The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 34 - Goodbye, Mr. Pomfritt, Hello, Mr. Chips - full transcript
Dobie and Maynard's visit back to Central High coincides with the announcement by their old English teacher, Mr. Pomfritt, that he plans on leaving the teaching profession at the end of the week due to it not providing a comfortable enough living for him and his family. This news shakes Dobie and Maynard, who remember him helping them through more than a few messes while they were students. To convince Mr. Pomfritt to stay in the teaching profession, Dobie thinks that bringing successful alumni back to the school for a testimonial party will show him how invaluable he is. An error in mailing the invitations ends up making the testimonial not quite Dobie was hoping, but important news may have a way of spreading.
- THIS IS CENTRAL HIGH,
WHERE KIDS IN OUR
TOWN GO TO SCHOOL.
IT'S BEEN KIND OF JUST
SITTING THERE GROWING MOSS
EVER SINCE THE CIVIL WAR,
OR THE SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR,
OR THE WAR OF 1812.
I FORGET, EXACTLY.
QUIET, RESPECTABLE,
SORT OF A DRAG, TO
BE PERFECTLY FRANK.
- BUT THEN ALL OF
A SUDDEN, ONE DAY,
TO EVERYBODY'S AMAZEMENT,
A REMARKABLE THING HAPPENED.
I GRADUATED.
AND ON THAT VERY SAME DAY
AN EVEN MORE REMARKABLE
THING HAPPENED.
MAYNARD GRADUATED.
- BUT THOSE HAPPY SCHOOL DAYS
ARE WAY, WAY BACK IN OUR PAST,
ALMOST SIX MONTHS AGO.
TODAY MAYNARD AND I
ARE MATURE SOLDIERS
IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
AND WHEN WE DROP IN AT
OLD CENTRAL HIGH FOR A VISIT,
WE ARE, WITH ADEQUATE
REASON, I MUST ADMIT,
LOOKED UPON AS
SUAVE, WELL-INFORMED,
EDUCATED MEN OF THE WORLD.
- MAYNARD, PUT THE YO-YO AWAY.
- WHY? I ALWAYS SPUN IT
WHEN I WAS A STUDENT HERE.
- MAYNARD, IN THE FIRST PLACE
YOU WERE NEVER A STUDENT,
HERE OR ANYPLACE ELSE.
AND IN THE SECOND PLACE
THAT'S WHY YOU SPENT 2
1/2 YEARS IN THE NINTH GRADE.
- SEE, THERE'S A
REASON FOR EVERYTHING.
- GEE, MR. POMFRITT WILL
FLIP WHEN HE SEES YOU.
HE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.
- AH, YES, GOOD OLD POMFY.
- POMFY?
- I SEE YOU'RE SHOCKED
THAT I REFER TO A TEACHER
IN SUCH FAMILIAR TERMS.
IT'S NOTHING
PERSONAL, I ASSURE YOU.
MR. POMFRITT'S A VERY FINE MAN,
BUT TEACHERS AREN'T
GODS, THEY'RE ONLY MEN.
- YEAH, EXCEPT
FOR LADY TEACHERS.
MOST OF THEM ARE WOMEN.
- AFTER YOU KIDS
GET OUT IN THE WORLD
LIKE MAYNARD AND
ME, YOU'LL LEARN
THAT A TEACHER CAN
HAVE WEAKNESSES,
JUST LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
- EVEN ME.
- AS A MATTER OF FACT,
WHEN MR.POMFRITT GETS HERE,
I'M GONNA REGISTER A
COUPLE OF COMPLAINTS
ABOUT THE WAY HE
RUNS HIS CLASSES.
- ME, TOO, MAN, ALL
THEM MEAN AND ROTTEN
AND LEGAL THINGS HE MADE US DO,
LIKE, TESTS, AND HOMEWORK,
AND ALL THE TIME CALLING
US, "MY YOUNG BARBERS."
- MAYNARD, THAT'S BARBARIANS,
BUT YOU GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
OH, MR. POMFRITT MEANS WELL,
BUT JUST WAIT TILL I
GIVE HIM AN EARFUL
OF CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
- YEAH, I GOT PLENTY
TO SAY TO HIM, TOO.
I WONDER IF THERE IS
ROOM IN THE OTHER EAR?
- GOOD MORNING, MY
YOUNG BARBARIANS.
- WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
- I SEE WE'RE HONORED
BY THE PRESENCE OF A PAIR
OF DISTINGUISHED ALUMNI.
UH, THAT'S YOU,
MR. KREBS, MR. GILLIS.
YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY TO THE CLASS?
- YOU BET.
- LIKE, DITTO.
- LIKE, FINE.
FIRST I HAVE A BRIEF
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE,
AND THEN WE'LL HEAR
YOUR DEATHLESS WORDS.
CLASS, FOR REASONS I
WON'T GO INTO RIGHT NOW,
AT THE END OF THIS WEEK,
I AM RESIGNING MY POSITION HERE
AND SAYING GOODBYE TO
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER.
NOW, MR. GILLIS, MR. KREBS,
IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY, GO AHEAD.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- MR. POMFRITT'S
LEAVING CENTRAL HIGH?
I HEARD IT, BUT I
STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
SURE, HE'S PRETTY OLD,
PROBABLY ALMOST
40, BUT WE NEED HIM.
LOSING MR.POMFRITT
WOULD BE LIKE, LIKE,
LIKE, LOSING THE PLUMBING.
WHY IS HE DOING
SUCH AN AWFUL THING?
FOR WHAT REASON?
- MONEY.
- LIKE, MONEY?
- LIKE, MONEY, MR. KREBS.
LIKE, WAMPUM, LIKE,
PELF, LIKE, LOOT.
- WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT'S
BUGGING YOU, MR. P,
I'LL BE GLAD TO
SLIP YOU A FEW BOB,
ALL THE WAY UP TO
A COUPLE OF BUCKS,
AND YOU HAVE TO PAY NO
INTEREST. I'M THE SPORTY TYPE.
- THANK YOU, MR. KREBS.
YOU'RE ALL HEART.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS SOMEWHAT
MORE LONG-RANGE THAN THAT.
I'M SIMPLY FINDING IT
INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT
TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY
PROPERLY ON A TEACHER'S SALARY.
WHY, MY WIFE HAS TO WORK THREE
NIGHTS A WEEK AS A BABYSITTER,
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
- MR. POMFRITT, UH, I
DON'T MEAN TO BUTT IN,
BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU LOVE TEACHING.
IT'S YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
- NO OFFENSE, MR. GILLIS,
BUT THAT'S A LOT OF HOGWASH.
TEACHING IS... IS MERELY A
WAY OF MAKING A LIVING TO ME,
THAT'S ALL.
NOW, EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOING TO BE LATE.
- MR. POMFRITT, IF YOU'RE
NOT CRAZY ABOUT TEACHING,
WHY DIDN'T YOU
KICK IT YEARS AGO?
- I JUST NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT.
- NOW LOOK, MR. GILLIS,
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.
- DON'T GO, MR. P,
CENTRAL HIGH, LIKE, NEEDS YOU.
I MEAN, WHO ELSE COULD
LEARN ME ENGLISH SO GOOD?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
KILLING THE POINT. SIT DOWN.
- NO, IT'S TRUE. THINK
HOW BAD I'D TALK
IF HE DIDN'T LEARN ME SO GOOD.
- THE MIND BOGGLES.
ALL RIGHT, MR. GILLIS,
YOU WIN. I ADMIT IT.
I'VE ENJOYED TEACHING,
EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
IT'S A REWARDING,
SATISFYING EXPERIENCE.
I'M GOING TO MISS IT TERRIBLY.
I'D LIKE TO DO IT
THE REST OF MY LIFE,
BUT THE COLD, HARD
FINANCIAL FACTS
MAKE THAT IMPOSSIBLE.
- SNIFF.
- MR. KREBS, NO TEARS,
MY MIND IS MADE UP.
- OKAY, MR. POMFRITT, IF
THAT'S HOW IT HAS TO BE,
BUT CENTRAL HIGH IS
SURE GOING TO MISS YOU.
- THANK YOU, MR. GILLIS.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, A REAL
HUMAN BEING, MR. P.
- SO ARE YOU, MR. K.
- MR. K?
- THAT'S YOU,
MAYNARD, K FOR KREBS.
- HMM, OH, YEAH, IT
COMES OUT RIGHT,
OH, YOU'RE 100%,
MR. P. I DON'T KNOW HOW
I COULD HAVE GOT THROUGH
HIGH SCHOOL WITHOUT YOU.
- HMM, I KNOW. I LEARNED
YOU ENGLISH REAL GOOD.
- MR. POMFRITT IS LEAVING?
THE GUY WHO LEARNED
YOU ENGLISH REAL GOOD?
- WE JUST COULDN'T
TALK HIM INTO STAYING.
- TEACHERS' SALARIES
ARE GOING UP ALL THE TIME.
IT'S A PITY MR. POMFRITT
COULDN'T HOLD
ON A LITTLE LONGER.
- HEY, I GOT AN IDEA. WE
LOCK HIM INSIDE THE SCHOOL
AND SMUGGLE IN HIS MEALS,
AND HE LIVES IN THERE.
- GOOD THINKING, MAYNARD.
- HOW ABOUT THAT IDEA?
LIKE, BRILLIANT, HUH?
- YEAH, BRILLIANT. DAD...
- MISERABLE.
I'M ALL SO SHOOK UP
BECAUSE A FINE MIND
IS LIABLE TO GO GURGLING
DOWN THE DRAIN. [SLURP]
MR. P'S MIND TOO.
- NOW, BOYS, I'M TERRIBLY PROUD
OF YOUR CONCERN
FOR MR. POMFRITT,
BUT WHAT IS THE REASON
FOR THIS SUDDEN INTEREST
IN EDUCATION AND GOOD TEACHING?
- IT'S BECAUSE
MR. POMFRITT'S A CREDIT
TO THE TEACHING PROFESSION,
THAT'S THE REASON.
WHY, HE'S DONE THINGS
FOR US, FOR ALL THE KIDS,
MILES ABOVE AND
BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY.
- HE'S A GREAT AMERICAN,
LIKE GEORGE WASHINGTON
AND WINSTON CHURCHILL.
- I PROMISE YOU, I'M GOING
TO DO MY DARNEDEST
TO SEE THAT FUTURE GENERATIONS
OF CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
DON'T MISS A CHANCE
TO GET MR. POMFRITT
FOR THEIR TEACHER.
- OR GENERAL DE GAULLE.
- MOM, DAD, DON'T YOU REMEMBER
HOW MR. POMFRITT
ALWAYS WENT TO BAT FOR US,
LIKE THAT TIME THE
PRINCIPAL WANTED
TO BOOT US OUT OF SCHOOL?
- WHICH TIME HE WANTED TO?
- HERBERT.
- IT WAS RIGHT
AROUND THE BEGINNING
OF OUR SENIOR YEAR.
REMEMBER, MAYNARD?
CLASS HADN'T
STARTED YET THAT DAY,
AND I WAS STANDING
IN THE CLASSROOM...
- YOU'RE THE LIGHT
OF MY DELIGHTS,
THE MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN...
- DOBIE, DOBIE, DOBE...
GUESS WHAT I GOT IN THIS BOX.
- I HAVEN'T THE VAGUEST
NOTION, MAYNARD.
- AW, COME ON, GUESS.
- UH, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST TELL ME?
- OH, IT'S MORE FUN IF
YOU GUESS. COME ON.
- OKAY, LET'S SEE NOW,
WHAT WOULD YOU PUT
IN A CARDBOARD BOX?
- Both: FROGS.
YEAH, 14 OF THEM,
ALMOST A DOZEN,
AND THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.
- 14 FROGS?
- YEAH, THEY WERE
OUT OF HORNED TOADS.
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD...
- A FELLA DON'T USUALLY
THINK OF FROGS AS BEAUTIFUL,
BUT THESE ARE THE MOST
BEAUTILOUS FROGS THAT EVER WERE.
- MAYNARD, HAVE YOU
GONE WIG OR SOMETHING?
YOU'VE GOT TO GET
RID OF THESE QUICK
BEFORE SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENS.
- WHAT AWFUL COULD HAPPEN?
AND I AIN'T GONNA ASK NO
MORE DUMB QUESTIONS EITHER.
- GOOD MORNING, MY YOUNG
THIRSTERS AFTER KNOWLEDGE.
AND I USE THE TERM WITH A
DEVIL-MAY-CARE ABANDON.
TODAY, WE ARE GOING TO DISCUSS
THE DRAMAS OF
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
AND HIS PLAYS ARE
UNIVERSALLY RECOGNIZED
AS THE OUTSTANDING EXAMPLES
OF DRAMA IN THE ENGLISH...
- DR. LIVINGSTON, I PRESUME.
NOW, IF I MAY BE SO BOLD,
I WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT WE
TURN TO OUR TEXTBOOKS, PAGE 208.
THERE WE WILL FIND ACT I
OF SHAKESPEARE'S
"OTHELLO," - [RIBBIT]
- WHERE THE AUTHOR...
WHAT WAS THAT?
- WHAT WAS WHAT?
- [RIBBIT]
- THAT.
- THAT WHAT?
- [RIBBIT RIBBIT]
- THAT THAT.
- WHICH THAT?
- [RIBBIT]
- SOMETHING'S FISHY AROUND HERE.
- NO FISHY. FROGGY.
- AAH! THERE'S
SOMETHING DOWN THERE.
IT BIT ME.
- IT WAS ME.
- OOH, IT'S ALL GREEN AND MOLDY.
- YEP, THAT WAS ME, ALL RIGHT.
- CLASS, SETTLE DOWN
NOW, SETTLE DOWN.
THIS IS STILL A SCHOOLROOM.
I WOULDN'T WANT
TO MAKE BOOK ON IT.
[RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT]
- ALL RIGHT, MR. KREBS, WHAT
IS THIS FROG DOING HERE?
- [RIBBIT]
- WHAT FROG?
- MR. GILLIS, MR. KREBS,
I AM GOING TO GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS...
- [ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- [RIBBIT]
- LIKE, JIGGERS, THE PRINCIPAL.
- DR. LIVINGSTON, I PRESUME?
MR. POMFRITT, WHAT
IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
- WELL, WELL, MR. NETTLETON,
I CAN EXPLAIN.
- OH?
- PATHETICALLY,
OF COURSE, BUT...
- I WANT THE CULPRITS
WHO WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS DISGRACEFUL
EXHIBITION TO STEP FORWARD.
- OKAY, CULPRIT, STEP FORWARD.
- MAYNARD. UH, I DID IT, SIR,
BUT, HONEST, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- ME TOO, SIR, AND MAN,
WAS IT AN ACCIDENT.
- OH, MR. GILLIS AND MR. KREBS.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
VERY WELL, I WANT YOU BOTH TO
REPORT TO MY OFFICE PROMPTLY
AT 9:00 TOMORROW MORNING,
WITH YOUR PARENTS,
ALL FOUR OF THEM.
- I ONLY GOT TWO.
- HELLO, BLABBERMOUTH.
- WELL, MAYNARD, HE WOULD
HAVE FOUND OUT ANYHOW.
AND BESIDES, IF
YOU TELL THE TRUTH,
YOU'LL NEVER GET
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- BYE.
- MAYNARD.
- KREBS, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?
- LIKE, OUT OF TOWN, SIR.
- WHEN DID THEY LEAVE?
- WHEN THEY HEARD I
WAS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- WHEN WILL THEY BE BACK?
- WHEN THEY HEAR I'M
OUT OF SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- NOW, LISTEN TO ME, KREBS,
SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE DONE
ABOUT THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN...
- MR. NETTLETON,
YOUR HONOR, SIR,
UH, MR. GILLIS AND I WILL BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR MAYNARD
UNTIL HIS PARENTS
RETURN. WON'T WE, HERBERT?
- YEAH, UH...
- DADDY.
- DISRUPTING A CLASS
THE WAY YOU BOYS DID
MAY SEEM A MINOR OFFENSE,
BUT IT INDICATES A WILLFUL
DISREGARD OF DISCIPLINE
AND THE RULES OF SOCIETY.
DOBIE, ARE YOU
GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?
- UH, SIR, WOULD YOU MIND
REPEATING THE QUESTION?
- DON'T...
- GUILTY, SIR.
- MAYNARD, WHAT ABOUT
YOU, GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?
- I DON'T KNOW YET, I HAVEN'T
HEARD ALL THE EVIDENCE.
I'M, LIKE, GUILTY,
SIR, LIKE, GUILTY.
- MR. NETTLETON, MAY
I SAY A FEW WORDS
IN DEFENSE OF THESE BOYS?
- BUT THEY'VE JUST
ADMITTED THEY'RE GUILTY.
- GUILTY OF WHAT, SIR?
RELEASING A FEW
FROGS IN MY CLASSROOM?
- 14.
- MAYNARD.
SIR, I SUBMIT THAT THE
IMPORTANT ISSUE HERE IS,
WHY DID DOBIE GILLIS
AND MAYNARD G. KREBS
BRING THOSE FROGS TO
CLASS IN THE FIRST PLACE?
- WHY, INDEED.
- YES. UH, NO. I MEAN, I...
I SUBMIT THAT THE ANSWER IS
NOT THE DESIRE FOR MISCHIEF,
BUT A SIMPLE CURIOSITY,
A CURIOSITY ABOUT THE
WORLD AROUND THEM,
A COMMENDABLE CURIOSITY
ABOUT THEIR FELLOW
CREATURES ON THIS PLANET.
THEY ARE INVESTIGATORS,
GREAT INQUIRERS, EXPERIMENTERS,
IN THE GREAT TRADITION OF
THE STORIED ARMY OF SCIENTISTS
WHO WENT BEFORE THEM.
- US, MR. P?
- SHUSH.
- YOU PRESENT A STRONG ARGUMENT
IN THEIR DEFENSE, MR. POMFRITT.
- SIR, IF WE PUNISH A
TOUCH OF OVER-ENTHUSIASM
IN THE STUDENTS' PURSUIT
OF SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE,
WHY, WE CRUSH THE
CREATIVE CURIOSITY
OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.
- YAY, MR. P!
- SHH.
- AS I STUDY THE FACES OF
THESE FUTURE SCIENTISTS,
I MUST CONFESS THAT I
STILL HAVE MY DOUBTS.
HOWEVER, I'M WILLING TO GO
ALONG WITH YOUR JUDGMENT,
MR. POMFRITT.
THE CHARGES ARE DISMISSED.
- ATTA BOY MR. N.
- AND MR. P TOO.
- SH-HUSH!
- IF THESE BOYS
WANT TO STUDY FROGS
TO SEE WHAT MAKES THEM TICK,
MORE POWER TO THEM.
BUT IF IT HAPPENS
AGAIN, SO HELP ME,
I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
WHAT MAKES YOU TICK.
- THANK YOU,
MR. POMFRITT, THANK YOU.
- WE'LL NEVER FORGET
YOU, MR. POMFRITT.
- YEAH, THANKS, POMFY, OLD MAN.
- YEAH, THANKS, POMFY, OLD MAN.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
BUT I'M WARNING YOU BOYS,
ONE MORE FROG IN MY CLASSROOM,
AND I'M GONNA FIND OUT
WHAT MAKES YOU TICK.
- YEAH, I'M GONNA FIND
OUT WHAT MAKES YOU...
- SHUSH.
- YEP, GOOD OLD MR. POMFRITT
REALLY CAME THROUGH
FOR US THAT TIME.
- I COULD NEVER LOOK A FROG
STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AGAIN.
- WE'VE GOT TO
CONVINCE MR. POMFRITT
THAT TEACHING'S THE
ONLY PLACE HE BELONGS IN.
HE'LL NEVER BE HAPPY
DOING ANYTHING ELSE.
- HEY, WHAT IF I, LIKE,
GO OVER AND SHOWED HIM
HOW GOOD HE LEARNED ME ENGLISH?
- NO OFFENSE, MAYNARD,
BUT OVER MY DEAD BODY.
- I COULD RECITE ALL
THE THINGS I KNOW,
LIKE, ALWAYS USE "I"
BEFORE "E" EXCEPT AFTER "C",
OR IS IT "I" BEFORE
"E" EXCEPT AFTER "S?"
- MAYNARD, IT... HEY...
HEY, IT'S A SENSATIONAL IDEA.
- OR IS IT "E" BEFORE
"I"? YOU, LIKE, LIKE IT?
- I, LIKE, LOVE IT.
- GREAT, WHEN DO
I START RECITING?
- YEAH, WELL, NOT
EXACTLY YOU, MAYNARD.
MOM, DAD, MR. POMFRITT'S
BEEN TEACHING
FOR AROUND 15 YEARS NOW, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- AND HE'S TURNED
OUT A LOT OF STUDENTS
WHO'VE ALREADY AMOUNTED TO
SOMETHING IN THE WORLD, RIGHT?
- RIGHT. JUST YESTERDAY I WAS
READING ABOUT THAT MONAHAN BOY.
HE'S BECOME A
PROFESSOR OR SOMETHING
OVER AT THE UNIVERSITY.
- RIGHT.
THIS TOWN'S LOADED WITH PEOPLE
WHO WERE STARTED UP
THE LADDER OF SUCCESS
BY MR. POMFRITT.
NOW, WHY COULDN'T
WE THROW A TESTIMONIAL
AND INVITE A BUNCH OF CENTRAL
HIGH GRADUATES WHO'VE MADE GOOD?
THEN MR. POMFRITT WOULD
SEE HOW IMPORTANT HIS WORK IS.
- OR IS IT "I" AFTER "E"...
- NOT NOW, MAYNARD.
- I AM SURE THAT THE
SCHOOL AUTHORITIES
WOULD LET YOU USE A CLASSROOM
FOR SUCH A WORTHY PURPOSE.
- YEAH, I'LL FURNISH
THE REFRESHMENTS.
DON'T INVITE OVER
15 PEOPLE, HUH?
- COME ON MAYNARD, LET'S SHOOT
OVER TO THE SCHOOL LIBRARY.
- YEAH, AND NO
BIG EATERS, EITHER.
- WE'LL GET THE
NAMES AND ADDRESSES
OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL GRADUATES
OUT OF THE OLD YEARBOOKS.
- OR IS "E" BEFORE "I?"
- SURE, WILMA KLUGG,
SHE'S GOT A BIG JOB DOWNTOWN
WITH SOME ADVERTISING COMPANY.
I KNEW SHE'D GO FAR.
- SHE HAD TO GO FAR.
WITH A FACE LIKE THAT,
WHO'S GONNA STOP HER?
- SHH.
- WELL, BROTHER,
HE'S RIGHT ABOUT
WILMA. WHAT A KISSER.
- SHH.
NOW, LET'S SEE NOW, WE'VE GOT
NAMES AND ADDRESS OF DOCTORS,
LAWYERS, ENGINEERS, PROFESSORS,
A CHEMIST, NEWSPAPER WRITER.
WHAT IMPORTANT
OCCUPATIONS ARE STILL MISSING?
- FLAGPOLE SITTING?
- HEY, LOOK. WALTER FUNK
FROM THE CLASS OF '43.
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT HIM?
- I SURE HAVE.
THE TEACHERS ARE ALL THE
TIME TELLING ME ABOUT HIM.
HE ALWAYS HAD HIS
NOSE STUCK IN SOME BOOK.
OOH, SQUARES LIKE THAT BUG ME,
ALL THE TIME TRYING TO MAKE
CATS LIKE ME LOOK STUPID.
- MAYNARD, WALTER FUNK
IS ONLY HEAD OF THE LOS
VANOS ATOMIC ENERGY PROJECT.
- SEE HOW MUCH
TROUBLE HE WENT TO
TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID?
- SHH!
- SHH, YOURSELF. WE'RE
MEMBERS OF THE ARMED FORCES.
- MAYNARD.
WE'VE GOT ENOUGH NAMES NOW.
LET'S WRITE OUT THE INVITATIONS
SO WE CAN MAIL THEM TODAY.
NOW, UH, JUST WRITE,
UH, DEAR ALUMNI...
- WELL, HOLD IT HOLD
IT, HOW DO YOU SPELL IT?
- ALUMNI, A-L-U...
- NO, NO, NO, DEAR.
- UH, I'LL, UH, I'LL WRITE.
- AH, GEE, DOBE,
I WANT TO DO MY SHARE
OF THE WORK. WORK?!
- SHH.
- SHH.
- SHH.
- OKAY, OKAY, YOU CAN MAIL THE
LETTERS AND LICK THE STAMPS.
- CAN I, LIKE, TO DO IT
THE OTHER WAY AROUND?
IT'LL BE KIND OF TOUGH
LICKING THE STAMPS
ONCE THEY'RE IN THE BOX.
- GEE, IT'S 8:00 AND NOBODY'S
HERE YET. I'M WORRIED.
- WHAT'S TO WORRY ABOUT?
MAYNARD G. KREBS IS ON THE JOB.
- MAYNARD, ARE YOU SURE YOU...
- AW, LEAVE HIM ALONE,
THE POOR SHNOOK.
- YEAH, LEAVE ME ALONE,
THE POOR SHNOOK.
- HE'S DOING HIS BEST TO
KEEP MR. POMFRITT HERE,
LIKE THE REST OF US ALUMNI.
- YOU TOO?
- YOU BET, FLOYD
TRIGBY, CLASS OF '52.
- DOBIE GILLIS, CLASS OF '60.
- WINIFRED GILLIS, NO COMMENT.
- I'VE GOT A BUNCH
OF LETTERS HERE
WITH THE RETURN
ADDRESS FOR A DOBIE GILLIS.
- DOBIE GILLIS.
I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
HEY, THESE ARE THE INVITATIONS.
MAYNARD, YOU SAID YOU
SAID YOU MAILED THEM.
- I DID, HONEST, DOBE.
AND YOU DROPPED
THEM IN THE MAILBOX
ON THE CORNER OF 4th AND WILLOW?
- LIKE, TRUE, YOU SEE?
- ONLY IT ISN'T A MAILBOX.
IT HAPPENS TO BE A STORAGE BOX.
- LIKE, RIGHT, AND THAT'S
WHY I HAD TO USE A CROWBAR
TO GET THEM LETTERS IN THERE.
- THEY'VE BEEN IN
THERE FOR THREE DAYS.
- YEAH, YOU SEE, I DID... OH.
- MAYNARD, HOW
COULD YOU DO SUCH A...
AH, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?
IT WAS AN IMPOSSIBLE
IDEA, ANYHOW.
- I'M NOTHING BUT A
POOR MISERABLE SHNOOK.
- MR. POMFRITT'S MIND'S MADE
UP AND WE COULDN'T CHANGE IT.
- MR. POMFRITT, THE TEACHER?
- YEAH,
WE WERE TRYING TO KEEP
HIM FROM QUITTING HIS JOB.
- MR. POMFRITT
LEAVE CENTRAL HIGH?
HE CAN'T DO THAT. HE WAS
THE BEST TEACHER WE EVER HAD.
- DID YOU GO TO
CENTRAL HIGH, TOO?
- DIDN'T EVERYBODY?
SURE, MONTY
FERGUSON, CLASS OF '49.
AND YOU HAD TO
GO FOUL THINGS UP.
YOU LAMEBRAIN.
- YEAH, I BROUGHT THE ICE CREAM.
- DAD.
- PUSH THE VANILLA,
IT'S SIX CENTS A GALLON CHEAPER.
- DAD?
- HEY, AND LOOK
WHAT ELSE I BROUGHT?
- I'M MYRTLE TARANTINO,
MY HUSBAND CLYDE.
- CLYDE TARANTINO, HOW DO?
- HOW DO?
- WE WENT TO CENTRAL HIGH, TOO,
CLYDE AND ME.
WE WAS IN THE GROCERY
STORE SHOPPING
WHEN YOUR FATHER STARTED
OUT WITH THE ICE CREAM.
WELL, NATURALLY, WE
COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING.
- MYRTLE EAVESDROPS.
- I SURE DO, BABY. WHAT
CAN WE DO TO HELP?
WE DON'T WANT TO SEE
MR. POMFRITT LEAVE, EITHER.
- MYRTLE'S VERY SENTIMENTAL.
- OH, I SURE AM, SWEETIE.
- UH, LOOK IT'S,
UH, IT'S WONDERFUL
THAT ALL OF YOU WANT TO HELP,
REALLY WONDERFUL, BUT, UH,
WE HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE
WITH THE, UH, INVITATIONS,
SO THE WHOLE, UH,
TESTIMONIAL IS CALLED OFF.
- CALLED OFF? OOH,
I GOTTA... MAYNARD.
- HOW COME YOU BLAME ME?
- WHEN SOMETHING
GOES WRONG, WHO ELSE?
- I'M GONNA BASH THAT
KNUCKLEHEAD AND LITTLE TWERP.
- NO MYRTLE, PLEASE,
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
MAYNARD COULDN'T HELP IT.
- WELL, GOOD EVENING, MY...
- WHY, MR. POMFRITT, HELLO.
- HELLO, FLOYD.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- MONTY? HOW ARE YOU?
MYRTLE KLUG, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU FOR YEARS.
- WELL, IT'S MYRTLE
TARANTINO NOW, MR. POMFRITT.
WE'RE MARRIED
AND HAVE FIVE KIDS.
- OH, NO WONDER I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU FOR YEARS.
MR. GILLIS, ARE YOU
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
- WELL, YES, SIR.
- I'M VERY ANGRY
WITH YOU, MR. GILLIS.
WHEN YOU ASKED ME
TO COME HERE TONIGHT
AND I ACCEPTED YOUR INVITATION,
I DIDN'T EXPECT
ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
- WELL, I'M SORRY, MR. POMFRITT.
- OF COURSE, I'M GRATEFUL
FOR YOUR EFFORTS
TO KEEP ME ON HERE
AT CENTRAL HIGH.
IT'S VERY
HEARTWARMING, BUT, WELL,
IT'S JUST COMPLETELY
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
ALL THIS IS VERY EMBARRASSING.
- PLEASE FORGIVE
ME, MR. POMFRITT.
THE WHOLE IDEA WAS A DUD.
WE WERE GOING TO HAVE
A BUNCH OF YOUR MOST
SUCCESSFUL GRADUATES...
YOU KNOW, DOCTORS,
LAWYERS, PROFESSORS, LIKE THAT,
TO TELL YOU HOW HELPFUL
YOU WERE TO THEM.
BUT, UH, BUT IT JUST
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
I'M SORRY, MR. POMFRITT.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
PUT YOU ON THE SPOT.
LOOK, LET'S JUST
FORGET THE WHOLE THING
AND EVERYBODY GO HOME, HUH?
- WITHOUT EATING?
- MAYNARD, PIPE DOWN.
- WELL, I THINK UNDER
THE CIRCUMSTANCES,
MAYBE GOING HOME
IS THE BEST IDEA.
- WITHOUT EATING?
- MAYNARD, PIPE DOWN.
- JUST A DARN MINUTE.
LOOK, MAYBE WE'RE NOT
PROFESSORS OR DOCTORS
OR LAWYERS, BUT WE GRADUATED
FROM CENTRAL HIGH, TOO.
WE'VE GOT A RIGHT TO
BE HEARD, MR. POMFRITT.
- SHE'S RIGHT, MR. POMFRITT,
ORDINARY FOLKS LIKE US
WE GET A LOT OUT OF
GOING TO SCHOOL, TOO.
AND YOU OUGHT TO
STICK AROUND AND LISTEN,
LIKE MRS. TARANTINO SAYS.
- OH, YOU CALL ME MYRTLE.
- OKAY, MYRTLE.
- OH.
LOOK, MR. POMFRITT,
YOU TAKE ME, FOR INSTANCE.
I MEAN, I PUT IN A
MAN-KILLING DAY,
WHAT WITH THOSE SCREAMING
KIDS AND A HOUSE TO CLEAN
AND A HUSBAND THAT
EATS LIKE A HORSE,
AND, UM, NO OFFENSE, HONEY.
- NO OFFENSE, DOLL-FACE,
YOUR COOKING DOES IT.
- ANYWAY, BY
NIGHTTIME, I AM BUSHED.
I MEAN, CONKED OUT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
I DO? I SIT ME DOWN
AND READ A BOOK. MM-HMM, A BOOK.
- MYRTLE.
- NO, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
I'M NOT FINISHED YET.
MAYBE YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY,
ME SITTING DOWN TO READ A BOOK.
WELL, I'VE READ ME LOTS
OF INTERESTING BOOKS
IN THE LAST, UH, SIX, EIGHT
YEARS SINCE I GRADUATED.
AND IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR
YOUR CLASSES, MR. POMFRITT,
I WOULD NEVER HAVE
GOT PAST DICK TRACY.
- MAN, HE'S THE WILDEST.
ON SUNDAY HE ALWAYS
WEARS THAT GREEN HAT
AND A YELLOW COAT.
- CLAM UP, KID,
OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO BELT YOU.
- I'LL GO ALONG WITH
MYRTLE, MR. POMFRITT.
I MEAN, THIS JOB I GOT
AIN'T THE GREATEST IN TOWN,
BUT IT GIVES ME TIME TO THINK.
AND IF IT WASN'T FOR ALL THAT
TALKING WE DID IN YOUR CLASS,
I WOULDN'T EVEN
KNOW HOW TO THINK.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- I THINK I DO,
MR. TRIGBY, I THINK I DO.
- ME, WHAT I REMEMBER
FROM YOUR CLASS
IS POETRY, MOSTLY,
AND THE WAY YOU WERE
ALL THE TIME EXPLAINING IT.
I MEAN, LIKE, TAKE A SKY.
OH, IT... IT'S A SKY, SURE,
BUT ALSO, IT'S
A... IT'S A BLANKET
OR... OR A ROOF OR A CANOPY
OR A WINDOW,
OVERLOOKING THE UNIVERSE,
DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
I MEAN, THE WAY YOU
EXPLAINED US POETRY,
I FIND MYSELF
LOOKING AT EVERYTHING
ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT.
- MR. TARANTINO,
THAT'S A MOST IMPRESSIVE
DEFINITION OF POETRY.
- WATCHING TELEVISION
TIRES ME OUT,
AND TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS.
BUT BOOKS ARE
RESTFUL-LIKE, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, IT'S JUST
YOU AND THE STORY.
AND YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IT.
THERE'S NOTHING TO
TANGLE UP YOUR HEAD.
- MR. POMFRITT.
- OH, MONTY,
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN YEARS, EITHER.
- YEAH, I'VE BEEN BUSY.
YOU KNOW, RAIN AND SNOW
AND DARK OF NIGHT,
AND ALL LIKE THAT.
- OH, YOU'RE ONE OF
OUR UNSUNG HEROES.
- YEAH. HEY, MR. POMFRITT,
DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU USED
TO TALK TO US ABOUT BIRD-WATCHING?
- YEAH. I REMEMBER, ALSO,
HOW I USED TO SEND YOU
TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
WHEN YOU'D BURST INTO
UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER
EVERY TIME I MENTIONED IT.
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT?
BOY, THINGS SURE HAVE CHANGED.
YOU KNOW HOW COME I
DECIDED TO BECOME A MAILMAN?
- MM-MM.
- IT'S ON ACCOUNT
OF DELIVERING MAIL
IS OUTSIDE WORK,
WHERE I COULD WALK A LOT
AND LOOK AT THE BIRDS.
- YOU'RE KIDDING?
- WHO'S KIDDING?
YOU HAPPEN TO BE
LOOKING AT THE PRESIDENT
OF THE WESTSIDE
BIRDWATCHERS SOCIETY.
AND GUESS WHAT?
- WHAT?
- YESTERDAY, WE SAW
OUR FIRST
YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER
OF THE SEASON.
- NO.
- AND IF IT WASN'T FOR
YOU, MR. POMFRITT,
I PROBABLY WOULD
HAVE TOOK A JOB INSIDE
BEHIND SOME DESK SOMEWHERE,
NEVER GETTING A LOOK AT A
YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER
OR A TUFT-HEADED IBIS.
CRIMINY, WHAT A WASTE.
- MONTY, I'M DEEPLY TOUCHED.
- THAT GOES FOR ME,
TOO, MR. POMFRITT, SIR.
I KNOW I WASN'T THE BEST
STUDENT YOU EVER HAD,
BUT THEN I WASN'T THE WORST.
YEAH, I GUESS I WAS THE WORST.
- THAT IS TRUE,
MAYNARD. NO OFFENSE.
BUT GOING TO YOUR CLASSES
DID ME A LOT OF GOOD,
JUST LIKE IT DID EVERYBODY.
YOU SHOULDN'T OUGHTA LEAVE,
BECAUSE THERE'S A
LOT MORE PEOPLE LIKE US
THAN SCIENTISTS AND ENGINEERS
AND CATS WHO MESS AROUND
WITH PLATONIC ENERGY.
- UH, MAYNARD, THAT'S ATOMIC.
- MR. POMFRITT, AT
FIRST I WAS PRETTY UPSET
BECAUSE THIS TESTIMONIAL
PARTY FELL APART,
AND WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY IMPORTANT
GRADUATES HERE TO TALK TO YOU.
BUT NOW I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED.
I MEAN, SURE, SOME
OF THE STUDENTS
WHO WENT THROUGH YOUR CLASSES
TURNED OUT TO BE
HOWLING SUCCESSES.
BUT THEY WOULD HAVE
MADE GOOD ANYHOW.
NO, THE KIDS YOU REALLY
HELPED ARE THE ONES LIKE US,
THE ORDINARY KIDS.
WE LEARNED THINGS FROM
JUST BEING IN YOUR CLASSES
THAT MADE ALL OF
US BETTER PEOPLE,
WITH MORE UNDERSTANDING
OF WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND US,
WITH MORE... WELL,
JUST BETTER PEOPLE.
THAT'S THE ONLY
WAY I CAN PUT IT.
- MR. GILLIS, SOMETIMES,
IN THE NOISE AND EXCITEMENT
OF... OF RUNNING A CLASS,
A TEACHER LOSES
SIGHT OF THE GOALS
THAT HE SET OUT TO REACH.
AND I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR REMINDING ME OF THEM.
YOU PEOPLE ARE
MY REAL TROPHIES...
ORDINARY, DOWN-TO-EARTH,
WONDERFUL PEOPLE
WHO... WHO READ
BOOKS AND POETRY,
AND WATCH BIRDS BECAUSE
YOU HONESTLY LOVE DOING IT,
NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO LIKE IT.
THE COMMON MAN, IF YOU WILL.
- YEAH, WE'RE, LIKE,
COMMON, ALL RIGHT.
- YOU SURE ARE,
MAYNARD. ALL OF YOU ARE,
AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.
- PLEASE, MR. POMFRITT,
DON'T LEAVE US.
- YEAH, STICK AROUND,
POMFY. BE A SPORT.
- STAY, BECAUSE...
- ALL RIGHT, NOW,
QUIET. QUIET, STUDENTS,
AND MR. GILLIS AND MRS. GILLIS.
[CLEARS THROAT]
ABOUT THAT SIGN, DOBIE.
- "MR. POMFRITT, DON'T GO"?
- LET'S GET RID OF IT.
WHO'S GOING ANYPLACE?
- OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- GEE, DOBE, I'M
GETTING, LIKE, ALL MISTY.
- MAYNARD, THIS IS
THE HAPPIEST DAY
IN THE HISTORY OF CENTRAL
HIGH. WHAT'S TO CRY ABOUT?
- LIKE, TRUE, BUT I'M CRYING
FOR MR. POMFRITT'S FAMILY.
THE POOR SOULS
WILL STARVE TO DEATH.
- MAYNARD.
- NO, THEY WON'T, MR. KREBS.
WHY, IF MY WIFE HAS TO
CONTINUE BABYSITTING,
I'LL... I'LL JUST SIT WITH HER.
IN FACT, I MIGHT EVEN GET
SOME CUSTOMERS OF MY OWN.
AND IF I HAVE TO WORK NIGHTS,
I'LL GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO IT,
BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO
DRAG ME AWAY FROM TEACHING,
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO,
AND DOGGONE IT, I'M GONNA DO IT.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING, POMFRITT.
- YOU'RE AN "A" STUDENT
WITH ME, MR. POMFRITT.
- IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I
GET ALL MISTY NOW?
- GET IN LINE,
MAYNARD, GET IN LINE.
- YOU AIN'T SEEN THE DAY
YOU CAN GYP HERBERT T. GILLIS,
TRYING TO OVERCHARGE ME A
HALF CENT A POUND FOR COFFEE.
OOH, YOU CROOK, YOU.
- HERBERT, YOU SPENT THREE HOURS
FINDING A MISTAKE THAT'LL
SAVE YOU ONE DOLLAR.
- SO WHAT, REMEMBER IT'S...
- THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.
- NO, IT AIN'T, IT'S THE MONEY.
- WELL, MR. GILLIS, HOW
MUCH DO I OWE YOU?
- OH, LET'S SEE, THAT'LL BE, UH,
$3.00 EVEN.
- 3?
- LOOK, THOSE ARE THE
PRICES THAT PREVAIL.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. THERE ARE
OTHER STORES IN TOWN, YOU KNOW.
NOBODY'S DRAGGING YOU HERE.
YOU CAME IN OF YOUR OWN ACCORD.
- DAD, THAT WAS A MAGNIFICENT,
GENEROUS THING TO
DO. I'M PROUD OF YOU.
- YOU'RE WONDERFUL, DEAR.
WHY, THOSE GROCERIES MUST...
- $6.41 EXACTLY,
BUT WHO COUNTS WHEN YOU'RE
HELPING A GREAT TEACHER
LIKE MR. POMFRITT?
- DAD, WE CAN NEVER
THANK YOU ENOUGH.
- OH, SURE YOU CAN.
IT'LL ONLY TAKE YOU
FOUR OR FIVE HOURS.
I FIGURE THAT THE TWO OF
YOU AT 50 CENTS AN HOUR,
YOU CAN PAY ME BACK
WHAT POMFRITT COST ME
BEFORE DINNERTIME.
- DAD.
- GET TO WORK.
- WORK!
- AND ON THE DOUBLE.
HUP, 2, 3, 4, HUP, 2, 3, 4.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
WHERE KIDS IN OUR
TOWN GO TO SCHOOL.
IT'S BEEN KIND OF JUST
SITTING THERE GROWING MOSS
EVER SINCE THE CIVIL WAR,
OR THE SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR,
OR THE WAR OF 1812.
I FORGET, EXACTLY.
QUIET, RESPECTABLE,
SORT OF A DRAG, TO
BE PERFECTLY FRANK.
- BUT THEN ALL OF
A SUDDEN, ONE DAY,
TO EVERYBODY'S AMAZEMENT,
A REMARKABLE THING HAPPENED.
I GRADUATED.
AND ON THAT VERY SAME DAY
AN EVEN MORE REMARKABLE
THING HAPPENED.
MAYNARD GRADUATED.
- BUT THOSE HAPPY SCHOOL DAYS
ARE WAY, WAY BACK IN OUR PAST,
ALMOST SIX MONTHS AGO.
TODAY MAYNARD AND I
ARE MATURE SOLDIERS
IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
AND WHEN WE DROP IN AT
OLD CENTRAL HIGH FOR A VISIT,
WE ARE, WITH ADEQUATE
REASON, I MUST ADMIT,
LOOKED UPON AS
SUAVE, WELL-INFORMED,
EDUCATED MEN OF THE WORLD.
- MAYNARD, PUT THE YO-YO AWAY.
- WHY? I ALWAYS SPUN IT
WHEN I WAS A STUDENT HERE.
- MAYNARD, IN THE FIRST PLACE
YOU WERE NEVER A STUDENT,
HERE OR ANYPLACE ELSE.
AND IN THE SECOND PLACE
THAT'S WHY YOU SPENT 2
1/2 YEARS IN THE NINTH GRADE.
- SEE, THERE'S A
REASON FOR EVERYTHING.
- GEE, MR. POMFRITT WILL
FLIP WHEN HE SEES YOU.
HE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.
- AH, YES, GOOD OLD POMFY.
- POMFY?
- I SEE YOU'RE SHOCKED
THAT I REFER TO A TEACHER
IN SUCH FAMILIAR TERMS.
IT'S NOTHING
PERSONAL, I ASSURE YOU.
MR. POMFRITT'S A VERY FINE MAN,
BUT TEACHERS AREN'T
GODS, THEY'RE ONLY MEN.
- YEAH, EXCEPT
FOR LADY TEACHERS.
MOST OF THEM ARE WOMEN.
- AFTER YOU KIDS
GET OUT IN THE WORLD
LIKE MAYNARD AND
ME, YOU'LL LEARN
THAT A TEACHER CAN
HAVE WEAKNESSES,
JUST LIKE ANYBODY ELSE.
- EVEN ME.
- AS A MATTER OF FACT,
WHEN MR.POMFRITT GETS HERE,
I'M GONNA REGISTER A
COUPLE OF COMPLAINTS
ABOUT THE WAY HE
RUNS HIS CLASSES.
- ME, TOO, MAN, ALL
THEM MEAN AND ROTTEN
AND LEGAL THINGS HE MADE US DO,
LIKE, TESTS, AND HOMEWORK,
AND ALL THE TIME CALLING
US, "MY YOUNG BARBERS."
- MAYNARD, THAT'S BARBARIANS,
BUT YOU GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
OH, MR. POMFRITT MEANS WELL,
BUT JUST WAIT TILL I
GIVE HIM AN EARFUL
OF CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
- YEAH, I GOT PLENTY
TO SAY TO HIM, TOO.
I WONDER IF THERE IS
ROOM IN THE OTHER EAR?
- GOOD MORNING, MY
YOUNG BARBARIANS.
- WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
- I SEE WE'RE HONORED
BY THE PRESENCE OF A PAIR
OF DISTINGUISHED ALUMNI.
UH, THAT'S YOU,
MR. KREBS, MR. GILLIS.
YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY TO THE CLASS?
- YOU BET.
- LIKE, DITTO.
- LIKE, FINE.
FIRST I HAVE A BRIEF
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE,
AND THEN WE'LL HEAR
YOUR DEATHLESS WORDS.
CLASS, FOR REASONS I
WON'T GO INTO RIGHT NOW,
AT THE END OF THIS WEEK,
I AM RESIGNING MY POSITION HERE
AND SAYING GOODBYE TO
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER.
NOW, MR. GILLIS, MR. KREBS,
IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY, GO AHEAD.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- MR. POMFRITT'S
LEAVING CENTRAL HIGH?
I HEARD IT, BUT I
STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
SURE, HE'S PRETTY OLD,
PROBABLY ALMOST
40, BUT WE NEED HIM.
LOSING MR.POMFRITT
WOULD BE LIKE, LIKE,
LIKE, LOSING THE PLUMBING.
WHY IS HE DOING
SUCH AN AWFUL THING?
FOR WHAT REASON?
- MONEY.
- LIKE, MONEY?
- LIKE, MONEY, MR. KREBS.
LIKE, WAMPUM, LIKE,
PELF, LIKE, LOOT.
- WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT'S
BUGGING YOU, MR. P,
I'LL BE GLAD TO
SLIP YOU A FEW BOB,
ALL THE WAY UP TO
A COUPLE OF BUCKS,
AND YOU HAVE TO PAY NO
INTEREST. I'M THE SPORTY TYPE.
- THANK YOU, MR. KREBS.
YOU'RE ALL HEART.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS SOMEWHAT
MORE LONG-RANGE THAN THAT.
I'M SIMPLY FINDING IT
INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT
TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY
PROPERLY ON A TEACHER'S SALARY.
WHY, MY WIFE HAS TO WORK THREE
NIGHTS A WEEK AS A BABYSITTER,
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
- MR. POMFRITT, UH, I
DON'T MEAN TO BUTT IN,
BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU LOVE TEACHING.
IT'S YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
- NO OFFENSE, MR. GILLIS,
BUT THAT'S A LOT OF HOGWASH.
TEACHING IS... IS MERELY A
WAY OF MAKING A LIVING TO ME,
THAT'S ALL.
NOW, EXCUSE ME,
I'M GOING TO BE LATE.
- MR. POMFRITT, IF YOU'RE
NOT CRAZY ABOUT TEACHING,
WHY DIDN'T YOU
KICK IT YEARS AGO?
- I JUST NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT.
- NOW LOOK, MR. GILLIS,
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.
- DON'T GO, MR. P,
CENTRAL HIGH, LIKE, NEEDS YOU.
I MEAN, WHO ELSE COULD
LEARN ME ENGLISH SO GOOD?
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
KILLING THE POINT. SIT DOWN.
- NO, IT'S TRUE. THINK
HOW BAD I'D TALK
IF HE DIDN'T LEARN ME SO GOOD.
- THE MIND BOGGLES.
ALL RIGHT, MR. GILLIS,
YOU WIN. I ADMIT IT.
I'VE ENJOYED TEACHING,
EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
IT'S A REWARDING,
SATISFYING EXPERIENCE.
I'M GOING TO MISS IT TERRIBLY.
I'D LIKE TO DO IT
THE REST OF MY LIFE,
BUT THE COLD, HARD
FINANCIAL FACTS
MAKE THAT IMPOSSIBLE.
- SNIFF.
- MR. KREBS, NO TEARS,
MY MIND IS MADE UP.
- OKAY, MR. POMFRITT, IF
THAT'S HOW IT HAS TO BE,
BUT CENTRAL HIGH IS
SURE GOING TO MISS YOU.
- THANK YOU, MR. GILLIS.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, A REAL
HUMAN BEING, MR. P.
- SO ARE YOU, MR. K.
- MR. K?
- THAT'S YOU,
MAYNARD, K FOR KREBS.
- HMM, OH, YEAH, IT
COMES OUT RIGHT,
OH, YOU'RE 100%,
MR. P. I DON'T KNOW HOW
I COULD HAVE GOT THROUGH
HIGH SCHOOL WITHOUT YOU.
- HMM, I KNOW. I LEARNED
YOU ENGLISH REAL GOOD.
- MR. POMFRITT IS LEAVING?
THE GUY WHO LEARNED
YOU ENGLISH REAL GOOD?
- WE JUST COULDN'T
TALK HIM INTO STAYING.
- TEACHERS' SALARIES
ARE GOING UP ALL THE TIME.
IT'S A PITY MR. POMFRITT
COULDN'T HOLD
ON A LITTLE LONGER.
- HEY, I GOT AN IDEA. WE
LOCK HIM INSIDE THE SCHOOL
AND SMUGGLE IN HIS MEALS,
AND HE LIVES IN THERE.
- GOOD THINKING, MAYNARD.
- HOW ABOUT THAT IDEA?
LIKE, BRILLIANT, HUH?
- YEAH, BRILLIANT. DAD...
- MISERABLE.
I'M ALL SO SHOOK UP
BECAUSE A FINE MIND
IS LIABLE TO GO GURGLING
DOWN THE DRAIN. [SLURP]
MR. P'S MIND TOO.
- NOW, BOYS, I'M TERRIBLY PROUD
OF YOUR CONCERN
FOR MR. POMFRITT,
BUT WHAT IS THE REASON
FOR THIS SUDDEN INTEREST
IN EDUCATION AND GOOD TEACHING?
- IT'S BECAUSE
MR. POMFRITT'S A CREDIT
TO THE TEACHING PROFESSION,
THAT'S THE REASON.
WHY, HE'S DONE THINGS
FOR US, FOR ALL THE KIDS,
MILES ABOVE AND
BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY.
- HE'S A GREAT AMERICAN,
LIKE GEORGE WASHINGTON
AND WINSTON CHURCHILL.
- I PROMISE YOU, I'M GOING
TO DO MY DARNEDEST
TO SEE THAT FUTURE GENERATIONS
OF CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
DON'T MISS A CHANCE
TO GET MR. POMFRITT
FOR THEIR TEACHER.
- OR GENERAL DE GAULLE.
- MOM, DAD, DON'T YOU REMEMBER
HOW MR. POMFRITT
ALWAYS WENT TO BAT FOR US,
LIKE THAT TIME THE
PRINCIPAL WANTED
TO BOOT US OUT OF SCHOOL?
- WHICH TIME HE WANTED TO?
- HERBERT.
- IT WAS RIGHT
AROUND THE BEGINNING
OF OUR SENIOR YEAR.
REMEMBER, MAYNARD?
CLASS HADN'T
STARTED YET THAT DAY,
AND I WAS STANDING
IN THE CLASSROOM...
- YOU'RE THE LIGHT
OF MY DELIGHTS,
THE MOON OF MY CARIBBEAN...
- DOBIE, DOBIE, DOBE...
GUESS WHAT I GOT IN THIS BOX.
- I HAVEN'T THE VAGUEST
NOTION, MAYNARD.
- AW, COME ON, GUESS.
- UH, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST TELL ME?
- OH, IT'S MORE FUN IF
YOU GUESS. COME ON.
- OKAY, LET'S SEE NOW,
WHAT WOULD YOU PUT
IN A CARDBOARD BOX?
- Both: FROGS.
YEAH, 14 OF THEM,
ALMOST A DOZEN,
AND THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.
- 14 FROGS?
- YEAH, THEY WERE
OUT OF HORNED TOADS.
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD...
- A FELLA DON'T USUALLY
THINK OF FROGS AS BEAUTIFUL,
BUT THESE ARE THE MOST
BEAUTILOUS FROGS THAT EVER WERE.
- MAYNARD, HAVE YOU
GONE WIG OR SOMETHING?
YOU'VE GOT TO GET
RID OF THESE QUICK
BEFORE SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENS.
- WHAT AWFUL COULD HAPPEN?
AND I AIN'T GONNA ASK NO
MORE DUMB QUESTIONS EITHER.
- GOOD MORNING, MY YOUNG
THIRSTERS AFTER KNOWLEDGE.
AND I USE THE TERM WITH A
DEVIL-MAY-CARE ABANDON.
TODAY, WE ARE GOING TO DISCUSS
THE DRAMAS OF
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
AND HIS PLAYS ARE
UNIVERSALLY RECOGNIZED
AS THE OUTSTANDING EXAMPLES
OF DRAMA IN THE ENGLISH...
- DR. LIVINGSTON, I PRESUME.
NOW, IF I MAY BE SO BOLD,
I WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT WE
TURN TO OUR TEXTBOOKS, PAGE 208.
THERE WE WILL FIND ACT I
OF SHAKESPEARE'S
"OTHELLO," - [RIBBIT]
- WHERE THE AUTHOR...
WHAT WAS THAT?
- WHAT WAS WHAT?
- [RIBBIT]
- THAT.
- THAT WHAT?
- [RIBBIT RIBBIT]
- THAT THAT.
- WHICH THAT?
- [RIBBIT]
- SOMETHING'S FISHY AROUND HERE.
- NO FISHY. FROGGY.
- AAH! THERE'S
SOMETHING DOWN THERE.
IT BIT ME.
- IT WAS ME.
- OOH, IT'S ALL GREEN AND MOLDY.
- YEP, THAT WAS ME, ALL RIGHT.
- CLASS, SETTLE DOWN
NOW, SETTLE DOWN.
THIS IS STILL A SCHOOLROOM.
I WOULDN'T WANT
TO MAKE BOOK ON IT.
[RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT]
- ALL RIGHT, MR. KREBS, WHAT
IS THIS FROG DOING HERE?
- [RIBBIT]
- WHAT FROG?
- MR. GILLIS, MR. KREBS,
I AM GOING TO GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS...
- [ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- [RIBBIT]
- LIKE, JIGGERS, THE PRINCIPAL.
- DR. LIVINGSTON, I PRESUME?
MR. POMFRITT, WHAT
IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
- WELL, WELL, MR. NETTLETON,
I CAN EXPLAIN.
- OH?
- PATHETICALLY,
OF COURSE, BUT...
- I WANT THE CULPRITS
WHO WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS DISGRACEFUL
EXHIBITION TO STEP FORWARD.
- OKAY, CULPRIT, STEP FORWARD.
- MAYNARD. UH, I DID IT, SIR,
BUT, HONEST, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- ME TOO, SIR, AND MAN,
WAS IT AN ACCIDENT.
- OH, MR. GILLIS AND MR. KREBS.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
VERY WELL, I WANT YOU BOTH TO
REPORT TO MY OFFICE PROMPTLY
AT 9:00 TOMORROW MORNING,
WITH YOUR PARENTS,
ALL FOUR OF THEM.
- I ONLY GOT TWO.
- HELLO, BLABBERMOUTH.
- WELL, MAYNARD, HE WOULD
HAVE FOUND OUT ANYHOW.
AND BESIDES, IF
YOU TELL THE TRUTH,
YOU'LL NEVER GET
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- BYE.
- MAYNARD.
- KREBS, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?
- LIKE, OUT OF TOWN, SIR.
- WHEN DID THEY LEAVE?
- WHEN THEY HEARD I
WAS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- WHEN WILL THEY BE BACK?
- WHEN THEY HEAR I'M
OUT OF SERIOUS TROUBLE.
- NOW, LISTEN TO ME, KREBS,
SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE DONE
ABOUT THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN...
- MR. NETTLETON,
YOUR HONOR, SIR,
UH, MR. GILLIS AND I WILL BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR MAYNARD
UNTIL HIS PARENTS
RETURN. WON'T WE, HERBERT?
- YEAH, UH...
- DADDY.
- DISRUPTING A CLASS
THE WAY YOU BOYS DID
MAY SEEM A MINOR OFFENSE,
BUT IT INDICATES A WILLFUL
DISREGARD OF DISCIPLINE
AND THE RULES OF SOCIETY.
DOBIE, ARE YOU
GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?
- UH, SIR, WOULD YOU MIND
REPEATING THE QUESTION?
- DON'T...
- GUILTY, SIR.
- MAYNARD, WHAT ABOUT
YOU, GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?
- I DON'T KNOW YET, I HAVEN'T
HEARD ALL THE EVIDENCE.
I'M, LIKE, GUILTY,
SIR, LIKE, GUILTY.
- MR. NETTLETON, MAY
I SAY A FEW WORDS
IN DEFENSE OF THESE BOYS?
- BUT THEY'VE JUST
ADMITTED THEY'RE GUILTY.
- GUILTY OF WHAT, SIR?
RELEASING A FEW
FROGS IN MY CLASSROOM?
- 14.
- MAYNARD.
SIR, I SUBMIT THAT THE
IMPORTANT ISSUE HERE IS,
WHY DID DOBIE GILLIS
AND MAYNARD G. KREBS
BRING THOSE FROGS TO
CLASS IN THE FIRST PLACE?
- WHY, INDEED.
- YES. UH, NO. I MEAN, I...
I SUBMIT THAT THE ANSWER IS
NOT THE DESIRE FOR MISCHIEF,
BUT A SIMPLE CURIOSITY,
A CURIOSITY ABOUT THE
WORLD AROUND THEM,
A COMMENDABLE CURIOSITY
ABOUT THEIR FELLOW
CREATURES ON THIS PLANET.
THEY ARE INVESTIGATORS,
GREAT INQUIRERS, EXPERIMENTERS,
IN THE GREAT TRADITION OF
THE STORIED ARMY OF SCIENTISTS
WHO WENT BEFORE THEM.
- US, MR. P?
- SHUSH.
- YOU PRESENT A STRONG ARGUMENT
IN THEIR DEFENSE, MR. POMFRITT.
- SIR, IF WE PUNISH A
TOUCH OF OVER-ENTHUSIASM
IN THE STUDENTS' PURSUIT
OF SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE,
WHY, WE CRUSH THE
CREATIVE CURIOSITY
OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.
- YAY, MR. P!
- SHH.
- AS I STUDY THE FACES OF
THESE FUTURE SCIENTISTS,
I MUST CONFESS THAT I
STILL HAVE MY DOUBTS.
HOWEVER, I'M WILLING TO GO
ALONG WITH YOUR JUDGMENT,
MR. POMFRITT.
THE CHARGES ARE DISMISSED.
- ATTA BOY MR. N.
- AND MR. P TOO.
- SH-HUSH!
- IF THESE BOYS
WANT TO STUDY FROGS
TO SEE WHAT MAKES THEM TICK,
MORE POWER TO THEM.
BUT IF IT HAPPENS
AGAIN, SO HELP ME,
I'M GOING TO FIND OUT
WHAT MAKES YOU TICK.
- THANK YOU,
MR. POMFRITT, THANK YOU.
- WE'LL NEVER FORGET
YOU, MR. POMFRITT.
- YEAH, THANKS, POMFY, OLD MAN.
- YEAH, THANKS, POMFY, OLD MAN.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
BUT I'M WARNING YOU BOYS,
ONE MORE FROG IN MY CLASSROOM,
AND I'M GONNA FIND OUT
WHAT MAKES YOU TICK.
- YEAH, I'M GONNA FIND
OUT WHAT MAKES YOU...
- SHUSH.
- YEP, GOOD OLD MR. POMFRITT
REALLY CAME THROUGH
FOR US THAT TIME.
- I COULD NEVER LOOK A FROG
STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AGAIN.
- WE'VE GOT TO
CONVINCE MR. POMFRITT
THAT TEACHING'S THE
ONLY PLACE HE BELONGS IN.
HE'LL NEVER BE HAPPY
DOING ANYTHING ELSE.
- HEY, WHAT IF I, LIKE,
GO OVER AND SHOWED HIM
HOW GOOD HE LEARNED ME ENGLISH?
- NO OFFENSE, MAYNARD,
BUT OVER MY DEAD BODY.
- I COULD RECITE ALL
THE THINGS I KNOW,
LIKE, ALWAYS USE "I"
BEFORE "E" EXCEPT AFTER "C",
OR IS IT "I" BEFORE
"E" EXCEPT AFTER "S?"
- MAYNARD, IT... HEY...
HEY, IT'S A SENSATIONAL IDEA.
- OR IS IT "E" BEFORE
"I"? YOU, LIKE, LIKE IT?
- I, LIKE, LOVE IT.
- GREAT, WHEN DO
I START RECITING?
- YEAH, WELL, NOT
EXACTLY YOU, MAYNARD.
MOM, DAD, MR. POMFRITT'S
BEEN TEACHING
FOR AROUND 15 YEARS NOW, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- AND HE'S TURNED
OUT A LOT OF STUDENTS
WHO'VE ALREADY AMOUNTED TO
SOMETHING IN THE WORLD, RIGHT?
- RIGHT. JUST YESTERDAY I WAS
READING ABOUT THAT MONAHAN BOY.
HE'S BECOME A
PROFESSOR OR SOMETHING
OVER AT THE UNIVERSITY.
- RIGHT.
THIS TOWN'S LOADED WITH PEOPLE
WHO WERE STARTED UP
THE LADDER OF SUCCESS
BY MR. POMFRITT.
NOW, WHY COULDN'T
WE THROW A TESTIMONIAL
AND INVITE A BUNCH OF CENTRAL
HIGH GRADUATES WHO'VE MADE GOOD?
THEN MR. POMFRITT WOULD
SEE HOW IMPORTANT HIS WORK IS.
- OR IS IT "I" AFTER "E"...
- NOT NOW, MAYNARD.
- I AM SURE THAT THE
SCHOOL AUTHORITIES
WOULD LET YOU USE A CLASSROOM
FOR SUCH A WORTHY PURPOSE.
- YEAH, I'LL FURNISH
THE REFRESHMENTS.
DON'T INVITE OVER
15 PEOPLE, HUH?
- COME ON MAYNARD, LET'S SHOOT
OVER TO THE SCHOOL LIBRARY.
- YEAH, AND NO
BIG EATERS, EITHER.
- WE'LL GET THE
NAMES AND ADDRESSES
OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL GRADUATES
OUT OF THE OLD YEARBOOKS.
- OR IS "E" BEFORE "I?"
- SURE, WILMA KLUGG,
SHE'S GOT A BIG JOB DOWNTOWN
WITH SOME ADVERTISING COMPANY.
I KNEW SHE'D GO FAR.
- SHE HAD TO GO FAR.
WITH A FACE LIKE THAT,
WHO'S GONNA STOP HER?
- SHH.
- WELL, BROTHER,
HE'S RIGHT ABOUT
WILMA. WHAT A KISSER.
- SHH.
NOW, LET'S SEE NOW, WE'VE GOT
NAMES AND ADDRESS OF DOCTORS,
LAWYERS, ENGINEERS, PROFESSORS,
A CHEMIST, NEWSPAPER WRITER.
WHAT IMPORTANT
OCCUPATIONS ARE STILL MISSING?
- FLAGPOLE SITTING?
- HEY, LOOK. WALTER FUNK
FROM THE CLASS OF '43.
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT HIM?
- I SURE HAVE.
THE TEACHERS ARE ALL THE
TIME TELLING ME ABOUT HIM.
HE ALWAYS HAD HIS
NOSE STUCK IN SOME BOOK.
OOH, SQUARES LIKE THAT BUG ME,
ALL THE TIME TRYING TO MAKE
CATS LIKE ME LOOK STUPID.
- MAYNARD, WALTER FUNK
IS ONLY HEAD OF THE LOS
VANOS ATOMIC ENERGY PROJECT.
- SEE HOW MUCH
TROUBLE HE WENT TO
TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID?
- SHH!
- SHH, YOURSELF. WE'RE
MEMBERS OF THE ARMED FORCES.
- MAYNARD.
WE'VE GOT ENOUGH NAMES NOW.
LET'S WRITE OUT THE INVITATIONS
SO WE CAN MAIL THEM TODAY.
NOW, UH, JUST WRITE,
UH, DEAR ALUMNI...
- WELL, HOLD IT HOLD
IT, HOW DO YOU SPELL IT?
- ALUMNI, A-L-U...
- NO, NO, NO, DEAR.
- UH, I'LL, UH, I'LL WRITE.
- AH, GEE, DOBE,
I WANT TO DO MY SHARE
OF THE WORK. WORK?!
- SHH.
- SHH.
- SHH.
- OKAY, OKAY, YOU CAN MAIL THE
LETTERS AND LICK THE STAMPS.
- CAN I, LIKE, TO DO IT
THE OTHER WAY AROUND?
IT'LL BE KIND OF TOUGH
LICKING THE STAMPS
ONCE THEY'RE IN THE BOX.
- GEE, IT'S 8:00 AND NOBODY'S
HERE YET. I'M WORRIED.
- WHAT'S TO WORRY ABOUT?
MAYNARD G. KREBS IS ON THE JOB.
- MAYNARD, ARE YOU SURE YOU...
- AW, LEAVE HIM ALONE,
THE POOR SHNOOK.
- YEAH, LEAVE ME ALONE,
THE POOR SHNOOK.
- HE'S DOING HIS BEST TO
KEEP MR. POMFRITT HERE,
LIKE THE REST OF US ALUMNI.
- YOU TOO?
- YOU BET, FLOYD
TRIGBY, CLASS OF '52.
- DOBIE GILLIS, CLASS OF '60.
- WINIFRED GILLIS, NO COMMENT.
- I'VE GOT A BUNCH
OF LETTERS HERE
WITH THE RETURN
ADDRESS FOR A DOBIE GILLIS.
- DOBIE GILLIS.
I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
HEY, THESE ARE THE INVITATIONS.
MAYNARD, YOU SAID YOU
SAID YOU MAILED THEM.
- I DID, HONEST, DOBE.
AND YOU DROPPED
THEM IN THE MAILBOX
ON THE CORNER OF 4th AND WILLOW?
- LIKE, TRUE, YOU SEE?
- ONLY IT ISN'T A MAILBOX.
IT HAPPENS TO BE A STORAGE BOX.
- LIKE, RIGHT, AND THAT'S
WHY I HAD TO USE A CROWBAR
TO GET THEM LETTERS IN THERE.
- THEY'VE BEEN IN
THERE FOR THREE DAYS.
- YEAH, YOU SEE, I DID... OH.
- MAYNARD, HOW
COULD YOU DO SUCH A...
AH, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?
IT WAS AN IMPOSSIBLE
IDEA, ANYHOW.
- I'M NOTHING BUT A
POOR MISERABLE SHNOOK.
- MR. POMFRITT'S MIND'S MADE
UP AND WE COULDN'T CHANGE IT.
- MR. POMFRITT, THE TEACHER?
- YEAH,
WE WERE TRYING TO KEEP
HIM FROM QUITTING HIS JOB.
- MR. POMFRITT
LEAVE CENTRAL HIGH?
HE CAN'T DO THAT. HE WAS
THE BEST TEACHER WE EVER HAD.
- DID YOU GO TO
CENTRAL HIGH, TOO?
- DIDN'T EVERYBODY?
SURE, MONTY
FERGUSON, CLASS OF '49.
AND YOU HAD TO
GO FOUL THINGS UP.
YOU LAMEBRAIN.
- YEAH, I BROUGHT THE ICE CREAM.
- DAD.
- PUSH THE VANILLA,
IT'S SIX CENTS A GALLON CHEAPER.
- DAD?
- HEY, AND LOOK
WHAT ELSE I BROUGHT?
- I'M MYRTLE TARANTINO,
MY HUSBAND CLYDE.
- CLYDE TARANTINO, HOW DO?
- HOW DO?
- WE WENT TO CENTRAL HIGH, TOO,
CLYDE AND ME.
WE WAS IN THE GROCERY
STORE SHOPPING
WHEN YOUR FATHER STARTED
OUT WITH THE ICE CREAM.
WELL, NATURALLY, WE
COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING.
- MYRTLE EAVESDROPS.
- I SURE DO, BABY. WHAT
CAN WE DO TO HELP?
WE DON'T WANT TO SEE
MR. POMFRITT LEAVE, EITHER.
- MYRTLE'S VERY SENTIMENTAL.
- OH, I SURE AM, SWEETIE.
- UH, LOOK IT'S,
UH, IT'S WONDERFUL
THAT ALL OF YOU WANT TO HELP,
REALLY WONDERFUL, BUT, UH,
WE HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE
WITH THE, UH, INVITATIONS,
SO THE WHOLE, UH,
TESTIMONIAL IS CALLED OFF.
- CALLED OFF? OOH,
I GOTTA... MAYNARD.
- HOW COME YOU BLAME ME?
- WHEN SOMETHING
GOES WRONG, WHO ELSE?
- I'M GONNA BASH THAT
KNUCKLEHEAD AND LITTLE TWERP.
- NO MYRTLE, PLEASE,
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
MAYNARD COULDN'T HELP IT.
- WELL, GOOD EVENING, MY...
- WHY, MR. POMFRITT, HELLO.
- HELLO, FLOYD.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- MONTY? HOW ARE YOU?
MYRTLE KLUG, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU FOR YEARS.
- WELL, IT'S MYRTLE
TARANTINO NOW, MR. POMFRITT.
WE'RE MARRIED
AND HAVE FIVE KIDS.
- OH, NO WONDER I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU FOR YEARS.
MR. GILLIS, ARE YOU
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
- WELL, YES, SIR.
- I'M VERY ANGRY
WITH YOU, MR. GILLIS.
WHEN YOU ASKED ME
TO COME HERE TONIGHT
AND I ACCEPTED YOUR INVITATION,
I DIDN'T EXPECT
ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
- WELL, I'M SORRY, MR. POMFRITT.
- OF COURSE, I'M GRATEFUL
FOR YOUR EFFORTS
TO KEEP ME ON HERE
AT CENTRAL HIGH.
IT'S VERY
HEARTWARMING, BUT, WELL,
IT'S JUST COMPLETELY
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
ALL THIS IS VERY EMBARRASSING.
- PLEASE FORGIVE
ME, MR. POMFRITT.
THE WHOLE IDEA WAS A DUD.
WE WERE GOING TO HAVE
A BUNCH OF YOUR MOST
SUCCESSFUL GRADUATES...
YOU KNOW, DOCTORS,
LAWYERS, PROFESSORS, LIKE THAT,
TO TELL YOU HOW HELPFUL
YOU WERE TO THEM.
BUT, UH, BUT IT JUST
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
I'M SORRY, MR. POMFRITT.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
PUT YOU ON THE SPOT.
LOOK, LET'S JUST
FORGET THE WHOLE THING
AND EVERYBODY GO HOME, HUH?
- WITHOUT EATING?
- MAYNARD, PIPE DOWN.
- WELL, I THINK UNDER
THE CIRCUMSTANCES,
MAYBE GOING HOME
IS THE BEST IDEA.
- WITHOUT EATING?
- MAYNARD, PIPE DOWN.
- JUST A DARN MINUTE.
LOOK, MAYBE WE'RE NOT
PROFESSORS OR DOCTORS
OR LAWYERS, BUT WE GRADUATED
FROM CENTRAL HIGH, TOO.
WE'VE GOT A RIGHT TO
BE HEARD, MR. POMFRITT.
- SHE'S RIGHT, MR. POMFRITT,
ORDINARY FOLKS LIKE US
WE GET A LOT OUT OF
GOING TO SCHOOL, TOO.
AND YOU OUGHT TO
STICK AROUND AND LISTEN,
LIKE MRS. TARANTINO SAYS.
- OH, YOU CALL ME MYRTLE.
- OKAY, MYRTLE.
- OH.
LOOK, MR. POMFRITT,
YOU TAKE ME, FOR INSTANCE.
I MEAN, I PUT IN A
MAN-KILLING DAY,
WHAT WITH THOSE SCREAMING
KIDS AND A HOUSE TO CLEAN
AND A HUSBAND THAT
EATS LIKE A HORSE,
AND, UM, NO OFFENSE, HONEY.
- NO OFFENSE, DOLL-FACE,
YOUR COOKING DOES IT.
- ANYWAY, BY
NIGHTTIME, I AM BUSHED.
I MEAN, CONKED OUT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
I DO? I SIT ME DOWN
AND READ A BOOK. MM-HMM, A BOOK.
- MYRTLE.
- NO, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
I'M NOT FINISHED YET.
MAYBE YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY,
ME SITTING DOWN TO READ A BOOK.
WELL, I'VE READ ME LOTS
OF INTERESTING BOOKS
IN THE LAST, UH, SIX, EIGHT
YEARS SINCE I GRADUATED.
AND IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR
YOUR CLASSES, MR. POMFRITT,
I WOULD NEVER HAVE
GOT PAST DICK TRACY.
- MAN, HE'S THE WILDEST.
ON SUNDAY HE ALWAYS
WEARS THAT GREEN HAT
AND A YELLOW COAT.
- CLAM UP, KID,
OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO BELT YOU.
- I'LL GO ALONG WITH
MYRTLE, MR. POMFRITT.
I MEAN, THIS JOB I GOT
AIN'T THE GREATEST IN TOWN,
BUT IT GIVES ME TIME TO THINK.
AND IF IT WASN'T FOR ALL THAT
TALKING WE DID IN YOUR CLASS,
I WOULDN'T EVEN
KNOW HOW TO THINK.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- I THINK I DO,
MR. TRIGBY, I THINK I DO.
- ME, WHAT I REMEMBER
FROM YOUR CLASS
IS POETRY, MOSTLY,
AND THE WAY YOU WERE
ALL THE TIME EXPLAINING IT.
I MEAN, LIKE, TAKE A SKY.
OH, IT... IT'S A SKY, SURE,
BUT ALSO, IT'S
A... IT'S A BLANKET
OR... OR A ROOF OR A CANOPY
OR A WINDOW,
OVERLOOKING THE UNIVERSE,
DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
I MEAN, THE WAY YOU
EXPLAINED US POETRY,
I FIND MYSELF
LOOKING AT EVERYTHING
ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT.
- MR. TARANTINO,
THAT'S A MOST IMPRESSIVE
DEFINITION OF POETRY.
- WATCHING TELEVISION
TIRES ME OUT,
AND TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS.
BUT BOOKS ARE
RESTFUL-LIKE, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, IT'S JUST
YOU AND THE STORY.
AND YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IT.
THERE'S NOTHING TO
TANGLE UP YOUR HEAD.
- MR. POMFRITT.
- OH, MONTY,
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN YEARS, EITHER.
- YEAH, I'VE BEEN BUSY.
YOU KNOW, RAIN AND SNOW
AND DARK OF NIGHT,
AND ALL LIKE THAT.
- OH, YOU'RE ONE OF
OUR UNSUNG HEROES.
- YEAH. HEY, MR. POMFRITT,
DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU USED
TO TALK TO US ABOUT BIRD-WATCHING?
- YEAH. I REMEMBER, ALSO,
HOW I USED TO SEND YOU
TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
WHEN YOU'D BURST INTO
UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER
EVERY TIME I MENTIONED IT.
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT?
BOY, THINGS SURE HAVE CHANGED.
YOU KNOW HOW COME I
DECIDED TO BECOME A MAILMAN?
- MM-MM.
- IT'S ON ACCOUNT
OF DELIVERING MAIL
IS OUTSIDE WORK,
WHERE I COULD WALK A LOT
AND LOOK AT THE BIRDS.
- YOU'RE KIDDING?
- WHO'S KIDDING?
YOU HAPPEN TO BE
LOOKING AT THE PRESIDENT
OF THE WESTSIDE
BIRDWATCHERS SOCIETY.
AND GUESS WHAT?
- WHAT?
- YESTERDAY, WE SAW
OUR FIRST
YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER
OF THE SEASON.
- NO.
- AND IF IT WASN'T FOR
YOU, MR. POMFRITT,
I PROBABLY WOULD
HAVE TOOK A JOB INSIDE
BEHIND SOME DESK SOMEWHERE,
NEVER GETTING A LOOK AT A
YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER
OR A TUFT-HEADED IBIS.
CRIMINY, WHAT A WASTE.
- MONTY, I'M DEEPLY TOUCHED.
- THAT GOES FOR ME,
TOO, MR. POMFRITT, SIR.
I KNOW I WASN'T THE BEST
STUDENT YOU EVER HAD,
BUT THEN I WASN'T THE WORST.
YEAH, I GUESS I WAS THE WORST.
- THAT IS TRUE,
MAYNARD. NO OFFENSE.
BUT GOING TO YOUR CLASSES
DID ME A LOT OF GOOD,
JUST LIKE IT DID EVERYBODY.
YOU SHOULDN'T OUGHTA LEAVE,
BECAUSE THERE'S A
LOT MORE PEOPLE LIKE US
THAN SCIENTISTS AND ENGINEERS
AND CATS WHO MESS AROUND
WITH PLATONIC ENERGY.
- UH, MAYNARD, THAT'S ATOMIC.
- MR. POMFRITT, AT
FIRST I WAS PRETTY UPSET
BECAUSE THIS TESTIMONIAL
PARTY FELL APART,
AND WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY IMPORTANT
GRADUATES HERE TO TALK TO YOU.
BUT NOW I'M GLAD IT HAPPENED.
I MEAN, SURE, SOME
OF THE STUDENTS
WHO WENT THROUGH YOUR CLASSES
TURNED OUT TO BE
HOWLING SUCCESSES.
BUT THEY WOULD HAVE
MADE GOOD ANYHOW.
NO, THE KIDS YOU REALLY
HELPED ARE THE ONES LIKE US,
THE ORDINARY KIDS.
WE LEARNED THINGS FROM
JUST BEING IN YOUR CLASSES
THAT MADE ALL OF
US BETTER PEOPLE,
WITH MORE UNDERSTANDING
OF WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND US,
WITH MORE... WELL,
JUST BETTER PEOPLE.
THAT'S THE ONLY
WAY I CAN PUT IT.
- MR. GILLIS, SOMETIMES,
IN THE NOISE AND EXCITEMENT
OF... OF RUNNING A CLASS,
A TEACHER LOSES
SIGHT OF THE GOALS
THAT HE SET OUT TO REACH.
AND I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR REMINDING ME OF THEM.
YOU PEOPLE ARE
MY REAL TROPHIES...
ORDINARY, DOWN-TO-EARTH,
WONDERFUL PEOPLE
WHO... WHO READ
BOOKS AND POETRY,
AND WATCH BIRDS BECAUSE
YOU HONESTLY LOVE DOING IT,
NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO LIKE IT.
THE COMMON MAN, IF YOU WILL.
- YEAH, WE'RE, LIKE,
COMMON, ALL RIGHT.
- YOU SURE ARE,
MAYNARD. ALL OF YOU ARE,
AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT.
- PLEASE, MR. POMFRITT,
DON'T LEAVE US.
- YEAH, STICK AROUND,
POMFY. BE A SPORT.
- STAY, BECAUSE...
- ALL RIGHT, NOW,
QUIET. QUIET, STUDENTS,
AND MR. GILLIS AND MRS. GILLIS.
[CLEARS THROAT]
ABOUT THAT SIGN, DOBIE.
- "MR. POMFRITT, DON'T GO"?
- LET'S GET RID OF IT.
WHO'S GOING ANYPLACE?
- OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- GEE, DOBE, I'M
GETTING, LIKE, ALL MISTY.
- MAYNARD, THIS IS
THE HAPPIEST DAY
IN THE HISTORY OF CENTRAL
HIGH. WHAT'S TO CRY ABOUT?
- LIKE, TRUE, BUT I'M CRYING
FOR MR. POMFRITT'S FAMILY.
THE POOR SOULS
WILL STARVE TO DEATH.
- MAYNARD.
- NO, THEY WON'T, MR. KREBS.
WHY, IF MY WIFE HAS TO
CONTINUE BABYSITTING,
I'LL... I'LL JUST SIT WITH HER.
IN FACT, I MIGHT EVEN GET
SOME CUSTOMERS OF MY OWN.
AND IF I HAVE TO WORK NIGHTS,
I'LL GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO IT,
BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO
DRAG ME AWAY FROM TEACHING,
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO,
AND DOGGONE IT, I'M GONNA DO IT.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING, POMFRITT.
- YOU'RE AN "A" STUDENT
WITH ME, MR. POMFRITT.
- IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I
GET ALL MISTY NOW?
- GET IN LINE,
MAYNARD, GET IN LINE.
- YOU AIN'T SEEN THE DAY
YOU CAN GYP HERBERT T. GILLIS,
TRYING TO OVERCHARGE ME A
HALF CENT A POUND FOR COFFEE.
OOH, YOU CROOK, YOU.
- HERBERT, YOU SPENT THREE HOURS
FINDING A MISTAKE THAT'LL
SAVE YOU ONE DOLLAR.
- SO WHAT, REMEMBER IT'S...
- THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.
- NO, IT AIN'T, IT'S THE MONEY.
- WELL, MR. GILLIS, HOW
MUCH DO I OWE YOU?
- OH, LET'S SEE, THAT'LL BE, UH,
$3.00 EVEN.
- 3?
- LOOK, THOSE ARE THE
PRICES THAT PREVAIL.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. THERE ARE
OTHER STORES IN TOWN, YOU KNOW.
NOBODY'S DRAGGING YOU HERE.
YOU CAME IN OF YOUR OWN ACCORD.
- DAD, THAT WAS A MAGNIFICENT,
GENEROUS THING TO
DO. I'M PROUD OF YOU.
- YOU'RE WONDERFUL, DEAR.
WHY, THOSE GROCERIES MUST...
- $6.41 EXACTLY,
BUT WHO COUNTS WHEN YOU'RE
HELPING A GREAT TEACHER
LIKE MR. POMFRITT?
- DAD, WE CAN NEVER
THANK YOU ENOUGH.
- OH, SURE YOU CAN.
IT'LL ONLY TAKE YOU
FOUR OR FIVE HOURS.
I FIGURE THAT THE TWO OF
YOU AT 50 CENTS AN HOUR,
YOU CAN PAY ME BACK
WHAT POMFRITT COST ME
BEFORE DINNERTIME.
- DAD.
- GET TO WORK.
- WORK!
- AND ON THE DOUBLE.
HUP, 2, 3, 4, HUP, 2, 3, 4.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪