The Morning Show (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript
I think the real question
is one of identity.
What is the identity
of the Democratic Party?
It's not normally something
that you get to choose,
but that's exactly what's gonna happen
here tomorrow at the Nevada caucus.
A lot at stake there.
Thanks, Carl. Thanks, Bradley.
Hey, Bradley.
Great job moderating, by the way.
Thank you.
She did do a great job.
And, Daniel,
someone's got a new job, don't they?
That's right, Alison.
He's made us laugh at nighttime
on Better Late,
but when UBA+ launches March 13th,
we'll be able to stream him at any time
on a brand-new show
called Exact Change with Peter Bullard.
Look, Earl.
I've held this Hannah Shoenfeld story
as long as I'm gonna hold it.
I told you,
I've got a better story for you.
Two major female celebrities
in a secret same-sex relationship.
Those kinds of stories
don't have legs like they used to.
I can assure you,
this story's gonna be a big win for you.
These are big names.
Since when can't The Vault,
America's number one tabloid,
use a story like this?
Times haven't changed that much.
I'm going to need solid proof.
Photographic evidence.
We don't have photos.
I am not going to get
a story of this magnitude wrong.
I'm not opening myself up
to another lawsuit.
Al, you'll be good.
Bottom line, Earl.
Can you get me pictures or not?
I can tell you where to find them.
Deal. So, who is it?
What is Exact Change with Peter Bullard?
Well, I'll be honest with you.
I get a little tired of doing these little
five-minute interviews with celebrities.
You know, I wanted to talk to people
that are making a difference in the world.
Not just, you know,
making Transformers 12.
So that's what Exact Change is.
It's long-form interviews one-on-one
with people who are making
a positive change.
You know, it's kinda funny
to hear you say that
because you're known for your irreverence.
What a disgusting word.
No, sure I'm known as a TV stooge.
But even I can evolve.
You know, with all that's gone on
the last couple of years, how could I not?
Wow, wow. Peter Bullard. Evolved.
I... Yeah. It makes me sick too.
'Cause I remember when you referred to me
as "mincing" on your show.
I...
- You know, I don't think I...
- Do you think I'm mincing?
'Cause I don't.
- That's not a word I'd use to describe me.
- Daniel, don't.
Well, I don't think I did.
No, you definitely did.
Daniel.
Very funny.
Well, you have some really great guests.
- Who should we be looking for?
- Yeah.
Yeah, well, we have Greta Thunberg.
She's gonna be on the show.
Hey, welcome back. How was Las Vegas?
Didn't you hear? It was triumphant.
And thanks, of course, to Mr. Curt Savage,
who's done such a great job
filling in for Yanko.
Thank you, Curt. Really great job.
- Thank you. Thanks, all.
- We appreciate you.
And now that we've all had
a moment to breathe,
a proper round of applause
for all of our team
that did such great work
on the debate and caucus coverage.
Really, everybody.
But especially Miss Bradley Jackson.
Give it up, everybody, 'cause...
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
'Cause she set such a high bar for herself
with those last-minute heroics.
She killed it.
So, imagine what she'll be able to do
given three weeks to prepare
- to moderate the Phoenix debate.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Speech!
- Speech!
- Yeah!
- Give it up!
- Speech! Speech!
- Speech! Little speech!
- No, I'm not giving a speech.
But I have to give credit
where credit is due.
Chip, thank you so much
for cramming with me.
I could not have done this without you.
You cram with the best of 'em
and you'll be cramming it
for a long time to come.
So, little round of applause for Chip.
And I'm just glad
to be able to fill in for Alex.
I hope she feels better soon.
Hear! Hear!
What's the latest from Camp Levy?
Isabella? Chip?
Yeah. I stopped by her place last night.
She's feeling a little better.
- Chip. Any word on when Alex will be back?
- Turn it up.
Catch Audra Khatri's
interview with Maggie Brener…
I stopped by her place last night as well.
Hard to tell at the moment, but…
…where they discuss her tell-all book
The Wrong Side of the Bed,
her exposé on The Morning Show
and UBA's history of sexual misconduct…
Ballpark?
- …cover-ups and toxic culture.
- She needs her rest, you know.
Soon, I hope.
This Friday, on YDA.
I don't want her to come back
before she's ready.
I mean, her health is way more important
than this show.
No question.
But we did promise the world Alex Levy,
so do you have a sense of when it'll be?
Well, it would strictly be a guess.
The back is unpredictable.
We don't need a guess.
What does the doctor think?
The doctor thinks that she's lucky
she doesn't seem to need surgery.
But we're gonna have to wait and see.
You've done my job, Chip.
Do you think what you said
is any help for me
figuring out how to produce
this fucking show?
What does Alex say?
Alex says soon.
She's doing her best,
but she's in a lot of pain,
so I haven't pressed her on it.
She is as upset about this as anyone is.
What's up, Cory?
Well, I just got off the phone
with Peter Bullard.
He was not happy
with Daniel's line of questioning.
I know. He called me too.
I'm dealing with it.
Well, now he called me.
So, I have to make sure it's done right.
It's Peter Bullard.
It's what he does. He pokes at everything.
I mean, I think Daniel thought
he was sparring with him.
But why?
Why would he be sparring with him?
He's promoting our streaming service and
telling Peter Bullard he's full of shit.
- That's not sparring.
- That's not what Daniel said.
That's what Peter heard.
Okay, but Peter Bullard is kinda
full of shit right now, isn't he though?
Peter Bullard, he's making us money.
He's allowed to be full of shit.
That's the rule.
And Daniel, he pissed him off.
So, how long before Alex is back?
Yeah, we were just about to find that out.
And I was just saying that Alex is
as upset about this as anyone.
And I can certainly tell her
that you're pushing for a return date,
see how that goes.
Yeah, that's fine.
You can tell her.
She knows we just brought her back.
She knows that this makes us look stupid.
We need to find somebody big,
somebody stunty
to fill in until Alex gets back.
Somebody even bigger than Alex,
and somebody who you'd never expect
to do it forever.
So, let's think now.
Well, I was gonna say Bullard,
but that idea is out the window, so…
What about Laura Peterson?
- Yes. Let's do that.
- No.
I don't think Alex is
gonna be thrilled about that.
I know. But she gets that, as EP,
you have to make hard decisions,
and think of it as a motivator, you know.
Help speed her recovery.
That's smart.
Okay. Laura's great,
but I don't see her doing this.
So I'll put together a list.
Oh, no. Let's call, get an answer now.
She's a friend. It's an easy ask.
Oh, my God. Put it on speaker.
- Hi, Cory.
- Laura. So glad I got you.
- I've got a favor to ask.
- I'm scared.
No need to be scared.
Would you fill in for Alex
until her back heals?
- Yes. Yes.
- Come on, Cory.
The hours aren't great.
There's nothing I can do about that.
But there's no heavy lifting.
You just come in. You be you on TV.
You seem to be enjoying Bradley.
I think you two'd be really good together.
I'll let you hit me.
Hard.
Anywhere but the face.
All other options are on the table.
Who needs money
when you get a free kick to the balls?
Priceless.
Please.
Sure. What the hell.
God.
You are seriously the best.
I wish I had more time to promote this.
This is actually huge, huge news.
Laura Peterson is coming back
to the mornings.
I'm so excited. All right.
I'll have Mia reach out. Thank you.
See? Simple.
- Oh, my God. I'm so excited.
- Oh, my God.
- Wait. Where you going?
- To the studio.
You wanted me to do the show.
I'm not gonna half-ass it.
Yes. Absolutely.
We definitely need your whole ass
on the show.
Hey. Since we both have to wake up
at the ass crack of dawn,
maybe I could just sleep over.
I could just go home and get some things.
I'd be amenable to that.
Great.
Hey.
Look, if you wanna leave some stuff here,
I've got plenty of closet space.
There's no reason for you
to be running back and forth.
Okay. Yeah.
I'll just be back in a couple hours.
Okay.
It doesn't seem like Alex
is gonna be back by then,
so it's up to President Carter
if he wants to reschedule.
If you can let him know
that Laura Peterson is
gonna be filling in for her, I...
Yeah, we love her too. So...
And I will let her know that.
Okay, I'm looking forward to it.
Okay. Bye.
Fuck.
Damn it.
Leave a message after the tone.
Hey, Ken, it's Mia.
So sorry we keep missing each other,
but I think you know why I've called.
This excerpt is coming out
in a couple days,
and I get that you don't want it leaking,
but I need to know what I'm dealing with.
I don't think Maggie hung me out.
But you know. Who knows?
Anyway, it's just for me.
So listen, I'm around. Thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hal?
Hal.
- Hal, what are you doing here?
- Hey.
- Surprising you.
- Yeah, no shit.
You been up here a whole year.
You come home for one night
and then fly back out?
Oh, my God. Save the guilt trip
for inside, please. Come on.
- It's not a guilt trip.
- It is a guilt trip.
You're trying to make me feel bad
for having a life.
I missed you. I wanted to see you.
God. Can't your little brother get a hug?
Yes. I missed you too.
How long are you staying?
'Cause I could get you a room of your own.
No. I came to see you.
I'll just... I'll sleep on the couch.
As long as Mom is not here, I'm happy.
Is everything okay?
Stupid question.
You wanna get something to eat?
Your treat.
I mean, unless you have plans tonight.
Nope. No plans.
Why you making me feel guilty?
You don't even have a life.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.
I'm looking up options
of things you might like.
Something I might like?
Look, I mean, come on.
There's gotta be a Cracker Barrel,
or a Waffle House within walking distance.
Come on. Look, put that away.
Look, we're in New York, all right?
We're gonna get wild, okay?
The sixth restaurant we pass,
that's where we're gonna eat. All right?
Okay. Sounds like a plan.
Come on. Let's get crazy.
Or food poisoning.
Senator Sanders
is coming off a big weekend
winning the Nevada Democratic caucus
decisively
before moving on to a big enthusiastic...
Harvey Weinstein guilty of third degree...
Overseas, the virus continues to spread,
with confirmed coronavirus cases
climbing into the hundreds over the...
The Dow dropped
more than a thousand points today.
Analysts are calling this
the worst day they've seen in years
and are attributing the down...
Start your day with Laura Peterson…
Oh, Chuck.
This is sad. This is really sad.
No, don't move. It is quite the tableau.
I swear the TV was just on
before you came in here.
Yeah, you're not buying it.
All right, turn the light on.
Good idea.
Well, Laura Peterson on TMS.
Hell has frozen over, but I'm excited.
Will miracles never cease?
Hey, how is Alex?
I mean, you know,
her back is giving her some problems,
but it'll be okay.
I know she wasn't doing too well
the night before the debate.
I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
Maggie was concerned.
Maggie was concerned?
Yeah, she said Alex was in quite a state
when she came to her hotel room.
Yes. Well…
she was clearly not at her best
that night. You know?
And I think what happened is
her doctor gave her these pain pills,
but then she had muscle relaxants too,
so that...
Geez. Yeah.
So hopefully Alex didn't say anything
too off the wall, you know?
I mean, she couldn't even remember
what she said, so.
Did Maggie...
Did she tell you what she said, or…
No, no. No,
I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
You know Maggie.
She's not just gonna spread
someone's private business around.
She was just worried.
Yeah, of course.
Unless someone paid her a huge advance
to publish someone's private business
in hardcover.
Touché. Score one for Chuck.
Well, look,
I do really appreciate you checking in.
Honestly, it means a lot.
So thanks for that.
But I think she's good.
I gotta make some calls.
Yeah, I was just heading out.
I will see you in…
oh, God, eight hours.
- That's morning TV.
- All right.
- Night, Chuck.
- Good night.
Oh, shit.
Hey, Alex, are you there?
I mean, I know you're there,
but would you please pick up?
I have a feeling
you don't check these voice mails,
but I know this thing plays out loud,
so… olly olly oxen free.
I don't know.
Listen. I know you can hear me.
I know you're angry. I get it.
And I'm sorry, for what it's worth.
But I...
Can we just talk, please, Alex?
Where are you?
I was watching that.
You're up?
Do you know how many
different kinds of knives there are?
Yes, the world is a magical place.
You should get some sleep.
There was nothing in my bag, was there?
Not this time.
Look, I'm sorry. This is just...
I'm tired, and it's a little surreal
that you're here shopping for knives
while I go to work at 4:00 in the morning.
I wasn't shopping.
You would have to be on drugs
to buy knives that way.
You don't have to worry about me.
I left you a key.
Make sure your phone is charged
if you go out.
- Good morning.
- Hi, I'm Laura Peterson.
Nice effort, but they know.
Your dressing room's this way.
I'd like to say hi to Mia first.
Well then, say hi you shall.
This is such a mind-fuck.
Back doing morning television.
It's like Carrie being asked to speak
at the high school reunion.
They're not gonna laugh at you.
Laura. I saw your ranch
in Architectural Digest.
Where's my invite?
Good to see you.
- What?
- Times have changed.
You spit on these people, Laura.
What are you talking about?
I don't spit on anyone.
I'm just musing. That's what I do.
And I act interested. That's what I do.
- Hey, is your girlfriend here yet?
- Stop!
Hi. Go ahead. She's just in with Gayle.
- And that's me...
- Hey, guys.
- Hi. Good morning.
- Reporting for duty.
There she is. We are so glad to have you.
Time to kiss the ring. You coming?
Yeah. Let's go.
Feels like just yesterday
we were kissing Alex's ring.
I did try with her.
I know. I get it.
Don't forget this is your show.
She's just a guest doing us a favor.
I know, Gayle.
Just making sure.
The gang's all here.
The whole mishpachah.
- Laura, thank you so much for joining us.
- It's my pleasure.
Have a preference?
What are these?
We're airing
a Marx Brothers tribute this week.
Yeah, this year would be
Groucho's 130th birthday,
so we thought it would be fun
if you guys wore the glasses.
Yeah, I won't be doing that.
Thirty seconds, everyone.
- Okay, people, clear!
- We'll get out of your hair.
Well, thanks again.
Yeah, we're gonna catch the start of it
from the control room. Knock 'em dead.
- So what are we doing exactly?
- Clear!
Just follow my lead. You'll be fine.
- Ten, nine…
- Oh, okay.
…eight, seven, six, five, four…
This is exciting.
Good morning. Breaking overnight:
Coronavirus continues its spread
across the globe.
Italy is now home
to seven confirmed deaths
as the total cases have risen to 283.
- Thirty seconds.
- The spike has prompted quarantines
and increased travel restrictions
to and from the country.
Hey. Are you okay?
President Trump again suggested
coronavirus would go away.
What do you mean? I'm fine.
Okay. I'll head up then.
Stand by for live feed.
It's Tuesday, February 25th, 2020,
and this is The Morning Show
with Bradley Jackson
and special guest anchor, Laura Peterson.
Thank you for joining us
on this Tuesday morning,
and no, your eyes are not deceiving you.
We're joined this morning by the one,
the only, Laura Peterson.
- Welcome, Laura.
- Thank you.
It's so nice waking up with you.
Well, I did swear I would never
set my alarm this early again,
but I'm glad I did.
Well, we're glad too.
Our top stories this morning.
Why don't you go back
to your shitty country
and stay the fuck out of ours, dickhead?
Fucking island beaner.
- Stella.
- Morning.
I understand you're meeting
with Yanko Flores this morning.
In about 15 minutes.
And I trust you will do the right thing,
that you won't let
your personal involvement
cloud your judgment?
My personal involvement
will have nothing to do with it.
All due respect, Cybil,
these decisions can be made
without you feeling
the need to stand over me.
All due respect,
I'm giving you all the respect that's due.
You and Cory were brought in
to clean things up
and, God willing,
bring some order to this place.
We fired Ray Marcus...
After it became a scandal.
And you hired Alex Levy.
So far we've gotten,
what, seven days' work
and a very public vanishing act
for our money.
- You should talk to Cory about Alex.
- I'm talking to you.
Talent is running roughshod over you.
These aren't earthquakes. They're people.
You can control them, and if you can't,
you find people you can.
Now, I made it very clear to Cory
that it was the board's position
that Bradley Jackson needed to be fired
during her mystery illness,
but you two just put her on air
the next morning.
That is news to me.
Take some responsibility.
Show some character.
Cory's gone to bat for you plenty.
It's why you're here.
So don't act like you two
aren't Frick and Frack.
Frick and Frack?
Oh, Christ. You're young.
You're a package deal,
but you can choose where your loyalty is.
Who do you think's gonna be here
after the bomb goes off?
I'm a cockroach, Stella.
I will always be here.
February is American Heart Month.
More than 2,000 people in the US die
every day as the result of heart disease.
Many of them are women.
Now, it's just an odd coincidence
that I'm here today,
but if you'll pardon the turn of phrase,
this is a cause near and dear to my heart.
Well, I am glad you're here, because
you can speak from firsthand experience
just how important it is to take care
of your heart from an early age.
Obviously, blood pressure
and cholesterol are key factors,
but we're gonna focus
on some more overlooked factors.
Okay. So what's the first one?
- Take three.
- Sleep.
So many of us are not getting
anywhere near enough sleep.
Yeah, there's no way you get enough sleep
in this job, is there, Bradley?
- You have to get up so early every day.
- Well...
And there's always something
to keep you up at night.
A good night's sleep
needs to be a priority.
The next major factor is stress.
I know being an anchor
is a high-stress job,
but we need to find
healthy outlets for stress relief,
like exercise or even sex.
What if that is your unhealthy choice?
- Now, Doctor…
- Alex is gonna hate this.
Yeah, well, she can call the switchboard
and complain like everyone else
watching from home.
…it would be helpful to hear
what a healthy heart rate sounds like.
Okay. I'll be the doctor.
- Well, go for it. It's your show.
- Okay.
- Are you gonna be the patient?
- I'll be the patient, Doctor.
All right. Here we go.
Let's see. I don't have a watch on,
but I'll just count in my head.
This feels pretty fast.
You need to calm down, Laura.
If I'm above resting,
does that mean I'm losing calories
just right now as I'm standing here?
- Hey.
- Hi.
Come in.
- Does that hurt? It looks like it hurts.
- No. No, it's not...
It's fine. I mean, it's a little tender,
you know? But it's not...
It's not that bad.
You could put concealer on it, or...
People already insist I wear eye makeup.
- I really don't wanna make 'em right.
- Yeah.
Well, it looks manly.
I mean, we don't want our weatherman
to have a shiner, but you wear it well.
Okay, well, thank you. I think.
So I wanted to thank you
for sticking up for me.
You didn't have to,
and you really shouldn't have,
- but it did mean a lot to me.
- Well, I did. Okay.
But I did have to.
I mean, that guy way crossed the line.
- Yeah.
- Right.
And, plus, you never forget
being the weird Cuban kid, you know?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, I imagine you never forget
being the weird Korean kid either, right?
I'm still the weird Korean kid.
It turns out,
that's actually a good thing.
Yeah... Yes, it is, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, weird is grossly underrated.
Yeah. Anyway, thank you.
Nah. I'm glad I could help.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Well…
- Where you going?
I still do need to suspend you.
What?
You're gonna suspend me
for sticking up for you?
You're the weatherman on The Morning Show.
We can't have you hitting people
on the street.
Hold on. I...
Okay, so I'm a racist
when I said spirit animal.
I beat up a racist,
and now you're suspending me.
You didn't just beat him up,
you beat the shit out of him.
- He could press charges, he could sue.
- No, he put his hands on me...
Oh, my God.
You can't fucking win around here.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Seriously, what am I supposed to do?
The weather.
Don't make me the enemy.
Let's go to local weather now
and see what's happening…
Why am I hungry?
I don't usually eat until noon.
And we're out.
Back in 60 seconds.
- Who's that?
- Bart. He's a weirdo.
No.
- Everything okay with your brother?
- Yeah, I think so.
What's going on?
I don't know.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Ten seconds.
In ten…
Miss Jackson.
Bradley, the glasses.
Start your move. Cue her.
It's the craziest thing we ever heard,
but 2020 marks the 130th birthday
of Groucho Marx.
- Is it true?
- I guess so.
He famously said
he'd never want to join a club
- that would have him as a member, but…
- Four, widen out, please.
…after watching this special,
there'll be many more new members
- of the Groucho Marx fan club.
- Stand by, two.
Well, this will stop the ratings slump.
…antics of Groucho, Chico, Harpo,
and sometimes Zeppo and Gummo,
- we're welcoming comedian…
- Holy shit.
- …and friend of Groucho, Tom Ballantine.
- One, ready.
- Thanks, Tom, for being here.
- Take it, one. Good. Take four.
Thanks.
These days, I'm happy to be anywhere.
- One.
- It's a joke, but it's also true.
- Take it, one.
- That's funny.
- I guess I can take these off now.
- Sorry about that.
- Stand by, two.
- Those are glasses?
Believe it or not,
that's actually not a bad disguise.
- You okay?
- I'm fine,
but my day just got shitty.
What was he like in real life?
Funny, if you could believe it.
Boy, I mean, we had mornings…
She really goes through them, doesn't she?
- I doubt that it's true.
- I don't.
There's a vibe.
Is it bad that I think this is hot?
- Yes.
- Why?
- I'm not sure.
- You're sexualizing them.
But I'm not. The story is.
Do you have
a favorite Marx Brothers movie?
- Do you think it's true?
- Love Happy.
- I've never seen that one.
- I hope not.
- I loved it.
- 'Cause being gay's your thing?
No, because I think it's horrible
and painful to be publicly outed,
and it's nobody's fucking business.
I'm sorry.
Okay, we will. Allegedly.
- We have to say that for legal reasons.
- Sure. Allegedly.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Well, that's such a great story.
Thank you so much for being here, Tom.
Groucho and the Marx Brothers
airs tomorrow night
on UBA, 8:00, 7:00 Central.
Let's see some of those classic moments
that made the Marx Brothers so beloved.
And we're out. Back in two minutes.
Gayle, can I use the facilities
really quick?
- Do I have a minute?
- You do. Everything okay?
Yeah. Pardon me,
I just have to go deal with something.
- Okay.
- Wait. Where is she going?
Where's she going?
Could you cover the next segment?
- Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, no, no.
You can't be in here right now.
- Why?
- No, no, no. Get out.
- Get out now.
- Why?
Because if people see us going out
of the same room, that's not good.
Well, if it were true,
then we would have to make sure
we weren't seen together.
But we just had bullshit gossip
published about us,
so we're in here
discussing how to handle it.
- But it is true.
- Oh, boy, you are so not cool.
This isn't funny. This isn't funny!
- I don't think any of it's funny actually.
- Neither do I!
Look, someone being outed
against their will, I'm having flashbacks.
This is not about being outed.
- So you're not embarrassed?
- No, no, no. I'm not.
- I'm not. I'm not.
- Then why are you so upset?
Because I don't want
my private life public.
I'm just a private person, Laura,
and I don't want people talking
about anybody that I'm sleeping with,
much less the person I'm sitting next to.
And I just feel like
everybody's staring at us.
Well, they are. There are cameras
pointing at us. We're on TV.
- I'm sorry. I...
- Look. You are gonna go home.
You'll draw yourself a bath,
shut out the world for the night,
and things will be better in the morning.
But I...
It's 8:00 in the morning, and I can't...
I can't go back to my hotel room.
My brother's there.
And he's so fucked up.
He's just watching some
stupid fucking show about bowie knives.
- And you can't talk to him?
- No. You don't know my family.
They're just... He's probably on drugs,
or he has some problem
that's just bigger than all my problems,
and I just... I don't want...
I don't want anybody knowing my business.
Especially my family.
Page Six published a rumor
about Alex and Mitch a million years ago.
- Exactly. Yes.
- No big deal.
They didn't respond, and it was a blip.
Really, was it? Because I remember
you asking Alex if she was fucking Mitch.
Yeah, well, don't be horrible to people,
and you'll be fine.
Look.
There is a live show going on right now,
- and we are supposed to be on it.
- I know, but I'm serious.
- I can't have people judging me.
- Judging you for what?
For...
If people know that I'm in a relationship,
then they'll know when it ends.
And I, honestly…
I haven't had a relationship
past a few months my entire life.
Because I get bored or I get restless
or I find out somebody's not
who they said they were or I…
I leave.
Bradley, we need to get back.
And you're right.
This is totally fucked up.
But I promise you, it'll be okay.
You take your time. I've got you covered.
Twenty seconds.
Quiet, please.
- Right in the nick of time.
- Ten seconds.
- Clear.
- Thank you.
- Eight…
- Nice going.
Seven, six, five, four, three, two…
Of course I watched it. I don't miss one.
I thought it was an amazing premiere.
Amazing? Come on. Calm down.
It was okay. It was okay.
What do you need,
Daniel Henderson, to be happy?
- I mean…
- What does it take?
Look. Calm down. All right?
I thought that the talent was mediocre.
Just put the singers to the side
for a second.
- Look at the show overall.
- Put the singers to the side?
- It's a singing competition.
- You okay?
They have a Backstreet Boy as a judge.
Honestly, I have no idea what's going on.
If Isabella wasn't talking to her,
I'd be freaking the fuck out.
I mean, it's been, like,
a week since I've...
- You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Oh, shit.
You got one job, Chip.
Your one job is to babysit
a $25 million mistake,
and you don't even know where she is?
- Hold on. She's in her apartment. Okay...
- Lot of fucking good she's doing me there!
And you. I hired you as a favor to him.
And this is how you treat me
behind my back.
Hold on, hold on.
Be pissed at me all you want,
but what the fuck?
Rena has nothing to do with this,
except for maybe being the one person here
who doesn't treat my coming back
as something I'm doing to them.
It's not your fault, Rena.
That's not the same thing as an apology.
And what the fuck is going on with you?
You lied.
You told me you had been
in communication with Alex.
Look…
I'm trying to help. Okay?
I can see you're obviously hurting.
Can you?
Can you see that, Chip?
I'm sorry, Mia. Okay?
I'm sorry for everything.
I do want to help. I really do. I…
Then get me my fucking lead anchor back.
Yeah. Okay, boss.
Hey, Bradley. You okay? You need anything?
- Do you want me to order you dinner?
- Nope. All good.
Did you want to return any calls?
They're kinda piling up.
Your reps, at least?
Nope. I'm sort of on a roll here.
Gonna get some more work done.
Okay. Have a good night.
Fuck.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How did the talk with your brother go?
- I'm still in my dressing room.
- Still?
- Yep.
- I understand.
Look, come over. I'd like to see you.
There's probably paparazzi,
but you wouldn't be the first woman
to sneak in here undetected.
It'd be good to see each other tonight,
of all nights.
I can't.
So, what?
We're just not gonna see each other again?
No, no, don't be crazy.
Look, I get that today was tough for you,
but it wasn't nothing for me.
Really? You seemed fine.
My experience with morning TV
was traumatic.
I got outed
when that could kill your career.
But I got therapy.
I made my peace, and I worked through it,
to the point
where I thought it would be fun
to come back and do a victory lap.
And then I immediately got outed again.
So it was traumatic for me.
I just know how to handle my shit.
So was it traumatic
to be outed as with me?
Because everybody knows you like girls.
I'm gonna give you a chance
to withdraw that.
Look, I'm sorry.
What do you want me to do?
I told you what I wanted.
I wanted you to come over.
- All right, I'll come over.
- Wanted.
- Wanted, past tense.
- Laura, I'm sorry.
I... I'm...
You don't know how I grew up.
- My mom and my brother. I...
- You never stood a chance.
I get it. I know why
you're the way you are. I really do, but...
No, you don't.
My family is not like yours.
Don't cut me off.
And stop assuming that there's only
one path to fucking up your kids.
But you're not a kid anymore.
Fucked-up kids have an excuse.
Fucked-up adults get therapy.
Fucked-up adults
change their circumstances.
That's advice that I lived by.
So do what you have to do...
I'm sorry.
Do what you have to do with your brother,
go home, and I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?
Alex, it's Chip.
I'm sorry I'm coming unannounced,
but I just...
I mean, that's what happens
when you don't answer my texts or my calls
or emails or my carrier pigeons.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you doing here?
I thought Madeleine was in town.
Yeah, she is. I'm hoping to get back
to her soon, but I need to talk to Alex.
Is she…
in her bedroom? Is she asleep? Or…
She's not here.
What? She's not…
- What? Where the fuck is she?
- I don't know.
You know, all she said was
she was going somewhere for a few days,
to check on her place,
and to not let anyone know.
Yeah, I'm not anyone, so…
No. She specified you.
Wait. So, have you been speaking with her?
Because I think you know
I've been trying pretty desperately
to get in touch with her, yes?
You realize this is fucking Mia over.
Alex is my boss.
Yes, and Mia is her boss.
- Okay. Right.
- This is funny? Yeah.
Okay, good.
Now I have to go track her down, right?
Why would I wanna go have dinner
with my fiancée?
Excuse me. Alex is a grown fucking woman.
She doesn't need you to rescue her.
Excuse me.
All due respect, not a gender thing.
She really fucking does.
Wow.
Okay.
Do you really not know where she is?
I need you to tell me where she is.
What... Are you just not gonna talk to me?
- What is with you people?
- What do you mean, "you people"?
- Mediocre white men.
- What are you talking about?
You're always fucking things up
for everybody,
and you're always first in line
for second chances!
You're not exceptional! I'm sorry,
you're not, and I am so sick of it!
Oh, my God! What a fucking load!
Okay.
You're white. I'm... Okay. All right.
Oh, God.
Fuck.
Meet Liz Stebbins.
When she took a trip to the dog pound
to heal her broken heart,
she never imagined
it would start a journey
that would define the rest of her life.
Tonight, we revisit a story
we first brought you in 2013...
...that chronicled the icy, grueling
journey of one Iditarod racer and her dogs
who fought all the odds
just to get to the starting line.
Did you sleep at all?
I couldn't.
Mom's been calling all day,
freaking the fuck out about you.
Tell her if she really cares,
she can just call me herself.
You tell her yourself,
'cause I'm not your middleman.
Okay. Well, is she answering the phone?
Has she finally gotten over my abortion
from 1995?
No, she just asked me how
you got pregnant having sex with girls.
What the fuck?
She's embarrassed.
I mean, what do you expect?
It's a small town.
It's... That's just bullshit.
People have advanced.
Not mom's friends.
But if you think they were so enlightened,
why did you wait so long
to come out of the closet?
- She'd be over it by now.
- This is called "being outed."
Those are completely different things,
dumbass.
This is just… Bradley,
this is really not a good time for this.
It's not a good time? For who? For you?
Who invited you here?
You didn't have to
talk to Mom all day about it.
Neither do you. You don't
have to take her fucking calls, Hal.
Yeah, not everybody
can abandon our mother.
She abandoned us
the minute we popped out of her.
You do not owe her anything.
Besides, I thought you came here
to get away from her.
Look…
I fucking came here
because I've been using.
Fuck... Okay?
I'm sorry.
I just...
I cannot handle living at home with Mom.
I cannot do it.
You know how she always said,
"You try being nice
when you've been through
what I've been through."
And like an idiot,
I thought you helping her out,
making things easier for her,
that she would...
she would just become less of a bitch.
But… she got worse.
I mean, she's got a big fucking head,
but she is still so fragile.
You can knock her over with a feather.
So I feel guilty about leaving her.
But she makes me feel fucking guilty
about everything, and it is killing me!
You know what I realized?
I don't wanna die. I don't.
But I don't care if I live…
and that scares the shit out of me.
I took my shit, I threw it off a cliff.
I did. It's gone!
- Good.
- But that's why I'm here.
Because I know if I'm around you,
then I won't get fucked up.
Bradley, I'm fucking begging you.
You have to let me stay here.
I need to be here,
but this is not helping.
This is a lot to put on me right now, Hal.
I know.
It's too much.
I can't deal with it.
I'm sorry. I just... I thought you cared.
I do care. You need to go to rehab.
- I'm not a fucking doctor.
- Rehab? Rehab is expensive.
- I don't…
- I'll pay for it.
No! No!
I'm not gonna ask you for that.
I'm not gonna ask you for money.
I paid for it last time.
I didn't have any fucking money.
- Do you remember that?
- Yes,
but now that you do, it's a thing.
Whatever. Don't get on my case
about being considerate.
- This is considerate?
- Yes, this is considerate.
Hey, and by the way,
don't give me that bullshit
about you not being a lesbian
or bi or whatever.
The walls in that house
are pretty fucking thin.
I want you to think
about what you're doing and don't.
I have had an awful, awful day,
and I cannot have you
taking out your anger at Mom on me.
No, no, no, Bradley.
This anger belongs to you.
Because everything, Bradley,
is always about you!
Oh, my God! You are so full of shit!
is one of identity.
What is the identity
of the Democratic Party?
It's not normally something
that you get to choose,
but that's exactly what's gonna happen
here tomorrow at the Nevada caucus.
A lot at stake there.
Thanks, Carl. Thanks, Bradley.
Hey, Bradley.
Great job moderating, by the way.
Thank you.
She did do a great job.
And, Daniel,
someone's got a new job, don't they?
That's right, Alison.
He's made us laugh at nighttime
on Better Late,
but when UBA+ launches March 13th,
we'll be able to stream him at any time
on a brand-new show
called Exact Change with Peter Bullard.
Look, Earl.
I've held this Hannah Shoenfeld story
as long as I'm gonna hold it.
I told you,
I've got a better story for you.
Two major female celebrities
in a secret same-sex relationship.
Those kinds of stories
don't have legs like they used to.
I can assure you,
this story's gonna be a big win for you.
These are big names.
Since when can't The Vault,
America's number one tabloid,
use a story like this?
Times haven't changed that much.
I'm going to need solid proof.
Photographic evidence.
We don't have photos.
I am not going to get
a story of this magnitude wrong.
I'm not opening myself up
to another lawsuit.
Al, you'll be good.
Bottom line, Earl.
Can you get me pictures or not?
I can tell you where to find them.
Deal. So, who is it?
What is Exact Change with Peter Bullard?
Well, I'll be honest with you.
I get a little tired of doing these little
five-minute interviews with celebrities.
You know, I wanted to talk to people
that are making a difference in the world.
Not just, you know,
making Transformers 12.
So that's what Exact Change is.
It's long-form interviews one-on-one
with people who are making
a positive change.
You know, it's kinda funny
to hear you say that
because you're known for your irreverence.
What a disgusting word.
No, sure I'm known as a TV stooge.
But even I can evolve.
You know, with all that's gone on
the last couple of years, how could I not?
Wow, wow. Peter Bullard. Evolved.
I... Yeah. It makes me sick too.
'Cause I remember when you referred to me
as "mincing" on your show.
I...
- You know, I don't think I...
- Do you think I'm mincing?
'Cause I don't.
- That's not a word I'd use to describe me.
- Daniel, don't.
Well, I don't think I did.
No, you definitely did.
Daniel.
Very funny.
Well, you have some really great guests.
- Who should we be looking for?
- Yeah.
Yeah, well, we have Greta Thunberg.
She's gonna be on the show.
Hey, welcome back. How was Las Vegas?
Didn't you hear? It was triumphant.
And thanks, of course, to Mr. Curt Savage,
who's done such a great job
filling in for Yanko.
Thank you, Curt. Really great job.
- Thank you. Thanks, all.
- We appreciate you.
And now that we've all had
a moment to breathe,
a proper round of applause
for all of our team
that did such great work
on the debate and caucus coverage.
Really, everybody.
But especially Miss Bradley Jackson.
Give it up, everybody, 'cause...
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
'Cause she set such a high bar for herself
with those last-minute heroics.
She killed it.
So, imagine what she'll be able to do
given three weeks to prepare
- to moderate the Phoenix debate.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Speech!
- Speech!
- Yeah!
- Give it up!
- Speech! Speech!
- Speech! Little speech!
- No, I'm not giving a speech.
But I have to give credit
where credit is due.
Chip, thank you so much
for cramming with me.
I could not have done this without you.
You cram with the best of 'em
and you'll be cramming it
for a long time to come.
So, little round of applause for Chip.
And I'm just glad
to be able to fill in for Alex.
I hope she feels better soon.
Hear! Hear!
What's the latest from Camp Levy?
Isabella? Chip?
Yeah. I stopped by her place last night.
She's feeling a little better.
- Chip. Any word on when Alex will be back?
- Turn it up.
Catch Audra Khatri's
interview with Maggie Brener…
I stopped by her place last night as well.
Hard to tell at the moment, but…
…where they discuss her tell-all book
The Wrong Side of the Bed,
her exposé on The Morning Show
and UBA's history of sexual misconduct…
Ballpark?
- …cover-ups and toxic culture.
- She needs her rest, you know.
Soon, I hope.
This Friday, on YDA.
I don't want her to come back
before she's ready.
I mean, her health is way more important
than this show.
No question.
But we did promise the world Alex Levy,
so do you have a sense of when it'll be?
Well, it would strictly be a guess.
The back is unpredictable.
We don't need a guess.
What does the doctor think?
The doctor thinks that she's lucky
she doesn't seem to need surgery.
But we're gonna have to wait and see.
You've done my job, Chip.
Do you think what you said
is any help for me
figuring out how to produce
this fucking show?
What does Alex say?
Alex says soon.
She's doing her best,
but she's in a lot of pain,
so I haven't pressed her on it.
She is as upset about this as anyone is.
What's up, Cory?
Well, I just got off the phone
with Peter Bullard.
He was not happy
with Daniel's line of questioning.
I know. He called me too.
I'm dealing with it.
Well, now he called me.
So, I have to make sure it's done right.
It's Peter Bullard.
It's what he does. He pokes at everything.
I mean, I think Daniel thought
he was sparring with him.
But why?
Why would he be sparring with him?
He's promoting our streaming service and
telling Peter Bullard he's full of shit.
- That's not sparring.
- That's not what Daniel said.
That's what Peter heard.
Okay, but Peter Bullard is kinda
full of shit right now, isn't he though?
Peter Bullard, he's making us money.
He's allowed to be full of shit.
That's the rule.
And Daniel, he pissed him off.
So, how long before Alex is back?
Yeah, we were just about to find that out.
And I was just saying that Alex is
as upset about this as anyone.
And I can certainly tell her
that you're pushing for a return date,
see how that goes.
Yeah, that's fine.
You can tell her.
She knows we just brought her back.
She knows that this makes us look stupid.
We need to find somebody big,
somebody stunty
to fill in until Alex gets back.
Somebody even bigger than Alex,
and somebody who you'd never expect
to do it forever.
So, let's think now.
Well, I was gonna say Bullard,
but that idea is out the window, so…
What about Laura Peterson?
- Yes. Let's do that.
- No.
I don't think Alex is
gonna be thrilled about that.
I know. But she gets that, as EP,
you have to make hard decisions,
and think of it as a motivator, you know.
Help speed her recovery.
That's smart.
Okay. Laura's great,
but I don't see her doing this.
So I'll put together a list.
Oh, no. Let's call, get an answer now.
She's a friend. It's an easy ask.
Oh, my God. Put it on speaker.
- Hi, Cory.
- Laura. So glad I got you.
- I've got a favor to ask.
- I'm scared.
No need to be scared.
Would you fill in for Alex
until her back heals?
- Yes. Yes.
- Come on, Cory.
The hours aren't great.
There's nothing I can do about that.
But there's no heavy lifting.
You just come in. You be you on TV.
You seem to be enjoying Bradley.
I think you two'd be really good together.
I'll let you hit me.
Hard.
Anywhere but the face.
All other options are on the table.
Who needs money
when you get a free kick to the balls?
Priceless.
Please.
Sure. What the hell.
God.
You are seriously the best.
I wish I had more time to promote this.
This is actually huge, huge news.
Laura Peterson is coming back
to the mornings.
I'm so excited. All right.
I'll have Mia reach out. Thank you.
See? Simple.
- Oh, my God. I'm so excited.
- Oh, my God.
- Wait. Where you going?
- To the studio.
You wanted me to do the show.
I'm not gonna half-ass it.
Yes. Absolutely.
We definitely need your whole ass
on the show.
Hey. Since we both have to wake up
at the ass crack of dawn,
maybe I could just sleep over.
I could just go home and get some things.
I'd be amenable to that.
Great.
Hey.
Look, if you wanna leave some stuff here,
I've got plenty of closet space.
There's no reason for you
to be running back and forth.
Okay. Yeah.
I'll just be back in a couple hours.
Okay.
It doesn't seem like Alex
is gonna be back by then,
so it's up to President Carter
if he wants to reschedule.
If you can let him know
that Laura Peterson is
gonna be filling in for her, I...
Yeah, we love her too. So...
And I will let her know that.
Okay, I'm looking forward to it.
Okay. Bye.
Fuck.
Damn it.
Leave a message after the tone.
Hey, Ken, it's Mia.
So sorry we keep missing each other,
but I think you know why I've called.
This excerpt is coming out
in a couple days,
and I get that you don't want it leaking,
but I need to know what I'm dealing with.
I don't think Maggie hung me out.
But you know. Who knows?
Anyway, it's just for me.
So listen, I'm around. Thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hal?
Hal.
- Hal, what are you doing here?
- Hey.
- Surprising you.
- Yeah, no shit.
You been up here a whole year.
You come home for one night
and then fly back out?
Oh, my God. Save the guilt trip
for inside, please. Come on.
- It's not a guilt trip.
- It is a guilt trip.
You're trying to make me feel bad
for having a life.
I missed you. I wanted to see you.
God. Can't your little brother get a hug?
Yes. I missed you too.
How long are you staying?
'Cause I could get you a room of your own.
No. I came to see you.
I'll just... I'll sleep on the couch.
As long as Mom is not here, I'm happy.
Is everything okay?
Stupid question.
You wanna get something to eat?
Your treat.
I mean, unless you have plans tonight.
Nope. No plans.
Why you making me feel guilty?
You don't even have a life.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.
I'm looking up options
of things you might like.
Something I might like?
Look, I mean, come on.
There's gotta be a Cracker Barrel,
or a Waffle House within walking distance.
Come on. Look, put that away.
Look, we're in New York, all right?
We're gonna get wild, okay?
The sixth restaurant we pass,
that's where we're gonna eat. All right?
Okay. Sounds like a plan.
Come on. Let's get crazy.
Or food poisoning.
Senator Sanders
is coming off a big weekend
winning the Nevada Democratic caucus
decisively
before moving on to a big enthusiastic...
Harvey Weinstein guilty of third degree...
Overseas, the virus continues to spread,
with confirmed coronavirus cases
climbing into the hundreds over the...
The Dow dropped
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Analysts are calling this
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Start your day with Laura Peterson…
Oh, Chuck.
This is sad. This is really sad.
No, don't move. It is quite the tableau.
I swear the TV was just on
before you came in here.
Yeah, you're not buying it.
All right, turn the light on.
Good idea.
Well, Laura Peterson on TMS.
Hell has frozen over, but I'm excited.
Will miracles never cease?
Hey, how is Alex?
I mean, you know,
her back is giving her some problems,
but it'll be okay.
I know she wasn't doing too well
the night before the debate.
I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
Maggie was concerned.
Maggie was concerned?
Yeah, she said Alex was in quite a state
when she came to her hotel room.
Yes. Well…
she was clearly not at her best
that night. You know?
And I think what happened is
her doctor gave her these pain pills,
but then she had muscle relaxants too,
so that...
Geez. Yeah.
So hopefully Alex didn't say anything
too off the wall, you know?
I mean, she couldn't even remember
what she said, so.
Did Maggie...
Did she tell you what she said, or…
No, no. No,
I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
You know Maggie.
She's not just gonna spread
someone's private business around.
She was just worried.
Yeah, of course.
Unless someone paid her a huge advance
to publish someone's private business
in hardcover.
Touché. Score one for Chuck.
Well, look,
I do really appreciate you checking in.
Honestly, it means a lot.
So thanks for that.
But I think she's good.
I gotta make some calls.
Yeah, I was just heading out.
I will see you in…
oh, God, eight hours.
- That's morning TV.
- All right.
- Night, Chuck.
- Good night.
Oh, shit.
Hey, Alex, are you there?
I mean, I know you're there,
but would you please pick up?
I have a feeling
you don't check these voice mails,
but I know this thing plays out loud,
so… olly olly oxen free.
I don't know.
Listen. I know you can hear me.
I know you're angry. I get it.
And I'm sorry, for what it's worth.
But I...
Can we just talk, please, Alex?
Where are you?
I was watching that.
You're up?
Do you know how many
different kinds of knives there are?
Yes, the world is a magical place.
You should get some sleep.
There was nothing in my bag, was there?
Not this time.
Look, I'm sorry. This is just...
I'm tired, and it's a little surreal
that you're here shopping for knives
while I go to work at 4:00 in the morning.
I wasn't shopping.
You would have to be on drugs
to buy knives that way.
You don't have to worry about me.
I left you a key.
Make sure your phone is charged
if you go out.
- Good morning.
- Hi, I'm Laura Peterson.
Nice effort, but they know.
Your dressing room's this way.
I'd like to say hi to Mia first.
Well then, say hi you shall.
This is such a mind-fuck.
Back doing morning television.
It's like Carrie being asked to speak
at the high school reunion.
They're not gonna laugh at you.
Laura. I saw your ranch
in Architectural Digest.
Where's my invite?
Good to see you.
- What?
- Times have changed.
You spit on these people, Laura.
What are you talking about?
I don't spit on anyone.
I'm just musing. That's what I do.
And I act interested. That's what I do.
- Hey, is your girlfriend here yet?
- Stop!
Hi. Go ahead. She's just in with Gayle.
- And that's me...
- Hey, guys.
- Hi. Good morning.
- Reporting for duty.
There she is. We are so glad to have you.
Time to kiss the ring. You coming?
Yeah. Let's go.
Feels like just yesterday
we were kissing Alex's ring.
I did try with her.
I know. I get it.
Don't forget this is your show.
She's just a guest doing us a favor.
I know, Gayle.
Just making sure.
The gang's all here.
The whole mishpachah.
- Laura, thank you so much for joining us.
- It's my pleasure.
Have a preference?
What are these?
We're airing
a Marx Brothers tribute this week.
Yeah, this year would be
Groucho's 130th birthday,
so we thought it would be fun
if you guys wore the glasses.
Yeah, I won't be doing that.
Thirty seconds, everyone.
- Okay, people, clear!
- We'll get out of your hair.
Well, thanks again.
Yeah, we're gonna catch the start of it
from the control room. Knock 'em dead.
- So what are we doing exactly?
- Clear!
Just follow my lead. You'll be fine.
- Ten, nine…
- Oh, okay.
…eight, seven, six, five, four…
This is exciting.
Good morning. Breaking overnight:
Coronavirus continues its spread
across the globe.
Italy is now home
to seven confirmed deaths
as the total cases have risen to 283.
- Thirty seconds.
- The spike has prompted quarantines
and increased travel restrictions
to and from the country.
Hey. Are you okay?
President Trump again suggested
coronavirus would go away.
What do you mean? I'm fine.
Okay. I'll head up then.
Stand by for live feed.
It's Tuesday, February 25th, 2020,
and this is The Morning Show
with Bradley Jackson
and special guest anchor, Laura Peterson.
Thank you for joining us
on this Tuesday morning,
and no, your eyes are not deceiving you.
We're joined this morning by the one,
the only, Laura Peterson.
- Welcome, Laura.
- Thank you.
It's so nice waking up with you.
Well, I did swear I would never
set my alarm this early again,
but I'm glad I did.
Well, we're glad too.
Our top stories this morning.
Why don't you go back
to your shitty country
and stay the fuck out of ours, dickhead?
Fucking island beaner.
- Stella.
- Morning.
I understand you're meeting
with Yanko Flores this morning.
In about 15 minutes.
And I trust you will do the right thing,
that you won't let
your personal involvement
cloud your judgment?
My personal involvement
will have nothing to do with it.
All due respect, Cybil,
these decisions can be made
without you feeling
the need to stand over me.
All due respect,
I'm giving you all the respect that's due.
You and Cory were brought in
to clean things up
and, God willing,
bring some order to this place.
We fired Ray Marcus...
After it became a scandal.
And you hired Alex Levy.
So far we've gotten,
what, seven days' work
and a very public vanishing act
for our money.
- You should talk to Cory about Alex.
- I'm talking to you.
Talent is running roughshod over you.
These aren't earthquakes. They're people.
You can control them, and if you can't,
you find people you can.
Now, I made it very clear to Cory
that it was the board's position
that Bradley Jackson needed to be fired
during her mystery illness,
but you two just put her on air
the next morning.
That is news to me.
Take some responsibility.
Show some character.
Cory's gone to bat for you plenty.
It's why you're here.
So don't act like you two
aren't Frick and Frack.
Frick and Frack?
Oh, Christ. You're young.
You're a package deal,
but you can choose where your loyalty is.
Who do you think's gonna be here
after the bomb goes off?
I'm a cockroach, Stella.
I will always be here.
February is American Heart Month.
More than 2,000 people in the US die
every day as the result of heart disease.
Many of them are women.
Now, it's just an odd coincidence
that I'm here today,
but if you'll pardon the turn of phrase,
this is a cause near and dear to my heart.
Well, I am glad you're here, because
you can speak from firsthand experience
just how important it is to take care
of your heart from an early age.
Obviously, blood pressure
and cholesterol are key factors,
but we're gonna focus
on some more overlooked factors.
Okay. So what's the first one?
- Take three.
- Sleep.
So many of us are not getting
anywhere near enough sleep.
Yeah, there's no way you get enough sleep
in this job, is there, Bradley?
- You have to get up so early every day.
- Well...
And there's always something
to keep you up at night.
A good night's sleep
needs to be a priority.
The next major factor is stress.
I know being an anchor
is a high-stress job,
but we need to find
healthy outlets for stress relief,
like exercise or even sex.
What if that is your unhealthy choice?
- Now, Doctor…
- Alex is gonna hate this.
Yeah, well, she can call the switchboard
and complain like everyone else
watching from home.
…it would be helpful to hear
what a healthy heart rate sounds like.
Okay. I'll be the doctor.
- Well, go for it. It's your show.
- Okay.
- Are you gonna be the patient?
- I'll be the patient, Doctor.
All right. Here we go.
Let's see. I don't have a watch on,
but I'll just count in my head.
This feels pretty fast.
You need to calm down, Laura.
If I'm above resting,
does that mean I'm losing calories
just right now as I'm standing here?
- Hey.
- Hi.
Come in.
- Does that hurt? It looks like it hurts.
- No. No, it's not...
It's fine. I mean, it's a little tender,
you know? But it's not...
It's not that bad.
You could put concealer on it, or...
People already insist I wear eye makeup.
- I really don't wanna make 'em right.
- Yeah.
Well, it looks manly.
I mean, we don't want our weatherman
to have a shiner, but you wear it well.
Okay, well, thank you. I think.
So I wanted to thank you
for sticking up for me.
You didn't have to,
and you really shouldn't have,
- but it did mean a lot to me.
- Well, I did. Okay.
But I did have to.
I mean, that guy way crossed the line.
- Yeah.
- Right.
And, plus, you never forget
being the weird Cuban kid, you know?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, I imagine you never forget
being the weird Korean kid either, right?
I'm still the weird Korean kid.
It turns out,
that's actually a good thing.
Yeah... Yes, it is, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, weird is grossly underrated.
Yeah. Anyway, thank you.
Nah. I'm glad I could help.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Well…
- Where you going?
I still do need to suspend you.
What?
You're gonna suspend me
for sticking up for you?
You're the weatherman on The Morning Show.
We can't have you hitting people
on the street.
Hold on. I...
Okay, so I'm a racist
when I said spirit animal.
I beat up a racist,
and now you're suspending me.
You didn't just beat him up,
you beat the shit out of him.
- He could press charges, he could sue.
- No, he put his hands on me...
Oh, my God.
You can't fucking win around here.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Seriously, what am I supposed to do?
The weather.
Don't make me the enemy.
Let's go to local weather now
and see what's happening…
Why am I hungry?
I don't usually eat until noon.
And we're out.
Back in 60 seconds.
- Who's that?
- Bart. He's a weirdo.
No.
- Everything okay with your brother?
- Yeah, I think so.
What's going on?
I don't know.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Ten seconds.
In ten…
Miss Jackson.
Bradley, the glasses.
Start your move. Cue her.
It's the craziest thing we ever heard,
but 2020 marks the 130th birthday
of Groucho Marx.
- Is it true?
- I guess so.
He famously said
he'd never want to join a club
- that would have him as a member, but…
- Four, widen out, please.
…after watching this special,
there'll be many more new members
- of the Groucho Marx fan club.
- Stand by, two.
Well, this will stop the ratings slump.
…antics of Groucho, Chico, Harpo,
and sometimes Zeppo and Gummo,
- we're welcoming comedian…
- Holy shit.
- …and friend of Groucho, Tom Ballantine.
- One, ready.
- Thanks, Tom, for being here.
- Take it, one. Good. Take four.
Thanks.
These days, I'm happy to be anywhere.
- One.
- It's a joke, but it's also true.
- Take it, one.
- That's funny.
- I guess I can take these off now.
- Sorry about that.
- Stand by, two.
- Those are glasses?
Believe it or not,
that's actually not a bad disguise.
- You okay?
- I'm fine,
but my day just got shitty.
What was he like in real life?
Funny, if you could believe it.
Boy, I mean, we had mornings…
She really goes through them, doesn't she?
- I doubt that it's true.
- I don't.
There's a vibe.
Is it bad that I think this is hot?
- Yes.
- Why?
- I'm not sure.
- You're sexualizing them.
But I'm not. The story is.
Do you have
a favorite Marx Brothers movie?
- Do you think it's true?
- Love Happy.
- I've never seen that one.
- I hope not.
- I loved it.
- 'Cause being gay's your thing?
No, because I think it's horrible
and painful to be publicly outed,
and it's nobody's fucking business.
I'm sorry.
Okay, we will. Allegedly.
- We have to say that for legal reasons.
- Sure. Allegedly.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Well, that's such a great story.
Thank you so much for being here, Tom.
Groucho and the Marx Brothers
airs tomorrow night
on UBA, 8:00, 7:00 Central.
Let's see some of those classic moments
that made the Marx Brothers so beloved.
And we're out. Back in two minutes.
Gayle, can I use the facilities
really quick?
- Do I have a minute?
- You do. Everything okay?
Yeah. Pardon me,
I just have to go deal with something.
- Okay.
- Wait. Where is she going?
Where's she going?
Could you cover the next segment?
- Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, no, no.
You can't be in here right now.
- Why?
- No, no, no. Get out.
- Get out now.
- Why?
Because if people see us going out
of the same room, that's not good.
Well, if it were true,
then we would have to make sure
we weren't seen together.
But we just had bullshit gossip
published about us,
so we're in here
discussing how to handle it.
- But it is true.
- Oh, boy, you are so not cool.
This isn't funny. This isn't funny!
- I don't think any of it's funny actually.
- Neither do I!
Look, someone being outed
against their will, I'm having flashbacks.
This is not about being outed.
- So you're not embarrassed?
- No, no, no. I'm not.
- I'm not. I'm not.
- Then why are you so upset?
Because I don't want
my private life public.
I'm just a private person, Laura,
and I don't want people talking
about anybody that I'm sleeping with,
much less the person I'm sitting next to.
And I just feel like
everybody's staring at us.
Well, they are. There are cameras
pointing at us. We're on TV.
- I'm sorry. I...
- Look. You are gonna go home.
You'll draw yourself a bath,
shut out the world for the night,
and things will be better in the morning.
But I...
It's 8:00 in the morning, and I can't...
I can't go back to my hotel room.
My brother's there.
And he's so fucked up.
He's just watching some
stupid fucking show about bowie knives.
- And you can't talk to him?
- No. You don't know my family.
They're just... He's probably on drugs,
or he has some problem
that's just bigger than all my problems,
and I just... I don't want...
I don't want anybody knowing my business.
Especially my family.
Page Six published a rumor
about Alex and Mitch a million years ago.
- Exactly. Yes.
- No big deal.
They didn't respond, and it was a blip.
Really, was it? Because I remember
you asking Alex if she was fucking Mitch.
Yeah, well, don't be horrible to people,
and you'll be fine.
Look.
There is a live show going on right now,
- and we are supposed to be on it.
- I know, but I'm serious.
- I can't have people judging me.
- Judging you for what?
For...
If people know that I'm in a relationship,
then they'll know when it ends.
And I, honestly…
I haven't had a relationship
past a few months my entire life.
Because I get bored or I get restless
or I find out somebody's not
who they said they were or I…
I leave.
Bradley, we need to get back.
And you're right.
This is totally fucked up.
But I promise you, it'll be okay.
You take your time. I've got you covered.
Twenty seconds.
Quiet, please.
- Right in the nick of time.
- Ten seconds.
- Clear.
- Thank you.
- Eight…
- Nice going.
Seven, six, five, four, three, two…
Of course I watched it. I don't miss one.
I thought it was an amazing premiere.
Amazing? Come on. Calm down.
It was okay. It was okay.
What do you need,
Daniel Henderson, to be happy?
- I mean…
- What does it take?
Look. Calm down. All right?
I thought that the talent was mediocre.
Just put the singers to the side
for a second.
- Look at the show overall.
- Put the singers to the side?
- It's a singing competition.
- You okay?
They have a Backstreet Boy as a judge.
Honestly, I have no idea what's going on.
If Isabella wasn't talking to her,
I'd be freaking the fuck out.
I mean, it's been, like,
a week since I've...
- You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Oh, shit.
You got one job, Chip.
Your one job is to babysit
a $25 million mistake,
and you don't even know where she is?
- Hold on. She's in her apartment. Okay...
- Lot of fucking good she's doing me there!
And you. I hired you as a favor to him.
And this is how you treat me
behind my back.
Hold on, hold on.
Be pissed at me all you want,
but what the fuck?
Rena has nothing to do with this,
except for maybe being the one person here
who doesn't treat my coming back
as something I'm doing to them.
It's not your fault, Rena.
That's not the same thing as an apology.
And what the fuck is going on with you?
You lied.
You told me you had been
in communication with Alex.
Look…
I'm trying to help. Okay?
I can see you're obviously hurting.
Can you?
Can you see that, Chip?
I'm sorry, Mia. Okay?
I'm sorry for everything.
I do want to help. I really do. I…
Then get me my fucking lead anchor back.
Yeah. Okay, boss.
Hey, Bradley. You okay? You need anything?
- Do you want me to order you dinner?
- Nope. All good.
Did you want to return any calls?
They're kinda piling up.
Your reps, at least?
Nope. I'm sort of on a roll here.
Gonna get some more work done.
Okay. Have a good night.
Fuck.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How did the talk with your brother go?
- I'm still in my dressing room.
- Still?
- Yep.
- I understand.
Look, come over. I'd like to see you.
There's probably paparazzi,
but you wouldn't be the first woman
to sneak in here undetected.
It'd be good to see each other tonight,
of all nights.
I can't.
So, what?
We're just not gonna see each other again?
No, no, don't be crazy.
Look, I get that today was tough for you,
but it wasn't nothing for me.
Really? You seemed fine.
My experience with morning TV
was traumatic.
I got outed
when that could kill your career.
But I got therapy.
I made my peace, and I worked through it,
to the point
where I thought it would be fun
to come back and do a victory lap.
And then I immediately got outed again.
So it was traumatic for me.
I just know how to handle my shit.
So was it traumatic
to be outed as with me?
Because everybody knows you like girls.
I'm gonna give you a chance
to withdraw that.
Look, I'm sorry.
What do you want me to do?
I told you what I wanted.
I wanted you to come over.
- All right, I'll come over.
- Wanted.
- Wanted, past tense.
- Laura, I'm sorry.
I... I'm...
You don't know how I grew up.
- My mom and my brother. I...
- You never stood a chance.
I get it. I know why
you're the way you are. I really do, but...
No, you don't.
My family is not like yours.
Don't cut me off.
And stop assuming that there's only
one path to fucking up your kids.
But you're not a kid anymore.
Fucked-up kids have an excuse.
Fucked-up adults get therapy.
Fucked-up adults
change their circumstances.
That's advice that I lived by.
So do what you have to do...
I'm sorry.
Do what you have to do with your brother,
go home, and I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?
Alex, it's Chip.
I'm sorry I'm coming unannounced,
but I just...
I mean, that's what happens
when you don't answer my texts or my calls
or emails or my carrier pigeons.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you doing here?
I thought Madeleine was in town.
Yeah, she is. I'm hoping to get back
to her soon, but I need to talk to Alex.
Is she…
in her bedroom? Is she asleep? Or…
She's not here.
What? She's not…
- What? Where the fuck is she?
- I don't know.
You know, all she said was
she was going somewhere for a few days,
to check on her place,
and to not let anyone know.
Yeah, I'm not anyone, so…
No. She specified you.
Wait. So, have you been speaking with her?
Because I think you know
I've been trying pretty desperately
to get in touch with her, yes?
You realize this is fucking Mia over.
Alex is my boss.
Yes, and Mia is her boss.
- Okay. Right.
- This is funny? Yeah.
Okay, good.
Now I have to go track her down, right?
Why would I wanna go have dinner
with my fiancée?
Excuse me. Alex is a grown fucking woman.
She doesn't need you to rescue her.
Excuse me.
All due respect, not a gender thing.
She really fucking does.
Wow.
Okay.
Do you really not know where she is?
I need you to tell me where she is.
What... Are you just not gonna talk to me?
- What is with you people?
- What do you mean, "you people"?
- Mediocre white men.
- What are you talking about?
You're always fucking things up
for everybody,
and you're always first in line
for second chances!
You're not exceptional! I'm sorry,
you're not, and I am so sick of it!
Oh, my God! What a fucking load!
Okay.
You're white. I'm... Okay. All right.
Oh, God.
Fuck.
Meet Liz Stebbins.
When she took a trip to the dog pound
to heal her broken heart,
she never imagined
it would start a journey
that would define the rest of her life.
Tonight, we revisit a story
we first brought you in 2013...
...that chronicled the icy, grueling
journey of one Iditarod racer and her dogs
who fought all the odds
just to get to the starting line.
Did you sleep at all?
I couldn't.
Mom's been calling all day,
freaking the fuck out about you.
Tell her if she really cares,
she can just call me herself.
You tell her yourself,
'cause I'm not your middleman.
Okay. Well, is she answering the phone?
Has she finally gotten over my abortion
from 1995?
No, she just asked me how
you got pregnant having sex with girls.
What the fuck?
She's embarrassed.
I mean, what do you expect?
It's a small town.
It's... That's just bullshit.
People have advanced.
Not mom's friends.
But if you think they were so enlightened,
why did you wait so long
to come out of the closet?
- She'd be over it by now.
- This is called "being outed."
Those are completely different things,
dumbass.
This is just… Bradley,
this is really not a good time for this.
It's not a good time? For who? For you?
Who invited you here?
You didn't have to
talk to Mom all day about it.
Neither do you. You don't
have to take her fucking calls, Hal.
Yeah, not everybody
can abandon our mother.
She abandoned us
the minute we popped out of her.
You do not owe her anything.
Besides, I thought you came here
to get away from her.
Look…
I fucking came here
because I've been using.
Fuck... Okay?
I'm sorry.
I just...
I cannot handle living at home with Mom.
I cannot do it.
You know how she always said,
"You try being nice
when you've been through
what I've been through."
And like an idiot,
I thought you helping her out,
making things easier for her,
that she would...
she would just become less of a bitch.
But… she got worse.
I mean, she's got a big fucking head,
but she is still so fragile.
You can knock her over with a feather.
So I feel guilty about leaving her.
But she makes me feel fucking guilty
about everything, and it is killing me!
You know what I realized?
I don't wanna die. I don't.
But I don't care if I live…
and that scares the shit out of me.
I took my shit, I threw it off a cliff.
I did. It's gone!
- Good.
- But that's why I'm here.
Because I know if I'm around you,
then I won't get fucked up.
Bradley, I'm fucking begging you.
You have to let me stay here.
I need to be here,
but this is not helping.
This is a lot to put on me right now, Hal.
I know.
It's too much.
I can't deal with it.
I'm sorry. I just... I thought you cared.
I do care. You need to go to rehab.
- I'm not a fucking doctor.
- Rehab? Rehab is expensive.
- I don't…
- I'll pay for it.
No! No!
I'm not gonna ask you for that.
I'm not gonna ask you for money.
I paid for it last time.
I didn't have any fucking money.
- Do you remember that?
- Yes,
but now that you do, it's a thing.
Whatever. Don't get on my case
about being considerate.
- This is considerate?
- Yes, this is considerate.
Hey, and by the way,
don't give me that bullshit
about you not being a lesbian
or bi or whatever.
The walls in that house
are pretty fucking thin.
I want you to think
about what you're doing and don't.
I have had an awful, awful day,
and I cannot have you
taking out your anger at Mom on me.
No, no, no, Bradley.
This anger belongs to you.
Because everything, Bradley,
is always about you!
Oh, my God! You are so full of shit!