The Munsters (1964–1966): Season 2, Episode 10 - A Man for Marilyn - full transcript

[fleas buzzing]

(Herman) This ought to get
rid of those darned old fleas.

[grunting]

Now, Spot, hold
still. Here's one, Pop.

(Herman) Got you!

All finished, Spot.
That's the last one.

[Spot roaring]

Herman, listen to this.

Marilyn just got back from
the wedding she went to...

and guess what? A
boy drove her home.

A boy? You're kidding.



No, it's true. Now, we
can't miss this opportunity...

so you run out
and invite him in...

and tell him we'd like
to have him for dinner.

I'd really like to come
in, but I better be going.

But I'd like you to meet my aunt
and uncle. They're such a fun couple.

Hi, Marilyn. Come on in
and bring your boyfriend.

We'd love to have
him for dinner.

[laughing]

Uncle Herman...

it happened again.
What's wrong with me?

Herman, what happened?

She scared off
another one. Darn!

Oh, dear. Poor Marilyn.

That makes four weddings
she's been to in one month.



Always a bridesmaid,
and never a bride.

Poor Marilyn.

What can you expect
with those looks?

I wonder what could have frightened
her mother that badly before she was born.

For once, I'm not going
to take this lying down.

I have found a husband
for Marilyn. You have?

Where is he? Where
is he? Down in the lab.

In exactly one minute, you will
meet the future Mr. Marilyn Munster.

Grandpa, I'm running
out of patience.

You said that you had Marilyn's
future husband down here in the lab...

and I want to meet
him, tout de suite.

Keep your head on.

Meet Marilyn's future fiancé.

[croaking]

You want Marilyn
to marry a frog?

No, stupid, I'm gonna
change the frog into a prince...

and the prince is
going to marry Marilyn.

But...

I've got the potion stewing
on the front burner right now.

Just a matter of days.

I must admit, Grandpa, this is
one of your more sensible ideas...

but there's just one
little hole in your plan.

That's when the prince
sees what Marilyn looks like.

My boy, I've taken
care of that little thing.

This frog happens to be
a very nearsighted one.

[croaking]

Gee, this is neat, Pop,
going to a drive-in movie.

Yes. You know, I enjoy seeing a
movie in the privacy of your own car...

without a lot of tourists
gawking and pointing at you...

just because they
think we're movie stars.

Gee, Pop, I bet it's a cowboy
and Indian picture, isn't it?

That's right. By the
by, where's Marilyn?

She decided to
stay home and study.

No date again?

Well, that will
soon be remedied.

If Grandpa's plans work out, things
will soon be jumping around here.

What do you mean by
that? I'll tell you later, dear.

You and Eddie go to
the car. I'll get Grandpa.

Come on, hurry up, Grandpa.
We're all set to go to the drive-in.

They're having a Porky Pig cartoon and
I want to get there for the beginning...

so I can follow the plot.

First things first.

I'm getting very close.
If this potion works...

Marilyn may meet
her prince tonight.

Well, hurry up, will you?

They slapped me together
in half the time you're taking.

Now, I add a little bluing...

that's for the blood.
That's fine, but...

just one thing, how are
you gonna get the frog...

to drink the potion out of that
glass? My boy, that's very simple.

You see, I'll change
the potion into a fly...

and then I'll get the
stupid frog to eat the fly.

Watch. Give me your hand.

[buzzing]

[gulps]

[croaking]

[frog croaking]

Just as I thought,
a complete failure.

They ought to drum you out
of the mad scientists' union.

I don't know, Herman.

You know, I may not have
changed him into a prince...

but I sure cured
him of his warts.

Well, come on, we're
late for the movie.

It's cowboys and Indians, and I
don't want to miss the massacre.

[sighs]

Aunt Lily, are you
at the drive-in?

(Marilyn) How's
the show? Quite dull.

You know, in the few minutes that your
Uncle Herman went out for hot dogs...

half the audience left.
Are you all right, dear?

Now, don't you worry about me.
I'm used to being home by myself.

If anyone knocks on
the door, don't answer.

Honestly, the oddballs that
are allowed out these days...

and the long haircuts on them.

The only time you can tell which
are the boys and which are the girls...

is during intermission.

And, by the way, the massacre
scene was a disappointment.

They used fake blood.

Grandpa noticed it immediately.

Now, you be careful, dear.
Don't you worry about me.

I'll go right up to my
room and lock myself in.

Bye, now. Goodbye.

[sighing]

Darn! Darn! Darn!

Look at that. Did you
ever see anything like it?

Yeah, in a dream.

The night I had a big dinner
of Hungarian goulash...

and then entered a pizza-eating
contest. Let's get out of here.

Wait a minute, Frank. Remember,
I'm studying architecture.

This house is a classic
example of the Gothic period.

A period that is really extinct.

Yeah, and I'll bet there
are people inside to match.

Are you coming with
me? This is weird.

No, this is too interesting to pass up.
Look at those cupolas up on the roof.

And I wouldn't be surprised if
they had a gazebo in the backyard.

And you got bats in your belfry.

I'll see you later.

[clock chiming]

Help!

Won't someone help me?

Good heavens, there's
someone up there.

What's the matter, miss?

Please, could you help me?
I'm locked in. I can't get out.

She's being held prisoner.

I'm coming. I'll save you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Everything will be all right.

Now, what's a beautiful girl
like you doing calling for help?

This is the first night in
ages that they've been out...

and I just didn't know what
else to do. Just as I thought.

When will they be
back? Any minute.

But you don't understand.

Please, spare me the painful
details. We haven't a moment to waste.

But, you see, the door is
locked. Don't worry about a thing.

I don't know how to thank you. I
thought I'd never get out of there.

You're safe now. I can't imagine
what you've been through.

Come on, we better hurry.

[door creaking]

What's that? It's
them. They're home.

What'll they think when they
see you? I'll take care of that.

I'm going for help, but
I'll be back. Be brave.

What's going on? Who was that?

A young man. Aunt
Lily, it was so exciting.

I got locked in and he
came climbing up the

trellis, just like a
prince in a fairy tale.

Where is he now? He
went out the window.

You should have seen him jump. He
didn't want to embarrass me, I think.

He climbed up on the balcony?

Herman, that's our frog.

He turned into a prince while we
were away. Oh, goody, goody, goody.

Well, we've got to get him. We
can't let him get away. Come on.

It may be our only chance.

What are they talking about?

Never you mind, dear.

Marilyn...

I think that finally our
dreams are going to come true.

[Spot roaring]

(Grandpa) Spot's
got him cornered.

[Herman laughing]

(Herman) Good work, Spot. No.

(Grandpa) Got you, you
slippery little rascal, you.

All right, Spot, good boy.
You can leave him to us now.

[Spot roaring]

Boy, look at him.
He sure is scared.

I guess he's not
used to people yet.

Look at him, Herman.
Isn't he a beauty?

Not a wart on him.

[laughing]

♪ This is the night we tie the
knot, tie the knot, tie the knot ♪♪

Gentlemen, I don't care what you
do to me, but let that poor girl go.

That would never do.

After all, you know,
it takes two to tango.

[laughing]

Let me out of here. How's
that for gratitude, Herman?

You take a bum out of a
swamp, make a man out of him...

and this is the way he
shows his appreciation.

Let me out of here! Quiet, punk.

I knew you when you
didn't have a lily pad to sit on.

Now, listen, son. I'm sure you're
nervous. Most fellows are at this time.

Listen, Grandpa,
I've been thinking.

Don't you think we ought to
talk this over with Marilyn...

before we go ahead
with the you-know-what?

Talk it over?
Herman, don't be silly.

The best way to handle these
things is to get it over with so fast...

they don't know what hit them.

I still think Marilyn ought
to get another look at him...

before the ceremony.

I guess we could talk to
her about the arrangements.

Let's go.

I don't know why he's acting so
strangely about getting married.

Are you sure that
frog is nearsighted?

Maybe he got a good
look at Marilyn. Don't worry.

He's just playing hard to get.

Hey, Pop!

Are you down there?

I don't understand
what this is all about.

This looks like a
bridal gown to me.

♪♪[humming Here Comes The Bride]

You must be one
of Grandpa's friends.

They're the only ones he
lets play in his laboratory.

Play?

Yeah, that's what we were
doing, all right. We were playing.

How would you like to
play a trick on your grandpa?

What kind of trick?

Now, you untie me and
I'll tell you, okay? Okay.

(Eddie) I'll cut the ropes.

Yeah, good boy. Good boy.

Now, easy. Easy does it.

♪♪[humming]

♪♪[both humming]

You look beautiful, my dear.

Happy the bride
the moon shines on.

You've done
wonders with her, dear.

She almost looks presentable.

Your Uncle Herman thought that
we should talk it over with you...

before we marry you
to that prince. Prince?

You mean the boy who
climbed up the trellis?

Marry?

Aunt Lily.

So that's what
this is all about.

Congratulations.

We're all so happy
for you, my dear.

Now that we've
finally unloaded you.

That was fun, but now how
do we play a trick on Grandpa?

Now, you go to bed, and I
run through that door out there.

Are you trying to
get me to go to bed?

No, I'm just trying to get
through that door out there.

Okay, but kiss
Woof-Woof goodnight.

I'd rather not, Eddie.
Then kiss me goodnight.

Goodbye.

[door creaking]

I told you, Herman,
everything would be all right.

Oh, no. He's gone.

(Herman) The prince
has flown. What'll we do?

[frog croaking]

Grandpa, you blew it
again. The spell wore off.

I told you not to buy those
magic potions in Tijuana.

I'll just have to double
the dosage this time.

This is a fine mess. Marilyn's
dressed upstairs in her wedding gown.

Now what?

We can't have them play
"Here Comes The Frog."

Herman, will you stop worrying?

[croaking]

Well...

princie-boy, it's back to
the old drawing board again.

[sighing]

[scoffs]

Now, let's get this straight.

There's this beautiful girl being
held captive in an old haunted house...

and you climbed up the trellis
of the house to get to her window.

Did she let her hair down
for you to climb up on?

Now, Al, that's a
stupid question.

If she'd let down her beautiful
long hair for him to climb up on...

he wouldn't have
had to use the trellis.

Yeah, and he wouldn't have got
a chance to kiss the Woof-Woof.

Honest, officer, I know this guy,
and he wouldn't make things up.

Can't you at least check on it?

Okay. Harry, suppose
we take a run on out there.

This should be a lark.

You know, I have never before seen
a real haunted house full of monsters.

Now, Marilyn, dear, do not be downhearted.
Some day your prince will come.

Again, I hope.

In the meantime, just
put your beautiful dress...

right back in your hope chest.

That ought to keep
it fragrant and lovely.

You know, this cedar lining I put
in your chest came from the parlor.

We use it to line our
"Forever Yours" model.

Now, don't you
two worry about me.

I mean, after all, I'm
surrounded with love.

Goodnight. Goodnight, dear.

Goodnight.

[sighing]

Well, Buckingham
Palace it ain't.

But, so far, I haven't seen
any giant green monsters.

It's past their bedtime, Al. Giant
green monsters need a lot of sleep.

You know, so they can put
those little tiny peas into the can.

Oh, well, it beats going home.

Yes?

I know you're going to
think this is crazy, lady...

but we got to check it out.

We got a report about some young
fellow being held prisoner here...

something about
dungeons, mad scientists.

Young fellow? That
must have been the prince.

Do come in. You mean...

you know about
this guy? Certainly.

He was supposed to marry
my niece, but nothing came of it.

You mean, he backed out?

"Jumped out" would be
a better way of putting it.

Why don't I show you
down to the dungeon.

My father is there and
he'll tell you all about it.

Herman, I've got it.
I've really got it this time.

Hiya, fellas.

The policemen's ball is here so
soon? Put me down for two tickets.

What's going on here? What
are you doing? What am I doing?

I'm making a
fiancé for my niece.

What kind of a question is that?

Are you some kind of a nut
or something? Never mind that.

Did you have a fellow
down here tied up? Yeah.

But the bum double-crossed
me and changed back into a frog.

[croaking]

Yeah, sure.

Harry, I think we just about
got to the bottom of this.

Thanks a lot, buster.
Wait a minute, Al.

Come on, we got
things to do. All right.

See you at the dance, fellas.

You know, there's something
I just don't understand.

You mean to say you're happier
this way than when you were a prince?

I just don't get
it. It's simple.

It's one of them college
fraternity initiations.

Yeah? Yeah.

All these people running around,
dressed up with these rubber masks on.

And that kid was a plant. See, we
were supposed to come out here...

then they were really
gonna put us on.

I see. So we just play
it cool, right? Right.

This setup can't be for real.

How corny can kids get today?

There you are, gentlemen. Did
my father straighten out everything?

You bet. All squared away.

Thank you for your
interest, officers.

It's good to feel that our
police force is on its toes.

We're on our toes, all right.

Great job of make-up
you got there. Make-up?

I haven't worn make-up in years.

It takes away that unnatural
look that we girls like.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Hey, Al, there's
the best one yet.

Hi there, buster, and a Sap
Kappa Si Beta Phi to you.

Good night, officers.

Good night to you, too, fella.

Certainly makes a private
citizen feel very safe...

to have fine, intelligent police
officers like that on the force.

I thought that one got a
little fresh pinching my cheek.

I don't blame him a bit.

After all, who could resist you?

Herman. Yes, dear.

[inaudible]

Hey, you're the girl.

It's you. Where did
you run to? Run to?

You don't know what I
went through in that house.

Tied down to a table, and all
those horrible-looking people.

What do you mean,
"horrible-looking people"?

Why, that old man with the
cape and the tall green one.

That just happens to be
my grandfather and my uncle.

And two finer people never
walked this earth. So there.

Those kooks? You
must be kidding.

Come on, Linda.

What did you wanna go
and make her mad for?

I don't wanna have anything
to do with a girl like that.

She lives in a house full of
monsters and she covers up for them.

She must be some
kind of weirdo herself.

Why did you brush him off?
I thought he was kind of nice.

Anybody that would make
up such ridiculous tales...

about my Grandpa and
my sweet Uncle Herman...

is just too far out for me.

(Grandpa) Herman!
Lily! What's the matter?

Blast! That darn
frog got away again...

and just after I had gotten him
to take that new batch of potion.

Dear, I hope he's not lost.

I'd hate to have my future nephew
end up on some menu as frog's legs.

Maybe he's lost in the
front yard. I'll take a look.

Oh, no. If that prince gets away
this time, we may never find him.

[Lily exclaiming]

(Lily) Grandpa,
quick. Come look.

Mamma mia.

This time, I turned that
stupid frog into a girl.

Herman, catch me.

Butterfingers.