The Mindy Project (2012–2017): Season 6, Episode 10 - It Had to Be You - full transcript

Previously on "The Mindy Project"...

During my last mammogram,
they found a lump.

- It's malignant.
- I talked to Dr. Richlin.

He wants to do a double
mastectomy just to be safe.

And Ma said yes.

Morgan, I tried on the ring.

Does that mean you're gonna say yes?

Yes!

I've met a woman. I've fallen in love,

and we're moving to Africa together.

And since I won't be drawing a salary



from Physicians on the Front,
I need to pull my equity out

- of Later, Baby as soon as possible.
- Wha...

Melville, tell it to me straight.

Don't pull any punches.

Can Lahiri Fertility survive

with my partner taking out half
of his equity?

No.

Damn it, Melville. First you
tell me I can't get a boat

and now this?

There is one bright spot.

Morgan's wedding. Congratulations, son.

Melville, I'd love for you to
join us on this special day.

No. I would never come to that.

Well, what if I told you
I was marrying a black woman?



Who cares? I'm about
to lose my business!

Look, I would've been fine

if my business was getting taken away

because of something
that was my fault...

like a Roger Ailes situation.

Hey. She pinches my ass all
the time, and I love it.

But this just sucks because I
held up my end of the bargain.

I created this amazing company
that helped so many women

and it's all getting screwed up

because of some white man's whims.

That's actually a good point.

Mindy, you remind me of
one of my daughters' friends

whom I don't like that much.

My advice: Find another doctor

to replace Jody's equity position.

They say dogs are a man's best friend.

But they don't say that 40 dogs
are a wife's best friend.

Very true. Morgan has enough
wet breath for one apartment.

So here's the deal. I've
hand-selected a dog

for each of you based on your
appearance and personality.

Wait, what? You think
I look like this joker?

His name is Tiny, and you two
are basically the same.

Morgan, I have to be honest.
I was a initially angry

that you turned this meeting
into a no-kill shelter,

but then you gave me Penelope.
We're in love!

Hey, look! Christie Brinkley
and I have the same hair!

I know. That's why I picked you.

Thank you, Morgan.

Thank you, guys.

Now that Dr. Kimball-Kinney has gone,

I am taking suggestions for
what to do with his office.

Among the front-runners are
wax museum and fart room.

Come on, people!

Honestly, we could use both.

Dr. Reed, I have a message

but I think that I should
tell you privately.

Well, Karen, I can't leave these people.

It'll be like
"Lord of the Flies" in seconds.

And I can tell that Morgan
has more dogs to let loose.

That is simply not true, sir. Stop it!

Stop it. Stop, stop.

Give me the message.

Well, I just got a message
that your father

passed away this morning.

Okay. No. Give him space.

Clearly, he's devastated.

Karen, get him his calming tea.
It's mostly Klonopin.

No! Get me my celebration tea!

These are tears of joy.

Father was a monster. I'm free!

Come, Penelope.
Let's live life off the leash.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

Upon being confronted with

the biggest professional
challenge of her life,

can our plucky heroine beat
the odds one more time

and find a worthy business
partner to save her practice?

I love fertility. I love
putting babies in women.

You sure like color, huh?

I know I'm young and I blush
when I see women naked,

but I can do anything an adult can do,

except drink, fight for my
country, and vote.

So can our heroine save her practice?

The answer: Doubtful.

Hello? When are Jeremy and
Anna coming back from England?

It's been three weeks.

How long can a funeral last?

Three weeks after
Princess Diana's funeral,

I was like, "Ooh, new Spice
Girls album's out. Who Diana?"

Dr. L, we would be honored

if you gave the final toast
at our wedding.

Oh, Morgan, I've dreamed
of speaking at your wedding,

but Tamra doesn't want people to.

She's made that very clear.

No! Dr. L, I want you to speak.

I mean you hired both of us,

and the first thing we bonded
over was how annoying you are.

And you are the headliner, so
it's gotta be hilarious, right?

I want great one-liners

but also some really good two-liners.

I want to cry,

but I also want to learn
something about myself, okay?

Thank you.

Everyone, Jeremy's about to come in!

I just have to warn you
he's different now.

Hello, bruvs. What's going on?

What'd I miss with you lot then?

Oh, my God. Dr. Reed you look
so cool and unprofessional.

You can tell he's not
wearing any underwear!

You know, since my father's death,

I'm free from all his rules.

Wear a suit, talk proper,
wear underwear,

keep your hair its natural color.

Hey, Jeremy, you need to hear this.

You look friggin' awesome.

I love you, girl.

Does this mean we can wear
whatever we want? Bloop!

Well, thanks you know, but the
only opinion that matters to me

is my bird, Anna, and my bird,
Roger. So peace out.

Sure. He's nothing like
the man I fell in love with,

but he's happy.

It's great.

Mindy, thank you for coming
to these appointments.

It's such a comfort.

Your hands are so doughy.

I love squeezing it when I'm nervous.

Okay. But listen, Annette,
I know that you're getting

a mastectomy, and I want you
to feel free to use my breasts

as a model for the reconstruction.

You can take photos, you can
feel them. Feel them now.

They're your best feature!

Oh, Ma, cut it out. No, no, no.

we're not gonna do a show and
tell in front of everybody.

Danny, they're... okay.

Get one of those mints you like so much.

Wow. Look at all these babies you made.

You're like Wilt Chamberlain.

I know. And to think in two
months this will probably be

the offices of some
diet pill pyramid scheme.

What? You're closing down?
You run out of money?

Well, no wonder. Look at that couch.

Too many pillows. You got to
throw them off to sit down.

Don't get me started on the bowl

of glass marbles over there.

Danny, I didn't run out of money

because of the pillows I bought.

Jody left to follow his dreams
and he took out his equity.

And I don't have enough money
to keep the place afloat,

so I have to sell it.

Well, that's great.
Now you'll have extra time

so you can teach your kid some manners.

Yesterday, Leo told me I was old.

Okay. I got a news flash
for you. You are old.

I'm basically 50.

Yeah, but we go to the movies
and you get $4 discounts.

I'm smart.

Of course I do that. I've been
doing that since I was 30.

Dr. Choi, thank you so much
for meeting with us.

Ma, this is the best anesthesiologist

in the city. Half-Asian, half-Jewish.

I mean, can you imagine a better doctor?

Asian and Jewish? That's a
lot of new years to celebrate.

I trust him. You're in good hands, Ma.

Actually, I don't think I can
fit you into my schedule.

I've been so busy since I was
featured in "Snooze,"

the magazine for anesthesiologists.

Come on, Clarence.
We've all been in a magazine.

I had my photo in "US Weekly."

I was picking my nose
behind Margot Robbie.

I'm sorry. I just have a lot
of prominent clients

that need my attention these days.

Oh. Prominent clients, huh?

You got really fancy since med school,

'cause I remember holding
your ponytail back

when you puked on Halloween.

I don't remember it that way.

Hey, Clarence. This is my
son's only white grandmother.

She means a lot to me.
So you're gonna do her surgery,

or I'm gonna post the video

of you doing your swing dance routine

from the med school talent show.

No. You wouldn't.

Oh, yes, I would.
And it's a real zoot suit riot.

Okay, fine. I'll do your surgery.

Someone else will just have to
treat the triplets

that play Ryan Seacrest.

- Thank you, Dr. Choi.
- That's good.

So Saturday's the surgery.
Ma wants you to be there.

Richie's gonna be late.
He's gonna be hungover.

It's leather pride weekend.

Okay. Saturday's also Morgan's wedding

and I think he might kill himself

if both of us aren't there.

But don't worry. I have a plan.

I'm gonna go to the wedding.
Dot is gonna take care of Leo,

so that you and Richie
can be with your mom.

And I already talked to Dr. Richlin

and I made sure that
they're playing Perry Como

when she goes to sleep.

Wow. Thank you.

I'm so grateful you figured
all this out.

Well, honestly, it was nice
to think about something

other than losing my practice.

I just wish you could be there.

Sometimes I feel more nervous than Mom.

Hey, I promise it's gonna be okay.

Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay, okay. Bye.

Bye.

Hey, Anna. I got a great idea.

Tomorrow why don't you, me, and
Penelope slag off work,

go to the airport, right?

Find the first flight out of
here. Get out of Dodge.

Okay. Well, the first flight
out is to Cincinnati.

You want to go there?

Well, what's the first
international flight?

- Saskatoon.
- Damn it!

The whole point was to get
out of the bleeding rat race,

not be another cog in the wheel.

It's like Pink Floyd said,

"Let's not be another brick
in the wall."

Okay. You're sounding a lot

like a college freshman right now.

Yeah, well, you could be more
supportive of my growth.

Okay. Look. We cannot go to
some random city tomorrow

because we have jobs.

And I am trying to be supportive,

but this just isn't me,

and I feel like it really
isn't you either.

Well, that's where you're wrong, right?

'Cause this is the real me.

And he's been there
the whole time underneath,

yearning to get out. And you
better get used to it, love.

I don't know. I miss the man
I fell in love with.

What...?

I'm missing my best friend's
mastectomy to watch your kid.

You owe me, Lahiri.

I do. Thank you so much, Dot.

And if you could just do me a favor

and not teach my son any ethnic
jokes while I'm gone,

that would be great.

Oh, yeah. God forbid
the kids at school like him.

- Dot.
- I like your dress.

Thank you.

But I hate the bracelet.
You look like a hooker.

Fine. I'll take it off.

Here. Wear this. It's simpler.

Oh. Danny gave this to me.

It actually belonged to his grandmother.

There's something written in it
in Italian,

but I don't know what it is.

I don't wear it very much

because my wrist size fluctuates.

Oh, yeah. I know, I know.

My weight started to yo-yo
when I hit middle age.

What? Middle age? I'm
basically a teen mom.

What are you talking about, Dot?

Oh, hey. This is actually pretty nice,

albeit very segregated.

Hey, where's Jeremy?

Oh, I don't know. Cincinnati maybe.

We're not speaking at the moment.

I can be your date for the day.

Do you have any snacks
in your coat or anything?

I'm really hungry.

Are you saving that seat, Beverly?

I was saving it for my son.

It looks like he's standing me up.

Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks.

I don't blame him. I took the kids

to steal some copper wiring
at a new build.

He wasn't crazy about that.

King James Bible? Did LeBron write this?

Who's that?

Hello, Anna.

Ugh! What happened to you?

- You look terrible.
- Okay.

Jeremy, you look like
your old self again.

Like what I signed up for
when we started dating.

Well, I realized that
by doing the opposite

of what my father would've wanted,

I was still letting him rule my life.

Feels pretty good to be uptight
and repressed again.

Can you sit down?
Your butt's in my face!

All right, Collette. Excuse me.

- Just...
- Oh.

Anna, will you forgive me?

I went through a goth phase
in high school.

It didn't work because I was too pretty,

but I understand the urge.

There was one part about the
new you that was kind of cute.

Oh. Okay.

- There's my rebel.
- Mm.

Excuse me. I personally like
the way that you looked before.

- I liked when he was fat.
- Oh, yeah.

- I can't with these mother...
- What?

Dearly beloved, hi!

I am Louis Tookers,
AKA Cousin Lou Tookers,

FKA Mohammed Rashaad Islam.

What a day of miracles.

My cousin Morgan and Tamra
have found each other.

I mean, Morgan has been
spanking it to her for years,

so the fact that he's marrying her...

Let's just say that doesn't
happen to a Tookers.

If I were to marry Kathy Ireland,

a woman I spank it to you.

Or you, in the front row.

Anyway. Another miracle,
I am here on furlough

after my most recent conviction
for aggravated assault.

I stole an Amtrak train.

It wasn't my fault. I was late for work.

Oh, thank God.
I thought that was my phone.

Hey, can you hold on one second?

I have to take this. I am so
sorry. It's important.

I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Anyway, the Koran says
that the role of a wife...

Oh, okay. That is my phone.

What's up? Just chilling with Morgan.

- This might be a few minutes.
- Okay.

Melville, I just interrupted

an interracial wedding for
this. What's going on?

You don't have to sell Lahiri Fertility.

You have an offer from
a surprise investor.

I do? Wait, it's not Mark Cuban is it?

He has a restraining order
out against me.

No, it's Daniel Castellano.

And then there was my jury.

You know who was on this jury?
Eight women, four guys.

And of the four guys,
only one true white.

This is like I always dreamed.

Hey, what's up? How's the wedding going?

- What do you think you're doing?
- I'm watching "Access Hollywood."

It's a good one. The cast of "Blue
Bloods" is dishing on the new season.

- They even got Selleck.
- No!

Why did you offer to buy
equity in Lahiri Fertility?

Well, I thought it might
be a good investment.

Okay. I see exactly what is
going on here, Danny.

You want to own a piece of the practice

so that you can control me.

Well, I am not going back to that.

You didn't even want me to
start the business

to begin with, okay?
I'd rather just shut it down.

Look, I get why you would think that,

but let me explain.

You help so many people, Min,

and it hasn't affected you as a mom.

I couldn't see it back then,
but I was wrong.

So you want to help me float
the practice financially

and I can keep doing everything
the way I've been doing it?

Yeah. I don't want to tell
you how to run your business.

I believe in you.

I don't know what to say.

Thank you, Danny.
That is such a generous gift.

Well, I was thinking about it
as more of a loan.

You can pay me back.

I'd prefer not to.

Okay, we can work out the details later.

Selleck's back on. I gotta go.

Okay. Okay. Bye.

This is Uncle Boris,
who's also a hitman.

This is Tamra, my bride. Hello.

- This is table six?
- Mm-hmm.

Why am I at table 28?

You can have my son's seat.

Now I know what it feels
like to be abandoned.

Oh, Bev. I'm really sorry about that,

but I promise you,
I will be great company.

Mom?

Mom, hey! Oh, my God,
I am so sorry we were late.

We missed the ceremony.

I wanted to surprise you with the girls,

but that meant more potty breaks.

Come on over, come on over.

Move it, Dr. L! Some of us
aren't all alone!

Okay.

Hey, I'm David.

Yeah, I know. Remember you
pretended to like me

to meet your estranged mother?

Psst!

- You look beautiful.
- Thanks!

- Amazing dress!
- Thank you!

It's going to even look
better at your assigned table.

We're really trying to
consolidate all the sad people

so we don't bum everyone out.

I don't blame you. And maybe
table 28 isn't that bad.

Mm, that's where you're wrong.

It's all of Tamra's single
loser friends.

It's a real dork-fest. I'm sorry.

- Come on, let's go.
- This is the dork-fest?

Wow. Hello. Hey.

So it's almost speech time.

I'm very excited.
I'm gonna go table to table

and raise everyone's expectations, okay?

Okay, okay. Good-bye.

Hey, you want the bread?

Take the whole thing.
None of us want any.

I would love to eat all of it.

Hi, everyone. I'm Morgan,

Tamra's friend
from the wedding ceremony.

I always thought
the greatest day of my life

was the day I got out of prison.

I was wrong.

It's today.

Because today I got a new cellmate.

And it's a life sentence.

And when this new cellmate says to me,

"Hey, I'm having sex with you,"

you know what I'm going to say?

"Okay."

See, Tam, the problem is
is I wanted to use words

to tell you how I feel about
you but it was just too dirty.

So I had to find a different
way to express myself.

Anatoli, spasibo.

♪ It's too hot to sleep ♪

♪ I got the sheets on the floor
nothing on me ♪

♪ And I can't take it no more
it's a hundred degrees ♪

♪ I got one foot out the door
where are my keys? ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got to leave
Yeah ♪

♪ In the back of the cab ♪

♪ I tipped the driver ahead of
time, get me there fast ♪

♪ I got your body on my mind
I want it bad ♪

♪ Just the thought of you
gets me so hot ♪

♪ So hot ♪

♪ Girl, you're the one
I want to want me ♪

What the hell? It's everybody

from work except for me?

♪ Girl you got me ♪

♪ There's nothing I wouldn't do ♪

♪ I wouldn't do just
to get up next to you ♪

♪ Yeah, just to get up next to you ♪

♪ Just the thought of you
gets me so hot ♪

♪ So hot ♪

♪ Girl, you the one ♪

♪ I want to want me ♪

♪ And if you want
then girl you've got me ♪

♪ There's nothing I wouldn't do ♪

♪ I wouldn't do ♪

♪ Just to get up next to you ♪

♪ I would do anything
just to get up next to you ♪

♪ Get up, get up ♪

Good job.

All right, everybody.

The Gettysburg Address,

JFK asked not what you could do
for your country,

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."

All those speeches suck in comparison

to the speech you are about to hear.

She's the person that is
standing between you

and the open bar!

Give it up for Dr. Mindy Lahiri!

They're yours. They're ready!

Thank you, Morgan,
for setting the bar so high.

My name is Dr. Mindy Lahiri.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I never thought that Tamra and
Morgan would work as a couple.

Tamra is so beautiful and cool,

and frankly far too talented

to work at our practice for very long.

It's true! I've gotten
several offers to leave.

And Morgan is, shall we say,
a bit of a fixer upper.

That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said about me.

But what I didn't realize
is how much people can change.

And how much we can help
each other change.

Tamra stopped thinking that
she was better than everyone.

And, Morgan, you've really matured too.

I mean this is a man who
finally moved out

of his grandmother's house.

Oh, my God!
I forgot to invite Grandmother!

Oh, no!

I'm very sorry.

And maybe they weren't right
for each other then,

but somehow they are now.

That's the funny thing
about people changing.

It happens so slowly, you know?

You don't realize a person's
changed until you look at them

and they're not the person
you thought they were.

Does anyone here speak Italian?

Anyone? Anyone?

Io parlo italiano!

I learned some when I spent
a summer in Milan

as an apprentice male seamstress.

Jeremy, what does "correre" mean?

It means "run."

I have to go.

Thank you! Happy wedding!
Enjoy your dinner!

Better than I ever imagined.

Hey! Are you leaving? We
haven't even cut the cake yet!

It's black and white, to
symbolize Tamra and I's

love of chocolate and vanilla.

Morgan, I have to go. I'm so sorry.

I can't explain it.

And I can't even get an Uber
because I've been banned

for talking to the drivers too much.

All right, take my bike.

Maybe I can get a lift with Tamra.

Oh, my God! Thank you so much, Morgan!

Hey, I'm so proud of you.

You did good out there.

Bye!

Be careful!

I don't think so, pool.
Not making that mistake again.

I'm looking for Annette Castellano.

I'm so sorry. You're too late.

Oh, my God.

She's been moved to recovery room B.

You know how that sounded!

- Oh, hey.
- Oh!

What are you doing here?
Why are you out of breath?

Why aren't you at the wedding?

I thought you would be in there.

Nope. I stepped out to pee
and grab some coffee.

Makes sense.

You're wearing
my grandmother's bracelet.

I am, Danny.

"Correre" means run.
And I looked at it...

My grandfather gave it to my grandmother

to get her to run more.

She was 400 pounds.
Disgusting. Come on in.

Hey, look what the cat dragged in.

She's a mess! All sweaty!

I'd offer you a seat, but you'd
probably ruin the couch.

- Hi!
- Hi.

I just wanted to come in
and check up on you.

I was great.

Whatever's in this IV bag, it's amazing!

Danny, maybe you can get me some more

of this some time, eh?

We'll talk about that.

The doctor gave her the all clear.

She's already complaining

the TV commercials are too loud.

Oh, shh! Mindy, it was
so nice that you came.

And you look beautiful in that dress.

Thank you.

Well, we could have texted
you all that, right?

You knucklehead.

He's right.

So everything's good with you.

Everything's good with you.

Everything's good.

Then I'm gonna go. Good-bye.

All right.

That was weird, right?

It's not like her to leave
a wedding early,

unless, I don't know, unless
she's getting escorted out.

- Danny, you're an idiot.
- Mm.

- What?
- I said you're an idiot.

I'm an idiot? You dropped out
of eyebrow threading college.

Oh, you mahmouts! She clearly ran

all the way here from that wedding.

She wasn't here to see me.

- You mean she was here...
- I can't believe this.

I raised you to be more
perceptive than you're being.

It was a romantic gesture, Danny.

It was a romantic gesture.

Sorry about that.

Here, can you hold this for me?

Thank you.

What the hell are you doing?

Nothing. Nothing.

I was hungry 'cause I didn't
have any dinner at the wedding.

So I wanted candy and I got stuck.

The janitors came in.
They laughed at me.

All right. Let me give you a hand.

- I don't...
- You all right?

I don't think it's gonna do anything.

I'll do something. Let me
just get my hand in there.

Okay. Oh! Oh! You got it!

- Yeah, I got it.
- Yeah, you got it.

Oh, thank you.

- Here you go.
- Thanks very much.

It was brought to my attention
that you might

be here to tell me something.

Oh, no. I said what I needed to say.

I wanted to check in on your
mom, get some sour straws,

- and then head home.
- Ah.

Okay, that's... that's what I thought.

Have a great night, okay?

Wait, what did you think
I was gonna say?

Uh...

I don't know.

This is dumb, but I thought
maybe you'd say

that you loved me again,

and that you wanted to try
to make things work.

And if I had said that,
what would you have said?

I would've said that I'd like that.

But I didn't say that.

Well, I really misjudged this.

Sorry.

Have a great night.

I wasn't gonna say
that I loved you again.

I was gonna say that

I never stopped loving you,

and I don't think I ever will.

Hold on a sec, are you gonna
move to Tribeca with me?

Because I'm not moving
to the West Village.

There's too many cupcake shops.

Cup... what? I like the cupcake shops!

All right. The cupcake shops are fine.

Are you gonna change your last name?

'Cause I'm not doing one of
those joint names.

- I'm not doing that.
- I...

Can... can we just watch TV?

We have the rest of our lives to argue.

Yeah.

Yeah, let's watch TV.

What do you want to watch?

Let's see.

- Oh, this is good.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Okay.