The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 19 - Two for the Whipsaw - full transcript
Chatsworth pays Dobie $200 to impersonate him at a stuffy dinner party, but Dobie's deception isn't the only one on the evening's menu.
- THIS IS THE PEABODY HOTEL,
THE RITZIEST PLACE IN TOWN.
RITZY? NO GUEST IS
ALLOWED TO REGISTER
UNTIL HE TAKES A BLOOD TEST,
AND IT BETTER COME OUT BLUE,
AND THE INSIDE OF THE
HOTEL IS EVEN FANCIER.
THEY'VE GOT SO MUCH IMPORTED
FURNITURE FROM FRANCE,
THAT FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS,
THE PEOPLE IN PARIS HAVE
BEEN SITTING ON EACH OTHER.
ON THE TOP FLOOR OF THE PEABODY
HOTEL, IS THE PENTHOUSE SUITE.
IT RENTS FOR $200 A DAY,
OR 500 IF YOU THROW IN
TOWELS, SHEETS, THREE MUSICIANS
AND A SNOOTY WAITER.
THIS WAITER IS PIERRE,
WHO IS SO HIGH CLASS THAT HE
WON'T PUT HIS THUMB IN YOUR SOUP
UNLESS YOU'RE IN
THE SOCIAL REGISTER.
THESE MUSICIANS MAKE MUSIC
ONLY WHEN THEY'RE UNDER
THE INFLUENCE OF MONEY.
- NOW, WHAT GOT THEM SO EXCITED?
THAT DOORBELL
ANNOUNCED THE ARRIVAL
OF THE NEW OCCUPANT
OF THE $200 A DAY SUITE.
THE FOURTH RICHEST
YOUNG MAN IN AMERICA,
AND BY FAR THE HEAVIEST TIPPER.
- GOOD EVENING FOLKS, SORRY
TO INTERRUPT YOUR LESSON.
[JAZZ THEME]
- YOU ASKED HOW I, DOBIE
GILLIS, REGISTERED PAUPER,
GOT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
PRACTICALLY OVERNIGHT?
WELL, I'LL ANSWER THAT
WITH ANOTHER QUESTION.
WHY NOT?
AFTER ALL, I'VE
GOT WHAT IT TAKES,
LOOKS, CHARM, INTELLIGENCE,
DARING AND IMAGINATION,
AND SOMETHING MORE, PERHAPS
THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.
- YOU'RE A NATURAL
BORN CROOK, DOBIE DO.
- THANKS A LUMP, CHATSWORTH.
- NOW, DON'T GET
HUFFY, DOBIE DO.
I DON'T MEAN YOU'RE
ACTUALLY A CRIMINAL.
- HE'S PRETTY CLOSE.
- STILL, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
YOU WON'T DO FOR MONEY.
- I'LL BUY THAT.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU BOTH, MY DEAR FRIENDS.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, WELCOME.
- HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW
ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED THAT
DOWN DEEP I'M HONEST AND TRUE
AND PURE AND GOOD
AND NO AMOUNT OF MONEY
CAN EVER MAKE ME BE
OTHERWISE, AND YOU KNOW WHY?
- YES. I KNOW WHY.
BECAUSE I HAVE BROUGHT
YOU UP TO BE PURE AND GOOD
AND HONEST AND TRUE
AND WHO'S THE SKUNK
WHO'S OFFERING YOU MONEY
TO DO SOMETHING SHADY?
- CHATSWORTH OSBORNE,
JR. IS THE SKUNK.
HE'S ALSO A RAT AND A FINK.
- YES. WELL, CHATSWORTH, YOU
HAVE MADE A VERY LARGE MISTAKE
IF YOU THINK THAT
THE OSBORNE MONEY
CAN CORRUPT THE
GILLIS CHARACTER.
HOW MUCH DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- $200.
- HE'LL DO IT.
- DAD. NOW LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
I AM SURE THAT CHATSWORTH
DOESN'T WANT YOU
TO DO ANYTHING REALLY DISHONEST.
- PERISH, FORBID.
IT'S ONLY JUST A TEENSY, WEENSY
BIT, SHALL WE SAY DEVIOUS?
- SHALL WE SAY SNEAKY?
- WE SHALL SAY SNEAKY.
- LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, SON.
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO GET $200 FROM? ME?
- THAT'LL BE THE DAY.
- WELL, THERE YOU ARE.
- I'LL DO IT.
- THAT'S MY BOY WHO SAID THAT.
- ALL RIGHT, CHATSWORTH.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- I WANT YOU TO BE ME.
- THAT'S WORTH A
LOT MORE THAN $200.
- NOT FOREVER, YOU NINNY,
JUST FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OH, I... I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'VE GOT A DATE
TOMORROW NIGHT,
AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KEEP IT,
SO I'M GOING TO STAND
IN FOR YOU, RIGHT?
- I'D BE EVER SO
GRATEFUL, DOBIE DO.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE
DREARY BUSINESS THINGS.
OLD FRIENDS OF THE
FAMILY AND ALL THAT.
CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER AND HER
FATHER ARE PASSING THROUGH TOWN
AND MUMSY WOULD BE FURIOUS
IF I DIDN'T ENTERTAIN THEM,
BUT IT'S ALL SO BORING.
- ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'VE GOT
ANOTHER DATE TOMORROW NIGHT
WITH THE QUEEN OF
THE JUNIOR PROM, RIGHT?
- HO HO HO. I GUESS
I'D HAVE TO GET UP
PRETTY EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO FOOL YOU, DOBIE DO.
- ABOUT NOON.
- CHATSWORTH,
I'D LIKE THAT $200,
BUT YOUR SCHEME WON'T WORK.
- AND WHY PREY TELL NOT?
- WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
THE VANDEFELLERS
WOULD KNOW I WASN'T YOU.
- NOT AT ALL.
THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH
OTHER WAS 12 YEARS AGO,
AND AFTER ALL, DOBIE DO, WE
DO HAVE THE SAME GENERAL BUILD.
- YEAH. LITTLE ROUND BELLIES,
WEAK CHINS, PUNY ARMS,
AND SPINDLY LITTLE LEGS.
- OH, HUSH UP.
- AND SPEAKING OF
SPINDLY LITTLE LEGS,
WHAT DOES THIS CYNTHIA
VANDEFELLER LOOK LIKE?
- WELL, AS I SAY, I HAVEN'T
SEEN HER FOR 12 YEARS.
- SHE'S A REAL DOG, HUH?
- WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
- GOT A PICTURE?
- I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU CAN TELL FROM THIS.
IT WAS TAKEN ON OUR
CROQUET COURT 12 YEARS AGO.
- OOH MAN, WHAT A MESS.
LOOK AT THEM BIG
FEET AND SKINNY LEGS.
- MAYNARD, THOSE
ARE CROQUET MALLETS.
IT'S THIS GIRL OVER HERE.
- YOU'D BE BETTER OFF
WITH A CROQUET MALLET.
- DOBIE DO, I'VE RENTED
THE PENTHOUSE SUITE
AT THE PEABODY HOTEL.
THERE'LL BE DINNER, MUSIC,
CANDLELIGHT, A TUXEDO,
AND $200 PAYABLE IN
ADVANCE. YOU'LL BE THERE?
- HE'LL BE THERE.
- STOUT FELLOW. HO
HO HO HO HO. TA TA.
- YOU KNOW, MAYNARD, I'M
KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD
TO TOMORROW NIGHT.
CHAMPAGNE, CAVIAR, CANDLELIGHT.
- YEAH. ME TOO.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE MY BEST
BUDDY IN THE WHOLE WORLD,
AND I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF,
BUT YOU ARE NOT COMING
ALONG TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OH, YES, I AM.
- OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- OH, YES, I AM.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD.
BEFORE WE GO IN, LET'S
RUN THROW IT ONCE MORE.
WHO ARE YOU?
- I AM KREBS,
YOU'RE LOYAL CHAUFFEUR,
VALET AND BODYGUARD
WHO YOU NEVER GO
ANYPLACE WITHOUT ME.
- VERY GOOD. NOW, WHO AM I?
- YOU'RE, UH, DON'T
TELL ME. CHATSWORTH.
- SPLENDID.
- YEAH, CHATSWORTH SPLENDID, JR.
- I CAN SEE THE EVENING'S
GOING TO BE A SMASH.
- AND THE GIRL'S NAME
IS CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER
AND SHE'S SO UGLY YOU
CAN GET SICK LOOKING AT HER.
EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
- MR. OSBORNE, JR?
- YES, MY GOOD MAN.
- AND I AM KREBS HIS LOYAL
CHAUFFEUR, VALET, AND BODYGUARD,
WHO HE NEVER GOES
ANY PLACE WITHOUT ME.
- WON'T YOU COME IN?
- MY HAT, SIR.
- HIS HAT.
- MY CANE.
- HIS CANE.
- AND MY GLOVES.
- HIS GLOVES AND MY GLOVES.
- YEAH. HERE. TAKE
CARE OF THE BOYS.
WELL, SO FAR I LIKE IT FINE.
- YEAH. BOY, IF YOU'RE LUCKY
THE CHICK WOULDN'T SHOW UP.
- WELL, WE MIGHT
AS WELL FACE HER.
EXCUSE ME, MEN.
- CHATSWORTH? IT'S ME,
CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER.
- DON'T BELIEVE HER, DOBE,
UNTIL YOU SEE HER LEGS.
- CHATSWORTH, AREN'T
YOU GOING TO KISS ME?
- CYNTHIA, MY ANGEL.
- CHATSWORTH, MY TIGER.
- KREBS, MY CHAUFFEUR,
VALET, AND BODYGUARD.
- DADDY, COME IN
AND SEE CHATSWORTH.
- CHATSWORTH, HOW
YOU HAVE GROWN.
- I'VE GROWN TOO.
- THIS IS KREBS, MY CHAUFFEUR,
VALET, AND BODYGUARD.
- WHO HE NEVER GOES
ANYPLACE WITHOUT ME.
- UH-HUH.
- CHATSWORTH, WE HAVE
A LOT TO CATCH UP ON.
- YES. YES.
- YOU KNOW, CHATSWORTH, I
CAN'T GET OVER HOW WELL...
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MR. VANDEFELLER.
KREBS IS LIKE A TOMB.
- YES. HE IS, RATHER, ISN'T HE?
NOW, CYNTHIA, AND
WE WILL SIT DOWN HERE,
AND CHATSWORTH, IF
YOU WILL SIT DOWN HERE,
AND IF YOU DON'T MIND,
AN OLD MAN SITTING...
- WELL, HOW ARE
THINGS WITH YOU, SIR?
- OH, ABOUT THE SAME.
OIL WELL SHOOTING UP HERE,
THERE, AND EVERYWHERE.
IT'S A BORE, REALLY.
- WE HEAR THINGS ARE GOING
VERY WELL WITH YOU CHATSWORTH.
- MONEY-WISE, YES.
ROMANCE-WISE NOT SO
WELL, UNTIL NOW, THAT IS.
- CHATSWORTH, I DO BELIEVE
YOU'RE FLIRTING WITH ME.
- WELL, I'M TRYING, MY DEAR.
I'M TRYING.
THAT IS IF YOU HAVE
NO OBJECTIONS, SIR.
- WHY, NOT AT ALL, MY BOY.
WHY DON'T YOU YOUNG
PEOPLE RUN ALONG AND DANCE.
- YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO YOUNG
PEOPLE RUN ALONG AND DANCE
AND I'LL JUST STAY HERE
AND GAB WITH FATSO.
SAY, WHAT DO YOU HEAR FROM THE
INTERNAL REVENUE DEPARTMENT?
- AH, CYNTHIA, YOU DANCE
LIKE A FEATHER, LIKE A ZEPHYR,
LIKE A COOL WISP OF SPRINGTIME.
- THANK YOU, DEAR CHATSWORTH.
- NO, NO. THANK
YOU FOR BEING YOU.
- YOU'LL LAUGH AT THIS,
BUT THE TIME I SAW YOU LAST
IT WAS YOUR NINTH
BIRTHDAY, REMEMBER?
I SAID TO DADDY, DADDY, I THINK
CHATSWORTH IS THE MAN FOR ME,
AND HE SAID, CHILD, HOW
COULD YOU KNOW SUCH A THING
AT YOUR AGE, AND I SAID, I DON'T
KNOW, DADDY, BUT I JUST KNOW.
- ISN'T THAT CURIOUS?
I FELT EXACTLY THE
SAME WAY ABOUT YOU.
- I REMEMBER EVERYTHING
ABOUT THAT PARTY.
THE PAPER HATS, THE NOISEMAKERS,
THAT AWFUL GOOEY CAKE,
EVEN THAT MEAN SHABBY OLD
GROCER THAT DELIVERED THE CAKE.
HIS NAME WAS GILLIS.
[DOORBELL]
- EXCUSE ME, MY
DEAR. I'LL SEE WHO IT IS.
- HORS D'OEUVRE MADEMOISELLE?
- YOU WANT SOME CHOW, GIRL?
YOU BETTER HURRY UP
AND GET IT BEFORE I DO.
- PERHAPS LATER, KREBS.
- HI HO, DOBIE DO.
EASY, DOBIE, EASY.
I JUST CAME UP TO SEE
HOW EVERYTHING'S GOING.
- OH, FINE,
CHATSWORTH, JUST FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL
ABOUT IT TOMORROW.
- HOW IS CYNTHIA?
- WELL, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.
YOU'VE KNOWN HER
LONGER THAT I HAVE.
- SHE'S A MONSTER.
- YES, SHE IS, UH-HUH. YEAH.
- I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE
WAY IS IT WITH BLIND DATES.
- WELL, YOU'RE FORGIVEN
AND YOU BETTER GO.
- I'M GOING.
- UH-HUH.
- I JUST WANT TO
TAKE A LITTLE PEEK.
- OH, COME ON, CHATSWORTH,
YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING.
- SO THAT'S THE MONSTER, HMM?
- THAT'S THE WAY IT IS WITH
BLIND DATES, CHATSWORTH.
- SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
YOU BIG FIBBER.
- I WAS AS SURPRISED AS YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS.
THAT WILL BE ALL.
- HUH?
- I'LL TAKE OVER.
- YOU'LL TAKE OVER? NO.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW.
- NO. I'LL SIMPLY EXPLAIN
THAT I WAS DELAYED.
I'LL CARRY IT OFF
AS A BOYISH PRANK.
- OH, NO, CHATSWORTH,
SHE'S MINE.
JUST FOR TONIGHT, AND
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE.
- GILLIS! YOU'LL REGRET
THIS YOU DOUBLE CROSSER.
- LOOK WHO'S TALKING.
GOOD NIGHT, CHATSWORTH.
- NOW, DON'T TRY
TO STOP ME GILLIS.
I'M GOING TO EXPOSE
THIS WHOLE HOAX.
OH, OUTRAGEOUS,
GILLIS, OUTRAGEOUS.
- CHATSWORTH, THIS HURTS
ME MORE THAN IT DOES YOU.
- MUMSY!
[CRASH]
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- SWIMMINGLY. CHATSWORTH IS
EVEN STUPIDER THAN I REMEMBER.
- GOOD, I HAVE A FEELING THIS
ONE IS GOING TO WORK OUT.
- YOU ALWAYS HAVE
A FEELING, DADDY.
YOU HAD A FEELING ABOUT
THE OIL WELLS IN VENEZUELA.
YOU HAD A FEELING ABOUT THE
ROULETTE TABLE IN MONTE CARLO.
YOU HAD A FEELING ABOUT
THE EMERALD MINE IN AFRICA.
- I KNOW. I KNOW.
BUT MY LUCK IS BOUND TO
CHANGE, AND RIGHT NOW.
NOW, YOU HOOK THIS IDIOT,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON
TOP WHERE WE BELONG.
- WELL, I'M DOING MY PART.
ARE YOU READY ON YOUR END?
- EVERYTHING IS
A-OKAY, DAUGHTER.
I HAVE A HELICOPTER WAITING
TO FLY US OUT TO THE YACHT.
I'VE GOT CAPTAIN
LOPEZ ALL PRIMED
TO PERFORM THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY
THE MOMENT WE GET
BEYOND THE THREE-MILE LIMIT,
AND I HAVE GOT THIS TO MAKE SURE
THAT CHATSWORTH IS IN A
MARRYING MOOD TONIGHT.
- YOU'RE QUITE SURE YOU
CAN HYPNOTIZE CHATSWORTH?
- OH, DAUGHTER, IF EVER
I SAW A MAN IN A DAZE,
IT'S THAT'S ONE.
- EXCUSE MY ABSENCE, FOLKS,
A SMALL BUSINESS MATTER.
IS EVERYONE TAKEN CARE OF?
- OH, YES, CHATSWORTH, AND THE
CREPE SUZETTES ARE MARVELOUS.
- OH, SO GLAD YOU LIKED
THEM, CYNTHIA, MY PET.
I SHOT THEM MYSELF THIS MORNING.
- THE JIG, GENTLEMEN,
IS UP AT LAST.
- WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A
PLANE, IT'S SUPERNUT.
- IT IS I, THE REAL CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR. THAT'S WHO IT IS.
- WHAT'S THIS?
- HE MUST BE MAD.
- IT'S YOU WHO ARE MAD
AND I'LL THANK YOU TO LEAVE.
- FANCY THAT, THE
RUFFIAN HAS A NERVE.
- I'LL EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING IN A JIFFY.
WAITER, SHOW THIS
FRAUD THE DOOR.
- THAT'S A NICE THING
TO CALL MY GOOD BUDDY.
HE WAS ALWAYS NICE ABOUT YOU.
- KREBS, THIS HAS
GONE FAR ENOUGH.
GIVE THE FELLOW
THE OLD HEAVE HO.
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
- OH, YES WE DO.
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD! NOT
THE WINDOW! NOT THE WINDOW!
OUT THE DOOR. OUT OF DOOR.
AND TELL THE HOUSE DETECTIVE
WE'RE NOT TO BE DISTURBED AGAIN.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS A STICK UP.
- MY APOLOGIES.
- OH, THOSE THINGS HAPPEN.
- WELL, WHO IN
HEAVEN'S NAME WAS HE?
- YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM?
- SHOULD WE?
- OH, NO. NO. NO. HE'S A
FAMOUS LOCAL ECCENTRIC.
DELUSIONS OF FAME AND WEALTH.
- WELL, YOU HANDLED
HIM BEAUTIFULLY,
CHATSWORTH, DARLING.
- YOU CERTAINLY DID, CHATSWORTH.
YOU'RE A REAL OSBORNE.
- OH, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
- ME NEITHER.
- OH, COME OVER HERE,
CHATSWORTH. SIT DOWN.
I HAVE SOMETHING HERE
I WANT TO SHOW YOU.
- OH?
- NOW, YOU SEE THIS MEDALLION?
WATCH IT CLOSELY.
CLOSELY. CLOSELY.
YOU SEE HOW IT SHINES?
YOU SEE HOW IT GLITTERS?
THERE'S NOTHING IN THE
WORLD BUT THIS MEDALLION.
THIS BRIGHT SHINY,
LOVELY MEDALLION.
WATCH IT. WATCH IT.
CONCENTRATE.
NOW YOUR EYES ARE HEAVY.
YOU'RE GETTING DROWSY.
DROWSY.
YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP.
[SNORING]
- NOT YOU, STUPID. HIM.
NOW, YOU'RE ASLEEP.
YOU'RE AT PEACE.
YOU ARE RELAXED.
EASY, EASY, YOU TRUST ME.
YOU TRUST ME IMPLICITLY.
NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY,
CHATSWORTH,
WHEN I SNAP MY FINGERS,
YOU'RE GOING TO AWAKE AND
DO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WANTING
TO DO ALL EVENING.
YOU'RE GOING TOR
PROPOSE TO CYNTHIA.
YOU'RE GOING TO PROPOSE
TO CYNTHIA TONIGHT.
YOU CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
YOU WANT TO MAKE CYNTHIA
MRS. CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
YOU WANT TO MARRY
HER RIGHT AWAY, TONIGHT.
THERE'S A HELICOPTER WAITING.
A HELICOPTER THAT WILL
FLY YOU OUT TO THE YACHT.
THE CAPTAIN WILL MARRY YOU
THE MOMENT YOU'RE AT SEA.
HE WILL MARRY YOU TONIGHT.
DO YOU HEAR ME CHATSWORTH?
TONIGHT. TONIGHT.
- JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
A GROWN MAN LIKE MR. VANDEFELLER
ACTUALLY TRYING HYPNOTIZE
ME LIKE HE COULD REALLY DO IT.
COME ON NOW. OH, SURE,
HE COULD PUT ME TO SLEEP.
THAT'S A SIMPLE PARLOR TRICK.
IT'S DONE ALL THE
TIME, BUT HYPNOTIZE ME?
MAKE ME DO WHAT
CHATSWORTH WOULD DO
AND THINK LIKE CHATSWORTH
AND ACT LIKE CHATSWORTH?
RIDICULOUS. OUT OF THE QUESTION.
IMPOSSIBLE.
- NOW, WHEN I SNAP MY
FINGERS, YOU WILL AWAKE.
- HOW VERY ODD.
I MUST HAVE DOZED
OFF FOR A SECOND.
I'M MOST TERRIBLY SORRY.
- NONSENSE, MY BOY.
I FEEL A LITTLE SLEEPY MYSELF.
HOWEVER, YOU AND I CAN REST
ON THE HELICOPTER, CAN'T WE?
- YES, THE HELICOPTER.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, I DON'T WANT
TO BE LATE FOR MY OWN WEDDING.
HO HO HO HO HO. TA TA.
- AND YOU, WHEN YOU WAKE UP,
YOUR MIND WILL BE
A COMPLETE BLANK.
BUT FOR THIS I DON'T
NEED HYPNOSIS.
OH, FORGET IT.
- YOU'RE ADORABLE,
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
- STAY RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT HERE. RIGHT HERE.
- SIR, THE PARTY
FROM THE HELICOPTER,
ALL ABOARD CAPTAIN LOPEZ.
- GOOD. BRING THEM
HERE IMMEDIATELY.
- AYE AYE, SIR.
- DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED HERE TOGETHER
TO UNITE THIS MAN AND
THIS WOMAN IN MATRIMONY.
- HERE I AM, CAPTAIN LOPEZ,
AND HERE'S THE LOVING COUPLE,
EAGER AND WAITING.
- AND LOPEZ IS AVAILABLE.
- IF YOU'LL PROCEED CAPTAIN.
- BUT, OF COURSE. WILL YOU
TWO PLEASE BE THE WITNESSES.
THE BETROTHED COUPLE
WILL KINDLY STEP FORWARD.
DEARLY, BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED TOGETHER HERE
TO UNITE THIS MAN AND
THIS WOMAN IN MATRIMONY,
WHICH IS AN HONORABLE STATE.
- I KNEW I WAS IN TROUBLE.
I MEAN, I WAS WITHIN AN I DO OF
MARRYING CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER,
LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL, SOFT, CREAMY,
DELECTABLE CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER.
AND IF YOU'VE GOT
TO BE IN TROUBLE,
THAT'S THE KIND OF
TROUBLE TO BE IN.
OF COURSE, I WAS IN TROUBLE.
BUT IT'S LUCKY I WAS BEING
WATCHED OVER BY A FRIEND
WHO'S SHARP AND
WIDE AWAKE AND ALERT.
[SNORING]
HEY, DOBE, DOBE?
HEY DOBE? HEY DOBE?
- WHO ARE YOU
LOOKING FOR, KREBS?
- MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBE.
- YOU MEAN CHATSWORTH?
- WELL, SOMETIMES
HE'S CHATSWORTH,
BUT MOST OF THE TIME HE'S DOBE,
BUT I GUESS IT DON'T MATTER
BECAUSE THEY TOOK HIM AWAY
IN A HELICOPTER,
AND NOW HE'S GOING TO GET
MARRIED AT SEA BY CAPTAIN LOPEZ,
AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
SO SAVE MY POOR, GOOD BUDDY
FROM THE MEAN AND ROTTEN PEOPLE.
OH, IF I ONLY KNEW SOMEBODY
WHO WAS AS MEAN AND ROTTEN
AS THEY ARE THAT COULD HELP ME.
AND I JUST THOUGHT
OF THE SOMEBODY.
- DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO
BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE
TO HONOR AND LOVE IN
SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE,
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
- I DO.
- FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE,
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
- I DO.
- WILL YOU PLACE THE RING
UPON THE BRIDE'S FINGER?
- RING? I... I DON'T
SEEM TO HAVE A RING.
- RING, FATHER.
- ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I SEEM TO HAVE
FORGOTTEN THE RING.
- I KNEW IT.
I KNEW IT WAS GOING
TOO SMOOTHLY.
- WAIT.
- AH!
- WILL YOU PLEASE PLACE THE
RING UPON THE BRIDE'S FINGER?
BY VIRTUE OF THE
AUTHORITY GRANTED ME
BY THE INTERNATIONAL
ADMIRALTY BOARD,
I'M EMPOWERED TO PERFORM
THIS WEDDING UPON THE HIGH SEAS.
BUT BEFORE I PRONOUNCE
YOU MAN AND WIFE,
I MUST ASK WHERE ANY
MAN CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE
WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT
BE UNITED IN HOLY MATRIMONY.
IF SUCH THERE BE, LET HIM NOW
SPEAK OR FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE.
- YOU BET I CAN SHOW JUST
CAUSE, PLENTY OF JUST CAUSE.
- ME TOO.
- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
WHO ARE YOU?
- ASK HIM. HE'LL TELL
YOU WHO WE ARE.
- DO YOU KNOW THESE TWO?
- BUT OF COURSE, CAPTAIN, BABY.
THAT IS MY CHAUFFEUR,
VALET, AND BODYGUARD, KREBS,
AND THAT IS A TRADESPERSON,
GILLIS THE GREEN GROCER.
- DOBIE, MY SON, WHAT
HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?
- ONE TRIES TO BE
DEMOCRATIC, GILLIS,
BUT THERE ARE LIMITS YOU KNOW.
- WHAT RIGHT DO YOU INTERRUPT
THE SOLEMN CEREMONY?
- BY RIGHTEST RIGHT OF ANY
RIGHT THAT'S GOT A RIGHT.
THE RIGHT OF A FATHER TO LOOK
OUT FOR HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
- MY DEAR FELLOW,
ARE YOU SUGGESTING
THIS YOUNG MAN IS YOUR SON?
- WELL, IF HE AIN'T, I
GOT A LOT OF DOUGH
TIED UP IN THE WRONG KID.
- OH, CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN,
THIS IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DUTY.
- OF COURSE, VERY
WELL. PEDRO, PLEASE.
- OH, NO. NOW WAIT
A MINUTE, FELLOWS.
WHAT IS IT? AH!
- LIKE, HELP!
- AH, WHERE WAS I? OH, YES.
THE BOOK, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
IF THERE IS ANY MAN
CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE
WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT
BE UNITED IN HOLY MATRIMONY,
LET HIM NOW SPEAK OR
FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE.
- YES, CAPTAIN, BABY, I
CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE.
- CARUMBA!
- THIS WHOLE CEREMONY
IS A FRAUD, A FARCE,
AND IT PUT ME
QUITE OUT OF SORTS.
- AND WHO IS THIS WEIRD ONE?
- I'VE ALREADY HAD THE
PLEASURE OF MEETING HIM CAPTAIN.
IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME.
- OH!
- PROCEED, CAPTAIN.
I THINK THERE WILL BE
NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS.
- YOU GOT ANOTHER
THING COMING BUSTER.
I'M GOING TO GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS
OR MY NAME AIN'T
HERBERT T. GILLIS.
- MINE EITHER.
- WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO
KEEP YOU TWO IN THE WATER?
TIE AN ANCHOR ON YOU?
NOW GET OFF AND STAY OFF!
- OH, NO.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ME OFF OF HERE.
- LET GO OF THAT
FITTING. IT'S SOLID GOLD.
- I DON'T CARE IF IT'S
SOLID GOLD, YOU SAID?
- GOLD, I SAID.
- GOLD, YOU SAID.
PRETTY FANCY BOAT, HUH?
LIKE 10 OR 12 BLOCKS LONG,
SIX OR SEVEN STORIES HIGH,
TAKES 30, 40 GUYS TO KEEP IT
RUNNING AND YOU FOLKS OWN IT?
- WE CHARTERED IT AND
NOW YOU'LL GET OUT OF HERE?
- HEY, CHARTERING A THING
LIKE THIS DON'T COME CHEAP.
YOU FOLKS MUST BE LOADED.
GILLIS IS THE NAME, HERBERT
T., INDEPENDENT RETAIL GROCER.
- VANDEFELLER, NICHOLAS
J., AND OVER THE SIDE YOU GO.
- OH, NO! HOLD
THE PHONE, FRIEND.
AFTER ALL, WITH MY SON
MARRYING YOUR DAUGHTER,
WE'RE PRACTICALLY ALL
PART OF ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
SON, I ALWAYS KNEW YOU'D WIND UP
MARRYING SOME BAG FULL OF LOOT.
NO OFFENSE, MISS.
- THEY AIN'T GOT NO LOOT,
MR. G. THEY'RE KIDNAPERS,
SWINDLERS, AND THEY'RE
MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- MAYNARD, WHY DON'T
YOU SWIM OUT TO SEA
AND PLAY TAG WITH
THE SHARKS, HUH?
NOW, THEN, MR. VANDEFELLER,
LET'S YOU AND I HAVE A MAN
TO MAN TALK ABOUT THE DOWRY.
- GILLIS, BABY,
THIS IS JUST TOO...
YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY
EXPECT ANYBODY TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU ARE MY FATHER.
- CERTAINLY NOT.
- JUST A MINUTE.
I'M NOT TOO SURE.
THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY
ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.
ARE YOU QUITE SURE YOU'RE
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.?
- BUT, OF COURSE, MY PIGEON
- WELL, THERE'S ONE WAY TO TELL.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE
BIRTHMARK ON CHATSWORTH'S BACK?
- I CERTAINLY DO.
IT'S NOT THERE.
- IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE
LOOKING FOR, CHAPS?
- THEN YOU'RE
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.?
- YES, I AM.
AND YOU ARE A PAIR
OF FORTUNE HUNTERS,
AND I SHALL DEAL
WITH YOU PROPERLY
WHEN WE GET BACK TO SHORE.
- WELL, DAUGHTER, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
- WELL, FATHER, WHAT
ARE WE WAITING FOR?
- DAUGHTER, AFTER YOU.
- TERRIBLE.
WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR
CHARTERING THE BOAT NOW?
- STEADY ON, CAPTAIN,
HOW MUCH IS IT?
- $80,000 PER DAY,
PLUS GAS AND OIL.
- JUST PUT IT ON MY TAB.
- OH, BLESS YOU, SIR. BLESS YOU.
- HEY, CAPTAIN, HOW FAR
DO THEY HAVE TO SWIM
BEFORE THEY GET TO SHORE?
- I DON'T KNOW,
THREE OR FOUR MILES.
- OH, I BETTER THROW
THEM A LIFE PRESERVER.
- WELL, THINGS TURNED
OUT ALL RIGHT, CONSIDERING.
I MEAN, CONSIDERING
THAT EVERYBODY THINGS
I WAS REALLY HYPNOTIZED,
WELL ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST,
SHALL WE SAY IN A DAZE.
NO, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND RIGHT EITHER.
WHAT I WAS, WAS, SHALL
WE SAY IN A TRANCE?
AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,
I SHOULD HAVE SETTLED
FOR HYPNOTIZED.
- MAYNARD, FOR THE LAST
TIME, I WAS NOT HYPNOTIZED.
I WAS JUST... WELL, IN LOVE.
- OH, YOU'RE WRONG, DOBE.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ACTED
THAT NUTTY AND SNEAKY
IN THE HEAD IF THAT MAN
HADN'T PUT A SPELL ON YOU.
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
NOBODY CAN BE
HYPNOTIZED AGAINST HIS WILL.
THAT'S A LOT OF NONSENSE.
- NO IT ISN'T. I KNOW.
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING.
- OH, COME OFF OF IT, MAYNARD.
YOU CAN'T HYPNOTIZE ANYBODY
WHO'S GOT A CLEAR HEAD
ON THEIR SHOULDERS,
AND IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF,
DOBIE HERE HAS INHERITED
THE CLEAR HEAD AND THE
IRON WILL OF THE GILLISES.
- WELL, I ADMIT THE GILLISES
GOT CLEAR WILLS AND IRON HEADS,
BUT IT WORKS.
- OKAY, SVENGALI,
HYPNOTIZE ME. I DARE YOU.
- OKAY. MR. G. I'LL
PROVE IT TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, CONCENTRATE
ON THE RABBIT'S FOOT.
KEEP LOOKING AT IT.
CONCENTRATE. CONCENTRATE.
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING HEAVY.
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING DROOPY.
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING
HEAVY. YOU'RE FALLING ASLEEP.
YOU'RE FALLING
ASLEEP. YOU'RE ASLEEP.
- DAD? DAD?
BY GOLLY, HE'S ASLEEP.
- MR. G? MR. G?
I WANT YOU TO DO
SOMETHING FOR ME.
I WANT YOU TO WALK UP THE
CASH REGISTER, OPEN IT UP,
AND WITH YOUR PERMISSION
I'M GOING TO TAKE OUT 50 CENTS.
- YEAH. MAYNARD, TAKE IT $10.
- FORGET IT. FORGET
IT. MR. G., MAKE THAT $10.
- OKAY. SO MUCH FOR HYPNOTISM.
NOW, GET OUT, YOU BUMS.
OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!
THE RITZIEST PLACE IN TOWN.
RITZY? NO GUEST IS
ALLOWED TO REGISTER
UNTIL HE TAKES A BLOOD TEST,
AND IT BETTER COME OUT BLUE,
AND THE INSIDE OF THE
HOTEL IS EVEN FANCIER.
THEY'VE GOT SO MUCH IMPORTED
FURNITURE FROM FRANCE,
THAT FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS,
THE PEOPLE IN PARIS HAVE
BEEN SITTING ON EACH OTHER.
ON THE TOP FLOOR OF THE PEABODY
HOTEL, IS THE PENTHOUSE SUITE.
IT RENTS FOR $200 A DAY,
OR 500 IF YOU THROW IN
TOWELS, SHEETS, THREE MUSICIANS
AND A SNOOTY WAITER.
THIS WAITER IS PIERRE,
WHO IS SO HIGH CLASS THAT HE
WON'T PUT HIS THUMB IN YOUR SOUP
UNLESS YOU'RE IN
THE SOCIAL REGISTER.
THESE MUSICIANS MAKE MUSIC
ONLY WHEN THEY'RE UNDER
THE INFLUENCE OF MONEY.
- NOW, WHAT GOT THEM SO EXCITED?
THAT DOORBELL
ANNOUNCED THE ARRIVAL
OF THE NEW OCCUPANT
OF THE $200 A DAY SUITE.
THE FOURTH RICHEST
YOUNG MAN IN AMERICA,
AND BY FAR THE HEAVIEST TIPPER.
- GOOD EVENING FOLKS, SORRY
TO INTERRUPT YOUR LESSON.
[JAZZ THEME]
- YOU ASKED HOW I, DOBIE
GILLIS, REGISTERED PAUPER,
GOT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
PRACTICALLY OVERNIGHT?
WELL, I'LL ANSWER THAT
WITH ANOTHER QUESTION.
WHY NOT?
AFTER ALL, I'VE
GOT WHAT IT TAKES,
LOOKS, CHARM, INTELLIGENCE,
DARING AND IMAGINATION,
AND SOMETHING MORE, PERHAPS
THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.
- YOU'RE A NATURAL
BORN CROOK, DOBIE DO.
- THANKS A LUMP, CHATSWORTH.
- NOW, DON'T GET
HUFFY, DOBIE DO.
I DON'T MEAN YOU'RE
ACTUALLY A CRIMINAL.
- HE'S PRETTY CLOSE.
- STILL, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
YOU WON'T DO FOR MONEY.
- I'LL BUY THAT.
- WELL, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU BOTH, MY DEAR FRIENDS.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, WELCOME.
- HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW
ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED THAT
DOWN DEEP I'M HONEST AND TRUE
AND PURE AND GOOD
AND NO AMOUNT OF MONEY
CAN EVER MAKE ME BE
OTHERWISE, AND YOU KNOW WHY?
- YES. I KNOW WHY.
BECAUSE I HAVE BROUGHT
YOU UP TO BE PURE AND GOOD
AND HONEST AND TRUE
AND WHO'S THE SKUNK
WHO'S OFFERING YOU MONEY
TO DO SOMETHING SHADY?
- CHATSWORTH OSBORNE,
JR. IS THE SKUNK.
HE'S ALSO A RAT AND A FINK.
- YES. WELL, CHATSWORTH, YOU
HAVE MADE A VERY LARGE MISTAKE
IF YOU THINK THAT
THE OSBORNE MONEY
CAN CORRUPT THE
GILLIS CHARACTER.
HOW MUCH DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- $200.
- HE'LL DO IT.
- DAD. NOW LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
I AM SURE THAT CHATSWORTH
DOESN'T WANT YOU
TO DO ANYTHING REALLY DISHONEST.
- PERISH, FORBID.
IT'S ONLY JUST A TEENSY, WEENSY
BIT, SHALL WE SAY DEVIOUS?
- SHALL WE SAY SNEAKY?
- WE SHALL SAY SNEAKY.
- LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, SON.
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO GET $200 FROM? ME?
- THAT'LL BE THE DAY.
- WELL, THERE YOU ARE.
- I'LL DO IT.
- THAT'S MY BOY WHO SAID THAT.
- ALL RIGHT, CHATSWORTH.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- I WANT YOU TO BE ME.
- THAT'S WORTH A
LOT MORE THAN $200.
- NOT FOREVER, YOU NINNY,
JUST FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OH, I... I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'VE GOT A DATE
TOMORROW NIGHT,
AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KEEP IT,
SO I'M GOING TO STAND
IN FOR YOU, RIGHT?
- I'D BE EVER SO
GRATEFUL, DOBIE DO.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE
DREARY BUSINESS THINGS.
OLD FRIENDS OF THE
FAMILY AND ALL THAT.
CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER AND HER
FATHER ARE PASSING THROUGH TOWN
AND MUMSY WOULD BE FURIOUS
IF I DIDN'T ENTERTAIN THEM,
BUT IT'S ALL SO BORING.
- ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'VE GOT
ANOTHER DATE TOMORROW NIGHT
WITH THE QUEEN OF
THE JUNIOR PROM, RIGHT?
- HO HO HO. I GUESS
I'D HAVE TO GET UP
PRETTY EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO FOOL YOU, DOBIE DO.
- ABOUT NOON.
- CHATSWORTH,
I'D LIKE THAT $200,
BUT YOUR SCHEME WON'T WORK.
- AND WHY PREY TELL NOT?
- WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
THE VANDEFELLERS
WOULD KNOW I WASN'T YOU.
- NOT AT ALL.
THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH
OTHER WAS 12 YEARS AGO,
AND AFTER ALL, DOBIE DO, WE
DO HAVE THE SAME GENERAL BUILD.
- YEAH. LITTLE ROUND BELLIES,
WEAK CHINS, PUNY ARMS,
AND SPINDLY LITTLE LEGS.
- OH, HUSH UP.
- AND SPEAKING OF
SPINDLY LITTLE LEGS,
WHAT DOES THIS CYNTHIA
VANDEFELLER LOOK LIKE?
- WELL, AS I SAY, I HAVEN'T
SEEN HER FOR 12 YEARS.
- SHE'S A REAL DOG, HUH?
- WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
- GOT A PICTURE?
- I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU CAN TELL FROM THIS.
IT WAS TAKEN ON OUR
CROQUET COURT 12 YEARS AGO.
- OOH MAN, WHAT A MESS.
LOOK AT THEM BIG
FEET AND SKINNY LEGS.
- MAYNARD, THOSE
ARE CROQUET MALLETS.
IT'S THIS GIRL OVER HERE.
- YOU'D BE BETTER OFF
WITH A CROQUET MALLET.
- DOBIE DO, I'VE RENTED
THE PENTHOUSE SUITE
AT THE PEABODY HOTEL.
THERE'LL BE DINNER, MUSIC,
CANDLELIGHT, A TUXEDO,
AND $200 PAYABLE IN
ADVANCE. YOU'LL BE THERE?
- HE'LL BE THERE.
- STOUT FELLOW. HO
HO HO HO HO. TA TA.
- YOU KNOW, MAYNARD, I'M
KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD
TO TOMORROW NIGHT.
CHAMPAGNE, CAVIAR, CANDLELIGHT.
- YEAH. ME TOO.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE MY BEST
BUDDY IN THE WHOLE WORLD,
AND I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF,
BUT YOU ARE NOT COMING
ALONG TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OH, YES, I AM.
- OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- OH, YES, I AM.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD.
BEFORE WE GO IN, LET'S
RUN THROW IT ONCE MORE.
WHO ARE YOU?
- I AM KREBS,
YOU'RE LOYAL CHAUFFEUR,
VALET AND BODYGUARD
WHO YOU NEVER GO
ANYPLACE WITHOUT ME.
- VERY GOOD. NOW, WHO AM I?
- YOU'RE, UH, DON'T
TELL ME. CHATSWORTH.
- SPLENDID.
- YEAH, CHATSWORTH SPLENDID, JR.
- I CAN SEE THE EVENING'S
GOING TO BE A SMASH.
- AND THE GIRL'S NAME
IS CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER
AND SHE'S SO UGLY YOU
CAN GET SICK LOOKING AT HER.
EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
- MR. OSBORNE, JR?
- YES, MY GOOD MAN.
- AND I AM KREBS HIS LOYAL
CHAUFFEUR, VALET, AND BODYGUARD,
WHO HE NEVER GOES
ANY PLACE WITHOUT ME.
- WON'T YOU COME IN?
- MY HAT, SIR.
- HIS HAT.
- MY CANE.
- HIS CANE.
- AND MY GLOVES.
- HIS GLOVES AND MY GLOVES.
- YEAH. HERE. TAKE
CARE OF THE BOYS.
WELL, SO FAR I LIKE IT FINE.
- YEAH. BOY, IF YOU'RE LUCKY
THE CHICK WOULDN'T SHOW UP.
- WELL, WE MIGHT
AS WELL FACE HER.
EXCUSE ME, MEN.
- CHATSWORTH? IT'S ME,
CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER.
- DON'T BELIEVE HER, DOBE,
UNTIL YOU SEE HER LEGS.
- CHATSWORTH, AREN'T
YOU GOING TO KISS ME?
- CYNTHIA, MY ANGEL.
- CHATSWORTH, MY TIGER.
- KREBS, MY CHAUFFEUR,
VALET, AND BODYGUARD.
- DADDY, COME IN
AND SEE CHATSWORTH.
- CHATSWORTH, HOW
YOU HAVE GROWN.
- I'VE GROWN TOO.
- THIS IS KREBS, MY CHAUFFEUR,
VALET, AND BODYGUARD.
- WHO HE NEVER GOES
ANYPLACE WITHOUT ME.
- UH-HUH.
- CHATSWORTH, WE HAVE
A LOT TO CATCH UP ON.
- YES. YES.
- YOU KNOW, CHATSWORTH, I
CAN'T GET OVER HOW WELL...
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MR. VANDEFELLER.
KREBS IS LIKE A TOMB.
- YES. HE IS, RATHER, ISN'T HE?
NOW, CYNTHIA, AND
WE WILL SIT DOWN HERE,
AND CHATSWORTH, IF
YOU WILL SIT DOWN HERE,
AND IF YOU DON'T MIND,
AN OLD MAN SITTING...
- WELL, HOW ARE
THINGS WITH YOU, SIR?
- OH, ABOUT THE SAME.
OIL WELL SHOOTING UP HERE,
THERE, AND EVERYWHERE.
IT'S A BORE, REALLY.
- WE HEAR THINGS ARE GOING
VERY WELL WITH YOU CHATSWORTH.
- MONEY-WISE, YES.
ROMANCE-WISE NOT SO
WELL, UNTIL NOW, THAT IS.
- CHATSWORTH, I DO BELIEVE
YOU'RE FLIRTING WITH ME.
- WELL, I'M TRYING, MY DEAR.
I'M TRYING.
THAT IS IF YOU HAVE
NO OBJECTIONS, SIR.
- WHY, NOT AT ALL, MY BOY.
WHY DON'T YOU YOUNG
PEOPLE RUN ALONG AND DANCE.
- YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO YOUNG
PEOPLE RUN ALONG AND DANCE
AND I'LL JUST STAY HERE
AND GAB WITH FATSO.
SAY, WHAT DO YOU HEAR FROM THE
INTERNAL REVENUE DEPARTMENT?
- AH, CYNTHIA, YOU DANCE
LIKE A FEATHER, LIKE A ZEPHYR,
LIKE A COOL WISP OF SPRINGTIME.
- THANK YOU, DEAR CHATSWORTH.
- NO, NO. THANK
YOU FOR BEING YOU.
- YOU'LL LAUGH AT THIS,
BUT THE TIME I SAW YOU LAST
IT WAS YOUR NINTH
BIRTHDAY, REMEMBER?
I SAID TO DADDY, DADDY, I THINK
CHATSWORTH IS THE MAN FOR ME,
AND HE SAID, CHILD, HOW
COULD YOU KNOW SUCH A THING
AT YOUR AGE, AND I SAID, I DON'T
KNOW, DADDY, BUT I JUST KNOW.
- ISN'T THAT CURIOUS?
I FELT EXACTLY THE
SAME WAY ABOUT YOU.
- I REMEMBER EVERYTHING
ABOUT THAT PARTY.
THE PAPER HATS, THE NOISEMAKERS,
THAT AWFUL GOOEY CAKE,
EVEN THAT MEAN SHABBY OLD
GROCER THAT DELIVERED THE CAKE.
HIS NAME WAS GILLIS.
[DOORBELL]
- EXCUSE ME, MY
DEAR. I'LL SEE WHO IT IS.
- HORS D'OEUVRE MADEMOISELLE?
- YOU WANT SOME CHOW, GIRL?
YOU BETTER HURRY UP
AND GET IT BEFORE I DO.
- PERHAPS LATER, KREBS.
- HI HO, DOBIE DO.
EASY, DOBIE, EASY.
I JUST CAME UP TO SEE
HOW EVERYTHING'S GOING.
- OH, FINE,
CHATSWORTH, JUST FINE.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL
ABOUT IT TOMORROW.
- HOW IS CYNTHIA?
- WELL, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.
YOU'VE KNOWN HER
LONGER THAT I HAVE.
- SHE'S A MONSTER.
- YES, SHE IS, UH-HUH. YEAH.
- I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE
WAY IS IT WITH BLIND DATES.
- WELL, YOU'RE FORGIVEN
AND YOU BETTER GO.
- I'M GOING.
- UH-HUH.
- I JUST WANT TO
TAKE A LITTLE PEEK.
- OH, COME ON, CHATSWORTH,
YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING.
- SO THAT'S THE MONSTER, HMM?
- THAT'S THE WAY IT IS WITH
BLIND DATES, CHATSWORTH.
- SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
YOU BIG FIBBER.
- I WAS AS SURPRISED AS YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS.
THAT WILL BE ALL.
- HUH?
- I'LL TAKE OVER.
- YOU'LL TAKE OVER? NO.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW.
- NO. I'LL SIMPLY EXPLAIN
THAT I WAS DELAYED.
I'LL CARRY IT OFF
AS A BOYISH PRANK.
- OH, NO, CHATSWORTH,
SHE'S MINE.
JUST FOR TONIGHT, AND
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE.
- GILLIS! YOU'LL REGRET
THIS YOU DOUBLE CROSSER.
- LOOK WHO'S TALKING.
GOOD NIGHT, CHATSWORTH.
- NOW, DON'T TRY
TO STOP ME GILLIS.
I'M GOING TO EXPOSE
THIS WHOLE HOAX.
OH, OUTRAGEOUS,
GILLIS, OUTRAGEOUS.
- CHATSWORTH, THIS HURTS
ME MORE THAN IT DOES YOU.
- MUMSY!
[CRASH]
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- SWIMMINGLY. CHATSWORTH IS
EVEN STUPIDER THAN I REMEMBER.
- GOOD, I HAVE A FEELING THIS
ONE IS GOING TO WORK OUT.
- YOU ALWAYS HAVE
A FEELING, DADDY.
YOU HAD A FEELING ABOUT
THE OIL WELLS IN VENEZUELA.
YOU HAD A FEELING ABOUT THE
ROULETTE TABLE IN MONTE CARLO.
YOU HAD A FEELING ABOUT
THE EMERALD MINE IN AFRICA.
- I KNOW. I KNOW.
BUT MY LUCK IS BOUND TO
CHANGE, AND RIGHT NOW.
NOW, YOU HOOK THIS IDIOT,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON
TOP WHERE WE BELONG.
- WELL, I'M DOING MY PART.
ARE YOU READY ON YOUR END?
- EVERYTHING IS
A-OKAY, DAUGHTER.
I HAVE A HELICOPTER WAITING
TO FLY US OUT TO THE YACHT.
I'VE GOT CAPTAIN
LOPEZ ALL PRIMED
TO PERFORM THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY
THE MOMENT WE GET
BEYOND THE THREE-MILE LIMIT,
AND I HAVE GOT THIS TO MAKE SURE
THAT CHATSWORTH IS IN A
MARRYING MOOD TONIGHT.
- YOU'RE QUITE SURE YOU
CAN HYPNOTIZE CHATSWORTH?
- OH, DAUGHTER, IF EVER
I SAW A MAN IN A DAZE,
IT'S THAT'S ONE.
- EXCUSE MY ABSENCE, FOLKS,
A SMALL BUSINESS MATTER.
IS EVERYONE TAKEN CARE OF?
- OH, YES, CHATSWORTH, AND THE
CREPE SUZETTES ARE MARVELOUS.
- OH, SO GLAD YOU LIKED
THEM, CYNTHIA, MY PET.
I SHOT THEM MYSELF THIS MORNING.
- THE JIG, GENTLEMEN,
IS UP AT LAST.
- WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A
PLANE, IT'S SUPERNUT.
- IT IS I, THE REAL CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR. THAT'S WHO IT IS.
- WHAT'S THIS?
- HE MUST BE MAD.
- IT'S YOU WHO ARE MAD
AND I'LL THANK YOU TO LEAVE.
- FANCY THAT, THE
RUFFIAN HAS A NERVE.
- I'LL EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING IN A JIFFY.
WAITER, SHOW THIS
FRAUD THE DOOR.
- THAT'S A NICE THING
TO CALL MY GOOD BUDDY.
HE WAS ALWAYS NICE ABOUT YOU.
- KREBS, THIS HAS
GONE FAR ENOUGH.
GIVE THE FELLOW
THE OLD HEAVE HO.
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
- OH, YES WE DO.
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD! NOT
THE WINDOW! NOT THE WINDOW!
OUT THE DOOR. OUT OF DOOR.
AND TELL THE HOUSE DETECTIVE
WE'RE NOT TO BE DISTURBED AGAIN.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS A STICK UP.
- MY APOLOGIES.
- OH, THOSE THINGS HAPPEN.
- WELL, WHO IN
HEAVEN'S NAME WAS HE?
- YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM?
- SHOULD WE?
- OH, NO. NO. NO. HE'S A
FAMOUS LOCAL ECCENTRIC.
DELUSIONS OF FAME AND WEALTH.
- WELL, YOU HANDLED
HIM BEAUTIFULLY,
CHATSWORTH, DARLING.
- YOU CERTAINLY DID, CHATSWORTH.
YOU'RE A REAL OSBORNE.
- OH, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
- ME NEITHER.
- OH, COME OVER HERE,
CHATSWORTH. SIT DOWN.
I HAVE SOMETHING HERE
I WANT TO SHOW YOU.
- OH?
- NOW, YOU SEE THIS MEDALLION?
WATCH IT CLOSELY.
CLOSELY. CLOSELY.
YOU SEE HOW IT SHINES?
YOU SEE HOW IT GLITTERS?
THERE'S NOTHING IN THE
WORLD BUT THIS MEDALLION.
THIS BRIGHT SHINY,
LOVELY MEDALLION.
WATCH IT. WATCH IT.
CONCENTRATE.
NOW YOUR EYES ARE HEAVY.
YOU'RE GETTING DROWSY.
DROWSY.
YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP.
[SNORING]
- NOT YOU, STUPID. HIM.
NOW, YOU'RE ASLEEP.
YOU'RE AT PEACE.
YOU ARE RELAXED.
EASY, EASY, YOU TRUST ME.
YOU TRUST ME IMPLICITLY.
NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY,
CHATSWORTH,
WHEN I SNAP MY FINGERS,
YOU'RE GOING TO AWAKE AND
DO WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WANTING
TO DO ALL EVENING.
YOU'RE GOING TOR
PROPOSE TO CYNTHIA.
YOU'RE GOING TO PROPOSE
TO CYNTHIA TONIGHT.
YOU CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
YOU WANT TO MAKE CYNTHIA
MRS. CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
YOU WANT TO MARRY
HER RIGHT AWAY, TONIGHT.
THERE'S A HELICOPTER WAITING.
A HELICOPTER THAT WILL
FLY YOU OUT TO THE YACHT.
THE CAPTAIN WILL MARRY YOU
THE MOMENT YOU'RE AT SEA.
HE WILL MARRY YOU TONIGHT.
DO YOU HEAR ME CHATSWORTH?
TONIGHT. TONIGHT.
- JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
A GROWN MAN LIKE MR. VANDEFELLER
ACTUALLY TRYING HYPNOTIZE
ME LIKE HE COULD REALLY DO IT.
COME ON NOW. OH, SURE,
HE COULD PUT ME TO SLEEP.
THAT'S A SIMPLE PARLOR TRICK.
IT'S DONE ALL THE
TIME, BUT HYPNOTIZE ME?
MAKE ME DO WHAT
CHATSWORTH WOULD DO
AND THINK LIKE CHATSWORTH
AND ACT LIKE CHATSWORTH?
RIDICULOUS. OUT OF THE QUESTION.
IMPOSSIBLE.
- NOW, WHEN I SNAP MY
FINGERS, YOU WILL AWAKE.
- HOW VERY ODD.
I MUST HAVE DOZED
OFF FOR A SECOND.
I'M MOST TERRIBLY SORRY.
- NONSENSE, MY BOY.
I FEEL A LITTLE SLEEPY MYSELF.
HOWEVER, YOU AND I CAN REST
ON THE HELICOPTER, CAN'T WE?
- YES, THE HELICOPTER.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, I DON'T WANT
TO BE LATE FOR MY OWN WEDDING.
HO HO HO HO HO. TA TA.
- AND YOU, WHEN YOU WAKE UP,
YOUR MIND WILL BE
A COMPLETE BLANK.
BUT FOR THIS I DON'T
NEED HYPNOSIS.
OH, FORGET IT.
- YOU'RE ADORABLE,
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
- STAY RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT HERE. RIGHT HERE.
- SIR, THE PARTY
FROM THE HELICOPTER,
ALL ABOARD CAPTAIN LOPEZ.
- GOOD. BRING THEM
HERE IMMEDIATELY.
- AYE AYE, SIR.
- DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED HERE TOGETHER
TO UNITE THIS MAN AND
THIS WOMAN IN MATRIMONY.
- HERE I AM, CAPTAIN LOPEZ,
AND HERE'S THE LOVING COUPLE,
EAGER AND WAITING.
- AND LOPEZ IS AVAILABLE.
- IF YOU'LL PROCEED CAPTAIN.
- BUT, OF COURSE. WILL YOU
TWO PLEASE BE THE WITNESSES.
THE BETROTHED COUPLE
WILL KINDLY STEP FORWARD.
DEARLY, BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED TOGETHER HERE
TO UNITE THIS MAN AND
THIS WOMAN IN MATRIMONY,
WHICH IS AN HONORABLE STATE.
- I KNEW I WAS IN TROUBLE.
I MEAN, I WAS WITHIN AN I DO OF
MARRYING CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER,
LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL, SOFT, CREAMY,
DELECTABLE CYNTHIA VANDEFELLER.
AND IF YOU'VE GOT
TO BE IN TROUBLE,
THAT'S THE KIND OF
TROUBLE TO BE IN.
OF COURSE, I WAS IN TROUBLE.
BUT IT'S LUCKY I WAS BEING
WATCHED OVER BY A FRIEND
WHO'S SHARP AND
WIDE AWAKE AND ALERT.
[SNORING]
HEY, DOBE, DOBE?
HEY DOBE? HEY DOBE?
- WHO ARE YOU
LOOKING FOR, KREBS?
- MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBE.
- YOU MEAN CHATSWORTH?
- WELL, SOMETIMES
HE'S CHATSWORTH,
BUT MOST OF THE TIME HE'S DOBE,
BUT I GUESS IT DON'T MATTER
BECAUSE THEY TOOK HIM AWAY
IN A HELICOPTER,
AND NOW HE'S GOING TO GET
MARRIED AT SEA BY CAPTAIN LOPEZ,
AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
SO SAVE MY POOR, GOOD BUDDY
FROM THE MEAN AND ROTTEN PEOPLE.
OH, IF I ONLY KNEW SOMEBODY
WHO WAS AS MEAN AND ROTTEN
AS THEY ARE THAT COULD HELP ME.
AND I JUST THOUGHT
OF THE SOMEBODY.
- DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO
BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE
TO HONOR AND LOVE IN
SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE,
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
- I DO.
- FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE,
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
- I DO.
- WILL YOU PLACE THE RING
UPON THE BRIDE'S FINGER?
- RING? I... I DON'T
SEEM TO HAVE A RING.
- RING, FATHER.
- ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
I SEEM TO HAVE
FORGOTTEN THE RING.
- I KNEW IT.
I KNEW IT WAS GOING
TOO SMOOTHLY.
- WAIT.
- AH!
- WILL YOU PLEASE PLACE THE
RING UPON THE BRIDE'S FINGER?
BY VIRTUE OF THE
AUTHORITY GRANTED ME
BY THE INTERNATIONAL
ADMIRALTY BOARD,
I'M EMPOWERED TO PERFORM
THIS WEDDING UPON THE HIGH SEAS.
BUT BEFORE I PRONOUNCE
YOU MAN AND WIFE,
I MUST ASK WHERE ANY
MAN CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE
WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT
BE UNITED IN HOLY MATRIMONY.
IF SUCH THERE BE, LET HIM NOW
SPEAK OR FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE.
- YOU BET I CAN SHOW JUST
CAUSE, PLENTY OF JUST CAUSE.
- ME TOO.
- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
WHO ARE YOU?
- ASK HIM. HE'LL TELL
YOU WHO WE ARE.
- DO YOU KNOW THESE TWO?
- BUT OF COURSE, CAPTAIN, BABY.
THAT IS MY CHAUFFEUR,
VALET, AND BODYGUARD, KREBS,
AND THAT IS A TRADESPERSON,
GILLIS THE GREEN GROCER.
- DOBIE, MY SON, WHAT
HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?
- ONE TRIES TO BE
DEMOCRATIC, GILLIS,
BUT THERE ARE LIMITS YOU KNOW.
- WHAT RIGHT DO YOU INTERRUPT
THE SOLEMN CEREMONY?
- BY RIGHTEST RIGHT OF ANY
RIGHT THAT'S GOT A RIGHT.
THE RIGHT OF A FATHER TO LOOK
OUT FOR HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
- MY DEAR FELLOW,
ARE YOU SUGGESTING
THIS YOUNG MAN IS YOUR SON?
- WELL, IF HE AIN'T, I
GOT A LOT OF DOUGH
TIED UP IN THE WRONG KID.
- OH, CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN,
THIS IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DUTY.
- OF COURSE, VERY
WELL. PEDRO, PLEASE.
- OH, NO. NOW WAIT
A MINUTE, FELLOWS.
WHAT IS IT? AH!
- LIKE, HELP!
- AH, WHERE WAS I? OH, YES.
THE BOOK, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
IF THERE IS ANY MAN
CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE
WHY THESE TWO SHOULD NOT
BE UNITED IN HOLY MATRIMONY,
LET HIM NOW SPEAK OR
FOREVER HOLD HIS PEACE.
- YES, CAPTAIN, BABY, I
CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE.
- CARUMBA!
- THIS WHOLE CEREMONY
IS A FRAUD, A FARCE,
AND IT PUT ME
QUITE OUT OF SORTS.
- AND WHO IS THIS WEIRD ONE?
- I'VE ALREADY HAD THE
PLEASURE OF MEETING HIM CAPTAIN.
IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME.
- OH!
- PROCEED, CAPTAIN.
I THINK THERE WILL BE
NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS.
- YOU GOT ANOTHER
THING COMING BUSTER.
I'M GOING TO GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS
OR MY NAME AIN'T
HERBERT T. GILLIS.
- MINE EITHER.
- WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO
KEEP YOU TWO IN THE WATER?
TIE AN ANCHOR ON YOU?
NOW GET OFF AND STAY OFF!
- OH, NO.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ME OFF OF HERE.
- LET GO OF THAT
FITTING. IT'S SOLID GOLD.
- I DON'T CARE IF IT'S
SOLID GOLD, YOU SAID?
- GOLD, I SAID.
- GOLD, YOU SAID.
PRETTY FANCY BOAT, HUH?
LIKE 10 OR 12 BLOCKS LONG,
SIX OR SEVEN STORIES HIGH,
TAKES 30, 40 GUYS TO KEEP IT
RUNNING AND YOU FOLKS OWN IT?
- WE CHARTERED IT AND
NOW YOU'LL GET OUT OF HERE?
- HEY, CHARTERING A THING
LIKE THIS DON'T COME CHEAP.
YOU FOLKS MUST BE LOADED.
GILLIS IS THE NAME, HERBERT
T., INDEPENDENT RETAIL GROCER.
- VANDEFELLER, NICHOLAS
J., AND OVER THE SIDE YOU GO.
- OH, NO! HOLD
THE PHONE, FRIEND.
AFTER ALL, WITH MY SON
MARRYING YOUR DAUGHTER,
WE'RE PRACTICALLY ALL
PART OF ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
SON, I ALWAYS KNEW YOU'D WIND UP
MARRYING SOME BAG FULL OF LOOT.
NO OFFENSE, MISS.
- THEY AIN'T GOT NO LOOT,
MR. G. THEY'RE KIDNAPERS,
SWINDLERS, AND THEY'RE
MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- MAYNARD, WHY DON'T
YOU SWIM OUT TO SEA
AND PLAY TAG WITH
THE SHARKS, HUH?
NOW, THEN, MR. VANDEFELLER,
LET'S YOU AND I HAVE A MAN
TO MAN TALK ABOUT THE DOWRY.
- GILLIS, BABY,
THIS IS JUST TOO...
YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY
EXPECT ANYBODY TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU ARE MY FATHER.
- CERTAINLY NOT.
- JUST A MINUTE.
I'M NOT TOO SURE.
THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY
ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.
ARE YOU QUITE SURE YOU'RE
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.?
- BUT, OF COURSE, MY PIGEON
- WELL, THERE'S ONE WAY TO TELL.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE
BIRTHMARK ON CHATSWORTH'S BACK?
- I CERTAINLY DO.
IT'S NOT THERE.
- IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE
LOOKING FOR, CHAPS?
- THEN YOU'RE
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.?
- YES, I AM.
AND YOU ARE A PAIR
OF FORTUNE HUNTERS,
AND I SHALL DEAL
WITH YOU PROPERLY
WHEN WE GET BACK TO SHORE.
- WELL, DAUGHTER, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
- WELL, FATHER, WHAT
ARE WE WAITING FOR?
- DAUGHTER, AFTER YOU.
- TERRIBLE.
WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR
CHARTERING THE BOAT NOW?
- STEADY ON, CAPTAIN,
HOW MUCH IS IT?
- $80,000 PER DAY,
PLUS GAS AND OIL.
- JUST PUT IT ON MY TAB.
- OH, BLESS YOU, SIR. BLESS YOU.
- HEY, CAPTAIN, HOW FAR
DO THEY HAVE TO SWIM
BEFORE THEY GET TO SHORE?
- I DON'T KNOW,
THREE OR FOUR MILES.
- OH, I BETTER THROW
THEM A LIFE PRESERVER.
- WELL, THINGS TURNED
OUT ALL RIGHT, CONSIDERING.
I MEAN, CONSIDERING
THAT EVERYBODY THINGS
I WAS REALLY HYPNOTIZED,
WELL ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST,
SHALL WE SAY IN A DAZE.
NO, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND RIGHT EITHER.
WHAT I WAS, WAS, SHALL
WE SAY IN A TRANCE?
AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,
I SHOULD HAVE SETTLED
FOR HYPNOTIZED.
- MAYNARD, FOR THE LAST
TIME, I WAS NOT HYPNOTIZED.
I WAS JUST... WELL, IN LOVE.
- OH, YOU'RE WRONG, DOBE.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ACTED
THAT NUTTY AND SNEAKY
IN THE HEAD IF THAT MAN
HADN'T PUT A SPELL ON YOU.
- FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
NOBODY CAN BE
HYPNOTIZED AGAINST HIS WILL.
THAT'S A LOT OF NONSENSE.
- NO IT ISN'T. I KNOW.
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING.
- OH, COME OFF OF IT, MAYNARD.
YOU CAN'T HYPNOTIZE ANYBODY
WHO'S GOT A CLEAR HEAD
ON THEIR SHOULDERS,
AND IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF,
DOBIE HERE HAS INHERITED
THE CLEAR HEAD AND THE
IRON WILL OF THE GILLISES.
- WELL, I ADMIT THE GILLISES
GOT CLEAR WILLS AND IRON HEADS,
BUT IT WORKS.
- OKAY, SVENGALI,
HYPNOTIZE ME. I DARE YOU.
- OKAY. MR. G. I'LL
PROVE IT TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, CONCENTRATE
ON THE RABBIT'S FOOT.
KEEP LOOKING AT IT.
CONCENTRATE. CONCENTRATE.
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING HEAVY.
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING DROOPY.
YOUR EYES ARE GETTING
HEAVY. YOU'RE FALLING ASLEEP.
YOU'RE FALLING
ASLEEP. YOU'RE ASLEEP.
- DAD? DAD?
BY GOLLY, HE'S ASLEEP.
- MR. G? MR. G?
I WANT YOU TO DO
SOMETHING FOR ME.
I WANT YOU TO WALK UP THE
CASH REGISTER, OPEN IT UP,
AND WITH YOUR PERMISSION
I'M GOING TO TAKE OUT 50 CENTS.
- YEAH. MAYNARD, TAKE IT $10.
- FORGET IT. FORGET
IT. MR. G., MAKE THAT $10.
- OKAY. SO MUCH FOR HYPNOTISM.
NOW, GET OUT, YOU BUMS.
OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!