The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 17 - All Right, Dobie, Drop the Gun - full transcript
Having just watched a gangster picture, Herbert is all talk about how he would subdue a gangster. It doesn't quite work out the way Herbert describes when he, Winnie and eventually Dobie are held up at gunpoint after the store has closed. The culprit in question is Clyde 'Goon' Calhoun, a notorious habitual criminal and recently escaped convict. Goon is looking for a place to hide out, while he waits for his associate, Big Louie, and his moll, Patsy, to come and retrieve him. Until then, Goon locks Dobie in the closet, while it is supposed to be business as usual for Herbert and Winnie, which means opening the store like nothing is wrong. As Herbert and Dobie are too cowardly to do anything about their tenuous situation, they have to hope that someone who comes into the store can help them. Will unsuspecting and trusting Maynard be that person?
- WELL, YOU CAN
JUST BET ME, WINNIE,
THAT IS THE LAST TIME YOU'LL
EVER DRAG ME DOWNTOWN
TO SEE TWO CRUMMY
PICTURES AND SPEND $3.00
AND I COULD SEE THEM
FOR FREE ON TELEVISION
IN ABOUT 10 YEARS
WITH MY SHOES OFF
AND THERE WASN'T EVEN
ONE USED CAR COMMERCIAL.
- MY DEAR HERBERT
LET ME POINT OUT ONE,
YOU DID NOT SHELL OUT $3.00,
IT WAS ONLY A DOLLAR AND A HALF
WHICH I PAID FOR OUT
OF MY HOUSEHOLD MONEY.
AND TWO, YOU TOOK YOUR SHOES
OFF THE INSTANT YOU SAT DOWN
JUST AS IF YOU WERE AT HOME
AND I WAS NEVER SO
EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE.
AND THREE, WHEN THE
USED CAR COMMERCIALS
DO COME ON TELEVISION
ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE
USING TERRIBLE LANGUAGE.
- AND WHAT ABOUT THAT OTHER
CLUNKER, THAT GANGSTER PICTURE?
A GUY BREAKS INTO A HOUSE AND
HOLDS A WHOLE FAMILY CAPTIVE
WITH ONE PUNY, LITTLE PISTOL
AND NOBODY'S THERE
THAT'S GOT THE COURAGE
TO JUMP HIM AND
SAVE THEIR HIDES,
REAL BELIEVABLE STUFF, HUH?
- WHAT THEY DID SEEMS
VERY SENSIBLE TO ME.
I MEAN, WHEN A CRIMINAL
POINTS A GUN AT YOU,
YOU DON'T JUST RUN
UP AND JUMP ON HIM.
YOU SIT THERE QUIETLY AND
THINK MEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM
AND PRETTY SOON HE GOES AWAY.
- THAT'S A WOMAN FOR YOU,
NO MAN WOULD DO A
COWARDLY TRICK LIKE THAT,
AT LEAST NO MAN THAT IS A MAN.
- NAMELY YOU?
- NAMELY ME.
I'D JUST STARE THE COWARDLY
PUNK RIGHT IN THE EYE.
THEY'RE ALL COWARDLY
PUNKS, YOU KNOW,
I'D STARE HIM RIGHT IN THE
EYE AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
I'VE GIVE HIM A KARATE
CHOP IN THE JUDO TWIST!
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO.
I'D GIVE HIM A QUICK KARATE
PUNCH AND A JUDO THROW AND...
- OH, HERBERT,
STOP ACTING SILLY.
- YOU HEARD THE LADY,
HERBERT. STOP ACTING SILLY.
- I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT THE
STORE IS CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.
- REACH!
- YOU SIR, ARE NO GENTLEMAN.
- REACH.
- GRACIOUS!
DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU
ANY BETTER MANNERS THAN THAT?
- LOOK, LADY, I AIN'T IN
NO MOOD TO PLAY GAMES.
I SAID REACH, I MEAN, REACH.
- I THINK HE MEANS IT.
- HE DOES?
GRACIOUS, WELL, THEN HERBERT
NOW IS THE TIME FOR THAT JUDO THROW
AND THAT KARATE CHOP.
DO SOMETHING!
- OKAY. I WILL.
OH HERBERT!
[JAZZ THEME]
- MOST OF US GO THROUGH LIFE
HOPING THAT WE WILL BE WANTED
BUT NOT IN EXACTLY THE WAY
A CERTAIN MR. CLYDE
CALHOUN WAS WANTED.
YEP, THIS IS THE NOTORIOUS
CLYDE CALHOUN, PUBLIC ENEMY ONE
THROUGH TEN INCLUSIVE, KNOWN
AS GOON CALHOUN TO HIS FRIENDS,
ASSOCIATES AND THE WARDENS
OF THE 30 OR 40 PRISONS
HE'S GRADUATED FROM.
NOW, YOU'VE SEEN
WHAT HAPPENED TO DAD
WHEN HE FOUND HIMSELF FACE-TO-
FACE WITH THIS MAD DOG KILLER.
HE WAS, SHALL WE
SAY, FRIGHTENED?
WELL, NO, NOT
EXACTLY FRIGHTENED.
WHAT HE WAS EXACTLY WAS CHICKEN.
DAD ISN'T AS YOUNG
AS HE USED TO BE,
SO YOU CAN'T REALLY BLAME
HIM FOR THE WAY HE ACTED.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
AM IN THE PRIME OF LIFE,
SO WHEN CALHOUN USED HIS GUN
TO FORCE MOM AND DAD UPSTAIRS
TO THE LIVING ROOM WHERE I WAS,
I BEHAVED RATHER DIFFERENTLY.
- REACH, KID, OR I'LL
BLAST YOUR HEAD OFF.
- YOU BIG BRUTE!
- WHAT?
- YOU BIG BRUTE, SIR.
- DOBIE DEAR,
SPEAK TO ME, DOBIE!
- WHERE AM I?
- YOU'RE RIGHT IN
YOUR OWN HOME, DEAR.
THAT NASTY MAN POINTED
A GUN AT YOU, REMEMBER?
- I REMEMBER.
- COME ON, LIE DOWN OVER HERE.
TALK TO ME, SON. DO SOMETHING.
- PIPE DOWN, ALL OF YOU.
I GOT TO MAKE A PHONE
CALL AND DON'T NOBODY MOVE
OR THE NUMBER I DIAL
IS GONNA BE YOURS.
- LISTEN, IF THAT'S
A TOLL CALL...
- QUIET!
- HELLO, BIG LOUIE?
YEAH, IT'S ME, CALHOUN.
- GOON CALHOUN?
- YOU HEARD OF ME?
- I HEARD OF YOU.
- ANYMORE FOOLISH QUESTIONS?
- EXCUSE THE
INTERRUPTION, BIG LOUIE.
YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT FOR NOW.
THE BREAK OUT OF JAIL WAS A SNAP
BUT I HAD TO DITCH
THE CAR IN THE RIVER.
TOO MANY COPS PROWLING AROUND,
SO YOU GOT TO COME
AND PICK ME UP BUT FAST.
HOLD UP ON ELM STREET NEAR 3rd.
IT'S A RUNDOWN OLD FLEABAG.
- I AM AN EXCELLENT HOUSEKEEPER.
- OVER A SEEDY LOOKING
DUMP OF A GROCERY STORE.
- I AM A WELL-KNOWN
INDEPENDENT RETAIL MERCHANT.
- GROCER AND HIS
WIFE AND A KID, DOPEY.
- I AM DOBIE WITH A B.
- I'M GONNA PLUG YOU
ALL IF YOU DON'T CLAM UP.
YEAH, BIG LOUIE, I KNOW
IT'LL TAKE TIME TO GET HERE
BUT NO LATER THAN
TOMORROW NIGHT, HUH?
RIGHT, BIG LOUIE, AND TELL
PATSY WHERE I AM JUST IN CASE.
ALL RIGHT, BIG LOUIE.
THAT WAS BIG LOUIE.
- BIG DEAL.
- WHAT?
- DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION
TO DAD, MR. CALHOUN SIR,
HE'S A LITTLE UPSET.
- WHAT HE IS IS SCREWY.
- TRUE, TRUE.
- VERY STRANGE AT TIMES, SIR.
VERY STRANGE WE HAVE
TO WATCH HIM ALL THE TIME
BUT HE MEANS NO HARM.
- HE'S LIKE A CHILD, SIR.
- YEAH, I NOTICED. YOU,
MISSUS, GIVE ME SOME SCOFF.
- SCOFF?
- MOM, THAT'S PRISON
SLANG FOR FOOD.
- RIGHT KID. HEY, YOU DONE TIME?
- NO, BUT I SEE A LOT
OF THE OLD JIMMY CAGNEY
MOVIES ON TELEVISION.
- I'M A HUMPHREY
BOGART MAN MYSELF.
NOW GET THIS, I'M KEEPING
THIS LITTLE WIDOW MAKER
AIMED AT ONE OF
YOU EVERY MINUTE.
IF YOU OTHERS GET
ANY SILLY NOTIONS
LIKE TRYING TO SNEAK
AWAY TO CALL THE COPS, POW!
YOU GET IT?
- GOT IT.
- GOT IT.
- GOT IT.
- GOT IT.
- POW! HEY, KID, TURN
ON THE TELEVISION.
I'M GETTING JUMPY.
- YES, SIR. ANY SPECIAL PROGRAM?
- SEE IF YOU CAN GET
CARTOON CARNIVAL.
- NOW REMEMBER,
CITIZENS, BUSINESS AS USUAL.
I DON'T WANT NOBODY
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
GETTING NO IDEA ABOUT
WHAT'S GOING ON, SEE?
- SEE, I MEAN, YES.
- YES, SIR, I MEAN, YES, I SEE.
- ONE PHONY MOVE FROM
YOU AND I UNLOCK THAT KID
FROM THE CLOSET UPSTAIRS
AND POW, BULLETS-VILLE.
- YOU ARE CERTAINLY
NOT VERY NICE.
- THAT'S WHAT MY
LAST SIX VICTIMS SAID.
NOW, GET THIS AND GET IT GOOD,
IF A CUSTOMER COMES
IN YOU WAIT ON HIM.
NO FUSS AND NO FEATHERS.
[CLICKING]
- WHAT'S THAT FUNNY NOISE?
- MY TEETH CHATTERING.
- YEAH, WELL QUIET THEM DOWN
BEFORE I KNOCK THEM OUT FOR YOU.
- REMEMBER, BUSINESS AS USUAL.
NOW I'LL BE RIGHT
BACK HERE WATCHING.
- HERBERT, CALM DOWN.
KEEP A STIFF UPPER LIP.
- STIFF UPPER LIP.
I'M STIFF ALL OVER.
- I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA HOW
WE MIGHT GET OUT OF THIS.
- ANYTHING WINNIE, ANYTHING.
- WE OFFER HIM MONEY.
- ALMOST ANYTHING.
- WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT,
OUR MONEY OR OUR LIVES?
WELL?
- I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING!
- YOU'RE RIGHT,
WINNIE, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL GO RIGHT OVER
TO THE CASH REGISTER
AND DO YOU THINK
HE'D TAKE A CHECK?
- THE MONEY.
- ALL RIGHT, WINNIE, ALL RIGHT.
THE MONEY, THE MONEY,
OH, TO THINK I'D
EVER SEE THE DAY
WHEN I WAS GIVING MONEY AWAY.
- IS THIS THE GILLIS
GROCERY STORE?
- OH, IT MOST CERTAINLY IS.
WINNIE, THIS MAY BE THE
BREAK WE'RE WAITING FOR.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MISS?
WHY WE HAVE HERE
THE FINEST COLLECTION
OF FRESH FRUITS AND
VEGETABLES AND CANNED GOODS
YOU'LL FIND ANY PLACE IN TOWN.
QUIET, WE'RE BEING HELD HERE BY
A DANGEROUS ESCAPED CRIMINAL.
- HOW DELIGHTFULLY LUGUBRIOUS.
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY
SOME OF OUR FRESH TOMATOES?
FRESH OFF THE BOAT.
BE CAREFUL, HE'S HIDING
BACK THERE IN THE CORNER
GOT US COVERED WITH A GUN.
- OH, OH, HOW
ABSOLUTELY REDOUBTABLE.
- IF WE TRY SOMETHING
HE'S GONNA REALIZE
SOMETHING FISHY'S GOING ON HERE.
YOU WANT FIVE POUNDS
OF TOMATOES, HUH,
FIVE POUNDS OF TOMATOES.
COMING RIGHT UP,
I'LL GUARANTEE YOU,
YOU WON'T GET ANY BETTER
TOMATOES THAN THIS
ANY PLACE IN THE COUNTRY.
NOW WALK OUT OF HERE WITH
THEM AFTER YOU PAY FOR THEM,
OF COURSE, AND GO TO THE
POLICE ALARM BOX ON THE CORNER
AND LET THEM KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE.
- HOW UTTERLY GALVANIZING.
- GET GOING QUICK.
IF HE REALIZES WHAT'S
GOING ON OUT HERE
HE'LL COME OUT AND
SHOOT ME FULL OF HOLES!
- HOW DEVASTATINGLY TRUE.
CLYDE WAS THE BEST SHOT IN
THE ENTIRE ALCATRAZ PENITENTIARY.
- CLYDE, BABY, COME ON OUT.
THIS DRIPS A TROUBLE MAKER.
- PATSY DOLL!
- CLYDE BABY!
OH, HOW DEVASTATINGLY
STIMULATING TO SEE YOU!
- WILL YOU STOP ALREADY
WITH THOSE TWO-BIT WORDS.
SHE'S GOT ONE LOUSY BOOK.
IT'S JUST MY LUCK IT
HAS TO BE A DICTIONARY.
- HEY, WHAT AM I
TALKING TO YOU FOR?
YOU TRIED TO RAT ON ME.
- OH, NO!
- PLEASE, MR. CALHOUN,
SIR, HE MEANT NO HARM,
HE'S... REMEMBER?
- YEAH, I'M GONNA
RUB HIM OUT ANYHOW,
NO MATTER HOW
WEAK HE IS IN THE HEAD.
- NOW, NOW, CUDDLES, WAIT
TILL BIG LOUIE GETS HERE
LATER TONIGHT.
- YEAH, TONIGHT.
- I BROUGHT ALONG A
SCARE JUST TO PLAY IT SAFE.
- GOOD WORK, BABY.
NOW TAKE THE GUN
AND GO ON UPSTAIRS
AND LET THAT KID
OUT OF THE CLOSET.
- LISTEN TO HIM, LISTEN TO HIM!
- IF HE MAKES ONE
WRONG MOVE, PLUG HIM.
- DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
- EXCRUCIATINGLY EXHILARATING.
- I'M VERY ANXIOUS
TO USE THIS GUN.
- WELL, HERBERT, WE TRIED.
- YES, WE DID, WINNIE.
OH, IT AIN'T THAT I MIND SO
MUCH GETTING RUBBED OUT
IN THE PRIME OF MY
LIFE BUT HAVING IT DONE
BY THAT LUNK-HEADED, PEANUT-
BRAINED, IRON SKULLED, GORILLA.
- YOU RANG?
- MAYNARD, I'M SURE
GLAD TO SEE YOU, BABY.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
- MR. G., IT'S ME, MAYNARD
G. KREBS, REMEMBER?
- YEAH, MAYNARD, I'VE
NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY
AS TO SEE YOU COME
WALTZING THROUGH THAT DOOR.
- OH, IT'S HAPPENED, MRS. G.
THE MARTIANS LANDED
AND TOOK OVER HIS BRAIN.
- MAYNARD G. KREBS, THE FINEST
BOY THIS TOWN EVER PRODUCED.
- THEM MARTIANS
AIN'T TOO CHOOSEY.
- MAYNARD, HAVE AN APPLE,
HAVE TWO APPLES, HAVE OODLES.
- OKAY, I'LL HAVE AN OODLE.
I AIN'T NEVER HAVE ONE OF THEM.
- HA-HA-HA! MAYNARD, THERE'S
A CRIMINAL HIDING IN THE STORE.
- MR. G., YOU'RE TALKING
KIND OF FUNNY EVEN FOR YOU.
- MAYNARD, THIS MAN
IS AN ESCAPED CONVICT!
- YOU TOO, MRS. G?
IT MUST BE A GAME.
THIS IS THE JOLLIEST PETER
PIPER PICKED A PECK OF PICKLED...
Both: MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
- OH, HECK, I JUST COME IN TO
BRING YOU THE MORNING NEWSPAPER.
WELL, SEE YOU, LIKE, LATER.
- WAIT, MAYNARD.
- MR. G., I CAN ONLY
READ THE FUNNY PAPERS,
LIKE, ON SUNDAY WHEN
DICK TRACY WEARS
THAT YELLOW COAT
AND THAT GREEN HAT.
- MAYNARD, READ!
- THE PRESIDENT'S IN
A CAB IN HE ATE MEAT.
- MAYNARD, IT SAYS THE
PRESIDENT'S CABINET MEETS.
- TRY THE BIGGER LETTERS.
- OH, YELLOW BELLIED SAP
SUCKER IN ZOO EXPECTS TWINS.
HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS MARRIED.
THIS IS FUN, LET'S
READ SOME MORE.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
- LIKE, BYE, MRS.
G., LIKE, BYE, MR. G.,
LIKE BYE WHOEVER YOU
ARE HIDING BEHIND THE CANS.
- THERE'S A FELLOW
LOOKING BEHIND THE CANS,
DIDN'T YOU KNOW? Both: HUH?
- COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHATEVER YOU ARE.
- HI, MR. GUEST, MY NAME
IS MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WHAT'S YOURS?
- UH?
MR. UH? MUST BE
A FOREIGN FELLOW.
- I'M HERB'S COUSIN.
I JUST DROPPED IN TO SAY HELLO.
- OH, WHAT AN HONOR.
ANY RELATIVE OF
HERBERT T. GILLIS IS...
WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME ANY HOW.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW, I KNOW
YOU TWO ARE RELATED
BECAUSE YOU LOOK ALIKE.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALSO
LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE PAPER
THIS MORNING THAT JUST
ESCAPED FROM PRISON.
- HUH?
- ALSO DRESSED LIKE HIM.
- OH?
- IN FACT, BOTH OF YOU LOOK
LIKE HIM, ESPECIALLY MR. G.
- HEY, YOU'RE A REAL BRIGHT KID.
- AND THAT AIN'T EASY
CONSIDERING I'M A PUNK.
- THAT'S A REAL NICE GUN.
CAN I TAKE A LOOK AT IT?
I WONDER WHERE
YOU PUT THE WATER IN?
- I GOT ONE OF THESE AT HOME
AND IT BELONGS TO MY AUNT WALTER.
OR IS IT MY UNCLE EMILY?
- MAYNARD'S TALKING
HIM INTO A BLUE FUNK.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO GRAB HIM!
- BE CAREFUL, HERBERT.
- RELAX, I GOT IT
ALL PLANNED OUT.
- HONEST?
- NO, SNEAKY.
- OR DOES THE GUN BELONG
TO MY GRANDPA MARGARET?
- MAYNARD, YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST
CHARACTER I HAVE EVER MET,
IN OR OUT STARK.
- OH, I LIKE YOU, TOO,
COUSIN OF MR. G.,
AND I'M GONNA SHOW
YOU MY PETRIFIED FROG.
- GET THAT NUTTY
THING AWAY FROM ME.
- OH, IT'S ONLY A
PETRIFIED FROG.
YOU KNOW, IT AIN'T GOT
TOO GOOD A DISPOSITION
BUT WOULD NEITHER WOULD
YOU IF YOU WAS PETRIFIED.
- SURE, SURE, NICE
FROG, NOW TAKE IT AWAY.
- SURE, WHATEVER YOU
SAY COUSIN OF MR. G.
BUT YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
BECAUSE MR. G. IS GONNA DROP
A NET ON YOUR HEAD.
- GILLIS, I'M GONNA
PULVERIZE YOU.
- AND DITTO TO YOU, MAYNARD.
- OOPS, LIKE, BYE.
- QUESTION, WITH A FRIEND
LIKE MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WHO NEEDS AN ENEMY?
ANSWER, NOBODY.
- BUT IN THESE DESPERATE MINUTES
THAT'S WHAT WE DESPERATE
GILLIS'S ARE STUCK WITH,
ENEMIES, NOTHING BUT ENEMIES.
FIRST, THERE'S GOON CALHOUN.
- WISH BIG LOUIE WOULD
HURRY UP AND GET HERE.
I'M SICK OF THESE GILLIS FACES.
IT'S TIME TO RUB THEM OUT,
NOT THE FACES, THE GILLIS'S.
- THEN THERE'S HIS GIRLFRIEND
OR AS SHE IS REFERRED
TO ON THE LATE,
LATE SHOW HIS GUN MOLL, PATSY.
- LIKE, BABY, LET'S GET
ON SOME GLAD RAGS
AND WE CAN LIVE IT UP AFTER WE,
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE THE EXPRESSION.
OBLITERATE THESE CREEPS.
- AND THERE'S AN ENEMY
WE NEVER EVEN SEEN.
RIGHT NOW HE'S RACING
DOWN A BACK ROAD
TO RESCUE CALHOUN AND PATSY
AND TURN US INTO STATISTICS.
I REFER, OF COURSE, TO EXCUSE
THE EXPRESSION, BIG LOUIE.
♪ I DREAM OF JEANIE
WITH LIGHT BROWN HAIR ♪
♪ BORN LIKE A VAPOR
ON THE MORNING AIR ♪
- THAT MAKES THREE ENEMIES
WE GILLIS'S HAVE TO FACE
BUT THERE ARE THREE
OF GILLIS'S TO FIGHT BACK
AND TWO OF US ARE STRONG,
VIGOROUS, DYNAMIC MEN.
- WHO, ME?
- YES, DAD, YOU.
YOU GOT TO POUNCE ON
HIM AND TAKE HIS GUN AWAY.
- WHO, ME?
- IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
HE'D GET SUSPICIOUS IF BOTH
OF US TRIED TO GET NEAR HIM.
THIS IS A ONE-MAN JOB.
- WHO, ME?
- WHOEVER KNOCKS OVER THAT
BIG APE WILL BE A GENUINE HERO.
- GOOD, IT'S YOUR
TURN. YOU DO IT.
- WHO, ME?
- YOU'RE YOUNGER THAN I AM.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, YOU'RE OLDER?
- YEAH, BUT I'M YOUR FATHER AND
IF ANYTHING WAS TO HAPPEN TO ME
WHY YOU'D NEVER
FORGIVE YOURSELF.
- TRUE.
- THEN YOU'LL GO
THROUGH WITH IT?
- NO, IF ANYTHING HAPPENED
TO ME I'D NEVER
FORGIVE MYSELF, EITHER.
- ALL RIGHT, IF THAT'S
THE WAY YOU FEEL.
YOU RAISE YOUR BOY UP
THINKING HE'S GOING TO BE A MAN
AND OH, IT'S ALL
MY FAULT ANYWAY.
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER
LET YOUR MOTHER
LET YOU RUN AROUND IN
THOSE BUSTER BROWN HAIRCUTS
TILL YOU WERE 14-YEARS-OLD.
- ALL RIGHT, DAD, I'LL DO IT.
I'LL TRY AND GET THAT
GUN AWAY FROM CALHOUN.
- OH, THAT'S A BOY.
JUST STAND UP TO HIM
AND HE'LL TURN TO JELLY,
STARE HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE
AND WATCH HIM FALL APART.
OH, HE'S YELLOW ALL THROUGH.
- A LILY LIVERED COWARD.
- YEAH, CHICKEN HEARTED WEASEL.
- A SPINELESS RAT.
- RIGHT.
- YOU KNOT HEADS LOOKING FOR ME?
- OKAY, SO DAD AND I DIDN'T COME
THROUGH WITH FLYING COLORS
BUT THERE'S A SIMPLE
EXPLANATION, WE WERE COWARDS.
HOWEVER, WE WEREN'T
FINISHED YET, NO SIR.
WE GILLIS MEN STILL
HAD A SECRET WEAPON.
- NAMELY A GILLIS WOMAN.
- MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THE DENTIST GAVE
ME THIS PAINKILLER
WHEN I HAD MY TOOTH PULLED.
A TEASPOON FULL PUT ME
OUT LIKE A LIGHT, REMEMBER?
- SURE BUT...
- WELL, WATCH THIS, BUSTER.
- MOM, THAT'LL KNOCK
HIM OUT FOR MONTH.
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT?
- MAKE SURE HE GETS THE
ONE WITH THE CRACKED EDGE.
- MOM, YOU'RE A GREAT AMERICAN
LIKE BETSY ROSS OR MARTHA
WASHINGTON OR ZSA ZSA GABOR.
- OKAY, OKAY, LET'S
HAVE THE GRUB.
- COMING RIGHT UP, SIR.
- YES, SIR, RIGHT
AWAY, YEAH, SIT DOWN.
PIPING HOT, YES, SIR.
- REMEMBER, THE ONE
WITH THE CRACKED EDGE.
- STEW, OH, GEE THAT'S WHAT
WE ALWAYS HAD IN THE PEN.
- WE WANTED YOU TO FEEL RIGHT
AT HOME, SIR. AIN'T THAT SWEET?
- GO DOWNSTAIRS AND
WATCH FOR BIG LOUIE.
- BUT I'M STARVING.
- GET MOVING.
THE WAY YOU'RE PUTTING ON
WEIGHT YOU OUGHT TO BE STARVING.
- HERE, POOPSIE, ENJOY.
- LIKE, HI COUSIN OF MR. G.,
I'M BACK.
- OH, HELLO, PUNK.
- OH, YOU REMEMBERED.
- OH, MAN, SOMETHING
SURE SMELLS GOOD
AND WOULDN'T IT BE A NOBLE DEED
IF SOMEBODY ASKED ME TO SIT DOWN
AND HAVE SOME AND
YOU BET SURE I WILL.
- YOU KNOW, MAYNARD,
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
BUT THERE'S ONLY
ENOUGH FOR THE FAMILY.
- LEAVE THAT POOR
CREEP FEED HIS FACE.
- YEAH, LEAVE THE POOR
CREEP FEED HIS FACE.
- HERE, POOR CREEP.
- NO, MAYNARD, DON'T!
- PIPE DOWN AND LEAVE HIM EAT!
- OH, LIKE, THANKS YOU'RE
A REAL HUMAN PERSON.
MAN, YOU SHOULD SEE ALL
THE EXCITEMENT DOWN TOWN.
POLICEMEN ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- OH, YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THAT
CRIMINAL THAT ESCAPED FROM JAIL.
MAN, THIS IS DELICIOUS.
YOU'RE THE NICEST
MAN I EVER MET.
- I WAS VOTED MOST
LOVABLE INMATE OF ALCATRAZ.
- THE SCALLYWAG THEY'RE
LOOKING FOR IS THE ONE
THAT LOOKS LIKE MR. G.
AND A LITTLE BIT LIKE YOU.
MRS. G., THIS IS THE BEST
STEW YOU EVER STEWED.
- THANKS A LUMP.
- YEAH, THERE WERE A FEW
LUMPS BUT THEY'RE YUMMY, TOO.
MR. G., HOW COME
YOU'RE NOT EATING.
- I JUST FINISHED A PLATE.
- HERE, HAVE SECONDS.
THIS IS THE GREATEST.
HAVE SOME OF MINE.
- NEVER MIND, MAYNARD.
- EAT IT!
- I'M EATING IT.
- WAIT, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH HIM?
- MAYNARD ALWAYS
TAKES A NAP AFTER LUNCH.
- MISSUS! WHAT DID
YOU PUT IN THAT STEW?
- IT'S A VERY
INTERESTING RECIPE.
BEEF, CARROTS, PEAS, POTATOES...
- YEAH, AND THAT AIN'T ALL.
OKAY, WALDO, KEEP EATING.
- JUST RAN OUT OF APPETITE.
- EAT IT.
- IT'S JUST ORDINARY STEW,
MEAT, PEAS, CARROTS, P...
- MAYNARD G. KREBS, THE
MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER
AND SLEPT THROUGH IT,
WENT HOME AS SOON AS
HE WAS CONSCIOUS AGAIN
OR AS CONSCIOUS AS
MAYNARD EVER GETS.
MEANWHILE, STILL RACING
THROUGH THE NIGHT
TOWARD THE GILLIS
GROCERY WAS A MAN
WHO HELD OUR VERY LIVES IN
HIS HANDS, NAMELY BIG LOUIE.
♪ I WANDER TODAY THROUGH THE
HILLS TO WATCH THE SCENE BELOW ♪
- OUR SITUATION LOOKED HOPELESS
BUT A GILLIS NEVER GIVES UP.
OF COURSE, SOMETIMES
WE OUGHT TO BUT WE DON'T.
SO DAD CAME UP WITH
A NEW PLAN OF ACTION.
WHEN HE TOLD IT TO MOM
SHE WAS QUICK TO APPRECIATE
ITS BRILLIANCE AND INGENUITY.
- IT'S THE STUPIDEST
THING I EVER HEARD OF.
IT'LL NEVER WORK.
- WELL, YOU HEARD
HER CALL ME POOPSIE,
SO WHY DON'T I STAND
A CHANCE OF SWEET
TALKING CALHOUN'S GIRLFRIEND
INTO DOUBLE CROSSING HIM, HUH?
- THAT QUESTION WOULD BE EASY
TO ANSWER IF YOU WE
HAD A MIRROR, NO OFFENSE.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
SO I AIN'T AS YOUNG AND
HANDSOME AS I USED TO BE.
- I'LL BUY THAT.
- DON'T AGREE SO FAST.
- WELL, I SUPPOSE WE
MIGHT AS WELL TRY IT.
WE COULDN'T BE ANY WORSE OFF.
- YEAH, WELL, I HEARD
CALHOUN TELL HER
TO WAKE HIM UP AT 10:00.
THAT GIVES ME A FULL HALF-HOUR
ALONE WITH PATSY, BOO-BOO.
- PEEK-A-BOO.
- HEY, YOU SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- OH, YOU WONT TALK
ABOUT ME THAT WAY
WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW
ME BETTER, MUCH BETTER.
- YOU SICK OR SOMETHING?
- DON'T LET THIS
LAYOUT FOOL YOU, GIRL.
I'M REALLY A SWINGER.
- OH, BOY.
- OH, BOY IS RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, I COULD
LEARN TO GO FOR A DARLING,
DIMPLE DOLLY LIKE YOU.
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE?
- YES, WHAT ABOUT HER?
- WELL, LET'S FACE IT,
HER FUTURE IS BEHIND HER,
WAY OUT BEHIND HER.
- BUT SHE IS THE
WOMAN YOU MARRIED.
- SHE GOT ME WHEN
I WAS JUST A BOY.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.
- MR. GILLIS, I AM
DEEPLY SHOCKED.
- YOU CAN GET SHOCKED ABOUT THAT
BUT YOU'RE NOT SHOCKED
THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S GOING
TO RUB US ALL OUT AND
THAT HE'S GOT MY SON, DOBIE,
LOCKED UP IN A CLOSET.
- THAT'S DIFFERENT.
THAT'S BUSINESS.
- FOR A MARRIED MAN LIKE
YOU TO MAKE SUCH A PROPOSAL,
OH, FOR SHAME.
I AM GOING TO TELL MRS.
GILLIS AFTER I TELL CLYDE.
- TELL CLYDE WHAT?
- WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHAT HE'S
BEEN UP TO THAT OVERAGE ROMEO.
- WHO, HIM? YOU
GOT TO BE KIDDING.
- ANY SIGN OF BIG LOUIE?
- NOT YET BUT ANY MINUTE HE'LL
BE COMING THROUGH THE DOOR,
THE TOUGHEST, SHREWDEST,
MOST DANGEROUS...
- YOU RANG?
- OH, IT'S THE PUNK.
- LIKE, HI, COUSIN
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS.
LOOK, I BROUGHT SOME
OF MY TOYS TO SHOW YOU.
- THIS KID'S LOST HIS MARBLES.
- NO, I HAVEN'T.
I LEFT THEM HOME.
- HERE'S A BIG BALL OF TIN FOIL.
- OH, YEAH, AND HERE'S THE
GUN I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
LEMONADE, YOU WANT SOME?
- AND HERE IS CYNTHIA, HE'S
MY OTHER PETRIFIED FROG.
- YOU KEEP THEM NUTTY
THINGS AWAY FROM ME.
- OH, IT'S OKAY.
- AND KEEP THEM UP, BIG
BOY. WINNIE, CALL THE COPS.
- MR. G., I AM SHOCKED.
IS THAT A WAY TO
TREAT YOUR COUSIN?
- COUSIN?
- OPERATOR, CALL THE POLICE.
TELL THEM TO GET RIGHT
DOWN TO THE GILLIS GROCERY
AT THE CORNER OF 3rd AND ELM.
WE'VE CAPTURED CLYDE
THE GOON CALHOUN.
- OH, MRS. G., THAT'S A VERY...
- MAYNARD, GET OUT OF THE WAY.
- DROP THE GUN, GILLIS,
OR I BREAK THE PUNK'S NECK.
- OH, YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN
BUT GO AHEAD, BREAK, BREAK.
- HERBERT!
- OH, THERE'S GOT
TO BE A CURSE ON ME.
- ON BEHALF OF MY
FRIENDS MAY I APOLOGIZE
FOR THE ABOMINAL BEHAVIOR.
- IT'S THE COPS, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE.
- FIRST I'M TAKING CARE OF HIM.
[SIRENS]
- ALL RIGHT, CALHOUN, WE'VE
GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
[GLASS BREAKING]
- OH, THE LAST TIME I SAW
THIS YOU WAS GEORGE RAFT.
- CALHOUN, COME OUT
OR WE'RE COMING IN.
[GUNSHOTS]
- YOU'LL NEVER TAKE
ME ALIVE, COPPER!
- HEY, YOU FELLOWS SURE YOU
CAME TO THE RIGHT ADDRESS?
- FOR SHAME, MR. G., NOT EVEN
HELPING YOUR OWN COUSIN.
- RELOAD.
- RIGHT, MY CAPTAIN. YOU'RE
A 100 PERCENT NICE MAN.
HOW COME EVERYBODY'S
SO MAD AT YOU?
[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]
- MAYNARD, HE'S AN
ESCAPED CRIMINAL,
A BANK ROBBER, A KILLER!
- I DON'T CARE WHAT
HE DOES FOR A LIVING.
BLOOD'S THICKER THAN WATER!
OR WATER IS THICKER THAN BLOOD.
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.
- I'M GOING IN.
- GIVE ME ANOTHER GUN!
- OH, I'M SORRY G.
NO MORE BULLETS
HERE, YOU CAN USE MINE.
YEP, ALL LOADED AND READY TO GO.
- YOU'VE HAD IT, COPPER,
YOU'RE ALL WASHED UP.
- GOT YOU, GOT YOU, I HOPE.
HOLD ONTO HIM, WINNIE,
HOLD HIM, HOLD HIM!
- MRS. G., MR. G., HOW CAN
YOU BE SO MEAN AND ROTTEN
MAKING ALL THIS TROUBLE FOR
YOUR SWEET, LOVABLE COUSIN.
- COUSIN, MAYNARD...
- HEY, LET HIM GO!
- LIKE, HI, BIG LOUIE!
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOUR CROOK-SHIP.
SOMETIMES KNOWN AS THE PUNK
AND I KNOW YOU'RE
BIG LOUIE ON ACCOUNT
I SEEN YOUR PICTURE
IN THE NEWSPAPER.
- YEAH, I READ THE PAPERS, TOO.
WHERE ARE THE RATS
THAT TURNED IN MY PAL?
I'LL GET THEM IF I
HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT.
- OH, YOU GOT ONE OF THEM, TOO.
YEAH, SO DO I. HEY, LOOK.
- IT'S JUST A TOY, SEE?
I GOT LOTS OF TOYS.
I GOT A BIG BALL OF
TIN FOIL, TOO, HUH?
- WHEN ARE THEY COMING BACK?
- OH, ONE OF MY MOST
PRIZED POSSESSIONS
IN THE WHOLE WIDE
WORLD, BIG LOUIE.
IT'S CYNTHIA, HE'S
MY PETRIFIED FROG.
- AH!
- TAKE IT AWAY!
- HE WON'T BITE.
- TAKE THAT CRAZY THING AWAY!
- YOU'LL LIKE CYNTHIA.
JUST BET ME, WINNIE,
THAT IS THE LAST TIME YOU'LL
EVER DRAG ME DOWNTOWN
TO SEE TWO CRUMMY
PICTURES AND SPEND $3.00
AND I COULD SEE THEM
FOR FREE ON TELEVISION
IN ABOUT 10 YEARS
WITH MY SHOES OFF
AND THERE WASN'T EVEN
ONE USED CAR COMMERCIAL.
- MY DEAR HERBERT
LET ME POINT OUT ONE,
YOU DID NOT SHELL OUT $3.00,
IT WAS ONLY A DOLLAR AND A HALF
WHICH I PAID FOR OUT
OF MY HOUSEHOLD MONEY.
AND TWO, YOU TOOK YOUR SHOES
OFF THE INSTANT YOU SAT DOWN
JUST AS IF YOU WERE AT HOME
AND I WAS NEVER SO
EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE.
AND THREE, WHEN THE
USED CAR COMMERCIALS
DO COME ON TELEVISION
ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE
USING TERRIBLE LANGUAGE.
- AND WHAT ABOUT THAT OTHER
CLUNKER, THAT GANGSTER PICTURE?
A GUY BREAKS INTO A HOUSE AND
HOLDS A WHOLE FAMILY CAPTIVE
WITH ONE PUNY, LITTLE PISTOL
AND NOBODY'S THERE
THAT'S GOT THE COURAGE
TO JUMP HIM AND
SAVE THEIR HIDES,
REAL BELIEVABLE STUFF, HUH?
- WHAT THEY DID SEEMS
VERY SENSIBLE TO ME.
I MEAN, WHEN A CRIMINAL
POINTS A GUN AT YOU,
YOU DON'T JUST RUN
UP AND JUMP ON HIM.
YOU SIT THERE QUIETLY AND
THINK MEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM
AND PRETTY SOON HE GOES AWAY.
- THAT'S A WOMAN FOR YOU,
NO MAN WOULD DO A
COWARDLY TRICK LIKE THAT,
AT LEAST NO MAN THAT IS A MAN.
- NAMELY YOU?
- NAMELY ME.
I'D JUST STARE THE COWARDLY
PUNK RIGHT IN THE EYE.
THEY'RE ALL COWARDLY
PUNKS, YOU KNOW,
I'D STARE HIM RIGHT IN THE
EYE AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
I'VE GIVE HIM A KARATE
CHOP IN THE JUDO TWIST!
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO.
I'D GIVE HIM A QUICK KARATE
PUNCH AND A JUDO THROW AND...
- OH, HERBERT,
STOP ACTING SILLY.
- YOU HEARD THE LADY,
HERBERT. STOP ACTING SILLY.
- I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT THE
STORE IS CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.
- REACH!
- YOU SIR, ARE NO GENTLEMAN.
- REACH.
- GRACIOUS!
DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU
ANY BETTER MANNERS THAN THAT?
- LOOK, LADY, I AIN'T IN
NO MOOD TO PLAY GAMES.
I SAID REACH, I MEAN, REACH.
- I THINK HE MEANS IT.
- HE DOES?
GRACIOUS, WELL, THEN HERBERT
NOW IS THE TIME FOR THAT JUDO THROW
AND THAT KARATE CHOP.
DO SOMETHING!
- OKAY. I WILL.
OH HERBERT!
[JAZZ THEME]
- MOST OF US GO THROUGH LIFE
HOPING THAT WE WILL BE WANTED
BUT NOT IN EXACTLY THE WAY
A CERTAIN MR. CLYDE
CALHOUN WAS WANTED.
YEP, THIS IS THE NOTORIOUS
CLYDE CALHOUN, PUBLIC ENEMY ONE
THROUGH TEN INCLUSIVE, KNOWN
AS GOON CALHOUN TO HIS FRIENDS,
ASSOCIATES AND THE WARDENS
OF THE 30 OR 40 PRISONS
HE'S GRADUATED FROM.
NOW, YOU'VE SEEN
WHAT HAPPENED TO DAD
WHEN HE FOUND HIMSELF FACE-TO-
FACE WITH THIS MAD DOG KILLER.
HE WAS, SHALL WE
SAY, FRIGHTENED?
WELL, NO, NOT
EXACTLY FRIGHTENED.
WHAT HE WAS EXACTLY WAS CHICKEN.
DAD ISN'T AS YOUNG
AS HE USED TO BE,
SO YOU CAN'T REALLY BLAME
HIM FOR THE WAY HE ACTED.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
AM IN THE PRIME OF LIFE,
SO WHEN CALHOUN USED HIS GUN
TO FORCE MOM AND DAD UPSTAIRS
TO THE LIVING ROOM WHERE I WAS,
I BEHAVED RATHER DIFFERENTLY.
- REACH, KID, OR I'LL
BLAST YOUR HEAD OFF.
- YOU BIG BRUTE!
- WHAT?
- YOU BIG BRUTE, SIR.
- DOBIE DEAR,
SPEAK TO ME, DOBIE!
- WHERE AM I?
- YOU'RE RIGHT IN
YOUR OWN HOME, DEAR.
THAT NASTY MAN POINTED
A GUN AT YOU, REMEMBER?
- I REMEMBER.
- COME ON, LIE DOWN OVER HERE.
TALK TO ME, SON. DO SOMETHING.
- PIPE DOWN, ALL OF YOU.
I GOT TO MAKE A PHONE
CALL AND DON'T NOBODY MOVE
OR THE NUMBER I DIAL
IS GONNA BE YOURS.
- LISTEN, IF THAT'S
A TOLL CALL...
- QUIET!
- HELLO, BIG LOUIE?
YEAH, IT'S ME, CALHOUN.
- GOON CALHOUN?
- YOU HEARD OF ME?
- I HEARD OF YOU.
- ANYMORE FOOLISH QUESTIONS?
- EXCUSE THE
INTERRUPTION, BIG LOUIE.
YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT FOR NOW.
THE BREAK OUT OF JAIL WAS A SNAP
BUT I HAD TO DITCH
THE CAR IN THE RIVER.
TOO MANY COPS PROWLING AROUND,
SO YOU GOT TO COME
AND PICK ME UP BUT FAST.
HOLD UP ON ELM STREET NEAR 3rd.
IT'S A RUNDOWN OLD FLEABAG.
- I AM AN EXCELLENT HOUSEKEEPER.
- OVER A SEEDY LOOKING
DUMP OF A GROCERY STORE.
- I AM A WELL-KNOWN
INDEPENDENT RETAIL MERCHANT.
- GROCER AND HIS
WIFE AND A KID, DOPEY.
- I AM DOBIE WITH A B.
- I'M GONNA PLUG YOU
ALL IF YOU DON'T CLAM UP.
YEAH, BIG LOUIE, I KNOW
IT'LL TAKE TIME TO GET HERE
BUT NO LATER THAN
TOMORROW NIGHT, HUH?
RIGHT, BIG LOUIE, AND TELL
PATSY WHERE I AM JUST IN CASE.
ALL RIGHT, BIG LOUIE.
THAT WAS BIG LOUIE.
- BIG DEAL.
- WHAT?
- DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION
TO DAD, MR. CALHOUN SIR,
HE'S A LITTLE UPSET.
- WHAT HE IS IS SCREWY.
- TRUE, TRUE.
- VERY STRANGE AT TIMES, SIR.
VERY STRANGE WE HAVE
TO WATCH HIM ALL THE TIME
BUT HE MEANS NO HARM.
- HE'S LIKE A CHILD, SIR.
- YEAH, I NOTICED. YOU,
MISSUS, GIVE ME SOME SCOFF.
- SCOFF?
- MOM, THAT'S PRISON
SLANG FOR FOOD.
- RIGHT KID. HEY, YOU DONE TIME?
- NO, BUT I SEE A LOT
OF THE OLD JIMMY CAGNEY
MOVIES ON TELEVISION.
- I'M A HUMPHREY
BOGART MAN MYSELF.
NOW GET THIS, I'M KEEPING
THIS LITTLE WIDOW MAKER
AIMED AT ONE OF
YOU EVERY MINUTE.
IF YOU OTHERS GET
ANY SILLY NOTIONS
LIKE TRYING TO SNEAK
AWAY TO CALL THE COPS, POW!
YOU GET IT?
- GOT IT.
- GOT IT.
- GOT IT.
- GOT IT.
- POW! HEY, KID, TURN
ON THE TELEVISION.
I'M GETTING JUMPY.
- YES, SIR. ANY SPECIAL PROGRAM?
- SEE IF YOU CAN GET
CARTOON CARNIVAL.
- NOW REMEMBER,
CITIZENS, BUSINESS AS USUAL.
I DON'T WANT NOBODY
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
GETTING NO IDEA ABOUT
WHAT'S GOING ON, SEE?
- SEE, I MEAN, YES.
- YES, SIR, I MEAN, YES, I SEE.
- ONE PHONY MOVE FROM
YOU AND I UNLOCK THAT KID
FROM THE CLOSET UPSTAIRS
AND POW, BULLETS-VILLE.
- YOU ARE CERTAINLY
NOT VERY NICE.
- THAT'S WHAT MY
LAST SIX VICTIMS SAID.
NOW, GET THIS AND GET IT GOOD,
IF A CUSTOMER COMES
IN YOU WAIT ON HIM.
NO FUSS AND NO FEATHERS.
[CLICKING]
- WHAT'S THAT FUNNY NOISE?
- MY TEETH CHATTERING.
- YEAH, WELL QUIET THEM DOWN
BEFORE I KNOCK THEM OUT FOR YOU.
- REMEMBER, BUSINESS AS USUAL.
NOW I'LL BE RIGHT
BACK HERE WATCHING.
- HERBERT, CALM DOWN.
KEEP A STIFF UPPER LIP.
- STIFF UPPER LIP.
I'M STIFF ALL OVER.
- I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA HOW
WE MIGHT GET OUT OF THIS.
- ANYTHING WINNIE, ANYTHING.
- WE OFFER HIM MONEY.
- ALMOST ANYTHING.
- WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT,
OUR MONEY OR OUR LIVES?
WELL?
- I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING!
- YOU'RE RIGHT,
WINNIE, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL GO RIGHT OVER
TO THE CASH REGISTER
AND DO YOU THINK
HE'D TAKE A CHECK?
- THE MONEY.
- ALL RIGHT, WINNIE, ALL RIGHT.
THE MONEY, THE MONEY,
OH, TO THINK I'D
EVER SEE THE DAY
WHEN I WAS GIVING MONEY AWAY.
- IS THIS THE GILLIS
GROCERY STORE?
- OH, IT MOST CERTAINLY IS.
WINNIE, THIS MAY BE THE
BREAK WE'RE WAITING FOR.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MISS?
WHY WE HAVE HERE
THE FINEST COLLECTION
OF FRESH FRUITS AND
VEGETABLES AND CANNED GOODS
YOU'LL FIND ANY PLACE IN TOWN.
QUIET, WE'RE BEING HELD HERE BY
A DANGEROUS ESCAPED CRIMINAL.
- HOW DELIGHTFULLY LUGUBRIOUS.
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY
SOME OF OUR FRESH TOMATOES?
FRESH OFF THE BOAT.
BE CAREFUL, HE'S HIDING
BACK THERE IN THE CORNER
GOT US COVERED WITH A GUN.
- OH, OH, HOW
ABSOLUTELY REDOUBTABLE.
- IF WE TRY SOMETHING
HE'S GONNA REALIZE
SOMETHING FISHY'S GOING ON HERE.
YOU WANT FIVE POUNDS
OF TOMATOES, HUH,
FIVE POUNDS OF TOMATOES.
COMING RIGHT UP,
I'LL GUARANTEE YOU,
YOU WON'T GET ANY BETTER
TOMATOES THAN THIS
ANY PLACE IN THE COUNTRY.
NOW WALK OUT OF HERE WITH
THEM AFTER YOU PAY FOR THEM,
OF COURSE, AND GO TO THE
POLICE ALARM BOX ON THE CORNER
AND LET THEM KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE.
- HOW UTTERLY GALVANIZING.
- GET GOING QUICK.
IF HE REALIZES WHAT'S
GOING ON OUT HERE
HE'LL COME OUT AND
SHOOT ME FULL OF HOLES!
- HOW DEVASTATINGLY TRUE.
CLYDE WAS THE BEST SHOT IN
THE ENTIRE ALCATRAZ PENITENTIARY.
- CLYDE, BABY, COME ON OUT.
THIS DRIPS A TROUBLE MAKER.
- PATSY DOLL!
- CLYDE BABY!
OH, HOW DEVASTATINGLY
STIMULATING TO SEE YOU!
- WILL YOU STOP ALREADY
WITH THOSE TWO-BIT WORDS.
SHE'S GOT ONE LOUSY BOOK.
IT'S JUST MY LUCK IT
HAS TO BE A DICTIONARY.
- HEY, WHAT AM I
TALKING TO YOU FOR?
YOU TRIED TO RAT ON ME.
- OH, NO!
- PLEASE, MR. CALHOUN,
SIR, HE MEANT NO HARM,
HE'S... REMEMBER?
- YEAH, I'M GONNA
RUB HIM OUT ANYHOW,
NO MATTER HOW
WEAK HE IS IN THE HEAD.
- NOW, NOW, CUDDLES, WAIT
TILL BIG LOUIE GETS HERE
LATER TONIGHT.
- YEAH, TONIGHT.
- I BROUGHT ALONG A
SCARE JUST TO PLAY IT SAFE.
- GOOD WORK, BABY.
NOW TAKE THE GUN
AND GO ON UPSTAIRS
AND LET THAT KID
OUT OF THE CLOSET.
- LISTEN TO HIM, LISTEN TO HIM!
- IF HE MAKES ONE
WRONG MOVE, PLUG HIM.
- DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
- EXCRUCIATINGLY EXHILARATING.
- I'M VERY ANXIOUS
TO USE THIS GUN.
- WELL, HERBERT, WE TRIED.
- YES, WE DID, WINNIE.
OH, IT AIN'T THAT I MIND SO
MUCH GETTING RUBBED OUT
IN THE PRIME OF MY
LIFE BUT HAVING IT DONE
BY THAT LUNK-HEADED, PEANUT-
BRAINED, IRON SKULLED, GORILLA.
- YOU RANG?
- MAYNARD, I'M SURE
GLAD TO SEE YOU, BABY.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
- MR. G., IT'S ME, MAYNARD
G. KREBS, REMEMBER?
- YEAH, MAYNARD, I'VE
NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY
AS TO SEE YOU COME
WALTZING THROUGH THAT DOOR.
- OH, IT'S HAPPENED, MRS. G.
THE MARTIANS LANDED
AND TOOK OVER HIS BRAIN.
- MAYNARD G. KREBS, THE FINEST
BOY THIS TOWN EVER PRODUCED.
- THEM MARTIANS
AIN'T TOO CHOOSEY.
- MAYNARD, HAVE AN APPLE,
HAVE TWO APPLES, HAVE OODLES.
- OKAY, I'LL HAVE AN OODLE.
I AIN'T NEVER HAVE ONE OF THEM.
- HA-HA-HA! MAYNARD, THERE'S
A CRIMINAL HIDING IN THE STORE.
- MR. G., YOU'RE TALKING
KIND OF FUNNY EVEN FOR YOU.
- MAYNARD, THIS MAN
IS AN ESCAPED CONVICT!
- YOU TOO, MRS. G?
IT MUST BE A GAME.
THIS IS THE JOLLIEST PETER
PIPER PICKED A PECK OF PICKLED...
Both: MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
- OH, HECK, I JUST COME IN TO
BRING YOU THE MORNING NEWSPAPER.
WELL, SEE YOU, LIKE, LATER.
- WAIT, MAYNARD.
- MR. G., I CAN ONLY
READ THE FUNNY PAPERS,
LIKE, ON SUNDAY WHEN
DICK TRACY WEARS
THAT YELLOW COAT
AND THAT GREEN HAT.
- MAYNARD, READ!
- THE PRESIDENT'S IN
A CAB IN HE ATE MEAT.
- MAYNARD, IT SAYS THE
PRESIDENT'S CABINET MEETS.
- TRY THE BIGGER LETTERS.
- OH, YELLOW BELLIED SAP
SUCKER IN ZOO EXPECTS TWINS.
HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS MARRIED.
THIS IS FUN, LET'S
READ SOME MORE.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
- LIKE, BYE, MRS.
G., LIKE, BYE, MR. G.,
LIKE BYE WHOEVER YOU
ARE HIDING BEHIND THE CANS.
- THERE'S A FELLOW
LOOKING BEHIND THE CANS,
DIDN'T YOU KNOW? Both: HUH?
- COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHATEVER YOU ARE.
- HI, MR. GUEST, MY NAME
IS MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WHAT'S YOURS?
- UH?
MR. UH? MUST BE
A FOREIGN FELLOW.
- I'M HERB'S COUSIN.
I JUST DROPPED IN TO SAY HELLO.
- OH, WHAT AN HONOR.
ANY RELATIVE OF
HERBERT T. GILLIS IS...
WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME ANY HOW.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW, I KNOW
YOU TWO ARE RELATED
BECAUSE YOU LOOK ALIKE.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALSO
LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE PAPER
THIS MORNING THAT JUST
ESCAPED FROM PRISON.
- HUH?
- ALSO DRESSED LIKE HIM.
- OH?
- IN FACT, BOTH OF YOU LOOK
LIKE HIM, ESPECIALLY MR. G.
- HEY, YOU'RE A REAL BRIGHT KID.
- AND THAT AIN'T EASY
CONSIDERING I'M A PUNK.
- THAT'S A REAL NICE GUN.
CAN I TAKE A LOOK AT IT?
I WONDER WHERE
YOU PUT THE WATER IN?
- I GOT ONE OF THESE AT HOME
AND IT BELONGS TO MY AUNT WALTER.
OR IS IT MY UNCLE EMILY?
- MAYNARD'S TALKING
HIM INTO A BLUE FUNK.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO GRAB HIM!
- BE CAREFUL, HERBERT.
- RELAX, I GOT IT
ALL PLANNED OUT.
- HONEST?
- NO, SNEAKY.
- OR DOES THE GUN BELONG
TO MY GRANDPA MARGARET?
- MAYNARD, YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST
CHARACTER I HAVE EVER MET,
IN OR OUT STARK.
- OH, I LIKE YOU, TOO,
COUSIN OF MR. G.,
AND I'M GONNA SHOW
YOU MY PETRIFIED FROG.
- GET THAT NUTTY
THING AWAY FROM ME.
- OH, IT'S ONLY A
PETRIFIED FROG.
YOU KNOW, IT AIN'T GOT
TOO GOOD A DISPOSITION
BUT WOULD NEITHER WOULD
YOU IF YOU WAS PETRIFIED.
- SURE, SURE, NICE
FROG, NOW TAKE IT AWAY.
- SURE, WHATEVER YOU
SAY COUSIN OF MR. G.
BUT YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
BECAUSE MR. G. IS GONNA DROP
A NET ON YOUR HEAD.
- GILLIS, I'M GONNA
PULVERIZE YOU.
- AND DITTO TO YOU, MAYNARD.
- OOPS, LIKE, BYE.
- QUESTION, WITH A FRIEND
LIKE MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WHO NEEDS AN ENEMY?
ANSWER, NOBODY.
- BUT IN THESE DESPERATE MINUTES
THAT'S WHAT WE DESPERATE
GILLIS'S ARE STUCK WITH,
ENEMIES, NOTHING BUT ENEMIES.
FIRST, THERE'S GOON CALHOUN.
- WISH BIG LOUIE WOULD
HURRY UP AND GET HERE.
I'M SICK OF THESE GILLIS FACES.
IT'S TIME TO RUB THEM OUT,
NOT THE FACES, THE GILLIS'S.
- THEN THERE'S HIS GIRLFRIEND
OR AS SHE IS REFERRED
TO ON THE LATE,
LATE SHOW HIS GUN MOLL, PATSY.
- LIKE, BABY, LET'S GET
ON SOME GLAD RAGS
AND WE CAN LIVE IT UP AFTER WE,
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE THE EXPRESSION.
OBLITERATE THESE CREEPS.
- AND THERE'S AN ENEMY
WE NEVER EVEN SEEN.
RIGHT NOW HE'S RACING
DOWN A BACK ROAD
TO RESCUE CALHOUN AND PATSY
AND TURN US INTO STATISTICS.
I REFER, OF COURSE, TO EXCUSE
THE EXPRESSION, BIG LOUIE.
♪ I DREAM OF JEANIE
WITH LIGHT BROWN HAIR ♪
♪ BORN LIKE A VAPOR
ON THE MORNING AIR ♪
- THAT MAKES THREE ENEMIES
WE GILLIS'S HAVE TO FACE
BUT THERE ARE THREE
OF GILLIS'S TO FIGHT BACK
AND TWO OF US ARE STRONG,
VIGOROUS, DYNAMIC MEN.
- WHO, ME?
- YES, DAD, YOU.
YOU GOT TO POUNCE ON
HIM AND TAKE HIS GUN AWAY.
- WHO, ME?
- IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
HE'D GET SUSPICIOUS IF BOTH
OF US TRIED TO GET NEAR HIM.
THIS IS A ONE-MAN JOB.
- WHO, ME?
- WHOEVER KNOCKS OVER THAT
BIG APE WILL BE A GENUINE HERO.
- GOOD, IT'S YOUR
TURN. YOU DO IT.
- WHO, ME?
- YOU'RE YOUNGER THAN I AM.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, YOU'RE OLDER?
- YEAH, BUT I'M YOUR FATHER AND
IF ANYTHING WAS TO HAPPEN TO ME
WHY YOU'D NEVER
FORGIVE YOURSELF.
- TRUE.
- THEN YOU'LL GO
THROUGH WITH IT?
- NO, IF ANYTHING HAPPENED
TO ME I'D NEVER
FORGIVE MYSELF, EITHER.
- ALL RIGHT, IF THAT'S
THE WAY YOU FEEL.
YOU RAISE YOUR BOY UP
THINKING HE'S GOING TO BE A MAN
AND OH, IT'S ALL
MY FAULT ANYWAY.
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER
LET YOUR MOTHER
LET YOU RUN AROUND IN
THOSE BUSTER BROWN HAIRCUTS
TILL YOU WERE 14-YEARS-OLD.
- ALL RIGHT, DAD, I'LL DO IT.
I'LL TRY AND GET THAT
GUN AWAY FROM CALHOUN.
- OH, THAT'S A BOY.
JUST STAND UP TO HIM
AND HE'LL TURN TO JELLY,
STARE HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE
AND WATCH HIM FALL APART.
OH, HE'S YELLOW ALL THROUGH.
- A LILY LIVERED COWARD.
- YEAH, CHICKEN HEARTED WEASEL.
- A SPINELESS RAT.
- RIGHT.
- YOU KNOT HEADS LOOKING FOR ME?
- OKAY, SO DAD AND I DIDN'T COME
THROUGH WITH FLYING COLORS
BUT THERE'S A SIMPLE
EXPLANATION, WE WERE COWARDS.
HOWEVER, WE WEREN'T
FINISHED YET, NO SIR.
WE GILLIS MEN STILL
HAD A SECRET WEAPON.
- NAMELY A GILLIS WOMAN.
- MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THE DENTIST GAVE
ME THIS PAINKILLER
WHEN I HAD MY TOOTH PULLED.
A TEASPOON FULL PUT ME
OUT LIKE A LIGHT, REMEMBER?
- SURE BUT...
- WELL, WATCH THIS, BUSTER.
- MOM, THAT'LL KNOCK
HIM OUT FOR MONTH.
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT?
- MAKE SURE HE GETS THE
ONE WITH THE CRACKED EDGE.
- MOM, YOU'RE A GREAT AMERICAN
LIKE BETSY ROSS OR MARTHA
WASHINGTON OR ZSA ZSA GABOR.
- OKAY, OKAY, LET'S
HAVE THE GRUB.
- COMING RIGHT UP, SIR.
- YES, SIR, RIGHT
AWAY, YEAH, SIT DOWN.
PIPING HOT, YES, SIR.
- REMEMBER, THE ONE
WITH THE CRACKED EDGE.
- STEW, OH, GEE THAT'S WHAT
WE ALWAYS HAD IN THE PEN.
- WE WANTED YOU TO FEEL RIGHT
AT HOME, SIR. AIN'T THAT SWEET?
- GO DOWNSTAIRS AND
WATCH FOR BIG LOUIE.
- BUT I'M STARVING.
- GET MOVING.
THE WAY YOU'RE PUTTING ON
WEIGHT YOU OUGHT TO BE STARVING.
- HERE, POOPSIE, ENJOY.
- LIKE, HI COUSIN OF MR. G.,
I'M BACK.
- OH, HELLO, PUNK.
- OH, YOU REMEMBERED.
- OH, MAN, SOMETHING
SURE SMELLS GOOD
AND WOULDN'T IT BE A NOBLE DEED
IF SOMEBODY ASKED ME TO SIT DOWN
AND HAVE SOME AND
YOU BET SURE I WILL.
- YOU KNOW, MAYNARD,
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
BUT THERE'S ONLY
ENOUGH FOR THE FAMILY.
- LEAVE THAT POOR
CREEP FEED HIS FACE.
- YEAH, LEAVE THE POOR
CREEP FEED HIS FACE.
- HERE, POOR CREEP.
- NO, MAYNARD, DON'T!
- PIPE DOWN AND LEAVE HIM EAT!
- OH, LIKE, THANKS YOU'RE
A REAL HUMAN PERSON.
MAN, YOU SHOULD SEE ALL
THE EXCITEMENT DOWN TOWN.
POLICEMEN ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- OH, YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THAT
CRIMINAL THAT ESCAPED FROM JAIL.
MAN, THIS IS DELICIOUS.
YOU'RE THE NICEST
MAN I EVER MET.
- I WAS VOTED MOST
LOVABLE INMATE OF ALCATRAZ.
- THE SCALLYWAG THEY'RE
LOOKING FOR IS THE ONE
THAT LOOKS LIKE MR. G.
AND A LITTLE BIT LIKE YOU.
MRS. G., THIS IS THE BEST
STEW YOU EVER STEWED.
- THANKS A LUMP.
- YEAH, THERE WERE A FEW
LUMPS BUT THEY'RE YUMMY, TOO.
MR. G., HOW COME
YOU'RE NOT EATING.
- I JUST FINISHED A PLATE.
- HERE, HAVE SECONDS.
THIS IS THE GREATEST.
HAVE SOME OF MINE.
- NEVER MIND, MAYNARD.
- EAT IT!
- I'M EATING IT.
- WAIT, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH HIM?
- MAYNARD ALWAYS
TAKES A NAP AFTER LUNCH.
- MISSUS! WHAT DID
YOU PUT IN THAT STEW?
- IT'S A VERY
INTERESTING RECIPE.
BEEF, CARROTS, PEAS, POTATOES...
- YEAH, AND THAT AIN'T ALL.
OKAY, WALDO, KEEP EATING.
- JUST RAN OUT OF APPETITE.
- EAT IT.
- IT'S JUST ORDINARY STEW,
MEAT, PEAS, CARROTS, P...
- MAYNARD G. KREBS, THE
MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER
AND SLEPT THROUGH IT,
WENT HOME AS SOON AS
HE WAS CONSCIOUS AGAIN
OR AS CONSCIOUS AS
MAYNARD EVER GETS.
MEANWHILE, STILL RACING
THROUGH THE NIGHT
TOWARD THE GILLIS
GROCERY WAS A MAN
WHO HELD OUR VERY LIVES IN
HIS HANDS, NAMELY BIG LOUIE.
♪ I WANDER TODAY THROUGH THE
HILLS TO WATCH THE SCENE BELOW ♪
- OUR SITUATION LOOKED HOPELESS
BUT A GILLIS NEVER GIVES UP.
OF COURSE, SOMETIMES
WE OUGHT TO BUT WE DON'T.
SO DAD CAME UP WITH
A NEW PLAN OF ACTION.
WHEN HE TOLD IT TO MOM
SHE WAS QUICK TO APPRECIATE
ITS BRILLIANCE AND INGENUITY.
- IT'S THE STUPIDEST
THING I EVER HEARD OF.
IT'LL NEVER WORK.
- WELL, YOU HEARD
HER CALL ME POOPSIE,
SO WHY DON'T I STAND
A CHANCE OF SWEET
TALKING CALHOUN'S GIRLFRIEND
INTO DOUBLE CROSSING HIM, HUH?
- THAT QUESTION WOULD BE EASY
TO ANSWER IF YOU WE
HAD A MIRROR, NO OFFENSE.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
SO I AIN'T AS YOUNG AND
HANDSOME AS I USED TO BE.
- I'LL BUY THAT.
- DON'T AGREE SO FAST.
- WELL, I SUPPOSE WE
MIGHT AS WELL TRY IT.
WE COULDN'T BE ANY WORSE OFF.
- YEAH, WELL, I HEARD
CALHOUN TELL HER
TO WAKE HIM UP AT 10:00.
THAT GIVES ME A FULL HALF-HOUR
ALONE WITH PATSY, BOO-BOO.
- PEEK-A-BOO.
- HEY, YOU SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- OH, YOU WONT TALK
ABOUT ME THAT WAY
WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW
ME BETTER, MUCH BETTER.
- YOU SICK OR SOMETHING?
- DON'T LET THIS
LAYOUT FOOL YOU, GIRL.
I'M REALLY A SWINGER.
- OH, BOY.
- OH, BOY IS RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, I COULD
LEARN TO GO FOR A DARLING,
DIMPLE DOLLY LIKE YOU.
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE?
- YES, WHAT ABOUT HER?
- WELL, LET'S FACE IT,
HER FUTURE IS BEHIND HER,
WAY OUT BEHIND HER.
- BUT SHE IS THE
WOMAN YOU MARRIED.
- SHE GOT ME WHEN
I WAS JUST A BOY.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.
- MR. GILLIS, I AM
DEEPLY SHOCKED.
- YOU CAN GET SHOCKED ABOUT THAT
BUT YOU'RE NOT SHOCKED
THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S GOING
TO RUB US ALL OUT AND
THAT HE'S GOT MY SON, DOBIE,
LOCKED UP IN A CLOSET.
- THAT'S DIFFERENT.
THAT'S BUSINESS.
- FOR A MARRIED MAN LIKE
YOU TO MAKE SUCH A PROPOSAL,
OH, FOR SHAME.
I AM GOING TO TELL MRS.
GILLIS AFTER I TELL CLYDE.
- TELL CLYDE WHAT?
- WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHAT HE'S
BEEN UP TO THAT OVERAGE ROMEO.
- WHO, HIM? YOU
GOT TO BE KIDDING.
- ANY SIGN OF BIG LOUIE?
- NOT YET BUT ANY MINUTE HE'LL
BE COMING THROUGH THE DOOR,
THE TOUGHEST, SHREWDEST,
MOST DANGEROUS...
- YOU RANG?
- OH, IT'S THE PUNK.
- LIKE, HI, COUSIN
OF HERBERT T. GILLIS.
LOOK, I BROUGHT SOME
OF MY TOYS TO SHOW YOU.
- THIS KID'S LOST HIS MARBLES.
- NO, I HAVEN'T.
I LEFT THEM HOME.
- HERE'S A BIG BALL OF TIN FOIL.
- OH, YEAH, AND HERE'S THE
GUN I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
LEMONADE, YOU WANT SOME?
- AND HERE IS CYNTHIA, HE'S
MY OTHER PETRIFIED FROG.
- YOU KEEP THEM NUTTY
THINGS AWAY FROM ME.
- OH, IT'S OKAY.
- AND KEEP THEM UP, BIG
BOY. WINNIE, CALL THE COPS.
- MR. G., I AM SHOCKED.
IS THAT A WAY TO
TREAT YOUR COUSIN?
- COUSIN?
- OPERATOR, CALL THE POLICE.
TELL THEM TO GET RIGHT
DOWN TO THE GILLIS GROCERY
AT THE CORNER OF 3rd AND ELM.
WE'VE CAPTURED CLYDE
THE GOON CALHOUN.
- OH, MRS. G., THAT'S A VERY...
- MAYNARD, GET OUT OF THE WAY.
- DROP THE GUN, GILLIS,
OR I BREAK THE PUNK'S NECK.
- OH, YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN
BUT GO AHEAD, BREAK, BREAK.
- HERBERT!
- OH, THERE'S GOT
TO BE A CURSE ON ME.
- ON BEHALF OF MY
FRIENDS MAY I APOLOGIZE
FOR THE ABOMINAL BEHAVIOR.
- IT'S THE COPS, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE.
- FIRST I'M TAKING CARE OF HIM.
[SIRENS]
- ALL RIGHT, CALHOUN, WE'VE
GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
[GLASS BREAKING]
- OH, THE LAST TIME I SAW
THIS YOU WAS GEORGE RAFT.
- CALHOUN, COME OUT
OR WE'RE COMING IN.
[GUNSHOTS]
- YOU'LL NEVER TAKE
ME ALIVE, COPPER!
- HEY, YOU FELLOWS SURE YOU
CAME TO THE RIGHT ADDRESS?
- FOR SHAME, MR. G., NOT EVEN
HELPING YOUR OWN COUSIN.
- RELOAD.
- RIGHT, MY CAPTAIN. YOU'RE
A 100 PERCENT NICE MAN.
HOW COME EVERYBODY'S
SO MAD AT YOU?
[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]
- MAYNARD, HE'S AN
ESCAPED CRIMINAL,
A BANK ROBBER, A KILLER!
- I DON'T CARE WHAT
HE DOES FOR A LIVING.
BLOOD'S THICKER THAN WATER!
OR WATER IS THICKER THAN BLOOD.
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.
- I'M GOING IN.
- GIVE ME ANOTHER GUN!
- OH, I'M SORRY G.
NO MORE BULLETS
HERE, YOU CAN USE MINE.
YEP, ALL LOADED AND READY TO GO.
- YOU'VE HAD IT, COPPER,
YOU'RE ALL WASHED UP.
- GOT YOU, GOT YOU, I HOPE.
HOLD ONTO HIM, WINNIE,
HOLD HIM, HOLD HIM!
- MRS. G., MR. G., HOW CAN
YOU BE SO MEAN AND ROTTEN
MAKING ALL THIS TROUBLE FOR
YOUR SWEET, LOVABLE COUSIN.
- COUSIN, MAYNARD...
- HEY, LET HIM GO!
- LIKE, HI, BIG LOUIE!
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M MAYNARD G. KREBS,
YOUR CROOK-SHIP.
SOMETIMES KNOWN AS THE PUNK
AND I KNOW YOU'RE
BIG LOUIE ON ACCOUNT
I SEEN YOUR PICTURE
IN THE NEWSPAPER.
- YEAH, I READ THE PAPERS, TOO.
WHERE ARE THE RATS
THAT TURNED IN MY PAL?
I'LL GET THEM IF I
HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT.
- OH, YOU GOT ONE OF THEM, TOO.
YEAH, SO DO I. HEY, LOOK.
- IT'S JUST A TOY, SEE?
I GOT LOTS OF TOYS.
I GOT A BIG BALL OF
TIN FOIL, TOO, HUH?
- WHEN ARE THEY COMING BACK?
- OH, ONE OF MY MOST
PRIZED POSSESSIONS
IN THE WHOLE WIDE
WORLD, BIG LOUIE.
IT'S CYNTHIA, HE'S
MY PETRIFIED FROG.
- AH!
- TAKE IT AWAY!
- HE WON'T BITE.
- TAKE THAT CRAZY THING AWAY!
- YOU'LL LIKE CYNTHIA.