The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 27 - Spaceville - full transcript

- GENERAL, I AM HAPPY TO REPORT
THAT THE TECHNICAL PROBLEMS

OF OPERATION MOONSHOT
HAVE BEEN SOLVED.

WE ARE NOW READY TO
LAUNCH OUR MISSILE INTO SPACE.

- EXCELLENT.

- AND I AM HAPPY TO REPORT
THAT ALL HUMAN PROBLEMS

INVOLVED IN OPERATION
MOONSHOT HAVE ALSO BEEN SOLVED.

- EXCELLENT.

- EXCEPT FOR ONE LITTLE THING.

- OH?

- WE'VE TESTED
HUNDREDS OF YOUNG MEN

TO BE LAUNCHED INTO SPACE,



FINE, STRONG, INTELLIGENT,
CAPABLE SPECIMENS.

- TOP DRAWER.

- BUT THAT IS PRECISELY THE
TROUBLE WITH OUR EXPERIMENT.

WE'VE TESTED ONLY
SUPERIOR SPECIMENS.

THE AVERAGE MAN IS
NEITHER SO STRONG

NOR SO INTELLIGENT
NOR SO CAPABLE.

- TRUE, TRUE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU
SUGGEST, DOCTOR?

- WELL, SINCE MOST
OF OUR MISSILE FLIGHTS

WILL BE CARRIED OUT BY
AVERAGE, NOT SUPERIOR, PERSONS,

IT IS VITAL THAT WE
CARRY OUT ONE MORE TEST.

LET US FIND NOT THE
MOST STRONG, INTELLIGENT

AND CAPABLE BUT
THE LEAST STRONG,

INTELLIGENT AND CAPABLE.



- EXCELLENT!

- ONCE WE KNOW HOW MUCH

SUCH AN INFERIOR
SPECIMEN CAN STAND,

THEN WE'LL KNOW HOW
MUCH ANYONE CAN STAND.

- THAT IS HIGH-LEVEL
THINKING, DOCTOR.

- I WILL PUT OUR
ENTIRE ORGANIZATION

TO WORK AT ONCE TO
FIND SUCH A SPECIMEN.

- GENTLEMEN, OUR
CALCULATING MACHINES

HAVE BEEN WORKING DAY AND
NIGHT SORTING OUT CANDIDATES

FOR OPERATION MOONSHOT.

- WELL, HAVE YOU FOUND OUR MAN?

- SCIENTIFIC TECHNOLOGY HAS
COME UP WITH EXACTLY THE MAN

WE'RE LOOKING FOR,
THE LEAST STRONG,

LEAST CAPABLE, LEAST
INTELLIGENT HUMAN

WE COULD POSSIBLY FIND.

- YOU RANG?

♪ DOBIE ♪

[SCATTING]

♪ DOBIE ♪

[SCATTING]

[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪

[SCATTING]

- SINCE I GOT INTO THE
ARMY A FEW MONTHS AGO

I'VE BEEN PROUD OF MANY THINGS,

THE WAY MY PLATOON
SHAPED UP INTO A REAL,

TOUGH, FIGHTING OUTFIT,

THEY WAY OUR MUSCLES
HAVE HARDENED,

THE WAY WE'VE LEARNED
TO DISH IT OUT AND TO TAKE IT

AND THE STOUT-HEARTED WAY

MY FRIEND MAYNARD
G. KREBS BEHAVED

WHEN HE FOUND OUT EXACTLY

WHAT KIND OF AN EXPERIMENT
HE'D BEEN CHOSEN FOR.

- LET ME OUT OF HERE!

I AIN'T GONNA GO ZOOMING
INTO THAT WILD BLUE

OUT THERE YONDER.

LET ME OUT OF HERE!

- MAYNARD!

MAYNARD, IT'S AN HONOR
THAT THEY CHOSE YOU.

THINK OF WHAT YOU'LL
BE DOING FOR SCIENCE.

- LET SCIENCE LOOK
OUT FOR HIMSELF.

I AIN'T HEADING FOR THE
MOON. I'VE GOT ENOUGH TROUBLE

RIGHT HERE ON DRY LAND.

- PRIVATE KREBS,

YOU WON'T BE ZOOMING
OUT ANYWHERE.

THIS IS A GROUND EXPERIMENT.

- YOU'LL SIMPLY BE SEALED OFF

IN A DUMMY SPACE CAPSULE
TO TEST YOUR REACTIONS.

- ALL ALONE IN ONE
OF THEM TIN CANS?

OH, NO, I GET, LIKE,
LONESOME IN CROWDED MOVIES.

- MAYNARD!

YOU GOT TO WATCH
HIM. HE'S KIND OF TRICKY.

- AT EASE, KREBS.

YOU WON'T BE ALONE.

THERE'S ANOTHER
PARTICIPANT IN THIS EXPERIMENT,

CORPORAL KILROY.

- CORPORAL KILROY?

- NOW, YOU TWO WILL BE
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.

I'D BETTER INTRODUCE YOU.

CORPORAL KILROY, WILL
YOU COME IN HERE, PLEASE?

- MAN, THEY KEEP TRYING
TO GET ME TO SHAVE.

- PRIVATE GILLIS, PRIVATE KREBS,

THIS IS CORPORAL KILROY.

- ONLY THREE FEET
TALL AND A CORPORAL.

MUST HAVE ELDERS
UP IN HIGH PLACES.

- THIS EXPERIMENT IS THE
FINAL DRESS REHEARSAL

FOR KILROY.

FOR A YEAR NOW WE'VE
BEEN PREPARING HIM

TO BE THE FIRST
CHIMP IN OUTER SPACE.

- [SCREECHING]

- YOU'RE GONNA SEND THAT
POOR LITTLE TWO-LEGGED CAT

OUT TO SPACEVILLE?

- DON'T WORRY, KILROY,

WE'LL BRING YOU DOWN SAFELY.

- DOBE, I'M GETTING,
LIKE, SCARED.

I WANNA GET UP
THERE WITH HIM, TOO.

- MAYNARD!

- I WARNED YOU TO BE CAREFUL.

THAT CREATURE IS THE
BACKBONE OF OUR EXPERIMENT

AND SO IS THE CHIMP.

- WE'RE TRYING OUR BEST
TO CALM THEM DOWN, SIR.

THEY'RE BOTH
FRIGHTENED TO DEATH.

- WELL, TALK TO THEM.

TELL THEM THEY
HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.

USE REASON, COMMON SENSE, LOGIC.

- WELL, ACCORDING TO OUR SURVEY,
THAT MIGHT WORK ON THE CHIMP,

SIR, BUT I'M NOT
SO SURE OF KREBS.

- SIR, MAY I TALK TO
PRIVATE KREBS, PLEASE?

- OH, YES, GO AHEAD, SON.

DO YOUR PATRIOTIC BIT TO
SAVE OPERATION MOONSHOT.

- YES, SIR.

MAYNARD, MAYNARD,

IT ISN'T OFTEN THAT A
FELLA GETS A CHANCE

LIKE YOU'RE BEING OFFERED
TO SERVE YOUR COUNTRY,

TO SERVE SCIENCE,

TO MAKE THIS A BETTER WORLD.

- COULDN'T I DO ALL
THEM THINGS HOME IN BED?

- THIS IS THE KIND OF ASSIGNMENT

A MAN SHOULD BE
PROUD TO UNDERTAKE.

IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH
IT YOU'LL BE A BETTER MAN

AND CIVILIZATION
WILL BE BETTER OFF

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONTRIBUTION.

- GEE, DOBE, I'M
GETTING, LIKE, ALL MISTY.

- AH, THERE, THERE, MAYNARD.

- THERE, THERE, KILROY.

IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT.

- KREBS AND THAT CHIMP
ARE GOING TO PRESENT

TREMENDOUS DIFFICULTIES.

LOCKED IN THAT
CAPSULE FOR A MONTH,

THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT THEY'LL DO.

- WHAT WE NEED IS
SOMEBODY TO CONTROL THEM.

- EXACTLY.

- DR. HALSEY, YOU MEAN...

- RIGHT. THERE'S ONLY ONE
OTHER MAN ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL

TO THE SUCCESS OF
OUR SPACE PROGRAM.

- YES.

- NO!

- COULDN'T WE, LIKE,
TRADE THIS GIG IN

FOR EIGHT YEARS ON KP? HUH?

- WE CAN PEEL POTATOES
LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

- QUIET, GILLIS, KREBS.

NOW I ORDER ALL OF YOU
TO STOP BEING AFRAID.

THIS IS ONLY A DUMMY
SPACE CAPSULE.

IT'S NEVER GOING TO
LEAVE THE GROUND.

THE REAL ONE IS OVER HERE.

THIS IS THE ONE THAT'S
GOING UP INTO SPACE.

NOW, YOU THREE PIONEERS
ARE GOING TO BE SEALED OFF

IN THIS CAPSULE FOR
THE NEXT 30 DAYS.

THAT'S SO WE CAN
OBSERVE YOUR BEHAVIOR

UNDER THE CRAMPED CONDITIONS,

THE ENDLESS MONOTONY

AND THE TERRIBLE
LONELINESS OF SPACE PATROL.

YOU'LL EAT NOTHING BUT THE
CONCENTRATED FOOD PELLETS

IN THIS GLASS JAR.

ONCE THAT PORTHOLE CLOSES,

YOU'LL BE AS COMPLETELY CUT
OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD

AS IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY
RACING TOWARDS THE MOON.

- BUT COULDN'T WE
MAKE, LIKE, A SHORT TRIP,

LIKE, TO CLEVELAND?

- FROM TIME TO TIME WE'LL
OBSERVE YOUR BEHAVIOR

THROUGH THE PORTHOLE.

ANY MORE QUESTIONS BEFORE
WE CLOSE THE PORTHOLE?

- YES, SIR, COLONEL, I
HAVE, LIKE, A QUESTION.

AIN'T I, LIKE, TOO
PUNY AND SICKLY

AND DELICATE TO MAKE A
LONG TRIP TO THE MOON?

- ALL RIGHT, MEN, LOAD
IT UP. GOOD LUCK, MEN.

- WELCOME TO INSECURE AIRLINES.
- MAYNARD.

- CARE FOR SOME CHEWING GUM?
- LOOK.

- COFFEE, TEA OR MILK, SIR?
- MAYNARD, TAKE A NAP.

- WAKE ME WHEN
WE PASS CLEVELAND.

- MAYNARD.

- WELL, GENTLEMEN,

I JUST FLEW IN FROM WASHINGTON.

WELL, WHAT'S THE MEN'S CONDITION
AFTER EIGHT DAYS IN THE CABIN?

- ONE IS SLEEPING.

- OH, KREBS?

- GILLIS.

- ONE IS PACING ANXIOUSLY,
SHOWING ANXIETY.

- KREBS?

- NO, THE CHIMP.

- HE'S CLIMBING
UP INTO THE PIPES.

- THE CHIMP?

- NO, KREBS.
- AHA!

THE STRAIN IS BEGINNING TO TELL.

HE'S STARTING TO TWIRL A YO-YO.

- KREBS?

- THE CHIMP.

- WELL, WHAT KIND OF
CONDITION ARE THEY IN?

- WE WON'T KNOW
UNTIL WE GIVE THEM

A THOROUGH PHYSICAL EXAMINATION
AT THE END OF THE 15th DAY.

- NOW THEY'RE STARTING A
REGULAR AFTERNOON CARD GAME.

- OH, GILLIS AND KREBS.

- NO, GILLIS AND THE CHIMP.

KREBS IS STILL UP IN THE PIPES.

- WE MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE NOW.

WE'LL NEVER LEARN ANYTHING
FROM THEIR CARD GAMES.

THEY ALWAYS TURN OUT THE SAME.

- OH, LET'S QUIT.

I DON'T WANT ANYBODY
TO LOSE TOO MUCH MONEY.

- DARN, HE DOES IT EVERY TIME.

- IT AIN'T FAIR.
HE USES HIS FEET.

- YEAH.

- HEY, DOBE, I GOT AN IDEA.
LET'S GET SOME FOOD. FOOD?

- MAYNARD, PLEASE,
SAVE THAT FOR WORK.

- WORK?

- MAYNARD, YOU CAN'T
EAT. YOU JUST HAD LUNCH.

- SOME LUNCH.

TOO MISERABLE LITTLE
PILLS WASHED DOWN

BY TWO MORE
MISERABLE LITTLE PILLS.

HEY, DOBE, JUST THIS
ONCE CAN'T I HAVE SECONDS?

- WELL, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO...

BUT I GUESS NOBODY'S
LOOKING, SO OKAY.

BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME.

[MONKEY CHATTERING]

- AND ONE FOR MY FUZZY BUDDY.

- LIKE, GLOOM TIME,
HUH, FUZZY BUDDY?

ME, TOO. WE'RE STASHED AWAY

IN THIS OUTER SPACE TIN CAN

LIKE A BUNCH OF SARDINES.

SARDINES?

OH, NICE, JUICY, OILY SARDINES
WITH RYE BREAD AND BUTTER.

CHOCOLATE COOKIES AND DONUTS

AND YOU NEED ENERGY, KREBS.

YOU ARE A HUNGRY DREAMER.

OH, IT'S NO USE TRYING
TO BUST OUT, FUZZY BUDDY.

THIS IS THE ALCATRAZ
OF SPACEVILLE.

WE'RE GONNA BE STUCK...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

YOU'RE, LIKE, DIGGING
AN ESCAPE HATCH.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE, LIKE, DOING.

OH, BOY, AND YOU KNOW
WHAT'S OUT THERE, FUZZY BUDDY?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE? FOOD.

FOOD!

OH, LIKE, WOW.

OH, BOY, AND NO, I CAN'T DO IT.

[MONKEY SCREECHES]

- MAYNARD, WILL YOU HOLD IT
DOWN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- NOTHING, GOOD BUDDY, NOTHING.

YOU JUST GO RIGHT
BACK TO SLEEP, HUH?

[HUMMING]

SHH, DON'T WAKE
HIM UP. HE'S SQUARE,

AND HE DON'T,
LIKE, DIG CHEATING,

AND THAT'S WHAT
WE'RE DOING, CHEATING.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING
OUR COUNTRY ON AN EXPERIMENT,

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

AND MY CONSCIENCE
WON'T LET ME DO IT ANYHOW.

BUT MY STOMACH'S
GROWLING SO LOUD

I CAN'T HEAR MY CONSCIENCE.

AH, IF I GO THEY'LL SHOOT
ME FOR A DESERTER.

'COURSE, IF I STAY,
I'LL BE SO SKINNY

THEY WON'T HAVE
NOTHING TO SHOOT.

- OH, MAYNARD G.
KREBS, WHAT ARE YOU?

STRONG, PATRIOTIC,
SELF-SACRIFICING,

HEROIC COWARD WHO'S
GONNA HELP HIS COUNTRY

OR A WEAK, COWARDLY,
WISHY-WASHY, HUNGRY COWARD

WHO'S GONNA FIND HIMSELF A BIG,

SIZZLING, SUCCULENT,
SAVORY STEAK TO EAT?

AND I JUST ANSWERED
MY OWN QUESTION.

[MONKEY SQUEALING]

YOU WAIT HERE
WHILE I GET OUT FIRST.

COME ON, FUZZY BUDDY, COME ON.

NOW, NOW, FUZZY BUDDY.

WHICH WAY TO THE MESS HALL?

HERE WE GO.

- MAYNARD?

- YEAH, GOOD BUDDY?

- MAYNARD, I MUST BE DREAMING,

BUT WHAT A DREAM.

I SMELL ROAST CHICKEN

AND POTATOES SWIMMING
IN BUTTER AND HOT APPLE PIE.

- MAN, YOU'RE SURE
DREAMING UP A SLEW OF KICKS.

YOU BETTER HEAD
BACK TO SLEEPSVILLE.

HEY, DOBE, SINCE WE'RE STUCK
WITH THEM LITTLE WHITE PILLS

AND SINCE WE'RE ALL
AMERICAN TYPE HEROES,

WE OUGHT TO, LIKE, USE WILLPOWER

AND NEVER GIVE WAY
TO, LIKE, TEMPTATION.

- MAYNARD, WHERE'D YOU
GET THAT ROAST CHICKEN?

- HEY, YOU'RE STARTING
TO TALK REAL GOOD.

WELL, WELL, WELL,
FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE
WAS HERE, YOU LITTLE FINK?

- NICE GOING, MAYNARD.

NOW YOU'VE RUINED
THE WHOLE EXPERIMENT.

YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO
TELL THE COLONEL ABOUT THIS.

- DOBE, YOU'D RAT ON ME?

- MAYNARD, HOW ABOUT SCIENCE?

HOW ABOUT SPACE TRAVEL?

HOW ABOUT THE
CONQUERING OF NEW WORLDS?

- HOW ABOUT A SLICE
OF ROAST CHICKEN?

WE SNUCK IT FROM THE MESS HALL.

DOBE, YOU WOULDN'T
SQUEAL ON ME, WOULD YOU?

- IT WON'T BE SQUEALING.

IT'S MY PATRIOTIC...
AH, NO, MAYNARD,

I DRAGGED YOU INTO
THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I CAN'T RAT ON YOU NOW.

- YOU'LL NEVER
REGRET IT, GOOD BUDDY,

BECAUSE WHAT'S IT GONNA HURT?

I MEAN, WHO'S EVER
GONNA FIND OUT

ME AND THE CHIMP
HAVE BEEN EATING?

- AMAZING! KREBS AND THE CHIMP

HAVE BEEN IN THAT
CABIN FOR 15 DAYS

AND EACH HAS GAINED 15 POUNDS!

IT'S A MIRACLE OF
MEDICAL SCIENCE.

- THAT'S WHAT THEY BEEN SAYING
ABOUT ME EVER SINCE I WAS BORN.

- COLONEL? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
COLONEL, I HAVE A REQUEST.

- REQUEST DENIED.

- BUT YOU HAVEN'T
EVEN HEARD IT YET.

- SOMETHING TO DO WITH
GETTING OUT OF THE REST

OF THE EXPERIMENT, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.

- SO?
- SO?

- REQUEST DENIED.
- REQUEST DENIED.

- ALL RIGHT, MEN,
BACK IN THE CABIN.

ALL EXCEPT YOU, KILROY.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WITH MY FURRY CHUM?

- ALL RIGHT, KREBS, IN YOU GO.

YOU'VE GOT 15 MORE
DAYS N THAT CAPSULE.

- YES, SIR.
- ALL RIGHT, MEN, LOCK THEM UP.

DOCTOR, WHAT ABOUT KILROY HERE?

- COLONEL, THE CH...
THE C-H-I-M-P IS AS READY

AS HE'S EVER GOING TO BE.

I SEE NO REASON TO DELAY
OPERATION MOONSHOT ANY LONGER.

- ALL RIGHT. I'LL PUT HIM IN
THE OTHER CABIN RIGHT AWAY.

HOW SOON DO YOU
EXPECT TO BLAST OFF?

- TOMORROW MORNING.

- HOP TO IT, MEN.

- YES, SIR.

WELL, KILROY,

YOU MAY BE THE FIRST CREATURE
FROM EARTH TO LAND ON THE MOON.

WHO KNOWS WHAT STRANGE
SIGHTS YOU MAY SEE THERE.

[MONKEY SQUEALS]

ALL RIGHT, KILROY, IN YOU GO.

GOOD LUCK, CORPORAL.

[MOANING]

- WHAT'S WRONG, MAYNARD?

- OH, NOTHING, DOBE.

[MOANING]

- WHAT IS IT?

- I SURE MISS KILROY.

- OH, YEAH.

[MOANING]

- NOW WHAT?

- I SURE AM HUNGRY.

- YEAH.

[MOANING]

- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD.

NOW WHAT?

- I SURE MISS KILROY
AND I SURE AM HUNGRY.

- SURE AM HUNGRY, YEAH.

- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO
OUT AND LOOK FOR SOME FOOD?

- AND FOR KILROY?

GOOD THINKING.

OH, THERE YOU
ARE, FUZZY BUDDY. HI.

LIKE, HI, LITTLE CHUM.

COME HERE, COME HERE.

I GOT, LIKE, LONESOME
WITHOUT YOU, YEAH.

WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON? HUH?

[MONKEY WHINES]

WHAT? OH, YEAH?

YOU KNOW, I LIKE BEING WITH YOU.

I MEAN, YOU MAKE ME
FEEL, LIKE, RIGHT AT HOME,

LIKE YOU WERE MY FAMILY, LIKE.

HEY, MAYBE YOU ARE.

DID YOU EVER STUDY
EVOLUTION IN SCHOOL?

OH, NO, CHIMPS DON'T
GO TO SCHOOL, DO THEY?

YEAH, LUCKY DOGS.

HEY, THAT'S FUNNY
WHAT I SAID, LUCKY DOGS

'CAUSE YOU AIN'T A
DOG, YOU'RE A MONKEY.

NO OFFENSE.

WELL, WHERE WAS I?

OH, YEAH, EVOLUTION.

WELL, IN HIGH SCHOOL, WHICH
I GOT OUT OF SIX WEEKS AGO,

WHICH I GOT INTO SIX YEARS AGO.

ANYHOW, IN HIGH SCHOOL I
LEARNED ALL ABOUT EVOLUTION,

VERY INTERESTING JAZZ.

YOU SEE, MEN AND MONKEYS
ALL HAVE THE SAME ANCESTORS,

DARWIN, I THINK HE IS.

HE BELIEVED IN THE
SURVIVAL OF THE FATTEST...

NO, NO, FITTEST, YEAH, FITTEST.

WELL, IN EVOLUTION I LEARNED

ALL ABOUT HOW THE
SPECIES DEVELOPED.

YOU KNOW, LIKE,
ELEPHANTS AND TIGERS

AND PEOPLE AND GOONY BIRDS.

YOU SEE, THE LOWEST
FORM OF LIFE IS THE ONE CELL.

AND OF COURSE, IF
YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN JAIL

YOU KNOW HOW LOW THAT IS.

ANYHOW, ABOUT
THIS EVOLUTION JAZZ.

YOU AND I ARE, KIND OF, LIKE

ALIKE, ONLY WE'RE
DIFFERENT, TOO.

FOR INSTANCE, YOU GOT
HAIR ALL OVER YOUR BODY.

AND ALL I GOT IS
HAIR HERE ON MY CHIN.

OF COURSE, IF I LET MY
BEARD GROW LONG ENOUGH

I'D HAVE HAIR ALL
OVER MY BODY, TOO,

BUT WE'D STILL BE DIFFERENT.

I MEAN, I'M SUPERIOR
TO YOU, NO OFFENSE.

I MEAN, LET'S TAKE
THE THINGS YOU CAN DO

AND THE THINGS I CAN
DO. WHAT CAN YOU DO?

WELL, LET'S SEE,
YOU CAN CLIMB TREES

AND PEEL A BANANA
AND TURN SOMERSAULTS

AND RIDE A BICYCLE AND
SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THAT.

NOW, ME ON THE OTHER HAND, WELL,

COME TO THINK OF IT, I
DON'T CLIMB TREES TOO GOOD.

AND I DO HAVE A LOT OF
TROUBLE PEELING BANANAS.

I USUALLY HAVE TO
GET DOBIE TO HELP ME.

AND IF YOU WANNA
KNOW THE REAL TRUTH

I AIN'T THE GREATEST AT
TURNING SOMERSAULTS.

BUT I DO KNOW HOW
TO RIDE A BICYCLE.

WELL, IT'S NOT A
BICYCLE EXACTLY.

IT'S MORE LIKE A TRICYCLE.

WONDER WHY THEY KEEP TELLING ME

I'M SUPERIOR TO YOU.

WELL, IT SAYS SO IN THE
BOOK, SO IT MUST BE TRUE

ON THIS PLANET ANYHOW

BUT WHERE YOU'RE
GOING, FUZZY BUDDY,

THINGS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT.

I MEAN, ON THE MOON AND
MARS AND ALL LIKE THAT,

MAYBE YOU'LL BE SUPERIOR.

I MEAN, IF ALL THEM
OUTER SPACE CATS

GOT, LIKE, SIX EYES

AND EIGHT LEGS AND
GREEN AND PURPLE SPOTS,

LIKE I SAW IN THE MOVIE

"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND,"

YOU'VE GOT TO BE SUPERIOR.

BOY, I HOPE YOU DON'T RUN INTO
ANY OF THEM CATS WITH SIX EYES

AND EIGHT LEGS AND
GREEN AND PURPLE SPOTS.

MAN, THAT GIVES ME GOOSEBUMPS
JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

I WONDER HOW COME WE
WANNA GO UP IN SPACE ANYHOW?

I MEAN, ALL THAT
MONEY GETTING SPENT

AND ALL THEM SCIENTIFIC
BRAINS THINKING

AND ALL THEM
ENGINEERS ENGINEERING.

ALL THAT WORK
JUST TO GO UP THERE

AND SEE CATS WITH SIX EYES,

EIGHT LEGS AND GREEN
AND PURPLE SPOTS.

I MEAN, WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO?

IF WE TOOK ALL THAT MONEY

AND PUT IT TO WORK
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH

WE'D BE A LOT BETTER OFF
THAN FLYING AROUND IN SPACE,

I BET YOU.

GEE, THINK OF THE GOOD
THINGS WE COULD DO,

LIKE CURING THE COMMON COLD

AND GETTING HI-FI SETS

FOR EVERYBODY IN
THE WHOLE WORLD.

MAN, WHAT A SWINGING
PLANET WE'D HAVE!

OOH, YEAH,

EVERYBODY DANCING
AND NOBODY SNEEZING.

SPACE. YOU CAN
HAVE IT, FUZZY BUDDY.

IF THERE'S ONE THING I AM,

IT'S GLAD THAT I AIN'T GONNA
GO WHOOSHING OUT INTO SPACE.

NO, SIR, NOT ME,
MAYNARD G. KREBS, NO, SIR.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. MM-MM.

UH-OH.

- ALL RIGHT, MEN, SEAL IT UP.

AND COVER THE PORTHOLE.

THE DOCTOR DOESN'T
WANT THE CHIMP

TO GET NERVOUS.

MAKE SURE THE ESCAPE
HATCH IS SECURE.

WELL, MEN, YOU ARE
ABOUT TO WITNESS HISTORY.

INSIDE THAT CAPSULE
IS A LITTLE CHIMPANZEE

NAMED CORPORAL KILROY.

BUT IS HE A MERE CHIMPANZEE?

NO. HE'S AMERICAN VISION,

AMERICAN KNOW-HOW,
AMERICA'S PROMISE

TO LEAD MANKIND INTO A
BRAVE, NEW TOMORROW.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

THAT'S LITTLE CORPORAL KILROY
TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO US

AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY?

- LET ME OUT!

LET ME OUT!

- HE'S TRYING TO
SAY, "STAND BY, MOON,

HERE I COME!"

- ALL RIGHT, MEN,
THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE.

THAT CAPSULE MUST BE
OUT TO THE LAUNCHING PAD

IMMEDIATELY.

WE BLAST OFF AT DAWN,
EXACTLY THREE HOURS.

- NO, NO, NO, DON'T
KISS ME SO MUCH, GIRLS.

YOU'LL HAVE TO STAND IN LINE.

YOUR HOT BREATH IS
MELTING THE BUTTONS

ON MY ASTRONAUT UNIFORM.

MAYNARD?

MAYNARD, I WAS DREAMING AGAIN.

MAYNARD?

MAYNARD?

YOU SEE, ALL THESE
BEAUTIFUL... MAYNARD?

MAYNARD?

MAYNARD?

HEY, IT'S GONE.

OH, THAT MAYNARD.

- STAND BY FOR
OPERATION MOONSHOT.

PREPARE TO BLAST OFF.

WE WILL NOW BEGIN THE COUNTDOWN.

- COUNTDOWN!

- 200, 199, 198, 197, 196,

195, 194, 193,
192, 191, 190, 189,

188, 187, 186.

- POST OPERATOR.

- HEY, OPERATOR, GET
ME THE CONTROL TOWER

AT THE MISSILE BASE
AND HURRY, PLEASE.

- WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU CALLING?

- I DON'T KNOW THE NUMBER
BUT IT'S A CONTROL TOWER.

- THAT NUMBER IS
OCEANSIDE 6-6000.

- OPERATOR...
- PLEASE WRITE THE NUMBER DOWN

IN CASE YOU NEED IT
AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.

- SURE, SURE.
NOW, OPERATOR, IF...

- POST OPERATOR,
MAY I HELP YOU, PLEASE?

- OPERATOR, GIVE
ME OCEANSIDE 6-6000.

- OCEANSIDE 6-6000?

- RIGHT, AND HURRY, PLEASE.

- OCEANSIDE 6-6000

IS OUT OF YOUR DIALING ZONE.

- OPERATOR, THE TOWER IS
RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

CAN'T YOU CONNECT ME?

- ARE YOU AUTHORIZED
TO MAKE A CALL

OUT OF YOUR DIALING ZONE?

- OPERATOR, PLEASE, A
HUMAN LIFE'S AT STAKE.

- GRACIOUS!

- YOU'LL HELP ME?
- OF COURSE.

I WILL CONNECT YOU WITH
THE COMMUNICATION C.O.

- NO, NO, NOW, PLEASE
LISTEN CAREFULLY.

I'M CALLING THE CONTROL
TOWER AT THE MISSILE BASE.

THE NUMBER'S OCEANSIDE 6-6000.

IT'S OUT OF MY DIALING ZONE

AND I'M PROBABLY NOT AUTHORIZED
TO CALL OUT OF MY DIALING ZONE,

BUT IF I DON'T MAKE THIS
CALL OUT OF MY DIALING ZONE

MY DEAREST BUDDY'S

GONNA BLAST OFF INTO
ANOTHER ZONE ALTOGETHER.

NOW, ARE YOU WITH ME SO FAR?

- I WILL TRY TO HELP YOU.

- YEAH, BLESS YOU,
MA'AM, BLESS YOU.

- YOU WANT OCEANSIDE 6-6000?

- DESPERATELY.

- MAY I HAVE YOUR NAME, PLEASE?

- DOBIE GILLIS.

- YOUR RANK?
- PRIVATE.

- I AM SORRY.

ENLISTED PERSONNEL
ARE NOT PERMITTED TO CALL

OUT OF THEIR DIALING ZONE.

- YEAH, BUT THIS
IS AN EMERGENCY,

A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.

- OH, DEAR.

- YOU UNDERSTAND?

- CERTAINLY. NOW I WILL TELL YOU

HOW YOU MAY APPLY
FOR SPECIAL PERMISSION

TO MAKE THE CALL.

- HOW, HOW, HOW?

- WRITE A LETTER TO THE
POST COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER.

- A LETTER?

- IN QUADRUPLICATE,
SEND ONE COPY

TO THE POST
COMMUNICATION'S OFFICER,

ONE COPY TO REGIMENTAL
HEADQUARTERS,

AND ONE COPY TO...

- 54, 53, 52, 51, 50, 49...
- OPEN UP!

- NOT UNLESS YOU
GOT A SPECIAL PASS.

- WHERE DO I GET ONE?
- FROM ME.

- OH, THANK YOU, SIR.

- DON'T SIR ME, SOLDIER.

STATE THE NATURE
OF YOUR BUSINESS.

- I'VE GOT TO STOP
THE LAUNCHING.

MY BUDDY'S IN THAT ROCKET.

- STATE YOUR FRIEND'S NAME,
RANK AND SERIAL NUMBER.

- YEAH, MAYNARD G. KREBS,

HE'S A PRIVATE AND I DON'T
KNOW HIS SERIAL NUMBER.

- YOU SAY THIS GRUBBS IS
ABOARD THE ROCKET SHIP?

- NOT GRUBBS, SIR,
KREBS, MAYNARD G.

- THERE'S NO MAYNARD G.
GRUBBS ON THE PASSENGER LIST.

- TRY KREBS.
- OH, HIM NEITHER.

- HE ACCIDENTLY STOWED AWAY.

- NOW THERE'S A WILD STORY.

- YOU WOULDN'T THINK SO IF
YOU KNEW MAYNARD G. KREBS.

- YOU SURE YOU AIN'T ONE
OF THOSE FOREIGN SPIES

OVER HERE TO LOUSE
UP OUR SPACE PROGRAM?

- DO I LOOK LIKE A FOREIGN SPY?
- 10, NINE, EIGHT...

- I DON'T KNOW.

WE DON'T GET MANY
FOREIGN SPIES AROUND HERE.

YOU BETTER COME HAVE A
TALK WITH THE SECURITY OFFICER.

HE'LL BE FINISHING HIS
GOLF GAME ANY MINUTE NOW.

- ONE, BLASTOFF!
- STOP! NO,

STOP! DON'T DO IT! STOP!

- COUNTDOWN'S OVER.

- I DEMAND A RECOUNT!

GOODBYE, MAYNARD, OLD BUDDY.

THE EARTH'S PAL AND CRONY.

ASTRONAUT, SATELLITE
RIDER, MOON VISITOR.

- LIKE, THANK YOU. YOU
MOON PEOPLE ARE, LIKE,

REAL FRIENDLY
AND, LIKE, REAL COOL.

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪

♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪

♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪

♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪

♪ NO MATTER ♪

♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪