The Minutes Collection (2017): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Robbery - full transcript
Crystal robs a liquor store - it goes pretty ok.
[clock ticking rapidly]
[man speaking indistinctly on phone]
- What?
- [man speaks indistinctly]
How much is that gonna cost?
- [man speaks indistinctly]
- 200 bucks?
What?
Josh, dude...
Well, I'll just get it then.
[man speaks indistinctly]
I don't care.
It's Kipper.
We can't have him locked up.
He's a pit bull.
Pit bull's get adopted fast.
We'll lose him!
[man speaking indistinctly]
[sighs] I'll get it.
Relax. I can get it.
Yeah.
I'll get it right now. Yep.
Yeah, I'll get it.
Just hold on.
Hey, dude, shit.
Ruben, yeah, can you just
pull over right here?
I'm gonna grab something real quick.
Just park out front.
Hey, Josh, hold on.
Stay on the phone.
Just stay right here,
and I'll keep paying if you stay here.
I'm gonna grab something inside
real quick.
I'll come back out.
All right, lit.
'Kay, 'kay.
Cool, man. You rock.
Thanks.
'Preciate ya.
All right.
[lighter clatters]
[clears throat]
[sighs]
[inhales deeply]
[exhales]
[coughs]
[bell dings]
First, case the place.
[clears throat]
Oh, beef jerky.
Mm, low sodium.
Okay, he's still here.
Just go for it.
Think this is it.
Think you should go for it.
All right, everybody on the...
Come here!
Get the fuck off me!
Fuck off!
[gunshot]
What the fuck?
[bell dings]
Ah, shit!
All right.
[woman screams]
Everybody out!
Give me $200!
No, gimme all the money!
Fuck you!
The police are coming right now!
Oh, fuck you, man.
I don't play.
Give me the money!
Oh, you want to see something?
- Oh, shit.
- Get out of my store!
What?
Come on! Get back here.
Really?
You're gonna shoot at me?
- Come here!
- What kind of a...
[cell phone ringing]
Hold on.
Hello?
I'm not scared of you!
- Yeah.
- Come on!
Yeah, I'm just getting the money.
- Get out of here!
- Fucking stop it! God!
Cops are on their way, bitch.
Boo!
Hey, yeah, sorry. Hey.
Did Jesse ever get that 45 back to you?
[bolt clatters]
Well, it's just gonna be
a little more trouble for me
to get the money is the thing.
Did they say when
they're gonna need it by?
Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here!
Jesus.
Well, just sell the Xbox.
I don't care.
And let me tell you real quick
about Jesse.
I would not trust that guy
as far as I...
Hold on, I'm getting another call.
Student loans.
So they're saying it's got to be today?
They won't listen to me 'cause
I don't have an ID.
Man, that is all such bullshit!
- 'Cause you don't have ID?
- I know.
All that politi...
Man, fuck Obama.
Hey, where are you?
Uh, drugst...
liquor store.
Let me call you back.
All right, I love you.
Oh, did you get that Snapchat?
That was pretty good, right?
Yeah, 'kay, 'kay, 'preciate ya.
[bolt whooshes]
[groans]
[dial tone beeps]
You fuck!
[breathing heavily]
What the fuck is this?
The fucking Hunger Games?
Put your hands up!
Fuck, man!
Use a bow and arrow since like 1560.
[bottle shatters]
Hey, I love these.
[mumbles]
Oh, stale fuckin'...
Can't even get a goddamn pastry
in this fuckin' shit-ass store.
Call Sammy Baby.
- Calling Sammy Baby.
- Get out of my store, idiot!
Fuck you, bitch, idiot, white trash.
- Hello?
- Hey, Sammy Baby.
No, I wasn't talking to you.
Hey, please don't hang up.
I need you to go to Saint Vincent's,
it's the hospital by the tracks.
I need you to go
to my mom's room and say hi.
My dad's gonna be there.
They might not want to
talk to me right now,
but I would love it if you...
[bolt impacts]
[high-pitch ringing]
[groaning]
Dude!
[panting]
It's in the bone.
It's in the bone.
It's in... Okay.
[breathing heavily]
[shudders]
[groans]
- You fuck!
- Are you done? Stand up!
Sammy Baby, hey.
Okay, so just go
and they'll let you in.
And you go up to my mom's room
and just let me know everything
that's going...
[dial tone beeps]
[sighs]
Come on!
How did I get here?
Stop fucking up my store!
Shut up!
It's a free country!
This store sucks anyway.
You don't even sell blunt wraps!
Everybody's talkin' about it!
Hold on, my dad's calling.
Hello?
[raspy breathing]
Hey. Yeah, no, no, yeah.
I'm fine.
Yeah, I'll be there as soon as...
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to get
my dog back today.
No, no, no, yeah.
No, I'll be there as soon as I...
I didn't know it was that bad.
I'm just so sorry
you lost your wife.
I'm so sorry, Dad.
Yeah, well, she's in a better place.
Yeah, she's in a better place
so that's all right.
All right.
Okay.
Thanks for calling, Dad.
'Kay, 'kay, 'preciate ya.
[dial tone beeps]
[sobs]
No. No, no, no, no.
[sobbing]
Fuck.
What the fuck?
Shit.
[sniffling]
Get out of my store!
Yeah, I'm leaving.
[bell dings]
Oh, shit.
You okay?
Oh!
The police are on their way!
[both screaming]
Fuck!
What the...
[sobs]
Oh, fuck!
Ruben!
Where the fuck is my Uber?
Ruben!
Oh, fuck.
Ruben.
Man, you gotta take me
to the hospital, man.
Just take me to the hospital.
I'm done with this shit.
[man speaking indistinctly on phone]
- What?
- [man speaks indistinctly]
How much is that gonna cost?
- [man speaks indistinctly]
- 200 bucks?
What?
Josh, dude...
Well, I'll just get it then.
[man speaks indistinctly]
I don't care.
It's Kipper.
We can't have him locked up.
He's a pit bull.
Pit bull's get adopted fast.
We'll lose him!
[man speaking indistinctly]
[sighs] I'll get it.
Relax. I can get it.
Yeah.
I'll get it right now. Yep.
Yeah, I'll get it.
Just hold on.
Hey, dude, shit.
Ruben, yeah, can you just
pull over right here?
I'm gonna grab something real quick.
Just park out front.
Hey, Josh, hold on.
Stay on the phone.
Just stay right here,
and I'll keep paying if you stay here.
I'm gonna grab something inside
real quick.
I'll come back out.
All right, lit.
'Kay, 'kay.
Cool, man. You rock.
Thanks.
'Preciate ya.
All right.
[lighter clatters]
[clears throat]
[sighs]
[inhales deeply]
[exhales]
[coughs]
[bell dings]
First, case the place.
[clears throat]
Oh, beef jerky.
Mm, low sodium.
Okay, he's still here.
Just go for it.
Think this is it.
Think you should go for it.
All right, everybody on the...
Come here!
Get the fuck off me!
Fuck off!
[gunshot]
What the fuck?
[bell dings]
Ah, shit!
All right.
[woman screams]
Everybody out!
Give me $200!
No, gimme all the money!
Fuck you!
The police are coming right now!
Oh, fuck you, man.
I don't play.
Give me the money!
Oh, you want to see something?
- Oh, shit.
- Get out of my store!
What?
Come on! Get back here.
Really?
You're gonna shoot at me?
- Come here!
- What kind of a...
[cell phone ringing]
Hold on.
Hello?
I'm not scared of you!
- Yeah.
- Come on!
Yeah, I'm just getting the money.
- Get out of here!
- Fucking stop it! God!
Cops are on their way, bitch.
Boo!
Hey, yeah, sorry. Hey.
Did Jesse ever get that 45 back to you?
[bolt clatters]
Well, it's just gonna be
a little more trouble for me
to get the money is the thing.
Did they say when
they're gonna need it by?
Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here!
Jesus.
Well, just sell the Xbox.
I don't care.
And let me tell you real quick
about Jesse.
I would not trust that guy
as far as I...
Hold on, I'm getting another call.
Student loans.
So they're saying it's got to be today?
They won't listen to me 'cause
I don't have an ID.
Man, that is all such bullshit!
- 'Cause you don't have ID?
- I know.
All that politi...
Man, fuck Obama.
Hey, where are you?
Uh, drugst...
liquor store.
Let me call you back.
All right, I love you.
Oh, did you get that Snapchat?
That was pretty good, right?
Yeah, 'kay, 'kay, 'preciate ya.
[bolt whooshes]
[groans]
[dial tone beeps]
You fuck!
[breathing heavily]
What the fuck is this?
The fucking Hunger Games?
Put your hands up!
Fuck, man!
Use a bow and arrow since like 1560.
[bottle shatters]
Hey, I love these.
[mumbles]
Oh, stale fuckin'...
Can't even get a goddamn pastry
in this fuckin' shit-ass store.
Call Sammy Baby.
- Calling Sammy Baby.
- Get out of my store, idiot!
Fuck you, bitch, idiot, white trash.
- Hello?
- Hey, Sammy Baby.
No, I wasn't talking to you.
Hey, please don't hang up.
I need you to go to Saint Vincent's,
it's the hospital by the tracks.
I need you to go
to my mom's room and say hi.
My dad's gonna be there.
They might not want to
talk to me right now,
but I would love it if you...
[bolt impacts]
[high-pitch ringing]
[groaning]
Dude!
[panting]
It's in the bone.
It's in the bone.
It's in... Okay.
[breathing heavily]
[shudders]
[groans]
- You fuck!
- Are you done? Stand up!
Sammy Baby, hey.
Okay, so just go
and they'll let you in.
And you go up to my mom's room
and just let me know everything
that's going...
[dial tone beeps]
[sighs]
Come on!
How did I get here?
Stop fucking up my store!
Shut up!
It's a free country!
This store sucks anyway.
You don't even sell blunt wraps!
Everybody's talkin' about it!
Hold on, my dad's calling.
Hello?
[raspy breathing]
Hey. Yeah, no, no, yeah.
I'm fine.
Yeah, I'll be there as soon as...
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to get
my dog back today.
No, no, no, yeah.
No, I'll be there as soon as I...
I didn't know it was that bad.
I'm just so sorry
you lost your wife.
I'm so sorry, Dad.
Yeah, well, she's in a better place.
Yeah, she's in a better place
so that's all right.
All right.
Okay.
Thanks for calling, Dad.
'Kay, 'kay, 'preciate ya.
[dial tone beeps]
[sobs]
No. No, no, no, no.
[sobbing]
Fuck.
What the fuck?
Shit.
[sniffling]
Get out of my store!
Yeah, I'm leaving.
[bell dings]
Oh, shit.
You okay?
Oh!
The police are on their way!
[both screaming]
Fuck!
What the...
[sobs]
Oh, fuck!
Ruben!
Where the fuck is my Uber?
Ruben!
Oh, fuck.
Ruben.
Man, you gotta take me
to the hospital, man.
Just take me to the hospital.
I'm done with this shit.