The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 3, Episode 6 - Dig, Dig, Dig - full transcript
Mr. Gillis fears Dobie's interest in Egyptology is inspired less by mouldering mummies and more by the beautiful Dr. Burkhart.
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
NOT A BAD REPORT CARD, HUH?
- I THINK IT'S EXCELLENT, DEAR.
YOU'RE CERTAINLY DOING
JUST WONDERFULLY AT COLLEGE.
ISN'T HE, HERBERT?
- OOH, PEACHY KEEN.
- WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THOSE ARE FINE MARKS.
- SURE, BUT IN WHAT
KIND OF COURSES,
ELEMENTARY ITALIAN,
FINGERPRINT IDENTIFICATION,
BIRD LIFE IN NORTH
AMERICA EXCEPT WINNIPEG?
WHAT KIND OF COURSES ARE THOSE?
- WELL, I'M SORT OF
EXPERIMENTING, DAD.
- HERBERT, THE BOY IS
TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF.
- WELL, I WILL GIVE HIM A CLUE.
JUST LET HIM LOOK
BEHIND THE NEAREST GIRL
WITH A PRETTY FACE
AND THERE HE'LL BE.
HE SEES SOME CHICK
RUNNING INTO A CLASSROOM
AND, ZING, HE'S TAKING
THAT COURSE TOO.
- DAD, I'LL ADMIT I LIKE GIRLS.
- OH, AND I WILL ADMIT THAT
THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST.
- THAT'S NOT THE REASON
I KEEP SWITCHING AROUND.
AFTER ALL, COLLEGE IS
A BIG CONFUSING PLACE,
AND HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I
WANT UNTIL I TRY EVERYTHING?
- DOBIE, YOU KEEP TAKING
ALL THESE KOOKY COURSES
AND WHEN YOU GRADUATE
THERE WILL BE ONLY ONE COURSE
LEFT OPEN TO YOU, MARRY MONEY.
- DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
- MARRY MONEY,
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
DOBIE, YOU FIND YOURSELF A
GIRL WITH A GOOD STEADY JOB
AND MARRY HER,
ONE WHO CAN BRING
IN THE GROCERIES.
- WHAT A HORRIBLE
THING TO SAY TO DOBIE.
- CIVIL SERVICE,
SON, THAT'S THE BIT.
MARRY A GIRL WITH A JOB
WHERE SHE CAN'T GET FIRED,
AND NOT TOO YOUNG
A GIRL, AN OLDER GIRL.
OH, I DON'T MEAN AN
OLD HAG OR ANYTHING
BUT, YOU KNOW, ONE,
SAY, BETWEEN 30 AND 35.
THIS TYPE, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE SETTLED
AND THEY'RE STEADY AND
THEY APPRECIATE THINGS.
- THANKS A LOT, DAD.
UH, DO YOU MIND IF I
SAY A FEW WORDS NOW?
- PLEASE DO, DEAR.
- WELL, I'VE GOT SOME
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
I FINALLY FOUND THE
SUBJECT THAT I WANT.
- WHAT IS IT?
- EGYPTOLOGY.
- EGYPT WHAT-OL-GY?
- EGYPTOLOGY, THE
STUDY OF ANCIENT EGYPT,
THE PHARAOHS, THE
SPHINXES, THE PYRAMIDS.
I'LL BE GOING TO EGYPT
AND DIGGING UP OLD TOMBS.
- YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GO TO EGYPT, SON.
START DIGGING RIGHT
HERE, ONE OLD TOMB
FOR YOUR POOR OLD DAD.
[JAZZ THEME]
- IN 1954, MY FATHER
DROPPED A CRATE OF ORANGES
ON HIS BIG TOE.
A FEW DAYS AGO, I TOLD MY FATHER
THAT I WANTED TO
STUDY EGYPTOLOGY.
WHAT HAVE THESE TWO WIDELY
SEPARATED EVENTS GOT IN COMMON?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
THESE ARE THE ONLY TWO
TIMES I EVER SAW MY FATHER CRY.
- OH, COME ON, DOBE.
TELL YOUR OLD DAD
YOU'RE ONLY KIDDING
ABOUT THIS EGYPTOLOGY.
- BUT I'M SERIOUS, DAD. IT'S
FASCINATING STUFF, HONEST.
WHY, EGYPT WAS PRACTICALLY
THE CRADLE OF CIVILIZATION.
- WELL, I THINK IT'S
WONDERFUL, DOBIE,
THAT YOU FINALLY FOUND
SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN.
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I AM BEHIND YOU 100%.
- THANKS, MOM.
- AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WHAT I SAID ABOUT MARRYING
AN OLDER WOMAN
WITH A CIVIL SERVICE JOB
STILL GOES.
- MY FATHER'S A FINE MAN,
AND I HAVE NO DESIRE
TO BUM RAP HIM,
BUT TRUTH TO TELL,
HE DOES EXAGGERATE.
I MEAN, SURE, MOM'S BEEN
KNOWN TO TALK HIM INTO THINGS,
BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE
SHE USES LOGIC
AND COMMON SENSE
AND SOUND REASONING.
- AND FRAUD AND CHICANERY
AND TRICKERY AND THREATS.
- HERBERT, YOU
KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- IT AIN'T, HUH? DOBIE,
FORGET ABOUT EGYPTOLOGY.
- AND, HERBERT,
FORGET ABOUT DINNER.
- I REST MY CASE.
- WELL, MAYBE I DO
THREATEN A LITTLE,
BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE
I'M RIGHT. NOW, HERBERT...
- NOW, HERBERT, AGAIN,
HUH? I SURRENDER.
I KNOW WHEN I'M LICKED.
DOBIE, TAKE EGYPTOLOGY.
I APPROVE UNDER DURESS
AND I SHALL CRY A LITTLE,
BUT I APPROVE.
- I HOPE YOU REALLY
MEAN THAT, DAD,
BECAUSE I HAVE TO
ASK YOU FOR SOMETHING.
- FOR WHAT? NO. WHAT
A STUPID QUESTION.
- WELL, YOU SEE, DAD,
I WANT TO GO ON A DIG
DURING MY SUMMER VACATION.
- A WHAT?
- A DIG.
- A DIG?
- A DIG?
- DIG? I HEAR MY PEOPLE TALKING.
LIKE, HI, MRS. G., DOBE G.,
MR. G. DOBE G., THAT MEANS...
- MAYNARD!
- OOH, OOH, BOY.
- NOW, WHAT'S THIS
DIG? AND YOU BUTT OUT.
- WELL, IT'S AN
ARCHEOLOGICAL EXPEDITION.
WE'RE GOING OVER TO EGYPT
AND DIG UP SOME OLD TOMBS
AND FIND MUMMIES AND VASES
AND TOOLS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
- WE'RE GOING TO EGYPT.
WHO'S GOING TO EGYPT?
- WELL, A BUNCH OF STUDENTS
AND SOME OF THE TEACHERS TOO.
THEY GO OVER EVERY YEAR
FOR TWO OR THREE WEEKS.
IT'S FASCINATING WORK.
- HMM, I'LL BET IT'S A
FASCINATING COST TOO.
HOW MUCH?
- OH, IT'S NOT TOO EXPENSIVE.
ALL WE HAVE TO PAY
IS TRANSPORTATION.
- HMM.
- THE COLLEGE TAKES
CARE OF THE REST.
- AND TRANSPORTATION
TO EGYPT AIN'T EXPENSIVE.
YOU'RE GOING BY STREETCAR MAYBE?
- NO.
I'VE GOT THE CONTRACT
RIGHT HERE, DAD.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PAY IT ALL AT ONCE, SEE?
- $285! NO, NUH-UH.
N-O! NO, NO, NO!
- DAD, I KNOW IT'S
A LITTLE STEEP,
BUT I REALLY GOT
MY HEART SET ON IT.
- OH, AND I HAVE MY HEART
SET ON SOMETHING, TOO, BOY,
STAYING OUT OF THE POORHOUSE.
BACK TO FINGERPRINT
IDENTIFICATION.
- DOBIE, YOUR FATHER
WILL GIVE YOU THE MONEY.
NOW, HERBERT, YOU
SIGN THIS PAPER AND...
- NOW, HERBERT...
- GIVE DOBIE THE DOWN PAYMENT.
- I'LL PAY YOU BACK
SOMEDAY, DAD, HONEST.
- WHAT WITH, OLD MUMMIES?
- NOW, HERBERT.
- NOW, HERBERT, OH...
- THANKS, MOM. COME ON, MAYNARD.
WE'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
- GOODBYE, MRS. G., MR. G.
HEY, MR. G., DO YOU THINK IF I
MIGHT WANT TO GO ON A DIG...
- HERBERT, YOU
OUGHT TO BE PROUD.
- I OUGHT TO BE EXAMINED,
THAT'S WHAT I OUGHT.
EGYPTOLOGY.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID DOBIE
EVER GET HIMSELF MIXED UP
IN A KOOKY THING LIKE THAT?
AND I WITHDRAW THE QUESTION.
WINNIE, OPEN THE STORE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I AM GOING OVER TO
THAT EGYPTOLOGY CLASS
AND FIND THE GIRL THAT'S
MAKING AN EGYPTOLOGIST
OUT OF DOBIE AND
A PAUPER OUT OF ME.
- HEY, DOBE, I'D LIKE
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
DID YOU WANT TO DIG THIS
EGYPTOLOGY, LIKE, FOR REAL,
REALLY?
- LIKE, FOR REAL, REALLY.
- OH, YOU'RE JOSHING.
- MAYNARD, WHY DO I
USUALLY TAKE A CLASS?
- 'CAUSE YOU'RE CHASING
AFTER SOME CHICK.
- TRUE. NOW, LOOK AROUND.
DO YOU SEE ANY
CHICKS IN THIS CLASS?
- LIKE, NO.
- I REST MY CASE.
- HEY, DOBE, YOU MUST
REALLY LOVE EGYPTOLOGY.
I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT
NO POSTERIOR MOTIVE.
- THAT'S ULTERIOR, BUT
YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
DAD!
- OH, HI, SON.
I JUST HAPPENED TO BE
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND THOUGHT I DROP IN AND...
- SO YOU THOUGHT YOU'D LOOK
IN ON MY EGYPTOLOGY CLASS...
TO SEE WHO THE CHICK WAS
WHO GOT ME INTERESTED.
- WELL, I GOT A RIGHT TO KNOW.
- WELL, THERE AIN'T
NO CHICKS, MR. G.
I JUST LOOKED.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I SEE. SO HOW COME?
- DAD, I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU.
WE STUDY THE PAST
TO KNOW THE PRESENT.
- AND THERE'S NO
PRETTY FACE, SON.
AND THIS IS ALL, LIKE,
INTELLECTUAL-LIKE?
- DAD, I KNOW IT'S
HARD TO BELIEVE.
- HARD? NO, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
IMPOSSIBLE? YES.
UNTHINKABLE? YES.
UNHEARD OF? YES.
HARD? NO.
- DAD, TRY TO BELIEVE ME.
THERE'S NO PRETTY FACE.
- GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
- GOOD MORNING, DR. BURKHART.
- LIKE, GOOD MORNING, DR. B.
- AND WHO'S THE DEAN,
MARILYN MONROE?
- HELLO, MR. GILLIS.
- UH, THIS IS MY
FATHER, DR. BURKHART.
- WELL, THIS IS A
PLEASURE, MR. GILLIS.
HOW DO YOU DO?
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD DROP BY.
I THINK IT'S JUST WONDERFUL,
THE ENTHUSIASM THAT DOBIE HAS
FOR EGYPTOLOGY.
WHY, HE'S TAKEN TO IT LIKE A...
- CAT TO CATNIP?
- EXACTLY.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I FOUND
A MORE DEVOTED ADMIRER.
- OH, SWELL.
- TELL ME, MR. GILLIS,
ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN EGYPTOLOGY TOO?
- ME?
- HIM?
- MAYNARD!
UH, WELL, THERE ARE A FEW THINGS
I'D, UH, LIKE TO FIND OUT ABOUT.
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SIT
DOWN AND JOIN THE CLASS?
I'M GOING TO SHOW SOME
MOVIES OF LAST YEAR'S DIG.
- OH, UH, THIS I
WOULD LOVE TO SEE.
- EXCELLENT. MAYNARD,
SET UP THE SCREEN.
DOBIE, WILL YOU
RUN THE PROJECTOR?
AND, MR. GILLIS, YOU
SIT RIGHT HERE BY ME.
- OH, THANK YOU.
UH, DOCTOR, UH, JUST WHAT
KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU,
A SURGEON, EYE, EAR,
NOSE AND THROAT, WHAT?
- OH, I'M A PhD, THAT'S A
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY.
- OH, YEAH, THE KIND OF DOCTOR
WHO DON'T DO ANYBODY NO GOOD.
- MEDICALLY, NO.
- MM-HMM.
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK
YOU ANOTHER QUESTION?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- KIND OF PERSONAL?
- OF COURSE.
- UH, NO OFFENSE, BUT,
UH, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
- 35.
- NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE.
- AND THIS TEACHING
JOB, IT'S A CIVIL SERVICE.
- YES, WHY?
- UH, WHEN YOU GO ON THESE
DIGS, UH, WHO ALL GOES ALONG?
- OH, A GROUP OF STUDENTS
AND, OF COURSE, SOME TEACHERS.
- OH, YEAH, LIKE
CHAPERONES, HUH?
- OH, WELL, WE DON'T
LOOK AT IT QUITE THAT WAY.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
WE'RE ALL OUT THERE
FOR THE SAME PURPOSE.
- YES, BUT YOU DO
STICK TOGETHER,
YOU KNOW, KIND OF KEEP
AN EYE ON EACH OTHER.
- NO. MOST OF THE
TIME WE WORK IN TEAMS.
- UH, HOW MANY ON A TEAM?
- TWO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'VE DECIDED TO TEAM UP
WITH DOBIE THIS SUMMER.
HE'S SO EAGER.
- OH, THAT HE IS, AND YOU'RE 35.
- YES.
- AND, UH, CIVIL SERVICE.
- YES.
- UH, READY WITH THE
FIRST REEL, DR. BURKHART.
- OH, FINE, ROLL IT.
I'M AFRAID OUR PHOTOGRAPHY
ISN'T VERY PROFESSIONAL,
MR. GILLIS.
OUR CAMERAMAN WAS PRETTY SHAKY.
- CLASS? NOW, HERE
WE ARE AT LUXOR.
WE HAD JUST DISCOVERED
THE TOMB OF KING AHMESE.
IT'S 18th DYNASTY, OF COURSE.
- OH, OF COURSE.
- MY TEAMMATE HAS JUST
CRAWLED INTO THE TOMB,
AND NOW HE'S HANDING
ME A BURIAL URN.
- UH, TELL ME, DOCTOR.
IS THIS HOW YOU
ALWAYS DRESS ON DIGS?
- OH, YES, WE'RE
NOT AT ALL FORMAL.
COMFORT IS ALL THAT COUNTS.
I THINK YOU WILL FIND THIS
A PARTICULARLY
BEAUTIFUL SPECIMEN,
NOTE THE LONG, CLEAN LINES.
- I'M NOTING, I'M NOTING.
- SOMETIMES WE WERE SO
EXCITED BY OUR DISCOVERIES
THAT WE KEPT WORKING
EVEN AFTER DARK.
OH, WE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
THE DESERT NIGHTS
ARE SO SOFT AND MILD.
- KIND OF ROMANTIC-LIKE, TOO.
- OH, YES.
NOWHERE ELSE DOES
THE MOON SEEM SO CLOSE
OR THE STARS SO BRIGHT.
- HMM, 35, YOU SAID, YOU WERE?
- YES, MR. GILLIS,
TWICE, MR. GILLIS.
- WELL, THEN I SUPPOSE
YOU DON'T REMEMBER
RUDOLPH VALENTINO
AND "THE SHEIK," DO YOU?
- NO, MR. GILLIS.
- WELL, I DO AND DESERT LIGHTS
AND THE MOON AND THE STARS
AND VALENTINO RIDING
ACROSS THE SAHARA
ON THAT BIG WHITE HORSE.
THE GIRL TAKES ONE LOOK AT HIM
AND TURNS INTO PUTTY OUT THERE.
- THAT'S VERY
INTERESTING, MR. GILLIS.
- PUTTY... JELLY, OF A...
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
- YAY, BRAVO.
- NO, MAYNARD, GET THE LIGHTS.
- YEAH, DOBE.
- I'LL, UH, REWIND IT AND
PUT ON THE NEXT REEL,
DR. BURKHART.
- OH, MUST YOU GO?
- I THINK I'D BETTER.
- I'VE GOT A LOT
MORE TO SHOW YOU.
- OH, THANKS, DOCTOR,
BUT I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.
- GIVE ME A HAND
WITH THIS, PLEASE.
- OH, SURE.
UH, ARE YOU GONNA
STAY LATE, DR. BURKHART?
- YES, DOBIE, I HAVE
SOME WORK TO DO.
- ARE YOU GONNA STAY
HERE ALL BY YOURSELF
WITH THESE DEATH MASKS
AND MUMMIES AND ALL LIKE THAT?
- YES, MAYNARD.
- OH, DON'T DO IT, DR. B.
I MEAN, WHAT IF ONE OF THE
MUMMIES PUTS A CURSE ON YOU?
- I'LL CURSE HIM RIGHT BACK.
- DR. B., DO YOU THINK...
GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD?
- RIGHT.
- COME ON, MAYNARD. UH,
GOOD NIGHT, DR. BURKHART.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- HI, MOM, DAD. SORRY, I'M LATE.
I WAS TIED UP AT SCHOOL.
- EGYPTOLOGY, YES?
- YES.
- AT NIGHT TOO?
- OH, YES, DAD. I'M
REALLY HOOKED.
- AND DR. BURKHART WAS THERE?
- YES. AS MATTER OF
FACT, SHE'S STILL THERE.
- OH, MY SON, MY SON.
- NEVER MIND. GO
HAVE YOUR DINNER.
IT'S ON THE STOVE.
- WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU?
- WE'VE HAD OURS.
- SHE HAD HERS. ME, I
COULDN'T EAT A BITE.
- WHAT'S WITH HIM?
- OH, MY SON. I...
- HAVE YOUR DINNER
BEFORE IT GETS COLD.
WHAT ARE YOU, HERBERT,
SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- NO. I'M WORSE THAN THAT.
I'M A FIEND, I'M A MONSTER.
I HAD TO TELL DOBIE TO GET
HIMSELF AN OLDER WOMAN
WITH A CIVIL SERVICE
JOB AND, OF COURSE,
HE GOES RIGHT OUT AND DOES IT.
THE BOY DOES
EVERYTHING I TELL HIM.
HE WORSHIPS ME.
- HERBERT, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE
WORSHIPED LIKE THAT,
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL
BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT
OF RESPONSIBILITIES TOO.
I GOTTA WATCH OUT
WHAT I TELL THIS KID.
I JUST CAN'T GO SHOOTING
OFF MY BIG MOUTH ALL THE TIME.
- NOW, YOU ARE
BEGINNING TO REACH ME.
- OH, MY SON, MY SON,
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO THEE?
- HERBERT, IT'S EVEN TOO
SILLY TO THINK ABOUT DOBIE
BEING IN LOVE WITH
A SCHOOLTEACHER.
- OH, IS THAT SO?
WELL, YOU WOULDN'T
THINK IT WAS SO SILLY
IF YOU EVER GOT A LOOK AT
THIS PARTICULAR SCHOOLTEACHER.
- NONSENSE!
EVEN IF WHAT YOU SAY
ABOUT DOBIE IS TRUE,
WHICH I DON'T FOR
ONE MINUTE ADMIT,
DO YOU THINK THE TEACHER
WOULD STAND FOR A THING LIKE THAT?
WHY, SHE'S A
SCHOOLTEACHER, HERBERT,
A COLLEGE TEACHER
WITH A PhD DEGREE.
OBVIOUSLY, SHE'S A MATURE,
EDUCATED WOMAN WITH A GOOD MIND.
- YEAH, WELL, I'VE SEEN
GOODER MINDS THAN HERS
GET SCRAMBLED UP BY
THOSE SOFT DESERT NIGHTS
AND THAT BIG YELLOW
MOON HANGING UP THERE
AND THE STARS SO CLOSE
YOU COULD REACH UP
AND GRAB THEM.
DO YOU REMEMBER
RUDOLPH VALENTINO?
- YES.
AND I REMEMBER
YOU, HERBERT T. GILLIS,
WHEN YOU GET AN IDEA IN
THAT HARD HEAD OF YOURS,
IT TAKES DYNAMITE
TO BLAST IT OUT.
- WINNIE, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.
- QUIET!
- NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BACK TO TONIGHT'S FEATURE FILM
FROM OUR GREAT GALLERY
OF CLASSIC SILENT MOVIES
STARRING THOSE
TWO BLAZING LOVERS
OF THE SILENT SCREEN,
RICARDO McGRUDER
AND FIFI LATOOLE,
IN THAT UNFORGETTABLE
DESERT ADVENTURE ROMANCE,
"COLD STEEL AND HOT SAND."
[MUSIC]
- OH, HERBERT, I DON'T
SEE ANYTHING WRONG.
HERBERT? HERBERT!
[MUSIC]
- OH, PLEASE, DOCTOR, PLEASE,
CONSIDER WHAT'S
IN A FATHER'S HEART.
- MR. GILLIS, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M BEGGIN'. I'M ON
MY KNEES BEGGIN'.
- WELL, GET UP THIS INSTANT.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M UP.
I'M STILL BEGGIN'.
- BEGGING? BEGGING FOR WHAT?
- PLEASE DON'T TAKE
MY BOY TO EGYPT.
- WHY EVER NOT?
- WELL, HE'S SO YOUNG
AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL
AND THE NIGHTS ARE SO
SOFT, THE MOON'S SO YELLOW
AND THE STARS ARE SO CLOSE.
- MR. GILLIS, CAN YOU
POSSIBLY BE SUGGESTING
THAT THERE IS ANYTHING
BETWEEN DOBIE AND ME?
- OH, OF COURSE NOT,
BUT HE'S SO YOUNG
AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
- AND YOU ARE SO WRONG.
MR. GILLIS, MAY I REMIND YOU
THAT I AM A SCHOOLTEACHER,
A SCIENTIST AND A
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY.
- AND YOU ARE ALSO A DISH.
- MR. GILLIS, I THINK AN APOLOGY
IS IN ORDER IMMEDIATELY.
- I'M SORRY.
- THANK YOU.
AND NOW I THINK ANOTHER
APOLOGY IS IN ORDER.
- I GOTTA BE SORRY TWICE?
- YES, ONCE TO ME
AND ONCE TO DOBIE.
WHY, YOU OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF,
THINKING THOUGHTS LIKE THAT
ABOUT YOUR FINE UPSTANDING SON.
- YOU THINK SO?
- I MOST CERTAINLY DO.
NOW, YOU GET HOME AND
TELL DOBIE YOU'RE SORRY.
[MUSIC]
- DOBIE?
- YES, DAD?
- THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANNA SAY TO YOU.
- ABOUT WHAT?
- ABOUT DR. BURKHART.
- OH, WHAT ABOUT HER?
- WELL, SHE'S A FINE WOMAN.
- SHE SURE IS.
- YES. DR. BURKHART
IS A FINE WOMAN.
- YES, SIR, AND
GOOD-LOOKING TOO.
- YES. AND SHE IS... DID YOU
SAY SHE WAS GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- DON'T YOU THINK SO?
- NEVER MIND WHAT I THINK.
DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- SURE, DAD.
- HOW GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- DON'T BE DENSE, BOY.
I MEAN, HOW GOOD-LOOKIN'
DO YOU THINK SHE IS?
PRETTY GOOD-LOOKIN',
MEDIUM GOOD-LOOKIN',
GOOD GOOD-LOOKIN',
EXTRA GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- WELL, I GUESS I'D
SAY SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN GOOD GOOD-LOOKING
AND EXTRA GOOD-LOOKING.
DAD?
DAD, WHY ARE YOU
LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT?
DAD? DAD, WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'?
[MUSIC]
- DOCTOR, PLEASE DON'T
TAKE MY BOY TO EGYPT.
- OH, MR. GILLIS, NOW,
YOU GET UP AT ONCE
AND STOP THIS NONSENSE.
I THOUGHT WE HAD IT ALL SETTLED.
- LOOK, I KNOW THERE'S NOTHIN'
BETWEEN YOU AND DOBIE HERE.
AND IF YOU WANTED
TO TAKE HIM OUT
AND DIG UP CLEVELAND OR DULUTH,
I WOULDN'T WORRY FOR A MINUTE.
OR IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE
HIM TO DENVER OR SEATTLE
OR SOME OTHER NICE
COOL-TEMPERED PLACE
LIKE HUDSON'S BAY WHERE
THE MOON'S JUST A SLIVER
AND YOU CAN'T HARDLY
SEE THE STARS... OKAY.
BUT DON'T TAKE HIM TO EGYPT
WHERE THE NIGHTS ARE SO SOFT
AND THE MOON'S SO YELLOW
AND THE STARS ARE SO CLOSE.
- MR. GILLIS, MAY I
ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- ANYTHING.
- WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- DOCTOR, WILL YOU PLEASE
TELL DOBIE HE CAN'T GO WITH YOU?
- I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT.
- THEN I WILL JUST HAVE
TO PLAY IT THE OTHER WAY.
I'LL JUST HAVE TO
TELL DOBIE HE CAN'T GO.
- OH, MR. GILLIS,
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
I MEAN, DOBIE'S CRAZY
ABOUT EGYPTOLOGY.
WHY, THIS DIG WILL BE
GREATEST THRILL OF HIS LIFE.
- THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.
- OH, MR. GILLIS, BE REASONABLE.
- DOCTOR, WHO
TELLS HIM, ME OR YOU?
- YOU'RE DETERMINED
ABOUT THIS, YOUR MIND IS SET?
- LIKE CONCRETE.
- YES.
VERY WELL, MR. GILLIS,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.
IF YOU'LL LET DOBIE
GO ON THIS DIG,
I'LL STAY HOME.
OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER ABOUT
ME. I'VE BEEN ON A LOT OF DIGS.
BUT THIS IS DOBIE'S FIRST ONE,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU
TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM.
HE GOES, AND I STAY.
- BUT DOBIE WON'T
GO IF YOU DON'T GO.
- OH? WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?
- THAT'S JUST WHAT I'LL DO.
[MUSIC]
- DOBIE, I GOT
SOMETHIN' TO TELL YOU.
DR. BURKHART AIN'T
GOIN' ON THAT DIG.
- OH?
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR
WHAT I SAID, BOY?
DR. BURKHART AIN'T GOIN'.
- I HEARD YOU, DAD.
- WELL?
- WELL, WHAT?
- WELL, YOU MEAN YOU'RE
GOING EVEN IF SHE AIN'T?
- WHY NOT?
- YOU SEE, HERBERT?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
- YOU ALSO TOLD ME THE DODGERS
WOULD NEVER LEAVE BROOKLYN.
- DAD, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
- SON, DO YOU MEAN
TO SAY YOU'RE TAKIN'
THIS EGYPTOLOGY STUFF
BECAUSE YOU REALLY
LIKE EGYPTOLOGY?
- YES, DAD. WHY
WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
IF I TOLD YOU ONCE,
I TOLD YOU... DAD?
DAD?
[MUSIC]
- SO YOU FOUND OUT
THAT DOBIE WOULD GO
EVEN WITHOUT ME.
- OH, DOCTOR, I WAS
WRONG, DEAD WRONG.
WHAT CAN I DO TO
MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
- WELL, MR. GILLIS, FOR OPENERS,
YOU CAN GET OFF YOUR KNEES.
- OH, I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF.
- DON'T BE. BE PROUD.
- OF WHAT?
- OF YOUR SON, DOBIE.
HE'S A FINE BOY,
A DEDICATED BOY.
HOW I WISH I COULD BE THERE
WHEN HE FIRST SEES THE PYRAMIDS.
- DOCTOR, YOU ARE
GOING TO BE THERE.
- OH, BUT,
MR. GILLIS, YOU SAID...
- OH, I KNOW I SAID A
LOT OF GOOFY THINGS,
BUT THERE'S NO
REASON IN THE WORLD
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO WITH DOBIE.
- NO, THERE REALLY ISN'T.
- NOW, I'M GOING HOME RIGHT
NOW AND I'M GONNA TELL DOBIE
THAT HE'S GOING TO EGYPT
AND YOU'RE GOING TO EGYPT
AND EVERYBODY'S GOING TO EGYPT.
- YOU DO THAT, MR. GILLIS.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
OH, MR. GILLIS, YOU DO
TRY TO STAY HOME THIS TIME.
[MUSIC]
- WELL, IT'S ALL SETTLED.
DOBIE, YOU'RE GOING TO EGYPT,
DR. BURKHART'S GOING TO EGYPT,
EVERYBODY'S GOING TO EGYPT.
WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE SEWIN'?
- I'VE BEEN SEWING A NAME
TAG ON DOBIE'S SHORTS.
- SHORTS? WHAT DOES
HE NEED SHORTS FOR?
- FOR THE DIG, DEAR.
- YOU SAW THE MOVIES, DAD.
EVERYBODY WEARS
SHORTS ON THE DIG.
THE KIDS, DR. BURK... DAD?
[MUSIC]
- OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
- DOCTOR, PLEASE.
- UP. UP. UP.
- DOCTOR, PLEASE LISTEN TO
WHAT'S IN A FATHER'S HEART
AND DO ME A FAVOR.
- WHAT?
- WHEN YOU GET TO
EGYPT, DON'T WEAR SHORTS.
- SHORTS?
- SHORTS.
- OH MY.
- YOU PROMISE?
- I PROMISE.
- HONEST AND TRULY?
- HONEST AND TRULY I
WON'T WEAR SHORTS,
DOBIE WON'T WEAR SHORTS,
NOBODY WILL WEAR SHORTS.
- OH, YOU ARE ALL HEART, MA'AM.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU ARE, MR. GILLIS.
BUT I SUSPECT THAT UNDERNEATH
ALL THAT SOUND AND FURY,
YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE
BIT OF HEART YOURSELF.
- YOU MAD AT ME?
- NO, MR. GILLIS.
- OH, YOU ARE ALL HEART, GAL.
- THANK YOU.
- AND ON TOP OF THAT,
YOU ARE A VERY
GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN.
AND IF WE HAD TEACHERS
LIKE YOU WHEN I WAS GOING
TO SCHOOL, I'D STILL
BE GOING TO SCHOOL.
YEAH.
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. GILLIS.
- NO HARD FEELINGS?
- CERTAINLY NOT.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. GILLIS.
[MUSIC]
- OH, DOCTOR, DOCTOR,
I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO WEAR SHORTS,
AND THERE'S NOTHING
BETWEEN YOU AND DOBIE,
AND YOU ARE A TEACHER,
A SCIENTIST AND A...
- YOU MUST BE THE NUT.
DR. BURKHART WARNED ME THAT
SOME NUT WOULD COME SLIDI"
IN HERE ON HIS KNEES
AND, YUP, HERE YOU ARE.
- WHERE'S DR. BURKHART?
- THE DOCTOR'S GONE,
BUT SHE LEFT A MESSAGE.
SHE SAID IF THE NUT COMES
BACK THAT I SHOULD SAY
IF HE HAS ANYTHING
MORE TO TELL HER,
HE SHOULD WRITE HER A LETTER
CARE OF THE GREAT PYRAMID,
CAIRO, EGYPT.
YOU ARE THE NUT, AREN'T YOU?
- I CANNOT TELL
A LIE. I'M THE NUT.
- LIKE, HI, MRS.
G. LIKE, HI, MR. G.
DO YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT I JUST GOT?
- SOME OTHER TIME, DEAR.
- LIKE A YEAR FROM FRIDAY, DEAR.
- OKAY. I'LL TELL YOU.
I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM
MY GOOD BUDDY DOBIE
FROM EGYPT.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT DOES HE SAY?
- I DIDN'T OPEN IT.
- WHY NOT?
- WHAT'S THE USE? I
DON'T READ EGYPTIAN?
- I'D IMAGINE IT'S
WRITTEN IN ENGLISH.
- I DON'T READ THAT
TOO GOOD EITHER.
- OPEN THE LETTER ALREADY.
- YES, SIR, YOUR GROCERY-SHIP.
OH, I CAN'T TELL
YOU WHAT IT SAYS.
IT'S, LIKE, PERSONAL.
- YOU HARDLY EVEN LOOKED
AT IT. HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- WELL, IT KINDA STARTS
OFF "DEAR, MAYNARD."
- READ THE LETTER.
- "DEAR, MAYNARD..."
OH, HE REMEMBERED.
- MAYNARD!
- READ THE LETTER RIGHT!
- RIGHT!
- "DEAR, MAYNARD," WE ARE
HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME
"HERE IN EGYPT.
"YESTERDAY, WE DUG
UP A MOLDY OLD RELIC,
"AND THAT REMINDS ME,
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO MY DAD."
HELLO.
- MAYNARD, YOU LEFT
OUT A WHOLE PARAGRAPH.
- TOLD YOU I DIDN'T
READ TOO GOOD.
- MAYNARD, GO ON
WITH THE LETTER.
- "WE HAVE MADE SEVERAL
INTERESTING DISCOVERIES.
"I FOUND A VASE THAT
DR. BURKHART SAYS
"DATES BACK TO THE
DYNASTY OF KING TUTKAN...
BETTER KNOWN AS KING TUT."
I DON'T KNOW HIM EITHER WAY.
THAT'S FASCINATING, HUH, MR. G.?
- FOR WHAT'S IT'S COSTING
ME, THAT'S THE WORD FOR IT,
FASCINATING.
- "DR. BURKHART WAS
WORKING IN HER TENT
"AND, BOY, WAS SHE EXCITED
WHEN I BROUGHT THE VASE TO HER.
"WE WERE BOTH VERY
PROUD AND HAPPY
"TO MAKE SUCH A DISCOVERY.
"IT WAS THE HIGH SPOT
OF THE ENTIRE DIG SO FAR.
"DR. BURKHART
REALLY PUTS HER HEART
"INTO HER WORK OUT
HERE ON THE DESERT.
"SHE ENJOYS EVERY MINUTE OF IT,
AND HER ENTHUSIASM IS CATCHING.
"I, TOO, HAVE NEVER
ENJOYED DOING ANYTHING
"SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
"DR. BURKHART IS INSPIRING.
"THE NIGHTS HERE ARE
GORGEOUS, THE MOON IS SO CLOSE,
"AND THE STARS ARE SO BRIGHT.
"AND I FEEL LIKE AN
ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON
WITH NEW IDEAS
ABOUT MANY THINGS."
MAN, WHAT A TIME HE
MUST BE HAVING, HUH?
- I'M SO GLAD HE'S
HAVING SUCH A FINE TIME.
READ ON, MAYNARD.
- YEAH. "THIS EGYPT IS THE MOST.
I WANT TO COME HERE
AGAIN YEAR AFTER YEAR."
- OH, HERBERT,
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL
THAT DOBIE'S HAVING
SUCH A FINE TIME?
HERBERT? WHERE'D HE GO?
- I THINK YOU PROBABLY
CAN REACH HIM
IN CARE OF THE GREAT
PYRAMID, CAIRO, EGYPT.
- HERBERT! HERBERT!
NOT A BAD REPORT CARD, HUH?
- I THINK IT'S EXCELLENT, DEAR.
YOU'RE CERTAINLY DOING
JUST WONDERFULLY AT COLLEGE.
ISN'T HE, HERBERT?
- OOH, PEACHY KEEN.
- WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THOSE ARE FINE MARKS.
- SURE, BUT IN WHAT
KIND OF COURSES,
ELEMENTARY ITALIAN,
FINGERPRINT IDENTIFICATION,
BIRD LIFE IN NORTH
AMERICA EXCEPT WINNIPEG?
WHAT KIND OF COURSES ARE THOSE?
- WELL, I'M SORT OF
EXPERIMENTING, DAD.
- HERBERT, THE BOY IS
TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF.
- WELL, I WILL GIVE HIM A CLUE.
JUST LET HIM LOOK
BEHIND THE NEAREST GIRL
WITH A PRETTY FACE
AND THERE HE'LL BE.
HE SEES SOME CHICK
RUNNING INTO A CLASSROOM
AND, ZING, HE'S TAKING
THAT COURSE TOO.
- DAD, I'LL ADMIT I LIKE GIRLS.
- OH, AND I WILL ADMIT THAT
THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST.
- THAT'S NOT THE REASON
I KEEP SWITCHING AROUND.
AFTER ALL, COLLEGE IS
A BIG CONFUSING PLACE,
AND HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I
WANT UNTIL I TRY EVERYTHING?
- DOBIE, YOU KEEP TAKING
ALL THESE KOOKY COURSES
AND WHEN YOU GRADUATE
THERE WILL BE ONLY ONE COURSE
LEFT OPEN TO YOU, MARRY MONEY.
- DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
- MARRY MONEY,
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
DOBIE, YOU FIND YOURSELF A
GIRL WITH A GOOD STEADY JOB
AND MARRY HER,
ONE WHO CAN BRING
IN THE GROCERIES.
- WHAT A HORRIBLE
THING TO SAY TO DOBIE.
- CIVIL SERVICE,
SON, THAT'S THE BIT.
MARRY A GIRL WITH A JOB
WHERE SHE CAN'T GET FIRED,
AND NOT TOO YOUNG
A GIRL, AN OLDER GIRL.
OH, I DON'T MEAN AN
OLD HAG OR ANYTHING
BUT, YOU KNOW, ONE,
SAY, BETWEEN 30 AND 35.
THIS TYPE, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE SETTLED
AND THEY'RE STEADY AND
THEY APPRECIATE THINGS.
- THANKS A LOT, DAD.
UH, DO YOU MIND IF I
SAY A FEW WORDS NOW?
- PLEASE DO, DEAR.
- WELL, I'VE GOT SOME
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
I FINALLY FOUND THE
SUBJECT THAT I WANT.
- WHAT IS IT?
- EGYPTOLOGY.
- EGYPT WHAT-OL-GY?
- EGYPTOLOGY, THE
STUDY OF ANCIENT EGYPT,
THE PHARAOHS, THE
SPHINXES, THE PYRAMIDS.
I'LL BE GOING TO EGYPT
AND DIGGING UP OLD TOMBS.
- YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GO TO EGYPT, SON.
START DIGGING RIGHT
HERE, ONE OLD TOMB
FOR YOUR POOR OLD DAD.
[JAZZ THEME]
- IN 1954, MY FATHER
DROPPED A CRATE OF ORANGES
ON HIS BIG TOE.
A FEW DAYS AGO, I TOLD MY FATHER
THAT I WANTED TO
STUDY EGYPTOLOGY.
WHAT HAVE THESE TWO WIDELY
SEPARATED EVENTS GOT IN COMMON?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
THESE ARE THE ONLY TWO
TIMES I EVER SAW MY FATHER CRY.
- OH, COME ON, DOBE.
TELL YOUR OLD DAD
YOU'RE ONLY KIDDING
ABOUT THIS EGYPTOLOGY.
- BUT I'M SERIOUS, DAD. IT'S
FASCINATING STUFF, HONEST.
WHY, EGYPT WAS PRACTICALLY
THE CRADLE OF CIVILIZATION.
- WELL, I THINK IT'S
WONDERFUL, DOBIE,
THAT YOU FINALLY FOUND
SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN.
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I AM BEHIND YOU 100%.
- THANKS, MOM.
- AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WHAT I SAID ABOUT MARRYING
AN OLDER WOMAN
WITH A CIVIL SERVICE JOB
STILL GOES.
- MY FATHER'S A FINE MAN,
AND I HAVE NO DESIRE
TO BUM RAP HIM,
BUT TRUTH TO TELL,
HE DOES EXAGGERATE.
I MEAN, SURE, MOM'S BEEN
KNOWN TO TALK HIM INTO THINGS,
BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE
SHE USES LOGIC
AND COMMON SENSE
AND SOUND REASONING.
- AND FRAUD AND CHICANERY
AND TRICKERY AND THREATS.
- HERBERT, YOU
KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- IT AIN'T, HUH? DOBIE,
FORGET ABOUT EGYPTOLOGY.
- AND, HERBERT,
FORGET ABOUT DINNER.
- I REST MY CASE.
- WELL, MAYBE I DO
THREATEN A LITTLE,
BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE
I'M RIGHT. NOW, HERBERT...
- NOW, HERBERT, AGAIN,
HUH? I SURRENDER.
I KNOW WHEN I'M LICKED.
DOBIE, TAKE EGYPTOLOGY.
I APPROVE UNDER DURESS
AND I SHALL CRY A LITTLE,
BUT I APPROVE.
- I HOPE YOU REALLY
MEAN THAT, DAD,
BECAUSE I HAVE TO
ASK YOU FOR SOMETHING.
- FOR WHAT? NO. WHAT
A STUPID QUESTION.
- WELL, YOU SEE, DAD,
I WANT TO GO ON A DIG
DURING MY SUMMER VACATION.
- A WHAT?
- A DIG.
- A DIG?
- A DIG?
- DIG? I HEAR MY PEOPLE TALKING.
LIKE, HI, MRS. G., DOBE G.,
MR. G. DOBE G., THAT MEANS...
- MAYNARD!
- OOH, OOH, BOY.
- NOW, WHAT'S THIS
DIG? AND YOU BUTT OUT.
- WELL, IT'S AN
ARCHEOLOGICAL EXPEDITION.
WE'RE GOING OVER TO EGYPT
AND DIG UP SOME OLD TOMBS
AND FIND MUMMIES AND VASES
AND TOOLS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
- WE'RE GOING TO EGYPT.
WHO'S GOING TO EGYPT?
- WELL, A BUNCH OF STUDENTS
AND SOME OF THE TEACHERS TOO.
THEY GO OVER EVERY YEAR
FOR TWO OR THREE WEEKS.
IT'S FASCINATING WORK.
- HMM, I'LL BET IT'S A
FASCINATING COST TOO.
HOW MUCH?
- OH, IT'S NOT TOO EXPENSIVE.
ALL WE HAVE TO PAY
IS TRANSPORTATION.
- HMM.
- THE COLLEGE TAKES
CARE OF THE REST.
- AND TRANSPORTATION
TO EGYPT AIN'T EXPENSIVE.
YOU'RE GOING BY STREETCAR MAYBE?
- NO.
I'VE GOT THE CONTRACT
RIGHT HERE, DAD.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PAY IT ALL AT ONCE, SEE?
- $285! NO, NUH-UH.
N-O! NO, NO, NO!
- DAD, I KNOW IT'S
A LITTLE STEEP,
BUT I REALLY GOT
MY HEART SET ON IT.
- OH, AND I HAVE MY HEART
SET ON SOMETHING, TOO, BOY,
STAYING OUT OF THE POORHOUSE.
BACK TO FINGERPRINT
IDENTIFICATION.
- DOBIE, YOUR FATHER
WILL GIVE YOU THE MONEY.
NOW, HERBERT, YOU
SIGN THIS PAPER AND...
- NOW, HERBERT...
- GIVE DOBIE THE DOWN PAYMENT.
- I'LL PAY YOU BACK
SOMEDAY, DAD, HONEST.
- WHAT WITH, OLD MUMMIES?
- NOW, HERBERT.
- NOW, HERBERT, OH...
- THANKS, MOM. COME ON, MAYNARD.
WE'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
- GOODBYE, MRS. G., MR. G.
HEY, MR. G., DO YOU THINK IF I
MIGHT WANT TO GO ON A DIG...
- HERBERT, YOU
OUGHT TO BE PROUD.
- I OUGHT TO BE EXAMINED,
THAT'S WHAT I OUGHT.
EGYPTOLOGY.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID DOBIE
EVER GET HIMSELF MIXED UP
IN A KOOKY THING LIKE THAT?
AND I WITHDRAW THE QUESTION.
WINNIE, OPEN THE STORE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I AM GOING OVER TO
THAT EGYPTOLOGY CLASS
AND FIND THE GIRL THAT'S
MAKING AN EGYPTOLOGIST
OUT OF DOBIE AND
A PAUPER OUT OF ME.
- HEY, DOBE, I'D LIKE
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
DID YOU WANT TO DIG THIS
EGYPTOLOGY, LIKE, FOR REAL,
REALLY?
- LIKE, FOR REAL, REALLY.
- OH, YOU'RE JOSHING.
- MAYNARD, WHY DO I
USUALLY TAKE A CLASS?
- 'CAUSE YOU'RE CHASING
AFTER SOME CHICK.
- TRUE. NOW, LOOK AROUND.
DO YOU SEE ANY
CHICKS IN THIS CLASS?
- LIKE, NO.
- I REST MY CASE.
- HEY, DOBE, YOU MUST
REALLY LOVE EGYPTOLOGY.
I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT
NO POSTERIOR MOTIVE.
- THAT'S ULTERIOR, BUT
YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
DAD!
- OH, HI, SON.
I JUST HAPPENED TO BE
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND THOUGHT I DROP IN AND...
- SO YOU THOUGHT YOU'D LOOK
IN ON MY EGYPTOLOGY CLASS...
TO SEE WHO THE CHICK WAS
WHO GOT ME INTERESTED.
- WELL, I GOT A RIGHT TO KNOW.
- WELL, THERE AIN'T
NO CHICKS, MR. G.
I JUST LOOKED.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I SEE. SO HOW COME?
- DAD, I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU.
WE STUDY THE PAST
TO KNOW THE PRESENT.
- AND THERE'S NO
PRETTY FACE, SON.
AND THIS IS ALL, LIKE,
INTELLECTUAL-LIKE?
- DAD, I KNOW IT'S
HARD TO BELIEVE.
- HARD? NO, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
IMPOSSIBLE? YES.
UNTHINKABLE? YES.
UNHEARD OF? YES.
HARD? NO.
- DAD, TRY TO BELIEVE ME.
THERE'S NO PRETTY FACE.
- GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
- GOOD MORNING, DR. BURKHART.
- LIKE, GOOD MORNING, DR. B.
- AND WHO'S THE DEAN,
MARILYN MONROE?
- HELLO, MR. GILLIS.
- UH, THIS IS MY
FATHER, DR. BURKHART.
- WELL, THIS IS A
PLEASURE, MR. GILLIS.
HOW DO YOU DO?
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD DROP BY.
I THINK IT'S JUST WONDERFUL,
THE ENTHUSIASM THAT DOBIE HAS
FOR EGYPTOLOGY.
WHY, HE'S TAKEN TO IT LIKE A...
- CAT TO CATNIP?
- EXACTLY.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I FOUND
A MORE DEVOTED ADMIRER.
- OH, SWELL.
- TELL ME, MR. GILLIS,
ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN EGYPTOLOGY TOO?
- ME?
- HIM?
- MAYNARD!
UH, WELL, THERE ARE A FEW THINGS
I'D, UH, LIKE TO FIND OUT ABOUT.
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SIT
DOWN AND JOIN THE CLASS?
I'M GOING TO SHOW SOME
MOVIES OF LAST YEAR'S DIG.
- OH, UH, THIS I
WOULD LOVE TO SEE.
- EXCELLENT. MAYNARD,
SET UP THE SCREEN.
DOBIE, WILL YOU
RUN THE PROJECTOR?
AND, MR. GILLIS, YOU
SIT RIGHT HERE BY ME.
- OH, THANK YOU.
UH, DOCTOR, UH, JUST WHAT
KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU,
A SURGEON, EYE, EAR,
NOSE AND THROAT, WHAT?
- OH, I'M A PhD, THAT'S A
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY.
- OH, YEAH, THE KIND OF DOCTOR
WHO DON'T DO ANYBODY NO GOOD.
- MEDICALLY, NO.
- MM-HMM.
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK
YOU ANOTHER QUESTION?
- OF COURSE NOT.
- KIND OF PERSONAL?
- OF COURSE.
- UH, NO OFFENSE, BUT,
UH, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
- 35.
- NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE.
- AND THIS TEACHING
JOB, IT'S A CIVIL SERVICE.
- YES, WHY?
- UH, WHEN YOU GO ON THESE
DIGS, UH, WHO ALL GOES ALONG?
- OH, A GROUP OF STUDENTS
AND, OF COURSE, SOME TEACHERS.
- OH, YEAH, LIKE
CHAPERONES, HUH?
- OH, WELL, WE DON'T
LOOK AT IT QUITE THAT WAY.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
WE'RE ALL OUT THERE
FOR THE SAME PURPOSE.
- YES, BUT YOU DO
STICK TOGETHER,
YOU KNOW, KIND OF KEEP
AN EYE ON EACH OTHER.
- NO. MOST OF THE
TIME WE WORK IN TEAMS.
- UH, HOW MANY ON A TEAM?
- TWO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'VE DECIDED TO TEAM UP
WITH DOBIE THIS SUMMER.
HE'S SO EAGER.
- OH, THAT HE IS, AND YOU'RE 35.
- YES.
- AND, UH, CIVIL SERVICE.
- YES.
- UH, READY WITH THE
FIRST REEL, DR. BURKHART.
- OH, FINE, ROLL IT.
I'M AFRAID OUR PHOTOGRAPHY
ISN'T VERY PROFESSIONAL,
MR. GILLIS.
OUR CAMERAMAN WAS PRETTY SHAKY.
- CLASS? NOW, HERE
WE ARE AT LUXOR.
WE HAD JUST DISCOVERED
THE TOMB OF KING AHMESE.
IT'S 18th DYNASTY, OF COURSE.
- OH, OF COURSE.
- MY TEAMMATE HAS JUST
CRAWLED INTO THE TOMB,
AND NOW HE'S HANDING
ME A BURIAL URN.
- UH, TELL ME, DOCTOR.
IS THIS HOW YOU
ALWAYS DRESS ON DIGS?
- OH, YES, WE'RE
NOT AT ALL FORMAL.
COMFORT IS ALL THAT COUNTS.
I THINK YOU WILL FIND THIS
A PARTICULARLY
BEAUTIFUL SPECIMEN,
NOTE THE LONG, CLEAN LINES.
- I'M NOTING, I'M NOTING.
- SOMETIMES WE WERE SO
EXCITED BY OUR DISCOVERIES
THAT WE KEPT WORKING
EVEN AFTER DARK.
OH, WE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
THE DESERT NIGHTS
ARE SO SOFT AND MILD.
- KIND OF ROMANTIC-LIKE, TOO.
- OH, YES.
NOWHERE ELSE DOES
THE MOON SEEM SO CLOSE
OR THE STARS SO BRIGHT.
- HMM, 35, YOU SAID, YOU WERE?
- YES, MR. GILLIS,
TWICE, MR. GILLIS.
- WELL, THEN I SUPPOSE
YOU DON'T REMEMBER
RUDOLPH VALENTINO
AND "THE SHEIK," DO YOU?
- NO, MR. GILLIS.
- WELL, I DO AND DESERT LIGHTS
AND THE MOON AND THE STARS
AND VALENTINO RIDING
ACROSS THE SAHARA
ON THAT BIG WHITE HORSE.
THE GIRL TAKES ONE LOOK AT HIM
AND TURNS INTO PUTTY OUT THERE.
- THAT'S VERY
INTERESTING, MR. GILLIS.
- PUTTY... JELLY, OF A...
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
- YAY, BRAVO.
- NO, MAYNARD, GET THE LIGHTS.
- YEAH, DOBE.
- I'LL, UH, REWIND IT AND
PUT ON THE NEXT REEL,
DR. BURKHART.
- OH, MUST YOU GO?
- I THINK I'D BETTER.
- I'VE GOT A LOT
MORE TO SHOW YOU.
- OH, THANKS, DOCTOR,
BUT I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.
- GIVE ME A HAND
WITH THIS, PLEASE.
- OH, SURE.
UH, ARE YOU GONNA
STAY LATE, DR. BURKHART?
- YES, DOBIE, I HAVE
SOME WORK TO DO.
- ARE YOU GONNA STAY
HERE ALL BY YOURSELF
WITH THESE DEATH MASKS
AND MUMMIES AND ALL LIKE THAT?
- YES, MAYNARD.
- OH, DON'T DO IT, DR. B.
I MEAN, WHAT IF ONE OF THE
MUMMIES PUTS A CURSE ON YOU?
- I'LL CURSE HIM RIGHT BACK.
- DR. B., DO YOU THINK...
GOOD NIGHT, MAYNARD?
- RIGHT.
- COME ON, MAYNARD. UH,
GOOD NIGHT, DR. BURKHART.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- HI, MOM, DAD. SORRY, I'M LATE.
I WAS TIED UP AT SCHOOL.
- EGYPTOLOGY, YES?
- YES.
- AT NIGHT TOO?
- OH, YES, DAD. I'M
REALLY HOOKED.
- AND DR. BURKHART WAS THERE?
- YES. AS MATTER OF
FACT, SHE'S STILL THERE.
- OH, MY SON, MY SON.
- NEVER MIND. GO
HAVE YOUR DINNER.
IT'S ON THE STOVE.
- WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU?
- WE'VE HAD OURS.
- SHE HAD HERS. ME, I
COULDN'T EAT A BITE.
- WHAT'S WITH HIM?
- OH, MY SON. I...
- HAVE YOUR DINNER
BEFORE IT GETS COLD.
WHAT ARE YOU, HERBERT,
SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- NO. I'M WORSE THAN THAT.
I'M A FIEND, I'M A MONSTER.
I HAD TO TELL DOBIE TO GET
HIMSELF AN OLDER WOMAN
WITH A CIVIL SERVICE
JOB AND, OF COURSE,
HE GOES RIGHT OUT AND DOES IT.
THE BOY DOES
EVERYTHING I TELL HIM.
HE WORSHIPS ME.
- HERBERT, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE
WORSHIPED LIKE THAT,
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL
BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT
OF RESPONSIBILITIES TOO.
I GOTTA WATCH OUT
WHAT I TELL THIS KID.
I JUST CAN'T GO SHOOTING
OFF MY BIG MOUTH ALL THE TIME.
- NOW, YOU ARE
BEGINNING TO REACH ME.
- OH, MY SON, MY SON,
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO THEE?
- HERBERT, IT'S EVEN TOO
SILLY TO THINK ABOUT DOBIE
BEING IN LOVE WITH
A SCHOOLTEACHER.
- OH, IS THAT SO?
WELL, YOU WOULDN'T
THINK IT WAS SO SILLY
IF YOU EVER GOT A LOOK AT
THIS PARTICULAR SCHOOLTEACHER.
- NONSENSE!
EVEN IF WHAT YOU SAY
ABOUT DOBIE IS TRUE,
WHICH I DON'T FOR
ONE MINUTE ADMIT,
DO YOU THINK THE TEACHER
WOULD STAND FOR A THING LIKE THAT?
WHY, SHE'S A
SCHOOLTEACHER, HERBERT,
A COLLEGE TEACHER
WITH A PhD DEGREE.
OBVIOUSLY, SHE'S A MATURE,
EDUCATED WOMAN WITH A GOOD MIND.
- YEAH, WELL, I'VE SEEN
GOODER MINDS THAN HERS
GET SCRAMBLED UP BY
THOSE SOFT DESERT NIGHTS
AND THAT BIG YELLOW
MOON HANGING UP THERE
AND THE STARS SO CLOSE
YOU COULD REACH UP
AND GRAB THEM.
DO YOU REMEMBER
RUDOLPH VALENTINO?
- YES.
AND I REMEMBER
YOU, HERBERT T. GILLIS,
WHEN YOU GET AN IDEA IN
THAT HARD HEAD OF YOURS,
IT TAKES DYNAMITE
TO BLAST IT OUT.
- WINNIE, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.
- QUIET!
- NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BACK TO TONIGHT'S FEATURE FILM
FROM OUR GREAT GALLERY
OF CLASSIC SILENT MOVIES
STARRING THOSE
TWO BLAZING LOVERS
OF THE SILENT SCREEN,
RICARDO McGRUDER
AND FIFI LATOOLE,
IN THAT UNFORGETTABLE
DESERT ADVENTURE ROMANCE,
"COLD STEEL AND HOT SAND."
[MUSIC]
- OH, HERBERT, I DON'T
SEE ANYTHING WRONG.
HERBERT? HERBERT!
[MUSIC]
- OH, PLEASE, DOCTOR, PLEASE,
CONSIDER WHAT'S
IN A FATHER'S HEART.
- MR. GILLIS, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M BEGGIN'. I'M ON
MY KNEES BEGGIN'.
- WELL, GET UP THIS INSTANT.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M UP.
I'M STILL BEGGIN'.
- BEGGING? BEGGING FOR WHAT?
- PLEASE DON'T TAKE
MY BOY TO EGYPT.
- WHY EVER NOT?
- WELL, HE'S SO YOUNG
AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL
AND THE NIGHTS ARE SO
SOFT, THE MOON'S SO YELLOW
AND THE STARS ARE SO CLOSE.
- MR. GILLIS, CAN YOU
POSSIBLY BE SUGGESTING
THAT THERE IS ANYTHING
BETWEEN DOBIE AND ME?
- OH, OF COURSE NOT,
BUT HE'S SO YOUNG
AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
- AND YOU ARE SO WRONG.
MR. GILLIS, MAY I REMIND YOU
THAT I AM A SCHOOLTEACHER,
A SCIENTIST AND A
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY.
- AND YOU ARE ALSO A DISH.
- MR. GILLIS, I THINK AN APOLOGY
IS IN ORDER IMMEDIATELY.
- I'M SORRY.
- THANK YOU.
AND NOW I THINK ANOTHER
APOLOGY IS IN ORDER.
- I GOTTA BE SORRY TWICE?
- YES, ONCE TO ME
AND ONCE TO DOBIE.
WHY, YOU OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF,
THINKING THOUGHTS LIKE THAT
ABOUT YOUR FINE UPSTANDING SON.
- YOU THINK SO?
- I MOST CERTAINLY DO.
NOW, YOU GET HOME AND
TELL DOBIE YOU'RE SORRY.
[MUSIC]
- DOBIE?
- YES, DAD?
- THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANNA SAY TO YOU.
- ABOUT WHAT?
- ABOUT DR. BURKHART.
- OH, WHAT ABOUT HER?
- WELL, SHE'S A FINE WOMAN.
- SHE SURE IS.
- YES. DR. BURKHART
IS A FINE WOMAN.
- YES, SIR, AND
GOOD-LOOKING TOO.
- YES. AND SHE IS... DID YOU
SAY SHE WAS GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- DON'T YOU THINK SO?
- NEVER MIND WHAT I THINK.
DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- SURE, DAD.
- HOW GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- DON'T BE DENSE, BOY.
I MEAN, HOW GOOD-LOOKIN'
DO YOU THINK SHE IS?
PRETTY GOOD-LOOKIN',
MEDIUM GOOD-LOOKIN',
GOOD GOOD-LOOKIN',
EXTRA GOOD-LOOKIN'?
- WELL, I GUESS I'D
SAY SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN GOOD GOOD-LOOKING
AND EXTRA GOOD-LOOKING.
DAD?
DAD, WHY ARE YOU
LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT?
DAD? DAD, WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'?
[MUSIC]
- DOCTOR, PLEASE DON'T
TAKE MY BOY TO EGYPT.
- OH, MR. GILLIS, NOW,
YOU GET UP AT ONCE
AND STOP THIS NONSENSE.
I THOUGHT WE HAD IT ALL SETTLED.
- LOOK, I KNOW THERE'S NOTHIN'
BETWEEN YOU AND DOBIE HERE.
AND IF YOU WANTED
TO TAKE HIM OUT
AND DIG UP CLEVELAND OR DULUTH,
I WOULDN'T WORRY FOR A MINUTE.
OR IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE
HIM TO DENVER OR SEATTLE
OR SOME OTHER NICE
COOL-TEMPERED PLACE
LIKE HUDSON'S BAY WHERE
THE MOON'S JUST A SLIVER
AND YOU CAN'T HARDLY
SEE THE STARS... OKAY.
BUT DON'T TAKE HIM TO EGYPT
WHERE THE NIGHTS ARE SO SOFT
AND THE MOON'S SO YELLOW
AND THE STARS ARE SO CLOSE.
- MR. GILLIS, MAY I
ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- ANYTHING.
- WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KIND OF A NUT?
- DOCTOR, WILL YOU PLEASE
TELL DOBIE HE CAN'T GO WITH YOU?
- I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT.
- THEN I WILL JUST HAVE
TO PLAY IT THE OTHER WAY.
I'LL JUST HAVE TO
TELL DOBIE HE CAN'T GO.
- OH, MR. GILLIS,
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
I MEAN, DOBIE'S CRAZY
ABOUT EGYPTOLOGY.
WHY, THIS DIG WILL BE
GREATEST THRILL OF HIS LIFE.
- THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.
- OH, MR. GILLIS, BE REASONABLE.
- DOCTOR, WHO
TELLS HIM, ME OR YOU?
- YOU'RE DETERMINED
ABOUT THIS, YOUR MIND IS SET?
- LIKE CONCRETE.
- YES.
VERY WELL, MR. GILLIS,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.
IF YOU'LL LET DOBIE
GO ON THIS DIG,
I'LL STAY HOME.
OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER ABOUT
ME. I'VE BEEN ON A LOT OF DIGS.
BUT THIS IS DOBIE'S FIRST ONE,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU
TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM.
HE GOES, AND I STAY.
- BUT DOBIE WON'T
GO IF YOU DON'T GO.
- OH? WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?
- THAT'S JUST WHAT I'LL DO.
[MUSIC]
- DOBIE, I GOT
SOMETHIN' TO TELL YOU.
DR. BURKHART AIN'T
GOIN' ON THAT DIG.
- OH?
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR
WHAT I SAID, BOY?
DR. BURKHART AIN'T GOIN'.
- I HEARD YOU, DAD.
- WELL?
- WELL, WHAT?
- WELL, YOU MEAN YOU'RE
GOING EVEN IF SHE AIN'T?
- WHY NOT?
- YOU SEE, HERBERT?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
- YOU ALSO TOLD ME THE DODGERS
WOULD NEVER LEAVE BROOKLYN.
- DAD, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
- SON, DO YOU MEAN
TO SAY YOU'RE TAKIN'
THIS EGYPTOLOGY STUFF
BECAUSE YOU REALLY
LIKE EGYPTOLOGY?
- YES, DAD. WHY
WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
IF I TOLD YOU ONCE,
I TOLD YOU... DAD?
DAD?
[MUSIC]
- SO YOU FOUND OUT
THAT DOBIE WOULD GO
EVEN WITHOUT ME.
- OH, DOCTOR, I WAS
WRONG, DEAD WRONG.
WHAT CAN I DO TO
MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
- WELL, MR. GILLIS, FOR OPENERS,
YOU CAN GET OFF YOUR KNEES.
- OH, I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF.
- DON'T BE. BE PROUD.
- OF WHAT?
- OF YOUR SON, DOBIE.
HE'S A FINE BOY,
A DEDICATED BOY.
HOW I WISH I COULD BE THERE
WHEN HE FIRST SEES THE PYRAMIDS.
- DOCTOR, YOU ARE
GOING TO BE THERE.
- OH, BUT,
MR. GILLIS, YOU SAID...
- OH, I KNOW I SAID A
LOT OF GOOFY THINGS,
BUT THERE'S NO
REASON IN THE WORLD
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO WITH DOBIE.
- NO, THERE REALLY ISN'T.
- NOW, I'M GOING HOME RIGHT
NOW AND I'M GONNA TELL DOBIE
THAT HE'S GOING TO EGYPT
AND YOU'RE GOING TO EGYPT
AND EVERYBODY'S GOING TO EGYPT.
- YOU DO THAT, MR. GILLIS.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
OH, MR. GILLIS, YOU DO
TRY TO STAY HOME THIS TIME.
[MUSIC]
- WELL, IT'S ALL SETTLED.
DOBIE, YOU'RE GOING TO EGYPT,
DR. BURKHART'S GOING TO EGYPT,
EVERYBODY'S GOING TO EGYPT.
WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE SEWIN'?
- I'VE BEEN SEWING A NAME
TAG ON DOBIE'S SHORTS.
- SHORTS? WHAT DOES
HE NEED SHORTS FOR?
- FOR THE DIG, DEAR.
- YOU SAW THE MOVIES, DAD.
EVERYBODY WEARS
SHORTS ON THE DIG.
THE KIDS, DR. BURK... DAD?
[MUSIC]
- OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
- DOCTOR, PLEASE.
- UP. UP. UP.
- DOCTOR, PLEASE LISTEN TO
WHAT'S IN A FATHER'S HEART
AND DO ME A FAVOR.
- WHAT?
- WHEN YOU GET TO
EGYPT, DON'T WEAR SHORTS.
- SHORTS?
- SHORTS.
- OH MY.
- YOU PROMISE?
- I PROMISE.
- HONEST AND TRULY?
- HONEST AND TRULY I
WON'T WEAR SHORTS,
DOBIE WON'T WEAR SHORTS,
NOBODY WILL WEAR SHORTS.
- OH, YOU ARE ALL HEART, MA'AM.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU ARE, MR. GILLIS.
BUT I SUSPECT THAT UNDERNEATH
ALL THAT SOUND AND FURY,
YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE
BIT OF HEART YOURSELF.
- YOU MAD AT ME?
- NO, MR. GILLIS.
- OH, YOU ARE ALL HEART, GAL.
- THANK YOU.
- AND ON TOP OF THAT,
YOU ARE A VERY
GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN.
AND IF WE HAD TEACHERS
LIKE YOU WHEN I WAS GOING
TO SCHOOL, I'D STILL
BE GOING TO SCHOOL.
YEAH.
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. GILLIS.
- NO HARD FEELINGS?
- CERTAINLY NOT.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. GILLIS.
[MUSIC]
- OH, DOCTOR, DOCTOR,
I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO WEAR SHORTS,
AND THERE'S NOTHING
BETWEEN YOU AND DOBIE,
AND YOU ARE A TEACHER,
A SCIENTIST AND A...
- YOU MUST BE THE NUT.
DR. BURKHART WARNED ME THAT
SOME NUT WOULD COME SLIDI"
IN HERE ON HIS KNEES
AND, YUP, HERE YOU ARE.
- WHERE'S DR. BURKHART?
- THE DOCTOR'S GONE,
BUT SHE LEFT A MESSAGE.
SHE SAID IF THE NUT COMES
BACK THAT I SHOULD SAY
IF HE HAS ANYTHING
MORE TO TELL HER,
HE SHOULD WRITE HER A LETTER
CARE OF THE GREAT PYRAMID,
CAIRO, EGYPT.
YOU ARE THE NUT, AREN'T YOU?
- I CANNOT TELL
A LIE. I'M THE NUT.
- LIKE, HI, MRS.
G. LIKE, HI, MR. G.
DO YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT I JUST GOT?
- SOME OTHER TIME, DEAR.
- LIKE A YEAR FROM FRIDAY, DEAR.
- OKAY. I'LL TELL YOU.
I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM
MY GOOD BUDDY DOBIE
FROM EGYPT.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT DOES HE SAY?
- I DIDN'T OPEN IT.
- WHY NOT?
- WHAT'S THE USE? I
DON'T READ EGYPTIAN?
- I'D IMAGINE IT'S
WRITTEN IN ENGLISH.
- I DON'T READ THAT
TOO GOOD EITHER.
- OPEN THE LETTER ALREADY.
- YES, SIR, YOUR GROCERY-SHIP.
OH, I CAN'T TELL
YOU WHAT IT SAYS.
IT'S, LIKE, PERSONAL.
- YOU HARDLY EVEN LOOKED
AT IT. HOW DO YOU KNOW?
- WELL, IT KINDA STARTS
OFF "DEAR, MAYNARD."
- READ THE LETTER.
- "DEAR, MAYNARD..."
OH, HE REMEMBERED.
- MAYNARD!
- READ THE LETTER RIGHT!
- RIGHT!
- "DEAR, MAYNARD," WE ARE
HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME
"HERE IN EGYPT.
"YESTERDAY, WE DUG
UP A MOLDY OLD RELIC,
"AND THAT REMINDS ME,
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO MY DAD."
HELLO.
- MAYNARD, YOU LEFT
OUT A WHOLE PARAGRAPH.
- TOLD YOU I DIDN'T
READ TOO GOOD.
- MAYNARD, GO ON
WITH THE LETTER.
- "WE HAVE MADE SEVERAL
INTERESTING DISCOVERIES.
"I FOUND A VASE THAT
DR. BURKHART SAYS
"DATES BACK TO THE
DYNASTY OF KING TUTKAN...
BETTER KNOWN AS KING TUT."
I DON'T KNOW HIM EITHER WAY.
THAT'S FASCINATING, HUH, MR. G.?
- FOR WHAT'S IT'S COSTING
ME, THAT'S THE WORD FOR IT,
FASCINATING.
- "DR. BURKHART WAS
WORKING IN HER TENT
"AND, BOY, WAS SHE EXCITED
WHEN I BROUGHT THE VASE TO HER.
"WE WERE BOTH VERY
PROUD AND HAPPY
"TO MAKE SUCH A DISCOVERY.
"IT WAS THE HIGH SPOT
OF THE ENTIRE DIG SO FAR.
"DR. BURKHART
REALLY PUTS HER HEART
"INTO HER WORK OUT
HERE ON THE DESERT.
"SHE ENJOYS EVERY MINUTE OF IT,
AND HER ENTHUSIASM IS CATCHING.
"I, TOO, HAVE NEVER
ENJOYED DOING ANYTHING
"SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
"DR. BURKHART IS INSPIRING.
"THE NIGHTS HERE ARE
GORGEOUS, THE MOON IS SO CLOSE,
"AND THE STARS ARE SO BRIGHT.
"AND I FEEL LIKE AN
ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON
WITH NEW IDEAS
ABOUT MANY THINGS."
MAN, WHAT A TIME HE
MUST BE HAVING, HUH?
- I'M SO GLAD HE'S
HAVING SUCH A FINE TIME.
READ ON, MAYNARD.
- YEAH. "THIS EGYPT IS THE MOST.
I WANT TO COME HERE
AGAIN YEAR AFTER YEAR."
- OH, HERBERT,
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL
THAT DOBIE'S HAVING
SUCH A FINE TIME?
HERBERT? WHERE'D HE GO?
- I THINK YOU PROBABLY
CAN REACH HIM
IN CARE OF THE GREAT
PYRAMID, CAIRO, EGYPT.
- HERBERT! HERBERT!