The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 25 - The Little Chimp That Couldn't - full transcript
The college has invested much money in obtaining chimpanzees for Dr. Burkhart's Psychology class, in order for her to be able to train them to do simple tasks. One chimpanzee who is not performing is Seymour, who she wants to hide from Dean Hollister, as she fears he will remove funding from the program if he learns about Seymour's under-performance. Dean Hollister does learn about Seymour, and threatens worse: to send Seymour to the medical research wing. Animal lover Maynard, who is Dr. Burkhart's chimpanzee handler, gets Seymour a reprieve from his doom. Dean Hollister gives Maynard one week to teach Seymour anything of value. Beyond this task, Maynard has to find a loving, nurturing environment where he can keep Seymour for that week. Failing that, the Gillis household will have to do, much to the chagrin of Dobie's father. But if Maynard can't teach Seymour to do anything, will never lying Maynard resort to manufacturing a skill to save Seymour?
- OW!
MAYNARD, CUT THAT
OUT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!
OW!
MAYNARD, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
OW!
IT'S TOO MUCH! OKAY,
MAYNARD THAT DOES IT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE NIGHT
HERE, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS...
- OW! OH, DOBE, IF YOU'RE GONNA
ASK ME TO SPEND THE NIGHT HERE,
THE LEAST YOU CAN
DO IS NOT KICK ME!
ME? KICK YOU?
- YEAH, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!
OW!
- OW!
[JAZZ THEME]
- THIS LITTLE FELLA IS SEYMOUR.
HE'S WHAT THE SCIENTISTS
CALL A CHIMPANZEE.
THIS LITTLE FELLA IS MY
FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS.
HE'S WHAT THE SCIENTISTS CALL...
WELL, THEY'RE STILL
WORKING ON WHAT TO CALL HIM.
NOW HOW DID THESE
TWO CLOSE RELATED,
OR ODDLY ASSORTED, LINKS
IN THE CHAIN OF EVOLUTION
HAPPEN TO GET TOGETHER?
GOOD QUESTION.
FOR A GOOD ANSWER,
LET'S GO BACK A FEW WEEKS
TO THE PSYCHOLOGY CLASSROOM
OF DR. IMOGENE BURKHART.
DR. BURKHART'S FAMOUS
ALL OVER THE CAMPUS
FOR HER HARD WORK,
SCHOLARLY ATTITUDE AND
SERIOUS DEDICATION TO DUTY.
- AND THIS IS WHAT WE
CALL A HYPERBOLIC ELLIPSOID
WITH A PARABOLIC TERMINATION.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I OWE IT ALL TO WILD
LIVING AND BAD HABITS.
- YOU RANG?
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
IS THIS A CLASS OR A
60-MINUTE COFFEE BREAK?
- WELL, IF IT'S UP TO ME,
I'LL TAKE THE COFFEE BREAK,
BLACK, NINE LUMPS.
- WELL, GOOD MORNING,
DEAN HOLLISTER.
WELCOME TO PSYCHOLOGY 1B.
- PLEASE GO ON WITH YOUR
LECTURE, DR. BURKHART.
I JUST STOPPED IN FOR A MOMENT
TO SEE THAT YOUR
STUDENTS ARE PROGRESSING
AS COLLEGE STUDENTS SHOULD.
- OOH, IF HE GETS A LOAD OF
ME, IT'S BACK TO JUNIOR HIGH.
- WELL, YOU ARRIVED AT A VERY
INTERESTING MOMENT, DEAN.
WE ARE JUST READY TO
COMPLETE AN EXPERIMENT
DEMONSTRATING THE
DIFFERENCE IN LEARNING ABILITY
BETWEEN HUMAN
BEINGS AND CHIMPANZEES.
- THERE'S A DIFFERENCE?
- OH, YES, MR. KREBS,
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE,
PRESENT COMPANY
EXCEPTED, OF COURSE.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, WELCOME.
- WELL, MR. KREBS, WILL
YOU PLEASE BRING IN BERNICE,
OUR FIRST CHIMP?
MR. KREBS IS IN CHARGE OF
OUR EXPERIMENTAL CHIMPANZEES.
- I NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD.
- YES.
WELL, NOW CLASS, WE
ARE READY TO OBSERVE
TWO DIFFERENT TYPES
OF CHIMPANZEE LEARNERS.
NOW, BERNICE, OUR FIRST
CHIMP, IS VERY YOUNG,
SO SHE WAS GIVEN A COMPARATIVELY
SIMPLE TRICK TO LEARN.
- HERE WE ARE, DR. B,
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
LIKE, HI, BEAUTY.
- MR. KREBS, WILL YOU BRING
BERNICE INTO THE CENTER?
HEY, WAIT! THAT'S NOT BERNICE!
- LIKE RIGHT, DR. B.
IT'S SEYMOUR.
I MEAN, HE LOOKED
SO SAD AND LONESOME,
I THOUGHT I'D BRING HIM IN
SO HE COULD SHAKE PAWS.
HERE, SEYMOUR.
FEED ALL THE PEOPLE
WITH THE PEANUTS
EVEN THOUGH IT
AIN'T FEEDING TIME.
- OH, MR. KREBS,
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE BROUGHT SEYMOUR IN HERE!
I DIDN'T WANT THE
DEAN TO SEE HIM!
- I KNOW, BUT SEYMOUR'S MY
BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD
EXCEPT FOR DOBE AND HE
NEVER GETS TO DO NOTHING!
- WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
HE CAN'T NOTHING.
AND IF THE DEAN FINDS
OUT, THERE'LL BE TROUBLE.
NOW, QUICK, TAKE
HIM BACK TO HIS CAGE!
- THE DEAN?
- SEYMOUR.
- LIKE RIGHT, DR. B.
BUT AFTER THIS, WE
SHOULDN'T WHISPER.
THE DEAN'S GONNA THINK WE
DON'T WANT HIM TO HEAR US
EVEN IF WE DON'T.
- NOW, CLASS, WHEN MR. KREBS
RETURNS WITH BERNICE,
PLEASE NOTE THAT...
- DR. BURKHART, WHY WAS
SEYMOUR TAKEN AWAY?
- WHY WAS HE TAKEN AWAY?
OH, WHAT A GOOD
QUESTION, DEAN HOLLISTER.
OH, IT'S EASY TO SEE THAT
YOUR MIND IS ALWAYS ALERT.
IT'S NO WONDER...
- DR. BURKHART, WHY ARE
YOU HIDING SEYMOUR FROM ME?
- WHY AM I HIDING HIM?
OH, WHAT A GOOD
QUESTION, DEAN HOLLISTER.
IT'S EASY TO SEE THAT YOU'RE...
- DR. BURKHART! I...
- OH, BERNICE, BERNICE!
HOW WONDERFUL TO SEE
YOU. HOW WONDERFUL INDEED!
- GEE, BERNICE GETS A
BETTER HOWDY-DO THAN ME,
BUT THEN WHO DON'T?
- NOW, CLASS, YOU RECALL THAT
BERNICE WAS GIVEN A TRICYCLE
AND FOUR HOURS OF INSTRUCTIONS.
LET US SEE HOW WELL SHE
HAS LEARNED HER LESSONS.
- OKAY, COME ON,
BERNICE! RIDE THE TRICYCLE!
KEEP GOING!
- THANK YOU, BERNICE,
AND NOBLY PERFORMED!
NOW, MR. KREBS, IF YOU WILL
BRING IN WILBUR, OUR NEXT CHIMP?
WE WILL DEMONSTRATE
HOW AN OLDER CHIMP
HAS LEARNED MORE
COMPLICATED SKILLS.
- RIGHT. WILBUR COMING UP!
BERNICE, YOU'RE MORE FUN THAN A
BARREL OF MONKEYS, NO OFFENSE.
- ISN'T IT AMAZING WHAT THE
LOWER FORMS OF LIFE CAN DO?
AND I THOUGHT THE MONKEY
PERFORMED RATHER WELL TOO.
NOW, DEAN HOLLISTER,
WILBUR, OUR NEXT CHIMP,
IS THREE YEARS OLD,
SO OF COURSE...
[CHIMPANZEE CALLS]
MR. KREBS, I WARNED YOU.
- I COULDN'T HELP IT. HE
SNUCK OUT OF HIS CAGE.
HE'S SMARTER THAN ME.
I'LL LUG HIM BACK
LIKE INSTANTLY.
- BYE-BYE, MR. KREBS.
- NOT SO FAST, KREBS!
- WELL, SEYMOUR MUST GET
BACK TO HIS CAGE AT ONCE,
DEAN HOLLISTER.
BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
WHEN HE'S AWAY FROM IT,
HE GETS VERY HOMESICK.
- STOP INTERFERING,
DR. BURKHART,
OR YOU'RE GOING TO
GET VERY UNEMPLOYED.
NOW I WANT TO ASK
YOU JUST ONE MORE TIME.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS APE?
- NOTHING. I FEEL IN THE PUNK.
- KREBS, THAT'S PINK,
AND YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
DR. BURKHART, I WANT TO
SEE THIS ANIMAL PERFORM.
- OH, HE ISN'T READY.
- NOT READY?
AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS
OF TRAINING, NOT READY?
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
EASY, HE AIN'T TOO SMART IN
THE HEAD, NO OFFENSE, SEYMOUR.
I MEAN, LOVABLENESS IS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN INTELLIGENTNESS
AND YOU'RE THE MOST LOVABLE.
- DR. BURKHART, AT YOUR REQUEST,
THE COLLEGE SPENT
CONSIDERABLE MONEY, OVER $1,000,
TO BUY THIS ANIMAL, TRUE?
- TRUE, SIR, BUT...
- AND THEN FED,
HOUSED AND TRAINED HIM
ALSO AT CONSIDERABLE
EXPENSE, TRUE?
- TRUE, SIR, BUT...
- NO MORE TRUE, SIR, BUTS!
I WANT TO SEE THIS
ANIMAL PERFORM NOW.
- YES, SIR.
HERE, SEYMOUR.
NOW COME ON, SEYMOUR.
NOW YOU'VE GOT TO
PERFORM, DEAR. DO SOMETHING.
- I AM WAITING!
MAKE HIM PERFORM!
- SEYMOUR, BOUNCE THE BALL, HUH?
NO, SEYMOUR, BOUNCE IT!
- BOUNCE, SEYMOUR, BOUNCE!
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
- WELL, DR. BURKHART?
- I'M IN TROUBLE?
- YOU'RE IN TROUBLE
AND SO IS THE MONKEY.
- I AM?
- THE OTHER MONKEY!
- THIS IS DEAN HOLLISTER.
HE'S A VERY FAIR,
DECENT, HONORABLE MAN
WHICH ISN'T EASY CONSIDERING
THAT HE'S A TEACHER.
SO WHY WAS HE SO ALL SHOOK UP
JUST BECAUSE A CERTAIN
LITTLE CHIMPANZEE
COULDN'T DO CERTAIN
LITTLE TRICKS?
IT BOILS DOWN TO ONE THING,
HIS BASIC PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE.
- I LOVE MONEY.
THE MONEY I'M TALKING ABOUT
IS THE UNIVERSITY'S MONEY.
IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY
TO SEE TO IT
THAT THAT MONEY IS NOT SPENT
ON BACKWARD, USELESS,
NONPRODUCTIVE GORILLAS.
- THERE, THERE, YOU BACKWARD,
USELESS, NONPRODUCTIVE GORILLA.
STICKS AND STONES
MAY BREAK YOUR BONES,
BUT NAMES CAN NEVER HURT YOU.
- SEYMOUR HAS ALREADY COST
THE UNIVERSITY ENOUGH MONEY
TO HIRE THREE PROFESSORS
OR ONE T-FORMATION QUARTERBACK.
SOMETHING'S GOT
TO BE DONE ABOUT IT.
- OH, PLEASE, DEAN
HOLLISTER. JUST GIVE HIM TIME.
SEYMOUR WILL LEARN.
- HE'S A HOPELESS CASE!
SO IT BECOMES A SIMPLE
MATTER OF DOLLARS AND CENTS.
I'VE GOT TO TRY TO REGAIN AT
LEAST PART OF THE INVESTMENT
WE HAVE IN THAT ANIMAL!
AND THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY...
- OH, PLEASE, DEAN HOLLISTER,
NOT THE MEDICAL SCHOOL!
ANYTHING BUT THE MEDICAL SCHOOL!
- WHY NOT? SEYMOUR COULD
BECOME A GOOD DOCTOR!
- OH, MR. KREBS, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND!
- A GREAT DOCTOR!
ALREADY, HIS ARMS ARE
FURRIER THAN BEN CASEY'S.
- DEAN HOLLISTER WANTS TO TURN
HIM OVER TO MEDICAL RESEARCH!
- NO KIDDING?
MY FATHER TRIED TO GET
RID OF ME ONCE THAT WAY.
THEY WAS WILLING
TO TAKE THE BODY.
BUT WHEN IT CAME TO
THE BRAIN, THEY SAID NO.
NO! OH, NO, NO! NOT SEYMOUR!
NOT TO ANOTHER
FELLOW HUMAN PERSON!
- BELIEVE ME, KREBS, I
DON'T WANT TO DO THIS,
BUT I HAVEN'T GOT ANY CHOICE.
THIS CHIMP IS OBVIOUSLY
INCAPABLE OF STUDYING,
SO WE'VE GOT TO STUDY HIM.
- BUT HE COULD STUDY
AND LEARN, HONEST!
HIM, YEAH! PLEASE, DEAN,
LET ME TAKE HIM HOME.
I COULD TEACH HIM ALL
SORTS OF TRICKS AND STUNTS.
- OH, PLEASE LET HIM TRY, SIR.
MR. KREBS HAS A
WAY WITH ANIMALS.
- ON ACCOUNT OF WE
TALK THE SAME LANGUAGE.
- HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
- HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
- KREBS, YOU, YOU
UNDERSTOOD THAT CHATTER?
- EVERY SINGLE CHAT,
ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW, SEYMOUR
HAS A SLIGHT SPEECH IMPEMENENT,
POOR CHAP.
- IN A HOME ENVIRONMENT,
GIVEN TENDER LOVING CARE,
SEYMOUR MIGHT
IMPROVE REMARKABLY!
- ALL RIGHT, KREBS.
IT'S AGAINST MY BETTER
JUDGMENT, BUT I'LL TRY IT THIS ONCE.
YOU MAY HAVE SEYMOUR.
- SEYMOUR'S MINE? OH,
BLESS YOU, SIR, BLESS YOU!
- FOR ONE WEEK ONLY!
NOW DURING THAT TIME, YOU
WILL EITHER TEACH HIM ENOUGH
TO MAKE HIM WORTH THE
MONEY THE COLLEGE SPENT ON HIM
OR OFF HE GOES TO
THE MEDICAL SCHOOL.
- ONE WEEK? THAT'S
MORE THAN A MONTH!
- MAYNARD HAD RESCUED HIS CHIMP
FROM THE CLUTCHES OF
MEDICAL RESEARCH FOR ONE WEEK.
INSTANTLY, PROBLEMS AROSE.
FIRST HE HAD TO FIND
SEYMOUR A PLACE TO STAY
AND AN ENVIRONMENT THAT WAS
WARM, FRIENDLY AND GENEROUS.
BUT HE BROUGHT HIM OVER
TO SEE MY FATHER ANYHOW.
HOWEVER, DAD'S REACTION TO
SEYMOUR WAS RATHER STRANGE.
- SEYMOUR? I
LIKE HIM! I LIKE HIM!
HERE, LITTLE FELLA,
HAVE A BANANA!
HAVE A BUNCH!
- SURPRISED, AREN'T YOU?
I MEAN, I'LL BET YOU FIGURED
THAT WHEN DAD FOUND OUT
THAT A CHIMPANZEE
MIGHT MOVE IN WITH US,
HE'D HIT THE CEILING AND START
HOLLERING, "OUT, OUT, OUT!"
BUT YOU SEE, THINGS DIDN'T
TURN OUT THAT WAY AT ALL.
DAD TOOK AN INSTANT
LIKING TO SEYMOUR.
SO WHEN MAYNARD ANNOUNCED
THAT HE AND THE CHIMP WERE MOVING IN,
DAD SAID...
- "OUT, OUT! SEYMOUR,
YES, MAYNARD, NO! OUT!"
- MR. G., IF YOU DON'T WANT
ME TO STAY HERE, JUST SAY SO!
DON'T BE BASHFUL!
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO STAY HERE.
- HOW COME YOU AIN'T BASHFUL?
- FOR SHAME, HERBERT, FOR
SHAME! MAYNARD IS A FRIEND IN NEED!
- HE IS A FRIEND
IN NEED OF A ZOO!
THAT'S WHAT HE'S IN NEED OF!
- BUT IT'S ONLY FOR A WEEK.
- WHY DOESN'T HE TAKE THE
MONKEY TO HIS OWN HOUSE?
- MY FATHER WOULD
HAVE TOOK SEYMOUR.
IT WAS ME HE THREW OUT.
- A SMART MAN, YOUR FATHER.
- HERBERT, MAYNARD
AND HIS LITTLE FRIEND
CAN STAY IN THE BASEMENT ROOM
WHERE I DO MY HOBBIES, CERAMICS
AND PAINTING AND SCULPTURE.
- CULTURE CENTER.
- YES, AND YOU WILL
NEVER SEE THEM.
- I'LL NEVER SEE 'EM, HUH?
WHAT ABOUT MEALS? THEY
GOTTA EAT, DON'T THEY?
WHICH REMINDS ME
OF MAYNARD'S APPETITE
AND WHO CAN AFFORD IT!
OUT! OUT! OUT!
- HERBERT, THEY ARE STAYING.
- THEY WILL BREAK UP THE JOINT!
THEY WILL COST ME A FORTUNE!
- THEY'RE STAYING.
- THEY WILL CHASE
CUSTOMERS OUT OF THE STORE!
THEY WILL CHASE US
OUT OF OUR SKULLS!
- THEY'RE STAYING.
- WINNIE, GIVE ME
ONE GOOD REASON?
- BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T,
I'M INVITING MY MOTHER TO
MOVE IN WITH US FOR GOOD?
- WINNIE, THEY ARE
STAYING! THEY'RE STAYING!
- SO NOW MAYNARD HAD A PLACE
WHERE HE COULD BEGIN
HIS DESPERATE EFFORTS
TO SAVE SEYMOUR'S LIFE.
THIS GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
BROUGHT ABOUT A
TREMENDOUS CHANGE IN HIM.
HE WAS NOW A FAMILY
MAN. IT WAS AMAZING.
HE AND SEYMOUR STARTED
TO TREAT ONE ANOTHER
EXACTLY AS IF THEY
WERE FATHER AND SON.
- DADDY!
LIKE, RIGHT, SEYMOUR.
I WANT YOU TO THINK
OF ME AS YOUR DADDY
'CAUSE I'M GONNA SMARTEN YOU UP
WITH SEVEN DAYS OF HARD,
TOUGH, BRAIN-CRACKIN' WORK!
OH, SEVEN DAYS OF HARD WORK!
WELL, THAT'S ALMOST
ENOUGH TO MAKE ONE WEEK!
BUT WE GOTTA DO IT.
I GOTTA TEACH YOU ALL
SORTS OF MONKEY TRICKS
OR YOU'RE GONNA WIND UP IN
THE INSIDE OF A MEDICAL BOOK
LOOKING OUT.
HERE, PUT ON YOUR SWEATSHIRT NOW
AND WE'LL START LEARNING
ALL SORTS OF MONKEY BUSINESS.
COME ON!
WE GOTTA DO IT,
SEYMOUR, WE JUST GOTTA.
- MAYNARD RESCUING THAT CHIMP
WAS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH,
PROBABLY BOTH.
HE WORKED LIKE A MAN POSSESSED
TO TEACH SEYMOUR THE TRICKS
THAT WOULD LET HIM KEEP ON
BEING A HEALTHY,
RED-BLOODED AMERICAN MONKEY.
- NO, DON'T BE SCARED!
RIDING THIS IS EASY AS
PRONOUNCING ITS NAME,
ENCYCLOPEDIA!
NOW PAY ATTENTION, SEYMOUR.
YOU SEE, IF I STAND HERE
ON THE NAKED FLOOR,
I CAN'T REACH THEM JAR
OF PEACHES UP THERE, SEE?
BUT IF I STACK THESE
BOXES TOGETHER...
LIKE THAT,
THEN I CAN GET UP HERE AND
REACH THEM JAR OF PEACHES!
OH, I MUST HAVE DONE
SOMETHIN' WRONG!
THESE ARE APRICOTS!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
- DEAN HOLLISTER HAD GIVEN
MAYNARD ONE WEEK TO TURN SEYMOUR
FROM A LOVABLE SCHNOOK INTO A
USEFUL MEMBER OF CHIMP SOCIETY.
AS YOU CAN SEE, MAYNARD
WORKED UNCEASINGLY
TO SAVE HIS LITTLE FRIEND
FROM THAT BIG
RESEARCH LAB IN THE SKY.
AND BY THE SIXTH DAY, THANKS
TO HIS UNTIRING EFFORTS
AND ALMOST SUPER-HUMAN ENERGY,
AN ASTOUNDING
TRANSFORMATION HAD TAKEN PLACE.
RIGHT!
HE COULD DO COMPLICATED,
ACROBATIC TRICKS!
AS FOR SEYMOUR,
WELL, SEYMOUR WAS, SAD
TO RELATE, STILL SEYMOUR.
- LEAVE US FACE IT,
LITTLE FUZZY BUDDY.
THE WEEK'S ALMOST
FINISHED AND SO ARE YOU.
WELL, YOU AIN'T LEARNED
NOTHING! YOU'RE LIKE DOOMED!
AND I GOTTA TAKE YOU
BACK TO THAT MEAN OLD DEAN.
HE'S GONNA SEND YOU TO
THAT MEAN OLD MEDICAL SCHOOL
AND THEY'RE GONNA...
[CHIMP SQUEAL]
WELL, I AIN'T
GONNA LET 'EM DO IT!
I'LL SAVE YOU OR MY
NAME AIN'T, UH, AIN'T...
WELL, WHATEVER IT IS.
COME ON, SEYMOUR.
A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY I'M AN
ORDINARY BACKWARD LAMEBRAIN,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO
SAVING MY LITTLE FURRY PAL,
I CHANGE ALTOGETHER INTO A
DIFFERENT KIND OF LAMEBRAIN!
COME ON.
THE ONLY WAY THEY'RE
GONNA GET YOU AWAY FROM ME
IS OVER MY DEAD BODY!
FROM NOW ON, IT'S ME
FOR YOU AND YOU FOR ME
AND TEA FOR TWO
AND ALL LIKE THAT!
- HALT!
- MAYNARD, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING WITH THAT MONKEY?
- WHAT MONKEY?
- MAYNARD?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
RUNNING AWAY, AREN'T YOU?
- HOW'D YOU GUESS?
- BUT YOU WON'T GET
AWAY WITH IT, DEAR.
THEY'LL FIND YOU AND
SEYMOUR AND BRING YOU BACK.
- I GOTTA GET AWAY
WITH IT, MRS. G.!
SEYMOUR AIN'T LEARNED
NOTHING IN A WHOLE WEEK!
HE'S, LIKE, DOOMED!
WE'LL RUN AWAY TO
SOME FARAWAY CITY
WHERE THEY DON'T US AND
LOSE OURSELVES IN THE CROWD
AND THEY'LL NEVER FIND US.
[LAUGHS]
- THAT'S THE IDEA.
LOSE YOURSELF IN THE CROWD,
A KID IN A PAIR OF RAGGEDY
SNEAKERS WITH BEARD TO MATCH
AND A MONKEY WITH
A SWEATSHIRT ON
AND CARRYING A BANDANA-WRAPPED
BINDLE ON THE END OF A STICK!
NOBODY'LL EVER EVEN NOTICE!
- BUT IT AIN'T FAIR! SEYMOUR
NEVER HURT NOBODY!
WHY DO THEY WANT TO HURT HIM?
- WHY, NOBODY WANTS
TO HURT HIM, DEAR.
IT'S JUST THE UNIVERSITY
INVESTED A LOT OF MONEY IN HIM
AND THIS IS ONE WAY THAT
THEY CAN GET PART OF IT BACK.
- MAYNARD, IT IS JUST A
MATTER OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND AS YOU STUMBLE
ON THROUGH LIFE,
YOU WILL COME TO UNDERSTAND
THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN LIFE
YOU JUST CAN'T FIGHT AGAINST.
- MR. GILLIS IS RIGHT, MAYNARD.
OF COURSE, YOU LOVE SEYMOUR.
WE LOVE HIM TOO,
BUT YOU MUST
ADJUST TO LOSING HIM.
WE ALL LOSE THINGS THAT
WE LOVE, BUT LIFE GOES ON
AND YOU WILL FIND THAT IT
GOES FOR YOU TOO, DEAR.
YOU'LL SEE.
- YOU MEAN, I JUST OUGHT
TO FORGET ABOUT SEYMOUR
AND QUIT FIGHTING FOR HIM,
HUH? WELL, I AIN'T GONNA DO IT!
I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING
OF THE WORD "QUIT!"
- BUT, MAYNARD, DEAR...
- THERE'S A LOT OF WORDS I
DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF,
BUT I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT QUIT TO
KNOW IT AIN'T WHAT I'M GONNA DO!
- BUT THE DEADLINE IS TOMORROW.
WHAT CAN YOU TEACH HIM BY THEN?
- I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE SOMETHING.
Both: LIKE SOMETHING?
- LIKE NOTHING.
SEYMOUR, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING
YOUR BEST, BUT THEY WAS RIGHT!
YOU'RE HOPELESS.
I MEAN, IF THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING YOU COULD DO,
I MEAN, EVERYBODY
DOES SOMETHING!
MR. G., HE YELLS AND HOLLERS
AND DOBE G. SPENDS
MONEY AND LOSES GIRLS
AND MRS. G., SHE
PAINTS PAINTINGS.
OH, AND THEY'RE PRETTY
ROTTEN PAINTINGS.
YEAH!
HEY, WHY NOT?
WHY COULDN'T YOU PAINT
PAINTINGS AS ROTTEN AS MRS. G.?
SURE!
WHY NOT?
I MEAN, MAYBE YOU COULD BECOME
A 10-TOED WHISTLER'S FATHER?
COME ON. GIVE IT
THE OLD JUNGLE TRY!
NO, NO, EAT LATER.
PAINT NOW, SEE?
LIKE THIS, SEE?
OOH, NOT BAD.
WHO SAYS I GOT NO TALENT?
- HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO...
- LOTS OF PEOPLE
AND THEY'RE RIGHT.
HERE, YOU FINISH.
[SCREAMS]
- YOU WANT ME TO PAINT IT AND
TELL THE DEAN THAT YOU DID IT?
YEAH, THAT'D SAVE
YOU, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S CHEATIN'
AND CHEATIN'S LOW AND
SNEAKY AND MEAN AND ROTTEN
AND UNLEGAL AND DISHONEST,
AND I'M GONNA DO IT.
OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY!
I CAN JUST HEAR THEM NOW
WHEN THEY SEE THIS LITTLE BEAUTY.
GORGEOUS,
SCRUMPTIOUS, MAGNIFICENT!
- HORRIBLE!
- FRIGHTENING!
UNBELIEVABLE!
- WELL, I ADMIT IT
AIN'T TOO PRETTY.
- WHAT IT IS HORRIBLE, SPOOKY,
FRIGHTENING AND UNBELIEVABLE!
- WELL, NOBODY SAYS
THAT IT'S GREAT ART.
- NOBODY?
- BUT THE AMAZING THING IS
THAT SEYMOUR, A MERE MONKEY,
PAINTED IT AT ALL.
- YES, IT IS AMAZING.
PERHAPS IT'S TOO AMAZING.
KREBS, WHO REALLY
PAINTED THIS PICTURE?
- SEYMOUR DID.
- THAT'S THE TRUTH?
- YES, SIR, AND IF I'M LYING,
MAY I TURN INTO
A MONKEY'S UNCLE.
NOTHING PERSONAL, SEYMOUR.
- DEAN HOLLISTER, YOU CAN SAY
WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT MAYNARD,
AND YOU USUALLY DO,
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO
ADMIT THAT HE DOESN'T LIE.
- YES, SIR, I'M A REGULAR
HONEST ABE WASHINGTON.
- AND BESIDES, JUST
LOOK AT THAT PICTURE.
IT COULD ONLY HAVE BEEN
PAINTED BY A VERY PRIMITIVE MIND.
- YES, IT DOES HAVE A
COMPLETELY SUBHUMAN LOOK.
- COMPLETELY?
- YES, IT'S QUITE CLEAR
IT COULD ONLY HAVE
BEEN PAINTED BY AN APE.
SO WE'RE RIGHT BACK
WHERE WE STARTED.
KREBS, YOU PAINTED THIS PICTURE!
- NO, SIR! AND IF I'M LYING,
MAY LIGHTNING STRIKE ME
RIGHT HERE ON THIS SPOT!
- WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO ALONG
WITH DR. BURKHART ON THIS.
KREBS, YOU'RE NOT THE KIND
OF FELLOW WHO TELLS A LIE.
- LIKE THANK YOU, SIR.
- YES, LYING TAKES BRAINS.
- LIKE, THANK YOU, SIR?
- SO I WILL ACCEPT YOUR STORY
AS TO HOW THIS
PAINTING GOT PAINTED.
AND SEYMOUR IS REPRIEVED
FROM THE MEDICAL SCHOOL.
- HEY!
- LIKE WOW!
- LIKE WOW!
- FOR NOW!
- LIKE UH-OH!
- LIKE DITTO!
- IF WE COULD JUST BE SURE
THAT THIS CHIMP
PAINTED THAT PICTURE...
- WE'RE SURE, WE'RE SURE!
- I COULD RELEASE IT
TO THE NEWSPAPERS
AND HE WOULD
BECOME WORLD-FAMOUS.
- WE'RE DEAD, WE'RE DEAD!
- I CAN'T TAKE ANY CHANCES.
BEFORE I MAKE ANY
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT,
I'VE GOT TO SEE MORE
OF THIS ARTIST'S...
THIS ANIMAL'S WORK.
- WELL, MAYBE SEYMOUR AIN'T
GOT NO MORE PICTURES IN HIS HEAD.
I MEAN, MAYBE HE SHOT HIS BELT.
- THAT'S BOLT, KREBS!
AND HE'D BETTER HAVE SOME
MORE PICTURES IN HIS HEAD
OR MEDICAL SCHOOL HERE HE COMES!
- YOU BETTER GET BUSY, SEYMOUR.
THERE'S AN EMPTY
PAINTBRUSH IN THE OLD CORRAL.
- ONE OF MAYNARD'S PROBLEMS IS
THAT HE JUST CAN'T
LET WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
I MEAN, DEAN HOLLISTER
WAS PERFECTLY SATISFIED
WITH THE WAY SEYMOUR PAINTED
OR WITH THE WAY HE
THOUGHT SEYMOUR PAINTED.
BUT WAS THAT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR MAYNARD?
OH, NO.
HE HAD TO TURN THAT
MONKEY INTO THE PICASSO
OF THE CHIMPANZEE ART WORLD.
- SENSATIONAL, HUH, PAL?
MAN, IT AIN'T HARD TO SEE
THAT I GOT AN ABSOLUTE
MINIMUM OF TALENT!
MAN, WAIT 'TIL THE DEAN AND
DR. B. SEE THIS MASTERPIECE.
THEY'RE GONNA START HOLLERING,
"GORGEOUS,
SENSATIONAL, MAGNIFICENT!"
- HORRIBLE.
- FRIGHTENING.
- SPOOKY.
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- YES, SEYMOUR IS
A JUNGLE GENIUS.
- KREBS, CAN YOU
LOOK ME IN THE EYE
AND TELL ME THAT THAT
CHIMP PAINTED THIS PICTURE?
- NO, SIR, I CAN'T.
- AHA! YOU CAN'T TELL
ME THAT HE PAINTED IT!
- NO, SIR. I CAN'T LOOK YOU
IN THE EYE. IT'S TOO SHIFTY.
- NO CHIMP PAINTED THIS PICTURE!
- I KNOW IT'S HARD
TO BELIEVE, SIR,
BUT YOU KNOW
MAYNARD DOESN'T LIE.
- AND I ALSO KNOW THAT NO
CHIMP PAINTED THAT PICTURE!
WHY, I COULDN'T DO AS WELL.
- WELL, DON'T FEEL TOO BAD.
SEYMOUR COULDN'T BE
AS GOOD A DEAN AS YOU,
BUT I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.
- DEAN HOLLISTER, I CAN
SEE WHY YOU'RE SUSPICIOUS.
BUT AFTER ALL, IT'S POSSIBLE
THAT SEYMOUR PAINTED A PICTURE
OF THE GROCERY STORE.
- WHAT'S SO TOUGH ABOUT THAT?
HE'S BEEN LIVING
THERE A WHOLE WEEK.
- BUT LOOK AT THE DETAILS!
WHY, HE EVEN PUT IN THE
WORDS GILIS GROSHERY!
- TRUE, BUT ALL THE
WORDS ARE SPELLED WRONG!
- EXACTLY!
AND THAT'S WHY I KNOW
KREBS PAINTED THIS PICTURE!
- OH, I KNEW GROCERY
WAS SPELLED WITH A "Q"!
- I'M CALLING THE
MEDICAL SCHOOL!
- WE'RE DOOMED, DOOMED, DOOMED!
- OH, PLEASE, SIR, DON'T DO
ANYTHING YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR.
- THE ONLY THING I'M SORRY FOR
IS THAT I'VE ALLOWED
MYSELF TO BE HOODWINKED
BY THESE TWO PHONIES!
- BUT IF YOU'RE MISTAKEN,
CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES!
WHY, YOU'LL BE ROBBING THE WORLD
OF AN AUTHENTIC ANIMAL GENIUS!
- WITH A MILLION
DOLLAR PERSONALITY!
- IF SEYMOUR REALLY
PAINTED THAT PICTURE,
WHY, HE'S A VALUABLE
NATURAL RESOURCE.
- LIKE BOULDER DAM!
- OR NIAGARA FALLS!
- OR PETER LAWFORD!
- OH, ISN'T THERE
ANYTHING WE CAN DO
TO PROVE TO YOU
THAT YOU'RE WRONG?
- YES, THERE IS SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO TO PROVE IT!
LET ME SEE THIS STUPID
GORILLA PAINT A PICTURE!
- OKAY, WHEN DO I START?
- THE OTHER STUPID GORILLA!
- SEYMOUR DON'T PAINT TOO GOOD
WHEN PEOPLE FROM THE
OUTSIDE WORLD IS WATCHING.
- NONSENSE!
I'LL MAKE HIM PAINT!
- ALL GENIUS PAINTERS IS
LIKE THAT! LOOK AT BEETHOVEN!
- I'LL PUT A STOP TO
THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!
SEYMOUR, PAINT!
- SEYMOUR, PAINT!
- SEYMOUR, RUN FOR THE HILLS!
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
- WELL, DR. BURKHART,
ARE YOU SATISFIED?
- YES, SIR. I'M SORRY, SIR.
- AND YOU'LL BE A
WHOLE LOT SORRIER
WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF
GRADING PAPERS IN THE LINE
AT THE UNEMPLOYMENT
INSURANCE OFFICE!
AND AS FOR YOU, KREBS...
- OUTSVILLE?
- WAY OUTSVILLE!
LIKE OFF THE CAMPUS.
- FOREVERSVILLE?
- EVEN LONGERSVILLE.
- POOR SEYMOUR.
HE WAS COUNTING ON
ME AND I LET HIM DOWN.
HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWED
I DON'T COUNT TOO GOOD.
- YOU DID YOUR BEST,
MR. KREBS. NO MAN CAN ASK MORE.
LOOK! SEYMOUR!
HE'S GETTING READY TO PAINT!
PAINT, SEYMOUR, PAINT.
- PAINT, SEYMOUR, PAINT.
- PAINT, SEYMOUR, PAINT!
- IT'S AMAZING!
- FANTASTIC!
- AMAZING!
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE!
THAT'S WHISTLER'S MOTHER!
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT?
HE NEVER EVEN MET
THE DEAR OLD THING!
- DR. BURKHART, PLEASE
ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.
KREBS, CONGRATULATIONS
ON A REMARKABLE JOB!
YOU ARE A GENIUS WITH ANIMALS!
- NO, I'M JUST A GREAT AMERICAN
AND A HECK OF A GOOD SPORT.
- TRUE.
- TOO BAD I CAN'T SAY THE
SAME THING ABOUT YOU.
- IN LIGHT OF WHAT HE HAS DONE,
THE UNIVERSITY WILL PROVIDE
SEYMOUR WITH A HOME HERE
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
AH, YOU LITTLE RASCAL.
IT'S REALLY AN
ASTOUNDING PIECE OF WORK.
TOO BAD IT'S ONLY A
ONE-IN-A-MILLION FLUKE.
- THAT AIN'T NO FLUKE!
THAT'S A SEYMOUR.
AND YOU SEEN HIM PAINT
IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES!
- OF COURSE, BUT IT'S OBVIOUS
THAT HE HAS NO
REAL ARTISTIC ABILITY.
THE LAWS OF CHANCE
MERELY ACTED IN SUCH A WAY
THAT THE PROPER
COMBINATION OF COLORS
WERE ACCIDENTALLY PLACED
IN THE PROPER POSITIONS.
THIS PICTURE IS A RESULT.
COULDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN
IF HE PAINTED FOREVER!
I'LL SHOW YOU.
SEYMOUR?
SEYMOUR?
PAINT, SMALL IDIOT!
- YOU SHOULDN'T TALK
LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF HIM!
YOU'LL HURT HIS FEELINGS!
- FORGIVE ME.
I WAS SIMPLY STATING A
PROVEN SCIENTIFIC THESIS.
CHIMPANZEES HAVE NO
GENUINE ARTISTIC TALENT.
THIS PAINTING IS MERELY THE
RESULT OF A FREAK ACCIDENT.
- "WASHINGTON
CROSSING THE DELAWARE".
- YOUR DEANSHIP?
- YES, KREBS?
- ANY MORE FOOLISH QUESTIONS?
- I AM HAPPY TO REPORT
THAT SEYMOUR'S CAREER
ADVANCED BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS.
AFTER GAINESBOROUGH'S
"BLUE BOY",
HE PROCEEDED TO TURN
OUT PERFECT REPRODUCTIONS
OF THE "MONA LISA",
"WASHINGTON CROSSING
THE DELAWARE",
AND A RATHER
INTERESTING PORTRAIT
FOR THE COVER OF
"BATHING BEAUTY" MAGAZINE.
YES, SIR, SEYMOUR HAD IT MADE.
HE WAS AN AUTHENTIC GENIUS
FAMED THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY
FOR HIS ARTISTIC
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
BUT THEN ONE DAY, SUDDENLY
AND TRAGICALLY, DISASTER STRUCK.
- THE GENIUS FLEW AWAY
FROM SEYMOUR'S BRUSH!
HE CAN'T PAINT NO MORE!
- PLEASE, SEYMOUR,
TRY AGAIN, PLEASE?
- LOOK, PAINT,
LITTLE FRIEND PAINT
OR TROUBLES, WELL,
HERE WE COME AGAIN!
- YEAH, CONCENTRATE,
SEYMOUR. PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.
- IN THE LIGHT OF
THIS DEVELOPMENT,
I FEAR THAT I SHALL BE FORCED
TO REVISE MY PREVIOUS JUDGMENT
AS TO SEYMOUR'S FUTURE.
All: OH!
- THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION
FOR SPENDING ALL THIS MONEY
ON AN ANIMAL WHO
CAN'T EVEN BOUNCE A BALL
AND WHO HAS LOST
HIS TOUCH OF GENIUS.
HE IS NOW, I FEAR,
DEFINITELY BELOW NORMAL
WITH NOTHING UNUSUAL,
EXCEPT HIS STUPIDITY,
TO DISTINGUISH HIM
FROM ANY OTHER CHIMPANZEE.
[HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY
NO. 2 PLAYING]
MAYNARD, CUT THAT
OUT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!
OW!
MAYNARD, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
OW!
IT'S TOO MUCH! OKAY,
MAYNARD THAT DOES IT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE NIGHT
HERE, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS...
- OW! OH, DOBE, IF YOU'RE GONNA
ASK ME TO SPEND THE NIGHT HERE,
THE LEAST YOU CAN
DO IS NOT KICK ME!
ME? KICK YOU?
- YEAH, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!
OW!
- OW!
[JAZZ THEME]
- THIS LITTLE FELLA IS SEYMOUR.
HE'S WHAT THE SCIENTISTS
CALL A CHIMPANZEE.
THIS LITTLE FELLA IS MY
FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS.
HE'S WHAT THE SCIENTISTS CALL...
WELL, THEY'RE STILL
WORKING ON WHAT TO CALL HIM.
NOW HOW DID THESE
TWO CLOSE RELATED,
OR ODDLY ASSORTED, LINKS
IN THE CHAIN OF EVOLUTION
HAPPEN TO GET TOGETHER?
GOOD QUESTION.
FOR A GOOD ANSWER,
LET'S GO BACK A FEW WEEKS
TO THE PSYCHOLOGY CLASSROOM
OF DR. IMOGENE BURKHART.
DR. BURKHART'S FAMOUS
ALL OVER THE CAMPUS
FOR HER HARD WORK,
SCHOLARLY ATTITUDE AND
SERIOUS DEDICATION TO DUTY.
- AND THIS IS WHAT WE
CALL A HYPERBOLIC ELLIPSOID
WITH A PARABOLIC TERMINATION.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I OWE IT ALL TO WILD
LIVING AND BAD HABITS.
- YOU RANG?
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
IS THIS A CLASS OR A
60-MINUTE COFFEE BREAK?
- WELL, IF IT'S UP TO ME,
I'LL TAKE THE COFFEE BREAK,
BLACK, NINE LUMPS.
- WELL, GOOD MORNING,
DEAN HOLLISTER.
WELCOME TO PSYCHOLOGY 1B.
- PLEASE GO ON WITH YOUR
LECTURE, DR. BURKHART.
I JUST STOPPED IN FOR A MOMENT
TO SEE THAT YOUR
STUDENTS ARE PROGRESSING
AS COLLEGE STUDENTS SHOULD.
- OOH, IF HE GETS A LOAD OF
ME, IT'S BACK TO JUNIOR HIGH.
- WELL, YOU ARRIVED AT A VERY
INTERESTING MOMENT, DEAN.
WE ARE JUST READY TO
COMPLETE AN EXPERIMENT
DEMONSTRATING THE
DIFFERENCE IN LEARNING ABILITY
BETWEEN HUMAN
BEINGS AND CHIMPANZEES.
- THERE'S A DIFFERENCE?
- OH, YES, MR. KREBS,
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE,
PRESENT COMPANY
EXCEPTED, OF COURSE.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, WELCOME.
- WELL, MR. KREBS, WILL
YOU PLEASE BRING IN BERNICE,
OUR FIRST CHIMP?
MR. KREBS IS IN CHARGE OF
OUR EXPERIMENTAL CHIMPANZEES.
- I NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD.
- YES.
WELL, NOW CLASS, WE
ARE READY TO OBSERVE
TWO DIFFERENT TYPES
OF CHIMPANZEE LEARNERS.
NOW, BERNICE, OUR FIRST
CHIMP, IS VERY YOUNG,
SO SHE WAS GIVEN A COMPARATIVELY
SIMPLE TRICK TO LEARN.
- HERE WE ARE, DR. B,
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
LIKE, HI, BEAUTY.
- MR. KREBS, WILL YOU BRING
BERNICE INTO THE CENTER?
HEY, WAIT! THAT'S NOT BERNICE!
- LIKE RIGHT, DR. B.
IT'S SEYMOUR.
I MEAN, HE LOOKED
SO SAD AND LONESOME,
I THOUGHT I'D BRING HIM IN
SO HE COULD SHAKE PAWS.
HERE, SEYMOUR.
FEED ALL THE PEOPLE
WITH THE PEANUTS
EVEN THOUGH IT
AIN'T FEEDING TIME.
- OH, MR. KREBS,
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE BROUGHT SEYMOUR IN HERE!
I DIDN'T WANT THE
DEAN TO SEE HIM!
- I KNOW, BUT SEYMOUR'S MY
BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD
EXCEPT FOR DOBE AND HE
NEVER GETS TO DO NOTHING!
- WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
HE CAN'T NOTHING.
AND IF THE DEAN FINDS
OUT, THERE'LL BE TROUBLE.
NOW, QUICK, TAKE
HIM BACK TO HIS CAGE!
- THE DEAN?
- SEYMOUR.
- LIKE RIGHT, DR. B.
BUT AFTER THIS, WE
SHOULDN'T WHISPER.
THE DEAN'S GONNA THINK WE
DON'T WANT HIM TO HEAR US
EVEN IF WE DON'T.
- NOW, CLASS, WHEN MR. KREBS
RETURNS WITH BERNICE,
PLEASE NOTE THAT...
- DR. BURKHART, WHY WAS
SEYMOUR TAKEN AWAY?
- WHY WAS HE TAKEN AWAY?
OH, WHAT A GOOD
QUESTION, DEAN HOLLISTER.
OH, IT'S EASY TO SEE THAT
YOUR MIND IS ALWAYS ALERT.
IT'S NO WONDER...
- DR. BURKHART, WHY ARE
YOU HIDING SEYMOUR FROM ME?
- WHY AM I HIDING HIM?
OH, WHAT A GOOD
QUESTION, DEAN HOLLISTER.
IT'S EASY TO SEE THAT YOU'RE...
- DR. BURKHART! I...
- OH, BERNICE, BERNICE!
HOW WONDERFUL TO SEE
YOU. HOW WONDERFUL INDEED!
- GEE, BERNICE GETS A
BETTER HOWDY-DO THAN ME,
BUT THEN WHO DON'T?
- NOW, CLASS, YOU RECALL THAT
BERNICE WAS GIVEN A TRICYCLE
AND FOUR HOURS OF INSTRUCTIONS.
LET US SEE HOW WELL SHE
HAS LEARNED HER LESSONS.
- OKAY, COME ON,
BERNICE! RIDE THE TRICYCLE!
KEEP GOING!
- THANK YOU, BERNICE,
AND NOBLY PERFORMED!
NOW, MR. KREBS, IF YOU WILL
BRING IN WILBUR, OUR NEXT CHIMP?
WE WILL DEMONSTRATE
HOW AN OLDER CHIMP
HAS LEARNED MORE
COMPLICATED SKILLS.
- RIGHT. WILBUR COMING UP!
BERNICE, YOU'RE MORE FUN THAN A
BARREL OF MONKEYS, NO OFFENSE.
- ISN'T IT AMAZING WHAT THE
LOWER FORMS OF LIFE CAN DO?
AND I THOUGHT THE MONKEY
PERFORMED RATHER WELL TOO.
NOW, DEAN HOLLISTER,
WILBUR, OUR NEXT CHIMP,
IS THREE YEARS OLD,
SO OF COURSE...
[CHIMPANZEE CALLS]
MR. KREBS, I WARNED YOU.
- I COULDN'T HELP IT. HE
SNUCK OUT OF HIS CAGE.
HE'S SMARTER THAN ME.
I'LL LUG HIM BACK
LIKE INSTANTLY.
- BYE-BYE, MR. KREBS.
- NOT SO FAST, KREBS!
- WELL, SEYMOUR MUST GET
BACK TO HIS CAGE AT ONCE,
DEAN HOLLISTER.
BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
WHEN HE'S AWAY FROM IT,
HE GETS VERY HOMESICK.
- STOP INTERFERING,
DR. BURKHART,
OR YOU'RE GOING TO
GET VERY UNEMPLOYED.
NOW I WANT TO ASK
YOU JUST ONE MORE TIME.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS APE?
- NOTHING. I FEEL IN THE PUNK.
- KREBS, THAT'S PINK,
AND YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
DR. BURKHART, I WANT TO
SEE THIS ANIMAL PERFORM.
- OH, HE ISN'T READY.
- NOT READY?
AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS
OF TRAINING, NOT READY?
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
EASY, HE AIN'T TOO SMART IN
THE HEAD, NO OFFENSE, SEYMOUR.
I MEAN, LOVABLENESS IS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN INTELLIGENTNESS
AND YOU'RE THE MOST LOVABLE.
- DR. BURKHART, AT YOUR REQUEST,
THE COLLEGE SPENT
CONSIDERABLE MONEY, OVER $1,000,
TO BUY THIS ANIMAL, TRUE?
- TRUE, SIR, BUT...
- AND THEN FED,
HOUSED AND TRAINED HIM
ALSO AT CONSIDERABLE
EXPENSE, TRUE?
- TRUE, SIR, BUT...
- NO MORE TRUE, SIR, BUTS!
I WANT TO SEE THIS
ANIMAL PERFORM NOW.
- YES, SIR.
HERE, SEYMOUR.
NOW COME ON, SEYMOUR.
NOW YOU'VE GOT TO
PERFORM, DEAR. DO SOMETHING.
- I AM WAITING!
MAKE HIM PERFORM!
- SEYMOUR, BOUNCE THE BALL, HUH?
NO, SEYMOUR, BOUNCE IT!
- BOUNCE, SEYMOUR, BOUNCE!
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
- WELL, DR. BURKHART?
- I'M IN TROUBLE?
- YOU'RE IN TROUBLE
AND SO IS THE MONKEY.
- I AM?
- THE OTHER MONKEY!
- THIS IS DEAN HOLLISTER.
HE'S A VERY FAIR,
DECENT, HONORABLE MAN
WHICH ISN'T EASY CONSIDERING
THAT HE'S A TEACHER.
SO WHY WAS HE SO ALL SHOOK UP
JUST BECAUSE A CERTAIN
LITTLE CHIMPANZEE
COULDN'T DO CERTAIN
LITTLE TRICKS?
IT BOILS DOWN TO ONE THING,
HIS BASIC PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE.
- I LOVE MONEY.
THE MONEY I'M TALKING ABOUT
IS THE UNIVERSITY'S MONEY.
IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY
TO SEE TO IT
THAT THAT MONEY IS NOT SPENT
ON BACKWARD, USELESS,
NONPRODUCTIVE GORILLAS.
- THERE, THERE, YOU BACKWARD,
USELESS, NONPRODUCTIVE GORILLA.
STICKS AND STONES
MAY BREAK YOUR BONES,
BUT NAMES CAN NEVER HURT YOU.
- SEYMOUR HAS ALREADY COST
THE UNIVERSITY ENOUGH MONEY
TO HIRE THREE PROFESSORS
OR ONE T-FORMATION QUARTERBACK.
SOMETHING'S GOT
TO BE DONE ABOUT IT.
- OH, PLEASE, DEAN
HOLLISTER. JUST GIVE HIM TIME.
SEYMOUR WILL LEARN.
- HE'S A HOPELESS CASE!
SO IT BECOMES A SIMPLE
MATTER OF DOLLARS AND CENTS.
I'VE GOT TO TRY TO REGAIN AT
LEAST PART OF THE INVESTMENT
WE HAVE IN THAT ANIMAL!
AND THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY...
- OH, PLEASE, DEAN HOLLISTER,
NOT THE MEDICAL SCHOOL!
ANYTHING BUT THE MEDICAL SCHOOL!
- WHY NOT? SEYMOUR COULD
BECOME A GOOD DOCTOR!
- OH, MR. KREBS, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND!
- A GREAT DOCTOR!
ALREADY, HIS ARMS ARE
FURRIER THAN BEN CASEY'S.
- DEAN HOLLISTER WANTS TO TURN
HIM OVER TO MEDICAL RESEARCH!
- NO KIDDING?
MY FATHER TRIED TO GET
RID OF ME ONCE THAT WAY.
THEY WAS WILLING
TO TAKE THE BODY.
BUT WHEN IT CAME TO
THE BRAIN, THEY SAID NO.
NO! OH, NO, NO! NOT SEYMOUR!
NOT TO ANOTHER
FELLOW HUMAN PERSON!
- BELIEVE ME, KREBS, I
DON'T WANT TO DO THIS,
BUT I HAVEN'T GOT ANY CHOICE.
THIS CHIMP IS OBVIOUSLY
INCAPABLE OF STUDYING,
SO WE'VE GOT TO STUDY HIM.
- BUT HE COULD STUDY
AND LEARN, HONEST!
HIM, YEAH! PLEASE, DEAN,
LET ME TAKE HIM HOME.
I COULD TEACH HIM ALL
SORTS OF TRICKS AND STUNTS.
- OH, PLEASE LET HIM TRY, SIR.
MR. KREBS HAS A
WAY WITH ANIMALS.
- ON ACCOUNT OF WE
TALK THE SAME LANGUAGE.
- HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
- HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
- KREBS, YOU, YOU
UNDERSTOOD THAT CHATTER?
- EVERY SINGLE CHAT,
ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW, SEYMOUR
HAS A SLIGHT SPEECH IMPEMENENT,
POOR CHAP.
- IN A HOME ENVIRONMENT,
GIVEN TENDER LOVING CARE,
SEYMOUR MIGHT
IMPROVE REMARKABLY!
- ALL RIGHT, KREBS.
IT'S AGAINST MY BETTER
JUDGMENT, BUT I'LL TRY IT THIS ONCE.
YOU MAY HAVE SEYMOUR.
- SEYMOUR'S MINE? OH,
BLESS YOU, SIR, BLESS YOU!
- FOR ONE WEEK ONLY!
NOW DURING THAT TIME, YOU
WILL EITHER TEACH HIM ENOUGH
TO MAKE HIM WORTH THE
MONEY THE COLLEGE SPENT ON HIM
OR OFF HE GOES TO
THE MEDICAL SCHOOL.
- ONE WEEK? THAT'S
MORE THAN A MONTH!
- MAYNARD HAD RESCUED HIS CHIMP
FROM THE CLUTCHES OF
MEDICAL RESEARCH FOR ONE WEEK.
INSTANTLY, PROBLEMS AROSE.
FIRST HE HAD TO FIND
SEYMOUR A PLACE TO STAY
AND AN ENVIRONMENT THAT WAS
WARM, FRIENDLY AND GENEROUS.
BUT HE BROUGHT HIM OVER
TO SEE MY FATHER ANYHOW.
HOWEVER, DAD'S REACTION TO
SEYMOUR WAS RATHER STRANGE.
- SEYMOUR? I
LIKE HIM! I LIKE HIM!
HERE, LITTLE FELLA,
HAVE A BANANA!
HAVE A BUNCH!
- SURPRISED, AREN'T YOU?
I MEAN, I'LL BET YOU FIGURED
THAT WHEN DAD FOUND OUT
THAT A CHIMPANZEE
MIGHT MOVE IN WITH US,
HE'D HIT THE CEILING AND START
HOLLERING, "OUT, OUT, OUT!"
BUT YOU SEE, THINGS DIDN'T
TURN OUT THAT WAY AT ALL.
DAD TOOK AN INSTANT
LIKING TO SEYMOUR.
SO WHEN MAYNARD ANNOUNCED
THAT HE AND THE CHIMP WERE MOVING IN,
DAD SAID...
- "OUT, OUT! SEYMOUR,
YES, MAYNARD, NO! OUT!"
- MR. G., IF YOU DON'T WANT
ME TO STAY HERE, JUST SAY SO!
DON'T BE BASHFUL!
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO STAY HERE.
- HOW COME YOU AIN'T BASHFUL?
- FOR SHAME, HERBERT, FOR
SHAME! MAYNARD IS A FRIEND IN NEED!
- HE IS A FRIEND
IN NEED OF A ZOO!
THAT'S WHAT HE'S IN NEED OF!
- BUT IT'S ONLY FOR A WEEK.
- WHY DOESN'T HE TAKE THE
MONKEY TO HIS OWN HOUSE?
- MY FATHER WOULD
HAVE TOOK SEYMOUR.
IT WAS ME HE THREW OUT.
- A SMART MAN, YOUR FATHER.
- HERBERT, MAYNARD
AND HIS LITTLE FRIEND
CAN STAY IN THE BASEMENT ROOM
WHERE I DO MY HOBBIES, CERAMICS
AND PAINTING AND SCULPTURE.
- CULTURE CENTER.
- YES, AND YOU WILL
NEVER SEE THEM.
- I'LL NEVER SEE 'EM, HUH?
WHAT ABOUT MEALS? THEY
GOTTA EAT, DON'T THEY?
WHICH REMINDS ME
OF MAYNARD'S APPETITE
AND WHO CAN AFFORD IT!
OUT! OUT! OUT!
- HERBERT, THEY ARE STAYING.
- THEY WILL BREAK UP THE JOINT!
THEY WILL COST ME A FORTUNE!
- THEY'RE STAYING.
- THEY WILL CHASE
CUSTOMERS OUT OF THE STORE!
THEY WILL CHASE US
OUT OF OUR SKULLS!
- THEY'RE STAYING.
- WINNIE, GIVE ME
ONE GOOD REASON?
- BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T,
I'M INVITING MY MOTHER TO
MOVE IN WITH US FOR GOOD?
- WINNIE, THEY ARE
STAYING! THEY'RE STAYING!
- SO NOW MAYNARD HAD A PLACE
WHERE HE COULD BEGIN
HIS DESPERATE EFFORTS
TO SAVE SEYMOUR'S LIFE.
THIS GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
BROUGHT ABOUT A
TREMENDOUS CHANGE IN HIM.
HE WAS NOW A FAMILY
MAN. IT WAS AMAZING.
HE AND SEYMOUR STARTED
TO TREAT ONE ANOTHER
EXACTLY AS IF THEY
WERE FATHER AND SON.
- DADDY!
LIKE, RIGHT, SEYMOUR.
I WANT YOU TO THINK
OF ME AS YOUR DADDY
'CAUSE I'M GONNA SMARTEN YOU UP
WITH SEVEN DAYS OF HARD,
TOUGH, BRAIN-CRACKIN' WORK!
OH, SEVEN DAYS OF HARD WORK!
WELL, THAT'S ALMOST
ENOUGH TO MAKE ONE WEEK!
BUT WE GOTTA DO IT.
I GOTTA TEACH YOU ALL
SORTS OF MONKEY TRICKS
OR YOU'RE GONNA WIND UP IN
THE INSIDE OF A MEDICAL BOOK
LOOKING OUT.
HERE, PUT ON YOUR SWEATSHIRT NOW
AND WE'LL START LEARNING
ALL SORTS OF MONKEY BUSINESS.
COME ON!
WE GOTTA DO IT,
SEYMOUR, WE JUST GOTTA.
- MAYNARD RESCUING THAT CHIMP
WAS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH,
PROBABLY BOTH.
HE WORKED LIKE A MAN POSSESSED
TO TEACH SEYMOUR THE TRICKS
THAT WOULD LET HIM KEEP ON
BEING A HEALTHY,
RED-BLOODED AMERICAN MONKEY.
- NO, DON'T BE SCARED!
RIDING THIS IS EASY AS
PRONOUNCING ITS NAME,
ENCYCLOPEDIA!
NOW PAY ATTENTION, SEYMOUR.
YOU SEE, IF I STAND HERE
ON THE NAKED FLOOR,
I CAN'T REACH THEM JAR
OF PEACHES UP THERE, SEE?
BUT IF I STACK THESE
BOXES TOGETHER...
LIKE THAT,
THEN I CAN GET UP HERE AND
REACH THEM JAR OF PEACHES!
OH, I MUST HAVE DONE
SOMETHIN' WRONG!
THESE ARE APRICOTS!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
- DEAN HOLLISTER HAD GIVEN
MAYNARD ONE WEEK TO TURN SEYMOUR
FROM A LOVABLE SCHNOOK INTO A
USEFUL MEMBER OF CHIMP SOCIETY.
AS YOU CAN SEE, MAYNARD
WORKED UNCEASINGLY
TO SAVE HIS LITTLE FRIEND
FROM THAT BIG
RESEARCH LAB IN THE SKY.
AND BY THE SIXTH DAY, THANKS
TO HIS UNTIRING EFFORTS
AND ALMOST SUPER-HUMAN ENERGY,
AN ASTOUNDING
TRANSFORMATION HAD TAKEN PLACE.
RIGHT!
HE COULD DO COMPLICATED,
ACROBATIC TRICKS!
AS FOR SEYMOUR,
WELL, SEYMOUR WAS, SAD
TO RELATE, STILL SEYMOUR.
- LEAVE US FACE IT,
LITTLE FUZZY BUDDY.
THE WEEK'S ALMOST
FINISHED AND SO ARE YOU.
WELL, YOU AIN'T LEARNED
NOTHING! YOU'RE LIKE DOOMED!
AND I GOTTA TAKE YOU
BACK TO THAT MEAN OLD DEAN.
HE'S GONNA SEND YOU TO
THAT MEAN OLD MEDICAL SCHOOL
AND THEY'RE GONNA...
[CHIMP SQUEAL]
WELL, I AIN'T
GONNA LET 'EM DO IT!
I'LL SAVE YOU OR MY
NAME AIN'T, UH, AIN'T...
WELL, WHATEVER IT IS.
COME ON, SEYMOUR.
A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY I'M AN
ORDINARY BACKWARD LAMEBRAIN,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO
SAVING MY LITTLE FURRY PAL,
I CHANGE ALTOGETHER INTO A
DIFFERENT KIND OF LAMEBRAIN!
COME ON.
THE ONLY WAY THEY'RE
GONNA GET YOU AWAY FROM ME
IS OVER MY DEAD BODY!
FROM NOW ON, IT'S ME
FOR YOU AND YOU FOR ME
AND TEA FOR TWO
AND ALL LIKE THAT!
- HALT!
- MAYNARD, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING WITH THAT MONKEY?
- WHAT MONKEY?
- MAYNARD?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
RUNNING AWAY, AREN'T YOU?
- HOW'D YOU GUESS?
- BUT YOU WON'T GET
AWAY WITH IT, DEAR.
THEY'LL FIND YOU AND
SEYMOUR AND BRING YOU BACK.
- I GOTTA GET AWAY
WITH IT, MRS. G.!
SEYMOUR AIN'T LEARNED
NOTHING IN A WHOLE WEEK!
HE'S, LIKE, DOOMED!
WE'LL RUN AWAY TO
SOME FARAWAY CITY
WHERE THEY DON'T US AND
LOSE OURSELVES IN THE CROWD
AND THEY'LL NEVER FIND US.
[LAUGHS]
- THAT'S THE IDEA.
LOSE YOURSELF IN THE CROWD,
A KID IN A PAIR OF RAGGEDY
SNEAKERS WITH BEARD TO MATCH
AND A MONKEY WITH
A SWEATSHIRT ON
AND CARRYING A BANDANA-WRAPPED
BINDLE ON THE END OF A STICK!
NOBODY'LL EVER EVEN NOTICE!
- BUT IT AIN'T FAIR! SEYMOUR
NEVER HURT NOBODY!
WHY DO THEY WANT TO HURT HIM?
- WHY, NOBODY WANTS
TO HURT HIM, DEAR.
IT'S JUST THE UNIVERSITY
INVESTED A LOT OF MONEY IN HIM
AND THIS IS ONE WAY THAT
THEY CAN GET PART OF IT BACK.
- MAYNARD, IT IS JUST A
MATTER OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND AS YOU STUMBLE
ON THROUGH LIFE,
YOU WILL COME TO UNDERSTAND
THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN LIFE
YOU JUST CAN'T FIGHT AGAINST.
- MR. GILLIS IS RIGHT, MAYNARD.
OF COURSE, YOU LOVE SEYMOUR.
WE LOVE HIM TOO,
BUT YOU MUST
ADJUST TO LOSING HIM.
WE ALL LOSE THINGS THAT
WE LOVE, BUT LIFE GOES ON
AND YOU WILL FIND THAT IT
GOES FOR YOU TOO, DEAR.
YOU'LL SEE.
- YOU MEAN, I JUST OUGHT
TO FORGET ABOUT SEYMOUR
AND QUIT FIGHTING FOR HIM,
HUH? WELL, I AIN'T GONNA DO IT!
I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING
OF THE WORD "QUIT!"
- BUT, MAYNARD, DEAR...
- THERE'S A LOT OF WORDS I
DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF,
BUT I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT QUIT TO
KNOW IT AIN'T WHAT I'M GONNA DO!
- BUT THE DEADLINE IS TOMORROW.
WHAT CAN YOU TEACH HIM BY THEN?
- I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE SOMETHING.
Both: LIKE SOMETHING?
- LIKE NOTHING.
SEYMOUR, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING
YOUR BEST, BUT THEY WAS RIGHT!
YOU'RE HOPELESS.
I MEAN, IF THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING YOU COULD DO,
I MEAN, EVERYBODY
DOES SOMETHING!
MR. G., HE YELLS AND HOLLERS
AND DOBE G. SPENDS
MONEY AND LOSES GIRLS
AND MRS. G., SHE
PAINTS PAINTINGS.
OH, AND THEY'RE PRETTY
ROTTEN PAINTINGS.
YEAH!
HEY, WHY NOT?
WHY COULDN'T YOU PAINT
PAINTINGS AS ROTTEN AS MRS. G.?
SURE!
WHY NOT?
I MEAN, MAYBE YOU COULD BECOME
A 10-TOED WHISTLER'S FATHER?
COME ON. GIVE IT
THE OLD JUNGLE TRY!
NO, NO, EAT LATER.
PAINT NOW, SEE?
LIKE THIS, SEE?
OOH, NOT BAD.
WHO SAYS I GOT NO TALENT?
- HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO...
- LOTS OF PEOPLE
AND THEY'RE RIGHT.
HERE, YOU FINISH.
[SCREAMS]
- YOU WANT ME TO PAINT IT AND
TELL THE DEAN THAT YOU DID IT?
YEAH, THAT'D SAVE
YOU, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S CHEATIN'
AND CHEATIN'S LOW AND
SNEAKY AND MEAN AND ROTTEN
AND UNLEGAL AND DISHONEST,
AND I'M GONNA DO IT.
OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY!
I CAN JUST HEAR THEM NOW
WHEN THEY SEE THIS LITTLE BEAUTY.
GORGEOUS,
SCRUMPTIOUS, MAGNIFICENT!
- HORRIBLE!
- FRIGHTENING!
UNBELIEVABLE!
- WELL, I ADMIT IT
AIN'T TOO PRETTY.
- WHAT IT IS HORRIBLE, SPOOKY,
FRIGHTENING AND UNBELIEVABLE!
- WELL, NOBODY SAYS
THAT IT'S GREAT ART.
- NOBODY?
- BUT THE AMAZING THING IS
THAT SEYMOUR, A MERE MONKEY,
PAINTED IT AT ALL.
- YES, IT IS AMAZING.
PERHAPS IT'S TOO AMAZING.
KREBS, WHO REALLY
PAINTED THIS PICTURE?
- SEYMOUR DID.
- THAT'S THE TRUTH?
- YES, SIR, AND IF I'M LYING,
MAY I TURN INTO
A MONKEY'S UNCLE.
NOTHING PERSONAL, SEYMOUR.
- DEAN HOLLISTER, YOU CAN SAY
WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT MAYNARD,
AND YOU USUALLY DO,
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO
ADMIT THAT HE DOESN'T LIE.
- YES, SIR, I'M A REGULAR
HONEST ABE WASHINGTON.
- AND BESIDES, JUST
LOOK AT THAT PICTURE.
IT COULD ONLY HAVE BEEN
PAINTED BY A VERY PRIMITIVE MIND.
- YES, IT DOES HAVE A
COMPLETELY SUBHUMAN LOOK.
- COMPLETELY?
- YES, IT'S QUITE CLEAR
IT COULD ONLY HAVE
BEEN PAINTED BY AN APE.
SO WE'RE RIGHT BACK
WHERE WE STARTED.
KREBS, YOU PAINTED THIS PICTURE!
- NO, SIR! AND IF I'M LYING,
MAY LIGHTNING STRIKE ME
RIGHT HERE ON THIS SPOT!
- WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO ALONG
WITH DR. BURKHART ON THIS.
KREBS, YOU'RE NOT THE KIND
OF FELLOW WHO TELLS A LIE.
- LIKE THANK YOU, SIR.
- YES, LYING TAKES BRAINS.
- LIKE, THANK YOU, SIR?
- SO I WILL ACCEPT YOUR STORY
AS TO HOW THIS
PAINTING GOT PAINTED.
AND SEYMOUR IS REPRIEVED
FROM THE MEDICAL SCHOOL.
- HEY!
- LIKE WOW!
- LIKE WOW!
- FOR NOW!
- LIKE UH-OH!
- LIKE DITTO!
- IF WE COULD JUST BE SURE
THAT THIS CHIMP
PAINTED THAT PICTURE...
- WE'RE SURE, WE'RE SURE!
- I COULD RELEASE IT
TO THE NEWSPAPERS
AND HE WOULD
BECOME WORLD-FAMOUS.
- WE'RE DEAD, WE'RE DEAD!
- I CAN'T TAKE ANY CHANCES.
BEFORE I MAKE ANY
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT,
I'VE GOT TO SEE MORE
OF THIS ARTIST'S...
THIS ANIMAL'S WORK.
- WELL, MAYBE SEYMOUR AIN'T
GOT NO MORE PICTURES IN HIS HEAD.
I MEAN, MAYBE HE SHOT HIS BELT.
- THAT'S BOLT, KREBS!
AND HE'D BETTER HAVE SOME
MORE PICTURES IN HIS HEAD
OR MEDICAL SCHOOL HERE HE COMES!
- YOU BETTER GET BUSY, SEYMOUR.
THERE'S AN EMPTY
PAINTBRUSH IN THE OLD CORRAL.
- ONE OF MAYNARD'S PROBLEMS IS
THAT HE JUST CAN'T
LET WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
I MEAN, DEAN HOLLISTER
WAS PERFECTLY SATISFIED
WITH THE WAY SEYMOUR PAINTED
OR WITH THE WAY HE
THOUGHT SEYMOUR PAINTED.
BUT WAS THAT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR MAYNARD?
OH, NO.
HE HAD TO TURN THAT
MONKEY INTO THE PICASSO
OF THE CHIMPANZEE ART WORLD.
- SENSATIONAL, HUH, PAL?
MAN, IT AIN'T HARD TO SEE
THAT I GOT AN ABSOLUTE
MINIMUM OF TALENT!
MAN, WAIT 'TIL THE DEAN AND
DR. B. SEE THIS MASTERPIECE.
THEY'RE GONNA START HOLLERING,
"GORGEOUS,
SENSATIONAL, MAGNIFICENT!"
- HORRIBLE.
- FRIGHTENING.
- SPOOKY.
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- YES, SEYMOUR IS
A JUNGLE GENIUS.
- KREBS, CAN YOU
LOOK ME IN THE EYE
AND TELL ME THAT THAT
CHIMP PAINTED THIS PICTURE?
- NO, SIR, I CAN'T.
- AHA! YOU CAN'T TELL
ME THAT HE PAINTED IT!
- NO, SIR. I CAN'T LOOK YOU
IN THE EYE. IT'S TOO SHIFTY.
- NO CHIMP PAINTED THIS PICTURE!
- I KNOW IT'S HARD
TO BELIEVE, SIR,
BUT YOU KNOW
MAYNARD DOESN'T LIE.
- AND I ALSO KNOW THAT NO
CHIMP PAINTED THAT PICTURE!
WHY, I COULDN'T DO AS WELL.
- WELL, DON'T FEEL TOO BAD.
SEYMOUR COULDN'T BE
AS GOOD A DEAN AS YOU,
BUT I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.
- DEAN HOLLISTER, I CAN
SEE WHY YOU'RE SUSPICIOUS.
BUT AFTER ALL, IT'S POSSIBLE
THAT SEYMOUR PAINTED A PICTURE
OF THE GROCERY STORE.
- WHAT'S SO TOUGH ABOUT THAT?
HE'S BEEN LIVING
THERE A WHOLE WEEK.
- BUT LOOK AT THE DETAILS!
WHY, HE EVEN PUT IN THE
WORDS GILIS GROSHERY!
- TRUE, BUT ALL THE
WORDS ARE SPELLED WRONG!
- EXACTLY!
AND THAT'S WHY I KNOW
KREBS PAINTED THIS PICTURE!
- OH, I KNEW GROCERY
WAS SPELLED WITH A "Q"!
- I'M CALLING THE
MEDICAL SCHOOL!
- WE'RE DOOMED, DOOMED, DOOMED!
- OH, PLEASE, SIR, DON'T DO
ANYTHING YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR.
- THE ONLY THING I'M SORRY FOR
IS THAT I'VE ALLOWED
MYSELF TO BE HOODWINKED
BY THESE TWO PHONIES!
- BUT IF YOU'RE MISTAKEN,
CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES!
WHY, YOU'LL BE ROBBING THE WORLD
OF AN AUTHENTIC ANIMAL GENIUS!
- WITH A MILLION
DOLLAR PERSONALITY!
- IF SEYMOUR REALLY
PAINTED THAT PICTURE,
WHY, HE'S A VALUABLE
NATURAL RESOURCE.
- LIKE BOULDER DAM!
- OR NIAGARA FALLS!
- OR PETER LAWFORD!
- OH, ISN'T THERE
ANYTHING WE CAN DO
TO PROVE TO YOU
THAT YOU'RE WRONG?
- YES, THERE IS SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO TO PROVE IT!
LET ME SEE THIS STUPID
GORILLA PAINT A PICTURE!
- OKAY, WHEN DO I START?
- THE OTHER STUPID GORILLA!
- SEYMOUR DON'T PAINT TOO GOOD
WHEN PEOPLE FROM THE
OUTSIDE WORLD IS WATCHING.
- NONSENSE!
I'LL MAKE HIM PAINT!
- ALL GENIUS PAINTERS IS
LIKE THAT! LOOK AT BEETHOVEN!
- I'LL PUT A STOP TO
THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!
SEYMOUR, PAINT!
- SEYMOUR, PAINT!
- SEYMOUR, RUN FOR THE HILLS!
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
- WELL, DR. BURKHART,
ARE YOU SATISFIED?
- YES, SIR. I'M SORRY, SIR.
- AND YOU'LL BE A
WHOLE LOT SORRIER
WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF
GRADING PAPERS IN THE LINE
AT THE UNEMPLOYMENT
INSURANCE OFFICE!
AND AS FOR YOU, KREBS...
- OUTSVILLE?
- WAY OUTSVILLE!
LIKE OFF THE CAMPUS.
- FOREVERSVILLE?
- EVEN LONGERSVILLE.
- POOR SEYMOUR.
HE WAS COUNTING ON
ME AND I LET HIM DOWN.
HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWED
I DON'T COUNT TOO GOOD.
- YOU DID YOUR BEST,
MR. KREBS. NO MAN CAN ASK MORE.
LOOK! SEYMOUR!
HE'S GETTING READY TO PAINT!
PAINT, SEYMOUR, PAINT.
- PAINT, SEYMOUR, PAINT.
- PAINT, SEYMOUR, PAINT!
- IT'S AMAZING!
- FANTASTIC!
- AMAZING!
THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE!
THAT'S WHISTLER'S MOTHER!
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT?
HE NEVER EVEN MET
THE DEAR OLD THING!
- DR. BURKHART, PLEASE
ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.
KREBS, CONGRATULATIONS
ON A REMARKABLE JOB!
YOU ARE A GENIUS WITH ANIMALS!
- NO, I'M JUST A GREAT AMERICAN
AND A HECK OF A GOOD SPORT.
- TRUE.
- TOO BAD I CAN'T SAY THE
SAME THING ABOUT YOU.
- IN LIGHT OF WHAT HE HAS DONE,
THE UNIVERSITY WILL PROVIDE
SEYMOUR WITH A HOME HERE
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
AH, YOU LITTLE RASCAL.
IT'S REALLY AN
ASTOUNDING PIECE OF WORK.
TOO BAD IT'S ONLY A
ONE-IN-A-MILLION FLUKE.
- THAT AIN'T NO FLUKE!
THAT'S A SEYMOUR.
AND YOU SEEN HIM PAINT
IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES!
- OF COURSE, BUT IT'S OBVIOUS
THAT HE HAS NO
REAL ARTISTIC ABILITY.
THE LAWS OF CHANCE
MERELY ACTED IN SUCH A WAY
THAT THE PROPER
COMBINATION OF COLORS
WERE ACCIDENTALLY PLACED
IN THE PROPER POSITIONS.
THIS PICTURE IS A RESULT.
COULDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN
IF HE PAINTED FOREVER!
I'LL SHOW YOU.
SEYMOUR?
SEYMOUR?
PAINT, SMALL IDIOT!
- YOU SHOULDN'T TALK
LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF HIM!
YOU'LL HURT HIS FEELINGS!
- FORGIVE ME.
I WAS SIMPLY STATING A
PROVEN SCIENTIFIC THESIS.
CHIMPANZEES HAVE NO
GENUINE ARTISTIC TALENT.
THIS PAINTING IS MERELY THE
RESULT OF A FREAK ACCIDENT.
- "WASHINGTON
CROSSING THE DELAWARE".
- YOUR DEANSHIP?
- YES, KREBS?
- ANY MORE FOOLISH QUESTIONS?
- I AM HAPPY TO REPORT
THAT SEYMOUR'S CAREER
ADVANCED BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS.
AFTER GAINESBOROUGH'S
"BLUE BOY",
HE PROCEEDED TO TURN
OUT PERFECT REPRODUCTIONS
OF THE "MONA LISA",
"WASHINGTON CROSSING
THE DELAWARE",
AND A RATHER
INTERESTING PORTRAIT
FOR THE COVER OF
"BATHING BEAUTY" MAGAZINE.
YES, SIR, SEYMOUR HAD IT MADE.
HE WAS AN AUTHENTIC GENIUS
FAMED THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY
FOR HIS ARTISTIC
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
BUT THEN ONE DAY, SUDDENLY
AND TRAGICALLY, DISASTER STRUCK.
- THE GENIUS FLEW AWAY
FROM SEYMOUR'S BRUSH!
HE CAN'T PAINT NO MORE!
- PLEASE, SEYMOUR,
TRY AGAIN, PLEASE?
- LOOK, PAINT,
LITTLE FRIEND PAINT
OR TROUBLES, WELL,
HERE WE COME AGAIN!
- YEAH, CONCENTRATE,
SEYMOUR. PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.
- IN THE LIGHT OF
THIS DEVELOPMENT,
I FEAR THAT I SHALL BE FORCED
TO REVISE MY PREVIOUS JUDGMENT
AS TO SEYMOUR'S FUTURE.
All: OH!
- THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION
FOR SPENDING ALL THIS MONEY
ON AN ANIMAL WHO
CAN'T EVEN BOUNCE A BALL
AND WHO HAS LOST
HIS TOUCH OF GENIUS.
HE IS NOW, I FEAR,
DEFINITELY BELOW NORMAL
WITH NOTHING UNUSUAL,
EXCEPT HIS STUPIDITY,
TO DISTINGUISH HIM
FROM ANY OTHER CHIMPANZEE.
[HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY
NO. 2 PLAYING]