The Mentalist (2008–2015): Season 4, Episode 21 - Ruby Slippers - full transcript

I could see the glow from the corner.
I thought the whole alley was on fire.

LISBON: What were you doing out here?
Delivering pizzas.

I like to use this alley as a shortcut.

Did you see anybody
when you were out?

No, just, um, you know,
the guy in the car.

I didn't see him at first.
Too much smoke.

Was he still alive?

I don't think so, no. I mean, how could he be?

Handcuffed inside a burning car?

- Who is he anyway?
- Uh, we're still working on that.

Poor bastard.
Burned alive, that's no way to go.



Oh, hey, Cho. You scared the hell out of me.

I just found these.

That's careless of someone.
Or perhaps careful.

- What'd you find?
- Not sure yet.

Cover me.

Why do I have to go up first?

Because you are always first for the show.

Girl.

Just because I'm the only one that shows up.

Ooh.

We'll be out soon.

Oh, we're not here
for what you're here for.

Does this belong to anyone?

I guess it's true what they say,
time wounds all heels.



These are my favorite.

I'm Agent Lisbon with the CBI.
What's your name?

Glennda Snow.

I'm the emcee of our troop.
We do a cabaret.

We found your heel in the alleyway.

Along with a dead man.

He'd been set on fire.

We heard the sirens outside,
but we had no idea.

What were you doing in the alley?

Enjoying an ultra slim.

I always smoke a cigarette
before the first show.

And what time were you out there?

I don't know exactly, 8:30%

The arson investigator says the fire
was set sometime between 8:45 and 9.

Oh, well, Glennda was with us by then.

Yeah, that's right.
She helped me into my garments.

I was. Who died? Who was it?

- We don't know.
- Two minutes to curtain, girls.

Ooh.

If you'll excuse me,
the stage is calling.

Hang on a minute.
Did you see anybody in the alley?

As a matter of fact, there was a man
in a parked car. Watching me.

- What'd he look like?
- Couldn't see his face. It was dark.

I felt vulnerable, so I high-tailed it
back in. That's when I felt my heel break.

Why didn't you pick up your heel?

In this dress, darling?

Time to welcome that
Sacramento princess you're dying to possess.

The delectable Glennda Snow.

I think he's telling the truth.

I don't know. The other drag queens
could've been covering for him.

I find it unlikely that a man in heels,
sequins and an elaborate hairstyle...

...would subdue and handcuff
another man and then set him on fire.

Oh, no. Oh, please don't. Please.

Then again he is very forceful.

Hmm, and extremely limber.

Car was registered to Archie Bloom.

Local boy, 19 years old.

Forensics requested dental records
to confirm he's the victim.

Contacted the parents?

Sacramento P.D. spoke with his father
last night.

Archie Bloom Sr.
He's a local superintendent of schools.

- What do we know about cause of death?
- Nothing till the autopsy.

Coroner found no cause to contradict
he was burned alive.

- That's how we'll proceed.
- What was the victim doing?

We don't know. The fire was set
outside a drag-queen venue...

...but a dozen businesses open up
onto that alley.

Archie could've been tied
to any of them.

Sac. P.D. wants to help. I'll ask them
to show the victim's photo around.

One thing I do know
is we got a lot of fingerprints.

On the car. On the gas can. They
even found a partial on the handcuffs.

Tracked the bar code on those
gas cans. Came from a discount store.

- Bargain Emporium.
- You and Rigsby check it out.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I want you and Jane
to go talk to Archie Sr.

He's gonna want to believe
his son's alive.

- Careful not to build up his hope.
- All right.

He's dead, isn't he?

I know he's dead.

It was his car, right?

We're waiting for a positive ID.

But you're moving forward
on the premise that it was him.

Am I right?

Yes.

Thank you.

- You don't seem surprised.
- I'm not.

My son was a victim his whole life.

Never a murder victim.

No, but it was my deepest fear.

That Archie would get himself
into a dangerous situation.

- He was a troublemaker?
Exactly the opposite.

He was the target of troublemakers.

Soft, I suppose you could say.

That's why it was so hard
asking him to move out.

Archie hadn't been living here?

We had a deal. I'd provide room
and board while he earned a degree.

But six months ago, heh,
Archie decided that college wasn't his thing.

So you invited him to leave.

It was a teaching moment.

- Painful but necessary.
- How'd your wife feel about that?

My wife died when he was 6 years old.

It's been the Archies ever since.

The boy was nothing like me.

Why? Because he's gay?

I don't -

Was he?
Is that what it says in your files?

- We don't keep files on gay people.
- I mean, it's okay if he was.

I would never judge anyone
based on such criteria.

But if he was,
he never talked to me about it.

I have to ask. Procedure and all.

Where were you last night at 8:45?

Home alone. Working.

I'm writing a book on educational theory.

I'd like to take a look at your son's
bedroom, if you don't mind.

Down the hall on your right.

How did you know Archie was gay?

Well, Archie Sr. named his son
after himself like a king.

He was hoping for an heir, yet there's
not one photo of Junior in the house.

- You think he's ashamed.
- Look at this room.

Traditional masculine decor.

Bold nautical themes.

Like a furniture catalog threw up in here.

Yes.

These are not the choices
of a teenager.

I think Archie Sr.
personally decorated this room...

...in the attempt to butch up his gay son.

You should have seen my room
back home. Posters everywhere.

- Let me guess, Hanson?
- They wrote their own music.

Uh, looks like Archie did
hang something on the wall.

I'm guessing that was a photo
of him and his mother.

- What's on his computer?
- It's password protected.

I'll have to take the drive to CBI
and run some recovery software.

Oh, okay, you do that.

Thank you for coming.

The woman on the phone said you'd
like me to help with your investigation.

We need to see if your prints match
the prints we found at the crime scene.

So I'm a person of interest.

Yeah, you are.

Hmm.

Can I ask you something?

Do you always go out like this?
In drag, I mean?

Whenever I get dressed,
I try to consider where I'm going...

...who I'm going to see,
and how I can blow them away.

Let me escort you to Fingerprinting.

A police escort. How could I refuse?

We keep the gas cans back here
on Aisle 12.

Yeah, here we go.

- Those are the ones.
- What crime were they used in?

We can't go into the details,
but maybe you can help us out.

Have you ever seen this man
in the store?

Archie? I hope so. He works here.

What did he do?

His car was found on fire last night.

- There was a body inside.
- Oh, no.

- Well, was it...?
- We don't know yet.

- How long did Archie work here?
- A couple months maybe.

Know anyone who wanted to hurt him?

Yeah. Rick.

- Total douche.
- Rick?

Rick Hughes.

He stocks shelves and quotes Fight Club.

He picks on Archie all the time.

Last week Archie had bruises all over.
He wouldn't tell me what happened.

- But I'll bet it was Rick.
- Is Rick here now?

In the loading bay.

- All right.
- Take it. Couple more things.

- Rick Hughes?
- That's right.

Let's talk about Archie Bloom.

- Who are you? His bodyguard?
- Why would Archie need a bodyguard?

Heh, if you don't know...

CBI. We have reason to believe
Archie was murdered last night.

For real? How?

- You tell me.
RICK: That's what this is about?

- Come on, man, I never laid a finger on Archie.
- That's not what I heard.

You heard wrong.

Trying to say you never hassled Archie?

I always hassled Archie, so what?

We worked together.
But I liked him, you know?

Every time I come across
defective merchandise here...

...I give it to him as a gift.

What'd you give him?

Stuffed animals. An apron.

What?

This was Archie's locker.

I take it he wasn't the one
who added the decorations.

No, that would be Rick.
Textbook homophobe.

My manager told him to stop,
but guys like that...

If it was so bad,
why didn't Archie just quit?

He said it wasn't any different
at his last job.

He wanted to learn how to handle it better.

I gotta go back to the register.

- Shut the locker when you're done.
- Sure, thank you.

Rigsby.

Hey, it's Lisbon.
The dental records came back.

The body inside the car
has been confirmed as Archie Bloom.

- Ah, that's too bad.
- His father gave us an address.

If you don't mind, I'll get Cho to check it
out. Archie worked in the store here.

I think I found a lead
that I want to run down at the office.

- Sure.
- Okay.

Looks like the whole roll was taken.
Call me as soon as you process the film.

Um, after you.

Such a gentleman.

Well, Glennda's prints don't match
any of the prints at the crime scene.

I did background checks
on the drag queens. None stand out.

Oh, don't let them hear you say that.

Hey, you guys. I found some videos
on Archie's hard drive.

They're inside a partition. Looks like
Archie didn't want prying eyes to see.

You found something?

Can you play the files?

I think so.

Nice guy.

So it seems.

Okay, got it.

These look like they were created three
years ago. Archie was in high school.

No, I am done asking. Into your room.

- Sit in the chair. I said sit down.
- Let go.

Now, you are going to do
exactly as I tell you.

Put your left arm on the chair.

- You're hurting me.
- Stop whining.

Are you kidding? Handcuffs?

The latest educational tool.

Now, you are gonna sit here all
night long until your homework is done.

Maybe this will toughen you up.

Wait. Pause the video.

Those are hinged handcuffs. Just like
the ones used in the victim's murder.

I'm guessing this wasn't the first
Daddy Dearest routine.

Archie had that camera set up
and recording before they walked in.

Play it further.

Somebody help me.

Tactical handcuffs. Dual hinged.

The same make you used
to chain your son to his desk.

What are you talking about?

Archie secretly videotaped it.

We found it in his computer.

You don't understand
what you were watching.

Enlighten us.

Relationship between completed
homework and academic achievement...

...is statistically compelling.

With Archie, aggressive techniques
were necessary to keep him motivated.

Oh, you motivated him all right.
Right out of college.

That was his failure, not mine.

A dropout doesn't
look good on the Wikipedia page...

...of a wanna-be educational giant,
does it? Is that why you killed him?

My own son?

Because the cuffs happen to look like mine?

- We found your fingerprints on them.
- That's impossible.

Unless -

I suppose that someone
could have stolen them from my office.

- Gonna take that route?
- I know how that sounds.

You should consider a lie-detector test.
It'll clear all this up.

- Happily.
- Give me your hand.

Excuse me?

You said, "Happily."

Okay, just a couple of irrelevant
questions to establish a baseline.

- What's your name?
- Archie Bloom.

- Did you love your son?
- Yes.

Were you ashamed of him?

It's an irrelevant question.

I already know the answer.

The truth, please.

Were you ashamed of your son?

Yes.

Did you kill him?

No.

No, I didn't.

LISBON:
So do you think he killed the victim?

He did. Or at least he feels like he did.

Hard to be certain.

Guilt comes in many forms.

That's the best you can do?

- For now.
- Hmm.

- What?
- Are you wearing perfume?

Right.

You've been standing
close to someone that is.

That would be Glennda.
She's very fragrant.

- You just called Glennda "she."
- So?

You didn't before.

- I have to go.
- Where?

I just had a thoughtless impulse.
Or an inspired hunch.

I'm not sure which yet. I'll let you know.

- How you doing? Agent Cho. CBI.
- You're not here to buy a book.

- Who died?
- Archie Bloom.

"Something good will come
of all things yet."

- How did Archie die?
- Homicide.

His father gave us this address
as his last known residence.

My apartment's upstairs.

I rent out my spare room
to help cover my lease.

Hard to remain a viable
literary watering hole...

...when the counter culture
is free online.

Tell me about your relationship
with the victim.

Sacramento is a place of wide lawns
and narrow minds.

Archie came here to nourish his soul.

When his father kicked him out,
I was happy to rent him a room.

- When was the last you saw him?
- I haven't in a week.

He cleared out without leaving a note.
Or his last month's rent.

Any idea why?

Was he in trouble?

"I have nothing to offer anybody
but my own confusion."

- Kerouac.
- No, Kesey.

Influenced by Kerouac. Common mistake.

No, you.

You keep quoting Kerouac.

An overrated bum. I need you to answer
my questions in your own words.

Where were you last night at 8:45?

Hey. We caught a break.

- On the father?
- On the co-worker.

Rick Hughes. He's 22. He was seen
harassing Archie Bloom at work.

He's got two strikes for larceny,
and check this out.

I found a disposable camera in Archie's
locker, had the film developed.

LISBON: What's he stealing? Baby formula?
- A staple in retail theft gangs.

Always in demand and way overpriced.
Trust me, I know.

Archie was taking surveillance photos.

He must've been planning on
exposing Hughes.

A third strike would put Hughes away.

- A motive for murder.
- Bring him in.

I'm gonna hold the kid's dad
as long as I can.

Okay.

Sorry to interrupt.

The funeral director told me
I'd find you back here.

Hello, Glennda.

Peeking behind the curtain.

Careful you don't lose your illusions.

Heh, it's a little late for that, let me tell you.

They prefer I go by Glenn here.
And act like Glenn.

A funeral cosmetologist.

That makes sense.

Even a diva needs a day job.

I've always loved makeup.

But, uh, wearing it wasn't an option
for a boy in Sacramento.

So I chose a career in death care.

What brings you to my laboratory?

I wanted to know why you lied to me
about the crime scene.

And what makes you think I lied?

Well, I didn't, at first,
I cold read you as a man.

I thought your theatrical mannerisms
were part of the character you played.

I underestimated the extent
of your transformation.

Three hours of makeup
and a $4000 dress has that effect.

You become someone else.

You become a woman.

Hmm.

And women often act out a part, uh,
in the midst of deceit.

They can be emotional or coy or seductive.

And I thought I had gender issues.

This is your last chance.

I want the truth or I call my
police friends and they'll lock you up.

Glenn and Glennda
will both be out of work.

What did you see in that alley?

A man holding a red gas can.

Pouring it over a car.

Was there anyone inside the car?

I don't know. It was dark.

And what did this man look like?

Like I said, it was dark.

You're playing dumb again.

I am not playing. I'm scared.

I have been a target my whole life.

I'm not gonna make myself
a target for a killer.

- Did you know Archie was onto you?
- Yeah.

- When did he find out?
- Last week.

Off-loading boxes
and I heard something by the dumpster.

I looked inside and it was
the little princess.

- And what was he doing?
- Dumpster diving.

- Okay. For what?
- We throw away a lot of junk.

You know, busted chairs,
old magazines, dead plants.

Archie said he needed
to furnish his new room.

You assaulted him?
So he wouldn't call the cops on you?

I'll tell you the same thing I told your cop
buddy. I never laid a finger on Archie.

Although I did lock him
in that dumpster for a couple of hours.

What?

Where were you at 8:45 last night?

In bed. I'm in bed every night
by that time. I work the 4 a.m. shift.

So in other words, you have no alibi.

No alibi and your prints were on
the gas cans at the murder scene.

- Wait.
- Cans that poured accelerant...

...on the vehicle
in which Archie was burned.

Of course my fingerprints were
on those cans. I stocked them.

You stole them,
like you stole this merchandise.

Killed Archie to avoid a third strike
and 25 years.

That's it. I want a lawyer.

- Hey. Sit down. Little help.
- You heard me? I want a lawyer.

What do you think?

All cruelty stems from weakness,
and this one's a quivering mess.

Emotionally immature.
Aggressively masculine.

He harbors childhood pain tied to
bedwetting or some similar humiliation.

- Yeah, he could be our killer too.
- You're not making this easy.

Hey, Summer.

Kimball, I need your help.

How fast can you make it
to Glenbrook Park?

- Depends. Is something wrong?
- Yes. It's a matter of life and death.

- What's going on? Who's in danger?
- The puppies.

There's this adoption agency.

And, oh, it's so sad.
The tragedy of these poor animals.

- We are so lucky to have homes.
- Can we talk about this later?

No. They're about to pack up
and I need to pick one out for you.

- Here, can I have this one, please?
- No, no. I don't want a dog.

Oh, but you will when you see this pug.

- No, I won't.
- He's just like you, Kimball.

He's all fierce on the outside
and, like, softy inside.

And he's got this really
squishy little face.

I gotta go. I gotta go.

Whoa, wait, hey. How about lunch?

I'm working a case.

That's perfect.
We'll have something to talk about.

No, I have to find out where
our victim was living.

Oh, come one, Kimball. You have to eat.

I'll spring for lunch.
You guys owe me a paycheck anyway.

Look, I gotta go. I'll see you tonight.
No dogs.

But I want one.

The victim's address is 2 miles away.
As far as we know, he has no friends.

And he was one step away
from being homeless.

I've been hitting halfway houses
all day...

...looking for a place he might have
crashed. You're my last hope.

And your best one.

You know him?

It's Archie Bloom. You, uh...

- You said he was murdered?
- Yeah.

Take a minute.

Ah -

It's okay. Um...

Let me show you his room.

My name's Kelly.

I'm a counselor here.

I was assigned to Archie
when he came to us last week.

Would that be when he left
the bookstore where he was renting?

Is that what Gabriel told you?

- Archie was renting a room?
- That's right.

Gabriel took in the boy
because he was in love with him.

Only Gabriel's form of love
involved bouts of meth and violence.

Here's his bed.

Did Archie tell you why he came here?

He didn't want to come.
He wanted to work it out with Gabriel.

Archie felt rejected by his father...

...so the acceptance of an older male
meant a lot to him.

But Gabriel was a predator.

- Which is how Archie got the bruises.
- It was an abusive relationship.

It took a lot of courage, but Archie left
everything at Gabriel's to join us.

- Excuse me.
- Sure.

Give it back!
I'll give it back when I'm done!

Hey, guys. Enough.

What is going on in here?

My client, Mr. Bloom, has connections,
and if you don't let him go...

...the next call
will be from the mayor.

Sorry, but there are no special privileges.

Your client is a murder suspect.

Attorney for Rick Hughes.
I'd like to talk to my client, please.

Hold on.

Cho. Cho, help me out.
I am desperate here.

I got a lead.

- Which one? The dad or coworker?
- The lover.

- What lover?
- He's a new suspect.

Great. Just what I need.

- Who was that?
- Will you take me to my client already?

Do you realize
how long I've been waiting for?

Sitting looking at me like that, please -

All the great ones
had some form of addiction.

Kerouac's romance
was with Benzedrine.

On the Road would never
have been written without it.

Oh, the literary detective.
I had a feeling you'd be back.

Looking for new roommates, Gabriel?

Something like that.

You three, out.

Okay.

We have a warrant to search
your shop and the apartment.

What for?

Evidence linking you to
the murder of Archie Bloom.

Why would I kill Archie?

We read his journal. We know about it.

The sexual abuse
driven by substance abuse.

- Crystal meth, to be exact.
- Archie's journal was a writing project.

It's a pure work of fiction.

Not what he told his counselor
at the halfway house.

- Take off your jacket.
- All right. There's a limit.

Fine. Keep it on.
Raise your hands so I can search you.

No, you're not.

Ow.

In Archie's fictional journal...

...the bad guy kept something
interesting inside his jacket.

- Crystal meth.
- Okay, okay, okay.

For all your high-minded talk, you're
nothing but a predator and a drug addict.

He's barely an adult.

When he threatened to tell
the police, you killed him.

- Just like the journal said you would.
- I didn't -

You planning on joining this
investigation? We could use your help.

I'm weighing evidence in my head.

- Where do you want this one?
- Rooms 1 and 2 are in use.

- I'll put him in 3.
- That's it. Our stables are full.

Any more suspects,
we'll convert the janitor's closet.

This is Gabriel Lamb's defense attorney.

Where's my client?

Lawyers in my office.
I'll be with you shortly.

- Anything at the bookstore?
- Crystal meth.

Some on the suspect
and 40 grams in his apartment.

I don't get it.
Got three prime murder suspects.

All of whom are guilty of other crimes.

Thanks to the evidence
you were provided.

- Uncovered. Not provided.
- Semantics.

Our best hope to nail the killer
is to leverage our evidence.

- But which suspect do we go after?
- Three neatly packaged possibilities.

Uh, the only way to know
who killed Archie Bloom...

...is to convince the witness to talk.

We've got a witness?

Yeah.

Hold me tonight

Mm, mm-hm.
Sickening, Shangela. Truly.

Oh, well, girl, it's getting there.

Okay, and then after Shangela,
I take the stage. Me, me, me.

And then I introduce Anita Mandelay
for a little burlesque number.

Oh, my. He stops my heart every time.

Hi, Glennda.
- Hello, Patrick. Girls.

Well, it seems everyone knows me.

Aah! Oops, we're a close little group
back here, ha, ha.

I'm the drag mom for most of these girls.

Starting out, it helps to have
someone show you the way.

- What do you do for them?
- Oh, what don't I do?

I help them figure out where to shop,
how to dress, and who to become.

Nothing wows like vintage Madonna.

This is Miss Labelled.
She runs a pizza joint in River Park.

- What did Glennda teach you?
- I learned how to market myself.

- Half off a large pepperoni.
Heh.

If you bring in your ticket stub
from the show.

I learned how to keep it simple
and make it sparkle.

This is Fritta People. Dentist by day...

...devastating by night.

- Uh, excuse me. What's your name?
- Fifi Nix.

Fifi Nix. And what did Glennda teach you?

- How to accept who I am.
- Ah.

Wish someone would show me
that trick. Bravo.

So, Patrick, you didn't come
all this way just to meet girls.

You're right, uh, we have some
suspects in the murder investigation.

I was hoping that you could come in
and pick out the killer from the lineup.

I can't do that.
Uh, I might make myself his next target.

Enough people hate us for who we are.

I don't need to give them added incentive.

I thought I made myself clear about that.

Oh, what you've made clear here is that
you know how to celebrate what's different.

And Archie Bloom was different...

...and he was burned alive for it.

You have to go.

Hmm.

There you are.

I brought this for you.

Thanks.

You aren't going to eat it?

- I'm not hungry. What are you doing here?
- Oh.

I came to fill out some paperwork.

A girl's gotta get paid.

- Right.
- Yeah.

And I came to see you.

Hey, Summer.

- Hey, Teresa.
- Hey, boss.

- What is that about?
- Come here.

Are you ashamed of me?

I'm at work. She's my boss.
We need to be discreet.

It's nothing personal.

I get it.

I just wish we could be open.

Like boyfriend and girlfriend.

We can. If you stop being my CI.

I don't want to stop.

I need this job.
The money's right, and I like it.

It's the first grown-up job I've had.

All right, then.
No more fooling around at work. Okay?

Yes, sir, Agent Cho.

On the double. Where's my money?

Come on.

LISBON:
Number three, please step forward.

- What about him?
- Take your time.

Hmm, no, I don't think it's him.

Thank you.
Number four, please step forward.

Mm-mm.

I'd remember him. He's a brute.

LISBON:
Thank you, and number five, your turn.

You know him?

That one definitely looks familiar.

Is he the man you saw in the alley?

No. He's too big.

All of them are too big.
The man that I saw was slender.

Well, we tried.

We did more than that.
We confirmed my suspicions.

Glennda, come along.
There's some people I'd like you to meet.

You two are free to go.

These sad specimens
are the real suspects.

Not any longer. They're tainted.

Jane, do you have any idea
what you've done?

I haven't done anything yet.
Glennda. Meet the suspects.

Bachelor number one, a serial bully...

- ...and a thief.
- Is that a dude?

Bachelor number two owns his own
bookstore. A drug-addicted sadist.

The best dancer in the world would
look crazy to those who can't hear.

Who enjoys bad poetry.

Which leaves us with
bachelor number three.

And the lowest life form of them all.

A father that rejected his own son.

Thank you.

You just made my attorney's job
much easier.

All three of these suspects are
equally guilty for lighting the flames...

- ...that took the life of Archie Bloom.
- They can't all be killers.

They can.
I figured out who Glennda saw...

...in that alleyway the night
the victim was murdered.

Yes. Archie Bloom.

The young man
that doused his own car with gas...

...handcuffed himself to the steering
wheel, and then lit a match.

If the victim took his own life,
it exonerates my client of guilt.

- Uh, all of our clients.
- Guilt is a relative term.

You three men drove a boy
to take his own life.

He left clues to make
each one of you a suspect.

What was the point? He had to know
the evidence would never stand up.

Archie rigged it so if your clients
didn't go down for murder...

...they'd each have to answer
for their other crimes.

Charging Rick Hughes with theft.
Gabriel Lamb, drug dealing.

- And Archie Bloom -
- Will walk.

- I guarantee it.
- Where's he going?

Your client handcuffed his gay son
to a desk.

- Wait till that video gets out.
LISBON: You're never gonna work again.

It's just a shame a boy had to take his
own life to bring each of you to justice.

Carl, get them out of here.

Such a nice face.

Why did he choose our alley
to end his life?

Sometimes a dark alley is just a dark alley.

Well, they've all been processed.

That's a big haul today.

You solved a murder, you booked
three scumbags, as you coppers say.

You should be very proud.

I don't think I've ever been
so depressed about a case.

I can't get that kid out of my head.

You want some tea?

I don't think tea's gonna do it.

Hmm.

In that case, I think I know
just the thing to cheer you up.

- Cabaret.
- Jane.

If we hurry, we can catch the late show.

Come on, I need to get
flowers on the way.

Mm.

Come on.

Oh, now who died?

Don't mind us. We come
bearing well wishes and flowers.

Oh.

Fifi Nix.

This is, uh, Teresa Lisbon.
Fifi, these are for you.

I wanted to wish you luck with
your new life. You deserve the best.

What new life?

- You gonna tell her, or shall I?
- I have no idea what you mean.

Such modesty. Actually, I'm quite
surprised you hadn't picked it up.

Fifi Nix?

Phoenix. Risen from the ashes.

Fifi Nix is Archie Bloom?

That's right, I was. Archie, I mean.

The suicide was staged?

Not at first.

It was gonna be real.

They talked me out of it.

Where did you get the body?

Here's hoping I look good in prison orange.

I stole an unclaimed body
from the cemetery where I work.

It was destined for the potter's field.

FRITTA: Watch the head.
Drop it.

FRITTA: What's that?
This way.

Get the door.

Oh, my God. Come on, come on.

ARCHIE: My heel.
Don't worry about it. Let's go.

What about dental records?

Well, Ms. Fritta People over there
happens to be a dentist during the day.

Archie's dentist.

I x-rayed the corpse and supplied
your department with the film.

ARCHIE:
That's how I met everyone.

Last year I was getting a checkup and I
noticed traces of eyeliner on my dentist.

He introduced me around.

So you were all in on it?

We're suckers for heartache.

And that's why I lied
about what I saw in the alley.

She lied to protect us.

How did you know it was me?

You're exactly what I expected to find.

I mean, aside from
a little paint and body work.

What did you expect to find?

The victim we were investigating
wasn't someone preparing to die.

It was someone that wanted to live.

So, what are you going to do?

Yes, uh, what are we going to do?

And now we have a treat for you tonight.

The fiery creation who defies
the laws of man and nature.

Drag babies, I present to you
the transcendent, transformative...

...Fifi Nix.

Somewhere

Over the rainbow

Way up high

There's a land

That I heard of once

In a lullaby

- Is that a tear I see?
- Yeah, right.

Just keep watching.

Over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams

That you dare to dream

Really do come true