The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 2 - You Ain't Nuthin' But a Houn' Dog - full transcript
Dobie's essay wins the $25 first prize in the newspaper's contest on the theme "My Dad" for Father/Son week, which has the potential to change Dobie's relationship with his father, each who doesn't really understand the other. The problems with Dobie winning this prize are that Dobie has no idea about the essay submission since Maynard submitted it on his behalf solely so that he could win the prize money to woo the latest girl of his affections, southern belle Mason Dixon, and that the essay is word for a word an essay Dobie wrote about his dog for an English assignment with the word "dad" substituted for the word "dog", meaning that all Dobie's classmates know the truth about the essay. But it does lead to a new friendship between father toward son. Further problems arise for Dobie when Herbert now wants to spend time with Dobie doing all the things Dobie wrote about in the essay, time that Dobie was going to spend with Mason spending that $25.
- OOH, I GOTTA KILL
THAT BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
- NOW WHAT DID HE DO?
- IT ISN'T WHAT HE DID,
IT'S WHAT HE DIDN'T.
LOOK AT THERE.
THE "DAILY BUGLE" IS RUNNING
A FATHER AND SON WEEK,
$25 FOR THE BEST ESSAY
ON "WHY MY DAD IS MY BEST PAL."
KIDS ALL OVER TOWN
ARE WRITING ESSAYS,
BUT DOBIE, THE ONLY THING
HE'LL EVER WRITE FOR ME IS,
DEAR DAD, SEND MONEY.
- OH, HERBERT DEAR,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
BOYS DOBIE'S AGE
JUST AREN'T VERY GOOD
AT EXPRESSING THEIR FEELINGS.
IT'S NOT THAT THE
FEELINGS AREN'T THERE.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S HARD
FOR FATHERS AND
SONS TO COMMUNICATE.
- IF HE CAME THROUGH
THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE
WOULD COMMUNICATE?
ONE OF THREE THINGS.
NUMBER ONE, DAD, CAN
I BORROW SOME MONEY?
NUMBER TWO, DAD, CAN I
BORROW THE KEYS TO THE CAR?
NUMBER THREE, DAD,
CAN I HAVE SOME COOKIES?
- DAD? DAD, CAN I
BORROW SOME MONEY?
- NUMBER ONE. NO.
- AND DAD, ABOUT
THE CAR TONIGHT...
- NUMBER TWO. NO.
- OH.
- SAY, WHAT ABOUT
THE NEXT QUESTION?
- WHAT QUESTION?
- NUMBER THREE. UH, COOKIES?
- OH, SAY, NOW THAT
YOU MENTION COOKIES...
- NO!
WELL, I GUESS THAT SORT OF
CONCLUDES OUR CONVERSATION, HUH?
- I GUESS SO. WELL, I
THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS.
DON'T WORK TOO HARD.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME MY
FATHER EVER SAID THOSE WORDS.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IT? IT'S A FACT.
THE VERY LAST TIME.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, I'LL START
AT THE BEGINNING.
I LEFT THE GROCERY STORE
AND WENT UPSTAIRS TO MY ROOM.
- OOH!
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M, LIKE, SACKING
UP, GOOD BUDDY.
- HAVEN'T YOU GOT A HOME?
- THAT'S, LIKE, OPEN TO DEBATE.
- OH, YOUR FATHER, HUH?
- WHAT ELSE?
- YEAH.
- WHAT ARE YOU,
LIKE, GONNA DO, DOBE?
- LIKE, TYPE.
- WHAT DO YOU, LIKE, TYPE?
- LIKE, MY HOMEWORK.
- OH. WHAT HOMEWORK?
- MY ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT.
YOU SEE, MR. POMFRITT...
- WHO?
- MR. POMFRITT,
MY ENGLISH TEACHER
OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL.
- OH.
- YOU SEE, MR. POMFRITT
GAVE US AN ASSIGNMENT
TO WRITE A 300-WORD ESSAY
ON MY FAVORITE PET,
YOU KNOW, DOG, CAT,
OR CANARY OR LIKE THAT,
AND I'M WRITING A...
MAYNARD, YOU'RE
IN THE SAME CLASS.
- YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
YEAH. SO WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME
AND WRITE AN ESSAY
ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE PET?
- I AIN'T, LIKE, GOT A PET.
- WELL, YOU MUST HAVE HAD
A PET AT SOME TIME OR OTHER.
- YEAH, WELL, ONCE
I HAD A VERMILLION.
- A WHAT?
- YOU KNOW,
ONE OF THEM LITTLE
LIZARDS THAT CHANGE COLOR.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S CHAMELEON.
- YEAH, CHAMELEON.
- YEAH.
- OOH, WHAT A GAS.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
BROWN, HE'D TURN BROWN.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
RED, HE'D TURN RED.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING PLAID,
HE'D TURN PLAID.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
YELLOW, HE'D TURN YELLOW.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
BLUE, HE'D TURN BLUE.
YOU PUT HIM ON
BLACK, HE'D TURN WHITE.
- MAYNARD!
HE'D TURN WHITE?
- YEAH. HE DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO TURN BLACK.
HE WAS A PRETTY YOUNG CHAMELEON.
- OH.
YEAH. OKAY.
- "MY DOG BY DOBIE GILLIS.
"MY DOG IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
"HE'S FAITHFUL AND
LOYAL AND TRUE BLUE.
"NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THINGS GET,
"I CAN ALWAYS COUNT
ON MY GOOD OLD DOG.
"HE UNDERSTANDS ME.
HIS BIG LIQUID BROWN
EYES TELL ME SO."
GEE, I CAN'T, LIKE, GO ON.
- KIND OF TOUCHING, ISN'T IT?
- YEAH. IT GETS YOU RIGHT HERE.
- YOUR HEART'S
OVER HERE, MAYNARD.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- DOBE?
- WHAT?
- I BET YOU'RE GONNA
GET AN "A" ON THAT ESSAY.
- ME?
- YEAH. I KNOW YOU
AIN'T VERY BRIGHT,
BUT THAT ESSAY'S,
LIKE, BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET AN "A."
- I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MAYNARD.
IF I GET AN "A" ON THIS ESSAY,
I WILL PERSONALLY CARRY YOU
AROUND THE
SCHOOLYARD PIGGY BACK.
- ENOUGH, MAYNARD.
- ONCE MORE AROUND
THE TRACK, GOOD BUDDY.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD,
BUT THOSE SPURS HAVE GOT TO GO.
- OKAY. PUT ME DOWN.
I MEAN, ANYBODY WHO WRITES
AN ESSAY LIKE YOU WROTE
SHOULDN'T BE TREATED
AS A BEAST OF BURDEN.
- NO.
- MAN, THAT'S THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL ESSAY I EVER HEARD OF.
- IT CERTAINLY
WAS, DOBIE GILLIS.
MAY I ADD MY CONGRATULATIONS?
- MASON DIXON?
YOU'RE CONGRATULATING ME?
I DIDN'T THINK YOU
KNEW I WAS ALIVE.
- WHY, DOBIE, YOU
MUST BE FUNNING.
I CONSIDER YOU TO
BE VERY MUCH ALIVE.
YOU GOT THE ONLY "A"
IN THE ENGLISH CLASS.
CHARMING ESSAY.
- WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL.
SAY, MASON, YOU
WOULDN'T BY ANY CHANCE
BE FREE NEXT SATURDAY?
- DOBIE, YOU ARE A
CHARMING WRITER,
BUT AS A DATE YOU LEAVE
MUCH TO BE DESIRED.
- OH?
- TAKING A NICE LONG WALK
IS NOT MY IDEA OF HOW
TO SPEND A SATURDAY.
- OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
- WELL, I LIKE TENNIS
IN THE MORNING,
AND IN THE AFTERNOON I
LIKE TO GO TO THE TEA DANCE
AT THE PEABODY ROOM.
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A DATE.
- BUT PLEASE, DOBIE,
NOW, I MEAN NO OFFENSE,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T
FIT INTO MY PLANS AT ALL.
- OH?
- YOU SEE, THE MAN I GO WITH
HAS TO BE A MONEYED MAN.
- MONEY?
- I'M IN MY RECONSTRUCTION ERA.
- RECONSTRUCTION OF WHAT?
- SECESSION LANDING.
- SECESSION LANDING?
- OUR ANTEBELLUM
MANSION DOWN SOUTH
WHERE MAMA PLAYS STEPHEN
FOSTER ON THE SPINET,
WHERE TIME IS HONEY SLOW,
AND THE JASMINE CLIMBS
UP THE CORINTHIAN COLUMNS.
- HM, GEORGIA. I DIG THAT
NEW ORLEANS THE MOST.
- ONLY RIGHT NOW THE JASMINE'S
COMING UNTACKED FROM THE PORCH,
AND THE CORINTHIAN COLUMNS
ARE LOSING THEIR ACANTHUS LEAVES.
NOW, MY DADDY'S
HERE TO RAISE MONEY.
- UH-HUH.
- AND DADDY SAYS, DOBIE,
I GOT TO KEEP UP A FRONT.
- OH, HE'S RIGHT.
- FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK
YOU ARE MUCH OF A FRONT.
- OH, BUT I AM, MASON.
YOU... WELL, I CAN BE.
TRUST ME, BY
SATURDAY I'LL HAVE $10.
15? 20?
- 22 AND SOME LOOSE CHANGE?
- $25.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU DASHING FELLOW.
- DATE?
- DATE.
- DATE, YEAH.
- I HATE TO BE A PARTY
POOPER, GOOD BUDDY,
BUT WHERE ARE YOU
GOING TO GET $25?
- I'LL GET A PAPER AND
LOOK AT THE WANT ADS
AND FIND SOME WORK.
- WORK?
- MAYNARD.
- OH, DOBE.
I MEAN, LIKE, YOU HATE WORK.
YOU, LIKE... OH,
COME BACK, DOBE.
THIS IS MAYNARD. MAYNARD KREBS,
YOUR GOOD BUDDY. COME ON.
- OH, NOW, LOOK. NOW, LOOK.
HERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD JOB.
"WANTED, RESPONSIBLE
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT
TO SIT WITH MY
TWO-YEAR-OLD CHILD."
- BABIES. OH, THEY
BITE, DOBE. THEY BITE.
- THAT'S SILLY, MAYNARD.
THEY HAVEN'T GOT ANY TEETH.
- YEAH. THAT'S WHAT
THEY WANT YOU TO THINK.
- NOW...
- TAKE ALBERT MULHOUSER.
- ALBERT MULHOUSER?
- YEAH.
THE CAT THAT JUST GOT
OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
- OH, YEAH.
- HE WAS A BABYSITTER.
- YEAH.
- A TWO-YEAR-OLD CAME, LIKE,
SMILING UP TO HIM
IN THE STROLLER,
OPENED HIS JAWS,
GRABBED ALBERT BY THE LEG.
ALBERT COULDN'T SHAKE HIM LOOSE.
THE KID HAD A GRIP
LIKE A BULLDOG.
- MAYNARD.
- FINALLY THE KID'S MOTHER
PULLED HIM OFF...
- MAYNARD.
- AND THE NEXT DAY ALBERT'S
LEG SWOLE UP LIKE A WATERMELON.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH! ENOUGH.
NOW, HERE, DROP MY
BOOKS OFF AT THE STORE.
I'M GOING OVER AND APPLY
FOR THIS JOB BEFORE IT'S FILLED.
- MAN, THE TROUBLE
YOU CAN GET INTO
READING THESE NEWSPAPERS.
WHAT DO PEOPLE SEE IN
THESE THINGS ANYHOW?
NOTHING BUT A LOT OF WORDS
AND WORDS AND ADS FOR WORK...
WORK! AND IT AIN'T GOT NO BEAT.
"WIN $25,
WRITE AN ESSAY ON MY DAD
FOR FATHER AND SON WEEK."
IF I WROTE AN ESSAY ON MY DAD,
THEY WOULDN'T, LIKE, BELIEVE IT.
- "MY DOG" BY DOBIE
GILLIS. "MY DAD."
MY DOG, MY DAD. MY
DOG, MY DAD. I WONDER.
HOW ABOUT IF I CROSSED
OFF DOG AND WROTE IN DAD?
"MY DAD IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
"HE'S FAITHFUL AND
LOYAL AND TRUE BLUE.
"NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THINGS GET,
I ALWAYS CAN COUNT
ON MY GOOD OLD DAD."
LIKE, WOW.
YEAH.
NO. I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT.
I MEAN, CROSSING OUT
SOMEBODY ELSE'S HANDWRITING
AND PUTTING IN YOUR
OWN, MAN, IT'S LIKE HOMICIDE.
IF I DON'T GO THROUGH WITH
IT, MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBIE,
IS STUCK WITH A MONEY-CRAZY
GIRL AND A NO-MONEY WALLET.
THE MOST THEY CAN
GIVE ME IS SIX MONTHS
AND THE ELECTRIC
CHAIR. I'LL DO IT.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS?
- THAT'S ME.
- OKAY, HOLD THIS.
ALL RIGHT, WALLY.
HAPPY FATHER RECEIVES NEWS.
WHICH ONE IS DOBIE?
- ME, SIR.
- OKAY, WALLY. GET THIS.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- HAPPY WINNER RECEIVES PRIZE.
- PRIZE? WHAT PRIZE?
- OVER HERE, SON.
NOW, SHAKE WITH THE RIGHT,
PUT THE LEFT ARM
AROUND THE SHOULDER.
ALL RIGHT, WALLY. GET THIS.
HAPPY FATHER
CONGRATULATES HAPPY SON.
WAIT A MINUTE. LET'S
SEE THOSE TEETH.
THAT'S IT. OKAY,
WALLY, LET'S GET IT.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT PRIZE? WHAT WINNER?
WHAT'S WITH THE PICTURE-TAKING?
- HERE. HERE. HERE IT IS, BUDDY.
READ IT. RIGHT ON
THE FRONT PAGE.
- WINNIE, AM I DREAMING?
- NO, HERBERT.
THERE IT IS IN BLACK AND WHITE.
"DOBIE GILLIS WINS FATHER
AND SON ESSAY CONTEST."
- BUT I DIDN'T ENTER ANY...
- HUP BUP BUP!
YOU DIDN'T ENTER IT, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU WERE, LIKE, TOO BASHFUL,
SO I ENTERED IT FOR YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
MAYNARD? I NEVER EVEN WROTE...
- HUP BUP BUP!
YOU KNOW THE ESSAY ABOUT
HOW YOUR FATHER IS YOUR PAL
AND YOU HUNT AND FISH
TOGETHER AND, YOU KNOW?
- BUT MAYNARD,
THAT WAS ABOUT MY...
- HUP!
- MAYNARD!
- YOU WON $25, GOOD BUDDY.
LIKE, CONGRATULATIONS.
- ISN'T IT WONDERFUL, HERBERT?
YOU SEE HOW WRONG YOU WERE.
- THIS WAY, DOBIE.
COME HERE, HONEY,
YOU LOOK LIKE A MOTHER.
- I AM A MOTHER.
- YOU SEE, WALLY,
LIFE FOLLOWS ART.
NOW, THAT'S IT. NOW,
CLOSE TOGETHER,
PUCKER UP. THERE WE ARE.
HAPPY MOTHER
KISSES HAPPY WINNER.
OKAY. LET'S GO, WALLY.
- WELL, DON'T JUST
STAND THERE, HERBERT.
READ DOBIE'S ESSAY TO US.
- I WOULDN'T READ IT, DAD.
IT ISN'T VERY INTERESTING.
- OH, IT ISN'T?
- NO.
- WELL, IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE
ABOUT THE MOST INTERESTING THING
THAT'S HAPPENED
TO ME IN 20 YEARS.
- OH.
- QUIET, EVERYBODY.
- YEAH.
- "MY DAD, BY DOBIE GILLIS.
"MY DAD IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
"HE'S FAITHFUL AND
LOYAL AND TRUE BLUE.
"NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THINGS GET,
I CAN ALWAYS COUNT
ON MY GOOD OLD DAD."
DOBIE, I DIDN'T
KNOW... I MEAN, HOW...
- OH, IT'S NOTHING, DAD.
- IT'S WHAT I'VE ALWAYS
TOLD YOU, HERBERT.
DEEP DOWN, DOBIE HAS
ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO YOU.
- YEAH.
- HE LOOKS UP FROM DEEP DOWN.
- READ SOME MORE.
- "MY DAD IS EVERYTHING
A REAL DAD SHOULD BE.
"HE UNDERSTANDS ME.
HIS BIG, LIQUID BROWN
EYES TELL ME SO."
IF ONLY I...
OH, I MEAN, WE MAY HAVE HAD...
- DAD...
OUR MISUNDERSTANDINGS
IN THE PAST...
- DAD. YEAH.
- BUT THAT'S ALL GONE NOW.
YOU KNOW, NOW
THAT I FINALLY REALIZE
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR OLD MAN.
- YEAH.
- YOUR "TRUE BLUE PAL."
- IT'S JUST A LITTLE ESSAY, DAD.
- LITTLE?
IN MY BOOK IT TAKES ITS
PLACE RIGHT UP THERE
ALONGSIDE OF THE
GETTYSBURG ADDRESS
AND WASHINGTON'S
FAREWELL TO HIS TROOPS.
- I'M GETTING PRETTY
MISTY TOO, MR. GILLIS.
- HERBERT, LISTEN TO THIS PART.
"EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT BE DOZING,
"STRETCHED OUT IN
FRONT OF THE OPEN FIRE,
"AT THE FIRST SOUND
A BURGLAR MADE,
"HE WOULD BE
INSTANTLY ON HIS FEET,
HIS HANDSOME HEAD
COCKED TO ONE SIDE."
- COCKED?
- COCKED?
- THERE IT IS.
- OH, THANKS. GO AHEAD.
- I THINK DOBIE OUGHT TO READ
HIS OWN ESSAY. GO AHEAD, DEAR.
- WHAT? OH, YEAH. ALL
RIGHT. YEAH. LET'S SEE.
"MY DAD'S COAT IS
SLEEK AND SHINY."
- HE'S RIGHT, WINNIE.
WE'VE PROBABLY SENT THAT
OLD COAT OF MINE TO BE CLEANED
AND PRESSED JUST ONCE
TOO OFTEN. GO AHEAD, DOBIE.
- "YOU ALWAYS SEE
MY DAD TROTTING
"WITH THAT PECULIAR SIDEWAYS
GAIT SO TYPICAL OF DADS,
"OFF ON A THOUSAND AND
ONE MYSTERIOUS ERRANDS
"THE REST OF US COULD NEVER..."
- TROTTING?
ERRANDS?
- YOU KNOW, HERBERT.
THE 4:00 DELIVERY.
- YEAH.
- OH. OH, YEAH.
- HERE, MAYNARD, YOU READ IT.
YOU STARTED IT.
- "AND IN CONCLUSION,
"LET ME SAY ABOUT MY
DAD, BUDDY, COMPANION,
AND GREAT RETRIEVER..."
- RETRIEVER, WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
- OH, THAT, LIKE, MEANS,
LIKE, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION,
AND IT DESERVES A
GOOD ANSWER, MR. GILLIS.
- YEAH.
- DOBE?
- WHAT? OH. WELL, IT...
- IT MEANS THAT WHEN
DOBIE'S IN TROUBLE,
YOU RETRIEVE HIM.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
- YOU KNOW, DOBIE, IN THE PAST,
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TOGETHER
EXACTLY WHEN IT CAME TO MONEY.
SHALL WE SAY I WAS CAUTIOUS?
- TRY STINGY.
- THANK YOU.
BUT THAT'S ALL GONE NOW,
DOBE. HERE. I WANT YOU TO HAVE...
- NO, DAD. NO. NO.
NO. NOTHING AT ALL.
IN FACT, NOTHING.
- WHILE YOU'RE UNDER THIS SPELL,
I COULD USE A FEW BOB, MR. G.
- MAYNARD!
- DOBIE. DOBIE, BEFORE YOU GO,
THERE'S ONE THING I
WANT YOU TO KNOW,
AND THAT'S WHAT THIS
DAY HAS MEANT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, ALL THAT OLD STUFF,
THAT YELLING AND CARRYING ON?
THAT'S FORGOTTEN.
FROM NOW ON WE'RE
GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER
LIKE A FATHER AND SON
OUGHT TO LIVE TOGETHER,
SHARING THE BIG WITH THE LITTLE,
AND THE HARD WITH THE SOFT.
DOBIE, THIS HAS BEEN A
GREAT DAY, RIGHT, BOY?
- RIGHT, DAD.
[PHONE RINGING]
- EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT, WINNIE.
HERBERT T. GILLIS HERE,
WINNER IN THE "DAILY BUGLE"
FATHER AND SON CONTEST.
- NO, MAYNARD, I CAN'T
GO THROUGH WITH IT.
I'M GOING RIGHT BACK
IN THERE AND TELL HIM.
DAD, THAT ESSAY WASN'T REALLY
ABOUT YOU, IT WAS ABOUT A DOG,
AND I WANT TO MAKE
A CLEAN BREAST
OF THE WHOLE THING.
- STEADY, MAN. STEADY.
- AND NOTHING'S GOING TO
CHANGE MY MIND. NOTHING.
- HI, DOBIE DUMPLING.
- HI, MASON.
- SEE YOU SATURDAY.
- YEAH.
- BYE, DOBIE DUMPLING.
- BYE.
MAYNARD...
- DON'T TELL ME. SOMETHING
JUST CHANGED YOUR MIND.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
THIS IS SATURDAY,
THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY OF MY LIFE.
- YEAH. I CAN SEE.
- FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY
I'VE GOT A DATE TO PLAY TENNIS
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
DOLL IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL,
AND $25 IN CASH.
- YEAH.
- HOLD THESE.
- YEAH.
- NOW, WATCH THIS SERVE.
YOU SEE, YOU BRING IT BACK...
- NO. NO. NO. NO.
NO. NO, BOY. TOO FAR.
YOU GET YOUR POWER
FROM UP IN HERE.
WATCH THIS.
POW! POW!
- DAD, YOU USED TO PLAY TENNIS?
- OH, I USED TO HAVE THE
WICKEDEST BACKHAND IN TOWN.
I USED TO CATCH THE BALL
JUST AS IT CAME OFF
THE TOP OF ITS BOUNCE,
SEE, AND... HEY, YOU KNOW,
I COULD TEACH THAT TO YOU.
- OH, DAD, I WOULDN'T WANT
TO PUT YOU TO THE TROUBLE.
YOU SEE...
- IS THERE ANY TROUBLE
FOR A MAN TO PASS
ONTO HIS SON AND PAL
THE SECRETS OF
YEARS OF EXPERIENCE?
- BUT DAD, WE'VE GOT THE
COURT RESERVED FOR 10:00.
I REALLY THINK...
- GOOD.
I'LL TAKE OFF FROM THE
STORE THIS MORNING.
OH, WE SHOULD HAVE STARTED
TENNIS LESSONS YEARS AGO.
REMEMBER HOW YOUR MOTHER'S
ALWAYS SAYING WE SHOULD BE PALS?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THIS IS TRUE PALSHIP,
NATURAL AND EASY,
THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE.
I'LL GO GET MY TENNIS RACQUET.
- YEAH. UH-HUH.
- AND MY FLANNELS.
- MAN, YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD
WITH LITTLE OL' COTTON-PICKIN'
FIDDLY DEE, GOOD BUDDY.
- WELL, MAYBE NOT, MAYNARD.
LOOK, GO TELL MASON
THAT SOMETHING'S COME UP,
AND I WON'T BE ABLE
TO MAKE IT FOR TENNIS,
BUT I'LL PICK HER UP IN
TIME FOR THE TEA DANCE.
- ROGER.
- YEAH.
- TENNIS, ANYONE?
YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONE
THING I LIKE ABOUT TENNIS.
IT'S A GENTLEMAN'S
GAME. YOU DRESS FOR IT.
- WHAM BAM, WATCH THAT SLAM!
YOU THINK YOU'RE FILLED UP,
OR WILL SHE TAKE A
COUPLE MORE GALLONS.
- NO. I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
- OKAY. LET'S HIT THE ROAD, HUH?
- GEE, DAD.
I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE
SUCH A TENNIS PLAYER.
- OH, I WAS RUSTY
AS AN OLD GATE.
I COULD HARDLY COVER
THAT BACK COURT.
- YEAH, SHORT OF WIND?
- TIGHT OF PANTS.
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
- WHO?
- MASON.
REMEMBER YOU WENT TO TELL
HER I COULDN'T PLAY TENNIS?
- OH, HER.
- YEAH, HER. WHAT'D SHE SAY?
- SHE HIT ME. BUT I DIDN'T
HIT HER BACK, DOBE.
- GOOD.
IS SHE GOING TO THE TEA
DANCE WITH ME THIS AFTERNOON?
- YEAH. BUT DON'T STAND HER
UP AGAIN, HUH, GOOD BUDDY?
SHE HITS AWFUL HARD.
- YOU KNOW, I'M BEGINNING
TO SEE THE PURPOSE
BEHIND ALL OUR
WORK AND PLANNING,
WHY WE WALKED THE
FLOOR WITH THEM AT NIGHTS,
WHY WE GRAYED AND
WORKED AND WORRIED.
- WHY, DEAR?
- WELL, TO GIVE THE
BEST TO YOUR SON.
TO GET THE FEELING
OF GOING ON IN HIM.
WHY, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT
WE'VE GOT TO PASS ON TO OUR SON?
DO YOU REALIZE THE HERITAGE
A FATHER HAS TO
PASS ON TO HIS BOY?
OH, I DON'T MEAN JUST
FOREHANDS AND BACKHANDS.
I KNOW OTHER THINGS, YOU KNOW.
LIKE FISHING. FISHING.
WINNIE, I'M GOING TO
MAKE A FIRST-CLASS ANGLER
OUT OF THAT BOY.
DO YOU KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T
KNOW HOW TO CAST A DRY FLY
OR A WET FLY OR A WET-DRY FLY?
HERE, WHERE'S MY FISHING GEAR?
- SO LONG, DAD.
- OH.
- BYE, MOM.
- BYE, DEAR.
- HEY, JUST A MINUTE.
- -
YOU CAN'T GO LIKE THAT.
- GO WHERE LIKE WHAT?
- FISHING, WHERE ELSE?
- FISHING?
- IN THOSE FANCY DUDS,
THE FISH WOULD LAUGH
YOU RIGHT OFF THE LAKE.
- WAIT A MINUTE, DAD.
WHAT ABOUT THE STORE?
- OH, HANG THE STORE.
THERE'S MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS THAN MONEY
WHEN THINGS LIKE
THIS COME UP. HONEY...
- DAD!
- WHERE ARE MY HIP BOOTS?
- IN MY HOPE CHEST
WHERE THEY ALWAYS ARE.
- DAD? MOM? LOOK...
- GOOD BUDDY, THE THIN
GREY LINE IS APPROACHING.
- WHAT?
- WHY, DOBIE,
YOU CAN'T GO THE TEA
DANCE DRESSED LIKE THAT.
- OH, WELL, NO.
- YEAH.
HE CAN'T, LIKE, GO AT ALL.
- FIDDLE DEE-DEE AND SHAME
ON YOU, MR. DOBIE GILLIS.
AM I TO UNDERSTAND YOU ARE
BREAKING ANOTHER PROMISE TO ME?
- WELL, YOU SEE, MASON,
WE SUDDENLY GOT
VERY BUSY IN THE STORE,
AND I'VE GOT TO HELP OUT.
- WELL, I NEVER.
- I NEVER EITHER.
- HOW ABOUT LATER TONIGHT?
I'VE STILL GOT THE $25.
- WELL, MAYBE I WILL,
AND MAYBE I WON'T.
- UH-HUH.
- I MAY BE ENGAGED THIS EVENING.
- ENGAGED?
- SOME BOYS I KNOW
FROM STONEWALL
JACKSON MILITARY SCHOOL
ARE FLYING UP FOR THE WEEKEND.
- MASON? MASON?
- AND I JUST ADORE
A BOY IN UNIFORM.
- UNIFORMS. WHAT'S IN A UNIFORM?
WHY, IF YOU TAKE AWAY
THE FANCY EPAULETS
AND THE GOLD BRAID
AND THE BRASS BUTTONS
AND THE SCRAMBLED
EGGS ON THE HAT
AND THE SWORD AND THE SHINY
BOOTS, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT LEFT?
- A NAKED SOLDIER.
GOODBYE, MAYNARD?
- GOODBYE, MAYNARD, YEAH.
- YEAH, COME ON, BOY.
THOSE TROUT ARE WAITING.
- DAD, DO WE HAVE...
- TIME AND TROUT
WAIT FOR NO MAN, BOY.
COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- GET THE IDEA, BOY?
IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST.
- GEE, DAD, YOU'RE REALLY
GOOD AT IT, AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, THERE'S NO
SENSE BEING MODEST.
IT'S TRUE.
OF COURSE, IT'S NOTHING
TO WHAT I COULD DO
IF I HAD AN ISAAC
WALTON NUMBER 4.
- OH? WHAT'S THAT?
- HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU.
YEAH. THERE IT IS.
ISN'T SHE A BEAUTY?
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, THIS CATALOG'S JUST
FULL OF WONDERFUL EQUIPMENT,
BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T
GOT THE EQUIPMENT,
YOU TRY TO MAKE UP
FOR IT IN KNOW-HOW.
- HOW DO YOU MEAN?
- IMAGINATION.
PUT YOURSELF IN
PLACE OF THE FISH.
NOW, IF I WERE A TROUT,
WHAT WOULD I WANT?
WHERE WOULD I BE LIKELY TO BE?
- OH, PRETTY CLEVER.
- WELL, IF I CAN USE THAT KIND
OF IMAGINATION ON A POOR FISH,
WHY CAN'T I DO THE
SAME THING FOR MY SON?
- WELL, DAD, THERE'S
SORT OF A DIFFERENCE.
- NOT WHEN IT COMES
TO IMAGINATION.
I SHOULD SAY, WHAT
DOES DOBIE WHAT?
WHERE IS HE LIKELY TO BE?
- WELL, THAT'S EASY. I
WANT A GIRL THAT'S DREAMY,
AND I'M LIKELY TO BE IN
THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.
- WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE A NORMAL,
FUN-LOVING, AMERICAN BOY.
NO, I SHOULD SAY,
IF I EXPECT A TROUT
TO ACT LIKE A TROUT,
WHY SHOULDN'T I EXPECT
MY BOY TO ACT LIKE A BOY?
WHY SHOULD HE BE
A GOODY TWO-SHOES?
- OH, REEL HIM IN, DAD.
- NO. NO. GIVE
HIM A LOT OF LINE.
DON'T HARNESS HIM.
LET HIM RUN UNTIL...
- TILL HE GETS AWAY?
- BELIEVE ME, BOY,
THIS COULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED
IF I HAD AN ISAAC
WALTON NUMBER 4.
- SURE, DAD. SURE.
♪ BLOW THE MAN DOWN,
BOY, BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪
- WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN?
- ♪ YO HO ♪
- All: ♪ BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪
- WELL, YOU LOOK VERY HAPPY.
YOU MUST HAVE
CAUGHT A LOT OF FISH.
- NO FISH.
- NO FISH? WHAT DID YOU CATCH?
- WELL, WE CAUGHT A LOT
OF FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE,
AND WE CAUGHT A GOOD LOOK
AT EACH OTHER, RIGHT, BOY?
- RIGHT, DAD.
- AND WE LIKED WHAT
WE CAUGHT, RIGHT, SON?
- RIGHT, DAD.
- I'M SO PROUD OF BOTH MY MEN.
- WE WOULD HAVE CAUGHT
FISH, LOTS OF THEM,
IF DAD HAD HAD AN
ISAAC WALTON NUMBER 4.
- OH, NEVER MIND ABOUT
THAT. HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA.
HOW ABOUT GOING OUT AND
BOWLING A FEW LINES, HUH?
- OH, YEAH, GOOD. I'LL GO
GET MY BOWLING SHOES
AND MY THICK SOCKS.
- NO. I'LL GET THEM FOR YOU.
YOU STAY HERE AND
HAVE A COLD DRINK.
- OH, I'LL GET THE
SHOES FOR YOU, DEAR.
SAVE YOURSELF. HE'D
NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND THEM.
- HEY, BOY,
WAIT TILL YOU SEE HOW I
PUT THAT FAMOUS GILLIS TWIST
ON A BOWLING BALL.
- TENNIS, FISHING,
AND NOW BOWLING.
BOY, DAD'S QUITE A GUY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, GREAT. GREAT.
THAT'S WHERE EVERYBODY
PUTS THEIR BOWLING
SHOES, OVER THE DOOR.
IT'S A MIRACLE YOU
EVER FOUND THEM THERE.
PROBABLY FILES HIS
SOCKS IN THE DESK DRAWER.
- DON'T BE SILLY,
THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.
HERE THEY ARE.
- HEY, WINNIE,
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
- NO, WHAT?
- THIS IS A CARBON
COPY OF DOBIE'S ESSAY.
HEY, LET'S GET IT FRAMED
AND HANG IT ON THE
BEDROOM WALL, HUH?
- WE COULD HAVE IT
MADE INTO WALLPAPER.
- OH, DON'T KNOCK IT NOW.
THIS ISN'T A JOKING MATTER.
THIS IS A FINE, BEAUTIFUL
THING, THIS ESSAY.
I COULD JUST READ
IT OVER AND OVER.
"MY DOG BY DOBIE GILLIS.
"MY DOG IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
HE'S FAITHFUL AND LOYAL AND..."
MY DOG?
- DOBIE, I'VE DECIDED TO
GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.
- YOU HAVE?
- FABIAN'S OPENING TONIGHT
AT THE PRIME BALLROOM,
AND EVERYBODY WHO'S
ANYBODY'S GOING TO BE THERE.
THEY'LL SIMPLY PERISH WITH ENVY
WHEN THEY SEE THIS NEW DRESS,
SO I'VE DECIDED TO OPEN MY HEART
AND FORGIVE YOU
ALL YOUR NEGLIGENCE.
- MASON, I'D LOVE TO TAKE
YOU TO FABIAN'S OPENING, BUT...
- BUT YOU SPENT
THE MONEY? I KNEW IT.
- NO. NO. HERE'S THE
MONEY, ALL RIGHT.
- WELL, BUT...
- BUT I CAN'T SPEND
IT ON YOU, MASON.
- WELL, WHO ARE YOU
GOING TO SPEND IT ON?
SOME BIG AWKWARD
YANKEE GIRL, I'LL WAGER.
- IT MAY SOUND KIND OF FUNNY,
BUT I'M SPENDING IT ON MY DAD.
- ON YOUR DAD?
- YEAH.
- WHY, DOBIE GILLIS,
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?
- WELL, IT'S HARD TO TELL YOU,
BUT SOMETHING CAME OVER ME.
- DOBIE, I THINK THAT OLD ESSAY
OF YOURS HAS GONE TO YOUR HEAD.
WHY, I THINK IT'S
EVEN CONVINCED YOU.
- IT HAS.
- WELL, BUT EVERYBODY
IN THE WHOLE CLASS
KNOWS IT WAS REALLY ABOUT A DOG.
- THAT'S THE CRAZY
THING ABOUT IT, MASON.
IT USED TO BE ABOUT
A DOG. I KNOW THAT.
BUT WHEN MY DAD
THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT HIM,
I SOMEHOW BEGAN TO THINK SO TOO.
AND, YOU KNOW, IN
A FUNNY WAY IT IS.
THEN BECAUSE WE
BOTH BELIEVED IT,
WELL, WE WERE DIFFERENT
WITH EACH OTHER.
WE FOUND OUT A LOT.
FOR ONE THING I FOUND OUT
ABOUT FOREHANDS AND DRY FLIES,
AND I TELL YOU, MASON,
MY DAD'S SIMPLY GOT TO HAVE
AN ISAAC WALTON
NUMBER 4 REEL FOR $25,
AND I'M GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM.
- WHAT'S THIS SILLY
OLD ISAAC WALTON REEL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
- LOOK, HERE IT IS,
RIGHT IN THE CATALOG
WHERE MY FATHER MARKED IT.
I'M NOT QUITE SURE
WHAT IT IS MYSELF,
BUT IF HE WANTS IT,
HE'S GONNA HAVE IT.
AND, MASON, I'M APE FOR YOU,
BUT I CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
I'M GOING BOWLING
WITH MY FATHER,
AND I'M SPENDING THE 25
BUCKS ON HIM AND THAT'S FINAL.
- WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS FINAL.
YOU, SIR, ARE NOT
FIT TO TOUCH THE HEM
OF A DAUGHTER OF THE OLD SOUTH,
AND I'LL THANK YOU, SIR,
NEVER TO INTRUDE YOUR
COTTON-PICKIN' PRESENCE
UPON THESE EYES AGAIN.
- FAREWELL, MASON,
MY MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
- YOU CARPETBAGGER!
- SON...
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, DAD, IS
THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT?
- NO. NO. I GOT
EVERYTHING I WANT.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING,
GOOD BUDDY?
- WHAT, MAYNARD?
- YOU KNOW THIS, LIKE,
PALSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER?
- DON'T KNOCK IT, GOOD
BUDDY. I KNOW IT'S CRAZY,
BUT DON'T KNOCK IT.
- WHO'S KNOCKING IT?
THIS MORNING I
SAID TO MY FATHER,
DADDY-O, I SAID, HOW
ABOUT YOU AND ME
GOING FISHING OR
PLAYING A LITTLE TENNIS,
OR GOING BOWLING OR LIKE THAT?
- UH-HUH.
- WELL, HE LOOKED AT ME,
AND I LOOKED AT HIM, AND YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, DOBE?
- WHAT HAPPENED, MAYNARD?
- HE RAN AWAY.
- HE RAN AWAY?
- YEAH.
I HOPE WE HEAR FROM HIM SOON.
THE RENT IS DUE.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
THAT BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
- NOW WHAT DID HE DO?
- IT ISN'T WHAT HE DID,
IT'S WHAT HE DIDN'T.
LOOK AT THERE.
THE "DAILY BUGLE" IS RUNNING
A FATHER AND SON WEEK,
$25 FOR THE BEST ESSAY
ON "WHY MY DAD IS MY BEST PAL."
KIDS ALL OVER TOWN
ARE WRITING ESSAYS,
BUT DOBIE, THE ONLY THING
HE'LL EVER WRITE FOR ME IS,
DEAR DAD, SEND MONEY.
- OH, HERBERT DEAR,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
BOYS DOBIE'S AGE
JUST AREN'T VERY GOOD
AT EXPRESSING THEIR FEELINGS.
IT'S NOT THAT THE
FEELINGS AREN'T THERE.
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S HARD
FOR FATHERS AND
SONS TO COMMUNICATE.
- IF HE CAME THROUGH
THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE
WOULD COMMUNICATE?
ONE OF THREE THINGS.
NUMBER ONE, DAD, CAN
I BORROW SOME MONEY?
NUMBER TWO, DAD, CAN I
BORROW THE KEYS TO THE CAR?
NUMBER THREE, DAD,
CAN I HAVE SOME COOKIES?
- DAD? DAD, CAN I
BORROW SOME MONEY?
- NUMBER ONE. NO.
- AND DAD, ABOUT
THE CAR TONIGHT...
- NUMBER TWO. NO.
- OH.
- SAY, WHAT ABOUT
THE NEXT QUESTION?
- WHAT QUESTION?
- NUMBER THREE. UH, COOKIES?
- OH, SAY, NOW THAT
YOU MENTION COOKIES...
- NO!
WELL, I GUESS THAT SORT OF
CONCLUDES OUR CONVERSATION, HUH?
- I GUESS SO. WELL, I
THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS.
DON'T WORK TOO HARD.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOTTA.
THAT WAS THE LAST TIME MY
FATHER EVER SAID THOSE WORDS.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IT? IT'S A FACT.
THE VERY LAST TIME.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, I'LL START
AT THE BEGINNING.
I LEFT THE GROCERY STORE
AND WENT UPSTAIRS TO MY ROOM.
- OOH!
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I'M, LIKE, SACKING
UP, GOOD BUDDY.
- HAVEN'T YOU GOT A HOME?
- THAT'S, LIKE, OPEN TO DEBATE.
- OH, YOUR FATHER, HUH?
- WHAT ELSE?
- YEAH.
- WHAT ARE YOU,
LIKE, GONNA DO, DOBE?
- LIKE, TYPE.
- WHAT DO YOU, LIKE, TYPE?
- LIKE, MY HOMEWORK.
- OH. WHAT HOMEWORK?
- MY ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT.
YOU SEE, MR. POMFRITT...
- WHO?
- MR. POMFRITT,
MY ENGLISH TEACHER
OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL.
- OH.
- YOU SEE, MR. POMFRITT
GAVE US AN ASSIGNMENT
TO WRITE A 300-WORD ESSAY
ON MY FAVORITE PET,
YOU KNOW, DOG, CAT,
OR CANARY OR LIKE THAT,
AND I'M WRITING A...
MAYNARD, YOU'RE
IN THE SAME CLASS.
- YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
- YEAH, GOOD THINKING.
YEAH. SO WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME
AND WRITE AN ESSAY
ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE PET?
- I AIN'T, LIKE, GOT A PET.
- WELL, YOU MUST HAVE HAD
A PET AT SOME TIME OR OTHER.
- YEAH, WELL, ONCE
I HAD A VERMILLION.
- A WHAT?
- YOU KNOW,
ONE OF THEM LITTLE
LIZARDS THAT CHANGE COLOR.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S CHAMELEON.
- YEAH, CHAMELEON.
- YEAH.
- OOH, WHAT A GAS.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
BROWN, HE'D TURN BROWN.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
RED, HE'D TURN RED.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING PLAID,
HE'D TURN PLAID.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
YELLOW, HE'D TURN YELLOW.
YOU PUT HIM ON SOMETHING
BLUE, HE'D TURN BLUE.
YOU PUT HIM ON
BLACK, HE'D TURN WHITE.
- MAYNARD!
HE'D TURN WHITE?
- YEAH. HE DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO TURN BLACK.
HE WAS A PRETTY YOUNG CHAMELEON.
- OH.
YEAH. OKAY.
- "MY DOG BY DOBIE GILLIS.
"MY DOG IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
"HE'S FAITHFUL AND
LOYAL AND TRUE BLUE.
"NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THINGS GET,
"I CAN ALWAYS COUNT
ON MY GOOD OLD DOG.
"HE UNDERSTANDS ME.
HIS BIG LIQUID BROWN
EYES TELL ME SO."
GEE, I CAN'T, LIKE, GO ON.
- KIND OF TOUCHING, ISN'T IT?
- YEAH. IT GETS YOU RIGHT HERE.
- YOUR HEART'S
OVER HERE, MAYNARD.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- DOBE?
- WHAT?
- I BET YOU'RE GONNA
GET AN "A" ON THAT ESSAY.
- ME?
- YEAH. I KNOW YOU
AIN'T VERY BRIGHT,
BUT THAT ESSAY'S,
LIKE, BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET AN "A."
- I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MAYNARD.
IF I GET AN "A" ON THIS ESSAY,
I WILL PERSONALLY CARRY YOU
AROUND THE
SCHOOLYARD PIGGY BACK.
- ENOUGH, MAYNARD.
- ONCE MORE AROUND
THE TRACK, GOOD BUDDY.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYNARD,
BUT THOSE SPURS HAVE GOT TO GO.
- OKAY. PUT ME DOWN.
I MEAN, ANYBODY WHO WRITES
AN ESSAY LIKE YOU WROTE
SHOULDN'T BE TREATED
AS A BEAST OF BURDEN.
- NO.
- MAN, THAT'S THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL ESSAY I EVER HEARD OF.
- IT CERTAINLY
WAS, DOBIE GILLIS.
MAY I ADD MY CONGRATULATIONS?
- MASON DIXON?
YOU'RE CONGRATULATING ME?
I DIDN'T THINK YOU
KNEW I WAS ALIVE.
- WHY, DOBIE, YOU
MUST BE FUNNING.
I CONSIDER YOU TO
BE VERY MUCH ALIVE.
YOU GOT THE ONLY "A"
IN THE ENGLISH CLASS.
CHARMING ESSAY.
- WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL.
SAY, MASON, YOU
WOULDN'T BY ANY CHANCE
BE FREE NEXT SATURDAY?
- DOBIE, YOU ARE A
CHARMING WRITER,
BUT AS A DATE YOU LEAVE
MUCH TO BE DESIRED.
- OH?
- TAKING A NICE LONG WALK
IS NOT MY IDEA OF HOW
TO SPEND A SATURDAY.
- OH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
- WELL, I LIKE TENNIS
IN THE MORNING,
AND IN THE AFTERNOON I
LIKE TO GO TO THE TEA DANCE
AT THE PEABODY ROOM.
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A DATE.
- BUT PLEASE, DOBIE,
NOW, I MEAN NO OFFENSE,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T
FIT INTO MY PLANS AT ALL.
- OH?
- YOU SEE, THE MAN I GO WITH
HAS TO BE A MONEYED MAN.
- MONEY?
- I'M IN MY RECONSTRUCTION ERA.
- RECONSTRUCTION OF WHAT?
- SECESSION LANDING.
- SECESSION LANDING?
- OUR ANTEBELLUM
MANSION DOWN SOUTH
WHERE MAMA PLAYS STEPHEN
FOSTER ON THE SPINET,
WHERE TIME IS HONEY SLOW,
AND THE JASMINE CLIMBS
UP THE CORINTHIAN COLUMNS.
- HM, GEORGIA. I DIG THAT
NEW ORLEANS THE MOST.
- ONLY RIGHT NOW THE JASMINE'S
COMING UNTACKED FROM THE PORCH,
AND THE CORINTHIAN COLUMNS
ARE LOSING THEIR ACANTHUS LEAVES.
NOW, MY DADDY'S
HERE TO RAISE MONEY.
- UH-HUH.
- AND DADDY SAYS, DOBIE,
I GOT TO KEEP UP A FRONT.
- OH, HE'S RIGHT.
- FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK
YOU ARE MUCH OF A FRONT.
- OH, BUT I AM, MASON.
YOU... WELL, I CAN BE.
TRUST ME, BY
SATURDAY I'LL HAVE $10.
15? 20?
- 22 AND SOME LOOSE CHANGE?
- $25.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU DASHING FELLOW.
- DATE?
- DATE.
- DATE, YEAH.
- I HATE TO BE A PARTY
POOPER, GOOD BUDDY,
BUT WHERE ARE YOU
GOING TO GET $25?
- I'LL GET A PAPER AND
LOOK AT THE WANT ADS
AND FIND SOME WORK.
- WORK?
- MAYNARD.
- OH, DOBE.
I MEAN, LIKE, YOU HATE WORK.
YOU, LIKE... OH,
COME BACK, DOBE.
THIS IS MAYNARD. MAYNARD KREBS,
YOUR GOOD BUDDY. COME ON.
- OH, NOW, LOOK. NOW, LOOK.
HERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD JOB.
"WANTED, RESPONSIBLE
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT
TO SIT WITH MY
TWO-YEAR-OLD CHILD."
- BABIES. OH, THEY
BITE, DOBE. THEY BITE.
- THAT'S SILLY, MAYNARD.
THEY HAVEN'T GOT ANY TEETH.
- YEAH. THAT'S WHAT
THEY WANT YOU TO THINK.
- NOW...
- TAKE ALBERT MULHOUSER.
- ALBERT MULHOUSER?
- YEAH.
THE CAT THAT JUST GOT
OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
- OH, YEAH.
- HE WAS A BABYSITTER.
- YEAH.
- A TWO-YEAR-OLD CAME, LIKE,
SMILING UP TO HIM
IN THE STROLLER,
OPENED HIS JAWS,
GRABBED ALBERT BY THE LEG.
ALBERT COULDN'T SHAKE HIM LOOSE.
THE KID HAD A GRIP
LIKE A BULLDOG.
- MAYNARD.
- FINALLY THE KID'S MOTHER
PULLED HIM OFF...
- MAYNARD.
- AND THE NEXT DAY ALBERT'S
LEG SWOLE UP LIKE A WATERMELON.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH! ENOUGH.
NOW, HERE, DROP MY
BOOKS OFF AT THE STORE.
I'M GOING OVER AND APPLY
FOR THIS JOB BEFORE IT'S FILLED.
- MAN, THE TROUBLE
YOU CAN GET INTO
READING THESE NEWSPAPERS.
WHAT DO PEOPLE SEE IN
THESE THINGS ANYHOW?
NOTHING BUT A LOT OF WORDS
AND WORDS AND ADS FOR WORK...
WORK! AND IT AIN'T GOT NO BEAT.
"WIN $25,
WRITE AN ESSAY ON MY DAD
FOR FATHER AND SON WEEK."
IF I WROTE AN ESSAY ON MY DAD,
THEY WOULDN'T, LIKE, BELIEVE IT.
- "MY DOG" BY DOBIE
GILLIS. "MY DAD."
MY DOG, MY DAD. MY
DOG, MY DAD. I WONDER.
HOW ABOUT IF I CROSSED
OFF DOG AND WROTE IN DAD?
"MY DAD IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
"HE'S FAITHFUL AND
LOYAL AND TRUE BLUE.
"NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THINGS GET,
I ALWAYS CAN COUNT
ON MY GOOD OLD DAD."
LIKE, WOW.
YEAH.
NO. I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT.
I MEAN, CROSSING OUT
SOMEBODY ELSE'S HANDWRITING
AND PUTTING IN YOUR
OWN, MAN, IT'S LIKE HOMICIDE.
IF I DON'T GO THROUGH WITH
IT, MY GOOD BUDDY, DOBIE,
IS STUCK WITH A MONEY-CRAZY
GIRL AND A NO-MONEY WALLET.
THE MOST THEY CAN
GIVE ME IS SIX MONTHS
AND THE ELECTRIC
CHAIR. I'LL DO IT.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS?
- THAT'S ME.
- OKAY, HOLD THIS.
ALL RIGHT, WALLY.
HAPPY FATHER RECEIVES NEWS.
WHICH ONE IS DOBIE?
- ME, SIR.
- OKAY, WALLY. GET THIS.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- HAPPY WINNER RECEIVES PRIZE.
- PRIZE? WHAT PRIZE?
- OVER HERE, SON.
NOW, SHAKE WITH THE RIGHT,
PUT THE LEFT ARM
AROUND THE SHOULDER.
ALL RIGHT, WALLY. GET THIS.
HAPPY FATHER
CONGRATULATES HAPPY SON.
WAIT A MINUTE. LET'S
SEE THOSE TEETH.
THAT'S IT. OKAY,
WALLY, LET'S GET IT.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT PRIZE? WHAT WINNER?
WHAT'S WITH THE PICTURE-TAKING?
- HERE. HERE. HERE IT IS, BUDDY.
READ IT. RIGHT ON
THE FRONT PAGE.
- WINNIE, AM I DREAMING?
- NO, HERBERT.
THERE IT IS IN BLACK AND WHITE.
"DOBIE GILLIS WINS FATHER
AND SON ESSAY CONTEST."
- BUT I DIDN'T ENTER ANY...
- HUP BUP BUP!
YOU DIDN'T ENTER IT, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU WERE, LIKE, TOO BASHFUL,
SO I ENTERED IT FOR YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
MAYNARD? I NEVER EVEN WROTE...
- HUP BUP BUP!
YOU KNOW THE ESSAY ABOUT
HOW YOUR FATHER IS YOUR PAL
AND YOU HUNT AND FISH
TOGETHER AND, YOU KNOW?
- BUT MAYNARD,
THAT WAS ABOUT MY...
- HUP!
- MAYNARD!
- YOU WON $25, GOOD BUDDY.
LIKE, CONGRATULATIONS.
- ISN'T IT WONDERFUL, HERBERT?
YOU SEE HOW WRONG YOU WERE.
- THIS WAY, DOBIE.
COME HERE, HONEY,
YOU LOOK LIKE A MOTHER.
- I AM A MOTHER.
- YOU SEE, WALLY,
LIFE FOLLOWS ART.
NOW, THAT'S IT. NOW,
CLOSE TOGETHER,
PUCKER UP. THERE WE ARE.
HAPPY MOTHER
KISSES HAPPY WINNER.
OKAY. LET'S GO, WALLY.
- WELL, DON'T JUST
STAND THERE, HERBERT.
READ DOBIE'S ESSAY TO US.
- I WOULDN'T READ IT, DAD.
IT ISN'T VERY INTERESTING.
- OH, IT ISN'T?
- NO.
- WELL, IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE
ABOUT THE MOST INTERESTING THING
THAT'S HAPPENED
TO ME IN 20 YEARS.
- OH.
- QUIET, EVERYBODY.
- YEAH.
- "MY DAD, BY DOBIE GILLIS.
"MY DAD IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
"HE'S FAITHFUL AND
LOYAL AND TRUE BLUE.
"NO MATTER HOW TOUGH THINGS GET,
I CAN ALWAYS COUNT
ON MY GOOD OLD DAD."
DOBIE, I DIDN'T
KNOW... I MEAN, HOW...
- OH, IT'S NOTHING, DAD.
- IT'S WHAT I'VE ALWAYS
TOLD YOU, HERBERT.
DEEP DOWN, DOBIE HAS
ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO YOU.
- YEAH.
- HE LOOKS UP FROM DEEP DOWN.
- READ SOME MORE.
- "MY DAD IS EVERYTHING
A REAL DAD SHOULD BE.
"HE UNDERSTANDS ME.
HIS BIG, LIQUID BROWN
EYES TELL ME SO."
IF ONLY I...
OH, I MEAN, WE MAY HAVE HAD...
- DAD...
OUR MISUNDERSTANDINGS
IN THE PAST...
- DAD. YEAH.
- BUT THAT'S ALL GONE NOW.
YOU KNOW, NOW
THAT I FINALLY REALIZE
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR OLD MAN.
- YEAH.
- YOUR "TRUE BLUE PAL."
- IT'S JUST A LITTLE ESSAY, DAD.
- LITTLE?
IN MY BOOK IT TAKES ITS
PLACE RIGHT UP THERE
ALONGSIDE OF THE
GETTYSBURG ADDRESS
AND WASHINGTON'S
FAREWELL TO HIS TROOPS.
- I'M GETTING PRETTY
MISTY TOO, MR. GILLIS.
- HERBERT, LISTEN TO THIS PART.
"EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT BE DOZING,
"STRETCHED OUT IN
FRONT OF THE OPEN FIRE,
"AT THE FIRST SOUND
A BURGLAR MADE,
"HE WOULD BE
INSTANTLY ON HIS FEET,
HIS HANDSOME HEAD
COCKED TO ONE SIDE."
- COCKED?
- COCKED?
- THERE IT IS.
- OH, THANKS. GO AHEAD.
- I THINK DOBIE OUGHT TO READ
HIS OWN ESSAY. GO AHEAD, DEAR.
- WHAT? OH, YEAH. ALL
RIGHT. YEAH. LET'S SEE.
"MY DAD'S COAT IS
SLEEK AND SHINY."
- HE'S RIGHT, WINNIE.
WE'VE PROBABLY SENT THAT
OLD COAT OF MINE TO BE CLEANED
AND PRESSED JUST ONCE
TOO OFTEN. GO AHEAD, DOBIE.
- "YOU ALWAYS SEE
MY DAD TROTTING
"WITH THAT PECULIAR SIDEWAYS
GAIT SO TYPICAL OF DADS,
"OFF ON A THOUSAND AND
ONE MYSTERIOUS ERRANDS
"THE REST OF US COULD NEVER..."
- TROTTING?
ERRANDS?
- YOU KNOW, HERBERT.
THE 4:00 DELIVERY.
- YEAH.
- OH. OH, YEAH.
- HERE, MAYNARD, YOU READ IT.
YOU STARTED IT.
- "AND IN CONCLUSION,
"LET ME SAY ABOUT MY
DAD, BUDDY, COMPANION,
AND GREAT RETRIEVER..."
- RETRIEVER, WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
- OH, THAT, LIKE, MEANS,
LIKE, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION,
AND IT DESERVES A
GOOD ANSWER, MR. GILLIS.
- YEAH.
- DOBE?
- WHAT? OH. WELL, IT...
- IT MEANS THAT WHEN
DOBIE'S IN TROUBLE,
YOU RETRIEVE HIM.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
- YOU KNOW, DOBIE, IN THE PAST,
WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TOGETHER
EXACTLY WHEN IT CAME TO MONEY.
SHALL WE SAY I WAS CAUTIOUS?
- TRY STINGY.
- THANK YOU.
BUT THAT'S ALL GONE NOW,
DOBE. HERE. I WANT YOU TO HAVE...
- NO, DAD. NO. NO.
NO. NOTHING AT ALL.
IN FACT, NOTHING.
- WHILE YOU'RE UNDER THIS SPELL,
I COULD USE A FEW BOB, MR. G.
- MAYNARD!
- DOBIE. DOBIE, BEFORE YOU GO,
THERE'S ONE THING I
WANT YOU TO KNOW,
AND THAT'S WHAT THIS
DAY HAS MEANT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, ALL THAT OLD STUFF,
THAT YELLING AND CARRYING ON?
THAT'S FORGOTTEN.
FROM NOW ON WE'RE
GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER
LIKE A FATHER AND SON
OUGHT TO LIVE TOGETHER,
SHARING THE BIG WITH THE LITTLE,
AND THE HARD WITH THE SOFT.
DOBIE, THIS HAS BEEN A
GREAT DAY, RIGHT, BOY?
- RIGHT, DAD.
[PHONE RINGING]
- EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT, WINNIE.
HERBERT T. GILLIS HERE,
WINNER IN THE "DAILY BUGLE"
FATHER AND SON CONTEST.
- NO, MAYNARD, I CAN'T
GO THROUGH WITH IT.
I'M GOING RIGHT BACK
IN THERE AND TELL HIM.
DAD, THAT ESSAY WASN'T REALLY
ABOUT YOU, IT WAS ABOUT A DOG,
AND I WANT TO MAKE
A CLEAN BREAST
OF THE WHOLE THING.
- STEADY, MAN. STEADY.
- AND NOTHING'S GOING TO
CHANGE MY MIND. NOTHING.
- HI, DOBIE DUMPLING.
- HI, MASON.
- SEE YOU SATURDAY.
- YEAH.
- BYE, DOBIE DUMPLING.
- BYE.
MAYNARD...
- DON'T TELL ME. SOMETHING
JUST CHANGED YOUR MIND.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
THIS IS SATURDAY,
THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY OF MY LIFE.
- YEAH. I CAN SEE.
- FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY
I'VE GOT A DATE TO PLAY TENNIS
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
DOLL IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL,
AND $25 IN CASH.
- YEAH.
- HOLD THESE.
- YEAH.
- NOW, WATCH THIS SERVE.
YOU SEE, YOU BRING IT BACK...
- NO. NO. NO. NO.
NO. NO, BOY. TOO FAR.
YOU GET YOUR POWER
FROM UP IN HERE.
WATCH THIS.
POW! POW!
- DAD, YOU USED TO PLAY TENNIS?
- OH, I USED TO HAVE THE
WICKEDEST BACKHAND IN TOWN.
I USED TO CATCH THE BALL
JUST AS IT CAME OFF
THE TOP OF ITS BOUNCE,
SEE, AND... HEY, YOU KNOW,
I COULD TEACH THAT TO YOU.
- OH, DAD, I WOULDN'T WANT
TO PUT YOU TO THE TROUBLE.
YOU SEE...
- IS THERE ANY TROUBLE
FOR A MAN TO PASS
ONTO HIS SON AND PAL
THE SECRETS OF
YEARS OF EXPERIENCE?
- BUT DAD, WE'VE GOT THE
COURT RESERVED FOR 10:00.
I REALLY THINK...
- GOOD.
I'LL TAKE OFF FROM THE
STORE THIS MORNING.
OH, WE SHOULD HAVE STARTED
TENNIS LESSONS YEARS AGO.
REMEMBER HOW YOUR MOTHER'S
ALWAYS SAYING WE SHOULD BE PALS?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THIS IS TRUE PALSHIP,
NATURAL AND EASY,
THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE.
I'LL GO GET MY TENNIS RACQUET.
- YEAH. UH-HUH.
- AND MY FLANNELS.
- MAN, YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD
WITH LITTLE OL' COTTON-PICKIN'
FIDDLY DEE, GOOD BUDDY.
- WELL, MAYBE NOT, MAYNARD.
LOOK, GO TELL MASON
THAT SOMETHING'S COME UP,
AND I WON'T BE ABLE
TO MAKE IT FOR TENNIS,
BUT I'LL PICK HER UP IN
TIME FOR THE TEA DANCE.
- ROGER.
- YEAH.
- TENNIS, ANYONE?
YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONE
THING I LIKE ABOUT TENNIS.
IT'S A GENTLEMAN'S
GAME. YOU DRESS FOR IT.
- WHAM BAM, WATCH THAT SLAM!
YOU THINK YOU'RE FILLED UP,
OR WILL SHE TAKE A
COUPLE MORE GALLONS.
- NO. I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
- OKAY. LET'S HIT THE ROAD, HUH?
- GEE, DAD.
I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE
SUCH A TENNIS PLAYER.
- OH, I WAS RUSTY
AS AN OLD GATE.
I COULD HARDLY COVER
THAT BACK COURT.
- YEAH, SHORT OF WIND?
- TIGHT OF PANTS.
- MAYNARD? MAYNARD?
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
- WHO?
- MASON.
REMEMBER YOU WENT TO TELL
HER I COULDN'T PLAY TENNIS?
- OH, HER.
- YEAH, HER. WHAT'D SHE SAY?
- SHE HIT ME. BUT I DIDN'T
HIT HER BACK, DOBE.
- GOOD.
IS SHE GOING TO THE TEA
DANCE WITH ME THIS AFTERNOON?
- YEAH. BUT DON'T STAND HER
UP AGAIN, HUH, GOOD BUDDY?
SHE HITS AWFUL HARD.
- YOU KNOW, I'M BEGINNING
TO SEE THE PURPOSE
BEHIND ALL OUR
WORK AND PLANNING,
WHY WE WALKED THE
FLOOR WITH THEM AT NIGHTS,
WHY WE GRAYED AND
WORKED AND WORRIED.
- WHY, DEAR?
- WELL, TO GIVE THE
BEST TO YOUR SON.
TO GET THE FEELING
OF GOING ON IN HIM.
WHY, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT
WE'VE GOT TO PASS ON TO OUR SON?
DO YOU REALIZE THE HERITAGE
A FATHER HAS TO
PASS ON TO HIS BOY?
OH, I DON'T MEAN JUST
FOREHANDS AND BACKHANDS.
I KNOW OTHER THINGS, YOU KNOW.
LIKE FISHING. FISHING.
WINNIE, I'M GOING TO
MAKE A FIRST-CLASS ANGLER
OUT OF THAT BOY.
DO YOU KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T
KNOW HOW TO CAST A DRY FLY
OR A WET FLY OR A WET-DRY FLY?
HERE, WHERE'S MY FISHING GEAR?
- SO LONG, DAD.
- OH.
- BYE, MOM.
- BYE, DEAR.
- HEY, JUST A MINUTE.
- -
YOU CAN'T GO LIKE THAT.
- GO WHERE LIKE WHAT?
- FISHING, WHERE ELSE?
- FISHING?
- IN THOSE FANCY DUDS,
THE FISH WOULD LAUGH
YOU RIGHT OFF THE LAKE.
- WAIT A MINUTE, DAD.
WHAT ABOUT THE STORE?
- OH, HANG THE STORE.
THERE'S MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS THAN MONEY
WHEN THINGS LIKE
THIS COME UP. HONEY...
- DAD!
- WHERE ARE MY HIP BOOTS?
- IN MY HOPE CHEST
WHERE THEY ALWAYS ARE.
- DAD? MOM? LOOK...
- GOOD BUDDY, THE THIN
GREY LINE IS APPROACHING.
- WHAT?
- WHY, DOBIE,
YOU CAN'T GO THE TEA
DANCE DRESSED LIKE THAT.
- OH, WELL, NO.
- YEAH.
HE CAN'T, LIKE, GO AT ALL.
- FIDDLE DEE-DEE AND SHAME
ON YOU, MR. DOBIE GILLIS.
AM I TO UNDERSTAND YOU ARE
BREAKING ANOTHER PROMISE TO ME?
- WELL, YOU SEE, MASON,
WE SUDDENLY GOT
VERY BUSY IN THE STORE,
AND I'VE GOT TO HELP OUT.
- WELL, I NEVER.
- I NEVER EITHER.
- HOW ABOUT LATER TONIGHT?
I'VE STILL GOT THE $25.
- WELL, MAYBE I WILL,
AND MAYBE I WON'T.
- UH-HUH.
- I MAY BE ENGAGED THIS EVENING.
- ENGAGED?
- SOME BOYS I KNOW
FROM STONEWALL
JACKSON MILITARY SCHOOL
ARE FLYING UP FOR THE WEEKEND.
- MASON? MASON?
- AND I JUST ADORE
A BOY IN UNIFORM.
- UNIFORMS. WHAT'S IN A UNIFORM?
WHY, IF YOU TAKE AWAY
THE FANCY EPAULETS
AND THE GOLD BRAID
AND THE BRASS BUTTONS
AND THE SCRAMBLED
EGGS ON THE HAT
AND THE SWORD AND THE SHINY
BOOTS, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT LEFT?
- A NAKED SOLDIER.
GOODBYE, MAYNARD?
- GOODBYE, MAYNARD, YEAH.
- YEAH, COME ON, BOY.
THOSE TROUT ARE WAITING.
- DAD, DO WE HAVE...
- TIME AND TROUT
WAIT FOR NO MAN, BOY.
COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- GET THE IDEA, BOY?
IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST.
- GEE, DAD, YOU'RE REALLY
GOOD AT IT, AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, THERE'S NO
SENSE BEING MODEST.
IT'S TRUE.
OF COURSE, IT'S NOTHING
TO WHAT I COULD DO
IF I HAD AN ISAAC
WALTON NUMBER 4.
- OH? WHAT'S THAT?
- HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU.
YEAH. THERE IT IS.
ISN'T SHE A BEAUTY?
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, THIS CATALOG'S JUST
FULL OF WONDERFUL EQUIPMENT,
BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T
GOT THE EQUIPMENT,
YOU TRY TO MAKE UP
FOR IT IN KNOW-HOW.
- HOW DO YOU MEAN?
- IMAGINATION.
PUT YOURSELF IN
PLACE OF THE FISH.
NOW, IF I WERE A TROUT,
WHAT WOULD I WANT?
WHERE WOULD I BE LIKELY TO BE?
- OH, PRETTY CLEVER.
- WELL, IF I CAN USE THAT KIND
OF IMAGINATION ON A POOR FISH,
WHY CAN'T I DO THE
SAME THING FOR MY SON?
- WELL, DAD, THERE'S
SORT OF A DIFFERENCE.
- NOT WHEN IT COMES
TO IMAGINATION.
I SHOULD SAY, WHAT
DOES DOBIE WHAT?
WHERE IS HE LIKELY TO BE?
- WELL, THAT'S EASY. I
WANT A GIRL THAT'S DREAMY,
AND I'M LIKELY TO BE IN
THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.
- WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE A NORMAL,
FUN-LOVING, AMERICAN BOY.
NO, I SHOULD SAY,
IF I EXPECT A TROUT
TO ACT LIKE A TROUT,
WHY SHOULDN'T I EXPECT
MY BOY TO ACT LIKE A BOY?
WHY SHOULD HE BE
A GOODY TWO-SHOES?
- OH, REEL HIM IN, DAD.
- NO. NO. GIVE
HIM A LOT OF LINE.
DON'T HARNESS HIM.
LET HIM RUN UNTIL...
- TILL HE GETS AWAY?
- BELIEVE ME, BOY,
THIS COULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED
IF I HAD AN ISAAC
WALTON NUMBER 4.
- SURE, DAD. SURE.
♪ BLOW THE MAN DOWN,
BOY, BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪
- WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN?
- ♪ YO HO ♪
- All: ♪ BLOW THE MAN DOWN ♪
- WELL, YOU LOOK VERY HAPPY.
YOU MUST HAVE
CAUGHT A LOT OF FISH.
- NO FISH.
- NO FISH? WHAT DID YOU CATCH?
- WELL, WE CAUGHT A LOT
OF FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE,
AND WE CAUGHT A GOOD LOOK
AT EACH OTHER, RIGHT, BOY?
- RIGHT, DAD.
- AND WE LIKED WHAT
WE CAUGHT, RIGHT, SON?
- RIGHT, DAD.
- I'M SO PROUD OF BOTH MY MEN.
- WE WOULD HAVE CAUGHT
FISH, LOTS OF THEM,
IF DAD HAD HAD AN
ISAAC WALTON NUMBER 4.
- OH, NEVER MIND ABOUT
THAT. HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA.
HOW ABOUT GOING OUT AND
BOWLING A FEW LINES, HUH?
- OH, YEAH, GOOD. I'LL GO
GET MY BOWLING SHOES
AND MY THICK SOCKS.
- NO. I'LL GET THEM FOR YOU.
YOU STAY HERE AND
HAVE A COLD DRINK.
- OH, I'LL GET THE
SHOES FOR YOU, DEAR.
SAVE YOURSELF. HE'D
NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND THEM.
- HEY, BOY,
WAIT TILL YOU SEE HOW I
PUT THAT FAMOUS GILLIS TWIST
ON A BOWLING BALL.
- TENNIS, FISHING,
AND NOW BOWLING.
BOY, DAD'S QUITE A GUY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, GREAT. GREAT.
THAT'S WHERE EVERYBODY
PUTS THEIR BOWLING
SHOES, OVER THE DOOR.
IT'S A MIRACLE YOU
EVER FOUND THEM THERE.
PROBABLY FILES HIS
SOCKS IN THE DESK DRAWER.
- DON'T BE SILLY,
THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.
HERE THEY ARE.
- HEY, WINNIE,
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
- NO, WHAT?
- THIS IS A CARBON
COPY OF DOBIE'S ESSAY.
HEY, LET'S GET IT FRAMED
AND HANG IT ON THE
BEDROOM WALL, HUH?
- WE COULD HAVE IT
MADE INTO WALLPAPER.
- OH, DON'T KNOCK IT NOW.
THIS ISN'T A JOKING MATTER.
THIS IS A FINE, BEAUTIFUL
THING, THIS ESSAY.
I COULD JUST READ
IT OVER AND OVER.
"MY DOG BY DOBIE GILLIS.
"MY DOG IS JUST ABOUT
THE GREATEST PAL
"A RED-BLOODED AMERICAN
BOY COULD ASK FOR.
HE'S FAITHFUL AND LOYAL AND..."
MY DOG?
- DOBIE, I'VE DECIDED TO
GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.
- YOU HAVE?
- FABIAN'S OPENING TONIGHT
AT THE PRIME BALLROOM,
AND EVERYBODY WHO'S
ANYBODY'S GOING TO BE THERE.
THEY'LL SIMPLY PERISH WITH ENVY
WHEN THEY SEE THIS NEW DRESS,
SO I'VE DECIDED TO OPEN MY HEART
AND FORGIVE YOU
ALL YOUR NEGLIGENCE.
- MASON, I'D LOVE TO TAKE
YOU TO FABIAN'S OPENING, BUT...
- BUT YOU SPENT
THE MONEY? I KNEW IT.
- NO. NO. HERE'S THE
MONEY, ALL RIGHT.
- WELL, BUT...
- BUT I CAN'T SPEND
IT ON YOU, MASON.
- WELL, WHO ARE YOU
GOING TO SPEND IT ON?
SOME BIG AWKWARD
YANKEE GIRL, I'LL WAGER.
- IT MAY SOUND KIND OF FUNNY,
BUT I'M SPENDING IT ON MY DAD.
- ON YOUR DAD?
- YEAH.
- WHY, DOBIE GILLIS,
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?
- WELL, IT'S HARD TO TELL YOU,
BUT SOMETHING CAME OVER ME.
- DOBIE, I THINK THAT OLD ESSAY
OF YOURS HAS GONE TO YOUR HEAD.
WHY, I THINK IT'S
EVEN CONVINCED YOU.
- IT HAS.
- WELL, BUT EVERYBODY
IN THE WHOLE CLASS
KNOWS IT WAS REALLY ABOUT A DOG.
- THAT'S THE CRAZY
THING ABOUT IT, MASON.
IT USED TO BE ABOUT
A DOG. I KNOW THAT.
BUT WHEN MY DAD
THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT HIM,
I SOMEHOW BEGAN TO THINK SO TOO.
AND, YOU KNOW, IN
A FUNNY WAY IT IS.
THEN BECAUSE WE
BOTH BELIEVED IT,
WELL, WE WERE DIFFERENT
WITH EACH OTHER.
WE FOUND OUT A LOT.
FOR ONE THING I FOUND OUT
ABOUT FOREHANDS AND DRY FLIES,
AND I TELL YOU, MASON,
MY DAD'S SIMPLY GOT TO HAVE
AN ISAAC WALTON
NUMBER 4 REEL FOR $25,
AND I'M GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM.
- WHAT'S THIS SILLY
OLD ISAAC WALTON REEL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
- LOOK, HERE IT IS,
RIGHT IN THE CATALOG
WHERE MY FATHER MARKED IT.
I'M NOT QUITE SURE
WHAT IT IS MYSELF,
BUT IF HE WANTS IT,
HE'S GONNA HAVE IT.
AND, MASON, I'M APE FOR YOU,
BUT I CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
I'M GOING BOWLING
WITH MY FATHER,
AND I'M SPENDING THE 25
BUCKS ON HIM AND THAT'S FINAL.
- WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS FINAL.
YOU, SIR, ARE NOT
FIT TO TOUCH THE HEM
OF A DAUGHTER OF THE OLD SOUTH,
AND I'LL THANK YOU, SIR,
NEVER TO INTRUDE YOUR
COTTON-PICKIN' PRESENCE
UPON THESE EYES AGAIN.
- FAREWELL, MASON,
MY MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
- YOU CARPETBAGGER!
- SON...
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, DAD, IS
THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT?
- NO. NO. I GOT
EVERYTHING I WANT.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING,
GOOD BUDDY?
- WHAT, MAYNARD?
- YOU KNOW THIS, LIKE,
PALSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER?
- DON'T KNOCK IT, GOOD
BUDDY. I KNOW IT'S CRAZY,
BUT DON'T KNOCK IT.
- WHO'S KNOCKING IT?
THIS MORNING I
SAID TO MY FATHER,
DADDY-O, I SAID, HOW
ABOUT YOU AND ME
GOING FISHING OR
PLAYING A LITTLE TENNIS,
OR GOING BOWLING OR LIKE THAT?
- UH-HUH.
- WELL, HE LOOKED AT ME,
AND I LOOKED AT HIM, AND YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, DOBE?
- WHAT HAPPENED, MAYNARD?
- HE RAN AWAY.
- HE RAN AWAY?
- YEAH.
I HOPE WE HEAR FROM HIM SOON.
THE RENT IS DUE.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪