The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 4, Episode 16 - Vocal Boy Makes Good - full transcript
Dobie beats Maynard out for a temporary position as a member of the vocal group, The Lettermen. The Lettermen appear as themselves.
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW
HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
- YES, YOU SAW IT
WITH YOUR OWN EYES,
ME, DOBIE GILLIS REHEARSING
WITH ONE OF THE TOP SINGING
AND RECORDING
GROUPS IN THE COUNTRY.
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
HOW DID MODEST, UNASSUMING
ME GET STARTED ON THE TRAIL
TO SHOWBIZ, FAME AND FORTUNE?
WELL, IT STARTED WHEN
THE LETTERMEN TRIO
PUT ON A CONCERT AT SCHOOL
AND DAD AND I WENT TO SEE IT.
THE AUDITORIUM WAS
JAMMED BECAUSE THAT TRIO'S
BIG BOX OFFICE EVERYWHERE.
[MUSIC]
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ THE WHEELS ARE SINGING
TO THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪
♪ IF YOU GO, YOU
CAN'T COME BACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ IF YOU GO, YOU
CAN'T COME BACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ THE WHEELS ARE SINGING
TO THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪
♪ WELL, IF YOU GO
YOU CAN'T COME BACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
- YEP, THOSE LETTERMEN
REALLY SING UP A STORM.
BUT DID YOU NOTICE THAT
FELLOW IN THE MIDDLE?
THAT'S LOU.
HE HAD A TENDENCY TO
BE JUST A TINY BIT HAMMY.
HAMMY DID I SAY? LET'S FACE IT.
HE WASN'T JUST HAMMY,
HE WAS GOING WHOLE HOG.
BUT GET A LOAD OF WHAT HE
DOES ON THE NEXT NUMBER.
BROTHER, THIS GUY
STOPS AT NOTHING.
LOOK AT THAT JAZZY GUITAR,
AND LOOK AT THE
OTHER TWO FELLOWS.
DO THEY LIKE WHAT HE'S DOING?
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY:
THEY'RE SMILING ON THE OUTSIDE
AND COOKING UP SCHEMES
FOR INSTANT MURDER
ON THE INSIDE.
♪ SUMMER HAS COME AND GONE ♪
♪ TOO LATE IT'S MUCH TOO LATE ♪
♪ TOO LATE, TOO LATE WE'VE
LINGERED HERE TOO LONG ♪
♪ ALL OF THE SAD YOUNG
MEN GOIN', GOIN' HOME AGAIN ♪
♪ GOIN', GOIN' HOME AGAIN ♪
- THANK YOU.
STUDENTS OF S. PETER
PRYOR JUNIOR COLLEGE,
FOR MY NEXT NUMBER,
I'D LIKE TO DO A VERY
BEAUTIFUL SONG ENTITLED...
- STUDENTS, I HAVE A
WONDERFUL SURPRISE FOR YOU.
- A SURPRISE? WHAT SURPRISE?
- THIS.
- THIS IS THE SADDEST DAY
IN THE HISTORY OF MUSIC,
THE END OF THE LETTERMEN.
- OF COURSE, IF THEY REALLY
WANNA STAY IN BUSINESS,
ALL THEY GOTTA
DO IS GET SOMEBODY
TO TAKE THE PLACE
OF THAT LOUDMOUTH.
- BUT WHERE ARE THEY
GONNA FIND A FELLOW
WHO HAS EXACTLY THE
RIGHT COMBINATION OF TALENT
AND BRAINS AND
MILLION-DOLLAR PERSONALITY?
- YOU RANG?
[JAZZ THEME]
- QUESTION: CAN THIS
FACE FIT INTO THIS PICTURE?
ANSWER: CAN THIS FACE
FIT INTO ANY PICTURE?
LET'S FACE IT, THE ODDS
WERE A MILLION TO ONE
AGAINST MAYNARD BECOMING
A PART OF THE LETTERMEN.
AND WHEN I EXPLAINED THIS,
HE TOOK IT LIKE A REAL SPORT.
- I SHALL KILL MYSELF.
- MAYNARD, FORGET
ABOUT JOINING THAT TRIO.
I'M NOT GONNA STAND
HERE AND LET YOU
MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU GONNA
STAND WHILE I MAKE A FOOL
OF MYSELF?
- MAYNARD, GET THAT CRAZY
NOTION OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
- WHY COULDN'T I
JOIN UP? LIKE, WHY?
ALL I HAVE TO HAVE
IS GOOD LOOKS, CHARM
AND A MILLION-DOLLAR
PERSONALITY,
AND I JUST ANSWERED
MY OWN QUESTION.
WHERE DO I GO TO JOIN
THE FOREIGN LEGION?
BOY SCOUTS? CUB
SCOUTS? CAMPFIRE GIRLS?
- MAYNARD,
SINGING WITH THE LETTERMEN
MEANS A LOT TO YOU, DOESN'T IT?
- OH, GOOD BUDDY, IT'S A
MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH,
MAYBE ALL THREE.
- AND I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY.
- I'LL ACT AS YOUR AGENT
AND GET YOU THE JOB.
- ATTA BOY, DOBE.
- I'LL TELL 'EM
HOW GREAT YOU ARE.
- ATTA BOY, DOBE.
- I'LL TURN ON MY
CHARM AND PERSONALITY.
- WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, DOBE.
- NEVER MIND.
BESIDES, THEY'LL
HAVE TO TAKE YOU.
WE'VE GOT 'EM OVER A BARREL.
- OVER A BARREL?
MAN, IT MUST BE AWFUL HARD
TO SING ALL SQUINCHED UP
OVER A BARREL.
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY, ♪
OH.
- MAYNARD, GET BACK.
LOOK, THE LETTERMEN
SIGNED A CONTRACT
TO SING IN THE SCHOOL
AUDITORIUM SATURDAY NIGHT.
BUT IF THEY DON'T
HAVE THREE SINGERS,
THEY'RE NOT A TRIO
AND THEY DON'T GET PAID.
- IF THEY'RE NOT A
TRIO, WHAT ARE THEY?
- WHAT THEY ARE
IS IN BIG TROUBLE.
- REAL BIG TROUBLE ON ACCOUNT
OF WE'D BE BREAKING THE CONTRACT,
AND THE SCHOOL COULD SUE US
FOR A COTTON PICKIN' FORTUNE.
- THEN WE GOTTA
GET SOMEBODY QUICK.
- TRUE. ALL WE NEED
IS A COLLEGE BOY.
- TRUE.
- WHO CAN FIT THE SWEATER.
- TRUE.
- AND CAN TAKE ORDERS.
- TRUE.
- AND HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY.
- FALSE.
- HUH?
- WRONG. A PERSONALITY
BOY'S ALL WRONG.
LOOK AT THE HEADACHES
WE JUST WENT THROUGH
WITH THE LAST ONE.
- TRUE. WHAT WE
NEED IS A NOTHING.
- A GENUINE, CERTIFIED NOBODY.
- SOMEBODY WE CAN REPLACE
LIKE A TIN CAN ON A SHELF
AND NOBODY KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE.
WITH A FACE AND A
PERSONALITY LIKE A PLATE
OF WARMED OVER YOGURT.
- HELLO. ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I AM DOBIE GILLIS.
- THE ANSWER TO A
SHORTHANDED TRIO'S DREAM.
- AMEN.
- GENTLEMEN, LET
US NOT DILLYDALLY.
I'M THE SOLE AND
EXCLUSIVE REPRESENTATIVE
OF MY CLIENT, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
KNOWN IN THE MUSICAL CIRCLES
AS THE SONGBIRD OF S.
PETER PRYOR COLLEGE.
- FACE LIKE WARMED OVER YOGURT.
- WITH A PERSONALITY TO MATCH.
- WE COULD REPLACE HIM LIKE
A CAN OF SARDINES ON A SHELF.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
YOU WANTED ME TO GIVE
YOU AN ARPEGGIO OR TWO?
♪ BA-BAP-BA-DA-BA-DA-BA... ♪
- NO FREE SAMPLES.
FRIENDS, I'M A
HARDHEADED BUSINESS MAN,
AND I PULL NO PUNCHES.
YOU NEED A NEW
MAN FOR YOUR GROUP.
AND BY AN ASTOUNDING
COINCIDENCE,
MY CLIENT IS
TEMPORARILY AT LIBERTY.
BOYS, I LIKE THE
CUT OF YOUR JIB,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE
YOU A SENSATIONAL OFFER.
- IT'S A DEAL!
- I KNOW YOU'RE NOT
THE SLIGHTEST BIT...
NO, KIDDING?
- LET'S SHAKE ON IT.
- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY.
- OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
MY CLIENT CAN SIGN THE
CONTRACTS IMMEDIATELY.
- CLIENT?
- WHAT CLIENT?
- WE'RE HIRING YOU.
- ME?
- YOU.
- HIM?
- HIM.
- BUT I CAN'T SING.
- GREAT.
- I'M TONE DEAF.
- PERFECT.
- I'M A MISERABLE MUSICIAN.
- ATTA BOY.
- MAYNARD, I...
- QUIET, YOU LOWDOWN RAT.
- OW! MAYNARD!
- HOLD STILL! HOLD STILL!
HOLD STILL, LITTLE BUDDY.
WE GOTTA GET THESE
CLOTHES ON YOU.
- THERE'S A NICE YOGURT.
- I WENT IN TO GET MAYNARD
A JOB AND THEY HIRED ME.
I CAN'T SAY THAT I BLAME 'EM,
BUT IT DID MAKE FOR KIND
OF AN ETHICAL PROBLEM.
I MEAN, I'M ALL FOR
BOUNCIN' UP THERE
TO THE TOP.
BUT IS IT FAIR TO USE
YOUR BEST FRIEND'S HEART
FOR A POGO STICK?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GO
WHEN YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM
LIKE THIS, BUT I GO TO A MAN
WHO'S FAMOUS FOR HIS WARM
HEART AND UNSELFISH VIEWPOINT.
- GRAB THE LOOT.
- BUT HOW ABOUT POOR MAYNARD?
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT
POOR MAYNARD, HUH?
- DAD, WHAT ABOUT THE ETHICS?
- OH, NICE LITTLE CAR. I
USED TO DRIVE ONE MYSELF.
WHAT WE ARE TALKIN'
ABOUT RIGHT NOW, BOY,
IS ALL THEM WEALTHY SINGERS.
WHY THOSE KIDS GOT SO MUCH LOOT?
THEY'RE THE ONLY
COLLEGE BOYS IN THE WORLD
PUTTING THEIR FATHERS
THROUGH BUSINESS.
- DAD.
- YES, MY SON, MY LOVING,
GRATEFUL, OBLIGATED SON.
- DAD, LISTEN.
- REMEMBER HOW I USED
TO WALK THE FLOOR WITH YOU
AND BURP YOU WHEN
YOU WERE A BABY?
REMEMBER HOW I SPENT ALL
THAT MONEY GETTING BRACES
PUT ON YOUR TEETH?
- NO, DAD, I'M NOT
GETTING THROUGH TO YOU.
WHAT'S BUGGIN' ME IS
MAYNARD. HE'S MY FRIEND.
- OH, YOU'RE ALL HEART, BOY,
BUT ONE HAS TO LOOK OUT
FOR NUMBER ONE.
- STEALING THIS
JOB AWAY FROM HIM,
IT'D BE LIKE KICKIN'
HIM IN THE TEETH.
- WELL, LET'S FACE FACTS,
THIS IS A DOG EAT DOG WORLD.
- TRUE. THANKS
FOR POINTING IT OUT.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- AND THANKS FOR SHOWIN'
ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
- YOU HAVE TO KICK
HIM IN THE TEETH, HUH?
- NO, I'M GONNA QUIT THE
JOB AND LET MAYNARD HAVE IT.
- THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN
TELLING YOU FOR YEARS, BOY:
LET MAYNARD HAVE IT.
- DAD, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
YOU'RE PROUD OF ME,
AND YOU THINK I'M A FINE,
HONORABLE BOY.
- NO, NOT EXACTLY.
- OH?
- I THINK YOU ARE A
FINE, HONORABLE NUT.
- DAD, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
- YOU WANNA BET?
- LOOK, I KNOW IT'S A
DOG EAT DOG WORLD
BUT WE'RE NOT SCHNAUZERS OR
POODLES OR COCKER SPANIELS.
WE'RE HUMAN BEINGS.
- WE ARE, BUT I AIN'T SO
SURE ABOUT MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD'S A HUMAN
BEING, TOO, I THINK.
ANYHOW, I'M GONNA
HELP HIM GET THAT JOB.
- I'M THINKING.
- HA-HA, YOU'RE THINKING
THAT NOW YOU'RE PROUD OF ME,
HUH, DAD?
- HA-HA, I'M THINKING
THAT NOW IS A ROTTEN TIME
FOR YOU TO START ACTING
LIKE YOUR MOTHER'S SIDE
OF THE FAMILY.
- DAD, PLEASE.
- LOOK, IF YOU WANNA KICK
AWAY ALL THIS LOOT, BOY,
I AIN'T GONNA FIGHT YOU.
IN FACT, I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
- OH, GOOD, DAD.
BUT GETTING 'EM TO HIRE
MAYNARD WON'T BE EASY.
- NO, WE GOTTA THINK
OF SOMETHIN' TRICKY
AND UNDERHANDED.
- OH, NO, I WON'T GO
FOR THAT SORT OF THING.
- IT HAS GOT TO BE
LOW AND SNEAKY
OR IT AIN'T GONNA WORK.
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- OTHERWISE, MAYNARD'S
GONNA BE MOANIN'
AND GROANIN' AND
HANGIN' AROUND YOUR NECK
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
- WHEN DO WE START
BEING LOW AND SNEAKY?
- LOW AND SNEAKY? ME?
UN-LOW, UN-SNEAKY ME?
- RIGHT, MAYNARD,
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU
REMEMBER THE PLAN.
- YOU BET I REMEMBER. WHAT PLAN?
- YOU'RE GOING OUT THERE
AND TELL THOSE FELLOWS
IN THE TRIO THAT I
SUDDENLY LOST MY VOICE,
AND YOU TAKE OVER.
- OH, MAN, YOU LOST YOUR VOICE.
WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO
IS TAKE SOME HOT, SCALDY,
SALTY WATER AND GIGGLE.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
GARGLE AND PAY ATTENTION.
I DIDN'T REALLY LOSE MY VOICE.
- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY,
A MIRACLE RECOVERY.
- I'VE GOT THIS NOTE THAT
EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
JUST GIVE IT TO THOSE
FELLOWS OUT THERE
AND SAY I LOST MY VOICE. GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
I GIVE IT TO 'EM AND SAY
I LOST MY VOICE, RIGHT?
- WRONG.
MAYNARD, YOU DIDN'T
LOSE YOUR VOICE.
YOU POINT TO ME AND YOU
SAY, "MR. GILLIS LOST HIS VOICE."
GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
I POINT TO YOU AND
SAY YOUR FATHER
LOST HIS VOICE, RIGHT?
- LET'S TRY ONCE MORE.
GIVE 'EM THE NOTE, POINT
TO ME AND SAY NOTHING.
GOT IT?
- GOT IT. AND
THIS NOTHIN' I SAY.
SHOULD I SAY IT FAST OR SLOW?
- ANYWAY YOU WANT, MAYNARD.
I'M GONNA GET THIS JOB
FOR YOU IN SPITE OF YOU.
- THANKS, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU'RE A REAL HUMAN BEING.
YOU'RE RIGHT UP THERE
WITH DR. SCHWEITZER,
WINSTON CHURCHILL
AND PETER LAWFORD.
[MUSIC]
♪ YOU SAW ME STANDING ALONE ♪
♪ WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART ♪
- MAN, AIN'T IT THE
BEAUTIFUL-IST?
- THE BEAUTIFUL-IST.
- MAN, DON'T I DIG IT THE MOST.
- WHO DON'T, MAYNARD? WHO DON'T?
♪ BLUE MOON YOU KNEW
JUST WHAT I WAS THERE ♪
♪ FOR YOU HEARD ME
SAYING A PRAYER FOR ♪
- OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHT.
AH, MOON IN MY CARIBBEAN.
- FLAKE OFF, WALDO.
- I BEG OF YOU, DO NOT
DISMISS ME SO HASTILY.
MY NAME IS GILLIS, DOBIE GILLIS.
- DON'T COME TO ME
WITH YOUR PROBLEMS.
I... HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
DID YOU SAY GILLIS?
DOBIE GILLIS?
- AT YOUR BECK
AND CALL, MY LADY.
- HOW GALLANT.
I'M APRIL BOYNTON, MUSIC
CRITIC OF THE SCHOOL PAPER.
OH, DOBIE, IT'S SO EXCITING
MEETING YOU THIS WAY.
- NATURALLY.
BUT YOU MUST TRY
TO CONTROL YOURSELF.
- YOU'RE THE FIRST
FAMOUS MAN I'VE EVER MET.
- FAMOUS MAN, ME?
- BUT, OF COURSE, DOBIE DARLING,
ANY BOY WHO HAS A JOB
SINGING WITH THE LETTERMEN
IS FAMOUS TO ME.
- UH-OH.
- ALL MY LIFE, I'VE SIMPLY
FLIPPED FOR SINGERS.
AND TO THINK, DOBIE
DUMPLING, YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
♪ THE ONLY ONE MY
ARMS COULD EVER HOLD ♪
♪ I HEARD SOMEBODY
WHISPER PLEASE, ADORE ME ♪
♪ AND WHEN I LOOKED THE
MOON HAD TURNED TO GOLD ♪
♪ BLUE MOON NOW
I'M NO LONGER ALONE ♪
♪ WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART
WITHOUT A LOVE OF MY OWN ♪
- APRIL, MY SWEET, HOW
WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT ME
IF I WASN'T GONNA SING
WITH THE LETTERMEN?
- OH, BUT YOU ARE, DEAR ONE,
SO LET'S NOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT.
- HEY, GILLIS,
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT YOU
NOT SINGING WITH US?
- NOT SING WITH YOU?
RIDICULOUS. MY DOBIE IS SINGING.
- IT SAYS HERE HE LOST HIS VOICE
AND HE'S QUITTING.
- RIDICULOUS. MY
DOBIE IS SINGING.
- WELL, GILLIS, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY
LOVES SHORTNIN', SHORTNIN' ♪
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY
LOVES SHORTNIN' BREAD ♪
♪ I WENT IN THE KITCHEN
TOOK OFF THE LID ♪
♪ I GOT MYSELF A POCKET
OF SHORTNIN' BREAD ♪
SO I TOOK THE JOB
WITH THE LETTERMEN.
I DIDN'T REALLY
INTEND TO, HONEST.
I MEAN, WHEN I HEARD MYSELF
SINGING THOSE OPENING BARS
OF "SHORTNIN' BREAD"...
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY
LOVES SHORTNIN', SHORTNIN' ♪
WELL, YOU HEARD ME DO IT.
YOU COULD'VE KNOCKED ME
OVER WITH CHUBBY CHECKER.
BUT I COULDN'T STOP.
YOU SEE, WHEN IT COMES TO
GIRLS, I'M AN INCURABLE ROMANTIC,
ALSO A DREAMER OF DREAMS.
- ALSO A LOWDOWN RAT.
- MAYNARD, TRY TO
UNDERSTAND, PLEASE.
- OH, I'M TRYIN'.
- GOOD.
- BUT IT AIN'T WORKIN'.
- MAYNARD, WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
- YOU MEAN THIS?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
NOT GIVING ME A CHANCE.
- SURE I AM, DOBE. I GIVE
YOU LOTS OF CHANCES.
I ALWAYS PULL MY LEG
WAY BACK TO THERE
BEFORE I KICK YOU.
PLENTY OF CHANCE, BUT I
GOT YOU GOOD ANYHOW,
LIKE THIS.
- OH! MAYNARD, HEY!
WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.
WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME?
- ON ACCOUNT OF
WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.
- MAYNARD!
- NO, NO. WATCH,
GILLIS. LOOK, GILLIS.
WITH A BEAT.
- YEAH.
- KIND OF A,
CHUCKA-CHUCKA-CHUCK.
- YEAH, I GOT IT, GOT IT.
- GOT IT? OKAY.
- YEAH. GOT IT.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪ OOH ♪
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW
HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ THE WHEELS ARE SAYING
TO THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK ♪
- HEY, HOLD IT! HOLD IT!
- CLICKETY, CLICKETY CLACK.
- YOU'RE SINGING AGAIN.
- WELL, YES, SIR, A LITTLE.
YOU SEE, I THOUGHT THAT...
- AND HE WAS SMILING TOO.
- NO.
- YEAH, LOADED WITH PERSONALITY.
- NO, GILLIS, NO
PERSONALITY SMILE,
NO SINGIN', NO WIGGLY EYEBROWS
AND NO NOSTRIL TWITCHIN'.
- WELL, WHAT DO
YOU WANT ME TO DO?
JUST STAND HERE LIKE A PLATE
OF WARMED OVER YOGURT?
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- FELLOWS, I JUST WANNA HELP.
- YOU ARE HELPING.
EVERY TIME YOU
CHUCKA-CHUCKA-CHICK,
YOU'RE HELPIN'.
- EVERY TIME YOU
STAND THERE LIKE A PLATE
OF WARMED OVER
YOGURT, YOU'RE HELPING.
- COULD I MAYBE DO
JUST A LITTLE MORE
CLICKETY CLACK?
- NO MORE CLICKETY CLACK,
AND DON'T MOVE, GILLIS.
JIM, LET'S HUDDLE.
- AND I WAS DOING IT SO WELL.
- I'M WORRIED.
ALREADY THIS NUT'S TRYING
TO HUG THE SPOTLIGHT.
- COULD BE. HE'S A VERY
SHREWD CHARACTER.
AND I JUST TOOK A
LOOK AT HIS KISSER,
AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
- LET'S PLAY IT SAFE AND
SCARE HIM INTO ACTING RIGHT.
HEY, GILLIS.
- OH, YES, SIR?
YOU'RE GONNA LET ME SING A
COUPLE OF MY OWN SOLO NOTES,
HUH?
- PIPE DOWN, GILLIS.
- NO MORE CLICKETY CLACK?
- NO MORE CLICKETY CLACK.
- JUST CHUCKA-CHUCKA?
- JUST CHUCKA-CHUCKA.
- RIGHT, AND
ESPECIALLY NO PUBLICITY.
- SIR?
- WHAT?
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA.
- HA-HA!
THERE HE IS, MR. SHOW
BUSINESS HIMSELF.
COME ON, BOY. LET'S GET TO WORK.
- SURE, DAD, SURE.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
ARE YOU BLASTED OFF YOUR
BEAN BLANKET OR SOMETHING?
WHAT'S A BIG MAN IN THE
ENTERTAINMENT WORLD
GONNA DO WITH AN APRON?
- BUT YOU SAID GET TO WORK.
- I MEANT GET TO
WORK REHEARSIN'.
I'M GONNA MAKE A
SMASH OUT OF YOU, BOY.
WHY I'VE GOT A BAG OF
TRICKS THAT'S GONNA PUT YOU
RIGHT UP THERE ON TOP.
HOW TO MURDER AN AUDIENCE,
HOW TO GET THAT OLD
TEAR IN YOUR VOICE.
GET THIS, BOY.
♪ NIGHTS ARE LONG
SINCE YOU WENT AWAY ♪
♪ I DREAM ABOUT YOU
ALL THROUGH THE DAY ♪
♪ MY BUDDY MY BUDDY ♪
- DAD, I APPRECIATE
YOUR COACHING.
- NATURALLY.
- BUT I'M AFRAID
I WON'T NEED IT.
♪ MY BUDDY QUITE SO TRUE ♪
♪ MISS YOUR VOICE THE... ♪
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU WON'T NEED IT?
YOU MUST BE KIDDIN', BOY.
- YEAH, DAD.
- YEAH, WHAT'S THIS FAST...
HOW DOES IT GO, HUH?
- YEAH, WELL...
- LET'S HEAR YOUR PART.
- MY PART?
- YEAH.
- THE WHOLE THING?
- THE WHOLE THING.
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA,
CHUCKA-CHUCKA, CHUCKA-CHUCKA.
- WELL, GO ON.
- THAT'S IT.
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA CHUCK...
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA CHUCK.
- BOY, YOU ARE A GILLIS!
YOU GOT GREASEPAINT
FLOATING AROUND IN YOUR VEINS
INSTEAD OF CORPUSCLES!
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?
IS THIS ALL YOU CAN STAND
AROUND OUT THERE AND SMILE?
- THEY DON'T WANT
ME TO SMILE EITHER.
- NO SINGING, NO
SMILIN', NO NOTHIN'?
- NO NOTHING.
- BOY, THEY ARE TRYING TO
KILL YOU, AND I KNOW WHY.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THEY SEE
GREATNESS IN YOU, THAT'S WHY.
- ME? OH, COME NOW.
- OH, COME NOW. THEY'RE
SCARED TO DEATH OF YOU.
THEY'RE SCARED TO
LET YOUR GREAT TALENT
GET BROADCAST TO
THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
- WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT A
WAY, A LOW, SNEAKY WAY
TO BEAT THESE LOW,
SNEAKY CROOKS.
- HI, DOBIE.
- OH, HI, APRIL.
DAD, THIS IS APRIL BOYNTON,
THE MUSIC CRITIC OF
OUR COLLEGE NEWSPAPER.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
VERY HAPPY TO KNOW YOU.
- HELLO, MR. GILLIS.
- I'M JUST TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO GET THIS KID'S NAME...
DID YOU SAY NEWSPAPER?
- YES.
AND I'M TRYING TO THINK OF
A WAY TO SNEAK DOBIE'S NAME
INTO THE ARTICLE I'M WRITING.
- NEWSPAPERS WITH
PRINTING AND PICTURES,
AND EVERYBODY READS IT.
- THANKS, APRIL. BUT
YOU HAVE TO FORGET IT.
THEY SAID NO PUBLICITY.
- PUBLICITY, THAT'S IT!
TEAR OFF THE FRONT SHEET!
WE ARE GONNA MAKE MY
BOY INTERNATIONALLY FAMOUS
IN THIS WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
- NO, DAD, THEY'LL FIRE ME.
- FIRE YOU?
WHY YOU'LL BE SO DARN BIG
THEY WON'T DARE TO FIRE YOU,
BOY.
- YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT, DOBIE.
THOSE OTHER FELLOWS IN THE
TRIO WILL HAVE TO LOOK UP TO YOU.
- WHY, SURE.
WHEN WE GET
THROUGH WITH YOU, SON,
YOUR NAME WILL BE RIGHT UP
THERE WITH VON MONROE AND...
AND ALL THE REST OF
US MUSICAL IMMORTALS.
- THAT'S IT, DOBIE,
HOLD THAT POSE.
WE'LL CAPTION THAT
ONE, "DOBIE GILLIS,
"THE SENSATION OF S. PETER
PRYOR JUNIOR COLLEGE:
CROONS IN FOUNDER'S EAR."
SHOOT IT. [SCREAMING]
- GOT IT, HAZEL?
- GOT IT.
- APRIL, YOU'RE AS BRILLIANT
AS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU, DOBIE
MY SWEET. OKAY, HAZEL.
LET'S GET A SHOT OF
DOBIE SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS
FOR HIS LOYAL FANS.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
- COME ON, GIRLS,
ALL OF YOU OVER HERE.
SMILE, GIRL, SMILE.
- IT'S DOBIE GILLIS.
- ADORE ME, MY
ADORABLE LITTLE FANS.
- EVERYBODY, COME ON NOW.
- THE GIRL WITH THE
BEARD ISN'T SMILING.
- WELL, THE GIRL WITH
THE... GIRL WITH THE BEARD?
- OW! MAYNARD!
HEY, HOW ABOUT THESE HEADLINES?
THIS IS SOME OF MY PUBLICITY.
"CAMPUS AWAITS DOBIE
OPENING SATURDAY NIGHT,"
"CAMPUS AWAITS
DOBIE GILLIS OPENING,"
"HUGE CROWD TO
HEAR NEW SINGING IDOL."
THOSE ARE A COUPLE OF THE
MORE CONSERVATIVE ITEMS.
THERE'S PLENTY MORE,
AND THEY'RE ALL
PRETTY DARN FLATTERING.
BUT DID I LET IT GO TO
MY HEAD? YOU BET I DID.
RAFFLE OFF PRECIOUS LOCK OF
MY HAIR, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL TONIGHT AFTER THE OPENING.
NOW... NO MORE AUTOGRAPHS.
BE GONE, BE GONE,
BE GONE, BE GONE.
- I'M WORRIED ABOUT THAT GILLIS.
- I'D LIKE TO KILL THAT GILLIS.
- HI-HO, LADDIES.
- GILLIS.
- I'D BE HAPPY TO
MY GOOD FELLOW.
HOW ABOUT LOTS OF LUCK TO
A SWELL KID FROM DOBIE GILLIS
THE SONG-SATION...
- I DON'T WANT YOUR
AUTOGRAPH, GILLIS.
I WANT YOUR RESIGNATION.
- YOU'RE KIDDING, OF COURSE.
- I AM NOT KIDDING, AND
YOU'RE TWO HOURS LATE
FOR REHEARSAL.
AND I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF YOU GOT ANY PUBLICITY.
GOOD-BYE, SAYONARA AND OUT.
- "CAMPUS AWAITS
DOBIE GILLIS OPENING."
HIT THE PAVEMENT, SHOWBOAT.
- I SEE YOU HAVEN'T
READ THE LATEST EDITION.
"DOBIE OPENING SOLD OUT,"
"STUDENTS ALL A-TWITTER
WAITING FOR THE OPENING NIGHT."
WELL, TOODLE-OO COMPATRIOTS
AND HAPPY REFUNDING.
- REFUNDING? HE'S RIGHT.
- WE'LL BE RUINED.
- WE'LL BE BANKRUPT.
- WE'LL GET HIM BACK.
- GILLIS! DOBIE! DOBIE,
OLD PAL, OLD BUDDY!
- OH, DOBE... YOU'RE A GREAT...
- WHAT IS HE, A LOW COMIC?
- OH, YEAH, THE LOWEST.
- WELL, THESE FRIGHT WIGS,
THEY ALWAYS GET GOOD YUCKS.
- OH.
- I GOT SOME MORE DOWN HERE.
- NO, I DON'T THINK
THIS IS FUNNY ENOUGH.
- THAT'S HILARIOUS. LET'S
NOT LOOK ANY FURTHER.
COME HERE, I'LL
WRAP IT UP FOR YOU.
I'M SORRY.
- THERE'S A LITTLE
MORE ACTION IN IT.
- HERE'S A SUREFIRE
ITEM. TRY IT.
- WHAT'S THIS DO?
- IT SQUIRTS WATER. VERY
FUNNY. GO AHEAD, TRY IT.
- YOU WON'T BE MAD?
- OH, NO, GO RIGHT
AHEAD. BE MY GUEST.
WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT
A REAL SMASHER HERE.
THIS ITEM BRINGS DOWN THE HOUSE.
- BRINGS DOWN THE
HOUSE, NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.
- YOUR BUDDY COMES OUT
LOOKING GREAT, TAILS, TOP HAT.
HE TIPS THE HAT AND
OUT POPS A RABBIT.
- YEAH.
- HE REACHES FOR
HIS HANDKERCHIEF
AND A WHOLE SET OF
UNDERWEAR COMES FLYING OUT.
- YEAH?
- HE LIFTS HIS LEFT ARM AND
10-DOZEN PING-PONG BALLS
COME FLYING OUT
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- YEAH?
- STICKS HIS RIGHT ARM OUT
AND AN UMBRELLA SHOOTS OUT
AND OPENS UP.
- SO WHAT'S THE TRICK?
- THAT'S IT.
WHY THIS IS THE
CLASSIEST RIG IN SHOWBIZ.
- I MEAN, WHEN DOES THE
HOUSE COME DOWN ON HIM?
- OH, NO, THAT'S A
FIGURE OF SPEECH
LIKE A SIDE SPLITTER.
- SIDE SPLIT? NOW
THAT'S A TRICK.
- NO, NO, A GASSER.
- A GASSER? OH, FOR
JOY. TEAR GAS OR POISON?
♪ AAAAH, ME, ME, ME, ME ♪
- DOBIE?
- ME?
- YEAH, YOU.
GET OUT THERE AND
KNOCK 'EM DEAD, BOY.
- WHAT ELSE?
- HOO-HOO!
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
- NO, MAYNARD.
- OH, RELAX, DOBE.
I'M NOT GONNA KICK
YOU IN THE SHINS.
- OH, THEN, WHERE ARE
YOU GONNA KICK ME?
- I'M NOT GONNA KICK
YOU NO PLACE, DOBE.
ON ACCOUNT, I'M SORRY.
I WAS JEALOUS AND
MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- YOU'RE SURE?
- SURE I'M SURE.
AND TO PROVE THERE'S
NO ILL BLOOD BETWEEN US,
I BRING YOU THIS
SWINGING DRESS SUIT
TO WEAR TO NIGHT.
AND IF YOU FORGIVE,
YOU'LL WEAR IT.
- MAYNARD, I'M DEEPLY
TOUCHED, TRULY.
BUT I'M A MEMBER OF
THE LETTERMEN TRIO NOW.
WE DRESS ALIKE.
- WELL, NAPOLEON WAS
A MEMBER OF AN ARMY,
DID HE DRESS ALIKE?
HOW DO YOU, LIKE, STAND OUT
UNLESS YOU DRESS DIFFERENT?
- MAYNARD, YOU'VE GOT A POINT.
NOPE, IT'S NOT FRED UPSTAIRS.
IT'S DOBIE GILLIS. AND
IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?
- THANK YOU, THANK
YOU, MY LOYAL FANS.
FOR MY FIRST NUMBER,
I WILL SING IN HONOR OF ALL THE
MOTHERS PRESENT AND AT HOME,
A TOUCHING NUMBER
ENTITLED "MOTHER."
♪ M IS FOR THE MILLION
THINGS SHE GAVE ME ♪
♪ O MEANS ONLY THAT
SHE'S GROWING OLD ♪
♪ T IS FOR THE TEARS
SHE SHED TO SAVE ME ♪
♪ H IS FOR HER HEART
OF PUREST GOLD ♪
♪ OF PUREST GOLD ♪
♪ E IS FOR THE EYES
WITH LOVE LIGHT SHINING ♪
♪ R MEANS RIGHT AND
RIGHT SHE'LL ALWAYS BE ♪
♪ PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER
THEY SPELL MOTHER ♪
♪ MOTHER ♪
- NEVER MIND, SON,
YOU JUST KEEP SINGIN'.
- FOR MY NEXT NUMBER, I'D LIKE
TO SING A SELECTION ENTITLED
"I WAS A RAT TO MY BEST
FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS,"
AND I HOPE HE CAN FIND
IT IN HIS GREAT HEART
TO FORGIVE ME.
- THAT'S A SONG TITLE?
- THAT'S THE BEST
SONG TITLE I EVER HEARD.
YAY, DOBIE! YAY, GOOD BUDDY!
- GOOD NIGHT, FOLKS.
GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
WELL, AFTER MY SINGLE,
SPECTACULAR APPEARANCE
WITH THE LETTERMEN,
THE PUBLIC RESPONSE
WAS SO UNUSUAL
THAT I DID THE ONLY
THING I COULD DO,
I QUIT SHOWBIZ.
THERE WAS ONE HAPPY
RESULT OF THE WHOLE MESS:
THE LETTERMEN
PATCHED UP THEIR FIGHT
AND GOT BACK TOGETHER.
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
- DOBE, YOU STILL MAD AT ME?
- NO, MAYNARD.
I GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO ME,
BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO ADMIT
I PAID FOR MY MISTAKES.
I LOST MY JOB WITH
THE LETTERMEN.
I LOST MY GIRL. I
LOST MY FAN CLUB.
I LOST EVERYTHING.
- WELL, CHEER UP, GOOD
BUDDY, YOU STILL GOT...
- I KNOW, MAYNARD, YOU.
- NO.
WHAT YOU GOT IS
THIS BUNNY RABBIT.
AIN'T HE CUTE?
♪ YOU CAN'T COME
BACK IF YOU GO ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T COME
BACK IF YOU GO ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T COME BACK ♪
HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
- YES, YOU SAW IT
WITH YOUR OWN EYES,
ME, DOBIE GILLIS REHEARSING
WITH ONE OF THE TOP SINGING
AND RECORDING
GROUPS IN THE COUNTRY.
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
HOW DID MODEST, UNASSUMING
ME GET STARTED ON THE TRAIL
TO SHOWBIZ, FAME AND FORTUNE?
WELL, IT STARTED WHEN
THE LETTERMEN TRIO
PUT ON A CONCERT AT SCHOOL
AND DAD AND I WENT TO SEE IT.
THE AUDITORIUM WAS
JAMMED BECAUSE THAT TRIO'S
BIG BOX OFFICE EVERYWHERE.
[MUSIC]
♪ OOH, OOH ♪
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ THE WHEELS ARE SINGING
TO THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪
♪ IF YOU GO, YOU
CAN'T COME BACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ IF YOU GO, YOU
CAN'T COME BACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ THE WHEELS ARE SINGING
TO THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪
♪ WELL, IF YOU GO
YOU CAN'T COME BACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
- YEP, THOSE LETTERMEN
REALLY SING UP A STORM.
BUT DID YOU NOTICE THAT
FELLOW IN THE MIDDLE?
THAT'S LOU.
HE HAD A TENDENCY TO
BE JUST A TINY BIT HAMMY.
HAMMY DID I SAY? LET'S FACE IT.
HE WASN'T JUST HAMMY,
HE WAS GOING WHOLE HOG.
BUT GET A LOAD OF WHAT HE
DOES ON THE NEXT NUMBER.
BROTHER, THIS GUY
STOPS AT NOTHING.
LOOK AT THAT JAZZY GUITAR,
AND LOOK AT THE
OTHER TWO FELLOWS.
DO THEY LIKE WHAT HE'S DOING?
WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY:
THEY'RE SMILING ON THE OUTSIDE
AND COOKING UP SCHEMES
FOR INSTANT MURDER
ON THE INSIDE.
♪ SUMMER HAS COME AND GONE ♪
♪ TOO LATE IT'S MUCH TOO LATE ♪
♪ TOO LATE, TOO LATE WE'VE
LINGERED HERE TOO LONG ♪
♪ ALL OF THE SAD YOUNG
MEN GOIN', GOIN' HOME AGAIN ♪
♪ GOIN', GOIN' HOME AGAIN ♪
- THANK YOU.
STUDENTS OF S. PETER
PRYOR JUNIOR COLLEGE,
FOR MY NEXT NUMBER,
I'D LIKE TO DO A VERY
BEAUTIFUL SONG ENTITLED...
- STUDENTS, I HAVE A
WONDERFUL SURPRISE FOR YOU.
- A SURPRISE? WHAT SURPRISE?
- THIS.
- THIS IS THE SADDEST DAY
IN THE HISTORY OF MUSIC,
THE END OF THE LETTERMEN.
- OF COURSE, IF THEY REALLY
WANNA STAY IN BUSINESS,
ALL THEY GOTTA
DO IS GET SOMEBODY
TO TAKE THE PLACE
OF THAT LOUDMOUTH.
- BUT WHERE ARE THEY
GONNA FIND A FELLOW
WHO HAS EXACTLY THE
RIGHT COMBINATION OF TALENT
AND BRAINS AND
MILLION-DOLLAR PERSONALITY?
- YOU RANG?
[JAZZ THEME]
- QUESTION: CAN THIS
FACE FIT INTO THIS PICTURE?
ANSWER: CAN THIS FACE
FIT INTO ANY PICTURE?
LET'S FACE IT, THE ODDS
WERE A MILLION TO ONE
AGAINST MAYNARD BECOMING
A PART OF THE LETTERMEN.
AND WHEN I EXPLAINED THIS,
HE TOOK IT LIKE A REAL SPORT.
- I SHALL KILL MYSELF.
- MAYNARD, FORGET
ABOUT JOINING THAT TRIO.
I'M NOT GONNA STAND
HERE AND LET YOU
MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU GONNA
STAND WHILE I MAKE A FOOL
OF MYSELF?
- MAYNARD, GET THAT CRAZY
NOTION OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
- WHY COULDN'T I
JOIN UP? LIKE, WHY?
ALL I HAVE TO HAVE
IS GOOD LOOKS, CHARM
AND A MILLION-DOLLAR
PERSONALITY,
AND I JUST ANSWERED
MY OWN QUESTION.
WHERE DO I GO TO JOIN
THE FOREIGN LEGION?
BOY SCOUTS? CUB
SCOUTS? CAMPFIRE GIRLS?
- MAYNARD,
SINGING WITH THE LETTERMEN
MEANS A LOT TO YOU, DOESN'T IT?
- OH, GOOD BUDDY, IT'S A
MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH,
MAYBE ALL THREE.
- AND I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY.
- I'LL ACT AS YOUR AGENT
AND GET YOU THE JOB.
- ATTA BOY, DOBE.
- I'LL TELL 'EM
HOW GREAT YOU ARE.
- ATTA BOY, DOBE.
- I'LL TURN ON MY
CHARM AND PERSONALITY.
- WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, DOBE.
- NEVER MIND.
BESIDES, THEY'LL
HAVE TO TAKE YOU.
WE'VE GOT 'EM OVER A BARREL.
- OVER A BARREL?
MAN, IT MUST BE AWFUL HARD
TO SING ALL SQUINCHED UP
OVER A BARREL.
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY, ♪
OH.
- MAYNARD, GET BACK.
LOOK, THE LETTERMEN
SIGNED A CONTRACT
TO SING IN THE SCHOOL
AUDITORIUM SATURDAY NIGHT.
BUT IF THEY DON'T
HAVE THREE SINGERS,
THEY'RE NOT A TRIO
AND THEY DON'T GET PAID.
- IF THEY'RE NOT A
TRIO, WHAT ARE THEY?
- WHAT THEY ARE
IS IN BIG TROUBLE.
- REAL BIG TROUBLE ON ACCOUNT
OF WE'D BE BREAKING THE CONTRACT,
AND THE SCHOOL COULD SUE US
FOR A COTTON PICKIN' FORTUNE.
- THEN WE GOTTA
GET SOMEBODY QUICK.
- TRUE. ALL WE NEED
IS A COLLEGE BOY.
- TRUE.
- WHO CAN FIT THE SWEATER.
- TRUE.
- AND CAN TAKE ORDERS.
- TRUE.
- AND HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY.
- FALSE.
- HUH?
- WRONG. A PERSONALITY
BOY'S ALL WRONG.
LOOK AT THE HEADACHES
WE JUST WENT THROUGH
WITH THE LAST ONE.
- TRUE. WHAT WE
NEED IS A NOTHING.
- A GENUINE, CERTIFIED NOBODY.
- SOMEBODY WE CAN REPLACE
LIKE A TIN CAN ON A SHELF
AND NOBODY KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE.
WITH A FACE AND A
PERSONALITY LIKE A PLATE
OF WARMED OVER YOGURT.
- HELLO. ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I AM DOBIE GILLIS.
- THE ANSWER TO A
SHORTHANDED TRIO'S DREAM.
- AMEN.
- GENTLEMEN, LET
US NOT DILLYDALLY.
I'M THE SOLE AND
EXCLUSIVE REPRESENTATIVE
OF MY CLIENT, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
KNOWN IN THE MUSICAL CIRCLES
AS THE SONGBIRD OF S.
PETER PRYOR COLLEGE.
- FACE LIKE WARMED OVER YOGURT.
- WITH A PERSONALITY TO MATCH.
- WE COULD REPLACE HIM LIKE
A CAN OF SARDINES ON A SHELF.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
YOU WANTED ME TO GIVE
YOU AN ARPEGGIO OR TWO?
♪ BA-BAP-BA-DA-BA-DA-BA... ♪
- NO FREE SAMPLES.
FRIENDS, I'M A
HARDHEADED BUSINESS MAN,
AND I PULL NO PUNCHES.
YOU NEED A NEW
MAN FOR YOUR GROUP.
AND BY AN ASTOUNDING
COINCIDENCE,
MY CLIENT IS
TEMPORARILY AT LIBERTY.
BOYS, I LIKE THE
CUT OF YOUR JIB,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE
YOU A SENSATIONAL OFFER.
- IT'S A DEAL!
- I KNOW YOU'RE NOT
THE SLIGHTEST BIT...
NO, KIDDING?
- LET'S SHAKE ON IT.
- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY.
- OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
MY CLIENT CAN SIGN THE
CONTRACTS IMMEDIATELY.
- CLIENT?
- WHAT CLIENT?
- WE'RE HIRING YOU.
- ME?
- YOU.
- HIM?
- HIM.
- BUT I CAN'T SING.
- GREAT.
- I'M TONE DEAF.
- PERFECT.
- I'M A MISERABLE MUSICIAN.
- ATTA BOY.
- MAYNARD, I...
- QUIET, YOU LOWDOWN RAT.
- OW! MAYNARD!
- HOLD STILL! HOLD STILL!
HOLD STILL, LITTLE BUDDY.
WE GOTTA GET THESE
CLOTHES ON YOU.
- THERE'S A NICE YOGURT.
- I WENT IN TO GET MAYNARD
A JOB AND THEY HIRED ME.
I CAN'T SAY THAT I BLAME 'EM,
BUT IT DID MAKE FOR KIND
OF AN ETHICAL PROBLEM.
I MEAN, I'M ALL FOR
BOUNCIN' UP THERE
TO THE TOP.
BUT IS IT FAIR TO USE
YOUR BEST FRIEND'S HEART
FOR A POGO STICK?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GO
WHEN YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM
LIKE THIS, BUT I GO TO A MAN
WHO'S FAMOUS FOR HIS WARM
HEART AND UNSELFISH VIEWPOINT.
- GRAB THE LOOT.
- BUT HOW ABOUT POOR MAYNARD?
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT
POOR MAYNARD, HUH?
- DAD, WHAT ABOUT THE ETHICS?
- OH, NICE LITTLE CAR. I
USED TO DRIVE ONE MYSELF.
WHAT WE ARE TALKIN'
ABOUT RIGHT NOW, BOY,
IS ALL THEM WEALTHY SINGERS.
WHY THOSE KIDS GOT SO MUCH LOOT?
THEY'RE THE ONLY
COLLEGE BOYS IN THE WORLD
PUTTING THEIR FATHERS
THROUGH BUSINESS.
- DAD.
- YES, MY SON, MY LOVING,
GRATEFUL, OBLIGATED SON.
- DAD, LISTEN.
- REMEMBER HOW I USED
TO WALK THE FLOOR WITH YOU
AND BURP YOU WHEN
YOU WERE A BABY?
REMEMBER HOW I SPENT ALL
THAT MONEY GETTING BRACES
PUT ON YOUR TEETH?
- NO, DAD, I'M NOT
GETTING THROUGH TO YOU.
WHAT'S BUGGIN' ME IS
MAYNARD. HE'S MY FRIEND.
- OH, YOU'RE ALL HEART, BOY,
BUT ONE HAS TO LOOK OUT
FOR NUMBER ONE.
- STEALING THIS
JOB AWAY FROM HIM,
IT'D BE LIKE KICKIN'
HIM IN THE TEETH.
- WELL, LET'S FACE FACTS,
THIS IS A DOG EAT DOG WORLD.
- TRUE. THANKS
FOR POINTING IT OUT.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- AND THANKS FOR SHOWIN'
ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
- YOU HAVE TO KICK
HIM IN THE TEETH, HUH?
- NO, I'M GONNA QUIT THE
JOB AND LET MAYNARD HAVE IT.
- THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN
TELLING YOU FOR YEARS, BOY:
LET MAYNARD HAVE IT.
- DAD, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
YOU'RE PROUD OF ME,
AND YOU THINK I'M A FINE,
HONORABLE BOY.
- NO, NOT EXACTLY.
- OH?
- I THINK YOU ARE A
FINE, HONORABLE NUT.
- DAD, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
- YOU WANNA BET?
- LOOK, I KNOW IT'S A
DOG EAT DOG WORLD
BUT WE'RE NOT SCHNAUZERS OR
POODLES OR COCKER SPANIELS.
WE'RE HUMAN BEINGS.
- WE ARE, BUT I AIN'T SO
SURE ABOUT MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD'S A HUMAN
BEING, TOO, I THINK.
ANYHOW, I'M GONNA
HELP HIM GET THAT JOB.
- I'M THINKING.
- HA-HA, YOU'RE THINKING
THAT NOW YOU'RE PROUD OF ME,
HUH, DAD?
- HA-HA, I'M THINKING
THAT NOW IS A ROTTEN TIME
FOR YOU TO START ACTING
LIKE YOUR MOTHER'S SIDE
OF THE FAMILY.
- DAD, PLEASE.
- LOOK, IF YOU WANNA KICK
AWAY ALL THIS LOOT, BOY,
I AIN'T GONNA FIGHT YOU.
IN FACT, I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
- OH, GOOD, DAD.
BUT GETTING 'EM TO HIRE
MAYNARD WON'T BE EASY.
- NO, WE GOTTA THINK
OF SOMETHIN' TRICKY
AND UNDERHANDED.
- OH, NO, I WON'T GO
FOR THAT SORT OF THING.
- IT HAS GOT TO BE
LOW AND SNEAKY
OR IT AIN'T GONNA WORK.
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
- OTHERWISE, MAYNARD'S
GONNA BE MOANIN'
AND GROANIN' AND
HANGIN' AROUND YOUR NECK
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
- WHEN DO WE START
BEING LOW AND SNEAKY?
- LOW AND SNEAKY? ME?
UN-LOW, UN-SNEAKY ME?
- RIGHT, MAYNARD,
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU
REMEMBER THE PLAN.
- YOU BET I REMEMBER. WHAT PLAN?
- YOU'RE GOING OUT THERE
AND TELL THOSE FELLOWS
IN THE TRIO THAT I
SUDDENLY LOST MY VOICE,
AND YOU TAKE OVER.
- OH, MAN, YOU LOST YOUR VOICE.
WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO
IS TAKE SOME HOT, SCALDY,
SALTY WATER AND GIGGLE.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S
GARGLE AND PAY ATTENTION.
I DIDN'T REALLY LOSE MY VOICE.
- OH, FOR JOY, FOR JOY,
A MIRACLE RECOVERY.
- I'VE GOT THIS NOTE THAT
EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
JUST GIVE IT TO THOSE
FELLOWS OUT THERE
AND SAY I LOST MY VOICE. GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
I GIVE IT TO 'EM AND SAY
I LOST MY VOICE, RIGHT?
- WRONG.
MAYNARD, YOU DIDN'T
LOSE YOUR VOICE.
YOU POINT TO ME AND YOU
SAY, "MR. GILLIS LOST HIS VOICE."
GOT IT?
- GOT IT.
I POINT TO YOU AND
SAY YOUR FATHER
LOST HIS VOICE, RIGHT?
- LET'S TRY ONCE MORE.
GIVE 'EM THE NOTE, POINT
TO ME AND SAY NOTHING.
GOT IT?
- GOT IT. AND
THIS NOTHIN' I SAY.
SHOULD I SAY IT FAST OR SLOW?
- ANYWAY YOU WANT, MAYNARD.
I'M GONNA GET THIS JOB
FOR YOU IN SPITE OF YOU.
- THANKS, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU'RE A REAL HUMAN BEING.
YOU'RE RIGHT UP THERE
WITH DR. SCHWEITZER,
WINSTON CHURCHILL
AND PETER LAWFORD.
[MUSIC]
♪ YOU SAW ME STANDING ALONE ♪
♪ WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART ♪
- MAN, AIN'T IT THE
BEAUTIFUL-IST?
- THE BEAUTIFUL-IST.
- MAN, DON'T I DIG IT THE MOST.
- WHO DON'T, MAYNARD? WHO DON'T?
♪ BLUE MOON YOU KNEW
JUST WHAT I WAS THERE ♪
♪ FOR YOU HEARD ME
SAYING A PRAYER FOR ♪
- OH, DELIGHT OF MY DELIGHT.
AH, MOON IN MY CARIBBEAN.
- FLAKE OFF, WALDO.
- I BEG OF YOU, DO NOT
DISMISS ME SO HASTILY.
MY NAME IS GILLIS, DOBIE GILLIS.
- DON'T COME TO ME
WITH YOUR PROBLEMS.
I... HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
DID YOU SAY GILLIS?
DOBIE GILLIS?
- AT YOUR BECK
AND CALL, MY LADY.
- HOW GALLANT.
I'M APRIL BOYNTON, MUSIC
CRITIC OF THE SCHOOL PAPER.
OH, DOBIE, IT'S SO EXCITING
MEETING YOU THIS WAY.
- NATURALLY.
BUT YOU MUST TRY
TO CONTROL YOURSELF.
- YOU'RE THE FIRST
FAMOUS MAN I'VE EVER MET.
- FAMOUS MAN, ME?
- BUT, OF COURSE, DOBIE DARLING,
ANY BOY WHO HAS A JOB
SINGING WITH THE LETTERMEN
IS FAMOUS TO ME.
- UH-OH.
- ALL MY LIFE, I'VE SIMPLY
FLIPPED FOR SINGERS.
AND TO THINK, DOBIE
DUMPLING, YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
♪ THE ONLY ONE MY
ARMS COULD EVER HOLD ♪
♪ I HEARD SOMEBODY
WHISPER PLEASE, ADORE ME ♪
♪ AND WHEN I LOOKED THE
MOON HAD TURNED TO GOLD ♪
♪ BLUE MOON NOW
I'M NO LONGER ALONE ♪
♪ WITHOUT A DREAM IN MY HEART
WITHOUT A LOVE OF MY OWN ♪
- APRIL, MY SWEET, HOW
WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT ME
IF I WASN'T GONNA SING
WITH THE LETTERMEN?
- OH, BUT YOU ARE, DEAR ONE,
SO LET'S NOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT.
- HEY, GILLIS,
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT YOU
NOT SINGING WITH US?
- NOT SING WITH YOU?
RIDICULOUS. MY DOBIE IS SINGING.
- IT SAYS HERE HE LOST HIS VOICE
AND HE'S QUITTING.
- RIDICULOUS. MY
DOBIE IS SINGING.
- WELL, GILLIS, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY
LOVES SHORTNIN', SHORTNIN' ♪
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY
LOVES SHORTNIN' BREAD ♪
♪ I WENT IN THE KITCHEN
TOOK OFF THE LID ♪
♪ I GOT MYSELF A POCKET
OF SHORTNIN' BREAD ♪
SO I TOOK THE JOB
WITH THE LETTERMEN.
I DIDN'T REALLY
INTEND TO, HONEST.
I MEAN, WHEN I HEARD MYSELF
SINGING THOSE OPENING BARS
OF "SHORTNIN' BREAD"...
♪ MAMMA'S LITTLE BABY
LOVES SHORTNIN', SHORTNIN' ♪
WELL, YOU HEARD ME DO IT.
YOU COULD'VE KNOCKED ME
OVER WITH CHUBBY CHECKER.
BUT I COULDN'T STOP.
YOU SEE, WHEN IT COMES TO
GIRLS, I'M AN INCURABLE ROMANTIC,
ALSO A DREAMER OF DREAMS.
- ALSO A LOWDOWN RAT.
- MAYNARD, TRY TO
UNDERSTAND, PLEASE.
- OH, I'M TRYIN'.
- GOOD.
- BUT IT AIN'T WORKIN'.
- MAYNARD, WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
- YOU MEAN THIS?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
NOT GIVING ME A CHANCE.
- SURE I AM, DOBE. I GIVE
YOU LOTS OF CHANCES.
I ALWAYS PULL MY LEG
WAY BACK TO THERE
BEFORE I KICK YOU.
PLENTY OF CHANCE, BUT I
GOT YOU GOOD ANYHOW,
LIKE THIS.
- OH! MAYNARD, HEY!
WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.
WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME?
- ON ACCOUNT OF
WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.
- MAYNARD!
- NO, NO. WATCH,
GILLIS. LOOK, GILLIS.
WITH A BEAT.
- YEAH.
- KIND OF A,
CHUCKA-CHUCKA-CHUCK.
- YEAH, I GOT IT, GOT IT.
- GOT IT? OKAY.
- YEAH. GOT IT.
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪ OOH ♪
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW
HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ THE WHEELS ARE SAYING
TO THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK
CLICKETY CLACK ♪
♪ CLICKETY CLACK ♪
- HEY, HOLD IT! HOLD IT!
- CLICKETY, CLICKETY CLACK.
- YOU'RE SINGING AGAIN.
- WELL, YES, SIR, A LITTLE.
YOU SEE, I THOUGHT THAT...
- AND HE WAS SMILING TOO.
- NO.
- YEAH, LOADED WITH PERSONALITY.
- NO, GILLIS, NO
PERSONALITY SMILE,
NO SINGIN', NO WIGGLY EYEBROWS
AND NO NOSTRIL TWITCHIN'.
- WELL, WHAT DO
YOU WANT ME TO DO?
JUST STAND HERE LIKE A PLATE
OF WARMED OVER YOGURT?
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- FELLOWS, I JUST WANNA HELP.
- YOU ARE HELPING.
EVERY TIME YOU
CHUCKA-CHUCKA-CHICK,
YOU'RE HELPIN'.
- EVERY TIME YOU
STAND THERE LIKE A PLATE
OF WARMED OVER
YOGURT, YOU'RE HELPING.
- COULD I MAYBE DO
JUST A LITTLE MORE
CLICKETY CLACK?
- NO MORE CLICKETY CLACK,
AND DON'T MOVE, GILLIS.
JIM, LET'S HUDDLE.
- AND I WAS DOING IT SO WELL.
- I'M WORRIED.
ALREADY THIS NUT'S TRYING
TO HUG THE SPOTLIGHT.
- COULD BE. HE'S A VERY
SHREWD CHARACTER.
AND I JUST TOOK A
LOOK AT HIS KISSER,
AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
- LET'S PLAY IT SAFE AND
SCARE HIM INTO ACTING RIGHT.
HEY, GILLIS.
- OH, YES, SIR?
YOU'RE GONNA LET ME SING A
COUPLE OF MY OWN SOLO NOTES,
HUH?
- PIPE DOWN, GILLIS.
- NO MORE CLICKETY CLACK?
- NO MORE CLICKETY CLACK.
- JUST CHUCKA-CHUCKA?
- JUST CHUCKA-CHUCKA.
- RIGHT, AND
ESPECIALLY NO PUBLICITY.
- SIR?
- WHAT?
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA.
- HA-HA!
THERE HE IS, MR. SHOW
BUSINESS HIMSELF.
COME ON, BOY. LET'S GET TO WORK.
- SURE, DAD, SURE.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
ARE YOU BLASTED OFF YOUR
BEAN BLANKET OR SOMETHING?
WHAT'S A BIG MAN IN THE
ENTERTAINMENT WORLD
GONNA DO WITH AN APRON?
- BUT YOU SAID GET TO WORK.
- I MEANT GET TO
WORK REHEARSIN'.
I'M GONNA MAKE A
SMASH OUT OF YOU, BOY.
WHY I'VE GOT A BAG OF
TRICKS THAT'S GONNA PUT YOU
RIGHT UP THERE ON TOP.
HOW TO MURDER AN AUDIENCE,
HOW TO GET THAT OLD
TEAR IN YOUR VOICE.
GET THIS, BOY.
♪ NIGHTS ARE LONG
SINCE YOU WENT AWAY ♪
♪ I DREAM ABOUT YOU
ALL THROUGH THE DAY ♪
♪ MY BUDDY MY BUDDY ♪
- DAD, I APPRECIATE
YOUR COACHING.
- NATURALLY.
- BUT I'M AFRAID
I WON'T NEED IT.
♪ MY BUDDY QUITE SO TRUE ♪
♪ MISS YOUR VOICE THE... ♪
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU WON'T NEED IT?
YOU MUST BE KIDDIN', BOY.
- YEAH, DAD.
- YEAH, WHAT'S THIS FAST...
HOW DOES IT GO, HUH?
- YEAH, WELL...
- LET'S HEAR YOUR PART.
- MY PART?
- YEAH.
- THE WHOLE THING?
- THE WHOLE THING.
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA,
CHUCKA-CHUCKA, CHUCKA-CHUCKA.
- WELL, GO ON.
- THAT'S IT.
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA CHUCK...
- CHUCKA-CHUCKA CHUCK.
- BOY, YOU ARE A GILLIS!
YOU GOT GREASEPAINT
FLOATING AROUND IN YOUR VEINS
INSTEAD OF CORPUSCLES!
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?
IS THIS ALL YOU CAN STAND
AROUND OUT THERE AND SMILE?
- THEY DON'T WANT
ME TO SMILE EITHER.
- NO SINGING, NO
SMILIN', NO NOTHIN'?
- NO NOTHING.
- BOY, THEY ARE TRYING TO
KILL YOU, AND I KNOW WHY.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THEY SEE
GREATNESS IN YOU, THAT'S WHY.
- ME? OH, COME NOW.
- OH, COME NOW. THEY'RE
SCARED TO DEATH OF YOU.
THEY'RE SCARED TO
LET YOUR GREAT TALENT
GET BROADCAST TO
THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
- WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT A
WAY, A LOW, SNEAKY WAY
TO BEAT THESE LOW,
SNEAKY CROOKS.
- HI, DOBIE.
- OH, HI, APRIL.
DAD, THIS IS APRIL BOYNTON,
THE MUSIC CRITIC OF
OUR COLLEGE NEWSPAPER.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
VERY HAPPY TO KNOW YOU.
- HELLO, MR. GILLIS.
- I'M JUST TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO GET THIS KID'S NAME...
DID YOU SAY NEWSPAPER?
- YES.
AND I'M TRYING TO THINK OF
A WAY TO SNEAK DOBIE'S NAME
INTO THE ARTICLE I'M WRITING.
- NEWSPAPERS WITH
PRINTING AND PICTURES,
AND EVERYBODY READS IT.
- THANKS, APRIL. BUT
YOU HAVE TO FORGET IT.
THEY SAID NO PUBLICITY.
- PUBLICITY, THAT'S IT!
TEAR OFF THE FRONT SHEET!
WE ARE GONNA MAKE MY
BOY INTERNATIONALLY FAMOUS
IN THIS WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
- NO, DAD, THEY'LL FIRE ME.
- FIRE YOU?
WHY YOU'LL BE SO DARN BIG
THEY WON'T DARE TO FIRE YOU,
BOY.
- YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT, DOBIE.
THOSE OTHER FELLOWS IN THE
TRIO WILL HAVE TO LOOK UP TO YOU.
- WHY, SURE.
WHEN WE GET
THROUGH WITH YOU, SON,
YOUR NAME WILL BE RIGHT UP
THERE WITH VON MONROE AND...
AND ALL THE REST OF
US MUSICAL IMMORTALS.
- THAT'S IT, DOBIE,
HOLD THAT POSE.
WE'LL CAPTION THAT
ONE, "DOBIE GILLIS,
"THE SENSATION OF S. PETER
PRYOR JUNIOR COLLEGE:
CROONS IN FOUNDER'S EAR."
SHOOT IT. [SCREAMING]
- GOT IT, HAZEL?
- GOT IT.
- APRIL, YOU'RE AS BRILLIANT
AS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU, DOBIE
MY SWEET. OKAY, HAZEL.
LET'S GET A SHOT OF
DOBIE SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS
FOR HIS LOYAL FANS.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
- COME ON, GIRLS,
ALL OF YOU OVER HERE.
SMILE, GIRL, SMILE.
- IT'S DOBIE GILLIS.
- ADORE ME, MY
ADORABLE LITTLE FANS.
- EVERYBODY, COME ON NOW.
- THE GIRL WITH THE
BEARD ISN'T SMILING.
- WELL, THE GIRL WITH
THE... GIRL WITH THE BEARD?
- OW! MAYNARD!
HEY, HOW ABOUT THESE HEADLINES?
THIS IS SOME OF MY PUBLICITY.
"CAMPUS AWAITS DOBIE
OPENING SATURDAY NIGHT,"
"CAMPUS AWAITS
DOBIE GILLIS OPENING,"
"HUGE CROWD TO
HEAR NEW SINGING IDOL."
THOSE ARE A COUPLE OF THE
MORE CONSERVATIVE ITEMS.
THERE'S PLENTY MORE,
AND THEY'RE ALL
PRETTY DARN FLATTERING.
BUT DID I LET IT GO TO
MY HEAD? YOU BET I DID.
RAFFLE OFF PRECIOUS LOCK OF
MY HAIR, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL TONIGHT AFTER THE OPENING.
NOW... NO MORE AUTOGRAPHS.
BE GONE, BE GONE,
BE GONE, BE GONE.
- I'M WORRIED ABOUT THAT GILLIS.
- I'D LIKE TO KILL THAT GILLIS.
- HI-HO, LADDIES.
- GILLIS.
- I'D BE HAPPY TO
MY GOOD FELLOW.
HOW ABOUT LOTS OF LUCK TO
A SWELL KID FROM DOBIE GILLIS
THE SONG-SATION...
- I DON'T WANT YOUR
AUTOGRAPH, GILLIS.
I WANT YOUR RESIGNATION.
- YOU'RE KIDDING, OF COURSE.
- I AM NOT KIDDING, AND
YOU'RE TWO HOURS LATE
FOR REHEARSAL.
AND I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF YOU GOT ANY PUBLICITY.
GOOD-BYE, SAYONARA AND OUT.
- "CAMPUS AWAITS
DOBIE GILLIS OPENING."
HIT THE PAVEMENT, SHOWBOAT.
- I SEE YOU HAVEN'T
READ THE LATEST EDITION.
"DOBIE OPENING SOLD OUT,"
"STUDENTS ALL A-TWITTER
WAITING FOR THE OPENING NIGHT."
WELL, TOODLE-OO COMPATRIOTS
AND HAPPY REFUNDING.
- REFUNDING? HE'S RIGHT.
- WE'LL BE RUINED.
- WE'LL BE BANKRUPT.
- WE'LL GET HIM BACK.
- GILLIS! DOBIE! DOBIE,
OLD PAL, OLD BUDDY!
- OH, DOBE... YOU'RE A GREAT...
- WHAT IS HE, A LOW COMIC?
- OH, YEAH, THE LOWEST.
- WELL, THESE FRIGHT WIGS,
THEY ALWAYS GET GOOD YUCKS.
- OH.
- I GOT SOME MORE DOWN HERE.
- NO, I DON'T THINK
THIS IS FUNNY ENOUGH.
- THAT'S HILARIOUS. LET'S
NOT LOOK ANY FURTHER.
COME HERE, I'LL
WRAP IT UP FOR YOU.
I'M SORRY.
- THERE'S A LITTLE
MORE ACTION IN IT.
- HERE'S A SUREFIRE
ITEM. TRY IT.
- WHAT'S THIS DO?
- IT SQUIRTS WATER. VERY
FUNNY. GO AHEAD, TRY IT.
- YOU WON'T BE MAD?
- OH, NO, GO RIGHT
AHEAD. BE MY GUEST.
WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT
A REAL SMASHER HERE.
THIS ITEM BRINGS DOWN THE HOUSE.
- BRINGS DOWN THE
HOUSE, NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.
- YOUR BUDDY COMES OUT
LOOKING GREAT, TAILS, TOP HAT.
HE TIPS THE HAT AND
OUT POPS A RABBIT.
- YEAH.
- HE REACHES FOR
HIS HANDKERCHIEF
AND A WHOLE SET OF
UNDERWEAR COMES FLYING OUT.
- YEAH?
- HE LIFTS HIS LEFT ARM AND
10-DOZEN PING-PONG BALLS
COME FLYING OUT
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- YEAH?
- STICKS HIS RIGHT ARM OUT
AND AN UMBRELLA SHOOTS OUT
AND OPENS UP.
- SO WHAT'S THE TRICK?
- THAT'S IT.
WHY THIS IS THE
CLASSIEST RIG IN SHOWBIZ.
- I MEAN, WHEN DOES THE
HOUSE COME DOWN ON HIM?
- OH, NO, THAT'S A
FIGURE OF SPEECH
LIKE A SIDE SPLITTER.
- SIDE SPLIT? NOW
THAT'S A TRICK.
- NO, NO, A GASSER.
- A GASSER? OH, FOR
JOY. TEAR GAS OR POISON?
♪ AAAAH, ME, ME, ME, ME ♪
- DOBIE?
- ME?
- YEAH, YOU.
GET OUT THERE AND
KNOCK 'EM DEAD, BOY.
- WHAT ELSE?
- HOO-HOO!
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
- NO, MAYNARD.
- OH, RELAX, DOBE.
I'M NOT GONNA KICK
YOU IN THE SHINS.
- OH, THEN, WHERE ARE
YOU GONNA KICK ME?
- I'M NOT GONNA KICK
YOU NO PLACE, DOBE.
ON ACCOUNT, I'M SORRY.
I WAS JEALOUS AND
MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- YOU'RE SURE?
- SURE I'M SURE.
AND TO PROVE THERE'S
NO ILL BLOOD BETWEEN US,
I BRING YOU THIS
SWINGING DRESS SUIT
TO WEAR TO NIGHT.
AND IF YOU FORGIVE,
YOU'LL WEAR IT.
- MAYNARD, I'M DEEPLY
TOUCHED, TRULY.
BUT I'M A MEMBER OF
THE LETTERMEN TRIO NOW.
WE DRESS ALIKE.
- WELL, NAPOLEON WAS
A MEMBER OF AN ARMY,
DID HE DRESS ALIKE?
HOW DO YOU, LIKE, STAND OUT
UNLESS YOU DRESS DIFFERENT?
- MAYNARD, YOU'VE GOT A POINT.
NOPE, IT'S NOT FRED UPSTAIRS.
IT'S DOBIE GILLIS. AND
IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?
- THANK YOU, THANK
YOU, MY LOYAL FANS.
FOR MY FIRST NUMBER,
I WILL SING IN HONOR OF ALL THE
MOTHERS PRESENT AND AT HOME,
A TOUCHING NUMBER
ENTITLED "MOTHER."
♪ M IS FOR THE MILLION
THINGS SHE GAVE ME ♪
♪ O MEANS ONLY THAT
SHE'S GROWING OLD ♪
♪ T IS FOR THE TEARS
SHE SHED TO SAVE ME ♪
♪ H IS FOR HER HEART
OF PUREST GOLD ♪
♪ OF PUREST GOLD ♪
♪ E IS FOR THE EYES
WITH LOVE LIGHT SHINING ♪
♪ R MEANS RIGHT AND
RIGHT SHE'LL ALWAYS BE ♪
♪ PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER
THEY SPELL MOTHER ♪
♪ MOTHER ♪
- NEVER MIND, SON,
YOU JUST KEEP SINGIN'.
- FOR MY NEXT NUMBER, I'D LIKE
TO SING A SELECTION ENTITLED
"I WAS A RAT TO MY BEST
FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS,"
AND I HOPE HE CAN FIND
IT IN HIS GREAT HEART
TO FORGIVE ME.
- THAT'S A SONG TITLE?
- THAT'S THE BEST
SONG TITLE I EVER HEARD.
YAY, DOBIE! YAY, GOOD BUDDY!
- GOOD NIGHT, FOLKS.
GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
WELL, AFTER MY SINGLE,
SPECTACULAR APPEARANCE
WITH THE LETTERMEN,
THE PUBLIC RESPONSE
WAS SO UNUSUAL
THAT I DID THE ONLY
THING I COULD DO,
I QUIT SHOWBIZ.
THERE WAS ONE HAPPY
RESULT OF THE WHOLE MESS:
THE LETTERMEN
PATCHED UP THEIR FIGHT
AND GOT BACK TOGETHER.
♪ HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOW ♪
- DOBE, YOU STILL MAD AT ME?
- NO, MAYNARD.
I GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO ME,
BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO ADMIT
I PAID FOR MY MISTAKES.
I LOST MY JOB WITH
THE LETTERMEN.
I LOST MY GIRL. I
LOST MY FAN CLUB.
I LOST EVERYTHING.
- WELL, CHEER UP, GOOD
BUDDY, YOU STILL GOT...
- I KNOW, MAYNARD, YOU.
- NO.
WHAT YOU GOT IS
THIS BUNNY RABBIT.
AIN'T HE CUTE?
♪ YOU CAN'T COME
BACK IF YOU GO ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T COME
BACK IF YOU GO ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T COME BACK ♪