The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 18 - And Now a Word from Our Sponsor - full transcript
Dobie scores a gig spinning sides for the campus radio station and is soon offered payola to pump the open-toed sandal songs of folksinger Prudence Virtue. Determined to sway Dobie's savage heart with song, Zelda records and performs "Come a Little Closer."
- THAT PICTURE IN THE
FOREGROUND IS EDDIE BAKER.
YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM
FOR LOOKING SO CHEERFUL.
YOU SEE, TODAY AFTER THREE YEARS
IN UNIFORM HE FINALLY GOES BACK
TO CIVILIAN LIFE.
- THE THING I'M GONNA
MISS MOST ABOUT THIS PLACE
IS SITTING DOWN TO THEM
NICE LITTLE INTIMATE DINNERS
FOR 4,000.
- THIS IS FIFI LAVERNE.
SHE'S A SINGER AND WHAT SHE
SINGS MOSTLY IS THAT HIGH-BROW,
CULTURED, DIGNIFIED STUFF.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M OFF
KEY, YOU TONE DEAF MUTTONHEAD.
ONE MORE CRACK LIKE THAT
AND I'LL BEAT YOUR UGLY HEAD IN.
- NOW, WHEN I RAN INTO THESE
RATHER SHALL WE
SAY ODD CHARACTERS
A RATHER SHALL WE SAY
ODD THING HAPPENED.
- I WONDER SHOULD I KILL
HIM NOW OR WAIT TILL LATER
SO IT'LL BE EASIER
TO HIDE THE CORPSE.
[JAZZ THEME]
- QUESTION, HOW DID A SWEET,
LOVABLE FELLOW, NAMELY ME,
GET MIXED UP WITH A
LOWDOWN BUNCH OF SHARPIES,
NAMELY EDDIE BAKER
AND FIFI LAVERNE?
ANSWER BECAUSE I APPLIED
FOR THE JOB OF DISC JOCKEY
ON THE CAMPUS RADIO STATION.
DR. BURKHART, I
DROPPED IN TO SEE
IF YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND
ABOUT ME AND THAT
DISC JOCKEY JOB?
YOU'LL BE DOING THE
COLLEGE A TREMENDOUS FAVOR
IF YOU PICK ME
BECAUSE I'M LOADED
BUT LOADED WITH EXACTLY
THE RIGHT KIND OF TALENT.
- YOU LOADED WITH
SOMETHING, MR. GILLIS,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
- THANK YOU, MA'AM, I THINK.
- AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
WAS JUST LOOKING OVER
YOUR APPLICATION...
- GOOD, GOOD,
- AND YOUR GRADE.
- BAD, BAD.
- MR. GILLIS I MUST ASK YOU
A MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
MY DECISION DEPENDS
ON YOUR ANSWER.
- THE ANSWER IS YES.
- NOW, MR. GILLIS...
- THE ANSWER IS NO.
- MR. GILLIS...
- REALLY WANT THIS JOB, MA'AM,
I'LL GIVE YOU ANY ANSWER
YOU WANT, JUST NAME IT.
- MR. GILLIS, WHAT
I WANT TO KNOW
IS HOW DO YOU STAND ON
THE SUBJECT OF PAYOLA?
- PAY-WHAT-A?
- PAYOLA?
SAY FOR EXAMPLE THAT
SOMEONE FROM A RECORD COMPANY
OFFERED TO SLIP
YOU A LITTLE MONEY
UNDER THE TABLE IF YOU WOULD
PLAY THEIR RECORDS ON THE AIR?
- OH, THAT'S SNEAKY
AND DISHONEST.
IT'S BRIBERY.
- I TAKE IT THEN MR. GILLIS THAT
YOU WOULD NEVER ACCEPT MONEY
FOR PLAYING ANYONE'S RECORDS?
- I'D DIE FIRST.
- CONGRATULATIONS, MR. GILLIS,
YOU ARE AS OF THIS MOMENT
THE NEW CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY.
- OH, THANK YOU,
DR. BURKHART, THANK YOU.
THIS IS A GREAT HONOR.
IT'S LIKE BECOMING PRESIDENT
OR SUPREME COURT JUDGE
OR A DOCTOR ON TELEVISION.
- OH, WELL I DO,
TOO, MR. GILLIS,
BECAUSE THE REPUTATION
OF OUR COLLEGE IS SAFE.
HOW CAN WE GET INTO TROUBLE
WHEN WE HAVE A DISC JOCKEY
WHO NEVER EVEN HEARD OF PAYOLA?
- PAY-WHAT-A?
- PAYOLA? SURE I HEARD OF IT.
IT'S A HUNK OF COLORED WAX AND
YOU WRITE WITH IT ON SIDEWALKS.
- THAT'S CRAYOLA AND
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. IT
CAN GET YOU IN BIG TROUBLE.
- OH, WRITING ON SIDEWALKS
CAN GET YOU IN BIG TROUBLE, TOO.
- MAYNARD.
- DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU
WRITE AND HOW YOU SPELL IT.
I WAS THE ONLY
KID IN HIGH SCHOOL
WHO FLUNKED SPELLING
BECAUSE HE WROTE ON CHESTER
BETWEEN 18th AND 19th.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH.
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO EXPLAIN
THAT I'M FULLY AWARE OF
THE GREAT RESPONSIBILITY
INVOLVED IN BEING THE
CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY.
- OH, WE'RE WITH YOU, DOBE.
- I REALIZE IT REQUIRES
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY
AND HIGH PRINCIPALS.
- WE'RE WITH YOU, DOBE.
- THIS COLLEGE IS GONNA GET
THE CREAM OF MY MUSICAL TASTE.
- WE'RE IN TROUBLE, DOBE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- NO OFFENSE, DOBE, BUT THE
CREAM OF YOUR MUSICAL TALENT
IS CHUBBY CHECKER SINGS
THE BEST OF NOEL COWARD.
- WELL, ANYWAY THIS
JOB MEANS A LOT TO ME
AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT
EVERYTHING I'VE GOT.
- ON ACCOUNT OF
THE RESPONSIBILITY.
- THAT'S PART OF IT.
- AND IT'S A BIG THING
FOR THE SCHOOL.
- THAT'S PART OF IT.
- AND IT'LL HELP YOU GET GIRLS.
- WELL...
- AND THAT'S ALL OF
IT AND I REST MY CASE.
- WELL, I LATCHED ONTO A
GOOD DEAL AND I WILL NEVER,
I REPEAT NEVER, BLOW IT BY
GETTING MIXED UP WITH PAYOLA.
- NUTS TO PAYOLA.
- GOODBYE TO PAYOLA.
- DOWN WITH PAYOLA.
- THE HECK WITH PAYOLA.
- HEY, DOBE?
- WHAT?
- WHAT'S PAYOLA?
- PAYOLA, OH, NO, THAT
STUFF IS BIG TROUBLE.
- FOR SHAME, SON, TALKING
LIKE THAT ABOUT A FINE,
HONORABLE RACKET THAT KEPT
US IN THE CHIPS ALL THEM YEARS.
- AND WHAT ELSE IT DID
WAS SEND ME TO THE POKEY
AND I PROMISED THE
WARDEN I'D GO STRAIGHT.
- GO STRAIGHT?
I'LL THANK YOU NOT
TO USE SUCH LANGUAGE
IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR MOTHER.
- I'M SORRY, MOM.
I CAN'T GO BACK TO
THAT KIND OF BUSINESS,
HONEST.
- HONEST?
WHERE DID YOU PICK UP
ALL THEM NASTY WORDS?
- SORRY, MOM, BUT MY HEAD'S
MADE UP, NO MORE PAYOLA.
ANYWAY I'VE BEEN AWAY
TOO LONG. I'M OUT OF TOUCH.
- TRUE BUT I AIN'T.
- YOU MEAN...
- I MEAN ROCK AND ROLL IS DEAD
BUT THE HOT ITEM
TODAY IS FOLK SINGING.
[SINGING]
- MY NEIGHBORS IN THE
NEXT CELL WAS A QUARTET
THAT WAS ALL THE TIME
SINGING THAT KIND OF STUFF,
THE FOUR FORGES.
ANYWAY, MOM, I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU I AIN'T GON...
- I ALSO FIXED YOU UP A
CLASSY NEW SINGING TYPE
WHO'S GOING TO RECORD
YOUR SONGS FOR YOU.
- HI, EDDIE, REMEMBER ME?
- HEY, FIFI LAVERNE
FROM THE CHORUS LINE
AT THE OLD CLUB HOT STUFF.
- IN THE FLESH ONLY I
AIN'T FIFI LAVERNE NO MORE.
YOUR OLD LADY, BLESS HER
HEART, CHANGED ALL THAT.
- CALL ME MOM.
- AND I DONE IT BECAUSE A FOLK
SINGER'S GOT TO HAVE AN
HONEST, OLD FASHIONED NAME.
- YEAH, SO MEET PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- KIND OF FITS ME,
DOESN'T IT, EDDIE?
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- YEAH, AND I TAUGHT HER HOW
TO SING LIKE A PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- HERE, RENDER US
UP A RENDITION, KID.
- OKIE-DOKIE.
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- FOR MY VERY NEXT NUMBER
I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG
OF THE WORKING FOLK.
- CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING
♪ GOT MY FELLOW AND
I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YES I GOT MY FELLOW
AND I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ NEVER NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ YEAH HE TOLD ME LOVED
NOW I DON'T WHAT I'LL DO ♪
♪ SHOULDN'T OUGHTA LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ NEVER DID BUT
TRIED I TOLD YOU SO ♪
- HEY, MA, SHE'S ANOTHER
TENNESSEE ERNIE.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK, SON?
THIS CANARY HERE
A FOLK SINGER NOW?
- SHE'S AS AMERICAN
AS PIZZA PIE.
- FOR MY NEXT NUMBER...
- OH, KNOCK IT OFF SHANTUZI
WE'RE TALKING BUSINESS.
- NOW, AS SOON AS THE SHANTUZI
RECORDS THEM SONGS ON AN ALBUM
THE ONLY THING YOU'VE GOT TO DO
IS TAKE IT AROUND
TO THE DISC JOCKEYS.
SPRINKLE THE LOOT AROUND
SO THEY PLAY THE
ALBUM 40, 50 TIMES A DAY
AND IN TWO SHAKES OF A COPS
HAT WE'RE BACK ON MOOLA ROAD.
- OKAY, MOM. YOU WIN.
I'LL TAKE ANOTHER
CRACK AT PAYOLA.
- THAT'S MY SONNY BOY.
- NOW THE FIRST THING WE
DO IS TAKE THEM RECORDS
TO SOME JERKWATER
COLLEGE AND WE GOTTA FIND US
SOME DRIPPY COLLEGE DISC JOCKEY
WHAT NEVER HEARD OF PAYOLA.
- AND BUTTER HIM GOOD SO HE
KEEPS PLAYING OUR RECORDS.
- YEAH, BUT WITH FINESSE
SO THAT NOBODY DON'T KNOW
THAT HE'S GETTING
BUTTERED, CLEVER?
- YEAH, WHAT WE NEED IS A
TYPICAL COLLEGE STUDENT,
CLEAN CUT, STRAIGHT SHOOTING,
TRUSTWORTHY WITH
ABSOLUTELY NO BRAINS.
- AND SO MUSIC LOVERS WE
BRING DOWN THE OLD CURTAIN
ON ANOTHER
FASCINATING OLD SESSION
OF THE OLD DOBIE GILLIS
RECORDS-VILLE SHOW.
TA-TA TILL TOMORROW
AT THE SAME OLD TIME
AND DON'T TAKE ANY
WOODEN PLATTERS.
- GOT YOU, MY CUDDLY LITTLE D.J.
- HI ZELDA, BYE ZELDA.
- WHEN I CALL YOU
D.J., SNOOKUM'S,
I DON'T MEAN JUST DISC JOCKEY.
WHAT I MEAN, IS DARLING JERK
BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID TO
KNOW THAT SOONER OR LATER
YOU'RE GOING TO BE MINE.
- I VOTE FOR LATER,
ZELDA, MUCH LATER.
- WELL, YOU POOR, BLIND, FOOL
WHY DO YOU FOREVER RUN FROM ME?
- RUN? I CAN'T EVEN CREEP.
BUT LOOK WHAT YOU'RE
MISSING, POOPSIE,
THIS FACE, THESE
LIPS, THIS FIGURE.
- NO OFFENSE, ZELDA,
BUT WHAT FIGURE?
- WELL, IT'S IN HERE SOMEPLACE
AND IT'S YOURS, ALL YOURS.
- ZELDA, WHILE I AM, OF COURSE,
OVERWHELMED BY GENEROUS OFFER
I'M AFRAID I MUST REJECT IT.
I'M SO BUSY THESE DAYS
WITH MY MUSICAL CAREER
THAT I'VE GOT NO TIME FOR GIRLS.
- YOU? OH, COME NOW.
- ZELDA, I BID YOU A HAPPY
PIZZICOTTO AND FAREWELL.
- DOBIE, DO YOU MEAN YOU'D
FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT ME
IF I WERE A BIG RECORDING STAR?
- OH, SURE, BUT LET'S
FACE IT, ZELDA, YOU'RE NOT.
- TRUE BUT LET'S FACE
IT, DOLL FACE, I COULD BE.
- ZELDA, THAT'S RIDIC... ZELDA,
I GET SCARED WHEN
I SEE THAT GLEAM
IN THOSE BEADY LITTLE EYES.
- NOW HEAR THIS, I
CAN AS YOU WELL KNOW
DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO.
REMEMBER WHEN I DECIDED TO
BECOME A CROSS COUNTRY RUNNER?
- YOU RAN ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
- RIGHT, NOW I INTEND TO APPLY
THE SAME SUPER EFFICIENT METHODS
AND GIANT BRAIN TO THE TASK OF
BECOMING A SINGING SENSATION.
LET'S SEE YOU WRIGGLE
AWAY FROM ME THEN, BUSTER.
- ALL RIGHT, SO IF YOU
MAKE UP YOUR MIND
YOU CAN DEVELOP A
VOICE LIKE DINAH SHORE.
- IF I MAKE UP MY MIND
I CAN DEVELOP A VOICE
LIKE MITCH MILLER
AND ALL THE BOYS.
- TRUE BUT THAT STILL WOULDN'T
MAKE YOU A BIG RECORDING STAR.
TO SELL A LOT OF ALBUMS
YOU NEED SOMETHING ELSE.
- NAMELY WHAT?
- NAMELY A KNOCK OUT PICTURE
OF YOURSELF ON THE COVER.
THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES THESE DAYS.
- AND I CAN SING, TOO.
- HEY, ZELDA, WHICH BUTTON
LOWERS THE LANDING GEAR?
- MAYNARD, TAKE
THE PICTURE ALREADY.
I NEED IT FOR THE
COVER OF MY ALBUM.
- I'D LIKE TO, ZELDA, BUT
I'M SCARED OF THE DARK.
- TAKE THE PICTURE.
- ALL RIGHT, ZEL, SAY BUTTER.
- IT'S CHEESE.
- THANKS BUBBLES I OWE YOU.
- MAYNARD, YOU KNOW
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU
IF DOBIE FINDS OUT ABOUT
THIS CLEVER TRICK, DON'T YOU?
- THE KIND OF TRICK
IT IS, IS SNEAKY.
YEAH, I KNOW, NO MATTER
WHERE I GO TO HIDE YOU'LL FIND ME.
- RIGHT.
- AND NO MATTER HOW HARD I FIGHT
YOU'LL OVER POWER ME.
- RIGHT.
- AND THEN YOU'LL KISS ME.
- RIGHT.
- NO, ZELDA, I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING.
- THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE
BUT FOR ONCE IT COMES IN HANDY.
COME ON OVER HERE AND
WE'LL RECORD MY NEW SONG.
- GOT YOU, CHIEF.
- YOU SURE YOU KNOW HOW
TO WORK THIS EQUIPMENT?
- WHAT'S TO KNOW? ANY DUMB
HEADED MONKEY COULD DO IT
AND THAT DON'T ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION, DOES IT?
- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS KEEP THE LEVELS UP.
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND NEVER LET ME GO ♪
♪ WHISPER TO ME SOFTLY
WHILE THE MOON IS LOW ♪
♪ HOLD ME CLOSE AND TELL
ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ SAY IT TO ME GENTLY
LET THE SWEET TALK FLOW ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ BABY BABY BABY BABY
KISS ME ONCE AGAIN ♪
♪ BEFORE WE SAY GOODNIGHT ♪
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR LOVING
ARMS AND SQUEEZE ME TIGHT ♪
♪ OH PUT ME IN A MOOD
SO I CAN DREAM ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ EVERYBODY'S SLEEPING
SO IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER,
CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ TO ME ♪
- WELL, MAYNARD,
HOW DID THAT SOUND?
- OKAY, ZELDA, READY
ANY TIME YOU ARE.
- MAYNARD, BY POPULAR
REQUEST NAMELY MINE,
I AM NOW GOING TO MURDER YOU!
- WHAT WE'LL DO TO THEM
COLLEGE KIDS IS MURDER.
- YEAH, WE'VE GOT THE
RIGHT KID ALL RIGHT.
- OH, I THINK HE'S CUTE.
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT CUTE.
WE CHECKED UP ON HIM
AND WHAT HE IS DUMB.
- HEY, MOM, WHAT DID
YOU SAY HIS NAME WAS?
- MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS AND
YOUR NAME IS ZELDA GILROY
AND IT'S NEVER GONNA
BE MRS. DOBIE GILLIS,
SO PLEASE FLAKE OFF.
- WATCH THAT TALK.
WHAT WILL YOUR AUDIENCE SAY
WHEN THEY HEAR HOW YOU TALK
TO AMERICA'S NUMBER
ONE RECORDING SENSATION?
- ZELDA, PLEASE...
- AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WILL BE
ONCE THE WORLD HEARS MY ALBUM.
I CALL IT SONGS TO
DRIVE MEN WILD BY.
CATCHY TITLE, HUH?
- AND YOU'RE GONNA
PLAY IT ON YOUR PROGRAM.
- ME? OH, NO.
- YOU, OH, YES. WAIT
TILL YOU SEE THIS.
- ZELDA...
- ZELDA, WHO IS THIS?
- YOURS TRULY, OF COURSE.
- I RECOGNIZE THE FACE SUCH
AS IT IS BUT THE REST OF YOU...
- IS ME, EVERY
CURVY, CUDDLY INCH.
- ZELDA, YOU MEAN THAT
UNDER THAT THERE'S THIS?
- NATURALLY, DIDN'T YOU KNOW?
- SO, OF COURSE, YOU'LL PLAY
THE ALBUM ON YOUR PROGRAM.
- ZELDA, MY SWEET, LET'S TAKE A
LITTLE STROLL DOWN BY THE RIVER.
- LATER, LOVER, I'M OFF TO
RECORD ANOTHER ALBUM.
I SHALL CALL IT
SIMPLY ZELDA SINGS.
- WILL IT HAVE YOUR
PICTURE ON THE COVER?
- BUT OF COURSE IF YOU
PLAY THIS ONE ON YOUR SHOW.
- I'LL PLAY IT, I'LL PLAY IT.
- NOT NOW, POOPSIE,
PLAY IT AT DINNER TIME.
THAT'S WHEN THE MOST
PEOPLE ARE LISTENING.
ADIEU DREAMBOAT,
TILL WE MEET AGAIN.
AFTER THE ALBUM IS PLAYED.
- BOY, AM I GLAD TO
SEE YOU, DOPEY BABY.
- THAT'S DOBIE, SIR, WITH B
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I
SAID, DOPEY WITH A P,
HEY, YOU LOOK
GREAT KID. JUST GREAT.
DON'T DOPEY LOOK GREAT KIDS?
- GREAT!
- YEAH, THEY SAY YOU LOOK GREAT.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU,
SIR, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE...
- MY NAME IS EDDIE BAKER.
I'M FROM GIGANTIC
RECORDS, MY CARD.
- YOUR CARD, THIS SAYS
MONUMENTAL RECORDS.
- HOW ABOUT THAT. I GUESS WHILE
I WAS OUT ON MY COFFEE BREAK
WE TOOK OVER ANOTHER COMPANY.
- I ADVISE YOU, YOU
SHOULD MEET MY SWEET,
LOVABLE OLD MOTHER.
- CALL ME MOM BUT I AM
SWEET, LOVABLE AND OLD.
- AND MY ACE VOCAL
RECORDING ARTIST
THE ONE AND ONLY
PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING.
- NOT NOW, PRUDENCE, DEAR.
PRUDENCE JUST FINISHED
HER ZINGY NEW ALBUM,
SONGS OF THE OPEN TOED SANDAL.
- SONGS OF THE OPEN TOED...
- CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING.
- CUT IT, SWEETHEART, CUT IT.
MOM SHOW DOPEY THE ALBUM.
- YEAH, IT'S A GAS.
ASK ANY D.J. FROM
N.Y. TO L.A. TO D.C.
BUT I'M LETTING
YOU AIR IT FIRST, KID,
BECAUSE YOU AND ME WE
WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL.
- OH, YOU WERE A STUDENT
AT S. PETER PRYOR COLLEGE?
- SURE, I'M AN
ALUMINUM OF THIS JOINT.
- WHAT A THRILL IT BRINGS
TO MY HEART TO RETURN HERE
TO THE OLD ULTI-MATUM.
- OH, WELL, WHEN
DID YOU GRADUATE?
- CLASS OF '38.
- BUT THE SCHOOL
DIDN'T OPEN TILL 1945.
- HE WENT TO THE NIGHT SCHOOL.
- WE DON'T HAVE A NIGHT SCHOOL.
- NO WONDER HE
KEPT FLUNKING OUT.
- OKAY, OKAY, SO I
DON'T REMEMBER
THOSE LITTLE DETAILS SO GOOD.
MY HEAD'S TOO FULL
OF BIG BUSINESS DEALS
LIKE GIVING YOU PRUDENCE'S ALBUM
SO YOU CAN PLAY IT ALL DAY
LONG FOR ALL THESE COLLEGE CATS.
- OH, WELL, I'LL BE
VERY HAPPY TO PLAY IT.
- I LIKE THAT BOY.
- IN A FEW MONTHS.
MY PROGRAM'S ALL
BOOKED UP RIGHT NOW.
- I HATE THAT BOY.
- NOW, LISTEN HERE, JUNIOR.
- I'M SORRY, MR. BAKER,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING I
CAN DO AT THE PRESENT.
- PRESENT, DID YOU
HEAR THAT, SON?
HE ASKED FOR THE
PRESENT. GIVE IT TO HIM!
- HUH?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, I GOT
MOM, THE PRESENT, YEAH.
HERE YOU ARE, KID.
- OH, WHAT'S THIS?
- WELL, IT'S $20 BECAUSE YOU'RE
AN OUTSTANDING EXAMPLE OF FINE,
UPSTANDING YOUNG
AMERICAN BOYHOOD.
- YOU RANG?
- HEY, IF YOU'RE HANDING OUT
LOOT FOR BEING SWEET AND LOVABLE
YOU MIGHT AS WELL
KICK IT IN RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE MAYNARD
G. KREBS IS HERE.
- WHO'S THIS MEATHEAD?
- THIS IS MY CHIEF SOUND
ENGINEER, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- OH.
NOW, DOPEY, ABOUT THIS ALBUM.
- MAYBE I CAN SQUEEZE
IT IN NEXT MONTH.
GEE, YOU'RE A NICE MAN.
- TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN.
DON'T YOU FORGET IT.
- I THINK YOU'RE
A NICE MAN, TOO.
- OH, A HITCHHIKER.
NOW, DOPEY, I'D
SURE APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU COULD MOVE THE
ALBUM UP TO THIS MONTH.
- IMPOSSIBLE, THIS
MONTH I'M PLAYING
ONLY MY GIRLFRIEND'S ALBUM.
I PROMISED HERE.
HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?
- YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND, HUH?
- YEAH.
- HERE, TAKE HER TO
DINNER AT SOME CLASSY DIVE.
- HEY, SHE'D LIKE THAT.
- DON'T TELL ME YOU
ALSO GOT A GIRLFRIEND?
- NO, BUT I EAT ENOUGH FOR TWO.
- MAYBE THREE.
- MAYBE FOUR.
- MAYNARD, YOUR DINNER IS OVER.
- THIS KID IS SMARTER
THAN HE LOOKS.
- HE'D HAVE TO BE.
- DOPEY, WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA PLAY PRUDENCE'S ALBUM?
- THE FIRST CHANCE I GET.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I
GOT A LOT OF PATIENCE.
I CAN WAIT. HOW ABOUT
TONIGHT AT 6:00, HUH?
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
- MR. BAKER, YOU'RE
THE MOST GENEROUS MAN
I EVER MET IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
- WHY NOT? IF I LIKE A FELLOW I
GIVE HIM THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK.
- OKAY, LET'S HAVE IT.
- MAYNARD.
- IT'LL GO GOOD WITH MY
SNEAKERS IF I EVER FIND SOME.
- HEY, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
- TAKE IT EASY, SON,
THEY'RE PLAYING IT SAFE.
THE INTERNAL REVENUE
BOYS CAN'T NEVER CATCH THEM
IF THEY TAKE PART OF THEIR
PAYOFF IN MERCHANDISE.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL I CAN SAY IS THINGS SURE
HAS CHANGED SINCE I BEEN AWAY.
- MR. BAKER, AS LONG AS
YOU'RE IN SUCH A GIVING MOOD,
I, KIND OF, LIKE THE
LOOKS OF THAT...
- NOW, HOLD IT.
- SON.
- ALL RIGHT HERE, ENJOY, ENJOY!
- DIBS ON THEM SLACKS.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH.
- IT'S TOO MUCH.
- OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL
RACCOON COAT.
- ONE OF NATURE'S NOBEL PERSONS.
- COME ON, MOM, PRUDENCE,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE THEY WANT MY SKIN.
- NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT...
- HEY, INDIAN GIVER,
WHAT ABOUT THE SHIRT?
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE LISTENING
TO THE SHOW TONIGHT AT 6:00.
- HOPE YOU LIKE THE SHOW.
- I BETTER.
- NICE FELLOW.
- A PRINCE.
I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOME
WAY I COULD DO HIM A FAVOR.
- DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, ROCCO,
AND TUNE INTO THAT
COLLEGE STATION.
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA HEAR IS
THE SWEETEST MONEY VOICE
OF PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- OH, GOLLY, I'M SO EXCITED.
MY RADIO DE-BOO.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS
DAY IF I LIVE TO BE 20.
- YEAH, ROCCO, IT'S ONE
OF THEM HICK COLLEGES
BUT YOU KNOW THESE
DAYS THE KIDS PICK THE HITS.
SURE, THE CAMPUS
D.J. FLIPPED FOR IT.
WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THE
SEND OFF HE GIVES YOU.
- SPINNING SOME WINNING
OLD TUNES YOUR WAY.
TONIGHT WE'RE FEATURING
A SENSATIONAL NEW ALBUM
BY A SENSATIONAL
LITTLE GAL WHO I PREDICT
IS GONNA GO, GO, GO RIGHT TO
THE TOP, TOP, TOP WITH THIS ONE.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
- AND HERE SHE IS NOW, WAXING
HER WAY INTO YOUR HEARTS,
A GREAT SHAPE, A GREAT PERSON
AND GREAT SINGER OF SONGS,
ZELDA GILROY.
- ZELDA GILROY... ZELDA GILROY?
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND NEVER LET ME GO ♪
- WHY THAT DIRTY
DOUBLE CROSSING RAT.
- GEE, EDDIE, THAT DON'T
SOUND MUCH LIKE ME.
- STICK AROUND, ROCCO,
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
- COME ON, SON, WE'RE GONNA
STRAIGHTEN OUT THAT FAKE.
- FIRST, I'M GONNA TWIST HIM UP,
THEN WE'LL STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ BABY BABY BABY BABY
KISS ME ONCE AGAIN ♪
♪ BEFORE WE SAY GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ♪
- STRAIGHTEN ME OUT?
WELL, THANKS,
MR. BAKER, IF YOU MEAN...
- DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT ACCEPT
A FISTFUL OF LOOT FROM ME?
- HE DID, I'M A WITLESS.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
WITNESS AND SO DID YOU.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL
ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHY
I GAVE YOU THE MONEY?
- THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.
- NOBODY CAN BE THAT STUPID.
- HE CAN, ME, TOO.
- DANG DUMB IDIOTS I
GAVE YOU THE MONEY
SO YOU'D PLAY PRUDENCE'S ALBUM.
- AIN'T YOU NEVER
HEARD OF PAYOLA?
- PAYOLA?
- WHAT'S PAYOLA?
- PAYOLA IS ILLEGAL COMPENSATION
FOR PLAYING RECORDS.
- OH, WHAT'S ILLEGAL?
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED WITH
THAT, WHAT'S COMPENSATION?
RECORDS I KNOW.
- MR. BAKER, I THINK I
UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE SORE.
YOU SLIPPED US SOME MONEY
TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU
BUT WE HAVEN'T DONE IT.
- OH, BRIGHT BOY.
- ALL RIGHT, BRIGHT BOY,
WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?
- I INTEND TO SEE THAT YOU GET
EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT COMING.
- THAT'S BETTER.
- LIKE, WHEN?
- LIKE, RIGHT NOW.
WOULD YOU MIND CLEARING
THE BOOTH, PLEASE,
IT'S A LITTLE CROWDED IN HERE.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA TAKE CARE
OF US RIGHT NOW, KID, TRUE?
- TRUE, TRUE, TRUE.
- MAYNARD, IS MY MICROPHONE ON?
- HOW CAN I TELL?
- YOU SEE THAT
MICROPHONE SWITCH?
PUT IT IN THE ON POSITION.
- OH, WHAT AN AGE WE LIVE IN.
- AMAZING.
ATTENTION ALL
STUDENTS AND FACULTY
OF S. PETER PRYOR COLLEGE.
I INTERRUPT THIS
DISC JOCKEY PROGRAM
FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS MY LAST BROADCAST
AS DISC JOCKEY ON THIS STATION.
I'VE DONE A SHAMEFUL,
SHABBY THING
BUT IT'S NOT TOO
LATE TO MAKE AMENDS.
I'VE ACCEPTED A BRIBE
TO PLAY A RECORD.
THE BRIBE WAS GIVEN
TO ME BY MR. EDDIE BAKER
WHO'S NOW STANDING OUTSIDE
THE BROADCASTING BOOTH.
I'M SORRY AND I STAND READY
TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES
OF MY PART IN THIS
LOATHSOME SCHEME.
- OFFICER, ARREST THAT MAN.
- MY ACTIONS WERE
REPREHENSIBLE, DISGUSTING AND...
- AND DUMB.
- I'LL GET YOU, GILLIS, OR
MY NAME AIN'T EDDIE BAKER.
- COME ALONG, DOBIE, WE'LL
HAVE TO GO TO THE DEAN NOW
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WAS A FINE, BRAVE THING
THAT YOU DID.
MAYNARD, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE OVER AS DISC JOCKEY
AND FINISH THE PROGRAM.
- MAYNARD, DO YOU
THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT?
- SURE, GOOD BUDDY, WHAT
COULD I POSSIBLY DO WRONG?
- I DON'T KNOW, MAYNARD, BUT
YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
- LIKE, HI, FANS AND FANTASIES
OUT THERE IN RADIO LAND,
THIS IS MAYNARD G. KREBS
SITTING IN FOR DOBIE GILLIS.
I'M GONNA SPIN A FEW PLATTERS
FOR YOU COOL CATS OUT THERE
IN LISTENS-VILLE, SO
LET'S GET THINGS ROLLING
WITH THAT POPULAR OLD
FAVORITE THE PETER FALK POLKA.
- GOOD OLD RELIABLE MAYNARD.
- OH, DEAR, NOW HE'S
BROKEN THE PHONOGRAPH.
WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO FOR MUSIC?
- NEVER FEAR, ZELDA'S HERE.
I'LL SEE TO IT THAT
THEY GET MUSIC AND LIVE.
- FIFI THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
GRAB THE MIKE AND BELT
A COUPLE OF NUMBERS.
- I DIG YOU, MOM.
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND NEVER LET ME GO ♪
♪ YOU GOT MY FELLOW
AND I'M NEVER LETTING GO ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME FELLOW
AND I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ WHISPER TO ME SOFTLY
WHILE THE MOON IS LOW ♪
♪ NEVER NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO GET
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ HOLD ME CLOSE AND
TELL ME WHAT I WANT KNOW ♪
♪ SAY IT TO ME GENTLY
LET SWEET TALK FLOW ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
- WOW, WHAT A COMBO.
- THE GREATEST.
- THEY ARE RATHER
GOOD, AREN'T THEY?
- HEY, LOOK, DOPEY, I
KNOW I DONE WRONG.
BEFORE THEY TAKE ME AWAY
TO THAT BIG, GRAY ROCK PILE,
DON'T YOU THINK WE OWE IT TO
THE MUSIC LOVERS OF AMERICA
TO PUT ALL THIS
TALENT ON A RECORD?
- SO WE TOOK ZELDA AND
PRUDENCE OVER TO THE STUDIO
SO THEY COULD RECORD THEIR SONG.
THE POLICEMEN EVEN LET
EDDIE BAKER COME ALONG,
SORT OF, HIS LAST FLING BEFORE
THEY PUT THE STRIPED SUIT ON HIM
AND HOW WAS THE SONG
THE GIRLS RECORDED?
WELL, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU
THAT THE SOUND THEY PUT OUT
MAY NOT HAVE BEEN
THE METROPOLITAN OPERA
BUT IT WAS SO STRANGE
AND KOOKY AND DIFFERENT
THAT IT WAS A CINCH
TO BE A TREMENDOUS HIT.
I MEAN, NOBODY HAD AN IDEA
WHAT THEY WERE SINGING ABOUT,
SO HOW COULD THEY MISS?
- ZELDA AND PRUDENCE TAKE ONE.
♪ CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING ♪
♪ BABY BABY KISS ME ONCE
AGAIN BEFORE SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ GOT MY FELLOW AND
I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YES I GOT MY FELLOW
AND I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ NEVER NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ YEAH HE TOLD ME LOVED
NOW I DON'T WHAT I'LL DO ♪
♪ EVERYBODY'S SLEEPING
SO IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER
CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ LET'S FALL IN LOVE ♪
[APPLAUSE]
- HEY, BABY, YOU'RE
A SMASH-A-ROO.
- ZELDA, YOU'RE THE MOST.
- DOLL FACE, HONEY, WILL YOU
MARRY ME WHEN I GET OUT OF STIR?
- ZELDA, MY LOVE, LET'S
MAKE IT A DOUBLE WEDDING.
♪ GET LOST ♪
- HUH?
- WHAT?
- WE ARE A RED-HOT
RECORDING DUET, GENTLEMEN.
- WHO NEEDS YOU BUMS.
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR
ARMS AND NEVER LET ME ♪
♪ CAUGHT MY FELLOW
BUT I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ WHISPER TO ME SOFTLY
WHEN THE MOON IS ♪
♪ I GOT MY FELLOW
BUT I'LL NEVER HIM GO ♪
- WELL, EDDIE BAKER WENT BACK
TO HIS LITTLE MAXIMUM
SECURITY HOME IN THE WEST
WHERE I AM HAPPY TO
REPORT HIS OLD ROOM
WAS STILL WAITING FOR HIM.
HE'S DOING VERY WELL NOW.
HE HAS AN OFFER OF A
FINE JOB WHEN HE GETS OUT,
TECHNICAL ADVISOR
ON "THE UNTOUCHABLES."
- AS FOR ZELDA AND PRUDENCE
THEIR RECORD BECAME A BIG HIT
AND YOU CAN BUY IT IN DRUG
STORES AND GAS STATIONS
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
- AND ME?
WELL, I DECIDED TO MAKE ONE MORE
TRY AT BECOMING A SUCCESSFUL,
CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY.
- OVER MY DEAD
BUDDY OR IS IT BODY?
- MAYNARD, IT WAS
VERY DECENT OF YOU
TO FILL IN FOR ME
WHILE I WAS GONE
BUT I'M BACK NOW,
SO SAYONARA AND OUT.
- LIKE, NO.
- LIKE, NO?
- LIKE, RIGHT, I'M
THROUGH BEING DECENT.
I WANT TO BE THE CAMPUS Q.T.
- MAYNARD.
- A.C., D.C., B.V.D.?
- MAYNARD, THAT'S D.J.
AND IT MEANS DISC JOCKEY
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT
WITH A JOB LIKE THAT?
- I'LL SHOW YOU.
LIKE, HOW FANS OUT THERE
IN LOVABLE RADIO LAND,
THIS IS MAYNARD G. KREBS THE
VOICE WITH PEP AND PERSONALITY.
DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?
FOR OUR NEXT SELECTION CHOSEN
FROM THIS WEEK'S TOP 350 HITS
MY OWN PERSONAL CHOICE
ENTITLED LAWRENCE WELK
SINGS THE BEST
OF DIZZY GILLESPIE
AND FOR ALL MY LOYAL FANS I
WILL SING AND PLAY ALONG WITH HIM.
- MAYNARD, THIS IS MY
JOB AND YOU STOLE IT.
- NO, IT'S FINDERS
KEEPERS, LOSERS WHIPPERS.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
FINDERS KEEPERS...
NEVER MIND, JUST GIVE
ME THE MICROPHONE!
- NO, DOBE! EVER SINCE
I BECAME CAMPUS Q.T.
EVERYBODY'S BEEN
CALLING ME MR. KREBS,
LIKE, HI, MR. KREBS, LIKE,
GREETINGS, MR. KREBS.
- THRILLING, NOW
GOODBYE, MR. KREBS.
- NO, THEY DIDN'T EVEN
CALL MY FATHER MR. KREBS.
- SO LONG, MAYNARD.
- MY MOTHER, YES, THEY
ALWAYS CALLED HER MR. KREBS.
- NOW FANS FOR OUR...
- MAYNARD?
- GIVE ME THAT!
- HELLO, THERE
FANS IN RADIO LAND...
FOREGROUND IS EDDIE BAKER.
YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM
FOR LOOKING SO CHEERFUL.
YOU SEE, TODAY AFTER THREE YEARS
IN UNIFORM HE FINALLY GOES BACK
TO CIVILIAN LIFE.
- THE THING I'M GONNA
MISS MOST ABOUT THIS PLACE
IS SITTING DOWN TO THEM
NICE LITTLE INTIMATE DINNERS
FOR 4,000.
- THIS IS FIFI LAVERNE.
SHE'S A SINGER AND WHAT SHE
SINGS MOSTLY IS THAT HIGH-BROW,
CULTURED, DIGNIFIED STUFF.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M OFF
KEY, YOU TONE DEAF MUTTONHEAD.
ONE MORE CRACK LIKE THAT
AND I'LL BEAT YOUR UGLY HEAD IN.
- NOW, WHEN I RAN INTO THESE
RATHER SHALL WE
SAY ODD CHARACTERS
A RATHER SHALL WE SAY
ODD THING HAPPENED.
- I WONDER SHOULD I KILL
HIM NOW OR WAIT TILL LATER
SO IT'LL BE EASIER
TO HIDE THE CORPSE.
[JAZZ THEME]
- QUESTION, HOW DID A SWEET,
LOVABLE FELLOW, NAMELY ME,
GET MIXED UP WITH A
LOWDOWN BUNCH OF SHARPIES,
NAMELY EDDIE BAKER
AND FIFI LAVERNE?
ANSWER BECAUSE I APPLIED
FOR THE JOB OF DISC JOCKEY
ON THE CAMPUS RADIO STATION.
DR. BURKHART, I
DROPPED IN TO SEE
IF YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND
ABOUT ME AND THAT
DISC JOCKEY JOB?
YOU'LL BE DOING THE
COLLEGE A TREMENDOUS FAVOR
IF YOU PICK ME
BECAUSE I'M LOADED
BUT LOADED WITH EXACTLY
THE RIGHT KIND OF TALENT.
- YOU LOADED WITH
SOMETHING, MR. GILLIS,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
- THANK YOU, MA'AM, I THINK.
- AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
WAS JUST LOOKING OVER
YOUR APPLICATION...
- GOOD, GOOD,
- AND YOUR GRADE.
- BAD, BAD.
- MR. GILLIS I MUST ASK YOU
A MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
MY DECISION DEPENDS
ON YOUR ANSWER.
- THE ANSWER IS YES.
- NOW, MR. GILLIS...
- THE ANSWER IS NO.
- MR. GILLIS...
- REALLY WANT THIS JOB, MA'AM,
I'LL GIVE YOU ANY ANSWER
YOU WANT, JUST NAME IT.
- MR. GILLIS, WHAT
I WANT TO KNOW
IS HOW DO YOU STAND ON
THE SUBJECT OF PAYOLA?
- PAY-WHAT-A?
- PAYOLA?
SAY FOR EXAMPLE THAT
SOMEONE FROM A RECORD COMPANY
OFFERED TO SLIP
YOU A LITTLE MONEY
UNDER THE TABLE IF YOU WOULD
PLAY THEIR RECORDS ON THE AIR?
- OH, THAT'S SNEAKY
AND DISHONEST.
IT'S BRIBERY.
- I TAKE IT THEN MR. GILLIS THAT
YOU WOULD NEVER ACCEPT MONEY
FOR PLAYING ANYONE'S RECORDS?
- I'D DIE FIRST.
- CONGRATULATIONS, MR. GILLIS,
YOU ARE AS OF THIS MOMENT
THE NEW CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY.
- OH, THANK YOU,
DR. BURKHART, THANK YOU.
THIS IS A GREAT HONOR.
IT'S LIKE BECOMING PRESIDENT
OR SUPREME COURT JUDGE
OR A DOCTOR ON TELEVISION.
- OH, WELL I DO,
TOO, MR. GILLIS,
BECAUSE THE REPUTATION
OF OUR COLLEGE IS SAFE.
HOW CAN WE GET INTO TROUBLE
WHEN WE HAVE A DISC JOCKEY
WHO NEVER EVEN HEARD OF PAYOLA?
- PAY-WHAT-A?
- PAYOLA? SURE I HEARD OF IT.
IT'S A HUNK OF COLORED WAX AND
YOU WRITE WITH IT ON SIDEWALKS.
- THAT'S CRAYOLA AND
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. IT
CAN GET YOU IN BIG TROUBLE.
- OH, WRITING ON SIDEWALKS
CAN GET YOU IN BIG TROUBLE, TOO.
- MAYNARD.
- DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU
WRITE AND HOW YOU SPELL IT.
I WAS THE ONLY
KID IN HIGH SCHOOL
WHO FLUNKED SPELLING
BECAUSE HE WROTE ON CHESTER
BETWEEN 18th AND 19th.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH.
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO EXPLAIN
THAT I'M FULLY AWARE OF
THE GREAT RESPONSIBILITY
INVOLVED IN BEING THE
CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY.
- OH, WE'RE WITH YOU, DOBE.
- I REALIZE IT REQUIRES
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY
AND HIGH PRINCIPALS.
- WE'RE WITH YOU, DOBE.
- THIS COLLEGE IS GONNA GET
THE CREAM OF MY MUSICAL TASTE.
- WE'RE IN TROUBLE, DOBE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- NO OFFENSE, DOBE, BUT THE
CREAM OF YOUR MUSICAL TALENT
IS CHUBBY CHECKER SINGS
THE BEST OF NOEL COWARD.
- WELL, ANYWAY THIS
JOB MEANS A LOT TO ME
AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT
EVERYTHING I'VE GOT.
- ON ACCOUNT OF
THE RESPONSIBILITY.
- THAT'S PART OF IT.
- AND IT'S A BIG THING
FOR THE SCHOOL.
- THAT'S PART OF IT.
- AND IT'LL HELP YOU GET GIRLS.
- WELL...
- AND THAT'S ALL OF
IT AND I REST MY CASE.
- WELL, I LATCHED ONTO A
GOOD DEAL AND I WILL NEVER,
I REPEAT NEVER, BLOW IT BY
GETTING MIXED UP WITH PAYOLA.
- NUTS TO PAYOLA.
- GOODBYE TO PAYOLA.
- DOWN WITH PAYOLA.
- THE HECK WITH PAYOLA.
- HEY, DOBE?
- WHAT?
- WHAT'S PAYOLA?
- PAYOLA, OH, NO, THAT
STUFF IS BIG TROUBLE.
- FOR SHAME, SON, TALKING
LIKE THAT ABOUT A FINE,
HONORABLE RACKET THAT KEPT
US IN THE CHIPS ALL THEM YEARS.
- AND WHAT ELSE IT DID
WAS SEND ME TO THE POKEY
AND I PROMISED THE
WARDEN I'D GO STRAIGHT.
- GO STRAIGHT?
I'LL THANK YOU NOT
TO USE SUCH LANGUAGE
IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR MOTHER.
- I'M SORRY, MOM.
I CAN'T GO BACK TO
THAT KIND OF BUSINESS,
HONEST.
- HONEST?
WHERE DID YOU PICK UP
ALL THEM NASTY WORDS?
- SORRY, MOM, BUT MY HEAD'S
MADE UP, NO MORE PAYOLA.
ANYWAY I'VE BEEN AWAY
TOO LONG. I'M OUT OF TOUCH.
- TRUE BUT I AIN'T.
- YOU MEAN...
- I MEAN ROCK AND ROLL IS DEAD
BUT THE HOT ITEM
TODAY IS FOLK SINGING.
[SINGING]
- MY NEIGHBORS IN THE
NEXT CELL WAS A QUARTET
THAT WAS ALL THE TIME
SINGING THAT KIND OF STUFF,
THE FOUR FORGES.
ANYWAY, MOM, I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU I AIN'T GON...
- I ALSO FIXED YOU UP A
CLASSY NEW SINGING TYPE
WHO'S GOING TO RECORD
YOUR SONGS FOR YOU.
- HI, EDDIE, REMEMBER ME?
- HEY, FIFI LAVERNE
FROM THE CHORUS LINE
AT THE OLD CLUB HOT STUFF.
- IN THE FLESH ONLY I
AIN'T FIFI LAVERNE NO MORE.
YOUR OLD LADY, BLESS HER
HEART, CHANGED ALL THAT.
- CALL ME MOM.
- AND I DONE IT BECAUSE A FOLK
SINGER'S GOT TO HAVE AN
HONEST, OLD FASHIONED NAME.
- YEAH, SO MEET PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- KIND OF FITS ME,
DOESN'T IT, EDDIE?
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- YEAH, AND I TAUGHT HER HOW
TO SING LIKE A PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- HERE, RENDER US
UP A RENDITION, KID.
- OKIE-DOKIE.
- PRUDENCE VIRTUE?
- FOR MY VERY NEXT NUMBER
I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG
OF THE WORKING FOLK.
- CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING
♪ GOT MY FELLOW AND
I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YES I GOT MY FELLOW
AND I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ NEVER NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ YEAH HE TOLD ME LOVED
NOW I DON'T WHAT I'LL DO ♪
♪ SHOULDN'T OUGHTA LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ NEVER DID BUT
TRIED I TOLD YOU SO ♪
- HEY, MA, SHE'S ANOTHER
TENNESSEE ERNIE.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK, SON?
THIS CANARY HERE
A FOLK SINGER NOW?
- SHE'S AS AMERICAN
AS PIZZA PIE.
- FOR MY NEXT NUMBER...
- OH, KNOCK IT OFF SHANTUZI
WE'RE TALKING BUSINESS.
- NOW, AS SOON AS THE SHANTUZI
RECORDS THEM SONGS ON AN ALBUM
THE ONLY THING YOU'VE GOT TO DO
IS TAKE IT AROUND
TO THE DISC JOCKEYS.
SPRINKLE THE LOOT AROUND
SO THEY PLAY THE
ALBUM 40, 50 TIMES A DAY
AND IN TWO SHAKES OF A COPS
HAT WE'RE BACK ON MOOLA ROAD.
- OKAY, MOM. YOU WIN.
I'LL TAKE ANOTHER
CRACK AT PAYOLA.
- THAT'S MY SONNY BOY.
- NOW THE FIRST THING WE
DO IS TAKE THEM RECORDS
TO SOME JERKWATER
COLLEGE AND WE GOTTA FIND US
SOME DRIPPY COLLEGE DISC JOCKEY
WHAT NEVER HEARD OF PAYOLA.
- AND BUTTER HIM GOOD SO HE
KEEPS PLAYING OUR RECORDS.
- YEAH, BUT WITH FINESSE
SO THAT NOBODY DON'T KNOW
THAT HE'S GETTING
BUTTERED, CLEVER?
- YEAH, WHAT WE NEED IS A
TYPICAL COLLEGE STUDENT,
CLEAN CUT, STRAIGHT SHOOTING,
TRUSTWORTHY WITH
ABSOLUTELY NO BRAINS.
- AND SO MUSIC LOVERS WE
BRING DOWN THE OLD CURTAIN
ON ANOTHER
FASCINATING OLD SESSION
OF THE OLD DOBIE GILLIS
RECORDS-VILLE SHOW.
TA-TA TILL TOMORROW
AT THE SAME OLD TIME
AND DON'T TAKE ANY
WOODEN PLATTERS.
- GOT YOU, MY CUDDLY LITTLE D.J.
- HI ZELDA, BYE ZELDA.
- WHEN I CALL YOU
D.J., SNOOKUM'S,
I DON'T MEAN JUST DISC JOCKEY.
WHAT I MEAN, IS DARLING JERK
BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID TO
KNOW THAT SOONER OR LATER
YOU'RE GOING TO BE MINE.
- I VOTE FOR LATER,
ZELDA, MUCH LATER.
- WELL, YOU POOR, BLIND, FOOL
WHY DO YOU FOREVER RUN FROM ME?
- RUN? I CAN'T EVEN CREEP.
BUT LOOK WHAT YOU'RE
MISSING, POOPSIE,
THIS FACE, THESE
LIPS, THIS FIGURE.
- NO OFFENSE, ZELDA,
BUT WHAT FIGURE?
- WELL, IT'S IN HERE SOMEPLACE
AND IT'S YOURS, ALL YOURS.
- ZELDA, WHILE I AM, OF COURSE,
OVERWHELMED BY GENEROUS OFFER
I'M AFRAID I MUST REJECT IT.
I'M SO BUSY THESE DAYS
WITH MY MUSICAL CAREER
THAT I'VE GOT NO TIME FOR GIRLS.
- YOU? OH, COME NOW.
- ZELDA, I BID YOU A HAPPY
PIZZICOTTO AND FAREWELL.
- DOBIE, DO YOU MEAN YOU'D
FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT ME
IF I WERE A BIG RECORDING STAR?
- OH, SURE, BUT LET'S
FACE IT, ZELDA, YOU'RE NOT.
- TRUE BUT LET'S FACE
IT, DOLL FACE, I COULD BE.
- ZELDA, THAT'S RIDIC... ZELDA,
I GET SCARED WHEN
I SEE THAT GLEAM
IN THOSE BEADY LITTLE EYES.
- NOW HEAR THIS, I
CAN AS YOU WELL KNOW
DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO.
REMEMBER WHEN I DECIDED TO
BECOME A CROSS COUNTRY RUNNER?
- YOU RAN ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
- RIGHT, NOW I INTEND TO APPLY
THE SAME SUPER EFFICIENT METHODS
AND GIANT BRAIN TO THE TASK OF
BECOMING A SINGING SENSATION.
LET'S SEE YOU WRIGGLE
AWAY FROM ME THEN, BUSTER.
- ALL RIGHT, SO IF YOU
MAKE UP YOUR MIND
YOU CAN DEVELOP A
VOICE LIKE DINAH SHORE.
- IF I MAKE UP MY MIND
I CAN DEVELOP A VOICE
LIKE MITCH MILLER
AND ALL THE BOYS.
- TRUE BUT THAT STILL WOULDN'T
MAKE YOU A BIG RECORDING STAR.
TO SELL A LOT OF ALBUMS
YOU NEED SOMETHING ELSE.
- NAMELY WHAT?
- NAMELY A KNOCK OUT PICTURE
OF YOURSELF ON THE COVER.
THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES THESE DAYS.
- AND I CAN SING, TOO.
- HEY, ZELDA, WHICH BUTTON
LOWERS THE LANDING GEAR?
- MAYNARD, TAKE
THE PICTURE ALREADY.
I NEED IT FOR THE
COVER OF MY ALBUM.
- I'D LIKE TO, ZELDA, BUT
I'M SCARED OF THE DARK.
- TAKE THE PICTURE.
- ALL RIGHT, ZEL, SAY BUTTER.
- IT'S CHEESE.
- THANKS BUBBLES I OWE YOU.
- MAYNARD, YOU KNOW
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU
IF DOBIE FINDS OUT ABOUT
THIS CLEVER TRICK, DON'T YOU?
- THE KIND OF TRICK
IT IS, IS SNEAKY.
YEAH, I KNOW, NO MATTER
WHERE I GO TO HIDE YOU'LL FIND ME.
- RIGHT.
- AND NO MATTER HOW HARD I FIGHT
YOU'LL OVER POWER ME.
- RIGHT.
- AND THEN YOU'LL KISS ME.
- RIGHT.
- NO, ZELDA, I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING.
- THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE
BUT FOR ONCE IT COMES IN HANDY.
COME ON OVER HERE AND
WE'LL RECORD MY NEW SONG.
- GOT YOU, CHIEF.
- YOU SURE YOU KNOW HOW
TO WORK THIS EQUIPMENT?
- WHAT'S TO KNOW? ANY DUMB
HEADED MONKEY COULD DO IT
AND THAT DON'T ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION, DOES IT?
- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS KEEP THE LEVELS UP.
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND NEVER LET ME GO ♪
♪ WHISPER TO ME SOFTLY
WHILE THE MOON IS LOW ♪
♪ HOLD ME CLOSE AND TELL
ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW ♪
♪ SAY IT TO ME GENTLY
LET THE SWEET TALK FLOW ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ BABY BABY BABY BABY
KISS ME ONCE AGAIN ♪
♪ BEFORE WE SAY GOODNIGHT ♪
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR LOVING
ARMS AND SQUEEZE ME TIGHT ♪
♪ OH PUT ME IN A MOOD
SO I CAN DREAM ALL NIGHT ♪
♪ EVERYBODY'S SLEEPING
SO IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER,
CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ TO ME ♪
- WELL, MAYNARD,
HOW DID THAT SOUND?
- OKAY, ZELDA, READY
ANY TIME YOU ARE.
- MAYNARD, BY POPULAR
REQUEST NAMELY MINE,
I AM NOW GOING TO MURDER YOU!
- WHAT WE'LL DO TO THEM
COLLEGE KIDS IS MURDER.
- YEAH, WE'VE GOT THE
RIGHT KID ALL RIGHT.
- OH, I THINK HE'S CUTE.
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT CUTE.
WE CHECKED UP ON HIM
AND WHAT HE IS DUMB.
- HEY, MOM, WHAT DID
YOU SAY HIS NAME WAS?
- MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS AND
YOUR NAME IS ZELDA GILROY
AND IT'S NEVER GONNA
BE MRS. DOBIE GILLIS,
SO PLEASE FLAKE OFF.
- WATCH THAT TALK.
WHAT WILL YOUR AUDIENCE SAY
WHEN THEY HEAR HOW YOU TALK
TO AMERICA'S NUMBER
ONE RECORDING SENSATION?
- ZELDA, PLEASE...
- AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WILL BE
ONCE THE WORLD HEARS MY ALBUM.
I CALL IT SONGS TO
DRIVE MEN WILD BY.
CATCHY TITLE, HUH?
- AND YOU'RE GONNA
PLAY IT ON YOUR PROGRAM.
- ME? OH, NO.
- YOU, OH, YES. WAIT
TILL YOU SEE THIS.
- ZELDA...
- ZELDA, WHO IS THIS?
- YOURS TRULY, OF COURSE.
- I RECOGNIZE THE FACE SUCH
AS IT IS BUT THE REST OF YOU...
- IS ME, EVERY
CURVY, CUDDLY INCH.
- ZELDA, YOU MEAN THAT
UNDER THAT THERE'S THIS?
- NATURALLY, DIDN'T YOU KNOW?
- SO, OF COURSE, YOU'LL PLAY
THE ALBUM ON YOUR PROGRAM.
- ZELDA, MY SWEET, LET'S TAKE A
LITTLE STROLL DOWN BY THE RIVER.
- LATER, LOVER, I'M OFF TO
RECORD ANOTHER ALBUM.
I SHALL CALL IT
SIMPLY ZELDA SINGS.
- WILL IT HAVE YOUR
PICTURE ON THE COVER?
- BUT OF COURSE IF YOU
PLAY THIS ONE ON YOUR SHOW.
- I'LL PLAY IT, I'LL PLAY IT.
- NOT NOW, POOPSIE,
PLAY IT AT DINNER TIME.
THAT'S WHEN THE MOST
PEOPLE ARE LISTENING.
ADIEU DREAMBOAT,
TILL WE MEET AGAIN.
AFTER THE ALBUM IS PLAYED.
- BOY, AM I GLAD TO
SEE YOU, DOPEY BABY.
- THAT'S DOBIE, SIR, WITH B
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I
SAID, DOPEY WITH A P,
HEY, YOU LOOK
GREAT KID. JUST GREAT.
DON'T DOPEY LOOK GREAT KIDS?
- GREAT!
- YEAH, THEY SAY YOU LOOK GREAT.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU,
SIR, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE...
- MY NAME IS EDDIE BAKER.
I'M FROM GIGANTIC
RECORDS, MY CARD.
- YOUR CARD, THIS SAYS
MONUMENTAL RECORDS.
- HOW ABOUT THAT. I GUESS WHILE
I WAS OUT ON MY COFFEE BREAK
WE TOOK OVER ANOTHER COMPANY.
- I ADVISE YOU, YOU
SHOULD MEET MY SWEET,
LOVABLE OLD MOTHER.
- CALL ME MOM BUT I AM
SWEET, LOVABLE AND OLD.
- AND MY ACE VOCAL
RECORDING ARTIST
THE ONE AND ONLY
PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING.
- NOT NOW, PRUDENCE, DEAR.
PRUDENCE JUST FINISHED
HER ZINGY NEW ALBUM,
SONGS OF THE OPEN TOED SANDAL.
- SONGS OF THE OPEN TOED...
- CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING.
- CUT IT, SWEETHEART, CUT IT.
MOM SHOW DOPEY THE ALBUM.
- YEAH, IT'S A GAS.
ASK ANY D.J. FROM
N.Y. TO L.A. TO D.C.
BUT I'M LETTING
YOU AIR IT FIRST, KID,
BECAUSE YOU AND ME WE
WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL.
- OH, YOU WERE A STUDENT
AT S. PETER PRYOR COLLEGE?
- SURE, I'M AN
ALUMINUM OF THIS JOINT.
- WHAT A THRILL IT BRINGS
TO MY HEART TO RETURN HERE
TO THE OLD ULTI-MATUM.
- OH, WELL, WHEN
DID YOU GRADUATE?
- CLASS OF '38.
- BUT THE SCHOOL
DIDN'T OPEN TILL 1945.
- HE WENT TO THE NIGHT SCHOOL.
- WE DON'T HAVE A NIGHT SCHOOL.
- NO WONDER HE
KEPT FLUNKING OUT.
- OKAY, OKAY, SO I
DON'T REMEMBER
THOSE LITTLE DETAILS SO GOOD.
MY HEAD'S TOO FULL
OF BIG BUSINESS DEALS
LIKE GIVING YOU PRUDENCE'S ALBUM
SO YOU CAN PLAY IT ALL DAY
LONG FOR ALL THESE COLLEGE CATS.
- OH, WELL, I'LL BE
VERY HAPPY TO PLAY IT.
- I LIKE THAT BOY.
- IN A FEW MONTHS.
MY PROGRAM'S ALL
BOOKED UP RIGHT NOW.
- I HATE THAT BOY.
- NOW, LISTEN HERE, JUNIOR.
- I'M SORRY, MR. BAKER,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING I
CAN DO AT THE PRESENT.
- PRESENT, DID YOU
HEAR THAT, SON?
HE ASKED FOR THE
PRESENT. GIVE IT TO HIM!
- HUH?
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, I GOT
MOM, THE PRESENT, YEAH.
HERE YOU ARE, KID.
- OH, WHAT'S THIS?
- WELL, IT'S $20 BECAUSE YOU'RE
AN OUTSTANDING EXAMPLE OF FINE,
UPSTANDING YOUNG
AMERICAN BOYHOOD.
- YOU RANG?
- HEY, IF YOU'RE HANDING OUT
LOOT FOR BEING SWEET AND LOVABLE
YOU MIGHT AS WELL
KICK IT IN RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE MAYNARD
G. KREBS IS HERE.
- WHO'S THIS MEATHEAD?
- THIS IS MY CHIEF SOUND
ENGINEER, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- OH.
NOW, DOPEY, ABOUT THIS ALBUM.
- MAYBE I CAN SQUEEZE
IT IN NEXT MONTH.
GEE, YOU'RE A NICE MAN.
- TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN.
DON'T YOU FORGET IT.
- I THINK YOU'RE
A NICE MAN, TOO.
- OH, A HITCHHIKER.
NOW, DOPEY, I'D
SURE APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU COULD MOVE THE
ALBUM UP TO THIS MONTH.
- IMPOSSIBLE, THIS
MONTH I'M PLAYING
ONLY MY GIRLFRIEND'S ALBUM.
I PROMISED HERE.
HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?
- YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND, HUH?
- YEAH.
- HERE, TAKE HER TO
DINNER AT SOME CLASSY DIVE.
- HEY, SHE'D LIKE THAT.
- DON'T TELL ME YOU
ALSO GOT A GIRLFRIEND?
- NO, BUT I EAT ENOUGH FOR TWO.
- MAYBE THREE.
- MAYBE FOUR.
- MAYNARD, YOUR DINNER IS OVER.
- THIS KID IS SMARTER
THAN HE LOOKS.
- HE'D HAVE TO BE.
- DOPEY, WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA PLAY PRUDENCE'S ALBUM?
- THE FIRST CHANCE I GET.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I
GOT A LOT OF PATIENCE.
I CAN WAIT. HOW ABOUT
TONIGHT AT 6:00, HUH?
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
- MR. BAKER, YOU'RE
THE MOST GENEROUS MAN
I EVER MET IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
- WHY NOT? IF I LIKE A FELLOW I
GIVE HIM THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK.
- OKAY, LET'S HAVE IT.
- MAYNARD.
- IT'LL GO GOOD WITH MY
SNEAKERS IF I EVER FIND SOME.
- HEY, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
- TAKE IT EASY, SON,
THEY'RE PLAYING IT SAFE.
THE INTERNAL REVENUE
BOYS CAN'T NEVER CATCH THEM
IF THEY TAKE PART OF THEIR
PAYOFF IN MERCHANDISE.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL I CAN SAY IS THINGS SURE
HAS CHANGED SINCE I BEEN AWAY.
- MR. BAKER, AS LONG AS
YOU'RE IN SUCH A GIVING MOOD,
I, KIND OF, LIKE THE
LOOKS OF THAT...
- NOW, HOLD IT.
- SON.
- ALL RIGHT HERE, ENJOY, ENJOY!
- DIBS ON THEM SLACKS.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH.
- IT'S TOO MUCH.
- OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL
RACCOON COAT.
- ONE OF NATURE'S NOBEL PERSONS.
- COME ON, MOM, PRUDENCE,
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE THEY WANT MY SKIN.
- NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT...
- HEY, INDIAN GIVER,
WHAT ABOUT THE SHIRT?
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE LISTENING
TO THE SHOW TONIGHT AT 6:00.
- HOPE YOU LIKE THE SHOW.
- I BETTER.
- NICE FELLOW.
- A PRINCE.
I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOME
WAY I COULD DO HIM A FAVOR.
- DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, ROCCO,
AND TUNE INTO THAT
COLLEGE STATION.
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA HEAR IS
THE SWEETEST MONEY VOICE
OF PRUDENCE VIRTUE.
- OH, GOLLY, I'M SO EXCITED.
MY RADIO DE-BOO.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS
DAY IF I LIVE TO BE 20.
- YEAH, ROCCO, IT'S ONE
OF THEM HICK COLLEGES
BUT YOU KNOW THESE
DAYS THE KIDS PICK THE HITS.
SURE, THE CAMPUS
D.J. FLIPPED FOR IT.
WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THE
SEND OFF HE GIVES YOU.
- SPINNING SOME WINNING
OLD TUNES YOUR WAY.
TONIGHT WE'RE FEATURING
A SENSATIONAL NEW ALBUM
BY A SENSATIONAL
LITTLE GAL WHO I PREDICT
IS GONNA GO, GO, GO RIGHT TO
THE TOP, TOP, TOP WITH THIS ONE.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
- AND HERE SHE IS NOW, WAXING
HER WAY INTO YOUR HEARTS,
A GREAT SHAPE, A GREAT PERSON
AND GREAT SINGER OF SONGS,
ZELDA GILROY.
- ZELDA GILROY... ZELDA GILROY?
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND NEVER LET ME GO ♪
- WHY THAT DIRTY
DOUBLE CROSSING RAT.
- GEE, EDDIE, THAT DON'T
SOUND MUCH LIKE ME.
- STICK AROUND, ROCCO,
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
- COME ON, SON, WE'RE GONNA
STRAIGHTEN OUT THAT FAKE.
- FIRST, I'M GONNA TWIST HIM UP,
THEN WE'LL STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ BABY BABY BABY BABY
KISS ME ONCE AGAIN ♪
♪ BEFORE WE SAY GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ♪
- STRAIGHTEN ME OUT?
WELL, THANKS,
MR. BAKER, IF YOU MEAN...
- DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT ACCEPT
A FISTFUL OF LOOT FROM ME?
- HE DID, I'M A WITLESS.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
WITNESS AND SO DID YOU.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL
ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHY
I GAVE YOU THE MONEY?
- THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.
- NOBODY CAN BE THAT STUPID.
- HE CAN, ME, TOO.
- DANG DUMB IDIOTS I
GAVE YOU THE MONEY
SO YOU'D PLAY PRUDENCE'S ALBUM.
- AIN'T YOU NEVER
HEARD OF PAYOLA?
- PAYOLA?
- WHAT'S PAYOLA?
- PAYOLA IS ILLEGAL COMPENSATION
FOR PLAYING RECORDS.
- OH, WHAT'S ILLEGAL?
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED WITH
THAT, WHAT'S COMPENSATION?
RECORDS I KNOW.
- MR. BAKER, I THINK I
UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE SORE.
YOU SLIPPED US SOME MONEY
TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU
BUT WE HAVEN'T DONE IT.
- OH, BRIGHT BOY.
- ALL RIGHT, BRIGHT BOY,
WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?
- I INTEND TO SEE THAT YOU GET
EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT COMING.
- THAT'S BETTER.
- LIKE, WHEN?
- LIKE, RIGHT NOW.
WOULD YOU MIND CLEARING
THE BOOTH, PLEASE,
IT'S A LITTLE CROWDED IN HERE.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA TAKE CARE
OF US RIGHT NOW, KID, TRUE?
- TRUE, TRUE, TRUE.
- MAYNARD, IS MY MICROPHONE ON?
- HOW CAN I TELL?
- YOU SEE THAT
MICROPHONE SWITCH?
PUT IT IN THE ON POSITION.
- OH, WHAT AN AGE WE LIVE IN.
- AMAZING.
ATTENTION ALL
STUDENTS AND FACULTY
OF S. PETER PRYOR COLLEGE.
I INTERRUPT THIS
DISC JOCKEY PROGRAM
FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS MY LAST BROADCAST
AS DISC JOCKEY ON THIS STATION.
I'VE DONE A SHAMEFUL,
SHABBY THING
BUT IT'S NOT TOO
LATE TO MAKE AMENDS.
I'VE ACCEPTED A BRIBE
TO PLAY A RECORD.
THE BRIBE WAS GIVEN
TO ME BY MR. EDDIE BAKER
WHO'S NOW STANDING OUTSIDE
THE BROADCASTING BOOTH.
I'M SORRY AND I STAND READY
TO TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES
OF MY PART IN THIS
LOATHSOME SCHEME.
- OFFICER, ARREST THAT MAN.
- MY ACTIONS WERE
REPREHENSIBLE, DISGUSTING AND...
- AND DUMB.
- I'LL GET YOU, GILLIS, OR
MY NAME AIN'T EDDIE BAKER.
- COME ALONG, DOBIE, WE'LL
HAVE TO GO TO THE DEAN NOW
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WAS A FINE, BRAVE THING
THAT YOU DID.
MAYNARD, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE OVER AS DISC JOCKEY
AND FINISH THE PROGRAM.
- MAYNARD, DO YOU
THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT?
- SURE, GOOD BUDDY, WHAT
COULD I POSSIBLY DO WRONG?
- I DON'T KNOW, MAYNARD, BUT
YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
- LIKE, HI, FANS AND FANTASIES
OUT THERE IN RADIO LAND,
THIS IS MAYNARD G. KREBS
SITTING IN FOR DOBIE GILLIS.
I'M GONNA SPIN A FEW PLATTERS
FOR YOU COOL CATS OUT THERE
IN LISTENS-VILLE, SO
LET'S GET THINGS ROLLING
WITH THAT POPULAR OLD
FAVORITE THE PETER FALK POLKA.
- GOOD OLD RELIABLE MAYNARD.
- OH, DEAR, NOW HE'S
BROKEN THE PHONOGRAPH.
WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO FOR MUSIC?
- NEVER FEAR, ZELDA'S HERE.
I'LL SEE TO IT THAT
THEY GET MUSIC AND LIVE.
- FIFI THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
GRAB THE MIKE AND BELT
A COUPLE OF NUMBERS.
- I DIG YOU, MOM.
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND NEVER LET ME GO ♪
♪ YOU GOT MY FELLOW
AND I'M NEVER LETTING GO ♪
♪ YOU GOT ME FELLOW
AND I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ WHISPER TO ME SOFTLY
WHILE THE MOON IS LOW ♪
♪ NEVER NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO GET
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ HOLD ME CLOSE AND
TELL ME WHAT I WANT KNOW ♪
♪ SAY IT TO ME GENTLY
LET SWEET TALK FLOW ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
- WOW, WHAT A COMBO.
- THE GREATEST.
- THEY ARE RATHER
GOOD, AREN'T THEY?
- HEY, LOOK, DOPEY, I
KNOW I DONE WRONG.
BEFORE THEY TAKE ME AWAY
TO THAT BIG, GRAY ROCK PILE,
DON'T YOU THINK WE OWE IT TO
THE MUSIC LOVERS OF AMERICA
TO PUT ALL THIS
TALENT ON A RECORD?
- SO WE TOOK ZELDA AND
PRUDENCE OVER TO THE STUDIO
SO THEY COULD RECORD THEIR SONG.
THE POLICEMEN EVEN LET
EDDIE BAKER COME ALONG,
SORT OF, HIS LAST FLING BEFORE
THEY PUT THE STRIPED SUIT ON HIM
AND HOW WAS THE SONG
THE GIRLS RECORDED?
WELL, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU
THAT THE SOUND THEY PUT OUT
MAY NOT HAVE BEEN
THE METROPOLITAN OPERA
BUT IT WAS SO STRANGE
AND KOOKY AND DIFFERENT
THAT IT WAS A CINCH
TO BE A TREMENDOUS HIT.
I MEAN, NOBODY HAD AN IDEA
WHAT THEY WERE SINGING ABOUT,
SO HOW COULD THEY MISS?
- ZELDA AND PRUDENCE TAKE ONE.
♪ CALL OUT THE DOGS
AND LET'S GO HUNTING ♪
♪ BABY BABY KISS ME ONCE
AGAIN BEFORE SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ GOT MY FELLOW AND
I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YES I GOT MY FELLOW
AND I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ NEVER NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ YEAH HE TOLD ME LOVED
NOW I DON'T WHAT I'LL DO ♪
♪ EVERYBODY'S SLEEPING
SO IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU TRIED TO KEEP
HIM BUT I TOLD YOU SO ♪
♪ COME A LITTLE CLOSER
CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER ♪
♪ MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪
♪ LET'S FALL IN LOVE ♪
[APPLAUSE]
- HEY, BABY, YOU'RE
A SMASH-A-ROO.
- ZELDA, YOU'RE THE MOST.
- DOLL FACE, HONEY, WILL YOU
MARRY ME WHEN I GET OUT OF STIR?
- ZELDA, MY LOVE, LET'S
MAKE IT A DOUBLE WEDDING.
♪ GET LOST ♪
- HUH?
- WHAT?
- WE ARE A RED-HOT
RECORDING DUET, GENTLEMEN.
- WHO NEEDS YOU BUMS.
♪ TAKE ME IN YOUR
ARMS AND NEVER LET ME ♪
♪ CAUGHT MY FELLOW
BUT I'LL NEVER LET HIM GO ♪
♪ WHISPER TO ME SOFTLY
WHEN THE MOON IS ♪
♪ I GOT MY FELLOW
BUT I'LL NEVER HIM GO ♪
- WELL, EDDIE BAKER WENT BACK
TO HIS LITTLE MAXIMUM
SECURITY HOME IN THE WEST
WHERE I AM HAPPY TO
REPORT HIS OLD ROOM
WAS STILL WAITING FOR HIM.
HE'S DOING VERY WELL NOW.
HE HAS AN OFFER OF A
FINE JOB WHEN HE GETS OUT,
TECHNICAL ADVISOR
ON "THE UNTOUCHABLES."
- AS FOR ZELDA AND PRUDENCE
THEIR RECORD BECAME A BIG HIT
AND YOU CAN BUY IT IN DRUG
STORES AND GAS STATIONS
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
- AND ME?
WELL, I DECIDED TO MAKE ONE MORE
TRY AT BECOMING A SUCCESSFUL,
CAMPUS DISC JOCKEY.
- OVER MY DEAD
BUDDY OR IS IT BODY?
- MAYNARD, IT WAS
VERY DECENT OF YOU
TO FILL IN FOR ME
WHILE I WAS GONE
BUT I'M BACK NOW,
SO SAYONARA AND OUT.
- LIKE, NO.
- LIKE, NO?
- LIKE, RIGHT, I'M
THROUGH BEING DECENT.
I WANT TO BE THE CAMPUS Q.T.
- MAYNARD.
- A.C., D.C., B.V.D.?
- MAYNARD, THAT'S D.J.
AND IT MEANS DISC JOCKEY
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT
WITH A JOB LIKE THAT?
- I'LL SHOW YOU.
LIKE, HOW FANS OUT THERE
IN LOVABLE RADIO LAND,
THIS IS MAYNARD G. KREBS THE
VOICE WITH PEP AND PERSONALITY.
DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?
FOR OUR NEXT SELECTION CHOSEN
FROM THIS WEEK'S TOP 350 HITS
MY OWN PERSONAL CHOICE
ENTITLED LAWRENCE WELK
SINGS THE BEST
OF DIZZY GILLESPIE
AND FOR ALL MY LOYAL FANS I
WILL SING AND PLAY ALONG WITH HIM.
- MAYNARD, THIS IS MY
JOB AND YOU STOLE IT.
- NO, IT'S FINDERS
KEEPERS, LOSERS WHIPPERS.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
FINDERS KEEPERS...
NEVER MIND, JUST GIVE
ME THE MICROPHONE!
- NO, DOBE! EVER SINCE
I BECAME CAMPUS Q.T.
EVERYBODY'S BEEN
CALLING ME MR. KREBS,
LIKE, HI, MR. KREBS, LIKE,
GREETINGS, MR. KREBS.
- THRILLING, NOW
GOODBYE, MR. KREBS.
- NO, THEY DIDN'T EVEN
CALL MY FATHER MR. KREBS.
- SO LONG, MAYNARD.
- MY MOTHER, YES, THEY
ALWAYS CALLED HER MR. KREBS.
- NOW FANS FOR OUR...
- MAYNARD?
- GIVE ME THAT!
- HELLO, THERE
FANS IN RADIO LAND...