thing as an aunk!
Now will you let me read this?
I think I can make this out now.
"Take eight goodly
paces due north...
"from the oak!"
That's better.
No, it's not.
Persimmon trees we
got, oleander we got.
Trailing arbutuses we got.
Poison ivy we got.
Oak? No got.
Not one measly,
lousy, crummy oak.
Don't be discouraged, Grandpa.
As the poets have always said:
"Somewhere over the rainbow...
"there's a bluebird of happiness
waiting for the Robert E. Lee."
Aunt Lily, come here for a
minute. I want you to see something.
Isn't that sweet?
They're sitting there,
resting from their labors.
Isn't it nice, the way they're
getting along together?
Yes. In the old country, a father would
be at his son-in-law's throat by now.
Maybe it would be nice if they
found that treasure together.
It's wonderful to see them
doing little things together.
Well, I guess that map
was just a big old fake.
There sure aren't any
oak trees around here.
[scoffs]
[owl hooting]
Hi, Pop. Hi, Grandpa.
What are you guys doing
sitting on this stump?
Well, we were just trying to...
(both) Stump?
Herman, the stump is the oak.
Someone must've cut it down.
[laughs]
I'll walk eight
goodly paces north.
Hey, Pop, can I stay and watch?
You go in the house,
Eddie. But, Pop!
Go in the house.
Mom!
Look at him. A rich man's
son, and already he's spoiled.
Ready? Yeah.
One...
two...
three...
four...
Five.
Five...
six...
seven...
eight.
[laughing]
Herman, this must be the place.
Dig!
Dig, dig, dig!
[metal clanging]
[owl hooting]
[metal clanging]
Grandpa, do you hear that? Yeah.
[metal clanging]
[both laughing]
Herman, it's the treasure chest.
[both laughing]
Grandpa, you get out first
and I'll hand it up to you.
Good.
Here you go.
(Grandpa) A little
heave-ho. Come on, Herman.
That's it. Now don't
be too rough with it.
Come on, Herman. Come on.
Little higher.
No, no, that's too high.
Lower it.
I got it. That's it.
Don't open it till I get there.
[laughing]
[lid creaking]
[both laughing]
Lily, Marilyn,
Eddie. Come quick!
Come quick! We're rich!
[laughing]
Herman, what're you doing?
I'm going to get in
and roll around in it.
Get out of there!
[stuttering] Lily, look!
Look, dear, we found
Captain Morgan's treasure.
Look, Marilyn, they did find it.
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
♪ Here we go round
the treasure chest ♪
♪ The treasure chest,
the treasure chest ♪
♪ Here we go round the treasure
chest, So early in the morning ♪♪
[laughing]
It does my heart good to see a
boy wolf down his food like that.
What's the hurry, Eddie?
Well, I wanna get to school so I can boast
about us being filthy rich millionaires.
Now, now, Eddie.
We have never boasted about
our wonderful advantages before.
We are not going to start now.
Okay.
But tomorrow can I take the
teacher an apple with a diamond in it?
We'll see.
So long. So long.
Bye. Bye.
Where is my dear
son-in-law, Herman?
Did he leave for
work early today?
Herman decided
to stay home today.
Stay home to do what?
He didn't say, he just
decided to stay home.
Well...
Excuse me, but I'm going to go down
to the lab and check on our treasure.
Isn't Grandpa conscientious?
Keeping such a close
watch on that treasure.
He was like that
in the old country.
Whenever the family
used to go out at night...
he always would worry about
who was minding the vault.
Man, Herman's
not even here at all.
Well, it was kind of silly
of me to be so suspicious.
Boy, oh, boy!
Looking for something, Diogenes?
Herman, what's the meaning?
What is the idea of this?
Well, it just
occurred to me that...
some unscrupulous persons might
have evil designs on our treasure.
So I set a booby trap.
I had no idea the booby
would turn out to be you.
[laughs]
Somebody's missing.
What did you say, dear?
I said somebody is missing.
Now speak up. Who is it?
Gee, Pop, we're all
here but Grandpa.
Grandpa? Of course.
Where is my honest old partner?
Well, I thought I saw him
go down to the dungeon.
The dungeon. The dungeon?
You mean the dungeon where
we have the treasure chest?
Yes, Herman, that dungeon.
Aunt Lily...
do you think that Uncle Herman and
Grandpa are suspicious of each other?
Ever since that treasure came into their
lives, they've been acting very childish.
Childish?
Heck, Mom, I don't know
any kids that act that creepy.
The old frump isn't
down here after all.
[chuckles]
Uh-oh.
Better be careful.
He might have it booby-trapped.
[lid creaking]
I was worrying about nothing.
Oh, boy.
[laughs]
Look at all those goodies.
Ha.
Caught you red-handed,
you dirty crook.
Who you calling a crook?
You're the crook, you swindler.
Don't you call me a
swindler, you thief.
Charlatan! You double-crosser!
Cheater! Fink!
Burglar! Bandit!
You two ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
Fighting about the
treasure you both found.
The treasure rightfully belongs to
me, because it was found in my house.
Your house? Prove
it. Show me the deed.
I don't have to prove it...
because all the mail that comes here
is addressed to Mr. Herman Munster.
All the mail you get says:
"Care of Herman Munster."
Are you calling me
a freeloader? No.
I'm calling you a bum.
Don't call me a bum. I'll throw
you down and walk all over you.
You do that, I'll get
you for trespassing.
Stop it, both of you.
Grandpa!
Now stop it, Grandpa.
Now blow out your
fingers and behave.
Since you've found
that treasure...
there's been nothing but jealousy
and greed between you two.
Why, it's turned you into a
couple of inhuman creatures.
Well, it's his fault. Was not.
It was! It wasn't!
Was! Wasn't!
Quiet!
Now, here's what we'll do.
Until this thing
can be settled...
I want you both to promise...
that neither one of you will go
near that treasure without the other.
Now shake hands on it.
Well, I'll promise, but
I won't shake hands.
I'll promise if
he hopes to spit.
I don't want to.
Come on, Grandpa.
Well, all right.
I hope to spit...
right in his eye.
Grandpa, Herman.
Boy, that was a neat fight.
Eddie, where did you come from?
Well, I was watching
from my perch.
Crook! Thief!
[both screaming]
Come and get 'em, Lily.
Well, there they are,
Marilyn. Two rats in a trap.
You mean you set
these traps for us?
Yes, I did.
I knew that neither one of
you would keep your word.
Well, I thought he was
gonna come down here.
And I knew he was
gonna come down here.
It's my treasure. It
isn't, it's half mine.
It's not! It is!
Well, you don't have to worry about
whose treasure it is any longer...
because this afternoon
Marilyn and I took it down...
and gave it to the
Rescue Mission.
You did what? That's right.
And the nice man there said
that there was enough treasure...
to furnish turkey dinners
for the next 300 years.
And Aunt Lily saw that all that
money was just ruining your lives.
Well, Herman...
now we don't have to worry anymore
that crooks like us are going to steal it.
We're paupers.
I guess we can be friends again.
[chuckles]
My buddy. My old pal.
[bear trap rattling]
Aunt Lily, isn't it wonderful?
They're friends again.
Family...
I want us all to
remember this moment...
'cause I think we've all learned
a valuable lesson tonight.
And if somebody will get my leg
out of this cotton-picking bear trap...
I'll try to figure
out what it is.
[bear trap rattling]
Any luck with the lights yet, Aunt
Lily? The storm knocked them all out.
Not yet.
How are you doing,
Eddie? Okay, Mom.
I'm finishing my
homework in the dark.
Good boy.
Grandpa and Herman are down in
the dungeon looking for the fuse box.
I hope they find it
in time to watch TV.
They're having one of Grandpa's
favorite operations on Dr. Kildare tonight.
[thunder rumbling]
[stuttering]
There's something here.
(Grandpa) Herman,
will you cut it out?
It's just that
carving on the wall.
Dumb old lizard.
Pipe down and
look for the fuse box.
Herman.
Herman.
Look, this is no time
to play hide and seek.
Herman.
Herman, where are you?
(Herman) I'm behind this wall.
[Herman banging]
Are you in here?
Are you in here, Herman?
Here I am.
Gee, Grandpa, I never knew
you had a hobby room off the lab.
I'll admit it's a fun
place, but believe me...
I never saw this playpen before.
You know, I once heard that this
house was built on top of an old fort.
And this must have been
the dungeon for prisoners.
Look, there's something
written on the wall.
You'd better look first.
It might be a naughty word.
"Morgan's treasure
in this valley.
"Look behind the noble Sally."
Now, that's not too naughty.
"Morgan's treasure
in this valley.
"Look behind the noble Sally."
Pretty rotten poet, wasn't he?
Herman, you knothead.
[laughing] Morgan's
treasure. Morgan, the pirate.
Somewhere in this
house is Morgan's gold.
A fortune in treasure
from the Spanish Main.
[both laugh]
We've got to find it. Now
we gotta find the treasure.
Then we'll be rich...
and we'll live in the lap of
luxury, and have millions.
Millions!
[both laughing]
(Grandpa) "Ancient
Pirates and Buccaneers.
"Revised edition.
"Bluebeard.
"Captain Blood.
"Captain Kidd.
"Long John Silver."
Here we are,
Herman, here we are.
"Henry Morgan."
[chuckling]
[shushing]
It says here that
Morgan and his crew...
visited Mockingbird
Valley back in 1672...
when they were hiding
from the Spanish Navy.
"He is thought to have buried
some of his loot in the vicinity.
[chuckles]
"He planned to return for
it, but like so many pirates...
"he was brought to justice
and hanged in the end."
That's funny.
I thought they usually
hung them by the neck.
Here you go, Aunt Lily.
Marilyn, have you seen
Grandpa or Herman?
I have an idea they're
up to something.
They've been acting
very odd all day.
Well, they're down in the dungeon
with the trap door bolted from the inside.
Those two.
The last time they
acted this sneaky...
Grandpa was trying to get a
license from the Federal Reserve.
He wanted to open
his own blood bank.
"Look behind the noble Sally."
Never been a
Sally in this house.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Maybe we get out the telephone
book and call all the girls named Sally.
Now, will you be
quiet? I'm trying to think.
[banging]
Herman, what are you doing?
I'm thinking, too.
Well, knock it off.
It's too dangerous.
That's it. That's it!
[Grandpa laughs]
That's Sally! There it is.
Sally. Sally. Where
is she? Where's Sally?
Sally, the lizard.
Sally salamander!
The lizard, Sally.
Sally salamander.
I don't get it. What do you
mean "you don't get it?"
A lizard is a salamander...
and "Sally" is short
for salamander.
The secret to the treasure
is hidden behind this rock.
[laughs]
Herman, don't stand
there. Get me a hammer.
Grandpa, allow me.
There's no treasure in here.
Just this old piece of paper.
Old piece of paper.
Herman, this is a genuine
pirate treasure map.
How do you know? How do I know?
'Cause everything
here is spelled wrong.
Here's that river that
runs through our town.
Look. There's that little
hill behind our house.
And there's Camel Rock,
the big boulder in our yard.
Herman, the treasure
is buried right here.
It's ours. Ours!
Ours. Ours.
Well, now they're out there in the
yard with their shovels and pickaxes.
Imagine looking for Morgan's
treasure in our own back yard.
I asked them to
wait till morning...
but Grandpa says he always
does his best digging at night.
You know, Aunt Lily...
there could be something
to this buried treasure story.
Now, our history professor says
that there were pirates in this area.
I don't know, Marilyn.
Finding buried treasure
and pirates' gold...
things like that just don't happen
to normal, everyday families like us.
But Grandpa and Uncle Herman did
find the map and it looked authentic.
Your Uncle Herman
just isn't the lucky type.
Like that time a few years ago. We
won those cruise tickets on the Titanic.
At the last minute, he
couldn't get time off from work.
It says, "Walk due north...
"from the... aunk?"
[coyote howling]
"Take eight goodly
paces from the aunk."
Wait a minute. Herman?
What is an "aunk?" An "aunk?"
Well, an "aunk" is a...
You big dummy, there's
no such thing as an aunk!
Now will you let me read this?
I think I can make this out now.
"Take eight goodly
paces due north...
"from the oak!"
That's better.
No, it's not.
Persimmon trees we
got, oleander we got.
Trailing arbutuses we got.
Poison ivy we got.
Oak? No got.
Not one measly,
lousy, crummy oak.
Don't be discouraged, Grandpa.
As the poets have always said:
"Somewhere over the rainbow...
"there's a bluebird of happiness
waiting for the Robert E. Lee."
Aunt Lily, come here for a
minute. I want you to see something.
Isn't that sweet?
They're sitting there,
resting from their labors.
Isn't it nice, the way they're
getting along together?
Yes. In the old country, a father would
be at his son-in-law's throat by now.
Maybe it would be nice if they
found that treasure together.
It's wonderful to see them
doing little things together.
Well, I guess that map
was just a big old fake.
There sure aren't any
oak trees around here.
[scoffs]
[owl hooting]
Hi, Pop. Hi, Grandpa.
What are you guys doing
sitting on this stump?
Well, we were just trying to...
(both) Stump?
Herman, the stump is the oak.
Someone must've cut it down.
[laughs]
I'll walk eight
goodly paces north.
Hey, Pop, can I stay and watch?
You go in the house,
Eddie. But, Pop!
Go in the house.
Mom!
Look at him. A rich man's
son, and already he's spoiled.
Ready? Yeah.
One...
two...
three...
four...
Five.
Five...
six...
seven...
eight.
[laughing]
Herman, this must be the place.
Dig!
Dig, dig, dig!
[metal clanging]
[owl hooting]
[metal clanging]
Grandpa, do you hear that? Yeah.
[metal clanging]
[both laughing]
Herman, it's the treasure chest.
[both laughing]
Grandpa, you get out first
and I'll hand it up to you.
Good.
Here you go.
(Grandpa) A little
heave-ho. Come on, Herman.
That's it. Now don't
be too rough with it.
Come on, Herman. Come on.
Little higher.
No, no, that's too high.
Lower it.
I got it. That's it.
Don't open it till I get there.
[laughing]
[lid creaking]
[both laughing]
Lily, Marilyn,
Eddie. Come quick!
Come quick! We're rich!
[laughing]
Herman, what're you doing?
I'm going to get in
and roll around in it.
Get out of there!
[stuttering] Lily, look!
Look, dear, we found
Captain Morgan's treasure.
Look, Marilyn, they did find it.
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
♪ Here we go round
the treasure chest ♪
♪ The treasure chest,
the treasure chest ♪
♪ Here we go round the treasure
chest, So early in the morning ♪♪
[laughing]
It does my heart good to see a
boy wolf down his food like that.
What's the hurry, Eddie?
Well, I wanna get to school so I can boast
about us being filthy rich millionaires.
Now, now, Eddie.
We have never boasted about
our wonderful advantages before.
We are not going to start now.
Okay.
But tomorrow can I take the
teacher an apple with a diamond in it?
We'll see.
So long. So long.
Bye. Bye.
Where is my dear
son-in-law, Herman?
Did he leave for
work early today?
Herman decided
to stay home today.
Stay home to do what?
He didn't say, he just
decided to stay home.
Well...
Excuse me, but I'm going to go down
to the lab and check on our treasure.
Isn't Grandpa conscientious?
Keeping such a close
watch on that treasure.
He was like that
in the old country.
Whenever the family
used to go out at night...
he always would worry about
who was minding the vault.
Man, Herman's
not even here at all.
Well, it was kind of silly
of me to be so suspicious.
Boy, oh, boy!
Looking for something, Diogenes?
Herman, what's the meaning?
What is the idea of this?
Well, it just
occurred to me that...
some unscrupulous persons might
have evil designs on our treasure.
So I set a booby trap.
I had no idea the booby
would turn out to be you.
[laughs]
Somebody's missing.
What did you say, dear?
I said somebody is missing.
Now speak up. Who is it?
Gee, Pop, we're all
here but Grandpa.
Grandpa? Of course.
Where is my honest old partner?
Well, I thought I saw him
go down to the dungeon.
The dungeon. The dungeon?
You mean the dungeon where
we have the treasure chest?
Yes, Herman, that dungeon.
Aunt Lily...
do you think that Uncle Herman and
Grandpa are suspicious of each other?
Ever since that treasure came into their
lives, they've been acting very childish.
Childish?
Heck, Mom, I don't know
any kids that act that creepy.
The old frump isn't
down here after all.
[chuckles]
Uh-oh.
Better be careful.
He might have it booby-trapped.
[lid creaking]
I was worrying about nothing.
Oh, boy.
[laughs]
Look at all those goodies.
Ha.
Caught you red-handed,
you dirty crook.
Who you calling a crook?
You're the crook, you swindler.
Don't you call me a
swindler, you thief.
Charlatan! You double-crosser!
Cheater! Fink!
Burglar! Bandit!
You two ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
Fighting about the
treasure you both found.
The treasure rightfully belongs to
me, because it was found in my house.
Your house? Prove
it. Show me the deed.
I don't have to prove it...
because all the mail that comes here
is addressed to Mr. Herman Munster.
All the mail you get says:
"Care of Herman Munster."
Are you calling me
a freeloader? No.
I'm calling you a bum.
Don't call me a bum. I'll throw
you down and walk all over you.
You do that, I'll get
you for trespassing.
Stop it, both of you.
Grandpa!
Now stop it, Grandpa.
Now blow out your
fingers and behave.
Since you've found
that treasure...
there's been nothing but jealousy
and greed between you two.
Why, it's turned you into a
couple of inhuman creatures.
Well, it's his fault. Was not.
It was! It wasn't!
Was! Wasn't!
Quiet!
Now, here's what we'll do.
Until this thing
can be settled...
I want you both to promise...
that neither one of you will go
near that treasure without the other.
Now shake hands on it.
Well, I'll promise, but
I won't shake hands.
I'll promise if
he hopes to spit.
I don't want to.
Come on, Grandpa.
Well, all right.
I hope to spit...
right in his eye.
Grandpa, Herman.
Boy, that was a neat fight.
Eddie, where did you come from?
Well, I was watching
from my perch.
Crook! Thief!
[both screaming]
Come and get 'em, Lily.
Well, there they are,
Marilyn. Two rats in a trap.
You mean you set
these traps for us?
Yes, I did.
I knew that neither one of
you would keep your word.
Well, I thought he was
gonna come down here.
And I knew he was
gonna come down here.
It's my treasure. It
isn't, it's half mine.
It's not! It is!
Well, you don't have to worry about
whose treasure it is any longer...
because this afternoon
Marilyn and I took it down...
and gave it to the
Rescue Mission.
You did what? That's right.
And the nice man there said
that there was enough treasure...
to furnish turkey dinners
for the next 300 years.
And Aunt Lily saw that all that
money was just ruining your lives.
Well, Herman...
now we don't have to worry anymore
that crooks like us are going to steal it.
We're paupers.
I guess we can be friends again.
[chuckles]
My buddy. My old pal.
[bear trap rattling]
Aunt Lily, isn't it wonderful?
They're friends again.
Family...
I want us all to
remember this moment...
'cause I think we've all learned
a valuable lesson tonight.
And if somebody will get my leg
out of this cotton-picking bear trap...
I'll try to figure
out what it is.
[bear trap rattling]