The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 30 - Soup and Fish - full transcript
Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. agrees to assist the under-dressed Dobie and Maynard gain entry to his cousin Sabrina Armitage's black-tie soirée by having each fellow take a turn wearing his tux. Will their jig be up and their pants down?
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- I ONCE HAD A VERY UNUSUAL
EXPERIENCE WITH MONEY.
I HAD SOME.
BUT MOSTLY, IT'S
BEEN MY SAD FATE
TO LOOK ON THE
FINE ART OF SPENDING
AS STRICTLY A SPECTATOR SPORT.
- OH, WELL, THEY SAY THAT MONEY
CAN'T BUY HAPPINESS.
I MEAN, LOOK AT
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
HE'S A FELLOW I
GO TO SCHOOL WITH,
AND HE'S RICH.
HE'S ALSO MISERABLE.
IN FACT, HE'S THE MOST
MISERABLE RICH KID YOU EVER SAW.
IMAGINE, HE LIVES IN
A BIG HOUSE ON A HILL
WITH 26 ROOMS AND SIX BATHS.
- 28 ROOMS AND EIGHT BATHS,
AND A BRACE OF
DOLLAR-SHAPED SWIMMING POOLS.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT IN ONE RESPECT.
I AM MISERABLE.
- OH, I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE
ALL SHOOK UP, CHATSWORTH.
- YEAH, MAN, YOU'RE SO RICH
YOU CAN AFFORD TO
BE, LIKE, MISERABLE.
- YEAH.
- CHAPS, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT I CRAVE IS
ACCEPTANCE, RECOGNITION.
I WANT TO BE ONE OF THE...
PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL
MOMS I USED THE WORD...
MOB.
- MOB?
- A MODEL OF CRUDITY
AND LACK OF POLISH.
YOU AND THIS TATTERED
RAGAMUFFIN, MAYNARD,
ARE ACCEPTED
MEMBERS OF THE GROUP,
WHILE I, WEALTHY, CULTURED,
AND DESIRABLE, AM AN OUTSIDER,
ALONE AND UNWANTED.
WHY, WHY, WHY?
- THE ANSWER IS,
LIKE, VERY SIMPLE.
- YES, YES, WHAT?
- I DIDN'T SAY I KNEW IT.
I JUST SAID IT WAS,
LIKE, VERY SIMPLE.
- RIGHT. NOW, LOOK, CHATSWORTH,
I DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS,
BUT THE REASON YOU'RE UNPOPULAR
IS BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
DOWN YOUR NOSE AT EVERYBODY.
- WELL, OF COURSE.
HOW ELSE CAN YOU LOOK AT THEM?
- SEE, THAT'S THE
TROUBLE, CHATSWORTH.
YOU'RE NOT ONE OF US.
YOU DON'T HACK AROUND
AND RUB ELBOWS
WITH THE OTHER FELLAS.
- HOW UNSANITARY.
HOWEVER, I'LL CHANCE IT.
BY GOD, I SHALL PALAVER
WITH THE HOI POLLOI,
NO MATTER WHAT THE
COST TO MY FEELINGS.
- HOLD IT, DADDY-O, WHO SAID
WE WANT TO HOI POLLOI WITH YOU?
- YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT, CHATSWORTH.
WE'VE GOT FEELINGS,
TOO, YOU KNOW.
- OH. I SUPPOSE SO.
BUT HOW SENSITIVE CAN YOU BE,
COMING FROM STURDY
PEASANT STOCK AS YOU DO?
HOWEVER, I DO SO WANT TO JOIN
YOUR BOYISH REVELS AND FROLICS,
AND YOU MUST LET ME.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT OUR
TYPE, CHATSWORTH.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, ODD.
- MM-HMM.
- BUT YOU MUST, YOU
MUST. I'M SO GOOD AT GAMES.
I'LL BUY POLO OUTFITS
FOR EVERYONE.
- NOW, LOOK, CHATSWORTH,
THAT'S NOT GONNA
SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.
YOU CAN'T BUY FRIENDSHIP.
THE BEST THINGS
IN LIFE ARE FREE.
TO WIN A FRIEND, BE ONE.
- STARVE A COLD, FEED A FEVER.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- JUST HOLDING UP MY
END OF THE CONVERSATION.
- OH, YEAH, GOOD.
- OH, MICE AND RATS, I
DID SO WANT TO PLAY.
- IMPOSSIBLE, CHATSWORTH.
UNLESS YOU CAN SHOW US
THAT YOU'RE AN
ORDINARY, EARTHY GUY.
- THAT'S HOW I FIT IN. I WAS,
LIKE EARTHIER THAN ANYBODY.
- MM-HMM.
- THE PRICE I PAY
FOR MY HERITAGE.
CHEERS.
- POOR LONELY,
LOADED CHATSWORTH.
- YEAH. AIN'T YOU GLAD
WE'RE, LIKE, POOR?
- MY WORD, NO.
- HOW COME?
- DOES THAT ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION?
- HELLO, CHAPPIE. HAVE
YOU SEEN MY COUSIN?
- NO, BUT IF SHE'S ANYTHING
LIKE YOU, I WISH I HAD.
- IT'S A HE, AND
DON'T BE SO GAUCHE.
- GAUCHE?
- THAT'S FRENCH FOR CLUMSY,
ILL-MANNERED, UNCOUTH.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, OH, THIS IS MY
FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
AND I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- ENCHANTÉ.
- HI, ENCHANTÉ.
- NO, ENCHANTÉ IS
FRENCH FOR "ENCHANTED."
- ARE YOU, LIKE, AN
IMMIGRANT, OR SOMETHING?
- MAYNARD, DON'T
YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?
- NO, MAN, CLUE ME.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO
FORGIVE MY FRIEND.
HE'S A LITTLE GAUCHE.
- [ SPEAKING FRENCH ]
AFTER ALL, I HAVE BEEN
AWAY FOR THREE YEARS
AT A TERRIBLY CHIC AND
EXCLUSIVE GIRLS' SCHOOL
IN THE EAST.
- YES, YES.
MAYNARD, THIS IS
SABRINA ARMITAGE.
- LIKE, WOW. YOU MEAN
FROM THE 300-ACRE ESTATE
WITH THE BIG WHITE HOUSE
SURROUNDED BY THE
16-FOOT BRICK WALL...
- WITH BROKEN GLASS
EMBEDDED IN THE TOP.
- THAT'S THE PLACE.
- LIKE, ENCHANTÉ.
- OH, YOU SPEAK FRENCH.
- YEAH, I TOOK IT IN
SCHOOL LAST YEAR.
- DIDN'T YOU JUST ADORE IT?
- YEAH, I FLUNKED. I
WAS GYPPED, THOUGH.
THE PASSING GRADE
WAS 70, AND I GOT A 43.
AND THE TEACHER WOULDN'T GIVE ME
THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
- MAYNARD.
- I MEAN, A MEASLY NINE-POINT
DIFFERENCE, AND HE FLUNKS ME.
- MAYNARD. YOU
ALSO FLUNKED MATH.
NOW, MISS ARMITAGE,
ABOUT THIS, UH, COUSIN
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, WHO IS HE?
- CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- AH.
- THOSE ARE THE BREAKS, GIRL.
- WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE
THE BITTER WITH THE SWEET.
STILL, AS MUM SAYS,
BLOOD'S THICKER THAN WATER,
SO I'VE GOT TO INVITE
CHATSWORTH TO MY SOIRÉE.
- FRENCH?
- IT MEANS " PARTY."
- A FRENCH PARTY?
- TOMORROW NIGHT.
YOU COME, TOO, OF COURSE.
- ME?
- WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE RIFF-RAFF.
- OH, HOI POLLOI, I THINK.
- ALL RIGHT, HOI POLLOI.
BUT THE POINT IS, I DON'T
KNOW ANYBODY TO ASK.
WE'RE SO RICH, WE NEVER MINGLE.
- C'EST LA VIE.
- OUI.
- ENCHANTÉ.
- YOU'LL COME, OF COURSE?
- IF YOU'LL SAVE
ME THE LAST DANCE.
- OH, VERY WELL.
MAYNARD, YOU'LL COME, TOO.
- OH, NO.
- OH, HE'LL BE GLAD TO. HUH?
- DOBE, YOU KNOW I CAN'T DANCE.
AND BESIDES, MUSIC'S FOR
LISTENING, NOT DANCING.
- MAYNARD.
- NONSENSE. ANYBODY CAN DANCE.
- NOT ME. I DO LOTS
OF THINGS BAD,
BUT DANCING IS THE
THING I DO BAD BEST.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU'LL BE THERE.
- IF THERE'S DANCING,
THERE'LL BE, LIKE, GIRLS.
- WELL, THAT SEEMS
TO BE THE CUSTOM.
- YOU'VE GOT TO
SAVE ME, GOOD BUDDY.
I MEAN, WHEN I MEET
A CHICK FACE-TO-FACE,
I GET COLD FEET
CLEAR UP TO MY SKULL.
- MAYNARD, YOU'LL HAVE TO GET
USED TO GIRLS SOONER OR LATER.
- HOW'S ABOUT LATER, WHEN
I'M, LIKE, TOO OLD TO CARE?
- MAYNARD, GIRLS AREN'T
GOING TO HURT YOU.
- OH, NO?
THEY LET YOU SPEND
MONEY ON THEM.
THEY THINK WE HAVE
ALL THE SEATS IN THE BUS,
AND THEY GIGGLE ABOUT YOU
IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM.
OH, NO. I'M STEERING CLEAR
OF FOREIGN ENTANGLEMENTS.
- SABRINA-CHIK,
I'VE BEEN BURROWING THROUGH
ALL THE RECORD STORES,
AND THEY'RE SQUARE, GIRL,
JUST SQUARE, STRICTLY
NOWHERESVILLE.
- NOWHERESVILLE?
- LIKE, WAY OUT IN STICK
CITY, MAN, WAY OUT.
- OOH, I HEAR MY PEOPLE CALLING.
- YOU AN IN, DADDY-O?
- THE INNEST, GIRL.
- WHO DO YOU DIG ON THE HORN?
- DIZZY GILLESPIE, WHO ELSE?
- LIKE, COOL.
- LIKE, COOL.
- ON THE 88s?
- THELONIUS MONK, NATCH.
- LIKE, COOL.
- LIKE, COOL.
- LIKE, HOT - LIKE, HOT.
- LIKE, THAT'S THE STRANGEST
MATING CALL I EVER HEARD.
- DOBIE, THAT'S VENICE
WEST. SHE'S MY ROOMMATE
AT THE CHIC AND
EXCLUSIVE GIRLS' SCHOOL
WE ATTEND IN THE EAST.
- OH.
- VENICE IS KNOWN,
RATHER QUAINTLY, AS
THE CAMPUS BOHEMIAN.
I HAVE A PROBLEM. QUEL DOMMAGE.
- WHAT KIND OF A QUEL DOMMAGE?
- HOW DROLL YOU ARE.
- OH, YEAH. YOU SHOULD SEE ME
WITH A LAMPSHADE ON MY HEAD.
- IT'S A TERRIBLE DOMMAGE
THAT VENICE WON'T HAVE
AN ESCORT AT THE PARTY.
- OH, THAT OLD DOMMAGE, YES.
- I MEAN, UH, NOW THAT
MAYNARD WON'T BE THERE.
- WHICH MAYNARD WON'T BE
THERE? THIS MAYNARD WILL BE THERE.
MAYNARD ME, AT THE PARTY.
- YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T DANCE.
- WHAT'S TO DANCE?
YOU, LIKE, ZIG A LITTLE,
AND YOU, LIKE, ZAG A
LITTLE. YOU MOM A LITTLE,
POP A LITTLE... - MAYNARD!
FRED ASTAIRE YOU'RE NOT.
- I, LIKE, LIKED IT.
- OH, GOODNESS, WE MUST
DEPARTE, VEDAGLIO IS WAITING.
NOW, BE AT MY HOUSE
BY 9:00. COME, VENICE.
- WILD HORSES COULDN'T KEEP
ME AWAY, DREAM PRINCESS.
- DIG YOU ON THE SECOND CHORUS.
- YO, HOT JAMS COULDN'T
SHAKE ME LOOSE, COOL CHICK.
- IT WILL BE A RATHER
FORMAL PARTY,
SO NATURALLY, WE'RE DRESSING.
- NATURALLY. THERE'S,
LIKE, LAWS IN THIS TOWN.
- ADIÓS, ME CHER.
- HOI POLLOI.
- NATURALLY, WE'RE DRESSING.
WHAT DOES SHE
THINK WE ARE, GAUCHE?
- OH, SHE JUST MEANT
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO WEAR
OUR BEST CLOTHES.
YOU KNOW, JACKETS, TIES,
SHOES SHINED, THE WORKS.
- DO WE HAVE TO?
- WE HAVE TO.
- MAN, I TOLD YOU
GETTING MIXED UP WITH
CHICKS WAS, LIKE, DANGEROUS.
- MAYNARD, IS THERE A LAW
THAT MAKES IT ILLEGAL FOR YOU
TO PUT ON A COAT AND TIE?
- YOU KNOW IT, MAN.
IT'S THE LAW OF PROTEST.
I'M PROTESTING.
CATS ALL OVER THE
WORLD ARE PROTESTING.
MY WHOLE SOCIAL GROUP
IS, LIKE, PROTESTING.
- AND THAT'S WHY
YOU DRESS LIKE THAT?
- LIKE, RIGHT. I'M AN
ANGRY YOUNG MAN.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD, I'VE
ASKED YOU A HUNDRED TIMES,
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU ANGRY
YOUNG MEN ARE ANGRY ABOUT?
YOU DON'T KNOW YET, HUH?
- NO.
- AND THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT.
- YEAH.
- HELLO, MUMS.
- OH, HELLO, CHILD.
WELL, DID YOU INVITE, UH,
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE?
- YES, I FINALLY FOUND HIM.
- AND I SUPPOSE HE ACCEPTED?
- AFRAID SO.
- BAD LUCK.
- WELL, MUMS, BLOOD'S
THICKER THAN WATER.
- NOT CHATSWORTH'S.
- WELL...
- DID YOU FIND SOME OTHER BOYS?
- IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING, YES.
- I TRUST THEY'LL BE
PROPERLY DRESSED.
- WELL, I TOLD THEM, MOTHER.
AND ONE CAN ONLY
HOPE. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE.
- HERBERT, YOU'RE
UP TO SOMETHING.
- WHAT, UP TO SOMETHING?
I'M JUST USING AN OLD
BUSINESS TECHNIQUE.
IT'S CALLED THE SOCIAL
BUTTERFLY APPROACH.
WHY, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
GET MRS. ARMITAGE'S BUSINESS
FOR YEARS, AND COULDN'T
GET PAST THE THIRD BUTLER.
BUT, IF MRS. ARMITAGE SHOULD
TAKE A LIKING TO MY SON,
AND MY SON SHOULD REMEMBER
ALL OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS
HIS DEAR OLD DADDY
HAS DONE FOR HIM,
AND PUT IN A GOOD
WORD WITH MRS. ARMITAGE,
WHY, UH, WE, TOO,
MIGHT BE TAKING TRIPS
ALL OVER THE
WORLD, EVEN FARTHER.
- WELL, I'LL BE GLAD
TO DO WHAT I CAN, DAD,
BUT I MUST NOT ENDANGER
MY SOCIAL POSITION.
- OH, PERISH THE THOUGHT.
- NO.
- DO NOT ENDANGER
YOUR SOCIAL POSITION.
- YEAH.
- JUST BE YOUR OWN SWEET,
CHARMING, LOVABLE SELF.
- YEAH.
- AND BE SURE MRS. ARMITAGE
NOTICES HOW SWEET,
CHARMING, AND LOVABLE YOU ARE.
- CHARMING AND
LOVABLE, YEAH, I'LL TRY.
- OH, NO MAN CAN ASK FOR MORE.
- HERBERT, I DON'T COMPLETELY
ADMIRE YOUR MOTIVES.
BUT I'M GLAD TO
SEE THAT AT LEAST
YOU DON'T DISAPPROVE OF
DOBIE'S SOCIAL ACTIVITIES.
- DISAPPROVE? WHY
SHOULD I DISAPPROVE
OF OUR SON MINGLING
WITH HIGH-GRADE PEOPLE
AND GOING INTO THEIR
BEAUTIFUL, SWANK HOMES.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TRIP
OVER OR BREAK ANYTHING
WHEN YOU GET THERE, ARE YOU?
WE DON'T WANT MRS.
ARMITAGE TO THINK US GILLISES
ARE A BUNCH OF
CLUMSY OAFS, YOU KNOW.
- NO, NO, DON'T WORRY,
DAD. I'LL BE VERY CAREFUL.
- OH, THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
- YEAH, MM-HMM.
- LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, WINNIE,
IF HE GETS MIXING AROUND
WITH THE LIFTED PINKY SET,
WHY, THE SOCIAL AND
BUSINESS CONTACTS HE MAKES...
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA KNOW
HOW TO ACT WHEN YOU GET THERE?
NO PICKING UP THE
WRONG CUP AND KNIFE,
AND STUFF LIKE THAT,
THERE, YOU KNOW,
AND DISGRACING
THE NAME OF GILLIS.
- OH, I'LL BE FINE,
DAD. DON'T WORRY.
- WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
- MM-HMM.
- LET'S FACE IT, WINNIE.
IF DOBIE GETS RUNNING
AROUND WITH THOSE PEOPLE,
WHY, THINGS LIKE THIS DON'T
COME ALONG EVERY DAY IN THE WEEK.
AND HE COULD GRAB...
REMEMBER HOW YOU TRIPPED
OVER THAT LAMP YESTERDAY?
- THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- ACCIDENT, MY FOOT.
YOU JUST DON'T WATCH
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
OH, I CAN SEE IT NOW,
HE GOES CHARGING INTO
THE ARMITAGE LIVING ROOM,
CLOBBERING HER
HOITY-TOITY LAMPS.
- HERBERT.
- WELL, I'M WORRIED.
- DAD.
- IF HE GETS OVER THERE
AND STARTS BREAKING
STUFF ON MRS. ARMITAGE,
WHY, SHE'LL RUN FOR
COVER EVERY TIME SHE HEARS
THE NAME "GILLIS."
- NOW, DAD.
- AND AS FOR
BREAKING DISHES, BOY,
YOU ARE A JIM DANDY.
YOU'VE BEEN MANGLING
OURS FOR YEARS.
BUT, SO WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?
THEY COST US FOUR OR
FIVE DOLLARS A DOZEN.
- BUT YOU GET OVER THERE
AND START SUB-DIVIDING MRS.
ARMITAGE'S IMPORTED PLATES
THAT SHE'S IMPORTED FROM
SOME IMPORTANT COUNTRY...
- HERBERT.
- OH, A PULVERIZED FORTUNE.
- NOW, LOOK, DAD...
- IT'LL RUIN ME.
- HERBERT!
- I FORBID YOU
TO GO TO MRS. ARMITAGE'S PARTY.
- WHAT?
- HERBERT, YOU ARE BEING
COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE.
- YEAH.
- I AM NOT.
I TURN THIS KID LOOSE
ON MY CUSTOMERS
AND I'LL WIND UP
BROKE, A BUM, A MESS.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, ANOTHER PLANET HEARD FROM.
- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
- WHY, MAYNARD.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
- YEAH, YOU LOOK
BEAUTIFUL, MAYNARD.
- OH, CUT IT OUT.
- IT'S TRUE.
- OH, UNDERNEATH,
IT'S THE SAME OLD ME.
THIS JACKET IS WHAT STONES YOU.
- YEAH, IT'S GOT A NICE SHINE.
- I, LIKE, BORROWED
IT FROM MY FATHER.
- I DON'T THINK HE
WEARS IT MUCH.
I FOUND A WILLKIE
BUTTON IN THE POCKET.
- THAT IS PERFECT.
THE GIRLS AT THE PARTY
ARE GONNA FALL ALL OVER YOU.
- WELL, THAT'S
BETTER THAN FALLING
ALL OVER THE FURNITURE.
WHEN I THINK OF MRS.
ARMITAGE'S DELICATE ANTIQUES
AND WHAT'S GONNA...
- HERBERT,
DOBIE IS GOING TO
SABRINA ARMITAGE'S PARTY.
AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
- I WONDER IF MY INSURANCE
COVERS DELICATE
ANTIQUE FURNITURE.
- SOME PAD, HUH?
- YEAH. SAY, YOU KNOW,
I HEAR THEY'VE GOT AN
OUTDOOR SWIMMING POOL
AND AN INDOOR SWIMMING POOL.
- MAN.
- AND AN OUTDOOR DANCE FLOOR,
AND AN INDOOR DANCE FLOOR.
- LIKE, WOW.
- AND A COMPLETE
NINE-HOLE GOLF COURSE.
- INDOOR?
- OUTDOOR, MAYNARD.
- YES?
- WE'RE HERE FOR THE PARTY.
- WELL, THE ENTERTAINERS ARE
USING THE SERVICE ENTRANCE.
- NO, NO, NO. UH, DOBIE
GILLIS AND MAYNARD KREBS.
- GILLIS AND KREBS?
- LIKE, RIGHT.
- UH-HUH, YEAH.
- OH, THE ACROBATIC TEAM?
JUGGLERS? SONG AND DANCE?
WELL, THEN, WHAT ARE YOU?
- WE'RE GUESTS.
- AH, COMEDIANS.
- LOOK, WE'RE NOT KIDDING.
MISS SABRINA ARMITAGE
INVITED US. WE'RE GUESTS.
- IN THOSE COSTUMES?
OH, COME, NOW.
- THIS JACKET WAS GOOD
ENOUGH FOR WILLKIE.
- YEAH, IT WAS GOOD... MAYNARD.
SIR, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL
MISS ARMITAGE WE'RE HERE?
- YOUNG GENTLEMEN,
AND I USE THE TERM
SOLELY OUT OF RESPECT
FOR THE UNIFORM I WEAR,
I CAN'T ADMIT YOU UNLESS
YOU'RE PROPERLY ATTIRED.
- OOH, IF I KNEW WHAT THOSE
WORD MEANT, I'D PROBABLY BE MAD.
- I THINK HE'S TRYING TO TELL US
WE'RE WEARING THE WRONG CLOTHES.
- CONGRATULATIONS, SIR,
YOU'VE JUST BROKEN
THE SOUND BARRIER.
- YEAH, BUT THE CHICK
SAID WE'RE DRESSING.
- OF COURSE, BLACK TIE.
- BLACK TIE?
- BLACK TIE.
- HERE THEY ARE, MADAM.
- THANK YOU, TREMBLY.
- WELL, GIRLS, ARE WE
HAVING A GOOD TIME?
- PAR EXCELLENCE, MOTHER.
- EVERYTHING IS,
LIKE, TOO SQUARE.
- BUT YOU DID GIVE
IN TO CONVENTION,
DIDN'T YOU, DEAR?
- NOT COMPLETELY.
- WHY DO THEY KEEP HER
IN THAT EXCLUSIVE GIRLS'
SCHOOL YOU ATTEND?
- THEY HAVE TO. HER FATHER
DONATED THE LIBRARY,
THE YACHT BASIN, AND
THE COFFEE HOUSE.
- OH, NASTY TRICK.
CLEVER, BUT NASTY.
- HI, SIR.
- REMEMBER US?
- UNHAPPILY, YES.
- WELL, HERE WE ARE.
- LIKE, READY TO ROLL
- WELL, ROLL.
- HUH?
BUT WE DID WHAT
YOU SAID. BLACK TIES.
- YEAH, WE RAN HOME AND
GOT THEM LIKE YOU SAID.
- AND TO THINK I
ONCE HAD A CHANCE
TO GO INTO ALUMINUM SIDING.
- WE GOOFED AGAIN?
- YOU GOOFED AGAIN.
- BUT I GOTTA GET IN
THERE TO SEE SABRINA.
I'VE GOT TO.
- LIKEWISE, I GOT TO, TOO.
OOH, THAT VENICE CHICK.
- YEAH.
- MY SYMPATHY FOR THE UNDERDOG
IS RISING TO PLAGUE
ME ONCE MORE.
IN YOUR CIRCLES, MY YOUNG DOLTS,
BLACK TIE MEANS...
OH IT'S SUCH A BOURGEOIS
EXPRESSION, TUXEDO.
- TUXEDOS?
- TUXEDO.
WHERE WERE WE GONNA GET
TUXEDOS AT THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT?
ALL THE STORES WERE CLOSED.
AND EVEN IF THEY WERE OPEN,
IT WOULDN'T HAVE
DONE US ANY GOOD,
BETWEEN US, WE HAD
MAYBE ENOUGH MONEY
TO BUY, MAYBE ONE DICKIE.
NO, WHAT WE NEEDED WAS SOMEBODY
WHO'D LEND US
TUXEDOS, A REAL FRIEND.
WELL, NOT EXACTLY A FRIEND.
I, I THINK THE WORD
IS, UH, PIGEON.
- CHATSWORTH. CHATSWORTH.
- OH, HELLO.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP...
- LOOK, LOOK, WE
GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
- OH, CHAPS, WHAT
ARE YOU MADE UP FOR?
- AH, CHATSWORTH,
YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN
YOUR NOSE AT PEOPLE AGAIN.
- YEAH, SO I AM. BUT WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
YOU'VE ALREADY REFUSED TO
TAKE ME INTO YOUR LITTLE COTERIE.
AND I DID SO WANT TO BELONG.
- CHATSWORTH, MAYBE
THERE'S STILL A CHANCE
FOR YOU TO PROVE YOU'RE
A DOWN-TO-EARTH FELLOW.
- OH? PRAY, TELL ME
HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?
- THAT TUXEDO.
- YEAH, I NEED IT NOW.
- IT WILL PROVE
YOU'RE, LIKE, EARTHY.
- UH-HUH.
- LOOK, CHATSWORTH,
YOU'VE BEEN TO A HUNDRED
OF THESE FORMAL PARTIES.
MISSING ONE MORE
WON'T BOTHER YOU.
BUT TO ME, IT'S A
MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH,
MAYBE BOTH.
- OH, I'D LOVE TO DO IT,
DOBIE-DO, REALLY, I WOULD.
BUT I, I MUST MAKE SOME
SORT OF APPEARANCE
AT THE FESTIVITIES.
AND AFTER ALL, BLOOD
IS THICKER THAN WATER.
- WAIT. I KNOW, WE'LL
TAKE TURNS WEARING IT.
- IT'S TOO, TOO UTTERLY
IMPOSSIBLE, GILLIS, BABY.
- WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE?
WE'LL TRADE OFF AT, SAY,
UH, HALF-HOUR INTERVALS.
- YEAH, MAYBE YOU GUYS AREN'T
BATTING WITH A STICKY WICKET.
- NO, NO, WHATEVER
THAT MEANS, WE'RE NOT.
- CLIMB ABOARD AND HOI POLLOI
WITH US CATS, FUN, YAKS, BROADS.
- UH-HUH.
- WE'LL TEACH YOU
THE SECRET GRIP AND EVERYTHING.
- YEAH.
- I'D SO LOVE TO JOIN
YOUR GAMES AND SPORTS.
I'LL DO IT.
- GOOD GOING, CHATSWORTH.
NOW, LOOK, EVERY 30 MINUTES,
WE'LL MEET RIGHT HERE
AND EXCHANGE CLOTHES,
JUST THE TWO OF US, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- WRONG.
- WRONG?
- RIGHT. IT'S, LIKE,
THE THREE OF US.
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
MAYNARD. YOU, YOU, YOU CAN'T...
- NO, I GOTTA GET
IN THAT PARTY, TOO.
OOH, THAT VENICE WEST.
- MAYNARD, I'LL TREAT YOU TO A
WEEK OF MARSHMALLOW SUNDAES.
- NOPE. IT'S GONNA BE,
LIKE, THE THREE OF US.
- MAYNARD, I'LL DO YOUR
HOMEWORK FOR THE NEXT...
OKAY, LIKE, THE THREE OF US.
- GOOD EVENING.
I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- HOW DO YOU DO,
SIR? I'M... I'M TREMBLY.
- DON'T WORRY.
A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP WILL FIX YOU UP.
MISS ARMITAGE IS EXPECTING ME.
- WE'LL HAVE NONE
OF THAT, YOUNG MAN.
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
I KNOW YOUR NAMES,
AND DON'T YOU
THINK FOR ONE MINUTE
I'M GOING TO
FORGET THEM, EITHER.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
- WELL, MUMS, THERE'S
NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
WE'VE RUN OUT OF PUNCH.
- IMPOSSIBLE.
12 CASES OF GINGER ALE,
12 CASES OF GRAPE JUICE GONE?
- FINIS.
- WHERE DO THOSE
NASTY CHILDREN PUT IT?
- MUMS, YOU MUST
GET SOME MORE PUNCH.
- AT THIS HOUR OF
THE NIGHT, WHERE?
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
- A MR. GILLIS.
- AH, BONSOIR, MIO CARO.
- ARRIVEDERCI. AND
YOU, TOO, MA'AM.
- MOTHER, YOU
REMEMBER DOBIE GILLIS.
- MM-HMM.
- OH, YES, OF COURSE I DO.
YOUR FATHER IS A DRUGGIST.
- UH, GROCER.
- A GROCER?
- HMM.
- HOW HEAVEN-SENT.
- WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY
HEAVEN-SENT, EXACTLY.
HE'S JUST A SIMPLE MAN,
AN ORDINARY, DECENT
MAN, A VETERAN.
- SO DOPEY...
- UH, DOBIE, MA'AM, WITH A "B."
- YES. WOULD YOUR FATHER
CONSIDER DELIVERING
AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT?
- WELL, ORDINARILY, NO,
BUT FOR YOU, YES, MA'AM.
- SPLENDID.
- MENTION MY NAME.
- TREMBLY.
- YES, MADAM? YES, MADAM?
- TREMBLY. OH.
- YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN AND ORDER
FROM MR. GILLIS A
CASE OF GINGER ALE,
AND SOME CASES OF GRAPE JUICE.
- BOY, DAD'S GONNA
LOVE ME FOR THIS.
- WELL, MY MERCHANT PRINCE,
SHALL WE GO IN AND DANCE?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH RIGHT HERE?
IT'S, UH, MORE PRIVATE-LIKE.
- IT'S ALSO MORE CHILLY-LIKE.
- NOT WHEN I'M WITH YOU,
MY GREAT TAWNY ANIMAL.
- PSST!
- ISN'T DOBIE'S TIME UP YET?
- FIVE MINUTES AGO.
IT'S DOWNRIGHT UNSPORTING.
- GIVE HIM ANOTHER PSST.
- PSST! PSST!
HE DOESN'T HEAR ME,
OR WON'T, MORE LIKELY.
YOU KNOW, MAYNARD, IF THIS
IS THE WAY THE LOWER CLASSES
COMPORT THEMSELVES...
- OH, COOL IT, DAD. LET ME TRY.
- PSST! HEY, DOBE. PSST!
HEY, DOBE! PSST! HEY, DOBE!
- WHAT'S WRONG?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.
UH, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A
NICE COLD GLASS OF PUNCH?
- WE'RE OUT OF PUNCH.
- WATER, THEN, NICE, COLD WATER.
- WHY?
- IT'S HOT OUT HERE.
- IT'S FREEZING.
- HOT.
STIFLING, STUFFY, SUFFOCATING.
I'LL GET SOME WATER.
I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.
YEAH, I MEAN, EVERY
MINUTE AWAY FROM YOU
WILL SEEM LIKE AN HOUR.
- YOU KNOW, REALLY, GILLIS...
- SHH.
- I DON'T CALL THAT
PLAYING THE GAME.
I MEAN...
- LIKE, SHUT UP.
YOU GUYS WANT TO HELP ME
WITH THESE CRAZY BUTTONS?
- HERE.
- ENCHANTÉ, MON-SEUR.
I AM MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- GOOD EVENING,
SIR. I AM TREMBLY.
- DON'T WORRY. A GOOD
NIGHT'S SLEEP WILL FIX YOU UP.
HA, HA, HA, WALDO.
- EXCUSE ME, SIR, THE
MUSIC HAS STOPPED.
- ONLY FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.
- TRUE.
- PSST! PSST! PSST!
IT'S SIMPLY NOT FAIR,
THAT'S WHAT IT'S NOT.
I MEAN, ONE SHOULD
SURELY GET A CHANCE
TO WEAR ONE'S OWN DINNER JACKET.
- POSSESS YOUR SOUL IN
PATIENCE, CHATSWORTH.
- IT'S MY TURN. WE
MADE A BARGAIN.
- SURE, WE DID. AND YOU TOOK
15 MINUTES EXTRA LAST TIME.
- SO WHAT? IT'S
MY DINNER JACKET.
- THAT'S A FINE WAY TO
MAKE FRIENDS, CHATSWORTH.
- ALL RIGHT, I DON'T
WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
I WANT MY DINNER JACKET.
- IT'S MY TURN.
- NO, IT'S MINE.
- NO, IT'S MINE.
- DOBE?
- YEAH?
- YOU GOT TROUBLE.
- WE ALL GOT TROUBLE.
NOT LIKE YOU GOT.
[ WHISTLE ]
- NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I, I DIDN'T SEE IT.
IT'S A, IT'S A HALLUCINATION,
THAT'S WHAT IT IS,
IS A HALLUCINATION.
I'LL JUST CLOSE MY EYES
AND IT'LL ALL GO AWAY.
- HI, DAD.
- IT'S TRUE. IT'S TRUE.
- UH, YOU KNOW
MAYNARD, OF COURSE.
- OF COURSE I KNOW MAYNARD.
THAT'S THE KIND OF LUCK I GOT.
- YEAH, AND THIS IS...
- I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OUT HERE STARK NAKED?
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
YOU FINALLY GONE
AND SLIPPED YOUR
TROLLEY COMPLETELY?
THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN TOWN,
THE BIGGEST GROCERY
ACCOUNT IN TOWN,
THE BIGGEST PARTY, I
FINALLY GET A CHANCE,
MAYBE TO GET INTO THE BIG
DOUGH AND WHAT HAPPENS?
YOU'RE OUT HERE, RUNNING
AROUND IN YOUR PELT.
- DAD, NOW, LOOK, I'LL
EXPLAIN THE WHOLE THING. IT'S...
- PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
- UH, UH, WHAT?
- DON'T ARGUE WITH ME.
PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
- DAD, LOOK.
- TAKE MINE, ALL OF YOU.
YOU'RE STANDING AROUND HERE.
- STOP, NO, DAD.
- COME ON, MR. GILLIS...
- YOU SHUT UP.
- ACTUALLY, MR. GILLIS,
IT'S NOT WISE, WHAT YOU'RE...
- WHEN I WANT SOME ADVICE
FROM THREE LUNATICS,
I'LL GO OUT TO THE INSANE ASYLUM
AND ASK IT FROM
PEOPLE WHO MAKE SENSE.
- NASTY! OH, SO NASTY!
- OH, I GOTTA KILL THAT BOY.
I JUST GOTTA.
- [ SCATTING ]
- MAYNARD.
- [ SCATTING ]
- MAYNARD, PLEASE. WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
- LIKE, NOTHING. I'M HAPPY.
- HAPPY? HAPPY?
I LOST SABRINA ARMITAGE.
MY FATHER'S LOOKING
AT LAW BOOKS,
TRYING TO FIND OUT IF PARENTS
CAN DIVORCE
CHILDREN IN THIS STATE
AND, AND YOU'RE HAPPY?
- LIKE, CLIP CITY, MAN.
- LIKE, WHY?
- THAT CHICK, SHE
DIGS ME THE MOST.
- YOU MEAN VENICE WEST?
- YEAH.
THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN SHE SAW
US STANDING OUT THERE IN OUR...
I CAN'T SAY IT.
- DRAWERS, AND DON'T REMIND ME.
- SHE THINKS I GOT NICE LEGS.
- NICE LEGS?
- READY, CAT MAX?
- COMING, MOTHER.
- [ BOTH SCATTING ]
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- I ONCE HAD A VERY UNUSUAL
EXPERIENCE WITH MONEY.
I HAD SOME.
BUT MOSTLY, IT'S
BEEN MY SAD FATE
TO LOOK ON THE
FINE ART OF SPENDING
AS STRICTLY A SPECTATOR SPORT.
- OH, WELL, THEY SAY THAT MONEY
CAN'T BUY HAPPINESS.
I MEAN, LOOK AT
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
HE'S A FELLOW I
GO TO SCHOOL WITH,
AND HE'S RICH.
HE'S ALSO MISERABLE.
IN FACT, HE'S THE MOST
MISERABLE RICH KID YOU EVER SAW.
IMAGINE, HE LIVES IN
A BIG HOUSE ON A HILL
WITH 26 ROOMS AND SIX BATHS.
- 28 ROOMS AND EIGHT BATHS,
AND A BRACE OF
DOLLAR-SHAPED SWIMMING POOLS.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT IN ONE RESPECT.
I AM MISERABLE.
- OH, I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE
ALL SHOOK UP, CHATSWORTH.
- YEAH, MAN, YOU'RE SO RICH
YOU CAN AFFORD TO
BE, LIKE, MISERABLE.
- YEAH.
- CHAPS, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT I CRAVE IS
ACCEPTANCE, RECOGNITION.
I WANT TO BE ONE OF THE...
PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL
MOMS I USED THE WORD...
MOB.
- MOB?
- A MODEL OF CRUDITY
AND LACK OF POLISH.
YOU AND THIS TATTERED
RAGAMUFFIN, MAYNARD,
ARE ACCEPTED
MEMBERS OF THE GROUP,
WHILE I, WEALTHY, CULTURED,
AND DESIRABLE, AM AN OUTSIDER,
ALONE AND UNWANTED.
WHY, WHY, WHY?
- THE ANSWER IS,
LIKE, VERY SIMPLE.
- YES, YES, WHAT?
- I DIDN'T SAY I KNEW IT.
I JUST SAID IT WAS,
LIKE, VERY SIMPLE.
- RIGHT. NOW, LOOK, CHATSWORTH,
I DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS,
BUT THE REASON YOU'RE UNPOPULAR
IS BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
DOWN YOUR NOSE AT EVERYBODY.
- WELL, OF COURSE.
HOW ELSE CAN YOU LOOK AT THEM?
- SEE, THAT'S THE
TROUBLE, CHATSWORTH.
YOU'RE NOT ONE OF US.
YOU DON'T HACK AROUND
AND RUB ELBOWS
WITH THE OTHER FELLAS.
- HOW UNSANITARY.
HOWEVER, I'LL CHANCE IT.
BY GOD, I SHALL PALAVER
WITH THE HOI POLLOI,
NO MATTER WHAT THE
COST TO MY FEELINGS.
- HOLD IT, DADDY-O, WHO SAID
WE WANT TO HOI POLLOI WITH YOU?
- YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT, CHATSWORTH.
WE'VE GOT FEELINGS,
TOO, YOU KNOW.
- OH. I SUPPOSE SO.
BUT HOW SENSITIVE CAN YOU BE,
COMING FROM STURDY
PEASANT STOCK AS YOU DO?
HOWEVER, I DO SO WANT TO JOIN
YOUR BOYISH REVELS AND FROLICS,
AND YOU MUST LET ME.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT OUR
TYPE, CHATSWORTH.
- YOU'RE, LIKE, ODD.
- MM-HMM.
- BUT YOU MUST, YOU
MUST. I'M SO GOOD AT GAMES.
I'LL BUY POLO OUTFITS
FOR EVERYONE.
- NOW, LOOK, CHATSWORTH,
THAT'S NOT GONNA
SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.
YOU CAN'T BUY FRIENDSHIP.
THE BEST THINGS
IN LIFE ARE FREE.
TO WIN A FRIEND, BE ONE.
- STARVE A COLD, FEED A FEVER.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- JUST HOLDING UP MY
END OF THE CONVERSATION.
- OH, YEAH, GOOD.
- OH, MICE AND RATS, I
DID SO WANT TO PLAY.
- IMPOSSIBLE, CHATSWORTH.
UNLESS YOU CAN SHOW US
THAT YOU'RE AN
ORDINARY, EARTHY GUY.
- THAT'S HOW I FIT IN. I WAS,
LIKE EARTHIER THAN ANYBODY.
- MM-HMM.
- THE PRICE I PAY
FOR MY HERITAGE.
CHEERS.
- POOR LONELY,
LOADED CHATSWORTH.
- YEAH. AIN'T YOU GLAD
WE'RE, LIKE, POOR?
- MY WORD, NO.
- HOW COME?
- DOES THAT ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION?
- HELLO, CHAPPIE. HAVE
YOU SEEN MY COUSIN?
- NO, BUT IF SHE'S ANYTHING
LIKE YOU, I WISH I HAD.
- IT'S A HE, AND
DON'T BE SO GAUCHE.
- GAUCHE?
- THAT'S FRENCH FOR CLUMSY,
ILL-MANNERED, UNCOUTH.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, OH, THIS IS MY
FRIEND, MAYNARD G. KREBS,
AND I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- ENCHANTÉ.
- HI, ENCHANTÉ.
- NO, ENCHANTÉ IS
FRENCH FOR "ENCHANTED."
- ARE YOU, LIKE, AN
IMMIGRANT, OR SOMETHING?
- MAYNARD, DON'T
YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?
- NO, MAN, CLUE ME.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO
FORGIVE MY FRIEND.
HE'S A LITTLE GAUCHE.
- [ SPEAKING FRENCH ]
AFTER ALL, I HAVE BEEN
AWAY FOR THREE YEARS
AT A TERRIBLY CHIC AND
EXCLUSIVE GIRLS' SCHOOL
IN THE EAST.
- YES, YES.
MAYNARD, THIS IS
SABRINA ARMITAGE.
- LIKE, WOW. YOU MEAN
FROM THE 300-ACRE ESTATE
WITH THE BIG WHITE HOUSE
SURROUNDED BY THE
16-FOOT BRICK WALL...
- WITH BROKEN GLASS
EMBEDDED IN THE TOP.
- THAT'S THE PLACE.
- LIKE, ENCHANTÉ.
- OH, YOU SPEAK FRENCH.
- YEAH, I TOOK IT IN
SCHOOL LAST YEAR.
- DIDN'T YOU JUST ADORE IT?
- YEAH, I FLUNKED. I
WAS GYPPED, THOUGH.
THE PASSING GRADE
WAS 70, AND I GOT A 43.
AND THE TEACHER WOULDN'T GIVE ME
THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
- MAYNARD.
- I MEAN, A MEASLY NINE-POINT
DIFFERENCE, AND HE FLUNKS ME.
- MAYNARD. YOU
ALSO FLUNKED MATH.
NOW, MISS ARMITAGE,
ABOUT THIS, UH, COUSIN
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, WHO IS HE?
- CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
- AH.
- THOSE ARE THE BREAKS, GIRL.
- WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE
THE BITTER WITH THE SWEET.
STILL, AS MUM SAYS,
BLOOD'S THICKER THAN WATER,
SO I'VE GOT TO INVITE
CHATSWORTH TO MY SOIRÉE.
- FRENCH?
- IT MEANS " PARTY."
- A FRENCH PARTY?
- TOMORROW NIGHT.
YOU COME, TOO, OF COURSE.
- ME?
- WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE RIFF-RAFF.
- OH, HOI POLLOI, I THINK.
- ALL RIGHT, HOI POLLOI.
BUT THE POINT IS, I DON'T
KNOW ANYBODY TO ASK.
WE'RE SO RICH, WE NEVER MINGLE.
- C'EST LA VIE.
- OUI.
- ENCHANTÉ.
- YOU'LL COME, OF COURSE?
- IF YOU'LL SAVE
ME THE LAST DANCE.
- OH, VERY WELL.
MAYNARD, YOU'LL COME, TOO.
- OH, NO.
- OH, HE'LL BE GLAD TO. HUH?
- DOBE, YOU KNOW I CAN'T DANCE.
AND BESIDES, MUSIC'S FOR
LISTENING, NOT DANCING.
- MAYNARD.
- NONSENSE. ANYBODY CAN DANCE.
- NOT ME. I DO LOTS
OF THINGS BAD,
BUT DANCING IS THE
THING I DO BAD BEST.
- MAYNARD.
- YOU'LL BE THERE.
- IF THERE'S DANCING,
THERE'LL BE, LIKE, GIRLS.
- WELL, THAT SEEMS
TO BE THE CUSTOM.
- YOU'VE GOT TO
SAVE ME, GOOD BUDDY.
I MEAN, WHEN I MEET
A CHICK FACE-TO-FACE,
I GET COLD FEET
CLEAR UP TO MY SKULL.
- MAYNARD, YOU'LL HAVE TO GET
USED TO GIRLS SOONER OR LATER.
- HOW'S ABOUT LATER, WHEN
I'M, LIKE, TOO OLD TO CARE?
- MAYNARD, GIRLS AREN'T
GOING TO HURT YOU.
- OH, NO?
THEY LET YOU SPEND
MONEY ON THEM.
THEY THINK WE HAVE
ALL THE SEATS IN THE BUS,
AND THEY GIGGLE ABOUT YOU
IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM.
OH, NO. I'M STEERING CLEAR
OF FOREIGN ENTANGLEMENTS.
- SABRINA-CHIK,
I'VE BEEN BURROWING THROUGH
ALL THE RECORD STORES,
AND THEY'RE SQUARE, GIRL,
JUST SQUARE, STRICTLY
NOWHERESVILLE.
- NOWHERESVILLE?
- LIKE, WAY OUT IN STICK
CITY, MAN, WAY OUT.
- OOH, I HEAR MY PEOPLE CALLING.
- YOU AN IN, DADDY-O?
- THE INNEST, GIRL.
- WHO DO YOU DIG ON THE HORN?
- DIZZY GILLESPIE, WHO ELSE?
- LIKE, COOL.
- LIKE, COOL.
- ON THE 88s?
- THELONIUS MONK, NATCH.
- LIKE, COOL.
- LIKE, COOL.
- LIKE, HOT - LIKE, HOT.
- LIKE, THAT'S THE STRANGEST
MATING CALL I EVER HEARD.
- DOBIE, THAT'S VENICE
WEST. SHE'S MY ROOMMATE
AT THE CHIC AND
EXCLUSIVE GIRLS' SCHOOL
WE ATTEND IN THE EAST.
- OH.
- VENICE IS KNOWN,
RATHER QUAINTLY, AS
THE CAMPUS BOHEMIAN.
I HAVE A PROBLEM. QUEL DOMMAGE.
- WHAT KIND OF A QUEL DOMMAGE?
- HOW DROLL YOU ARE.
- OH, YEAH. YOU SHOULD SEE ME
WITH A LAMPSHADE ON MY HEAD.
- IT'S A TERRIBLE DOMMAGE
THAT VENICE WON'T HAVE
AN ESCORT AT THE PARTY.
- OH, THAT OLD DOMMAGE, YES.
- I MEAN, UH, NOW THAT
MAYNARD WON'T BE THERE.
- WHICH MAYNARD WON'T BE
THERE? THIS MAYNARD WILL BE THERE.
MAYNARD ME, AT THE PARTY.
- YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T DANCE.
- WHAT'S TO DANCE?
YOU, LIKE, ZIG A LITTLE,
AND YOU, LIKE, ZAG A
LITTLE. YOU MOM A LITTLE,
POP A LITTLE... - MAYNARD!
FRED ASTAIRE YOU'RE NOT.
- I, LIKE, LIKED IT.
- OH, GOODNESS, WE MUST
DEPARTE, VEDAGLIO IS WAITING.
NOW, BE AT MY HOUSE
BY 9:00. COME, VENICE.
- WILD HORSES COULDN'T KEEP
ME AWAY, DREAM PRINCESS.
- DIG YOU ON THE SECOND CHORUS.
- YO, HOT JAMS COULDN'T
SHAKE ME LOOSE, COOL CHICK.
- IT WILL BE A RATHER
FORMAL PARTY,
SO NATURALLY, WE'RE DRESSING.
- NATURALLY. THERE'S,
LIKE, LAWS IN THIS TOWN.
- ADIÓS, ME CHER.
- HOI POLLOI.
- NATURALLY, WE'RE DRESSING.
WHAT DOES SHE
THINK WE ARE, GAUCHE?
- OH, SHE JUST MEANT
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO WEAR
OUR BEST CLOTHES.
YOU KNOW, JACKETS, TIES,
SHOES SHINED, THE WORKS.
- DO WE HAVE TO?
- WE HAVE TO.
- MAN, I TOLD YOU
GETTING MIXED UP WITH
CHICKS WAS, LIKE, DANGEROUS.
- MAYNARD, IS THERE A LAW
THAT MAKES IT ILLEGAL FOR YOU
TO PUT ON A COAT AND TIE?
- YOU KNOW IT, MAN.
IT'S THE LAW OF PROTEST.
I'M PROTESTING.
CATS ALL OVER THE
WORLD ARE PROTESTING.
MY WHOLE SOCIAL GROUP
IS, LIKE, PROTESTING.
- AND THAT'S WHY
YOU DRESS LIKE THAT?
- LIKE, RIGHT. I'M AN
ANGRY YOUNG MAN.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD, I'VE
ASKED YOU A HUNDRED TIMES,
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU ANGRY
YOUNG MEN ARE ANGRY ABOUT?
YOU DON'T KNOW YET, HUH?
- NO.
- AND THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT.
- YEAH.
- HELLO, MUMS.
- OH, HELLO, CHILD.
WELL, DID YOU INVITE, UH,
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE?
- YES, I FINALLY FOUND HIM.
- AND I SUPPOSE HE ACCEPTED?
- AFRAID SO.
- BAD LUCK.
- WELL, MUMS, BLOOD'S
THICKER THAN WATER.
- NOT CHATSWORTH'S.
- WELL...
- DID YOU FIND SOME OTHER BOYS?
- IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING, YES.
- I TRUST THEY'LL BE
PROPERLY DRESSED.
- WELL, I TOLD THEM, MOTHER.
AND ONE CAN ONLY
HOPE. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE.
- HERBERT, YOU'RE
UP TO SOMETHING.
- WHAT, UP TO SOMETHING?
I'M JUST USING AN OLD
BUSINESS TECHNIQUE.
IT'S CALLED THE SOCIAL
BUTTERFLY APPROACH.
WHY, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
GET MRS. ARMITAGE'S BUSINESS
FOR YEARS, AND COULDN'T
GET PAST THE THIRD BUTLER.
BUT, IF MRS. ARMITAGE SHOULD
TAKE A LIKING TO MY SON,
AND MY SON SHOULD REMEMBER
ALL OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS
HIS DEAR OLD DADDY
HAS DONE FOR HIM,
AND PUT IN A GOOD
WORD WITH MRS. ARMITAGE,
WHY, UH, WE, TOO,
MIGHT BE TAKING TRIPS
ALL OVER THE
WORLD, EVEN FARTHER.
- WELL, I'LL BE GLAD
TO DO WHAT I CAN, DAD,
BUT I MUST NOT ENDANGER
MY SOCIAL POSITION.
- OH, PERISH THE THOUGHT.
- NO.
- DO NOT ENDANGER
YOUR SOCIAL POSITION.
- YEAH.
- JUST BE YOUR OWN SWEET,
CHARMING, LOVABLE SELF.
- YEAH.
- AND BE SURE MRS. ARMITAGE
NOTICES HOW SWEET,
CHARMING, AND LOVABLE YOU ARE.
- CHARMING AND
LOVABLE, YEAH, I'LL TRY.
- OH, NO MAN CAN ASK FOR MORE.
- HERBERT, I DON'T COMPLETELY
ADMIRE YOUR MOTIVES.
BUT I'M GLAD TO
SEE THAT AT LEAST
YOU DON'T DISAPPROVE OF
DOBIE'S SOCIAL ACTIVITIES.
- DISAPPROVE? WHY
SHOULD I DISAPPROVE
OF OUR SON MINGLING
WITH HIGH-GRADE PEOPLE
AND GOING INTO THEIR
BEAUTIFUL, SWANK HOMES.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TRIP
OVER OR BREAK ANYTHING
WHEN YOU GET THERE, ARE YOU?
WE DON'T WANT MRS.
ARMITAGE TO THINK US GILLISES
ARE A BUNCH OF
CLUMSY OAFS, YOU KNOW.
- NO, NO, DON'T WORRY,
DAD. I'LL BE VERY CAREFUL.
- OH, THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
- YEAH, MM-HMM.
- LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, WINNIE,
IF HE GETS MIXING AROUND
WITH THE LIFTED PINKY SET,
WHY, THE SOCIAL AND
BUSINESS CONTACTS HE MAKES...
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA KNOW
HOW TO ACT WHEN YOU GET THERE?
NO PICKING UP THE
WRONG CUP AND KNIFE,
AND STUFF LIKE THAT,
THERE, YOU KNOW,
AND DISGRACING
THE NAME OF GILLIS.
- OH, I'LL BE FINE,
DAD. DON'T WORRY.
- WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
- MM-HMM.
- LET'S FACE IT, WINNIE.
IF DOBIE GETS RUNNING
AROUND WITH THOSE PEOPLE,
WHY, THINGS LIKE THIS DON'T
COME ALONG EVERY DAY IN THE WEEK.
AND HE COULD GRAB...
REMEMBER HOW YOU TRIPPED
OVER THAT LAMP YESTERDAY?
- THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- ACCIDENT, MY FOOT.
YOU JUST DON'T WATCH
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
OH, I CAN SEE IT NOW,
HE GOES CHARGING INTO
THE ARMITAGE LIVING ROOM,
CLOBBERING HER
HOITY-TOITY LAMPS.
- HERBERT.
- WELL, I'M WORRIED.
- DAD.
- IF HE GETS OVER THERE
AND STARTS BREAKING
STUFF ON MRS. ARMITAGE,
WHY, SHE'LL RUN FOR
COVER EVERY TIME SHE HEARS
THE NAME "GILLIS."
- NOW, DAD.
- AND AS FOR
BREAKING DISHES, BOY,
YOU ARE A JIM DANDY.
YOU'VE BEEN MANGLING
OURS FOR YEARS.
BUT, SO WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?
THEY COST US FOUR OR
FIVE DOLLARS A DOZEN.
- BUT YOU GET OVER THERE
AND START SUB-DIVIDING MRS.
ARMITAGE'S IMPORTED PLATES
THAT SHE'S IMPORTED FROM
SOME IMPORTANT COUNTRY...
- HERBERT.
- OH, A PULVERIZED FORTUNE.
- NOW, LOOK, DAD...
- IT'LL RUIN ME.
- HERBERT!
- I FORBID YOU
TO GO TO MRS. ARMITAGE'S PARTY.
- WHAT?
- HERBERT, YOU ARE BEING
COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE.
- YEAH.
- I AM NOT.
I TURN THIS KID LOOSE
ON MY CUSTOMERS
AND I'LL WIND UP
BROKE, A BUM, A MESS.
- YOU RANG?
- OH, ANOTHER PLANET HEARD FROM.
- OH, HI, MAYNARD.
- WHY, MAYNARD.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
- YEAH, YOU LOOK
BEAUTIFUL, MAYNARD.
- OH, CUT IT OUT.
- IT'S TRUE.
- OH, UNDERNEATH,
IT'S THE SAME OLD ME.
THIS JACKET IS WHAT STONES YOU.
- YEAH, IT'S GOT A NICE SHINE.
- I, LIKE, BORROWED
IT FROM MY FATHER.
- I DON'T THINK HE
WEARS IT MUCH.
I FOUND A WILLKIE
BUTTON IN THE POCKET.
- THAT IS PERFECT.
THE GIRLS AT THE PARTY
ARE GONNA FALL ALL OVER YOU.
- WELL, THAT'S
BETTER THAN FALLING
ALL OVER THE FURNITURE.
WHEN I THINK OF MRS.
ARMITAGE'S DELICATE ANTIQUES
AND WHAT'S GONNA...
- HERBERT,
DOBIE IS GOING TO
SABRINA ARMITAGE'S PARTY.
AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
- I WONDER IF MY INSURANCE
COVERS DELICATE
ANTIQUE FURNITURE.
- SOME PAD, HUH?
- YEAH. SAY, YOU KNOW,
I HEAR THEY'VE GOT AN
OUTDOOR SWIMMING POOL
AND AN INDOOR SWIMMING POOL.
- MAN.
- AND AN OUTDOOR DANCE FLOOR,
AND AN INDOOR DANCE FLOOR.
- LIKE, WOW.
- AND A COMPLETE
NINE-HOLE GOLF COURSE.
- INDOOR?
- OUTDOOR, MAYNARD.
- YES?
- WE'RE HERE FOR THE PARTY.
- WELL, THE ENTERTAINERS ARE
USING THE SERVICE ENTRANCE.
- NO, NO, NO. UH, DOBIE
GILLIS AND MAYNARD KREBS.
- GILLIS AND KREBS?
- LIKE, RIGHT.
- UH-HUH, YEAH.
- OH, THE ACROBATIC TEAM?
JUGGLERS? SONG AND DANCE?
WELL, THEN, WHAT ARE YOU?
- WE'RE GUESTS.
- AH, COMEDIANS.
- LOOK, WE'RE NOT KIDDING.
MISS SABRINA ARMITAGE
INVITED US. WE'RE GUESTS.
- IN THOSE COSTUMES?
OH, COME, NOW.
- THIS JACKET WAS GOOD
ENOUGH FOR WILLKIE.
- YEAH, IT WAS GOOD... MAYNARD.
SIR, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL
MISS ARMITAGE WE'RE HERE?
- YOUNG GENTLEMEN,
AND I USE THE TERM
SOLELY OUT OF RESPECT
FOR THE UNIFORM I WEAR,
I CAN'T ADMIT YOU UNLESS
YOU'RE PROPERLY ATTIRED.
- OOH, IF I KNEW WHAT THOSE
WORD MEANT, I'D PROBABLY BE MAD.
- I THINK HE'S TRYING TO TELL US
WE'RE WEARING THE WRONG CLOTHES.
- CONGRATULATIONS, SIR,
YOU'VE JUST BROKEN
THE SOUND BARRIER.
- YEAH, BUT THE CHICK
SAID WE'RE DRESSING.
- OF COURSE, BLACK TIE.
- BLACK TIE?
- BLACK TIE.
- HERE THEY ARE, MADAM.
- THANK YOU, TREMBLY.
- WELL, GIRLS, ARE WE
HAVING A GOOD TIME?
- PAR EXCELLENCE, MOTHER.
- EVERYTHING IS,
LIKE, TOO SQUARE.
- BUT YOU DID GIVE
IN TO CONVENTION,
DIDN'T YOU, DEAR?
- NOT COMPLETELY.
- WHY DO THEY KEEP HER
IN THAT EXCLUSIVE GIRLS'
SCHOOL YOU ATTEND?
- THEY HAVE TO. HER FATHER
DONATED THE LIBRARY,
THE YACHT BASIN, AND
THE COFFEE HOUSE.
- OH, NASTY TRICK.
CLEVER, BUT NASTY.
- HI, SIR.
- REMEMBER US?
- UNHAPPILY, YES.
- WELL, HERE WE ARE.
- LIKE, READY TO ROLL
- WELL, ROLL.
- HUH?
BUT WE DID WHAT
YOU SAID. BLACK TIES.
- YEAH, WE RAN HOME AND
GOT THEM LIKE YOU SAID.
- AND TO THINK I
ONCE HAD A CHANCE
TO GO INTO ALUMINUM SIDING.
- WE GOOFED AGAIN?
- YOU GOOFED AGAIN.
- BUT I GOTTA GET IN
THERE TO SEE SABRINA.
I'VE GOT TO.
- LIKEWISE, I GOT TO, TOO.
OOH, THAT VENICE CHICK.
- YEAH.
- MY SYMPATHY FOR THE UNDERDOG
IS RISING TO PLAGUE
ME ONCE MORE.
IN YOUR CIRCLES, MY YOUNG DOLTS,
BLACK TIE MEANS...
OH IT'S SUCH A BOURGEOIS
EXPRESSION, TUXEDO.
- TUXEDOS?
- TUXEDO.
WHERE WERE WE GONNA GET
TUXEDOS AT THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT?
ALL THE STORES WERE CLOSED.
AND EVEN IF THEY WERE OPEN,
IT WOULDN'T HAVE
DONE US ANY GOOD,
BETWEEN US, WE HAD
MAYBE ENOUGH MONEY
TO BUY, MAYBE ONE DICKIE.
NO, WHAT WE NEEDED WAS SOMEBODY
WHO'D LEND US
TUXEDOS, A REAL FRIEND.
WELL, NOT EXACTLY A FRIEND.
I, I THINK THE WORD
IS, UH, PIGEON.
- CHATSWORTH. CHATSWORTH.
- OH, HELLO.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP...
- LOOK, LOOK, WE
GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
- OH, CHAPS, WHAT
ARE YOU MADE UP FOR?
- AH, CHATSWORTH,
YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN
YOUR NOSE AT PEOPLE AGAIN.
- YEAH, SO I AM. BUT WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
YOU'VE ALREADY REFUSED TO
TAKE ME INTO YOUR LITTLE COTERIE.
AND I DID SO WANT TO BELONG.
- CHATSWORTH, MAYBE
THERE'S STILL A CHANCE
FOR YOU TO PROVE YOU'RE
A DOWN-TO-EARTH FELLOW.
- OH? PRAY, TELL ME
HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?
- THAT TUXEDO.
- YEAH, I NEED IT NOW.
- IT WILL PROVE
YOU'RE, LIKE, EARTHY.
- UH-HUH.
- LOOK, CHATSWORTH,
YOU'VE BEEN TO A HUNDRED
OF THESE FORMAL PARTIES.
MISSING ONE MORE
WON'T BOTHER YOU.
BUT TO ME, IT'S A
MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH,
MAYBE BOTH.
- OH, I'D LOVE TO DO IT,
DOBIE-DO, REALLY, I WOULD.
BUT I, I MUST MAKE SOME
SORT OF APPEARANCE
AT THE FESTIVITIES.
AND AFTER ALL, BLOOD
IS THICKER THAN WATER.
- WAIT. I KNOW, WE'LL
TAKE TURNS WEARING IT.
- IT'S TOO, TOO UTTERLY
IMPOSSIBLE, GILLIS, BABY.
- WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE?
WE'LL TRADE OFF AT, SAY,
UH, HALF-HOUR INTERVALS.
- YEAH, MAYBE YOU GUYS AREN'T
BATTING WITH A STICKY WICKET.
- NO, NO, WHATEVER
THAT MEANS, WE'RE NOT.
- CLIMB ABOARD AND HOI POLLOI
WITH US CATS, FUN, YAKS, BROADS.
- UH-HUH.
- WE'LL TEACH YOU
THE SECRET GRIP AND EVERYTHING.
- YEAH.
- I'D SO LOVE TO JOIN
YOUR GAMES AND SPORTS.
I'LL DO IT.
- GOOD GOING, CHATSWORTH.
NOW, LOOK, EVERY 30 MINUTES,
WE'LL MEET RIGHT HERE
AND EXCHANGE CLOTHES,
JUST THE TWO OF US, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
- WRONG.
- WRONG?
- RIGHT. IT'S, LIKE,
THE THREE OF US.
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
MAYNARD. YOU, YOU, YOU CAN'T...
- NO, I GOTTA GET
IN THAT PARTY, TOO.
OOH, THAT VENICE WEST.
- MAYNARD, I'LL TREAT YOU TO A
WEEK OF MARSHMALLOW SUNDAES.
- NOPE. IT'S GONNA BE,
LIKE, THE THREE OF US.
- MAYNARD, I'LL DO YOUR
HOMEWORK FOR THE NEXT...
OKAY, LIKE, THE THREE OF US.
- GOOD EVENING.
I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- HOW DO YOU DO,
SIR? I'M... I'M TREMBLY.
- DON'T WORRY.
A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP WILL FIX YOU UP.
MISS ARMITAGE IS EXPECTING ME.
- WE'LL HAVE NONE
OF THAT, YOUNG MAN.
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
I KNOW YOUR NAMES,
AND DON'T YOU
THINK FOR ONE MINUTE
I'M GOING TO
FORGET THEM, EITHER.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
- WELL, MUMS, THERE'S
NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
WE'VE RUN OUT OF PUNCH.
- IMPOSSIBLE.
12 CASES OF GINGER ALE,
12 CASES OF GRAPE JUICE GONE?
- FINIS.
- WHERE DO THOSE
NASTY CHILDREN PUT IT?
- MUMS, YOU MUST
GET SOME MORE PUNCH.
- AT THIS HOUR OF
THE NIGHT, WHERE?
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
- A MR. GILLIS.
- AH, BONSOIR, MIO CARO.
- ARRIVEDERCI. AND
YOU, TOO, MA'AM.
- MOTHER, YOU
REMEMBER DOBIE GILLIS.
- MM-HMM.
- OH, YES, OF COURSE I DO.
YOUR FATHER IS A DRUGGIST.
- UH, GROCER.
- A GROCER?
- HMM.
- HOW HEAVEN-SENT.
- WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY
HEAVEN-SENT, EXACTLY.
HE'S JUST A SIMPLE MAN,
AN ORDINARY, DECENT
MAN, A VETERAN.
- SO DOPEY...
- UH, DOBIE, MA'AM, WITH A "B."
- YES. WOULD YOUR FATHER
CONSIDER DELIVERING
AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT?
- WELL, ORDINARILY, NO,
BUT FOR YOU, YES, MA'AM.
- SPLENDID.
- MENTION MY NAME.
- TREMBLY.
- YES, MADAM? YES, MADAM?
- TREMBLY. OH.
- YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN AND ORDER
FROM MR. GILLIS A
CASE OF GINGER ALE,
AND SOME CASES OF GRAPE JUICE.
- BOY, DAD'S GONNA
LOVE ME FOR THIS.
- WELL, MY MERCHANT PRINCE,
SHALL WE GO IN AND DANCE?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH RIGHT HERE?
IT'S, UH, MORE PRIVATE-LIKE.
- IT'S ALSO MORE CHILLY-LIKE.
- NOT WHEN I'M WITH YOU,
MY GREAT TAWNY ANIMAL.
- PSST!
- ISN'T DOBIE'S TIME UP YET?
- FIVE MINUTES AGO.
IT'S DOWNRIGHT UNSPORTING.
- GIVE HIM ANOTHER PSST.
- PSST! PSST!
HE DOESN'T HEAR ME,
OR WON'T, MORE LIKELY.
YOU KNOW, MAYNARD, IF THIS
IS THE WAY THE LOWER CLASSES
COMPORT THEMSELVES...
- OH, COOL IT, DAD. LET ME TRY.
- PSST! HEY, DOBE. PSST!
HEY, DOBE! PSST! HEY, DOBE!
- WHAT'S WRONG?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.
UH, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A
NICE COLD GLASS OF PUNCH?
- WE'RE OUT OF PUNCH.
- WATER, THEN, NICE, COLD WATER.
- WHY?
- IT'S HOT OUT HERE.
- IT'S FREEZING.
- HOT.
STIFLING, STUFFY, SUFFOCATING.
I'LL GET SOME WATER.
I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.
YEAH, I MEAN, EVERY
MINUTE AWAY FROM YOU
WILL SEEM LIKE AN HOUR.
- YOU KNOW, REALLY, GILLIS...
- SHH.
- I DON'T CALL THAT
PLAYING THE GAME.
I MEAN...
- LIKE, SHUT UP.
YOU GUYS WANT TO HELP ME
WITH THESE CRAZY BUTTONS?
- HERE.
- ENCHANTÉ, MON-SEUR.
I AM MAYNARD G. KREBS.
- GOOD EVENING,
SIR. I AM TREMBLY.
- DON'T WORRY. A GOOD
NIGHT'S SLEEP WILL FIX YOU UP.
HA, HA, HA, WALDO.
- EXCUSE ME, SIR, THE
MUSIC HAS STOPPED.
- ONLY FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.
- TRUE.
- PSST! PSST! PSST!
IT'S SIMPLY NOT FAIR,
THAT'S WHAT IT'S NOT.
I MEAN, ONE SHOULD
SURELY GET A CHANCE
TO WEAR ONE'S OWN DINNER JACKET.
- POSSESS YOUR SOUL IN
PATIENCE, CHATSWORTH.
- IT'S MY TURN. WE
MADE A BARGAIN.
- SURE, WE DID. AND YOU TOOK
15 MINUTES EXTRA LAST TIME.
- SO WHAT? IT'S
MY DINNER JACKET.
- THAT'S A FINE WAY TO
MAKE FRIENDS, CHATSWORTH.
- ALL RIGHT, I DON'T
WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
I WANT MY DINNER JACKET.
- IT'S MY TURN.
- NO, IT'S MINE.
- NO, IT'S MINE.
- DOBE?
- YEAH?
- YOU GOT TROUBLE.
- WE ALL GOT TROUBLE.
NOT LIKE YOU GOT.
[ WHISTLE ]
- NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I, I DIDN'T SEE IT.
IT'S A, IT'S A HALLUCINATION,
THAT'S WHAT IT IS,
IS A HALLUCINATION.
I'LL JUST CLOSE MY EYES
AND IT'LL ALL GO AWAY.
- HI, DAD.
- IT'S TRUE. IT'S TRUE.
- UH, YOU KNOW
MAYNARD, OF COURSE.
- OF COURSE I KNOW MAYNARD.
THAT'S THE KIND OF LUCK I GOT.
- YEAH, AND THIS IS...
- I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OUT HERE STARK NAKED?
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
YOU FINALLY GONE
AND SLIPPED YOUR
TROLLEY COMPLETELY?
THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN TOWN,
THE BIGGEST GROCERY
ACCOUNT IN TOWN,
THE BIGGEST PARTY, I
FINALLY GET A CHANCE,
MAYBE TO GET INTO THE BIG
DOUGH AND WHAT HAPPENS?
YOU'RE OUT HERE, RUNNING
AROUND IN YOUR PELT.
- DAD, NOW, LOOK, I'LL
EXPLAIN THE WHOLE THING. IT'S...
- PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
- UH, UH, WHAT?
- DON'T ARGUE WITH ME.
PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
- DAD, LOOK.
- TAKE MINE, ALL OF YOU.
YOU'RE STANDING AROUND HERE.
- STOP, NO, DAD.
- COME ON, MR. GILLIS...
- YOU SHUT UP.
- ACTUALLY, MR. GILLIS,
IT'S NOT WISE, WHAT YOU'RE...
- WHEN I WANT SOME ADVICE
FROM THREE LUNATICS,
I'LL GO OUT TO THE INSANE ASYLUM
AND ASK IT FROM
PEOPLE WHO MAKE SENSE.
- NASTY! OH, SO NASTY!
- OH, I GOTTA KILL THAT BOY.
I JUST GOTTA.
- [ SCATTING ]
- MAYNARD.
- [ SCATTING ]
- MAYNARD, PLEASE. WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
- LIKE, NOTHING. I'M HAPPY.
- HAPPY? HAPPY?
I LOST SABRINA ARMITAGE.
MY FATHER'S LOOKING
AT LAW BOOKS,
TRYING TO FIND OUT IF PARENTS
CAN DIVORCE
CHILDREN IN THIS STATE
AND, AND YOU'RE HAPPY?
- LIKE, CLIP CITY, MAN.
- LIKE, WHY?
- THAT CHICK, SHE
DIGS ME THE MOST.
- YOU MEAN VENICE WEST?
- YEAH.
THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN SHE SAW
US STANDING OUT THERE IN OUR...
I CAN'T SAY IT.
- DRAWERS, AND DON'T REMIND ME.
- SHE THINKS I GOT NICE LEGS.
- NICE LEGS?
- READY, CAT MAX?
- COMING, MOTHER.
- [ BOTH SCATTING ]
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪