The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 2, Episode 10 - Jangle Bells - full transcript
Using the analogy of "A Christmas Carol" where the spirits taught Scrooge to change to be more socially acceptable, Mr. Pomfritt, acting as his spirit, convinces Maynard that he can be one of the regular folks instead of his social outcast self by throwing a Christmas Eve party. That party causes a conundrum for Dobie, who, on Zelda's advice, believes he needs to attend Chatsworth's swanky Christmas Eve party if only to be able to move up in the world socially and thus economically. Dobie can't figure out what to do, and no one in his conscious world seems to be able to convince him one way or another. But in his subconscious, Dobie is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future, who both look remarkably like Maynard. The question becomes whether these ghosts can convince Dobie's conscious self that Maynard's friendship is more important than moving up in the world.
- EBENEZER SCROOGE,
I AM THE SPIRIT OF
CHRISTMAS PAST.
- AND I AM THE GHOST
OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE.
- CHRISTMAS? BAH! HUMBUG!
- SCROOGE, YOU CANNOT TURN
YOUR BACK ON YOUR FELLOW MAN.
YOU WILL DIE LONELY AND
FRIENDLESS AND MISERABLE
UNLESS YOU LEARN THE
ERROR OF YOUR WAYS.
- OH, PERISH FORBID,
SPIRITS! NOT THAT!
NO LONGER WILL I SAY
CHRISTMAS, BAH! HUMBUG!
I WILL HONOR
CHRISTMAS IN MY HEART
AND TRY TO KEEP IT ALL YEAR.
- SO BE IT, SCROOGE.
- SO BE IT, SCROOGE.
- "AND IT WAS ALWAYS SAID OF HIM
"THAT HE KNEW HOW
TO KEEP CHRISTMAS WELL
"IF ANY MAN ALIVE
POSSESSED THAT KNOWLEDGE.
AND MAY THAT BE TRULY
SAID OF US AND ALL OF US."
AND SO, AS TINY TIM OBSERVED,
- All: GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.
THAT, MY YOUNG
GLUTTONS FOR PUNISHMENT,
WAS CHARLES DICKENS'
"A CHRISTMAS CAROL."
FORGIVE US, CHARLIE.
THANK YOU, STUDENTS.
YOU MAY BE SEATED.
YOU WERE INTERESTING.
- YES, I WAS RATHER, WASN'T I?
- CLASS, AS YOU HAVE SEEN,
DICKENS INGENIOUSLY
EMPLOYS GHOSTLY SPIRITS
TO SHOW EBENEZER SCROOGE
JUST HOW LONELY HIS
FUTURE CHRISTMASES WILL BE
UNLESS HE CHANGES HIS WAYS.
NOW TELL ME, HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER SCROOGE
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY?
- A PITIFUL CREATURE.
- A WRETCHED CLOD.
- A MISERABLE WRECK.
- YOU RANG?
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- THERE ARE SOME
PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
WHO SAY THAT MY
FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS
IS PECULIAR, ODD, ECCENTRIC,
WEIRD, STRANGE.
I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE,
BUT THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU SEE, I LOVE MAYNARD
AND I NEVER LAUGH AT HIM.
I CRY AT HIM PRETTY
OFTEN, BUT LAUGH? NO.
- I'M ALMOST READY FOR
CLASS, MR. POMFRITT, SIR.
- FINE, BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
- YEAH?
- CLASS WAS DISMISSED
10 MINUTES AGO.
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN
THE SECOND MUFFLER
AND THE MACKINAW.
- I GOOFED AGAIN.
I'M NOTHING BUT A GOOF ARTIST!
- OH, I WOULDN'T
SAY THAT, MAYNARD.
- I'M NOT A GOOF ARTIST?
- I WOULDN'T SAY THAT EITHER.
- I HAVEN'T DONE NOTHING
RIGHT SINCE I WAS BORN.
- OH, NOW MAYNARD.
- I DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GIRL.
- MAYNARD!
- FOR TWO YEARS, MY
FATHER CALLED ME SYLVIA.
- MAYNARD!
- I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE NAME.
ELSPETH MAYBE OR GWYNETH?
BUT SYLVIA?
- MAYNARD, PLEASE!
- EVEN FELICIA WOULD BE...
- MAYNARD! ENOUGH. ENOUGH.
NOW LOOK, MAYNARD, MY BOY,
HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT PERHAPS YOU'RE
TRYING TOO HARD
TO PLEASE EVERYBODY BY
BEING A CLOWN, A PAGLIACCI?
- POLLY WHO?
- PAGLIACCI.
HE WAS A CHARACTER
IN A... NEVER MIND.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, MAYNARD,
IS YOU DON'T HAVE TO ATTRACT
ATTENTION TO YOURSELF
BY BEING ODD AND DIFFERENT.
WHY NOT JUST TRY TO
BE ONE OF THE GANG?
- HOW COULD I DO
THAT, MR. POMFRITT, SIR?
I MEAN, THEY GO OUT ON
DATES AND THEY GO TO DANCES
AND THEY THROW
PARTIES AND LIKE THAT.
I COULDN'T DO NONE
OF THEM THINGS.
- WHO SAID YOU CAN'T?
- ME? I JUST SAID IT.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
- MAYNARD, I MEAN,
WHAT'S TO PREVENT YOU
FROM, SAY, GIVING A PARTY,
INVITING YOUR FRIENDS OVER,
GIVING THEM SOME REFRESHMENTS?
SHOW THEM THAT YOU,
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
ARE JUST AS GOOD
AS THE NEXT FELLOW.
- ME? MAYNARD G.
KREBS THROW A PARTY?
YEAH, I COULD DO IT.
OH, A SWINGING CHRISTMAS
PARTY WITH POPCORN AND A TREE
AND, LIKE, "DECK THE HALLS"
AND BOBBING FOR APPLES
AND SETTING OFF
FIRECRACKERS AND...
- FIRECRACKERS? AT CHRISTMAS?
- YEAH, THAT'S HALLOWEEN.
I'M GONNA DO IT,
MR. POMFRITT, SIR.
I'M GONNA THROW THE
SWINGINGEST BLAST
CENTRAL HIGH
SCHOOL HAS EVER SAW!
- NOW JUST A MINUTE, CHATSWORTH!
JUST A DARN MINUTE!
WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE I
WANNA COME TO YOUR PARTY?
- OH, YOU'LL BE
THERE, GILLIS BABY.
JUST WAIT TILL I BEWITCH YOU
WITH A LIST OF ENTERTAINERS.
- OH, SURE, SURE.
I BET YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE PEGGY LEE,
TOMMY SANDS, DINAH
SHORE AND FRANK SINATRA
SINGING A QUARTET
WITH BACKGROUND MUSIC
BY THELONIOUS MONK
AND THE KINGSTON TRIO.
- THEY'RE FOR THE
INTERMISSION SHOW.
NOW GUESS WHO WE'RE HAVING
FOR THE MAIN ENTERTAINMENT.
- NEVER MIND.
- YOU KNOW, WE
ARISTOCRATIC OSBORNES
TRADITIONALLY RUB
ELBOWS WITH THE PEASANTRY
ONCE EACH YEAR AT
THIS SORT OF OUTING,
SOMETHING TO DO WITH
DEMOCRACY OR SOME SUCH.
HO, HO, HO, GILLIS BABY.
SEE YOU CHRISTMAS EVE.
AND AS FOR A PRESENT,
DON'T BOTHER TO BRING
ANYTHING INEXPENSIVE.
ON, RUDOLPH!
- OH, THAT CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.
MAKES ME SO MAD.
- MAD, SCHMAD!
WE'RE GOING TO HIS
PARTY AND DON'T ARGUE.
- ZELDA, YOU GOTTA BE JOSHING.
WHO WANTS TO SPEND CHRISTMAS EVE
WITH A BUNCH OF
CONCEITED CHARACTERS
WHO RUN AROUND WITH
THEIR NOSES UP IN THE AIR?
- THEIR NOSES MAY
BE IN THE AIR, DOBIE,
BUT THEY'RE IMPORTANT
NOSES AND YOU NEED THEM.
- I NEED THEIR NOSES?
- LET'S FACE FACTS, POOPSIE.
- PRAY, LET'S.
- YOU, MY SWEET, LOVABLE,
WARMHEARTED, INCOMPETENT
FUMBLE-FINGERS ARE IN TROUBLE!
- OH, NOW HOLD ON, ZELDA!
- QUIET, BOY, I'M SAVING YOU
FROM THE SOUP KITCHENS!
LOOK, DOBIE, PHYSICALLY YOU'RE
ALMOST 18 YEARS OLD, AN ADULT.
BUT MENTALLY,
YOU'RE STILL IN DIAPERS!
- OH, NOW LISTEN, ZELDA.
- SILENCE! ARE
YOU A SCHOLAR? NO.
ARE YOU A BUSINESSMAN? NO.
ARE YOU TALENTED? NO.
ARE YOU EVER GONNA
BE A WHOPPING SUCCESS?
- NO.
- YES!
- YES?
- YES, BECAUSE YOU
HAVE ONE HIDDEN QUALITY.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
- THEY DO?
- I DO, AND I'M
HIGHLY PERCEPTIVE.
TOGETHER WE WILL
TURN DOBIE GILLIS,
THE FORMLESS BLOB OF MEDIOCRITY,
INTO DOBIE GILLS, THE
WHOPPING SUCCESS.
WE'LL CASH IN ON YOUR
ONE WORTHWHILE QUALITY
AND KEEP YOU OFF THE DOLE.
- HOW, ZELDA? HOW?
- BY PUTTING YOU IN
WITH THE PROPER PEOPLE,
IMPORTANT PEOPLE,
INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE,
PEOPLE WHO WILL LIKE YOU
AND WHO WILL SHOVE YOU
UP THE LADDER OF ACHIEVEMENT.
- OH, GO, ZELDA, GO.
- LOOK, THE OSBORNES MIX ONLY
WITH THE HIGHEST TYPE PEOPLE,
AMBASSADORS,
MILLIONAIRES, TYCOONS.
AND YOU'RE GONNA DIVE
RIGHT SMACK INTO THE MIXTURE!
- OH, I WILL, I WILL!
- STICK WITH ME AND WE'LL
MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER,
POOPSIE.
- ZELDA, NOW CUT THAT OU...
OH, EVEN THAT ISN'T
GONNA KEEP ME AWAY
FROM CHATSWORTH'S
CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY.
NOTHING'S GONNA
KEEP ME AWAY, NOTHING.
- HEY, DOBE, GUESS
WHO'S THROWING A PARTY
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
- WE ALREADY HEARD ABOUT IT.
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- NO, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- YOU, MAYNARD?
- SURE.
HOW MANY MAYNARD G.
KREBSES DO YOU KNOW?
- ON CHRISTMAS EVE?
- SURE, YEAH.
I'M THROUGH BEING A
CLOWN, A PAGLIACCI.
I'M GONNA THROW
THE WILDEST WING-DING
ANY GARAGE IN THIS
TOWN HAS EVER SAW!
- IN A GARAGE?
- YEAH, I TALKED TO MY FATHER.
IT'S THE ONLY PART OF THE
HOUSE HE'LL LET ME HAVE.
WHAT'S, LIKE, WRONG
WITH A PARTY IN A GARAGE?
WE CAN STRING, LIKE,
POPCORN ON THE GREASE RACK
AND COLORED LIGHTS ON THE
OIL CANS AND LOTS OF YUCKS, HUH?
AND I'LL DRAG DOWN
MY RECORD PLAYER...
- MAYNARD...
- I ALREADY SPENT MY ALLOWANCE
FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF
ON FOOD AND SODA
POP AND STUFF LIKE THAT,
BUT WHAT'S MONEY?
- MAYNARD...
- AND I'LL INVITE A LOT OF KIDS
I LIKE AND SOME I DON'T LIKE.
BUT ON CHRISTMAS EVE, IT
AIN'T NICE TO HATE NOBODY.
- ZELDA?
- YOU GOTTA TELL HIM.
- MAYNARD, I CAN'T
COME TO YOUR PARTY.
I'VE GOT THE FUTURE
TO THINK ABOUT.
I'VE GOT TO START
MAKING CONTACTS.
THAT'S WHY I CAN'T TURN
DOWN THE INVITATION
TO CHATSWORTH'S PARTY.
- CHATSWORTH'S PARTY?
OH, MAN, YOU GOTTA
BE KIDDING! CRAZY!
- NOW, MAYNARD, STOP THAT.
- PAY ATTENTION, MAYNARD.
- WELL, I'D LIKE TO STAY
HERE AND MAKE JOLLY
WITH YOU CATS ALL DAY,
BUT I GOTTA GO FINISH
GETTING EVERYTHING
READY FOR THE BLAST.
- MAYNARD?
- BOY, AND MONEY'S NO OBJECT.
I'M VERY LARGE AT
THE DIME STORE, YEAH.
- MAYNARD, LISTEN!
- SEE YOU 8:00 CHRISTMAS EVE
AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BRING ME A PRESENT.
BUT NATURALLY, YOU WILL.
- BOY, WHAT A PROBLEM
AND WHAT A HEADACHE!
FOR THREE DAYS, I SAT ON IT,
ON THE PROBLEM,
NOT THE HEADACHE.
YOU SEE, I HAD TO FIGURE
OUT WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT,
GETTING AHEAD IN THE
WORLD OR FRIENDSHIP.
THIS IS A VERY DEEP QUESTION
AND IT OUGHT TO BE ANSWERED
BY SOME OF THE GIANT
MINDS OF OUR SOCIETY,
BY A SUPREME COURT JUDGE
OR DR. SCHWEITZER OR JACK PAAR.
BUT HERE I WAS STUCK WITH IT
AND I HAD NOBODY
TO GO TO FOR HELP.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOBODY?
SON, JUST REMEMBER,
WHENEVER YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM,
YOUR GOOD OLD DAD IS NEVER
TOO BUSY TO LEND A HAND ANY TIME.
- GEE, THANKS, DAD.
I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM NOW THAT I
COULD SURE USE SOME HELP WITH.
- LATER. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?
- DAD, YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME.
- THAT'LL TEACH ME TO VOLUNTEER.
OKAY, BOY, WHAT'S AILING YOU?
- WELL, IT'S AN ETHICAL PROBLEM
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO JUMP TO A CONCLUSION
UNTIL YOU'VE HEARD
ALL THE PROS AND CONS.
- STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.
WHAT SUBJECT ARE YOU FLUNKING?
- I'M NOT FLUNKING ANYTHING.
THIS IS ABOUT MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD?
OH, YOU NEED A
SUPREME COURT JUDGE
OR DR. SCHWEITZER OR JACK PAAR.
- DAD, MAYNARD'S INVITED
ME TO A PARTY AT HIS HOUSE.
- ENJOY YOURSELF, SON!
- BUT MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO.
- MAYBE NOT.
- BECAUSE I'VE ALSO
BEEN INVITED TO A PARTY
THAT CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.'S THROWING.
- OH, THAT'S NICE.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
- BUT MAYBE I SHOULDN'T
GO TO THAT ONE EITHER.
- MAYBE NOT.
- I HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH IS MORE
IMPORTANT, MAYNARD'S FRIENDSHIP
OR THE IMPORTANT CONTACTS
I'LL MAKE IF I GO TO CHATSWORTH'S.
- REMEMBER, BOY, THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN THIS WORLD IS FRIENDSHIP.
- THEN YOU ADVISE ME TO FORGET
ABOUT CHATSWORTH'S PARTY
AND GO TO MAYNARD'S?
- BUT
IF A FELLOW DON'T LOOK
OUT FOR NUMBER ONE,
WHO'S GONNA DO IT FOR
HIM? GET WHAT I MEAN?
- YOU MEAN, I SHOULD
GO TO CHATSWORTH'S
BECAUSE I'LL MEET THE
RIGHT PEOPLE THERE?
- REMEMBER, FRIENDSHIP IS
MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD.
- I SHOULD GO TO MAYNARD'S?
- BUT TO GET AHEAD,
IT ISN'T WHAT YOU KNOW,
IT'S WHO YOU KNOW.
- I SHOULD GO TO CHATSWORTH'S?
- REMEMBER, A FRIEND IN NEED
IS A FRIEND INDEED.
- MAYNARD?
- BUT IF YOU ARE
GOING TO GO FAR,
HITCH YOUR WAGON TO A STAR.
- CHATSWORTH?
- JUST REMEMBER, SON, MANY
A MAN HAS RIDDEN TO SUCCESS
ON THE COATTAILS OF
HIS IMPORTANT FRIENDS.
- CHATSWORTH?
- TO WIN A FRIEND, BE ONE.
- MAYNARD?
- WELL, ANY MORE QUESTIONS, SON?
- JUST ONE.
- SHOOT.
- WHAT DO I DO ABOUT
THE PARTY TONIGHT?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU JUST FOLLOW THE
ADVICE I'VE BEEN GIVING YOU.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
AND REMEMBER, ANY
TIME YOU NEED HELP,
JUST CALL ON YOUR
GOOD OLD HELPFUL DAD.
- HELLO, DOBIE.
- OH, HI, MOM.
- DEAR, I KNOW YOU WERE
WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
DID YOUR FATHER HELP
YOU ANSWER YOUR PROBLEM?
- I'M NOT SURE, BUT THERE
MUST HAVE BEEN AN ANSWER
BURIED IN THERE SOMEPLACE.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS
AND LIE DOWN A WHILE
BEFORE THE PARTY.
- DOBIE! DOBIE GILLIS?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M NOT A WHO. I'M A WHAT.
- LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE.
- I'M, LIKE, A GHOST.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?
- I'M, LIKE, AN
ALL-PURPOSE GHOST.
WHENEVER I SAY THE MAGIC WORDS,
I CHANGE INTO THE
SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS PAST.
DOGGONE, I FORGOT
THE MAGIC WORDS.
WELL, I GUESS I'LL
HAVE TO CHANGE
INTO THE SPIRIT OF
CHRISTMAS PAST THE HARD WAY.
- PLEASE, SPIRIT, NO!
- QUIET, EARTH BOY. I'M
GONNA MAKE THE SWITCH!
LIKE, BEHOLD!
- YEAH, I REMEMBER
THAT CHRISTMAS PAST.
WE WERE ABOUT FOUR YEARS OLD.
MAYNARD HAD JUST FLUNKED
OUT OF NURSERY SCHOOL
FOR THE THIRD TIME.
BUT, SPIRIT, A FELLA'S GOTTA
THINK ABOUT HIS FUTURE,
HIS CAREER, WHAT'S
TO BECOME OF HIM.
- HE'S ALSO GOTTA THINK
ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA
BECOME OF HIS GOOD BUDDY.
AND WHEN HIS GOOD
BUDDY IS MAYNARD G. KREBS,
MAN, THAT TAKES
A LOT OF THINKING.
- BUT, SPIRIT, CAN'T I
FORGET ABOUT HIM?
- FORGET YOUR GOOD BUDDY?
FOR SHAME, DOBIE SCROOGE!
YOU MUST NOW WITNESS
THE MISERABLE RESULT
OF YOUR MISERABLE WRETCHEDNESS!
AHOY, I WILL NOW BECOME THE
SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE!
HEY, I REMEMBERED
THE MAGIC WORDS!
ABADABA DO-DO, THIS'LL SUIT YOU,
I'M NOW THE SPIRIT
OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE.
LIKE, HARK.
- GOOD EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR.
GOOD EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR!
TREMBLAY, TELL MRS. GILLIS
THAT MR. GILLIS SAYS GOOD
EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR.
- AS YOU SAY, SIR.
GOOD EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR.
- OH, HI, POOPSIE!
TREMBLAY, TELL MR. GILLIS...
- AS YOU WISH, MADAM.
- NOW CUT THAT OUT!
- DOBIE DEAR, WE'VE
BEEN INVITED TO DINNER
AT THE MONTFARINCI'S
TOMORROW NIGHT!
- OH? ARE THEY INTERESTING?
- FASCINATING.
- ARE THEY AMUSING?
- OH, TERRIBLY.
- CAN THEY ADVANCE MY CAREER?
- NO.
- FORGET 'EM.
- THAT'S MY DOBIE.
ONWARD AND UPWARD
TO CONTACTS AND SUCCESS
AND SUCCESSFUL CONTACTS!
- TREMBLAY, WHERE'S
THE MAIN COURSE?
OH.
WHEN I'VE GOT MONEY,
WHO NEEDS FOOD OR
FRIENDS OR ANYTHING?
- TREMBLAY! AT THE
WINDOW! WHAT IS THAT?
- SIR, WHATEVER IT IS,
IT DEFIES DESCRIPTION.
I'D BEST SET THE DOGS ON IT.
- NO, TREMBLAY. THE
POOR WAIF LOOKS FAMILIAR,
ESPECIALLY AROUND THE
BEARD AND SWEATSHIRT.
- RIDICULOUS! HOW COULD YOU,
A MONEYED GILLIS,
KNOW SUCH A CREATURE?
- YOU'RE RIGHT, OF
COURSE, MY DEAR ZELDA.
TREMBLAY, CHASE
HIM OFF THE PREMISES.
I REFUSE TO BE
BOTHERED WITH PEOPLE
WHO CANNOT ADVANCE MY CAREER.
- THAT'S THE SPIRIT, BUSTER.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD, COME BACK!
MAYNARD, I DIDN'T
MEAN TO SNUB YOU!
MAYNARD! MAYNARD! MAYNARD!
OH, MOM.
- DOBIE? WHAT IS IT, DOBIE?
- OH, I GUESS I WAS HAVING
A DREAM. IT WAS AWFUL.
- OH, WELL, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
ONCE YOU GET TO
CHATSWORTH'S PARTY.
I PRESSED YOUR SUIT FOR YOU.
- OH, THANKS, MOM. BUT
ABOUT CHATSWORTH'S PARTY...
- I'LL BE SO PROUD.
MY HANDSOME SON
MINGLING WITH ALL
THOSE IMPORTANT PEOPLE,
MEETING FRIENDS WHO
REALLY AMOUNT TO SOMETHING.
- MOM...
- YOUR DAD AND I
ARE JUST PLAIN PEOPLE, DOBIE,
BUT IT MAKES US SO VERY
HAPPY TO KNOW THAT OUR SON
IS ACCEPTED AND LIKED
BY THE OSBORNES
AND THEIR FRIENDS.
- MOM, LISTEN...
- WHEN YOU GET
BACK FROM THE PARTY,
PROMISE TO WAKE ME UP
AND TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT,
EVERY DETAIL, MIND YOU,
NO MATTER HOW LATE IT IS.
- SURE, MOM, I PROMISE.
- AH, THE FAIR ZELDA
AND DOBIE-DOO.
- YEAH.
ZELDA THOUGHT IT'D BE
RATHER AN AMUSING LITTLE LARK.
- MON CHER, DOBIE. I
SCARCELY THINK AMUSING
IS THE PROPER WORD TO
DESCRIBE AN OSBORNE PARTY.
- OH? JAZZY?
- PLEASE!
- JOLLY?
- WELL, HARDLY.
- SPORTY?
- TRY EXPENSIVE.
- EXPENSIVE?
- THAT'S THE WORD.
AND JUST PAR EXEMPLE, VOILÀ!
- BOY, THAT'S SURE
A LOT OF VOILÀ.
- MAN, I HOPE THIS
ISN'T TOO FANCY.
I DON'T WANNA LOOK
LIKE NO SHOWOFF.
NO, NO, MAYNARD.
YOU MUST BE THE
PERFECT, LIKE, HOST.
SAVE THE POPCORN FOR
YOUR HUNGRY GOOD BUDDIES.
BOY, THEY'LL BE LIKE CLOMPING
IN HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.
HEY, I WONDER WHERE THEY ARE.
- DOBIE, WHO WAS THAT
DISTINGUISHED LOOKING MAN
YOU WERE TALKING TO?
- OH, SOME LAWYER
FRIEND OF THE OSBORNES.
HE WANTS ME TO CALL HIM
IN CASE I EVER DECIDE
TO BECOME AN ATTORNEY.
- HOW MARVELOUS!
ALL THESE SMASHING
CONTACTS, BIG, VALUABLE!
- YEAH, BIG, VALUABLE.
- OH, GOOD BUDDIES!
LIKE, WELCOME!
OH, LIKE, HI. HEY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, CAT.
NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU BETTER LEAVE
'CAUSE MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE
GONNA BE HERE ANY SECOND.
NO, DON'T GO, CAT.
IT'S, LIKE, LONESOME
HERE ALL ALONE.
BUT I'M ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY, DEFINITELY POSITIVE
MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE, LIKE,
UNAVOIDABLY DETAINED, PROBABLY.
SO WE'LL WAIT HERE
TOGETHER, HUH, CAT?
ATTACAT.
HAPPY YULETIDE, CAT.
- UNCLE MIDAS, ONE MUST CONCEDE
THAT GILLIS HERE SPRINGS
FROM PEASANT STOCK,
BUT HE IS HARDWORKING
AND CONSCIENTIOUS
IN HIS OWN DREARY WAY.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM
ABOUT GOING TO WORK
IN ONE OF YOUR BANKS.
- DOBIE, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU?
ALL THESE SENSATIONAL
CONTACTS AND YOU STAND AROUND
WITH ALL THE PERSONALITY
OF A WET NOODLE.
- ZELDA, MY HEART
JUST ISN'T IN IT.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR HEART.
IT'S YOUR TEETH I
WANNA SEE, SMILING!
NOW GET BACK IN THERE
AND MAKE WITH THE CHARM.
SHOW UNCLE MIDAS
YOU'RE THE KIND OF MAN
HIS BANK CAN'T
GET ALONG WITHOUT.
- OH. LET ME OUTTA HERE!
LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
- DON'T BE AFRAID. UNCLE
MIDAS IS NO DIFFERENT
FROM ANY OTHER
FABULOUSLY WEALTHY TYCOON.
- ZELDA, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT...
- COME ON, DOBIE.
- MEANWHILE, YOU AND ME,
CAT, WE'LL CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS
LIKE BAH, HAMBURG?
- DOBIE, SNAP OUT OF IT!
NOW LOOK, THAT FELLOW OVER THERE
TALKING TO CHATSWORTH.
HIS FATHER IS THE
PLASTIC LAMINATION KING!
- OH, BOY!
- SHAPE UP, BOY.
WE'RE GONNA MEET HIM.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- THERE, THERE! YOU
GOTTA BE KIDDING!
- DOBIE, HAVE YOU SLIPPED
YOUR TROLLEY ALTOGETHER?
COME ON!
- MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- ZELDA...
ZELDA?
- MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- GILLIS!
- DOBIE?
- CHRISTMAS, LIKE BAH, HAMBURG?
YOU SURE YOU WANNA STAY, CAT?
I MEAN, YOU PROBABLY GOT FRIENDS
WAITING FOR YOU
DOWN AT THE CITY DUMP
FOR THE BIG CHRISTMAS
EVE BLOWOUT.
I MEAN, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE
AND EVERYBODY'S
GOT FRIENDS WAITING.
CHRISTMAS LIKE BAH HIMBUG?
- DOBIE! DOBIE,
SPEAK TO ME, POOPSIE!
- GILLIS, OLD CABBAGE,
YOU LOOK AS IF YOU'VE
JUST SEEN A GHOST!
- I JUST SAW MYSELF.
- EVEN WORSE!
- OH, HUSH UP, CHATSWORTH!
- LOOK, I DON'T BELONG HERE.
SURE, THIS PARTY'S A BIG SMASH
AND WE'RE ALL
HAVING A GAY OLD TIME,
BUT THERE'S SOMEBODY
MISSING, A FRIEND OF OURS,
A FELLOW WHO ALWAYS
GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO HELP,
WHO'D GIVE YOU THE
SWEATSHIRT OFF HIS BACK
IF YOU ASKED FOR IT.
HE'S WAITING FOR US RIGHT
NOW, BUT WE LET HIM DOWN.
HE'S WAITING FOR THE PEOPLE
HE THOUGHT HE COULD
CALL HIS FRIENDS, US.
HE'S WAITING FOR
HIS BEST FRIEND, ME,
BECAUSE I LET HIM DOWN
WORSE THAN ANYBODY.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THE REST OF YOU,
BUT CHRISTMAS EVE
ISN'T ONLY CAVIAR
AND FANCY DECORATIONS
AND TRUFFLES AND LIKE THAT.
IT'S A NIGHT YOU OUGHT TO
SPEND WITH YOUR FRIENDS
AND THAT'S WHERE
I'M GOING RIGHT NOW,
TO MY FRIEND'S PARTY,
IF HE'LL STILL CALL
ME HIS FRIEND.
- DOBIE, WAIT!
- NO, ZELDA, MY MIND'S MADE UP.
- I'M GOING WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!
I HAD NO RIGHT TO TRY AND
MAKE YOU DUMP POOR MAYNARD.
- OH, ZELDA, I LOVE YOU.
- YOU HEARD HIM! YOU ALL HEARD!
DOBIE SAID HE LOVED
ME! YOU ALL HEARD!
YOU'RE WITNESSES!
YOU HEARD HIM! DON'T FORGET!
DON'T FORGET THIS NIGHT!
- ZELDA, NOW CUT THAT OUT!
ZELDA, ZELDA! STOP. STOP!
PLEASE, ZELDA!
- OLD CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
HIS PARTY AIN'T THE ONLY ONE
THAT'S GOT ENTERTAINMENT.
WE GOT IT TOO.
GEORGE SHEARING, HANK MANCINI,
DIZZY GILLESPIE.
GOODBYE, OLD DIZ.
WELL, THOSE ARE THE BREAKS.
HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT, CAT?
I DROPPED THE PLATTER,
SO I SAID, "THOSE..."
NOTHING. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- HELLO, MAYNARD!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
WILL YOU CALL ME
GOOD BUDDY AGAIN?
- SURE, GOOD
BUDDY. I JUST DID IT.
- AW, THANKS, MAYNARD.
THANKS, GOOD BUDDY.
- HEY, LET'S START ON
THE FOOD. I'M STARVING.
- OH, WELL, WE GOT SOME
POPCORN, SORT OF SOGGY.
AND SOME PEANUTS, KIND OF STALE
AND HOT DOGS WITH
ICICLES. NAME YOUR CHOICE!
- WELL, ON SECOND
THOUGHT, I'D BETTER NOT.
I ALWAYS EAT TOO MUCH DURING
THE HOLIDAYS ANYWAY, MAYNARD
- THE ONLY THING MISSING
IS THE ENTERTAINMENT.
I UNDERSTAND THE OSBORNES ARE
PLANNING TO PUT ON QUITE A SHOW.
- OH, YEAH? WELL,
IT JUST HAPPENS
THAT WE HAVE ENTERTAINMENT TOO!
NOTHING BUT THE BEST!
DOBIE, SING! AND
YOU BETTER JUST SING.
HERE, HONEY, YOU
PLAY THE GUITAR.
- YES, DEAR.
- I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
- YOUR SINGING LESSONS
SET ME BACK 24 BUCKS.
NOW SING, BOY, AND SING LOUD.
I WANNA GET MY MONEY'S WORTH.
- ♪ I PASS YOUR HOUSE ♪
♪ EVERY DAY ♪
♪ I PASS YOUR HOUSE ♪
♪ AND I PRAY ♪
♪ I PRAY THAT YOU ♪
♪ STILL LOVE ME TRUE ♪
♪ LOVE ME ♪
♪ AS I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I PASS YOUR HOUSE ♪
♪ EVERY NIGHT ♪
♪ I SEE YOUR SILHOUETTE ♪
♪ IN THE LIGHT ♪
♪ I PRAY MY LOVE ♪
♪ WILL SEE YOU THROUGH ♪
♪ TILL I'M AGAIN WITH YOU ♪
- ♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO
BE JOLLY FA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
- GHOSTS!
- THEY'RE PRETTY NOISY ONES.
I CAN'T HEAR MY $24
WORTH OF SINGING LESSONS.
HEY, YOU OUT THERE! QUIET!
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- YOU TOO, CHATSWORTH?
- BUT, OF COURSE, DOBIE-DOO.
YOU OBSERVE HOW
THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
OVERWHELMED THE AVERAGE CITIZEN.
- SO?
- SO YOU CAN IMAGINE
THE SHATTERING EFFECT
WHEN IT STRIKES AN OSBORNE.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION THERE!
WE SHALL NOW SING ANOTHER CHORUS
OF THAT JOVIAL YULETIDE CHANSON.
- CHANSON?
- MM-HM.
YOU'LL FOLLOW MY BEAT PRECISELY.
- ♪ DECK THE HALL
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY ♪
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL ♪
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA ♪
- HO, HO, HO, HO,
LIKE, MERRY
CHRISTMAS, MR. GILLIS!
- AND HO, HO, HO AND A MERRY
CHRISTMAS TO YOU, MAYNARD.
- OH, AND A VERY MERRY
CHRISTMAS TO YOU, GOOD BUDDY.
- THE SAME TO YOU,
MAYNARD, ALWAYS.
- DINNER'S READY!
COME AND GET IT!
- NOBODY CAN ROAST A
TURKEY LIKE YOU, WINNIE!
- HEY, MAYNARD, YOU'LL STAY AND
HAVE DINNER WITH US, WON'T YOU?
- YOU TALKED ME INTO IT, MRS. G.
- YEAH, COME ON, MAYNARD.
- BOYS, AREN'T YOU COMING?
- YOU BETTER START
WITHOUT US, MOM.
I'M WAITING FOR MY
GOOD... FOR MY BEST BUDDY.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
I AM THE SPIRIT OF
CHRISTMAS PAST.
- AND I AM THE GHOST
OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE.
- CHRISTMAS? BAH! HUMBUG!
- SCROOGE, YOU CANNOT TURN
YOUR BACK ON YOUR FELLOW MAN.
YOU WILL DIE LONELY AND
FRIENDLESS AND MISERABLE
UNLESS YOU LEARN THE
ERROR OF YOUR WAYS.
- OH, PERISH FORBID,
SPIRITS! NOT THAT!
NO LONGER WILL I SAY
CHRISTMAS, BAH! HUMBUG!
I WILL HONOR
CHRISTMAS IN MY HEART
AND TRY TO KEEP IT ALL YEAR.
- SO BE IT, SCROOGE.
- SO BE IT, SCROOGE.
- "AND IT WAS ALWAYS SAID OF HIM
"THAT HE KNEW HOW
TO KEEP CHRISTMAS WELL
"IF ANY MAN ALIVE
POSSESSED THAT KNOWLEDGE.
AND MAY THAT BE TRULY
SAID OF US AND ALL OF US."
AND SO, AS TINY TIM OBSERVED,
- All: GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.
THAT, MY YOUNG
GLUTTONS FOR PUNISHMENT,
WAS CHARLES DICKENS'
"A CHRISTMAS CAROL."
FORGIVE US, CHARLIE.
THANK YOU, STUDENTS.
YOU MAY BE SEATED.
YOU WERE INTERESTING.
- YES, I WAS RATHER, WASN'T I?
- CLASS, AS YOU HAVE SEEN,
DICKENS INGENIOUSLY
EMPLOYS GHOSTLY SPIRITS
TO SHOW EBENEZER SCROOGE
JUST HOW LONELY HIS
FUTURE CHRISTMASES WILL BE
UNLESS HE CHANGES HIS WAYS.
NOW TELL ME, HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER SCROOGE
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY?
- A PITIFUL CREATURE.
- A WRETCHED CLOD.
- A MISERABLE WRECK.
- YOU RANG?
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
[SCATTING] ♪ DOBIE ♪
[SCATTING]
- THERE ARE SOME
PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
WHO SAY THAT MY
FRIEND MAYNARD G. KREBS
IS PECULIAR, ODD, ECCENTRIC,
WEIRD, STRANGE.
I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE,
BUT THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU SEE, I LOVE MAYNARD
AND I NEVER LAUGH AT HIM.
I CRY AT HIM PRETTY
OFTEN, BUT LAUGH? NO.
- I'M ALMOST READY FOR
CLASS, MR. POMFRITT, SIR.
- FINE, BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
- YEAH?
- CLASS WAS DISMISSED
10 MINUTES AGO.
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN
THE SECOND MUFFLER
AND THE MACKINAW.
- I GOOFED AGAIN.
I'M NOTHING BUT A GOOF ARTIST!
- OH, I WOULDN'T
SAY THAT, MAYNARD.
- I'M NOT A GOOF ARTIST?
- I WOULDN'T SAY THAT EITHER.
- I HAVEN'T DONE NOTHING
RIGHT SINCE I WAS BORN.
- OH, NOW MAYNARD.
- I DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GIRL.
- MAYNARD!
- FOR TWO YEARS, MY
FATHER CALLED ME SYLVIA.
- MAYNARD!
- I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE NAME.
ELSPETH MAYBE OR GWYNETH?
BUT SYLVIA?
- MAYNARD, PLEASE!
- EVEN FELICIA WOULD BE...
- MAYNARD! ENOUGH. ENOUGH.
NOW LOOK, MAYNARD, MY BOY,
HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT PERHAPS YOU'RE
TRYING TOO HARD
TO PLEASE EVERYBODY BY
BEING A CLOWN, A PAGLIACCI?
- POLLY WHO?
- PAGLIACCI.
HE WAS A CHARACTER
IN A... NEVER MIND.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, MAYNARD,
IS YOU DON'T HAVE TO ATTRACT
ATTENTION TO YOURSELF
BY BEING ODD AND DIFFERENT.
WHY NOT JUST TRY TO
BE ONE OF THE GANG?
- HOW COULD I DO
THAT, MR. POMFRITT, SIR?
I MEAN, THEY GO OUT ON
DATES AND THEY GO TO DANCES
AND THEY THROW
PARTIES AND LIKE THAT.
I COULDN'T DO NONE
OF THEM THINGS.
- WHO SAID YOU CAN'T?
- ME? I JUST SAID IT.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
- MAYNARD, I MEAN,
WHAT'S TO PREVENT YOU
FROM, SAY, GIVING A PARTY,
INVITING YOUR FRIENDS OVER,
GIVING THEM SOME REFRESHMENTS?
SHOW THEM THAT YOU,
MAYNARD G. KREBS,
ARE JUST AS GOOD
AS THE NEXT FELLOW.
- ME? MAYNARD G.
KREBS THROW A PARTY?
YEAH, I COULD DO IT.
OH, A SWINGING CHRISTMAS
PARTY WITH POPCORN AND A TREE
AND, LIKE, "DECK THE HALLS"
AND BOBBING FOR APPLES
AND SETTING OFF
FIRECRACKERS AND...
- FIRECRACKERS? AT CHRISTMAS?
- YEAH, THAT'S HALLOWEEN.
I'M GONNA DO IT,
MR. POMFRITT, SIR.
I'M GONNA THROW THE
SWINGINGEST BLAST
CENTRAL HIGH
SCHOOL HAS EVER SAW!
- NOW JUST A MINUTE, CHATSWORTH!
JUST A DARN MINUTE!
WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE I
WANNA COME TO YOUR PARTY?
- OH, YOU'LL BE
THERE, GILLIS BABY.
JUST WAIT TILL I BEWITCH YOU
WITH A LIST OF ENTERTAINERS.
- OH, SURE, SURE.
I BET YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE PEGGY LEE,
TOMMY SANDS, DINAH
SHORE AND FRANK SINATRA
SINGING A QUARTET
WITH BACKGROUND MUSIC
BY THELONIOUS MONK
AND THE KINGSTON TRIO.
- THEY'RE FOR THE
INTERMISSION SHOW.
NOW GUESS WHO WE'RE HAVING
FOR THE MAIN ENTERTAINMENT.
- NEVER MIND.
- YOU KNOW, WE
ARISTOCRATIC OSBORNES
TRADITIONALLY RUB
ELBOWS WITH THE PEASANTRY
ONCE EACH YEAR AT
THIS SORT OF OUTING,
SOMETHING TO DO WITH
DEMOCRACY OR SOME SUCH.
HO, HO, HO, GILLIS BABY.
SEE YOU CHRISTMAS EVE.
AND AS FOR A PRESENT,
DON'T BOTHER TO BRING
ANYTHING INEXPENSIVE.
ON, RUDOLPH!
- OH, THAT CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.
MAKES ME SO MAD.
- MAD, SCHMAD!
WE'RE GOING TO HIS
PARTY AND DON'T ARGUE.
- ZELDA, YOU GOTTA BE JOSHING.
WHO WANTS TO SPEND CHRISTMAS EVE
WITH A BUNCH OF
CONCEITED CHARACTERS
WHO RUN AROUND WITH
THEIR NOSES UP IN THE AIR?
- THEIR NOSES MAY
BE IN THE AIR, DOBIE,
BUT THEY'RE IMPORTANT
NOSES AND YOU NEED THEM.
- I NEED THEIR NOSES?
- LET'S FACE FACTS, POOPSIE.
- PRAY, LET'S.
- YOU, MY SWEET, LOVABLE,
WARMHEARTED, INCOMPETENT
FUMBLE-FINGERS ARE IN TROUBLE!
- OH, NOW HOLD ON, ZELDA!
- QUIET, BOY, I'M SAVING YOU
FROM THE SOUP KITCHENS!
LOOK, DOBIE, PHYSICALLY YOU'RE
ALMOST 18 YEARS OLD, AN ADULT.
BUT MENTALLY,
YOU'RE STILL IN DIAPERS!
- OH, NOW LISTEN, ZELDA.
- SILENCE! ARE
YOU A SCHOLAR? NO.
ARE YOU A BUSINESSMAN? NO.
ARE YOU TALENTED? NO.
ARE YOU EVER GONNA
BE A WHOPPING SUCCESS?
- NO.
- YES!
- YES?
- YES, BECAUSE YOU
HAVE ONE HIDDEN QUALITY.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
- THEY DO?
- I DO, AND I'M
HIGHLY PERCEPTIVE.
TOGETHER WE WILL
TURN DOBIE GILLIS,
THE FORMLESS BLOB OF MEDIOCRITY,
INTO DOBIE GILLS, THE
WHOPPING SUCCESS.
WE'LL CASH IN ON YOUR
ONE WORTHWHILE QUALITY
AND KEEP YOU OFF THE DOLE.
- HOW, ZELDA? HOW?
- BY PUTTING YOU IN
WITH THE PROPER PEOPLE,
IMPORTANT PEOPLE,
INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE,
PEOPLE WHO WILL LIKE YOU
AND WHO WILL SHOVE YOU
UP THE LADDER OF ACHIEVEMENT.
- OH, GO, ZELDA, GO.
- LOOK, THE OSBORNES MIX ONLY
WITH THE HIGHEST TYPE PEOPLE,
AMBASSADORS,
MILLIONAIRES, TYCOONS.
AND YOU'RE GONNA DIVE
RIGHT SMACK INTO THE MIXTURE!
- OH, I WILL, I WILL!
- STICK WITH ME AND WE'LL
MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER,
POOPSIE.
- ZELDA, NOW CUT THAT OU...
OH, EVEN THAT ISN'T
GONNA KEEP ME AWAY
FROM CHATSWORTH'S
CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY.
NOTHING'S GONNA
KEEP ME AWAY, NOTHING.
- HEY, DOBE, GUESS
WHO'S THROWING A PARTY
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
- WE ALREADY HEARD ABOUT IT.
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- NO, MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- YOU, MAYNARD?
- SURE.
HOW MANY MAYNARD G.
KREBSES DO YOU KNOW?
- ON CHRISTMAS EVE?
- SURE, YEAH.
I'M THROUGH BEING A
CLOWN, A PAGLIACCI.
I'M GONNA THROW
THE WILDEST WING-DING
ANY GARAGE IN THIS
TOWN HAS EVER SAW!
- IN A GARAGE?
- YEAH, I TALKED TO MY FATHER.
IT'S THE ONLY PART OF THE
HOUSE HE'LL LET ME HAVE.
WHAT'S, LIKE, WRONG
WITH A PARTY IN A GARAGE?
WE CAN STRING, LIKE,
POPCORN ON THE GREASE RACK
AND COLORED LIGHTS ON THE
OIL CANS AND LOTS OF YUCKS, HUH?
AND I'LL DRAG DOWN
MY RECORD PLAYER...
- MAYNARD...
- I ALREADY SPENT MY ALLOWANCE
FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF
ON FOOD AND SODA
POP AND STUFF LIKE THAT,
BUT WHAT'S MONEY?
- MAYNARD...
- AND I'LL INVITE A LOT OF KIDS
I LIKE AND SOME I DON'T LIKE.
BUT ON CHRISTMAS EVE, IT
AIN'T NICE TO HATE NOBODY.
- ZELDA?
- YOU GOTTA TELL HIM.
- MAYNARD, I CAN'T
COME TO YOUR PARTY.
I'VE GOT THE FUTURE
TO THINK ABOUT.
I'VE GOT TO START
MAKING CONTACTS.
THAT'S WHY I CAN'T TURN
DOWN THE INVITATION
TO CHATSWORTH'S PARTY.
- CHATSWORTH'S PARTY?
OH, MAN, YOU GOTTA
BE KIDDING! CRAZY!
- NOW, MAYNARD, STOP THAT.
- PAY ATTENTION, MAYNARD.
- WELL, I'D LIKE TO STAY
HERE AND MAKE JOLLY
WITH YOU CATS ALL DAY,
BUT I GOTTA GO FINISH
GETTING EVERYTHING
READY FOR THE BLAST.
- MAYNARD?
- BOY, AND MONEY'S NO OBJECT.
I'M VERY LARGE AT
THE DIME STORE, YEAH.
- MAYNARD, LISTEN!
- SEE YOU 8:00 CHRISTMAS EVE
AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BRING ME A PRESENT.
BUT NATURALLY, YOU WILL.
- BOY, WHAT A PROBLEM
AND WHAT A HEADACHE!
FOR THREE DAYS, I SAT ON IT,
ON THE PROBLEM,
NOT THE HEADACHE.
YOU SEE, I HAD TO FIGURE
OUT WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT,
GETTING AHEAD IN THE
WORLD OR FRIENDSHIP.
THIS IS A VERY DEEP QUESTION
AND IT OUGHT TO BE ANSWERED
BY SOME OF THE GIANT
MINDS OF OUR SOCIETY,
BY A SUPREME COURT JUDGE
OR DR. SCHWEITZER OR JACK PAAR.
BUT HERE I WAS STUCK WITH IT
AND I HAD NOBODY
TO GO TO FOR HELP.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOBODY?
SON, JUST REMEMBER,
WHENEVER YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM,
YOUR GOOD OLD DAD IS NEVER
TOO BUSY TO LEND A HAND ANY TIME.
- GEE, THANKS, DAD.
I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM NOW THAT I
COULD SURE USE SOME HELP WITH.
- LATER. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?
- DAD, YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME.
- THAT'LL TEACH ME TO VOLUNTEER.
OKAY, BOY, WHAT'S AILING YOU?
- WELL, IT'S AN ETHICAL PROBLEM
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO JUMP TO A CONCLUSION
UNTIL YOU'VE HEARD
ALL THE PROS AND CONS.
- STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.
WHAT SUBJECT ARE YOU FLUNKING?
- I'M NOT FLUNKING ANYTHING.
THIS IS ABOUT MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD?
OH, YOU NEED A
SUPREME COURT JUDGE
OR DR. SCHWEITZER OR JACK PAAR.
- DAD, MAYNARD'S INVITED
ME TO A PARTY AT HIS HOUSE.
- ENJOY YOURSELF, SON!
- BUT MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO.
- MAYBE NOT.
- BECAUSE I'VE ALSO
BEEN INVITED TO A PARTY
THAT CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.'S THROWING.
- OH, THAT'S NICE.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
- BUT MAYBE I SHOULDN'T
GO TO THAT ONE EITHER.
- MAYBE NOT.
- I HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH IS MORE
IMPORTANT, MAYNARD'S FRIENDSHIP
OR THE IMPORTANT CONTACTS
I'LL MAKE IF I GO TO CHATSWORTH'S.
- REMEMBER, BOY, THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN THIS WORLD IS FRIENDSHIP.
- THEN YOU ADVISE ME TO FORGET
ABOUT CHATSWORTH'S PARTY
AND GO TO MAYNARD'S?
- BUT
IF A FELLOW DON'T LOOK
OUT FOR NUMBER ONE,
WHO'S GONNA DO IT FOR
HIM? GET WHAT I MEAN?
- YOU MEAN, I SHOULD
GO TO CHATSWORTH'S
BECAUSE I'LL MEET THE
RIGHT PEOPLE THERE?
- REMEMBER, FRIENDSHIP IS
MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD.
- I SHOULD GO TO MAYNARD'S?
- BUT TO GET AHEAD,
IT ISN'T WHAT YOU KNOW,
IT'S WHO YOU KNOW.
- I SHOULD GO TO CHATSWORTH'S?
- REMEMBER, A FRIEND IN NEED
IS A FRIEND INDEED.
- MAYNARD?
- BUT IF YOU ARE
GOING TO GO FAR,
HITCH YOUR WAGON TO A STAR.
- CHATSWORTH?
- JUST REMEMBER, SON, MANY
A MAN HAS RIDDEN TO SUCCESS
ON THE COATTAILS OF
HIS IMPORTANT FRIENDS.
- CHATSWORTH?
- TO WIN A FRIEND, BE ONE.
- MAYNARD?
- WELL, ANY MORE QUESTIONS, SON?
- JUST ONE.
- SHOOT.
- WHAT DO I DO ABOUT
THE PARTY TONIGHT?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU JUST FOLLOW THE
ADVICE I'VE BEEN GIVING YOU.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
AND REMEMBER, ANY
TIME YOU NEED HELP,
JUST CALL ON YOUR
GOOD OLD HELPFUL DAD.
- HELLO, DOBIE.
- OH, HI, MOM.
- DEAR, I KNOW YOU WERE
WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
DID YOUR FATHER HELP
YOU ANSWER YOUR PROBLEM?
- I'M NOT SURE, BUT THERE
MUST HAVE BEEN AN ANSWER
BURIED IN THERE SOMEPLACE.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS
AND LIE DOWN A WHILE
BEFORE THE PARTY.
- DOBIE! DOBIE GILLIS?
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M NOT A WHO. I'M A WHAT.
- LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE.
- I'M, LIKE, A GHOST.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?
- I'M, LIKE, AN
ALL-PURPOSE GHOST.
WHENEVER I SAY THE MAGIC WORDS,
I CHANGE INTO THE
SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS PAST.
DOGGONE, I FORGOT
THE MAGIC WORDS.
WELL, I GUESS I'LL
HAVE TO CHANGE
INTO THE SPIRIT OF
CHRISTMAS PAST THE HARD WAY.
- PLEASE, SPIRIT, NO!
- QUIET, EARTH BOY. I'M
GONNA MAKE THE SWITCH!
LIKE, BEHOLD!
- YEAH, I REMEMBER
THAT CHRISTMAS PAST.
WE WERE ABOUT FOUR YEARS OLD.
MAYNARD HAD JUST FLUNKED
OUT OF NURSERY SCHOOL
FOR THE THIRD TIME.
BUT, SPIRIT, A FELLA'S GOTTA
THINK ABOUT HIS FUTURE,
HIS CAREER, WHAT'S
TO BECOME OF HIM.
- HE'S ALSO GOTTA THINK
ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA
BECOME OF HIS GOOD BUDDY.
AND WHEN HIS GOOD
BUDDY IS MAYNARD G. KREBS,
MAN, THAT TAKES
A LOT OF THINKING.
- BUT, SPIRIT, CAN'T I
FORGET ABOUT HIM?
- FORGET YOUR GOOD BUDDY?
FOR SHAME, DOBIE SCROOGE!
YOU MUST NOW WITNESS
THE MISERABLE RESULT
OF YOUR MISERABLE WRETCHEDNESS!
AHOY, I WILL NOW BECOME THE
SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE!
HEY, I REMEMBERED
THE MAGIC WORDS!
ABADABA DO-DO, THIS'LL SUIT YOU,
I'M NOW THE SPIRIT
OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE.
LIKE, HARK.
- GOOD EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR.
GOOD EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR!
TREMBLAY, TELL MRS. GILLIS
THAT MR. GILLIS SAYS GOOD
EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR.
- AS YOU SAY, SIR.
GOOD EVENING, ZELDA, MY DEAR.
- OH, HI, POOPSIE!
TREMBLAY, TELL MR. GILLIS...
- AS YOU WISH, MADAM.
- NOW CUT THAT OUT!
- DOBIE DEAR, WE'VE
BEEN INVITED TO DINNER
AT THE MONTFARINCI'S
TOMORROW NIGHT!
- OH? ARE THEY INTERESTING?
- FASCINATING.
- ARE THEY AMUSING?
- OH, TERRIBLY.
- CAN THEY ADVANCE MY CAREER?
- NO.
- FORGET 'EM.
- THAT'S MY DOBIE.
ONWARD AND UPWARD
TO CONTACTS AND SUCCESS
AND SUCCESSFUL CONTACTS!
- TREMBLAY, WHERE'S
THE MAIN COURSE?
OH.
WHEN I'VE GOT MONEY,
WHO NEEDS FOOD OR
FRIENDS OR ANYTHING?
- TREMBLAY! AT THE
WINDOW! WHAT IS THAT?
- SIR, WHATEVER IT IS,
IT DEFIES DESCRIPTION.
I'D BEST SET THE DOGS ON IT.
- NO, TREMBLAY. THE
POOR WAIF LOOKS FAMILIAR,
ESPECIALLY AROUND THE
BEARD AND SWEATSHIRT.
- RIDICULOUS! HOW COULD YOU,
A MONEYED GILLIS,
KNOW SUCH A CREATURE?
- YOU'RE RIGHT, OF
COURSE, MY DEAR ZELDA.
TREMBLAY, CHASE
HIM OFF THE PREMISES.
I REFUSE TO BE
BOTHERED WITH PEOPLE
WHO CANNOT ADVANCE MY CAREER.
- THAT'S THE SPIRIT, BUSTER.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!
- MAYNARD! MAYNARD, COME BACK!
MAYNARD, I DIDN'T
MEAN TO SNUB YOU!
MAYNARD! MAYNARD! MAYNARD!
OH, MOM.
- DOBIE? WHAT IS IT, DOBIE?
- OH, I GUESS I WAS HAVING
A DREAM. IT WAS AWFUL.
- OH, WELL, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
ONCE YOU GET TO
CHATSWORTH'S PARTY.
I PRESSED YOUR SUIT FOR YOU.
- OH, THANKS, MOM. BUT
ABOUT CHATSWORTH'S PARTY...
- I'LL BE SO PROUD.
MY HANDSOME SON
MINGLING WITH ALL
THOSE IMPORTANT PEOPLE,
MEETING FRIENDS WHO
REALLY AMOUNT TO SOMETHING.
- MOM...
- YOUR DAD AND I
ARE JUST PLAIN PEOPLE, DOBIE,
BUT IT MAKES US SO VERY
HAPPY TO KNOW THAT OUR SON
IS ACCEPTED AND LIKED
BY THE OSBORNES
AND THEIR FRIENDS.
- MOM, LISTEN...
- WHEN YOU GET
BACK FROM THE PARTY,
PROMISE TO WAKE ME UP
AND TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT,
EVERY DETAIL, MIND YOU,
NO MATTER HOW LATE IT IS.
- SURE, MOM, I PROMISE.
- AH, THE FAIR ZELDA
AND DOBIE-DOO.
- YEAH.
ZELDA THOUGHT IT'D BE
RATHER AN AMUSING LITTLE LARK.
- MON CHER, DOBIE. I
SCARCELY THINK AMUSING
IS THE PROPER WORD TO
DESCRIBE AN OSBORNE PARTY.
- OH? JAZZY?
- PLEASE!
- JOLLY?
- WELL, HARDLY.
- SPORTY?
- TRY EXPENSIVE.
- EXPENSIVE?
- THAT'S THE WORD.
AND JUST PAR EXEMPLE, VOILÀ!
- BOY, THAT'S SURE
A LOT OF VOILÀ.
- MAN, I HOPE THIS
ISN'T TOO FANCY.
I DON'T WANNA LOOK
LIKE NO SHOWOFF.
NO, NO, MAYNARD.
YOU MUST BE THE
PERFECT, LIKE, HOST.
SAVE THE POPCORN FOR
YOUR HUNGRY GOOD BUDDIES.
BOY, THEY'LL BE LIKE CLOMPING
IN HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.
HEY, I WONDER WHERE THEY ARE.
- DOBIE, WHO WAS THAT
DISTINGUISHED LOOKING MAN
YOU WERE TALKING TO?
- OH, SOME LAWYER
FRIEND OF THE OSBORNES.
HE WANTS ME TO CALL HIM
IN CASE I EVER DECIDE
TO BECOME AN ATTORNEY.
- HOW MARVELOUS!
ALL THESE SMASHING
CONTACTS, BIG, VALUABLE!
- YEAH, BIG, VALUABLE.
- OH, GOOD BUDDIES!
LIKE, WELCOME!
OH, LIKE, HI. HEY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, CAT.
NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU BETTER LEAVE
'CAUSE MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE
GONNA BE HERE ANY SECOND.
NO, DON'T GO, CAT.
IT'S, LIKE, LONESOME
HERE ALL ALONE.
BUT I'M ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY, DEFINITELY POSITIVE
MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE, LIKE,
UNAVOIDABLY DETAINED, PROBABLY.
SO WE'LL WAIT HERE
TOGETHER, HUH, CAT?
ATTACAT.
HAPPY YULETIDE, CAT.
- UNCLE MIDAS, ONE MUST CONCEDE
THAT GILLIS HERE SPRINGS
FROM PEASANT STOCK,
BUT HE IS HARDWORKING
AND CONSCIENTIOUS
IN HIS OWN DREARY WAY.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM
ABOUT GOING TO WORK
IN ONE OF YOUR BANKS.
- DOBIE, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU?
ALL THESE SENSATIONAL
CONTACTS AND YOU STAND AROUND
WITH ALL THE PERSONALITY
OF A WET NOODLE.
- ZELDA, MY HEART
JUST ISN'T IN IT.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR HEART.
IT'S YOUR TEETH I
WANNA SEE, SMILING!
NOW GET BACK IN THERE
AND MAKE WITH THE CHARM.
SHOW UNCLE MIDAS
YOU'RE THE KIND OF MAN
HIS BANK CAN'T
GET ALONG WITHOUT.
- OH. LET ME OUTTA HERE!
LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
- DON'T BE AFRAID. UNCLE
MIDAS IS NO DIFFERENT
FROM ANY OTHER
FABULOUSLY WEALTHY TYCOON.
- ZELDA, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT...
- COME ON, DOBIE.
- MEANWHILE, YOU AND ME,
CAT, WE'LL CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS
LIKE BAH, HAMBURG?
- DOBIE, SNAP OUT OF IT!
NOW LOOK, THAT FELLOW OVER THERE
TALKING TO CHATSWORTH.
HIS FATHER IS THE
PLASTIC LAMINATION KING!
- OH, BOY!
- SHAPE UP, BOY.
WE'RE GONNA MEET HIM.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- THERE, THERE! YOU
GOTTA BE KIDDING!
- DOBIE, HAVE YOU SLIPPED
YOUR TROLLEY ALTOGETHER?
COME ON!
- MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- ZELDA...
ZELDA?
- MERRY CHRISTMAS!
- GILLIS!
- DOBIE?
- CHRISTMAS, LIKE BAH, HAMBURG?
YOU SURE YOU WANNA STAY, CAT?
I MEAN, YOU PROBABLY GOT FRIENDS
WAITING FOR YOU
DOWN AT THE CITY DUMP
FOR THE BIG CHRISTMAS
EVE BLOWOUT.
I MEAN, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE
AND EVERYBODY'S
GOT FRIENDS WAITING.
CHRISTMAS LIKE BAH HIMBUG?
- DOBIE! DOBIE,
SPEAK TO ME, POOPSIE!
- GILLIS, OLD CABBAGE,
YOU LOOK AS IF YOU'VE
JUST SEEN A GHOST!
- I JUST SAW MYSELF.
- EVEN WORSE!
- OH, HUSH UP, CHATSWORTH!
- LOOK, I DON'T BELONG HERE.
SURE, THIS PARTY'S A BIG SMASH
AND WE'RE ALL
HAVING A GAY OLD TIME,
BUT THERE'S SOMEBODY
MISSING, A FRIEND OF OURS,
A FELLOW WHO ALWAYS
GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO HELP,
WHO'D GIVE YOU THE
SWEATSHIRT OFF HIS BACK
IF YOU ASKED FOR IT.
HE'S WAITING FOR US RIGHT
NOW, BUT WE LET HIM DOWN.
HE'S WAITING FOR THE PEOPLE
HE THOUGHT HE COULD
CALL HIS FRIENDS, US.
HE'S WAITING FOR
HIS BEST FRIEND, ME,
BECAUSE I LET HIM DOWN
WORSE THAN ANYBODY.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THE REST OF YOU,
BUT CHRISTMAS EVE
ISN'T ONLY CAVIAR
AND FANCY DECORATIONS
AND TRUFFLES AND LIKE THAT.
IT'S A NIGHT YOU OUGHT TO
SPEND WITH YOUR FRIENDS
AND THAT'S WHERE
I'M GOING RIGHT NOW,
TO MY FRIEND'S PARTY,
IF HE'LL STILL CALL
ME HIS FRIEND.
- DOBIE, WAIT!
- NO, ZELDA, MY MIND'S MADE UP.
- I'M GOING WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!
I HAD NO RIGHT TO TRY AND
MAKE YOU DUMP POOR MAYNARD.
- OH, ZELDA, I LOVE YOU.
- YOU HEARD HIM! YOU ALL HEARD!
DOBIE SAID HE LOVED
ME! YOU ALL HEARD!
YOU'RE WITNESSES!
YOU HEARD HIM! DON'T FORGET!
DON'T FORGET THIS NIGHT!
- ZELDA, NOW CUT THAT OUT!
ZELDA, ZELDA! STOP. STOP!
PLEASE, ZELDA!
- OLD CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
HIS PARTY AIN'T THE ONLY ONE
THAT'S GOT ENTERTAINMENT.
WE GOT IT TOO.
GEORGE SHEARING, HANK MANCINI,
DIZZY GILLESPIE.
GOODBYE, OLD DIZ.
WELL, THOSE ARE THE BREAKS.
HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT, CAT?
I DROPPED THE PLATTER,
SO I SAID, "THOSE..."
NOTHING. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- HELLO, MAYNARD!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
WILL YOU CALL ME
GOOD BUDDY AGAIN?
- SURE, GOOD
BUDDY. I JUST DID IT.
- AW, THANKS, MAYNARD.
THANKS, GOOD BUDDY.
- HEY, LET'S START ON
THE FOOD. I'M STARVING.
- OH, WELL, WE GOT SOME
POPCORN, SORT OF SOGGY.
AND SOME PEANUTS, KIND OF STALE
AND HOT DOGS WITH
ICICLES. NAME YOUR CHOICE!
- WELL, ON SECOND
THOUGHT, I'D BETTER NOT.
I ALWAYS EAT TOO MUCH DURING
THE HOLIDAYS ANYWAY, MAYNARD
- THE ONLY THING MISSING
IS THE ENTERTAINMENT.
I UNDERSTAND THE OSBORNES ARE
PLANNING TO PUT ON QUITE A SHOW.
- OH, YEAH? WELL,
IT JUST HAPPENS
THAT WE HAVE ENTERTAINMENT TOO!
NOTHING BUT THE BEST!
DOBIE, SING! AND
YOU BETTER JUST SING.
HERE, HONEY, YOU
PLAY THE GUITAR.
- YES, DEAR.
- I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
- YOUR SINGING LESSONS
SET ME BACK 24 BUCKS.
NOW SING, BOY, AND SING LOUD.
I WANNA GET MY MONEY'S WORTH.
- ♪ I PASS YOUR HOUSE ♪
♪ EVERY DAY ♪
♪ I PASS YOUR HOUSE ♪
♪ AND I PRAY ♪
♪ I PRAY THAT YOU ♪
♪ STILL LOVE ME TRUE ♪
♪ LOVE ME ♪
♪ AS I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I PASS YOUR HOUSE ♪
♪ EVERY NIGHT ♪
♪ I SEE YOUR SILHOUETTE ♪
♪ IN THE LIGHT ♪
♪ I PRAY MY LOVE ♪
♪ WILL SEE YOU THROUGH ♪
♪ TILL I'M AGAIN WITH YOU ♪
- ♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO
BE JOLLY FA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
- GHOSTS!
- THEY'RE PRETTY NOISY ONES.
I CAN'T HEAR MY $24
WORTH OF SINGING LESSONS.
HEY, YOU OUT THERE! QUIET!
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- YOU TOO, CHATSWORTH?
- BUT, OF COURSE, DOBIE-DOO.
YOU OBSERVE HOW
THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
OVERWHELMED THE AVERAGE CITIZEN.
- SO?
- SO YOU CAN IMAGINE
THE SHATTERING EFFECT
WHEN IT STRIKES AN OSBORNE.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION THERE!
WE SHALL NOW SING ANOTHER CHORUS
OF THAT JOVIAL YULETIDE CHANSON.
- CHANSON?
- MM-HM.
YOU'LL FOLLOW MY BEAT PRECISELY.
- ♪ DECK THE HALL
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY ♪
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL ♪
♪ FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA ♪
- HO, HO, HO, HO,
LIKE, MERRY
CHRISTMAS, MR. GILLIS!
- AND HO, HO, HO AND A MERRY
CHRISTMAS TO YOU, MAYNARD.
- OH, AND A VERY MERRY
CHRISTMAS TO YOU, GOOD BUDDY.
- THE SAME TO YOU,
MAYNARD, ALWAYS.
- DINNER'S READY!
COME AND GET IT!
- NOBODY CAN ROAST A
TURKEY LIKE YOU, WINNIE!
- HEY, MAYNARD, YOU'LL STAY AND
HAVE DINNER WITH US, WON'T YOU?
- YOU TALKED ME INTO IT, MRS. G.
- YEAH, COME ON, MAYNARD.
- BOYS, AREN'T YOU COMING?
- YOU BETTER START
WITHOUT US, MOM.
I'M WAITING FOR MY
GOOD... FOR MY BEST BUDDY.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪