The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 36 - The Long Arm of the Law - full transcript
After getting into a bit with a disgruntled police officer over picking flowers in the park Dobie goes to visit his new date that just so happens to be the officer's daughter.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- I'M PICKING
FLOWERS FOR MY GIRL,
ARABELLA PARMALEE.
AH, LOVELY ARABELLA.
WHAT COULD BE MORE FITTING?
I MEAN, ARABELLA'S
A FLOWER HERSELF.
HER SKIN IS LIKE A ROSE PETAL.
HER EYES ARE LIKE DELPHINIUMS.
HER TWO LIPS ARE LIKE TULIPS.
HER HAIR IS...
- [ MAYNARD SCATTING ]
- HI, MAYNARD. MAYNARD!
- OH, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
WHAT YOU, LIKE, DOING?
- I WAS, LIKE, PICKING FLOWERS.
- WHO'S THE CHICK?
- HER NAME'S ARABELLA
PARMALEE AND SHE LOVES ME.
- OH, SHE'S, LIKE, NEW IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD, HUH?
- MAYNARD, THAT'S NOT FRIENDLY.
- OH, I'M SORRY, DOBE.
HERE, I'LL HELP YOU.
- OH, GOOD, GOOD.
♪ ARABELLA IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
♪ SHE'S THE... ♪
- OH, DOBE.
- YES, MY HELPER?
- I THINK WE BETTER, LIKE,
STOP PLUCKING THESE POPPIES.
- OH, SURELY YOU JEST.
FOR THE LOVE OF MY
GREAT, TAWNY ANIMAL
I MAY GO ON PICKING THESE
DELICATE BUDS FOREVER.
- OH.
- ♪ ARABELLA IS A... ♪
COME ON, HELP ME, MAYNARD,
YOU ALWAYS LIKED FLOWERS.
- I JUST KICKED IT.
DOBE, I INKUS-THAY
LIKE THE OPS-CAY.
- I'M GONNA PICK SO MANY I
MIGHT NEED A WHEELBARROW.
- YEAH, A FAST ONE, LIKE,
HEADED OUT OF TOWN.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
- YEAH AND HE'S, LIKE,
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- LIKE, RIGHT BEHIND ME?
- LIKE, HI.
- WE WANTED... LIKE, I
SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
YEAH, GOOD AFTERNOON, OFFICER.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
- CAUGHT MANY GANGSTERS LATELY?
- MAYNARD.
- SEE THIS SIGN?
- OH, YEAH, WE SEE IT,
MAN, WHAT SPELLING,
WHAT PRINTING.
- MAYNARD.
- COOL, READ IT.
- OH, WELL, YOU SEE,
SIR IN THIS LIGHT...
- READ IT, MISTER, OR YOU'LL
BE THE FIRST BOY IN TOWN
TO DO HIS HOMEWORK IN
SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.
- "DO NOT PICK THE FLOWERS."
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- THANK YOU. NOW YOU.
- WELL, YOU SEE,
SIR, IN THIS LIGHT...
- ALL OVER TOWN
ROBBERS ARE ROBBING,
MURDERERS ARE MURDERING
AND SOME LUCKY COP
IS CHASING THEM. BUT ME,
I GET STUCK WITH A COUPLE OF
LEFT-HANDED FLOWER FILCHERS.
- WELL, SIR, I ONLY PICKED A
FEW TO HELP MY ROMANCE.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, FOR
ROMANCE, AREN'T YOU, SIR?
- NO, I'M A MARRIED MAN.
- HONEST, OFFICER, WE
DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM.
- OUT! AND IF I EVER CATCH YOU
DEFACING CITY PROPERTY AGAIN
I'LL RUN YOU IN.
- YES, SIR.
- YES, SIR.
- ALL RIGHT, HALT! THOSE
FLOWERS ARE CITY PROPERTY.
- YES, SIR, WE'RE SORRY.
- HALT! IT'S AGAINST THE
LAW TO CLUTTER UP THE PARK.
- OH, YES, SIR.
COME ON, MAYNARD.
SORRY, OFFICER.
- HALT!
YOU CAN'T DUMP 'EM OVER THERE!
- YES, SIR.
- MAYNARD. OH, SIR,
PLEASE EXCUSE US.
- WE DIDN'T MEAN IT.
- LIKE, NO.
- WE COULDN'T HELP IT.
- BUT YOU'RE, LIKE, SO
HARD TO RUN AROUND.
- WHAT?!
- NO, NO, NO,
HE JUST MEANS WE
WANTED TO RUN PAST YOU.
- YEAH, BUT YOUR
BIG, FAT STOMACH
KEPT GETTING IN THE WAY.
- MAYNARD!
- OUT!
IF I EVER CATCH YOU
ON MY BEAT AGAIN
YOU BETTER HAVE A SNEAKY LAWYER.
- HI, MOM, HOW DO I LOOK?
- OH, LOVELY, ARABELLA.
- DO YOU THINK
DOBIE WILL LIKE ME?
- WELL, LET ME PUT
IT THIS WAY, DEAR,
IF YOUR FATHER SAW
YOU IN THAT DRESS
HE'D LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOM.
- OH, DOBIE WILL LIKE ME.
- WHAT TYPE OF BOY IS HE?
- DOBIE?
WELL, HE'S A LITTLE
HARD TO DESCRIBE.
- WHERE'S HE TAKING YOU?
- A WALK IN THE PARK, I GUESS.
- THAT DESCRIBES HIM PERFECTLY.
THE OUT OF MONEY TYPE.
- HE'S VERY POLITE.
I'M SURE EVEN DADDY
WOULD LIKE HIM.
- DOES HE TALK BACK?
- OH, NO.
- DADDY WILL LIKE HIM.
- BOY, DID I RUN INTO A COUPLE
OF LAMEBRAIN KIDS TODAY.
ARABELLA, CHANGE THAT DRESS
OR I'LL LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOM.
- WELCOME HOME, DADDY.
- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
I DON'T MEAN THE
SHALLOW KIND OF LOVE
WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE FLOATING ON A CLOUD.
I MEAN THE SERIOUS,
EVERLASTING KIND OF LOVE
WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'VE JUST EATEN SOMETHING
THAT DOESN'T AGREE WITH YOU?
WELL, THAT'S HOW I FELT,
SICK. AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.
MAYNARD?
- OH, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
- HI, HI.
- YOU GOING OUT WITH
THE CHICK TONIGHT?
- YEAH, TO THE MOVIES.
- CAN I GO ALONG?
- WELL, MAYNARD, WE LIKE
YOUR COMPANY AND ALL THAT
BUT WHEN A FELLA AND
A GIRL GO TO THE MOVIES,
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
- I'LL PAY MY OWN WAY.
- THAT ISN'T IT, MAYNARD.
- OH, I DIG IT.
- NOW, LOOK, MAYNARD, YOU SEE...
- GO ON, HAVE FUN.
I'LL BE, LIKE, ALL RIGHT.
- MAYNARD, STOP DRAMATIZING.
- IT'S JUST LIKE
WHEN CLARK GABLE
KEPT RUNNING OFF WITH MYRNA LOY.
SPENCER TRACY KEPT
BEING LEFT BEHIND.
- MAYNARD.
- CALL ME SPENCER.
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD,
YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
ARABELLA WILL NEVER
COME BETWEEN US.
I MEAN, LOVE IS LOVE
BUT FRIENDSHIP IS
ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.
- LIKE, TRUE?
- YEAH, NOW, YOU SEE,
IF A MAN LIKES FISHING
THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE STOPS
LIKING HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN.
- OH, YOU MEAN IF YOU,
LIKE, DIG DIZZY GILLESPIE
THAT DON'T MEAN YOU HAVE
TO KICK THELONIOUS MONK?
- RIGHT, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, IF YOU GO
FOR HOT FUDGE
SUNDAES, THAT DON'T MEAN
YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP
FRENCH FRIED POTATOES
OR HOW ABOUT SPOOKY MOVIES?
- SPOOKY MOVIES.
- IF YOU'RE APE FOR THEM
THAT DON'T MEAN YOU
HAVE TO TURN UP YOUR NOSE AT
WIDE-SCREEN AND CINEMASCOPE.
- NO.
- YEAH, TAKE TELEVISION.
WHO SAID YOU HAD
TO, LIKE, LOVE LUCY
AND SNEER AT THE MILLIONAIRE?
AND BEARDS! MINE
LOOKS SWINGIN' ON ME
BUT IT'D LOOK PRETTY
SQUARE ON MY MOTHER.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
PEOPLE ARE WATCHING. GOODNESS.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DRAW ME A PICTURE.
- WELL, I'M GLAD.
- FRANKLY, THOUGH
YOU DON'T CREDIT ME FOR, LIKE,
DIGGING THESE BASIC PRECEPTS.
- BASIC PRECEPTS?
- YEAH, I READ THAT ON A
BOX OF BREAKFAST CEREAL.
GOOD BUDDY?
- YES, MAYNARD?
- YOU'RE GONNA SAY HELLO TO ME
WHEN YOU MEET ME ON
THE STREET, AREN'T YOU?
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD,
PLEASE TRY AND UNDERSTAND.
- OH, GO ON, GOOD BUDDY.
GO ON AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
- OKAY, WE'LL ALL
GO TO THE MOVIES.
HERE.
[ GRUNTS ]
- I WISH THAT DOBIE WOULD
HURRY UP AND GET HERE.
HE'S LATE.
- OH, MY FEET HURT.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE THAT
BISON LODGE MEETING TONIGHT.
HURRY UP WITH THAT
WATER, WILL YOU?
I WOULDN'T MIND
GETTING MY FEET SORE
CHASING AFTER SOME REAL CROOKS
BUT IT'S PRETTY AGGRAVATING
JUST CHASING AROUND
AFTER A COUPLE OF KIDS.
ARABELLA, IF EVER FIND YOU
HANGING AROUND ANY
TEENAGE CHARACTERS LIKE THAT,
I'LL PUT YOU ON BREAD
AND WATER FOR A WEEK.
- HOW MANY BANKS
DID THEY KNOCK OVER?
HOW MANY HEISTS DID THEY PULL?
- PLEASE, EDITH, YOU'RE
MAKING ME HOMESICK.
- SAM, IT'S YOUR OWN
FAULT YOU'RE NOT ON A BEAT
WHERE THERE'S ACTION.
YOU AND THAT VIOLENT TEMPER.
- TEMPER? WHO'S GOT A
TEMPER? I'M SWEET AS SUGAR!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
WHO THE SAM HILL
IS THAT? I'LL GET IT.
- OH, DAD.
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE. THIS
HOUSE IS MY BEAT.
- YOU GO OUT AND
PATROL THE CLOSET
UNTIL YOU GET YOUR CLOTHES ON.
- HI, DOBIE.
- HI, ARABELLA.
- YOU'RE LATE.
- HOW WELL I KNOW, ARABELLA.
EACH MOMENT AWAY FROM
YOU IS LIKE AN ETERNITY.
TO THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL
AND TO THE FAIR SISTER
OF THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL.
- YOU'LL GO A LONG WAY, BOY,
BUT I HAPPEN TO BE HER MOTHER.
- NO.
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
DADDY BUT MOTHER LOVES HIM.
- YEAH.
- MOM, THIS IS DOBIE GILLIS.
- CHARMED, CHARMED.
WOULD YOU MIND IF SOMEBODY ELSE
CAME ALONG WITH US TO THE MOVIE?
- OH, THAT'S SWEET
OF YOU, DOBIE,
BUT YOU TWO KIDS RUN ALONG.
- NO, NO, NO, I MEAN...
MAYNARD, COME ON IN.
THIS IS MY FRIEND
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
MAYNARD, THIS IS MRS. PARMALEE
AND ARABELLA PARMALEE.
- HELLO.
- LIKE, HI.
- LIKE, HI.
- LIKE, HOW DO YOU DO?
HOW DO YOU DO?
- ARABELLA, I DIDN'T
THINK YOU'D MIND
IF MAYNARD CAME ALONG
WITH US TO THE MOVIES.
HE WAS KIND OF LONESOME.
- YOU DIDN'T?
- NO.
- YEAH, I WON'T BE IN THE WAY.
I'LL EVEN GET MY OWN POPCORN.
- YEAH.
OH, LIKE, PLEASE, THEY'RE
SHOWING A REAL GAS OF A MOVIE,
"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- ALL RIGHT, THIS TIME.
- OH, THANK YOU, ARABELLA.
- OH, YOU'RE LIKE A REAL
HUMAN BEING, MA'AM.
- MAYNARD, I'M SORRY THE FLOWERS
ARE SO BEAT UP, BUT I
HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE.
- OH?
- A FAT COP
STEPPED ALL OVER THEM.
- BOYS, IN THIS HOUSE WE
DO NOT USE THE WORD COP.
WE PREFER LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICER.
- OH, WELL, THIS BIG, FAT
LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER
WAS TAKING UP THE WHOLE PARK.
- YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM
HE LOOKED LIKE 100
POUNDS OF POTATOES
IN A 50-POUND SACK.
- OH, DOBE, DON'T YOU THINK
WE BETTER, LIKE, CUT OUT?
- OH, NO, NOT YET, MAYNARD.
BOY, WAS HE CLUMSY.
HE SQUASHED THE DAYLIGHTS
OUT OF THE FLOWERS.
HE WAS BUILT FOR
A LOT OF SQUASHING.
- DOBE, WE GOTTA GO.
- IN A MINUTE, MAYNARD,
IN A MINUTE. SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHY THESE FAT COPS...
EXCUSE ME... FAT LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS...
- GOOD BUDDY, THE MONSTER'S
GOING TO HAVE CLEVELAND
HALF DEVOURED. COME ON.
- YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT SOMETHING AGAIN.
- YEAH, AND HE'S, LIKE,
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- LIKE, RIGHT BEHIND ME?
- LIKE, HI.
- LIKE, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
GOOD EVENING, FAT... OFFICER.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
- CAUGHT MANY GANGSTERS LATELY?
- YEAH.
- WHAT ARE THESE
CRIMINAL TYPES DOING HERE?
- THEY'RE DOBIE GILLIS
AND MAYNARD KREBS.
DO YOU KNOW THEM, DADDY?
- THEY'RE THE FLOWER MANGLERS.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR.
- LIKE, LIKEWISE.
- YEAH.
- THEY'RE FRIENDS OF MINE.
- WELL, FROM NOW ON SO
ARE BREAD AND WATER. OUT!
- SIR.
- ON THE DOUBLE!
- COME ON, DOBE, HE'S BIGGER
THAN BOTH OF US. DON'T FIGHT IT.
- OUT!
- HOLD IT, MISTER.
DO YOU WANNA GO
OUT WITH ARABELLA?
- NO, MA'AM.
- MAYNARD, SHE MEANS ME.
YES, MORE THAN
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
- ARABELLA, DO YOU
WANNA GO OUT WITH DOBIE?
- OH, I CERTAINLY DO.
- THEN GO AND DON'T
LET ANYBODY STOP YOU.
- WATCH IT, EDITH.
I'LL RUN YOU IN FOR
INTERFERING WITH AN OFFICER.
- ARABELLA'S OLD ENOUGH
TO PICK HER OWN FRIENDS
AND BESIDES, WHAT DID
DOBIE DO THAT WAS SO BAD?
- HE ONLY PICKED
FLOWERS IN OPEN DEFIANCE
OF A "DO NOT PICK
THE FLOWERS" SIGN.
- NOW, THERE'S A
REAL PUBLIC ENEMY.
- HIS WHOLE ATTITUDE
IS MISERABLE.
BESIDES THAT, HE'S
STUBBORN AND UNCOOPERATIVE.
- BUT SIR, LOOK...
- QUIET, WHO ASKED YOU?
BESIDES, LOOK AT THAT
DANGEROUS-LOOKING JOKER
HE HANGS AROUND WITH.
- HANDS OFF, MISTER,
I'M THROUGH LETTING YOU
RUIN OUR CHILDREN'S LIVES.
- YES, LOOK WHAT
HAPPENED TO ABIGAIL.
- DON'T MENTION YOUR SISTER'S
NAME IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN.
- SHE'S GOT TO OR
WE'LL NEVER FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO ABIGAIL.
- YOU HAD TO ORDER HER
TO STOP SEEING THAT JOCKEY.
- AND THREE DAYS LATER WE
GOT A WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM SANTA ANITA.
- ABIGAIL TAKES AFTER
YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY.
- YOU CAN'T FORCE
CHILDREN TO DO ANYTHING.
GOOD NIGHT, KIDS,
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- BE BACK BY 10:00 AND DON'T
PARK IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE.
- BE BACK AT 11:00 AND
ENJOY YOURSELVES.
- THANKS MOM.
- YOU'RE ALL HEART, MA'AM.
- OUT!
- YES, SIR.
THAT WAS MY INTRODUCTION
TO ARABELLA'S FATHER.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY WHAT
YOU'D CALL THE BEGINNING
OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP,
BUT I WASN'T WORRIED.
YOU SEE, MR. PARMALEE'S A FATHER
AND I'M AN AUTHORITY ON THE
CARE AND HANDLING OF FATHERS.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY, I JUST GOTTA.
- YOU MEAN DOBIE ISN'T UP YET?
- WELL, CERTAINLY
NOT. IT'S BARELY 11:00
AND THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE.
- HERBERT, THE BOY IS
ENTITLED TO HIS REST.
HE WAS UP VERY LATE LAST NIGHT.
- OH, IF HE STAYS IN BED
HE'S ENTITLED TO HIS REST.
IF I STAY IN BED, I'M A BUM.
- HERBERT, NOBODY EVER
SAID YOU WERE A BUM.
- AND NOBODY EVER SAID I
WAS NOT THE FATHER OF A BUM.
- GOOD MORNING, GOOD
MORNING, GOOD MORNING,
MY, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL,
BEAUTIFUL DAY.
- GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
- OH, I'M SORRY BUT
DID ALL THE NOISE
WE WERE MAKING DOWN
HERE WHILE WE WERE,
IF YOU WILL PARDON THE
EXPRESSION, WORKING,
WAKE YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH, BIT I HAD
TO GET UP ANYHOW.
I HAVE A DATE. OH, DAD,
WOULD YOU MIND...
- NO.
- I DIDN'T EVEN
FINISH THE QUESTION.
- GO RIGHT AHEAD, FINISH IT.
THE ANSWER WILL
STILL BE THE SAME.
- NO?
- YES.
- YOU SAID YES.
- I SAID YES, THE ANSWERS IS NO.
- DAD, I HAVE TO
HAVE A FEW DOLLARS
SO I CAN GO OUT AND MINGLE.
- OH, BY ALL MEANS,
SON, GO, MINGLE.
HOW WOULD IT SEEM
IF YOUR MOTHER AND I,
STANDING HERE IN THE
MIDST OF THE LETTUCES
AND THE TOMATOES
AND THE CABBAGES
AND THE PICKLED KUMQUATS,
COULD NOT LOOK THE WORLD
SQUARE IN THE FACE AND
SAY, "OUR SON IS OUT MINGLING."
- DAD, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
IF I DON'T GET OUT AND MINGLE
I'LL NEVER MEET THE RIGHT GIRL
AND I'LL NEVER GET MARRIED
AND I'LL HAVE TO LIVE HERE
WITH YOU AND MOM
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
- THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
- YEAH.
- THANKS, DAD, THANKS VERY MUCH.
- GO, MANGLE.
- MINGLE. BYE, MOM.
AND DAD, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW
THAT THERE'S STILL AN AREA
OF COMMUNICATION
BETWEEN US, HOWEVER FAINT.
- TOO TRUE, TOO TRUE.
- BACK TO WORK.
- SOMEDAY I MUST EXPLAIN
THE MEANING OF THE
WORD TO THAT BOY.
WORK, I CAN EXPLAIN
FROM NOW TILL DOOMSDAY.
HE THINKS IT'S A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE OR FROM OUTER SPACE
OR SOMETHING.
NO, OUTER SPACE
HE'D UNDERSTAND BUT...
- OH, GOOD MORNING, OFFICER.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- NICE PLACE YOU HAVE HERE.
- WE LIKE IT. HERE,
HAVE AN APPLE.
IT'LL SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE
OF PINCHING IT LATER ON.
- OH, THAT'S NOT WHY I CAME IN.
I'M NEW HERE AND I
LIKE TO GET ACQUAINTED
WITH THE PEOPLE ON MY
BEAT. MY NAME'S PARMALEE.
- OH, GILLIS, HERBERT
T. THIS IS MRS. GILLIS.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A SON.
- HE DIDN'T DO IT.
- OH, HE'S NOT IN TROUBLE.
- NATURALLY NOT.
- NATURALLY NOT.
- NATURALLY NOT.
- NO, I WAS JUST
CURIOUS ABOUT HIM.
YOU SEE, HE'S BEEN GOING
OUT WITH MY DAUGHTER.
- OH, WELL, THOSE
ARE THE BREAKS.
- HOW NICE.
- YEAH, AND I WANT IT TO STOP.
- MAY I ASK WHY?
- I'M HER FATHER
AND I WANT IT TO STOP.
- ARE YOU IMPLYING
THAT OUR SON ISN'T GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOUR DAUGHTER?
- NOW JUST A MINUTE,
MISTER, THIS IS AMERICA
AND MY SON CAN GO OUT
WITH ANY GIRL HE WANTS TO,
EVEN IF SHE IS RELATED TO YOU,
WHICH IS WHAT MAKES
HER STUPID ENOUGH
TO GO OUT WITH A KID LIKE
DOBIE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- MY DAUGHTER'S
A VERY FINE GIRL.
- DOBIE IS A VERY FINE BOY.
- ARABELLA IS SWEET
AND KIND AND SENSITIVE.
- DOBIE IS SWEET AND
KIND AND SENSITIVE, TOO.
- ARABELLA IS AMBITIOUS
AND HARD-WORKING.
- DOBIE IS SWEET AND
KIND AND SENSITIVE.
IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM
GOING OUT TOGETHER.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL
HER TO STOP SEEING HIM?
- WELL, I CAN'T, YOU SEE,
ARABELLA'S KIND OF HIGH-STRUNG
AND SHE MIGHT GET THE FEELING
THAT SHE WAS BEING
PUSHED AROUND.
- WELL, THAT'S YOUR
PROBLEM, SHERLOCK HOLMES.
- NOW LOOK,
MR. GILLIS, MRS. GILLIS,
WE'RE GROWN-UP PEOPLE.
- WELL, SOME OF US ARE.
- WE HAVE TO FACE THE
SITUATION THAT OUR CHILDREN
WERE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
- THAT'S FOR THEM TO DECIDE.
- THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA STOP
DOBIE FROM SEEING ARABELLA?
- MY ANSWER IS A
POSITIVELY NEGATIVE NO.
- WELL SPOKEN, HERBERT.
- ALL RIGHT
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD THE END OF THIS.
SOUR.
- HERBERT, HE CAN'T
DO ANYTHING, CAN HE?
- NO, NO. NO, HE CAN'T...
I WONDER HOW HE'S GONNA DO IT.
- DID YOU HAVE A
NICE TIME, ARABELLA?
- WELL, FRANKLY, DOBIE, I...
- WHAT'S WRONG?
DIDN'T YOU LIKE THE
ROLLER SKATING?
- OH, I ENJOYED THAT A LOT.
- WELL, MAYBE IT WAS
THE HAMBURGERS.
- NO, THEY WERE DELICIOUS.
- WELL, DIDN'T YOU LIKE GOING
THERE IN MY FATHER'S TRUCK?
- OH, I LIKED THAT.
- WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- HIM.
- DOBIE, HELP ME TAKE
OFF MY SKATES, PLEASE?
- OH, SERGEANT FRIDAY.
- LET'S HAVE A LITTLE
RESPECT FOR THE LAW.
- YOU ARE GETTING
AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
- YOU'LL BE LAUGHING FROM
THE BUSINESS SIDE OF A CELL
WHEN I TURN YOU IN FOR
VIOLATING ORDINANCE 308.
- OH, COME OFF OF IT, WALDO,
BEFORE I TURN YOU
IN FOR LOITERING
INSIDE A POLICEMAN'S UNIFORM.
- THAT NEWSPAPER STAND
IS BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK
IN VIOLATION OF ORDINANCE 308.
- THAT NEWSPAPER STAND
WAS OUT THERE WHEN
I BOUGHT THE STORE.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU
GOT YOUR CHOICE,
$10 OR 10 DAYS IN JAIL
AND THOSE MATCHES, ORDINANCE 134
SAYS YOU GOT TO KEEP THEM
OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN.
- THOSE MATCHES ARE
FIVE FEET OFF THE FLOOR.
- NOT HIGH ENOUGH. KIDS ARE
GETTING TALLER THESE DAYS.
- NOW YOU LISTEN
TO ME, PARMALEE.
- NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, GILLIS.
WHERE'S THAT BARREL OF SAND?
- WHAT BARREL OF SAND?
- THE LAW REQUIRES THAT
YOU HAVE A BARREL OF SAND
INSIDE THE FRONT DOOR
SO THAT YOU CAN PUT
IT ON THE SIDEWALK
IN CASE OF SNOW.
- SNOW?
- KEEP THE PEOPLE
FROM FALLING DOWN.
- SNOW?
- ORDINANCE 253.
- SNOW? IT IS 96 DEGREES
IN THE SHADE OUTSIDE!
ALL OVER TOWN PEOPLE ARE
FALLING DOWN FROM THE HEAT!
- YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.
THE WEATHER'S VERY
CHANGEABLE THESE DAYS.
NOW YOU GET THAT
SAND IN BY TOMORROW.
YOU HAVE THE SHELVES
FIXED FOR THOSE MATCHES.
YOU BRING IN THAT NEWSSTAND
OR WOULD YOU RATHER
ORDER YOUR MEALS
BY BANGING ON THE
BARS WITH A TIN CUP?
- BY TOMORROW? I
CAN'T DO ALL THAT...
OH, I GET IT. CALL OFF DOBIE?
- NOW YOU'RE THINKING.
I'LL BE BACK IN THE MORNING.
BETTER.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DEAR, SOMETHING WRONG?
- I AM THINKING.
- OH, DEAR.
- I'M THINKING ABOUT ALFRED.
- ALFRED?
- YES, YOUR COUSIN ALFRED
WHO USED TO LIVE WITH US
AND EAT HIS WEIGHT EVERY
DAY UNTIL I THREW HIM OUT
ON HIS BIG, FAT HEAD.
- WHAT ABOUT HIM?
- DIDN'T HE TRY TO GET
ON THE POLICE FORCE?
- YES, BUT HE DIDN'T
PASS HIS EXAM.
- WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
HIS POLICE OFFICER'S MANUAL?
- I THINK IT'S IN
THE CLOSET, WHY?
- WOULD YOU MIND GETTING
IT FOR ME, WINNIE-POO?
- WHY, WHAT DO YOU WANT IT FOR?
- OOH, THERE IS MORE
THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A COP.
- THERE'S MORE THAN
ONE WAY TO SKIN A GILLIS.
- WHAT'S A GILLIS?
- TOP SECRET.
- SAM, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU SO EXCITED
SINCE THE OLD DAYS
OF THE McDOUGAL MOB.
- YEAH, THE OLD WAR
HORSE IS BACK IN HARNESS.
GOT TO TAKE A FLOCK
OF THESE CITATION BOOKS.
EDITH, TODAY I AM
LOADED FOR GROCERS.
- LIKE, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
- OH, HELLO, MAYNARD.
- WHERE YOU, LIKE, GOING?
- NOWHERE, MAYNARD.
- I NEVER BEEN THERE.
CAN I GO WITH YOU?
- YEAH, SOME OTHER
TIME, MAYNARD.
- OH, YOU'RE GOING OUT
WITH HER AGAIN, HUH?
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD.
- GO AHEAD, I'LL GET
USED TO BEING LONELY.
- NOW, MAYNARD...
- AFTER A WHILE
I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN CRY MUCH.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S SILLY.
- THE WORLD IS, LIKE,
LOADED WITH US LOST SOULS.
- MAYNARD, DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
- I'LL LIVE ALL ALONE,
LIKE A HELMET.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S HERMIT.
- YEAH, HERMIT.
- NOW LISTEN TO ME, MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD THE
HERMIT THEY'LL CALL ME.
- MAYNARD, LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ALONG WITH ARABELLA AND ME?
- I'LL LIVE ALONE IN THE WOODS
AND EAT LIKE, ROOTS AND BERRIES.
- COME ON, MAYNARD.
- THE ANIMALS WILL
BECOME MY FRIENDS.
I'LL BUILD MY HOUSE IN A
TREE. OR MAYBE A CAVE.
- YOU'RE NOT EVEN
LISTENING TO ME.
- OKAY. I'LL GO WITH
YOU AND ARABELLA.
- OH, GOOD, THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU DIDN'T BRING THE
NEWSSTAND IN, HUH?
- NOPE.
- YOU DIDN'T PUT IN
A BARREL OF SAND.
- NOPE.
- AND YOU DIDN'T FIX THOSE
SHELVES FOR THOSE MATCHES?
- NOPE.
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS,
IF YOU WANNA PLAY ROUGH
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE.
I'LL HIT YOU WITH EVERY
VIOLATION IN THE BOOK.
YOU GOT AN ALARM
BELL ON YOUR FREEZER?
- NOPE.
- VIOLATION.
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR SCALES
CHECKED IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS?
- NOPE.
- VIOLATION.
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR CASH
REGISTERS CHECKED IN THE LAST YEAR?
- NOPE.
- VIOLATION.
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR
ELECTRICAL WIRING FIXED?
- JUST A MINUTE, PARMALEE.
I HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME READING
MATERIAL OF MY OWN HERE.
- OH?
- POLICE OFFICERS' MANUAL,
MINIMUM STANDARD
OF PHYSICAL FITNESS
FOR POLICE OFFICERS.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?
- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
- JUST A MINUTE.
I AM A TAXPAYER
AND YOUR EMPLOYER.
THEREFORE, I HAVE
A RIGHT TO KNOW.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?
- OH, ABOUT 165 GIVE
OR TAKE A FEW POUNDS.
- HOW MANY?
- 58.
- THAT'S BETTER. WHAT IS
YOUR WAIST MEASUREMENT?
- CLOSE TO 34.
- HOW CLOSE?
- 44.
- AND YOU HAVE A
VERY CUTE FIGURE,
PARMALEE, BUT IT IS
JUST ABOUT 10 INCHES
AND 58 POUNDS TOO CUTE.
- COME ON, WHO EVER PAYS
ATTENTION TO THOSE MEASUREMENTS?
- I DO AND I ALSO HAPPEN TO
HAVE THE TELEPHONE NUMBER
OF THE POLICE COMMISSIONER.
AND IT SAYS RIGHT HERE,
"OFFICERS WHO DO NOT MEET
THE MINIMUM STANDARD
PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS
SHALL BE SUBJECT
TO INSTANT DISMISSAL,
SECTION 921."
- GILLIS, ONE OF THESE DAYS.
- OH, THE COMMISSIONER'S GONNA
GET A GREAT KICK OUTTA THIS.
- YOU WOULDN'T.
[ LAUGHING ]
- YOU WOULD.
- JUST A MINUTE,
HOW MANY TIMES CAN
YOU TOUCH YOUR TOES?
- TOUCH MY TOES?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
- POLICE REGULATIONS
SAY 20 TIMES. NOW.
- OH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GILLIS.
- I WONDER WHO THE NEW COP
ON THIS BEAT IS GOING TO BE?
- I'M TOUCHING, I'M TOUCHING.
- YOU'RE TOUCHING.
I WONDER IF IT SAYS
ANYTHING IN HERE
ABOUT COPS WHO CAN'T
GET OVER THEIR STOMACH.
YOU'RE TOUCHING YOUR TOES
AND WE ARE BEING
PROTECTED BY YOU?
CRAZY, CRAZY.
HOW ABOUT SOME PUSH-UPS?
- AW, NOW, GILLIS.
- MR. GILLIS, EMPLOYEE.
REGULATIONS SAY 10 PUSH-UPS.
- I'LL GET MY UNIFORM DIRTY.
- BE MY GUEST.
ONE,
TWO,
UH-UH, TWO AND A HALF.
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS,
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
- SIMPLE JUSTICE.
JUST LET MY STORE ALONE.
- NEVER.
- I'LL TURN YOU INTO THE
POLICE COMMISSIONER!
- I'LL TURN IN THESE CITATIONS!
- AND WE WILL BOTH GO
TO THE BOTTOM TOGETHER.
- THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE.
YOU CAN'T PUSH
ME AROUND, BUSTER.
I HAPPEN TO BE A VETERAN
WITH A GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL
AND A TAXPAYER
AND A MEMBER OF THE
BENEVOLENT ORDER OF BISONS.
- SO AM I, A CHARTER MEMBER.
- YOU'RE A BISON?
- CHAPTER 62.
- OH, CHAPTER 47.
- BROTHER.
- BROTHER.
- BROTHER BISON!
- BROTHER BISON!
[ LAUGHING ]
- SAY, BROTHER PARMALEE.
- AH, SAM, CALL ME SAM.
- OKAY, BROTHER SAM.
- ALL RIGHT, BROTHER HERB.
- HOW MANY VERSES
OF THE BISON SONG
DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW?
- OH, ABOUT 23.
- SHALL WE TAKE IT FROM THE TOP?
- I'M WITH YOU.
- ♪ THE BENEVOLENT
ORDER OF BISON ♪
♪ AND BROTHERS ONE AND ALL ♪
♪ WE'RE THE CAKE
AND WE'RE THE ICING ♪
♪ WINTER, SPRING AND FALL ♪
♪ THE BENEVOLENT
ORDER OF BISON ♪
♪ STICK THROUGH THIN AND THICK ♪
♪ WE ARE BETTER
THAN STREPTOMYCIN ♪
♪ WHEN OUR PAL IS SICK ♪
- OH, SAY, HEY, LOOK
WHAT I GOT HERE.
OUR NEW CEREMONIAL HELMETS.
GOT THEM AT THE LODGE
MEETING LAST NIGHT.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT.
- AND ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,
OUR KIDS ARE CRAZY
ABOUT EACH OTHER.
- WHAT A BREAK.
- I'LL BREAK THIS OVER
YOUR HEAD, DOBIE GILLIS.
- I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART
TO LEAVE HIM, ARABELLA.
HE WAS ALL ALONE.
- I'LL GO, FORMER GOOD
BUDDY. JUST FORGET ABOUT ME.
- MAYNARD, COME BACK.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO
CHOOSE BETWEEN US.
- BUT HE WAS SO LONELY.
- THAT DOES IT. OUT.
- PLEASE, ARABELLA, PLEASE.
- OUT!
- ALL RIGHT.
IF MY FRIENDS AREN'T GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN NEITHER AM I.
- OUT!
- OUT?
- OUT!
- ♪ THE BENEVOLENT
ORDER OF BISON ♪
♪ HOIST THEIR COLORS HIGH ♪
♪ WE SAID IT ONCE ♪
♪ WE'LL SAY IT TWICE ♪
♪ AND SAY IT TILL WE DIE ♪
MOO!
[ LAUGHING ]
- ARABELLA, IF YOU WANNA
GO OUT WITH MR. GILLIS'S SON
IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
- SON, SHE'S A FINE GIRL.
- AND IF HE'S ANYTHING
LIKE HIS FATHER,
I ORDER YOU TO MARRY HIM.
- SHE'S STUCK UP.
- HE IS INCONSIDERATE.
- SHE'S INSENSITIVE.
- HE'S TERRIBLY IMPOLITE.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE,
NOBODY CAN TALK TO
DOBIE LIKE THAT EXCEPT ME.
- YOU GOT A NERVE TALKING
TO MY DAUGHTER THAT WAY.
- HE CAN TALK ANY WAY HE WANTS.
- SAYS WHO?
- SAYS ME.
- OH, YEAH?
- NOW, LISTEN, SAM.
- OFFICER PARMALEE TO YOU.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS
TAXPAYER TO YOU
AND SUCK IN THAT OVERSTUFFED
STOMACH OF YOURS.
- OH, YEAH, ARE YOU
GOING TO PUT OUT
THAT BARREL OF SAND?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GOING TO
HAVE THOSE SHELVES
MADE FOR THOSE MATCHES?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE
YOUR CASH REGISTER CHECKED?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GOING TO PUT
AN ALARM BELL ON YOUR FREEZER?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GONNA...
- NOPE.
- HEY, DOBE, WHAT SAY WE
ANKLE OVER TO THE PLAYGROUND
AND TOSS A BASEBALL AROUND?
- NO, WE BETTER NOT, MAYNARD,
WE MIGHT BREAK A
WINDOW OR SOMETHING.
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT SOME TENNIS?
- REGULATIONS SAY YOU
HAVE TO WEAR TENNIS SHOES.
- REGULATIONS?
STUFF LIKE THAT NEVER
USED TO BOTHER YOU BEFORE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
- I TURNED CHICKEN.
- WHY?
- HIM.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- I'M PICKING
FLOWERS FOR MY GIRL,
ARABELLA PARMALEE.
AH, LOVELY ARABELLA.
WHAT COULD BE MORE FITTING?
I MEAN, ARABELLA'S
A FLOWER HERSELF.
HER SKIN IS LIKE A ROSE PETAL.
HER EYES ARE LIKE DELPHINIUMS.
HER TWO LIPS ARE LIKE TULIPS.
HER HAIR IS...
- [ MAYNARD SCATTING ]
- HI, MAYNARD. MAYNARD!
- OH, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
WHAT YOU, LIKE, DOING?
- I WAS, LIKE, PICKING FLOWERS.
- WHO'S THE CHICK?
- HER NAME'S ARABELLA
PARMALEE AND SHE LOVES ME.
- OH, SHE'S, LIKE, NEW IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD, HUH?
- MAYNARD, THAT'S NOT FRIENDLY.
- OH, I'M SORRY, DOBE.
HERE, I'LL HELP YOU.
- OH, GOOD, GOOD.
♪ ARABELLA IS A MANY
SPLENDORED THING ♪
♪ SHE'S THE... ♪
- OH, DOBE.
- YES, MY HELPER?
- I THINK WE BETTER, LIKE,
STOP PLUCKING THESE POPPIES.
- OH, SURELY YOU JEST.
FOR THE LOVE OF MY
GREAT, TAWNY ANIMAL
I MAY GO ON PICKING THESE
DELICATE BUDS FOREVER.
- OH.
- ♪ ARABELLA IS A... ♪
COME ON, HELP ME, MAYNARD,
YOU ALWAYS LIKED FLOWERS.
- I JUST KICKED IT.
DOBE, I INKUS-THAY
LIKE THE OPS-CAY.
- I'M GONNA PICK SO MANY I
MIGHT NEED A WHEELBARROW.
- YEAH, A FAST ONE, LIKE,
HEADED OUT OF TOWN.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE
WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
- YEAH AND HE'S, LIKE,
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- LIKE, RIGHT BEHIND ME?
- LIKE, HI.
- WE WANTED... LIKE, I
SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
YEAH, GOOD AFTERNOON, OFFICER.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
- CAUGHT MANY GANGSTERS LATELY?
- MAYNARD.
- SEE THIS SIGN?
- OH, YEAH, WE SEE IT,
MAN, WHAT SPELLING,
WHAT PRINTING.
- MAYNARD.
- COOL, READ IT.
- OH, WELL, YOU SEE,
SIR IN THIS LIGHT...
- READ IT, MISTER, OR YOU'LL
BE THE FIRST BOY IN TOWN
TO DO HIS HOMEWORK IN
SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.
- "DO NOT PICK THE FLOWERS."
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- THANK YOU. NOW YOU.
- WELL, YOU SEE,
SIR, IN THIS LIGHT...
- ALL OVER TOWN
ROBBERS ARE ROBBING,
MURDERERS ARE MURDERING
AND SOME LUCKY COP
IS CHASING THEM. BUT ME,
I GET STUCK WITH A COUPLE OF
LEFT-HANDED FLOWER FILCHERS.
- WELL, SIR, I ONLY PICKED A
FEW TO HELP MY ROMANCE.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, FOR
ROMANCE, AREN'T YOU, SIR?
- NO, I'M A MARRIED MAN.
- HONEST, OFFICER, WE
DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM.
- OUT! AND IF I EVER CATCH YOU
DEFACING CITY PROPERTY AGAIN
I'LL RUN YOU IN.
- YES, SIR.
- YES, SIR.
- ALL RIGHT, HALT! THOSE
FLOWERS ARE CITY PROPERTY.
- YES, SIR, WE'RE SORRY.
- HALT! IT'S AGAINST THE
LAW TO CLUTTER UP THE PARK.
- OH, YES, SIR.
COME ON, MAYNARD.
SORRY, OFFICER.
- HALT!
YOU CAN'T DUMP 'EM OVER THERE!
- YES, SIR.
- MAYNARD. OH, SIR,
PLEASE EXCUSE US.
- WE DIDN'T MEAN IT.
- LIKE, NO.
- WE COULDN'T HELP IT.
- BUT YOU'RE, LIKE, SO
HARD TO RUN AROUND.
- WHAT?!
- NO, NO, NO,
HE JUST MEANS WE
WANTED TO RUN PAST YOU.
- YEAH, BUT YOUR
BIG, FAT STOMACH
KEPT GETTING IN THE WAY.
- MAYNARD!
- OUT!
IF I EVER CATCH YOU
ON MY BEAT AGAIN
YOU BETTER HAVE A SNEAKY LAWYER.
- HI, MOM, HOW DO I LOOK?
- OH, LOVELY, ARABELLA.
- DO YOU THINK
DOBIE WILL LIKE ME?
- WELL, LET ME PUT
IT THIS WAY, DEAR,
IF YOUR FATHER SAW
YOU IN THAT DRESS
HE'D LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOM.
- OH, DOBIE WILL LIKE ME.
- WHAT TYPE OF BOY IS HE?
- DOBIE?
WELL, HE'S A LITTLE
HARD TO DESCRIBE.
- WHERE'S HE TAKING YOU?
- A WALK IN THE PARK, I GUESS.
- THAT DESCRIBES HIM PERFECTLY.
THE OUT OF MONEY TYPE.
- HE'S VERY POLITE.
I'M SURE EVEN DADDY
WOULD LIKE HIM.
- DOES HE TALK BACK?
- OH, NO.
- DADDY WILL LIKE HIM.
- BOY, DID I RUN INTO A COUPLE
OF LAMEBRAIN KIDS TODAY.
ARABELLA, CHANGE THAT DRESS
OR I'LL LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOM.
- WELCOME HOME, DADDY.
- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
I DON'T MEAN THE
SHALLOW KIND OF LOVE
WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE FLOATING ON A CLOUD.
I MEAN THE SERIOUS,
EVERLASTING KIND OF LOVE
WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'VE JUST EATEN SOMETHING
THAT DOESN'T AGREE WITH YOU?
WELL, THAT'S HOW I FELT,
SICK. AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.
MAYNARD?
- OH, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
- HI, HI.
- YOU GOING OUT WITH
THE CHICK TONIGHT?
- YEAH, TO THE MOVIES.
- CAN I GO ALONG?
- WELL, MAYNARD, WE LIKE
YOUR COMPANY AND ALL THAT
BUT WHEN A FELLA AND
A GIRL GO TO THE MOVIES,
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
- I'LL PAY MY OWN WAY.
- THAT ISN'T IT, MAYNARD.
- OH, I DIG IT.
- NOW, LOOK, MAYNARD, YOU SEE...
- GO ON, HAVE FUN.
I'LL BE, LIKE, ALL RIGHT.
- MAYNARD, STOP DRAMATIZING.
- IT'S JUST LIKE
WHEN CLARK GABLE
KEPT RUNNING OFF WITH MYRNA LOY.
SPENCER TRACY KEPT
BEING LEFT BEHIND.
- MAYNARD.
- CALL ME SPENCER.
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD,
YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
ARABELLA WILL NEVER
COME BETWEEN US.
I MEAN, LOVE IS LOVE
BUT FRIENDSHIP IS
ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.
- LIKE, TRUE?
- YEAH, NOW, YOU SEE,
IF A MAN LIKES FISHING
THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE STOPS
LIKING HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN.
- OH, YOU MEAN IF YOU,
LIKE, DIG DIZZY GILLESPIE
THAT DON'T MEAN YOU HAVE
TO KICK THELONIOUS MONK?
- RIGHT, MAYNARD.
- YEAH, IF YOU GO
FOR HOT FUDGE
SUNDAES, THAT DON'T MEAN
YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP
FRENCH FRIED POTATOES
OR HOW ABOUT SPOOKY MOVIES?
- SPOOKY MOVIES.
- IF YOU'RE APE FOR THEM
THAT DON'T MEAN YOU
HAVE TO TURN UP YOUR NOSE AT
WIDE-SCREEN AND CINEMASCOPE.
- NO.
- YEAH, TAKE TELEVISION.
WHO SAID YOU HAD
TO, LIKE, LOVE LUCY
AND SNEER AT THE MILLIONAIRE?
AND BEARDS! MINE
LOOKS SWINGIN' ON ME
BUT IT'D LOOK PRETTY
SQUARE ON MY MOTHER.
- MAYNARD, ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
PEOPLE ARE WATCHING. GOODNESS.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DRAW ME A PICTURE.
- WELL, I'M GLAD.
- FRANKLY, THOUGH
YOU DON'T CREDIT ME FOR, LIKE,
DIGGING THESE BASIC PRECEPTS.
- BASIC PRECEPTS?
- YEAH, I READ THAT ON A
BOX OF BREAKFAST CEREAL.
GOOD BUDDY?
- YES, MAYNARD?
- YOU'RE GONNA SAY HELLO TO ME
WHEN YOU MEET ME ON
THE STREET, AREN'T YOU?
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD,
PLEASE TRY AND UNDERSTAND.
- OH, GO ON, GOOD BUDDY.
GO ON AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
- OKAY, WE'LL ALL
GO TO THE MOVIES.
HERE.
[ GRUNTS ]
- I WISH THAT DOBIE WOULD
HURRY UP AND GET HERE.
HE'S LATE.
- OH, MY FEET HURT.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE THAT
BISON LODGE MEETING TONIGHT.
HURRY UP WITH THAT
WATER, WILL YOU?
I WOULDN'T MIND
GETTING MY FEET SORE
CHASING AFTER SOME REAL CROOKS
BUT IT'S PRETTY AGGRAVATING
JUST CHASING AROUND
AFTER A COUPLE OF KIDS.
ARABELLA, IF EVER FIND YOU
HANGING AROUND ANY
TEENAGE CHARACTERS LIKE THAT,
I'LL PUT YOU ON BREAD
AND WATER FOR A WEEK.
- HOW MANY BANKS
DID THEY KNOCK OVER?
HOW MANY HEISTS DID THEY PULL?
- PLEASE, EDITH, YOU'RE
MAKING ME HOMESICK.
- SAM, IT'S YOUR OWN
FAULT YOU'RE NOT ON A BEAT
WHERE THERE'S ACTION.
YOU AND THAT VIOLENT TEMPER.
- TEMPER? WHO'S GOT A
TEMPER? I'M SWEET AS SUGAR!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
WHO THE SAM HILL
IS THAT? I'LL GET IT.
- OH, DAD.
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE. THIS
HOUSE IS MY BEAT.
- YOU GO OUT AND
PATROL THE CLOSET
UNTIL YOU GET YOUR CLOTHES ON.
- HI, DOBIE.
- HI, ARABELLA.
- YOU'RE LATE.
- HOW WELL I KNOW, ARABELLA.
EACH MOMENT AWAY FROM
YOU IS LIKE AN ETERNITY.
TO THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL
AND TO THE FAIR SISTER
OF THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL.
- YOU'LL GO A LONG WAY, BOY,
BUT I HAPPEN TO BE HER MOTHER.
- NO.
- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
DADDY BUT MOTHER LOVES HIM.
- YEAH.
- MOM, THIS IS DOBIE GILLIS.
- CHARMED, CHARMED.
WOULD YOU MIND IF SOMEBODY ELSE
CAME ALONG WITH US TO THE MOVIE?
- OH, THAT'S SWEET
OF YOU, DOBIE,
BUT YOU TWO KIDS RUN ALONG.
- NO, NO, NO, I MEAN...
MAYNARD, COME ON IN.
THIS IS MY FRIEND
MAYNARD G. KREBS.
MAYNARD, THIS IS MRS. PARMALEE
AND ARABELLA PARMALEE.
- HELLO.
- LIKE, HI.
- LIKE, HI.
- LIKE, HOW DO YOU DO?
HOW DO YOU DO?
- ARABELLA, I DIDN'T
THINK YOU'D MIND
IF MAYNARD CAME ALONG
WITH US TO THE MOVIES.
HE WAS KIND OF LONESOME.
- YOU DIDN'T?
- NO.
- YEAH, I WON'T BE IN THE WAY.
I'LL EVEN GET MY OWN POPCORN.
- YEAH.
OH, LIKE, PLEASE, THEY'RE
SHOWING A REAL GAS OF A MOVIE,
"THE MONSTER THAT
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- ALL RIGHT, THIS TIME.
- OH, THANK YOU, ARABELLA.
- OH, YOU'RE LIKE A REAL
HUMAN BEING, MA'AM.
- MAYNARD, I'M SORRY THE FLOWERS
ARE SO BEAT UP, BUT I
HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE.
- OH?
- A FAT COP
STEPPED ALL OVER THEM.
- BOYS, IN THIS HOUSE WE
DO NOT USE THE WORD COP.
WE PREFER LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICER.
- OH, WELL, THIS BIG, FAT
LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER
WAS TAKING UP THE WHOLE PARK.
- YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM
HE LOOKED LIKE 100
POUNDS OF POTATOES
IN A 50-POUND SACK.
- OH, DOBE, DON'T YOU THINK
WE BETTER, LIKE, CUT OUT?
- OH, NO, NOT YET, MAYNARD.
BOY, WAS HE CLUMSY.
HE SQUASHED THE DAYLIGHTS
OUT OF THE FLOWERS.
HE WAS BUILT FOR
A LOT OF SQUASHING.
- DOBE, WE GOTTA GO.
- IN A MINUTE, MAYNARD,
IN A MINUTE. SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHY THESE FAT COPS...
EXCUSE ME... FAT LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS...
- GOOD BUDDY, THE MONSTER'S
GOING TO HAVE CLEVELAND
HALF DEVOURED. COME ON.
- YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT SOMETHING AGAIN.
- YEAH, AND HE'S, LIKE,
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- LIKE, RIGHT BEHIND ME?
- LIKE, HI.
- LIKE, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
GOOD EVENING, FAT... OFFICER.
HOW'S BUSINESS?
- CAUGHT MANY GANGSTERS LATELY?
- YEAH.
- WHAT ARE THESE
CRIMINAL TYPES DOING HERE?
- THEY'RE DOBIE GILLIS
AND MAYNARD KREBS.
DO YOU KNOW THEM, DADDY?
- THEY'RE THE FLOWER MANGLERS.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR.
- LIKE, LIKEWISE.
- YEAH.
- THEY'RE FRIENDS OF MINE.
- WELL, FROM NOW ON SO
ARE BREAD AND WATER. OUT!
- SIR.
- ON THE DOUBLE!
- COME ON, DOBE, HE'S BIGGER
THAN BOTH OF US. DON'T FIGHT IT.
- OUT!
- HOLD IT, MISTER.
DO YOU WANNA GO
OUT WITH ARABELLA?
- NO, MA'AM.
- MAYNARD, SHE MEANS ME.
YES, MORE THAN
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
- ARABELLA, DO YOU
WANNA GO OUT WITH DOBIE?
- OH, I CERTAINLY DO.
- THEN GO AND DON'T
LET ANYBODY STOP YOU.
- WATCH IT, EDITH.
I'LL RUN YOU IN FOR
INTERFERING WITH AN OFFICER.
- ARABELLA'S OLD ENOUGH
TO PICK HER OWN FRIENDS
AND BESIDES, WHAT DID
DOBIE DO THAT WAS SO BAD?
- HE ONLY PICKED
FLOWERS IN OPEN DEFIANCE
OF A "DO NOT PICK
THE FLOWERS" SIGN.
- NOW, THERE'S A
REAL PUBLIC ENEMY.
- HIS WHOLE ATTITUDE
IS MISERABLE.
BESIDES THAT, HE'S
STUBBORN AND UNCOOPERATIVE.
- BUT SIR, LOOK...
- QUIET, WHO ASKED YOU?
BESIDES, LOOK AT THAT
DANGEROUS-LOOKING JOKER
HE HANGS AROUND WITH.
- HANDS OFF, MISTER,
I'M THROUGH LETTING YOU
RUIN OUR CHILDREN'S LIVES.
- YES, LOOK WHAT
HAPPENED TO ABIGAIL.
- DON'T MENTION YOUR SISTER'S
NAME IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN.
- SHE'S GOT TO OR
WE'LL NEVER FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO ABIGAIL.
- YOU HAD TO ORDER HER
TO STOP SEEING THAT JOCKEY.
- AND THREE DAYS LATER WE
GOT A WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM SANTA ANITA.
- ABIGAIL TAKES AFTER
YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY.
- YOU CAN'T FORCE
CHILDREN TO DO ANYTHING.
GOOD NIGHT, KIDS,
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- BE BACK BY 10:00 AND DON'T
PARK IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE.
- BE BACK AT 11:00 AND
ENJOY YOURSELVES.
- THANKS MOM.
- YOU'RE ALL HEART, MA'AM.
- OUT!
- YES, SIR.
THAT WAS MY INTRODUCTION
TO ARABELLA'S FATHER.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY WHAT
YOU'D CALL THE BEGINNING
OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP,
BUT I WASN'T WORRIED.
YOU SEE, MR. PARMALEE'S A FATHER
AND I'M AN AUTHORITY ON THE
CARE AND HANDLING OF FATHERS.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY, I JUST GOTTA.
- YOU MEAN DOBIE ISN'T UP YET?
- WELL, CERTAINLY
NOT. IT'S BARELY 11:00
AND THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE.
- HERBERT, THE BOY IS
ENTITLED TO HIS REST.
HE WAS UP VERY LATE LAST NIGHT.
- OH, IF HE STAYS IN BED
HE'S ENTITLED TO HIS REST.
IF I STAY IN BED, I'M A BUM.
- HERBERT, NOBODY EVER
SAID YOU WERE A BUM.
- AND NOBODY EVER SAID I
WAS NOT THE FATHER OF A BUM.
- GOOD MORNING, GOOD
MORNING, GOOD MORNING,
MY, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL,
BEAUTIFUL DAY.
- GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
- OH, I'M SORRY BUT
DID ALL THE NOISE
WE WERE MAKING DOWN
HERE WHILE WE WERE,
IF YOU WILL PARDON THE
EXPRESSION, WORKING,
WAKE YOU?
- YEAH, YEAH, BIT I HAD
TO GET UP ANYHOW.
I HAVE A DATE. OH, DAD,
WOULD YOU MIND...
- NO.
- I DIDN'T EVEN
FINISH THE QUESTION.
- GO RIGHT AHEAD, FINISH IT.
THE ANSWER WILL
STILL BE THE SAME.
- NO?
- YES.
- YOU SAID YES.
- I SAID YES, THE ANSWERS IS NO.
- DAD, I HAVE TO
HAVE A FEW DOLLARS
SO I CAN GO OUT AND MINGLE.
- OH, BY ALL MEANS,
SON, GO, MINGLE.
HOW WOULD IT SEEM
IF YOUR MOTHER AND I,
STANDING HERE IN THE
MIDST OF THE LETTUCES
AND THE TOMATOES
AND THE CABBAGES
AND THE PICKLED KUMQUATS,
COULD NOT LOOK THE WORLD
SQUARE IN THE FACE AND
SAY, "OUR SON IS OUT MINGLING."
- DAD, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
IF I DON'T GET OUT AND MINGLE
I'LL NEVER MEET THE RIGHT GIRL
AND I'LL NEVER GET MARRIED
AND I'LL HAVE TO LIVE HERE
WITH YOU AND MOM
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
- THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
- YEAH.
- THANKS, DAD, THANKS VERY MUCH.
- GO, MANGLE.
- MINGLE. BYE, MOM.
AND DAD, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW
THAT THERE'S STILL AN AREA
OF COMMUNICATION
BETWEEN US, HOWEVER FAINT.
- TOO TRUE, TOO TRUE.
- BACK TO WORK.
- SOMEDAY I MUST EXPLAIN
THE MEANING OF THE
WORD TO THAT BOY.
WORK, I CAN EXPLAIN
FROM NOW TILL DOOMSDAY.
HE THINKS IT'S A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE OR FROM OUTER SPACE
OR SOMETHING.
NO, OUTER SPACE
HE'D UNDERSTAND BUT...
- OH, GOOD MORNING, OFFICER.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- NICE PLACE YOU HAVE HERE.
- WE LIKE IT. HERE,
HAVE AN APPLE.
IT'LL SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE
OF PINCHING IT LATER ON.
- OH, THAT'S NOT WHY I CAME IN.
I'M NEW HERE AND I
LIKE TO GET ACQUAINTED
WITH THE PEOPLE ON MY
BEAT. MY NAME'S PARMALEE.
- OH, GILLIS, HERBERT
T. THIS IS MRS. GILLIS.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A SON.
- HE DIDN'T DO IT.
- OH, HE'S NOT IN TROUBLE.
- NATURALLY NOT.
- NATURALLY NOT.
- NATURALLY NOT.
- NO, I WAS JUST
CURIOUS ABOUT HIM.
YOU SEE, HE'S BEEN GOING
OUT WITH MY DAUGHTER.
- OH, WELL, THOSE
ARE THE BREAKS.
- HOW NICE.
- YEAH, AND I WANT IT TO STOP.
- MAY I ASK WHY?
- I'M HER FATHER
AND I WANT IT TO STOP.
- ARE YOU IMPLYING
THAT OUR SON ISN'T GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOUR DAUGHTER?
- NOW JUST A MINUTE,
MISTER, THIS IS AMERICA
AND MY SON CAN GO OUT
WITH ANY GIRL HE WANTS TO,
EVEN IF SHE IS RELATED TO YOU,
WHICH IS WHAT MAKES
HER STUPID ENOUGH
TO GO OUT WITH A KID LIKE
DOBIE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- MY DAUGHTER'S
A VERY FINE GIRL.
- DOBIE IS A VERY FINE BOY.
- ARABELLA IS SWEET
AND KIND AND SENSITIVE.
- DOBIE IS SWEET AND
KIND AND SENSITIVE, TOO.
- ARABELLA IS AMBITIOUS
AND HARD-WORKING.
- DOBIE IS SWEET AND
KIND AND SENSITIVE.
IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM
GOING OUT TOGETHER.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL
HER TO STOP SEEING HIM?
- WELL, I CAN'T, YOU SEE,
ARABELLA'S KIND OF HIGH-STRUNG
AND SHE MIGHT GET THE FEELING
THAT SHE WAS BEING
PUSHED AROUND.
- WELL, THAT'S YOUR
PROBLEM, SHERLOCK HOLMES.
- NOW LOOK,
MR. GILLIS, MRS. GILLIS,
WE'RE GROWN-UP PEOPLE.
- WELL, SOME OF US ARE.
- WE HAVE TO FACE THE
SITUATION THAT OUR CHILDREN
WERE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
- THAT'S FOR THEM TO DECIDE.
- THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA STOP
DOBIE FROM SEEING ARABELLA?
- MY ANSWER IS A
POSITIVELY NEGATIVE NO.
- WELL SPOKEN, HERBERT.
- ALL RIGHT
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD THE END OF THIS.
SOUR.
- HERBERT, HE CAN'T
DO ANYTHING, CAN HE?
- NO, NO. NO, HE CAN'T...
I WONDER HOW HE'S GONNA DO IT.
- DID YOU HAVE A
NICE TIME, ARABELLA?
- WELL, FRANKLY, DOBIE, I...
- WHAT'S WRONG?
DIDN'T YOU LIKE THE
ROLLER SKATING?
- OH, I ENJOYED THAT A LOT.
- WELL, MAYBE IT WAS
THE HAMBURGERS.
- NO, THEY WERE DELICIOUS.
- WELL, DIDN'T YOU LIKE GOING
THERE IN MY FATHER'S TRUCK?
- OH, I LIKED THAT.
- WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- HIM.
- DOBIE, HELP ME TAKE
OFF MY SKATES, PLEASE?
- OH, SERGEANT FRIDAY.
- LET'S HAVE A LITTLE
RESPECT FOR THE LAW.
- YOU ARE GETTING
AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
- YOU'LL BE LAUGHING FROM
THE BUSINESS SIDE OF A CELL
WHEN I TURN YOU IN FOR
VIOLATING ORDINANCE 308.
- OH, COME OFF OF IT, WALDO,
BEFORE I TURN YOU
IN FOR LOITERING
INSIDE A POLICEMAN'S UNIFORM.
- THAT NEWSPAPER STAND
IS BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK
IN VIOLATION OF ORDINANCE 308.
- THAT NEWSPAPER STAND
WAS OUT THERE WHEN
I BOUGHT THE STORE.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU
GOT YOUR CHOICE,
$10 OR 10 DAYS IN JAIL
AND THOSE MATCHES, ORDINANCE 134
SAYS YOU GOT TO KEEP THEM
OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN.
- THOSE MATCHES ARE
FIVE FEET OFF THE FLOOR.
- NOT HIGH ENOUGH. KIDS ARE
GETTING TALLER THESE DAYS.
- NOW YOU LISTEN
TO ME, PARMALEE.
- NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME, GILLIS.
WHERE'S THAT BARREL OF SAND?
- WHAT BARREL OF SAND?
- THE LAW REQUIRES THAT
YOU HAVE A BARREL OF SAND
INSIDE THE FRONT DOOR
SO THAT YOU CAN PUT
IT ON THE SIDEWALK
IN CASE OF SNOW.
- SNOW?
- KEEP THE PEOPLE
FROM FALLING DOWN.
- SNOW?
- ORDINANCE 253.
- SNOW? IT IS 96 DEGREES
IN THE SHADE OUTSIDE!
ALL OVER TOWN PEOPLE ARE
FALLING DOWN FROM THE HEAT!
- YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.
THE WEATHER'S VERY
CHANGEABLE THESE DAYS.
NOW YOU GET THAT
SAND IN BY TOMORROW.
YOU HAVE THE SHELVES
FIXED FOR THOSE MATCHES.
YOU BRING IN THAT NEWSSTAND
OR WOULD YOU RATHER
ORDER YOUR MEALS
BY BANGING ON THE
BARS WITH A TIN CUP?
- BY TOMORROW? I
CAN'T DO ALL THAT...
OH, I GET IT. CALL OFF DOBIE?
- NOW YOU'RE THINKING.
I'LL BE BACK IN THE MORNING.
BETTER.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DEAR, SOMETHING WRONG?
- I AM THINKING.
- OH, DEAR.
- I'M THINKING ABOUT ALFRED.
- ALFRED?
- YES, YOUR COUSIN ALFRED
WHO USED TO LIVE WITH US
AND EAT HIS WEIGHT EVERY
DAY UNTIL I THREW HIM OUT
ON HIS BIG, FAT HEAD.
- WHAT ABOUT HIM?
- DIDN'T HE TRY TO GET
ON THE POLICE FORCE?
- YES, BUT HE DIDN'T
PASS HIS EXAM.
- WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
HIS POLICE OFFICER'S MANUAL?
- I THINK IT'S IN
THE CLOSET, WHY?
- WOULD YOU MIND GETTING
IT FOR ME, WINNIE-POO?
- WHY, WHAT DO YOU WANT IT FOR?
- OOH, THERE IS MORE
THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A COP.
- THERE'S MORE THAN
ONE WAY TO SKIN A GILLIS.
- WHAT'S A GILLIS?
- TOP SECRET.
- SAM, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU SO EXCITED
SINCE THE OLD DAYS
OF THE McDOUGAL MOB.
- YEAH, THE OLD WAR
HORSE IS BACK IN HARNESS.
GOT TO TAKE A FLOCK
OF THESE CITATION BOOKS.
EDITH, TODAY I AM
LOADED FOR GROCERS.
- LIKE, HI, GOOD BUDDY.
- OH, HELLO, MAYNARD.
- WHERE YOU, LIKE, GOING?
- NOWHERE, MAYNARD.
- I NEVER BEEN THERE.
CAN I GO WITH YOU?
- YEAH, SOME OTHER
TIME, MAYNARD.
- OH, YOU'RE GOING OUT
WITH HER AGAIN, HUH?
- NOW LOOK, MAYNARD.
- GO AHEAD, I'LL GET
USED TO BEING LONELY.
- NOW, MAYNARD...
- AFTER A WHILE
I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN CRY MUCH.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S SILLY.
- THE WORLD IS, LIKE,
LOADED WITH US LOST SOULS.
- MAYNARD, DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
- I'LL LIVE ALL ALONE,
LIKE A HELMET.
- MAYNARD, THAT'S HERMIT.
- YEAH, HERMIT.
- NOW LISTEN TO ME, MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD THE
HERMIT THEY'LL CALL ME.
- MAYNARD, LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ALONG WITH ARABELLA AND ME?
- I'LL LIVE ALONE IN THE WOODS
AND EAT LIKE, ROOTS AND BERRIES.
- COME ON, MAYNARD.
- THE ANIMALS WILL
BECOME MY FRIENDS.
I'LL BUILD MY HOUSE IN A
TREE. OR MAYBE A CAVE.
- YOU'RE NOT EVEN
LISTENING TO ME.
- OKAY. I'LL GO WITH
YOU AND ARABELLA.
- OH, GOOD, THANK YOU, MAYNARD.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU DIDN'T BRING THE
NEWSSTAND IN, HUH?
- NOPE.
- YOU DIDN'T PUT IN
A BARREL OF SAND.
- NOPE.
- AND YOU DIDN'T FIX THOSE
SHELVES FOR THOSE MATCHES?
- NOPE.
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS,
IF YOU WANNA PLAY ROUGH
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE.
I'LL HIT YOU WITH EVERY
VIOLATION IN THE BOOK.
YOU GOT AN ALARM
BELL ON YOUR FREEZER?
- NOPE.
- VIOLATION.
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR SCALES
CHECKED IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS?
- NOPE.
- VIOLATION.
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR CASH
REGISTERS CHECKED IN THE LAST YEAR?
- NOPE.
- VIOLATION.
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR
ELECTRICAL WIRING FIXED?
- JUST A MINUTE, PARMALEE.
I HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME READING
MATERIAL OF MY OWN HERE.
- OH?
- POLICE OFFICERS' MANUAL,
MINIMUM STANDARD
OF PHYSICAL FITNESS
FOR POLICE OFFICERS.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?
- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
- JUST A MINUTE.
I AM A TAXPAYER
AND YOUR EMPLOYER.
THEREFORE, I HAVE
A RIGHT TO KNOW.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?
- OH, ABOUT 165 GIVE
OR TAKE A FEW POUNDS.
- HOW MANY?
- 58.
- THAT'S BETTER. WHAT IS
YOUR WAIST MEASUREMENT?
- CLOSE TO 34.
- HOW CLOSE?
- 44.
- AND YOU HAVE A
VERY CUTE FIGURE,
PARMALEE, BUT IT IS
JUST ABOUT 10 INCHES
AND 58 POUNDS TOO CUTE.
- COME ON, WHO EVER PAYS
ATTENTION TO THOSE MEASUREMENTS?
- I DO AND I ALSO HAPPEN TO
HAVE THE TELEPHONE NUMBER
OF THE POLICE COMMISSIONER.
AND IT SAYS RIGHT HERE,
"OFFICERS WHO DO NOT MEET
THE MINIMUM STANDARD
PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS
SHALL BE SUBJECT
TO INSTANT DISMISSAL,
SECTION 921."
- GILLIS, ONE OF THESE DAYS.
- OH, THE COMMISSIONER'S GONNA
GET A GREAT KICK OUTTA THIS.
- YOU WOULDN'T.
[ LAUGHING ]
- YOU WOULD.
- JUST A MINUTE,
HOW MANY TIMES CAN
YOU TOUCH YOUR TOES?
- TOUCH MY TOES?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
- POLICE REGULATIONS
SAY 20 TIMES. NOW.
- OH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GILLIS.
- I WONDER WHO THE NEW COP
ON THIS BEAT IS GOING TO BE?
- I'M TOUCHING, I'M TOUCHING.
- YOU'RE TOUCHING.
I WONDER IF IT SAYS
ANYTHING IN HERE
ABOUT COPS WHO CAN'T
GET OVER THEIR STOMACH.
YOU'RE TOUCHING YOUR TOES
AND WE ARE BEING
PROTECTED BY YOU?
CRAZY, CRAZY.
HOW ABOUT SOME PUSH-UPS?
- AW, NOW, GILLIS.
- MR. GILLIS, EMPLOYEE.
REGULATIONS SAY 10 PUSH-UPS.
- I'LL GET MY UNIFORM DIRTY.
- BE MY GUEST.
ONE,
TWO,
UH-UH, TWO AND A HALF.
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS,
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
- SIMPLE JUSTICE.
JUST LET MY STORE ALONE.
- NEVER.
- I'LL TURN YOU INTO THE
POLICE COMMISSIONER!
- I'LL TURN IN THESE CITATIONS!
- AND WE WILL BOTH GO
TO THE BOTTOM TOGETHER.
- THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE.
YOU CAN'T PUSH
ME AROUND, BUSTER.
I HAPPEN TO BE A VETERAN
WITH A GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL
AND A TAXPAYER
AND A MEMBER OF THE
BENEVOLENT ORDER OF BISONS.
- SO AM I, A CHARTER MEMBER.
- YOU'RE A BISON?
- CHAPTER 62.
- OH, CHAPTER 47.
- BROTHER.
- BROTHER.
- BROTHER BISON!
- BROTHER BISON!
[ LAUGHING ]
- SAY, BROTHER PARMALEE.
- AH, SAM, CALL ME SAM.
- OKAY, BROTHER SAM.
- ALL RIGHT, BROTHER HERB.
- HOW MANY VERSES
OF THE BISON SONG
DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW?
- OH, ABOUT 23.
- SHALL WE TAKE IT FROM THE TOP?
- I'M WITH YOU.
- ♪ THE BENEVOLENT
ORDER OF BISON ♪
♪ AND BROTHERS ONE AND ALL ♪
♪ WE'RE THE CAKE
AND WE'RE THE ICING ♪
♪ WINTER, SPRING AND FALL ♪
♪ THE BENEVOLENT
ORDER OF BISON ♪
♪ STICK THROUGH THIN AND THICK ♪
♪ WE ARE BETTER
THAN STREPTOMYCIN ♪
♪ WHEN OUR PAL IS SICK ♪
- OH, SAY, HEY, LOOK
WHAT I GOT HERE.
OUR NEW CEREMONIAL HELMETS.
GOT THEM AT THE LODGE
MEETING LAST NIGHT.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT.
- AND ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,
OUR KIDS ARE CRAZY
ABOUT EACH OTHER.
- WHAT A BREAK.
- I'LL BREAK THIS OVER
YOUR HEAD, DOBIE GILLIS.
- I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART
TO LEAVE HIM, ARABELLA.
HE WAS ALL ALONE.
- I'LL GO, FORMER GOOD
BUDDY. JUST FORGET ABOUT ME.
- MAYNARD, COME BACK.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO
CHOOSE BETWEEN US.
- BUT HE WAS SO LONELY.
- THAT DOES IT. OUT.
- PLEASE, ARABELLA, PLEASE.
- OUT!
- ALL RIGHT.
IF MY FRIENDS AREN'T GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN NEITHER AM I.
- OUT!
- OUT?
- OUT!
- ♪ THE BENEVOLENT
ORDER OF BISON ♪
♪ HOIST THEIR COLORS HIGH ♪
♪ WE SAID IT ONCE ♪
♪ WE'LL SAY IT TWICE ♪
♪ AND SAY IT TILL WE DIE ♪
MOO!
[ LAUGHING ]
- ARABELLA, IF YOU WANNA
GO OUT WITH MR. GILLIS'S SON
IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
- SON, SHE'S A FINE GIRL.
- AND IF HE'S ANYTHING
LIKE HIS FATHER,
I ORDER YOU TO MARRY HIM.
- SHE'S STUCK UP.
- HE IS INCONSIDERATE.
- SHE'S INSENSITIVE.
- HE'S TERRIBLY IMPOLITE.
- NOW JUST A MINUTE,
NOBODY CAN TALK TO
DOBIE LIKE THAT EXCEPT ME.
- YOU GOT A NERVE TALKING
TO MY DAUGHTER THAT WAY.
- HE CAN TALK ANY WAY HE WANTS.
- SAYS WHO?
- SAYS ME.
- OH, YEAH?
- NOW, LISTEN, SAM.
- OFFICER PARMALEE TO YOU.
- HERBERT T. GILLIS
TAXPAYER TO YOU
AND SUCK IN THAT OVERSTUFFED
STOMACH OF YOURS.
- OH, YEAH, ARE YOU
GOING TO PUT OUT
THAT BARREL OF SAND?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GOING TO
HAVE THOSE SHELVES
MADE FOR THOSE MATCHES?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE
YOUR CASH REGISTER CHECKED?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GOING TO PUT
AN ALARM BELL ON YOUR FREEZER?
- NOPE.
- ARE YOU GONNA...
- NOPE.
- HEY, DOBE, WHAT SAY WE
ANKLE OVER TO THE PLAYGROUND
AND TOSS A BASEBALL AROUND?
- NO, WE BETTER NOT, MAYNARD,
WE MIGHT BREAK A
WINDOW OR SOMETHING.
- YEAH, HOW ABOUT SOME TENNIS?
- REGULATIONS SAY YOU
HAVE TO WEAR TENNIS SHOES.
- REGULATIONS?
STUFF LIKE THAT NEVER
USED TO BOTHER YOU BEFORE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
- I TURNED CHICKEN.
- WHY?
- HIM.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪