The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 3, Episode 16 - Magnificent Failure - full transcript
When Herbert, who is generally seen as a mean and stingy man, buys both Winnie and Dobie expensive gifts, everyone becomes suspicious of his motivations. However, he states that he critically reviewed his life, didn't like what he saw, and vowed to turn over a new leaf, which accounts for both the act of giving and where he got the money: he is on the verge of selling the store to a supermarket chain. With the vast sum he expects to get, he plans on traveling with Winnie, and when the money eventually gets low, he will return to the workforce managing someone else's supermarket, which means regular hours and fewer worries than owning his own business. But when the store purchase and the subsequent search for a managerial position don't pan out quite the way he expects, Herbert has to decide what to do, that is unless someone else helps him make those decisions.
- A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK MY
FATHER, HERBERT T. GILLIS,
IS MEAN AND ROUGH AND
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET ALONG WITH.
I'M HERE TO TELL
YOU THEY'RE WRONG.
WELL, NOT COMPLETELY
WRONG, OF COURSE,
BUT, WELL, WHAT
THEY ARE IS RIGHT.
I MEAN, I CAN SEE HOW MY FATHER
MIGHT GIVE THAT
KIND OF IMPRESSION,
BUT THAT'S NOT THE
REAL HERBERT T. GILLIS.
NO, SIR. HERE, I'LL SHOW
YOU HOW HE REALLY IS.
- YOU ARE RIGHT, HOGAN,
NO BUSINESSMAN SHOULD SEND
A NOTE LIKE THIS TO A CUSTOMER.
- NOW YOU ARE TALKING.
- BUT A CUSTOMER MEANS
SOMEBODY WHO BUYS GROCERIES
AND IN MY BOOK, TO BUY GROCERIES
MEANS TO PAY FOR GROCERIES
AND THAT LETS YOU OUT.
- STOP, STOP, STOP!
ALL RIGHT, SO THAT
WAS A BAD EXAMPLE
BUT MR. HOGAN'S THE KIND OF
FELLOW WHO CAN MAKE ANYBODY MAD.
LOOK, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW HE
ACTS TOWARD OUR NICE CUSTOMERS.
- ENOUGH FOR EIGHT OF US,
ALL ON DIETS BUT WITH
VERY LITTLE WILLPOWER.
- BRING IT BY AT 1:00, OKAY?
- JUST A MINUTE.
I HAPPEN TO BE A... WHAT
DO I LOOK LIKE? A TWO-BIT...
- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP! I'M
SURE HE ACTED PLEASANT ONCE.
I REMEMBER THE TIME...
LET'S JUST TRY ONCE MORE.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE A KIND,
SWEET, GENEROUS
HERBERT T. GILLIS
BUT WHAT BUGS ME IS THAT
WHEN A PERSON LIKE DAD
ACTS NICE, EVERYBODY
GETS SUSPICIOUS.
IT'S AWFUL. YOU'LL SEE.
- COME HERE, I
WANNA TALK TO YOU.
- SOMETHING WRONG, DEAR?
- IF ANYTHING WAS
WRONG WOULD I BE AROUND
BUYING HIGH-CLASS
GIFTS FOR MY LOVED ONES?
HERE, YOU TOO, MAYNARD.
- WHY, WHAT IN THE WORLD?
- HEY, DOBE, THAT
AIN'T YOUR FATHER.
SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED
HIM AND STOLE HIS FACE.
- MAYNARD.
- I'LL PROVE IT.
ASK HIM A TRICK QUESTION, LIKE
HIS SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.
- SHH.
- GEE, MR. G. BUBBLE BATH.
- YOU DESERVE IT, KID.
COME ON, LET'S OPEN IT UP, DEAR.
- A MINK COAT? OH,
HERBERT! FOR ME?
- WELL, I'D LOOK KINDA
SILLY GOING TO LODGE IN IT,
WOULDN'T I?
SON, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO THINK I FORGOT YOU...
- STOP!
YOU SEE HOW
SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE ARE?
DAD DOES SOMETHING NICE
AND RIGHT AWAY MAYNARD'S
SURE SOMETHING'S WRONG.
ASK HIM HIS SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER.
BOY, WHAT A CONTEMPTIBLE TRICK.
- WELL, THERE SHE IS, BOY.
- FOR ME?
- FOR US?
- YES, SIR. SHE'S
ALL YOURS, SON.
- DAD, WHAT'S YOUR
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?
[JAZZ THEME]
- ALL RIGHT, SO DAD GAVE MOM A
MINK COAT AND ME A CONVERTIBLE.
WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT THAT?
I FIND IT PERFECTLY NATURAL.
I DON'T HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,
EXCEPT ONE LITTLE ONE.
WHY?
- YOU WANNA KNOW
WHY? I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
I FINALLY TOOK A LOOK AT MYSELF,
A GOOD LOOK, AND I
DID NOT LIKE WHAT I SAW.
- ME NEITHER, NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE AND BUTT OUT.
- DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I HAVE BECOME?
WELL, I WILL TELL YOU
WHAT I HAVE BECOME.
- MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- MAYNARD!
NO, NO, MAYNARD IS RIGHT.
I HAVE BECOME A MEAN AND ROTTEN
SLAVE TO THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR.
WHY, I'VE PUT IN SO MUCH
TIME IN THE BUSINESS HERE
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME
TO SPEND WITH MY FAMILY.
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY
TIME TO LIVE A LITTLE.
- THAT AIN'T SO, MR. G.
IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
YOU'VE GOT FOUR
OR FIVE MORE YEARS.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY.
- HERBERT, WE KNOW
THAT YOU LOVE US, DEAR,
BUT WE CAN'T
AFFORD THESE THINGS.
BETWEEN THE CAR AND THE MINK
YOU MUST HAVE
SPENT $4,000 OR $5,000.
- $5,724.68 TO BE EXACT
BUT WHO'S COUNTING
AND STOP WORRYING.
IT'S ALL PAID FOR PRACTICALLY.
- BUT WHERE DID YOU GET THE...
HERBERT, YOU'VE SOLD THE STORE.
- PRACTICALLY.
THERE'S A BIG EXECUTIVE
FROM A SUPERMARKET CHAIN
COMING THIS AFTERNOON
TO CINCH THE DEAL.
WINNIE, THIS STORE REPRESENTS
25 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
AND SHREWD MANAGEMENT.
NOW WHAT IS THAT WORTH?
LET'S BE CONSERVATIVE.
LET'S BE RIDICULOUSLY
CONSERVATIVE,
SAY $1,000 A YEAR
TIMES 25 YEARS,
WELL, THAT'S
$25,000 PLUS $10,000
FOR THE POPULATION EXPLOSION,
IMPROVEMENT TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
THE COST OF LIVING,
AND THAT'S WHY
THIS STORE'S WORTH
$35,000 AT THE MINIMUM.
- GOLLY, DAD, THIS IS A NICE
LITTLE STORE, BUT $35,000,
THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY.
- YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
THESE THINGS LATER ON, BOY.
WHY, JUST CONSIDER
OUR DELUXE FIXTURES,
CONSIDER OUR GOURMET TYPE STOCK,
CONSIDER THE PERSONALITY
I'VE BUILT INTO THIS THING.
WHY, THE KEY TO THE FRONT
DOOR IS WORTH $35,000 ALONE.
- THERE AIN'T NO KEY
TO THE FRONT DOOR.
THERE'S JUST THAT OLD HOOK.
- THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I MEAN, IF YOU SELL, WHERE
WILL WE GO? WHAT WILL WE DO?
- I'LL TELL YOU, LITTLE LADY,
WHERE WE WILL GO
AND WHAT WE WILL DO.
WE WILL TAKE A
COUPLE OF YEARS OFF
AND WE WILL SPEND
ALL OF THIS MONEY.
WE'LL MAKE THE GRAND TOUR,
NEW YORK, LONDON, PARIS,
ROME, THE RE-VERA.
- BUT THE MONEY
WON'T LAST FOREVER.
- LET ME FINISH.
AND NOW WHEN THE MONEY
STARTS DWINDLING DOWN TO SAY
OH, FIVE OR FOUR DIGITS
AND, OF COURSE, THAT'LL
TAKE YEARS, WE'LL COME HOME
AND I'LL WALTZ IN AND GET A JOB
MANAGING SOME BIG SUPERMARKET.
- AND YOU'LL HAVE
A REGULAR CHECK?
AND YOU'LL COME HOME
FOR SUPPER AT 6:00?
AND YOU'LL WEAR A SUIT.
OH, DOBIE, DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE IN A SUIT?
- YEAH, NO.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL BUY A SUIT.
I'LL BUY THREE SUITS.
NOW COME ON, DOBE, HOP IN
HERE AND REV THIS THING UP.
YOU FOLKS GOT A LOT OF SHOPPING
TO DO YET THIS AFTERNOON.
- OH, NEW YORK!
- HIYA, HERBIE-BABY.
HEY, WHERE'S YOUR APRON?
- LOOK, HOGAN, I GOT A VERY
IMPORTANT BUSINESS APPOINTMENT
AND NO TIME TO JAW WITH YOU.
- HEY, HERB, YOU KNOW THAT CHECK
I GAVE YOU TO HOLD
TILL NEXT MONTH?
- HOW CAN I FORGET IT?
- WOULD YOU HOLD IT FOR ME
TILL THE MONTH AFTER NEXT?
I MEAN, I HATE TO ASK...
- YOU HATE TO ASK?
YOU'VE BEEN HATING BUT
OVERCOMING IT FOR 20 YEARS.
- YOU'LL DO IT, HUH?
- OKAY, OKAY.
NOW BEAT IT, WILL YOU,
AND STOP BUGGING ME.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS,
YOU'RE A GREAT AMERICAN
AND ONE HECK OF A GRAND GUY.
- HI, MR. GILLIS. SO
WHERE'S YOUR APRON?
- MRS. TARANTINO,
I'M A BUSY MAN.
I GOT NO TIME FOR SMALL TALK.
- YOU GOT NO TIME? LOOK AT ME.
MY HUSBAND'S BROTHERS
ARE COMING TO DINNER,
ALL 12 OF THEM, WITH
THEIR WIVES, SO NOW I GOT...
- SO YOU GOT TO
RUN OFF SOMEPLACE
AND GET YOUR NAILS
DONE OR SOMETHING
AND IN THE MEANTIME YOU
WANT ME TO PICK THE FOOD
FOR YOUR HUNGRY RELATIVES
AND HAVE IT TO THE HOUSE BY 6:00.
WELL, MY ANSWER TO YOU...
- NO, YOU GETTER MAKE THAT 5:00.
THOSE OVERSTUFFED CHOW HOUNDS
ARE A CINCH TO SHOW UP EARLY.
THANKS, MR. GILLIS,
YOU'RE A DOLL.
- MY NAME IS SAM GUMMAGE.
I'M WITH MAMMOTH
MARKETS, INCORPORATED.
I'M LOOKING FOR GILLIS.
- OH, WELL, YOU'RE
LOOKING AT GILLIS.
- YOU GILLIS?
- OH, HERBERT T.
- SO WHERE'S YOUR APRON?
- WELL, I'M SORT OF ON THE
EXECUTIVE LEVEL AROUND HERE,
MANAGEMENT, YOU MIGHT SAY.
I THINK MY LETTER SPELLED
THE DEAL OUT PRETTY CLEARLY.
SHE'S A LITTLE BEAUTY, NO
MORTGAGE, NO CREDIT BACKLOG,
FREE, CLEAR AND READY TO GO.
- I KNOW, WE CHECKED
YOU OUT IN THE BOOK.
- NOW LOOK, GUMMAGE, WE ARE
BOTH HIGH-CLASS BUSINESSMEN,
SO THERE'S NO SENSE IN
OUR FENCING OR HAGGLING.
YOU CAN SEE SHE'S A BUY AT
$40,000, BUT I LIKE YOUR LOOKS.
I LIKE THE CUT OF YOUR JIB,
SO FOR THIS AFTERNOON ONLY
AND TO YOU ONLY,
$35,000 TAKES HER AWAY.
- PICKLED TRIPE, I HAVEN'T
SEEN THAT IN YEARS.
- OH, WELL, I CARRY IT FOR MY
DELUXE GOURMET TYPE CUSTOMERS.
NATURALLY, THE NEIGHBORHOOD'S
LOADED WITH THEM.
- NATURALLY, AND I GUESS IT'S
TRUE FOR THIS DICED SOW BELLY?
- OH, NATURALLY.
- NATURALLY.
NOW, MR. GILLIS, IF I
COULD TAKE A LOOK
AT YOUR ACCOUNTING SYSTEM.
- OH, SHE'S OUT SHOPPING.
- WHAT?
- OH, THE LITTLE WOMAN.
SHE TAKES CARE OF THE BOOKS
AND HANDLES ALL THE HIGH
TYPE FINANCIAL TRANSACTIONS.
OH, A MIGHTY EFFICIENT WOMAN.
MIGHTY ATTRACTIVE, TOO.
- NATURALLY.
- WELL, I THINK I HAVE
ALL THE PERTINENT DATA.
YOU'VE GOT A FAIR LOCATION HERE.
- OH, RIGHT SMACK
DAB IN THE HEART
OF THE POPULATION EXPLOSION.
THIS IS 100% A-NUMBER
ONE TERRITORY.
JUST MAKE THE CHECK
OUT TO HERBERT T. GILLIS.
BE SURE TO PUT THE T IN.
THAT'S THE WAY THEY
KNOW ME DOWN AT THE BANK.
- $6,000.
- DOWN PAYMENT.
- FULL PRICE.
- $6,000 FOR THIS
GREAT ESTABLISHMENT.
WHY, THAT'S A COTTON-PICKIN'
CARPETBAGGIN' OUTRAGE.
WHAT ABOUT THESE
DELUXE FIXTURES?
WHAT ABOUT THIS EXCLUSIVE STOCK?
WHAT ABOUT THIS BLUE
RIBBON NEIGHBORHOOD?
WHAT ABOUT MY 25
YEARS OF GOODWILL?
WHAT ABOUT...
- MR. GILLIS.
- YOU FORCE ME TO BE FRANK.
THIS STOCK IS PATHETIC.
THE FIXTURES ARE OBSOLETE.
THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS
TWO STEPS ABOVE A SLUM
AND I'VE NEVER KNOWN
GOODWILL TO PAY THE BILL
ON THE FIRST OF THE MONTH.
I'M SORRY. NOW, HERE'S MY CARD.
I ADVISE YOU TO THINK OVER
MY OFFER CALMLY. GOOD DAY.
- BUT $6,000, IT'S AN
OUTRAGE AND YOURS TRULY,
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT.
OKAY.
$3,200 FOR THE CONVERTIBLE,
$2,300 FOR THE FUR
PLUS TAX, PLUS 68 CENTS
FOR MAYNARD'S BUBBLE
BATH. MAYNARD'S BUBBLE BATH,
HOW DOES HE... HE
ALWAYS GETS MIXED UP
IN THIS FAMILY.
- OH, DOBIE, DEAR,
YOU'RE TOO EXTRAVAGANT.
WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY
MILLIONAIRES, YOU KNOW.
- WINNIE...
- WE'RE NOT WORTH
QUITE A MILLION, MOM, BUT
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO AROUND
TELLING EVERYBODY.
- SON...
- OH, HI, DAD.
- OH, HELLO, DEAR.
- YEAH, HI, HELLO,
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
AND SIMMER DOWN.
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE WE'VE
GOT ALL THIS MONEY DON'T MEAN
THAT WE COULDN'T BE
A LITTLE CONSERVATIVE.
- WELL, OF COURSE, DEAR.
- SURE, DAD, NOW EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO GO OUT TO THE CAR
AND BRING IN THE OTHER PACKAGES.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T WANNA
ACT LIKE THESE NOBLE RICHES TYPE
- THROWING OUR MONEY...
- GANG WAY, BEEP BEEP.
- ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- I WAS THINKING,
WINNIE, THAT, YOU KNOW,
WE SHOULDN'T
EMBARRASS THE NEIGHBORS
BY SPENDING IT ALL AT ONCE.
MAYBE WE OUGHT TO, KIND OF,
LIKE, TAPER OFF, CHANGE OUR...
- LIKE, GANG WAY,
LIKE, BEEP BEEP.
- LET'S NOT SPEND
IT ALL IN ONE PLACE
JUST FOR APPEARANCES' SAKE,
YOU KNOW, AND
THEN I COULD GO OUT
AND GET A JOB MANAGING
SOME SUPERMARKET AND...
- A JOB? WHY, HERBERT?
- OH, JUST TO PASS THE TIME.
A JOB WILL HELP ME
TAPER OFF, YOU KNOW?
- JOB? DID YOU
SAY JOB, DAD? WHY?
- WELL, TO KEEP BUSY. WHY
ELSE WOULD I WANT A JOB?
- A JOB, MR. G., HOW COME?
- TO STAY OUT OF THE POOR HOUSE!
OH, NO, WHAT I MEAN
IS YOU CAN'T JUST TURN
AN OLD FIRE HORSE
LIKE ME OUT TO PASTURE
JUST LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?
I GOT TO GET BACK TO
CIVILIAN LIFE BY EASY STAGES.
- WELL, YES, DEAR.
I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD
FEEL BETTER THAT WAY
BUT DEAR, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING TO GET THIS JOB?
- WELL, IT'S NOT A JOB EXACTLY.
IT'S MORE LIKE A POSITION.
- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING TO GET THIS POSITION?
- WELL, DO YOU
REMEMBER FRED C. DOBBS,
MY GOOD BUDDY DOWN
AT THE BISON LODGE?
- OF COURSE.
- AND DO YOU REMEMBER
HIS SON, FRED C. DOBBS, JR.?
- YES, A DARLING LITTLE BOY.
ALWAYS USED TO RUN AROUND
HUGGING THAT BIG TEDDY BEAR.
- WINNIE, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
TODAY FRED C. DOBBS,
JR. JUST HAPPENS TO BE
THE GENERAL PERSONNEL DIRECTOR
OF THE BIGGEST SUPERMARKET CHAIN
IN THE STATE AND I KNOW
HE'S GONNA BE VERY HAPPY
TO GIVE YOURS TRULY,
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
THAT HE USED TO
CALL UNCLE HERBIE
AN EXECUTIVE TYPE POSITION
THAT I AM CAPABLE OF FILLING.
[PHONE BUZZES]
- YES, GLADYS?
GILLIS? HERBERT T.?
NO KIDDING. WELL,
SHOW HIM RIGHT IN.
- OH, FRED C. DOBBS, JR.
LONG TIME, NO SEE.
HOW'VE YOU BEEN, SON?
- IT'S GREAT TO
SEE YOU, MR. GILLIS.
- OH, IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE YESTERDAY
THAT YOU WERE SCOOTING
AROUND IN SHORT PANTS
AND HUGGING THAT
GREAT BIG OLD TEDDY BEAR.
- WELL, THAT WAS
QUITE A WHILE AGO.
- YEAH, YOUR DAD
ALWAYS USED TO SAY
HE FIGURED YOU PROBABLY
WOULDN'T GET RID OF IT
TILL YOU WERE A
SOPHOMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- YEAH, HE'S A
GREAT KIDDER, DAD.
- BUT YOU'VE DONE OKAY, BOY.
IT'S A PRETTY NICE OFFICE
YOU GOT FOR YOURSELF HERE.
- MR. GILLIS...
- HERBIE, REMEMBER?
UNCLE HERBIE?
- UNCLE HERBIE, IT'S
WONDERFUL OF YOU
TO DROP BY LIKE THIS, BUT
I'M PRETTY RUSHED TODAY.
- OH, I KNOW HOW IT IS
WITH US BUSY EXECUTIVES,
SO I'LL COME RIGHT TO THE
POINT, JUNIOR, I MEAN FRED.
I'VE BEEN THINKING IT OVER
AND I FINALLY DECIDED
TO GIVE YOU A BREAK.
- A BREAK?
- YES, SIR, I'VE BEEN
KICKING IT AROUND
IN MY HEAD QUITE A WHILE NOW
AND I'M GONNA TAKE OVER
ONE OF THOSE MANAGER JOBS
WITH SWIFT THRIFT
MARKETS INCORPORATED.
- YOU WHAT?
- YEAH, OH, I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT IT QUITE A WHILE NOW
AND I'VE DECIDED I'M READY.
I CAN TAKE OVER THE
FIRST THING TOMORROW.
- MR. GILLIS...
- HERBIE, UNCLE
HERBIE, REMEMBER.
- UNCLE HERBIE, YES.
WELL, YOU'VE GOT A
STORE OF YOUR OWN.
WHY DO YOU WANNA
GO TO WORK FOR US?
- I'VE PROVED
MYSELF FOR 25 YEARS.
I'VE GOT EXPERIENCE,
REPUTATION, ALL THE MONEY I NEED.
WHAT I WANT NOW IS LESS
HEADACHES. YOU KNOW,
A JOB WHERE SAVVY PAYS OFF,
WHERE I CAN TAKE
LIFE A LITTLE EASIER,
SPEND A LITTLE MORE
TIME WITH MY FAMILY.
- MR. GILLIS...
- UNCLE HERBIE.
- I THINK YOU OUGHTA THINK
THIS OVER VERY CAREFULLY
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO MAKE...
- OH, OH, BELIEVE ME, I HAVE.
YOU JUST TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE
AND I'LL BE THERE BRIGHT
AND EARLY IN THE MORNING.
- UNCLE HERBIE,
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T.
- OH, GOT TO DECIDE WHICH STORE
NEEDS MY TALENTS THE MOST?
- ACTUALLY, WE JUST
DON'T HAVE A SPOT FOR YOU.
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
WHY, I KNOW EVERYTHING
THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD.
I'VE BEEN BUYING AND
SELLING IT MY WHOLE LIFETIME.
- I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW
YOU'RE ONE OF THE PIONEERS
OF THE GROCERY INDUSTRY
IN THIS PART OF
TOWN, BUT YOU SEE,
OUR OPERATION'S
A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
- DIFFERENT, IT'S THE
FOOD GAME, AIN'T IT?
- YES, BUT WE'RE AN ORGANIZATION
OF MARKETING SCIENTISTS,
DISPLAY DESIGNERS,
MOTIVATION RESEARCHERS.
- MOTIVATION RESEARCH?
SO YOU SPEND A MILLION
BUCKS MAKING A SURVEY
JUST TO PROVE THAT EVERYBODY
IN THE DAD BLAME COUNTRY
GETS HUNGRY THREE TIMES A DAY.
- WELL, I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE OVERSIMPLIFYING.
- THEN I'VE BEEN
OVERSIMPLIFYING FOR 25 YEARS.
LOOK, I KNOW FOOD.
I KNOW IT FROM TOP TO
BOTTOM, AND YOU NEED EXPERTS?
OKAY, I'M NOT ONE TO
ARGUE WITH PROGRESS
BUT YOU STILL NEED
GUYS TO SHOW THEM TYPES
HOW TO MOVE THE MERCHANDISE.
YOU NEED STORE MANAGERS
AND THAT'S WHERE I COME IN, SEE?
BECAUSE BELIEVE ME,
THE... OH, LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT ME. TELLING THE BOSS.
YOU KNOW IT'S HARD TO REMEMBER
HOW FAST YOU KIDS GROW UP
BUT YOU STILL NEED
STORE MANAGERS.
- OH, OUR MANAGERS MUST
BE EXPERTS IN ALL AREAS.
- LOOK, I...
- YOU JUST DON'T FIT
INTO OUR OPERATION.
- LOOK, I DON'T MEAN TO
RUSH IN HERE AND TAKE OVER.
HOW ABOUT ASSISTANT MANAGER?
ASSISTANT TO THE ASSISTANT?
OH, WELL, WHO'S PROUD?
I'M JUST KILLING TIME
ANYWAY. I'LL BE A CHECKER.
- NO, SIR.
- CLERK?
- NO.
- STOCK BOY?
- NO, I'M VERY SORRY.
LOOK, NOW, HOW OLD ARE
YOU, UNCLE HERBIE? 50...
- 47.
- WELL, I CAN'T START
A MAN AT YOUR AGE.
I'D LOVE TO, BUT I SIMPLY CAN'T.
COMPANY POLICY. LOOK,
NEIGHBORHOOD STORES
ARE A VITAL PART OF
THE FOOD INDUSTRY.
GO BACK TO IT. IT'S
SOMETHING YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING YOU'RE AN EXPERT
AT, A PLACE WHERE YOU BELONG.
DON'T YOURSELF BY TRYING TO
START A NEW CAREER AT YOUR AGE.
- WELL, THANKS FOR
YOUR TIME, JUNIOR.
- UNCLE HERBIE, LOOK,
BELIEVE ME, THERE'S NOTHING
I'D RATHER DO THAN HELP
YOU OUT WHEN YOU NEED IT.
- WHO NEEDS IT?
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO GIVE YOU A BREAK.
JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU A
JUMP ON THE COMPETITION.
JUST REMEMBER, YOU HAD
YOUR CHANCE AND YOU BLEW IT.
SO LONG.
- WHY, FRED C. DOBBS,
JR., HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HELLO, MRS.
GILLIS... AUNT WINNIE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- IS MR. GILLIS AROUND?
I MEAN, UNCLE HERBIE.
- NO, DEAR, HE JUST TELEPHONED
HE'LL BE HOME IN
ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO.
MY, HOW TIME FLIES.
WHY IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY LAST WEEK
THAT YOU WERE RUNNING AROUND
IN SHORT PANTS HUGGING
THAT GREAT BIG TEDDY BEAR.
- YES, WELL, THAT'S
BEEN QUITE A WHILE AGO.
- OH, MY, HOW YOU
USED TO LOVE THAT BEAR.
WHY, YOUR DADDY USED TO SAY
THAT YOU WOULDN'T LET GO OF IT
UNTIL YOU WERE A
SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- SOPHOMORE. AUNT
WINNIE, I'M WORRIED.
- OH, DEAR, DON'T
LET IT WORRY YOU.
WHY, IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL
FOR CHILDREN TO LOVE THEIR TOYS.
- OH, NO, NO, NO, I MEAN,
THAT UNCLE HERBIE
CAME TO MY OFFICE TODAY AND
BEGGED ME FOR A JOB, ANY JOB.
- OH, THAT. WELL, HERBIE JUST
WANTS A JOB TO KEEP BUSY.
- WELL, I DON'T GET IT.
- DIDN'T HE TELL YOU?
WHY, HE SOLD THE STORE.
HE HAD A GOOD OFFER.
- $35,000, NOT BAD, HUH?
FROM NOW ON HE'S GONNA
TAKE LIFE EASY, JUST HAVE FUN.
- OH, NOW, HOLD ON
THERE, YOU SAY $35,000?
- WELL, OF COURSE, IT'S WORTH A
LOT MORE BUT YOU KNOW HERBERT,
HE HATES TO HAGGLE.
- WELL, WHO'S BUYING IT?
- IT WAS GUMMAGE
WHO MADE THE OFFER.
- GUMMAGE, FROM MAMMOTH STORES?
OH, WELL, SOMETHING'S VERY,
VERY WRONG AROUND HERE.
DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME.
IT'S A VERY NICE LITTLE PLACE.
IT'S WORTH $5,000 OR
$6,000 ANYWAY BUT $35,000.
- REALLY, JUNIOR, IF
MY HUSBAND SAYS...
- HELLO, MR. GUMMAGE, PLEASE.
OH, HELLO, HORACE?
THIS IS FRED C. DOBBS, JR.
I'M CALLING AS AN OLD
FRIEND OF HERBERT T. GILLIS.
I UNDERSTAND YOU MADE
AN OFFER TO BUY HIS STORE.
UH-HUH.
OH, I SEE, $6,000.
WELL, OKAY, HORACE, I... WHAT?
OH, NO, MR. GILLIS IS
A NICE ENOUGH FELLA.
OH, WELL, I'M SURE HE WAS JUST
ON EDGE WHEN YOU TALKED TO HIM.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU
AROUND, HORACE.
AUNT WINNIE, DOBIE, I JUST
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY ANYTHING, WE HEARD.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON AROUND HERE
OR WHAT'S WRONG
WITH UNCLE HERBIE
BUT IF I CAN DO
ANYTHING TO HELP...
- THANKS, JUNIOR, I THINK WE
BETTER HANDLE THIS OURSELVES.
- OH, GEE, I JUST FEEL
AWFUL ABOUT THIS.
WELL, NOW YOU JUST CALL ME
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO.
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU, JUNIOR, THANK YOU.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF
IT. THANKS VERY MUCH.
- DOBIE, YOU KNOW WHO'S
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, DON'T YOU?
- GIVE ME THREE GUESSES.
I DON'T WANT MY NAME
TO COME UP RIGHT AWAY.
- IT'S OUR FAULT. IT'S
NOT YOUR FATHER'S.
- I KNOW.
- WE DROVE HIM TO IT.
WE MADE HIM FEEL THAT
HE HAD TO KEEP US IN MINK
AND CARS AND FANCY CLOTHES
JUST TO EARN OUR RESPECT.
- I'LL ADMIT I'VE DONE
A LOT OF RESPECTING
BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THIS CAR.
- AND DOBIE, DEAR, YOU KNOW
WHAT WE HAVE TO DO NOW, DON'T YOU?
AND GLADLY.
- YOU BET I DO. WE'VE GOT
TO TAKE ALL THESE THINGS
BACK TO WHERE WE BOUGHT
THEM, THE PRESENTS, THE CLOTHES,
MY BEAUTIFUL NEW CON... MOM?
- YES, DEAR?
- GLADLY?
- GLADLY.
- GLADLY.
WHAT'S THE USE KIDDING?
TAKING THE PRESENTS AND THE CAR
BACK TO THE STORE
WAS UNPLEASANT.
WELL, MAYBE NOT
REALLY UNPLEASANT.
I THINK THE WORD FOR IT IS
MURDER, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.
I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT WHAT
A SWEET, WONDERFUL GUY
MY DAD REALLY IS.
- WINNIE! DOBIE!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON AROUND HERE.
A MAN LEAVES THE
PLACE FOR AN HOUR
AND THE WHOLE JOINT FALLS APART.
- HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD
IT. THE WRONG FILM AGAIN.
WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME DAD
FOR BEING IN A LOW MOOD.
GETTING TURNED DOWN
FOR A JOB LIKE THAT'S ENOUGH
TO MAKE ANYBODY FEEL BEAT
AND MISERABLE AND USELESS.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HELLO, MAYNARD.
- LIKE, HI, MR. G. YOU
SEEN DOBE AROUND?
- HUH?
- DOBE, YOUR SON,
YOU REMEMBER HIM, KIND OF
MEDIUM TALL WITH BROWN HAIR?
- MAYNARD.
- NO, NO, I'M MAYNARD,
DOBE'S YOUR SON.
YOU REMEMBER HIM.
- I KNOW YOU'RE
MAYNARD. I REMEMBER HIM.
THE INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOY.
- THAT'S THE FELLOW.
- YEAH, I THINK HE'S UPSTAIRS.
- NO, HE ISN'T, DAD.
HE'S RIGHT HERE.
- AND SO IS THE
INTERNATIONAL PLAYGIRL.
- OH, BONJOUR, MES AMIS. AND
WHAT ARE YOU INTERNATIONAL
PLAY PEOPLE DOING HERE WHILE THE
SPORT SHOPS ARE STILL OPEN, HUH?
- DROP THE ACT, HUH, DAD?
- DROP THE ACT? WHAT ACT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- DEAR, WE KNOW THE TRUTH.
WE TALKED TO JUNIOR DOBBS.
- AND HE TOLD US
ABOUT MR. GUMMAGE
AND THE $6,000
OFFER FOR THE STORE.
- JUNIOR DOBBS, GUMMAGE, SIX...
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WINNIE,
I BEEN DREAMING AGAIN.
AND THEN I STARTED
MAKING THINGS UP
AND THEN I START
BELIEVING 'EM MYSELF.
OH, I'M JUST NO GOOD.
- HE'S GOT A POINT.
- MAYNARD.
- DEAR, DON'T BLAME
YOURSELF. IT WAS OUR FAULT.
IF WE HADN'T BEEN JUST THINKING
ABOUT OURSELVES ALL THE TIME.
- $6,000, BOY, THAT'S A LOT
DIFFERENT FROM $35,000.
- YEAH, ABOUT 400 OR
500 BUCKS DIFFERENT.
- SO THE CONVERTIBLE'S BACK
ON THE SHOWROOM FLOOR.
- AND THE MINK IS
BACK AT THE STORE
AND SO ARE ALL
THE OTHER CLOTHES.
- SORRY, I CAN'T
RETURN THE BUBBLE BATH
BUT IT'S ALL USED UP.
IT WAS DELICIOUS.
- LOOK, I WANT YOU PEOPLE
TO HAVE THOSE THINGS.
- DEAR, THOSE THINGS
ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
- SO WE'LL LOSE A FEW
BUCKS IN DEPOSITS.
- NO, I DON'T DESERVE A WARM,
LOYAL-HEARTED FAMILY LIKE YOU.
- SURE YOU DO, DAD.
- NO, I DON'T.
- YES, YOU DO.
- NO, HE DON'T.
- YES, I DO AND NEVER MIND.
- YOU'RE A FINE MAN, HERBERT,
AND WE LOVE YOU EVEN IF
YOU'RE NOT A MILLIONAIRE.
- THAT'S A WONDERFUL
SIGHT TO BEHOLD, ISN'T IT?
DAD AND HIS FAMILY BACK
TOGETHER AGAIN AND HAPPY.
BUT THERE WAS STILL
SOMETHING MISSING.
DAD FELT THAT HIS LIFETIME
OF WORK IN THE STORE
ADDED UP TO A GREAT BIG NOTHING
UNTIL THE CUSTOMERS
PROVED HE WAS WRONG.
- MR. GILLIS, DO YOU EXPECT
ME TO GO RUNNING AROUND
DOING MY OWN
SHOPPING, RAISING MY KIDS,
PLANNING MENUS AND
FEEDING ALL THAT COMPANY
WITHOUT YOU HELPING?
YOU GET ON THAT PHONE RIGHT NOW
AND CALL MY HUSBAND AND
TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU NEED.
I'VE ALREADY GOT
HIM BRAINWASHED.
- HERB, WE CAN'T NOW START
LUGGING OUR OWN GROCERIES
AND SHOPPING WEEKDAYS
AND REGULAR HOURS
AND ESPECIALLY PAYING CASH!
- YOU'VE GOT OBLIGATIONS
TO US, MR. GILLIS,
AND TO EVERYBODY ELSE
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU'RE NOT SOME STRANGER
WHO CAN JUST OPEN
AND CLOSE THE STORE
WHENEVER HE PLEASES
OR GO OUT OF BUSINESS
JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE IT.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS, YOU ARE OUR
FRIEND AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.
- WHAT DID I TELL YOU, DAD?
- DOBE, WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER
YOU BETTER AIM ME TOWARD HOME.
I'M GETTING TOO MISTY TO TRAVEL.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE,
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
I AM A FULL GROWN MAN AND AN
INDEPENDENT RETAIL MERCHANT
AND I WILL SELL OUT IF I WANT TO
AND I WILL OPEN THE
STORE OR CLOSE THE STORE
WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE AND
I FEEL LIKE KEEPING IT OPEN.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
LOOK, THIS IS A
BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENT,
NOT A THREE-RING CIRCUS.
I GOT WORK TO DO.
COME ON, OUT! OUT!
EVERYBODY OUT!
HERE WE GO! THAT'S IT!
COME BACK AGAIN.
YOU TAKE THE
AFTERNOON OFF, DOBIE,
YOU TAKE AS MUCH TIME
OFF AS YOU WANT, MAYNARD.
- ME, TOO?
- OH, NO, HONEY.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, WINNIE?
- WHAT, HERBIE?
- I AM ONE LUCKY GROCER.
FATHER, HERBERT T. GILLIS,
IS MEAN AND ROUGH AND
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET ALONG WITH.
I'M HERE TO TELL
YOU THEY'RE WRONG.
WELL, NOT COMPLETELY
WRONG, OF COURSE,
BUT, WELL, WHAT
THEY ARE IS RIGHT.
I MEAN, I CAN SEE HOW MY FATHER
MIGHT GIVE THAT
KIND OF IMPRESSION,
BUT THAT'S NOT THE
REAL HERBERT T. GILLIS.
NO, SIR. HERE, I'LL SHOW
YOU HOW HE REALLY IS.
- YOU ARE RIGHT, HOGAN,
NO BUSINESSMAN SHOULD SEND
A NOTE LIKE THIS TO A CUSTOMER.
- NOW YOU ARE TALKING.
- BUT A CUSTOMER MEANS
SOMEBODY WHO BUYS GROCERIES
AND IN MY BOOK, TO BUY GROCERIES
MEANS TO PAY FOR GROCERIES
AND THAT LETS YOU OUT.
- STOP, STOP, STOP!
ALL RIGHT, SO THAT
WAS A BAD EXAMPLE
BUT MR. HOGAN'S THE KIND OF
FELLOW WHO CAN MAKE ANYBODY MAD.
LOOK, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW HE
ACTS TOWARD OUR NICE CUSTOMERS.
- ENOUGH FOR EIGHT OF US,
ALL ON DIETS BUT WITH
VERY LITTLE WILLPOWER.
- BRING IT BY AT 1:00, OKAY?
- JUST A MINUTE.
I HAPPEN TO BE A... WHAT
DO I LOOK LIKE? A TWO-BIT...
- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP! I'M
SURE HE ACTED PLEASANT ONCE.
I REMEMBER THE TIME...
LET'S JUST TRY ONCE MORE.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE A KIND,
SWEET, GENEROUS
HERBERT T. GILLIS
BUT WHAT BUGS ME IS THAT
WHEN A PERSON LIKE DAD
ACTS NICE, EVERYBODY
GETS SUSPICIOUS.
IT'S AWFUL. YOU'LL SEE.
- COME HERE, I
WANNA TALK TO YOU.
- SOMETHING WRONG, DEAR?
- IF ANYTHING WAS
WRONG WOULD I BE AROUND
BUYING HIGH-CLASS
GIFTS FOR MY LOVED ONES?
HERE, YOU TOO, MAYNARD.
- WHY, WHAT IN THE WORLD?
- HEY, DOBE, THAT
AIN'T YOUR FATHER.
SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED
HIM AND STOLE HIS FACE.
- MAYNARD.
- I'LL PROVE IT.
ASK HIM A TRICK QUESTION, LIKE
HIS SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.
- SHH.
- GEE, MR. G. BUBBLE BATH.
- YOU DESERVE IT, KID.
COME ON, LET'S OPEN IT UP, DEAR.
- A MINK COAT? OH,
HERBERT! FOR ME?
- WELL, I'D LOOK KINDA
SILLY GOING TO LODGE IN IT,
WOULDN'T I?
SON, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO THINK I FORGOT YOU...
- STOP!
YOU SEE HOW
SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE ARE?
DAD DOES SOMETHING NICE
AND RIGHT AWAY MAYNARD'S
SURE SOMETHING'S WRONG.
ASK HIM HIS SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER.
BOY, WHAT A CONTEMPTIBLE TRICK.
- WELL, THERE SHE IS, BOY.
- FOR ME?
- FOR US?
- YES, SIR. SHE'S
ALL YOURS, SON.
- DAD, WHAT'S YOUR
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?
[JAZZ THEME]
- ALL RIGHT, SO DAD GAVE MOM A
MINK COAT AND ME A CONVERTIBLE.
WHAT'S SO STRANGE ABOUT THAT?
I FIND IT PERFECTLY NATURAL.
I DON'T HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,
EXCEPT ONE LITTLE ONE.
WHY?
- YOU WANNA KNOW
WHY? I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
I FINALLY TOOK A LOOK AT MYSELF,
A GOOD LOOK, AND I
DID NOT LIKE WHAT I SAW.
- ME NEITHER, NO OFFENSE.
- NO OFFENSE AND BUTT OUT.
- DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I HAVE BECOME?
WELL, I WILL TELL YOU
WHAT I HAVE BECOME.
- MEAN AND ROTTEN.
- MAYNARD!
NO, NO, MAYNARD IS RIGHT.
I HAVE BECOME A MEAN AND ROTTEN
SLAVE TO THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR.
WHY, I'VE PUT IN SO MUCH
TIME IN THE BUSINESS HERE
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME
TO SPEND WITH MY FAMILY.
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY
TIME TO LIVE A LITTLE.
- THAT AIN'T SO, MR. G.
IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
YOU'VE GOT FOUR
OR FIVE MORE YEARS.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY.
- HERBERT, WE KNOW
THAT YOU LOVE US, DEAR,
BUT WE CAN'T
AFFORD THESE THINGS.
BETWEEN THE CAR AND THE MINK
YOU MUST HAVE
SPENT $4,000 OR $5,000.
- $5,724.68 TO BE EXACT
BUT WHO'S COUNTING
AND STOP WORRYING.
IT'S ALL PAID FOR PRACTICALLY.
- BUT WHERE DID YOU GET THE...
HERBERT, YOU'VE SOLD THE STORE.
- PRACTICALLY.
THERE'S A BIG EXECUTIVE
FROM A SUPERMARKET CHAIN
COMING THIS AFTERNOON
TO CINCH THE DEAL.
WINNIE, THIS STORE REPRESENTS
25 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
AND SHREWD MANAGEMENT.
NOW WHAT IS THAT WORTH?
LET'S BE CONSERVATIVE.
LET'S BE RIDICULOUSLY
CONSERVATIVE,
SAY $1,000 A YEAR
TIMES 25 YEARS,
WELL, THAT'S
$25,000 PLUS $10,000
FOR THE POPULATION EXPLOSION,
IMPROVEMENT TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
THE COST OF LIVING,
AND THAT'S WHY
THIS STORE'S WORTH
$35,000 AT THE MINIMUM.
- GOLLY, DAD, THIS IS A NICE
LITTLE STORE, BUT $35,000,
THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY.
- YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
THESE THINGS LATER ON, BOY.
WHY, JUST CONSIDER
OUR DELUXE FIXTURES,
CONSIDER OUR GOURMET TYPE STOCK,
CONSIDER THE PERSONALITY
I'VE BUILT INTO THIS THING.
WHY, THE KEY TO THE FRONT
DOOR IS WORTH $35,000 ALONE.
- THERE AIN'T NO KEY
TO THE FRONT DOOR.
THERE'S JUST THAT OLD HOOK.
- THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I MEAN, IF YOU SELL, WHERE
WILL WE GO? WHAT WILL WE DO?
- I'LL TELL YOU, LITTLE LADY,
WHERE WE WILL GO
AND WHAT WE WILL DO.
WE WILL TAKE A
COUPLE OF YEARS OFF
AND WE WILL SPEND
ALL OF THIS MONEY.
WE'LL MAKE THE GRAND TOUR,
NEW YORK, LONDON, PARIS,
ROME, THE RE-VERA.
- BUT THE MONEY
WON'T LAST FOREVER.
- LET ME FINISH.
AND NOW WHEN THE MONEY
STARTS DWINDLING DOWN TO SAY
OH, FIVE OR FOUR DIGITS
AND, OF COURSE, THAT'LL
TAKE YEARS, WE'LL COME HOME
AND I'LL WALTZ IN AND GET A JOB
MANAGING SOME BIG SUPERMARKET.
- AND YOU'LL HAVE
A REGULAR CHECK?
AND YOU'LL COME HOME
FOR SUPPER AT 6:00?
AND YOU'LL WEAR A SUIT.
OH, DOBIE, DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE IN A SUIT?
- YEAH, NO.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL BUY A SUIT.
I'LL BUY THREE SUITS.
NOW COME ON, DOBE, HOP IN
HERE AND REV THIS THING UP.
YOU FOLKS GOT A LOT OF SHOPPING
TO DO YET THIS AFTERNOON.
- OH, NEW YORK!
- HIYA, HERBIE-BABY.
HEY, WHERE'S YOUR APRON?
- LOOK, HOGAN, I GOT A VERY
IMPORTANT BUSINESS APPOINTMENT
AND NO TIME TO JAW WITH YOU.
- HEY, HERB, YOU KNOW THAT CHECK
I GAVE YOU TO HOLD
TILL NEXT MONTH?
- HOW CAN I FORGET IT?
- WOULD YOU HOLD IT FOR ME
TILL THE MONTH AFTER NEXT?
I MEAN, I HATE TO ASK...
- YOU HATE TO ASK?
YOU'VE BEEN HATING BUT
OVERCOMING IT FOR 20 YEARS.
- YOU'LL DO IT, HUH?
- OKAY, OKAY.
NOW BEAT IT, WILL YOU,
AND STOP BUGGING ME.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS,
YOU'RE A GREAT AMERICAN
AND ONE HECK OF A GRAND GUY.
- HI, MR. GILLIS. SO
WHERE'S YOUR APRON?
- MRS. TARANTINO,
I'M A BUSY MAN.
I GOT NO TIME FOR SMALL TALK.
- YOU GOT NO TIME? LOOK AT ME.
MY HUSBAND'S BROTHERS
ARE COMING TO DINNER,
ALL 12 OF THEM, WITH
THEIR WIVES, SO NOW I GOT...
- SO YOU GOT TO
RUN OFF SOMEPLACE
AND GET YOUR NAILS
DONE OR SOMETHING
AND IN THE MEANTIME YOU
WANT ME TO PICK THE FOOD
FOR YOUR HUNGRY RELATIVES
AND HAVE IT TO THE HOUSE BY 6:00.
WELL, MY ANSWER TO YOU...
- NO, YOU GETTER MAKE THAT 5:00.
THOSE OVERSTUFFED CHOW HOUNDS
ARE A CINCH TO SHOW UP EARLY.
THANKS, MR. GILLIS,
YOU'RE A DOLL.
- MY NAME IS SAM GUMMAGE.
I'M WITH MAMMOTH
MARKETS, INCORPORATED.
I'M LOOKING FOR GILLIS.
- OH, WELL, YOU'RE
LOOKING AT GILLIS.
- YOU GILLIS?
- OH, HERBERT T.
- SO WHERE'S YOUR APRON?
- WELL, I'M SORT OF ON THE
EXECUTIVE LEVEL AROUND HERE,
MANAGEMENT, YOU MIGHT SAY.
I THINK MY LETTER SPELLED
THE DEAL OUT PRETTY CLEARLY.
SHE'S A LITTLE BEAUTY, NO
MORTGAGE, NO CREDIT BACKLOG,
FREE, CLEAR AND READY TO GO.
- I KNOW, WE CHECKED
YOU OUT IN THE BOOK.
- NOW LOOK, GUMMAGE, WE ARE
BOTH HIGH-CLASS BUSINESSMEN,
SO THERE'S NO SENSE IN
OUR FENCING OR HAGGLING.
YOU CAN SEE SHE'S A BUY AT
$40,000, BUT I LIKE YOUR LOOKS.
I LIKE THE CUT OF YOUR JIB,
SO FOR THIS AFTERNOON ONLY
AND TO YOU ONLY,
$35,000 TAKES HER AWAY.
- PICKLED TRIPE, I HAVEN'T
SEEN THAT IN YEARS.
- OH, WELL, I CARRY IT FOR MY
DELUXE GOURMET TYPE CUSTOMERS.
NATURALLY, THE NEIGHBORHOOD'S
LOADED WITH THEM.
- NATURALLY, AND I GUESS IT'S
TRUE FOR THIS DICED SOW BELLY?
- OH, NATURALLY.
- NATURALLY.
NOW, MR. GILLIS, IF I
COULD TAKE A LOOK
AT YOUR ACCOUNTING SYSTEM.
- OH, SHE'S OUT SHOPPING.
- WHAT?
- OH, THE LITTLE WOMAN.
SHE TAKES CARE OF THE BOOKS
AND HANDLES ALL THE HIGH
TYPE FINANCIAL TRANSACTIONS.
OH, A MIGHTY EFFICIENT WOMAN.
MIGHTY ATTRACTIVE, TOO.
- NATURALLY.
- WELL, I THINK I HAVE
ALL THE PERTINENT DATA.
YOU'VE GOT A FAIR LOCATION HERE.
- OH, RIGHT SMACK
DAB IN THE HEART
OF THE POPULATION EXPLOSION.
THIS IS 100% A-NUMBER
ONE TERRITORY.
JUST MAKE THE CHECK
OUT TO HERBERT T. GILLIS.
BE SURE TO PUT THE T IN.
THAT'S THE WAY THEY
KNOW ME DOWN AT THE BANK.
- $6,000.
- DOWN PAYMENT.
- FULL PRICE.
- $6,000 FOR THIS
GREAT ESTABLISHMENT.
WHY, THAT'S A COTTON-PICKIN'
CARPETBAGGIN' OUTRAGE.
WHAT ABOUT THESE
DELUXE FIXTURES?
WHAT ABOUT THIS EXCLUSIVE STOCK?
WHAT ABOUT THIS BLUE
RIBBON NEIGHBORHOOD?
WHAT ABOUT MY 25
YEARS OF GOODWILL?
WHAT ABOUT...
- MR. GILLIS.
- YOU FORCE ME TO BE FRANK.
THIS STOCK IS PATHETIC.
THE FIXTURES ARE OBSOLETE.
THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS
TWO STEPS ABOVE A SLUM
AND I'VE NEVER KNOWN
GOODWILL TO PAY THE BILL
ON THE FIRST OF THE MONTH.
I'M SORRY. NOW, HERE'S MY CARD.
I ADVISE YOU TO THINK OVER
MY OFFER CALMLY. GOOD DAY.
- BUT $6,000, IT'S AN
OUTRAGE AND YOURS TRULY,
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT.
OKAY.
$3,200 FOR THE CONVERTIBLE,
$2,300 FOR THE FUR
PLUS TAX, PLUS 68 CENTS
FOR MAYNARD'S BUBBLE
BATH. MAYNARD'S BUBBLE BATH,
HOW DOES HE... HE
ALWAYS GETS MIXED UP
IN THIS FAMILY.
- OH, DOBIE, DEAR,
YOU'RE TOO EXTRAVAGANT.
WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY
MILLIONAIRES, YOU KNOW.
- WINNIE...
- WE'RE NOT WORTH
QUITE A MILLION, MOM, BUT
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO AROUND
TELLING EVERYBODY.
- SON...
- OH, HI, DAD.
- OH, HELLO, DEAR.
- YEAH, HI, HELLO,
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
AND SIMMER DOWN.
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE WE'VE
GOT ALL THIS MONEY DON'T MEAN
THAT WE COULDN'T BE
A LITTLE CONSERVATIVE.
- WELL, OF COURSE, DEAR.
- SURE, DAD, NOW EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO GO OUT TO THE CAR
AND BRING IN THE OTHER PACKAGES.
- YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T WANNA
ACT LIKE THESE NOBLE RICHES TYPE
- THROWING OUR MONEY...
- GANG WAY, BEEP BEEP.
- ALL OVER THE PLACE.
- I WAS THINKING,
WINNIE, THAT, YOU KNOW,
WE SHOULDN'T
EMBARRASS THE NEIGHBORS
BY SPENDING IT ALL AT ONCE.
MAYBE WE OUGHT TO, KIND OF,
LIKE, TAPER OFF, CHANGE OUR...
- LIKE, GANG WAY,
LIKE, BEEP BEEP.
- LET'S NOT SPEND
IT ALL IN ONE PLACE
JUST FOR APPEARANCES' SAKE,
YOU KNOW, AND
THEN I COULD GO OUT
AND GET A JOB MANAGING
SOME SUPERMARKET AND...
- A JOB? WHY, HERBERT?
- OH, JUST TO PASS THE TIME.
A JOB WILL HELP ME
TAPER OFF, YOU KNOW?
- JOB? DID YOU
SAY JOB, DAD? WHY?
- WELL, TO KEEP BUSY. WHY
ELSE WOULD I WANT A JOB?
- A JOB, MR. G., HOW COME?
- TO STAY OUT OF THE POOR HOUSE!
OH, NO, WHAT I MEAN
IS YOU CAN'T JUST TURN
AN OLD FIRE HORSE
LIKE ME OUT TO PASTURE
JUST LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?
I GOT TO GET BACK TO
CIVILIAN LIFE BY EASY STAGES.
- WELL, YES, DEAR.
I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD
FEEL BETTER THAT WAY
BUT DEAR, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING TO GET THIS JOB?
- WELL, IT'S NOT A JOB EXACTLY.
IT'S MORE LIKE A POSITION.
- WELL, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING TO GET THIS POSITION?
- WELL, DO YOU
REMEMBER FRED C. DOBBS,
MY GOOD BUDDY DOWN
AT THE BISON LODGE?
- OF COURSE.
- AND DO YOU REMEMBER
HIS SON, FRED C. DOBBS, JR.?
- YES, A DARLING LITTLE BOY.
ALWAYS USED TO RUN AROUND
HUGGING THAT BIG TEDDY BEAR.
- WINNIE, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
TODAY FRED C. DOBBS,
JR. JUST HAPPENS TO BE
THE GENERAL PERSONNEL DIRECTOR
OF THE BIGGEST SUPERMARKET CHAIN
IN THE STATE AND I KNOW
HE'S GONNA BE VERY HAPPY
TO GIVE YOURS TRULY,
HERBERT T. GILLIS,
THAT HE USED TO
CALL UNCLE HERBIE
AN EXECUTIVE TYPE POSITION
THAT I AM CAPABLE OF FILLING.
[PHONE BUZZES]
- YES, GLADYS?
GILLIS? HERBERT T.?
NO KIDDING. WELL,
SHOW HIM RIGHT IN.
- OH, FRED C. DOBBS, JR.
LONG TIME, NO SEE.
HOW'VE YOU BEEN, SON?
- IT'S GREAT TO
SEE YOU, MR. GILLIS.
- OH, IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE YESTERDAY
THAT YOU WERE SCOOTING
AROUND IN SHORT PANTS
AND HUGGING THAT
GREAT BIG OLD TEDDY BEAR.
- WELL, THAT WAS
QUITE A WHILE AGO.
- YEAH, YOUR DAD
ALWAYS USED TO SAY
HE FIGURED YOU PROBABLY
WOULDN'T GET RID OF IT
TILL YOU WERE A
SOPHOMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- YEAH, HE'S A
GREAT KIDDER, DAD.
- BUT YOU'VE DONE OKAY, BOY.
IT'S A PRETTY NICE OFFICE
YOU GOT FOR YOURSELF HERE.
- MR. GILLIS...
- HERBIE, REMEMBER?
UNCLE HERBIE?
- UNCLE HERBIE, IT'S
WONDERFUL OF YOU
TO DROP BY LIKE THIS, BUT
I'M PRETTY RUSHED TODAY.
- OH, I KNOW HOW IT IS
WITH US BUSY EXECUTIVES,
SO I'LL COME RIGHT TO THE
POINT, JUNIOR, I MEAN FRED.
I'VE BEEN THINKING IT OVER
AND I FINALLY DECIDED
TO GIVE YOU A BREAK.
- A BREAK?
- YES, SIR, I'VE BEEN
KICKING IT AROUND
IN MY HEAD QUITE A WHILE NOW
AND I'M GONNA TAKE OVER
ONE OF THOSE MANAGER JOBS
WITH SWIFT THRIFT
MARKETS INCORPORATED.
- YOU WHAT?
- YEAH, OH, I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT IT QUITE A WHILE NOW
AND I'VE DECIDED I'M READY.
I CAN TAKE OVER THE
FIRST THING TOMORROW.
- MR. GILLIS...
- HERBIE, UNCLE
HERBIE, REMEMBER.
- UNCLE HERBIE, YES.
WELL, YOU'VE GOT A
STORE OF YOUR OWN.
WHY DO YOU WANNA
GO TO WORK FOR US?
- I'VE PROVED
MYSELF FOR 25 YEARS.
I'VE GOT EXPERIENCE,
REPUTATION, ALL THE MONEY I NEED.
WHAT I WANT NOW IS LESS
HEADACHES. YOU KNOW,
A JOB WHERE SAVVY PAYS OFF,
WHERE I CAN TAKE
LIFE A LITTLE EASIER,
SPEND A LITTLE MORE
TIME WITH MY FAMILY.
- MR. GILLIS...
- UNCLE HERBIE.
- I THINK YOU OUGHTA THINK
THIS OVER VERY CAREFULLY
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO MAKE...
- OH, OH, BELIEVE ME, I HAVE.
YOU JUST TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE
AND I'LL BE THERE BRIGHT
AND EARLY IN THE MORNING.
- UNCLE HERBIE,
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T.
- OH, GOT TO DECIDE WHICH STORE
NEEDS MY TALENTS THE MOST?
- ACTUALLY, WE JUST
DON'T HAVE A SPOT FOR YOU.
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
WHY, I KNOW EVERYTHING
THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD.
I'VE BEEN BUYING AND
SELLING IT MY WHOLE LIFETIME.
- I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW
YOU'RE ONE OF THE PIONEERS
OF THE GROCERY INDUSTRY
IN THIS PART OF
TOWN, BUT YOU SEE,
OUR OPERATION'S
A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
- DIFFERENT, IT'S THE
FOOD GAME, AIN'T IT?
- YES, BUT WE'RE AN ORGANIZATION
OF MARKETING SCIENTISTS,
DISPLAY DESIGNERS,
MOTIVATION RESEARCHERS.
- MOTIVATION RESEARCH?
SO YOU SPEND A MILLION
BUCKS MAKING A SURVEY
JUST TO PROVE THAT EVERYBODY
IN THE DAD BLAME COUNTRY
GETS HUNGRY THREE TIMES A DAY.
- WELL, I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE OVERSIMPLIFYING.
- THEN I'VE BEEN
OVERSIMPLIFYING FOR 25 YEARS.
LOOK, I KNOW FOOD.
I KNOW IT FROM TOP TO
BOTTOM, AND YOU NEED EXPERTS?
OKAY, I'M NOT ONE TO
ARGUE WITH PROGRESS
BUT YOU STILL NEED
GUYS TO SHOW THEM TYPES
HOW TO MOVE THE MERCHANDISE.
YOU NEED STORE MANAGERS
AND THAT'S WHERE I COME IN, SEE?
BECAUSE BELIEVE ME,
THE... OH, LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT ME. TELLING THE BOSS.
YOU KNOW IT'S HARD TO REMEMBER
HOW FAST YOU KIDS GROW UP
BUT YOU STILL NEED
STORE MANAGERS.
- OH, OUR MANAGERS MUST
BE EXPERTS IN ALL AREAS.
- LOOK, I...
- YOU JUST DON'T FIT
INTO OUR OPERATION.
- LOOK, I DON'T MEAN TO
RUSH IN HERE AND TAKE OVER.
HOW ABOUT ASSISTANT MANAGER?
ASSISTANT TO THE ASSISTANT?
OH, WELL, WHO'S PROUD?
I'M JUST KILLING TIME
ANYWAY. I'LL BE A CHECKER.
- NO, SIR.
- CLERK?
- NO.
- STOCK BOY?
- NO, I'M VERY SORRY.
LOOK, NOW, HOW OLD ARE
YOU, UNCLE HERBIE? 50...
- 47.
- WELL, I CAN'T START
A MAN AT YOUR AGE.
I'D LOVE TO, BUT I SIMPLY CAN'T.
COMPANY POLICY. LOOK,
NEIGHBORHOOD STORES
ARE A VITAL PART OF
THE FOOD INDUSTRY.
GO BACK TO IT. IT'S
SOMETHING YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING YOU'RE AN EXPERT
AT, A PLACE WHERE YOU BELONG.
DON'T YOURSELF BY TRYING TO
START A NEW CAREER AT YOUR AGE.
- WELL, THANKS FOR
YOUR TIME, JUNIOR.
- UNCLE HERBIE, LOOK,
BELIEVE ME, THERE'S NOTHING
I'D RATHER DO THAN HELP
YOU OUT WHEN YOU NEED IT.
- WHO NEEDS IT?
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO GIVE YOU A BREAK.
JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU A
JUMP ON THE COMPETITION.
JUST REMEMBER, YOU HAD
YOUR CHANCE AND YOU BLEW IT.
SO LONG.
- WHY, FRED C. DOBBS,
JR., HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HELLO, MRS.
GILLIS... AUNT WINNIE.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- IS MR. GILLIS AROUND?
I MEAN, UNCLE HERBIE.
- NO, DEAR, HE JUST TELEPHONED
HE'LL BE HOME IN
ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO.
MY, HOW TIME FLIES.
WHY IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY LAST WEEK
THAT YOU WERE RUNNING AROUND
IN SHORT PANTS HUGGING
THAT GREAT BIG TEDDY BEAR.
- YES, WELL, THAT'S
BEEN QUITE A WHILE AGO.
- OH, MY, HOW YOU
USED TO LOVE THAT BEAR.
WHY, YOUR DADDY USED TO SAY
THAT YOU WOULDN'T LET GO OF IT
UNTIL YOU WERE A
SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- SOPHOMORE. AUNT
WINNIE, I'M WORRIED.
- OH, DEAR, DON'T
LET IT WORRY YOU.
WHY, IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL
FOR CHILDREN TO LOVE THEIR TOYS.
- OH, NO, NO, NO, I MEAN,
THAT UNCLE HERBIE
CAME TO MY OFFICE TODAY AND
BEGGED ME FOR A JOB, ANY JOB.
- OH, THAT. WELL, HERBIE JUST
WANTS A JOB TO KEEP BUSY.
- WELL, I DON'T GET IT.
- DIDN'T HE TELL YOU?
WHY, HE SOLD THE STORE.
HE HAD A GOOD OFFER.
- $35,000, NOT BAD, HUH?
FROM NOW ON HE'S GONNA
TAKE LIFE EASY, JUST HAVE FUN.
- OH, NOW, HOLD ON
THERE, YOU SAY $35,000?
- WELL, OF COURSE, IT'S WORTH A
LOT MORE BUT YOU KNOW HERBERT,
HE HATES TO HAGGLE.
- WELL, WHO'S BUYING IT?
- IT WAS GUMMAGE
WHO MADE THE OFFER.
- GUMMAGE, FROM MAMMOTH STORES?
OH, WELL, SOMETHING'S VERY,
VERY WRONG AROUND HERE.
DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME.
IT'S A VERY NICE LITTLE PLACE.
IT'S WORTH $5,000 OR
$6,000 ANYWAY BUT $35,000.
- REALLY, JUNIOR, IF
MY HUSBAND SAYS...
- HELLO, MR. GUMMAGE, PLEASE.
OH, HELLO, HORACE?
THIS IS FRED C. DOBBS, JR.
I'M CALLING AS AN OLD
FRIEND OF HERBERT T. GILLIS.
I UNDERSTAND YOU MADE
AN OFFER TO BUY HIS STORE.
UH-HUH.
OH, I SEE, $6,000.
WELL, OKAY, HORACE, I... WHAT?
OH, NO, MR. GILLIS IS
A NICE ENOUGH FELLA.
OH, WELL, I'M SURE HE WAS JUST
ON EDGE WHEN YOU TALKED TO HIM.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU
AROUND, HORACE.
AUNT WINNIE, DOBIE, I JUST
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY ANYTHING, WE HEARD.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON AROUND HERE
OR WHAT'S WRONG
WITH UNCLE HERBIE
BUT IF I CAN DO
ANYTHING TO HELP...
- THANKS, JUNIOR, I THINK WE
BETTER HANDLE THIS OURSELVES.
- OH, GEE, I JUST FEEL
AWFUL ABOUT THIS.
WELL, NOW YOU JUST CALL ME
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO.
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU, JUNIOR, THANK YOU.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF
IT. THANKS VERY MUCH.
- DOBIE, YOU KNOW WHO'S
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, DON'T YOU?
- GIVE ME THREE GUESSES.
I DON'T WANT MY NAME
TO COME UP RIGHT AWAY.
- IT'S OUR FAULT. IT'S
NOT YOUR FATHER'S.
- I KNOW.
- WE DROVE HIM TO IT.
WE MADE HIM FEEL THAT
HE HAD TO KEEP US IN MINK
AND CARS AND FANCY CLOTHES
JUST TO EARN OUR RESPECT.
- I'LL ADMIT I'VE DONE
A LOT OF RESPECTING
BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THIS CAR.
- AND DOBIE, DEAR, YOU KNOW
WHAT WE HAVE TO DO NOW, DON'T YOU?
AND GLADLY.
- YOU BET I DO. WE'VE GOT
TO TAKE ALL THESE THINGS
BACK TO WHERE WE BOUGHT
THEM, THE PRESENTS, THE CLOTHES,
MY BEAUTIFUL NEW CON... MOM?
- YES, DEAR?
- GLADLY?
- GLADLY.
- GLADLY.
WHAT'S THE USE KIDDING?
TAKING THE PRESENTS AND THE CAR
BACK TO THE STORE
WAS UNPLEASANT.
WELL, MAYBE NOT
REALLY UNPLEASANT.
I THINK THE WORD FOR IT IS
MURDER, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.
I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT WHAT
A SWEET, WONDERFUL GUY
MY DAD REALLY IS.
- WINNIE! DOBIE!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON AROUND HERE.
A MAN LEAVES THE
PLACE FOR AN HOUR
AND THE WHOLE JOINT FALLS APART.
- HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD
IT. THE WRONG FILM AGAIN.
WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME DAD
FOR BEING IN A LOW MOOD.
GETTING TURNED DOWN
FOR A JOB LIKE THAT'S ENOUGH
TO MAKE ANYBODY FEEL BEAT
AND MISERABLE AND USELESS.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, HELLO, MAYNARD.
- LIKE, HI, MR. G. YOU
SEEN DOBE AROUND?
- HUH?
- DOBE, YOUR SON,
YOU REMEMBER HIM, KIND OF
MEDIUM TALL WITH BROWN HAIR?
- MAYNARD.
- NO, NO, I'M MAYNARD,
DOBE'S YOUR SON.
YOU REMEMBER HIM.
- I KNOW YOU'RE
MAYNARD. I REMEMBER HIM.
THE INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOY.
- THAT'S THE FELLOW.
- YEAH, I THINK HE'S UPSTAIRS.
- NO, HE ISN'T, DAD.
HE'S RIGHT HERE.
- AND SO IS THE
INTERNATIONAL PLAYGIRL.
- OH, BONJOUR, MES AMIS. AND
WHAT ARE YOU INTERNATIONAL
PLAY PEOPLE DOING HERE WHILE THE
SPORT SHOPS ARE STILL OPEN, HUH?
- DROP THE ACT, HUH, DAD?
- DROP THE ACT? WHAT ACT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- DEAR, WE KNOW THE TRUTH.
WE TALKED TO JUNIOR DOBBS.
- AND HE TOLD US
ABOUT MR. GUMMAGE
AND THE $6,000
OFFER FOR THE STORE.
- JUNIOR DOBBS, GUMMAGE, SIX...
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WINNIE,
I BEEN DREAMING AGAIN.
AND THEN I STARTED
MAKING THINGS UP
AND THEN I START
BELIEVING 'EM MYSELF.
OH, I'M JUST NO GOOD.
- HE'S GOT A POINT.
- MAYNARD.
- DEAR, DON'T BLAME
YOURSELF. IT WAS OUR FAULT.
IF WE HADN'T BEEN JUST THINKING
ABOUT OURSELVES ALL THE TIME.
- $6,000, BOY, THAT'S A LOT
DIFFERENT FROM $35,000.
- YEAH, ABOUT 400 OR
500 BUCKS DIFFERENT.
- SO THE CONVERTIBLE'S BACK
ON THE SHOWROOM FLOOR.
- AND THE MINK IS
BACK AT THE STORE
AND SO ARE ALL
THE OTHER CLOTHES.
- SORRY, I CAN'T
RETURN THE BUBBLE BATH
BUT IT'S ALL USED UP.
IT WAS DELICIOUS.
- LOOK, I WANT YOU PEOPLE
TO HAVE THOSE THINGS.
- DEAR, THOSE THINGS
ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
- SO WE'LL LOSE A FEW
BUCKS IN DEPOSITS.
- NO, I DON'T DESERVE A WARM,
LOYAL-HEARTED FAMILY LIKE YOU.
- SURE YOU DO, DAD.
- NO, I DON'T.
- YES, YOU DO.
- NO, HE DON'T.
- YES, I DO AND NEVER MIND.
- YOU'RE A FINE MAN, HERBERT,
AND WE LOVE YOU EVEN IF
YOU'RE NOT A MILLIONAIRE.
- THAT'S A WONDERFUL
SIGHT TO BEHOLD, ISN'T IT?
DAD AND HIS FAMILY BACK
TOGETHER AGAIN AND HAPPY.
BUT THERE WAS STILL
SOMETHING MISSING.
DAD FELT THAT HIS LIFETIME
OF WORK IN THE STORE
ADDED UP TO A GREAT BIG NOTHING
UNTIL THE CUSTOMERS
PROVED HE WAS WRONG.
- MR. GILLIS, DO YOU EXPECT
ME TO GO RUNNING AROUND
DOING MY OWN
SHOPPING, RAISING MY KIDS,
PLANNING MENUS AND
FEEDING ALL THAT COMPANY
WITHOUT YOU HELPING?
YOU GET ON THAT PHONE RIGHT NOW
AND CALL MY HUSBAND AND
TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU NEED.
I'VE ALREADY GOT
HIM BRAINWASHED.
- HERB, WE CAN'T NOW START
LUGGING OUR OWN GROCERIES
AND SHOPPING WEEKDAYS
AND REGULAR HOURS
AND ESPECIALLY PAYING CASH!
- YOU'VE GOT OBLIGATIONS
TO US, MR. GILLIS,
AND TO EVERYBODY ELSE
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU'RE NOT SOME STRANGER
WHO CAN JUST OPEN
AND CLOSE THE STORE
WHENEVER HE PLEASES
OR GO OUT OF BUSINESS
JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE IT.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS, YOU ARE OUR
FRIEND AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.
- WHAT DID I TELL YOU, DAD?
- DOBE, WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER
YOU BETTER AIM ME TOWARD HOME.
I'M GETTING TOO MISTY TO TRAVEL.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE,
JUST A DARN MINUTE.
I AM A FULL GROWN MAN AND AN
INDEPENDENT RETAIL MERCHANT
AND I WILL SELL OUT IF I WANT TO
AND I WILL OPEN THE
STORE OR CLOSE THE STORE
WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE AND
I FEEL LIKE KEEPING IT OPEN.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH!
LOOK, THIS IS A
BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENT,
NOT A THREE-RING CIRCUS.
I GOT WORK TO DO.
COME ON, OUT! OUT!
EVERYBODY OUT!
HERE WE GO! THAT'S IT!
COME BACK AGAIN.
YOU TAKE THE
AFTERNOON OFF, DOBIE,
YOU TAKE AS MUCH TIME
OFF AS YOU WANT, MAYNARD.
- ME, TOO?
- OH, NO, HONEY.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, WINNIE?
- WHAT, HERBIE?
- I AM ONE LUCKY GROCER.