The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Best Dressed Man - full transcript
Dobie launches a runway offensive versus wealthy, better-dressed hunk Milton Armitage, his competitor for luscious teen gold-digger Thalia Menninger. When Dobie's grocer father Herbert T. Gillis refuses to finance a clothing binge, Dobie talks a local haberdasher into letting Dobie secretly model the shoppe's best outfits, to promote the store's business, plus counter Maynard & The Beat Generation's anti-fashion values, which challenge 50's Mad Men mores.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
- MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS
AND I'M IN LOVE WITH A GIRL
NAMED THALIA MENNINGER,
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, A FINE GIRL.
THE ONLY TROUBLE
IS, SHE LIKES MONEY.
NOW SHE'S NOT A
GOLD DIGGER, MIND YOU.
NO, SHE'S JUST KIND
OF GREEDY, GRASPING,
AVARICIOUS, MEAN,
SELFISH, MISERLY.
FINE GIRL, YOU UNDERSTAND,
WONDERFUL GIRL.
WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
I HAVEN'T GOT MONEY.
WHAT I'VE GOT IS LOVE.
BOY, HAVE I GOT LOVE.
I GOT LOVE I HAVEN'T
EVEN USED YET.
DO YOU THINK THALIA'S
IMPRESSED? NAH.
NO, SHE KEEPS MAKING
EYES AT MILTON ARMITAGE.
MILTON ARMITAGE,
FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY, HE'S NOT A MAN.
HE'S A TAILOR'S DUMMY.
- WOO! HEY, MILTON, WHAT'S
THAT YOU GOT ON, MAN?
- DON'T YOU KNOW, MAYNARD?
THAT'S CALLED A SUIT.
- OH, NO, DADDY. A SUIT IS WHEN
YOU TAKE SOMEBODY TO COURT.
- NO, A SUIT IS SOMETHING
THAT FALLS OUTTA CHIMNEYS.
- HEY NOW, MEN, I DON'T THINK
YOU OUGHT TO BE NEEDLING MILTON.
WHERE'S YOUR MANNERS?
POOR BOY JUST COMES
BACK FROM A FUNERAL
AND HERE YOU ARE
RACKING HIM BACK!
- AW, WE'RE SORRY, MILTON.
WAS IT SOMEBODY NEAR AND DEAR?
- YEAH, I THINK IT WAS HIM.
- YEAH, HE DOES
LOOK KIND OF LAID OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- HARDY-HAR-HAR. OH,
YOU'RE ALL SO FUNNY.
WELL, I HAPPEN TO THINK
MILTON LOOKS VERY NICE.
- THANK YOU, THALIA.
- NOW YOU COME SIT DOWN
AND WE'LL JUST IGNORE
THESE RAGAMUFFINS.
- RAGAMUFFINS?
- NOT YOU, MAYNARD, US.
- OH.
- I THINK YOU LOOK
VERY NICE TOO, THALIA.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU. I
ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK MY BEST
BECAUSE I THINK A
PERSON'S APPEARANCE
IS VERY IMPORTANT, DON'T YOU?
- OH, I DO, I DO.
- IT SHOWS YOU'VE GOT MONEY
AND THAT'S WHAT'S
IMPORTANT, MONEY.
- RIGHT.
- SO A PERSON SHOULD
ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK HIS BEST.
MY DADDY SAYS SHOW ME A MAN
WITHOUT A CREASE IN HIS TROUSERS
AND I'LL SHOW YOU A FAILURE.
- OH, I AGREE. YOU KNOW, I HAVE
PANTS HANGERS FOR MY PANTS.
- OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?
- AND COAT HANGERS FOR MY COATS.
- OH, I'M SO GLAD.
- NOT THE WIRE HANGERS,
BUT THE BIG WOODEN TYPE
THAT ARE SHAPED TO FIT A
PERSON'S OWN SHOULDERS.
- OH, WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA.
- AND I HAVE A TIE
RACK FOR MY TIES.
- OH, REALLY?
- AND SHOE TREES FOR MY SHOES.
- OH, HOW DIVINE!
- MADE IN ENGLAND.
- THE SHOES?
- OH, THE SHOES, OF COURSE,
BUT THE TREES TOO.
I MEAN, YOU'D HARDLY
PUT AMERICAN TREES
Both: - INTO ENGLISH SHOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS HANG
MY CLOTHES SIX INCHES APART
SO THAT THE MATERIALS
DON'T RUB TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, MANY A
WARDROBE HAS BEEN RUINED
BY MATERIALS RUBBING TOGETHER.
- HOW MANY SUITS
WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAD?
- OH, WELL, I'D HAVE
TO CHECK. I MEAN,
I REALLY COULDN'T SAY OFFHAND.
- OH, GEE.
ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT
MY CLOSET IS 16 FEET LONG.
- OH, GOLLY!
- SAY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
COME OVER AFTER SCHOOL
AND TAKE A LOOK AT MY SUITS?
- OH, COULD I?
- OH, NOW JUST A MINUTE.
YOU AND I HAD A
DATE AFTER SCHOOL.
- DID WE?
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT WE DID.
- I DON'T REMEMBER
YOUR ASKING ME.
- WELL, LET ME
REFRESHEN YOUR MEMORY.
DIDN'T I COME UP TO YOU
THIS MORNING AND ASK YOU
TO GO TO THE ICE CREAM
PARLOR AFTER SCHOOL?
- YES, I BELIEVE YOU
DID, AND WHAT DID I SAY?
- YOU SAID YES.
- TRY AGAIN, DOBIE.
- WELL, YOU INTIMATED THAT...
- WHAT WERE MY EXACT WORDS?
- NO.
- CORRECT. NOW IF
YOU'LL EXCUSE US.
- NOW LOOK HERE, THALIA...
- DOBE, I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT THALIA WISHES TO
SPEAK TO YOU ANYMORE.
- HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GET KNOCKED
RIGHT ON YOUR FANCY PANTS?
- TAKE IT EASY,
DOBE. HE'LL KILL YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT,
DOBE, I'LL KILL YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'LL KILL ME.
- I MAY TAKE A SWIPE
AT YOU MYSELF.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. POMFRITT.
- GOOD MORNING. MAY
I BEGIN CLASS NOW?
- OH, YES, SIR. SORRY.
- THANK YOU. PLEASE
TURN TO PAGE 473.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
CORPORAL PUNISHMENT?
TEACHING WAS A FINE
PROFESSION IN THOSE DAYS.
THE BIRCH ROD, READIN'
AND WRITIN' AND 'RITHMETIC
TAUGHT TO THE TUNE
OF A HICKORY STICK.
WHAT DO WE GOT NOW?
PSYCHOLOGISTS. ECH! OH, WELL.
YOU READY, MY YOUNG
BARBARIANS? LET'S BEGIN.
"KUBLA KHAN," BY SAMUEL
TAYLOR COLERIDGE.
"IN XANADU DID KUBLA KHAN
A STATELY PLEASURE
DOME DECREE..."
- DAD?
DAD, I WANT TO ASK
YOU SOMETHING,
BUT PLEASE DON'T GET SORE AT ME.
- SORE AT YOU? WHY
SHOULD I GET SORE AT YOU?
YOU'RE MY SON, AND I LOVE YOU.
- YOU SEE, DOBIE?
- SO WHAT IF YOU WON'T
DO A LICK OF WORK?
SO WHAT IF YOU EAT $6 WORTH
OF GROCERIES AT EVERY SITTING?
SO WHAT IF YOU WEAR MY BEST TIES
AND BRING THEM HOME ALL
COVERED WITH CHOCOLATE SYRUP?
SO WHAT? YOU'RE MY
SON, AND I LOVE YOU.
- OH, I APPRECIATE THAT, DAD.
- OH, IT'S NOTHING. WHAT
IS IT YOU WANT, SON?
AND YOU MIGHT AS
WELL MAKE IT REAL BIG
BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GONNA GET IT.
- HERBERT, THAT'S NOT
FAIR. HEAR THE BOY OUT.
- HEAR HIM OUT? I'LL
GLADLY THROW HIM OUT.
- HERBERT!
- I'M SORRY. I LOST MY HEAD.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT,
SON WHO I LOVE?
- SOME NEW CLOTHES.
- BUT, DEAR, I BOUGHT YOU
FOUR PAIRS OF KHAKIS LAST WEEK.
- I KNOW, MOM. I'M
TALKING ABOUT SUITS,
SPORTS JACKETS, SLACKS,
SHIRTS, TIES, STUFF LIKE THAT.
- WHAT, NO TUXEDOS?
NO TAILCOATS?
NO JODHPURS, SON WHO I LOVE?
- YOU WON'T GIVE
ME THE MONEY, HUH?
- THERE NOW IS GOOD THINKING.
- WELL, MOM, I GUESS
IT'S JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
HE'S STINGY.
- I THINK YOU BETTER
RUN ALONG NOW, DEAR.
- I DON'T WANNA RUN ALONG.
I WANNA STAY RIGHT HERE
AND DISCUSS THIS THING.
- FINE. LET'S DISCUSS. AND
WHILE WE'RE DISCUSSING,
LET'S UNPACK THAT LOAD OF CANNED
GOODS IN THE BACK ROOM, HUH?
- YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM. I THINK
I'D BETTER RUN ALONG NOW.
- SO YOU TOLD HIM I WAS STINGY?
- HE'D HAVE FOUND IT
OUT SOONER OR LATER.
I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
- NOW, HERBERT.
- HONEST, WINNIE.
DOESN'T HE WORRY YOU?
- CERTAINLY NOT! WHAT'S
THERE TO WORRY ABOUT?
HE'S CLEAN, HE'S DECENT,
HE'S POLITE, HE'S
INTELLIGENT, HE'S...
- LAZY.
- NO, NOT LAZY.
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
- I CALL IT 17.
LOOK BACK, HERBERT,
WHEN YOU WERE 17.
DID YOU WORK IN
YOUR FATHER'S STORE?
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT I DID.
- SURE.
AFTER HE TIED YOU
TO THE COUNTER.
- HE DID NOT TIE
ME TO THE COUNTER.
HE CHAINED ME.
- HONESTLY, DEAR. WHY
DON'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN
AND HAVE A GOOD TALK WITH DOBIE?
- WHO'LL INTERPRET?
- DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT BOY YET?
- OH, I UNDERSTAND
HIM JUST FINE.
HE WANTS MONEY,
CLOTHES, GIRLS, A CAR.
HE DON'T WANT WORK.
WHAT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
- BUT YOU DON'T REALIZE
HOW HARD IT IS TO
BE A 17-YEAR-OLD.
- I KNOW SOMETHING
THAT'S EVEN HARDER.
- WHAT?
- TO BE THE FATHER
OF A 17-YEAR-OLD.
COME ON, LET'S GO TO WORK.
I WONDER IF THAT THING'S
STILL AROUND HERE?
- WHAT?
- THE CHAIN MY FATHER TIED
ME TO THE COUNTER WITH.
- HEY, BIG DADDY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- OH, LOOKING.
- AT WHAT?
- CLOTHES.
- BUT WHY?
- FOR THALIA.
- THEY'LL NEVER FIT HER.
- NO, MAYNARD. I WANT
THE CLOTHES FOR ME.
THALIA THINKS CLOTHES
ARE A WHOLE BIG DEAL.
YOU REMEMBER WHAT SHE
SAID TO MILTON YESTERDAY.
- YEAH.
- WHO AM I KIDDING?
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO
AFFORD CLOTHES LIKE THESE.
WITHOUT CLOTHES LIKE
THESE, I'LL NEVER GET THALIA.
- OH, IT'S, LIKE, TOUGH, BUDDY.
- YEAH.
- SONNY?
- ME?
- YOU.
- WHAT?
- WOULD YOU MIND MOVING ON?
- HOW COME?
- WELL, NO OFFENSE, SONNY,
BUT THIS IS A CLOTHING STORE
AND I'D HATE TO HAVE ANYONE
THINK THAT YOU JUST
CAME OUT OF HERE.
- PLEASE DON'T KNOCK MY
CLOTHES, MISTER. I'M A SYMPTOM.
- OF WHAT?
- OF THE BEAT GENERATION.
[ SCATS ]
- OH, YOU BEATNIKS.
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T SOLD SO
MUCH AS A PAIR OF SOCKS
TO A HIGH SCHOOL KID
SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHEN.
- THAT'S RIGHT!
- WHAT'S RIGHT?
- WHAT YOU SAID.
YOU'RE NOT SELLING ANY
CLOTHES TO HIGH SCHOOL KIDS.
- HE'S TELLING ME
I'M NOT SELLING.
USED TO BE A KID WOULD COME
IN THE STORE ONCE IN A WHILE
AND BUY A SUIT,
A JACKET, A SHIRT.
NOW EVERYBODY'S
THE BEAT GENERATION.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S RIGHT, HE'S TELLING ME.
- WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING ABOUT IT?
- WHAT CAN I DO? CALL
THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT?
- YOU CAN FIGHT.
- LIKE HOW?
- YEAH, LIKE HOW?
- LOOK, HERE'S THE ENEMY, TRUE?
- POISON.
- YEAH, YEAH, POISON.
AND FOR POISON, YOU
NEED AN ANTIDOTE.
- LIKE WHAT?
- YEAH, LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE ME.
- I DON'T, LIKE, DIG.
- I DON'T, LIKE...
WILL YOU SHUT UP?
- WHAT YOU NEED
IS A REPRESENTATIVE
OVER AT THE SCHOOL, SOMEBODY
WHO'D SHOW UP EVERY DAY
IN BEAUTIFUL NEW CLOTHES.
SOMEBODY WHO'LL EXCITE THE ENVY
AND ADMIRATION OF
ALL THE OTHER GUYS.
AND THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW,
EVERYBODY WILL BE
FLOCKING DOWN TO ZIEGLER'S.
- YOU THINK SO?
- I KNOW SO.
PROVIDED, OF COURSE, YOU
GET THE RIGHT REPRESENTATIVE.
I MEAN, YOU WANT SOME
REALLY PROMINENT STUDENT,
SOME NATURAL-BORN
LEADER, YOU MIGHT SAY.
- YOU, FOR INSTANCE?
- WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE
FITTING FOR ME TO SAY.
ASK, UH... ASK MAYNARD.
- THERE'S A RELIABLE WITNESS.
- NOW SERIOUSLY, MR. ZIEGLER.
IF YOU JUST GAVE ME A CHANCE...
- SAVE IT, SON, SAVE IT.
- YOU MEAN YOU WON'T?
- I MEAN I WILL.
MY BOY, YOU'RE LOOKING
AT A DESPERATE MAN.
I HAVEN'T MOVED A TEENAGE
ITEM SINCE CHRISTMAS.
- AW, YOU'LL NEVER
REGRET THIS, MR. ZIEGLER.
- I'M REGRETTING IT ALREADY.
BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN
YOUR BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL?
WELL, COME ON IN,
SONNY. I'LL DRESS YOU.
PLEASE, SONNY, NOT YOU.
- YEAH, MAYNARD, YOU GET OVER
TO THE SCHOOL AND FIND THALIA.
AND HERE'S WHAT I
WANT YOU TO TELL HER.
- LIKE, HI.
- HI.
- DON'T YOU THINK A WELL-DRESSED
MAN IS, LIKE, THE GREATEST?
- WHO'D YOU HAVE IN MIND?
LIKE, NOBODY. I MEAN,
JUST A WELL-DRESSED MAN
LIKE, IN GENERAL.
- YES.
- YES, WHAT?
- YES, I THINK A WELL-DRESSED
MAN IS, LIKE, THE GREATEST.
- YEAH. I MEAN, A MAN'S
PERSONAL APPEARANCE
IS, LIKE, IMPORTANT.
DON'T YOU THINK SO?
- OH, I THINK SO.
- I MEAN, IF I WAS A GIRL,
I'D REALLY FLIP FOR
A WELL-DRESSED MAN.
WOULDN'T YOU?
- I CERTAINLY WOULD.
GOOD MORNING, MILTON.
- GOOD MORNING, MOUSE.
- OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SUIT!
- THANK YOU. IT'S
MOHAIR FROM REAL GOATS.
- OH, THINK OF THAT.
- IT'S A FAIR SUIT, FAIR.
- I'D LIKE TO SEE A
BETTER ONE AROUND HERE.
- MM, SO WOULD I.
- SO LOOK.
- GOOD MORNING, CHAPS.
- HEY, THAT'S, LIKE,
A GREAT SUIT, DOBIE.
- THIS OLD THING?
THIS OLD LIGHTWEIGHT,
ALL-WEATHER,
ALL-PURPOSE CASHMERE?
- YEAH, THAT AIN'T MADE OUT
OF ANY OLD GOAT HAIR, I BET YOU.
- DOBIE, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
MAY I FEEL IT?
- IF YOU LIKE.
- OH, DOBIE!
- OH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE OLD
LIGHTWEIGHT, ALL-WEATHER,
ALL-PURPOSE
WRINKLE-RESISTANT CASHMERE.
- WELL, IF I WAS, LIKE, A GIRL,
I'D SURE WANT TO BE SEEN
AROUND TOWN WITH A GUY
WHO LOOKED LIKE DOBIE.
- OH, ME TOO.
HEY, YOU WANNA MEET
AT THE ICE CREAM PARLOR
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- DUTCH TREAT?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- I'LL BUY.
- OH, VERY WELL.
- BUT, THALIA, YOU PROMISED ME.
- OH, SOME OTHER TIME, MILTIE.
- HEY, MAYBE YOU AND I CAN DO
SOMETHING TOGETHER, BIG DADDY.
- WELL, SIR, FOR A WHILE THERE,
I WAS THE BEST-DRESSED MAN
WHO EVER HIT CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
I MEAN, EVERY DAY
ANOTHER NEW OUTFIT.
WHAT I'D DO IS STOP AT
MR. ZIEGLER'S CLOTHING STORE
EVERY MORNING ON
THE WAY TO SCHOOL
AND HE'D DECK ME OUT
IN BRAND NEW CLOTHES.
MAN, THEY WERE THE END.
OF COURSE, I'D HAVE
TO BRING THEM BACK
EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL,
BUT THEY REALLY
MADE AN IMPRESSION,
ESPECIALLY ON THALIA.
MAN, I THOUGHT SHE'D
LOSE HER EVER-LOVING MIND.
AS FOR MILTON ARMITAGE,
WELL, I GOT TO GIVE HIM CREDIT.
HE DIDN'T TAKE THIS LYING
DOWN. NO, SIR, HE FOUGHT BACK.
EVERY TIME I CAME
IN WITH A NEW OUTFIT,
BY GEORGE, HE DID ME ONE
BETTER. BUT I FOUGHT BACK TOO.
I DID HIM ONE BETTER.
AND, AFTER ALL, IN A TEST LIKE
THIS, I HAD TO BE THE WINNER.
I MEAN, MILTON MIGHT
HAVE A CLOSET 16 FEET LONG,
BUT MR. ZIEGLER HAD A
CLOTHING STORE 125 FEET LONG.
FOR A WHILE, MILTON
KEPT TOPPING ME,
BUT I'D TOP HIM RIGHT BACK.
- GREAT SUIT, DOBIE.
THEN FINALLY THERE CAME A DAY
WHEN I TOPPED HIM
FOR GOOD AND ALL.
MR. ZIEGLER TOOK
EXTRA PAINS THAT DAY,
SO I WAS A LITTLE
LATE GETTING TO CLASS.
- HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE GLASSES?
- I WANNA GET A GOOD LOOK.
OH, I WONDER WHAT
THEY'LL BE WEARING TODAY.
ISN'T THIS EXCITING?
- YEAH, COOL, MOTHER.
- OH, HERE COMES MILTON!
OH, I THINK I SHALL SWOON!
- DARLING.
- OH! OH, MILTON,
THESE ARE THE UTMOST.
I MEAN, THEY'RE THE
LIVING, BREATHING END.
- YOU'RE RIGHT,
THALIA. IT IS THE END.
THIS IS AS FAR AS I GO.
THIS, IN FACT, IS AS
FAR AS ANYBODY GOES.
THESE, THALIA, ARE
THE ULTIMATE CLOTHES.
- YES, YOU'RE
RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- SO HOW ABOUT
MAKING UP YOUR MIND?
ARE YOU MY GIRL OR AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, I'LL HAVE TO SEE
WHAT DOBIE HAS ON FIRST.
- COULD HE POSSIBLY
DO BETTER THAN THIS?
- IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKELY.
- WELL, THEN?
- WELL, LET'S JUST WAIT AND SEE.
- MORNING, CLASS.
- MORNING.
- WHERE'S THE OTHER
FOP? NOT HERE YET?
WHAT A PITY. WE'LL HAVE
TO BEGIN WITHOUT HIM.
PLEASE TURN TO
PAGE 476, "KUBLA KHAN"
BY SAMUEL TAYLOR
COLERIDGE, LAST STANZA.
YOU KNOW, SAMUEL
TAYLOR COLERIDGE,
WHO WROTE THIS POEM, WAS A
KIND OF AN INTERESTING OLD GUY.
HE HAD HALLUCINATIONS.
THAT IS, HE SAW THINGS
WHICH DIDN'T EXIST.
I'M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND
HOW SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE FELT.
ALL RIGHT, "KUBLA
KHAN," LAST STANZA.
"COULD I REVIVE WITHIN ME
HER SYMPHONY AND SONG,
"TO SUCH A DEEP
DELIGHT 'TWOULD WIN ME,
"THAT WITH MUSIC LOUD AND LONG,
"I WOULD BUILD THAT DOME IN AIR,
"THAT SUNNY DOME!
THOSE CAVES OF ICE!
"AND ALL WHO HEARD
SHOULD SEE THEM THERE
AND ALL SHOULD CRY
BEWARE! BEWARE!"
- THALIA, DARLING.
- WILL YOU STOP READING
OTHER PEOPLE'S MAIL?
- MILTON, PLEASE, CALM YOURSELF.
- WELL, YOU'VE JUST GOT
TO, MR. ZIEGLER. YOU GOT TO.
- GOT TO WHAT?
- YOU KNOW THE
JACKET THAT DOBIE GILLIS
HAD ON YESTERDAY?
- YEAH.
- WELL, YOU'VE GOTTA
SELL ME A BETTER ONE.
- MY BOY, THERE'S NO SUCH THING.
THIS IS AS GOOD AS JACKETS GET.
- WELL, HAVE YOU
GOT ONE LIKE IT?
- OF COURSE, MY BOY, OF COURSE.
HERE WE ARE.
THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL JACKET.
NOW YOU TRY THIS ON.
- IT'S GONNA BE A
LITTLE SNUG, ISN'T IT?
- OH, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WE'LL LET THE SEAMS OUT
A LITTLE HERE AND HERE
AND IT'LL FIT YOU LIKE
A DREAM. DON'T WORRY.
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S, UH...
WHAT'S THIS?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
A TAG FROM THE
MANUFACTURER, MAYBE.
- NO, NO. THAT'S A NOTE
FROM THALIA MENNINGER
TO DOBIE GILLIS.
HOW DID IT GET IN THIS POCKET?
- ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
WELL, MILTON, I'LL
CALL THE TAILOR
AND WE'LL START
MEASURING THE JACKET.
- HEY, HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS
JACKET ON DOBIE GILLIS?
AND THIS ONE?
AND THIS ONE?
YEAH, AND THIS
ONE. AND THIS ONE.
- IT'S POSSIBLE, MILTON.
HE'S A VERY GOOD
CUSTOMER, YOU KNOW.
- CUSTOMER, MY
EYE. HE'S A SHILL.
- OH, NO, MILTON.
HE'S MORE LIKE AN
ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE.
- NOW I'VE GOT HIM.
- OH, LOOK, MILTON.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ME
IN ANY TROUBLE, ARE YOU?
- NOT YOU, MR. ZIEGLER, NOT YOU.
SO HE NEVER OWNED A SINGLE
ONE OF THOSE SUITS, NOT ONE.
HE WAS JUST KIND OF A
WALKING BILLBOARD FOR ZIEGLER.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
- I LIKE IT. I LIKE
IT VERY MUCH.
- OKAY, YOU DON'T
SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
HE DIDN'T OWN THOSE
SUITS. I OWN MINE.
- YES, I KNOW, MILTON, AND I
THINK IT'S VERY NICE. I MEAN,
THERE'S NOTHING AS IMPORTANT
IN A MAN AS MONEY, IS THERE?
- WELL, I'M LOADED.
- WELL, YES, AND THAT'S WHY
I'VE BEEN SO INTERESTED IN YOU.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE
THING I INTEND TO HAVE,
IT'S A RICH HUSBAND.
BUT IT'S NOT FOR
MYSELF, YOU UNDERSTAND.
MY FATHER IS 60 YEARS OLD
AND HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION
AND MY MOTHER ISN'T
GETTING ANY YOUNGER EITHER.
ALSO, I'VE GOT A SISTER
WHO'S MARRIED TO A LOAFER
AND, OH, MY BROTHER,
HE SHOWS EVERY SIGN OF
TURNING INTO A PUBLIC CHARGE.
SO IT'S UP TO ME, YOU SEE.
I'VE GOT AN OBLIGATION
TO MY FAMILY.
AND WHEN YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL
AND INTELLIGENT AS I AM...
- OH, YOU ARE, YOU ARE.
- NOW, PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT
WHEN I'M TALKING.
- SORRY.
- I SAID WHEN
YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL
AND INTELLIGENT AS I AM,
IT'S SELFISH JUST TO
THINK ABOUT WHAT I WANT.
I'VE GOT TO THINK
ABOUT MY FAMILY.
I'M THEIR ONLY HOPE.
IT'S FOR THEIR SAKE THAT I'VE
GOT TO FIND A RICH HUSBAND.
- WELL, LIKE I SAID, I'M LOADED.
- MM-HM. BUT THE MAN I WANT
DOESN'T NECESSARILY
HAVE TO BE RICH RIGHT NOW.
I MEAN, IF HE'S RICH RIGHT NOW
AND DOESN'T SHOW
MUCH INITIATIVE,
THERE'S A GOOD
CHANCE HE'LL BE POOR
BY THE TIME I'M
READY TO MARRY HIM.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
IF HE'S POOR RIGHT NOW
AND SHOWS LOTS OF INITIATIVE,
WELL, THEN THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
THAT HE'LL BE RICH BY THE
TIME I'M READY TO MARRY HIM
AND THAT'S WHEN I WANT HIM
RICH. WHEN I'M READY TO MARRY HIM.
BYE-BYE, MILTON.
- WELL, HERE I AM, DAPPER
DOBIE, RIGHT ON TIME.
- DOBIE, I KNOW ALL ABOUT
YOUR DEAL WITH MR. ZIEGLER.
- SO IT'S ALL OVER, HUH?
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY. I
THINK IT'S JUST MARVELOUS
THE WAY YOU THOUGHT
UP THIS WHOLE THING.
I MEAN, IT SHOWS REAL INITIATIVE
AND THAT'S WHAT
COUNTS, INITIATIVE.
- WELL, WELL.
- NOW HOW MUCH IS
MR. ZIEGLER PAYING YOU?
- PAYING ME?
- YES. HOW MUCH
MONEY IS HE GIVING YOU?
- NO, NO, NO. YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND,
THALIA. I DON'T GET MONEY.
HE JUST LETS ME WEAR
THE CLOTHES FOR NOTHING.
- WELL, I CERTAINLY
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE ADVERTISING
HIS CLOTHES, AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, YEAH, BUT...
- AND ADVERTISING COSTS MONEY.
NOW IF HE BOUGHT ADS IN THE
NEWSPAPER OR ON TELEVISION,
HE'D HAVE TO PAY, WOULDN'T HE?
- YEAH, BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
ADVERTISING IS ADVERTISING
AND IT COSTS MONEY
AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET SOME.
NOW YOU'RE GOING TO TELL
MR. ZIEGLER, DO YOU HEAR?
- ALL RIGHT, THALIA, ALL RIGHT.
- WHEN?
- SOON, THALIA, SOON.
- TODAY, RIGHT NOW.
- BUT IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE'D TAKE A WALK.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'LL TAKE A WALK
RIGHT DOWN TO MR. ZIEGLER'S
TO GET SOME MONEY.
- BUT, BUT...
- NO BUTS.
WE'RE GOING IN TO
GET YOU SOME MONEY.
- THANKS A LOT.
- IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT. WHY
WEREN'T YOU MORE FORCEFUL?
- BECAUSE I'M NOT
FORCEFUL, THAT'S WHY.
- THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT
FORCEFUL AND YOU'RE NOT RICH.
ALL YOU'VE GOT IS INITIATIVE
AND I'M AFRAID THAT'S
NOT ENOUGH FOR ME, DOBIE.
I'VE GOT PEOPLE DEPENDING ON ME.
YOU DO UNDERSTAND?
- WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?
- WELL, THAT DEPENDS.
- THE MONEY, HUH?
- IT'S NOT ME,
DOBIE. IT'S MY FAMILY.
- YOU MEAN YOUR FATHER'S...
- HIS KIDNEY CONDITION.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
- KIDNEY CONDITION, YEAH.
- OKAY. GOODBYE, DOBIE.
- YOU BLEW THE JOB
WITH ZIEGLER, HUH?
- YEAH.
- GOOD.
- GOOD? IS THAT
WHAT YOU SAID? GOOD?
- SURE, MAN. NOW YOU
DON'T HAVE TO WEAR
ALL THOSE CLOTHES ANYMORE.
- WHAT WAS THE MATTER WITH THEM?
- WELL, DOBIE, YOU'RE MY BUDDY
AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO SAY ANYTHING.
BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, YOU
WERE LOOKING PRETTY CRUMMY.
- IN ALL THOSE
BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES?
- DOBIE, YOU DON'T,
LIKE, UNDERSTAND.
CLOTHES ARE NO GOOD.
THEY'RE LIKE A PRISON.
- I SEE.
- I MEAN, THEY SQUEEZE
YOU, HEM YOU IN.
A GUY OUGHT TO BE, LIKE,
FREE. NOW YOU TAKE ANIMALS.
NAME ME ONE ANIMAL
WHO WEARS CLOTHES.
- NAME ME ONE ANIMAL WHO
LISTENS TO DIZZY GILLESPIE.
- I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
- THINK ABOUT IT.
- WHERE YOU GOING?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- THALIA?
- NO, NO, THAT'S OVER.
- WELL, CHEER UP, GOOD
BUDDY. YOU ALWAYS GOT ME.
- IT'S A GREAT COMFORT, MAYNARD,
BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME.
NOT QUITE THE SAME.
- DOBIE? YOU STILL
WANT THAT NEW SUIT?
- ARE YOU GONNA
GIVE ME THE MONEY?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
- THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.
- I'VE GOT A SUIT UPSTAIRS,
THOUGH, YOU MIGHT LIKE.
IT'S NOT JUST NEW, BUT
IT'S IN VERY FINE CONDITION.
- OH? WHAT COLOR?
- BROWN.
- HEY, I LOOK GOOD IN BROWN.
- WELL, NOT JUST BROWN.
IT'S SORT OF AN OLIVE,
OLIVE DRAB YOU'D CALL IT.
- SOUNDS FINE.
- BRASS BUTTONS ON THE COAT.
- HEY, COOL. KIND
OF A BLAZER, HUH?
- KIND OF. ACTUALLY, IT'S
MY OLD ARMY UNIFORM.
- SWELL.
- OF COURSE, YOU'D HAVE TO TAKE
THE STRIPES OFF THE SLEEVES,
SIX OF THEM, THREE
UP AND THREE UNDER
WITH A DIAMOND IN THE MIDDLE.
- DAD? DAD, WERE YOU A FIRST
SERGEANT DURING THE WAR?
- YEP.
- DAD?
- YEAH?
- YOU STILL ARE.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL THAT'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
- MY NAME'S DOBIE GILLIS
AND I'M IN LOVE WITH A GIRL
NAMED THALIA MENNINGER,
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, A FINE GIRL.
THE ONLY TROUBLE
IS, SHE LIKES MONEY.
NOW SHE'S NOT A
GOLD DIGGER, MIND YOU.
NO, SHE'S JUST KIND
OF GREEDY, GRASPING,
AVARICIOUS, MEAN,
SELFISH, MISERLY.
FINE GIRL, YOU UNDERSTAND,
WONDERFUL GIRL.
WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
I HAVEN'T GOT MONEY.
WHAT I'VE GOT IS LOVE.
BOY, HAVE I GOT LOVE.
I GOT LOVE I HAVEN'T
EVEN USED YET.
DO YOU THINK THALIA'S
IMPRESSED? NAH.
NO, SHE KEEPS MAKING
EYES AT MILTON ARMITAGE.
MILTON ARMITAGE,
FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY, HE'S NOT A MAN.
HE'S A TAILOR'S DUMMY.
- WOO! HEY, MILTON, WHAT'S
THAT YOU GOT ON, MAN?
- DON'T YOU KNOW, MAYNARD?
THAT'S CALLED A SUIT.
- OH, NO, DADDY. A SUIT IS WHEN
YOU TAKE SOMEBODY TO COURT.
- NO, A SUIT IS SOMETHING
THAT FALLS OUTTA CHIMNEYS.
- HEY NOW, MEN, I DON'T THINK
YOU OUGHT TO BE NEEDLING MILTON.
WHERE'S YOUR MANNERS?
POOR BOY JUST COMES
BACK FROM A FUNERAL
AND HERE YOU ARE
RACKING HIM BACK!
- AW, WE'RE SORRY, MILTON.
WAS IT SOMEBODY NEAR AND DEAR?
- YEAH, I THINK IT WAS HIM.
- YEAH, HE DOES
LOOK KIND OF LAID OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- HARDY-HAR-HAR. OH,
YOU'RE ALL SO FUNNY.
WELL, I HAPPEN TO THINK
MILTON LOOKS VERY NICE.
- THANK YOU, THALIA.
- NOW YOU COME SIT DOWN
AND WE'LL JUST IGNORE
THESE RAGAMUFFINS.
- RAGAMUFFINS?
- NOT YOU, MAYNARD, US.
- OH.
- I THINK YOU LOOK
VERY NICE TOO, THALIA.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU. I
ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK MY BEST
BECAUSE I THINK A
PERSON'S APPEARANCE
IS VERY IMPORTANT, DON'T YOU?
- OH, I DO, I DO.
- IT SHOWS YOU'VE GOT MONEY
AND THAT'S WHAT'S
IMPORTANT, MONEY.
- RIGHT.
- SO A PERSON SHOULD
ALWAYS TRY TO LOOK HIS BEST.
MY DADDY SAYS SHOW ME A MAN
WITHOUT A CREASE IN HIS TROUSERS
AND I'LL SHOW YOU A FAILURE.
- OH, I AGREE. YOU KNOW, I HAVE
PANTS HANGERS FOR MY PANTS.
- OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?
- AND COAT HANGERS FOR MY COATS.
- OH, I'M SO GLAD.
- NOT THE WIRE HANGERS,
BUT THE BIG WOODEN TYPE
THAT ARE SHAPED TO FIT A
PERSON'S OWN SHOULDERS.
- OH, WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA.
- AND I HAVE A TIE
RACK FOR MY TIES.
- OH, REALLY?
- AND SHOE TREES FOR MY SHOES.
- OH, HOW DIVINE!
- MADE IN ENGLAND.
- THE SHOES?
- OH, THE SHOES, OF COURSE,
BUT THE TREES TOO.
I MEAN, YOU'D HARDLY
PUT AMERICAN TREES
Both: - INTO ENGLISH SHOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS HANG
MY CLOTHES SIX INCHES APART
SO THAT THE MATERIALS
DON'T RUB TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, MANY A
WARDROBE HAS BEEN RUINED
BY MATERIALS RUBBING TOGETHER.
- HOW MANY SUITS
WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAD?
- OH, WELL, I'D HAVE
TO CHECK. I MEAN,
I REALLY COULDN'T SAY OFFHAND.
- OH, GEE.
ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT
MY CLOSET IS 16 FEET LONG.
- OH, GOLLY!
- SAY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
COME OVER AFTER SCHOOL
AND TAKE A LOOK AT MY SUITS?
- OH, COULD I?
- OH, NOW JUST A MINUTE.
YOU AND I HAD A
DATE AFTER SCHOOL.
- DID WE?
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT WE DID.
- I DON'T REMEMBER
YOUR ASKING ME.
- WELL, LET ME
REFRESHEN YOUR MEMORY.
DIDN'T I COME UP TO YOU
THIS MORNING AND ASK YOU
TO GO TO THE ICE CREAM
PARLOR AFTER SCHOOL?
- YES, I BELIEVE YOU
DID, AND WHAT DID I SAY?
- YOU SAID YES.
- TRY AGAIN, DOBIE.
- WELL, YOU INTIMATED THAT...
- WHAT WERE MY EXACT WORDS?
- NO.
- CORRECT. NOW IF
YOU'LL EXCUSE US.
- NOW LOOK HERE, THALIA...
- DOBE, I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT THALIA WISHES TO
SPEAK TO YOU ANYMORE.
- HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GET KNOCKED
RIGHT ON YOUR FANCY PANTS?
- TAKE IT EASY,
DOBE. HE'LL KILL YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT,
DOBE, I'LL KILL YOU.
- THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'LL KILL ME.
- I MAY TAKE A SWIPE
AT YOU MYSELF.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. POMFRITT.
- GOOD MORNING. MAY
I BEGIN CLASS NOW?
- OH, YES, SIR. SORRY.
- THANK YOU. PLEASE
TURN TO PAGE 473.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
CORPORAL PUNISHMENT?
TEACHING WAS A FINE
PROFESSION IN THOSE DAYS.
THE BIRCH ROD, READIN'
AND WRITIN' AND 'RITHMETIC
TAUGHT TO THE TUNE
OF A HICKORY STICK.
WHAT DO WE GOT NOW?
PSYCHOLOGISTS. ECH! OH, WELL.
YOU READY, MY YOUNG
BARBARIANS? LET'S BEGIN.
"KUBLA KHAN," BY SAMUEL
TAYLOR COLERIDGE.
"IN XANADU DID KUBLA KHAN
A STATELY PLEASURE
DOME DECREE..."
- DAD?
DAD, I WANT TO ASK
YOU SOMETHING,
BUT PLEASE DON'T GET SORE AT ME.
- SORE AT YOU? WHY
SHOULD I GET SORE AT YOU?
YOU'RE MY SON, AND I LOVE YOU.
- YOU SEE, DOBIE?
- SO WHAT IF YOU WON'T
DO A LICK OF WORK?
SO WHAT IF YOU EAT $6 WORTH
OF GROCERIES AT EVERY SITTING?
SO WHAT IF YOU WEAR MY BEST TIES
AND BRING THEM HOME ALL
COVERED WITH CHOCOLATE SYRUP?
SO WHAT? YOU'RE MY
SON, AND I LOVE YOU.
- OH, I APPRECIATE THAT, DAD.
- OH, IT'S NOTHING. WHAT
IS IT YOU WANT, SON?
AND YOU MIGHT AS
WELL MAKE IT REAL BIG
BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GONNA GET IT.
- HERBERT, THAT'S NOT
FAIR. HEAR THE BOY OUT.
- HEAR HIM OUT? I'LL
GLADLY THROW HIM OUT.
- HERBERT!
- I'M SORRY. I LOST MY HEAD.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT,
SON WHO I LOVE?
- SOME NEW CLOTHES.
- BUT, DEAR, I BOUGHT YOU
FOUR PAIRS OF KHAKIS LAST WEEK.
- I KNOW, MOM. I'M
TALKING ABOUT SUITS,
SPORTS JACKETS, SLACKS,
SHIRTS, TIES, STUFF LIKE THAT.
- WHAT, NO TUXEDOS?
NO TAILCOATS?
NO JODHPURS, SON WHO I LOVE?
- YOU WON'T GIVE
ME THE MONEY, HUH?
- THERE NOW IS GOOD THINKING.
- WELL, MOM, I GUESS
IT'S JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
HE'S STINGY.
- I THINK YOU BETTER
RUN ALONG NOW, DEAR.
- I DON'T WANNA RUN ALONG.
I WANNA STAY RIGHT HERE
AND DISCUSS THIS THING.
- FINE. LET'S DISCUSS. AND
WHILE WE'RE DISCUSSING,
LET'S UNPACK THAT LOAD OF CANNED
GOODS IN THE BACK ROOM, HUH?
- YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM. I THINK
I'D BETTER RUN ALONG NOW.
- SO YOU TOLD HIM I WAS STINGY?
- HE'D HAVE FOUND IT
OUT SOONER OR LATER.
I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
- NOW, HERBERT.
- HONEST, WINNIE.
DOESN'T HE WORRY YOU?
- CERTAINLY NOT! WHAT'S
THERE TO WORRY ABOUT?
HE'S CLEAN, HE'S DECENT,
HE'S POLITE, HE'S
INTELLIGENT, HE'S...
- LAZY.
- NO, NOT LAZY.
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
- I CALL IT 17.
LOOK BACK, HERBERT,
WHEN YOU WERE 17.
DID YOU WORK IN
YOUR FATHER'S STORE?
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT I DID.
- SURE.
AFTER HE TIED YOU
TO THE COUNTER.
- HE DID NOT TIE
ME TO THE COUNTER.
HE CHAINED ME.
- HONESTLY, DEAR. WHY
DON'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN
AND HAVE A GOOD TALK WITH DOBIE?
- WHO'LL INTERPRET?
- DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT BOY YET?
- OH, I UNDERSTAND
HIM JUST FINE.
HE WANTS MONEY,
CLOTHES, GIRLS, A CAR.
HE DON'T WANT WORK.
WHAT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
- BUT YOU DON'T REALIZE
HOW HARD IT IS TO
BE A 17-YEAR-OLD.
- I KNOW SOMETHING
THAT'S EVEN HARDER.
- WHAT?
- TO BE THE FATHER
OF A 17-YEAR-OLD.
COME ON, LET'S GO TO WORK.
I WONDER IF THAT THING'S
STILL AROUND HERE?
- WHAT?
- THE CHAIN MY FATHER TIED
ME TO THE COUNTER WITH.
- HEY, BIG DADDY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- OH, LOOKING.
- AT WHAT?
- CLOTHES.
- BUT WHY?
- FOR THALIA.
- THEY'LL NEVER FIT HER.
- NO, MAYNARD. I WANT
THE CLOTHES FOR ME.
THALIA THINKS CLOTHES
ARE A WHOLE BIG DEAL.
YOU REMEMBER WHAT SHE
SAID TO MILTON YESTERDAY.
- YEAH.
- WHO AM I KIDDING?
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO
AFFORD CLOTHES LIKE THESE.
WITHOUT CLOTHES LIKE
THESE, I'LL NEVER GET THALIA.
- OH, IT'S, LIKE, TOUGH, BUDDY.
- YEAH.
- SONNY?
- ME?
- YOU.
- WHAT?
- WOULD YOU MIND MOVING ON?
- HOW COME?
- WELL, NO OFFENSE, SONNY,
BUT THIS IS A CLOTHING STORE
AND I'D HATE TO HAVE ANYONE
THINK THAT YOU JUST
CAME OUT OF HERE.
- PLEASE DON'T KNOCK MY
CLOTHES, MISTER. I'M A SYMPTOM.
- OF WHAT?
- OF THE BEAT GENERATION.
[ SCATS ]
- OH, YOU BEATNIKS.
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T SOLD SO
MUCH AS A PAIR OF SOCKS
TO A HIGH SCHOOL KID
SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHEN.
- THAT'S RIGHT!
- WHAT'S RIGHT?
- WHAT YOU SAID.
YOU'RE NOT SELLING ANY
CLOTHES TO HIGH SCHOOL KIDS.
- HE'S TELLING ME
I'M NOT SELLING.
USED TO BE A KID WOULD COME
IN THE STORE ONCE IN A WHILE
AND BUY A SUIT,
A JACKET, A SHIRT.
NOW EVERYBODY'S
THE BEAT GENERATION.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S RIGHT, HE'S TELLING ME.
- WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING ABOUT IT?
- WHAT CAN I DO? CALL
THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT?
- YOU CAN FIGHT.
- LIKE HOW?
- YEAH, LIKE HOW?
- LOOK, HERE'S THE ENEMY, TRUE?
- POISON.
- YEAH, YEAH, POISON.
AND FOR POISON, YOU
NEED AN ANTIDOTE.
- LIKE WHAT?
- YEAH, LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE ME.
- I DON'T, LIKE, DIG.
- I DON'T, LIKE...
WILL YOU SHUT UP?
- WHAT YOU NEED
IS A REPRESENTATIVE
OVER AT THE SCHOOL, SOMEBODY
WHO'D SHOW UP EVERY DAY
IN BEAUTIFUL NEW CLOTHES.
SOMEBODY WHO'LL EXCITE THE ENVY
AND ADMIRATION OF
ALL THE OTHER GUYS.
AND THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW,
EVERYBODY WILL BE
FLOCKING DOWN TO ZIEGLER'S.
- YOU THINK SO?
- I KNOW SO.
PROVIDED, OF COURSE, YOU
GET THE RIGHT REPRESENTATIVE.
I MEAN, YOU WANT SOME
REALLY PROMINENT STUDENT,
SOME NATURAL-BORN
LEADER, YOU MIGHT SAY.
- YOU, FOR INSTANCE?
- WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE
FITTING FOR ME TO SAY.
ASK, UH... ASK MAYNARD.
- THERE'S A RELIABLE WITNESS.
- NOW SERIOUSLY, MR. ZIEGLER.
IF YOU JUST GAVE ME A CHANCE...
- SAVE IT, SON, SAVE IT.
- YOU MEAN YOU WON'T?
- I MEAN I WILL.
MY BOY, YOU'RE LOOKING
AT A DESPERATE MAN.
I HAVEN'T MOVED A TEENAGE
ITEM SINCE CHRISTMAS.
- AW, YOU'LL NEVER
REGRET THIS, MR. ZIEGLER.
- I'M REGRETTING IT ALREADY.
BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN
YOUR BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL?
WELL, COME ON IN,
SONNY. I'LL DRESS YOU.
PLEASE, SONNY, NOT YOU.
- YEAH, MAYNARD, YOU GET OVER
TO THE SCHOOL AND FIND THALIA.
AND HERE'S WHAT I
WANT YOU TO TELL HER.
- LIKE, HI.
- HI.
- DON'T YOU THINK A WELL-DRESSED
MAN IS, LIKE, THE GREATEST?
- WHO'D YOU HAVE IN MIND?
LIKE, NOBODY. I MEAN,
JUST A WELL-DRESSED MAN
LIKE, IN GENERAL.
- YES.
- YES, WHAT?
- YES, I THINK A WELL-DRESSED
MAN IS, LIKE, THE GREATEST.
- YEAH. I MEAN, A MAN'S
PERSONAL APPEARANCE
IS, LIKE, IMPORTANT.
DON'T YOU THINK SO?
- OH, I THINK SO.
- I MEAN, IF I WAS A GIRL,
I'D REALLY FLIP FOR
A WELL-DRESSED MAN.
WOULDN'T YOU?
- I CERTAINLY WOULD.
GOOD MORNING, MILTON.
- GOOD MORNING, MOUSE.
- OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SUIT!
- THANK YOU. IT'S
MOHAIR FROM REAL GOATS.
- OH, THINK OF THAT.
- IT'S A FAIR SUIT, FAIR.
- I'D LIKE TO SEE A
BETTER ONE AROUND HERE.
- MM, SO WOULD I.
- SO LOOK.
- GOOD MORNING, CHAPS.
- HEY, THAT'S, LIKE,
A GREAT SUIT, DOBIE.
- THIS OLD THING?
THIS OLD LIGHTWEIGHT,
ALL-WEATHER,
ALL-PURPOSE CASHMERE?
- YEAH, THAT AIN'T MADE OUT
OF ANY OLD GOAT HAIR, I BET YOU.
- DOBIE, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
MAY I FEEL IT?
- IF YOU LIKE.
- OH, DOBIE!
- OH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE OLD
LIGHTWEIGHT, ALL-WEATHER,
ALL-PURPOSE
WRINKLE-RESISTANT CASHMERE.
- WELL, IF I WAS, LIKE, A GIRL,
I'D SURE WANT TO BE SEEN
AROUND TOWN WITH A GUY
WHO LOOKED LIKE DOBIE.
- OH, ME TOO.
HEY, YOU WANNA MEET
AT THE ICE CREAM PARLOR
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- DUTCH TREAT?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- I'LL BUY.
- OH, VERY WELL.
- BUT, THALIA, YOU PROMISED ME.
- OH, SOME OTHER TIME, MILTIE.
- HEY, MAYBE YOU AND I CAN DO
SOMETHING TOGETHER, BIG DADDY.
- WELL, SIR, FOR A WHILE THERE,
I WAS THE BEST-DRESSED MAN
WHO EVER HIT CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.
I MEAN, EVERY DAY
ANOTHER NEW OUTFIT.
WHAT I'D DO IS STOP AT
MR. ZIEGLER'S CLOTHING STORE
EVERY MORNING ON
THE WAY TO SCHOOL
AND HE'D DECK ME OUT
IN BRAND NEW CLOTHES.
MAN, THEY WERE THE END.
OF COURSE, I'D HAVE
TO BRING THEM BACK
EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL,
BUT THEY REALLY
MADE AN IMPRESSION,
ESPECIALLY ON THALIA.
MAN, I THOUGHT SHE'D
LOSE HER EVER-LOVING MIND.
AS FOR MILTON ARMITAGE,
WELL, I GOT TO GIVE HIM CREDIT.
HE DIDN'T TAKE THIS LYING
DOWN. NO, SIR, HE FOUGHT BACK.
EVERY TIME I CAME
IN WITH A NEW OUTFIT,
BY GEORGE, HE DID ME ONE
BETTER. BUT I FOUGHT BACK TOO.
I DID HIM ONE BETTER.
AND, AFTER ALL, IN A TEST LIKE
THIS, I HAD TO BE THE WINNER.
I MEAN, MILTON MIGHT
HAVE A CLOSET 16 FEET LONG,
BUT MR. ZIEGLER HAD A
CLOTHING STORE 125 FEET LONG.
FOR A WHILE, MILTON
KEPT TOPPING ME,
BUT I'D TOP HIM RIGHT BACK.
- GREAT SUIT, DOBIE.
THEN FINALLY THERE CAME A DAY
WHEN I TOPPED HIM
FOR GOOD AND ALL.
MR. ZIEGLER TOOK
EXTRA PAINS THAT DAY,
SO I WAS A LITTLE
LATE GETTING TO CLASS.
- HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE GLASSES?
- I WANNA GET A GOOD LOOK.
OH, I WONDER WHAT
THEY'LL BE WEARING TODAY.
ISN'T THIS EXCITING?
- YEAH, COOL, MOTHER.
- OH, HERE COMES MILTON!
OH, I THINK I SHALL SWOON!
- DARLING.
- OH! OH, MILTON,
THESE ARE THE UTMOST.
I MEAN, THEY'RE THE
LIVING, BREATHING END.
- YOU'RE RIGHT,
THALIA. IT IS THE END.
THIS IS AS FAR AS I GO.
THIS, IN FACT, IS AS
FAR AS ANYBODY GOES.
THESE, THALIA, ARE
THE ULTIMATE CLOTHES.
- YES, YOU'RE
RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- SO HOW ABOUT
MAKING UP YOUR MIND?
ARE YOU MY GIRL OR AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, I'LL HAVE TO SEE
WHAT DOBIE HAS ON FIRST.
- COULD HE POSSIBLY
DO BETTER THAN THIS?
- IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKELY.
- WELL, THEN?
- WELL, LET'S JUST WAIT AND SEE.
- MORNING, CLASS.
- MORNING.
- WHERE'S THE OTHER
FOP? NOT HERE YET?
WHAT A PITY. WE'LL HAVE
TO BEGIN WITHOUT HIM.
PLEASE TURN TO
PAGE 476, "KUBLA KHAN"
BY SAMUEL TAYLOR
COLERIDGE, LAST STANZA.
YOU KNOW, SAMUEL
TAYLOR COLERIDGE,
WHO WROTE THIS POEM, WAS A
KIND OF AN INTERESTING OLD GUY.
HE HAD HALLUCINATIONS.
THAT IS, HE SAW THINGS
WHICH DIDN'T EXIST.
I'M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND
HOW SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE FELT.
ALL RIGHT, "KUBLA
KHAN," LAST STANZA.
"COULD I REVIVE WITHIN ME
HER SYMPHONY AND SONG,
"TO SUCH A DEEP
DELIGHT 'TWOULD WIN ME,
"THAT WITH MUSIC LOUD AND LONG,
"I WOULD BUILD THAT DOME IN AIR,
"THAT SUNNY DOME!
THOSE CAVES OF ICE!
"AND ALL WHO HEARD
SHOULD SEE THEM THERE
AND ALL SHOULD CRY
BEWARE! BEWARE!"
- THALIA, DARLING.
- WILL YOU STOP READING
OTHER PEOPLE'S MAIL?
- MILTON, PLEASE, CALM YOURSELF.
- WELL, YOU'VE JUST GOT
TO, MR. ZIEGLER. YOU GOT TO.
- GOT TO WHAT?
- YOU KNOW THE
JACKET THAT DOBIE GILLIS
HAD ON YESTERDAY?
- YEAH.
- WELL, YOU'VE GOTTA
SELL ME A BETTER ONE.
- MY BOY, THERE'S NO SUCH THING.
THIS IS AS GOOD AS JACKETS GET.
- WELL, HAVE YOU
GOT ONE LIKE IT?
- OF COURSE, MY BOY, OF COURSE.
HERE WE ARE.
THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL JACKET.
NOW YOU TRY THIS ON.
- IT'S GONNA BE A
LITTLE SNUG, ISN'T IT?
- OH, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WE'LL LET THE SEAMS OUT
A LITTLE HERE AND HERE
AND IT'LL FIT YOU LIKE
A DREAM. DON'T WORRY.
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S, UH...
WHAT'S THIS?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
A TAG FROM THE
MANUFACTURER, MAYBE.
- NO, NO. THAT'S A NOTE
FROM THALIA MENNINGER
TO DOBIE GILLIS.
HOW DID IT GET IN THIS POCKET?
- ISN'T THAT FUNNY?
WELL, MILTON, I'LL
CALL THE TAILOR
AND WE'LL START
MEASURING THE JACKET.
- HEY, HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS
JACKET ON DOBIE GILLIS?
AND THIS ONE?
AND THIS ONE?
YEAH, AND THIS
ONE. AND THIS ONE.
- IT'S POSSIBLE, MILTON.
HE'S A VERY GOOD
CUSTOMER, YOU KNOW.
- CUSTOMER, MY
EYE. HE'S A SHILL.
- OH, NO, MILTON.
HE'S MORE LIKE AN
ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE.
- NOW I'VE GOT HIM.
- OH, LOOK, MILTON.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ME
IN ANY TROUBLE, ARE YOU?
- NOT YOU, MR. ZIEGLER, NOT YOU.
SO HE NEVER OWNED A SINGLE
ONE OF THOSE SUITS, NOT ONE.
HE WAS JUST KIND OF A
WALKING BILLBOARD FOR ZIEGLER.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
- I LIKE IT. I LIKE
IT VERY MUCH.
- OKAY, YOU DON'T
SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
HE DIDN'T OWN THOSE
SUITS. I OWN MINE.
- YES, I KNOW, MILTON, AND I
THINK IT'S VERY NICE. I MEAN,
THERE'S NOTHING AS IMPORTANT
IN A MAN AS MONEY, IS THERE?
- WELL, I'M LOADED.
- WELL, YES, AND THAT'S WHY
I'VE BEEN SO INTERESTED IN YOU.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE
THING I INTEND TO HAVE,
IT'S A RICH HUSBAND.
BUT IT'S NOT FOR
MYSELF, YOU UNDERSTAND.
MY FATHER IS 60 YEARS OLD
AND HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION
AND MY MOTHER ISN'T
GETTING ANY YOUNGER EITHER.
ALSO, I'VE GOT A SISTER
WHO'S MARRIED TO A LOAFER
AND, OH, MY BROTHER,
HE SHOWS EVERY SIGN OF
TURNING INTO A PUBLIC CHARGE.
SO IT'S UP TO ME, YOU SEE.
I'VE GOT AN OBLIGATION
TO MY FAMILY.
AND WHEN YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL
AND INTELLIGENT AS I AM...
- OH, YOU ARE, YOU ARE.
- NOW, PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT
WHEN I'M TALKING.
- SORRY.
- I SAID WHEN
YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL
AND INTELLIGENT AS I AM,
IT'S SELFISH JUST TO
THINK ABOUT WHAT I WANT.
I'VE GOT TO THINK
ABOUT MY FAMILY.
I'M THEIR ONLY HOPE.
IT'S FOR THEIR SAKE THAT I'VE
GOT TO FIND A RICH HUSBAND.
- WELL, LIKE I SAID, I'M LOADED.
- MM-HM. BUT THE MAN I WANT
DOESN'T NECESSARILY
HAVE TO BE RICH RIGHT NOW.
I MEAN, IF HE'S RICH RIGHT NOW
AND DOESN'T SHOW
MUCH INITIATIVE,
THERE'S A GOOD
CHANCE HE'LL BE POOR
BY THE TIME I'M
READY TO MARRY HIM.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
IF HE'S POOR RIGHT NOW
AND SHOWS LOTS OF INITIATIVE,
WELL, THEN THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
THAT HE'LL BE RICH BY THE
TIME I'M READY TO MARRY HIM
AND THAT'S WHEN I WANT HIM
RICH. WHEN I'M READY TO MARRY HIM.
BYE-BYE, MILTON.
- WELL, HERE I AM, DAPPER
DOBIE, RIGHT ON TIME.
- DOBIE, I KNOW ALL ABOUT
YOUR DEAL WITH MR. ZIEGLER.
- SO IT'S ALL OVER, HUH?
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY. I
THINK IT'S JUST MARVELOUS
THE WAY YOU THOUGHT
UP THIS WHOLE THING.
I MEAN, IT SHOWS REAL INITIATIVE
AND THAT'S WHAT
COUNTS, INITIATIVE.
- WELL, WELL.
- NOW HOW MUCH IS
MR. ZIEGLER PAYING YOU?
- PAYING ME?
- YES. HOW MUCH
MONEY IS HE GIVING YOU?
- NO, NO, NO. YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND,
THALIA. I DON'T GET MONEY.
HE JUST LETS ME WEAR
THE CLOTHES FOR NOTHING.
- WELL, I CERTAINLY
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE ADVERTISING
HIS CLOTHES, AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, YEAH, BUT...
- AND ADVERTISING COSTS MONEY.
NOW IF HE BOUGHT ADS IN THE
NEWSPAPER OR ON TELEVISION,
HE'D HAVE TO PAY, WOULDN'T HE?
- YEAH, BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
ADVERTISING IS ADVERTISING
AND IT COSTS MONEY
AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET SOME.
NOW YOU'RE GOING TO TELL
MR. ZIEGLER, DO YOU HEAR?
- ALL RIGHT, THALIA, ALL RIGHT.
- WHEN?
- SOON, THALIA, SOON.
- TODAY, RIGHT NOW.
- BUT IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE'D TAKE A WALK.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'LL TAKE A WALK
RIGHT DOWN TO MR. ZIEGLER'S
TO GET SOME MONEY.
- BUT, BUT...
- NO BUTS.
WE'RE GOING IN TO
GET YOU SOME MONEY.
- THANKS A LOT.
- IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT. WHY
WEREN'T YOU MORE FORCEFUL?
- BECAUSE I'M NOT
FORCEFUL, THAT'S WHY.
- THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT
FORCEFUL AND YOU'RE NOT RICH.
ALL YOU'VE GOT IS INITIATIVE
AND I'M AFRAID THAT'S
NOT ENOUGH FOR ME, DOBIE.
I'VE GOT PEOPLE DEPENDING ON ME.
YOU DO UNDERSTAND?
- WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?
- WELL, THAT DEPENDS.
- THE MONEY, HUH?
- IT'S NOT ME,
DOBIE. IT'S MY FAMILY.
- YOU MEAN YOUR FATHER'S...
- HIS KIDNEY CONDITION.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
- KIDNEY CONDITION, YEAH.
- OKAY. GOODBYE, DOBIE.
- YOU BLEW THE JOB
WITH ZIEGLER, HUH?
- YEAH.
- GOOD.
- GOOD? IS THAT
WHAT YOU SAID? GOOD?
- SURE, MAN. NOW YOU
DON'T HAVE TO WEAR
ALL THOSE CLOTHES ANYMORE.
- WHAT WAS THE MATTER WITH THEM?
- WELL, DOBIE, YOU'RE MY BUDDY
AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO SAY ANYTHING.
BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, YOU
WERE LOOKING PRETTY CRUMMY.
- IN ALL THOSE
BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES?
- DOBIE, YOU DON'T,
LIKE, UNDERSTAND.
CLOTHES ARE NO GOOD.
THEY'RE LIKE A PRISON.
- I SEE.
- I MEAN, THEY SQUEEZE
YOU, HEM YOU IN.
A GUY OUGHT TO BE, LIKE,
FREE. NOW YOU TAKE ANIMALS.
NAME ME ONE ANIMAL
WHO WEARS CLOTHES.
- NAME ME ONE ANIMAL WHO
LISTENS TO DIZZY GILLESPIE.
- I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
- THINK ABOUT IT.
- WHERE YOU GOING?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- THALIA?
- NO, NO, THAT'S OVER.
- WELL, CHEER UP, GOOD
BUDDY. YOU ALWAYS GOT ME.
- IT'S A GREAT COMFORT, MAYNARD,
BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME.
NOT QUITE THE SAME.
- DOBIE? YOU STILL
WANT THAT NEW SUIT?
- ARE YOU GONNA
GIVE ME THE MONEY?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
- THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.
- I'VE GOT A SUIT UPSTAIRS,
THOUGH, YOU MIGHT LIKE.
IT'S NOT JUST NEW, BUT
IT'S IN VERY FINE CONDITION.
- OH? WHAT COLOR?
- BROWN.
- HEY, I LOOK GOOD IN BROWN.
- WELL, NOT JUST BROWN.
IT'S SORT OF AN OLIVE,
OLIVE DRAB YOU'D CALL IT.
- SOUNDS FINE.
- BRASS BUTTONS ON THE COAT.
- HEY, COOL. KIND
OF A BLAZER, HUH?
- KIND OF. ACTUALLY, IT'S
MY OLD ARMY UNIFORM.
- SWELL.
- OF COURSE, YOU'D HAVE TO TAKE
THE STRIPES OFF THE SLEEVES,
SIX OF THEM, THREE
UP AND THREE UNDER
WITH A DIAMOND IN THE MIDDLE.
- DAD? DAD, WERE YOU A FIRST
SERGEANT DURING THE WAR?
- YEP.
- DAD?
- YEAH?
- YOU STILL ARE.
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL THAT'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪