The Middle (2009–2018): Season 7, Episode 24 - The Middle - full transcript

[Crow caws]

[Southern accent] If y'all
would just step right this way,

Aunt Granny would be durned pleased

[British accent] to show
you to your eatin' spot.

[Normal voice] How was that?

I feel like sometimes my
southern slips into British.

Didn't notice. I don't hear your voice.

Spent my whole life training
myself to block it out.

Okay, well, I got to lock this thing down

before I leave for Dollywood on Sunday.

Here, let me try one more.



Do you have to go for the whole summer?

Don't leave me with all these boys.

- I'm gonna miss you.
- Mm.

[British accent] I'll miss you, too, Mum.

[Normal voice] Seriously?

Hey.

Maybe we should do
something to send you off.

You go Sunday, right?

- Maybe we can do something Saturday.
- Ooh.

Mike, let's do a thing for Sue on Saturday.

Let's see. Do we have anything?

Oh. Wait, I put a star there.

Do you know what that is?

I'm gonna go out on a limb



and say it's something we didn't pay for

that's gonna get cut off.

Well, anyway, we're doing a thing Saturday,

so don't make any plans.

Anybody got any questions?

I have a question.

Was anyone planning on
coming to my graduation?

What? [Chuckles] Duh.

O-Of course we are.

Why do you think I put
a star on this Saturday?

I put it there for you,

Mr. Eighth Grade Graduate Star Boy,

and I'm gonna put another
one right next to it

because you are the star of Saturday.

Really?

'Cause it seemed like
you were talking about

a big celebration for Sue.

No, no, no, no, no. Not big.

Minor.

We were just trying to see
if we could fit her big day

into your bigger day,

but we probably can't, right, guys?

- Yeah. Uh-huh.
- What?

Good, 'cause I signed up

to do a performance at the ceremony

and I kind of thought you'd all be there.

I'm singing a song.

- What? So I don't get a...
- [Snaps fingers]

Singing? Wow!

It occurred to me that I've never
really had my moment in the sun.

You know, like in novels

when the main character
embarks on the hero's journey

and he faces all kinds of obstacles,

but ultimately has his moment in the sun.

I guess I thought being
valedictorian would be it,

but then my girlfriend stole that from me,

so I signed up for a talent.

I'm really excited about it.

And we're excited, too.

That's why I'm gonna put a musical note

right next to the two stars I
put there for your graduation.

Shut up.

♪♪

Frankie: So, summer was
right around the corner,

and Axl, being Axl,

had scored the cushiest
job of all time

at the Orson Heights Country Club.

I know a lot of the other
counselors are uptight.

They want you to "follow the rules"

and do activities that
won't "break your neck,"

but I'm not like that.

I'm super fun, but I'm also super chill,

which is why you guys can call
me Axl, or Ax, or the Ax Man.

How about "Peaked in High School"?

[Laughter]

Okay, wow. That was really mean,

but it's cool 'cause I'm chill.

So, as I was saying...

What are you, 30?

I'm not 30.

Then why do you have all
those lines on your face?

I don't have lines on my face.

I just like to carry a healthy tan.

Hey, Peaked, your mother's on line one...

on your forehead.

[Laughter]

♪♪

I am so excited, Brad.

I can't believe two kids from Orson

would actually make it all
the way to Pigeon Forge.

[Chuckles]

Oh, slight snafu but happy accident...

We have to be there Saturday, not Sunday.

Oh, that's a big snafu, Brad.

Brick's graduation is on Saturday.

Oh, I'm so, so sorry.

I was looking at last
year's Lady Gaga calendar,

not this year's, so I got my days mixed up.

I just couldn't take last year's down.

Nobody puts Gaga in a wastebasket.

This is bad, Brad. What
are we supposed to do?

We?

I'm a featured ensemble dancer

in "Ramblin' Jack's Banjo Review"

and I have a show Saturday.

Oh, my God. You're right.

I'm just Aunt Granny.

If I don't show up,

they can literally put
anyone in the wig and glasses

and replace me.

I mean, obviously I am
gonna bring something special

to showing people to their table,

but they don't know that yet.

My God, this is so dramatic.

I hate drama.

I mean, I love drama,
but not this drama.

You know, Brick's only
in eighth grade, right?

That's not even a big graduation.

Do you have to be there?

I mean, this is Dollywood, Sue.

Two years ago, a guy from one of the shows

was tapped to understudy a spoon

in the touring company
of "Beauty and the Beast."

♪♪

Frankie: Hey, there's my graduation singer.

Are you excited for your big day,

which is this Saturday at 1:00?

Oh, Mom, I'm not allowed to sing anymore.

Mrs. Lang said too many
kids signed up this year.

Wait, what?

I thought it was open to everybody.

Yeah, well, not this year.

Mrs. Lang said the teachers decided

the ceremony would be too long,

so they put all our names in a hat

and picked nine kids who get to perform.

I'm one of six that didn't get picked.

What? Well, that's random.

Yep.

I guess they drew names
in the teachers' lounge.

All I know is I'm not doing
anything at graduation.

I'm not valedictorian.
I'm not gonna sing my song.

So much for my moment in the sun.

Apparently my hero's journey ends

with a resounding "meh."

[Bag dragging]

What's with Charlie Brown over there?

You're not gonna believe this.

Brick's not allowed to
sing at graduation anymore

because the school suddenly
decided too many kids signed up.

[Scoffs]

Everybody thinks they're a star.

When I was a kid, you couldn't
have paid anyone to sing.

The whole thing seems fishy to me.

I mean, 15 kids sign up,

and, all of a sudden, they
only have room for nine acts?

And what nine?

A random nine,

or the nine with the parents who
volunteer and actually show up?

I'm telling you, it's fuzzy math.

Oh, well.

It's not fair, Mike.

It's not fair that they're
pulling the rug out from under him

at the last minute like this.

We got to do something.

Do we? Do we really?

We're so close to the end.

Maybe we could just let this one go.

No.

We always do that when it comes to Brick.

He always gets the short end of the stick.

We float his birthday.

We drive off and leave him at restaurants.

Remember how we used to mark
Sue and Axl's height on the wall?

We did it like one or two times
with Brick, and that was it.

And who knows?

Maybe that's why he didn't get any taller.

'Cause we stopped marking it.

[Sighs] We're awful, Mike.
We're awful, awful parents.

We're not awful, awful.
We're just regular awful.

No. You saw him.

He was really upset, and I don't blame him.

You know what? I'm
going down to the school.

[Groans]

You think I want to go down there?

I'm the last person that
wants to go down there.

I'm not a "going down there" person.

But this is important.

This might be the last shot
we have to do right by our kid

while he's young enough to still need us,

and we have to have his back.

Hang on.

You're a little worked up,

and we don't know exactly
what happened here,

so how about I go down there

and try to straighten this thing out?

Ooh, yes. Good thinking.

It'll be scarier coming from a man.

And don't forget to tell them

Brick was really looking
forward to performing,

and remind them that I brought
fruit salad to the school fair.

Or was that Axl's class?

Don't mention the fruit salad!

[Sweetly] Hey, Brick. Mm!

So, I can't believe you're graduating, huh?

Big day. Big day.

Of course, not as big as
your high-school graduation,

which I will definitely
be there for.

You know, Brick,

I have always felt

like you and I have had
a special connection.

Really?

Definitely.

I feel like we're super-close.

It seems like just yesterday
you were my little baby brother.

- Mm.
- [Upbeat music plays]

♪ I love when the sun
pokes through the clouds ♪

- ♪ And then... ♪
- Frankie: No, no, no.

Nice try, but I already told you

you're not missing your
brother's graduation.

But if I miss my first
day, they could fire me!

Okay, you know what seems the most fair

is if we let Brick decide.

Brick?

I sat through three showings
of "The Loneliest Locker."

I want you there.

So, how'd it go at the school?

Well, Brick had it right.

They drew names, and he wasn't picked.

So did you tell his teacher
the whole thing was ridiculous?

I started to, but they feel it was fair.

Well, did you say they
should've had the drawing

in front of the school,
not a secret drawing?

Did you say it was fuzzy
math? Did you say that?

Look, I-I didn't want to push it.

She said it's the end of the year

and all the teachers are tired.

Well... [Scoffs] that...
that... that's not an excuse.

I'm tired, Mike. We're all tired.

So what did you say?

I said that I thought it would be great

if all the kids that
wanted to could perform.

Oh, you thought it'd be great?

You know what I
think would be great?

If I send you to kick butt

and you do what you're supposed to do.

And you didn't. Were you even outraged?

No, but I'm getting there now.

- [Sighs]
- Look, they're going with the nine, and that's it.

So it was a total wasted visit.
You blew our first attempt.

The first attempt is very important, Mike.

Now I'm gonna have to e-mail them,

and we're gonna seem
like the annoying people.

All that height, and
you accomplish nothing.

God, if I had your height,
the things I could get done.

Come on, Frankie.

I know he's disappointed,
but in a couple days,

he'll probably forget all about it.

No, he won't.

He wants his moment in the sun!

It's his hero's journey,

and, damn it, I'm gonna get it for him.

I'm gonna fix this because
I care about my child.

[Sighs]

What's his teacher's name again?

[Grunting]

Hey, hey! Hey, guys! What's going on?

Come on!

We've only got a couple days
until the Cardboard Regatta.

We got a boat to build

if we want to show this
camp how Axl's Avengers roll.

Whatevs, dude.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don't "whatevs" me,
Colton. I invented whatevs.

You know what else you invented? Fire.

I'm saying you're old.

Ba-bam!

You just got kicked by "The Colt."

[Laughter]

Yep, Axl had finally met his match,

and it was him.

♪♪

Frankie.

Can you believe this
whole graduation debacle?

I know.

So now none of the kids get to perform?

Wait, what?

Oh, didn't you see

the e-mail Mrs. Lang
sent out this morning?

All the parents are talking about it.

Some parent whose kid didn't get picked

probably went down there and complained,

and now the whole thing's off.

I'm sure they were just
trying to help facilitate.

They did a drawing. It was fair.

I told Ron I might go down there.

Is that a good idea?

Maybe it's better that
nobody gets to do it.

It wouldn't be fair

that some kids get their moment in the sun

while others don't.

Well, I'm just sick about it.

Now I have to tell Dotty

she can't read the poem
she's worked so hard on.

It took her weeks to find
a rhyme for "aspirations."

I don't like to use
language, Frankie, but this...

stinks!

It really stinks!

♪♪

♪♪

I forgot to tell you they sent
us home with graduation tickets.

Sorry. A Go-Gurt exploded on them.

Hopefully they're still valid.

Not that it matters, 'cause I'm
not doing anything now anyway.

[Sighs] Brick, you don't have to perform

for people to know you're great.

- You've always been a good kid.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Think about it.

- I remember when you were probably 10 or 11...
- [Upbeat music plays]

♪ I feel so alive and happy ♪

♪ If someone had... ♪

- [Door opens]
- Sue: We did it!

Brad called Dollywood,

and now I can go to Brick's graduation.

[Inhales deeply] You want
to hear the whole story?

I think we got the gist.

Brad: First, I called the main line,

and they connected me with Eric from HR.

Oh, human resources.

I knew just any old story wasn't gonna fly,

so I used my improv training,
and I really went for it.

He said that it was vital

that I be there for Brick's graduation

because we have a very
special brother-sister relationship,

a very unique brother-sister bond,

and that I am the only one

he lets change his breathing tube.

[Laughs] That one just came
to me at the last minute.

It's called "raising the stakes."

Anyway, they said it was
fine if I missed orientation,

just as long as I'm there in time Saturday

for the lice check and to shadow
Aunt Granny's evening shift.

Hang on.

I don't want you driving
down there all by yourself.

- I'll take you.
- Okay!

But we have to leave by 4:00,

so that means no hanging
out after the ceremony,

taking pictures, and talking to people.

Sold.

Cool.

♪♪

Hey!

Got a sec?

I'm not doing your
stupid little boat thing.

[Clicks tongue]

I think it's time we had
a, uh, heart-to-heart talk.

You mean a
fart-to-fart talk?

[Sighs] Okay, that's super funny,

but I'm being serious.

Listen, man,

there's no reason you and I
shouldn't be getting along.

Truth is, I look at you, I see myself.

But you got to pull back
on the 'tude, dude, okay?

You got swag, but you
don't need to prove it 24/7.

So here's the deal.

We really need you in this boat race today.

We can't win without you,
so, uh, what do you say, hmm?

Got my back?

[Mockingly] You got my back?

- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?

I'm a little idiot.

[Normally] Yeah. You are.

Ugh! All right.

You know what, man? I'm out, okay? Fine.

And... And... And... And...

I know you think you've
won, but you haven't.

It might seem cool to
just sit on the sidelines

and make fun of everything,

but at the end of the day,
you're not really cool.

You're just a guy who missed
out on a lot of fun stuff.

♪♪

- Axl: Come on, Colton!
- When you think of Axl,

wisdom and life lessons

aren't the first things
that jump to mind.

Yes, Colton!

I guess it took the
10-year-old version of himself

to bring it out of him.

Push, push, push, push, push!

You've got this! Come on!

- Boy: Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Come on! You've got this! You've got this!

Go, go, go, go!

Yes!

[Laughs]

Yes, Fart Barge! Whoo!

Yep, my boy was finally growing up.

In your face, Cathy's Cuties!

- Yeah!
- [Laughter]

Colton: Whoo!

Yeah!

[Laughs] We did it!

[Laughs]

Fart Barge!

Hey, Brick.

How was school?

It was okay.

In English, we watched "Goonies,"

in science, we watched "Babe,"

and in gym, we watched "FernGully."

Oh, and I was also called
into the principal's office.

What? Why?

He brought in all six kids
that weren't originally chosen

and spoke to us individually.

He asked me if I really
wanted to do the talent show

or if I was just doing it for my mom.

And what did you say?

I said I was doing it for my mom.

Brick, Why would you say that?!

It seemed like the answer he wanted.

Anyway, it doesn't matter,

'cause now the original nine are back on.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Mom, I think it's over.

I think you need to let it go.

[Bell dinging rapidly]

I need to speak to the principal,

so you better get him or
her out here right now.

[Dinging continues]

- [Bell dinging rapidly]
- Is there a problem out here?

I'm sorry, but I can no longer keep silent.

You can't do this.

Every year, the kids can just perform.

Now all of a sudden,

there's secret drawings and fuzzy math

and interrogations
without a parent present.

It's ridiculous.

Look, I understand you're upset,

and I know every parent
cares about their kid.

Oh, that's where you're wrong! I don't!

I forget to pack their lunches.

I put stars on calendars and
can't remember what they're for.

I'm not a helicopter parent.

I'm a couch!

I'm a self-driving couch
that just watches TV.

So I think that when a parent
who has a history of sucking

as much as I do takes the time to show up,

you better stand up and take notice!

I am cramming 10 years of not
caring into this one fight.

My kid is gonna sing at that ceremony,

or I will burn this place to the ground!

[Cellphone vibrates]

They're letting all 15
kids perform at graduation.

It's over.

All right!

I prayed for this last night. God is good.

Mm.

[Sighs]

Just had a little chat with your principal.

Everybody, including you,
get to perform at graduation.

Oh, I don't want to do that anymore.

[Cellphone vibrates]

Oh, no.

Brick doesn't want to
sing at graduation now.

- What?
- Why not?

I don't know.

[Cellphone vibrates]

"Brick thinks the whole thing
has gotten weird, won't sing.

I'm gonna kill him."

Wow, Boss Man.

That'll look really bad, you know?

Your old lady made this big stink

and "Baby Mike" won't even do it?

[Cellphone vibrates]

"Brick says he'd be more comfortable

singing a duet with Troy."

Sweet!

- Great.
- I love duets.

- [Cellphone vibrates]
- Nope.

Frankie says Brick says the
school won't let him do duets.

- Aw!
- Fascists.

So I guess it's over, huh?

Hey. [Sighs]

Wait.

Frankie wouldn't...

[Cellphone vibrates]

She's going back in.

♪♪

No duets?!

Mrs. Heck, we can't let
kids pair up because...

I know. Because Seymour asked Troy to sing,

and Troy said no.

But Troy didn't say no to him

because he wants to sing by himself.

He said no because he doesn't like Seymour!

Now, as I kindly offered in e-mails

that were never responded to,

I am more than happy to help facilitate.

But I will not sit around

and let some stupid random
decision hurt my child!

- I will...
- I know.

You'll burn this place to the ground.

At this point, I'd throw you the match.

[Sighs]

So I did it.

I fought the fight,
and fairness won.

Now every kid who wanted
to got a chance to perform.

[Strums discordant chord]

Wait.

[Strums discordant chord]

Wait.

[Strums discordant chord]

Wait.

[Distant coughing]

- [Dissonant violin playing]
- Dad, it's 3:30,

and they haven't even
gotten to the diplomas yet.

Why are so many kids performing?

When I graduated, like nine kids did it?

Paula made me come up
here to get a better video.

She's crazy like that.

Not as crazy as the parent who
made this whole thing happen,

am I right?

Rumor has it some mom went
cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

And finally, I'd like to
introduce our last act...

Troy Tangaroa and Brick Heck.

Immediately following their song,

we will hand out diplomas...

if we have any time left.

Why'd he look at you when he said that?

Shut up.

So, after three hours...

- [Ukulele plays]
- ...the moment I had fought for was finally here.

And then I realized, what
exactly had I fought for?

I didn't even know
if Brick could sing.

♪ The warmth of your love's
like the warmth from the sun ♪

♪ And this will be our year ♪

♪ Took a long time to come ♪

Troy: ♪ Don't let go of my hand
now, the darkness has gone ♪

♪ This will be our year ♪

♪ Took a long time to come ♪

♪ And I won't forget the way you
helped me up when I was down ♪

♪ And I won't forget the way you said ♪

♪ "It'll be all right" ♪

♪ You give me faith to go on ♪

♪ Now we're there, and
we've only just begun ♪

- ♪ This will be our year... ♪
- What was I worried about?

Brick is amazing.

You know, come to think of it,

he's always been amazing

ever since the day
I laid eyes on him.

♪ The warmth of your smile ♪

♪ Smile for me, little one ♪

♪ And this will be our year ♪

♪ Took a long time to come ♪

♪ You don't have to... ♪

Sue: Dad.

We got to leave now. It's 4:00.

- Okay, go.
- [Sighs]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sue!

Brick!

Aww!

Oh, congratulations! You did so good!

I love you so, so much, but I got to go.

Mwah!

[Car door closes]

Frankie: Sue! Wait!

[Sighs]

Bye, Mom.

Have a great summer.

Make sure you call me when you get there,

and tell me what your apartment is like

and how your first shift goes

and if you have lice.

- I will.
- [Horn honks]

You can hug in August.

- [Car door closes]
- Mom, you should go.

Get Sue settled into her new place.

What? No.

We're getting Bodean's chicken
and celebrating your big day.

That's okay.

I've already had my moment
in the sun thanks to you.

You fought for me.

I mean, I would've given up
way before you did.

[Sighs] Well, it is in your genes.

Are you sure?

- Wait! I'm coming!
- [Brakes squeak]

Take care of your brother.

We're getting him the
good chicken from Bodean's.

Spring for some sides, and
I'll pay you back later.

[Car door closes]

- Wait!
- [Brakes squeak]

I understand Dollywood's
got some great bookstores.

Axl? Could be fun.

That'd be a big no.

[Car door closes]

♪♪

Wait! Wait! Wait, wait, wait!

[Grunts]

Sue will be in a dorky costume.

Can't miss that.

♪♪

Brick: I have to go to the bathroom.

- Mike: Already?
- Axl: Good. I'm starving.

Sue: No, we're not stopping!
Mom packed me snacks.

Frankie: [Clicks tongue] Crap.
I forgot the new blue bag.

[All groan]

Yep, it was the start
of a great summer.

- Sue crushed it at Dollywood.
- [Southern accent] Follow me to your eatin' spot I will show you,

and then y'all will have a great meal.

Off the heat from
his graduation song,

Brick got invited

to his first-ever
Fourth of July party.

Mike and I splurged

and bought name-brand
batteries for the remote.

And Axl?

Well, Axl met the love of his life.

♪♪

But that's a story for another day.

Frankie: We'll make a
quick stop for burgers.

Brick: Well, I'm kind of
in the mood for Chinese.

Sue: I don't want Chinese.

Well, it's my graduation day.

Axl: Doesn't matter. We're getting ribs.

Mike: I like ribs.