The Middle (2009–2018): Season 8, Episode 12 - The Middle - full transcript

Ah, Mom, this is awesome.

You never make ribs.

Well, we had some extra,

and I thought you might like to
eat something home-cooked.

Well, home-reheated, actually.

Are you really gonna let me
ride your motorcycle after this?

Sure. Take it for a spin.

And if you're still looking for
a chair for the 'Bago,

we never use the one in Sue's anymore.

Oh. This is the best dinner ever.

So, son... How's school?



Oh, my God.
This is a trap.

You tricked me!
You just wanted to talk to me.

It's a trick. It's a talk-trick.

Well, I'm just gonna finish these ribs,

ride your motorcycle, grab my chair,

and then I'm out of here.

Look, Axl...

We don't want to put
any pressure on you,

but we weren't sure if you realize

you're graduating in four months,

and we wanted to make sure
you're thinking about

what you're gonna do with your life

when those four months are up.

Bill Norwood told me that his company



is having interviews for
an entry-level position

to do... whatever it is
his company does.

And I can help you with your résumé.

I've had lots of jobs,

so I know all the best
action verbs to use.

Oh, my God.

For your information,
I'm already on it, okay?

I got a résumé,
I'm going to the job fair,

I got a haircut scheduled,

I still got that tie
that Dad tied for me.

So, look... I know your other kids

didn't really live up to
your expectations,

but trust me...

- I got this.
- Well, that's great.

I mean, I knew you were fine.

Your dad was so worried.

I can't believe this place...

remote-control blinds,
automatic fire place,

ice maker for cubes and crushed ice...

It's amazing.

No, it's not, Brad. It's horrible.

All this opulence is turning me into

someone I don't think I like.

Then why are you smiling?

I am so happy!

Money does buy happiness...

I don't want it to be true, but it is.

Well, it's a good thing you had
a foundation of poorness

so you can really appreciate all this.

Mm.

Oh. Is that the time? I got to go.

I've got no-cut a cappella practice.

We're competing at "Hot Dragon Nights."

Uh... So you want to hit a movie after?

Breakfast? Brunch? Dinner?
Early-morning run?

Brad, your calendar seems a little open.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Leaving NYU and coming to East Indy...

It's been an adjustment, that's all...

still trying to see where Brad fits in.

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, look...

We can definitely talk about
this more when I get back.

But till then, please, stay, enjoy.

Check out the
smart toilet in the bathroom.

I didn't know it,

but our toilets at home were so dumb.

Brad, what am I thinking?

I hope you're thinking
I should come with you

to no-cut a cappella.

Well, Cindy and I are having troubles.

- Oh, good. Your mom's here.
- Oh, good. Your dad's here.

N... It's you, Mike.

It's a boy coming to his dad
with woman problems.

No, it's you.

He needs help with a girl,
and you were once a girl.

You know the drill...

You got to deal with the same
gendered child's problems.

Well, how's that fair?

Then I got to deal with
twice as many problems as you.

It's refreshing to see
my parents fighting so much

to get out of helping me.

Cindy says
I spend too much time reading.

How long you two been dating?

- Three years.
- Oh, yeah...

You still got years of
compromise ahead of you.

You got to lay a lot of groundwork

before you reach the point where we are,

where nobody cares.

Then, when you stop caring,
you're in the sweet spot

where you get to back to doing
whatever you want to do again.

And, sure, you'll still have spurts

where you think you want
to do things together,

but when you do... never as good
as it was in your mind.

Wait... You're saying
I have to just suck it up

and do what she wants?

Now you do, if the goal is this.

Guys, big news...

My friend Brad Bottig
has agreed to join our group.

You know we needed another
singer for the boy parts,

and Brad comes to us directly from NYU.

Not Northern Yukon...
The one in New York City.

- Oh, my God.
- Wow. -Whoa!

Look, I know you guys are already

deep into practices
for Hot Dragon Nights,

but I'm not here to derail the train,

just help the train down the tracks.

Uh, know anything about choreography?

Oh, you tell me.

Five, six, seven.

- Whoa!
- Wow!

What about costumes?

I made a Technicolor dreamcoat.

Oh, for Joseph?

No.

Wow.

Would you consider being our leader?

Well, I wouldn't want to
step on your leader's toes.

There are no toes. We have no leader.

All in favor of Brad leading us?

Aye!

Oh, my God.

To go from nothing to president
of no-cut a cappella...

I love East Indy so much!

All right, well, obviously,
I need to get caught up,

so show me what you've been working on.

Wow me.

Five, six, seven...

Wow.

Hey, excuse me... The line's back there.

Didn't think it'd be so crowded.

I mean, what's the rush?

We got a whole four months
till graduation.

Four months? We're juniors.

Pfft.

Check it out. These dorks are juniors.

Yeah, we're all juniors.

What?

Seriously, if you're not
on an employer's radar

by your junior year, you are screwed.

Whaaaat?

That can't be true, can it?

My brother graduated with an MBA.

Now he lives in my parents' basement.

Mm.

So, any idea where
the senior line might be?

Hah... It's called
the unemployment line.

Oh, come on.

You can't all be juniors.

- I'm not.
- Thank you.

I'm a sophomore.

Let's go!

We're storming the campus career center!

Wait... We're doing what now?

I was just at the job fair,

and there was a bunch of
juniors out there.

Juniors! They're taking all
the seniors' jobs... our jobs!

Look, don't drag me into this.
I already got a job.

Since when?

Do you ever listen to me?

Remember? I told you...

Johnson, Walian and Blum
snapped me up last year.

They're even paying for me to
go to grad school, too.

That's not fair.

An engineering job and grad school?

You're taking up two spots.
Why didn't you guys tell me

I had to start job hunting junior year?

Hutch, I can see you
not saying anything, but Kenny?

Hey, I tried to get you to go with me

to that job-hunting workshop last year,

and you said, and I quote,
"Nah, it's cold."

Well, not as cold as it is now!

Ah... Kenny, maybe we can
throw in together, huh...

start BossCo Two or maybe
try to get hired as a team?

Kenny doesn't need a job.

He's made some serious bank
designing and selling apps.

He's just a couple years away
from retirement.

Have you seen his net worth?

Oh, my God.

Kenny, are you hiring?

I was, 12 months ago.

I am so screwed!

I thought I was finally on top
of something, but I'm not.

You know, this is so not my fault.

This is the college's fault.

I would not want to be
East Indiana State right now,

'cause I'm gonna go out there
and be a big failure,

and it's gonna look so bad on them.

Turn.

Really?

'Cause I'm a fast reader,
and I'm not even done,

and I've read this book before.

Turn.

But you have to breathe the words in.

Let them roll around
in your head and savor the...

Turn.

Why are we doing this again?

You said you wanted to
spend more time with me,

and I didn't want to give up reading,

so my parents suggested we compromise.

So I thought we'd read a book together.

Hey, Tweedle-Weird and Tweedle-Weirder.

You know, there's better things
to do on that couch than read?

Just floating that out there.

Turn.

Oh, hey, Axl. What are you doing home?

Oh, you didn't get sick
from those ribs, too, did you?

That is the last time
I buy ribs at a garage sale.

I knew it was too good to be true.

No, no, I'm fine. Fine.

I thought I'd just come by,
say hi, relax, see the fam.

So, how's work?

- Fine.
- Same old, same old.

That's cool.

Um, Dad, you know that
Mr. Norwood job you mentioned?

God, I was thinking, pfft,

it'd be really bad if he wanted
to interview me and I said no,

you guys being friends and all.

Don't worry about it.
I know you got a lot going on.

Right. Right.

Oh!

Hey, Mom, you want me
to stir this for you?

That's not food!

I'm boiling your dad's work socks.

But, still, you know, it was
so nice of Mr. Norwood to offer.

I should at least meet with him, right,

for the interview practice?
I'll give him a call.

Oh, and, Dad, I may need you to
tie another tie for me,

'cause I ruined the other one
playing pirates with Hutch.

So, there was a reason

no-cut a cappella was no-cut.

They were terrible.

Yeah...

But that just made Brad more determined.

- And... and...
- He worked 'em morning...

- ...and don't forget to smile!
- ...he worked 'em night...

- One, two, three, four...
- Until finally...

Footsteps even lighter... Ohh!

Okay, okay, okay... let's stop there.

Was that better? That felt better.

Well, with seven weeks
to the competition,

I think we'll be okay.

It's this Friday.

Even better.

Hi. We'd like to sign up
for Hot Dragon Nights.

Our group is called The Duly Noted.

Are you a sorority or a fraternity?

Oh, neither... We're
the no-cut a cappella group.

I'm sorry, but this is
just for real groups.

Don't get me wrong...
You no-cut people are fine

for signing at the old-folks' home

or caroling at the gate
of the outdoor pool,

but this is a very serious competition.

Excuse me...
Where in your bylaws does it say

no-cut groups can't enter?

Oh, it does... I imagine.

But just to make sure, I'll check.

You know, Sue, there's something
we haven't thought of

that might make
no-cut a cappella better.

- What?
- Cuts.

Brad, we are no-cut a cappella.

"No-cut" is right there in the name.

I'm sorry, but Chase is tone-deaf.

And Hannah... I don't know
what she's doing,

but it ain't dance steps.

Without those two,
we might have a fighting chance.

Look, Brad... I don't know
if you remember

how painful high school was, but I do.

We have to stay no-cut.

There has to be a place for people

who are only mildly interested
in things.

Oh, you're right.
Oh, what was I thinking?

Wow. Six weeks in New York
really darkened my soul.

Once you've seen a rat with half
of another rat in its mouth,

it hardens you.

Well, it looks like

there's nothing specific
against no-cut groups.

Apparently, common sense
has ruled up until now.

But if Dully Noted wants to
perform, I can't stop you.

It's "Duly."

We'll see about that.

"The lights grow brighter

as the Earth lurches away from the sun,

and now the orchestra
is playing yellow"...

She's stressing the wrong words!

I didn't hear that sentence. Go back.

En...

I just don't get how you can
"listen" to a book.

There's no fonts to look at,
there's no paper to touch.

They've removed two of the senses,

and the truth is sometimes
I lick them, so that's three.

I don't like this either.

I'm just doing it for you,
because you won't give up books.

What if I asked you
to give up shrimp?

Now you've made it ugly.

I'm just saying... If you love someone,

you shouldn't make them do
something they don't want to do.

Books are my life.
You can't expect me to give up

something that's such a part of me.

Fine.

The truth is the audio book
wasn't working for me either.

I'm not really into books.

I'm more into fashion.

Well, except for "Planet Nowhere."

Never read it.

What?! How have we never
talked about this?

You were reading.

Wh... You have to read it!

How else are we gonna have
a "Planet Nowhere" wedding?

When I hand you the Branch of Truth,

you're not gonna know what to do!

You don't want to look like an idiot.

Aren't you getting
a little ahead of yourself?

Look, "Planet Nowhere" speaks to me.

If you don't know those books,
you don't know me.

Please, just... read the first chapter.

Fine. I'll read them for you.

But I better like it,

or you'll be getting
the Branch of Truth.

Hey, Axl! How's it going?

Mr. Norwood. I'm good.

Yeah.

So, tell me where you're from.

I'm just kidding, man.
Thanks for coming in.

Well, uh, yeah.
Thanks for meeting with me.

Yeah. Seems like just yesterday you were

popping wheelies past my house
and now here you are,

looking for a job.

Yeah, well, uh, it's never
too early to start looking.

- Yeah.
- Really... never too early.

I, uh, graduate in four months,

but, you know, I started
the job search way before this.

Oh, you got to.
It is so competitive out there.

- Yeah.
- Hey, let me ask you

a really important question.

Does your dad ever wear those
sunglasses that I got him?

What?

No! You know what, never mind.

It's... forget about it.

Let's take a look at this résumé, huh?

Wow, they're really good.

And nobody's tripped once.

Okay, sure, they're phenomenal

like Josh Groban and Beyoncé had a baby

and it was this group.

But we're good, too!

Is that a back handspring?

Oh, my God.
Why do we have to follow them?

Ugh. I wish we were the group after us.

I've never been more nervous in my life.

If she doesn't like it,
where does that leave us?

I can't be with someone who
doesn't love "Planet Nowhere."

What are the odds of you
finding another girl

who likes you and "Planet Nowhere"?

You're really threading
the needle here, buddy.

Check it out. I crushed it at
my interview with Mr. Norwood,

so I celebrated by
buying myself some work duds.

Oh, look...

It's half past "I'm awesome."

You bought new work clothes
before you got the job?

You don't buy a suit
for the job you have.

You buy a suit for whatever job
Mr. Norwood's company does.

Well, don't Heck it up.
The job's not yours yet.

Oh, it will be.

When I go after something, I get it.

Lifeguarding... "Here's your whistle."

Movie theater... "Welcome to show biz."

Little Betty? Meet Big Axl.

Oh, God! What does that mean?!

Relax. She probably just hit the
chair cushion and dust flew up.

If she loves "Planet Nowhere,"
then I can love her.

But if she only likes it
then I can only like her,

because I love it,
and she only likes it.

Oh, but if she loved it

and I loved her, that would be
the best love of all!

But what if she hates it?

Ohh... Oh, my stomach
is so twisted around.

I got to lie down.

Oh! H-Hey, Mr. Norwood.
You want to come in?

Um, that's okay.

I got to head home for dinner.

Paula bought these ribs
at a garage sale, so...

Anyhoo, I wanted to stop by
and tell you in person...

Unfortunately, we had to
give the job to somebody else.

Not my decision...

The other guy just...
just had more experience.

I just wanted to let you know
you did great.

I mean, really impressive.

The guys upstairs are gonna be
kicking themselves

for not snatching you up.

Well, thanks. I appreciate that.

And, hey, thank you
for letting me know in person.

Of course. Sure you're okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm all good.
These things happen.

You're not gonna get every job
you go out for.

Yeah, your dad told me how many
things you got lined up,

so I know you'll be fine.

All right, take care, buddy.

Hey, by the way, love the treads.

Thanks.

I didn't get it, Mommy!

Oh, God, I'm the worst!

I suck! Ugh!

Hey, hey, hey, it's okay.

So you didn't get this job.

You've got all those other irons
in the fire.

I lied! There's no fire!

There's no irons!

I was supposed to start
job hunting a year ago,

and now I'm graduating in May,
and I've got nothing...

nothing but amazing hair.

God, why can't that be enough?

Dad, you need a better friend.
I hate Bill Norwood.

You're taking this really well.

Ohh! I got no job prospects!

Wait a second... I could
take over the diaper business.

I have a job. It's perfect.

Uh, did we not tell him?

Here's the thing, Axl.
You haven't been around a lot.

I sold the business.

What?

I was supposed to be a diaper heiress.

You wouldn't be an heiress.

Well, not now.

At least I'll get to
keep some of the money.

We spent it on Sue.

Oh, G...

Stupid watch! Stupid vest!

Nope, don't need these anymore,

'cause I'm not going anywhere.

- Honey, don't take your clothes off.
- No!

These clothes are for winners,
and I am a loser.

God! You know what?

Just face it. I peaked in high school.

I'm nothing but a boxer-short-wearing,

messy-haired divorcé!

I'll just park my 'Bago in
the driveway and live out there.

So, you really don't have
anything else going on,

no résumés anywhere, no leads,
no job possibilities?

Oh, Dad, make her stop!

I'm sorry. I'm making it worse.

Boy problem.
Let me know when it's fixed.

Come on. Get up.

Okay, so you hit a bump.

You're gonna be fine.

You always find a way to
make things work out for you.

You said so yourself.

And you're a social guy.

You got your mom's thing
of actually liking people.

No, but that's the problem.
I'm too social.

I needed to be more like you...

a solid, strong, good provider.

But I-I'll never be able to do that.

I'm a freakin' mess. I'm done.

You're 22. You're not done.

Trust me, life is gonna
kick you around a lot,

so you might not want to
tear off all your clothes

and flop around on the floor
every time you hit a setback.

Especially this floor.

Well, that's easy for you to say.

You've always been, like,
super responsible.

Well, I don't know about that.

I... I remember one time
when I was about your age,

maybe a little older.

I had an interview for this job

at a, uh, roofing-supply company,

and I really needed this job.

I was totally broke,
even more broke than we are.

- Whoa.
- Yeah.

So I went in there,
all prepared, and I nailed it.

And I was so pumped when I came
out that I got in my Chevette,

and I cranked up the tunes,

and I did a bunch of donuts
in the parking lot.

And then I look up to the window,

and there's the two guys
that had just interviewed me

staring down at me
and shaking their heads.

So you didn't get the job.

I don't know. I never heard back.

But a few weeks later,
I interviewed at the quarry,

and this time, I made sure to
pull out of that parking lot

like an old grandpa.

Point is, things kind of
have a way of working out.

So, was the donut thing
the only time you screwed up?

It's the only one you need to
know about for now.

I'm sorry. I can't take it any longer.

My life is hanging in the balance.

I got to know!

She gave me the finger.

She loves it!

Okay. We're up.

And that was
the Greek-Appellas.

Let's give it up one more time for 'em.

I can't do this!

What? Chase, no! What do you mean?

I don't belong here. I'm not a singer.

I'm only mildly interested
in a cappella.

Really? Aw, that's disappointing.

But I get it if you have to go.

All right, everybody else, fill in.

Uh, if Chase isn't doing it,
I can't do it.

He's better than I am.

Aw, no. You, too, Hannah?

Oh, well. Everyone,
let's thank Chase and Hannah

for all their hard work.

Now, fill in, fill in.

Well, if they're leaving,
I want to go, too.

No, no, no, you can't all quit!

I mean, Chase and Hannah,
you guys still can,

'cause you were first,
but, everyone else, come on.

It doesn't matter if
the other teams are good.

We have spirit and heart,

and that counts for more than talent.

Yeah, you guys,
come on. You can't quit.

I had to fight for us to be
in this competition.

What? They didn't want us?

Well...
I'm not making a fool of myself.

I invited a girl I like to this!

No, you should...

Wait, guys! Come back!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Dully Noted!

You suck!

- You guys stink!
- You suck!

Boo, boo, boo, boo!

- Boo, boo, boo, boo!
- You guys suck!

You suck,
you suck, you suck!

You suck, you suck, you suck!

You suck,
you suck, you suck!

- Boo!
- You suck, you suck, you suck!

- Boo!
- You suck, you suck, you suck!

Boo!

You suck,
you suck, you suck...

- What part are you...
- Shh.

Boy, they found
their sweet spot early, huh?

Good for them.

You know, I was gonna go with Nancy

to check out this ice-sculpture
demonstration at the mall,

but I can cancel it,

and we can do something together
if you want.

Nah. I don't really want to.

Good, 'cause I didn't really
want to cancel.

But what matters is
we still pretend to care.

I'll never stop pretending, baby.

Shh!