The Middle (2009–2018): Season 4, Episode 3 - The Second Act - full transcript

(Crows caw)

(Frankie) The first day of school...

a day filled with unbridled optimism

for the year ahead.

Aah! It's the first day
of school! I'm so excited!

Then again, that describes
just about every day for Sue.

Braided my hair.

(Gasps) I'm so excited. (Laughs)

My nose stopped bleeding!
I'm so excited!

Finished my apple.

I'm so excited.



This is going to be
the best year ever,

because now that I'm a soph...

that's short for "sophomore"...

I get to be a mentor
to an incoming freshman.

It's an amazing program.

It really keeps newbies
from falling through the cracks.

Sue, nobody cares about your
stupid suck-more activities.

This year is all about the seniors.

Seniors rule!

Is he gonna be doing that all year?

Well, anybody wants a ride, let's go.

Don't forget...
I'm working a double shift,

so you're on your own for dinner.

And if you can get to it,



there's old Thanksgiving turkey
in the back of the freezer.

Hey, Brick, after school,

you're coming to
my softball game with me.

Softball game? Why don't you
just take me to the beach?

(School bell rings)

(Indistinct conversations)

Hi. I'm looking for...

Sue Heck?

Well, look no further,
'cause you found her.

I'm your mentor!

- Aah! (Laughs)
- (Chuckles) Hey.

Great to meet you.

Jenna Taylor.

I know... (Chuckles)

Which is why I "Taylor" -made
this binder for you.

"Sue's tips for Sue-cess."

Sit.

This is chockfull of inside scoop

to help you get through
your freshman year.

Notice I did not call it
"frosh" year.

Nobody calls it "frosh."
I learned that one the hard way.

So how about we dive right in?

We have...

Stuff to try out for,

locker room dos and don'ts,

funny things to say when
you fall down the stairs.

Wow. There lot more to try
out for than in middle school.

Pretty exciting.

It's incredibly exciting.

Don't expect to make anything.

As a freshman, that's off the table.

But it's still good to try
so you can, you know,

get your face out there.

(Gasps) Oh! And this is
for you to keep.

Wow. (Chuckles)

Lucky my mom bought me
the big backpack.

Now we should probably talk
at least three times a day.

This is my cell.
If I don't pick up, don't worry.

My battery charger is on the fritz,

and they discontinued it
and the phone, like,

11 years ago.

But if you're ever in a bind
and you can't get ahold of me,

for all of kinds of advice.
It's kinda my Bible.

Oh, my gosh.
I just realized you must have

a ton of questions for me.

Actually, I do have one.

Bring it.

What time does
the late bus run until?

I do not know that,

but I-I can find out
and get back to you in a jiff.

(Floor squeaks) Uhh!

(Thud)

F.Y.I.,

they mop the cafeteria hallway
every morning around this time.

Can we get an orange cone over here?

While Sue was lying down the rules
of high school survival,

I was all too versed in
the rules of Ehlert survival...

hide the sprinkled doughnuts
in your purse for later,

shuffle papers so you look busy,

and know that the first thing

out of Ehlert's mouth when he see you

will always be an insult.

Afternoon, Frances.

(Mouth full) Mm.

You look nice today.

Oh.

Th-thank you?

See you in my office?

Hey, think about sliding next time.

Hey, Mike.

I don't know if you know my son.
Brian, say "hello" to Mr. Heck.

Hi, Mr. Heck.
Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too, Brian.
This is my son Brick.

Brick, say "hello" to the Morrisons.

(Indistinct conversations)

(Chuckles) I said,
say "hello" to the Morrisons.

I'm reading.

And I'm waiting for you to
say "hello" to the Morrisons.

Fine. Hello.

Happy?

Whoa. You'd kill me
if I talked to you like that.

You bet I would.

Don't worry.
I'll be killing him later.

(Video games beeping and whirring)

Here's the thing, Frances.

The truth is,
you don't look nice today.

(Inhales sharply)

And since there's
no real way to say this,

I'm just gonna say it.

I'm gonna have to let you go.

Let me go...
unless I sell more cars?

Let me rephrase that.

I'm letting you go.

Unless I start being more on time?

Frances, don't make this harder
on me than it is.

I just can't afford to carry
this many people

when business is slow.

It's not you.
It's the economy.

Oh, is this because I dozed off
in the back of the minivan?

I'm gettin' that checked out.

It might have something to do
with my iron levels.

I don't want to hear
about any lady parts!

Look, this is all based on seniority.

Don't get me wrong.
You're plenty old.

But you were the last one hired.

Wait. What?

This is real?

You're really firing me?

You can't do that.
My son's going to college.

We just found out Sue's gonna
have a palate expander.

Look, Frances,

if the economy picks up
and things change,

feel free to come back and buy a car.

I just had to get out of there
without crying,

because you don't want to be
the woman who loses it at work.

Well, I know what
you're all thinking...

Frankie get another promotion!
Ha ha ha ha!

N-no. I-I got canned.

But, hey, on the plus side,

I was thinking about knocking
off early anyway. Ha ha ha!

(Whimpers)

This can't be happening.
It is total bull-roar.

It's okay, Bob.
We'll still see each other.

(Whispers) Okay.

Oh, Frankie! Uh, I just heard
the news. I can't believe it.

(Gasps)

You knew, didn't you?

Weeks ago.
(Bob sniffles)

Well...
Doesn't matter, Pete,

'cause I'm gonna be okay.

You know what they say...

when one door closes,
another one opens.

(Door rattles)

Can somebody open this door for me?

(Door opens) Thanks, Bob.

Well...
This really wasn't

such a horrible place
to come to every day...

(Voice breaks)
and it's because of you guys.

(Chuckles)

Bye.

Dibs on her desk.
(Clears throat)

Well, I did it.

It was hard,

but I got out of there
with my head held high.

(Man over PA)
Frankie, we're gonna miss you.

(Sobbing)

(Sighs) And you left your purse
on your chair.

Oh, crap.

(Sobs)

I don't get it. Fired unless
you sell more cars?

No. Fired.

As in, he's gonna cut back
your hours?

Yes, Mike, he's gonna
cut back my hours.

He's gonna cut back all my hours.

How are you not getting this?

Wow.

So Ehlert really fired you.

(Exhales deeply)

Okay.

So you're fired.
(Sighs)

We've taken hits before.
We'll get through this.

(Sighs deeply)

Mm.

On the plus side,

I didn't make that much money
to begin with.

No, you did not.

Ah! Jenna, there you are.

I have an answer for you
on that late bus question.

Oh! I forgot to tell you.
I was looking at

all the different things
to try out for,

and I decided to go
for cheerleading, and...

I made it! (Laughs)

Wow!

Are you sure you made it?

Because sometimes they say
you made it,

and then you tell everyone
the good news,

including your pen pals
in Brazil and Toronto,

but then they call you down
to the gym

to tell you that you didn't make it.

Hmm.
I'm pretty sure I made it.

- They gave me a uniform and everything.
- They did?

Oh, my God. Look at that!

You're a cheerleader.
I'm a wrestlerette.

It's funny how they matched us
up so perfectly. (Laughs)

Do you wanna have lunch together
today to celebrate?

- Sure.
- Great.

I'll meet you
in Ms. Spivey's room at 1:00.

(Imitates gunshots)

Hey.
(Dryer whirring)

Hey. How was work?

Not bad.
How was... not working?

Well, I've been doing laundry
for two hours.

Livin' the dream.

Mm. Oh, damn it.
I forgot to punish Brick.

He didn't lick another mailbox
again, did he?

No, but after the game
yesterday, he was a real jerk.

I didn't want to make a scene
in front of the guys,

but I was pretty pissed.

Then I had a couple beers
and I forgot about it.

So how's the job search coming?

Well, I spent the whole morning
looking through the want ads,

and it got me to thinking.

Why should I go out
and get another crappy job?

'Cause you lost your old crappy job?

No, I'm serious, Mike.

I mean, I'm sitting there,
and it dawned on me.

I never think long-term
about my life.

I always take the first thing
that comes along...

first job, first house,

first guy that asked me to marry him.

Mm-hmm.

Let's face it, Mike.
We're eeny people.

You know, eeny meeny miny mo.

Just that we never make it
to "mo."

We always stop at "eeny."

Eeny houses, eeny cars, eeny kids.

Don't you ever just wanna
be a "mo" person?

You know, sometimes, if you just
open the paper and point,

you can find a pretty great job.

Eeny thinking!

I don't want to just take
the next random job

like I always do.

I wanna do something
that I'm passionate about.

Oh, no. You're not gonna start
beading again, are ya?

No. That was dumb.

Look, I'm just talking about

finding something that I'm good at,

maybe going back to school and...

I don't know.

Learning a skill that people
might wanna pay me for.

You know, I read in "More" magazine

there's lots of people who have
these whole second acts.

How old are these people?

Old, Mike. Like us.

What do you think?
Second act, huh?

If it doesn't work out,
I promise I will take

the next low-paying, demeaning
crap job that comes my way.

(Door opens)

(Brick) Mm.

Man, I'm beat.

Hey, hold on a sec.
I wanna talk to you.

I got picked on by a third grader,

but when I told my teacher,

he said since I'm in fifth now,
I should just handle it.

So I went back to reason
with the third grader,

and he took my lunch, pushed me down,

and had the rest of
the third graders stand on me.

Sorry. What did you want
to talk to me about again?

Uh... (Sighs)

I'll, uh, catch you later.

So your dad and I have some news.

Yes! I'm gettin' a new car!
Whoo!

What?

I've totally been eavesdropping
on you guys,

and I overheard mom talking
about a "meeting with Ehlert"

and "it's time
for a fresh start."

And I'm gettin' a new car!
In your faces! Seniors rule!

(Sniffs) Continue.

You're not getting a new car.

Your mom lost her job.

You got fired?

- No, I wasn't fired. I was let go.
- Oh, no.

Are we gonna lose the house?

I can't go to Hickory Farms.
I can't.

It's Hickory Arms,
and we're not moving anywhere.

We decided that instead of me
getting another random job,

I'm gonna go back to school
and pursue an actual career.

But that means
in the short-term,

we're all gonna have to tighten
our belts around here.

Oh, my God. I thought you were
getting me a car.

Now you're saying
we're gonna be even poorer?

I can't believe this!

I was so nice to you guys all summer!

I barely even yelled at you,
and this is how you thank me?!

A teacher at my school got fired

because she had
an inappropriate relationship.

Did you have
an inappropriate relationship?

No. The point is,
your dad and I have decided

that it's not too late for me
to have a second act.

Oh, no. Is she gonna start
beading again?

No. Your mom agreed
that was dumb.

It's not dumb.
I love mom's beading.

She made me this necklace.

(Beads clatter)

Oh, this is so unfair!

It's my senior year.

How am I supposed to rule
without a car?!

Well, your mom's going
back to school.

If you want a new car,

you'll have to get a second job
to pay for it.

So I'm gonna have two jobs.
She's gonna have none?

You're the mom!

You're the one who's supposed to
be working yourself to death!

Wait.

You guys are messing with me,
right? This is all a big setup.

Is my new car outside the window?

You're not getting a car, you idiot.

We'll be lucky if we don't
have to sell one of ours

to pay for mom's school.

What? I can't believe
you're telling me this!

These are adult problems.

Whatever happened
to protecting our feelings?

Whatever happened to
not upsetting the kids?

We thought you'd be
mature enough to handle it.

Well, I'm not.
So from now on,

don't be sitting us down
and telling us bad things.

We'll just assume
those are happening.

Stop whining, Axl. It's called
being part of a family,

so we're gonna handle this
as a family.

And where the hell did Brick go?

(Mike) Brick, get back in here!
I still gotta talk to...

this is my gap year fund,

but you can have it if it helps out.

See?
(Snaps fingers)

(Chuckles) Now this is
a good brother.

He's chipping in for my new car.

(Coins clatter)

(Sighs) What's that?

Powdered milk.

It'll last us, like, nine months
and save us a bundle.

Help me unload the car and I'll
scoop you a nice tall glass.

Mom, dad, what would you do

if you knew someone who wanted
to run for something at school

but you know it's a real long shot?

Oh, Sue.
What are you trying out for now?

- Well, homecoming court, but...
- You're never gonna make that.

Mike! Don't tell her that.

Why, mom? (Gasps)
You think I could make it?

Well, it sounds like your dad
already said "no," so...

Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
It's not me.

It's my mentee, Jenna.

She's doing really well in school,

but homecoming court
is a whole other thing.

They only pick
the most fabulous girls

with the straightest hair
and the whitest teeth.

It's almost like
it's a popularity contest.

But what do you say to someone
who wants to try for something

that is so far out of their reach?

Oh. That's a tough one.

Um, but off the top of my head,
I would look her in the eye

and say, "Sue"...
or whatever her name is...

"I really admire your spirit
and tenacity.

And whatever happens,
I'm here for you."

That is spot-on advice.

(Clicks tongue)

Are you sure we didn't just
encourage Sue

to try out for homecoming court?

No, it's not her.

- You sure?
- I mean...

I think so, but I was
kind of half-listening.

- Me, too.
- What?

What?

So the next day,

I was off to enroll at
the Orson Technical Institute,

where second acts are born.

(Tv playing indistinctly) Can
we please get rid of this milk?

I feel like I'm drinking chalk.

Did you stir it? I told you,
you have to stir it.

Yeah, I tried.
It just goes back to milk dust.

No, no, while you're drinking it.

- Look, here. Yeah.
- Huh?

Stir and drink. Stir and drink.
Stir and... (Gags)

Well, it'll be good on cereal.

(Pen clatters) Mm.

Ooh, it's a commercial
for my school! Turn it up.

(Click) Do you dream of a
career in the exciting field

of air conditioning repair

or health information technology?

I did, and now I'm a certified
occupational therapist.

Ooh, an "-ist"!

I've always wanted to be
an "-ist."

In just a few short months,

I learned the skills I needed
to become a court reporter.

I could be a court reporter.

Whenever I watch those crime shows,

I always know who the criminal
is before they reveal it.

I don't think you'd actually
be solving crimes.

No, no, I'd just be assisting.

But the cops would come
to rely on me for my expertise.

The jobs of tomorrow are here today

in our cutting-edge
computer department.

Oh, that might be good.
I'm handy with computers.

Hey! Whenever you try
to watch a video online,

I'm always the one

that shows you how
to make the screen bigger.

- You never know how.
- (People) Thanks, OTI!

I'm not gonna let you step
on my buzz, Mike.

Hmm? Starting now,

I'm gonna stop dreaming
it and start living it.

(Indistinct conversations)

(Amplified voice)
You need to settle down

if we're gonna announce
the homecoming court.

I'm not kidding, people.

Fine. I'll wait.

I am so worried for her.

I don't know if I should
go over there or not.

I'm not even talking to my mentee.

I don't want to say what happened,

but there was a gift of a signed
"Jersey Boys" "Playbill"

that was not graciously received.

All right, seriously, people.

Okay, the votes have been tallied,

and your homecoming court is
as follows.

For the seniors,
Caroline Douglas and Axl Heck.

(Cheering) (Axl) Yes!

- For the juniors...
- (Amplified voice) Real quick.

Uh, you may have heard I totaled
my car in a demolition derby.

Not to worry, ladies.

I will have another sweet
ride by homecoming.

Seniors rule! (Microphone
feedback whines)

Whoo!
(Laughter)

(Cheering)

Juniors...
Kurt Kellogg, Amy Slaughter.

(Cheering)

Sophomores...
Chris Aillo, Courtney Sheehan.

(Cheering)

And finally,
for the freshmen class...

Ben Anderson and...

Jenna Taylor!

(Cheering)

Oh, my God.

We made homecoming court!

Aah!

(Laughs)

Brick, I need to talk to you.

Now.

Go.

I wanted you to know

that what you did
at the sub shop the other day

was not okay.

And, uh, I'm not gonna punish
you anymore at this point

'cause time has passed.

But you need to understand that
you were rude and disrespectful.

W-what'd I do again?

You ignored me and the Morrisons.

Okay. But in my defense,
I was at the end of a book.

That doesn't make a difference.

Mm, not to you.
You're not a big reader.

Look, I'm not punishing you,

but you can never
talk to me like that again,

especially in public
with other people around.

It's embarrassing.

Really?

But you guys weren't
embarrassed to be, like, 50

and walk-running
around those bases?

(Scoffs) Okay,

I'm trying to let you
off the hook here,

but you need to get that
you did something wrong.

You ignored me
and the Morrisons three times.

N-not three times,

'cause the first time
I didn't even hear you.

Whatever.
You ignored me twice.

So I'm being punished
for ignoring you twice?

I told you, I'm not punishing you.

'Cause I'm just saying,

when you're reading the sports
page, and I try to talk to you,

you tell me I'm being rude
for interrupting.

But when someone interrupts
my reading, I get punished.

I'm not punishing you!

I just need some clarification.

You want some clarification?
Fine.

You're punished. Two weeks!

Two weeks without what?

I'll get back to ya!

Mom!

These chips are stale.

(Crying) I'm never gonna
amount to anything!

I'm a big, fat failure!

(Dog barking in distance)
You know what?

I like 'em.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I can't go back to school.

(Mouth full) I like 'em chewy.

They're like gum.
They're like chip gum.

I went down to Orson Tech,
and I was all excited.

And then the lady started
asking me all these questions.

(Sobs) And I just got so overwhelmed!

Dad? Sue? Brick?

I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't know computers!

I mean, I know how
to make the screen big,

but I can't make it small again!

I just unplug the computer!

And the only reason I can
figure out those crime shows

is because it's always
the big guest star who's guilty.

Of course Jeff Goldblum
strangled the piano tutor! Duh!

(Crying) But...

You don't need to know all this now.

That's what school's for.
You'll, like, study it.

I haven't studied in 20 years.

I mean, look at this.

Every course requires, like,
tons of reading every night.

And I know this sounds petty,
but the exams are on Tuesday,

and The Bachelor's on Monday night!

Look, it's like you always tell me.

You gotta budget your time,
apply yourself, and focus.

(Grunts) You're young.

You have your whole life
ahead of you.

I don't know why I thought
I could have a second act.

I just have this whole long
crappy first act,

and at the intermission,
nobody cares.

Come on.
You're not that old.

Darrin saw you going to get
the mail the other day.

He said you looked pretty good
for a woman your age.

Really? He said that?

Are you sure? Like,
what were his exact words?

'Cause sometimes you say
a little bit,

but it's not the whole
conversation. (Sniffles)

Mom, you can do this.

If you look hard enough, you can
find that straight A student.

And when you do,

try to sit right next to them
so you can copy off their test.

(Laughs and sniffles)

I don't know. Maybe I can.

But even if could, like,

how am I gonna study or do homework?

It's not like the laundry's
gonna stop coming.

Mom...

You don't need to do this all alone.

Really?

Yeah.

It's about time dad, Sue, and Brick

started pulling their weight
around here.

Yeah.

(Chuckles)

(Sniffles)

(Indistinct conversations)

Hey, Sue. Wanna sit down?

No, Jenna.

Actually, I just wanted
to let you know

that I think my work here is done.

Under my tutelage, you have
become a cheerleader,

landed a really stunning boyfriend,

and been elected to homecoming court.

But now it is time for you
to fly on your own.

Plus, it's really not cool

for me to be sitting
at the freshmen table.

(Frankie) Everyone needs
someone to watch their back,

whether you're starting
high school...

or the second act of your life.

So how's this thing work again?

Okay.

Well...

First, you put in the detergent.

(Detergent sifts) Like that.

Then...

You get a new piece of duct tape,

put it over the lid,

turn the dial...

oh, and remember,
it's broken, so "hot" is cold.

But "cold" is also cold...
(Mouths word)

But use hot cold
instead of cold cold,

'cause cold cold uses too much water.

And sometimes it gets
a little wobbly,

and it might get out of balance,
so if you just...

(Thud) give it a hip check.

(Speaks indistinctly)
Yeah. Go ahead.

(Thud)