The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Mystic Powers of Maynard G. Krebs - full transcript
Maynard G. Krebs somehow acquires the ability to predict the future. With the Kennedy-Nixon presidential election only one week away, Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. persuades Maynard to appear on his mother's television station, KASH, to tell the world which candidate will win the election. In the end, Dobie convinces Maynard not to appear because it could taint the election. Instead, Maynard writes down his prediction and seals it inside an envelope. In the episode's epilogue, Dobie opens the sealed envelope, presumably the day after the election, to reveal Maynard's prediction. After examining Maynard's election prediction, Dobie glares at him and states, "You picked the WRONG one!" I believe this episode was aired only the one time and was not part of the syndication package.
- TODAY, MY YOUNG BARBARIANS,
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE
UP A TOPIC SO FASCINATING
THAT SOME OF YOU MAY ACTUALLY
STAY AWAKE ALL THROUGH CLASS.
WE'RE GOING TO EXAMINE
PSYCHIC PHENOMENA.
IN PARTICULAR, ESP,
EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION.
THIS INCLUDES STRANGE
AND UNEXPLAINED
FUNCTIONS OF THE MIND
LIKE FORETELLING THE FUTURE,
KNOWING WHAT OTHER
PEOPLE ARE THINKING,
LOCATING LOST OBJECTS,
COMMUNICATING WITH THE SPIRITS,
IN SHORT, WITH THINGS
THAT ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD.
NOW, NATURALLY,
NOBODY IN THIS CLASS
HAS EVER BEEN OUT OF THIS WORLD.
- YOU RANG?
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- MR. POMFRITT SAYS...
OH, HE'S OUR TEACHER
OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL...
HE SAYS THERE'S NO
SUCH THING AS ESP,
EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION.
YOU KNOW, READING
PEOPLE'S MINDS,
PREDICTING THE FUTURE,
LOCATING LOST
OBJECTS AND LIKE THAT.
HE SAYS IT'S A FAKE.
AND MR. POMFRITT'S AN
EDUCATED, INTELLIGENT MAN.
I MEAN, WHENEVER
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH,
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR
SOMETHING THAT'S WORTH HEARING
AND VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
THERE'S MY FRIEND,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- [SCATTING]
- MAYNARD. MAYNARD! MAYNARD!
THANK YOU.
AND NOW LET US TURN
OUR ATTENTION ONCE AGAIN
TO THE STUDY OF ESP,
EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION.
HOW MANY OF YOU
HAVE HAD EXPERIENCES
THAT COULDN'T BE
LOGICALLY EXPLAINED?
BESIDES MAYNARD, I MEAN.
FOR INSTANCE,
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE GONE
INTO A ROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME
AND HAD THE FEELING
YOU'D BEEN THERE BEFORE?
SURE, VERY COMMON EXPERIENCE.
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE
HAD CONVERSATIONS
AND YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT
SOMEBODY WAS GOING TO SAY
EVEN BEFORE HE SAID IT?
ANOTHER COMMON EXPERIENCE.
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE
HAD DREAMS THAT CAME TRUE?
- YES. YES.
- OH, FIGURES.
NOW ALL OF THESE THINGS
ARE NOT AT ALL UNUSUAL,
BUT TO ME THEY DO NOT
PROVE THE EXISTENCE
OF MYSTIC POWERS OF ESP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO TO MUMBO JUMBO
TO EXPLAIN THESE
STRANGE HAPPENINGS.
I CAN GIVE YOU SEVERAL
LOGICAL EXPLANATIONS.
NUMBER ONE, COINCIDENCE.
THAT ONE'S SELF-EXPLANATORY.
BUT NUMBER TWO,
IMPERFECT PERCEPTION.
YOU GO INTO A STRANGE ROOM
AND YOU THINK YOU RECOGNIZE IT,
BUT YOU DON'T REALLY.
IT JUST HAPPENS TO
LOOK LIKE ANOTHER ROOM
YOU'VE BEEN IN BEFORE.
IMPERFECT PERCEPTION.
- MR. POMFRITT.
MR. POMFRITT, SIR?
- YES. OH, IT'S ONLY
YOU, MAYNARD.
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY
SAYS, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
I GOT FEELINGS JUST
LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
I'M A HUMAN PERSON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?
- MAYNARD - A ROCK, A STONE,
A PIECE OF DIRT, AN
OLD BUS TRANSFER?
- MAYNARD.
- IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- I'M SORRY, MAYNARD.
- SURE, EVERYBODY'S SORRY,
BUT THEY KEEP SAYING IT.
IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD. I PROMISE.
I'LL NEVER DO IT
AGAIN, SCOUT'S HONOR.
NOW, WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
- I JUST WANTED TO
TELL YOU THAT I GOT CIO.
- YOU'VE GOT WHAT?
- EVA?
- YOU COULDN'T
POSSIBLY MEAN ESP.
- YEAH, BIG DADDY.
YOU SAY NOBODY'S
GOT ESP. WELL, I GOT IT.
- YOU, MAYNARD G. KREBS, HAVE
EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION?
YOU CAN READ MINDS,
FORETELL THE FUTURE,
LOCATE HIDDEN OBJECTS?
- SURE. CAN'T EVERYBODY?
- NO, MAYNARD.
CAN'T NOBODY, INCLUDING YOU.
- YES, I CAN. TRY ME.
- VERY WELL. WHAT DO
I HAVE IN MY POCKET?
- TWO ONE-DOLLAR
BILLS, A QUARTER, A DIME,
AND A PENNY WITH A LITTLE BUMP
ON THE END OF
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S NOSE
FROM WHERE YOU DROPPED IT WHEN
YOU WERE TRYING TO SNEAK IT OUT
OF YOUR LITTLE GIRL'S PIGGY BANK
AND SHE COME IN AND CAUGHT YOU.
A SMALL BOTTLE OF ASPIRIN,
AND A NOTE FROM YOUR
WIFE TELLING YOU NOT TO STOP
AT NOLAN'S GROCERY TONIGHT
'CAUSE YOU STILL HAVEN'T
PAID LAST MONTH'S BILL.
- HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
IT, MR. POMFRITT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- IN THE OTHER POCKET YOU GOT
A HANDKERCHIEF AND FOUR KEYS,
ONE TO YOUR CAR,
ONE TO THE SCHOOL,
ONE TO YOUR HOUSE
AND ONE TO A LITTLE
GREEN METAL BOX
WHERE YOU KEEP
YOUR INSURANCE POLICY,
YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE,
AND A BEAT-UP OLD YELLOW ROSE
YOU WORE IN YOUR BUTTONHOLE
ON THE NIGHT OF
YOUR JUNIOR PROM.
- IS IT TRUE, MR. POMFRITT?
- YES. WELL, IT'S TRUE, BUT IT'S
OBVIOUSLY SOME KIND OF A TRICK.
- NO, SIR. IT'S PDQ.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S ESP.
- WHATEVER IT IS, I GOT IT.
- MAYNARD, I HAVE BEEN A
TEACHER OF SCIENCE FOR 15 YEARS,
AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT
THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING
IN THIS WORLD THAT EXISTS
WITHOUT A SCIENTIFIC REASON.
THERE IS AN EXPLANATION,
A LOGICAL EXPLANATION,
FOR EVERYTHING.
AND IN CONCLUSION,
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY...
CLASS DISMISSED.
- MAYNARD.
- HM?
MAYNARD. MAYNARD,
HOW'D YOU KNOW WHAT MR. POMFRITT
HAD IN HIS POCKETS?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT
JUST CAME TO ME.
HEY, DOBE, YOU WANT TO
TRADE ONE OF YOUR SANDWICHES
FOR ONE OF MINE?
- IT JUST CAME TO YOU?
IT WASN'T A TRICK?
- UH-UH.
HOW ABOUT IT, GOOD BUDDY,
YOU WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES?
- I DON'T GET IT.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
- I DON'T KNOW. I JUST DO IT.
- YOU KNOW, THIS IS KIND
OF SPOOKY, MAYNARD.
- YEAH. I KNOW, GOOD BUDDY.
IT GIVES ME, LIKE,
GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER.
THAT'S WHY I TRY NOT TO DO IT.
- YOU MEAN YOU CAN
DO IT ALL THE TIME
BUT YOU DELIBERATELY DON'T?
- LIKE, RIGHT.
I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO GO AROUND
WITH GOOSEBUMPS ALL THE TIME?
AND BESIDES, IT TAKES THE
FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING.
- I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.
- WELL, LIKE IF I'M GOING
TO A FOOTBALL GAME,
WHAT'S THE FUN IF I KNOW
WHO'S GOING TO WIN THE GAME
BEFORE IT STARTS?
SO I KIND OF LIKE
TURN OFF MY ESP
AND ENJOY THE GAME
JUST LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
- MAYNARD, LOOK ME IN THE EYE.
YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE?
- DOBIE, THIS IS
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
COULD I, LIKE, OUTSMART ANYBODY?
- I'M CONVINCED.
- WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES?
- WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.
- OH, SO HAVE I.
- DON'T MAKE SENSE TO TRADE
SANDWICHES THEN, DOES IT?
- NO. NO, MAYNARD.
- I THINK I'LL LOOK AROUND
AND SEE IF I CAN DO BETTER.
- GOOD THINKING.
- HI, CHATSWORTH.
NOT HAVING LUNCH TODAY?
- MUMSY HASN'T
DELIVERED THE HAMPER YET.
- YOUR MOTHER BRINGS
YOUR LUNCH IN A HAMPER?
- MY DEAR CHILD,
ONE WOULD SCARCELY
EXPECT AN OSBORNE
TO EAT OUT OF A
PAPER BAG, WOULD ONE?
[HORN HONKING]
HERE COMES MUMSY NOW.
LOOK, SHE BROUGHT
THE LITTLE CAR.
MUMSY, YOU'RE LATE.
I'M SIMPLY FAMISHED.
- OH, IT'LL DO YOU GOOD.
AN OSBORNE HASN'T
GONE WITHOUT A MEAL
IN A HUNDRED YEARS.
NOT SINCE YOUR GREAT UNCLE COSMO
STAYED UP 48 HOURS
CORNERING THE STEEL MARKET.
- GOOD-O, VEDAGLIO,
I'M RAVENOUS.
- LIKE, HI.
- OH!
OH, MY GOODNESS, WHAT IS THAT?
- YOU REMEMBER MAYNARD
KREBS, DON'T YOU, MUMSY?
- OH, ONE CAN HARDLY FORGET.
- LIKE, LIKEWISE.
LIKE, HI. YOU LIKE IN THE
ARMY OR SOMETHING?
- HE'S OUR CHAUFFER,
KREBS, BABY.
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- I WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES.
WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THE BASKET?
- WELL, KREBS,
BABY, IF ONE HAS ESP,
ONE WOULDN'T HAVE
TO ASK, WOULD ONE?
ONE WOULD ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S
IN THE BASKET, WOULDN'T ONE?
- OH, ONE KNOWS. I KNOW.
- ALL RIGHT. TELL ME.
- YOU GOT, LIKE, ONE
WATERCRESS SANDWICH,
ONE GOOSE LIVER
SANDWICH, ONE ARTICHOKE,
TWO SLICES OF RYE
TOAST WITH CAVIAR,
AND ON SECOND THOUGHT, I
DON'T WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES.
- WAIT, BOY.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
CHATSWORTH HAS IN THE HAMPER,
BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- IT'S JUST AN
AMUSING LITTLE TRICK
THAT THE BOY HAS PICKED
UP SOMEWHERE, MUMSY.
BE OFF, KREBS.
- OH, HUSH, YOU NASTY BOY.
AND YOU OTHER NASTY BOY,
OH, TEACH ME THAT TRICK,
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A SHINY NEW DIME.
- HOW COME EVERYBODY
THINKS IT'S A TRICK?
I JUST KNOW THESE
THINGS, THAT'S ALL.
LIKE I KNOW WHAT'S
IN YOUR PURSE.
ONE LIPSTICK, ONE COMPACT,
ONE BOTTLE OF LAVENDER SMELLING
SALTS, ONE LACE HANDKERCHIEF,
TWO TICKETS TO THE OPERA
AND $11,000 IN SMALL BILLS.
- AMAZING.
- LIKE, I KNOW WHAT
HE'S GOING TO SAY,
IT'S ONLY A TRICK, MUMSY.
- IT'S ONLY A TRICK, MUMSY.
- WELL, IF IT'S A TRICK,
IT'S A TRICK WORTH
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
CHATSWORTH, WHAT'S THE NAME
OF THAT TELEVISION
STATION I OWN?
IT BEGINS WITH K SOMETHING.
- K-A-S-H.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'LL PUT THIS
RAGAMUFFIN ON TELEVISION.
WE'LL MAKE OURSELVES A FORTUNE.
COME, RAGAMUFFIN,
GET IN THE CAR.
- ONE MINUTE. ONE
MINUTE TO AIR TIME.
- ONE MINUTE.
- LOOK ALIVE THERE!
- OH, MRS. OSBORNE!
MRS. OSBORNE?
- YES.
OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A
PUFF OF SMOKE OR SOMETHING?
- OH, OUT WITH IT,
BOY. ONLY 30 SECONDS.
- 30 SECONDS.
- I'M, LIKE, SCARED.
- OH, RIDICULOUS.
15 SECONDS.
- 15 SECONDS. ALL
RIGHT, MAYNARD,
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WITH YOU.
HERE, GET ON THE
HOT SEAT, JUST RELAX.
- YOU'RE LIKE A REAL
HUMAN BEING, DOBE.
- YEAH.
- STAND BY.
- STAND BY.
- ON THE AIR.
- ON THE AIR!
- GOOD EVENING. I AM
HENRY R. STARBUCK.
THE PROGRAM IS
CALLED "THE HOT SEAT."
SITTING ON THE HOT SEAT TONIGHT
IS A VERY UNUSUAL YOUNG MAN,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- DOBE?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD. I'M RIGHT HERE.
- I CAN'T SEE.
WHY ARE THEY SHINING
LIGHTS IN MY EYES?
I WANT TO GO HOME.
- SIT DOWN THERE, YOU NASTY BOY.
[SLAP]
- MAYNARD G. KREBS, YOU
SEEM NERVOUS, UNCOMFORTABLE.
- OOH, YEAH, BIG DADDY,
AND WOUNDED TOO.
- WHY? ARE YOU LYING?
- OH, NO, NOT ME.
- YOU REALLY HAVE THESE
STRANGE POWERS THAT YOU CLAIM?
- OOH, YEAH. I MEAN, YEAH.
- WE SHALL SEE.
THIS YOUNG MAN,
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
CLAIMS TO HAVE THE POWER OF ESP,
EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION.
HE CAN READ MINDS,
LOCATE LOST OBJECTS,
PREDICT THE FUTURE.
SO SAYS MAYNARD G. KREBS.
AS VIEWERS OF THIS PROGRAM KNOW,
WE HAVE EXPOSED MANY A FRAUD
BEFORE ON THAT VERY HOT SEAT.
IS MAYNARD G. KREBS A
FRAUD? FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TESTED HIM MYSELF,
AND AS FAR AS I CAN
TELL, HE IS NOT FAKING,
BUT I AM A REPORTER,
NOT A SCIENTIST.
TONIGHT, TO PUT MAYNARD
G. KREBS ON THE HOT SEAT,
I HAVE BROUGHT IN THREE
PEOPLE WHO WILL GET AT THE TRUTH,
THREE OF THE WORLD'S MOST
PROMINENT PSYCHOLOGISTS.
DR. THADDEUS EMANS,
THE DEAN OF THE
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY
AT NORTHERN RESERVE UNIVERSITY.
- GOOD EVENING.
- DR. CARLOTTA CAGLE,
DIRECTOR OF PSYCHOLOGY
OF THE DALTON FOUNDATION.
- GOOD EVENING.
- DR. OTTO VON SCHWERING,
DIRECTOR OF THE
AUSTRIAN STATE HOSPITAL
FOR THE CRIMINALLY
INSANE IN VIENNA.
- GUTEN ABEND.
- LET ME ASK WHETHER ANY OF YOU
IN ALL YOUR YEARS OF
STUDY AND RESEARCH
HAVE EVER COME
ACROSS A GENUINE CASE
OF EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION.
- CERTAINLY NOT, AND
FOR A VERY SIMPLE REASON,
THERE IS NO SUCH THING.
DO YOU AGREE, DR. CAGLE?
- COMPLETELY.
AND YOU, DR. VON SCHWERING?
- ESP, THIS IS
HOCUS-POCUS. IT IS TO LAUGH.
TO LAUGH.
- VERY WELL. MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WILL YOU KINDLY TELL DR. EMANS
WHAT HE HAS IN HIS
INSIDE COAT POCKET?
- SURE, POPS.
HE'S GOT LIKE A SMALL,
BLACK LEATHER NOTEBOOK
AND A GOLD FOUNTAIN PEN.
- HARDLY A STARTLING DEDUCTION.
- WHAT DOES IT SAY
IN THE NOTEBOOK?
- ON THE FIRST PAGE THERE'S,
LIKE, A LOT OF LITTLE NUMBERS.
- MATHEMATICAL EQUATIONS?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
IT SAYS THREE OF A
KIND BEATS TWO PAIR,
A STRAIGHT BEATS
THREE OF A KIND,
A FLUSH BEATS A STRAIGHT,
A FULL HOUSE BEATS A FLUSH,
AND FOUR OF A KIND
BEATS A FULL HOUSE.
- IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS
HOW THE BOY KNOWS.
- INDEED, HOW?
- I TOOK PART IN A
FRIENDLY LITTLE GAME
AT THE HOTEL LAST NIGHT.
THE BELLBOY WAS IN AND OUT
WITH SANDWICHES SEVERAL TIMES.
OBVIOUSLY HE TOLD YOUNG KREBS.
- VERY CONVINCING, DOCTOR.
THE ONLY THING IS
THAT YOUNG KREBS
HAS NOT TALKED TO A
BELLBOY IN THE LAST 24 HOURS
OR TO ANYBODY ELSE.
HE HAS BEEN UNDER
LOCK AND KEY IN MY OFFICE.
- WELL, THEN THERE MUST
BE SOME OTHER EXPLANATION.
- MAYNARD,
WOULD YOU CONCENTRATE
ON DR. CAGLE NOW.
TRY AND...
- WELL, JUST A MINUTE.
I WANT TO TELL THE OTHER
CAT DOCTOR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW THAT GOLD
FOUNTAIN PEN IN YOUR POCKET?
- YES.
- IT'S LEAKING.
- THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
- DR. CAGLE, WOULD YOU
CARE TO TEST MAYNARD NOW?
- I MOST CERTAINLY DO.
YOUNG MAN, WHERE WAS I BORN?
- BURLINGTON, VERMONT,
JANUARY 17th, 1904.
- I DIDN'T ASK YOU WHEN.
ALL RIGHT, YOUNG MAN.
WE'LL DISPENSE WITH
THE PARLOR TRICKS.
I DON'T CARE TO HAVE YOU
TELL ME WHAT'S IN MY PURSE.
- YOU BETTER LET ME.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE YOUR FOUNTAIN
PEN'S LEAKING TOO.
- OH, MY...
THE BOY QUITE OBVIOUSLY
HAS A CATATONIC SYNDROME
ACCOMPANIED BY
INTRA-UTERINE TRAUMA.
- IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH.
THE BOY IS NOT THE
LEAST BIT CATATONIC.
WHAT HE IS...
- JUST A MOMENT, HERR DOCTOR.
MAYNARD, YOU CLAIM
YOU CAN READ MINDS.
WHAT IS DR. VON
SCHWERING ABOUT TO SAY?
- [SPEAKING GERMAN]
- [SPEAKING GERMAN]
- [SPEAKING GERMAN]
- DO YOU SPEAK GERMAN?
- GERMAN? IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
- WUNDERBAR.
- IT IS NOT AT ALL WUNDERBAR.
IT IS A SIMPLE CATATONIC STATE
ACCOMPANIED BY ENVY OF
HIS BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
- I'M AN ONLY CHILD, DOC.
- CATATONIC, MY FOOT.
IT'S PLAIN CHICANERY.
- CATATONIC.
- WUNDERBAR!
- [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- WHEN DOCTORS DISAGREE,
PERHAPS THE BEST EXPLANATION
IS THE SIMPLEST ONE.
PERHAPS MAYNARD G. KREBS
DOES HAVE THE POWER OF ESP.
TONIGHT ON "THE HOT SEAT" HE
PROVED IT TO MY SATISFACTION.
I BELIEVE IN THE MYSTIC
POWERS OF MAYNARD G. KREBS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
HOW ABOUT YOU?
THIS IS HENRY R. STARBUCK
SAYING GOOD NIGHT
UNTIL NEXT WEEK
WHEN WE MEET AGAIN
ON "THE HOT SEAT."
- OFF THE AIR.
- OFF THE AIR.
- [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- DO YOU REALIZE
THAT THE TELEPHONES
HAVEN'T STOPPED RINGING
SINCE THAT BOY WENT ON THE AIR?
EVERYBODY'S CALLING,
BUT EVERYBODY.
AGENCIES, SPONSORS, NETWORKS.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?
- YEAH. LIKE, COOL, YEAH.
- YEAH.
- MAYNARD, PREPARE YOURSELF
FOR A MARVELOUS BIT OF NEWS.
NEXT WEEK, THE NIGHT
BEFORE THE ELECTION,
YOU ARE GOING ON THE
NETWORKS COAST TO COAST,
858 STATIONS, TO
PREDICT TO AMERICA,
OH, INDEED TO THE ENTIRE WORLD,
WHO WILL BE ELECTED
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
NIXON OR KENNEDY.
- OH, I KNOW THAT.
IT'S GOING TO BE...
- YOU NASTY BOY.
OH, INFORMATION LIKE
THAT IS WORTH MILLIONS.
YOU DON'T BLURT IT OUT.
- BUT I KNOW WHO IT IS.
- I KNOW YOU KNOW.
BUT THAT'S A DEEP DARK SECRET
UNTIL YOU GO ON THE
NETWORK NEXT WEEK,
HEAVILY SPONSORED.
- OH, I DIG.
I, LIKE, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
- LIKE, NOBODY.
VEDAGLIO, TAKE MR. KREBS HOME.
- IN THE LIMOUSINE?
- OF COURSE IN THE LIMOUSINE.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
GET SOME REST.
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
- [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
HOW ABOUT THAT, DOBE?
EVERYBODY CALLED ME MR. KREBS.
- MAYNARD.
- THEY DON'T EVEN CALL
MY FATHER MR. KREBS.
- MAYNARD, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
- YOU WANT TO TALK TO MR. KREBS?
LET'S GET IN THE
LIMOUSINE AND TALK.
- NO, MAYNARD, NO. NO.
WE'LL TALK OVER HERE.
- WHAT'S UP, GOOD BUDDY?
- MAYNARD, YOU CAN'T GO
ON TELEVISION NEXT WEEK
AND TELL THE PEOPLE WHO THE
NEXT PRESIDENT'S GOING TO BE,
KENNEDY OR NIXON.
- SURE I CAN.
I KNOW WHO IT IS.
IT'S GOING TO BE...
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO HEAR IT.
THAT'S THE NOT THE WAY
THINGS ARE DONE IN THIS COUNTRY.
- I DON'T DIG.
- MAYNARD, YOU
GOT ESP. I BELIEVE IT.
AND BY THE TIME MRS. OSBORNE
GETS DONE WITH ALL HER BALLYHOO,
THE WHOLE COUNTRY
WILL BELIEVE IT.
- BUT IT'S TRUE.
- THAT'S THE TROUBLE.
DON'T YOU SEE? IT'S TRUE.
IF YOU GET ON
TELEVISION NEXT WEEK
AND ANNOUNCE THE
WINNER OF THE ELECTION,
EVERYBODY WILL BELIEVE IT.
- SO?
- SO WHOEVER WAS
GOING TO VOTE AGAINST HIM
WILL FIGURE WHAT'S THE USE?
THEY'LL JUST STAY HOME
INSTEAD OF WASTING THEIR VOTE.
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO
WOULDN'T HAVE VOTED FOR HIM,
WILL FIGURE THEY MIGHT AS
WELL JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON.
- YEAH. YOU MEAN THAT
ME, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
I COULD SWING THE
WHOLE ELECTION?
- YOU SURE COULD.
- MAN, THAT'S, LIKE, POWER.
- MAN, THAT'S LIKE,
UN-AMERICAN. LOOK, MAYNARD.
THIS IS A DEMOCRACY.
ONE VOTE FOR EACH CITIZEN.
NOBODY SHOULD
HAVE ANY MORE POWER
THAN ANYBODY ELSE.
- WELL, WHAT DO
YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- I WANT YOU TO SAY YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS.
- BUT I DO. IT'S GONNA BE...
- DON'T TELL ME. LOOK,
DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
- ALL RIGHT. I'LL
WRITE IT DOWN, OKAY?
- OH, LOOK, MAYNARD. NOW,
LOOK, THIS IS NOT NECESSARY.
- HERE. PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET
AND LOOK AT IT
AFTER THE ELECTION.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I KNOW THE WINNER.
- MAYNARD, I BELIEVE YOU.
THAT'S NOT THE
POINT. THE POINT IS...
- THE POINT IS YOU WANT
ME TO GO ON THE AIR
AND SAY I DON'T KNOW.
THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
I'M RIGHT BACK WHERE I
STARTED. I'M A BUM AGAIN.
- MAYNARD, LOOK...
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
WHO WILL SAY, GOOD
MORNING, MR. KREBS.
HOW ARE YOU, MR. KREBS?
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
NO. IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD, IN A DEMOCRACY...
- I KNOW ALL ABOUT DEMOCRACY.
IN A DEMOCRACY,
EVERYBODY'S EQUAL.
THE ONLY TROUBLE IS,
EVERYBODY'S MORE EQUAL THAN ME.
ALL MY LIFE I'VE
BEEN HEARING IT.
IT'S ONLY YOU,
MAYNARD, IT'S ONLY YOU.
- MAYNARD, I KNOW HOW
IT IS, BUT YOU GOTTA DO IT.
- DOBE, IT AIN'T FAIR.
I'VE BEEN UNDER
A ROCK ALL MY LIFE,
AND NOW I GET A CHANCE
FOR A LITTLE SUNSHINE,
AND YOU WANT ME
TO THROW IT AWAY.
LET'S GO, VEDAGLIO.
- LOOK, THIS IS THE END
OF THE LINE, MAYNARD.
- ALL RIGHT. IF THAT'S THE
WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, OKAY.
GO AHEAD. I GOT PLENTY
OF FRIENDS, PLENTY.
- MAYNARD, LOOK.
- VEDAGLIO, TAKE MR. KREBS HOME.
- MAYNARD, THE POINT...
MAYNARD, RECONSIDER.
- MAYNARD... PARDON
ME, I MEAN, MR. KREBS...
PROBABLY BECAME
THE BEST KNOWN GUY
IN THE ENTIRE WORLD
IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
MRS. OSBORNE STARTED
THE PUBLICITY ROLLING
AND, BROTHER, SHE
REALLY DID A JOB.
EVERYBODY KNEW
ABOUT MAYNARD G. KREBS.
NOT JUST IN THIS COUNTRY,
BUT ALL OVER THE WORLD.
LOOK, FRANCE, GERMANY,
ITALY, RUSSIA,
CHINA.
IT WAS THE SAME THE WORLD OVER.
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
AND WHEN THE NIGHT
OF THE BIG TELECAST
FINALLY CAME AROUND,
MAYNARD G. KREBS
HAD THE LARGEST
AUDIENCE EVER TO TUNE IN
ON A SINGLE TELEVISION SHOW.
- NOW, MAYNARD,
WHEN MR. STARBUCK
ASKS YOU THAT BIG QUESTION,
DON'T JUST BLURT OUT THE
ANSWER. OH, I KNOW YOU KNOW IT,
BUT DON'T MAKE
IT SOUND TOO EASY.
PRETEND YOU'RE
CONCENTRATING. LOOK INTELLIGENT.
- OOH, THAT'S NOT GOING
TO BE EASY, MRS. OSBORNE.
- WELL, TRY IT.
- HEY, LIKE, HI, DOBE,
WHERE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?
- OH, HERE AND THERE.
- THIS WILL HAVE TO WAIT,
WE'RE ON THE AIR IN 15 SECONDS.
- YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
IS HE GOING TO DO IT?
WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?
- MAYNARD?
- WELL, GEE, DOBE, LOOK AT
ALL THE TROUBLE THEY WENT TO,
ALL THE PUBLICITY
AND EVERYTHING,
AND...
- I SEE.
- WHERE YOU GOING, DOBE?
WHERE YOU GOING, GOOD BUDDY?
- NEVER MIND WHERE'S HE
GOING. YOU'RE GOING ON THE AIR
IN FIVE SECONDS.
FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
STAND BY.
- STAND BY.
- ON THE AIR.
- ON THE AIR.
- GOOD EVENING. I AM
HENRY R. STARBUCK.
THE PROGRAM IS "THE HOT SEAT."
TONIGHT, PERHAPS ONE OF
THE MOST IMPORTANT PROGRAMS
IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.
TONIGHT, AN HISTORIC EVENT.
SITTING IN THE HOT
SEAT IS A YOUNG MAN
WHO JUST A WEEK AGO,
HIS NAME WAS UNKNOWN,
BUT TODAY IS A HOUSEHOLD
WORD ALL OVER AMERICA,
ALL OVER THE GLOBE.
MAYNARD G. KREBS, MASTER OF ESP.
GOOD EVENING, MR. KREBS.
- LIKE, HI.
- MAYNARD G. KREBS,
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO
TELL YOUR FELLOW AMERICANS
THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION
THAT LOOMS LARGEST
IN THEIR MINDS TONIGHT.
WHO WILL BE THE NEXT
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
NIXON OR KENNEDY?
- MAYNARD, YOU GOT ESP.
YOU CAN READ MY MIND.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING.
YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING.
MAYNARD, I'M ASKING YOU
AGAIN, I'M BEGGING YOU,
IF YOU LOVE THIS
COUNTRY, DON'T DO IT.
- TAKE YOUR TIME,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
TALL ALL THE TIME YOU
NEED. THIS IS NO SMALL THING.
- MAYNARD, THIS
IS NO SMALL THING,
JUST THE PRESIDENCY
OF THE UNITED STATES.
THINK, MAYNARD. THINK OF THE
MEN WHO HAVE HELD THAT OFFICE.
THINK OF WASHINGTON,
JEFFERSON, JACKSON, LINCOLN,
TEDDY ROOSEVELT, WILSON.
THINK OF THE WARS
THAT WERE FOUGHT
AND THE BLOOD THAT WAS SPILLED
TO KEEP THAT PRESIDENCY
THE HIGHEST, SHINIEST PRIZE
THIS COUNTRY COULD EVER
GIVE ONE OF ITS PEOPLE.
MAYNARD, I KNOW YOU HEAR ME.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
ARE YOU READY TO
UTTER THE FATEFUL WORDS
KENNEDY OR NIXON,
NIXON OR KENNEDY, WHICH?
- MAYNARD. MAYNARD, OLD
FRIEND, MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU.
- I'M READY.
- ALL RIGHT.
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
NAME THE NEXT PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES,
NIXON OR... KENNEDY?
- BEATS ME, DADDY-O.
- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- I DON'T KNOW, DADDY-O,
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I MEAN, THE PEOPLE
HAVEN'T VOTED YET.
I MEAN, THE PEOPLE PICK
THE PRESIDENT, NOT ME.
- BUT...
- OH, YOU NASTY BOY!
YOU NASTY BOY!
- OUR PROGRAM HAS
BEEN INTERRUPTED
DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
- HEY, DOBE? I HEARD
YOU. I DID WHAT YOU SAID.
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
ONLY ONE OF THE GREAT
AMERICANS OF ALL TIME.
PAUL REVERE, NATHAN HALE,
SERGEANT YORK, BARBARA FRITCHIE,
AND MY GOOD BUDDY,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
COME ON, MAYNARD, LET'S GO HOME.
- YEAH.
- HI, CHATSWORTH.
- HI, DOBIE DOO.
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
WHERE YOU BEEN?
- I SLEPT LATE THIS
MORNING, MAYNARD.
I WAS UP HALF THE NIGHT
WATCHING THE ELECTION RETURNS.
- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? I
GAVE YOU THE WINNER, REMEMBER?
I WROTE IT ON
THAT SLIP OF PAPER.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MAYNARD.
YOU RECALL WHO YOU PICKED?
- I DON'T KNOW. NIXON OR
KENNEDY, ONE OF THEM.
- MAYNARD, YOU
PICKED THE WRONG ONE.
- OH.
- OH.
- WANT TO TRADE
SANDWICHES? WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- YOU TELL ME. YOU GOT ESP.
- OH, YEAH.
- UH-HUH.
- LET ME SEE.
- YEAH.
- BACON AND TOMATO.
- PERFECT, MAYNARD.
IT'S LIVERWURST.
- GREAT, LET'S TRADE.
- MAYNARD, I DON'T QUITE KNOW
HOW TO BREAK THIS TO YOU,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'VE
LOST THE POWER OF ESP.
- WELL, THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
WE ARE GOING TO TAKE
UP A TOPIC SO FASCINATING
THAT SOME OF YOU MAY ACTUALLY
STAY AWAKE ALL THROUGH CLASS.
WE'RE GOING TO EXAMINE
PSYCHIC PHENOMENA.
IN PARTICULAR, ESP,
EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION.
THIS INCLUDES STRANGE
AND UNEXPLAINED
FUNCTIONS OF THE MIND
LIKE FORETELLING THE FUTURE,
KNOWING WHAT OTHER
PEOPLE ARE THINKING,
LOCATING LOST OBJECTS,
COMMUNICATING WITH THE SPIRITS,
IN SHORT, WITH THINGS
THAT ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD.
NOW, NATURALLY,
NOBODY IN THIS CLASS
HAS EVER BEEN OUT OF THIS WORLD.
- YOU RANG?
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- MR. POMFRITT SAYS...
OH, HE'S OUR TEACHER
OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL...
HE SAYS THERE'S NO
SUCH THING AS ESP,
EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION.
YOU KNOW, READING
PEOPLE'S MINDS,
PREDICTING THE FUTURE,
LOCATING LOST
OBJECTS AND LIKE THAT.
HE SAYS IT'S A FAKE.
AND MR. POMFRITT'S AN
EDUCATED, INTELLIGENT MAN.
I MEAN, WHENEVER
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH,
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR
SOMETHING THAT'S WORTH HEARING
AND VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
THERE'S MY FRIEND,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- [SCATTING]
- MAYNARD. MAYNARD! MAYNARD!
THANK YOU.
AND NOW LET US TURN
OUR ATTENTION ONCE AGAIN
TO THE STUDY OF ESP,
EXTRA SENSORY PERCEPTION.
HOW MANY OF YOU
HAVE HAD EXPERIENCES
THAT COULDN'T BE
LOGICALLY EXPLAINED?
BESIDES MAYNARD, I MEAN.
FOR INSTANCE,
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE GONE
INTO A ROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME
AND HAD THE FEELING
YOU'D BEEN THERE BEFORE?
SURE, VERY COMMON EXPERIENCE.
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE
HAD CONVERSATIONS
AND YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT
SOMEBODY WAS GOING TO SAY
EVEN BEFORE HE SAID IT?
ANOTHER COMMON EXPERIENCE.
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE
HAD DREAMS THAT CAME TRUE?
- YES. YES.
- OH, FIGURES.
NOW ALL OF THESE THINGS
ARE NOT AT ALL UNUSUAL,
BUT TO ME THEY DO NOT
PROVE THE EXISTENCE
OF MYSTIC POWERS OF ESP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO TO MUMBO JUMBO
TO EXPLAIN THESE
STRANGE HAPPENINGS.
I CAN GIVE YOU SEVERAL
LOGICAL EXPLANATIONS.
NUMBER ONE, COINCIDENCE.
THAT ONE'S SELF-EXPLANATORY.
BUT NUMBER TWO,
IMPERFECT PERCEPTION.
YOU GO INTO A STRANGE ROOM
AND YOU THINK YOU RECOGNIZE IT,
BUT YOU DON'T REALLY.
IT JUST HAPPENS TO
LOOK LIKE ANOTHER ROOM
YOU'VE BEEN IN BEFORE.
IMPERFECT PERCEPTION.
- MR. POMFRITT.
MR. POMFRITT, SIR?
- YES. OH, IT'S ONLY
YOU, MAYNARD.
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY
SAYS, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
I GOT FEELINGS JUST
LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
I'M A HUMAN PERSON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?
- MAYNARD - A ROCK, A STONE,
A PIECE OF DIRT, AN
OLD BUS TRANSFER?
- MAYNARD.
- IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- I'M SORRY, MAYNARD.
- SURE, EVERYBODY'S SORRY,
BUT THEY KEEP SAYING IT.
IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD. I PROMISE.
I'LL NEVER DO IT
AGAIN, SCOUT'S HONOR.
NOW, WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
- I JUST WANTED TO
TELL YOU THAT I GOT CIO.
- YOU'VE GOT WHAT?
- EVA?
- YOU COULDN'T
POSSIBLY MEAN ESP.
- YEAH, BIG DADDY.
YOU SAY NOBODY'S
GOT ESP. WELL, I GOT IT.
- YOU, MAYNARD G. KREBS, HAVE
EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION?
YOU CAN READ MINDS,
FORETELL THE FUTURE,
LOCATE HIDDEN OBJECTS?
- SURE. CAN'T EVERYBODY?
- NO, MAYNARD.
CAN'T NOBODY, INCLUDING YOU.
- YES, I CAN. TRY ME.
- VERY WELL. WHAT DO
I HAVE IN MY POCKET?
- TWO ONE-DOLLAR
BILLS, A QUARTER, A DIME,
AND A PENNY WITH A LITTLE BUMP
ON THE END OF
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S NOSE
FROM WHERE YOU DROPPED IT WHEN
YOU WERE TRYING TO SNEAK IT OUT
OF YOUR LITTLE GIRL'S PIGGY BANK
AND SHE COME IN AND CAUGHT YOU.
A SMALL BOTTLE OF ASPIRIN,
AND A NOTE FROM YOUR
WIFE TELLING YOU NOT TO STOP
AT NOLAN'S GROCERY TONIGHT
'CAUSE YOU STILL HAVEN'T
PAID LAST MONTH'S BILL.
- HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
IT, MR. POMFRITT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- IN THE OTHER POCKET YOU GOT
A HANDKERCHIEF AND FOUR KEYS,
ONE TO YOUR CAR,
ONE TO THE SCHOOL,
ONE TO YOUR HOUSE
AND ONE TO A LITTLE
GREEN METAL BOX
WHERE YOU KEEP
YOUR INSURANCE POLICY,
YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE,
AND A BEAT-UP OLD YELLOW ROSE
YOU WORE IN YOUR BUTTONHOLE
ON THE NIGHT OF
YOUR JUNIOR PROM.
- IS IT TRUE, MR. POMFRITT?
- YES. WELL, IT'S TRUE, BUT IT'S
OBVIOUSLY SOME KIND OF A TRICK.
- NO, SIR. IT'S PDQ.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S ESP.
- WHATEVER IT IS, I GOT IT.
- MAYNARD, I HAVE BEEN A
TEACHER OF SCIENCE FOR 15 YEARS,
AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT
THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING
IN THIS WORLD THAT EXISTS
WITHOUT A SCIENTIFIC REASON.
THERE IS AN EXPLANATION,
A LOGICAL EXPLANATION,
FOR EVERYTHING.
AND IN CONCLUSION,
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY...
CLASS DISMISSED.
- MAYNARD.
- HM?
MAYNARD. MAYNARD,
HOW'D YOU KNOW WHAT MR. POMFRITT
HAD IN HIS POCKETS?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT
JUST CAME TO ME.
HEY, DOBE, YOU WANT TO
TRADE ONE OF YOUR SANDWICHES
FOR ONE OF MINE?
- IT JUST CAME TO YOU?
IT WASN'T A TRICK?
- UH-UH.
HOW ABOUT IT, GOOD BUDDY,
YOU WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES?
- I DON'T GET IT.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
- I DON'T KNOW. I JUST DO IT.
- YOU KNOW, THIS IS KIND
OF SPOOKY, MAYNARD.
- YEAH. I KNOW, GOOD BUDDY.
IT GIVES ME, LIKE,
GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER.
THAT'S WHY I TRY NOT TO DO IT.
- YOU MEAN YOU CAN
DO IT ALL THE TIME
BUT YOU DELIBERATELY DON'T?
- LIKE, RIGHT.
I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO GO AROUND
WITH GOOSEBUMPS ALL THE TIME?
AND BESIDES, IT TAKES THE
FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING.
- I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.
- WELL, LIKE IF I'M GOING
TO A FOOTBALL GAME,
WHAT'S THE FUN IF I KNOW
WHO'S GOING TO WIN THE GAME
BEFORE IT STARTS?
SO I KIND OF LIKE
TURN OFF MY ESP
AND ENJOY THE GAME
JUST LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
- MAYNARD, LOOK ME IN THE EYE.
YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE?
- DOBIE, THIS IS
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
COULD I, LIKE, OUTSMART ANYBODY?
- I'M CONVINCED.
- WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES?
- WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.
- OH, SO HAVE I.
- DON'T MAKE SENSE TO TRADE
SANDWICHES THEN, DOES IT?
- NO. NO, MAYNARD.
- I THINK I'LL LOOK AROUND
AND SEE IF I CAN DO BETTER.
- GOOD THINKING.
- HI, CHATSWORTH.
NOT HAVING LUNCH TODAY?
- MUMSY HASN'T
DELIVERED THE HAMPER YET.
- YOUR MOTHER BRINGS
YOUR LUNCH IN A HAMPER?
- MY DEAR CHILD,
ONE WOULD SCARCELY
EXPECT AN OSBORNE
TO EAT OUT OF A
PAPER BAG, WOULD ONE?
[HORN HONKING]
HERE COMES MUMSY NOW.
LOOK, SHE BROUGHT
THE LITTLE CAR.
MUMSY, YOU'RE LATE.
I'M SIMPLY FAMISHED.
- OH, IT'LL DO YOU GOOD.
AN OSBORNE HASN'T
GONE WITHOUT A MEAL
IN A HUNDRED YEARS.
NOT SINCE YOUR GREAT UNCLE COSMO
STAYED UP 48 HOURS
CORNERING THE STEEL MARKET.
- GOOD-O, VEDAGLIO,
I'M RAVENOUS.
- LIKE, HI.
- OH!
OH, MY GOODNESS, WHAT IS THAT?
- YOU REMEMBER MAYNARD
KREBS, DON'T YOU, MUMSY?
- OH, ONE CAN HARDLY FORGET.
- LIKE, LIKEWISE.
LIKE, HI. YOU LIKE IN THE
ARMY OR SOMETHING?
- HE'S OUR CHAUFFER,
KREBS, BABY.
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- I WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES.
WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THE BASKET?
- WELL, KREBS,
BABY, IF ONE HAS ESP,
ONE WOULDN'T HAVE
TO ASK, WOULD ONE?
ONE WOULD ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S
IN THE BASKET, WOULDN'T ONE?
- OH, ONE KNOWS. I KNOW.
- ALL RIGHT. TELL ME.
- YOU GOT, LIKE, ONE
WATERCRESS SANDWICH,
ONE GOOSE LIVER
SANDWICH, ONE ARTICHOKE,
TWO SLICES OF RYE
TOAST WITH CAVIAR,
AND ON SECOND THOUGHT, I
DON'T WANT TO TRADE SANDWICHES.
- WAIT, BOY.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
CHATSWORTH HAS IN THE HAMPER,
BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- IT'S JUST AN
AMUSING LITTLE TRICK
THAT THE BOY HAS PICKED
UP SOMEWHERE, MUMSY.
BE OFF, KREBS.
- OH, HUSH, YOU NASTY BOY.
AND YOU OTHER NASTY BOY,
OH, TEACH ME THAT TRICK,
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
A SHINY NEW DIME.
- HOW COME EVERYBODY
THINKS IT'S A TRICK?
I JUST KNOW THESE
THINGS, THAT'S ALL.
LIKE I KNOW WHAT'S
IN YOUR PURSE.
ONE LIPSTICK, ONE COMPACT,
ONE BOTTLE OF LAVENDER SMELLING
SALTS, ONE LACE HANDKERCHIEF,
TWO TICKETS TO THE OPERA
AND $11,000 IN SMALL BILLS.
- AMAZING.
- LIKE, I KNOW WHAT
HE'S GOING TO SAY,
IT'S ONLY A TRICK, MUMSY.
- IT'S ONLY A TRICK, MUMSY.
- WELL, IF IT'S A TRICK,
IT'S A TRICK WORTH
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
CHATSWORTH, WHAT'S THE NAME
OF THAT TELEVISION
STATION I OWN?
IT BEGINS WITH K SOMETHING.
- K-A-S-H.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'LL PUT THIS
RAGAMUFFIN ON TELEVISION.
WE'LL MAKE OURSELVES A FORTUNE.
COME, RAGAMUFFIN,
GET IN THE CAR.
- ONE MINUTE. ONE
MINUTE TO AIR TIME.
- ONE MINUTE.
- LOOK ALIVE THERE!
- OH, MRS. OSBORNE!
MRS. OSBORNE?
- YES.
OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A
PUFF OF SMOKE OR SOMETHING?
- OH, OUT WITH IT,
BOY. ONLY 30 SECONDS.
- 30 SECONDS.
- I'M, LIKE, SCARED.
- OH, RIDICULOUS.
15 SECONDS.
- 15 SECONDS. ALL
RIGHT, MAYNARD,
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WITH YOU.
HERE, GET ON THE
HOT SEAT, JUST RELAX.
- YOU'RE LIKE A REAL
HUMAN BEING, DOBE.
- YEAH.
- STAND BY.
- STAND BY.
- ON THE AIR.
- ON THE AIR!
- GOOD EVENING. I AM
HENRY R. STARBUCK.
THE PROGRAM IS
CALLED "THE HOT SEAT."
SITTING ON THE HOT SEAT TONIGHT
IS A VERY UNUSUAL YOUNG MAN,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- DOBE?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MAYNARD. I'M RIGHT HERE.
- I CAN'T SEE.
WHY ARE THEY SHINING
LIGHTS IN MY EYES?
I WANT TO GO HOME.
- SIT DOWN THERE, YOU NASTY BOY.
[SLAP]
- MAYNARD G. KREBS, YOU
SEEM NERVOUS, UNCOMFORTABLE.
- OOH, YEAH, BIG DADDY,
AND WOUNDED TOO.
- WHY? ARE YOU LYING?
- OH, NO, NOT ME.
- YOU REALLY HAVE THESE
STRANGE POWERS THAT YOU CLAIM?
- OOH, YEAH. I MEAN, YEAH.
- WE SHALL SEE.
THIS YOUNG MAN,
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
CLAIMS TO HAVE THE POWER OF ESP,
EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION.
HE CAN READ MINDS,
LOCATE LOST OBJECTS,
PREDICT THE FUTURE.
SO SAYS MAYNARD G. KREBS.
AS VIEWERS OF THIS PROGRAM KNOW,
WE HAVE EXPOSED MANY A FRAUD
BEFORE ON THAT VERY HOT SEAT.
IS MAYNARD G. KREBS A
FRAUD? FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TESTED HIM MYSELF,
AND AS FAR AS I CAN
TELL, HE IS NOT FAKING,
BUT I AM A REPORTER,
NOT A SCIENTIST.
TONIGHT, TO PUT MAYNARD
G. KREBS ON THE HOT SEAT,
I HAVE BROUGHT IN THREE
PEOPLE WHO WILL GET AT THE TRUTH,
THREE OF THE WORLD'S MOST
PROMINENT PSYCHOLOGISTS.
DR. THADDEUS EMANS,
THE DEAN OF THE
DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY
AT NORTHERN RESERVE UNIVERSITY.
- GOOD EVENING.
- DR. CARLOTTA CAGLE,
DIRECTOR OF PSYCHOLOGY
OF THE DALTON FOUNDATION.
- GOOD EVENING.
- DR. OTTO VON SCHWERING,
DIRECTOR OF THE
AUSTRIAN STATE HOSPITAL
FOR THE CRIMINALLY
INSANE IN VIENNA.
- GUTEN ABEND.
- LET ME ASK WHETHER ANY OF YOU
IN ALL YOUR YEARS OF
STUDY AND RESEARCH
HAVE EVER COME
ACROSS A GENUINE CASE
OF EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION.
- CERTAINLY NOT, AND
FOR A VERY SIMPLE REASON,
THERE IS NO SUCH THING.
DO YOU AGREE, DR. CAGLE?
- COMPLETELY.
AND YOU, DR. VON SCHWERING?
- ESP, THIS IS
HOCUS-POCUS. IT IS TO LAUGH.
TO LAUGH.
- VERY WELL. MAYNARD G. KREBS,
WILL YOU KINDLY TELL DR. EMANS
WHAT HE HAS IN HIS
INSIDE COAT POCKET?
- SURE, POPS.
HE'S GOT LIKE A SMALL,
BLACK LEATHER NOTEBOOK
AND A GOLD FOUNTAIN PEN.
- HARDLY A STARTLING DEDUCTION.
- WHAT DOES IT SAY
IN THE NOTEBOOK?
- ON THE FIRST PAGE THERE'S,
LIKE, A LOT OF LITTLE NUMBERS.
- MATHEMATICAL EQUATIONS?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
IT SAYS THREE OF A
KIND BEATS TWO PAIR,
A STRAIGHT BEATS
THREE OF A KIND,
A FLUSH BEATS A STRAIGHT,
A FULL HOUSE BEATS A FLUSH,
AND FOUR OF A KIND
BEATS A FULL HOUSE.
- IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS
HOW THE BOY KNOWS.
- INDEED, HOW?
- I TOOK PART IN A
FRIENDLY LITTLE GAME
AT THE HOTEL LAST NIGHT.
THE BELLBOY WAS IN AND OUT
WITH SANDWICHES SEVERAL TIMES.
OBVIOUSLY HE TOLD YOUNG KREBS.
- VERY CONVINCING, DOCTOR.
THE ONLY THING IS
THAT YOUNG KREBS
HAS NOT TALKED TO A
BELLBOY IN THE LAST 24 HOURS
OR TO ANYBODY ELSE.
HE HAS BEEN UNDER
LOCK AND KEY IN MY OFFICE.
- WELL, THEN THERE MUST
BE SOME OTHER EXPLANATION.
- MAYNARD,
WOULD YOU CONCENTRATE
ON DR. CAGLE NOW.
TRY AND...
- WELL, JUST A MINUTE.
I WANT TO TELL THE OTHER
CAT DOCTOR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW THAT GOLD
FOUNTAIN PEN IN YOUR POCKET?
- YES.
- IT'S LEAKING.
- THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
- DR. CAGLE, WOULD YOU
CARE TO TEST MAYNARD NOW?
- I MOST CERTAINLY DO.
YOUNG MAN, WHERE WAS I BORN?
- BURLINGTON, VERMONT,
JANUARY 17th, 1904.
- I DIDN'T ASK YOU WHEN.
ALL RIGHT, YOUNG MAN.
WE'LL DISPENSE WITH
THE PARLOR TRICKS.
I DON'T CARE TO HAVE YOU
TELL ME WHAT'S IN MY PURSE.
- YOU BETTER LET ME.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE YOUR FOUNTAIN
PEN'S LEAKING TOO.
- OH, MY...
THE BOY QUITE OBVIOUSLY
HAS A CATATONIC SYNDROME
ACCOMPANIED BY
INTRA-UTERINE TRAUMA.
- IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH.
THE BOY IS NOT THE
LEAST BIT CATATONIC.
WHAT HE IS...
- JUST A MOMENT, HERR DOCTOR.
MAYNARD, YOU CLAIM
YOU CAN READ MINDS.
WHAT IS DR. VON
SCHWERING ABOUT TO SAY?
- [SPEAKING GERMAN]
- [SPEAKING GERMAN]
- [SPEAKING GERMAN]
- DO YOU SPEAK GERMAN?
- GERMAN? IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
- WUNDERBAR.
- IT IS NOT AT ALL WUNDERBAR.
IT IS A SIMPLE CATATONIC STATE
ACCOMPANIED BY ENVY OF
HIS BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
- I'M AN ONLY CHILD, DOC.
- CATATONIC, MY FOOT.
IT'S PLAIN CHICANERY.
- CATATONIC.
- WUNDERBAR!
- [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- WHEN DOCTORS DISAGREE,
PERHAPS THE BEST EXPLANATION
IS THE SIMPLEST ONE.
PERHAPS MAYNARD G. KREBS
DOES HAVE THE POWER OF ESP.
TONIGHT ON "THE HOT SEAT" HE
PROVED IT TO MY SATISFACTION.
I BELIEVE IN THE MYSTIC
POWERS OF MAYNARD G. KREBS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
HOW ABOUT YOU?
THIS IS HENRY R. STARBUCK
SAYING GOOD NIGHT
UNTIL NEXT WEEK
WHEN WE MEET AGAIN
ON "THE HOT SEAT."
- OFF THE AIR.
- OFF THE AIR.
- [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- DO YOU REALIZE
THAT THE TELEPHONES
HAVEN'T STOPPED RINGING
SINCE THAT BOY WENT ON THE AIR?
EVERYBODY'S CALLING,
BUT EVERYBODY.
AGENCIES, SPONSORS, NETWORKS.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?
- YEAH. LIKE, COOL, YEAH.
- YEAH.
- MAYNARD, PREPARE YOURSELF
FOR A MARVELOUS BIT OF NEWS.
NEXT WEEK, THE NIGHT
BEFORE THE ELECTION,
YOU ARE GOING ON THE
NETWORKS COAST TO COAST,
858 STATIONS, TO
PREDICT TO AMERICA,
OH, INDEED TO THE ENTIRE WORLD,
WHO WILL BE ELECTED
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
NIXON OR KENNEDY.
- OH, I KNOW THAT.
IT'S GOING TO BE...
- YOU NASTY BOY.
OH, INFORMATION LIKE
THAT IS WORTH MILLIONS.
YOU DON'T BLURT IT OUT.
- BUT I KNOW WHO IT IS.
- I KNOW YOU KNOW.
BUT THAT'S A DEEP DARK SECRET
UNTIL YOU GO ON THE
NETWORK NEXT WEEK,
HEAVILY SPONSORED.
- OH, I DIG.
I, LIKE, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
- LIKE, NOBODY.
VEDAGLIO, TAKE MR. KREBS HOME.
- IN THE LIMOUSINE?
- OF COURSE IN THE LIMOUSINE.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
GET SOME REST.
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
- [ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
- GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
HOW ABOUT THAT, DOBE?
EVERYBODY CALLED ME MR. KREBS.
- MAYNARD.
- THEY DON'T EVEN CALL
MY FATHER MR. KREBS.
- MAYNARD, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
- YOU WANT TO TALK TO MR. KREBS?
LET'S GET IN THE
LIMOUSINE AND TALK.
- NO, MAYNARD, NO. NO.
WE'LL TALK OVER HERE.
- WHAT'S UP, GOOD BUDDY?
- MAYNARD, YOU CAN'T GO
ON TELEVISION NEXT WEEK
AND TELL THE PEOPLE WHO THE
NEXT PRESIDENT'S GOING TO BE,
KENNEDY OR NIXON.
- SURE I CAN.
I KNOW WHO IT IS.
IT'S GOING TO BE...
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO HEAR IT.
THAT'S THE NOT THE WAY
THINGS ARE DONE IN THIS COUNTRY.
- I DON'T DIG.
- MAYNARD, YOU
GOT ESP. I BELIEVE IT.
AND BY THE TIME MRS. OSBORNE
GETS DONE WITH ALL HER BALLYHOO,
THE WHOLE COUNTRY
WILL BELIEVE IT.
- BUT IT'S TRUE.
- THAT'S THE TROUBLE.
DON'T YOU SEE? IT'S TRUE.
IF YOU GET ON
TELEVISION NEXT WEEK
AND ANNOUNCE THE
WINNER OF THE ELECTION,
EVERYBODY WILL BELIEVE IT.
- SO?
- SO WHOEVER WAS
GOING TO VOTE AGAINST HIM
WILL FIGURE WHAT'S THE USE?
THEY'LL JUST STAY HOME
INSTEAD OF WASTING THEIR VOTE.
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO
WOULDN'T HAVE VOTED FOR HIM,
WILL FIGURE THEY MIGHT AS
WELL JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON.
- YEAH. YOU MEAN THAT
ME, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
I COULD SWING THE
WHOLE ELECTION?
- YOU SURE COULD.
- MAN, THAT'S, LIKE, POWER.
- MAN, THAT'S LIKE,
UN-AMERICAN. LOOK, MAYNARD.
THIS IS A DEMOCRACY.
ONE VOTE FOR EACH CITIZEN.
NOBODY SHOULD
HAVE ANY MORE POWER
THAN ANYBODY ELSE.
- WELL, WHAT DO
YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- I WANT YOU TO SAY YOU
DON'T KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS.
- BUT I DO. IT'S GONNA BE...
- DON'T TELL ME. LOOK,
DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
- ALL RIGHT. I'LL
WRITE IT DOWN, OKAY?
- OH, LOOK, MAYNARD. NOW,
LOOK, THIS IS NOT NECESSARY.
- HERE. PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET
AND LOOK AT IT
AFTER THE ELECTION.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I KNOW THE WINNER.
- MAYNARD, I BELIEVE YOU.
THAT'S NOT THE
POINT. THE POINT IS...
- THE POINT IS YOU WANT
ME TO GO ON THE AIR
AND SAY I DON'T KNOW.
THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
I'M RIGHT BACK WHERE I
STARTED. I'M A BUM AGAIN.
- MAYNARD, LOOK...
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
WHO WILL SAY, GOOD
MORNING, MR. KREBS.
HOW ARE YOU, MR. KREBS?
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KREBS.
NO. IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD, IN A DEMOCRACY...
- I KNOW ALL ABOUT DEMOCRACY.
IN A DEMOCRACY,
EVERYBODY'S EQUAL.
THE ONLY TROUBLE IS,
EVERYBODY'S MORE EQUAL THAN ME.
ALL MY LIFE I'VE
BEEN HEARING IT.
IT'S ONLY YOU,
MAYNARD, IT'S ONLY YOU.
- MAYNARD, I KNOW HOW
IT IS, BUT YOU GOTTA DO IT.
- DOBE, IT AIN'T FAIR.
I'VE BEEN UNDER
A ROCK ALL MY LIFE,
AND NOW I GET A CHANCE
FOR A LITTLE SUNSHINE,
AND YOU WANT ME
TO THROW IT AWAY.
LET'S GO, VEDAGLIO.
- LOOK, THIS IS THE END
OF THE LINE, MAYNARD.
- ALL RIGHT. IF THAT'S THE
WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, OKAY.
GO AHEAD. I GOT PLENTY
OF FRIENDS, PLENTY.
- MAYNARD, LOOK.
- VEDAGLIO, TAKE MR. KREBS HOME.
- MAYNARD, THE POINT...
MAYNARD, RECONSIDER.
- MAYNARD... PARDON
ME, I MEAN, MR. KREBS...
PROBABLY BECAME
THE BEST KNOWN GUY
IN THE ENTIRE WORLD
IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
MRS. OSBORNE STARTED
THE PUBLICITY ROLLING
AND, BROTHER, SHE
REALLY DID A JOB.
EVERYBODY KNEW
ABOUT MAYNARD G. KREBS.
NOT JUST IN THIS COUNTRY,
BUT ALL OVER THE WORLD.
LOOK, FRANCE, GERMANY,
ITALY, RUSSIA,
CHINA.
IT WAS THE SAME THE WORLD OVER.
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
AND WHEN THE NIGHT
OF THE BIG TELECAST
FINALLY CAME AROUND,
MAYNARD G. KREBS
HAD THE LARGEST
AUDIENCE EVER TO TUNE IN
ON A SINGLE TELEVISION SHOW.
- NOW, MAYNARD,
WHEN MR. STARBUCK
ASKS YOU THAT BIG QUESTION,
DON'T JUST BLURT OUT THE
ANSWER. OH, I KNOW YOU KNOW IT,
BUT DON'T MAKE
IT SOUND TOO EASY.
PRETEND YOU'RE
CONCENTRATING. LOOK INTELLIGENT.
- OOH, THAT'S NOT GOING
TO BE EASY, MRS. OSBORNE.
- WELL, TRY IT.
- HEY, LIKE, HI, DOBE,
WHERE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?
- OH, HERE AND THERE.
- THIS WILL HAVE TO WAIT,
WE'RE ON THE AIR IN 15 SECONDS.
- YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
IS HE GOING TO DO IT?
WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?
- MAYNARD?
- WELL, GEE, DOBE, LOOK AT
ALL THE TROUBLE THEY WENT TO,
ALL THE PUBLICITY
AND EVERYTHING,
AND...
- I SEE.
- WHERE YOU GOING, DOBE?
WHERE YOU GOING, GOOD BUDDY?
- NEVER MIND WHERE'S HE
GOING. YOU'RE GOING ON THE AIR
IN FIVE SECONDS.
FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
STAND BY.
- STAND BY.
- ON THE AIR.
- ON THE AIR.
- GOOD EVENING. I AM
HENRY R. STARBUCK.
THE PROGRAM IS "THE HOT SEAT."
TONIGHT, PERHAPS ONE OF
THE MOST IMPORTANT PROGRAMS
IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.
TONIGHT, AN HISTORIC EVENT.
SITTING IN THE HOT
SEAT IS A YOUNG MAN
WHO JUST A WEEK AGO,
HIS NAME WAS UNKNOWN,
BUT TODAY IS A HOUSEHOLD
WORD ALL OVER AMERICA,
ALL OVER THE GLOBE.
MAYNARD G. KREBS, MASTER OF ESP.
GOOD EVENING, MR. KREBS.
- LIKE, HI.
- MAYNARD G. KREBS,
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO
TELL YOUR FELLOW AMERICANS
THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION
THAT LOOMS LARGEST
IN THEIR MINDS TONIGHT.
WHO WILL BE THE NEXT
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
NIXON OR KENNEDY?
- MAYNARD, YOU GOT ESP.
YOU CAN READ MY MIND.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING.
YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING.
MAYNARD, I'M ASKING YOU
AGAIN, I'M BEGGING YOU,
IF YOU LOVE THIS
COUNTRY, DON'T DO IT.
- TAKE YOUR TIME,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
TALL ALL THE TIME YOU
NEED. THIS IS NO SMALL THING.
- MAYNARD, THIS
IS NO SMALL THING,
JUST THE PRESIDENCY
OF THE UNITED STATES.
THINK, MAYNARD. THINK OF THE
MEN WHO HAVE HELD THAT OFFICE.
THINK OF WASHINGTON,
JEFFERSON, JACKSON, LINCOLN,
TEDDY ROOSEVELT, WILSON.
THINK OF THE WARS
THAT WERE FOUGHT
AND THE BLOOD THAT WAS SPILLED
TO KEEP THAT PRESIDENCY
THE HIGHEST, SHINIEST PRIZE
THIS COUNTRY COULD EVER
GIVE ONE OF ITS PEOPLE.
MAYNARD, I KNOW YOU HEAR ME.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
ARE YOU READY TO
UTTER THE FATEFUL WORDS
KENNEDY OR NIXON,
NIXON OR KENNEDY, WHICH?
- MAYNARD. MAYNARD, OLD
FRIEND, MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU.
- I'M READY.
- ALL RIGHT.
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
NAME THE NEXT PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES,
NIXON OR... KENNEDY?
- BEATS ME, DADDY-O.
- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- I DON'T KNOW, DADDY-O,
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I MEAN, THE PEOPLE
HAVEN'T VOTED YET.
I MEAN, THE PEOPLE PICK
THE PRESIDENT, NOT ME.
- BUT...
- OH, YOU NASTY BOY!
YOU NASTY BOY!
- OUR PROGRAM HAS
BEEN INTERRUPTED
DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
- HEY, DOBE? I HEARD
YOU. I DID WHAT YOU SAID.
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- OH, IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
- IT'S ONLY YOU, MAYNARD.
ONLY ONE OF THE GREAT
AMERICANS OF ALL TIME.
PAUL REVERE, NATHAN HALE,
SERGEANT YORK, BARBARA FRITCHIE,
AND MY GOOD BUDDY,
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
COME ON, MAYNARD, LET'S GO HOME.
- YEAH.
- HI, CHATSWORTH.
- HI, DOBIE DOO.
- LIKE, HI, DOBE.
WHERE YOU BEEN?
- I SLEPT LATE THIS
MORNING, MAYNARD.
I WAS UP HALF THE NIGHT
WATCHING THE ELECTION RETURNS.
- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? I
GAVE YOU THE WINNER, REMEMBER?
I WROTE IT ON
THAT SLIP OF PAPER.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MAYNARD.
YOU RECALL WHO YOU PICKED?
- I DON'T KNOW. NIXON OR
KENNEDY, ONE OF THEM.
- MAYNARD, YOU
PICKED THE WRONG ONE.
- OH.
- OH.
- WANT TO TRADE
SANDWICHES? WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- YOU TELL ME. YOU GOT ESP.
- OH, YEAH.
- UH-HUH.
- LET ME SEE.
- YEAH.
- BACON AND TOMATO.
- PERFECT, MAYNARD.
IT'S LIVERWURST.
- GREAT, LET'S TRADE.
- MAYNARD, I DON'T QUITE KNOW
HOW TO BREAK THIS TO YOU,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'VE
LOST THE POWER OF ESP.
- WELL, THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪