The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 3, Episode 35 - Like Low Noon - full transcript
Bully Butch Baumgartner is due into town on the noon bus and has a score to settle with Dobie. Will Dobie muster the courage to face the man who hates him, or lie a coward in his grave?
- HELLO, TARBOUGH.
- MAKE YOUR MOVE, DEAD MAN!
- STILL DON'T RECOGNIZE
ME, DO YOU, TARBOUGH?
- YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER NOTCH
ON MY GUN BUTT, STRANGER.
DRAW!
[GUNSHOTS]
- NO. NO, YOU'RE NOT TUNED
TO THE WRONG CHANNEL.
IT'S ME, ALL RIGHT,
DOBIE GILLIS.
KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?
I'M STUDYING.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M LEARNING ABOUT LIFE BY
WATCHING A WESTERN MOVIE
AND I'VE LEARNED PLENTY TOO.
LIKE HOW A FELLA SHOULD
ALWAYS FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES
AND NOT RUN AWAY FROM DANGER,
OR HIDE BEHIND A WOMAN'S SKIRTS
AND HOW HE SHOULD BE BRAVE
AND UPSTANDING AND FEARLESS
AND NEVER BE AFRAID OF BULLIES.
- THAT'S WHAT I AM.
- YOU'RE BRAVE AND
UPSTANDING AND FEARLESS?
- NO, AFRAID OF BULLIES.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU
DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THEM.
WITH A BULLY, ALL
YOU'VE GOTTA DO
IS LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN
THE EYE AND CALL HIS BLUFF.
- DOBE, IT'S MEN LIKE YOU
THAT MAKE THIS COUNTRY GREAT
AND THE CITY TOO.
- GIVE ME THE SPORTS PAGE.
- HERE.
- HEY, DOBE, YOU REMEMBER THAT
GREAT BIG, ROUGH, TOUGH BULLY,
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER?
YOU AND HIM HAD A FIGHT LAST
YEAR ON ACCOUNT OF SOME CHICK
AND HE GOT KICKED OUT OF
SCHOOL AND JOINED THE ARMY
AND GOT SENT TO ALASKA?
- YEAH, LUCKY FOR HIM, HE
GOT SENT THAT FAR AWAY.
- YEAH. AND REMEMBER HOW HE
SAID HE WAS GONNA COME BACK
AND GET EVEN WITH YOU
AND POUND YOU IN THE GROUND
LIKE A 10-PEG OR LIKE THAT?
- MAYNARD, TALK'S CHEAP WHEN
YOU'RE UP THERE SAFE IN ALASKA.
- LIKE TRUE, AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA TELL BUTCH
WHEN HE GETS BACK TODAY
WHEN YOU LOOK HIM STRAIGHT
IN THE EYE AND CALL HIS BLUFF.
- RIGHT AFTER I LOOK WHO IN
THE EYE AND CALL WHOSE BLUFF?
- BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
HE'S COMING BACK TO
TOWN ON A 30-DAY FURLOUGH
ON THE 12:00 BUS.
- HIGH NOON?
- YEAH, LIKE HIGH NOON.
[JAZZ THEME]
- SO MY OLD ENEMY,
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER,
WAS COMING BACK TO TOWN, HUH?
ON THE 12:00 BUS, HIGH NOON.
WELL, THERE WAS ONLY
ONE MANLY THING TO DO,
AND I DID IT.
I WENT TO GET ADVICE BECAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED, ADVICE,
INSTANTLY AND IN QUANTITY,
ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO WAS A
COMBINATION OF PLATO, SOCRATES,
DR. SCHWEITZER AND JACK PAAR.
- GET OUT OF TOWN.
- WELL, YES, DAD. I
THOUGHT OF THAT.
- THAT'S ONE WAY TO DO IT.
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU
CAN STAY AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN.
- FIGHT?
- RIGHT! I KNEW YOU'D FIGURE
OUT TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY, SON!
NOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO IS HAVE
SOME QUICK BOXING LESSONS, SEE?
- DAD?
- ALWAYS REMEMBER,
KEEP THAT LEFT OUT AND
CROSS WITH THE RIGHT!
- DAD, THERE ISN'T TIME.
BUTCH GETS BACK TO
TOWN ON THE 12:00 BUS.
- HIGH NOON?
- HIGH NOON.
- OH, WHAT ARE WE GETTING
ALL SHOOK UP ABOUT?
THIS FIGHT'LL NEVER
HAPPEN ANYWAY.
THIS BAUMGARTNER
KID IS BLUFFING.
- BLUFFING? HEY, DO
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- I KNOW SO! HE COMES FROM
A WHOLE LINE OF BLUFFERS.
I KNOW THE WHOLE FAMILY.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIS
UNCLE ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE,
YOU KNOW, THE PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT?
- YEAH, MR. CACCIATORE?
YEAH, CHICKEN CACCIATORE,
WE USED TO CALL HIM.
LISTEN, BOY, YOU GO DOWN THERE
TO THAT BUS AND FACE THIS KID
AND I GUARANTEE YOU
HE WILL TURN TO CUSTARD,
NICE, YELLOW, LEMON CUSTARD.
- DAD, I'LL DO IT!
I'LL MARCH RIGHT DOWN THERE
AND LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE.
- THAT'S A BOY!
WHY, I'LL BET YOU THERE
WEREN'T OVER 30 OR 40 GUYS
IN HIS WHOLE WEIGHT DIVISION
WHEN HE WON THE HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPIONSHIP OF
THE ALASKAN COMMAND.
- NOW I'M GONNA CALL HIS BLU...
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION?
- YEAH. KNOCKING THAT GUY OUT
IN 11 SECONDS OF THE FIRST ROUND?
THIS HAS GOTTA BE A
FLUKE, A LUCKY PUNCH!
- PUNCH, YEAH.
- IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE PAPER.
- HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION?
LET ME SEE THAT A MINUTE.
IT'S RIGHT UNDERNEATH
THAT PICTURE OF HIM
WRESTLING A POLAR BEAR THERE.
- POLAR BEAR?
- THIS HAS GOT TO
BE A GAG PICTURE.
YOU KNOW, PROBABLY THE
BEAR WAS OLD AND SICK...
- HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
AND A POLAR BEAR?
- YEAH. THERE IT IS.
IT IS A GAG PICTURE.
LOOK HOW THEY'VE
RETOUCHED HIS MUSCLES.
NOBODY LOOKS THAT
MUCH LIKE TARZAN.
- DAD?
- YEAH, SON?
- DID YOU SAY LEAD WITH THE
LEFT AND SLAM WITH THE RIGHT?
- AH, THAT'S MY
BOY. WHO SAID THAT?
COME HERE, SON.
NOW, ONE THING TO REMEMBER.
ALWAYS KEEP THAT LEFT HAND...
OH, YOU'RE A CHIP OFF
THE OLD BLOCK. THERE IT IS.
NOW CROSS WITH THE RIGHT.
- AND THAT'S HOW THE
OLD BLOCK GOT CHIPPED!
- OH, HI, MOM. DAD WAS JUST...
- SHOWING YOU HOW TO TURN
YOURSELF INTO A PRIMITIVE BRUTE!
I HEARD THE WHOLE
THING AND I'M SHOCKED!
- WINNIE, THIS BOY HAS GOT
TO LEARN TO FIGHT AND QUICK.
- OH, NO, HE DOESN'T.
I'M PUTTING MY BABY ON THE
NEXT TRAIN FOR CLEVELAND.
HE'S GOING TO SPEND TWO
WEEKS WITH HIS AUNT MARGARET
UNTIL ALL THIS
EXCITEMENT QUIETS DOWN.
- NO, WINNIE. I DID NOT RAISE
MY BOY TO BE A COWARD.
- AND I DID NOT RAISE HIM
TO BE A PUNCHING BAG.
COME, DEAR.
- WINNIE?
HE IS GOING TO STAY
HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!
- OH, HERBERT, PLEASE
DON'T ARGUE WITH ME.
YOU KNOW I'M NOT WELL.
THE DOCTOR SAYS
IT'S POOR CIRCULATION.
- OH, THE NEW YORK TIMES
SHOULD HAVE YOUR CIRCULATION.
- OH, DEAR, WHY AM I SO FAINT?
WHY IS EVERYTHING
SPINNING AROUND SO?
- BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT
GETTING YOUR WAY, THAT'S WHY.
- MOM, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'LL GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER.
- THANK YOU, DEAR.
- DOBIE, YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER.
THIS WHOLE THING IS AN ACT.
EVERY TIME SHE STARTS
TO LOSE AN ARGUMENT,
SHE TURNS INTO BETTE
DAVIS ALTOGETHER.
WINNIE, YOU KNOW
IT IS A CRYING SHAME
THE ACADEMY AWARD DOESN'T
GIVE SOMETHING IN YOUR CATEGORY,
BEST DRAMATIC PERFORMANCE
BY THE WIFE OF AN
INDEPENDENT RETAIL GROCER.
- I AM ONLY TRYING TO DO
WHAT IS BEST FOR OUR SON.
NATURALLY, AS HIS MOTHER, I
DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM HURT.
BUT TRULY, DEAR,
I DON'T BELIEVE
HE WANTS TO FIGHT.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? MY SON?
NOT READY TO GET OUT
THERE AND FIGHT LIKE A TIGER
WHEN SOMEBODY STARTS
TO SHOVE HIM AROUND?
AW, COME ON NOW.
HEY, SON, YOU WANT A LAUGH?
YOUR POOR, SWEET, DEAR,
PEACE-LOVING MOTHER HERE
DOESN'T THINK THAT YOU'RE
JUST ITCHING TO GET OUT THERE
AND TRADE PUNCHES
WITH THIS BAUMGARTNER
OR ANY OTHER GUY WHO
TRIES TO SHOVE YOU AROUND.
AND YOU DON'T CARE HOW
BIG AND MEAN AND TOUGH
AND BONE-CRUSHING
THEY ARE, RIGHT?
GO ON, TELL HER, MY TIGER.
GO ON! SPEAK UP,
TIGER! DON'T BE BASHFUL.
TIGER?
TOMCAT?
KITTY, KITTY, KITTY?
- HERBERT!
- GET HIM READY FOR CLEVELAND.
- OH, THANK YOU,
HERBERT, THANK YOU.
IT IS THE WISEST COURSE.
I KNOW. I'M HIS MOTHER.
AND NOW, DARLING, WILL
YOU RUN DOWN TO THE BANK
AND TAKE OUT $100 FOR HIS
TICKET AND HIS EXPENSE MONEY?
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT KIND
OF LOOT LAYING AROUND
SINCE I DON'T KNOW JUST WHEN,
BUT I THINK IT WAS THE
YEAR I SOLD THE HUPMOBILE.
- HEY, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
[SINISTER MUSIC]
- I'M SORRY TO LET
YOU DOWN, BOY,
BUT YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO FIGURE SOME OTHER WAY
TO GET YOURSELF
OUT OF THIS PICKLE.
- OH, SOME OTHER WAY.
WAIT! SURE!
WHY DIDN'T I THINK
OF THIS BEFORE?
THERE IS SOMEONE
WHO CAN HELP ME,
LORELEI LAFFERTY.
- LORELEI LAFFERTY?
OH, COME NOW.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S NO WAY
TO TALK ABOUT THE GIRL
WHO'S GONNA SAVE
ME FROM BECOMING
A ONE-MAN HOSPITAL WARD.
- BUT LORELEI LAFFERTY?
SHE'S THE ONE THAT BEGUN
ALL THAT SKULL-CRACKING
BETWEEN YOU AND
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER!
- TRUE, BUT SHE'S THE
ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP IT.
IF SHE COMES DOWN TO
THE BUS STATION WITH ME
AND TELLS BUTCH
THAT I WAS ONLY KIDDING
WHEN I SAID ALL THOSE
ROTTEN THINGS ABOUT HIM,
MAYBE HE'LL CHANGE HIS
MIND ABOUT SUBDIVIDING ME.
THERE'S NO OTHER WAY OUT.
- OH, YES, THERE IS, POOR,
DESPERATE GOOD BUDDY,
A, LIKE, PERFECT WAY OUT.
- WHO SAYS SO?
- I DID JUST NOW.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
- MAYNARD...
- LIKE, BEHOLD!
THE MAYNARD G. KREBS
PATENTED, HUMANE, PREFABRICATED,
DON'T HURT THE
LION, LION CATCHER!
- MAYNARD, LOOK...
- OH, WITH THE GAS PIPES IN,
ALL WE GOTTA DO IS
PUSH BOOTS INTO IT AND...
- MAYNARD, IT'S PREPOSTEROUS!
- NO, DOBE, IT'S PREFABRICATED.
IT'S MAYNARD G. KREBS...
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!
I APPRECIATE YOUR
SUGGESTION, BUT NOT VERY MUCH.
NOW I'M GONNA STICK
TO MY ORIGINAL IDEA
AND GO TO SEE LORELEI LAFFERTY.
- BUT THAT'S HIDING
BEHIND A WOMAN'S SKIRT.
I MEAN, IT'S COWARDLY
AND CHICKEN-HEARTED
AND UN-MAN-LIKE!
- YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT?
- AND, ANYWAY, SHE
AIN'T GONNA HELP YOU.
I MEAN, YOU AIN'T SEEN
HER FOR A LONG TIME
AND SHE'S FORGOT YOU.
- MAYNARD, LORELEI
COULD NEVER FORGET ME!
NONE OF THEM EVER
FORGETS DOBIE GILLIS.
- DOBIE WHO?
- GILLIS? DOBIE GILLIS FROM
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL, REMEMBER?
- DOPIE GILLIS?
- DOBIE WITH A "B."
- OH, SURE, I REMEMBER YOU. HI.
- HI.
- WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT
SICK LITTLE BEARD YOU USED TO WEAR?
- LORELEI, THAT WAS MY
FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
I'M DOBIE GILLIS, THE CLEAN-CUT,
UPSTANDING, HIGH-MINDED FELLOW.
- OH. WELL, COME ON IN ANYHOW.
NOW WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU, DOPIE?
- UH, THAT'S DOBIE
WITH A... NEVER MIND.
LORELEI, MY DEAR,
IN FOND REMEMBRANCE
OF ALL THE WONDERFUL...
- DO YOU MIND IF I GO ON
WITH MY IRONING, HUH?
- NO, NO, GO RIGHT AHEAD.
LORELEI, MY DEAR,
IN FOND REMEMBRANCE OF ALL
THE WONDERFUL TIMES WE'VE HAD...
- HEY, I FORGOT TO
TURN DOWN THE CABBAGE!
- THE CABBAGE?
[BABY CRYING]
- OH, GO BACK TO
SLEEP, MORTON DARLING.
MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.
NOW, BUSTER, WHERE WERE YOU?
- NOWHERE.
- HUH?
- I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE MARRIED.
- OH, YEAH, FOR OVER A YEAR NOW.
HEY, NO WONDER YOU
DIDN'T KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT MY GETTING MARRIED.
DIDN'T YOU GET INTO A
FIGHT WITH SOME FELLA
AND THEY THREW YOU OUT OF
SCHOOL AND THEN YOU JOINED THE ARMY
AND YOU WOUND UP,
LIKE, IN THE NORTH POLE?
- THAT'S IN, LIKE, ALASKA,
BUT YOU'RE CLOSE.
LOOK, LORELEI, THE FELLA THAT
GOT SENT TO ALASKA WASN'T ME.
IT WAS BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
WE GOT INTO THIS FIGHT
BECAUSE SOMEBODY SAID
I CALLED HIM A BIG NOTHING
AND IT ISN'T TRUE.
I DIDN'T SAY HE
WAS A BIG NOTHING.
NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE
WOULD I CALL HIM A BIG NOTHING.
- BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
GEE, I DON'T REMEMBER HIM.
- SURE, YOU DO, UH..
A BIG NOTHING?
- OH, THAT BUTCH BAUMGARTNER!
- THAT BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
- NOW HE'S GETTING BACK TO
TOWN TODAY ON THE 12:00 BUS
AND HE'S GONNA CLOBBER ME UNLESS
YOU COME DOWN TO THE BUS STATION
AND TELL HIM THE WHOLE
FIGHT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.
PLEASE, LORELEI,
JUST EXPLAIN IT TO HIM.
IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE
AND DEATH, MAYBE BOTH.
- OH, DEAR. WELL, OF
COURSE, I'LL HELP YOU.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT.
- AW, LORELEI, YOU'RE
AN ANGEL OF MERCY,
A FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE!
- EXCUSE ME, FRIEND.
HIYA, DOLLFACE.
- HI, ANGEL!
CHARLIE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
AN OLD SCHOOL FRIEND OF MINE,
DOPIE GILLIS.
DOPIE, THIS IS MY
HUSBAND, CHARLIE.
HE WORKS IN CEMENT.
- HIYA, DOPIE.
- DOBIE WITH A "B."
- WELL, ANY FRIEND OF
LORELEI'S IS A PAL OF MINE.
- HONEY ANGEL, DOPIE
WANTS ME TO DO HIM A FAVOR
AND GO DOWN TO THE BUS
STATION WITH HIM AT NOON.
- WELL, SURE.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
GO TO A UNION MEETING,
BUT I'LL SKIP IT AND STAY
HOME AND MIND THE BABY.
- OKAY, LORELEI, LET'S GO.
- WAIT!
HONEY ANGEL, YOU CAN'T
MISS THAT UNION MEETING.
YOU'LL GET FINED!
- NO, HE WON'T.
- IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO
DO YOUR FRIEND A FAVOR.
NOW, GO WITH HIM
TO THE BUS STATION.
- LISTEN TO HIM!
- I WON'T LET YOU MISS
THE UNION MEETING!
- DON'T LISTEN TO HER.
- FRIENDSHIP IS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN MONEY.
- LISTEN TO HIM.
- MONEY DON'T GROW ON TREES.
- DON'T LISTEN TO HER.
- A FRIEND IN NEED
IS A FRIEND INDEED.
- LISTEN TO HIM.
- EMPTY PURSE, EMPTY HEART.
- DON'T LISTEN...
THANKS ANYHOW, CHARLIE, LORELEI.
- HEY, HOW'S ABOUT
TOMORROW, PAL?
I DON'T HAVE NO
UNION MEETING THEN.
- YEAH, I COULD GO
DOWN THEN WITH YOU,
OR IS THAT WHEN I
GOT THAT APPOINTMENT
AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR?
- WELL, IF I DON'T HAVE A
BROKEN JAW, I'LL CALL YOU.
BYE.
- NICE FELLOW.
WHAT'D YOU SAY HIS NAME WAS?
- I DON'T KNOW.
DOPIE BAUMGARTNER
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
♪ NOW I MUST FACE A
MAN WHO HATES ME ♪
♪ OR LIE A COWARD ♪
♪ YES LIE A COWARD IN MY... ♪
♪ GRAVE ♪
- HEY, DOBE?
[COWBELLS JINGLING]
DOBE? DOBE?
NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE MAYNARD G. KREBS
PATENTED, HUMANE,
PREFABRICATED...
- MAYNARD, GET ME OUT OF HERE
BEFORE I FORGET
WHAT HUMANE MEANS!
- OH, THAT'S AN EASY WORD,
DOBE. IT MEANS FEMALE HUMAN.
- MAYNARD, NEVER MIND!
- SURE, DOBE, SURE. I'LL
GO RELEASE THE RELEASER.
HEY, DON'T GO AWAY.
- I'LL WAIT, I'LL WAIT!
- TELL ME, KID, HAVE YOU HAD
ANY UNUSUAL EXPERIENCES LATELY?
- BON VOYAGE!
GLORIOSKY! IT CATCHES
POLICEMEN TOO!
- THERE AREN'T MANY FELLAS
WHO CAN MAKE THE STATEMENT
THAT THEY WERE
CAUGHT IN A LION TRAP
WITH A POLICEMAN
AND MAYNARD G. KREBS.
IN FACT, I CAN'T
THINK OF ANY FELLAS
WHO'D WANT TO MAKE
SUCH A STATEMENT.
BUT MEANWHILE, THE CLOCK KEPT
MARCHING ON, MINUTE BY MINUTE,
TOWARD HIGH NOON.
- OKAY, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA START
BEATING ME WITH A RUBBER HOSE?
- LET ME GIVE YOU JUST A
LITTLE WORD OF WARNING.
- YES, SIR, YOUR
STATION-HOUSE-SHIP.
- DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER,
EVER LET ME CATCH YOU
ON MY BEAT AGAIN!
- EVER?
- MAYNARD?
- THE NERVE!
TO THREATEN SUCH A SWEET,
LOVABLE, TRUE-BLUE KID LIKE ME!
AND JUST TRY TO FIND
'EM WHEN YOU NEED 'EM!
- HEY, THAT'S IT!
- WHAT'S IT? WHAT? WHAT?
- I'LL GET POLICE PROTECTION,
THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.
WITH THE LAW
STANDING RIGHT THERE,
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER
CAN'T LAY A GLOVE ON ME!
OFFICER! OFFICER, WAIT!
MAYNARD, MY TROUBLES ARE OVER.
OFFICER? OFFICER?
OFFICER, I'VE GOT
TO TALK TO YOU.
I WANT YOU TO
ARREST A LAWBREAKER.
- ARREST?
- UH-HUH.
- WHAT'S THE CHARGE?
- ASSAULT AND BATTERY.
- WHERE?
- AT THE BUS STATION.
- TIME OF THE ASSAULT?
- AT 12:00 SHARP.
- HIGH NOON?
- HIGH NOON.
- WHY'D YOU TAKE SO
LONG TO REPORT THIS?
- WAIT, IT HASN'T
EVEN HAPPENED YET.
LISTEN, OFFICER, AS A
TAXPAYER, I DEMAND PROTECTION!
- YOU? A TAXPAYER? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, MY FATHER IS AND
HE'S ALSO A PRETTY BIG MAN
IN THIS TOWN. FOR
YOUR INFORMATION,
HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A GOOD
FRIEND OF THE CHIEF OF POLICE.
- OH, HE KNOWS MY UNCLE FRED?
- YOUR UNCLE FRED?
- MY LITTLE JOKE.
- FINE TIME FOR JOKES.
- YEAH, MY GOOD BUDDY'S
GONNA GET MURDALIZED
AND YOU'RE DOING BITS.
- OKAY, OKAY. JUST
GIVE ME THE FACTS.
- WELL, YOU SEE, OFFICER,
A COUPLE YEARS BACK,
I HAD THIS RUMBLE WITH
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
- UH-HUH, DID YOU HURT HIM BAD?
- HIM? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, I
DIDN'T HURT HIM TOO BAD.
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
YOU RAN LIKE A BUNNY.
IF YOU HADN'T CAUGHT
YOUR PANTS ON A NAIL,
YOU WOULD HAVE SET NUMEROUS
TRACK AND FIELD RECORDS.
- THEN YOU DIDN'T STRIKE THE
AFOREMENTIONED BAUMGARTNER?
- NO, IT'S BUTCH. AFOREMENTIONED
IS HIS SISTER'S NAME,
OR IS IT GLADYS?
- MAYNARD?
NO, SIR, I DIDN'T STRIKE HIM.
- WELL, DID HE STRIKE YOU?
- ALL HE GOT OF DOBIE WAS
A PIECE OF PANTS ON A NAIL.
- MAYNARD?
- ENOUGH?
- ENOUGH.
- AND GOOD, GOOD THING. BYE.
- YEAH, GOODBYE.
- THEN AFTER THIS GORY
COMBAT, WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
- BUTCH JOINED THE ARMY.
- TO FORGET?
- NO. HE WAS DRAFTED,
BUT HE PROMISED TO
COME BACK AND CLOBBER ME
THE MINUTE HE GOT A
FURLOUGH, WHICH IS TODAY.
HE'S COMING IN ON THE 12:00 BUS.
- HIGH NOON.
- HIGH NOON, AND I
DEMAND POLICE PROTECTION.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA GET, KID.
- OH, BOY! YOU'LL LOCK HIM UP?
- YOU BET.
- GREAT.
- SOON AS HE CLOBBERS YOU.
- CLOBBERS ME?
[SINISTER MUSIC]
- HEYA, BUD.
- WHO? ME?
- YOU. YOUR NAME DOPIE?
- YEAH, THAT'S DOBIE WITH A "B."
- YOU'RE THE CHARACTER THAT
NEEDS SOME MUSCLE, TRUE?
- MUSCLE?
- YEAH. I HEAR SOMEBODY
WANTS TO UGLY YOU UP.
SO YOU CAN MAYBE
USE A SMIDGEON OF HELP
IN THE STRONG-ARM DEPARTMENT.
- WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?
- A JOKER WITH A BEARD WAS
TALKING ABOUT IT OVER THERE.
- OH, IT COULDN'T BE MAYNARD.
HE WOULDN'T TELL ANYBODY.
WHO WAS HE TALKING TO?
- A SQUIRREL UP IN A TREE.
- IT WAS MAYNARD.
YOU'RE A STRONG-ARM MAN?
- RATSY RUFFNER,
AT YOUR SERVICE.
RUFFNER, EASY CREDIT
STRONG-ARM SERVICE.
- HAVE MUSCLE, WILL TUSSLE?
- THAT'S ME.
- HMMM.
[SINISTER MUSIC]
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
OH, LIKE, BYE, DOBE.
- LOOK, LOOK, DON'T
BE SCARED, MAYNARD,
DON'T BE SCARED.
I'M DISCUSSING A BUSINESS
MATTER WITH THESE GENTLEMEN.
NOW, WHAT ARE YOUR
CHARGES FOR, SHALL WE SAY,
TAKING CARE OF A CERTAIN PARTY?
- YOU JUST TELL US
WHEN, WHERE, HOW
AND THE NUMBER OF WEEKS
YOU WANT HIM IN A CAST.
- WELL, HE'S GONNA BE
IN TOWN FOR A MONTH.
- A MONTH? SOUNDS
LIKE A FIVE-MAN JOB.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED.
- DOBE, GOOD BUDDY,
TELL ME I AIN'T HEARING
GOOD WITH MY EARS!
- MAYNARD, STAY
OUT OF THIS, PLEASE.
- DOBE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT
THEY SAY IN THEM WESTERN MOVIES?
LIKE A GUY'S GOTTA
FIGHT HIS OWN FIGHTS?
I MEAN, HE'S GOTTA BE BRAVE
AND UPSTANDING AND FEARLESS?
- MAYNARD.
- ONLY A BAD GUY DOES
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, DOBE,
AND YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
I MEAN, YOU'RE, LIKE,
HONEST AND TRUE AND LOYAL
AND I AIN'T NEVER ONCE SEEN
YOU WEARING A BLACK HAT.
- LOOK, MAYNARD. YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND. THIS IS DIFFERENT.
IT'S LIKE WHEN THE
GOOD GUYS FORM A POSSE
TO GET THE BAD GUYS,
A FIVE-MAN POSSE.
- BUT WHAT IF BUTCH
GETS A 10-MAN POSSE?
- THEN WE SCARES UP A
20-MAN POSSE, RIGHT, BOSS?
- LISTEN... OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
- YEAH, THEN BUTCH GETS 40
MEN AND THEN YOU GET 80 MEN
AND THEN... WELL, WHO
CAN COUNT THAT HIGH?
BUT EVERYBODY'S
FIGHTING! DON'T DO IT, DOBE.
THIS COULD TRIGGER
OFF A BIG ONE!
- MAYNARD...
- OH, NO, DOBE.
I MEAN, THE WHISTLE
BLOWS AND EVERYBODY GOES
AND, I MEAN, THIS IS
THE WAY WARS START.
I MEAN, BOOM, BOOM!
- WHAT ARE YOU? SOME
KIND OF A TROUBLEMAKER?
- OH, NO, YOUR HOOLIGANSHIP.
- LET GO OF HIM, RATSY.
- I'M JUST A NORMAL, AMERICAN,
LOVABLE BOY, YOUR ALCATRAZSHIP.
- YOU MISERABLE PUNK!
I OUGHT TO BREAK YOU
IN HALF FOR BOOK ENDS!
- GILLIS?
GILLIS, I JUST BEEN ON THE
PHONE TO HEADQUARTERS
AND THE JUDGE WANTS
TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW.
- OH, GEE, OFFICER.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WHY DRAG ME DOWN THERE?
- I'M ASHAMED OF
YOU, GOOD BUDDY,
CARRYING ON LIKE THAT!
IF HIS POLICEMANSHIP, WANTS TO
TAKE YOU DOWN TO SEE THE JUDGE.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- RUN LIKE A BUNNY.
- MAYNARD, I'VE GOTTA
STAY AND FACE THE MUSIC.
OKAY, I'M READY TO
GO WITH YOU, OFFICER.
IF I HAVE TO MEET TROUBLE,
AT LEAST I CAN MEET IT WITH
COURAGE AND DIGNITY AND POISE.
- YOU? OH, COME NOW.
HEY, DOBE, WHAT ABOUT
COURAGE AND DIGNITY AND POISE?
- WHAT ABOUT BREAD
AND WATER AND 30 DAYS?
I TELL YOU, MAYNARD,
IF THE JUDGE LOCKS ME...
HEY, HEY, THAT'S
IT! THAT'S IT! 30 DAYS!
- YEAH, 30 DAYS. IT'S
ALMOST TWO WEEKS.
- LOOK, MAYNARD.
THAT'S HOW LONG
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER'S
GONNA BE IN TOWN, RIGHT?
NOW IF I SPEND ALL
THAT TIME BEHIND BARS,
HE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO TOUCH ME.
GOOD THINKING, HUH?
- BAD THINKING, HUH.
JUDGES ARE NICE PEOPLE.
THEY DON'T SEND NOBODY
TO JAIL FOR A MONTH
UNLESS THEY'RE, LIKE, MEAN
AND ROTTEN AND HOOLIGANY.
- YEAH, YEAH.
I'M KNUCKLES GILLIS, SEE?
AND I'M MEAN AND
ROTTEN AND HOOLIGANY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
WAY TO HANDLE ME
AND THAT'S TOSS ME IN THE
COOLER FOR 30 DAYS, YEAH!
- HEY, DOBE, YOU'RE CUTE.
- NOT CUTE!
MEAN AND ROTTEN, YEAH.
AND THAT'S WHAT THE JUDGE
IS GONNA FIND OUT, YEAH.
- GOOD MORNING, BOYS.
WHICH ONE OF
YOU IS DOBIE GILLIS?
- ME, I'M GILLIS, SEE?
AND I GOT SOMETHING
TO SAY TO YOU, SEE?
- JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.
BAILIFF?
ON THAT CLOBBER CASE,
YOU BETTER MAKE THAT SENTENCE
EIGHT MONTHS INSTEAD OF SIX.
NORMALLY, I'M VERY
LENIENT IN THESE THINGS,
BUT WHEN A MAN
TALKS BACK TO A JUDGE,
I SHOW NO MERCY,
NO MERCY WHATEVER!
NOW, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO
TALK TO ME ABOUT, MR. GILLIS?
- GOOD MORNING, YOUR HONOR, SIR.
- HEY, DOBE, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GONNA BE MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- MAYNARD, NEVER MIND!
- THERE'S NO NEED FOR YOU
TO BE FRIGHTENED, MR. GILLIS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
JUDGE BAUMGARTNER SPEAKING.
- JUDGE BAUMGARTNER?
- RELAX, DOBE. I'LL SEE
YOU EVERY VISITING DAY.
- OH, YES, DEAR. BUTCH
ON THE 12:00 BUS?
ALL RIGHT, DEAR, I'LL
MEET HIM. YES, GOODBYE.
MR. GILLIS, IS YOUR COMPLEXION
ALWAYS VIVID GREEN?
- ONLY ON THE OUTSIDE. INSIDE
IS KIND OF CRUMMY YELLOW.
- YOUR HONOR, I FEEL KINDA SICK.
- IS IT BECAUSE MY SON
IS COMING HOME TODAY?
- WELL, THAT DOES HELP.
- HMM.
I'VE HEARD SOME TALK
ABOUT YOU TWO BOYS
AND I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU
THAT I'M GOING TO PUT AN
END TO THE TROUBLE TODAY.
- ATTABOY, YOUR JUDGESHIP.
BECAUSE TODAY HE WAS
GONNA PUT AN END TO DOBE.
- NOW IF MY BOY
IS STILL A BULLY,
AND I ADMIT THAT BEFORE HE WENT
INTO THE ARMY HE WAS A DOOZER,
I'LL SEE THAT HE
DOESN'T TOUCH YOU.
YOU'RE UNDER MY
PROTECTION, YOU UNDERSTAND.
- LIKE, WILD.
- I'M A PUBLIC SERVANT.
IT'S MY DUTY TO PROTECT THOSE
WHO CAN'T PROTECT THEMSELVES.
LAWS ARE MADE TO BE ENFORCED,
TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE WEAK,
DEFENSELESS AND HELPLESS.
- THAT'S MY GOOD BUDDY.
- NOW THEN, IF YOU
GET INTO ANY TROUBLE,
BE SURE TO ASK FOR HELP.
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE THERE
WHO WILL HELP PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
- YOU HEAR THAT, WEAK,
DEFENSELESS, HELPLESS,
SPINELESS GOOD BUDDY?
- MAYNARD...
- WHO SAYS IT DON'T PAY
TO BE CHICKEN-HEARTED?
- MAYNARD...
- I MEAN, DOBE, YOU'RE SAFE.
YOU'RE OUT OF THE FRYING POT.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S FRYING
PAN, AND YOU'RE WRONG.
I'M NOT SAFE BECAUSE I
DON'T WANT TO BE SAFE,
NOT THAT WAY,
NOT BY TAKING HELP
FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
- DO I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE
REJECTING MY OFFER, MR. GILLIS?
- DO I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE ACHING
FOR A BROKEN HEAD, MR. GILLIS?
- JUDGE BAUMGARTNER,
I APPRECIATE WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO FOR ME,
BUT I'M NOT WEAK AND
HELPLESS AND DEFENSELESS.
AT LEAST, I DON'T THINK I AM.
NOW I'VE GOTTA
PROVE IT TO MYSELF.
- POOR, BROKEN-HEADED DOBE.
- THERE ARE CERTAIN BATTLES A
FELLA HAS TO FIGHT FOR HIMSELF.
AND ALL THE HELP THAT YOU
OR THE POLICE DEPARTMENT
OR LORELEI LAFFERTY CAN GIVE ME
IS NOTHING COMPARED TO
THE HELP I CAN GIVE MYSELF.
- POOR, BROKEN-LEGGED DOBE.
- I KNOW NOW, WHEN...
[SINISTER MUSIC]
BUTCH ARRIVES AT
THAT BUS STATION,
I'VE GOTTA MEET HIM ALONE.
- ALONE?
- ALONE?
- ALONE.
I FOUND OUT THAT
THERE IS NO HELP
EXCEPT THE HELP A
FELLA GIVES HIMSELF.
WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN,
I STILL HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF.
IT'S MY BATTLE AND
I'M GONNA FIGHT IT.
- DEAR, YOU KNOW THAT I FEEL
THAT FIGHTING AND VIOLENCE
NEVER SOLVED ANYTHING.
BUT YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION
AND I'M PROUD OF
YOU FOR STICKING TO IT.
- THANKS, MOM.
DAD, I'M AWFUL SORRY YOU
PAWNED YOUR LODGE TROPHIES
TO BUY MY TICKET TO CLEVELAND.
BUT YOU SEE NOW THAT I
JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS MONEY.
THANKS, ANYHOW, AN AWFUL LOT.
- SON, YOU'VE JUST
MADE ME THE PROUDEST
INDEPENDENT STOREKEEPER IN TOWN!
- THANKS, DAD.
WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER GET
STARTED FOR THE BUS STATION.
IT'S ALMOST NOON.
[SINISTER MUSIC] [TICKING]
HIGH NOON.
- WELL, GOOD LUCK, BOY.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, DEAR.
♪ I DO NOT KNOW
WHAT FATE AWAITS ME ♪
♪ I ONLY KNOW I MUST BE BRAVE ♪
♪ AND I MUST FACE A
MAN WHO HATES ME ♪
♪ OR LIE A COWARD ♪
♪ A CRAVEN COWARD ♪
♪ OR LIE A COWARD IN MY GRAVE ♪
- LOOK, GILLIS!
- NO, YOU LOOK, BUTCH!
I'VE LIVED WITH FEAR
EVER SINCE I HEARD YOU
WERE COMING BACK TO TOWN
AND THAT WAS LONG ENOUGH,
LONG ENOUGH TO
LAST ME A LIFETIME!
I'M SAYING GOODBYE
TO IT RIGHT NOW.
I'M FACING UP TO
WHAT I HAVE TO DO
SO I CAN WALK DOWN A
STREET WITHOUT BEING AFRAID
OF WHO I MIGHT RUN INTO
AROUND THE NEXT CORNER.
THAT KIND OF PEACE OF
MIND IS WORTH A LOT MORE
THAN ALL THE BROKEN
BONES YOU MIGHT GIVE ME.
SO COME ON, BUTCH, FIGHT!
- IT'S NOT FAIR. I'LL KILL YA!
- ALL RIGHT, THEN.
START KILLING!
BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA
RUN NOW OR EVER!
IF YOU KNOCK ME
DOWN, I'LL GET UP.
AND IF YOU KNOCK ME DOWN AGAIN,
I'LL GET UP AGAIN AND
I'LL KEEP GETTING UP
AS LONG AS YOU KEEP
KNOCKING ME DOWN
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW
MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME!
SO COME ON, BUTCH, FIGHT!
- YOU KNOW, I WAS SET
TO BEAT YOUR HEAD IN.
BUT IF YOU'VE GOT THE
NERVE TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT,
I'D FEEL STUPID
TRYING TO GET EVEN.
PUT HERE THERE, TIGER!
- TIGER?
ME?
- YOU BET!
HEY, WHERE COULD A GUY GET
A COOL DRINK AROUND HERE?
- OOH, I GOTTA LOVE
THAT BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
- KEEP YOUR LEFT UP!
KEEP YOUR CHIN DOWN!
- YEAH! OTHERWISE, THAT'S
WHERE YOU'LL BE: DOWN!
- HEY, BUTCH, YOU
GREAT BIG NOTHIN'!
I BET YOU CAN'T CATCH
ME, LIKE YA-YA-YA!
- MAYNARD! CUT THAT OUT!
I'LL HANG YOU IN THE
FREEZER TO DEHYDRATE!
- YA-YA-YA!
- MAYNARD, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[WHIMPERING]
- MAKE YOUR MOVE, DEAD MAN!
- STILL DON'T RECOGNIZE
ME, DO YOU, TARBOUGH?
- YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER NOTCH
ON MY GUN BUTT, STRANGER.
DRAW!
[GUNSHOTS]
- NO. NO, YOU'RE NOT TUNED
TO THE WRONG CHANNEL.
IT'S ME, ALL RIGHT,
DOBIE GILLIS.
KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?
I'M STUDYING.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M LEARNING ABOUT LIFE BY
WATCHING A WESTERN MOVIE
AND I'VE LEARNED PLENTY TOO.
LIKE HOW A FELLA SHOULD
ALWAYS FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES
AND NOT RUN AWAY FROM DANGER,
OR HIDE BEHIND A WOMAN'S SKIRTS
AND HOW HE SHOULD BE BRAVE
AND UPSTANDING AND FEARLESS
AND NEVER BE AFRAID OF BULLIES.
- THAT'S WHAT I AM.
- YOU'RE BRAVE AND
UPSTANDING AND FEARLESS?
- NO, AFRAID OF BULLIES.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU
DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THEM.
WITH A BULLY, ALL
YOU'VE GOTTA DO
IS LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN
THE EYE AND CALL HIS BLUFF.
- DOBE, IT'S MEN LIKE YOU
THAT MAKE THIS COUNTRY GREAT
AND THE CITY TOO.
- GIVE ME THE SPORTS PAGE.
- HERE.
- HEY, DOBE, YOU REMEMBER THAT
GREAT BIG, ROUGH, TOUGH BULLY,
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER?
YOU AND HIM HAD A FIGHT LAST
YEAR ON ACCOUNT OF SOME CHICK
AND HE GOT KICKED OUT OF
SCHOOL AND JOINED THE ARMY
AND GOT SENT TO ALASKA?
- YEAH, LUCKY FOR HIM, HE
GOT SENT THAT FAR AWAY.
- YEAH. AND REMEMBER HOW HE
SAID HE WAS GONNA COME BACK
AND GET EVEN WITH YOU
AND POUND YOU IN THE GROUND
LIKE A 10-PEG OR LIKE THAT?
- MAYNARD, TALK'S CHEAP WHEN
YOU'RE UP THERE SAFE IN ALASKA.
- LIKE TRUE, AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA TELL BUTCH
WHEN HE GETS BACK TODAY
WHEN YOU LOOK HIM STRAIGHT
IN THE EYE AND CALL HIS BLUFF.
- RIGHT AFTER I LOOK WHO IN
THE EYE AND CALL WHOSE BLUFF?
- BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
HE'S COMING BACK TO
TOWN ON A 30-DAY FURLOUGH
ON THE 12:00 BUS.
- HIGH NOON?
- YEAH, LIKE HIGH NOON.
[JAZZ THEME]
- SO MY OLD ENEMY,
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER,
WAS COMING BACK TO TOWN, HUH?
ON THE 12:00 BUS, HIGH NOON.
WELL, THERE WAS ONLY
ONE MANLY THING TO DO,
AND I DID IT.
I WENT TO GET ADVICE BECAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED, ADVICE,
INSTANTLY AND IN QUANTITY,
ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO WAS A
COMBINATION OF PLATO, SOCRATES,
DR. SCHWEITZER AND JACK PAAR.
- GET OUT OF TOWN.
- WELL, YES, DAD. I
THOUGHT OF THAT.
- THAT'S ONE WAY TO DO IT.
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU
CAN STAY AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN.
- FIGHT?
- RIGHT! I KNEW YOU'D FIGURE
OUT TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY, SON!
NOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO IS HAVE
SOME QUICK BOXING LESSONS, SEE?
- DAD?
- ALWAYS REMEMBER,
KEEP THAT LEFT OUT AND
CROSS WITH THE RIGHT!
- DAD, THERE ISN'T TIME.
BUTCH GETS BACK TO
TOWN ON THE 12:00 BUS.
- HIGH NOON?
- HIGH NOON.
- OH, WHAT ARE WE GETTING
ALL SHOOK UP ABOUT?
THIS FIGHT'LL NEVER
HAPPEN ANYWAY.
THIS BAUMGARTNER
KID IS BLUFFING.
- BLUFFING? HEY, DO
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- I KNOW SO! HE COMES FROM
A WHOLE LINE OF BLUFFERS.
I KNOW THE WHOLE FAMILY.
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIS
UNCLE ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE,
YOU KNOW, THE PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT?
- YEAH, MR. CACCIATORE?
YEAH, CHICKEN CACCIATORE,
WE USED TO CALL HIM.
LISTEN, BOY, YOU GO DOWN THERE
TO THAT BUS AND FACE THIS KID
AND I GUARANTEE YOU
HE WILL TURN TO CUSTARD,
NICE, YELLOW, LEMON CUSTARD.
- DAD, I'LL DO IT!
I'LL MARCH RIGHT DOWN THERE
AND LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE.
- THAT'S A BOY!
WHY, I'LL BET YOU THERE
WEREN'T OVER 30 OR 40 GUYS
IN HIS WHOLE WEIGHT DIVISION
WHEN HE WON THE HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPIONSHIP OF
THE ALASKAN COMMAND.
- NOW I'M GONNA CALL HIS BLU...
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION?
- YEAH. KNOCKING THAT GUY OUT
IN 11 SECONDS OF THE FIRST ROUND?
THIS HAS GOTTA BE A
FLUKE, A LUCKY PUNCH!
- PUNCH, YEAH.
- IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE PAPER.
- HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION?
LET ME SEE THAT A MINUTE.
IT'S RIGHT UNDERNEATH
THAT PICTURE OF HIM
WRESTLING A POLAR BEAR THERE.
- POLAR BEAR?
- THIS HAS GOT TO
BE A GAG PICTURE.
YOU KNOW, PROBABLY THE
BEAR WAS OLD AND SICK...
- HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
AND A POLAR BEAR?
- YEAH. THERE IT IS.
IT IS A GAG PICTURE.
LOOK HOW THEY'VE
RETOUCHED HIS MUSCLES.
NOBODY LOOKS THAT
MUCH LIKE TARZAN.
- DAD?
- YEAH, SON?
- DID YOU SAY LEAD WITH THE
LEFT AND SLAM WITH THE RIGHT?
- AH, THAT'S MY
BOY. WHO SAID THAT?
COME HERE, SON.
NOW, ONE THING TO REMEMBER.
ALWAYS KEEP THAT LEFT HAND...
OH, YOU'RE A CHIP OFF
THE OLD BLOCK. THERE IT IS.
NOW CROSS WITH THE RIGHT.
- AND THAT'S HOW THE
OLD BLOCK GOT CHIPPED!
- OH, HI, MOM. DAD WAS JUST...
- SHOWING YOU HOW TO TURN
YOURSELF INTO A PRIMITIVE BRUTE!
I HEARD THE WHOLE
THING AND I'M SHOCKED!
- WINNIE, THIS BOY HAS GOT
TO LEARN TO FIGHT AND QUICK.
- OH, NO, HE DOESN'T.
I'M PUTTING MY BABY ON THE
NEXT TRAIN FOR CLEVELAND.
HE'S GOING TO SPEND TWO
WEEKS WITH HIS AUNT MARGARET
UNTIL ALL THIS
EXCITEMENT QUIETS DOWN.
- NO, WINNIE. I DID NOT RAISE
MY BOY TO BE A COWARD.
- AND I DID NOT RAISE HIM
TO BE A PUNCHING BAG.
COME, DEAR.
- WINNIE?
HE IS GOING TO STAY
HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!
- OH, HERBERT, PLEASE
DON'T ARGUE WITH ME.
YOU KNOW I'M NOT WELL.
THE DOCTOR SAYS
IT'S POOR CIRCULATION.
- OH, THE NEW YORK TIMES
SHOULD HAVE YOUR CIRCULATION.
- OH, DEAR, WHY AM I SO FAINT?
WHY IS EVERYTHING
SPINNING AROUND SO?
- BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT
GETTING YOUR WAY, THAT'S WHY.
- MOM, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'LL GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER.
- THANK YOU, DEAR.
- DOBIE, YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER.
THIS WHOLE THING IS AN ACT.
EVERY TIME SHE STARTS
TO LOSE AN ARGUMENT,
SHE TURNS INTO BETTE
DAVIS ALTOGETHER.
WINNIE, YOU KNOW
IT IS A CRYING SHAME
THE ACADEMY AWARD DOESN'T
GIVE SOMETHING IN YOUR CATEGORY,
BEST DRAMATIC PERFORMANCE
BY THE WIFE OF AN
INDEPENDENT RETAIL GROCER.
- I AM ONLY TRYING TO DO
WHAT IS BEST FOR OUR SON.
NATURALLY, AS HIS MOTHER, I
DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM HURT.
BUT TRULY, DEAR,
I DON'T BELIEVE
HE WANTS TO FIGHT.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? MY SON?
NOT READY TO GET OUT
THERE AND FIGHT LIKE A TIGER
WHEN SOMEBODY STARTS
TO SHOVE HIM AROUND?
AW, COME ON NOW.
HEY, SON, YOU WANT A LAUGH?
YOUR POOR, SWEET, DEAR,
PEACE-LOVING MOTHER HERE
DOESN'T THINK THAT YOU'RE
JUST ITCHING TO GET OUT THERE
AND TRADE PUNCHES
WITH THIS BAUMGARTNER
OR ANY OTHER GUY WHO
TRIES TO SHOVE YOU AROUND.
AND YOU DON'T CARE HOW
BIG AND MEAN AND TOUGH
AND BONE-CRUSHING
THEY ARE, RIGHT?
GO ON, TELL HER, MY TIGER.
GO ON! SPEAK UP,
TIGER! DON'T BE BASHFUL.
TIGER?
TOMCAT?
KITTY, KITTY, KITTY?
- HERBERT!
- GET HIM READY FOR CLEVELAND.
- OH, THANK YOU,
HERBERT, THANK YOU.
IT IS THE WISEST COURSE.
I KNOW. I'M HIS MOTHER.
AND NOW, DARLING, WILL
YOU RUN DOWN TO THE BANK
AND TAKE OUT $100 FOR HIS
TICKET AND HIS EXPENSE MONEY?
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT KIND
OF LOOT LAYING AROUND
SINCE I DON'T KNOW JUST WHEN,
BUT I THINK IT WAS THE
YEAR I SOLD THE HUPMOBILE.
- HEY, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
[SINISTER MUSIC]
- I'M SORRY TO LET
YOU DOWN, BOY,
BUT YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO FIGURE SOME OTHER WAY
TO GET YOURSELF
OUT OF THIS PICKLE.
- OH, SOME OTHER WAY.
WAIT! SURE!
WHY DIDN'T I THINK
OF THIS BEFORE?
THERE IS SOMEONE
WHO CAN HELP ME,
LORELEI LAFFERTY.
- LORELEI LAFFERTY?
OH, COME NOW.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S NO WAY
TO TALK ABOUT THE GIRL
WHO'S GONNA SAVE
ME FROM BECOMING
A ONE-MAN HOSPITAL WARD.
- BUT LORELEI LAFFERTY?
SHE'S THE ONE THAT BEGUN
ALL THAT SKULL-CRACKING
BETWEEN YOU AND
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER!
- TRUE, BUT SHE'S THE
ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP IT.
IF SHE COMES DOWN TO
THE BUS STATION WITH ME
AND TELLS BUTCH
THAT I WAS ONLY KIDDING
WHEN I SAID ALL THOSE
ROTTEN THINGS ABOUT HIM,
MAYBE HE'LL CHANGE HIS
MIND ABOUT SUBDIVIDING ME.
THERE'S NO OTHER WAY OUT.
- OH, YES, THERE IS, POOR,
DESPERATE GOOD BUDDY,
A, LIKE, PERFECT WAY OUT.
- WHO SAYS SO?
- I DID JUST NOW.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
- MAYNARD...
- LIKE, BEHOLD!
THE MAYNARD G. KREBS
PATENTED, HUMANE, PREFABRICATED,
DON'T HURT THE
LION, LION CATCHER!
- MAYNARD, LOOK...
- OH, WITH THE GAS PIPES IN,
ALL WE GOTTA DO IS
PUSH BOOTS INTO IT AND...
- MAYNARD, IT'S PREPOSTEROUS!
- NO, DOBE, IT'S PREFABRICATED.
IT'S MAYNARD G. KREBS...
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!
I APPRECIATE YOUR
SUGGESTION, BUT NOT VERY MUCH.
NOW I'M GONNA STICK
TO MY ORIGINAL IDEA
AND GO TO SEE LORELEI LAFFERTY.
- BUT THAT'S HIDING
BEHIND A WOMAN'S SKIRT.
I MEAN, IT'S COWARDLY
AND CHICKEN-HEARTED
AND UN-MAN-LIKE!
- YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT?
- AND, ANYWAY, SHE
AIN'T GONNA HELP YOU.
I MEAN, YOU AIN'T SEEN
HER FOR A LONG TIME
AND SHE'S FORGOT YOU.
- MAYNARD, LORELEI
COULD NEVER FORGET ME!
NONE OF THEM EVER
FORGETS DOBIE GILLIS.
- DOBIE WHO?
- GILLIS? DOBIE GILLIS FROM
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL, REMEMBER?
- DOPIE GILLIS?
- DOBIE WITH A "B."
- OH, SURE, I REMEMBER YOU. HI.
- HI.
- WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT
SICK LITTLE BEARD YOU USED TO WEAR?
- LORELEI, THAT WAS MY
FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
I'M DOBIE GILLIS, THE CLEAN-CUT,
UPSTANDING, HIGH-MINDED FELLOW.
- OH. WELL, COME ON IN ANYHOW.
NOW WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU, DOPIE?
- UH, THAT'S DOBIE
WITH A... NEVER MIND.
LORELEI, MY DEAR,
IN FOND REMEMBRANCE
OF ALL THE WONDERFUL...
- DO YOU MIND IF I GO ON
WITH MY IRONING, HUH?
- NO, NO, GO RIGHT AHEAD.
LORELEI, MY DEAR,
IN FOND REMEMBRANCE OF ALL
THE WONDERFUL TIMES WE'VE HAD...
- HEY, I FORGOT TO
TURN DOWN THE CABBAGE!
- THE CABBAGE?
[BABY CRYING]
- OH, GO BACK TO
SLEEP, MORTON DARLING.
MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.
NOW, BUSTER, WHERE WERE YOU?
- NOWHERE.
- HUH?
- I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE MARRIED.
- OH, YEAH, FOR OVER A YEAR NOW.
HEY, NO WONDER YOU
DIDN'T KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT MY GETTING MARRIED.
DIDN'T YOU GET INTO A
FIGHT WITH SOME FELLA
AND THEY THREW YOU OUT OF
SCHOOL AND THEN YOU JOINED THE ARMY
AND YOU WOUND UP,
LIKE, IN THE NORTH POLE?
- THAT'S IN, LIKE, ALASKA,
BUT YOU'RE CLOSE.
LOOK, LORELEI, THE FELLA THAT
GOT SENT TO ALASKA WASN'T ME.
IT WAS BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
WE GOT INTO THIS FIGHT
BECAUSE SOMEBODY SAID
I CALLED HIM A BIG NOTHING
AND IT ISN'T TRUE.
I DIDN'T SAY HE
WAS A BIG NOTHING.
NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE
WOULD I CALL HIM A BIG NOTHING.
- BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
GEE, I DON'T REMEMBER HIM.
- SURE, YOU DO, UH..
A BIG NOTHING?
- OH, THAT BUTCH BAUMGARTNER!
- THAT BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
- NOW HE'S GETTING BACK TO
TOWN TODAY ON THE 12:00 BUS
AND HE'S GONNA CLOBBER ME UNLESS
YOU COME DOWN TO THE BUS STATION
AND TELL HIM THE WHOLE
FIGHT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.
PLEASE, LORELEI,
JUST EXPLAIN IT TO HIM.
IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE
AND DEATH, MAYBE BOTH.
- OH, DEAR. WELL, OF
COURSE, I'LL HELP YOU.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT.
- AW, LORELEI, YOU'RE
AN ANGEL OF MERCY,
A FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE!
- EXCUSE ME, FRIEND.
HIYA, DOLLFACE.
- HI, ANGEL!
CHARLIE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
AN OLD SCHOOL FRIEND OF MINE,
DOPIE GILLIS.
DOPIE, THIS IS MY
HUSBAND, CHARLIE.
HE WORKS IN CEMENT.
- HIYA, DOPIE.
- DOBIE WITH A "B."
- WELL, ANY FRIEND OF
LORELEI'S IS A PAL OF MINE.
- HONEY ANGEL, DOPIE
WANTS ME TO DO HIM A FAVOR
AND GO DOWN TO THE BUS
STATION WITH HIM AT NOON.
- WELL, SURE.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
GO TO A UNION MEETING,
BUT I'LL SKIP IT AND STAY
HOME AND MIND THE BABY.
- OKAY, LORELEI, LET'S GO.
- WAIT!
HONEY ANGEL, YOU CAN'T
MISS THAT UNION MEETING.
YOU'LL GET FINED!
- NO, HE WON'T.
- IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO
DO YOUR FRIEND A FAVOR.
NOW, GO WITH HIM
TO THE BUS STATION.
- LISTEN TO HIM!
- I WON'T LET YOU MISS
THE UNION MEETING!
- DON'T LISTEN TO HER.
- FRIENDSHIP IS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN MONEY.
- LISTEN TO HIM.
- MONEY DON'T GROW ON TREES.
- DON'T LISTEN TO HER.
- A FRIEND IN NEED
IS A FRIEND INDEED.
- LISTEN TO HIM.
- EMPTY PURSE, EMPTY HEART.
- DON'T LISTEN...
THANKS ANYHOW, CHARLIE, LORELEI.
- HEY, HOW'S ABOUT
TOMORROW, PAL?
I DON'T HAVE NO
UNION MEETING THEN.
- YEAH, I COULD GO
DOWN THEN WITH YOU,
OR IS THAT WHEN I
GOT THAT APPOINTMENT
AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR?
- WELL, IF I DON'T HAVE A
BROKEN JAW, I'LL CALL YOU.
BYE.
- NICE FELLOW.
WHAT'D YOU SAY HIS NAME WAS?
- I DON'T KNOW.
DOPIE BAUMGARTNER
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
♪ NOW I MUST FACE A
MAN WHO HATES ME ♪
♪ OR LIE A COWARD ♪
♪ YES LIE A COWARD IN MY... ♪
♪ GRAVE ♪
- HEY, DOBE?
[COWBELLS JINGLING]
DOBE? DOBE?
NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE MAYNARD G. KREBS
PATENTED, HUMANE,
PREFABRICATED...
- MAYNARD, GET ME OUT OF HERE
BEFORE I FORGET
WHAT HUMANE MEANS!
- OH, THAT'S AN EASY WORD,
DOBE. IT MEANS FEMALE HUMAN.
- MAYNARD, NEVER MIND!
- SURE, DOBE, SURE. I'LL
GO RELEASE THE RELEASER.
HEY, DON'T GO AWAY.
- I'LL WAIT, I'LL WAIT!
- TELL ME, KID, HAVE YOU HAD
ANY UNUSUAL EXPERIENCES LATELY?
- BON VOYAGE!
GLORIOSKY! IT CATCHES
POLICEMEN TOO!
- THERE AREN'T MANY FELLAS
WHO CAN MAKE THE STATEMENT
THAT THEY WERE
CAUGHT IN A LION TRAP
WITH A POLICEMAN
AND MAYNARD G. KREBS.
IN FACT, I CAN'T
THINK OF ANY FELLAS
WHO'D WANT TO MAKE
SUCH A STATEMENT.
BUT MEANWHILE, THE CLOCK KEPT
MARCHING ON, MINUTE BY MINUTE,
TOWARD HIGH NOON.
- OKAY, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA START
BEATING ME WITH A RUBBER HOSE?
- LET ME GIVE YOU JUST A
LITTLE WORD OF WARNING.
- YES, SIR, YOUR
STATION-HOUSE-SHIP.
- DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER,
EVER LET ME CATCH YOU
ON MY BEAT AGAIN!
- EVER?
- MAYNARD?
- THE NERVE!
TO THREATEN SUCH A SWEET,
LOVABLE, TRUE-BLUE KID LIKE ME!
AND JUST TRY TO FIND
'EM WHEN YOU NEED 'EM!
- HEY, THAT'S IT!
- WHAT'S IT? WHAT? WHAT?
- I'LL GET POLICE PROTECTION,
THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.
WITH THE LAW
STANDING RIGHT THERE,
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER
CAN'T LAY A GLOVE ON ME!
OFFICER! OFFICER, WAIT!
MAYNARD, MY TROUBLES ARE OVER.
OFFICER? OFFICER?
OFFICER, I'VE GOT
TO TALK TO YOU.
I WANT YOU TO
ARREST A LAWBREAKER.
- ARREST?
- UH-HUH.
- WHAT'S THE CHARGE?
- ASSAULT AND BATTERY.
- WHERE?
- AT THE BUS STATION.
- TIME OF THE ASSAULT?
- AT 12:00 SHARP.
- HIGH NOON?
- HIGH NOON.
- WHY'D YOU TAKE SO
LONG TO REPORT THIS?
- WAIT, IT HASN'T
EVEN HAPPENED YET.
LISTEN, OFFICER, AS A
TAXPAYER, I DEMAND PROTECTION!
- YOU? A TAXPAYER? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, MY FATHER IS AND
HE'S ALSO A PRETTY BIG MAN
IN THIS TOWN. FOR
YOUR INFORMATION,
HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A GOOD
FRIEND OF THE CHIEF OF POLICE.
- OH, HE KNOWS MY UNCLE FRED?
- YOUR UNCLE FRED?
- MY LITTLE JOKE.
- FINE TIME FOR JOKES.
- YEAH, MY GOOD BUDDY'S
GONNA GET MURDALIZED
AND YOU'RE DOING BITS.
- OKAY, OKAY. JUST
GIVE ME THE FACTS.
- WELL, YOU SEE, OFFICER,
A COUPLE YEARS BACK,
I HAD THIS RUMBLE WITH
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER.
- UH-HUH, DID YOU HURT HIM BAD?
- HIM? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, I
DIDN'T HURT HIM TOO BAD.
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
YOU RAN LIKE A BUNNY.
IF YOU HADN'T CAUGHT
YOUR PANTS ON A NAIL,
YOU WOULD HAVE SET NUMEROUS
TRACK AND FIELD RECORDS.
- THEN YOU DIDN'T STRIKE THE
AFOREMENTIONED BAUMGARTNER?
- NO, IT'S BUTCH. AFOREMENTIONED
IS HIS SISTER'S NAME,
OR IS IT GLADYS?
- MAYNARD?
NO, SIR, I DIDN'T STRIKE HIM.
- WELL, DID HE STRIKE YOU?
- ALL HE GOT OF DOBIE WAS
A PIECE OF PANTS ON A NAIL.
- MAYNARD?
- ENOUGH?
- ENOUGH.
- AND GOOD, GOOD THING. BYE.
- YEAH, GOODBYE.
- THEN AFTER THIS GORY
COMBAT, WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
- BUTCH JOINED THE ARMY.
- TO FORGET?
- NO. HE WAS DRAFTED,
BUT HE PROMISED TO
COME BACK AND CLOBBER ME
THE MINUTE HE GOT A
FURLOUGH, WHICH IS TODAY.
HE'S COMING IN ON THE 12:00 BUS.
- HIGH NOON.
- HIGH NOON, AND I
DEMAND POLICE PROTECTION.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA GET, KID.
- OH, BOY! YOU'LL LOCK HIM UP?
- YOU BET.
- GREAT.
- SOON AS HE CLOBBERS YOU.
- CLOBBERS ME?
[SINISTER MUSIC]
- HEYA, BUD.
- WHO? ME?
- YOU. YOUR NAME DOPIE?
- YEAH, THAT'S DOBIE WITH A "B."
- YOU'RE THE CHARACTER THAT
NEEDS SOME MUSCLE, TRUE?
- MUSCLE?
- YEAH. I HEAR SOMEBODY
WANTS TO UGLY YOU UP.
SO YOU CAN MAYBE
USE A SMIDGEON OF HELP
IN THE STRONG-ARM DEPARTMENT.
- WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?
- A JOKER WITH A BEARD WAS
TALKING ABOUT IT OVER THERE.
- OH, IT COULDN'T BE MAYNARD.
HE WOULDN'T TELL ANYBODY.
WHO WAS HE TALKING TO?
- A SQUIRREL UP IN A TREE.
- IT WAS MAYNARD.
YOU'RE A STRONG-ARM MAN?
- RATSY RUFFNER,
AT YOUR SERVICE.
RUFFNER, EASY CREDIT
STRONG-ARM SERVICE.
- HAVE MUSCLE, WILL TUSSLE?
- THAT'S ME.
- HMMM.
[SINISTER MUSIC]
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
OH, LIKE, BYE, DOBE.
- LOOK, LOOK, DON'T
BE SCARED, MAYNARD,
DON'T BE SCARED.
I'M DISCUSSING A BUSINESS
MATTER WITH THESE GENTLEMEN.
NOW, WHAT ARE YOUR
CHARGES FOR, SHALL WE SAY,
TAKING CARE OF A CERTAIN PARTY?
- YOU JUST TELL US
WHEN, WHERE, HOW
AND THE NUMBER OF WEEKS
YOU WANT HIM IN A CAST.
- WELL, HE'S GONNA BE
IN TOWN FOR A MONTH.
- A MONTH? SOUNDS
LIKE A FIVE-MAN JOB.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED.
- DOBE, GOOD BUDDY,
TELL ME I AIN'T HEARING
GOOD WITH MY EARS!
- MAYNARD, STAY
OUT OF THIS, PLEASE.
- DOBE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT
THEY SAY IN THEM WESTERN MOVIES?
LIKE A GUY'S GOTTA
FIGHT HIS OWN FIGHTS?
I MEAN, HE'S GOTTA BE BRAVE
AND UPSTANDING AND FEARLESS?
- MAYNARD.
- ONLY A BAD GUY DOES
WHAT YOU'RE DOING, DOBE,
AND YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
I MEAN, YOU'RE, LIKE,
HONEST AND TRUE AND LOYAL
AND I AIN'T NEVER ONCE SEEN
YOU WEARING A BLACK HAT.
- LOOK, MAYNARD. YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND. THIS IS DIFFERENT.
IT'S LIKE WHEN THE
GOOD GUYS FORM A POSSE
TO GET THE BAD GUYS,
A FIVE-MAN POSSE.
- BUT WHAT IF BUTCH
GETS A 10-MAN POSSE?
- THEN WE SCARES UP A
20-MAN POSSE, RIGHT, BOSS?
- LISTEN... OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
- YEAH, THEN BUTCH GETS 40
MEN AND THEN YOU GET 80 MEN
AND THEN... WELL, WHO
CAN COUNT THAT HIGH?
BUT EVERYBODY'S
FIGHTING! DON'T DO IT, DOBE.
THIS COULD TRIGGER
OFF A BIG ONE!
- MAYNARD...
- OH, NO, DOBE.
I MEAN, THE WHISTLE
BLOWS AND EVERYBODY GOES
AND, I MEAN, THIS IS
THE WAY WARS START.
I MEAN, BOOM, BOOM!
- WHAT ARE YOU? SOME
KIND OF A TROUBLEMAKER?
- OH, NO, YOUR HOOLIGANSHIP.
- LET GO OF HIM, RATSY.
- I'M JUST A NORMAL, AMERICAN,
LOVABLE BOY, YOUR ALCATRAZSHIP.
- YOU MISERABLE PUNK!
I OUGHT TO BREAK YOU
IN HALF FOR BOOK ENDS!
- GILLIS?
GILLIS, I JUST BEEN ON THE
PHONE TO HEADQUARTERS
AND THE JUDGE WANTS
TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW.
- OH, GEE, OFFICER.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WHY DRAG ME DOWN THERE?
- I'M ASHAMED OF
YOU, GOOD BUDDY,
CARRYING ON LIKE THAT!
IF HIS POLICEMANSHIP, WANTS TO
TAKE YOU DOWN TO SEE THE JUDGE.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
- RUN LIKE A BUNNY.
- MAYNARD, I'VE GOTTA
STAY AND FACE THE MUSIC.
OKAY, I'M READY TO
GO WITH YOU, OFFICER.
IF I HAVE TO MEET TROUBLE,
AT LEAST I CAN MEET IT WITH
COURAGE AND DIGNITY AND POISE.
- YOU? OH, COME NOW.
HEY, DOBE, WHAT ABOUT
COURAGE AND DIGNITY AND POISE?
- WHAT ABOUT BREAD
AND WATER AND 30 DAYS?
I TELL YOU, MAYNARD,
IF THE JUDGE LOCKS ME...
HEY, HEY, THAT'S
IT! THAT'S IT! 30 DAYS!
- YEAH, 30 DAYS. IT'S
ALMOST TWO WEEKS.
- LOOK, MAYNARD.
THAT'S HOW LONG
BUTCH BAUMGARTNER'S
GONNA BE IN TOWN, RIGHT?
NOW IF I SPEND ALL
THAT TIME BEHIND BARS,
HE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO TOUCH ME.
GOOD THINKING, HUH?
- BAD THINKING, HUH.
JUDGES ARE NICE PEOPLE.
THEY DON'T SEND NOBODY
TO JAIL FOR A MONTH
UNLESS THEY'RE, LIKE, MEAN
AND ROTTEN AND HOOLIGANY.
- YEAH, YEAH.
I'M KNUCKLES GILLIS, SEE?
AND I'M MEAN AND
ROTTEN AND HOOLIGANY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
WAY TO HANDLE ME
AND THAT'S TOSS ME IN THE
COOLER FOR 30 DAYS, YEAH!
- HEY, DOBE, YOU'RE CUTE.
- NOT CUTE!
MEAN AND ROTTEN, YEAH.
AND THAT'S WHAT THE JUDGE
IS GONNA FIND OUT, YEAH.
- GOOD MORNING, BOYS.
WHICH ONE OF
YOU IS DOBIE GILLIS?
- ME, I'M GILLIS, SEE?
AND I GOT SOMETHING
TO SAY TO YOU, SEE?
- JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.
BAILIFF?
ON THAT CLOBBER CASE,
YOU BETTER MAKE THAT SENTENCE
EIGHT MONTHS INSTEAD OF SIX.
NORMALLY, I'M VERY
LENIENT IN THESE THINGS,
BUT WHEN A MAN
TALKS BACK TO A JUDGE,
I SHOW NO MERCY,
NO MERCY WHATEVER!
NOW, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO
TALK TO ME ABOUT, MR. GILLIS?
- GOOD MORNING, YOUR HONOR, SIR.
- HEY, DOBE, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GONNA BE MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- MAYNARD, NEVER MIND!
- THERE'S NO NEED FOR YOU
TO BE FRIGHTENED, MR. GILLIS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
JUDGE BAUMGARTNER SPEAKING.
- JUDGE BAUMGARTNER?
- RELAX, DOBE. I'LL SEE
YOU EVERY VISITING DAY.
- OH, YES, DEAR. BUTCH
ON THE 12:00 BUS?
ALL RIGHT, DEAR, I'LL
MEET HIM. YES, GOODBYE.
MR. GILLIS, IS YOUR COMPLEXION
ALWAYS VIVID GREEN?
- ONLY ON THE OUTSIDE. INSIDE
IS KIND OF CRUMMY YELLOW.
- YOUR HONOR, I FEEL KINDA SICK.
- IS IT BECAUSE MY SON
IS COMING HOME TODAY?
- WELL, THAT DOES HELP.
- HMM.
I'VE HEARD SOME TALK
ABOUT YOU TWO BOYS
AND I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU
THAT I'M GOING TO PUT AN
END TO THE TROUBLE TODAY.
- ATTABOY, YOUR JUDGESHIP.
BECAUSE TODAY HE WAS
GONNA PUT AN END TO DOBE.
- NOW IF MY BOY
IS STILL A BULLY,
AND I ADMIT THAT BEFORE HE WENT
INTO THE ARMY HE WAS A DOOZER,
I'LL SEE THAT HE
DOESN'T TOUCH YOU.
YOU'RE UNDER MY
PROTECTION, YOU UNDERSTAND.
- LIKE, WILD.
- I'M A PUBLIC SERVANT.
IT'S MY DUTY TO PROTECT THOSE
WHO CAN'T PROTECT THEMSELVES.
LAWS ARE MADE TO BE ENFORCED,
TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE WEAK,
DEFENSELESS AND HELPLESS.
- THAT'S MY GOOD BUDDY.
- NOW THEN, IF YOU
GET INTO ANY TROUBLE,
BE SURE TO ASK FOR HELP.
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE THERE
WHO WILL HELP PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
- YOU HEAR THAT, WEAK,
DEFENSELESS, HELPLESS,
SPINELESS GOOD BUDDY?
- MAYNARD...
- WHO SAYS IT DON'T PAY
TO BE CHICKEN-HEARTED?
- MAYNARD...
- I MEAN, DOBE, YOU'RE SAFE.
YOU'RE OUT OF THE FRYING POT.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S FRYING
PAN, AND YOU'RE WRONG.
I'M NOT SAFE BECAUSE I
DON'T WANT TO BE SAFE,
NOT THAT WAY,
NOT BY TAKING HELP
FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
- DO I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE
REJECTING MY OFFER, MR. GILLIS?
- DO I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE ACHING
FOR A BROKEN HEAD, MR. GILLIS?
- JUDGE BAUMGARTNER,
I APPRECIATE WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO FOR ME,
BUT I'M NOT WEAK AND
HELPLESS AND DEFENSELESS.
AT LEAST, I DON'T THINK I AM.
NOW I'VE GOTTA
PROVE IT TO MYSELF.
- POOR, BROKEN-HEADED DOBE.
- THERE ARE CERTAIN BATTLES A
FELLA HAS TO FIGHT FOR HIMSELF.
AND ALL THE HELP THAT YOU
OR THE POLICE DEPARTMENT
OR LORELEI LAFFERTY CAN GIVE ME
IS NOTHING COMPARED TO
THE HELP I CAN GIVE MYSELF.
- POOR, BROKEN-LEGGED DOBE.
- I KNOW NOW, WHEN...
[SINISTER MUSIC]
BUTCH ARRIVES AT
THAT BUS STATION,
I'VE GOTTA MEET HIM ALONE.
- ALONE?
- ALONE?
- ALONE.
I FOUND OUT THAT
THERE IS NO HELP
EXCEPT THE HELP A
FELLA GIVES HIMSELF.
WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN,
I STILL HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF.
IT'S MY BATTLE AND
I'M GONNA FIGHT IT.
- DEAR, YOU KNOW THAT I FEEL
THAT FIGHTING AND VIOLENCE
NEVER SOLVED ANYTHING.
BUT YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION
AND I'M PROUD OF
YOU FOR STICKING TO IT.
- THANKS, MOM.
DAD, I'M AWFUL SORRY YOU
PAWNED YOUR LODGE TROPHIES
TO BUY MY TICKET TO CLEVELAND.
BUT YOU SEE NOW THAT I
JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS MONEY.
THANKS, ANYHOW, AN AWFUL LOT.
- SON, YOU'VE JUST
MADE ME THE PROUDEST
INDEPENDENT STOREKEEPER IN TOWN!
- THANKS, DAD.
WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER GET
STARTED FOR THE BUS STATION.
IT'S ALMOST NOON.
[SINISTER MUSIC] [TICKING]
HIGH NOON.
- WELL, GOOD LUCK, BOY.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, DEAR.
♪ I DO NOT KNOW
WHAT FATE AWAITS ME ♪
♪ I ONLY KNOW I MUST BE BRAVE ♪
♪ AND I MUST FACE A
MAN WHO HATES ME ♪
♪ OR LIE A COWARD ♪
♪ A CRAVEN COWARD ♪
♪ OR LIE A COWARD IN MY GRAVE ♪
- LOOK, GILLIS!
- NO, YOU LOOK, BUTCH!
I'VE LIVED WITH FEAR
EVER SINCE I HEARD YOU
WERE COMING BACK TO TOWN
AND THAT WAS LONG ENOUGH,
LONG ENOUGH TO
LAST ME A LIFETIME!
I'M SAYING GOODBYE
TO IT RIGHT NOW.
I'M FACING UP TO
WHAT I HAVE TO DO
SO I CAN WALK DOWN A
STREET WITHOUT BEING AFRAID
OF WHO I MIGHT RUN INTO
AROUND THE NEXT CORNER.
THAT KIND OF PEACE OF
MIND IS WORTH A LOT MORE
THAN ALL THE BROKEN
BONES YOU MIGHT GIVE ME.
SO COME ON, BUTCH, FIGHT!
- IT'S NOT FAIR. I'LL KILL YA!
- ALL RIGHT, THEN.
START KILLING!
BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA
RUN NOW OR EVER!
IF YOU KNOCK ME
DOWN, I'LL GET UP.
AND IF YOU KNOCK ME DOWN AGAIN,
I'LL GET UP AGAIN AND
I'LL KEEP GETTING UP
AS LONG AS YOU KEEP
KNOCKING ME DOWN
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW
MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME!
SO COME ON, BUTCH, FIGHT!
- YOU KNOW, I WAS SET
TO BEAT YOUR HEAD IN.
BUT IF YOU'VE GOT THE
NERVE TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT,
I'D FEEL STUPID
TRYING TO GET EVEN.
PUT HERE THERE, TIGER!
- TIGER?
ME?
- YOU BET!
HEY, WHERE COULD A GUY GET
A COOL DRINK AROUND HERE?
- OOH, I GOTTA LOVE
THAT BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
- KEEP YOUR LEFT UP!
KEEP YOUR CHIN DOWN!
- YEAH! OTHERWISE, THAT'S
WHERE YOU'LL BE: DOWN!
- HEY, BUTCH, YOU
GREAT BIG NOTHIN'!
I BET YOU CAN'T CATCH
ME, LIKE YA-YA-YA!
- MAYNARD! CUT THAT OUT!
I'LL HANG YOU IN THE
FREEZER TO DEHYDRATE!
- YA-YA-YA!
- MAYNARD, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[WHIMPERING]