The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 3, Episode 21 - Birth of a Salesman - full transcript
Thalia Menninger reenters Dobie's life, she who is now the assistant sales manager for the Pylon Corporation, which sells clothing door-to-door. She soon will be promoted to sales manager of their Cleveland office. Whatever the reason for Thalia's return, Dobie vows not to fall under her spell again since he knows she will ultimately break his heart as he will never be the money making machine she is looking for in a husband. Indeed, Thalia wants Dobie back, but she figures she can have her cake and eat it too by Dobie dropping out of school and becoming a salesman under her for Pylon. Although he still pines for her, Dobie doesn't want to drop out of school despite he realizing that his liberal arts program isn't providing him with any grounding for a professional life that would attract Thalia. Dobie's parents are mixed on Dobie dropping out to get a job. They all let confirmed academic and lover of anything related to knowledge Mr. Pomfritt decide Dobie's fate. But Mr. Pomfritt, who has always had problems making ends meet, may be easier prey to Thalia's arguments than most would have believed.
- BUT MARY ELLEN...
- DON'T INTERRUPT ME
WHEN I'M TALKING.
- OH, SORRY.
- NOW, WHERE WAS I?
- YOU WERE TELLING ME I
WAS A DOPE, A NINCOMPOOP
AND A 10-THUMBED IDIOT.
- RIGHT. AND YOU AND I
ARE THROUGH FOREVER.
HERE'S YOUR HI-Y PIN AND
YOUR ARTIFICIAL GARDENIA.
I'D GIVE YOU BACK
YOUR CLASS RING
BUT IT MELTED WHEN I
WAS WASHING MY HANDS.
- LOOK, MARY ELLEN...
- DON'T CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU.
- WELL, BACK TO THE OLD
DRAWING BOARD, HUH, DOBE?
- MAYNARD, I'VE GOT NO
TIME FOR YOUR NONSENSE.
MY HEART'S BROKEN.
- YOUR HEART'S ALWAYS BROKEN.
- WELL, I'VE GOT
NO LUCK WITH GIRLS.
- OH, I WOULDN'T SAY
THAT, GOOD BUDDY,
IN FACT I THINK YOU GOT,
LIKE, A LOT OF LUCK WITH GIRLS.
I MEAN, CONSIDERING THE
GIRLS YOU CHASE AFTER,
THE WORST THING THAT
COULD HAPPEN TO YOU
IS IF YOU GOT 'EM.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- OH, YES, IT IS, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU WANT I SHOULD RUN
THROUGH SOME OF THE NAMES
OF THE MEAN AND ROTTEN
GIRLS YOU'VE BEEN APE FOR?
- MAYNARD, I'LL ADMIT
THAT I'VE OCCASIONALLY
MADE A MISTAKE WITH A GIRL.
- I'LL ADMIT THE SUN
RISES IN THE EAST.
- BUT I'M GETTING BETTER.
- BETTER IN WHAT?
- YOU REMEMBER THAT GIRL I
WIGGED FOR IN HIGH SCHOOL,
THAT GREEDY, GRUBBY BLONDE
WITH A FACE OF AN ANGEL
AND A HEART LIKE A
COMPUTING MACHINE?
- OH, YEAH, SHE WAS THE
GREEDIEST AND THE GRUBBIEST.
HOW'D YOU EVER GET MIXED
UP WITH A BARRACUDA LIKE THAT?
- I WAS YOUNG, MAYNARD.
BUT TODAY EVEN THOUGH I
MAY NOT BE THE BEST JUDGE
OF WOMEN IN THE WORLD...
- I'LL BUY THAT.
- AT LEAST I KNOW BETTER
THAN TO GET INVOLVED
WITH THE LIKES OF
THALIA MENNINGER.
- YOU RANG?
[JAZZ THEME]
- LOOK, I'M NOT
SAYING I'M A GENIUS
OR AN EINSTEIN OR LIKE THAT,
BUT I'M NOT ALTOGETHER
AN IDIOT, EITHER.
SO HOW COME I EVER
GOT MIXED WITH A GIRL
LIKE THALIA MENNINGER?
OKAY, SO SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
SO HER HAIR'S LIKE SPUN GOLD
AND HER EYES ARE LIKE TWO
TEASPOONS OF THE MEDITERRANEAN
AND HER LIPS ARE RED
AND FULL AND LUSCIOUS
AND HER NECK'S LIKE ALABASTER
AND SHE'S ROUND AND PINK
AND WHITE AND CREAMY.
AND I JUST REMEMBERED
HOW COME I EVER GOT MIXED UP
WITH A GIRL LIKE
THALIA MENNINGER.
- HELLO, DOBIE DUMPLING,
IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
MWAH! YOU TOO, MAYNARD.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA KISS
ME, TOO, ARE YOU, GIRL?
- NO THANKS, BUT NO.
- WHEW! WHAT A NARROW ESCAPE.
- WELL, GONNA SAY SOMETHING?
- YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, THALIA.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU'VE GROWN
SINCE I SAW YOU LAST.
- YOU, TOO, DOBIE. I BET
YOU'RE A SIZE 40 NOW.
- YEAH, I THINK SO.
- WELL, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT WE'RE RUNNING A
SPECIAL ON TWEED JACKETS,
HAND-LOOMED FROM THE
COTTAGE INDUSTRIES OF IRELAND.
- WHO'S RUNNING A SPECIAL?
- MAYNARD, TAKE NOTES, HONEY.
THE PYLON SALES
COMPANY. TAKE NOTES.
WE HAVE EVERYTHING:
BOOKS, APPLIANCES,
WEARING APPAREL,
YOU NAME IT AND WE'VE GOT IT.
- YEAH, AND YOU'RE A
TRAVELING SALESMAN?
- WELL, I WAS.
STARTING NEXT WEEK
I'M GOING TO BE THE
DISTRICT MANAGER
WORKING OUT OF CLEVELAND.
THEN YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO SCHOOL ANYMORE?
- WHY, DOBIE, YOU'RE SO SILLY.
- YES.
- SLEEVE 33, GOT THAT, MAYNARD?
- SLEEVE 33.
- THALIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MAKING SURE THAT
YOU GET A PROPER FIT.
YOU WANT A PROPER
FIT, DON'T YOU, DOBIE?
- LOOK, THALIA.
- OF COURSE YOU DO.
CHEST 40, WRITE IT DOWN.
- CHEST 40.
- WAIST 32.
- LOOK, THALIA, THALIA...
- THERE. OH, MY WHAT A TRIM
LITTLE FIGURE YOU'VE GOT, DOBIE.
- OH, COME NOW.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU OUGHT TO SEE
HIM IN THE SHOWER.
- NONSENSE.
DOBIE'S TURNED INTO BE
A GORGEOUS HUNK OF MAN.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.
- WRITE IT DOWN, WAIST 32.
- WAIST 32.
- LOOK, THALIA, I
CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY...
- TO PASS UP A BARGAIN LIKE THIS
AND I'M GOING TO
BE SO PROUD OF YOU
IN YOUR NEW
HAND-LOOMED TWEED JACKET
WHEN YOU TAKE ME
OUT FRIDAY NIGHT.
- YOU'RE GOING OUT
WITH ME FRIDAY NIGHT?
- WELL, OF COURSE. I COULDN'T
RESIST A GORGEOUS HUNK OF MAN
LIKE YOU IN A HAND-WOVEN JACKET
AND A NECKTIE,
HAND-WOVEN BY THE NAVAJOS.
- THALIA, I HAVEN'T
GOT A NECKTIE
HAND-WOVEN BY THE NAVAJOS.
- YOU DON'T?
- NO.
- OH! MAYNARD, WRITE IT DOWN.
SIX NECKTIES.
- SIX NECKTIES.
- AND SIX POCKET
HANDKERCHIEFS, FOULARD.
- WHAT'S FOULARD?
- YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT FOULARD IS?
- UH-UH.
- [SIGHS] WRITE DOWN
ONE DICTIONARY.
WE'VE GOT THAT, TOO.
WE HAVE EVERYTHING.
- LOOK THALIA, I'LL
BUY THE JACKET
AND THE TIE AND THE DICTIONARY.
- Both: AND THE
HANDKERCHIEFS FOULARD.
BUT FIRST I WANT YOU TO
ANSWER A QUESTION FOR ME.
- WHAT?
- THIS.
HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED
ANYTHING IN THE LAST FEW YEARS?
- OF COURSE I HAVE. I'VE
LEARNED SALESMANSHIP,
DOUBLE ENTRY BOOKKEEPING,
COST ACCOUNTING, AMORTIZATION,
INVESTMENT COUNSELING...
- NO, THALIA,
YOU HAVEN'T LEARNED A
THING. YOU'RE STILL THE SAME.
- SAME WHAT?
- THE SAME GREEDY, GRODY
MONEY-GRASPING CHICK YOU
ALWAYS WERE, NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE? I'M
PLENTY OFFENDED.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I
DON'T CARE A THING ABOUT MONEY.
- YOU? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, I DON'T, NOT
FOR MYSELF, THAT IS.
I'VE GOT TO THINK
ABOUT MY FAMILY.
- I KNOW, YOUR FATHER
IS 60 YEARS OLD...
- Both: AND HAS A
KIDNEY CONDITION.
- AND YOUR MOTHER...
- Both: ISN'T GETTING
ANY YOUNGER.
AND YOUR BROTHER
SHOWS EVERY SIGN
OF BECOMING A PUBLIC CHARGE.
- SO YOU SEE, IT'S
UP TO ME, DOBIE.
I'M THE ONLY ASSET
MY FAMILY HAS.
THIS HAIR, THESE
EYES, THESE TEETH,
THIS FACE, THIS BODY,
TAKE IT AWAY AND THEY'RE RUINED.
- YOU'RE ALL HEART, GIRL.
- YES, I KNOW.
- DOBIE DARLING, I'LL
SEE YOU FRIDAY NIGHT?
- YES, THALIA.
- 7:00?
- 7:00.
- AND I KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO BE RIGHT ON TIME...
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
SELLING ME A NEW WATCH.
- GOOD THINKING. BYE, DOBIE.
- BYE THALIA.
- OH, POOR DOBIE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, POOR DOBIE?
- YOU'RE HOOKED ALL OVER AGAIN
ON THAT GREEDY, GRUBBY CHICK.
- MAYNARD, IF THERE'S
ONE THING I'M NOT
IT'S HOOKED BY THALIA MENNINGER.
- OHH, YES, YOU ARE.
- OHH... YES I AM.
BETWEEN THE TIME I SAW
THALIA MENNINGER ON CAMPUS
AND FRIDAY NIGHT
WHEN WE HAD OUR DATE
I MADE UP MY MIND THAT I
WASN'T GONNA GET HOOKED AGAIN.
I WAS GONNA PLAY IT COOL,
CALM, CASUAL, COMPOSED.
THALIA, I LOVE YOU.
- THAT'S NICE.
- OH, I KNOW YOU DON'T
CARE ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
- NO, I LOVE YOU, TOO.
- TO YOU, I'M JUST ANOTHER...
UM, EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU MIND REPEATING
THAT LAST STATEMENT?
- I SAID I LOVE YOU.
- YOU'RE KIDDING, OF COURSE.
- I WISH I WERE BUT
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.
- YOU DID A FINE JOB
OF CONCEALING IT.
- BECAUSE I HAVE TO.
IF IT WERE UP TO ME I'D
HAVE BEEN YOURS LONG AGO
BUT I CAN'T THINK
ONLY OF MYSELF.
- NO, I KNOW, YOUR
FATHER'S KIDNEY CONDITION.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- ISN'T IT GETTING ANY BETTER?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT
IT'S HARDLY THE KIND OF THING
YOU TALK ABOUT HERE, IS IT?
- OH, I GUESS NOT.
- WELL, I DECIDED TO PUT YOU
COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND
AND I THOUGHT I'D DONE IT
TILL I SAW YOU THE OTHER DAY.
THEN I KNEW IT WAS STILL YOU.
- THALIA, MY DARLING.
- DOBIE?
- YES, THALIA?
- YOU KNOW I USE MY HANDS
FOR EMPHASIS WHEN I'M TALKING.
- OH, SORRY, I FORGOT, YES.
- I DROPPED YOU ONCE
AND I CAN DO IT AGAIN.
- BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- LOVE DOESN'T
BUTTER ANY PARSNIPS.
- THALIA, I'M NEVER
GONNA HAVE ANY MONEY.
- WELL, CERTAINLY YOU AREN'T.
WHAT ARE YOU TAKING AT COLLEGE?
- OH, SOME WONDERFUL
COURSES: ENGLISH LITERATURE,
ETRUSCAN ART, MEDIEVAL HISTORY.
- SWELL, SWELL, FROM
THIS YOU WON'T MAKE A DIME.
- THAT'S NOT THE
POINT. THE POINT IS
THAT I'M BROADENING MY HORIZONS
AND LENGTHENING MY VISTAS
AND LEARNING ABOUT
TRUTH AND BEAUTY
AND BECOMING A MORE
COMPLETE HUMAN BEING.
- WHAT YOU'RE BECOMING
IS AN EDUCATED BUM.
- NOW, THALIA...
- NOW NOTHING.
THE SEMESTER IS
OVER IN A FEW DAYS.
WHY DON'T YOU QUIT SCHOOL?
- QUIT SCHOOL?
- OF COURSE, BECOME A
SALESMAN. YOU'D BE GREAT.
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
NO CUNNING, NO GUILE,
JUST AN OPEN EMPTY BLANK.
- THANKS A LOT.
- PEOPLE HAVE GOT TO TRUST YOU.
I MEAN, THEY TAKE
ONE LOOK AT YOU
AND THEY KNOW THAT
YOU CAN'T OUTSMART THEM.
- YOU'LL TURN MY
HEAD WITH PRAISE.
- NOW LISTEN, I'M GOING TO
BE THE DISTRICT MANAGER
OF THE PYLON SALES COMPANY.
YOU TAKE A JOB WITH
ME AND QUIT SCHOOL.
- QUIT SCHOOL?
- YOU ALREADY DID THAT.
- OH, YEAH. WELL, LOOK.
I CAN'T QUIT SCHOOL.
HOW ABOUT TRUTH AND BEAUTY?
- HOW ABOUT THESE
LIPS AND THESE EYES?
- UH, I DON'T KNOW, THALIA.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL BE IN TOWN FOR
A FEW MORE DAYS.
YOU THINK IT OVER AND
WHILE YOU'RE THINKING IT OVER
I'D LIKE YOU TO
REMEMBER SOMETHING.
- WHAT, THALIA?
- THIS.
- AND SO I SEARCHED MY SOUL.
SHOULD I QUIT SCHOOL
AND BECOME A SALESMAN?
SHOULD I STAY IN SCHOOL AND
SEARCH FOR TRUTH AND BEAUTY?
I LOOKED INTO MY HEART AND
WHAT I SAW THERE WERE TWO FACES:
ONE FACE BELONGED
TO THALIA MENNINGER.
GORGEOUS, PINK, WHITE, CREAMY,
DREAMY THALIA MENNINGER.
THE OTHER FACE I SAW
I'M BOUND TO ADMIT WAS
SOMEWHAT LESS ATTRACTIVE.
- MR. POMFRITT, I ADMIRE
YOU, AND I'M ON YOUR SIDE.
I BELIEVE IN IVORY TOWERS
AND BEING A SEEKER
OF TRUTH AND BEAUTY.
- WELL, I'M GLAD TO
HEAR THAT, DOBIE.
- BUT THERE'S THIS
GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH,
THALIA MENNINGER.
- OH, YES, MISS
BUY-NOW-AND-PAY-LATER.
- THALIA WANTS ME TO FORGET
ABOUT POETRY AND DREAMS
AND START EARNING A LIVING.
- I LIVE IN AN IVORY TOWER
BECAUSE I LIKE THE VIEW,
BUT BELIEVE ME, COMES
THE FIRST OF THE MONTH
AND MY TOWER IS CARPETED
IN UNPAID BILLS, WALL-TO-WALL.
- BUT YOU WOULDN'T
CHANGE THINGS?
- NO. NO, I WOULDN'T.
THOUGH I MUST CONFESS NOW
AND AGAIN TO A LUNATIC CRAVING
TO SEE WHAT MY WIFE WOULD
LOOK LIKE IN A NEW DRESS.
- AND YOU DON'T WANT
ME TO CHANGE, EITHER?
- NO, NO, I WOULDN'T,
DOBIE, ESPECIALLY NOT YOU.
I WANT YOU TO GO ON WRITING
POETRY AND DREAMING DREAMS
AND TAKING WILDLY
IMPRACTICAL COURSES.
- THEN YOU ADVISE
ME TO STAY IN SCHOOL?
- YES, I DO. BUT REMEMBER,
I'M PREJUDICED IN FAVOR
OF THE ACADEMIC LIFE.
- WELL, WHO ELSE CAN
I GO TO FOR ADVICE?
- WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOMEBODY CLOSE TO YOU
THAT YOU CAN TALK TO ABOUT IT,
SOMEONE WHO KNOWS
YOU AND WISHES YOU WELL.
- LIKE MY DAD, YOU MEAN?
- WELL, YES, BUT OF COURSE.
BEING YOUR FATHER, THE
LAST THING IN THE WORLD
HE'D WANT IS FOR
YOU TO QUIT SCHOOL.
- YOU GOTTA QUIT SCHOOL.
- BUT DAD...
- NEVER MIND THE
"BUT DAD" STUFF.
IT'S GETTING TO BE AS BAD AS
YOUR MOTHER'S "NOW, HERBERT."
- NOW, HERBERT...
- NOW, WINNIE. LOOK,
YOUR SON CAME TO ME
AND ASKED FOR SOME
HONEST, UNBIASED, OBJECTIVE,
CALMLY THOUGHT-OUT ADVICE,
AND I AM GOING
TO GIVE IT TO HIM.
SON... SMARTEN UP! GET A JOB!
- BUT THE BOY STILL HAS
THINGS TO LEARN IN COLLEGE.
- OH, HE SURE DOES.
HE STILL HAS TO LEARN ABOUT
JAPANESE FINGER PAINTING
AND WILDLIFE IN MINNESOTA
AND ABOUT A BUNCH
OF GREEK STATUES
THAT AREN'T EVEN
ALL IN ONE PIECE,
AND, OH, THIS IS GONNA HELP HIM
EARN A FAT LOT OF BREAD.
- DAD, MAN DOES NOT
LIVE BY BREAD ALONE.
- OH, THAT HE DOES NOT.
HE HAS TO HAVE BUTTER
AND EGGS AND MILK AND MEAT
AND MAYBE ONCE IN A
WHILE A NEW SUIT OF CLOTHES
THAT HIS POOR OLD DAD
SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR.
- ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS POOR
OLD DAD'S A MISER, NO OFFENSE.
- WELL, SIR, IT WAS A PRETTY
GOOD FIGHT FOR A WHILE.
DAD WAS SLUGGING AS USUAL
AND MOM WAS DAZZLING HIM
WITH FOOTWORK AS USUAL,
AND ALL IN ALL IT WAS
A PRETTY EVEN BATTLE.
THEN DAD BROUGHT IN
SOME REINFORCEMENTS
AND FROM THEN ON IT
WAS STRICTLY NO CONTEST.
- WELL, WHAT'S MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN BEING A SALESMAN.
THINK ABOUT IT.
WHEN YOU WALK INTO A
PLACE AND THEN YOU WALK OUT
KNOWING THAT YOU'VE SOLD
SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY
WHO WOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT
UNLESS YOU'D WALKED IN,
NOW THAT'S BEAUTY.
- OH, THAT CERTAINLY IS, THALIA.
- MR. POM...
- OH, POMFRITT,
WHAT DOES HE
KNOW? HE'S A TEACHER!
- AND A DARN GOOD ONE
AND THE WISEST MAN I KNOW
AND HE THINKS I
SHOULD STAY IN SCHOOL.
- WELL, OF COURSE HE DOES.
SCHOOL IS HIS WHOLE LIFE.
HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE WORLD.
- LOOK, SON, I DON'T WANNA
KNOCK POMFRITT TO YOU.
HE'S A GREAT MAN,
BUT THALIA IS RIGHT.
ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT
IS WHAT GOES ON
INSIDE THOSE IVY-COVERED WALLS.
- DOBIE, YOU SAY MR. POMFRITT
IS THE WISEST MAN YOU KNOW.
NOW, IF HE TOLD YOU
TO BE A SALESMAN,
WOULD YOU BE ONE?
- BUT HE TOLD ME
TO STAY IN SCHOOL.
- I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT MAYBE
HE DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND.
YOU SEE, IF SOMEONE
EXPLAINED THE FACTS TO HIM...
- YOU, FOR INSTANCE?
- ME, FOR INSTANCE.
- YOU'RE GONNA TALK
TO MR. POMFRITT?
- YES, AND I'LL LEAVE IT
ENTIRELY UP TO HIM, OKAY?
- THAT SOUNDS FAIR.
- OH, IT CERTAINLY DOES.
- GOOD BUDDY, YOU
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
- DEAD?
- DEAD.
- DEAD-DEAD.
- HELLO, MR. POMFRITT.
REMEMBER ME?
- THALIA MENNINGER.
HOW COULD I FORGET?
- MY, YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.
- ME? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS
WAY, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED.
- NOT EVEN MY JACKET.
- WHICH REMINDS ME,
WE ARE RUNNING A SPECIAL
THIS MONTH ON TWEED JACKETS,
HAND-LOOMED BY THE
COTTAGE INDUSTRIES OF IRELAND.
- HOW NICE.
- YOU'D LOOK GREAT
IN A NEW TWEED JACKET.
- I'D LOOK GREAT
IN A NEW ANYTHING.
- HERE, WHY DON'T
YOU LOOK THESE OVER.
- THANK YOU. THESE I CAN
AFFORD, THE JACKETS, NO.
- HOPE YOU HAVEN'T COME HERE
TO SELL ME SOMETHING, THALIA.
- NO.
- NOR TO COLLECT MONEY
THAT I OWE FOR
SOMETHING I BOUGHT?
- NO.
- IN THAT CASE, SIT DOWN.
- I CAME TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT DOBIE GILLIS.
- THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.
- NOW, I'LL GET
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
DOBIE...
- LET ME HELP YOU.
YOU WANT DOBIE TO BE A SALESMAN.
HE'S EAGER, FRIENDLY,
HONEST, DECENT, FRANK.
IN SHORT, HE HAS
EVERYTHING IT TAKES
TO MAKE A GOOD SALESMAN, RIGHT?
- I'M SO GLAD YOU AGREE.
- YES, I AGREE THAT DOBIE
HAS EVERYTHING IT TAKES
TO MAKE A GOOD SALESMAN
AND IF YOU WANT
HIM TO QUIT SCHOOL
AND GO TO WORK FOR YOU,
I'LL FIGHT YOU TO THE DEATH.
- [TELEPHONE RINGS]
- EXCUSE ME.
POMFRITT HERE.
OH, YES, DEAN.
I'VE TALKED TO THE
MAINTENANCE WORKERS' UNION
AND THEY'VE AGREED
TO AN ARBITRATION.
WELL, WE'LL GET TOGETHER
EARLY TOMORROW MORNING.
I THINK I SHOULD HAVE
IT WRAPPED UP BY NOON.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR. BYE.
WELL, EVEN THESE HALLS OF IVY
HAVE THEIR LITTLE
LABOR PROBLEMS.
I ACT AS A KIND OF
UNOFFICIAL MEDIATOR.
NOW, ABOUT DOBIE GILLIS.
- LOOK, YOU'VE AGREED
THAT DOBIE'D MAKE A
WONDERFUL SALESMAN.
- BUT WHY CAN'T HE
FINISH COLLEGE FIRST,
PICK UP A LITTLE CULTURE?
- WELL, I'M ALL FOR CULTURE.
WHY, AT OUR SALES
MEETINGS EVERY MONTH
WE HAVE A WONDERFUL TALK
BY SOME SUCCESSFUL BANKER
WITH PICTURE SLIDES IN COLOR.
- THAT'S JIM DANDY.
LOOK, THALIA,
MAYBE DOBIE IS CUT
OUT TO BE A SALESMAN,
BUT RIGHT NOW HE'S
ON THE THRESHOLD
OF GREAT DISCOVERIES.
THE WHOLE WORLD
OF TRUTH AND BEAUTY
IS OPENING UP TO HIM.
NOW, HOW CAN YOU
TAKE HIM AWAY FROM THAT
AND MAKE HIM INTO
A DOORBELL PUSHER?
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH
PUSHING DOORBELLS?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- EXCUSE ME.
POMFRITT HERE.
OH, YEAH, THE BID
ON THE NEW LAB.
ALL RIGHT, GO
AHEAD, I'M LISTENING.
MM-HMM.
WHAT? $12.80 A SQUARE FOOT?
OH, THEY GOTTA BE
OUT OF THEIR MINDS.
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S
WAY OUT OF LINE.
YOU TELL THEM THEY HAVE
TO SUBMIT ANOTHER BID
OR WE'LL TAKE OUR
BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.
RIGHT. BYE.
- YOU WEAR A LOT OF HATS
FOR A COLLEGE PROFESSOR.
- OH, I JUST DOUBLE IN BRASS
AS A PURCHASING AGENT.
NOW, ABOUT DOBIE...
- LET'S TABLE DOBIE FOR
A MINUTE, MR. POMFRITT.
WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME
EXACTLY HOW MUCH
MONEY YOU MAKE A YEAR?
- I CERTAINLY WOULD. I
MIND TELLING ANYBODY.
WHY DO YOU ASK?
- WELL, THIS MAY
SOUND AWFULLY CRASS,
BUT THAT'S HOW I OPERATE.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME AND WORK
FOR THE PYLON SALES CORPORATION?
- ME? A SALESMAN?
- NO, NO, NO, ON AN
EXECUTIVE LEVEL.
- WELL, I'M FLATTERED, OF
COURSE, BUT I'M A TEACHER.
- AND A LABOR ARBITRATOR
AND A COST COMPUTER.
MEN LIKE YOU DON'T
GROW ON EVERY BUSH.
- WELL, MY WIFE AND CHILDREN
WOULD PROBABLY HATE ME FOR THIS,
BUT NO, THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE SURE?
- YEAH, I'M POSITIVE.
NOW IF WE COULD GET
BACK TO DOBIE GILLIS.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBIE SAYS YOU
WANT HIM TO STAY IN SCHOOL.
- THAT'S RIGHT, AND
I'LL CONTINUE TO SAY IT
AS LONG AS THERE'S BREATH
IN THIS UNDERPAID BODY.
- WHAT IS DOBIE TO YOU?
- HE'S A STUDENT.
- EXACTLY. AND YOU HAVE
HUNDREDS OF STUDENTS
AND I KNOW YOU CARE
ABOUT THEM, ALL OF THEM,
BUT NOT THE WAY I
CARE ABOUT DOBIE.
TO ME HE'S NOT JUST
A FACE IN THE CROWD.
HE'S THE ONLY FACE.
DON'T ASK ME WHY,
BUT HE'S THE ONE I WANT.
- YOU REALLY LOVE THIS BOY.
- YES.
- AND IF HE WANTS TO STAY IN
COLLEGE, YOU WON'T WAIT FOR HIM?
- I CAN'T. THERE'S MY FAMILY.
- OH, YES, YOUR FATHER'S
FAMOUS KIDNEY CONDITION.
- AND I JUST CAN'T
WAIT. I'M ALMOST 20.
- GOOD HEAVENS. AND YOU STILL
GET AROUND WITHOUT A CANE?
- I KNOW IT SOUNDS
SILLY BUT I CANNOT WAIT.
- BUT IF YOU LEAVE DOBIE,
YOU'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
- AND MINE?
- WELL, I'M SORRY, THALIA,
I JUST CAN'T TELL
DOBIE TO QUIT SCHOOL.
- ALL RIGHT. THANKS
FOR YOUR TIME.
- NOW, NOW, NOW WAIT
A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
I CAN'T TELL DOBIE TO QUIT,
BUT I'LL DO THIS MUCH FOR YOU.
I WON'T TELL HIM TO STAY EITHER.
I'LL TELL HIM HE HAS TO
MAKE UP HIS OWN MIND, OKAY?
- MR. POMFRITT,
YOU'RE QUITE A FELLOW.
- OH, COME ON NOW.
I'M JUST A PLAIN, ORDINARY GUY,
WISE, BRILLIANT,
ASTUTE, PENETRATING.
IN FACT, IN EVERY
WAY I'M SUPERIOR.
- YOU THINK YOU'RE KIDDING.
- LIKE HECK I DO.
- ABOUT THAT OFFER,
THAT EXECUTIVE POSITION,
IT'S STILL OPEN.
- WELL, I DECLINE WITH THANKS.
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GIVE ME AN ANSWER RIGHT NOW.
I'LL BE IN TOWN TILL
TOMORROW MORNING.
NOW, YOU TAKE MY CARD
AND CALL ME IF YOU
CHANGE YOUR MIND.
- THERE'S NOT A CHANCE.
- I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE
FULL OF SURPRISES.
BYE.
- "DEAR MR. POMFRITT, NO
DOUBT IT'S AN OVERSIGHT
"BUT WE'VE NOT YET
RECEIVED PAYMENT ON OUR BILL
"OF THREE MONTHS PAST.
WE'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU
THAT LEGAL ACTION IS C..."
- MR. POMFRITT DIDN'T SAY STAY
AND HE DIDN'T SAY GO.
HE LEFT IT ALL UP TO ME.
SO I'VE DECIDED TO QUIT
SCHOOL AND BECOME A SALESMAN.
YEAH, ME. PRETTY WEIRD, YOU SAY?
WELL, IF YOU ASK ME,
I'D SAY THE SAME THING,
BUT NOBODY ASKED ME.
THEY TOLD ME. THALIA TOLD
ME, MY MOTHER TOLD ME,
BUT MOST OF ALL
MY FATHER TOLD ME.
- NO, NO, NO, DOBIE,
THAT IS NOT THE WAY
THALIA TOLD YOU TO DO IT.
NOW LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, HUH?
AND THIS TIME PUT A
LITTLE MORE PIZAZZ INTO IT.
NOW, REMEMBER, YOU'RE
GONNA RING THE DOORBELL
AND A YOUNG HOUSEWIFE IS GOING
TO COME AND ANSWER THE DOOR.
NOW, YOU READY?
- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
- BRRRING!
- YES?
- GOOD MORNING,
MA'AM, I REPRESENT...
- HE'S NOT SMILING.
- WHEN YOU SAY THAT, SMILE, BOY.
- SMILE WHILE YOU'RE SAYING IT.
- I REPRESENT THE PYLON SALES...
- PUT YOUR FOOT IN THE
DOOR LIKE I SHOWED YOU.
- DAD, I DON'T WANNA FORCE MY
WAY IN WHERE I'M NOT WELCOME.
- YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU REPRESENT
A BIG, IMPORTANT COMPANY.
NOW, GO AHEAD.
- WHY, CERTAINLY.
REMEMBER, YOU ARE A SALESMAN.
NOT SOME SLOPPY KOOK
WHO JUST WANDERED
IN OFF THE STREET.
- YOU RANG?
- NO, NOBODY RANG, MAYNARD.
- HEY, GOOD BUDDY, WANNA
COME WATCH 'EM KNOCK DOWN
THE OLD ENDICOTT BUILDING?
- NO, HE CAN'T.
- I MEAN, YOU'RE LEAVING
TOWN TOMORROW.
IT'S LAST TIME YOU'LL
SEE THAT OLD BALL GO...
- NO, WE'RE IN...
- MAYNARD!
- GET OUT, WILL YA?
DOBIE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR
THAT KID STUFF ANYMORE.
HE'S GOT A WHOLE NEW LIFE
OPENING OUT IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE'S GONNA END UP
BEING HARD-HITTING
AND AGGRESSIVE AND RESOURCEFUL
AND SUCCESSFUL AND...
- MISERABLE.
- I FINALLY MANAGED TO
GET YOUR SUITCASE SHUT
BUT I COULDN'T FIND
ROOM FOR THESE BOOKS.
- WHAT BOOKS?
- FROM MY ENGLISH COURSE, DAD.
JUST SOME POETRY.
- POETRY?
DO YOU WANT THE REST
OF THOSE GUYS TO THINK
YOU'RE SOME KIND OF
A NUT OR SOMETHING?
- DAD, LOOK, DAD...
- NEVER MIND, DARLING,
I'LL SEND THEM ON
TO YOU AFTERWARDS
AFTER YOU'VE MADE
A GOOD BEGINNING.
- OH, THANKS, MOM.
- THINK OF IT, MY LITTLE DOBIE
STARTING HIS CAREER.
HE'S GOING TO BE A SALESMAN!
- YEAH, WITH A CORNER
OFFICE SOMEDAY.
- AIR CONDITIONED.
- AND A PRIVATE SECRETARY.
- AND A SIGN WITH GOLD
LETTERS ON THE DOOR.
- AND IT SAYS "GENTLEMEN."
- THIS IS IT.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME IN MY
LIFE I'LL BE STANDING HERE.
- THE MOVING FINGER,
WHATEVER THAT IS,
HASN'T WRIT YET. YOU CAN
STILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.
- NO, THE DIE'S CAST.
- KEEP SEEKING TRUTH AND BEAUTY.
- I DON'T THINK IT'S
SO GOOD MYSELF
BUT IT'S KIND OF NICE
TO HAVE AROUND...
- LOOK, MAYNARD...
- AND DOBE,
HOW ABOUT ALL THEM PROFESSORS
THAT TEACHES ABOUT
TRUTH AND BEAUTY?
I MEAN, THEY'RE REALLY
NICE GUYS, YOU KNOW.
THEY HAVE TO BE NICE
TO PUT UP WITH ME, TRUE?
- TRUE. NO OFFENSE, BUT TRUE.
- YEAH, AND HOW
ABOUT MR. POMFRITT,
I MEAN, MAYBE HE
GRUMBLES AND HE GROUCHES
BUT, I MEAN, SEE THAT LIGHT
UP THERE? THAT'S HIS OFFICE.
I MEAN, HE'S STILL UP THERE
WORKING AT THIS HOUR.
- YEAH. MAYBE I OUGHT
TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM.
- I THINK YOU OUGHT TO.
I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE
WALKING OUT LIKE A DIRTY SKUNK
THERE'S NO REASON YOU
SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDLY.
- YES, DEAR, I'LL BE HOME SOON.
I'M JUST GOING OVER
THE MONTHLY BILLS.
NO, NOT PAYING, JUST
GOING OVER THEM.
- OH, NOW DON'T WORRY, DEAR.
WE'LL MANAGE SOMEHOW.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT, GOODBYE, DEAR.
- IS MISS THALIA
MENNINGER THERE?
OH. WELL, WHEN DO
YOU EXPECT HER IN?
LOOK, WOULD YOU ASK HER
TO CALL PROFESSOR POMFRITT
AT THE COLLEGE, PLEASE?
YEAH, THANK YOU. AND
I'LL WAIT FOR HER CALL.
- OH, DOBIE.
- I SAW YOUR LIGHT ON.
- OH, I'M GLAD YOU DID.
COME ON IN, DOBIE. SIT DOWN.
- THANK YOU,
MR. POMFRITT, THANK YOU.
- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- MR. POMFRITT I'M
HERE TO SAY GOODBYE.
I'M QUITTING SCHOOL
TO TAKE A JOB.
- OH?
- I'M GONNA BE A SALESMAN
WITH THE PYLON SALES COMPANY.
- WELL, THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
- HONEST, I'D LIKE
TO STAY IN COLLEGE
LEARNING ABOUT TRUTH
AND BEAUTY AND LIKE THAT
BUT I'VE GOT TO THINK
ABOUT MY FUTURE.
- OF COURSE YOU DO, DOBIE.
- MR. POMFRITT, YOU
DON'T REALLY MEAN THAT?
- OH, YES, YES, I DO.
HEAVEN KNOWS, I
VALUE THE LIBERAL ARTS
AND I'D LIKE YOU
TO FINISH SCHOOL
BUT, WELL, WE ALL
HAVE TO BE PRACTICAL.
- YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING
THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
- NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH A BUSINESS CAREER
AND FROM WHAT I HEAR, PYLON
IS A REAL LIVE-WIRE OUTFIT.
- MR. POMFRITT, YOU'RE
A WONDERFUL MAN.
I WISH I COULD BE LIKE YOU.
- OH, COME NOW, DOBIE.
- NO, NO, I MEAN IT, SIR,
YOU'RE A DEDICATED PERSON,
A SCHOLAR WITH INTEGRITY.
- DOBIE.
- SURE, YOU STRUGGLE
TO MAKE ENDS MEET,
BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU.
WHAT'S IMPORTANT
IS TRUTH AND BEAUTY
AND GETTING YOUNG
PEOPLE TO APPRECIATE IT.
- WELL, DOBIE, I...
- REALLY, MR. POMFRITT,
NO MATTER HOW RICH AND
SUCCESSFUL I GET TO BE
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT
I MISSED BY LEAVING COLLEGE.
- WELL, DOBIE,
WHAT WILL YOU MISS?
- OH, LOTS OF THINGS.
THE LECTURES IN CLASS
AND THE BULL SESSIONS
AFTERWARDS IN THE CAFETERIA.
YEAH, AND THE FOOTBALL
GAMES AND THE PEP RALLIES
AND THE PRETTY
GIRLS AT THE PROMS
AND THE HOMEWORK EVEN
AND THE GOOSEBUMPS
I GET SOMETIMES
FROM LISTENING TO A
POEM OR A SYMPHONY.
AND I'LL MISS
SITTING ON THE MALL
JUST FEELING GLAD
TO BE PART OF ALL THIS.
AND YOU KNOW
SOMETHING, MR. POMFRITT,
I JUST DECIDED THE
PYLON SALES COMPANY
CAN GO JUMP IN THE LAKE.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- EVEN IF IT MEANS LOSING THALIA
AND HAVING MY DAD BREAK
ME INTO LITTLE PIECES.
- DOBIE, THIS CALLS
FOR A CELEBRATION,
AND I'M TREATING.
- DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD, SIR.
- MY BOY, I'M GONNA BUY YOU
THE BIGGEST HAMBURGER
THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
- [TELEPHONE RINGS]
- YOUR PHONE, MR. POMFRITT.
- YEAH, IT IS.
- [RING]
- AREN'T YOU GONNA ANSWER IT?
- OH, NO, I KNOW WHO'S CALLING,
AND SHE'S GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.
- [RING]
- BOY, HAS SHE GOT
THE WRONG NUMBER.
[RINGING]
- CHEER UP, GOOD BUDDY.
- CHEER UP, HE SAYS.
WHAT'S THERE TO
BE CHEERFUL ABOUT?
I'LL NEVER SEE THALIA AGAIN.
- SURE YOU WILL. SHE'LL
PROBABLY BE BACK IN THE SPRING
TO SELL YOU A LIGHTWEIGHT SUIT.
- DOBIE!
- OH, THALIA, THALIA,
I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU,
EVEN IF IT'S ONLY FOR A MINUTE.
- DOBIE...
- AND TRY NOT TO THINK
TOO BADLY OF ME, THALIA.
I ONLY DID WHAT I HAD TO DO...
- DOBIE...
- AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT EVEN THOUGH
YOU MAY BE IN CLEVELAND
AND I MAY BE HERE, WE
WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER,
YOU AND I RIGHT
HERE IN MY HEART.
- DOBIE, I'M NOT GOING.
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.
I'VE ENROLLED IN S. PETER
PRYOR JUNIOR COLLEGE.
- THALIA, IS IT TRUE?
- IT'S TRUE.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT
YOUR FATHER? HIS...
- KIDNEY CONDITION?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL CLEARED UP.
- OOH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- ACTUALLY HE NEVER DID
HAVE A KIDNEY CONDITION.
ALL THESE YEARS HE'S
BEEN GOING AROUND
WITH HIS PANTS
BUTTONED TO HIS VEST.
- THEN YOU AND I ARE
GOING TO BE TOGETHER,
BOTH MEMBERS OF
THE FRESHMAN CLASS?
- UH-HUH.
- SO WHAT DO YOU GOT
IN THE SUITCASE?
- FRESHMAN BEANIES.
$1.98 APIECE.
- THALIA, I'M SO GLAD TO
SEE YOU, I'LL TAKE ONE.
HAVE YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A FIVE?
- OH, YOU KNOW ME
BETTER THAN THAT.
- DON'T INTERRUPT ME
WHEN I'M TALKING.
- OH, SORRY.
- NOW, WHERE WAS I?
- YOU WERE TELLING ME I
WAS A DOPE, A NINCOMPOOP
AND A 10-THUMBED IDIOT.
- RIGHT. AND YOU AND I
ARE THROUGH FOREVER.
HERE'S YOUR HI-Y PIN AND
YOUR ARTIFICIAL GARDENIA.
I'D GIVE YOU BACK
YOUR CLASS RING
BUT IT MELTED WHEN I
WAS WASHING MY HANDS.
- LOOK, MARY ELLEN...
- DON'T CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU.
- WELL, BACK TO THE OLD
DRAWING BOARD, HUH, DOBE?
- MAYNARD, I'VE GOT NO
TIME FOR YOUR NONSENSE.
MY HEART'S BROKEN.
- YOUR HEART'S ALWAYS BROKEN.
- WELL, I'VE GOT
NO LUCK WITH GIRLS.
- OH, I WOULDN'T SAY
THAT, GOOD BUDDY,
IN FACT I THINK YOU GOT,
LIKE, A LOT OF LUCK WITH GIRLS.
I MEAN, CONSIDERING THE
GIRLS YOU CHASE AFTER,
THE WORST THING THAT
COULD HAPPEN TO YOU
IS IF YOU GOT 'EM.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- OH, YES, IT IS, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU WANT I SHOULD RUN
THROUGH SOME OF THE NAMES
OF THE MEAN AND ROTTEN
GIRLS YOU'VE BEEN APE FOR?
- MAYNARD, I'LL ADMIT
THAT I'VE OCCASIONALLY
MADE A MISTAKE WITH A GIRL.
- I'LL ADMIT THE SUN
RISES IN THE EAST.
- BUT I'M GETTING BETTER.
- BETTER IN WHAT?
- YOU REMEMBER THAT GIRL I
WIGGED FOR IN HIGH SCHOOL,
THAT GREEDY, GRUBBY BLONDE
WITH A FACE OF AN ANGEL
AND A HEART LIKE A
COMPUTING MACHINE?
- OH, YEAH, SHE WAS THE
GREEDIEST AND THE GRUBBIEST.
HOW'D YOU EVER GET MIXED
UP WITH A BARRACUDA LIKE THAT?
- I WAS YOUNG, MAYNARD.
BUT TODAY EVEN THOUGH I
MAY NOT BE THE BEST JUDGE
OF WOMEN IN THE WORLD...
- I'LL BUY THAT.
- AT LEAST I KNOW BETTER
THAN TO GET INVOLVED
WITH THE LIKES OF
THALIA MENNINGER.
- YOU RANG?
[JAZZ THEME]
- LOOK, I'M NOT
SAYING I'M A GENIUS
OR AN EINSTEIN OR LIKE THAT,
BUT I'M NOT ALTOGETHER
AN IDIOT, EITHER.
SO HOW COME I EVER
GOT MIXED WITH A GIRL
LIKE THALIA MENNINGER?
OKAY, SO SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
SO HER HAIR'S LIKE SPUN GOLD
AND HER EYES ARE LIKE TWO
TEASPOONS OF THE MEDITERRANEAN
AND HER LIPS ARE RED
AND FULL AND LUSCIOUS
AND HER NECK'S LIKE ALABASTER
AND SHE'S ROUND AND PINK
AND WHITE AND CREAMY.
AND I JUST REMEMBERED
HOW COME I EVER GOT MIXED UP
WITH A GIRL LIKE
THALIA MENNINGER.
- HELLO, DOBIE DUMPLING,
IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
MWAH! YOU TOO, MAYNARD.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA KISS
ME, TOO, ARE YOU, GIRL?
- NO THANKS, BUT NO.
- WHEW! WHAT A NARROW ESCAPE.
- WELL, GONNA SAY SOMETHING?
- YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, THALIA.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU'VE GROWN
SINCE I SAW YOU LAST.
- YOU, TOO, DOBIE. I BET
YOU'RE A SIZE 40 NOW.
- YEAH, I THINK SO.
- WELL, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT WE'RE RUNNING A
SPECIAL ON TWEED JACKETS,
HAND-LOOMED FROM THE
COTTAGE INDUSTRIES OF IRELAND.
- WHO'S RUNNING A SPECIAL?
- MAYNARD, TAKE NOTES, HONEY.
THE PYLON SALES
COMPANY. TAKE NOTES.
WE HAVE EVERYTHING:
BOOKS, APPLIANCES,
WEARING APPAREL,
YOU NAME IT AND WE'VE GOT IT.
- YEAH, AND YOU'RE A
TRAVELING SALESMAN?
- WELL, I WAS.
STARTING NEXT WEEK
I'M GOING TO BE THE
DISTRICT MANAGER
WORKING OUT OF CLEVELAND.
THEN YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO SCHOOL ANYMORE?
- WHY, DOBIE, YOU'RE SO SILLY.
- YES.
- SLEEVE 33, GOT THAT, MAYNARD?
- SLEEVE 33.
- THALIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MAKING SURE THAT
YOU GET A PROPER FIT.
YOU WANT A PROPER
FIT, DON'T YOU, DOBIE?
- LOOK, THALIA.
- OF COURSE YOU DO.
CHEST 40, WRITE IT DOWN.
- CHEST 40.
- WAIST 32.
- LOOK, THALIA, THALIA...
- THERE. OH, MY WHAT A TRIM
LITTLE FIGURE YOU'VE GOT, DOBIE.
- OH, COME NOW.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU OUGHT TO SEE
HIM IN THE SHOWER.
- NONSENSE.
DOBIE'S TURNED INTO BE
A GORGEOUS HUNK OF MAN.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.
- WRITE IT DOWN, WAIST 32.
- WAIST 32.
- LOOK, THALIA, I
CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY...
- TO PASS UP A BARGAIN LIKE THIS
AND I'M GOING TO
BE SO PROUD OF YOU
IN YOUR NEW
HAND-LOOMED TWEED JACKET
WHEN YOU TAKE ME
OUT FRIDAY NIGHT.
- YOU'RE GOING OUT
WITH ME FRIDAY NIGHT?
- WELL, OF COURSE. I COULDN'T
RESIST A GORGEOUS HUNK OF MAN
LIKE YOU IN A HAND-WOVEN JACKET
AND A NECKTIE,
HAND-WOVEN BY THE NAVAJOS.
- THALIA, I HAVEN'T
GOT A NECKTIE
HAND-WOVEN BY THE NAVAJOS.
- YOU DON'T?
- NO.
- OH! MAYNARD, WRITE IT DOWN.
SIX NECKTIES.
- SIX NECKTIES.
- AND SIX POCKET
HANDKERCHIEFS, FOULARD.
- WHAT'S FOULARD?
- YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT FOULARD IS?
- UH-UH.
- [SIGHS] WRITE DOWN
ONE DICTIONARY.
WE'VE GOT THAT, TOO.
WE HAVE EVERYTHING.
- LOOK THALIA, I'LL
BUY THE JACKET
AND THE TIE AND THE DICTIONARY.
- Both: AND THE
HANDKERCHIEFS FOULARD.
BUT FIRST I WANT YOU TO
ANSWER A QUESTION FOR ME.
- WHAT?
- THIS.
HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED
ANYTHING IN THE LAST FEW YEARS?
- OF COURSE I HAVE. I'VE
LEARNED SALESMANSHIP,
DOUBLE ENTRY BOOKKEEPING,
COST ACCOUNTING, AMORTIZATION,
INVESTMENT COUNSELING...
- NO, THALIA,
YOU HAVEN'T LEARNED A
THING. YOU'RE STILL THE SAME.
- SAME WHAT?
- THE SAME GREEDY, GRODY
MONEY-GRASPING CHICK YOU
ALWAYS WERE, NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE? I'M
PLENTY OFFENDED.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I
DON'T CARE A THING ABOUT MONEY.
- YOU? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, I DON'T, NOT
FOR MYSELF, THAT IS.
I'VE GOT TO THINK
ABOUT MY FAMILY.
- I KNOW, YOUR FATHER
IS 60 YEARS OLD...
- Both: AND HAS A
KIDNEY CONDITION.
- AND YOUR MOTHER...
- Both: ISN'T GETTING
ANY YOUNGER.
AND YOUR BROTHER
SHOWS EVERY SIGN
OF BECOMING A PUBLIC CHARGE.
- SO YOU SEE, IT'S
UP TO ME, DOBIE.
I'M THE ONLY ASSET
MY FAMILY HAS.
THIS HAIR, THESE
EYES, THESE TEETH,
THIS FACE, THIS BODY,
TAKE IT AWAY AND THEY'RE RUINED.
- YOU'RE ALL HEART, GIRL.
- YES, I KNOW.
- DOBIE DARLING, I'LL
SEE YOU FRIDAY NIGHT?
- YES, THALIA.
- 7:00?
- 7:00.
- AND I KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO BE RIGHT ON TIME...
- BECAUSE YOU'RE
SELLING ME A NEW WATCH.
- GOOD THINKING. BYE, DOBIE.
- BYE THALIA.
- OH, POOR DOBIE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, POOR DOBIE?
- YOU'RE HOOKED ALL OVER AGAIN
ON THAT GREEDY, GRUBBY CHICK.
- MAYNARD, IF THERE'S
ONE THING I'M NOT
IT'S HOOKED BY THALIA MENNINGER.
- OHH, YES, YOU ARE.
- OHH... YES I AM.
BETWEEN THE TIME I SAW
THALIA MENNINGER ON CAMPUS
AND FRIDAY NIGHT
WHEN WE HAD OUR DATE
I MADE UP MY MIND THAT I
WASN'T GONNA GET HOOKED AGAIN.
I WAS GONNA PLAY IT COOL,
CALM, CASUAL, COMPOSED.
THALIA, I LOVE YOU.
- THAT'S NICE.
- OH, I KNOW YOU DON'T
CARE ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
- NO, I LOVE YOU, TOO.
- TO YOU, I'M JUST ANOTHER...
UM, EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU MIND REPEATING
THAT LAST STATEMENT?
- I SAID I LOVE YOU.
- YOU'RE KIDDING, OF COURSE.
- I WISH I WERE BUT
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.
- YOU DID A FINE JOB
OF CONCEALING IT.
- BECAUSE I HAVE TO.
IF IT WERE UP TO ME I'D
HAVE BEEN YOURS LONG AGO
BUT I CAN'T THINK
ONLY OF MYSELF.
- NO, I KNOW, YOUR
FATHER'S KIDNEY CONDITION.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- ISN'T IT GETTING ANY BETTER?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT
IT'S HARDLY THE KIND OF THING
YOU TALK ABOUT HERE, IS IT?
- OH, I GUESS NOT.
- WELL, I DECIDED TO PUT YOU
COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND
AND I THOUGHT I'D DONE IT
TILL I SAW YOU THE OTHER DAY.
THEN I KNEW IT WAS STILL YOU.
- THALIA, MY DARLING.
- DOBIE?
- YES, THALIA?
- YOU KNOW I USE MY HANDS
FOR EMPHASIS WHEN I'M TALKING.
- OH, SORRY, I FORGOT, YES.
- I DROPPED YOU ONCE
AND I CAN DO IT AGAIN.
- BUT YOU LOVE ME.
- LOVE DOESN'T
BUTTER ANY PARSNIPS.
- THALIA, I'M NEVER
GONNA HAVE ANY MONEY.
- WELL, CERTAINLY YOU AREN'T.
WHAT ARE YOU TAKING AT COLLEGE?
- OH, SOME WONDERFUL
COURSES: ENGLISH LITERATURE,
ETRUSCAN ART, MEDIEVAL HISTORY.
- SWELL, SWELL, FROM
THIS YOU WON'T MAKE A DIME.
- THAT'S NOT THE
POINT. THE POINT IS
THAT I'M BROADENING MY HORIZONS
AND LENGTHENING MY VISTAS
AND LEARNING ABOUT
TRUTH AND BEAUTY
AND BECOMING A MORE
COMPLETE HUMAN BEING.
- WHAT YOU'RE BECOMING
IS AN EDUCATED BUM.
- NOW, THALIA...
- NOW NOTHING.
THE SEMESTER IS
OVER IN A FEW DAYS.
WHY DON'T YOU QUIT SCHOOL?
- QUIT SCHOOL?
- OF COURSE, BECOME A
SALESMAN. YOU'D BE GREAT.
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
NO CUNNING, NO GUILE,
JUST AN OPEN EMPTY BLANK.
- THANKS A LOT.
- PEOPLE HAVE GOT TO TRUST YOU.
I MEAN, THEY TAKE
ONE LOOK AT YOU
AND THEY KNOW THAT
YOU CAN'T OUTSMART THEM.
- YOU'LL TURN MY
HEAD WITH PRAISE.
- NOW LISTEN, I'M GOING TO
BE THE DISTRICT MANAGER
OF THE PYLON SALES COMPANY.
YOU TAKE A JOB WITH
ME AND QUIT SCHOOL.
- QUIT SCHOOL?
- YOU ALREADY DID THAT.
- OH, YEAH. WELL, LOOK.
I CAN'T QUIT SCHOOL.
HOW ABOUT TRUTH AND BEAUTY?
- HOW ABOUT THESE
LIPS AND THESE EYES?
- UH, I DON'T KNOW, THALIA.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL BE IN TOWN FOR
A FEW MORE DAYS.
YOU THINK IT OVER AND
WHILE YOU'RE THINKING IT OVER
I'D LIKE YOU TO
REMEMBER SOMETHING.
- WHAT, THALIA?
- THIS.
- AND SO I SEARCHED MY SOUL.
SHOULD I QUIT SCHOOL
AND BECOME A SALESMAN?
SHOULD I STAY IN SCHOOL AND
SEARCH FOR TRUTH AND BEAUTY?
I LOOKED INTO MY HEART AND
WHAT I SAW THERE WERE TWO FACES:
ONE FACE BELONGED
TO THALIA MENNINGER.
GORGEOUS, PINK, WHITE, CREAMY,
DREAMY THALIA MENNINGER.
THE OTHER FACE I SAW
I'M BOUND TO ADMIT WAS
SOMEWHAT LESS ATTRACTIVE.
- MR. POMFRITT, I ADMIRE
YOU, AND I'M ON YOUR SIDE.
I BELIEVE IN IVORY TOWERS
AND BEING A SEEKER
OF TRUTH AND BEAUTY.
- WELL, I'M GLAD TO
HEAR THAT, DOBIE.
- BUT THERE'S THIS
GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH,
THALIA MENNINGER.
- OH, YES, MISS
BUY-NOW-AND-PAY-LATER.
- THALIA WANTS ME TO FORGET
ABOUT POETRY AND DREAMS
AND START EARNING A LIVING.
- I LIVE IN AN IVORY TOWER
BECAUSE I LIKE THE VIEW,
BUT BELIEVE ME, COMES
THE FIRST OF THE MONTH
AND MY TOWER IS CARPETED
IN UNPAID BILLS, WALL-TO-WALL.
- BUT YOU WOULDN'T
CHANGE THINGS?
- NO. NO, I WOULDN'T.
THOUGH I MUST CONFESS NOW
AND AGAIN TO A LUNATIC CRAVING
TO SEE WHAT MY WIFE WOULD
LOOK LIKE IN A NEW DRESS.
- AND YOU DON'T WANT
ME TO CHANGE, EITHER?
- NO, NO, I WOULDN'T,
DOBIE, ESPECIALLY NOT YOU.
I WANT YOU TO GO ON WRITING
POETRY AND DREAMING DREAMS
AND TAKING WILDLY
IMPRACTICAL COURSES.
- THEN YOU ADVISE
ME TO STAY IN SCHOOL?
- YES, I DO. BUT REMEMBER,
I'M PREJUDICED IN FAVOR
OF THE ACADEMIC LIFE.
- WELL, WHO ELSE CAN
I GO TO FOR ADVICE?
- WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOMEBODY CLOSE TO YOU
THAT YOU CAN TALK TO ABOUT IT,
SOMEONE WHO KNOWS
YOU AND WISHES YOU WELL.
- LIKE MY DAD, YOU MEAN?
- WELL, YES, BUT OF COURSE.
BEING YOUR FATHER, THE
LAST THING IN THE WORLD
HE'D WANT IS FOR
YOU TO QUIT SCHOOL.
- YOU GOTTA QUIT SCHOOL.
- BUT DAD...
- NEVER MIND THE
"BUT DAD" STUFF.
IT'S GETTING TO BE AS BAD AS
YOUR MOTHER'S "NOW, HERBERT."
- NOW, HERBERT...
- NOW, WINNIE. LOOK,
YOUR SON CAME TO ME
AND ASKED FOR SOME
HONEST, UNBIASED, OBJECTIVE,
CALMLY THOUGHT-OUT ADVICE,
AND I AM GOING
TO GIVE IT TO HIM.
SON... SMARTEN UP! GET A JOB!
- BUT THE BOY STILL HAS
THINGS TO LEARN IN COLLEGE.
- OH, HE SURE DOES.
HE STILL HAS TO LEARN ABOUT
JAPANESE FINGER PAINTING
AND WILDLIFE IN MINNESOTA
AND ABOUT A BUNCH
OF GREEK STATUES
THAT AREN'T EVEN
ALL IN ONE PIECE,
AND, OH, THIS IS GONNA HELP HIM
EARN A FAT LOT OF BREAD.
- DAD, MAN DOES NOT
LIVE BY BREAD ALONE.
- OH, THAT HE DOES NOT.
HE HAS TO HAVE BUTTER
AND EGGS AND MILK AND MEAT
AND MAYBE ONCE IN A
WHILE A NEW SUIT OF CLOTHES
THAT HIS POOR OLD DAD
SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR.
- ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS POOR
OLD DAD'S A MISER, NO OFFENSE.
- WELL, SIR, IT WAS A PRETTY
GOOD FIGHT FOR A WHILE.
DAD WAS SLUGGING AS USUAL
AND MOM WAS DAZZLING HIM
WITH FOOTWORK AS USUAL,
AND ALL IN ALL IT WAS
A PRETTY EVEN BATTLE.
THEN DAD BROUGHT IN
SOME REINFORCEMENTS
AND FROM THEN ON IT
WAS STRICTLY NO CONTEST.
- WELL, WHAT'S MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN BEING A SALESMAN.
THINK ABOUT IT.
WHEN YOU WALK INTO A
PLACE AND THEN YOU WALK OUT
KNOWING THAT YOU'VE SOLD
SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY
WHO WOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT
UNLESS YOU'D WALKED IN,
NOW THAT'S BEAUTY.
- OH, THAT CERTAINLY IS, THALIA.
- MR. POM...
- OH, POMFRITT,
WHAT DOES HE
KNOW? HE'S A TEACHER!
- AND A DARN GOOD ONE
AND THE WISEST MAN I KNOW
AND HE THINKS I
SHOULD STAY IN SCHOOL.
- WELL, OF COURSE HE DOES.
SCHOOL IS HIS WHOLE LIFE.
HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE WORLD.
- LOOK, SON, I DON'T WANNA
KNOCK POMFRITT TO YOU.
HE'S A GREAT MAN,
BUT THALIA IS RIGHT.
ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT
IS WHAT GOES ON
INSIDE THOSE IVY-COVERED WALLS.
- DOBIE, YOU SAY MR. POMFRITT
IS THE WISEST MAN YOU KNOW.
NOW, IF HE TOLD YOU
TO BE A SALESMAN,
WOULD YOU BE ONE?
- BUT HE TOLD ME
TO STAY IN SCHOOL.
- I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT MAYBE
HE DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND.
YOU SEE, IF SOMEONE
EXPLAINED THE FACTS TO HIM...
- YOU, FOR INSTANCE?
- ME, FOR INSTANCE.
- YOU'RE GONNA TALK
TO MR. POMFRITT?
- YES, AND I'LL LEAVE IT
ENTIRELY UP TO HIM, OKAY?
- THAT SOUNDS FAIR.
- OH, IT CERTAINLY DOES.
- GOOD BUDDY, YOU
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
- DEAD?
- DEAD.
- DEAD-DEAD.
- HELLO, MR. POMFRITT.
REMEMBER ME?
- THALIA MENNINGER.
HOW COULD I FORGET?
- MY, YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.
- ME? OH, COME NOW.
- WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS
WAY, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED.
- NOT EVEN MY JACKET.
- WHICH REMINDS ME,
WE ARE RUNNING A SPECIAL
THIS MONTH ON TWEED JACKETS,
HAND-LOOMED BY THE
COTTAGE INDUSTRIES OF IRELAND.
- HOW NICE.
- YOU'D LOOK GREAT
IN A NEW TWEED JACKET.
- I'D LOOK GREAT
IN A NEW ANYTHING.
- HERE, WHY DON'T
YOU LOOK THESE OVER.
- THANK YOU. THESE I CAN
AFFORD, THE JACKETS, NO.
- HOPE YOU HAVEN'T COME HERE
TO SELL ME SOMETHING, THALIA.
- NO.
- NOR TO COLLECT MONEY
THAT I OWE FOR
SOMETHING I BOUGHT?
- NO.
- IN THAT CASE, SIT DOWN.
- I CAME TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT DOBIE GILLIS.
- THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.
- NOW, I'LL GET
RIGHT TO THE POINT.
DOBIE...
- LET ME HELP YOU.
YOU WANT DOBIE TO BE A SALESMAN.
HE'S EAGER, FRIENDLY,
HONEST, DECENT, FRANK.
IN SHORT, HE HAS
EVERYTHING IT TAKES
TO MAKE A GOOD SALESMAN, RIGHT?
- I'M SO GLAD YOU AGREE.
- YES, I AGREE THAT DOBIE
HAS EVERYTHING IT TAKES
TO MAKE A GOOD SALESMAN
AND IF YOU WANT
HIM TO QUIT SCHOOL
AND GO TO WORK FOR YOU,
I'LL FIGHT YOU TO THE DEATH.
- [TELEPHONE RINGS]
- EXCUSE ME.
POMFRITT HERE.
OH, YES, DEAN.
I'VE TALKED TO THE
MAINTENANCE WORKERS' UNION
AND THEY'VE AGREED
TO AN ARBITRATION.
WELL, WE'LL GET TOGETHER
EARLY TOMORROW MORNING.
I THINK I SHOULD HAVE
IT WRAPPED UP BY NOON.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR. BYE.
WELL, EVEN THESE HALLS OF IVY
HAVE THEIR LITTLE
LABOR PROBLEMS.
I ACT AS A KIND OF
UNOFFICIAL MEDIATOR.
NOW, ABOUT DOBIE GILLIS.
- LOOK, YOU'VE AGREED
THAT DOBIE'D MAKE A
WONDERFUL SALESMAN.
- BUT WHY CAN'T HE
FINISH COLLEGE FIRST,
PICK UP A LITTLE CULTURE?
- WELL, I'M ALL FOR CULTURE.
WHY, AT OUR SALES
MEETINGS EVERY MONTH
WE HAVE A WONDERFUL TALK
BY SOME SUCCESSFUL BANKER
WITH PICTURE SLIDES IN COLOR.
- THAT'S JIM DANDY.
LOOK, THALIA,
MAYBE DOBIE IS CUT
OUT TO BE A SALESMAN,
BUT RIGHT NOW HE'S
ON THE THRESHOLD
OF GREAT DISCOVERIES.
THE WHOLE WORLD
OF TRUTH AND BEAUTY
IS OPENING UP TO HIM.
NOW, HOW CAN YOU
TAKE HIM AWAY FROM THAT
AND MAKE HIM INTO
A DOORBELL PUSHER?
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH
PUSHING DOORBELLS?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- EXCUSE ME.
POMFRITT HERE.
OH, YEAH, THE BID
ON THE NEW LAB.
ALL RIGHT, GO
AHEAD, I'M LISTENING.
MM-HMM.
WHAT? $12.80 A SQUARE FOOT?
OH, THEY GOTTA BE
OUT OF THEIR MINDS.
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S
WAY OUT OF LINE.
YOU TELL THEM THEY HAVE
TO SUBMIT ANOTHER BID
OR WE'LL TAKE OUR
BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.
RIGHT. BYE.
- YOU WEAR A LOT OF HATS
FOR A COLLEGE PROFESSOR.
- OH, I JUST DOUBLE IN BRASS
AS A PURCHASING AGENT.
NOW, ABOUT DOBIE...
- LET'S TABLE DOBIE FOR
A MINUTE, MR. POMFRITT.
WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME
EXACTLY HOW MUCH
MONEY YOU MAKE A YEAR?
- I CERTAINLY WOULD. I
MIND TELLING ANYBODY.
WHY DO YOU ASK?
- WELL, THIS MAY
SOUND AWFULLY CRASS,
BUT THAT'S HOW I OPERATE.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME AND WORK
FOR THE PYLON SALES CORPORATION?
- ME? A SALESMAN?
- NO, NO, NO, ON AN
EXECUTIVE LEVEL.
- WELL, I'M FLATTERED, OF
COURSE, BUT I'M A TEACHER.
- AND A LABOR ARBITRATOR
AND A COST COMPUTER.
MEN LIKE YOU DON'T
GROW ON EVERY BUSH.
- WELL, MY WIFE AND CHILDREN
WOULD PROBABLY HATE ME FOR THIS,
BUT NO, THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE SURE?
- YEAH, I'M POSITIVE.
NOW IF WE COULD GET
BACK TO DOBIE GILLIS.
- ALL RIGHT, DOBIE SAYS YOU
WANT HIM TO STAY IN SCHOOL.
- THAT'S RIGHT, AND
I'LL CONTINUE TO SAY IT
AS LONG AS THERE'S BREATH
IN THIS UNDERPAID BODY.
- WHAT IS DOBIE TO YOU?
- HE'S A STUDENT.
- EXACTLY. AND YOU HAVE
HUNDREDS OF STUDENTS
AND I KNOW YOU CARE
ABOUT THEM, ALL OF THEM,
BUT NOT THE WAY I
CARE ABOUT DOBIE.
TO ME HE'S NOT JUST
A FACE IN THE CROWD.
HE'S THE ONLY FACE.
DON'T ASK ME WHY,
BUT HE'S THE ONE I WANT.
- YOU REALLY LOVE THIS BOY.
- YES.
- AND IF HE WANTS TO STAY IN
COLLEGE, YOU WON'T WAIT FOR HIM?
- I CAN'T. THERE'S MY FAMILY.
- OH, YES, YOUR FATHER'S
FAMOUS KIDNEY CONDITION.
- AND I JUST CAN'T
WAIT. I'M ALMOST 20.
- GOOD HEAVENS. AND YOU STILL
GET AROUND WITHOUT A CANE?
- I KNOW IT SOUNDS
SILLY BUT I CANNOT WAIT.
- BUT IF YOU LEAVE DOBIE,
YOU'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
- AND MINE?
- WELL, I'M SORRY, THALIA,
I JUST CAN'T TELL
DOBIE TO QUIT SCHOOL.
- ALL RIGHT. THANKS
FOR YOUR TIME.
- NOW, NOW, NOW WAIT
A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
I CAN'T TELL DOBIE TO QUIT,
BUT I'LL DO THIS MUCH FOR YOU.
I WON'T TELL HIM TO STAY EITHER.
I'LL TELL HIM HE HAS TO
MAKE UP HIS OWN MIND, OKAY?
- MR. POMFRITT,
YOU'RE QUITE A FELLOW.
- OH, COME ON NOW.
I'M JUST A PLAIN, ORDINARY GUY,
WISE, BRILLIANT,
ASTUTE, PENETRATING.
IN FACT, IN EVERY
WAY I'M SUPERIOR.
- YOU THINK YOU'RE KIDDING.
- LIKE HECK I DO.
- ABOUT THAT OFFER,
THAT EXECUTIVE POSITION,
IT'S STILL OPEN.
- WELL, I DECLINE WITH THANKS.
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GIVE ME AN ANSWER RIGHT NOW.
I'LL BE IN TOWN TILL
TOMORROW MORNING.
NOW, YOU TAKE MY CARD
AND CALL ME IF YOU
CHANGE YOUR MIND.
- THERE'S NOT A CHANCE.
- I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE
FULL OF SURPRISES.
BYE.
- "DEAR MR. POMFRITT, NO
DOUBT IT'S AN OVERSIGHT
"BUT WE'VE NOT YET
RECEIVED PAYMENT ON OUR BILL
"OF THREE MONTHS PAST.
WE'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU
THAT LEGAL ACTION IS C..."
- MR. POMFRITT DIDN'T SAY STAY
AND HE DIDN'T SAY GO.
HE LEFT IT ALL UP TO ME.
SO I'VE DECIDED TO QUIT
SCHOOL AND BECOME A SALESMAN.
YEAH, ME. PRETTY WEIRD, YOU SAY?
WELL, IF YOU ASK ME,
I'D SAY THE SAME THING,
BUT NOBODY ASKED ME.
THEY TOLD ME. THALIA TOLD
ME, MY MOTHER TOLD ME,
BUT MOST OF ALL
MY FATHER TOLD ME.
- NO, NO, NO, DOBIE,
THAT IS NOT THE WAY
THALIA TOLD YOU TO DO IT.
NOW LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, HUH?
AND THIS TIME PUT A
LITTLE MORE PIZAZZ INTO IT.
NOW, REMEMBER, YOU'RE
GONNA RING THE DOORBELL
AND A YOUNG HOUSEWIFE IS GOING
TO COME AND ANSWER THE DOOR.
NOW, YOU READY?
- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
- BRRRING!
- YES?
- GOOD MORNING,
MA'AM, I REPRESENT...
- HE'S NOT SMILING.
- WHEN YOU SAY THAT, SMILE, BOY.
- SMILE WHILE YOU'RE SAYING IT.
- I REPRESENT THE PYLON SALES...
- PUT YOUR FOOT IN THE
DOOR LIKE I SHOWED YOU.
- DAD, I DON'T WANNA FORCE MY
WAY IN WHERE I'M NOT WELCOME.
- YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU REPRESENT
A BIG, IMPORTANT COMPANY.
NOW, GO AHEAD.
- WHY, CERTAINLY.
REMEMBER, YOU ARE A SALESMAN.
NOT SOME SLOPPY KOOK
WHO JUST WANDERED
IN OFF THE STREET.
- YOU RANG?
- NO, NOBODY RANG, MAYNARD.
- HEY, GOOD BUDDY, WANNA
COME WATCH 'EM KNOCK DOWN
THE OLD ENDICOTT BUILDING?
- NO, HE CAN'T.
- I MEAN, YOU'RE LEAVING
TOWN TOMORROW.
IT'S LAST TIME YOU'LL
SEE THAT OLD BALL GO...
- NO, WE'RE IN...
- MAYNARD!
- GET OUT, WILL YA?
DOBIE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR
THAT KID STUFF ANYMORE.
HE'S GOT A WHOLE NEW LIFE
OPENING OUT IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE'S GONNA END UP
BEING HARD-HITTING
AND AGGRESSIVE AND RESOURCEFUL
AND SUCCESSFUL AND...
- MISERABLE.
- I FINALLY MANAGED TO
GET YOUR SUITCASE SHUT
BUT I COULDN'T FIND
ROOM FOR THESE BOOKS.
- WHAT BOOKS?
- FROM MY ENGLISH COURSE, DAD.
JUST SOME POETRY.
- POETRY?
DO YOU WANT THE REST
OF THOSE GUYS TO THINK
YOU'RE SOME KIND OF
A NUT OR SOMETHING?
- DAD, LOOK, DAD...
- NEVER MIND, DARLING,
I'LL SEND THEM ON
TO YOU AFTERWARDS
AFTER YOU'VE MADE
A GOOD BEGINNING.
- OH, THANKS, MOM.
- THINK OF IT, MY LITTLE DOBIE
STARTING HIS CAREER.
HE'S GOING TO BE A SALESMAN!
- YEAH, WITH A CORNER
OFFICE SOMEDAY.
- AIR CONDITIONED.
- AND A PRIVATE SECRETARY.
- AND A SIGN WITH GOLD
LETTERS ON THE DOOR.
- AND IT SAYS "GENTLEMEN."
- THIS IS IT.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME IN MY
LIFE I'LL BE STANDING HERE.
- THE MOVING FINGER,
WHATEVER THAT IS,
HASN'T WRIT YET. YOU CAN
STILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.
- NO, THE DIE'S CAST.
- KEEP SEEKING TRUTH AND BEAUTY.
- I DON'T THINK IT'S
SO GOOD MYSELF
BUT IT'S KIND OF NICE
TO HAVE AROUND...
- LOOK, MAYNARD...
- AND DOBE,
HOW ABOUT ALL THEM PROFESSORS
THAT TEACHES ABOUT
TRUTH AND BEAUTY?
I MEAN, THEY'RE REALLY
NICE GUYS, YOU KNOW.
THEY HAVE TO BE NICE
TO PUT UP WITH ME, TRUE?
- TRUE. NO OFFENSE, BUT TRUE.
- YEAH, AND HOW
ABOUT MR. POMFRITT,
I MEAN, MAYBE HE
GRUMBLES AND HE GROUCHES
BUT, I MEAN, SEE THAT LIGHT
UP THERE? THAT'S HIS OFFICE.
I MEAN, HE'S STILL UP THERE
WORKING AT THIS HOUR.
- YEAH. MAYBE I OUGHT
TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM.
- I THINK YOU OUGHT TO.
I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE
WALKING OUT LIKE A DIRTY SKUNK
THERE'S NO REASON YOU
SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDLY.
- YES, DEAR, I'LL BE HOME SOON.
I'M JUST GOING OVER
THE MONTHLY BILLS.
NO, NOT PAYING, JUST
GOING OVER THEM.
- OH, NOW DON'T WORRY, DEAR.
WE'LL MANAGE SOMEHOW.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT, GOODBYE, DEAR.
- IS MISS THALIA
MENNINGER THERE?
OH. WELL, WHEN DO
YOU EXPECT HER IN?
LOOK, WOULD YOU ASK HER
TO CALL PROFESSOR POMFRITT
AT THE COLLEGE, PLEASE?
YEAH, THANK YOU. AND
I'LL WAIT FOR HER CALL.
- OH, DOBIE.
- I SAW YOUR LIGHT ON.
- OH, I'M GLAD YOU DID.
COME ON IN, DOBIE. SIT DOWN.
- THANK YOU,
MR. POMFRITT, THANK YOU.
- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- MR. POMFRITT I'M
HERE TO SAY GOODBYE.
I'M QUITTING SCHOOL
TO TAKE A JOB.
- OH?
- I'M GONNA BE A SALESMAN
WITH THE PYLON SALES COMPANY.
- WELL, THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
- HONEST, I'D LIKE
TO STAY IN COLLEGE
LEARNING ABOUT TRUTH
AND BEAUTY AND LIKE THAT
BUT I'VE GOT TO THINK
ABOUT MY FUTURE.
- OF COURSE YOU DO, DOBIE.
- MR. POMFRITT, YOU
DON'T REALLY MEAN THAT?
- OH, YES, YES, I DO.
HEAVEN KNOWS, I
VALUE THE LIBERAL ARTS
AND I'D LIKE YOU
TO FINISH SCHOOL
BUT, WELL, WE ALL
HAVE TO BE PRACTICAL.
- YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING
THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
- NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH A BUSINESS CAREER
AND FROM WHAT I HEAR, PYLON
IS A REAL LIVE-WIRE OUTFIT.
- MR. POMFRITT, YOU'RE
A WONDERFUL MAN.
I WISH I COULD BE LIKE YOU.
- OH, COME NOW, DOBIE.
- NO, NO, I MEAN IT, SIR,
YOU'RE A DEDICATED PERSON,
A SCHOLAR WITH INTEGRITY.
- DOBIE.
- SURE, YOU STRUGGLE
TO MAKE ENDS MEET,
BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU.
WHAT'S IMPORTANT
IS TRUTH AND BEAUTY
AND GETTING YOUNG
PEOPLE TO APPRECIATE IT.
- WELL, DOBIE, I...
- REALLY, MR. POMFRITT,
NO MATTER HOW RICH AND
SUCCESSFUL I GET TO BE
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT
I MISSED BY LEAVING COLLEGE.
- WELL, DOBIE,
WHAT WILL YOU MISS?
- OH, LOTS OF THINGS.
THE LECTURES IN CLASS
AND THE BULL SESSIONS
AFTERWARDS IN THE CAFETERIA.
YEAH, AND THE FOOTBALL
GAMES AND THE PEP RALLIES
AND THE PRETTY
GIRLS AT THE PROMS
AND THE HOMEWORK EVEN
AND THE GOOSEBUMPS
I GET SOMETIMES
FROM LISTENING TO A
POEM OR A SYMPHONY.
AND I'LL MISS
SITTING ON THE MALL
JUST FEELING GLAD
TO BE PART OF ALL THIS.
AND YOU KNOW
SOMETHING, MR. POMFRITT,
I JUST DECIDED THE
PYLON SALES COMPANY
CAN GO JUMP IN THE LAKE.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- EVEN IF IT MEANS LOSING THALIA
AND HAVING MY DAD BREAK
ME INTO LITTLE PIECES.
- DOBIE, THIS CALLS
FOR A CELEBRATION,
AND I'M TREATING.
- DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD, SIR.
- MY BOY, I'M GONNA BUY YOU
THE BIGGEST HAMBURGER
THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
- [TELEPHONE RINGS]
- YOUR PHONE, MR. POMFRITT.
- YEAH, IT IS.
- [RING]
- AREN'T YOU GONNA ANSWER IT?
- OH, NO, I KNOW WHO'S CALLING,
AND SHE'S GOT THE WRONG NUMBER.
- [RING]
- BOY, HAS SHE GOT
THE WRONG NUMBER.
[RINGING]
- CHEER UP, GOOD BUDDY.
- CHEER UP, HE SAYS.
WHAT'S THERE TO
BE CHEERFUL ABOUT?
I'LL NEVER SEE THALIA AGAIN.
- SURE YOU WILL. SHE'LL
PROBABLY BE BACK IN THE SPRING
TO SELL YOU A LIGHTWEIGHT SUIT.
- DOBIE!
- OH, THALIA, THALIA,
I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU,
EVEN IF IT'S ONLY FOR A MINUTE.
- DOBIE...
- AND TRY NOT TO THINK
TOO BADLY OF ME, THALIA.
I ONLY DID WHAT I HAD TO DO...
- DOBIE...
- AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT EVEN THOUGH
YOU MAY BE IN CLEVELAND
AND I MAY BE HERE, WE
WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER,
YOU AND I RIGHT
HERE IN MY HEART.
- DOBIE, I'M NOT GOING.
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.
I'VE ENROLLED IN S. PETER
PRYOR JUNIOR COLLEGE.
- THALIA, IS IT TRUE?
- IT'S TRUE.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT
YOUR FATHER? HIS...
- KIDNEY CONDITION?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL CLEARED UP.
- OOH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- ACTUALLY HE NEVER DID
HAVE A KIDNEY CONDITION.
ALL THESE YEARS HE'S
BEEN GOING AROUND
WITH HIS PANTS
BUTTONED TO HIS VEST.
- THEN YOU AND I ARE
GOING TO BE TOGETHER,
BOTH MEMBERS OF
THE FRESHMAN CLASS?
- UH-HUH.
- SO WHAT DO YOU GOT
IN THE SUITCASE?
- FRESHMAN BEANIES.
$1.98 APIECE.
- THALIA, I'M SO GLAD TO
SEE YOU, I'LL TAKE ONE.
HAVE YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A FIVE?
- OH, YOU KNOW ME
BETTER THAN THAT.