The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 24 - Beethoven, Presley and Me - full transcript
A music publisher and a radio disc jockey possess a mechanical marvel (played by Robby the Robot) that can guarantee hit records. While Virgil T. Gillis is attempting to sell them his southern-fried songs, Maynard monkeys with the machine and is transformed into a robot.
- MISS O'MALLEY,
I BEEN IN THE MUSIC
PUBLISHING RACKET FOR 35 YEARS
AND THAT MACHINE IS THE
GREATEST THING TO HIT THE BUSINESS
SINCE RUDY VALLEE'S MEGAPHONE.
- MR. WAYZACK, I'VE BEEN
A CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY
FOR SIX MONTHS
AND I WON'T BELIEVE
IT UNTIL I SEE IT WORK.
- YOU COMMAND,
CHARLIE WAYZACK OBEYS!
MISS OMALLEY, MEET ARNOLD.
STUFFED INSIDE THIS MACHINE
IS INFORMATION ABOUT
EVERY HUNK OF MUSIC
FROM BEETHOVEN TO
BOOGIE-WOOGIE TO THE TWIST.
YOU JUST PUSH THIS
SWITCH AND START HIM GOING
AND HE'S A COCKEYED MARVEL.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
- THAT IS THE COCKEYED MARVEL?
[ALARM]
- EASY, ARNOLD! EASY, EASY! THE
YOUNG LADY WAS ONLY KIDDING!
QUICK, MISS O'MALLEY!
TELL HIM YOU WERE KIDDING!
HE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
- WELL, SURE, ARNOLD.
I WAS ONLY KIDDING!
[BELL RINGS]
- ATTABOY, ARNOLD!
THERE, NOW YOU'RE TALKING, BOY!
I THINK ARNOLD'S WARMED UP NOW.
HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT AND
YOU'RE GONNA SEE A MIRACLE.
♪ LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
GO AHEAD, ARNOLD. GO TO IT.
[BELLS]
- TOTAL PREDICTED
SALES, $2,346,761 RECORDS.
IT'S A HIT! [DING]
- THAT'S EXACTLY
RIGHT! IT'S INCREDIBLE!
- NOW HE'S GOT A LOT MORE
TRICKS UP HIS CRANK CASE.
IF YOU GOT A SONG
THAT'S NO GOOD,
HE'LL TELL YOU HOW TO
FIX IT AND MAKE IT A SMASH.
LISTEN TO THIS.
♪ LA-DE-DA-DE-DA-DE-DA-DE-DA ♪
HOW DO YOU FIX UP
THAT MESS, ARNOLD?
- RAISE THE F TO
F-SHARP, LOWER IT A THIRD,
CHANGE THE TEMPO TO FOUR-FOUR.
- LIKE THIS?
♪ I DREAM OF JEANNIE WITH
THE LIGHT BROWN HAIR ♪
ARNOLD, YOU'RE A
TIN-PLATE MARVEL!
- WOW, THAT'S THE WEIRDEST,
NUTTIEST MONSTROSITY I EVER SAW!
- YOU RANG?
- WHO, OR IN THE INTEREST
OF ACCURACY, WHAT ARE YOU?
- I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS
AND I'M HERE TO PRESENT TO
YOU THAT SONGBIRD OF THE SOUTH,
THAT GROWLING
ALBACORE, VIRGIL T. GILLIS!
- UH, MAYNARD, THAT'S
STROLLING TROUBADOUR,
AND LEND A EAR, FRIENDS,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA SING MY
SENSATIONAL, COLOSSAL HIT
THAT I USED TO SING DOWN IN THE
SKY ROOM AT THE CORNPONE HOTEL
IN GREATER DOWNTOWN
CHICKEN RUN, TENNESSEE.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
[COMPUTER BEEPS] ♪
ONLY MAKES ME SO BLUE ♪
♪ OH, MY DARLING I BEG OF YOU ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE GAL ♪
♪ COME BACK ♪
♪ NEVER MEANT TO MAKE YOU CRY ♪
♪ FELT SO BAD AT YOUR GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SO LONELY I COULD DIE ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
NOW THAT THERE IS A SURE AS
SHOOTIN' HIT. RIGHT, FRIENDS?
- I DOUBT IT, FRIEND, BUT
LET'S SEE WHAT ARNOLD SAYS.
- ARNOLD? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- WELL, ARNOLD, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF THE SONG?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
[JAZZ THEME]
- HOW DID MY FRIEND MAYNARD
G. KREBS GET INVOLVED
WITH THE LIKES OF,
ONE, CHARLIE WAYZACK
KNOWN IN MUSIC PUBLISHING
CIRCLES AS WILEY WAYZACK,
TWO, SALLY O'MALLEY
KNOWN IN DISC JOCKEY
CIRCLES AS TIN-PAN SALLY,
AND THREE, ARNOLD,
THE MECHANICAL MARVEL
KNOWN IN GREASE-MONKEY
CIRCLES AS TIN-CAN ARNIE?
I GUESS ARNIE WASN'T EXPECTING
ANYBODY TO TAKE HIS PICTURE.
ANYHOW, IT ALL STARTED
WHEN MY COUSIN, VIRGIL T. GILLIS,
THE PRIDE OF CHICKEN
RUN, TENNESSEE,
GOT A JOB HERE IN TOWN.
NOW MAYNARD'S FEELINGS
BOUT COUSIN VIRGIL ARE, UH...
WELL, THEY'RE KIND
OF HARD TO DESCRIBE.
- NO, THEY AIN'T! HE'S A
SOUTHERN-FRIEND FINK!
- MAYNARD, WHY DO YOU
SAY A THING LIKE THAT
ABOUT COUSIN VIRGIL?
- ON ACCOUNT OF IF I SAID
WHAT WAS REALLY IN MY HEAD,
I'D GET MY MOUTH
WASHED OUT WITH SOUP.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
SOAP, AND GOODBYE.
- SOAP? MAN, THAT'S
WORSE THAN SOUP.
- MAYNARD, SAYONARA AND OUT.
- ESPECIALLY
CHICKEN LITTLE SOUP.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH?
COUSIN VIRGIL'S WELCOME
TO COME AROUND HERE
AND VISIT US ANY TIME HE
WANTS AND THAT'S THAT!
- NO, IT AIN'T.
ON ACCOUNT OF IF VIRGIL STARTS
HANGING AROUND HERE, I LEAVE!
YOU GOTTA CHOOSE
BETWEEN HIM OR ME!
WELL, MR. G.?
- IT'S HIM.
- WELL, DOBE?
- IT'S HIM.
- WELL, MR. G.?
- MAYNARD, STOP ACTING SILLY.
COUSIN VIRGIL'S A RELIABLE,
HARDWORKING FELLA.
- LIKE HA!
WHAT RELIABLE, HARDWORKING
FELLA WOULD TAKE A JOB LIKE HE'S GOT,
GETTING SHOT OUT OF A CANNON
OVER ON THE CARNIVAL GROUNDS?
[CANNON FIRING]
[INCOMING ARTILLERY]
- COUSIN VIRGIL, WHAT HAPPENED?
- THEY FIRED ME!
- WELL, IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU, I THINK.
BUT THE NEXT TIME YOU DROP
IN, USE THE DOOR, WILL YOU?
LOOK WHAT YOU DID
TO MY NEW SKYLIGHT.
AND THAT THING COST ME A
COTTON PICKING FORTUNE!
- SEE? HE CAN'T HOLD A JOB.
- WELL, IT WAS ON ACCOUNT OF I
WAS PUTTIN' ON A LITTLE WEIGHT
AND I WASN'T FITTING INTO
THE CANNON TOO GOOD.
- WRONG CALIBER
MAN FOR THE JOB, HUH?
- YOU GONNA GET ANOTHER
JOB WITH THE CARNIVAL?
- NOPE. I'M QUITTING
SHOW BUSINESS,
I MEAN, PERFORMING
SHOW BUSINESS.
I'M GONNA DO WHAT I
ALWAYS WANTED TO DO,
BECOME A BIG
SUCCESSFUL SONGWRITER.
- LOOK OUT, MR. G., DOBE G.
IT'S JUST A TRICK HE THUNK UP
TO GYP YOU OUT OF SOME MONEY.
- NOW THAT'S PLUMB
RIDICULOUS, MELVIN.
ALL I WANNA DO IS
TAKE ONE OF MY SONGS
DOWN TO ONE OF THEM
BIG MUSIC PUBLISHERS
AND MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD HAPPY.
- SEE, MAYNARD?
- AND ALL I WANT IS
FOR MY BELOVED FAMILY
TO SHARE IN MY GOOD FORTUNE.
- SEE, MAYNARD?
- AND ALL I WANT IS A COUPLE
OF HUNDRED DOLLARS FROM 'EM
SO'S I CAN GET STARTED.
- SEE, EVERYBODY, SEE?
- FROM THERE ON,
EVERYTHING MOVED FAST.
COUSIN VIRGIL TALKED DAD
INTO LENDING HIM THE MONEY.
HE TALKED MAYNARD INTO
BEING HIS GUITAR TOTER.
BUT WHEN HE TRIED
TO TALK MR. WAYZACK,
THE MUSIC PUBLISHER,
INTO BUYING HIS SONG,
THINGS CHANGED.
- THE DOOR! THAT WAY! OUT! OUT!
- HOLD ON THERE, MR. WAYZACK!
DON'T THROW HIM OUT!
- LISTEN TO HER, LISTEN TO HER!
- I'LL ADMIT THAT SONG
IS A MISERABLE MESS.
- WHY, DON'T LISTEN TO
HER, DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
- LET ME FINISH!
- LISTEN TO HER, LISTEN TO HER!
- THAT TUNE COULD SET
MUSIC BACK 100 YEARS!
- OR EVEN MORE, LIKE 50.
- RIGHT. ARNOLD
KNOWS ALL ABOUT HITS.
LET'S SEE WHAT HE
KNOWS ABOUT FLOPS.
- ARNOLD? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- OKAY, SONGBIRD,
START WARBLING.
- ARNOLD? WHERE?
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- NOW THIS HERE'S THE LITTLE
DOOZER OF A NUMBER I WAS SINGING
BEFORE I WAS SO
RUDELY INTERRUPTED.
IT ALWAYS KNOCKED 'EM
SPINNING WHEN I USED TO SING IT
DOWN AT THE SKY ROOM
AT THE CORNPONE HOTEL...
Both: SING ALREADY!
- ARNOLD? WHERE?
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
♪ ONLY MAKES ME FEEL
SO BLUE-HOO-HOO ♪
♪ OH, MY DARLIN', I BEG OF YOU ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
♪ NEVER MEANT ♪
♪ TO MAKE YOU CRY ♪
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
♪ FELT SO BAD AT
YOUR GOODBYE-HI-HI ♪
♪ I'M SO LONELY I COULD DIE ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
- NOW THAT THERE IS A SURE
AS SHOOTIN' HIT. RIGHT, FRIENDS?
- I DOUBT IT, FRIEND. BUT
LET'S SEE WHAT ARNOLD SAYS?
- ARNOLD? WHERE?
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- WELL, ARNOLD, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF THE SONG?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- ARNOLD!
- THAT SONG WILL SET MUSIC BACK
51 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
THREE WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.
IT'S A FLOP.
- YOU HEARD WHAT
ARNOLD SAID! OUT!
- OH, SO THAT'S ARNOLD!
LOOKS MORE LIKE AN
OVERGROWN TIN CAN!
BUT IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
[BELLS RINGING]
JUST LIKE MY TRAIN
SWITCH AT HOME!
- YOU DISCONNECTED
IT, YOU LUNKHEAD!
THERE'S A MILLION VOLTS IN IT!
- YES, SIR, AND I'M KEEPING
MY EYE ON EVERY ONE OF THEM.
- HURRY UP AND
CONNECT THAT SWITCH!
- YES, SIR.
- WATCH IT!
- YES, SIR.
[MACHINE NOISES]
OOH, WOW. LIKE,
WHOO, LIKE WEE...
LIKE, ZZZT.
- WHAT A HORRIBLE DISASTER!
I'LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!
- OH, JUST SIMMER
DOWN, MR. WAYZACK, SIR.
HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
- NOT THAT MUTTONHEAD!
I MEAN ARNOLD!
♪ LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
OH, NO.
OH, NO!
- HE'S GONE!
- TO THAT BIG FUSE
BOX IN THE SKY!
- BOOP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP
BOOP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP...
- DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE
FOR A HUMAN PERSON,
AND THAT MIGHT EVEN INCLUDE
MORTON HERE, TO BECOME A...
NO! IT'S A IMPOSSIBILITY!
- PEPO, PEPO, PEPO, PEPO, PEPO!
- OR IS IT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE SURE SOUNDS LIKE SOME
KIND OF A SCREWY MACHINE.
- YEAH, DON'T HE, THOUGH?
NOW, FIRST THAT MR. WAYZACK
TWISTED THE MIDDLE DIAL,
[CLICK]
THEN HE PULLED THE
SWITCHES, [RICOCHET]
THEN HE PULLED DOWN THE HANDLE.
[RICOCHET] [DOG
BARK] [BELLS AND BEEPS]
IT WORKS! HE IS A MACHINE!
HE AIN'T A HUMAN PERSON!
- I COULD HAVE TOLD
YOU THAT YEARS AGO.
- NOW HEAR ME GOOD, MAXWELL.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ONLY
MAKES ME FEEL SO BLUE-HOO HOO ♪
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- NEVER MIND YOUR
OPINION. JUST GIVE THE FACTS.
- THAT SONG WILL SET MUSIC BACK
51 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
THREE WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.
- PERFECT, MAXWELL.
YOU'RE A CREDIT TO THE
SHEET METAL BUSINESS.
- HEY, NOW JUST A MINUTE!
I KNOW THAT MAYNARD
AIN'T EXACTLY HUMAN,
BUT THIS IS INHUMAN.
WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO TO HIM?
- IT'S ALREADY
DONE, UNCLE HERBIE.
IT'S ALREADY DONE.
LISTEN TO THIS.
♪ LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
FRIEND? [MACHINE NOISES]
- YOUR PREDICTED SALES,
2 MILLION 342 RECORDS.
IT'S A HIT! [DING]
- WE NEED A DOCTOR. HE'S SICK.
- HE NEEDS SOME
LUBRICATING OIL. HE'S HUNGRY.
- LUBRICATING OIL?
- YEAH, LUBRICATING OIL!
SEE, THAT ELECTRIC SHOCK
WENT AND WHOMPED
EVER BIT OF INFORMATION
RIGHT OUT OF THAT THERE
MACHINE INTO HIS THICK LITTLE SKULL,
BLESS HIM.
- LUBRICATING OIL?
BOING, BOING!
OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY!
OLD BUDDY VIRGIL,
OLD BUDDY VIRGIL.
- HEY, SON? SON, WHAT DO YOU
THINK HAPPENED TO MAYNARD?
- I DON'T KNOW, DAD, WHAT?
- TAKE A GUESS.
- I'VE GOT NO IDEA.
- GO ON, MAKE THE SCREWIEST,
WACKIEST, STUPIDEST GUESS
YOU CAN GUESS!
- OKAY, OKAY.
HE STUCK HIS FINGER
IN A LIGHT SOCKET
AND TURNED INTO A FLOOR LAMP.
- WELL, NOT QUITE, BUT
YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE.
- DAD, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE LOOKS PERFECTLY
NATURAL TO ME.
- YEAH? WELL, HE HAS TURNED
INTO AN INHUMAN MACHINE.
- FOR HIM, THAT'S NATURAL!
A MACHINE? AW, COME ON,
DAD. HE'S THE SAME OLD [CLANK]...
HE FEELS LIKE A
MACHINE. [CLANGING]
HE SOUNDS LIKE A MACHINE.
LUBRICATING OIL?
HE SMELLS LIKE A MACHINE.
- YOU KNOW A NICE
MECHANICAL GIRL
WHO WOULD LIKE TO
GO DANCING WITH ME?
- DAD, THIS IS AWFUL! WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE TO MAYNARD?
- I AIN'T DONE NOTHING TO HIM!
HE WAS MONKEYING AROUND
WITH THIS MACHINE, SEE?
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE GOT
HIS FINGER CAUGHT IN THE SWITCH
AND THEN...
AW, YOU WOULDN'T
BELIEVE IT ANYWAY.
- WELL, THERE'S SURE AS HECK
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.
MAYNARD, MAYNARD! IT'S ME, DOBE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME,
MAYNARD? I'M YOUR OLD FRIEND.
WE GREW UP TOGETHER.
WE ENTERED
KINDERGARTEN TOGETHER.
WE GRADUATED TOGETHER.
I MEAN, WHEN I GRADUATED
FROM THE FOURTH GRADE,
YOU GRADUATED FROM KINDERGARTEN.
MAYNARD, DON'T YOU
KNOW ME? SAY SOMETHING!
- YOU KNOW A NICE
MECHANICAL GIRL
WHO WOULD LIKE TO
DO DANCING WITH ME?
- IT'S INCREDIBLE.
- NO. INEDIBLE.
MMMM, BUT DELICIOUS.
YUM, YUM, YUM.
- YOU SEE, THE ELECTRIC
WIRING GOT ALL MIXED UP
AND MAYNARD IS NOW THE NUMBER
ONE MUSIC EXPERT IN THE WHOLE
WORLD AND HE'S GONNA HELP
US WRITE NOTHING BUT HIT SONGS.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE
"THE TWILIGHT ZONE".
- OH, THIS IS A LOT
OF FOOLISHNESS.
I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OF
IT AND I DON'T WANNA HEAR
ANY MORE ABOUT
IT, AND THAT'S ALL!
- NO, THAT'S OIL. YUM, YUM, YUM.
- HE IS GOING TO HELP US MAKE
A COTTON-PICKING FORTUNE!
MAYNARD, OLD BUDDY, YOU FINALLY
FOUND YOUR PLACE IN THE WORLD!
- DAD, YOU CAN'T
DO THIS TO MAYNARD!
HE'S NOT A MACHINE!
HE'S A PERSON.
- I KNEW HIM WHEN
HE WAS A PERSON.
I LIKE HIM BETTER AS A
MACHINE, RIGHT, MAYNARD?
- BOOP-BEEP-BEEP-BOOP.
- MAYNARD! POOR MAYNARD!
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU?
- DO YOU KNOW A NICE
MECHANICAL GIRL...
- NEVER MIND!
DAD, ARE YOU
ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED
TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS?
- MY HEAD IS MADE UP.
AND, BELIEVE ME, SON,
IT IS ALL FOR THE BEST.
WHY, HE'LL GET SIX OR SEVEN
SQUARE OILY MEALS A DAY
AND AT NIGHT HE'LL
SLEEP ON A NICE BIG PILE
OF COMFORTABLE GREASY RAGS.
WHAT MORE COULD HE WANT?
- OH, GREASY RAGS
AND AXLE GREASE.
OH, BOY, OH, BOY!
BLOOP-BLEEP-BLOOP...
- AT THIS POINT, I WOULD
LIKE TO COMMENT ON THE,
SHALL WE SAY, RATHER ODD THING
THAT HAD APPARENTLY
HAPPENED TO MAYNARD.
I MEAN, I KNOW THAT
FOR A HUMAN BEING
TO TURN INTO A MACHINE
SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE,
BUT ALLOW ME TO POINT OUT
THAT WHEN MAYNARD WAS BORN,
ALL THE DOCTORS SAID
HE WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
AND SINCE THAT TIME, HE'S
DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO PROVING IT.
NOW I'LL ADMIT THAT
AT FIRST I WAS WORRIED
THAT COUSIN VIRGIL MIGHT
TAKE UNFAIR ADVANTAGES
OF MAYNARD'S SOLID
METAL CONDITION.
BUT I'M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT,
WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN,
VIRGIL SHOWED HIS TRUE COLORS.
- NOW, MAYNARD, YOU KEEP
ON BLOOPING AND BLEEPING
AND FIRING SONGS
OR I'LL SPIKE THE WATER
IN YOUR CARBURETOR.
- GEE, I WOULDN'T YOU TO
HURT THE POOR FELLOW...
UH, MACHINE.
WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY HE IS!
- NOW DON'T YOU FRET
YOUR PRETTY HEAD, MISS.
MAYNARD LOVES HIS WORK.
- YES, HE'S A GLUTTON FOR
WOIL... I MEAN ERK, ER, WORK!
- WHY, RIGHT THIS MINUTE,
HE'S CHOMPING AT
HIS DIFFERENTIAL
TO HELP ME FIGURE OUT HOW
TO STRAIGHTEN OUT THIS SONG
BEFORE I RECORD IT FOR YOU
TO PLAY ON YOUR LITTLE
OLD RADIO PROGRAM.
- FIRE AWAY, AND MAY HEAVEN
HAVE MERCY ON HIS COAXIAL CABLE.
- RIGHT.
[MECHANICAL NOISES]
NOW YOU LISTEN GOOD,
YOU HEAR, MAYNARD?
- I HEAR.
- GOOD.
[RATCHET]
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
- OOPS! WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE! HIS ARM'S UP.
- STOP SINGING THROUGH YOUR
NOSE AND TAKE DOWN A THIRD TO F.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM... ♪
- OH, THERE HE
GOES AGAIN! HOLD IT!
- CHANGE THE TEMPO FROM
THREE-FOUR TO FOUR-FOUR
AND GIVE IT A ROCK AND
ROLL BEAT AND LOT OF OOMPH.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ ONLY MAKES ME FEEL SO BLUE ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ OH, MY DARLIN' I BEG OF YOU ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
♪ I NEVER MEANT
TO MAKE YOU CRY ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ FELT SO BAD AT YOUR GOODBYE ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ I'M SO LONELY I
THAT COULD DIE ♪
♪ COME BACK COME BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GIRL COME BACK ♪
- YES, I WAS QUITE BRILLIANT.
- OH, VIRGIL, THAT'S
SENSATIONAL!
BUT WILL THE PUBLIC LIKE IT?
- WILL THEY LIKE
IT? HARKEN TO THIS!
- ONE, TWO, THREE.
- PREDICTED SALES,
42,712 RECORDS. IT'S A HIT!
- I'LL RECORD IT!
- I'LL PLAY IT!
- I'LL MAKE A FORTUNE
- I WANT PISTACHIO ON
MY OIL. I'M, LIKE, STARVING.
- SO COUSIN VIRGIL AND
DAD JUMPED TURNTABLE FIRST
INTO THE MUSIC BUSINESS.
THEIR STRATEGY WAS SIMPLE.
EVERY TIME COUSIN
VIRGIL WROTE A SONG,
THE MACHINE, FORMERLY
KNOWN AS MAYNARD,
WOULD TELL THEM IF IT WAS
GONNA BE A HIT OR A FLOP.
- IT'S GONNA BE A FLOP.
- I AM NOT EVEN
FINISHED YET, MAYNARD!
MACHINE! DUMBHEAD! NOW
GET THIS FINISH, WILL YOU?
♪ I'M GONNA DANCE 'TIL I DROP ♪
♪ HIPPITY-HIPPITY-HIPPITY-HOP ♪
♪ HOP, HOP ♪
♪ HIPPITY-HIPPITY-HIPPITY-BUMP ♪
♪ BUMP, BUMP ♪
♪ DOING THE KANGAROO
JUMP I REALLY MEAN IT ♪
♪ DOING THE KANGAROO
JUMP DA-DA-DA-DA ♪
[RASPBERRY]
- NO OPINIONS, MAYNARD!
JUST INFORMATION!
- PROJECTED SALE, THREE RECORDS.
CORRECTION, TWO RECORDS.
THAT'S A CATASTROPHE.
DROP IT LIKE A HOT TOMATO!
- THAT'S HOT POTATO,
AND WHAT DO YOU
MEAN, TWO RECORDS?
I WOULD HAVE
BOUGHT THREE MYSELF!
- MR. GILLIS, THE
MACHINE NEVER LIES!
- YES, I AM A VERY HONEST
MACHINE. BOOP-BEEP...
- COME ON, LET'S GET ON
WITH THE SONGWRITING.
VIRGIL, YOUR LAST SONG
ONLY SOLD 40,000 COPIES.
THIS TIME YOU'VE
GOT TO AIM HIGHER!
- OH, I CAN DO IT, MA'AM.
MAYNARD FOUND THE LIGHT
SOCKET HE'S IN LOVE WITH
AND HE'S SHARPER THAN EVER.
TURN HIM ON! FULL SPEED
AHEAD, UNCLE HERBIE!
[RATCHET]
- RIGHT. OOH, CONTACT.
♪ OH, MY BABY YOU KNOW HOW... ♪
- LIKE STOP! LIKE STOP!
WHAT'S THIS LULLABY JAZZ?
CHANGE TEMPO TO
FOUR-FOUR AND LET IT ROCK!
♪ ROCK-A-BYE BABY, YOU KNOW... ♪
- LIKE WOW! LIKE WOW!
RAISE ONE TONE HIGHER AND
CHANGE ROCKIN' TO TWISTIN' BABY.
♪ TWISTIN BABY, COME ON NOW
TWISTIN' BABY, YOU KNOW HOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE TWISTIN',
MAN, LIKE WOW ♪
♪ BABY, COME A-TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ TWIST TO THE LEFT AND
YOU TWIST TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ TWIST ALL THE DAY
AND YOU TWIST ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ CAN'T GO WRONG WHEN
YOU'RE TWISTIN' RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ ROUND AND ROUND, UP AND DOWN ♪
♪ TO AND FRO ♪
♪ FAST OR SLOW ♪
[BEEPS]
♪ NEVER STOP, GO, GO GO ♪
♪ BABY COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ TWISTIN' BABY, COME ON NOW
TWISTIN' BABY, YOU KNOW HOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE TWISTIN'
MAN, LIKE, WOW ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ TWIST TO THE LEFT AND
YOU TWIST TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ TWIST ALL THE DAY
AND YOU TWIST ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ CAN'T GO WRONG WHEN
YOU'RE TWISTIN' RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
- WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, GANG,
THE NEWEST VIRGIL
T. GILLIS HIT RECORD.
YOU'LL FIND IT AT YOUR
FAVORITE PLATTER STORE
JUST AS YOU HEARD
IT HERE TONIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS YOUR OLD
DJ PAL, TIN-PAN SALLY,
SIGNING OFF 'TIL
TOMORROW AT THE SAME TIME.
TUNE IN FOR ANOTHER BRAND NEW
VIRGIL T. GILLIS
SMASH RECORDING.
BYE-BYE, AND DON'T TAKE
ANY WOODEN RECORDS.
ANOTHER HIT!
- ANOTHER 50,000 RECORDS!
- ANOTHER CAN OF
LUBE OIL FOR MAYNARD.
- YEP. THANKS TO MAYNARD,
COUSIN VIRGIL'S RECORDS
STARTED SELLING LIKE...
WELL, I WAS GONNA
SAY LIKE HOTCAKES,
BUT NO HOTCAKE
WAS EVER SUCH A HIT.
ALL OVER TOWN, KIDS WERE
SCRAMBLING TO BUY HIS PLATTERS.
ON THE CAMPUS OF PRYOR
COLLEGE, NOBODY WENT TO CLASS
WHEN TIN-PAN SALLY PLAYED
ONE OF HIS NEW RECORDS.
I MEAN, THEY DIDN'T BOTHER
TO GO TO CLASS MUCH ANYTIME,
BUT NOW EVEN THE
STUDENTS STAYED AWAY.
YEP, COUSIN VIRGIL HAD BECOME
THE HOTTEST THING TO HIT TOWN
SINCE THE FIRE THAT BURNED
DOWN THE OLD ENDICOTT BUILDING.
- ALL RIGHT, KIDS!
HERE THEY ARE!
YOUR VIRGIL GILLIS RECORDS!
COME AND GET 'EM
WHILE THEY'RE HOT!
THE HOTTEST NEW PLAYERS IN TOWN!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, YES!
[SCREAMS]
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
- THAT'S HOW IT WENT
WHENEVER PEOPLE HEARD
COUSIN VIRGIL'S PLATTERS.
THEY CAME FROM
EVERYPLACE TO BUY THEM,
SOME FROM AS FAR
AWAY AS THE COUNTY SEAT.
AND THEY GOT HERE IN EVERY
WAY THEY COULD THINK OF
JUST TO GET THEIR
HANDS ON THOSE RECORDS.
YES, SIR. COUSIN
VIRGIL AND TIN-PAN SALLY
WENT WHOLE HOG
WITH THE PUBLICITY
FOR VIRGIL'S NEW RECORD.
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,
MUSIC FANS WERE CRYING FOR IT.
AND HERE AT HOME, THERE
WAS ALSO QUITE A BIT OF CRYING.
[CRIES]
- WELL, YOU CAN'T
REALLY BLAME HIM.
THE WHOLE PUBLICITY CAMPAIGN
WAS BEING PAID FOR WITH HIS MONEY.
BUT THERE WAS NO REASON FOR
DAD TO SHED ALL THOSE BITTER TEARS
BECAUSE THE HOTSHOT PITCHER
WAS WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN.
- BEE-BOOP, BEE-BOOP...
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO SABOTAGE
OUR SECRET WEAPON?
- HEAVEN FORFEND, UNCLE HERBIE!
I WAS JUST CHARGING HIS BATTERY.
HE'S GETTING A LITTLE
WEAK IN THE BLOOP.
- BLOOP!
- AND THERE WAS LIKEWISE
NOTHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN HIS BLEEP.
- BLEEP!
- NOW WE JUST PLUG HIM IN,
SET HIM FOR A MILLION-RECORD
HIT AND AWAY WE GO.
- YEAH. WELL, IT'S EITHER AWAY
WE GO OR AWAY MY MONEY WENT!
- WELL, HERE WE GO, MILTON.
NOW YOU BE SMART
AND I'LL GIVE YOU A DOUBLE
PORTION OF KEROSENE FOR DINNER.
♪ I SAW HER JIVING
TO THE DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ I TOOK ONE LOOK ♪
♪ MY HEART WENT
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK ♪
- NO, NO, NO!
BOO-BEEP! LIKE, FASTER!
♪ BUT SHE KEPT A-ROCKING
AND A-ROLLIN' ON ♪
♪ SHE KEPT ON JIVING
TO THE DRIVE-IN ROCK... ♪
- NO, NO, NO!
BOO-BEEP! LIKE, FASTER!
♪ THE DRIVE-IN ROCK
THE DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ IT REALLY MAKES
THE DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ YOU PICK YOUR CHICK,
YOU DROP YOUR DIME ♪
♪ YOU HAVE YOURSELF
A CRAZY SWINGIN' TIME ♪
♪ YOU HAVE YOURSELF... ♪
- LIKE CEASE! LIKE DESIST!
WHEN I SAY "FAST" I
MEAN FAST, LIKE SPEEDY!
- YOU MEAN, YOU WANT
IT FASTER THAN THAT?
- ZOOM! GALLOP, MAN, GALLOP!
[HORSE GALLOPING]
[FAST SINGING] ♪ DRIVE-IN
ROCK, DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ IT REALLY MAKES
THE DRIVE-IN ROCK... ♪
- WHAT HAPPENED?
WHO STEPPED ON A CAT?
- IT'S A HIT! IT'S A HIT!
5,245,312 COPIES!
IT'S A HIT! HIT'S A HIT! [BELLS]
- IT'S A HIT?
- SOUNDS LIKE THE MATING CALL
OF A PAIR OF CORDUROY PANTS!
- IT'S A SMASH HIT!
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!
YOU COULDN'T GIVE
THAT RECORD AWAY
IF IT WAS WAXED ON A $10 BILL!
- IT'S A HIT! IT'S
A HIT! IT'S A HIT!
- I WILL GIVE YOU A HIT!
- IT'S A HI-IIIT!
[SPRINGS] [RICOCHET]
[PLAYING TAPS]
[WINDING DOWN]
- MAURICE! MAURICE!
WHAT'S WRONG?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- MORTON!
- I STILL THINK THAT'S MAYNARD.
OH, YOU'RE THAT ROTTEN
SNEAK, VIRGIL T. GILLIS!
KEEP THAT OIL CAN
OUTTA MY MOUTH,
YOU SOUTHERN-FRIED FINK!
[RASPBERRIES]
- MELVIN! MARVIN! MAURICE!
I DECLARE, HE WAS SO MUCH
EASIER TO GET ALONG WITH
WHEN HE WAS A MACHINE.
- WE'RE RUINED! WHAT
ARE GOING TO DO?
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
- WELL, KIDS, RIGHT ABOUT HERE
I PROMISED TO PLAY YOU
THE NEW VIRGIL GILLIS RECORD.
All: YAY!
- BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
VIRGIL RAN INTO,
SHALL WE SAY, A LITTLE
MECHANICAL PROBLEM.
All: AWWW!
- BUT WAIT. I'VE GOT A
BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU.
WHILE I WAS LOOKING AROUND
FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE HIS PLACE,
I RAN ACROSS THAT CERTAIN
SOMETHING WE'RE ALL LOOKING FOR,
A NEW SOUND!
[DRUMBEAT] [FANFARE]
[CHIPMUNK SINGING]
- OH, WHAT'S THE USE?
WE'LL NEVER FIX THIS THING.
IT WAS THE ONLY CHANCE I HAD
TO GET SOME OF MY DOUGH BACK.
- YEAH, IT'S LIKE PITIFUL. HE
WAS LOVABLE, BUT A MONSTER.
- WHAT LOVABLE?
HE CLINKETY-CLANKED ME
STRAIGHT INTO BANKRUPTCY!
- YEAH. POOR ARNOLD.
HE'LL NEVER TASTE
LUBRICATING OIL AGAIN!
- IT IS SOUP-KITCHEN
TIME FOR ALL OF US
AND ALL HE IS IS A PILE OF
USELESS NUTS AND BOLTS.
- MAYBE HE COULD
BECOME A SLOT MACHINE!
- ARNOLD IS A TOTAL LOSS
AND SO IS MY BANK ACCOUNT!
- WELL, MAYBE HE CAN
BECOME A GUMBALL MACHINE!
- MAYNARD!
- WELL, HOW ABOUT
A POPCORN MACHINE?
- MAYNARD!
[FAST SINGING]
♪ I TOOK ONE LOOK MY HEART
WENT KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK... ♪
[JAZZ THEME]
I BEEN IN THE MUSIC
PUBLISHING RACKET FOR 35 YEARS
AND THAT MACHINE IS THE
GREATEST THING TO HIT THE BUSINESS
SINCE RUDY VALLEE'S MEGAPHONE.
- MR. WAYZACK, I'VE BEEN
A CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY
FOR SIX MONTHS
AND I WON'T BELIEVE
IT UNTIL I SEE IT WORK.
- YOU COMMAND,
CHARLIE WAYZACK OBEYS!
MISS OMALLEY, MEET ARNOLD.
STUFFED INSIDE THIS MACHINE
IS INFORMATION ABOUT
EVERY HUNK OF MUSIC
FROM BEETHOVEN TO
BOOGIE-WOOGIE TO THE TWIST.
YOU JUST PUSH THIS
SWITCH AND START HIM GOING
AND HE'S A COCKEYED MARVEL.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
- THAT IS THE COCKEYED MARVEL?
[ALARM]
- EASY, ARNOLD! EASY, EASY! THE
YOUNG LADY WAS ONLY KIDDING!
QUICK, MISS O'MALLEY!
TELL HIM YOU WERE KIDDING!
HE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
- WELL, SURE, ARNOLD.
I WAS ONLY KIDDING!
[BELL RINGS]
- ATTABOY, ARNOLD!
THERE, NOW YOU'RE TALKING, BOY!
I THINK ARNOLD'S WARMED UP NOW.
HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT AND
YOU'RE GONNA SEE A MIRACLE.
♪ LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
GO AHEAD, ARNOLD. GO TO IT.
[BELLS]
- TOTAL PREDICTED
SALES, $2,346,761 RECORDS.
IT'S A HIT! [DING]
- THAT'S EXACTLY
RIGHT! IT'S INCREDIBLE!
- NOW HE'S GOT A LOT MORE
TRICKS UP HIS CRANK CASE.
IF YOU GOT A SONG
THAT'S NO GOOD,
HE'LL TELL YOU HOW TO
FIX IT AND MAKE IT A SMASH.
LISTEN TO THIS.
♪ LA-DE-DA-DE-DA-DE-DA-DE-DA ♪
HOW DO YOU FIX UP
THAT MESS, ARNOLD?
- RAISE THE F TO
F-SHARP, LOWER IT A THIRD,
CHANGE THE TEMPO TO FOUR-FOUR.
- LIKE THIS?
♪ I DREAM OF JEANNIE WITH
THE LIGHT BROWN HAIR ♪
ARNOLD, YOU'RE A
TIN-PLATE MARVEL!
- WOW, THAT'S THE WEIRDEST,
NUTTIEST MONSTROSITY I EVER SAW!
- YOU RANG?
- WHO, OR IN THE INTEREST
OF ACCURACY, WHAT ARE YOU?
- I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS
AND I'M HERE TO PRESENT TO
YOU THAT SONGBIRD OF THE SOUTH,
THAT GROWLING
ALBACORE, VIRGIL T. GILLIS!
- UH, MAYNARD, THAT'S
STROLLING TROUBADOUR,
AND LEND A EAR, FRIENDS,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA SING MY
SENSATIONAL, COLOSSAL HIT
THAT I USED TO SING DOWN IN THE
SKY ROOM AT THE CORNPONE HOTEL
IN GREATER DOWNTOWN
CHICKEN RUN, TENNESSEE.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
[COMPUTER BEEPS] ♪
ONLY MAKES ME SO BLUE ♪
♪ OH, MY DARLING I BEG OF YOU ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE GAL ♪
♪ COME BACK ♪
♪ NEVER MEANT TO MAKE YOU CRY ♪
♪ FELT SO BAD AT YOUR GOODBYE ♪
♪ I'M SO LONELY I COULD DIE ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
NOW THAT THERE IS A SURE AS
SHOOTIN' HIT. RIGHT, FRIENDS?
- I DOUBT IT, FRIEND, BUT
LET'S SEE WHAT ARNOLD SAYS.
- ARNOLD? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- WELL, ARNOLD, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF THE SONG?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
[JAZZ THEME]
- HOW DID MY FRIEND MAYNARD
G. KREBS GET INVOLVED
WITH THE LIKES OF,
ONE, CHARLIE WAYZACK
KNOWN IN MUSIC PUBLISHING
CIRCLES AS WILEY WAYZACK,
TWO, SALLY O'MALLEY
KNOWN IN DISC JOCKEY
CIRCLES AS TIN-PAN SALLY,
AND THREE, ARNOLD,
THE MECHANICAL MARVEL
KNOWN IN GREASE-MONKEY
CIRCLES AS TIN-CAN ARNIE?
I GUESS ARNIE WASN'T EXPECTING
ANYBODY TO TAKE HIS PICTURE.
ANYHOW, IT ALL STARTED
WHEN MY COUSIN, VIRGIL T. GILLIS,
THE PRIDE OF CHICKEN
RUN, TENNESSEE,
GOT A JOB HERE IN TOWN.
NOW MAYNARD'S FEELINGS
BOUT COUSIN VIRGIL ARE, UH...
WELL, THEY'RE KIND
OF HARD TO DESCRIBE.
- NO, THEY AIN'T! HE'S A
SOUTHERN-FRIEND FINK!
- MAYNARD, WHY DO YOU
SAY A THING LIKE THAT
ABOUT COUSIN VIRGIL?
- ON ACCOUNT OF IF I SAID
WHAT WAS REALLY IN MY HEAD,
I'D GET MY MOUTH
WASHED OUT WITH SOUP.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
SOAP, AND GOODBYE.
- SOAP? MAN, THAT'S
WORSE THAN SOUP.
- MAYNARD, SAYONARA AND OUT.
- ESPECIALLY
CHICKEN LITTLE SOUP.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH?
COUSIN VIRGIL'S WELCOME
TO COME AROUND HERE
AND VISIT US ANY TIME HE
WANTS AND THAT'S THAT!
- NO, IT AIN'T.
ON ACCOUNT OF IF VIRGIL STARTS
HANGING AROUND HERE, I LEAVE!
YOU GOTTA CHOOSE
BETWEEN HIM OR ME!
WELL, MR. G.?
- IT'S HIM.
- WELL, DOBE?
- IT'S HIM.
- WELL, MR. G.?
- MAYNARD, STOP ACTING SILLY.
COUSIN VIRGIL'S A RELIABLE,
HARDWORKING FELLA.
- LIKE HA!
WHAT RELIABLE, HARDWORKING
FELLA WOULD TAKE A JOB LIKE HE'S GOT,
GETTING SHOT OUT OF A CANNON
OVER ON THE CARNIVAL GROUNDS?
[CANNON FIRING]
[INCOMING ARTILLERY]
- COUSIN VIRGIL, WHAT HAPPENED?
- THEY FIRED ME!
- WELL, IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU, I THINK.
BUT THE NEXT TIME YOU DROP
IN, USE THE DOOR, WILL YOU?
LOOK WHAT YOU DID
TO MY NEW SKYLIGHT.
AND THAT THING COST ME A
COTTON PICKING FORTUNE!
- SEE? HE CAN'T HOLD A JOB.
- WELL, IT WAS ON ACCOUNT OF I
WAS PUTTIN' ON A LITTLE WEIGHT
AND I WASN'T FITTING INTO
THE CANNON TOO GOOD.
- WRONG CALIBER
MAN FOR THE JOB, HUH?
- YOU GONNA GET ANOTHER
JOB WITH THE CARNIVAL?
- NOPE. I'M QUITTING
SHOW BUSINESS,
I MEAN, PERFORMING
SHOW BUSINESS.
I'M GONNA DO WHAT I
ALWAYS WANTED TO DO,
BECOME A BIG
SUCCESSFUL SONGWRITER.
- LOOK OUT, MR. G., DOBE G.
IT'S JUST A TRICK HE THUNK UP
TO GYP YOU OUT OF SOME MONEY.
- NOW THAT'S PLUMB
RIDICULOUS, MELVIN.
ALL I WANNA DO IS
TAKE ONE OF MY SONGS
DOWN TO ONE OF THEM
BIG MUSIC PUBLISHERS
AND MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD HAPPY.
- SEE, MAYNARD?
- AND ALL I WANT IS
FOR MY BELOVED FAMILY
TO SHARE IN MY GOOD FORTUNE.
- SEE, MAYNARD?
- AND ALL I WANT IS A COUPLE
OF HUNDRED DOLLARS FROM 'EM
SO'S I CAN GET STARTED.
- SEE, EVERYBODY, SEE?
- FROM THERE ON,
EVERYTHING MOVED FAST.
COUSIN VIRGIL TALKED DAD
INTO LENDING HIM THE MONEY.
HE TALKED MAYNARD INTO
BEING HIS GUITAR TOTER.
BUT WHEN HE TRIED
TO TALK MR. WAYZACK,
THE MUSIC PUBLISHER,
INTO BUYING HIS SONG,
THINGS CHANGED.
- THE DOOR! THAT WAY! OUT! OUT!
- HOLD ON THERE, MR. WAYZACK!
DON'T THROW HIM OUT!
- LISTEN TO HER, LISTEN TO HER!
- I'LL ADMIT THAT SONG
IS A MISERABLE MESS.
- WHY, DON'T LISTEN TO
HER, DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
- LET ME FINISH!
- LISTEN TO HER, LISTEN TO HER!
- THAT TUNE COULD SET
MUSIC BACK 100 YEARS!
- OR EVEN MORE, LIKE 50.
- RIGHT. ARNOLD
KNOWS ALL ABOUT HITS.
LET'S SEE WHAT HE
KNOWS ABOUT FLOPS.
- ARNOLD? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- OKAY, SONGBIRD,
START WARBLING.
- ARNOLD? WHERE?
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- NOW THIS HERE'S THE LITTLE
DOOZER OF A NUMBER I WAS SINGING
BEFORE I WAS SO
RUDELY INTERRUPTED.
IT ALWAYS KNOCKED 'EM
SPINNING WHEN I USED TO SING IT
DOWN AT THE SKY ROOM
AT THE CORNPONE HOTEL...
Both: SING ALREADY!
- ARNOLD? WHERE?
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
♪ ONLY MAKES ME FEEL
SO BLUE-HOO-HOO ♪
♪ OH, MY DARLIN', I BEG OF YOU ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
♪ NEVER MEANT ♪
♪ TO MAKE YOU CRY ♪
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
♪ FELT SO BAD AT
YOUR GOODBYE-HI-HI ♪
♪ I'M SO LONELY I COULD DIE ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
- NOW THAT THERE IS A SURE
AS SHOOTIN' HIT. RIGHT, FRIENDS?
- I DOUBT IT, FRIEND. BUT
LET'S SEE WHAT ARNOLD SAYS?
- ARNOLD? WHERE?
WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?
- WELL, ARNOLD, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF THE SONG?
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- ARNOLD!
- THAT SONG WILL SET MUSIC BACK
51 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
THREE WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.
IT'S A FLOP.
- YOU HEARD WHAT
ARNOLD SAID! OUT!
- OH, SO THAT'S ARNOLD!
LOOKS MORE LIKE AN
OVERGROWN TIN CAN!
BUT IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
[BELLS RINGING]
JUST LIKE MY TRAIN
SWITCH AT HOME!
- YOU DISCONNECTED
IT, YOU LUNKHEAD!
THERE'S A MILLION VOLTS IN IT!
- YES, SIR, AND I'M KEEPING
MY EYE ON EVERY ONE OF THEM.
- HURRY UP AND
CONNECT THAT SWITCH!
- YES, SIR.
- WATCH IT!
- YES, SIR.
[MACHINE NOISES]
OOH, WOW. LIKE,
WHOO, LIKE WEE...
LIKE, ZZZT.
- WHAT A HORRIBLE DISASTER!
I'LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!
- OH, JUST SIMMER
DOWN, MR. WAYZACK, SIR.
HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
- NOT THAT MUTTONHEAD!
I MEAN ARNOLD!
♪ LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
OH, NO.
OH, NO!
- HE'S GONE!
- TO THAT BIG FUSE
BOX IN THE SKY!
- BOOP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP
BOOP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP...
- DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE
FOR A HUMAN PERSON,
AND THAT MIGHT EVEN INCLUDE
MORTON HERE, TO BECOME A...
NO! IT'S A IMPOSSIBILITY!
- PEPO, PEPO, PEPO, PEPO, PEPO!
- OR IS IT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE SURE SOUNDS LIKE SOME
KIND OF A SCREWY MACHINE.
- YEAH, DON'T HE, THOUGH?
NOW, FIRST THAT MR. WAYZACK
TWISTED THE MIDDLE DIAL,
[CLICK]
THEN HE PULLED THE
SWITCHES, [RICOCHET]
THEN HE PULLED DOWN THE HANDLE.
[RICOCHET] [DOG
BARK] [BELLS AND BEEPS]
IT WORKS! HE IS A MACHINE!
HE AIN'T A HUMAN PERSON!
- I COULD HAVE TOLD
YOU THAT YEARS AGO.
- NOW HEAR ME GOOD, MAXWELL.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ONLY
MAKES ME FEEL SO BLUE-HOO HOO ♪
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- NEVER MIND YOUR
OPINION. JUST GIVE THE FACTS.
- THAT SONG WILL SET MUSIC BACK
51 YEARS, TWO MONTHS,
THREE WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.
- PERFECT, MAXWELL.
YOU'RE A CREDIT TO THE
SHEET METAL BUSINESS.
- HEY, NOW JUST A MINUTE!
I KNOW THAT MAYNARD
AIN'T EXACTLY HUMAN,
BUT THIS IS INHUMAN.
WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO TO HIM?
- IT'S ALREADY
DONE, UNCLE HERBIE.
IT'S ALREADY DONE.
LISTEN TO THIS.
♪ LOVE IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
FRIEND? [MACHINE NOISES]
- YOUR PREDICTED SALES,
2 MILLION 342 RECORDS.
IT'S A HIT! [DING]
- WE NEED A DOCTOR. HE'S SICK.
- HE NEEDS SOME
LUBRICATING OIL. HE'S HUNGRY.
- LUBRICATING OIL?
- YEAH, LUBRICATING OIL!
SEE, THAT ELECTRIC SHOCK
WENT AND WHOMPED
EVER BIT OF INFORMATION
RIGHT OUT OF THAT THERE
MACHINE INTO HIS THICK LITTLE SKULL,
BLESS HIM.
- LUBRICATING OIL?
BOING, BOING!
OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY!
OLD BUDDY VIRGIL,
OLD BUDDY VIRGIL.
- HEY, SON? SON, WHAT DO YOU
THINK HAPPENED TO MAYNARD?
- I DON'T KNOW, DAD, WHAT?
- TAKE A GUESS.
- I'VE GOT NO IDEA.
- GO ON, MAKE THE SCREWIEST,
WACKIEST, STUPIDEST GUESS
YOU CAN GUESS!
- OKAY, OKAY.
HE STUCK HIS FINGER
IN A LIGHT SOCKET
AND TURNED INTO A FLOOR LAMP.
- WELL, NOT QUITE, BUT
YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE.
- DAD, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE LOOKS PERFECTLY
NATURAL TO ME.
- YEAH? WELL, HE HAS TURNED
INTO AN INHUMAN MACHINE.
- FOR HIM, THAT'S NATURAL!
A MACHINE? AW, COME ON,
DAD. HE'S THE SAME OLD [CLANK]...
HE FEELS LIKE A
MACHINE. [CLANGING]
HE SOUNDS LIKE A MACHINE.
LUBRICATING OIL?
HE SMELLS LIKE A MACHINE.
- YOU KNOW A NICE
MECHANICAL GIRL
WHO WOULD LIKE TO
GO DANCING WITH ME?
- DAD, THIS IS AWFUL! WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE TO MAYNARD?
- I AIN'T DONE NOTHING TO HIM!
HE WAS MONKEYING AROUND
WITH THIS MACHINE, SEE?
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE GOT
HIS FINGER CAUGHT IN THE SWITCH
AND THEN...
AW, YOU WOULDN'T
BELIEVE IT ANYWAY.
- WELL, THERE'S SURE AS HECK
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.
MAYNARD, MAYNARD! IT'S ME, DOBE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME,
MAYNARD? I'M YOUR OLD FRIEND.
WE GREW UP TOGETHER.
WE ENTERED
KINDERGARTEN TOGETHER.
WE GRADUATED TOGETHER.
I MEAN, WHEN I GRADUATED
FROM THE FOURTH GRADE,
YOU GRADUATED FROM KINDERGARTEN.
MAYNARD, DON'T YOU
KNOW ME? SAY SOMETHING!
- YOU KNOW A NICE
MECHANICAL GIRL
WHO WOULD LIKE TO
DO DANCING WITH ME?
- IT'S INCREDIBLE.
- NO. INEDIBLE.
MMMM, BUT DELICIOUS.
YUM, YUM, YUM.
- YOU SEE, THE ELECTRIC
WIRING GOT ALL MIXED UP
AND MAYNARD IS NOW THE NUMBER
ONE MUSIC EXPERT IN THE WHOLE
WORLD AND HE'S GONNA HELP
US WRITE NOTHING BUT HIT SONGS.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE
"THE TWILIGHT ZONE".
- OH, THIS IS A LOT
OF FOOLISHNESS.
I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OF
IT AND I DON'T WANNA HEAR
ANY MORE ABOUT
IT, AND THAT'S ALL!
- NO, THAT'S OIL. YUM, YUM, YUM.
- HE IS GOING TO HELP US MAKE
A COTTON-PICKING FORTUNE!
MAYNARD, OLD BUDDY, YOU FINALLY
FOUND YOUR PLACE IN THE WORLD!
- DAD, YOU CAN'T
DO THIS TO MAYNARD!
HE'S NOT A MACHINE!
HE'S A PERSON.
- I KNEW HIM WHEN
HE WAS A PERSON.
I LIKE HIM BETTER AS A
MACHINE, RIGHT, MAYNARD?
- BOOP-BEEP-BEEP-BOOP.
- MAYNARD! POOR MAYNARD!
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU?
- DO YOU KNOW A NICE
MECHANICAL GIRL...
- NEVER MIND!
DAD, ARE YOU
ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED
TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS?
- MY HEAD IS MADE UP.
AND, BELIEVE ME, SON,
IT IS ALL FOR THE BEST.
WHY, HE'LL GET SIX OR SEVEN
SQUARE OILY MEALS A DAY
AND AT NIGHT HE'LL
SLEEP ON A NICE BIG PILE
OF COMFORTABLE GREASY RAGS.
WHAT MORE COULD HE WANT?
- OH, GREASY RAGS
AND AXLE GREASE.
OH, BOY, OH, BOY!
BLOOP-BLEEP-BLOOP...
- AT THIS POINT, I WOULD
LIKE TO COMMENT ON THE,
SHALL WE SAY, RATHER ODD THING
THAT HAD APPARENTLY
HAPPENED TO MAYNARD.
I MEAN, I KNOW THAT
FOR A HUMAN BEING
TO TURN INTO A MACHINE
SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE,
BUT ALLOW ME TO POINT OUT
THAT WHEN MAYNARD WAS BORN,
ALL THE DOCTORS SAID
HE WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
AND SINCE THAT TIME, HE'S
DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO PROVING IT.
NOW I'LL ADMIT THAT
AT FIRST I WAS WORRIED
THAT COUSIN VIRGIL MIGHT
TAKE UNFAIR ADVANTAGES
OF MAYNARD'S SOLID
METAL CONDITION.
BUT I'M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT,
WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN,
VIRGIL SHOWED HIS TRUE COLORS.
- NOW, MAYNARD, YOU KEEP
ON BLOOPING AND BLEEPING
AND FIRING SONGS
OR I'LL SPIKE THE WATER
IN YOUR CARBURETOR.
- GEE, I WOULDN'T YOU TO
HURT THE POOR FELLOW...
UH, MACHINE.
WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY HE IS!
- NOW DON'T YOU FRET
YOUR PRETTY HEAD, MISS.
MAYNARD LOVES HIS WORK.
- YES, HE'S A GLUTTON FOR
WOIL... I MEAN ERK, ER, WORK!
- WHY, RIGHT THIS MINUTE,
HE'S CHOMPING AT
HIS DIFFERENTIAL
TO HELP ME FIGURE OUT HOW
TO STRAIGHTEN OUT THIS SONG
BEFORE I RECORD IT FOR YOU
TO PLAY ON YOUR LITTLE
OLD RADIO PROGRAM.
- FIRE AWAY, AND MAY HEAVEN
HAVE MERCY ON HIS COAXIAL CABLE.
- RIGHT.
[MECHANICAL NOISES]
NOW YOU LISTEN GOOD,
YOU HEAR, MAYNARD?
- I HEAR.
- GOOD.
[RATCHET]
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
- OOPS! WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE! HIS ARM'S UP.
- STOP SINGING THROUGH YOUR
NOSE AND TAKE DOWN A THIRD TO F.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM... ♪
- OH, THERE HE
GOES AGAIN! HOLD IT!
- CHANGE THE TEMPO FROM
THREE-FOUR TO FOUR-FOUR
AND GIVE IT A ROCK AND
ROLL BEAT AND LOT OF OOMPH.
♪ EVERY DAY AWAY FROM YOU ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ ONLY MAKES ME FEEL SO BLUE ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ OH, MY DARLIN' I BEG OF YOU ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GAL, COME BACK ♪
♪ I NEVER MEANT
TO MAKE YOU CRY ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ FELT SO BAD AT YOUR GOODBYE ♪
♪ HO, HO, HO, HO ♪
♪ I'M SO LONELY I
THAT COULD DIE ♪
♪ COME BACK COME BACK ♪
♪ COME BACK, LITTLE
GIRL COME BACK ♪
- YES, I WAS QUITE BRILLIANT.
- OH, VIRGIL, THAT'S
SENSATIONAL!
BUT WILL THE PUBLIC LIKE IT?
- WILL THEY LIKE
IT? HARKEN TO THIS!
- ONE, TWO, THREE.
- PREDICTED SALES,
42,712 RECORDS. IT'S A HIT!
- I'LL RECORD IT!
- I'LL PLAY IT!
- I'LL MAKE A FORTUNE
- I WANT PISTACHIO ON
MY OIL. I'M, LIKE, STARVING.
- SO COUSIN VIRGIL AND
DAD JUMPED TURNTABLE FIRST
INTO THE MUSIC BUSINESS.
THEIR STRATEGY WAS SIMPLE.
EVERY TIME COUSIN
VIRGIL WROTE A SONG,
THE MACHINE, FORMERLY
KNOWN AS MAYNARD,
WOULD TELL THEM IF IT WAS
GONNA BE A HIT OR A FLOP.
- IT'S GONNA BE A FLOP.
- I AM NOT EVEN
FINISHED YET, MAYNARD!
MACHINE! DUMBHEAD! NOW
GET THIS FINISH, WILL YOU?
♪ I'M GONNA DANCE 'TIL I DROP ♪
♪ HIPPITY-HIPPITY-HIPPITY-HOP ♪
♪ HOP, HOP ♪
♪ HIPPITY-HIPPITY-HIPPITY-BUMP ♪
♪ BUMP, BUMP ♪
♪ DOING THE KANGAROO
JUMP I REALLY MEAN IT ♪
♪ DOING THE KANGAROO
JUMP DA-DA-DA-DA ♪
[RASPBERRY]
- NO OPINIONS, MAYNARD!
JUST INFORMATION!
- PROJECTED SALE, THREE RECORDS.
CORRECTION, TWO RECORDS.
THAT'S A CATASTROPHE.
DROP IT LIKE A HOT TOMATO!
- THAT'S HOT POTATO,
AND WHAT DO YOU
MEAN, TWO RECORDS?
I WOULD HAVE
BOUGHT THREE MYSELF!
- MR. GILLIS, THE
MACHINE NEVER LIES!
- YES, I AM A VERY HONEST
MACHINE. BOOP-BEEP...
- COME ON, LET'S GET ON
WITH THE SONGWRITING.
VIRGIL, YOUR LAST SONG
ONLY SOLD 40,000 COPIES.
THIS TIME YOU'VE
GOT TO AIM HIGHER!
- OH, I CAN DO IT, MA'AM.
MAYNARD FOUND THE LIGHT
SOCKET HE'S IN LOVE WITH
AND HE'S SHARPER THAN EVER.
TURN HIM ON! FULL SPEED
AHEAD, UNCLE HERBIE!
[RATCHET]
- RIGHT. OOH, CONTACT.
♪ OH, MY BABY YOU KNOW HOW... ♪
- LIKE STOP! LIKE STOP!
WHAT'S THIS LULLABY JAZZ?
CHANGE TEMPO TO
FOUR-FOUR AND LET IT ROCK!
♪ ROCK-A-BYE BABY, YOU KNOW... ♪
- LIKE WOW! LIKE WOW!
RAISE ONE TONE HIGHER AND
CHANGE ROCKIN' TO TWISTIN' BABY.
♪ TWISTIN BABY, COME ON NOW
TWISTIN' BABY, YOU KNOW HOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE TWISTIN',
MAN, LIKE WOW ♪
♪ BABY, COME A-TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ TWIST TO THE LEFT AND
YOU TWIST TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ TWIST ALL THE DAY
AND YOU TWIST ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ CAN'T GO WRONG WHEN
YOU'RE TWISTIN' RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ ROUND AND ROUND, UP AND DOWN ♪
♪ TO AND FRO ♪
♪ FAST OR SLOW ♪
[BEEPS]
♪ NEVER STOP, GO, GO GO ♪
♪ BABY COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ TWISTIN' BABY, COME ON NOW
TWISTIN' BABY, YOU KNOW HOW ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE TWISTIN'
MAN, LIKE, WOW ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ TWIST TO THE LEFT AND
YOU TWIST TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ TWIST ALL THE DAY
AND YOU TWIST ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ CAN'T GO WRONG WHEN
YOU'RE TWISTIN' RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
- WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, GANG,
THE NEWEST VIRGIL
T. GILLIS HIT RECORD.
YOU'LL FIND IT AT YOUR
FAVORITE PLATTER STORE
JUST AS YOU HEARD
IT HERE TONIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS YOUR OLD
DJ PAL, TIN-PAN SALLY,
SIGNING OFF 'TIL
TOMORROW AT THE SAME TIME.
TUNE IN FOR ANOTHER BRAND NEW
VIRGIL T. GILLIS
SMASH RECORDING.
BYE-BYE, AND DON'T TAKE
ANY WOODEN RECORDS.
ANOTHER HIT!
- ANOTHER 50,000 RECORDS!
- ANOTHER CAN OF
LUBE OIL FOR MAYNARD.
- YEP. THANKS TO MAYNARD,
COUSIN VIRGIL'S RECORDS
STARTED SELLING LIKE...
WELL, I WAS GONNA
SAY LIKE HOTCAKES,
BUT NO HOTCAKE
WAS EVER SUCH A HIT.
ALL OVER TOWN, KIDS WERE
SCRAMBLING TO BUY HIS PLATTERS.
ON THE CAMPUS OF PRYOR
COLLEGE, NOBODY WENT TO CLASS
WHEN TIN-PAN SALLY PLAYED
ONE OF HIS NEW RECORDS.
I MEAN, THEY DIDN'T BOTHER
TO GO TO CLASS MUCH ANYTIME,
BUT NOW EVEN THE
STUDENTS STAYED AWAY.
YEP, COUSIN VIRGIL HAD BECOME
THE HOTTEST THING TO HIT TOWN
SINCE THE FIRE THAT BURNED
DOWN THE OLD ENDICOTT BUILDING.
- ALL RIGHT, KIDS!
HERE THEY ARE!
YOUR VIRGIL GILLIS RECORDS!
COME AND GET 'EM
WHILE THEY'RE HOT!
THE HOTTEST NEW PLAYERS IN TOWN!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, YES!
[SCREAMS]
♪ BABY, COME AND TWIST WITH ME ♪
- THAT'S HOW IT WENT
WHENEVER PEOPLE HEARD
COUSIN VIRGIL'S PLATTERS.
THEY CAME FROM
EVERYPLACE TO BUY THEM,
SOME FROM AS FAR
AWAY AS THE COUNTY SEAT.
AND THEY GOT HERE IN EVERY
WAY THEY COULD THINK OF
JUST TO GET THEIR
HANDS ON THOSE RECORDS.
YES, SIR. COUSIN
VIRGIL AND TIN-PAN SALLY
WENT WHOLE HOG
WITH THE PUBLICITY
FOR VIRGIL'S NEW RECORD.
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,
MUSIC FANS WERE CRYING FOR IT.
AND HERE AT HOME, THERE
WAS ALSO QUITE A BIT OF CRYING.
[CRIES]
- WELL, YOU CAN'T
REALLY BLAME HIM.
THE WHOLE PUBLICITY CAMPAIGN
WAS BEING PAID FOR WITH HIS MONEY.
BUT THERE WAS NO REASON FOR
DAD TO SHED ALL THOSE BITTER TEARS
BECAUSE THE HOTSHOT PITCHER
WAS WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN.
- BEE-BOOP, BEE-BOOP...
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO SABOTAGE
OUR SECRET WEAPON?
- HEAVEN FORFEND, UNCLE HERBIE!
I WAS JUST CHARGING HIS BATTERY.
HE'S GETTING A LITTLE
WEAK IN THE BLOOP.
- BLOOP!
- AND THERE WAS LIKEWISE
NOTHING TO BRAG ABOUT IN HIS BLEEP.
- BLEEP!
- NOW WE JUST PLUG HIM IN,
SET HIM FOR A MILLION-RECORD
HIT AND AWAY WE GO.
- YEAH. WELL, IT'S EITHER AWAY
WE GO OR AWAY MY MONEY WENT!
- WELL, HERE WE GO, MILTON.
NOW YOU BE SMART
AND I'LL GIVE YOU A DOUBLE
PORTION OF KEROSENE FOR DINNER.
♪ I SAW HER JIVING
TO THE DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ I TOOK ONE LOOK ♪
♪ MY HEART WENT
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK ♪
- NO, NO, NO!
BOO-BEEP! LIKE, FASTER!
♪ BUT SHE KEPT A-ROCKING
AND A-ROLLIN' ON ♪
♪ SHE KEPT ON JIVING
TO THE DRIVE-IN ROCK... ♪
- NO, NO, NO!
BOO-BEEP! LIKE, FASTER!
♪ THE DRIVE-IN ROCK
THE DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ IT REALLY MAKES
THE DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ YOU PICK YOUR CHICK,
YOU DROP YOUR DIME ♪
♪ YOU HAVE YOURSELF
A CRAZY SWINGIN' TIME ♪
♪ YOU HAVE YOURSELF... ♪
- LIKE CEASE! LIKE DESIST!
WHEN I SAY "FAST" I
MEAN FAST, LIKE SPEEDY!
- YOU MEAN, YOU WANT
IT FASTER THAN THAT?
- ZOOM! GALLOP, MAN, GALLOP!
[HORSE GALLOPING]
[FAST SINGING] ♪ DRIVE-IN
ROCK, DRIVE-IN ROCK ♪
♪ IT REALLY MAKES
THE DRIVE-IN ROCK... ♪
- WHAT HAPPENED?
WHO STEPPED ON A CAT?
- IT'S A HIT! IT'S A HIT!
5,245,312 COPIES!
IT'S A HIT! HIT'S A HIT! [BELLS]
- IT'S A HIT?
- SOUNDS LIKE THE MATING CALL
OF A PAIR OF CORDUROY PANTS!
- IT'S A SMASH HIT!
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!
YOU COULDN'T GIVE
THAT RECORD AWAY
IF IT WAS WAXED ON A $10 BILL!
- IT'S A HIT! IT'S
A HIT! IT'S A HIT!
- I WILL GIVE YOU A HIT!
- IT'S A HI-IIIT!
[SPRINGS] [RICOCHET]
[PLAYING TAPS]
[WINDING DOWN]
- MAURICE! MAURICE!
WHAT'S WRONG?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- MORTON!
- I STILL THINK THAT'S MAYNARD.
OH, YOU'RE THAT ROTTEN
SNEAK, VIRGIL T. GILLIS!
KEEP THAT OIL CAN
OUTTA MY MOUTH,
YOU SOUTHERN-FRIED FINK!
[RASPBERRIES]
- MELVIN! MARVIN! MAURICE!
I DECLARE, HE WAS SO MUCH
EASIER TO GET ALONG WITH
WHEN HE WAS A MACHINE.
- WE'RE RUINED! WHAT
ARE GOING TO DO?
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
- WELL, KIDS, RIGHT ABOUT HERE
I PROMISED TO PLAY YOU
THE NEW VIRGIL GILLIS RECORD.
All: YAY!
- BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
VIRGIL RAN INTO,
SHALL WE SAY, A LITTLE
MECHANICAL PROBLEM.
All: AWWW!
- BUT WAIT. I'VE GOT A
BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU.
WHILE I WAS LOOKING AROUND
FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE HIS PLACE,
I RAN ACROSS THAT CERTAIN
SOMETHING WE'RE ALL LOOKING FOR,
A NEW SOUND!
[DRUMBEAT] [FANFARE]
[CHIPMUNK SINGING]
- OH, WHAT'S THE USE?
WE'LL NEVER FIX THIS THING.
IT WAS THE ONLY CHANCE I HAD
TO GET SOME OF MY DOUGH BACK.
- YEAH, IT'S LIKE PITIFUL. HE
WAS LOVABLE, BUT A MONSTER.
- WHAT LOVABLE?
HE CLINKETY-CLANKED ME
STRAIGHT INTO BANKRUPTCY!
- YEAH. POOR ARNOLD.
HE'LL NEVER TASTE
LUBRICATING OIL AGAIN!
- IT IS SOUP-KITCHEN
TIME FOR ALL OF US
AND ALL HE IS IS A PILE OF
USELESS NUTS AND BOLTS.
- MAYBE HE COULD
BECOME A SLOT MACHINE!
- ARNOLD IS A TOTAL LOSS
AND SO IS MY BANK ACCOUNT!
- WELL, MAYBE HE CAN
BECOME A GUMBALL MACHINE!
- MAYNARD!
- WELL, HOW ABOUT
A POPCORN MACHINE?
- MAYNARD!
[FAST SINGING]
♪ I TOOK ONE LOOK MY HEART
WENT KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK... ♪
[JAZZ THEME]