The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 33 - There's a Broken Light for Every Heart on Broadway - full transcript

- WELL, GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

TONIGHT THE TIP TOP
CLUB IS PROUD TO PRESENT

THE SENSATIONAL ACT
YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

[APPLAUSE]

THE ASTONISHING AND
STUNNING YOUNG VOCALIST,

MISS KITTY FONTAINE.

AND WITH HER, THAT
STARTLING AND ORIGINAL TALENT,

MAYNARD G. KREBS.

[BAND PLAYS UPTEMPO INTRO]

- ♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪



♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ OH, I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪

- THIS REALLY IS THE
EXTREMELY WELL-KNOWN

MISS KITTY FONTAINE,

AND THIS REALLY IS THE EXTREMELY
UNKNOWN MAYNARD G. KREBS.

NOW HOW DID A FELLA
LIKE MAYNARD GET MIXED UP

WITH A SINGING
ACT IN A NIGHTCLUB.

IT'S SPOOKY.

I MEAN, UNTIL THIS HAPPENED,

THE CLOSEST HE'D EVER
BEEN TO SHOW BUSINESS

WAS THE DAY THEY LEFT THE FIRE
EXIT OPEN AT THE BIJOU THEATER

AND HE SNUCK INTO THE MATINEE
OF A BELA LUGOSI FESTIVAL.

- ♪ I LIKE YOUR STYLE, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS ♪



♪ I'M ALWAYS WRONG, SO ♪

♪ HOW CAN I TELL? ♪

♪ ALL OF MY SHOES
ARE UNSIGHTLY ♪

♪ ALL OF MY STOCKINGS A CRIME ♪

♪ IF, DEAR, IN YOU
I PICKED RIGHTLY ♪

♪ IT'S THE VERY FIRST TIME ♪

[JAZZ THEME]

- WELL, IT ALL
STARTED ON THE DAY

THAT MAYNARD DECIDED TO STAY

AFTER OUR MUSIC
APPRECIATION CLASS

AND CATCH UP ON HIS HOMEWORK.

- [SNORING]

[SLOW BALLAD]
- ♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

- YOU RANG IN B FLAT?

- ♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪

♪ I LIKE YOUR STYLE, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS ♪

♪ I'M ALWAYS WRONG, SO ♪

♪ HOW CAN I TELL? ♪

♪ ALL OF MY SHOES
ARE UNSIGHTLY ♪

♪ ALL OF MY STOCKINGS A CRIME ♪

♪ IF, DEAR, IN YOU
I'VE PICKED RIGHTLY ♪

♪ IT'S THE VERY FIRST TIME ♪

♪ YOU CAME ALONG, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

- BRAVE-O! BRAVE-O!

TO THINK THE WORLD
WILL NEVER HEAR

THAT BEAUTIFUL RED HAT TALENT.

- MAYNARD, THAT'S
RED HOT TALENT,

AND DON'T YOU WORRY,

I'LL FIND A WAY.
- NO, EMILY.

YOU DASN'T BOTHER YOUR MUSICAL
HEAD ABOUT BUSINESS DETAILS.

YOU GOTTA KEEP
SINGING. I'LL FIND A WAY.

- BUT MAYNARD...
- NO, NO.

I'LL BE YOUR MANAGER, SEE,

AND I'LL GET YOU
MUSICAL ARRANGEMENTS

AND SINGING LESSONS
AND BEAUTIFUL COSTUMES,

AND YOU'LL SING IN
ALL THE BIG NIGHTCLUBS

FROM COAST TO COAST,
ALSO IN BETWEEN.

- BUT MAYNARD, I
COULDN'T LET YOU DO THAT.

- OH, I WOULDN'T DO IT FOR FREE.

I'LL BE YOUR MANAGER
AND COLLECT 10%

OF ALL THE LOOT YOU RAKE IN.

- WELL, THAT'S BETTER.

- AND 10%'s A BIG CHUNK,

MORE THAN HALF. GREAT IDEA, HUH?

- GEE, IT'S WONDERFUL.

BUT GETTING ALL THOSE THINGS

WOULD TAKE AN
AWFUL LOT OF MONEY,

AND WHERE WE GONNA GET IT?
- DOGGONE IT,

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING
WRONG WITH MY IDEA.

- THANKS, MAYNARD.
YOU HAVE A NOBLE HEART.

- AND MY TONSILS ARE NOBLE TOO.

DON'T WORRY, EMILY.

I KNOW I'LL FIND A WAY
TO GET US THAT MONEY.

- SELL YOUR BRAIN TO SCIENCE?
- WHY NOT, DOBE?

THEM SCIENTISTS CAN LEARN
INFORMATION FROM BRAINS

THAT ARE HUMAN OR INHUMAN.
- SO?

- WELL, MY BRAIN DON'T FIT
IN THERE NO PLACE, DOES IT?

OH, LET'S FORGET IT.
OH, LIKE WOW IS ME.

- MAYNARD, GETTING THE
MONEY TO HELP THAT LITTLE GIRL

MEANS A LOT TO YOU, DOESN'T IT?

- THE MOST OF ANYTHING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME

IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE,

INCLUDING GETTING
MY APPENDIX OUT.

- HEY, LISTEN, MAYNARD.
YOU COULD RAISE THE CASH

BY SELLING SOMETHING YOU OWN.
- LIKE WHAT?

- LIKE ANYTHING YOU'VE
GOT THAT'S WORTH MONEY.

- LIKE ME OWN SOMETHING
THAT'S WORTH MONEY?

- LIKE TRUE, LET'S FORGET IT.

- I'M THE PROUD OWNER OF NOTHING

EXCEPT A LOVABLE PERSONALITY

AND MY PETRIFIED FROGS.
- YEAH,

THE BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT
PAYS 50 CENTS APIECE FOR THOSE.

THEY USE THEM FOR RESEARCH.

TOO BAD YOU DON'T
HAVE A LOT OF THEM.

- YEAH. ONLY 712.

- YEAH, ONLY... 712
PETRIFIED FROGS?

- WELL, I DIDN'T START
COLLECTING 'EM TILL 9 YEARS AGO.

- MAYNARD, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.

SELL THOSE PETRIFIED
FROGS TO THE SCHOOL

AND YOU COULD MAKE OVER $300.

- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY.

NOW I CAN GET ALL
THEM THINGS FOR EMILY

SO SHE CAN BECOME A
FEMALE EDDY NELSON.

- MAYNARD, THAT'S NELSON
EDDY, AND TELL ME SOMETHING.

DO YOU REALLY THINK
THIS GIRL IS WORTH IT?

- I'M GIVING UP MY PETRIFIED
FROGS FOR HER, AIN'T I?

- YOU REALLY THINK
SHE'S WORTH IT.

SO MAYNARD GAVE UP HIS
BELOVED PETRIFIED FROGS

AND PREPARED TO
BECOME THE MANAGER

OF MISS EMILY KLAUBER, SINGER.

FIRST OFF HE SET OUT TO LEARN

ALL THE VITAL FACTS
ABOUT SHOW BUSINESS.

HE PUT IN HOUR AFTER
GRUELING HOUR OF RESEARCH

WATCHING OLD
BETTY GRABLE MOVIES.

THEN HE BEGAN THE
VIGOROUS CAMPAIGN

THAT HE HOPED WOULD CARRY EMILY
TO THE VERY PINNACLE OF SUCCESS.

THE FIRST STEP, A
SINGING TEACHER.

[SLOW BALLAD] ♪ I THINK
YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

- NOT BAD, NOT BAD AT ALL.

THE KID WAS WORTH
COMING ALL THE WAY OVER

TO THE COLLEGE TO LISTEN TO.

- THEN YOU'LL GIVE HER
LESSONS, HUH, MR. RINGDING, HUH?

- NOT SO FAST, BUSTER.

I'LL TRY TO WORK HER
INTO MY SCHEDULE.

MY PRICE IS 20 BUCKS AN HOUR.
- 20 BUCKS AN HOUR?

- SHE'LL NEED AT LEAST
FIVE LESSONS A WEEK.

- FIVE LESSONS A WEEK?
- THEN SHE MIGHT BE READY

FOR THE BIG TIME IN THREE YEARS.

- I'LL GIVE YOU 2 BUCKS AN
HOUR, ONE LESSON A WEEK,

AND SHE'S GOTTA
BE READY IN A MONTH.

- I'LL TAKE IT.

- THE NEXT STEP WAS TO GET EMILY

THE RIGHT COSTUMES
TO WEAR IN HER ACT.

MAYNARD TOOK HER TO A
VERY HIGH-CLASS DRESS SHOP,

BUT NOT UNTIL HE HAD
LEARNED EVERYTHING HE COULD

ABOUT WHAT THE WELL-DRESSED
SINGER SHOULD WEAR.

- NO, THAT DRESS AIN'T RIGHT.

IT AIN'T GOT A BELT IN THE BACK.

- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE, MONSIEUR?

- LIKE, NO.

LIKE, NO.

LIKE, NO.

LIKE, WOW.

- AH, MONSIEUR LIKES IT?

- MONSIEUR FLIPS FOR IT.

THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I HAD IN MY HEAD.

- BUT IT'S SO DULL, SO SIMPLE.

- MY HEAD?
- THAT TOO.

DOES MONSIEUR DESIRE
THAT WE TRY THIS DRESS ON?

- NO, MONSIEUR DESIRES
THAT SHE TRIES IT ON.

WHY SHOULD WE TRY IT
ON? WE AIN'T GONNA WEAR IT.

LET'S SEE.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

THROW IN A VEST
AND WE'LL TAKE THREE.

- THE NEXT STEP
WAS GETTING EMILY

PLENTY OF GOOD SOLID
MUSICAL ARRANGEMENTS.

MAYNARD MADE SURE THAT SHE
HAD ALL SHE COULD POSSIBLY NEED.

- [PIANO PLAYS]

- YOU TAKE A ONE-BAR REST

AND THEN YOU SAY,
I MAY BE WRONG.

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

- KEEP GOING, MR. RINGDING.

WE NEED AN ARRANGEMENT
ON THIS ONE TOO.

- KREBS, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON
ARRANGEMENTS ALL WEEK NOW.

WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING
FROM "ABA DABA HONEYMOON"

TO THE "ZULU LOVE
SONG." AIN'T THAT ENOUGH?

- NO, WE GOTTA HAVE
MORE MORE MORE!

- THE LITHUANIAN
NATIONAL ANTHEM?

- IT DON'T PAY TO TAKE CHANCES.

[PIANO PLAYS]

- NOW THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT
FOR EMILY TO DO BUT PRACTICE.

YES, PRACTICE,
PRACTICE, PRACTICE,

AND THEN MORE PRACTICE.

MAYNARD KNEW HOW
IMPORTANT THIS WAS

SO HE DROVE HER
ON AND ON AND ON,

CONSTANTLY, DAY AND NIGHT.

[UPTEMPO, JAZZY]
- ♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

GOLLY, MAYNARD,
CAN'T WE STOP, PLEASE?

- NO. WE MUST PRACTICE,
PRACTICE, PRACTICE,

AND THEN PRACTICE MORE.

WE GOTTA BE READY
WHEN OPPORTUNITY

KNOCKS ITS NOSE
TO THE GRINDSTONE.

ALL RIGHT. FROM THE TOP NOW.

[SCATS INTRO]

- ♪ YOU MAY... ♪ OH, MAYNARD.

GOLLY, I'VE BEEN AT IT
FOR OVER SIX HOURS.

PLEASE, CAN'T WE STOP?

- SIX HOURS? HMM.

YEAH, I GUESS THAT'S ENOUGH.

OKAY, EMILY, YOU CAN RELAX.
- BOY, THANKS.

- TIME'S UP. ENOUGH
RELAXING. BACK TO WORK.

- MAYNARD...
- PLEASE, NO PLEADING.

I MAY LOOK LOVABLE
ON THE OUTSIDE,

BUT INSIDE I'M A
REGULAR SIMON DEGREE.

- THAT'S LEGREE,
AND ALL RIGHT, SIMON.

- OKAY, FROM THE TOP.

[SCATS INTRO]

♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

- PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP.

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪
- FASTER, FASTER, FASTER.

- FINALLY, AFTER LONG MONTHS

OF PAINSTAKING,
BACKBREAKING WORK,

MAYNARD AND EMILY WERE READY

TO STORM THE BARRICADES
OF SHOW BUSINESS.

LET US WISH THEM GODSPEED,

FOR THEIR STRENGTH WAS
AS THE STRENGTH OF TEN

BECAUSE THEIR HEARTS WERE PURE.

UH, ONCE HE GOT ROLLING,
MAYNARD DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME.

HE WENT STRAIGHT
TO MR. JOE ZIEGFRELD,

A FELLA WHO OWNED
A NIGHT CLUB IN TOWN.

MR. ZIEGFRELD'S RESPONSE
WAS RATHER ENLIGHTENING.

- LISTEN TO SOME KID
SINGER? OVER MY DEAD BODY.

- WELL, IF YOU WON'T
LISTEN TO HER SING,

THEN YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME SING.

♪ LOVE IS A MANY... ♪

- I'LL LISTEN TO HER SING.

- OH, THANK YOU, YOUR
ENTERTAINMENTSHIP,

YOU'RE A FINE, NOBLE, HONEST...

- NEVER MIND THE COMPLIMENTS.

LET'S GET ON WITH
IT. WHERE IS SHE?

- OH, LIKE BEHOLD.

- WHAT KIND OF
STUFF DOES SHE SING?

- MOSTLY SONGS.
- YEAH. BUT WHAT KIND OF SONGS?

- MOSTLY WITH MUSIC IN THEM.
- YEAH, BUT WHAT KIND OF...

OH, FORGET IT. GO AHEAD, HONEY.

GIVE THE PIANO PLAYER THE MUSIC

AND LET'S SEE WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO.

- YES, SIR. FIRST I
WOULD LIKE TO SING...

- NO. NO. NO. I'LL TELL HIM.

I'M THE MANAGER,
BRAINS OF THIS ACT.

FIRST MY CLIENT'S GONNA SING...

HEY, EMILY, WHAT
ARE YOU GONNA SING?

- SING ALREADY!

[PIANO PLAYS INTRO]

♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ OH, I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪

♪ I LIKE YOUR STYLE, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS ♪

♪ I'M ALWAYS WRONG, SO ♪

♪ HOW CAN I TELL? ♪

♪ ALL OF MY SHOES
ARE UNSIGHTLY ♪

♪ ALL OF MY STOCKINGS A CRIME ♪

♪ IF, DEAR, IN YOU
I'VE PICKED RIGHTLY ♪

♪ IT'S THE VERY FIRST TIME ♪

♪ YOU CAME ALONG, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

- ONE MORE TIME.

♪ YOU CAME, YOU
CAME ALONG, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

- HEY, YOUNG LADY,
THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD,

PRETTY GOOD.
- PRETTY GOOD?

SHE'S THE HOTTEST
THING TO HIT SHOW BIZ

SINCE SINGING COMMERCIALS.

- SHE STILL NEEDS A LITTLE WORK

AND EXPERIENCE, MIND YOU,

BUT I THINK I CAN
GIVE HER A TRYOUT.

- GEE, THANKS, MR. ZIEGFRELD.

- PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, NO
UNSEEMLY DISPLAY OF EMOTION.

I MEAN IT WILL, LIKE, HURT
OUR BARGAINING POSITION.

OH, PLEASE, YOUR PRODUCERSHIP,

WE'LL TAKE ANYTHING,
ANYTHING, JUST NAME IT.

- I CAN START HER HERE
AT THE RIKKI TIKKI CLUB

NEXT THURSDAY NIGHT, A
HUNDRED BUCKS A WEEK.

- A HUNDRED BUCKS A WEEK?
- YEAH.

- THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
HUNDRED AND A QUARTER.

- A HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN.
- HUNDRED AND A QUARTER

OR WE WALK.
- OKAY, OKAY.

HUNDRED AND A QUARTER.
YOU GOT IT, IT'S A DEAL.

- ALL RIGHT. GOOD, 'CAUSE
I DON'T KNOW WHERE

WE WAS GONNA WALK TO.

UM, I'LL TAKE THE QUARTER NOW,

A NICE, NEW SHINY ONE, PLEASE.

- WHAT'S YOUR CLIENT'S NAME?

- EMILY KLAUBER. KINDA
GETS YOU RIGHT HERE, HUH?

- EMILY KLAUBER?

OH, NO, WE GOT TO CHANGE
THAT TO SOMETHING UNUSUAL.

SOMETHING THAT
WILL MAKE AUDIENCES

STAND UP AND TAKE NOTICE.

- I GOT IT. FI-DEL CASTRO.

- PIPE DOWN, KREBS,
AND LET ME THINK.

- NOT MY LINE OF WORK.
- HOW ABOUT A FRENCH NAME?

AUDIENCES DIG FRENCH SINGERS.

- LIKE, RIGHT. WE'LL CALL
HER MAURICE CHEVALIER.

- KREBS.
- NO. KREBS AIN'T FRENCH ENOUGH.

HOW ABOUT MONSIEUR KREBS?
- HOW ABOUT FONTAINE?

- FONTAINE KREBS?
- AND FOR A FIRST NAME,

WE'VE GOT TO GET HER SOMETHING
VERY SOFT AND YOUNG AND FEMALE.

- LASSIE.
- NOW, KREBS, DOWN, BOY.

- I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL

THEY USED TO CALL ME KITTY.
- KITTY.

YEAH, KITTY FONTAINE. THAT'S IT.

- LIKE RIGHT.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

- YEAH. KITTY FONTAINE.
- WHAT'S IT?

I COULD SEE HER
NAME UP IN LIGHTS NOW.

- WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- LOOK.

THE SPARKLING NEW
SINGING SENSATION,

MISS KITTY FONTAINE
OPENS TONIGHT.

♪ JUST BECAUSE YOU
THINK I'LL BE LONESOME ♪

♪ JUST BECAUSE YOU
THINK I'LL BE BLUE ♪

♪ JUST BECAUSE YOU
THINK I'LL BE FOOLISH ♪

♪ TO STAY AT HOME
AND WAIT FOR YOU ♪

♪ THOUGH YOU MADE ME
DROP ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS ♪

♪ YOU LAUGHED AND
CALLED ME OLD SANTA CLAUS ♪

♪ WELL, HONEY, I'M TELLIN' YOU ♪

♪ THAT, HONEY, I'M
THROUGH WITH YOU ♪

♪ AH, BECAUSE ♪

♪ BECAUSE ♪

♪ BECAUSE ♪

- YES, EMILY WAS A SENSATION.

BEFORE LONG SHE WAS TOO
BIG FOR THE RIKKI TIKKI CLUB,

SO MAYNARD, HER MANAGER,
BEGAN TO BOOK HER

INTO NIGHTCLUBS ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY.

♪ WHEN THE RED, RED ROBIN ♪

♪ COMES BOB-BOB-BOPPIN' ALONG ♪

♪ ALONG ♪

♪ THERE'LL BE NO MORE SOBBIN'
WHEN HE STARTS THROBBIN' ♪

♪ HIS OLD SWEET SONG ♪

♪ WAKE UP, WAKE UP,
YOU SLEEPY HEAD ♪

♪ GET UP, GET UP,
GET OUT OF BED ♪

♪ CHEER UP, CHEER
UP, THE SUN IS RED ♪

♪ LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH,
AND BE HAPPY ♪

♪ WHAT IF I'VE BEEN BLUE? ♪

♪ NOW I'M WALKING THROUGH
FIELDS OF FLOWERS ♪

♪ RAIN MAY GLISTEN ♪

♪ BUT STILL I LISTEN ♪

♪ FOR HOURS AND HOURS ♪

♪ I'M JUST A KID AGAIN,
DOIN' WHAT I DID AGAIN ♪

♪ SINGIN' A SONG ♪

♪ WHEN THE RED, RED ROBIN ♪

♪ BOB-BOB-BOBBIN' ♪

♪ WHEN THE RED, RED ROBIN ♪

♪ COMES BOBBIN' ALONG ♪

- MAYNARD WAS THE HAPPIEST
AND PROUDEST MANAGER

IN THE WHOLE NORTH
AMERICAN CONTINENT.

BUT THEN ONE NIGHT, RIGHT
AFTER EMILY HAD FINISHED

HER PERFORMANCE IN A
NIGHT CLUB IN INDIANAPOLIS,

DANGER RAISED ITS UGLY HEAD.

- MISS FONTAINE,

YOU'VE GOTTA DROP THAT
BUM WHO'S MANAGING YOUR ACT.

- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,

SAYING THOSE THINGS
ABOUT MY MAYNARD?

- MY NAME IS FREDDIE J. QUICK,

ACE REPRESENTATIVE,
AMALGAMATED ALLIED CONSOLIDATED

THEATRICAL BOOKING
AGENTS, INCORPORATED.

MY CARD. THEY'RE ENGRAVED.

FEEL THE RAISED LETTERS.

- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

- AND THESE TOO

AS A TOKEN OF OUR
RESPECT FOR YOUR TALENT.

- I CAN'T ACCEPT THEM.

- OH, YES, YOU
CAN, AND YOU WILL.

THEY'RE ARTIFICIAL.
THEY'LL LAST FOREVER.

BECAUSE AMALGAMATED
ALLIED CONSOLIDATED

THEATRICAL BOOKING
AGENTS, INCORPORATED,

KNOWN IN THE
BUSINESS AS AACTBA, INC.

CAN DO BIG THINGS FOR YOU
IN SHOW BUSINESS, YOUNG LADY.

OOH, I CAN SEE IT NOW,
YOUR NAME IN LIGHTS,

SINGING IN THE FINEST
CLUBS IN THE WORLD:

NEW YORK, PARIS,
LONDON, LAS VEGAS.

FEATURED ON ALL THE
BIG TELEVISION PROGRAMS,

KNOWN EVERYWHERE.

RICH, FAMOUS, WEALTHY.
- LITTLE ME?

- WHY, OF COURSE, MY
DEAR, MISS FONTAINE.

SIMPLY RID YOURSELF
OF THE FOUL BALL SCRAGS,

SIGN UP WITH GOOD OLD
AACTBA, INC., AND YOU CAN'T MISS.

- OF COURSE I WANT
TO BECOME A BIG STAR.

WHAT TALENTED GIRL WOULDN'T?

BUT BY GIVING UP MAYNARD,
MY MAYNARD? NEVER.

- NOW, LET US FACE
FACTS, MY DEAR.

WHO... WHO IS MORE
LIKELY TO GET YOU

THE BIG, HIGH-PAYING
SINGING JOBS, HUH?

DAPPER ME OR SCROUNGY DREGS?

- THAT'S SCROUNGY
KREBS, AND I JUST DON'T...

- OF COURSE, WE'LL BE HAPPY
TO PAY THE POOR SCHNOOK

A FEW DOLLARS FOR
THE PALTRY WORK

HE'S DONE FOR YOU UP UNTIL NOW.

HE'LL BE EAGER
TO TAKE IT, I'M SURE.

MONEY MEANS
EVERYTHING TO HIS SORT.

- NOT TO MAYNARD. MY MAYNARD...

I'M MORE IMPORTANT
TO HIM THAN MONEY.

- WELL, WE SHALL
SEE. WE SHALL SEE.

- THAT DOES IT. OUT! I WON'T LET
YOU TALK MEAN ABOUT MAYNARD,

OUT! OUT!
- VERY WELL. VERY WELL,

MISS FONTAINE, I
SHALL GO FOR NOW.

MEANWHILE, HAVE ANOTHER CARD

SO YOU'LL KNOW WHERE TO
CALL WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING

FOR THAT INSTANT ROCKET
TO THE MOON SUCCESS.

AND THAT MOMENT WILL
COME SOON, MARK MY WORDS.

- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
- LIKE HI.

HEY, CHICK, YOU WANT TO HEAR
LIKE A BRILLIANT, SWINGING IDEA

THAT JUST FLEW INTO MY HEAD?

- SURE. YOU KNOW I ALWAYS
LOVE TO HEAR YOUR IDEAS.

WHAT IS IT, A NEW
SONG ARRANGEMENT?

- OH, NO. IT'S NOTHING AS
SMALL AND AS PUDDLING AS THAT.

WELL, THE IDEA IS I'M GONNA
QUIT BEING YOUR MANAGER.

CLEVER, HUH?
- MAYNARD, STOP JOKING.

- NAH. I'VE BEEN HACKING AROUND
IN SHOW BUSINESS LONG ENOUGH.

I MEAN, THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME

TO GET BACK TO THE MORE
IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE

LIKE COLLECTING TIN
FOIL AND PETRIFIED FROGS.

- NO, I WON'T LET YOU DO IT.

- BESIDES, I NEED THE MONEY.

I MEAN, SOME BIG MANAGER
WOULD PROBABLY GIVE ME

A HUGE HUNKFUL OF LOOT IF I
LET THEM BE YOUR MANAGER,

LIKE AMALGAMATED
ALLIED CONSOLIDATED

THEATRICAL BOOKING
AGENCY, INCORPORATED.

WOW, THAT'S, LIKE, A RANDOM
EXAMPLE I PICKED AT RANDOM.

I BET YOU THEY'D SLIP
ME A HUGE FISTFUL.

- I... I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING.

MAYNARD, DEAR, IS MONEY MORE
IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN I AM?

- OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW IT.

- BUT YOU'RE NOT
JUST MY MANAGER,

YOU'RE MY FRIEND,
MY DEAREST FRIEND.

- LOOK, KID, I WAS YOUR FRIEND

AS LONG AS I WAS
MAKING MONEY OFF YOU.

BUT IF THERE'S AN
EASIER WAY TO DO IT,

I MEAN, LIKE, HAIL AND
FAREWELL, FORMER FRIEND.

I MEAN, SEE YOU
AROUND, KID, HUH?

- MAYNARD...

DON'T GO. PLEASE DON'T GO.

- LOOK, DON'T BOTHER PHONING ME,

'CAUSE YOU'LL, LIKE,
GET THE WRONG NUMBER.

- MAYNARD, COME BACK. MAYNARD.

- SO MAYNARD DROPPED
OUT OF KITTY FONTAINE'S LIFE

AND SHE WENT ON ALONE.

WELL, NOT EXACTLY ALONE.

FREDDIE J. QUICK

AND THOSE AMALGAMATED
ALLIED CONSOLIDATED WHATNOTS

WENT ALONG WITH HER.

ACTUALLY, THEY DIDN'T
GO ALONG WITH HER,

WHAT THEY DID WAS DRAG HER.

AND ONE OF THE THINGS
THEY DRAGGED HER TO

WAS A WILDLY
SUCCESSFUL APPEARANCE

ON A WILDLY SUCCESSFUL
TELEVISION SHOW.

♪ I LIKE YOUR STYLE, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS ♪

♪ I'M ALWAYS WRONG, SO... ♪

- YES, EMILY WAS A
ROARING SUCCESS, ALL RIGHT,

BUT WHAT ABOUT
HER FORMER MANAGER,

THE NOW-FORGOTTEN
MAYNARD G. KREBS?

WELL, HE WAS DOING QUITE
A BIT OF ROARING HIMSELF.

- WAITER! HEY, WAITER!

BRING ME TWO MORE OF THE SAME

AND MAKE 'EM DOUBLES!

MAKE 'EM TRIPLES!

I GOT A HEAD FULL
OF THINGS TO FORGET

AND WE CAN START
OFF BY TURNING OFF

THAT MISERABLE
SINGING ON TELEVISION.

- MAYNARD, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING EVERY PLACE FOR YOU.

- I'VE BEEN RIGHT HERE, PAL,
BLOTTING OUT THE MEMORIES.

WAITER! HEY, WAITER!

- SHH!
- SHH!

- I'M A VERY VIOLENT MAN

WHEN I DON'T GET WHAT
I WANT WHEN I WANT IT!

- MAYNARD, GET A
GRIP ON YOURSELF.

YOU CAN'T LET YOURSELF
GO TO PIECES LIKE THAT.

- SAYS WHO?

GOING TO PIECES
IS WHAT I DO BEST.

EVERYTHING ELSE I DO, I DO BAD.

I'M AN UTTER,
COMPLETE, 100% FLAP.

- MAYNARD, THAT'S
FLOP, AND IT'S NO EXCUSE

FOR WHAT YOU'RE
DOING TO YOURSELF.

WHAT WOULD EMILY
SAY IF SHE KNEW?

- HER? HER I COMPLETELY PUT
OUT OF MY MIND ALTOGETHER.

- MAYNARD.
- EMILY WHO?

- YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN. KITTY.

- KITTY WHO?

- SEE HOW COMPLETELY I...

WAITER! WAITER,
WHERE'S MY ORDER?

I'M GETTING DESPERATER
BY THE INSTANT!

- SHHH!
- SHHH!

- MAYNARD. MAYNARD, COME HOME.

MOM'S HOME COOKING
AND PLENTY OF FRESH AIR

AND A WHOLESOME ATMOSPHERE

WILL PUT YOU BACK ON YOUR
FEET IN A FEW WEEKS. COME ON.

- NEVER. I'M GONNA STAY RIGHT
HERE AND KEEP FORGETTIN'

ON ACCOUNT OF THEY
GOT THE STUFF HERE

THAT HELPS YOU FORGET.

- AHH, MY TRIPLE DECKER
HAM SANDWICH, ALL FAT.

- MAYNARD.

- DOWN THE HATCH.

- WELL, MISS FONTAINE,
THIS IS IT, HUH?

TONIGHT YOU OPEN HERE AT
THE NUMBER ONE NIGHTSPOT

IN THE ENTIRE COUNTY,
THE TIP TOP CLUB.

EXCITING, ISN'T IT?
- YES, VERY.

- OUR CLIENTELE IS THE FINEST,
OUR ENTERTAINMENT THE GREATEST,

AND OUR PRICES THE
HIGHEST. [CHUCKLES]

WELL, WE'RE HAPPY TO HAVE
YOU WITH US, MISS FONTAINE.

- THANK YOU.

FREDDIE, I JUST
DON'T FEEL UP TO IT.

DO I HAVE TO SING TONIGHT?

- BUT OF COURSE, MY DEAR.

THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY
YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

- I KNOW, BUT I JUST
DON'T FEEL UP TO IT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T FEEL UP TO IT?

SHE'S GOT TO SING. SHE'S GOT TO!

- OF COURSE SHE WILL.
- I CAN'T.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T?
SHE'S GOT TO SING! SHE'S GOT TO!

- DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL SING.
- I WON'T.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON'T?
SHE'S GOT TO SING, SHE'S GOT TO!

- DON'T WORRY, SHE WILL.

- I CAN'T. I CAN'T.

- BUT YOU MUST.

DOBIE, YOU MUST
TAKE ME TO MAYNARD.

YOU'RE HIS BEST FRIEND
AND YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS.

- YEAH, LOOK, EMILY...

- I'M OPENING TONIGHT
AT THE TIP TOP CLUB.

IT'S THE BIGGEST NIGHT
IN MY WHOLE CAREER.

THE NIGHT I'VE WAITED
FOR ALL MY LIFE,

BUT I JUST CAN'T
GO THROUGH WITH IT.

I NEED MAYNARD.

- GEE, GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

- I'VE PHONED HIM
A MILLION TIMES,

BUT HE WON'T EVEN
ANSWER MY CALL.

- WELL, YOU KNOW, MAYNARD.
HE HAS TROUBLE DIALING.

- PLEASE, DOBIE.
IF I DON'T SEE HIM,

I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO
FACE THAT AUDIENCE.

- I'LL SEE WHAT I
CAN DO. TRUST ME.

- DOBIE, WHERE IS
HE? WHAT IS HE DOING?

TELL ME, PLEASE.

- UH, HE'S... WELL, HE'S, UH...

LET'S JUST SAY HE
HAS HIS HANDS FULL.

- CHEERS!

- MAYNARD, EMILY NEEDS YOU.

SHE CAN'T OPEN AT THE
TIP TOP CLUB TONIGHT

UNLESS YOU'RE THERE.
- SHE DON'T NEED ME.

SHE'S GOT THAT FREDDIE J. QUICK
AND THE ASPCA, INCORPORATED.

I MEAN, WHAT DOES SHE
NEED WITH SCRAWNY LITTLE ME?

- MAYNARD, I CAN'T LET
YOU KEEP ON THIS WAY.

GIVE ME THAT.
- OH, NO!

WELL, THAT WON'T DO YOU NO GOOD.

US REFUGEES FROM
EATERS ANONYMOUS

HAVE OUR OWN SECRET METHODS.

- MAYNARD. MAYNARD, BELIEVE ME.

SHE'S DESPERATE FOR YOU.
- LIKE WHO CARES?

- SHE'S NOT THE
SAME GIRL ANYMORE.

- LIKE WHO CARES?

- SHE DOESN'T LAUGH
OR HAVE FUN ANYMORE.

- LIKE WHO CARES?
- AND SHE CRIES ALL THE TIME.

- ARE YOU SURE YOU
AIN'T MAKING IT UP.

- I SURE AIN'T,
MAYNARD. IT'S TRUE.

- YOU MEAN, SHE'S
NOT HAVING FUN,

SHE'S NOT LAUGHING,
NO FRIVOLITIES?

- RIGHT. IT'S LIKE SHE
GREW OLD ALL OF A SUDDEN.

- OH, LIKE, ALACK AND ALAS,
THEN SHE DOES NEED ME.

- YOU BET SHE
DOES. NOW, COME ON,

SHE OPENS AT THE TIP
TOP CLUB IN AN HOUR.

- LIKE RIGHT. OH,
NO... NO, DOBE.

I CAN'T LET HER
SEE ME LIKE THIS.

- SO WHAT? ARE YOU
GONNA BE STOPPED

BY A LITTLE THING LIKE THAT?
- LIKE POSITIVELY NOT.

I'M NOT GONNA BE STOPPED
BY A BIG THING LIKE THAT.

- FREDDIE, I... I
JUST CAN'T DO IT.

ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE,
THEY'D LIKE TO SEE ME FLOP.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME.

- COME NOW, MY
DEAR MISS FONTAINE.

SWEET, KINDLY AACTBA,
INC. CARES ABOUT YOU.

WE CARE VERY MUCH.
- YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME,

YOU CARE ABOUT THE MONEY
YOU MAKE OFF ME, THAT'S ALL.

- NATURALLY. SO GO OUT
THERE AND GIVE THEM YOUR ALL,

OR WE SHALL BE FORCED TO SUE
YOU FOR BREACH OF CONTRACT.

NOTHING PERSONAL,
YOU UNDERSTAND.

- [TAPPING] MISS FONTAINE,
YOU'RE ON IN THREE MINUTES.

- I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T.

- WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE
IS THIS? WE HAVE A CONTRACT.

- NEVER FEAR, MY GOOD
MAN, SHE WILL SING!

- WELL, SHE'D BETTER SING.

WE GOT A HOUSE FULL
OF PEOPLE OUT THERE,

AND SHE'D BETTER SING GOOD.

- FREDDIE, PLEASE
DON'T MAKE ME GO ON.

- SURELY YOU JEST.

AACTBA, INC. EXPECTS
EVERY MAN TO DO HIS DUTY,

AND THAT GOES FOR WOMEN TOO.

- BUT I...
- GO, MISS FONTAINE, AND SING.

AND SUPERBLY, MIND YOU.

WE HAVE VERY CLEVER LAWYERS.

- WELL, GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

TONIGHT THE TIP TOP
CLUB IS PROUD TO PRESENT

THE SENSATIONAL ACT
YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR,

THAT STUNNING YOUNG
VOCALIST, MISS KITTY FONTAINE.

[APPLAUSE]

[SLOW PIANO INTRO]

[SLOWLY] ♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ I THINK Y... ♪

[UPTEMPO BRUSH ON CYMBAL]

[UPTEMPO PIANO JOINS IN]

♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG BUT ♪

♪ OH, I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪

♪ I LIKE YOUR STYLE, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS ♪

♪ I'M ALWAYS WRONG, SO ♪

♪ HOW CAN I TELL? ♪

♪ ALL OF MY SHOES
ARE UNSIGHTLY ♪

♪ ALL OF MY STOCKINGS A CRIME ♪

♪ IF, DEAR, IN YOU
I PICKED RIGHTLY ♪

♪ IT'S THE VERY FIRST TIME ♪

♪ YOU CAME ALONG, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

♪ YOU CAME, YOU
CAME ALONG, SAY ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU'RE GRAND BUT ♪

♪ I MAY BE WRONG ♪

- OH, THANKS FOR BEING
HERE TONIGHT, MAYNARD.

I COULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

- OH, SURE YOU COULD HAVE.
I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT

FOR ALL THE TEA IN, UM, UM...

SAY, WHERE'S ALL
THAT TEA COME FROM?

- CHINA, MAYNARD,
AND WELCOME HOME.

COME ON, LET'S TAKE A WALK.

- NO. NO. I BETTER NOT.

- COME ON, MAYNARD,
WE'RE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

EVERYTHING'S DIVINE.

- WELL, DIVINE AIN'T
EXACTLY THE WORD FOR IT.

- MAYNARD, ARE YOU
HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME?

- I'M TRYING.

- WHAT ON EARTH?

GREAT SCOTT, WHAT A TUMMY.

- YOU HATE ME NOW, HUH?

- HATE YOU,
MAYNARD? THAT'S SILLY.

NOW YOU'RE TWICE AS LOVABLE.

COME ON, LET'S GET
SOMETHING TO EAT.

- YEAH.

EAT?