The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 29 - The Big Sandwich - full transcript
Thalia hatches a scheme for Dobie to sell sandwiches at the school picnic.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
- MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I LOVE,
A GIRL NAMED THALIA MENNINGER.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THALIA MENNINGER LOVES,
MONEY.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.
- HI, DOBIE.
- THALIA, MY LOVE,
MY SWEET, MY INFINITY.
- I'M BUSY, DOBIE.
WHAT DID YOU ASK ME HERE FOR?
- THALIA, MY DARLING,
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.
I, I, I WORSHIP THE
GROUND YOU WALK ON.
- DOBIE, ARE YOU
GETTING READY TO ASK ME
TO GO TO THE PICNIC AT
CEDAR LAKE SATURDAY?
- UH, YEAH.
- CAN YOU GET YOUR FATHER'S CAR?
- WELL, UH, I, I, I DON'T
KNOW FOR SURE.
- HARLEY MILLFLOSS HAS ASKED ME.
- HARLEY MILLFLOSS?
WELL, HE'S ONLY
15 1/2 YEARS OLD.
- YES, AND HIS FATHER'S
CAR IS ONLY 1 1/2 YEARS OLD.
- OKAY, I'LL GET MY FATHER
TO LET ME HAVE THE CAR.
- AND I PRESUME THAT I CAN TAKE
ANY OF MY FRIENDS I
MAY CARE TO INVITE?
- WELL, I WAS HOPING YOU AND I,
WE COULD JUST,
OH, OKAY, I KNOW, HARLEY
MILLFLOSS. ALL RIGHT.
ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS
YOU WANT TO INVITE.
- GOOD. HERE THEY ARE.
- YOU GOT A LIST?
MIRIAM BUCKHANTS,
HAZEL CEDARMAN, DOTSIE,
LOVEY COLEMAN, HILDA
BEASLEY, 16 FRIENDS?
- SIXTEEN.
- WELL, WHAT'S THIS, THIS 25
YOU'VE GOT WRITTEN
AFTER EACH NAME?
- TWENTY-FIVE CENTS.
THAT'S WHAT I'M CHARGING THEM
FOR TRANSPORTATION
TO THE PICNIC.
- YOUR FRIENDS?
- DOBIE, YOU'RE A DOLL SOCIALLY,
BUT YOU'LL NEVER MAKE
A MERCHANT PRINCE.
FOUR DOLLARS AND TEN CENTS.
OOH. BYE.
- THAT'S MY THALIA.
SO FAIR, SO SWEET, SO GREEDY.
OF COURSE, WHEN I ASK MY FATHER
FOR THE CAR,
HE'LL GIVE IT TO ME.
OH, WILL HE GIVE IT TO ME.
- NO.
ON SATURDAY, YOU'LL BE
RIGHT HERE IN THE STORE,
BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER
IS DRAGGING ME AWAY
TO A FAMILY REUNION.
AND IF I'M GOING
TO BE MISERABLE,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISERABLE.
BUT THAT STILL
DOESN'T MAKE US EVEN,
BECAUSE I'LL BE DOUBLY
MISERABLE, ME THERE,
AND KNOWING THAT YOU'RE HERE.
- LEAVING YOU IN
CHARGE OF THIS STORE
MAY PROVE TO BE ONE
OF THE MAJOR ERRORS
IN THE HISTORY OF RETAILING.
BUT HERE YOU'LL STAY,
SATURDAY, ALL DAY.
- THAT'S WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE,
DISASTER PILED ON CALAMITY,
MISFORTUNE HEAPED
ON CATASTROPHE.
HOW AM I GONNA TELL THALIA I
CAN'T TAKE HER TO THE PICNIC?
I'VE ASKED HER TO MEET
ME HERE THIS AFTERNOON,
AND I DON'T LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
- NOW WHAT?
- THALIA, MY LOVE, MY
UNDERSTANDING HEART.
- YOU CAN'T GO TO THE PICNIC.
WELL, THERE GOES $4.10.
- THALIA, MY LOVE...
SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW I
HOPED YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
- LISTEN, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GO,
YOU COULD LET ME
HAVE YOUR FATHER'S CAR.
- THALIA, YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE.
- HEY, I'LL GIVE YOU
HALF MY TAKE, $2.05.
- YOU KNOW I CAN'T.
BUT LOOK, DON'T MAKE ME
REFUSE YOU ANYTHING MORE.
I'M CRUSHED ALREADY.
FOLKS ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN,
AND I HAVE TO TAKE
CARE OF THE STORE.
THE STORE, BITTER ASHES.
AND AFTER THE DAY I
HAD PLANNED FOR US.
- OH, I KNOW, YOU AND
ME BENEATH THE BOUGH,
AND A LOT OF SANDWICHES,
AND A JUG OF CREAM
SODA, AND WOW.
- YEAH.
- YOU CAN'T GO BECAUSE YOU
HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE STORE.
ALL BY YOURSELF?
- OH, WELL, I THINK THAT'S
WONDERFUL OF YOU, DOBIE,
DOING THAT FOR YOUR PARENTS.
- REALLY?
- JUST WONDERFUL.
- SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW I
KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
- AND I DON'T MIND GIVING
UP THE PICNIC AT ALL.
- OH, I KNEW IT,
THALIA MENNINGER.
THERE'S NOT A SELFISH
BONE IN YOUR BODY.
- IMPERIAL WHOLESALE GROCERY?
I WANT TO PLACE AN
ORDER FOR GILLIS' GROCERY.
NOW, HOW MUCH
BREAD AM I GONNA NEED
FOR 400 SANDWICHES?
OKAY, THAT, AND ENOUGH
SLICED CHEESE AND BAKED HAM.
AND WHATEVER IS THE RIGHT
AMOUNT OF MUSTARD AND MAYONNAISE.
- AND FURTHERMORE,
IF JUST ONE LITTLE
THING GOES WRONG.
WHAT AM I SAYING? IF?
- NOW, HERBERT, STOP THAT.
HAVE YOU GOT THE TICKETS?
- OH, I GOT THE TICKETS.
IT'S MY MIND I HAVEN'T GOT.
THAT'S IT, I'VE LOST MY MIND.
I'M A KOOK.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
I'LL BE TALKING TO THAT MAYNARD,
AND UNDERSTANDING HIM.
- DON'T MIND HIM, DOBIE.
YOU JUST BE A GOOD BOY, AND
TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE STORE,
AND MAKE HIM PROUD OF YOU.
- OH, I WILL, MOM. BYE,
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- GOODBYE.
- YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU WHEN IT CAME TIME
TO SAYING GOODBYE TO DOBIE,
YOU'D SHOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.
- DOBIE? I'M SAYING
GOODBYE TO THE STORE.
- LIKE, HI, MR. GILLIS.
- LIKE, OH.
- HEY, RISE AND SWING,
MAN. THE A.M.'S A GASSER.
COME ON, DOBE, WE'LL
BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
- LATE FOR... MAYNARD,
THIS IS SATURDAY.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
- WHY SO SURPRISED?
IT HAPPENS TO YOU EVERY WEEK.
- YEAH.
- OKAY.
- THALIA.
- HI.
- THALIA, IS IT
REALLY YOU, MY LOVE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, DEAR HEART?
- WELL, I'VE COME
TO HELP, OF COURSE.
- MY DARLING. I
SAID IT YESTERDAY,
AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN...
- SIGN HERE, PLEASE.
- THERE'S NOT A SELFISH
BONE IN YOUR BODY.
- THE MAN WANTS YOU TO SIGN.
- YEAH, YEAH.
THE WORLD HAS SAID
YOU'RE COLD, HARD,
GRASPING, THALIA MENNINGER.
BUT THE WORLD DOESN'T
KNOW YOU AS I DO.
- THALIA...
- CANDY WITH MUSTARD
AND MAYONNAISE?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU AGAINST BREAKFAST?
- I AM FROM NOW ON.
- OH GOOD, IT'S ALL HERE.
- HM? WHAT'S ALL HERE?
WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF?
DAD DOESN'T SELL THAT
MUCH BREAD IN A WEEK.
AND ALL THAT HAM AND CHEESE.
GEE, GEE, I CAN'T FIGURE
WHY HE ORDERED IT.
- HE DIDN'T.
- HUH?
- I ORDERED IT.
- OH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU ORDERED IT?
- NOW LISTEN, DOBIE,
YOU WANT TO DO A GOOD
JOB IN THE STORE, DON'T YOU?
- THALIA, HOW COULD YOU...
- WELL WHY WEREN'T YOU
SMART ENOUGH TO SEE
THAT THE PICNIC IS TODAY,
AND THAT YOU CAN
SELL 400 SANDWICHES,
AND WE CAN MAKE $50.
- FOUR HUNDRED SANDWICHES?
$46?
YOU ORDERED $46 WORTH
OF STUFF ON MY FATHER'S BILL,
AND I SIGNED FOR IT?
HE'LL SKIN ME ALIVE.
- OH, DOBIE, JUST THINK
OF HOW PROUD HE'LL BE
WHEN YOU SELL 400 SANDWICHES.
- YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF WE
DON'T SELL 400 SANDWICHES?
- WELL, IF WE ONLY SELL 300,
AT A QUARTER APIECE,
THAT'S PRACTICALLY $50 PROFIT.
AND I'M TAKING YOU IN
AS AN EQUAL PARTNER.
HOW ELSE CAN YOU
GET RID OF THE FOOD?
- WELL, I COULD SEND IT BACK.
- WELL, LOOK AT
IT THIS WAY, THEN.
IF YOU DO SEND IT BACK,
I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.
BUT NOW, WE'VE GOT
400 SANDWICHES TO MAKE,
AND $50.
- YEAH. BOY, IT'S
50 BUCKS, PROFIT.
- YEAH, OKAY. HEY,
COME ON, MAYNARD,
LET'S GET STARTED.
- ONE MORE BATCH
AND WE'LL HAVE 400.
- HEY, MAN, DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THAT CAT.
HE'S GOT A LOUSY BEAT.
- YEAH, JUST ONE MOMENT, SIR.
- ONE MOMENT, NOTHING.
I'M IN A HURRY.
A BOX OF GINGER SNAPS
AND A LARGE CAN OF SARDINES.
- YES, SIR.
- GINGER SNAPS AND
SARDINES? OH, COOL.
- MY WIFE LIKES THEM.
AND SHE LIKES THE KIND OF
SARDINES IN MUSTARD SAUCE.
- YEAH. 97 CENTS, SIR.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- NEVER MIND. I PUT
THEM RIGHT IN HERE.
- OH, OKAY.
- COME ON, WE'RE
ALMOST FINISHED.
- MAN, DID YOU DIG
THAT WILD OUTFIT
THAT CAT WAS WEARING?
- YEAH, I HAVEN'T SEEN A
SLICKER LIKE THAT SINCE...
SLICKER!
- SLICKER?
- SLICKER?
- MAN, IT'S GOING
TO BE A SWINGING,
SLOPPY, SPLASHY PICNIC.
- YOU DOPE, THERE ISN'T
GONNA BE ANY PICNIC.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
HE'LL DO, SKIN ME ALIVE.
- OH, NOW, ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN GET YOURSELF
A NICE TWO-DAY REST.
- REST? I COULD GET MORE
REST IN A MALTED MILK MIXER.
THOSE RELATIVES OF YOURS,
IT'S LIKE BEING TRAPPED
IN A VIOLENT WARD.
- SHH! BUT THEY'LL HEAR YOU.
- FAMILY REUNION,
JUST WHAT I NEED,
JUST LIKE I NEED A WART
ON THE END OF MY NOSE.
- OH.
- HEY, SIS.
- HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU, HON?
- PUT HER DOWN, PUT HER DOWN.
IF YOU BREAK SOMETHING
ON HER, I GOT TO PAY.
- WHAT DO YOU
KNOW? LAUGHING BOY.
HA, HA, HA. LAUGHING BOY.
- I THINK I'D BETTER GET
THESE THINGS UNPACKED
BEFORE THE WRINKLES SET IN.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T DO IT,
SIS. THIS IS THE BOY'S DORM.
ALL THE WOMENFOLK
ARE BUNKING UPSTAIRS.
- HEY, WHAT DO YOU
MEAN? WINNIE AND I ARE...
- NOW QUIET, IN-LAW.
HEY, HE'S GETTING TO BE
A REGULAR TIGER. HA, HA.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
I'M BEGINNING TO SEE
WHAT THERE WAS YOU SAW IN HIM.
- WHAT DO MEAN, THE
WOMENFOLK ARE BUNKING?
- WELL, THERE AIN'T
ENOUGH BEDROOMS
TO GO AROUND IF WE
PLAY COZY COUPLES.
SO THE WOMEN ARE
BUNKING UPSTAIRS,
AND HERB AND I ARE IN HERE.
AND NO TIPPY-TOEING
IN THE HALLWAY.
- ME AND YOU?
- AND ED, AND, AND LOUIE,
AND JOE, AND, OH,
HEY, THE CHAMP.
YOU HAVEN'T MET HIM YET.
WELL, HERE HE IS,
1980 ALL-AMERICAN,
AND THEN HEAVY-WEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
HA, HA. GIVE YOUR
AUNT WINNIE A KISS.
- OKAY, CHAMP, RUN ALONG.
- WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- WELL, WILFRED,
JUNIOR, WHAT ELSE?
WHAT A KID, JUST A
CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK.
AND HOW'S YOURS?
- DOBIE? OH, DOBIE'S WONDERFUL.
SO TALL AND HANDSOME, AND...
- HERBERT, I DON'T
MIND TELLING YOU
THAT WE ALL UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU COULDN'T COME
TO THESE REUNIONS
IN PREVIOUS YEARS,
UNDERSTAND, AND ARE SYMPATHETIC.
- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DOBIE?
- AH, WHAT THE DICKENS,
HERB? IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY.
- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DOBIE?
- THE ONE WITH
THE TWO LEFT FEET.
TWO LEFT FEET, THREE LEFT FEET.
WHO'D YOU LEAVE HIM
WITH? GOT A GOOD KEEPER?
- I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I DIDN'T
LEAVE HIM WITH ANYBODY.
I LEFT HIM WITH THE STORE.
THAT BOY IS SHARP AS A TACK.
AND WHAT A WORKER.
WHY, HE'LL TAKE BETTER CARE
OF THAT STORE THAN I WOULD.
- WELL, MAYBE SO,
BUT THAT DOESN'T
PROVE HE ISN'T AN IDIOT.
HA, HA, HA, HA.
- HIM CALLING DOBIE AN IDIOT.
- WELL YOU'RE ALWAYS
CALLING HIM AN IDIOT.
- WELL HE IS AN IDIOT.
BUT BY GEORGE, HE'S MY IDIOT.
AND HE'S IN MY STORE.
IN MY STORE. WHERE'S THE PHONE?
- LONG DISTANCE? GIVE
ME SPRINGFIELD, 4682.
- CHECKING ON THE IDIOT, HUH?
- CHECKING? LISTEN, I'VE
GOT A WONDERFUL SON THERE,
AND I LOVE HIM.
I JUST CAN'T LET A DAY GO BY
WITHOUT HEARING HIS VOICE.
- HELLO?
- OH, HELLO, DOBIE.
- HI, SON.
- DAD?
- YES, DOBIE, IT'S YOUR DAD.
I JUST CALLED TO
SEE HOW YOU ARE.
- OH, I'M FINE, DAD.
- YES.
MY SON, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?
- WELL, ALL RIGHT, SORT OF.
- SORT OF?
UH, SORT OF, YEAH,
GOING SORT OF GOOD, HUH?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY, DAD.
YOU SEE, WE MADE 400 SANDWICHES,
HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICHES,
$46 WORTH THAT WE GOT
FROM THE WHOLESALERS
ON YOUR BILL.
- YES, DOBIE, MY SON, I'M FINE.
BUSINESS IS VERY GOOD, HUH?
- NO, DAD, IT'S
POURING RAIN HERE,
AND HARDLY ANYBODY'S BEEN IN.
AND THE PICNIC'S CALLED
OFF BECAUSE OF THE RAIN.
YOU FOLLOW ME, DAD?
- YES, YES, I AM.
- UH-HUH.
WELL, THAT'S WHY WE'RE
STUCK WITH 400 SANDWICHES.
- STUCK WITH, THAT'S, HA, HA,
THAT'S RIGHT, SON.
STICK TO IT.
YES, SIR, IT'S NICE TO HEAR
YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF
THE STORE SO WONDERFULLY.
UH, JUST WHAT I EXPECTED.
GOODBYE, MY SON.
WELL, GUESS YOU'VE, UH,
GOTTA GET UNPACKED YET, HUH?
YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY
COMFORTABLE HERE.
THINK I'LL JUST, UH, SIT HERE
AND TAKE IT EASY FOR A WHILE.
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
THEY'RE ALL DOWN ON THE MEADOW
GETTING READY TO
START THE GAMES.
- GAMES?
- CERTAINLY.
SOFTBALL, THREE-LEGGED
RACE, POTATO SACK RACE.
- HEY, WHO IS SHE
TALKING TO ON THE PHONE?
- MR. POMFRITT. HE WAS
IN CHARGE OF THE PICNIC.
HE'S AN ENGLISH
TEACHER AT SCHOOL.
I'M IN HIS CLASS.
I... MAYNARD, YOU'RE
IN THE SAME CLASS.
- OH, WE ARE SAVED.
I TALKED TO MR. POMFRITT ABOUT
HAVING THE PICNIC TOMORROW
IF IT STOPS RAINING,
AND HE AGREED.
- THALIA, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
- YES.
NOW, UH, WE'LL HAVE TO
KEEP THESE SANDWICHES
FRESH TILL TOMORROW.
- YEAH.
- GET SOME CLOTHS
THAT WE CAN SEW.
- UH-HUH.
- OH, NO, OH, NO.
WE'LL PUT THEM IN THE FREEZER.
THAT'LL KEEP THEM FRESH.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- YES.
[ PHONE RINGS]
- OH, I'LL GET IT.
- GILLIS GROCERY.
- UH, DOBIE...
- HA, HA, HA. CHECKING
UP AGAIN, HUH?
- I JUST LOVE THE SOUND
OF THE BOY'S VOICE.
- YEAH, WELL, COME
ON. YOU BAT NEXT.
- GOODBYE, DOBIE. I'M GLAD
TO HEAR THAT EVERYTHING'S...
- YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE,
IF IT JUST STOPS RAINING.
- OH, BOY.
- DOBIE.
- THALIA.
THALIA, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
MY SKIN IS SAVED.
- YES, AND MY BANK
ACCOUNT IS SAVED, TOO.
- YEAH. MAYNARD, MAYNARD.
- HEY, MAN, THIS...
MAKES A CRAZY PAD.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
THE SUN IS SHINING.
THE PICNIC'S ON.
- YES, LET'S GET THE
SANDWICHES READY.
- YEAH, IT'S RIGHT HERE, THALIA.
- YEAH, UH-HUH.
- DOBIE.
- HUH?
WHAT'S THE MAT...
[ TAP, TAP, TAP]
- DOBIE.
- WELL, I WANTED TO BE SURE
THEY'D STAY GOOD AND FRESH.
I TURNED THE FREEZER ON FULL.
- MAN, THAT SANDWICH IS A GAS.
- OH, COOL,
HEY, I GOT WHAT I
THINK IS A BRILLIANT IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE BREAK
THEM UP, PUT THEM IN BOXES,
AND SELL THEM LIKE
CRACKER JACKS?
- OH, MAYNARD, YOU OUGHT
TO BE INSTITUTIONALIZED.
YOU REALLY SHOULD.
- YEAH.
- OH, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
IT'S ALMOST 10:00.
THEY'LL NEVER THAW OUT.
- HOLD, MAYBE WE
CAN, LIKE, HEAT THEM.
- HERE'S ANOTHER BATCH
FROM OFF THE STOVE.
BUT WE CAN SEE...
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAYNARD?
- MAN, IT SAYS "RAYON,
SILK, AND COTTON,"
BUT NOT "SANDWICHES."
- HERE. GO WATCH THAT
CARTON YOU PUT IN THE OVEN.
- WELL, WE CAN GIVE
THEM THEIR CHOICE,
FROZEN, TOASTED, OR BURNED.
- YEAH, I FIGURE I BETTER
NOT LEAVE THE NEXT BATCH
IN THE OVEN QUITE SO LONG.
- I FIGURE WE'VE GOT ABOUT
300 GOOD ONES WE CAN SELL.
THAT'S $150,
IF WE CAN GET
THEM THERE ON TIME.
- WELL, WE'RE
PRACTICALLY FINISHED.
[ KNOCKS]
- WE'RE CLOSED! SUNDAY.
[ KNOCKS]
WE'RE CLOSED ON SUNDAYS.
- I ASKED YOU FOR GINGER SNAPS
AND SARDINES WITH MUSTARD.
YOU GAVE ME
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
AND SARDINES WITHOUT MUSTARD.
- OH, YEAH. SO,
SORRY ABOUT THAT,
SIR, I, I, UH, YEAH, HERE,
HERE YOU ARE, SIR.
ALL PAID FOR.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
AND I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
[ DOOR SLAMS]
- GEE, I, I HOPE HE
DOESN'T TELL DAD.
HE, HE WAS REALLY TEED OFF.
- WELL, WHAT CAN YOU
EXPECT FROM A CHARACTER
WHO WEARS A SLICKER
ON A DAY LIKE THIS?
- SLICKER?
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
HE'LL DO, SKIN ME.
SURE, ALIVE.
[ SNORING ]
- LONG DISTANCE, I
WANT SPRINGFIELD, 4682.
- HELLO? DAD.
- I COULDN'T TALK
YESTERDAY, BUT I CAN NOW.
NOW I WANT YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE STORE.
- WELL, DAD, THE
ONLY THING WE, UH,
WE DID MAKE 400 SANDWICHES.
- FOUR HUNDRED SANDWICHES?
THEN I DID HEAR YOU
RIGHT YESTERDAY.
AND TALK PLAINER.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU
BECAUSE OF ALL THAT HAMMERING.
HAMMERING, CARPENTERS.
I KNEW IT. CARPENTERS ARE THERE.
WHAT ARE THEY FIXING, DOBIE?
WHAT DID YOU
BREAK? HOW BAD IS IT?
- STOP THAT, MAYNARD.
- OH, DON'T PUT ME
DOWN, MAN. I'M IN ORBIT.
I'M GIVING IT THAT
LICK BRUBECK GAVE,
BACK BAY BLUES OUT AT
CEDAR LAKE PAVILION LAST YEAR.
- I SAID, CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT
CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
WHAT'S THAT HAMMERING?
WHAT DID YOU
BREAK? HOW BAD IS IT?
- OH, NOTHING, DAD, NOTHING.
EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL HERE,
JUST WONDERFUL. BYE, DAD.
- DOBIE, DOBIE, DOBIE!
I GOTTA KILL THAT BOY.
I JUST GOTTA.
- WHAT IDEA, DOBIE, WHAT?
- MAYBE I CAN TALK
THEM INTO LETTING US
HAVE THE PICNIC INDOORS,
IN CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
- THE PAVILION IS CLOSED SUNDAY.
[ PHONE RINGS ]
- CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
WE'RE CLOSED TODAY.
- I KNOW, BUT LISTEN,
YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO ME.
I REPRESENT 200 UNFORTUNATE,
UNDERPRIVILEGED
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.
AND WE WERE GONNA HAVE A PICNIC
OUT THERE TODAY IN
THE PICNIC GROUNDS.
AND IT'S RAINING.
AND WE WERE WONDERING
IF WE COULD HAVE THE PICNIC
INSIDE YOUR PAVILION.
- DID YOU SAY 200 STUDENTS?
- YES, SIR.
I KNOW YOU'RE CLOSED, BUT, SIR,
COULDN'T YOU FIND
IT IN YOUR HEART
TO OPEN UP THE PAVILION?
- SURE, I'LL BE GLAD TO
OPEN FOR 200 PEOPLE.
- OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU'RE A REAL HUMAN BEING.
- WELL, WHAT DID HE
SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?
- I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
- OH, MY MERCHANT PRINCE.
- MY SKIN IS SAVED.
- OH, UH, CALL MR.POMFRITT,
TELL HIM WE CAN HAVE THE
PICNIC INSIDE THE PAVILION.
COME ON, MAYNARD, LET'S
START LOADING THIS STUFF
IN THE CAR.
- HELLO.
- HELLO. I'M MR. STOCKER.
ARE YOU THE FIRST OF OUR
RAINED-OUT PICNICKERS?
- YES, SIREE, AND THE
REST ARE ON THEIR WAY.
I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW THANKFUL I AM.
YOU HAVE DISTINCTLY
SAVED THE LIVES
OF A COUPLE HUNDRED KIDS,
AND THE LIVES OF
TWO, IN PARTICULAR.
- HERE, UH, PUT THIS
SOMEWHERE, PLEASE.
- I MEAN, IT'S JUST
SO WONDERFUL,
THE WAY YOU'VE
DONE THIS ON SUNDAY,
AND EVERYTHING,
AND IT'S RAINING AND...
- HOLD THIS, DAD.
- WELL, WELL, WHAT'S ALL THIS?
- OH, THESE ARE THE
SANDWICHES WE'RE GOING TO SELL.
- SANDWICHES?
DID YOU SAY SANDWICHES
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SELL?
- YES, MM-HMM.
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
- RIGHT BACK.
- HEY, HEY, DON'T SWING AT
THE GOODIES, DADDY-O. HERE.
- STOP.
WHY DO YOU THINK I
SAID I WOULD OPEN UP?
SO THAT YOU CAN SELL SANDWICHES?
NO, I SELL FOOD HERE.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I
HAVE OF MAKING A LIVING.
- YEAH, BUT, SIR.
- NO BUT, SIR.
NOW, GET THESE SANDWICHES
OFF OF MY PROPERTY
OR YOUR 200 STUDENTS
CAN HAVE THEIR PICNIC
OUT THERE IN THE RAIN.
- YES, SIR,
THAT'S WHAT DAD'S
GONNA DO TO ME, ALIVE.
- BUT I WAS WRONG
ABOUT MY FATHER.
WHEN HE GOT BACK AND
SAW THE SANDWICHES,
HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD.
- NOT FOR A WHILE, ANYWAY.
THEN HE SAID QUITE A FEW WORDS.
[ SHORT HORN BLASTS]
- NONE OF WHICH
WOULD BEAR REPEATING.
THE GIST OF IT WAS
THAT I'M GONNA MAKE UP
FOR THE $46 OUT
OF MY LUNCH MONEY.
I DON'T GET ANY LUNCH MONEY,
JUST ONE OF THE SANDWICHES
EVERY DAY UNTIL THEY'RE GONE.
- I FIGURED IT OUT.
I'M GONNA HAVE HAM
AND CHEESE SANDWICHES
FOR LUNCH FOR THE NEXT
FOUR-AND-A-HALF YEARS.
ALREADY, I'M GETTING AWFUL
SICK OF HAM AND CHEESE.
[ SCATTING ]
- HEY MAYNARD, WANT TO TRADE
FOR ONE OF THE HAM AND CHEESES?
- CRAZY, DAD.
- OH, YOU RUINED IT, MAN.
WHY'D YOU THAW IT OUT?
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
- MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I LOVE,
A GIRL NAMED THALIA MENNINGER.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THALIA MENNINGER LOVES,
MONEY.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.
- HI, DOBIE.
- THALIA, MY LOVE,
MY SWEET, MY INFINITY.
- I'M BUSY, DOBIE.
WHAT DID YOU ASK ME HERE FOR?
- THALIA, MY DARLING,
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.
I, I, I WORSHIP THE
GROUND YOU WALK ON.
- DOBIE, ARE YOU
GETTING READY TO ASK ME
TO GO TO THE PICNIC AT
CEDAR LAKE SATURDAY?
- UH, YEAH.
- CAN YOU GET YOUR FATHER'S CAR?
- WELL, UH, I, I, I DON'T
KNOW FOR SURE.
- HARLEY MILLFLOSS HAS ASKED ME.
- HARLEY MILLFLOSS?
WELL, HE'S ONLY
15 1/2 YEARS OLD.
- YES, AND HIS FATHER'S
CAR IS ONLY 1 1/2 YEARS OLD.
- OKAY, I'LL GET MY FATHER
TO LET ME HAVE THE CAR.
- AND I PRESUME THAT I CAN TAKE
ANY OF MY FRIENDS I
MAY CARE TO INVITE?
- WELL, I WAS HOPING YOU AND I,
WE COULD JUST,
OH, OKAY, I KNOW, HARLEY
MILLFLOSS. ALL RIGHT.
ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS
YOU WANT TO INVITE.
- GOOD. HERE THEY ARE.
- YOU GOT A LIST?
MIRIAM BUCKHANTS,
HAZEL CEDARMAN, DOTSIE,
LOVEY COLEMAN, HILDA
BEASLEY, 16 FRIENDS?
- SIXTEEN.
- WELL, WHAT'S THIS, THIS 25
YOU'VE GOT WRITTEN
AFTER EACH NAME?
- TWENTY-FIVE CENTS.
THAT'S WHAT I'M CHARGING THEM
FOR TRANSPORTATION
TO THE PICNIC.
- YOUR FRIENDS?
- DOBIE, YOU'RE A DOLL SOCIALLY,
BUT YOU'LL NEVER MAKE
A MERCHANT PRINCE.
FOUR DOLLARS AND TEN CENTS.
OOH. BYE.
- THAT'S MY THALIA.
SO FAIR, SO SWEET, SO GREEDY.
OF COURSE, WHEN I ASK MY FATHER
FOR THE CAR,
HE'LL GIVE IT TO ME.
OH, WILL HE GIVE IT TO ME.
- NO.
ON SATURDAY, YOU'LL BE
RIGHT HERE IN THE STORE,
BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER
IS DRAGGING ME AWAY
TO A FAMILY REUNION.
AND IF I'M GOING
TO BE MISERABLE,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISERABLE.
BUT THAT STILL
DOESN'T MAKE US EVEN,
BECAUSE I'LL BE DOUBLY
MISERABLE, ME THERE,
AND KNOWING THAT YOU'RE HERE.
- LEAVING YOU IN
CHARGE OF THIS STORE
MAY PROVE TO BE ONE
OF THE MAJOR ERRORS
IN THE HISTORY OF RETAILING.
BUT HERE YOU'LL STAY,
SATURDAY, ALL DAY.
- THAT'S WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE,
DISASTER PILED ON CALAMITY,
MISFORTUNE HEAPED
ON CATASTROPHE.
HOW AM I GONNA TELL THALIA I
CAN'T TAKE HER TO THE PICNIC?
I'VE ASKED HER TO MEET
ME HERE THIS AFTERNOON,
AND I DON'T LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
- NOW WHAT?
- THALIA, MY LOVE, MY
UNDERSTANDING HEART.
- YOU CAN'T GO TO THE PICNIC.
WELL, THERE GOES $4.10.
- THALIA, MY LOVE...
SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW I
HOPED YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
- LISTEN, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GO,
YOU COULD LET ME
HAVE YOUR FATHER'S CAR.
- THALIA, YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE.
- HEY, I'LL GIVE YOU
HALF MY TAKE, $2.05.
- YOU KNOW I CAN'T.
BUT LOOK, DON'T MAKE ME
REFUSE YOU ANYTHING MORE.
I'M CRUSHED ALREADY.
FOLKS ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN,
AND I HAVE TO TAKE
CARE OF THE STORE.
THE STORE, BITTER ASHES.
AND AFTER THE DAY I
HAD PLANNED FOR US.
- OH, I KNOW, YOU AND
ME BENEATH THE BOUGH,
AND A LOT OF SANDWICHES,
AND A JUG OF CREAM
SODA, AND WOW.
- YEAH.
- YOU CAN'T GO BECAUSE YOU
HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE STORE.
ALL BY YOURSELF?
- OH, WELL, I THINK THAT'S
WONDERFUL OF YOU, DOBIE,
DOING THAT FOR YOUR PARENTS.
- REALLY?
- JUST WONDERFUL.
- SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW I
KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
- AND I DON'T MIND GIVING
UP THE PICNIC AT ALL.
- OH, I KNEW IT,
THALIA MENNINGER.
THERE'S NOT A SELFISH
BONE IN YOUR BODY.
- IMPERIAL WHOLESALE GROCERY?
I WANT TO PLACE AN
ORDER FOR GILLIS' GROCERY.
NOW, HOW MUCH
BREAD AM I GONNA NEED
FOR 400 SANDWICHES?
OKAY, THAT, AND ENOUGH
SLICED CHEESE AND BAKED HAM.
AND WHATEVER IS THE RIGHT
AMOUNT OF MUSTARD AND MAYONNAISE.
- AND FURTHERMORE,
IF JUST ONE LITTLE
THING GOES WRONG.
WHAT AM I SAYING? IF?
- NOW, HERBERT, STOP THAT.
HAVE YOU GOT THE TICKETS?
- OH, I GOT THE TICKETS.
IT'S MY MIND I HAVEN'T GOT.
THAT'S IT, I'VE LOST MY MIND.
I'M A KOOK.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
I'LL BE TALKING TO THAT MAYNARD,
AND UNDERSTANDING HIM.
- DON'T MIND HIM, DOBIE.
YOU JUST BE A GOOD BOY, AND
TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE STORE,
AND MAKE HIM PROUD OF YOU.
- OH, I WILL, MOM. BYE,
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- GOODBYE.
- YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU WHEN IT CAME TIME
TO SAYING GOODBYE TO DOBIE,
YOU'D SHOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.
- DOBIE? I'M SAYING
GOODBYE TO THE STORE.
- LIKE, HI, MR. GILLIS.
- LIKE, OH.
- HEY, RISE AND SWING,
MAN. THE A.M.'S A GASSER.
COME ON, DOBE, WE'LL
BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.
- LATE FOR... MAYNARD,
THIS IS SATURDAY.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
- WHY SO SURPRISED?
IT HAPPENS TO YOU EVERY WEEK.
- YEAH.
- OKAY.
- THALIA.
- HI.
- THALIA, IS IT
REALLY YOU, MY LOVE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, DEAR HEART?
- WELL, I'VE COME
TO HELP, OF COURSE.
- MY DARLING. I
SAID IT YESTERDAY,
AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN...
- SIGN HERE, PLEASE.
- THERE'S NOT A SELFISH
BONE IN YOUR BODY.
- THE MAN WANTS YOU TO SIGN.
- YEAH, YEAH.
THE WORLD HAS SAID
YOU'RE COLD, HARD,
GRASPING, THALIA MENNINGER.
BUT THE WORLD DOESN'T
KNOW YOU AS I DO.
- THALIA...
- CANDY WITH MUSTARD
AND MAYONNAISE?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU AGAINST BREAKFAST?
- I AM FROM NOW ON.
- OH GOOD, IT'S ALL HERE.
- HM? WHAT'S ALL HERE?
WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF?
DAD DOESN'T SELL THAT
MUCH BREAD IN A WEEK.
AND ALL THAT HAM AND CHEESE.
GEE, GEE, I CAN'T FIGURE
WHY HE ORDERED IT.
- HE DIDN'T.
- HUH?
- I ORDERED IT.
- OH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU ORDERED IT?
- NOW LISTEN, DOBIE,
YOU WANT TO DO A GOOD
JOB IN THE STORE, DON'T YOU?
- THALIA, HOW COULD YOU...
- WELL WHY WEREN'T YOU
SMART ENOUGH TO SEE
THAT THE PICNIC IS TODAY,
AND THAT YOU CAN
SELL 400 SANDWICHES,
AND WE CAN MAKE $50.
- FOUR HUNDRED SANDWICHES?
$46?
YOU ORDERED $46 WORTH
OF STUFF ON MY FATHER'S BILL,
AND I SIGNED FOR IT?
HE'LL SKIN ME ALIVE.
- OH, DOBIE, JUST THINK
OF HOW PROUD HE'LL BE
WHEN YOU SELL 400 SANDWICHES.
- YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF WE
DON'T SELL 400 SANDWICHES?
- WELL, IF WE ONLY SELL 300,
AT A QUARTER APIECE,
THAT'S PRACTICALLY $50 PROFIT.
AND I'M TAKING YOU IN
AS AN EQUAL PARTNER.
HOW ELSE CAN YOU
GET RID OF THE FOOD?
- WELL, I COULD SEND IT BACK.
- WELL, LOOK AT
IT THIS WAY, THEN.
IF YOU DO SEND IT BACK,
I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.
BUT NOW, WE'VE GOT
400 SANDWICHES TO MAKE,
AND $50.
- YEAH. BOY, IT'S
50 BUCKS, PROFIT.
- YEAH, OKAY. HEY,
COME ON, MAYNARD,
LET'S GET STARTED.
- ONE MORE BATCH
AND WE'LL HAVE 400.
- HEY, MAN, DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THAT CAT.
HE'S GOT A LOUSY BEAT.
- YEAH, JUST ONE MOMENT, SIR.
- ONE MOMENT, NOTHING.
I'M IN A HURRY.
A BOX OF GINGER SNAPS
AND A LARGE CAN OF SARDINES.
- YES, SIR.
- GINGER SNAPS AND
SARDINES? OH, COOL.
- MY WIFE LIKES THEM.
AND SHE LIKES THE KIND OF
SARDINES IN MUSTARD SAUCE.
- YEAH. 97 CENTS, SIR.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- NEVER MIND. I PUT
THEM RIGHT IN HERE.
- OH, OKAY.
- COME ON, WE'RE
ALMOST FINISHED.
- MAN, DID YOU DIG
THAT WILD OUTFIT
THAT CAT WAS WEARING?
- YEAH, I HAVEN'T SEEN A
SLICKER LIKE THAT SINCE...
SLICKER!
- SLICKER?
- SLICKER?
- MAN, IT'S GOING
TO BE A SWINGING,
SLOPPY, SPLASHY PICNIC.
- YOU DOPE, THERE ISN'T
GONNA BE ANY PICNIC.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
HE'LL DO, SKIN ME ALIVE.
- OH, NOW, ISN'T THIS WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN GET YOURSELF
A NICE TWO-DAY REST.
- REST? I COULD GET MORE
REST IN A MALTED MILK MIXER.
THOSE RELATIVES OF YOURS,
IT'S LIKE BEING TRAPPED
IN A VIOLENT WARD.
- SHH! BUT THEY'LL HEAR YOU.
- FAMILY REUNION,
JUST WHAT I NEED,
JUST LIKE I NEED A WART
ON THE END OF MY NOSE.
- OH.
- HEY, SIS.
- HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU, HON?
- PUT HER DOWN, PUT HER DOWN.
IF YOU BREAK SOMETHING
ON HER, I GOT TO PAY.
- WHAT DO YOU
KNOW? LAUGHING BOY.
HA, HA, HA. LAUGHING BOY.
- I THINK I'D BETTER GET
THESE THINGS UNPACKED
BEFORE THE WRINKLES SET IN.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T DO IT,
SIS. THIS IS THE BOY'S DORM.
ALL THE WOMENFOLK
ARE BUNKING UPSTAIRS.
- HEY, WHAT DO YOU
MEAN? WINNIE AND I ARE...
- NOW QUIET, IN-LAW.
HEY, HE'S GETTING TO BE
A REGULAR TIGER. HA, HA.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
I'M BEGINNING TO SEE
WHAT THERE WAS YOU SAW IN HIM.
- WHAT DO MEAN, THE
WOMENFOLK ARE BUNKING?
- WELL, THERE AIN'T
ENOUGH BEDROOMS
TO GO AROUND IF WE
PLAY COZY COUPLES.
SO THE WOMEN ARE
BUNKING UPSTAIRS,
AND HERB AND I ARE IN HERE.
AND NO TIPPY-TOEING
IN THE HALLWAY.
- ME AND YOU?
- AND ED, AND, AND LOUIE,
AND JOE, AND, OH,
HEY, THE CHAMP.
YOU HAVEN'T MET HIM YET.
WELL, HERE HE IS,
1980 ALL-AMERICAN,
AND THEN HEAVY-WEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
HA, HA. GIVE YOUR
AUNT WINNIE A KISS.
- OKAY, CHAMP, RUN ALONG.
- WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- WELL, WILFRED,
JUNIOR, WHAT ELSE?
WHAT A KID, JUST A
CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK.
AND HOW'S YOURS?
- DOBIE? OH, DOBIE'S WONDERFUL.
SO TALL AND HANDSOME, AND...
- HERBERT, I DON'T
MIND TELLING YOU
THAT WE ALL UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU COULDN'T COME
TO THESE REUNIONS
IN PREVIOUS YEARS,
UNDERSTAND, AND ARE SYMPATHETIC.
- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DOBIE?
- AH, WHAT THE DICKENS,
HERB? IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY.
- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DOBIE?
- THE ONE WITH
THE TWO LEFT FEET.
TWO LEFT FEET, THREE LEFT FEET.
WHO'D YOU LEAVE HIM
WITH? GOT A GOOD KEEPER?
- I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I DIDN'T
LEAVE HIM WITH ANYBODY.
I LEFT HIM WITH THE STORE.
THAT BOY IS SHARP AS A TACK.
AND WHAT A WORKER.
WHY, HE'LL TAKE BETTER CARE
OF THAT STORE THAN I WOULD.
- WELL, MAYBE SO,
BUT THAT DOESN'T
PROVE HE ISN'T AN IDIOT.
HA, HA, HA, HA.
- HIM CALLING DOBIE AN IDIOT.
- WELL YOU'RE ALWAYS
CALLING HIM AN IDIOT.
- WELL HE IS AN IDIOT.
BUT BY GEORGE, HE'S MY IDIOT.
AND HE'S IN MY STORE.
IN MY STORE. WHERE'S THE PHONE?
- LONG DISTANCE? GIVE
ME SPRINGFIELD, 4682.
- CHECKING ON THE IDIOT, HUH?
- CHECKING? LISTEN, I'VE
GOT A WONDERFUL SON THERE,
AND I LOVE HIM.
I JUST CAN'T LET A DAY GO BY
WITHOUT HEARING HIS VOICE.
- HELLO?
- OH, HELLO, DOBIE.
- HI, SON.
- DAD?
- YES, DOBIE, IT'S YOUR DAD.
I JUST CALLED TO
SEE HOW YOU ARE.
- OH, I'M FINE, DAD.
- YES.
MY SON, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING?
- WELL, ALL RIGHT, SORT OF.
- SORT OF?
UH, SORT OF, YEAH,
GOING SORT OF GOOD, HUH?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY, DAD.
YOU SEE, WE MADE 400 SANDWICHES,
HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICHES,
$46 WORTH THAT WE GOT
FROM THE WHOLESALERS
ON YOUR BILL.
- YES, DOBIE, MY SON, I'M FINE.
BUSINESS IS VERY GOOD, HUH?
- NO, DAD, IT'S
POURING RAIN HERE,
AND HARDLY ANYBODY'S BEEN IN.
AND THE PICNIC'S CALLED
OFF BECAUSE OF THE RAIN.
YOU FOLLOW ME, DAD?
- YES, YES, I AM.
- UH-HUH.
WELL, THAT'S WHY WE'RE
STUCK WITH 400 SANDWICHES.
- STUCK WITH, THAT'S, HA, HA,
THAT'S RIGHT, SON.
STICK TO IT.
YES, SIR, IT'S NICE TO HEAR
YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF
THE STORE SO WONDERFULLY.
UH, JUST WHAT I EXPECTED.
GOODBYE, MY SON.
WELL, GUESS YOU'VE, UH,
GOTTA GET UNPACKED YET, HUH?
YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY
COMFORTABLE HERE.
THINK I'LL JUST, UH, SIT HERE
AND TAKE IT EASY FOR A WHILE.
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
THEY'RE ALL DOWN ON THE MEADOW
GETTING READY TO
START THE GAMES.
- GAMES?
- CERTAINLY.
SOFTBALL, THREE-LEGGED
RACE, POTATO SACK RACE.
- HEY, WHO IS SHE
TALKING TO ON THE PHONE?
- MR. POMFRITT. HE WAS
IN CHARGE OF THE PICNIC.
HE'S AN ENGLISH
TEACHER AT SCHOOL.
I'M IN HIS CLASS.
I... MAYNARD, YOU'RE
IN THE SAME CLASS.
- OH, WE ARE SAVED.
I TALKED TO MR. POMFRITT ABOUT
HAVING THE PICNIC TOMORROW
IF IT STOPS RAINING,
AND HE AGREED.
- THALIA, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
- YES.
NOW, UH, WE'LL HAVE TO
KEEP THESE SANDWICHES
FRESH TILL TOMORROW.
- YEAH.
- GET SOME CLOTHS
THAT WE CAN SEW.
- UH-HUH.
- OH, NO, OH, NO.
WE'LL PUT THEM IN THE FREEZER.
THAT'LL KEEP THEM FRESH.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- YES.
[ PHONE RINGS]
- OH, I'LL GET IT.
- GILLIS GROCERY.
- UH, DOBIE...
- HA, HA, HA. CHECKING
UP AGAIN, HUH?
- I JUST LOVE THE SOUND
OF THE BOY'S VOICE.
- YEAH, WELL, COME
ON. YOU BAT NEXT.
- GOODBYE, DOBIE. I'M GLAD
TO HEAR THAT EVERYTHING'S...
- YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE,
IF IT JUST STOPS RAINING.
- OH, BOY.
- DOBIE.
- THALIA.
THALIA, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
MY SKIN IS SAVED.
- YES, AND MY BANK
ACCOUNT IS SAVED, TOO.
- YEAH. MAYNARD, MAYNARD.
- HEY, MAN, THIS...
MAKES A CRAZY PAD.
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
THE SUN IS SHINING.
THE PICNIC'S ON.
- YES, LET'S GET THE
SANDWICHES READY.
- YEAH, IT'S RIGHT HERE, THALIA.
- YEAH, UH-HUH.
- DOBIE.
- HUH?
WHAT'S THE MAT...
[ TAP, TAP, TAP]
- DOBIE.
- WELL, I WANTED TO BE SURE
THEY'D STAY GOOD AND FRESH.
I TURNED THE FREEZER ON FULL.
- MAN, THAT SANDWICH IS A GAS.
- OH, COOL,
HEY, I GOT WHAT I
THINK IS A BRILLIANT IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE BREAK
THEM UP, PUT THEM IN BOXES,
AND SELL THEM LIKE
CRACKER JACKS?
- OH, MAYNARD, YOU OUGHT
TO BE INSTITUTIONALIZED.
YOU REALLY SHOULD.
- YEAH.
- OH, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
IT'S ALMOST 10:00.
THEY'LL NEVER THAW OUT.
- HOLD, MAYBE WE
CAN, LIKE, HEAT THEM.
- HERE'S ANOTHER BATCH
FROM OFF THE STOVE.
BUT WE CAN SEE...
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAYNARD?
- MAN, IT SAYS "RAYON,
SILK, AND COTTON,"
BUT NOT "SANDWICHES."
- HERE. GO WATCH THAT
CARTON YOU PUT IN THE OVEN.
- WELL, WE CAN GIVE
THEM THEIR CHOICE,
FROZEN, TOASTED, OR BURNED.
- YEAH, I FIGURE I BETTER
NOT LEAVE THE NEXT BATCH
IN THE OVEN QUITE SO LONG.
- I FIGURE WE'VE GOT ABOUT
300 GOOD ONES WE CAN SELL.
THAT'S $150,
IF WE CAN GET
THEM THERE ON TIME.
- WELL, WE'RE
PRACTICALLY FINISHED.
[ KNOCKS]
- WE'RE CLOSED! SUNDAY.
[ KNOCKS]
WE'RE CLOSED ON SUNDAYS.
- I ASKED YOU FOR GINGER SNAPS
AND SARDINES WITH MUSTARD.
YOU GAVE ME
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
AND SARDINES WITHOUT MUSTARD.
- OH, YEAH. SO,
SORRY ABOUT THAT,
SIR, I, I, UH, YEAH, HERE,
HERE YOU ARE, SIR.
ALL PAID FOR.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
AND I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
[ DOOR SLAMS]
- GEE, I, I HOPE HE
DOESN'T TELL DAD.
HE, HE WAS REALLY TEED OFF.
- WELL, WHAT CAN YOU
EXPECT FROM A CHARACTER
WHO WEARS A SLICKER
ON A DAY LIKE THIS?
- SLICKER?
- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
HE'LL DO, SKIN ME.
SURE, ALIVE.
[ SNORING ]
- LONG DISTANCE, I
WANT SPRINGFIELD, 4682.
- HELLO? DAD.
- I COULDN'T TALK
YESTERDAY, BUT I CAN NOW.
NOW I WANT YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE STORE.
- WELL, DAD, THE
ONLY THING WE, UH,
WE DID MAKE 400 SANDWICHES.
- FOUR HUNDRED SANDWICHES?
THEN I DID HEAR YOU
RIGHT YESTERDAY.
AND TALK PLAINER.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU
BECAUSE OF ALL THAT HAMMERING.
HAMMERING, CARPENTERS.
I KNEW IT. CARPENTERS ARE THERE.
WHAT ARE THEY FIXING, DOBIE?
WHAT DID YOU
BREAK? HOW BAD IS IT?
- STOP THAT, MAYNARD.
- OH, DON'T PUT ME
DOWN, MAN. I'M IN ORBIT.
I'M GIVING IT THAT
LICK BRUBECK GAVE,
BACK BAY BLUES OUT AT
CEDAR LAKE PAVILION LAST YEAR.
- I SAID, CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT
CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
WHAT'S THAT HAMMERING?
WHAT DID YOU
BREAK? HOW BAD IS IT?
- OH, NOTHING, DAD, NOTHING.
EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL HERE,
JUST WONDERFUL. BYE, DAD.
- DOBIE, DOBIE, DOBIE!
I GOTTA KILL THAT BOY.
I JUST GOTTA.
- WHAT IDEA, DOBIE, WHAT?
- MAYBE I CAN TALK
THEM INTO LETTING US
HAVE THE PICNIC INDOORS,
IN CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
- THE PAVILION IS CLOSED SUNDAY.
[ PHONE RINGS ]
- CEDAR LAKE PAVILION.
WE'RE CLOSED TODAY.
- I KNOW, BUT LISTEN,
YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO ME.
I REPRESENT 200 UNFORTUNATE,
UNDERPRIVILEGED
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.
AND WE WERE GONNA HAVE A PICNIC
OUT THERE TODAY IN
THE PICNIC GROUNDS.
AND IT'S RAINING.
AND WE WERE WONDERING
IF WE COULD HAVE THE PICNIC
INSIDE YOUR PAVILION.
- DID YOU SAY 200 STUDENTS?
- YES, SIR.
I KNOW YOU'RE CLOSED, BUT, SIR,
COULDN'T YOU FIND
IT IN YOUR HEART
TO OPEN UP THE PAVILION?
- SURE, I'LL BE GLAD TO
OPEN FOR 200 PEOPLE.
- OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU'RE A REAL HUMAN BEING.
- WELL, WHAT DID HE
SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?
- I TALKED HIM INTO IT.
- OH, MY MERCHANT PRINCE.
- MY SKIN IS SAVED.
- OH, UH, CALL MR.POMFRITT,
TELL HIM WE CAN HAVE THE
PICNIC INSIDE THE PAVILION.
COME ON, MAYNARD, LET'S
START LOADING THIS STUFF
IN THE CAR.
- HELLO.
- HELLO. I'M MR. STOCKER.
ARE YOU THE FIRST OF OUR
RAINED-OUT PICNICKERS?
- YES, SIREE, AND THE
REST ARE ON THEIR WAY.
I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW THANKFUL I AM.
YOU HAVE DISTINCTLY
SAVED THE LIVES
OF A COUPLE HUNDRED KIDS,
AND THE LIVES OF
TWO, IN PARTICULAR.
- HERE, UH, PUT THIS
SOMEWHERE, PLEASE.
- I MEAN, IT'S JUST
SO WONDERFUL,
THE WAY YOU'VE
DONE THIS ON SUNDAY,
AND EVERYTHING,
AND IT'S RAINING AND...
- HOLD THIS, DAD.
- WELL, WELL, WHAT'S ALL THIS?
- OH, THESE ARE THE
SANDWICHES WE'RE GOING TO SELL.
- SANDWICHES?
DID YOU SAY SANDWICHES
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SELL?
- YES, MM-HMM.
- WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
- RIGHT BACK.
- HEY, HEY, DON'T SWING AT
THE GOODIES, DADDY-O. HERE.
- STOP.
WHY DO YOU THINK I
SAID I WOULD OPEN UP?
SO THAT YOU CAN SELL SANDWICHES?
NO, I SELL FOOD HERE.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I
HAVE OF MAKING A LIVING.
- YEAH, BUT, SIR.
- NO BUT, SIR.
NOW, GET THESE SANDWICHES
OFF OF MY PROPERTY
OR YOUR 200 STUDENTS
CAN HAVE THEIR PICNIC
OUT THERE IN THE RAIN.
- YES, SIR,
THAT'S WHAT DAD'S
GONNA DO TO ME, ALIVE.
- BUT I WAS WRONG
ABOUT MY FATHER.
WHEN HE GOT BACK AND
SAW THE SANDWICHES,
HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD.
- NOT FOR A WHILE, ANYWAY.
THEN HE SAID QUITE A FEW WORDS.
[ SHORT HORN BLASTS]
- NONE OF WHICH
WOULD BEAR REPEATING.
THE GIST OF IT WAS
THAT I'M GONNA MAKE UP
FOR THE $46 OUT
OF MY LUNCH MONEY.
I DON'T GET ANY LUNCH MONEY,
JUST ONE OF THE SANDWICHES
EVERY DAY UNTIL THEY'RE GONE.
- I FIGURED IT OUT.
I'M GONNA HAVE HAM
AND CHEESE SANDWICHES
FOR LUNCH FOR THE NEXT
FOUR-AND-A-HALF YEARS.
ALREADY, I'M GETTING AWFUL
SICK OF HAM AND CHEESE.
[ SCATTING ]
- HEY MAYNARD, WANT TO TRADE
FOR ONE OF THE HAM AND CHEESES?
- CRAZY, DAD.
- OH, YOU RUINED IT, MAN.
WHY'D YOU THAW IT OUT?
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪