The Mick (2017–2018): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Snitch - full transcript

Stewart! Stewart! Stewart!

Stewart! Stewart!

Didn't feel it.

Stewart's such a freakin' beast!

Lax season, baby. It's finally here.

Dude, I'm laser-focused.

If I can show Coach what I'm capable of,

I got a shot at varsity next year.

Oh, for sure. You're, like,
the fastest kid in eighth grade.

I'm the fastest kid in the whole school.

All right, boys, listen up.



Great training camp.

Squad's looking real strong this year.

Stewart, your chest is bleeding.

No, it's not.

Yeah, it is.

No.

Okay, that's what I'm talking about!

Yeah.

As long as we keep raising banners,

we're untouchable!

Lockwood Owls, baby!

You're the freakin' man, Pierce!

Okay. All right.

Now, as a thank you for
a kickass training camp,



us seniors have a little present

to keep all of you guys, uh, motivated.

Gentlemen...

...check your phones.

Damn. She's unbelievable.

That picture comes to us from
the legendary Robby Ragosa,

who's playing D1

at Virginia, smokin' goals

and smokin' girls.

Wait, why is there no face on mine?

There's no face on any of 'em, doof.

It's a freakin' sext.

Oh.

Look at that body.

And, oh, that tattoo.

It's like a... it's like a freakin'...

Unicorn.

Mr. Pemberton.

Where-where am I...?

Damn, Alba, how many cars

- can one person crash?
- It was

- not my fault this time.
- You hit

a parked car. How is it not your fault?

- That guy parked like a maniac.
- Alba,

other people worked very hard
to be able to buy those cars,

- and now they're mine. Okay?
- They're not yours.

They're kind of...
They're, like, half-mine.

- They're ours. They're our cars.
- No. They're ours.

They're ours, and I want you to be

- more careful with our cars.
- Alba, just be careful.

Well, I cannot help it. When I am

behind the wheel, I am a slave

- to the power of the machine.
- Listen,

just clean up your act or else

- it's back to the minivan, okay?
- Well,

- I mean, don't.
- Oh, why you got to put me in a cage?

- I have no choice at this point.
- Don't go crazy, don't go crazy.

I need you to sign this.

No. What is it?

It's freakin' bullcrap.
That's what it is.

The lacrosse team was
passing around some pic

of some naked chick after practice.

Off to a creepy start.

Then Principal Gibbons
just pops out of nowhere

and busts me. Now I have to go in front

of the honor board and tell
'em who else was involved.

What's an honor board?

Why don't you ask her? She's on it.

It's a committee of
students and teachers

that handle disciplinary matters.

Sounds like a committee
of narcs and rats

that handle snitching matters.

I'm not a rat, okay? It
just looks really good

on your college applications.

Uh-oh. Nerd alert, Ben.

- Yeah. Nerd.
- Nerd.

Shut up. You don't know
what you're talking about.

Well, I know I got to go in
front of the stupid honor board

with Larry Flynt here.

This is not a joke.

I am not joking. I
don't want to do this.

All right, if I rat out my
teammates, they'll destroy me.

And if I don't, Principal
Gibbons will just crap

- all over my future.
- Guys,

we don't snitch.
That's it. End of story.

He's not gonna snitch. He's
just gonna tell the truth.

Will you listen

to yourself? "Just tell the truth."

Let me tell you a
little story about a guy

I grew up with who just told the truth.

Brendan Carthas. Was
very good‐looking,

but he got pinched with a whole backseat

filled with bootleg Poison tapes.

Cops offered him a deal. He took it.

Then he wound up a few
days later in the back

of a garbage truck, getting crushed

until his guts shot out of his
butt like a tube of toothpaste.

Oh, no, no, no. Come on, Benito.

- We go now. Come on.
- No,

he should hear this.

- No, no, no.
- Ben, you snitch, you die!

- No!
- Oh, God.

Chip, listen to me,

don't make this a thing, okay?

No, actually, don't listen to her.

I'll handle this, all right?

And what if you don't?

Then you shut your mouth and you
do your time like a man, bitch.

Wrong with these people?

Okay, Benito, let's go.

Oh, be careful. Crazy drivers.

Excuse me!

- Did you not see me waiting?
- Well,

you waited too long, my friend.

Come on, Benito.

Mmm.

That is very nice. Mmm.

You tried to trick me,

but that is blueberry.

That is blueberry.
That's good, that's good.

Mmm.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Not the Rolls.

Benito, did you see who did this?

Yep.

Tell me. Who did it, Benito?

No way. I'm never gonna snitch.

I don't want to be butt toothpaste.

Um...

Hello. Can I help you?

Principal Gibbons?

- Yes.
- Hi there.

I am Mickey. I'm, uh,

Chip Pemberton's aunt.

Oh. Well, please don't sit on my car.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Oh, and thank you for denting my hood.

Oh. Pretty sure that was
already there when I walked up.

- It wasn't. No, that wasn't there, that...
- Yeah, it was. No, it was there.

- What do you want?
- Well,

- I came to talk to you about Chip.
- Yes,

well, there was an incident...

He sucks. I get it.

And I'm pretty sure you get it, too.

But is this really a fair
position to be putting him in?

How can I explain this
to you? The success

of our institution is
ensconced in our values.

And when these values swing askew,

there are protocols in
place to right the ship.

Okay. Well, where I'm from,

we don't have protocols,
'cause we aren't nerds.

But we do have values,

and one of them is you don't snitch.

Look, it's not up to me.

We have an honor board
for this very reason.

Yeah, I heard all about
your little honor board.

And let me tell you about
a guy I knew growing up

who was also very honorable.

Brendan Carthas. My God, he was

- so attractive. This guy was...
- Okay. I do not have time for this.

- Well, I'm coming back around to the
snitching thing. - I have a lunch meeting

- that I'm late for. - I'm saying he
was a hot senior. It took me

- many years to get him in the sack.
- I will see you at Chip's hearing.

Hey, Chip, do you believe in God?

What?

Hey, Chip.

Hey, Sabrina.

- Got good news.
- What?

- Fixed your Gibbons problem.
- Really?

Mm‐hmm. All you have to
do is tell him who sent you

that picture, he's gonna
cancel the honor board

and save you the public humiliation.

How is this good news?

Then everyone's gonna
call me a traitor like you.

Chip, take the deal.

Hey, Chip!

Come over here, man.

Don't do it.

Later, traitor.

Hey, guys. What's up?

Take a seat, man.

So I heard Gibbons nabbed you yesterday.

Oh, yeah. Uh, don't worry
about it. It was worth it.

Uh, the picture was... insane.

Who's that girl?

Who knows, man? Ragosa's the king, huh?

Yeah, he is. Uh, I was up all
night. Was really worked up.

I like this kid, you
know? He's insatiable.

We got to get him a nickname, quick.

- Beaver Dog.
- Yes! Yes.

That is 100% it. What do you
think, Beaver Dog? You like it?

Um, yeah. I-I mean,
if... if you guys do.

I love it.

Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?

Want to come by The Pit?

The Pit? Really?

Are eighth graders even allowed there?

You'll be with us.

Yeah, man. We'll hook you up.

We'll see you there, Beaver Dog.

You da man, B-Diddy.

I am the man.

Yo, grab our trays!

Yeah, yeah. On it.

Mmm, would you like some
delicious cake, Benito?

- Yes, please.
- Whoa!

Not so fast. First,

tell me who scratched the car.

Okay.

Mmm.

Delicious.

You must try this. Mmm.

So good. Just say the
words, and it can be yours.

Mmm.

But Mickey said...

Mickey isn't here.

I am!

Me.

Your best friend.

So,

what's it gonna be?

Oh, it's like that, huh?

Okay.

That is fine.

I didn't want it to come down like this,

but you leave me no other choice.

Now tell me! Who did it, Benito?

Who did it? Who did it?

Wait! Stop!

Benito? Benito, Benito?

I need... my... inhaler.

Oh, no, no, no, okay,
okay, okay, Benito, hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Shh.

Oh. Here. Here, here, here.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is this what you want?

I can't... breathe.

What was that? I-I couldn't hear you.

You-you can't breathe?

Oh, you help me, and I help you.

Talk!

Okay... I'll talk.

Good boy, Benito.

That's right, breathe.

Nice, nice.

Okay.

Tell me everything.

- It was a man.
- Mm-hmm.

He had hair... and a face...

and he drove away... in a car.

That's it?

Can I have cake now?

Yes.

Enjoy your cake.

Hey, guys?

Pierce?

Anyone here?

Over here.

Hi, Chip.

I've been waiting for you.

I knew you'd come.

It's juice.

Gross.

Okay.

That... should... do it.

Okay... no.

Cool.

You gave it stripes.

What...

- Welcome home.
- What the hell did you do to my room?

- Oh, I destroyed it.
- Why?

Had a little chat with your
friend Principal Gibbons.

He says that it's not up to him

what happens to Chip.

He says it's up to you.

It is not up to me.

There's an entire honor
board that decides.

Well, you better figure something out,

because if you don't,

- I'm gonna have to go public with this.
- What the hell is that?

It's a little machine, and you
stick it into your computer.

Yeah, I know what it is. What's on it?

Oh, it's your entire hard drive.

And I've got a feeling

it's not all that honorable.

Oh.

Oh, I was right.

I want you to listen to me right now.

I own you. A...

Yeah...

You were just gonna snitch on me.

What?! Like hell.

That's called extortion, stupid.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

Hey, looking good.

Hey, man.

Beaver Dog has arrived.

What's the matter, Chippy?

Pine cone got your nuts?

Ooh, freakin' Geno Pinero!

Hey,

what the hell are you doing here?

Lax guys invited me.

Chip, those guys are just
covering their own asses.

They don't even like you.

I don't think they'd call me Beaver Dog

if they didn't like me.

What?

Beaver Dog. It's my nickname.

- No, it's not.
- Uh, yeah it is.

The guys gave it to me.

Chip, as easily as I can
save you in this world,

I can destroy you.

And that is exactly what I will do

if you don't go home right now.

Beaver Dog!

You've got to be kidding me.

'Sup, Sabrina.

You coming to the Brunswick game?

Tool.

Your sister needs a hug, man.

Yeah.

You guys sure it's okay I'm here?

Absolutely. Dude, you're
one of us now, okay?

So if anybody messes with you,
just, like, let us know, okay?

Okay.

I mean, Geno Pinero

just kind of smoked me in
the nuts with a pine cone.

Oh, with a dong like that,
you'd think he'd be happier.

Yeah.

Don't worry, we'll
take care of it, okay?

I'm thinking monkey business?

Done.

What's "monkey business?"

Just step back.

He's got to find it.

Yeah.

Ooh.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

- Get off me!
- Hey, hey, hey!

What the hell, man?

Don't hit that monkey.
What's the matter with you?

- I-I didn't hit a monkey.
- What is the matter with you?

You didn't hit that monkey just now?

Chip, you see Geno hit
that monkey just now?

- Uh, yeah
- Yeah! He saw you hit the monkey, Geno.

And you messed up, because
that's Chip's monkey, okay?

- Monkey? Are you serious?
- Now apologize.

Does it look like I'm playing, Pinero?!

Okay, okay, fine. I'm sorry.

- For what?
- For hitting the monkey.

- Hey, really, it's okay.
- Whose mo...

No, it's not okay, Chip.

Whose monkey are you
sorry for hitting, Pinero?

- Chip's monkey.
- Say it again!

I'm sorry for hitting Chip's monkey.

I'm sorry for hitting Chip's
monkey, just get off of me.

You good, bro?

Yeah, I'm good. Just stop.

You're lucky my boy's got a good heart.

Don't let me catch you beating
up on monkeys ever again.

Now get out of here.

Lax for life?

Lax for life.

Come on, we have to feed him after this.

- He gets very hungry. Come on.
- Okay.

Nice work today.

It's been a big day for you, huh?

Hey.

- Buckle up, bitch.
- I hate you.

- Same.
- Hey, hey! Shoo!

- Get away from my client.
- Is that Mom's suit?

Used to be Mom's suit, now it's my suit.

- Oh, your breath reeks of booze.
- Oh, does it?

You gonna go tell on me, Donnie Brasco?

Get the hell out of here.

Ugh.

Hope you have a plan.

Yeah, I'll pop 'em in or something.

For the hearing!

Oh, yeah. Oh, are you
kidding me? Of course I do!

No, I was up all night watching
prep school movies in preparation.

I got Scent of a Woman,
Dead Poets Society,

uh, Deep Blue Sea,

School Ties. By the way,

It's a good thing you're not a Jew,

because that seems to be quite
the deal-breaker in this world.

Did you say Deep Blue
Sea? The shark movie?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You seen it recently?

- No, no.
- Totally holds up.

- Hey, you ready?
- Yeah.

- You ready? You ready for this.
- All right. Yeah.

- Yeah? You ready? Huh? You
ready for this? - Please. Stop.

- Huh? Huh?
- Okay. Yeah!

- You ready for this? All right.
- Yeah, just... please?

Let's go stomp on those
Jew-hating bastards.

Okay.

It's this way.

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Ugh.

This is even sicker than I thought.

There is some real evil

Illuminati-type vibes in here, right?

The hell are those?

My notes.

Oh, God.

We gather,

as so many before us have,

- in the quest for truth.
- Yes, thank you.

No, that's... that's not...

how it works, just... sit down, please.

As I was saying, we are
here in search of the truth.

Now, is there a board member
who feels compelled to begin...

Yes, there is. Thank you
so much, Principal Gibbons.

Chip,

would you categorize
yourself as popular?

I'm on the lacrosse
team, so, I'm popular.

- I like that.
- A lot to like.

Nope, nope, nope.

Yes.

The lacrosse team, and proud we are

of all they do for our school.

Typically, there isn't much interaction

between middle school
and varsity players,

though that isn't true
in your case, is it?

I-I guess not.

Hmm. Why do you think that is?

I don't know. Probably
something to do with...

- my speed.
- Mm-?hmm.

Your speed.

Yes, I'm sure they're

all enamored with your speed.

He is very fast.

Oh, please don't.

I know because I raced him once.

All right.

I‐I did win, but that's...

because I'm also very fast.

Chip...

who sent you the photo?

Uh...

I don't know.

- Nobody.
- So, it was yours then?

Well, no, it wasn't mine.

Huh. So, it must've
appeared out of thin air.

Obviously, it didn't appear...

Chip, it's come to my attention

that you were recently given a nickname.

Would you please share said
nickname with the board?

Beaver Dog.

Couldn't quite catch that, Chip.

- Beaver Dog.
- What?

- Yeah! Beaver Dog!
- Okay, this is ridiculous.

- Oh, sit down.
- No, I'm done sitting down!

I've been around, you know.

There was a time

I could see and I have seen.

Brendan Carthas.

You want to ask him

about snitching?

Oopsie, too bad. You can't.
Do you want to know why?

'Cause he's dead.

Okay, can we please get to the point?

Oh, I'm just getting warmed up.

Now, I don't know

if Chip's silence is right or wrong,

but this is bigger than us.

This is about two words...
Mon-ey. Wall Street.

That Indian guy outside the bodega,

pocketing ten bucks to get
you a porno mag, he's gone.

He's long gone, and he's left us

to spin inside this
sticky web of technology

and swiping.

Hey, don't swipe me, man.

What in God's name are you talking...

You think they wanted
the sharks to get smarter?

It just happened...

and they all got eaten because of it.

Are we gonna eat this boy?

Do you all want

to eat this boy because
someone gave him something?

I can do the math.
One, two, three, not it.

Uh... and Chip didn't ask to be it.

- Did you ask to be it?
- Nah.

You hear that?

"Nah."

And now you want him

to sell out his
unquenchable sexual appetite

and his integrity?

I got news for you, friends.

Neither one are for sale.

This young man

chooses honor.

He chooses life.

He chooses lust.

We are but food for worms, gentlemen.

Worms.

I think it's best

we take a short recess,

so we can all process what
has been said here today.

It's a lot. I, myself, am confused.

You're welcome.

Ugh, get away from me!

- What's wrong with you?
- It's you!

- What-What's me?
- You're the girl.

The picture from Robby
Ragosa. I-lt's you.

No, but you were...

You...

No, no, no!

As soon as everyone is seated

- we can begin the hearings again.
- No, we can't!

- Hey!
- It was Pierce and Stewart!

- Expel them both!
- They did it!

- Not me!
- Gone!

- It was Stewart.
- No, no, it was Pierce.

I want them out of here!

- Screw you, dude.
- Get them!

I didn't do it!

Leave!

Now, you remember what
I told you, Benito?

That minivans are for
soccer moms and pedophiles.

No, the other thing.

That I can never

tell anyone about this.

That's right.

I'm not a snitch.

I know...

but I'm gonna need you to prove it.

Torch that son of a bitch.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on. Come on, come on, come on.

Good.

Good boy.

Whoa. Okay.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

You know, Benito,

if anyone ever messes with
you, like a teacher or a coach,

then you can snitch, okay?

Okay.

Good boy.

I like fire.

I know you do, Benito.

I know you do.

What'd everybody do today?

Nothing.

Yeah. Very boring day.

Yeah.

Hey.

How'd your first game on varsity go?

How do you think it went?

Thanks to me, we had all
our best players expelled.

Real weird energy in here today, huh?