The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack (2008–2010): Season 1, Episode 9 - Lookin' for Love (in all the wrong barrels)/Beard Buddies - full transcript
Flapjack helps a lonely K'nuckles find love.
FLAPJACK.
HEY, FLAPJACK.
COME WITH ME, WE'LL GO AND SEE A
PLACE CALLED CANDIED ISLAND!
♪ WHO NEEDS CANDIED
ISLAND? ♪
♪ BUT THERE AIN'T
NO STREAMS OF SODIE POP ♪
♪ IT'S DANGEROUS AND
RISKY ♪
♪ BUT ADVENTUROUS
AND FREE ♪
♪ ADVENTURE...
THAT'S THE LIFE FOR ME ♪
♪ THERE'S LOLLIPOP
TREES AND A LEMONADE SEA! ♪
DOESN'T SOUND VERY
GOOD TO ME.
HMM?
PEANUTS...
ARE FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.
I'D LIKE TO
PURCHASE THOSE PEANUTS, PLEASE.
SORRY, GUYS.
EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY MONEY.
STOP LYING!
NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
IT WAS IN THE NEWSPAPER THIS
MORNING.
OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
YOU GUYS EITHER NEED TO BUY
SOMETHING OR BE ON YOUR WAY.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
BUT I'M SO HUNGRY.
LET'S GO TAKE
BUBBIE'S FOOD OUT OF HER
STOMACH.
YOU CAN DO THAT?!
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY.
WANT A ROOT-BEER FLOAT,
HANDSOME?
HUBBA, WHA?
MY TREAT.
WHOA, WHOA.
NO, MA'AM.
WELL, CAN I BUY YOU SOME
CANDY, LITTLE GUY?
YES, MA'AM.
HERE'S A QUARTER.
HEY!
GET AWAY FROM HIM!
GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON!
WHAT IS GOING ON
HERE?
I'M PROTECTING US.
WHAT?
WOMEN ARE TROUBLE.
BESIDES, SHE SMELLS LIKE
MUENSTER CHEESE.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THOSE WOMEN?
THESE AREN'T
WOMEN.
THEY'RE A PILE OF ROOT-BEER
BELLIED, SNAGGLETOOTHED
TROUBLEMAKERS.
AND THIS ONE...
...DISGUSTING.
CANDY WIFE?
AAH!
UGH.
HEY, BUBBIE.
GOOD MORNING,
DARLING.
UH, SWEETIE, COULD YOU GET
K'NUCKLES OUT OF BED?
HE'S BEEN LAYING AROUND FOR
DAYS, AND HE STINKS.
I'LL HANDLE IT,
BUBBIE.
K'NUCKLES?
K'NUCK... AAH!
STAY AWAY.
I'M SAD.
WHAT'S WRONG?
GET AWAY FROM ME,
BOY.
I'LL SAVE YOU,
CAPTAIN.
HEY.
DON'T TOUCH ME.
I SAID I WAS SAD.
YOU JUST NEED SOME SUNSHINE.
NO.
I JUST WANT TO LIE HERE AND
FESTER UNTIL MY BODY MELTS AND
GIVES BUBBIE CAVITIES.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOU, OLD MAN?
YOU'VE BEEN A SAGGY, SMELLY SACK
FOR DAYS.
NOW TELL BUBBIE WHAT ALES YOU.
FINE.
BACK IN MY NAVY DAYS, THERE WAS
THIS PARTY.
EVERYONE WAS SMOOCHING.
CHARLIE LARAMORE WAS SMOOCHING
WITH LILY LONGBOTTOM,
PETER PIPPEN WITH LUCY TRUNKS,
AND ME SAVORING MY FIRST SMOOCH
WITH THE GORGEOUS
GERTRUDE GERTER.
THEN, LIKE A CRACK OF WIND FROM
AN OLD MAN'S BOTTOM...
HEY, LOOK.
K'NUCKLES IS SMOOCHING WITH
HIMSELF.
EMBARRASSMENT
COMPELLED ME TO SPEAK.
W-W-W-WHERE'S GERTRUDE?
I'M OVER HERE.
I SNUCK AWAY WHEN YOUSE WEREN'T
LOOKING, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO UGLY.
HARDY, HARDY,
HARDY.
OH, MY.
THAT IS A SAD TALE, K'NUCKLES.
I KNOW IT'S SAD.
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT FROM
YOU.
UNH-UNH.
DON'T GIVE ME ATTITUDE.
I JUST WANT TO HELP.
NOW, K'NUCKLES, YOU NEED TO GET
BACK ON THE SADDLE.
YEAH, RIDE SOME
HORSIES.
NOT LIKE THAT, CHILD.
K'NUCKLES NEEDS TO FIND A
GIRLFRIEND.
NO.
WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW, WO-MAN?
K'NUCKLES?!
YOU KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT PAIN.
SOUL-SHATTERING SUFFERING!
GUT-WRENCHING GRIEF!
OH, THAT'S ENOUGH,
K'NUCKLES.
I CAN HATE IF I
WANT TO!
NOT AS LONG AS YOU
UNDER THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH.
THEN I'LL HATE
SOMEWHERE ELSE!
AND I DON'T NEED NO WOMAN TRYING
TO CHANGE ME!
PBHT!
STOP IT, HERMAN.
HUH?
AND I LOVE YOU.
WELL, I HATE YOU.
I HATE EVERYBODY.
AAH!
OH, I LOVE SWIMMING WITH YOU.
"I LOVE YOU, I
LOVE YOU."
LOVE IS FOR...
B-B-B-BEAUTIFUL.
HEY, BUBBIE.
DON'T THINK I'M
LETTING YOU BACK IN IF YOU STILL
ALL GRUMPY AND CRAZY.
JUST OPEN UP.
I NEED TO TALK TO FLAPJACK.
NOT WITH THAT
ATTITUDE.
FLAPJACK, I NEED TO BORROW SOME
CLOTHES.
WHAT?!
I NEED TO LOOK
NICE WHEN I GO BACK TO MEET MY
LADY FRIEND, AND MY CLOTHES ARE
FILTHY.
YOU MET A LADY?
YES.
SO, DO YOU HAVE SOME CLEAN
CLOTHES I CAN BORROW?
YEAH. I GUESS SO.
IS SHE PRETTY, CAP'N?
DOES SHE LOOK LIKE BUBBIE?
IT'S TIME TO GET
SERIOUS, FLAP.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
SORRY, CAP'N.
THERE SHE IS...
OVER BY THE WIG STORE.
YOU SHOWED UP.
I LIKE WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR
HAIR.
OKAY, BOY.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
EH?
UH, ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THIS?
I SURE AM.
FLAPJACK, UP UNTIL THIS POINT IN
MY LIFE, I HAVEN'T HAD ANY REAL
DIRECTION.
THAT'S WHY I BECAME AN
ADVENTURER WITH NO REAL HOME OR
SENSE OF PLACE.
BUT NOW THAT I'VE FOUND THIS
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE I NEED TO BE... RIGHT HERE
WITH HER.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I THINK I DO.
COME ON, BABY.
I'M TAKING YOU OUT ON THE
HOTTEST DATE OF YOUR LIFE.
I'VE HAD SUCH A
WONDERFUL TIME WITH YOU TODAY,
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
MM. LOOK AT THOSE STARS.
SOMETIMES I THINK THAT ALL THOSE
STARS ARE THE EYEBALLS OF SOME
GREAT BEAST THAT LOOKS DOWN UPON
US AND THINKS THAT WE ARE
BEAUTIFUL, JUST AS WE LOOK INTO
HER EYES AND THINK THAT THEY ARE
BEAUTIFUL.
I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT
BEFORE.
I MEAN, I JUST FEEL SO LIBERATED
AROUND YOU.
IF I HAD TOLD THAT TO ANYONE
ELSE, THEY'D THINK I WAS NUTS.
YOU DON'T THINK I'M NUTS, DO
YOU?
WELL? DO YOU?
STOP MOCKING ME!
W-W-WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
W-WE HAD... WE HAD A SPECIAL
B-B-BOND.
STOP COPYING ME!
STOP IT!
W-WHAT?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I NEVER SHOULD
HAVE TRUSTED A DUMB LADY, NO
MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL.
AT LEAST I WON'T
HAVE TO HOLD THIS MIRROR
ANYMORE.
OH, WHO AM I
KIDDING?
I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU.
LET'S GET MARRIED.
W-W-W-WHAT?!
AND DO YOU, K'NUCKLES,
TAKE... THAT?
I DO.
DID THAT MAN JUST MARRY A
MIRROR?
I BELIEVE SO.
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
WOULD YOU CARE TO SMOOCH?
MWAH!
WOW. WHAT A DAY.
GOOD NIGHT, WIFE.
PHEW.
FLAPJACK, BABY, YOU
CAN'T KEEP THIS UP.
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
RAISING A FAMILY.
I'M WAY AHEAD OF
YOU.
OH, PARDON ME, GOOD
LADY.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I WAS LETTING THE
GOOD LADY HAVE THE RIGHT-OF-WAY.
NO, NO, NO,
FLAPJACK.
GREAT ADVENTURERS HAVE TO WALK
TOUGH, LIKE THIS.
YOU, THERE!
YOU'RE IN MY WAY!
THAT'S CALLED WALKING TOUGH.
WOW!
OKAY, IT'S MY TURN.
YOU, THERE, YOU'RE IN MY WAY.
MOVE!
WOW!
HE MUST BE A SUPER GREAT
ADVENTURER.
GIVE ME A SHAVE.
NOPE.
HE'S NO ADVENTURER.
YEAH.
I THOUGHT HIS TATTOO WAS A
LITTLE DESPERATE.
NO, FLAPPY.
IT'S BECAUSE HE'S GETTING A
SHAVE.
YOU SEE, WHEN AN ADVENTURER GOES
OFF ON AN ADVENTURE, HE SEES SO
MANY AMAZING THINGS THAT HIS JAW
IS ALWAYS DROPPING, NEVER GIVING
HIM TIME TO SHAVE.
LIKE THIS?
ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY
GREAT ADVENTURERS HAVE BEARDS.
WHAT IS GOING ON
HERE?
HMM? OH, HELLO, BOYS.
I'M THROWING MY ANNUAL
BEARD-OFF.
THE BEST BEARDS FROM EVERY CHIN
CHOWSER, JAW JUNGLE, AND CANDY
HOLE ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS WILL
BE HERE TO COMPETE FOR THE GRAND
PRIZE... THE HAND OF MY CANDY
DAUGHTER.
I MEAN, OUR CANDY DAUGHTER.
SHE'S OF MARRIAGE AGE AND NEEDS
A GOOD MAN.
IF SHE'S ANYTHING
LIKE HER MOTHER, THE WINNER WILL
NEVER HAVE TO BUY CANDY AGAIN.
'CAUSE THEY'LL EAT
HER.
WOWEE!
LOOK AT ALL THOSE BRAVE
ADVENTURER SAILORS.
YES, SIR.
HERE THEY COME FROM ACROSS THE
SEVEN SEAS.
THE BEARD-WALKING PIRATES OF THE
MOLTEN MOUNTAINS.
NOW, IMAGINE WALKING A MILE IN
THEIR SHOES.
THE POOPELLER BROTHERS.
LOOK OUT BELOW!
AND THE BABY BEARDOS.
THEY'RE AS CUTE AS A BABY'S
BOTTOM.
I WISH I COULD
ENTER THE BEARD-OFF.
BUT MY CHEEKS ARE LIKE TINY
TUSHIES.
DON'T LET THOSE
AMATEURS GET YOU DOWN, FLAPJACK.
SOMEDAY, YOU'LL HAVE A FINE
BEARD, MAYBE, BUT PROBABLY NEVER
AS FINE AS MINE.
WHY, IF THE SUN'S LIGHT EVEN
TOUCHED MY GLORIOUS STUBBLE, THE
HEAT RAYS WOULD BECOME MAGNIFIED
THROUGH MY BEARD'S PERFECT
CRYSTALLINE STRUCTURE, AND I'D
BURN THIS ENTIRE PORT TO
CINDERS.
THAT'S WHY I WEAR THIS HAT.
OH, MY GOODNESS, K'NUCKLES, YOU
SHOULD ENTER THE BEARD-OFF.
WELL, UH, NAH.
I DON'T LIKE CONTESTS.
BUT WHY NOT?
CONTESTS ARE
STUPID.
BUT WHAT ABOUT
PEPPERMINT LARRY'S DAUGHTER?
AN ADVENTURER LIKE
ME CAN'T GET TIED DOWN IN A
SERIOUS CANDY RELATIONSHIP.
BUT WE WERE GONNA
EAT HER.
NO MORE QUESTIONS!
CAP'N K'NUCKLES.
HOW WOULD HE WAKE
ME UP?
AAH!
WHAT... WHAT IS IT?
OH, IT'S YOU, FLAPJACK.
WHAT'S WRONG, BOY?
YES.
GET ON WITH IT.
WHO ARE YOU?!
SLIPPERY ABALONE!
MY WHISKERS!
OH.
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT
YOUR WHISKERS.
YOUR WHISKERS!
THEY'RE FAKE!
YES, BOY.
MY BEARD'S A FAKE.
WHISKERS.
YOUR WHISKERS ARE FAKE.
RIGHT. WHISKERS.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS
I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS LIE.
NO, NO. DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I'M NO LONGER WORTHY OF YOUR
ADMIRING EYES.
WELL, ME AND THESE ADMIRING EYES
AREN'T QUITTING ON YOU AND YOUR
BEARDLESS FACE.
AND WITH THE COMBINED EFFORTS OF
THE FOUR OF US...
MM.
MM.
MM.
MMMMM.
...I'M SURE WE'LL FIGURE OUT A
WAY TO GROW YOU A BEARD.
YOU TRUST ME?
DO YOU TRUST ME?
I GUESS.
ONE BOTTLE OF EEL-OIL
WHISKER ELIXIR, PLEASE.
OH, K'NUCKLES.
THIS MAGIC LIQUID WILL GROW HAIR
ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR, BOY?
POUR IT ON ME.
AHH.
MM.
MM.
OH, THIS IS NICE.
WHAT IS THIS MIRACLE CONCOCTION,
FLAPPY?
EEL OIL.
AAH!
FLAPJACK! FLAPJACK, STOP!
PLEASE! FLAPJACK!
AAH! FLAPJACK!
EELS DON'T HAVE HAIR, BOY.
EELS DON'T HAVE
HAIR.
GEEZ.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM ACT LIKE
THIS BEFORE.
BUT WHAT COULD A TUSHIE FACE
LIKE ME EVER DO ABOUT IT?
HMM.
HMM.
GLUE SHOPPE.
GLUE SHOPPE HERE.
HUH?
♪ HOW TO MAKE A FAKE BEARD
OUT OF GLUE AND HAIR ♪
MMMMMM.
MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
UGH.
GUESS I'LL GET ANOTHER BEARDLESS
DAY STARTED THE SAME WAY I
ALWAYS DO... WITH NO BEARD.
I HAVE A BEARD!
I HAVE A BEARD!
THE ELIXIR WORKED!
I CAN GROW A BEARD, AND I CAN
GROW IT ON MY FACE.
I HOPE I HAVEN'T MISSED THE
REGISTRATION.
MWAH!
YOUR BADGE, SIR.
NEXT.
WHOA.
HA HA.
YOUR BADGE, SIR.
NEXT.
I'D LIKE TO
REGISTER MY BEARD AND ME, SINCE
WE'RE TOGETHER.
TOGETHER?
WHY? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN APART?
YOUR BADGE, SIR.
NEXT.
I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D BE PINNING A BEARD-OFF BADGE
TO MY CHEST.
BUT THEN AGAIN, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D HAVE A BEARD.
MAN, HOW DO I GET THIS THING
PINNED ON?
HERE.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
THANKS, BEARD.
YOU'RE WELCOME,
CAP'N.
FLAPJACK?!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEARD?
I'M NOT IN YOUR
BEARD.
I AM YOUR BEARD.
UH, FLAPJACK...
HEY, RUFUS.
FEEL THAT TRADE WIND COMING IN?
YEAH.
NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE EXTRA SEA
SALT IN MY BEARD.
AHH.
AHH, YEAH.
WHAT IS THIS?!
YOUR BEARD DOESN'T CONNECT!
IT'S LIKE A... FAKE BEARD!
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO
TUSHIE CHEEKS AROUND HERE,
DON'T YOU?
AAH!
EIYEE!
I GOT TO GET OUT
OF THIS BEARD-OFF.
I'D LIKE TO WELCOME EVERYONE TO
MY ANNUAL BEARD-OFF.
I'D WELCOME YOU TO MY ANNUAL
SHIRT-OFF, BUT THAT WOULD SURE
BE EMBARRASSING.
START THE COMPETITION!
THE FIRST ROUND WILL BE
QUESTION AND ANSWER.
WILL CONTESTANT NUMBER 1 PLEASE
COME OUT.
HERE'S YOUR QUESTION.
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR BEARDS TO
HELP OTHER PEOPLE, AND IF SO,
HOW HAS YOUR BEARD HELPED OTHER
PEOPLE?
MY BEARD ONLY HATES PEOPLE,
AND IT ONLY GETS IN THE WAY WHEN
I'M DRINKING SOUP!
CONTESTANT NUMBER 2, GET ON
OUT HERE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I
CAN DO THIS, FLAPJACK.
YOU CAN DO IT,
FRIEND.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST ADVENTURER
IN STORM-ALONG.
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A BEARD TO
HELP PEOPLE, AND IF SO, HOW HAS
YOUR BEARD HELPED PEOPLE?
I, ER, UH, UM...
BEARDS ARE
BEAUTIFUL.
THEY HELP THE WORLD BY BEING
BIG, BUSHY FRIEND-MAKERS.
AND NOW... THE BEARD
BATHING-SUIT CONTEST.
HERE'S CANNONBALL CARL SPORTING
HIS FABULOUS GOLDEN BIKINI
BRAIDS.
AND HERE COMES
ANCHORS-AWEIGH ANDY IN A
POWERFUL TWO-PIECE
MUSTACHE-AND-WAXED-ACCENTS
COMBO.
THERE GOES LANCE CORALBOTTOM IN
A CLASSIC SERPENT BODY KNOT.
AND THE FINAL ROUND... BEARD
POWER!
WELL? WHATCHA GOT?
WE'RE IN THE SOUP
NOW, KID.
NO.
K'NUCKLES, YOU ONCE TOLD ME
ABOUT A MAN, A MAN WITH A FAKE
BEARD THAT WAS SO POWERFUL, HE
COULD NEVER REMOVE HIS HAT.
BUT IT'S TIME NOW.
REMOVE YOUR HAT, K'NUCKLES.
FLAPJACK, I...
REMOVE YOUR HAT.
FLAPPY.
REMOVE YOUR HAT.
OKAY.
OH, YEAH.
YOU WERE LYING.
FLAPJACK, I'VE
LIVED A LIFE OF SHAME, BELIEVING
I COULD NEVER GROW AN ADVENTURE
BEARD.
TURNS OUT, THE GREATEST BEARD AN
ADVENTURER COULD ASK FOR WAS
RIGHT HERE UNDER MY NOSE.
HEY.
I THINK SOMEBODY'S GOT A STUPID
CONTEST TO WIN.
JUST LIKE MY DOG USED TO
DANCE.
IT'S WORKING,
FLAPJACK.
GIVE IT MORE POWER.
OKAY.
HEY, HEY. NOT BAD.
THAT BEARD'S AMAZING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
I THINK HIS BEARD'S A FAKE!
THAT CANDY MAN LET A
PEACH-FUZZ PATTY COMPETE IN THE
BEARD-OFF.
DAD, I WANT MY WINNER.
THE WINNER IS... IS... IS...
...HER.
OOPS.
GUESS I FORGOT TO WAX THIS
MORNING.
MY WINNER.
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.
I'M CANDY.
WAIT.
SHE'S NOT MADE OF CANDY?
SHE'S ADOPTED.
SURE GLAD SOMEONE
ELSE GOT THAT PRIZE.
AAH!
BUT AREN'T YOU SAD
THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A BEARD LIKE
A REAL ADVENTURER?
BOY, I NEVER SAID
YOU NEED A BEARD TO BE AN
ADVENTURER.
BEARDS ARE FOR LADIES.
LADIES, HUH?
GIG'S UP, GALS.
THESE MAN SUITS AREN'T FOOLING
NOBODY.
HEY, FLAPJACK.
COME WITH ME, WE'LL GO AND SEE A
PLACE CALLED CANDIED ISLAND!
♪ WHO NEEDS CANDIED
ISLAND? ♪
♪ BUT THERE AIN'T
NO STREAMS OF SODIE POP ♪
♪ IT'S DANGEROUS AND
RISKY ♪
♪ BUT ADVENTUROUS
AND FREE ♪
♪ ADVENTURE...
THAT'S THE LIFE FOR ME ♪
♪ THERE'S LOLLIPOP
TREES AND A LEMONADE SEA! ♪
DOESN'T SOUND VERY
GOOD TO ME.
HMM?
PEANUTS...
ARE FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.
I'D LIKE TO
PURCHASE THOSE PEANUTS, PLEASE.
SORRY, GUYS.
EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY MONEY.
STOP LYING!
NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
IT WAS IN THE NEWSPAPER THIS
MORNING.
OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
YOU GUYS EITHER NEED TO BUY
SOMETHING OR BE ON YOUR WAY.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
BUT I'M SO HUNGRY.
LET'S GO TAKE
BUBBIE'S FOOD OUT OF HER
STOMACH.
YOU CAN DO THAT?!
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY.
WANT A ROOT-BEER FLOAT,
HANDSOME?
HUBBA, WHA?
MY TREAT.
WHOA, WHOA.
NO, MA'AM.
WELL, CAN I BUY YOU SOME
CANDY, LITTLE GUY?
YES, MA'AM.
HERE'S A QUARTER.
HEY!
GET AWAY FROM HIM!
GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON!
WHAT IS GOING ON
HERE?
I'M PROTECTING US.
WHAT?
WOMEN ARE TROUBLE.
BESIDES, SHE SMELLS LIKE
MUENSTER CHEESE.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THOSE WOMEN?
THESE AREN'T
WOMEN.
THEY'RE A PILE OF ROOT-BEER
BELLIED, SNAGGLETOOTHED
TROUBLEMAKERS.
AND THIS ONE...
...DISGUSTING.
CANDY WIFE?
AAH!
UGH.
HEY, BUBBIE.
GOOD MORNING,
DARLING.
UH, SWEETIE, COULD YOU GET
K'NUCKLES OUT OF BED?
HE'S BEEN LAYING AROUND FOR
DAYS, AND HE STINKS.
I'LL HANDLE IT,
BUBBIE.
K'NUCKLES?
K'NUCK... AAH!
STAY AWAY.
I'M SAD.
WHAT'S WRONG?
GET AWAY FROM ME,
BOY.
I'LL SAVE YOU,
CAPTAIN.
HEY.
DON'T TOUCH ME.
I SAID I WAS SAD.
YOU JUST NEED SOME SUNSHINE.
NO.
I JUST WANT TO LIE HERE AND
FESTER UNTIL MY BODY MELTS AND
GIVES BUBBIE CAVITIES.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOU, OLD MAN?
YOU'VE BEEN A SAGGY, SMELLY SACK
FOR DAYS.
NOW TELL BUBBIE WHAT ALES YOU.
FINE.
BACK IN MY NAVY DAYS, THERE WAS
THIS PARTY.
EVERYONE WAS SMOOCHING.
CHARLIE LARAMORE WAS SMOOCHING
WITH LILY LONGBOTTOM,
PETER PIPPEN WITH LUCY TRUNKS,
AND ME SAVORING MY FIRST SMOOCH
WITH THE GORGEOUS
GERTRUDE GERTER.
THEN, LIKE A CRACK OF WIND FROM
AN OLD MAN'S BOTTOM...
HEY, LOOK.
K'NUCKLES IS SMOOCHING WITH
HIMSELF.
EMBARRASSMENT
COMPELLED ME TO SPEAK.
W-W-W-WHERE'S GERTRUDE?
I'M OVER HERE.
I SNUCK AWAY WHEN YOUSE WEREN'T
LOOKING, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO UGLY.
HARDY, HARDY,
HARDY.
OH, MY.
THAT IS A SAD TALE, K'NUCKLES.
I KNOW IT'S SAD.
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT FROM
YOU.
UNH-UNH.
DON'T GIVE ME ATTITUDE.
I JUST WANT TO HELP.
NOW, K'NUCKLES, YOU NEED TO GET
BACK ON THE SADDLE.
YEAH, RIDE SOME
HORSIES.
NOT LIKE THAT, CHILD.
K'NUCKLES NEEDS TO FIND A
GIRLFRIEND.
NO.
WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW, WO-MAN?
K'NUCKLES?!
YOU KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT PAIN.
SOUL-SHATTERING SUFFERING!
GUT-WRENCHING GRIEF!
OH, THAT'S ENOUGH,
K'NUCKLES.
I CAN HATE IF I
WANT TO!
NOT AS LONG AS YOU
UNDER THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH.
THEN I'LL HATE
SOMEWHERE ELSE!
AND I DON'T NEED NO WOMAN TRYING
TO CHANGE ME!
PBHT!
STOP IT, HERMAN.
HUH?
AND I LOVE YOU.
WELL, I HATE YOU.
I HATE EVERYBODY.
AAH!
OH, I LOVE SWIMMING WITH YOU.
"I LOVE YOU, I
LOVE YOU."
LOVE IS FOR...
B-B-B-BEAUTIFUL.
HEY, BUBBIE.
DON'T THINK I'M
LETTING YOU BACK IN IF YOU STILL
ALL GRUMPY AND CRAZY.
JUST OPEN UP.
I NEED TO TALK TO FLAPJACK.
NOT WITH THAT
ATTITUDE.
FLAPJACK, I NEED TO BORROW SOME
CLOTHES.
WHAT?!
I NEED TO LOOK
NICE WHEN I GO BACK TO MEET MY
LADY FRIEND, AND MY CLOTHES ARE
FILTHY.
YOU MET A LADY?
YES.
SO, DO YOU HAVE SOME CLEAN
CLOTHES I CAN BORROW?
YEAH. I GUESS SO.
IS SHE PRETTY, CAP'N?
DOES SHE LOOK LIKE BUBBIE?
IT'S TIME TO GET
SERIOUS, FLAP.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
SORRY, CAP'N.
THERE SHE IS...
OVER BY THE WIG STORE.
YOU SHOWED UP.
I LIKE WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR
HAIR.
OKAY, BOY.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
EH?
UH, ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THIS?
I SURE AM.
FLAPJACK, UP UNTIL THIS POINT IN
MY LIFE, I HAVEN'T HAD ANY REAL
DIRECTION.
THAT'S WHY I BECAME AN
ADVENTURER WITH NO REAL HOME OR
SENSE OF PLACE.
BUT NOW THAT I'VE FOUND THIS
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE I NEED TO BE... RIGHT HERE
WITH HER.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I THINK I DO.
COME ON, BABY.
I'M TAKING YOU OUT ON THE
HOTTEST DATE OF YOUR LIFE.
I'VE HAD SUCH A
WONDERFUL TIME WITH YOU TODAY,
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
MM. LOOK AT THOSE STARS.
SOMETIMES I THINK THAT ALL THOSE
STARS ARE THE EYEBALLS OF SOME
GREAT BEAST THAT LOOKS DOWN UPON
US AND THINKS THAT WE ARE
BEAUTIFUL, JUST AS WE LOOK INTO
HER EYES AND THINK THAT THEY ARE
BEAUTIFUL.
I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT
BEFORE.
I MEAN, I JUST FEEL SO LIBERATED
AROUND YOU.
IF I HAD TOLD THAT TO ANYONE
ELSE, THEY'D THINK I WAS NUTS.
YOU DON'T THINK I'M NUTS, DO
YOU?
WELL? DO YOU?
STOP MOCKING ME!
W-W-WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
W-WE HAD... WE HAD A SPECIAL
B-B-BOND.
STOP COPYING ME!
STOP IT!
W-WHAT?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I NEVER SHOULD
HAVE TRUSTED A DUMB LADY, NO
MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL.
AT LEAST I WON'T
HAVE TO HOLD THIS MIRROR
ANYMORE.
OH, WHO AM I
KIDDING?
I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU.
LET'S GET MARRIED.
W-W-W-WHAT?!
AND DO YOU, K'NUCKLES,
TAKE... THAT?
I DO.
DID THAT MAN JUST MARRY A
MIRROR?
I BELIEVE SO.
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
WOULD YOU CARE TO SMOOCH?
MWAH!
WOW. WHAT A DAY.
GOOD NIGHT, WIFE.
PHEW.
FLAPJACK, BABY, YOU
CAN'T KEEP THIS UP.
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
RAISING A FAMILY.
I'M WAY AHEAD OF
YOU.
OH, PARDON ME, GOOD
LADY.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I WAS LETTING THE
GOOD LADY HAVE THE RIGHT-OF-WAY.
NO, NO, NO,
FLAPJACK.
GREAT ADVENTURERS HAVE TO WALK
TOUGH, LIKE THIS.
YOU, THERE!
YOU'RE IN MY WAY!
THAT'S CALLED WALKING TOUGH.
WOW!
OKAY, IT'S MY TURN.
YOU, THERE, YOU'RE IN MY WAY.
MOVE!
WOW!
HE MUST BE A SUPER GREAT
ADVENTURER.
GIVE ME A SHAVE.
NOPE.
HE'S NO ADVENTURER.
YEAH.
I THOUGHT HIS TATTOO WAS A
LITTLE DESPERATE.
NO, FLAPPY.
IT'S BECAUSE HE'S GETTING A
SHAVE.
YOU SEE, WHEN AN ADVENTURER GOES
OFF ON AN ADVENTURE, HE SEES SO
MANY AMAZING THINGS THAT HIS JAW
IS ALWAYS DROPPING, NEVER GIVING
HIM TIME TO SHAVE.
LIKE THIS?
ANYWAY, THAT'S WHY
GREAT ADVENTURERS HAVE BEARDS.
WHAT IS GOING ON
HERE?
HMM? OH, HELLO, BOYS.
I'M THROWING MY ANNUAL
BEARD-OFF.
THE BEST BEARDS FROM EVERY CHIN
CHOWSER, JAW JUNGLE, AND CANDY
HOLE ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS WILL
BE HERE TO COMPETE FOR THE GRAND
PRIZE... THE HAND OF MY CANDY
DAUGHTER.
I MEAN, OUR CANDY DAUGHTER.
SHE'S OF MARRIAGE AGE AND NEEDS
A GOOD MAN.
IF SHE'S ANYTHING
LIKE HER MOTHER, THE WINNER WILL
NEVER HAVE TO BUY CANDY AGAIN.
'CAUSE THEY'LL EAT
HER.
WOWEE!
LOOK AT ALL THOSE BRAVE
ADVENTURER SAILORS.
YES, SIR.
HERE THEY COME FROM ACROSS THE
SEVEN SEAS.
THE BEARD-WALKING PIRATES OF THE
MOLTEN MOUNTAINS.
NOW, IMAGINE WALKING A MILE IN
THEIR SHOES.
THE POOPELLER BROTHERS.
LOOK OUT BELOW!
AND THE BABY BEARDOS.
THEY'RE AS CUTE AS A BABY'S
BOTTOM.
I WISH I COULD
ENTER THE BEARD-OFF.
BUT MY CHEEKS ARE LIKE TINY
TUSHIES.
DON'T LET THOSE
AMATEURS GET YOU DOWN, FLAPJACK.
SOMEDAY, YOU'LL HAVE A FINE
BEARD, MAYBE, BUT PROBABLY NEVER
AS FINE AS MINE.
WHY, IF THE SUN'S LIGHT EVEN
TOUCHED MY GLORIOUS STUBBLE, THE
HEAT RAYS WOULD BECOME MAGNIFIED
THROUGH MY BEARD'S PERFECT
CRYSTALLINE STRUCTURE, AND I'D
BURN THIS ENTIRE PORT TO
CINDERS.
THAT'S WHY I WEAR THIS HAT.
OH, MY GOODNESS, K'NUCKLES, YOU
SHOULD ENTER THE BEARD-OFF.
WELL, UH, NAH.
I DON'T LIKE CONTESTS.
BUT WHY NOT?
CONTESTS ARE
STUPID.
BUT WHAT ABOUT
PEPPERMINT LARRY'S DAUGHTER?
AN ADVENTURER LIKE
ME CAN'T GET TIED DOWN IN A
SERIOUS CANDY RELATIONSHIP.
BUT WE WERE GONNA
EAT HER.
NO MORE QUESTIONS!
CAP'N K'NUCKLES.
HOW WOULD HE WAKE
ME UP?
AAH!
WHAT... WHAT IS IT?
OH, IT'S YOU, FLAPJACK.
WHAT'S WRONG, BOY?
YES.
GET ON WITH IT.
WHO ARE YOU?!
SLIPPERY ABALONE!
MY WHISKERS!
OH.
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT
YOUR WHISKERS.
YOUR WHISKERS!
THEY'RE FAKE!
YES, BOY.
MY BEARD'S A FAKE.
WHISKERS.
YOUR WHISKERS ARE FAKE.
RIGHT. WHISKERS.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS
I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS LIE.
NO, NO. DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I'M NO LONGER WORTHY OF YOUR
ADMIRING EYES.
WELL, ME AND THESE ADMIRING EYES
AREN'T QUITTING ON YOU AND YOUR
BEARDLESS FACE.
AND WITH THE COMBINED EFFORTS OF
THE FOUR OF US...
MM.
MM.
MM.
MMMMM.
...I'M SURE WE'LL FIGURE OUT A
WAY TO GROW YOU A BEARD.
YOU TRUST ME?
DO YOU TRUST ME?
I GUESS.
ONE BOTTLE OF EEL-OIL
WHISKER ELIXIR, PLEASE.
OH, K'NUCKLES.
THIS MAGIC LIQUID WILL GROW HAIR
ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR, BOY?
POUR IT ON ME.
AHH.
MM.
MM.
OH, THIS IS NICE.
WHAT IS THIS MIRACLE CONCOCTION,
FLAPPY?
EEL OIL.
AAH!
FLAPJACK! FLAPJACK, STOP!
PLEASE! FLAPJACK!
AAH! FLAPJACK!
EELS DON'T HAVE HAIR, BOY.
EELS DON'T HAVE
HAIR.
GEEZ.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM ACT LIKE
THIS BEFORE.
BUT WHAT COULD A TUSHIE FACE
LIKE ME EVER DO ABOUT IT?
HMM.
HMM.
GLUE SHOPPE.
GLUE SHOPPE HERE.
HUH?
♪ HOW TO MAKE A FAKE BEARD
OUT OF GLUE AND HAIR ♪
MMMMMM.
MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
UGH.
GUESS I'LL GET ANOTHER BEARDLESS
DAY STARTED THE SAME WAY I
ALWAYS DO... WITH NO BEARD.
I HAVE A BEARD!
I HAVE A BEARD!
THE ELIXIR WORKED!
I CAN GROW A BEARD, AND I CAN
GROW IT ON MY FACE.
I HOPE I HAVEN'T MISSED THE
REGISTRATION.
MWAH!
YOUR BADGE, SIR.
NEXT.
WHOA.
HA HA.
YOUR BADGE, SIR.
NEXT.
I'D LIKE TO
REGISTER MY BEARD AND ME, SINCE
WE'RE TOGETHER.
TOGETHER?
WHY? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN APART?
YOUR BADGE, SIR.
NEXT.
I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D BE PINNING A BEARD-OFF BADGE
TO MY CHEST.
BUT THEN AGAIN, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D HAVE A BEARD.
MAN, HOW DO I GET THIS THING
PINNED ON?
HERE.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
THANKS, BEARD.
YOU'RE WELCOME,
CAP'N.
FLAPJACK?!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEARD?
I'M NOT IN YOUR
BEARD.
I AM YOUR BEARD.
UH, FLAPJACK...
HEY, RUFUS.
FEEL THAT TRADE WIND COMING IN?
YEAH.
NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE EXTRA SEA
SALT IN MY BEARD.
AHH.
AHH, YEAH.
WHAT IS THIS?!
YOUR BEARD DOESN'T CONNECT!
IT'S LIKE A... FAKE BEARD!
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO
TUSHIE CHEEKS AROUND HERE,
DON'T YOU?
AAH!
EIYEE!
I GOT TO GET OUT
OF THIS BEARD-OFF.
I'D LIKE TO WELCOME EVERYONE TO
MY ANNUAL BEARD-OFF.
I'D WELCOME YOU TO MY ANNUAL
SHIRT-OFF, BUT THAT WOULD SURE
BE EMBARRASSING.
START THE COMPETITION!
THE FIRST ROUND WILL BE
QUESTION AND ANSWER.
WILL CONTESTANT NUMBER 1 PLEASE
COME OUT.
HERE'S YOUR QUESTION.
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR BEARDS TO
HELP OTHER PEOPLE, AND IF SO,
HOW HAS YOUR BEARD HELPED OTHER
PEOPLE?
MY BEARD ONLY HATES PEOPLE,
AND IT ONLY GETS IN THE WAY WHEN
I'M DRINKING SOUP!
CONTESTANT NUMBER 2, GET ON
OUT HERE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I
CAN DO THIS, FLAPJACK.
YOU CAN DO IT,
FRIEND.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST ADVENTURER
IN STORM-ALONG.
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A BEARD TO
HELP PEOPLE, AND IF SO, HOW HAS
YOUR BEARD HELPED PEOPLE?
I, ER, UH, UM...
BEARDS ARE
BEAUTIFUL.
THEY HELP THE WORLD BY BEING
BIG, BUSHY FRIEND-MAKERS.
AND NOW... THE BEARD
BATHING-SUIT CONTEST.
HERE'S CANNONBALL CARL SPORTING
HIS FABULOUS GOLDEN BIKINI
BRAIDS.
AND HERE COMES
ANCHORS-AWEIGH ANDY IN A
POWERFUL TWO-PIECE
MUSTACHE-AND-WAXED-ACCENTS
COMBO.
THERE GOES LANCE CORALBOTTOM IN
A CLASSIC SERPENT BODY KNOT.
AND THE FINAL ROUND... BEARD
POWER!
WELL? WHATCHA GOT?
WE'RE IN THE SOUP
NOW, KID.
NO.
K'NUCKLES, YOU ONCE TOLD ME
ABOUT A MAN, A MAN WITH A FAKE
BEARD THAT WAS SO POWERFUL, HE
COULD NEVER REMOVE HIS HAT.
BUT IT'S TIME NOW.
REMOVE YOUR HAT, K'NUCKLES.
FLAPJACK, I...
REMOVE YOUR HAT.
FLAPPY.
REMOVE YOUR HAT.
OKAY.
OH, YEAH.
YOU WERE LYING.
FLAPJACK, I'VE
LIVED A LIFE OF SHAME, BELIEVING
I COULD NEVER GROW AN ADVENTURE
BEARD.
TURNS OUT, THE GREATEST BEARD AN
ADVENTURER COULD ASK FOR WAS
RIGHT HERE UNDER MY NOSE.
HEY.
I THINK SOMEBODY'S GOT A STUPID
CONTEST TO WIN.
JUST LIKE MY DOG USED TO
DANCE.
IT'S WORKING,
FLAPJACK.
GIVE IT MORE POWER.
OKAY.
HEY, HEY. NOT BAD.
THAT BEARD'S AMAZING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
I THINK HIS BEARD'S A FAKE!
THAT CANDY MAN LET A
PEACH-FUZZ PATTY COMPETE IN THE
BEARD-OFF.
DAD, I WANT MY WINNER.
THE WINNER IS... IS... IS...
...HER.
OOPS.
GUESS I FORGOT TO WAX THIS
MORNING.
MY WINNER.
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.
I'M CANDY.
WAIT.
SHE'S NOT MADE OF CANDY?
SHE'S ADOPTED.
SURE GLAD SOMEONE
ELSE GOT THAT PRIZE.
AAH!
BUT AREN'T YOU SAD
THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A BEARD LIKE
A REAL ADVENTURER?
BOY, I NEVER SAID
YOU NEED A BEARD TO BE AN
ADVENTURER.
BEARDS ARE FOR LADIES.
LADIES, HUH?
GIG'S UP, GALS.
THESE MAN SUITS AREN'T FOOLING
NOBODY.