The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 17 - The Hunger Strike - full transcript
Thalia has just started dating Chatsworth Osborne Jr. She admits she is doing so just because he and his family are wealthy. Dobie vows to win her back. From a love poem that he is helping Maynard learn, Dobie comes up with the idea that he will become wan and pale to gain Thalia's sympathy. How will he accomplish his physical transformation?: by going on a hunger strike. He believes both the transformation and the hunger strike itself will persuade Thalia to be his steady girl. He vows to stay on the hunger strike until Thalia agrees to his wishes. When Dobie starts getting hungry, he contemplates cheating as he doesn't want anyone but Maynard to know since many people seemed to have a vested interest in whether Dobie eats.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- 17 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS BORN,
MY FATHER BOUGHT ME A PIGGY BANK
AND HE PUT A
PENNY IN IT FOR LUCK.
AND I'LL SAY THIS FOR MY FATHER.
ANYTIME I'M IN TROUBLE,
HE'S RIGHT THERE
WITH ANOTHER PENNY.
WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT MONEY?
SAME REASON AS ALWAYS,
THALIA MENNINGER.
AH, THALIA,
THALIA, THE LOVELY,
THALIA, THE DIVINE.
AND SHE'S SO UNPREDICTABLE.
SHE'S THE MOST PREDICTABLE
UNPREDICTABLE GIRL I KNOW.
ONE MINUTE, SHE COMES UP TO ME
ALL SWEET AND SOFT AND CREAMY...
THAT'S THE WAY SHE
IS FOR ONE MINUTE...
BUT THE NEXT 59 MINUTES,
SHE'S LIKE THAT WITH
SOME OTHER GUY.
OH, GOSH, THALIA.
- GOSH WHAT?
- GOSH, YOU'RE SWEET
AND SOFT AND CREAMY.
- THAT'S BECAUSE I'M
WITH YOU, DOBIE DEAR.
- HOW ABOUT GOING
FOR A NICE LONG WALK?
- WELL, I CAN'T.
I PROMISED CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.
I'D WAIT FOR HIM.
- CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.? THAT SNOB?
WHY, IF HE WEREN'T RICH,
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN...
- BUT HE IS.
- MONEY'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT.
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK
AT CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
IF HE DIDN'T LIVE IN THAT
BIG HOUSE ON THE HILL
AND DRIVE AN EXPENSIVE
SPORTS CAR AND WAS POOR.
- WE'LL NEVER KNOW. HE'S LOADED.
- YEAH.
- LOOK WHAT HE GAVE ME.
SMELL.
- YUCK!
- IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL
PERFUME IN THE WORLD.
- OH, YEAH? WHAT'S IT CALLED?
- MMMMM.
- MMMMM.
SPELL IT.
- M-M-M-M-M.
- OH, FRENCH, HUH?
LISTEN, THALIA, WHY DON'T
YOU AND I JUST GO FOR...
- OH, HI, CHATSWORTH.
- HI, THALIA. HI, GILLIS, BABY.
- LOOK, THALIA,
YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
AND WE'LL TAKE
THAT NICE LONG WALK.
WALKING BUILDS UP THE CALVES.
IT'S VITAL TO HAVE STRONG CALVES
IN CASE OF FIRE
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE STRONG CALVES
TO GET YOU OUT OF THERE FAST.
- $18 AN OUNCE!
- LISTEN, YOU STICK WITH
ME, THALIA MENNINGER,
AND I'LL BUY YOU A WHOLE
POUND OF THAT STUFF.
- WELL, WHY SHOULD
I WAIT FOR PROMISES
WHEN CHATSWORTH CAN BUY ME
EVERYTHING I WANT RIGHT NOW?
- OKAY, OKAY, SO HE'S GOT MONEY.
BUT I DON'T HEAR YOU BRAGGING
ABOUT HIS CALF MUSCLES!
LISTEN, ANY TIME YOU WANNA
BROAD JUMP AGAINST ME,
CHATSWORTH, JUST HOLLER!
- FORE!
- OH, CHATSWORTH!
THAT WAS JUST MARVELOUS!
- YES, IT WAS RATHER, WASN'T IT?
- OH, I BET YOU HAVE
THE STRONGEST CALVES!
- OH, WOULD YOU CARE
TO FEEL ONE OF THEM?
- MAY I?
- JUST ONE.
- OH, THEY ARE STRONG!
[ LAUGH ]
AND SUCH EXQUISITE PERFUME!
SMELL.
- 28 FEET?
HEY, WATCH THAT! SHE'S WITH ME.
SHE'S MY GIRL PRACTICALLY.
28 FEET?
- NOW WE DID HAVE HALF A DATE,
BUT YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT.
- HALF A DATE? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, HALF A DATE?
- WELL, YOU'LL BE
HERE AND I WON'T. BYE.
- BYE-BYE, GILLIS, BABY.
- 28 FEET?
- WHY SO PALE AND
WAN, FAIR LOVER?
- OH, IT'S JUST MY CALVES
THAT ARE PALE AND WAN.
- WHAT?
- NEVER MIND.
- OKAY. NEVER MIND WHAT?
- MAYNARD, YOU ASKED ME WHY
SO PALE AND WAN, FAIR LOVER.
- NO, I DIDN'T. THAT'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA LEARN FOR ENGLISH.
I DON'T, LIKE, DIG IT. I
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D CLUE ME.
- PLEASE, MAYNARD, I'VE GOT
ENOUGH TROUBLES WITH THALIA.
- BUT I NEED HELP AND, IF YOU
DON'T HELP ME, GOOD BUDDY,
WHO'S GONNA HELP ME?
- OH, OKAY, MAYNARD.
NOW LOOK, IT'S A POEM,
LIKE A LYRIC TO A SONG.
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
- YEAH.
- "WHY SO PALE AND
WAN, FAIR LOVER?
"PRITHEE, WHY SO PALE?
"WILL, WHEN LOOKING
WELL CAN'T MOVE HER,
LOOKING ILL PREVAIL?
PRITHEE, WHY SO PALE?"
- HEY, GO, MAN, GO. I
MEAN, GO, GO, GO, DOBE.
- WILL, WHEN LOOKING
WELL CAN'T MOVE HER,
LOOKING ILL PREVAIL. THAT'S IT!
THAT'S THE WAY I CAN
GET THALIA. IT HAS TO BE!
IT'S THE ONLY THING
I HAVEN'T TRIED.
- I DON'T, LIKE, DIG.
- LOOK, GIRLS GO CRAZY
ABOUT FELLAS LIKE POETS
WHO ARE PALE AND WAN
AND HUNGRY-LOOKING.
AND THAT'S HOW I'M
GONNA GET THALIA,
BY LOOKING PALE
AND WAN AND HUNGRY.
- HOW?
- I WON'T EAT ANYTHING.
- BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WHEN YOU GET HUNGRY?
- STAY HUNGRY.
LOOK, FOR THE LOVE OF
THALIA MENNINGER, I CAN DO IT.
I'M GOING ON A HUNGER STRIKE
TILL SHE PROMISES TO BE MY GIRL.
- DOBE, YOU COULD, LIKE, STARVE.
- OH, SHE WON'T LET ME STARVE.
DID ENGLAND LET GANDHI STARVE?
- WHO?
- ENGLAND, MAYNARD, ENGLAND.
- ENGLAND, I KNOW.
WHAT'S THE OTHER CAT?
- MAHATMA GANDHI, MAYNARD.
- OH.
- AND WHEN THAT LITTLE
MAN IN THE LOINCLOTH
WENT ON A HUNGER STRIKE,
HE BROUGHT THE WHOLE
BRITISH EMPIRE TO ITS KNEES.
AND I KNOW THALIA
ISN'T ANY STRONGER
THAN THE BRITISH EMPIRE.
- WANNA BET?
- THALIA MENNINGER, I'M
ASKING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME.
WILL YOU BE MY REGULAR,
STEADY, PERMANENT GIRL?
- I'M TELLING YOU FOR
THE LAST TIME, I WILL NOT.
- ALL RIGHT, THAT DOES IT.
I'M GOING ON A HUNGER STRIKE.
I DON'T EAT ANYTHING
UNTIL YOU SAY YES.
- OH, DOBIE, YOU'RE SO
FUNNY. HERE, HAVE SOME.
- NO, NO. I MEANT IT, THALIA.
I DON'T EAT ANOTHER
BITE UNTIL YOU'RE MY GIRL.
BY THE WAY, I FEEL A LITTLE
PALE AND WAN ALREADY.
- SORRY, BUT I GOTTA
EAT FOR TWO NOW.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE, DEAR.
I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY
THAT YOUR DINNER MIGHT GET COLD.
SIT DOWN. ROAST LAMB.
- NO THANKS, MOM.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
- I'M READY TO GO!
I'VE LIVED A GOOD LIFE,
NOT PERFECT MAYBE,
MADE SOME MISTAKES.
BUT ALL IN ALL, A
GOOD LIFE. I'M READY.
- HERBERT, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU HEARD WHAT THE
BOY SAID. HE IS NOT HUNGRY.
AND DOBIE NOT HUNGRY
CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING.
THE END OF THE WORLD
IS COMING. OKAY, I'M READY.
- DOBIE, SIT DOWN.
HERBERT, STOP TEASING.
- NO THANKS, MOM. I
MEANT IT. I'M NOT HUNGRY.
- YOU'RE SICK! HERBERT,
GET THE DOCTOR.
IT MUST BE SOMETHING SERIOUS.
- NO, REALLY, MOM. I FEEL
FINE. I'M JUST NOT HUNGRY.
- BUT IT'S ROAST LAMB, DEAR,
AND YOU ALWAYS
LIKED THE WAY I FIX THAT.
- QUIET, WINNIE.
DOBIE, SIT DOWN!
- DAD, I'M NOT SICK.
I'M JUST NOT GONNA EAT
ANYTHING AT ALL EVER AGAIN
UNTIL THALIA'S MY GIRL.
- YOU SEE? HE'S NOT REALLY SICK,
EXCEPT IN THE HEAD,
WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN.
- DAD, DIDN'T YOU EVER
HEAR OF A HUNGER STRIKE?
- OH, SURE, AND I
THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
- HERBERT!
- WELL, LOOK AT IT
THIS WAY, WINNIE.
YOU'RE GETTING
TIRED OF GOING PLACES
IN THAT OLD GROCERY TRUCK,
BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD A CAR.
NOW IF DOBIE LAYS OFF
EATING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS,
WE'LL BE ABLE TO SAVE ENOUGH
TO BUY ONE, MAYBE
TWO. [ LAUGHS ]
- I THINK I'LL GO TO MY ROOM.
I HAVE SOME READING I WANNA DO,
THIS BOOK OF POEMS BY
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING,
A LADY WHO WOULD HAVE
UNDERSTOOD A HUNGER STRIKE FOR LOVE.
AND IF I BEGIN TO LOOK PALE
AND WAN, DON'T WORRY, MOTHER.
- THERE'S RAISIN PIE!
- OH, LEAVE THE BOY
BE. LET HIM HAVE HIS FUN.
HE'LL STAY ON THIS HUNGER
STRIKE ABOUT ONE HOUR
AND THEN HE'LL COME SNEAKING
OUT HERE TO THE REFRIGERATOR.
AND WHEN HE DOES...
- "HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS."
SORRY, ELIZABETH BARRETT.
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS."
I LOVE THEE LIKE RAISIN PIE
AND I LOVE THEE LIKE ROAST LAMB.
LIKE RAISIN PIE AND ROAST LAMB.
I'M STARVING. MOTHER'S RIGHT.
I COULD STARVE TO DEATH.
I'M DELIRIOUSLY HUNGRY.
I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.
I GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT.
CAN'T START OUT THIS
STARVATION DIET ALL AT ONCE.
GOTTA START OUT
JUST CUTTING DOWN.
GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
I'LL GO DOWN TO THE KITCHEN.
NOBODY'LL EVER KNOW.
I'LL JUST SNEAK IN, NOT
A SOUND, NOT A SOUND.
THEY'RE IN BED.
NOBODY'LL EVER KNOW.
I JUST GOTTA EAT! I'M STARVING.
[ ALARM BLARING ]
I'M NOT EATING! I'M NOT EATING!
- I KNOW, AND YOU
WEREN'T ABOUT TO EITHER.
- NO, SIR! IF MAHATMA
GANDHI CAN DO IT FOR INDIA,
I CAN DO IT FOR THALIA.
I WAS JUST GETTING SOME
ICE FOR MY FEVERED BROW.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
SO YOU'RE DETERMINED TO STAY
ON THIS HUNGER STRIKE, HUH?
- YEAH.
- WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT
I'M GONNA DO TO HELP YOU.
I'M GONNA SLEEP ON THE COUCH
IN THE LIVING ROOM TONIGHT
WHERE I CAN HEAR YOU
JUST IN CASE YOU SHOULD
WALK IN YOUR SLEEP
AND WIND UP BACK
AT THE REFRIGERATOR
OR DOWN IN THE STORE.
- OH, THANKS, DAD.
- OH, THINK NOTHING OF IT.
[ ALARM BLARING ]
JUST RESETTING THE ALARM.
- OH, THANKS!
GOOD NIGHT, MOM!
- HEY, THAT SMELLS
GOOD. SHOULD I GO...
- I HAVE MY OWN WAY OF CALLING
MAHATMA GANDHI THIS MORNING.
I'LL END THIS HUNGER STRIKE.
- FOOD!
FOOD, FOOD.
- WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU
DECIDED TO COME BACK FROM INDIA
AND REJOIN US NORMAL
HUMANS, MAHATMA.
- HUH?
- I'M GLAD THE HUNGER
STRIKE IS OVER.
I KNEW THAT EVEN
THALIA COULDN'T MAKE YOU
MISS MORE THAN ONE MEAL.
- OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
THE HUNGER STRIKE'S NOT OVER.
I SAID I WAS GOING WITHOUT
FOOD UNTIL THALIA'S MY GIRL
AND I MEANT IT.
- DOBIE! DOBIE!
YOU'VE GOT TO EAT!
I AM NOT GOING TO STAND BY
AND SEE THAT BOY
RUIN HIS HEALTH.
- OH, TAKE IT EASY, WINNIE.
HE JUST CAN'T GIVE IN RIGHT IN
FRONT OF US, NOT YET ANYWAY.
BOYS WON'T GO LONG WITHOUT FOOD.
HE'LL EAT AND PLENTY.
- COME ON. YOU DON'T WANNA
BE LATE FOR THE FIRST CLASS.
- MAYNARD, GIVE ME, GIVE ME!
- HOLD, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU'RE ON A HUNGER
STRIKE, REMEMBER?
- I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER!
- OH, DOBIE, I THINK
IT'S SO WONDERFUL
YOU'RE GOING ON A
HUNGER STRIKE FOR LOVE.
WE ALL THINK IT'S THE
MOST THRILLING THING
WE EVER HEARD OF.
- OH, THANKS.
IT'S NOTHING. COME ON.
HURRY AND FINISH THAT,
MAYNARD, OR WE'LL BE LATE.
- YEAH, BUT YOU WERE GONNA...
- HURRY, MAYNARD!
- THALIA SAID
YOU'RE JUST FAKING.
- SHE'LL FIND OUT.
MY MOTHER'S ALREADY WORRIED
ABOUT HOW PALE AND WAN I LOOK.
- OH, YOU DO, YOU REALLY DO.
I THINK THALIA'S DISGUSTING.
- YES, SHE IS IN MANY WAYS,
BUT MY LOVE SHALL PURIFY HER.
HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
- HA-HA-HA!
- THALIA ISN'T THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS YOU'RE FAKING, GILLIS.
- YOU BE QUIET!
I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT I'D BE A
LOT MORE IMPRESSED WITH YOU
IF YOU DID SOMETHING
ROMANTIC LIKE THAT FOR ME.
- EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU.
- YEAH, BUT...
- YOU'RE A TROUBLEMAKER!
- YEAH! WE DON'T BELIEVE
YOU FOR ONE MINUTE, GILLIS!
YOU'RE EATING ON THE SLY!
- I'M NOT! I'M NOT!
- WE'LL BE WATCHING
YOU, GILLIS, EVERY MINUTE!
- OH, YEAH. YEAH, WELL,
YOU ALL BETTER GO.
YOU'LL BE LATE FOR CLASS.
- DON'T YOU HAVE TO GO TOO?
- WE'D LIKE TO WALK
OVER WITH YOU, DOBIE.
YOU'RE OUR HERO.
- OH, GEE, THANKS.
- HEY, HUNGRY LOVER,
YOU WANT A HOT DOG?
[ LAUGHTER ]
- NOW LEAVE DOBIE ALONE!
- VERY GOOD HOT DOGS,
GILLIS, AND I'LL BUY.
- NO, THANKS.
- OKAY.
JUST REMEMBER,
WE'RE WATCHING YOU.
- YOU MIND YOUR OWN
BUSINESS, YOU GLUTTON.
- HERE YOU ARE,
DOBE. I GOT IT FOR YOU.
- NOT HERE, MAYNARD!
THEY'RE WATCHING!
EAT IT! EAT IT!
I GOTTA GET SOMETHING
TO EAT. I'M STARVING.
- I KNOW. GO HOME AND EAT.
- MAYNARD, I TOLD YOU,
I'M STARVING THERE TOO.
MY DAD WOULD LAUGH AT ME.
LISTEN, I'LL GO HOME, YOU
GET ME SOMETHING TO EAT,
SNEAK IT INTO MY ROOM
THROUGH THE WINDOW.
- I WILL, GOOD BUDDY.
SOON AS I FINISH THIS.
- MAYNARD...
NO, NO, PLEASE, GIRLS.
IT'S JUST THE
WEAKNESS. IT'LL PASS.
- COME ON, WE WANT
TO TAKE YOU HOME.
- WHAT COURAGE!
- WHAT FAKERY, YOU MEAN!
- OH, SHUT UP!
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE?
- YEAH!
- YEAH!
- HOW DO YOU STAND ON LYNCHING?
- MAYNARD, WHERE YOU BEEN?
IT'S BEEN FOUR HOURS!
- I'M SORRY, DOBE. I HAD
TO EAT DINNER FIRST.
- ICE CREAM BARS?
THAT'S ALL YOU BROUGHT?
- YEAH, GOOD BUDDY. I FIGURED
YOU BEEN HUNGRY FOR SO LONG,
YOU DESERVE
NOTHING BUT THE BEST.
- MAYNARD, I MAY MURDER
YOU AS SOON AS I FINISH THESE.
- JUST LOOK AT HER,
STUFFING HERSELF
AND POOR DOBIE'S
PRACTICALLY DYING OVER HER.
- SHE HAS NO SHAME AT ALL.
WELL, I'M NOT
GONNA EAT IN PUBLIC
WHEN HERM STARTS
STARVING FOR LOVE OF ME.
- YOU TOLD HIM?
- THREE NIGHTS AGO.
I SAID, HERM, YOU'LL GET
NO MORE DATES WITH ME
UNTIL YOU GO ON A
HUNGER STRIKE FOR THEM.
- ME TOO. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I TOLD FRANK.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I HAVEN'T HAD A DATE SINCE.
- ME EITHER.
LOOK! HERE COMES DOBIE!
ISN'T HE ROMANTIC?
- UM-HUM.
- GRAB HIM!
- LISTEN, GILLIS, OUR
GIRLS WON'T GIVE US DATES
UNLESS WE GO ON A
HUNGER STRIKE TOO.
SO STOP FAKING OR ELSE!
- PLEASE, I MAY FAINT.
- WE GOTTA DO
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.
- AND WE'RE GOING TO!
- WATCH IT, POPS.
THIS PALE AND WAN
FAIR LOVER'S MY FRIEND.
- OH, HE'S A KOOK!
- YEAH, BUT HE'S A
PALE AND WAN KOOK.
- YOU'RE OUT OF
YOUR DEMENTED MIND.
YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME,
PRETENDING THAT
YOU'RE NOT EATING
AND READING POETRY ALL THE TIME.
- I'M ALSO WRITING
POETRY FOR YOU.
"OH, THALIA, YOUR LIPS ARE
LIKE THE PETALS OF A ROSE.
I'D LIKE TO KISS YOU
UNDERNEATH YOUR NOSE."
- GOOD HEAVENS, DOBIE!
- OH, I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT.
- I DON'T LOVE IT AND I DON'T
LIKE YOUR STARVATION ROUTINE.
LOOK, PEOPLE ARE TALKING.
NOW IF CHATSWORTH'S PARENTS
EVER FOUND OUT THAT I
KNEW A KOOK LIKE YOU,
WHY, THEY MIGHT NOT
LET ME DATE HIM ANYMORE.
SO STOP THE ACT.
- WILL YOU BE MY GIRL?
- NO.
- THEN I'LL GO ON STARVING
MYSELF UNTO THE DEATH.
IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, MY DARLING,
I'D RATHER NOT HAVE LIFE ITSELF.
WE POETS ARE LIKE THAT.
"HE WHO FOR LOVE HATH UNDERGONE
THE WORST THAT CAN BEFALL
IS HAPPIER THOUSANDFOLD THAN
ONE WHO NEVER LOVED AT ALL."
[ SUCKS AIR THROUGH STRAW ]
- GOODBYE.
- AH, ME, ALONE, ALONE.
[ STOMACH GROWLING ]
- DOBE, GOOD BUDDY, YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA GET THALIA THIS WAY,
AND THOSE FELLAS ARE
SORE. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE UP?
- I WON'T GIVE UP! I WON'T
EAT UNTIL THALIA'S MINE!
MEET ME IN MY
ROOM SAME AS USUAL,
BUT THIS TIME BRING
MEAT, DO YOU HEAR?
RED MEAT! I GOTTA HAVE IT!
FOR THREE NIGHTS, YOU'VE
BEEN BRINGING ICE CREAM
AND CANDY AND NUTS
AND CRACKERJACKS.
I GOTTA HAVE MEAT, DO YOU
HEAR? RED MEAT! I GOTTA HAVE IT!
- THERE YOU ARE,
GOOD BUDDY, RED MEAT!
- NOTHING ELSE? JUST A SALAMI?
- A RED ONE, THE REDDEST!
- A GARLIC SALAMI?
- THE GARLICIEST!
I WENT ALL THE WAY ACROSS
TOWN TO GET IT FOR YOU.
- WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP WORRYING, WINNIE?
THE BOY IS EATING.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE,
BUT HE IS EATING!
IN FACT, HE LOOKS TO ME
LIKE HE'S PUTTING ON WEIGHT.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
KIND OF A FATHER
YOU CAN BE, HERBERT GILLIS.
- I'M THE KIND OF A FATHER
WHO CAN SPOT A PHONY!
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
- OH, THAT MUST
BE THALIA. COME IN!
- THALIA?
- I AM TAKING MATTERS
INTO MY OWN HANDS.
- HI. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
I HAVE A DATE, BUT I THOUGHT I'D
STOP BY AND SEE WHAT YOU WANTED.
THIS IS CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.,
MR. AND MRS. GILLIS.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- HI.
- CHARMED. YOU LIVE HERE?
- YEAH. WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH IT?
- OH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
IT'S VERY AMUSING.
- YEAH. WE HAVE A LOT OF FUN
JUST SITTING AROUND
LAUGHING AT IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
THALIA, I ASKED YOU TO COME OVER
BECAUSE I WANTED TO
HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH YOU
WOMAN TO WOMAN.
YOU KNOW THAT DOBIE
ISN'T EATING BECAUSE OF YOU.
- OH, NOW, MRS. GILLIS.
HE REALLY ISN'T EATING?
- OF COURSE HE ISN'T.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HE'S WASTING
AWAY BEFORE OUR VERY EYES?
NO, NO, YOU COULDN'T.
YOU'RE NOT HIS MOTHER.
ONLY A MOTHER
LOOKING AT HER BABY
THROUGH THE EYES
OF LOVE COULD SEE.
OH, THALIA, YOU MUST HELP ME.
YOU MUST. JUST SAY THE WORDS,
WHATEVER THEY ARE,
THAT WILL MAKE HIM EAT.
OH, PLEASE, THALIA, YOU MUST.
PLEASE SAVE MY
BABY'S LIFE FOR ME.
- OKAY.
- DOBE, THAT SALAMI'S LIKE A
LOT GARLICIER THAN I THOUGHT.
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]
- DOBIE, DARLING, THALIA'S HERE!
SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!
- THE SALAMI'S GONE, BUT
THE MELODY LINGERS ON.
- BETTER NOT LET
ANYBODY GET NEAR ME.
- MY BABY!
IF YOU WON'T LISTEN
TO YOUR OWN MOTHER
WHO BORE YOU AND RAISED YOU,
MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN TO THALIA.
- NO, I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
- OH, HE HATES ME.
OH, I CAN'T BLAME HIM.
DOBIE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
REALLY WEREN'T EATING
UNTIL YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME.
DOBIE, DOBIE, PLEASE LOOK AT ME.
- NO, NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!
GO AWAY, THALIA!
GO AWAY OR I'LL JUMP!
- OH, NO! DON'T JUMP!
I'LL GIVE IN, DOBIE. I'M YOURS.
- DOBIE, SHE'S YOURS!
HOW ABOUT A STEAK?
- DOBIE, PLEASE COME
BACK INSIDE. I'M YOURS.
- JUST ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
THALIA, CAN YOU BE SERIOUS?
I MEAN, ARE YOU
GIVING ME UP FOR HIM?
- YES, CHATSWORTH.
- IN THAT CASE, YOU
LEAVE ME NO ALTERNATIVE.
I SHALL GO ON A HUNGER STRIKE.
- YOU'LL WHAT?
- PRECISELY WHAT I SAID.
IF YOU WON'T BE MY
GIRL, I SHAN'T EAT.
AND I SHOULD LIKE TO POINT
OUT THAT, WHEN I DON'T EAT,
IT'S RATHER MORE IMPRESSIVE
THAN WHEN HE DOESN'T EAT.
WHEN I DON'T EAT, I'M
DENYING MYSELF CAVIAR,
SQUAB, LOBSTER, CREPE
SUZETTES FOR BREAKFAST.
BESIDES, WHAT DOBIE DOESN'T
EAT, I WOULDN'T EAT IN ANY CASE.
PORK AND BEANS, HOMINY
GRITS, HAM HOCKS, EWW.
SO, YOU SEE, THALIA,
IN MY CASE, A HUNGER STRIKE IS
RATHER A MAJOR UNDERTAKING.
- YES, YOU'VE GOT A
POINT THERE, CHATSWORTH.
OH, I'M SORRY, DOBIE,
BUT YOU SEE HOW IT IS.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE
ANY CHOICE, DO I?
OH, I'M SORRY, MRS. GILLIS.
DO YOU REALLY HAVE CREPE
SUZETTES FOR BREAKFAST?
- OH, EVERY MORNING.
- WHY DON'T YOU, LIKE, GET
OFF THIS HUNGER STRIKE KICK?
YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD, DOBE.
- NOT YET I'M NOT.
GANDHI DIDN'T QUIT AND,
BY GEORGE, NEITHER AM I.
WAIT, FELLAS!
- OKAY, GILLIS, YOUR
HUNGER STRIKE IS OVER.
YOU GOT THE PIZZA AND WE GOT
THE PICTURE TO SHOW THE GIRLS.
- HOLD EVERYTHING, SON.
HERE'S DAD TO THE RESCUE!
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS
HUNGER STRIKE NONSENSE
AND YOU'RE GONNA EAT!
- BUT, DAD, MY
HUNGER STRIKE'S OVER.
I JUST ATE. BOY, DID I EAT.
- NOW DON'T LIE TO ME, BOY.
- DAD...
- YOU'RE GONNA EAT AND
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
- WAIT A MINUTE NOW,
DAD! DAD! I DON'T WANT ANY!
- KEEP QUIET.
- DAD, I ATE!
- THERE NOW! ISN'T THAT BETTER?
- OH!
- SEE?
THAT'S ALL YOU
NEEDED, SOME FOOD!
- DOBIE, I HAVE ASKED
YOU TO DO VERY LITTLE,
BUT YOU HAVE GOT
TO EAT THIS FOR ME.
- I WOULD, MOM, BUT
DAD JUST FED ME.
- OH, DOBIE, MY POOR DARLING.
YOU'RE HAVING HALLUCINATIONS.
- NO, MOM, JUST FEEL.
- OH! STARVATION BLOAT!
OH, DOBIE, DARLING,
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING
TO YOU. DON'T LEAVE ME.
- DON'T CRY, MOM,
PLEASE. I'LL EAT, I'LL EAT.
- OH, THANK YOU.
THERE, DEAR, THERE.
ISN'T MOMMY'S COOKING GOOD?
- DOBIE, YOU POOR THING.
AND YOU DID IT ALL FOR ME.
OH, LOOK WHAT I'VE BROUGHT YOU.
- I'VE EATEN! I'VE EATEN!
- HERE. IT'S
EVERYTHING I CAN COOK.
FRANKFURTERS, SAUERKRAUT,
CHILI AND DUMPLINGS.
- THALIA, I'VE EATEN.
- OH, YOU'RE SO NOBLE, DOBIE,
NOT WANTING TO FORCE
ME INTO BEING YOUR GIRL.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE
ABOUT HAVING EATEN.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT CHATSWORTH?
HE'S SUCH A NICE
FELLA AND HANDSOME.
- AND RICH!
- RICH, YES.
- YES, BUT IT'S YOU, DOBIE.
THERE'S NOTHING
I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
I'M HOOKED. EAT!
- NO. I'M SORRY,
THALIA. I JUST CAN'T.
- BUT YOU MUST!
NOW REMEMBER,
WHEN WE GET MARRIED,
WHEN WE GET MARRIED,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE
ABLE TO AFFORD A COOK
OR GOING OUT TO RESTAURANTS.
SO I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO DO ALL THE COOKING.
SO YOU MIGHT AS
WELL LEARN TO LIKE IT.
- THALIA, LOOK...
- COME ON, DOBIE, NO ARGUING.
JUST EAT, EAT, EAT.
THERE! WASN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
YOU KNOW, IT SURPRISES ME,
BUT I LIKE DOING THINGS
FOR YOU LIKE COOKING.
- THALIA, YOU SAY WE'RE
GONNA GET MARRIED?
- YES.
- AND AFTER WE'RE MARRIED,
YOU'RE GONNA DO THE COOKING?
- YES.
- AND THIS IS WHAT
YOU COOK BEST?
- YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CALLING CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.
FOR YOU.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- 17 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS BORN,
MY FATHER BOUGHT ME A PIGGY BANK
AND HE PUT A
PENNY IN IT FOR LUCK.
AND I'LL SAY THIS FOR MY FATHER.
ANYTIME I'M IN TROUBLE,
HE'S RIGHT THERE
WITH ANOTHER PENNY.
WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT MONEY?
SAME REASON AS ALWAYS,
THALIA MENNINGER.
AH, THALIA,
THALIA, THE LOVELY,
THALIA, THE DIVINE.
AND SHE'S SO UNPREDICTABLE.
SHE'S THE MOST PREDICTABLE
UNPREDICTABLE GIRL I KNOW.
ONE MINUTE, SHE COMES UP TO ME
ALL SWEET AND SOFT AND CREAMY...
THAT'S THE WAY SHE
IS FOR ONE MINUTE...
BUT THE NEXT 59 MINUTES,
SHE'S LIKE THAT WITH
SOME OTHER GUY.
OH, GOSH, THALIA.
- GOSH WHAT?
- GOSH, YOU'RE SWEET
AND SOFT AND CREAMY.
- THAT'S BECAUSE I'M
WITH YOU, DOBIE DEAR.
- HOW ABOUT GOING
FOR A NICE LONG WALK?
- WELL, I CAN'T.
I PROMISED CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.
I'D WAIT FOR HIM.
- CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.? THAT SNOB?
WHY, IF HE WEREN'T RICH,
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN...
- BUT HE IS.
- MONEY'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT.
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK
AT CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
IF HE DIDN'T LIVE IN THAT
BIG HOUSE ON THE HILL
AND DRIVE AN EXPENSIVE
SPORTS CAR AND WAS POOR.
- WE'LL NEVER KNOW. HE'S LOADED.
- YEAH.
- LOOK WHAT HE GAVE ME.
SMELL.
- YUCK!
- IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL
PERFUME IN THE WORLD.
- OH, YEAH? WHAT'S IT CALLED?
- MMMMM.
- MMMMM.
SPELL IT.
- M-M-M-M-M.
- OH, FRENCH, HUH?
LISTEN, THALIA, WHY DON'T
YOU AND I JUST GO FOR...
- OH, HI, CHATSWORTH.
- HI, THALIA. HI, GILLIS, BABY.
- LOOK, THALIA,
YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT
CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.
AND WE'LL TAKE
THAT NICE LONG WALK.
WALKING BUILDS UP THE CALVES.
IT'S VITAL TO HAVE STRONG CALVES
IN CASE OF FIRE
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE STRONG CALVES
TO GET YOU OUT OF THERE FAST.
- $18 AN OUNCE!
- LISTEN, YOU STICK WITH
ME, THALIA MENNINGER,
AND I'LL BUY YOU A WHOLE
POUND OF THAT STUFF.
- WELL, WHY SHOULD
I WAIT FOR PROMISES
WHEN CHATSWORTH CAN BUY ME
EVERYTHING I WANT RIGHT NOW?
- OKAY, OKAY, SO HE'S GOT MONEY.
BUT I DON'T HEAR YOU BRAGGING
ABOUT HIS CALF MUSCLES!
LISTEN, ANY TIME YOU WANNA
BROAD JUMP AGAINST ME,
CHATSWORTH, JUST HOLLER!
- FORE!
- OH, CHATSWORTH!
THAT WAS JUST MARVELOUS!
- YES, IT WAS RATHER, WASN'T IT?
- OH, I BET YOU HAVE
THE STRONGEST CALVES!
- OH, WOULD YOU CARE
TO FEEL ONE OF THEM?
- MAY I?
- JUST ONE.
- OH, THEY ARE STRONG!
[ LAUGH ]
AND SUCH EXQUISITE PERFUME!
SMELL.
- 28 FEET?
HEY, WATCH THAT! SHE'S WITH ME.
SHE'S MY GIRL PRACTICALLY.
28 FEET?
- NOW WE DID HAVE HALF A DATE,
BUT YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT.
- HALF A DATE? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, HALF A DATE?
- WELL, YOU'LL BE
HERE AND I WON'T. BYE.
- BYE-BYE, GILLIS, BABY.
- 28 FEET?
- WHY SO PALE AND
WAN, FAIR LOVER?
- OH, IT'S JUST MY CALVES
THAT ARE PALE AND WAN.
- WHAT?
- NEVER MIND.
- OKAY. NEVER MIND WHAT?
- MAYNARD, YOU ASKED ME WHY
SO PALE AND WAN, FAIR LOVER.
- NO, I DIDN'T. THAT'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA LEARN FOR ENGLISH.
I DON'T, LIKE, DIG IT. I
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D CLUE ME.
- PLEASE, MAYNARD, I'VE GOT
ENOUGH TROUBLES WITH THALIA.
- BUT I NEED HELP AND, IF YOU
DON'T HELP ME, GOOD BUDDY,
WHO'S GONNA HELP ME?
- OH, OKAY, MAYNARD.
NOW LOOK, IT'S A POEM,
LIKE A LYRIC TO A SONG.
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
- YEAH.
- "WHY SO PALE AND
WAN, FAIR LOVER?
"PRITHEE, WHY SO PALE?
"WILL, WHEN LOOKING
WELL CAN'T MOVE HER,
LOOKING ILL PREVAIL?
PRITHEE, WHY SO PALE?"
- HEY, GO, MAN, GO. I
MEAN, GO, GO, GO, DOBE.
- WILL, WHEN LOOKING
WELL CAN'T MOVE HER,
LOOKING ILL PREVAIL. THAT'S IT!
THAT'S THE WAY I CAN
GET THALIA. IT HAS TO BE!
IT'S THE ONLY THING
I HAVEN'T TRIED.
- I DON'T, LIKE, DIG.
- LOOK, GIRLS GO CRAZY
ABOUT FELLAS LIKE POETS
WHO ARE PALE AND WAN
AND HUNGRY-LOOKING.
AND THAT'S HOW I'M
GONNA GET THALIA,
BY LOOKING PALE
AND WAN AND HUNGRY.
- HOW?
- I WON'T EAT ANYTHING.
- BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WHEN YOU GET HUNGRY?
- STAY HUNGRY.
LOOK, FOR THE LOVE OF
THALIA MENNINGER, I CAN DO IT.
I'M GOING ON A HUNGER STRIKE
TILL SHE PROMISES TO BE MY GIRL.
- DOBE, YOU COULD, LIKE, STARVE.
- OH, SHE WON'T LET ME STARVE.
DID ENGLAND LET GANDHI STARVE?
- WHO?
- ENGLAND, MAYNARD, ENGLAND.
- ENGLAND, I KNOW.
WHAT'S THE OTHER CAT?
- MAHATMA GANDHI, MAYNARD.
- OH.
- AND WHEN THAT LITTLE
MAN IN THE LOINCLOTH
WENT ON A HUNGER STRIKE,
HE BROUGHT THE WHOLE
BRITISH EMPIRE TO ITS KNEES.
AND I KNOW THALIA
ISN'T ANY STRONGER
THAN THE BRITISH EMPIRE.
- WANNA BET?
- THALIA MENNINGER, I'M
ASKING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME.
WILL YOU BE MY REGULAR,
STEADY, PERMANENT GIRL?
- I'M TELLING YOU FOR
THE LAST TIME, I WILL NOT.
- ALL RIGHT, THAT DOES IT.
I'M GOING ON A HUNGER STRIKE.
I DON'T EAT ANYTHING
UNTIL YOU SAY YES.
- OH, DOBIE, YOU'RE SO
FUNNY. HERE, HAVE SOME.
- NO, NO. I MEANT IT, THALIA.
I DON'T EAT ANOTHER
BITE UNTIL YOU'RE MY GIRL.
BY THE WAY, I FEEL A LITTLE
PALE AND WAN ALREADY.
- SORRY, BUT I GOTTA
EAT FOR TWO NOW.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE, DEAR.
I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY
THAT YOUR DINNER MIGHT GET COLD.
SIT DOWN. ROAST LAMB.
- NO THANKS, MOM.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
- I'M READY TO GO!
I'VE LIVED A GOOD LIFE,
NOT PERFECT MAYBE,
MADE SOME MISTAKES.
BUT ALL IN ALL, A
GOOD LIFE. I'M READY.
- HERBERT, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU HEARD WHAT THE
BOY SAID. HE IS NOT HUNGRY.
AND DOBIE NOT HUNGRY
CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING.
THE END OF THE WORLD
IS COMING. OKAY, I'M READY.
- DOBIE, SIT DOWN.
HERBERT, STOP TEASING.
- NO THANKS, MOM. I
MEANT IT. I'M NOT HUNGRY.
- YOU'RE SICK! HERBERT,
GET THE DOCTOR.
IT MUST BE SOMETHING SERIOUS.
- NO, REALLY, MOM. I FEEL
FINE. I'M JUST NOT HUNGRY.
- BUT IT'S ROAST LAMB, DEAR,
AND YOU ALWAYS
LIKED THE WAY I FIX THAT.
- QUIET, WINNIE.
DOBIE, SIT DOWN!
- DAD, I'M NOT SICK.
I'M JUST NOT GONNA EAT
ANYTHING AT ALL EVER AGAIN
UNTIL THALIA'S MY GIRL.
- YOU SEE? HE'S NOT REALLY SICK,
EXCEPT IN THE HEAD,
WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN.
- DAD, DIDN'T YOU EVER
HEAR OF A HUNGER STRIKE?
- OH, SURE, AND I
THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
- HERBERT!
- WELL, LOOK AT IT
THIS WAY, WINNIE.
YOU'RE GETTING
TIRED OF GOING PLACES
IN THAT OLD GROCERY TRUCK,
BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD A CAR.
NOW IF DOBIE LAYS OFF
EATING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS,
WE'LL BE ABLE TO SAVE ENOUGH
TO BUY ONE, MAYBE
TWO. [ LAUGHS ]
- I THINK I'LL GO TO MY ROOM.
I HAVE SOME READING I WANNA DO,
THIS BOOK OF POEMS BY
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING,
A LADY WHO WOULD HAVE
UNDERSTOOD A HUNGER STRIKE FOR LOVE.
AND IF I BEGIN TO LOOK PALE
AND WAN, DON'T WORRY, MOTHER.
- THERE'S RAISIN PIE!
- OH, LEAVE THE BOY
BE. LET HIM HAVE HIS FUN.
HE'LL STAY ON THIS HUNGER
STRIKE ABOUT ONE HOUR
AND THEN HE'LL COME SNEAKING
OUT HERE TO THE REFRIGERATOR.
AND WHEN HE DOES...
- "HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS."
SORRY, ELIZABETH BARRETT.
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS."
I LOVE THEE LIKE RAISIN PIE
AND I LOVE THEE LIKE ROAST LAMB.
LIKE RAISIN PIE AND ROAST LAMB.
I'M STARVING. MOTHER'S RIGHT.
I COULD STARVE TO DEATH.
I'M DELIRIOUSLY HUNGRY.
I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.
I GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT.
CAN'T START OUT THIS
STARVATION DIET ALL AT ONCE.
GOTTA START OUT
JUST CUTTING DOWN.
GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
I'LL GO DOWN TO THE KITCHEN.
NOBODY'LL EVER KNOW.
I'LL JUST SNEAK IN, NOT
A SOUND, NOT A SOUND.
THEY'RE IN BED.
NOBODY'LL EVER KNOW.
I JUST GOTTA EAT! I'M STARVING.
[ ALARM BLARING ]
I'M NOT EATING! I'M NOT EATING!
- I KNOW, AND YOU
WEREN'T ABOUT TO EITHER.
- NO, SIR! IF MAHATMA
GANDHI CAN DO IT FOR INDIA,
I CAN DO IT FOR THALIA.
I WAS JUST GETTING SOME
ICE FOR MY FEVERED BROW.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
SO YOU'RE DETERMINED TO STAY
ON THIS HUNGER STRIKE, HUH?
- YEAH.
- WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT
I'M GONNA DO TO HELP YOU.
I'M GONNA SLEEP ON THE COUCH
IN THE LIVING ROOM TONIGHT
WHERE I CAN HEAR YOU
JUST IN CASE YOU SHOULD
WALK IN YOUR SLEEP
AND WIND UP BACK
AT THE REFRIGERATOR
OR DOWN IN THE STORE.
- OH, THANKS, DAD.
- OH, THINK NOTHING OF IT.
[ ALARM BLARING ]
JUST RESETTING THE ALARM.
- OH, THANKS!
GOOD NIGHT, MOM!
- HEY, THAT SMELLS
GOOD. SHOULD I GO...
- I HAVE MY OWN WAY OF CALLING
MAHATMA GANDHI THIS MORNING.
I'LL END THIS HUNGER STRIKE.
- FOOD!
FOOD, FOOD.
- WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU
DECIDED TO COME BACK FROM INDIA
AND REJOIN US NORMAL
HUMANS, MAHATMA.
- HUH?
- I'M GLAD THE HUNGER
STRIKE IS OVER.
I KNEW THAT EVEN
THALIA COULDN'T MAKE YOU
MISS MORE THAN ONE MEAL.
- OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.
THE HUNGER STRIKE'S NOT OVER.
I SAID I WAS GOING WITHOUT
FOOD UNTIL THALIA'S MY GIRL
AND I MEANT IT.
- DOBIE! DOBIE!
YOU'VE GOT TO EAT!
I AM NOT GOING TO STAND BY
AND SEE THAT BOY
RUIN HIS HEALTH.
- OH, TAKE IT EASY, WINNIE.
HE JUST CAN'T GIVE IN RIGHT IN
FRONT OF US, NOT YET ANYWAY.
BOYS WON'T GO LONG WITHOUT FOOD.
HE'LL EAT AND PLENTY.
- COME ON. YOU DON'T WANNA
BE LATE FOR THE FIRST CLASS.
- MAYNARD, GIVE ME, GIVE ME!
- HOLD, GOOD BUDDY.
YOU'RE ON A HUNGER
STRIKE, REMEMBER?
- I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER!
- OH, DOBIE, I THINK
IT'S SO WONDERFUL
YOU'RE GOING ON A
HUNGER STRIKE FOR LOVE.
WE ALL THINK IT'S THE
MOST THRILLING THING
WE EVER HEARD OF.
- OH, THANKS.
IT'S NOTHING. COME ON.
HURRY AND FINISH THAT,
MAYNARD, OR WE'LL BE LATE.
- YEAH, BUT YOU WERE GONNA...
- HURRY, MAYNARD!
- THALIA SAID
YOU'RE JUST FAKING.
- SHE'LL FIND OUT.
MY MOTHER'S ALREADY WORRIED
ABOUT HOW PALE AND WAN I LOOK.
- OH, YOU DO, YOU REALLY DO.
I THINK THALIA'S DISGUSTING.
- YES, SHE IS IN MANY WAYS,
BUT MY LOVE SHALL PURIFY HER.
HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
- HA-HA-HA!
- THALIA ISN'T THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS YOU'RE FAKING, GILLIS.
- YOU BE QUIET!
I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT I'D BE A
LOT MORE IMPRESSED WITH YOU
IF YOU DID SOMETHING
ROMANTIC LIKE THAT FOR ME.
- EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU.
- YEAH, BUT...
- YOU'RE A TROUBLEMAKER!
- YEAH! WE DON'T BELIEVE
YOU FOR ONE MINUTE, GILLIS!
YOU'RE EATING ON THE SLY!
- I'M NOT! I'M NOT!
- WE'LL BE WATCHING
YOU, GILLIS, EVERY MINUTE!
- OH, YEAH. YEAH, WELL,
YOU ALL BETTER GO.
YOU'LL BE LATE FOR CLASS.
- DON'T YOU HAVE TO GO TOO?
- WE'D LIKE TO WALK
OVER WITH YOU, DOBIE.
YOU'RE OUR HERO.
- OH, GEE, THANKS.
- HEY, HUNGRY LOVER,
YOU WANT A HOT DOG?
[ LAUGHTER ]
- NOW LEAVE DOBIE ALONE!
- VERY GOOD HOT DOGS,
GILLIS, AND I'LL BUY.
- NO, THANKS.
- OKAY.
JUST REMEMBER,
WE'RE WATCHING YOU.
- YOU MIND YOUR OWN
BUSINESS, YOU GLUTTON.
- HERE YOU ARE,
DOBE. I GOT IT FOR YOU.
- NOT HERE, MAYNARD!
THEY'RE WATCHING!
EAT IT! EAT IT!
I GOTTA GET SOMETHING
TO EAT. I'M STARVING.
- I KNOW. GO HOME AND EAT.
- MAYNARD, I TOLD YOU,
I'M STARVING THERE TOO.
MY DAD WOULD LAUGH AT ME.
LISTEN, I'LL GO HOME, YOU
GET ME SOMETHING TO EAT,
SNEAK IT INTO MY ROOM
THROUGH THE WINDOW.
- I WILL, GOOD BUDDY.
SOON AS I FINISH THIS.
- MAYNARD...
NO, NO, PLEASE, GIRLS.
IT'S JUST THE
WEAKNESS. IT'LL PASS.
- COME ON, WE WANT
TO TAKE YOU HOME.
- WHAT COURAGE!
- WHAT FAKERY, YOU MEAN!
- OH, SHUT UP!
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOVE?
- YEAH!
- YEAH!
- HOW DO YOU STAND ON LYNCHING?
- MAYNARD, WHERE YOU BEEN?
IT'S BEEN FOUR HOURS!
- I'M SORRY, DOBE. I HAD
TO EAT DINNER FIRST.
- ICE CREAM BARS?
THAT'S ALL YOU BROUGHT?
- YEAH, GOOD BUDDY. I FIGURED
YOU BEEN HUNGRY FOR SO LONG,
YOU DESERVE
NOTHING BUT THE BEST.
- MAYNARD, I MAY MURDER
YOU AS SOON AS I FINISH THESE.
- JUST LOOK AT HER,
STUFFING HERSELF
AND POOR DOBIE'S
PRACTICALLY DYING OVER HER.
- SHE HAS NO SHAME AT ALL.
WELL, I'M NOT
GONNA EAT IN PUBLIC
WHEN HERM STARTS
STARVING FOR LOVE OF ME.
- YOU TOLD HIM?
- THREE NIGHTS AGO.
I SAID, HERM, YOU'LL GET
NO MORE DATES WITH ME
UNTIL YOU GO ON A
HUNGER STRIKE FOR THEM.
- ME TOO. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I TOLD FRANK.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I HAVEN'T HAD A DATE SINCE.
- ME EITHER.
LOOK! HERE COMES DOBIE!
ISN'T HE ROMANTIC?
- UM-HUM.
- GRAB HIM!
- LISTEN, GILLIS, OUR
GIRLS WON'T GIVE US DATES
UNLESS WE GO ON A
HUNGER STRIKE TOO.
SO STOP FAKING OR ELSE!
- PLEASE, I MAY FAINT.
- WE GOTTA DO
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.
- AND WE'RE GOING TO!
- WATCH IT, POPS.
THIS PALE AND WAN
FAIR LOVER'S MY FRIEND.
- OH, HE'S A KOOK!
- YEAH, BUT HE'S A
PALE AND WAN KOOK.
- YOU'RE OUT OF
YOUR DEMENTED MIND.
YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME,
PRETENDING THAT
YOU'RE NOT EATING
AND READING POETRY ALL THE TIME.
- I'M ALSO WRITING
POETRY FOR YOU.
"OH, THALIA, YOUR LIPS ARE
LIKE THE PETALS OF A ROSE.
I'D LIKE TO KISS YOU
UNDERNEATH YOUR NOSE."
- GOOD HEAVENS, DOBIE!
- OH, I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT.
- I DON'T LOVE IT AND I DON'T
LIKE YOUR STARVATION ROUTINE.
LOOK, PEOPLE ARE TALKING.
NOW IF CHATSWORTH'S PARENTS
EVER FOUND OUT THAT I
KNEW A KOOK LIKE YOU,
WHY, THEY MIGHT NOT
LET ME DATE HIM ANYMORE.
SO STOP THE ACT.
- WILL YOU BE MY GIRL?
- NO.
- THEN I'LL GO ON STARVING
MYSELF UNTO THE DEATH.
IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, MY DARLING,
I'D RATHER NOT HAVE LIFE ITSELF.
WE POETS ARE LIKE THAT.
"HE WHO FOR LOVE HATH UNDERGONE
THE WORST THAT CAN BEFALL
IS HAPPIER THOUSANDFOLD THAN
ONE WHO NEVER LOVED AT ALL."
[ SUCKS AIR THROUGH STRAW ]
- GOODBYE.
- AH, ME, ALONE, ALONE.
[ STOMACH GROWLING ]
- DOBE, GOOD BUDDY, YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA GET THALIA THIS WAY,
AND THOSE FELLAS ARE
SORE. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE UP?
- I WON'T GIVE UP! I WON'T
EAT UNTIL THALIA'S MINE!
MEET ME IN MY
ROOM SAME AS USUAL,
BUT THIS TIME BRING
MEAT, DO YOU HEAR?
RED MEAT! I GOTTA HAVE IT!
FOR THREE NIGHTS, YOU'VE
BEEN BRINGING ICE CREAM
AND CANDY AND NUTS
AND CRACKERJACKS.
I GOTTA HAVE MEAT, DO YOU
HEAR? RED MEAT! I GOTTA HAVE IT!
- THERE YOU ARE,
GOOD BUDDY, RED MEAT!
- NOTHING ELSE? JUST A SALAMI?
- A RED ONE, THE REDDEST!
- A GARLIC SALAMI?
- THE GARLICIEST!
I WENT ALL THE WAY ACROSS
TOWN TO GET IT FOR YOU.
- WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP WORRYING, WINNIE?
THE BOY IS EATING.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE,
BUT HE IS EATING!
IN FACT, HE LOOKS TO ME
LIKE HE'S PUTTING ON WEIGHT.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
KIND OF A FATHER
YOU CAN BE, HERBERT GILLIS.
- I'M THE KIND OF A FATHER
WHO CAN SPOT A PHONY!
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
- OH, THAT MUST
BE THALIA. COME IN!
- THALIA?
- I AM TAKING MATTERS
INTO MY OWN HANDS.
- HI. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
I HAVE A DATE, BUT I THOUGHT I'D
STOP BY AND SEE WHAT YOU WANTED.
THIS IS CHATSWORTH OSBORNE, JR.,
MR. AND MRS. GILLIS.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- HI.
- CHARMED. YOU LIVE HERE?
- YEAH. WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH IT?
- OH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
IT'S VERY AMUSING.
- YEAH. WE HAVE A LOT OF FUN
JUST SITTING AROUND
LAUGHING AT IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
THALIA, I ASKED YOU TO COME OVER
BECAUSE I WANTED TO
HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH YOU
WOMAN TO WOMAN.
YOU KNOW THAT DOBIE
ISN'T EATING BECAUSE OF YOU.
- OH, NOW, MRS. GILLIS.
HE REALLY ISN'T EATING?
- OF COURSE HE ISN'T.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HE'S WASTING
AWAY BEFORE OUR VERY EYES?
NO, NO, YOU COULDN'T.
YOU'RE NOT HIS MOTHER.
ONLY A MOTHER
LOOKING AT HER BABY
THROUGH THE EYES
OF LOVE COULD SEE.
OH, THALIA, YOU MUST HELP ME.
YOU MUST. JUST SAY THE WORDS,
WHATEVER THEY ARE,
THAT WILL MAKE HIM EAT.
OH, PLEASE, THALIA, YOU MUST.
PLEASE SAVE MY
BABY'S LIFE FOR ME.
- OKAY.
- DOBE, THAT SALAMI'S LIKE A
LOT GARLICIER THAN I THOUGHT.
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]
- DOBIE, DARLING, THALIA'S HERE!
SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!
- THE SALAMI'S GONE, BUT
THE MELODY LINGERS ON.
- BETTER NOT LET
ANYBODY GET NEAR ME.
- MY BABY!
IF YOU WON'T LISTEN
TO YOUR OWN MOTHER
WHO BORE YOU AND RAISED YOU,
MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN TO THALIA.
- NO, I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
- OH, HE HATES ME.
OH, I CAN'T BLAME HIM.
DOBIE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
REALLY WEREN'T EATING
UNTIL YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME.
DOBIE, DOBIE, PLEASE LOOK AT ME.
- NO, NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!
GO AWAY, THALIA!
GO AWAY OR I'LL JUMP!
- OH, NO! DON'T JUMP!
I'LL GIVE IN, DOBIE. I'M YOURS.
- DOBIE, SHE'S YOURS!
HOW ABOUT A STEAK?
- DOBIE, PLEASE COME
BACK INSIDE. I'M YOURS.
- JUST ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
THALIA, CAN YOU BE SERIOUS?
I MEAN, ARE YOU
GIVING ME UP FOR HIM?
- YES, CHATSWORTH.
- IN THAT CASE, YOU
LEAVE ME NO ALTERNATIVE.
I SHALL GO ON A HUNGER STRIKE.
- YOU'LL WHAT?
- PRECISELY WHAT I SAID.
IF YOU WON'T BE MY
GIRL, I SHAN'T EAT.
AND I SHOULD LIKE TO POINT
OUT THAT, WHEN I DON'T EAT,
IT'S RATHER MORE IMPRESSIVE
THAN WHEN HE DOESN'T EAT.
WHEN I DON'T EAT, I'M
DENYING MYSELF CAVIAR,
SQUAB, LOBSTER, CREPE
SUZETTES FOR BREAKFAST.
BESIDES, WHAT DOBIE DOESN'T
EAT, I WOULDN'T EAT IN ANY CASE.
PORK AND BEANS, HOMINY
GRITS, HAM HOCKS, EWW.
SO, YOU SEE, THALIA,
IN MY CASE, A HUNGER STRIKE IS
RATHER A MAJOR UNDERTAKING.
- YES, YOU'VE GOT A
POINT THERE, CHATSWORTH.
OH, I'M SORRY, DOBIE,
BUT YOU SEE HOW IT IS.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE
ANY CHOICE, DO I?
OH, I'M SORRY, MRS. GILLIS.
DO YOU REALLY HAVE CREPE
SUZETTES FOR BREAKFAST?
- OH, EVERY MORNING.
- WHY DON'T YOU, LIKE, GET
OFF THIS HUNGER STRIKE KICK?
YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD, DOBE.
- NOT YET I'M NOT.
GANDHI DIDN'T QUIT AND,
BY GEORGE, NEITHER AM I.
WAIT, FELLAS!
- OKAY, GILLIS, YOUR
HUNGER STRIKE IS OVER.
YOU GOT THE PIZZA AND WE GOT
THE PICTURE TO SHOW THE GIRLS.
- HOLD EVERYTHING, SON.
HERE'S DAD TO THE RESCUE!
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS
HUNGER STRIKE NONSENSE
AND YOU'RE GONNA EAT!
- BUT, DAD, MY
HUNGER STRIKE'S OVER.
I JUST ATE. BOY, DID I EAT.
- NOW DON'T LIE TO ME, BOY.
- DAD...
- YOU'RE GONNA EAT AND
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
- WAIT A MINUTE NOW,
DAD! DAD! I DON'T WANT ANY!
- KEEP QUIET.
- DAD, I ATE!
- THERE NOW! ISN'T THAT BETTER?
- OH!
- SEE?
THAT'S ALL YOU
NEEDED, SOME FOOD!
- DOBIE, I HAVE ASKED
YOU TO DO VERY LITTLE,
BUT YOU HAVE GOT
TO EAT THIS FOR ME.
- I WOULD, MOM, BUT
DAD JUST FED ME.
- OH, DOBIE, MY POOR DARLING.
YOU'RE HAVING HALLUCINATIONS.
- NO, MOM, JUST FEEL.
- OH! STARVATION BLOAT!
OH, DOBIE, DARLING,
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING
TO YOU. DON'T LEAVE ME.
- DON'T CRY, MOM,
PLEASE. I'LL EAT, I'LL EAT.
- OH, THANK YOU.
THERE, DEAR, THERE.
ISN'T MOMMY'S COOKING GOOD?
- DOBIE, YOU POOR THING.
AND YOU DID IT ALL FOR ME.
OH, LOOK WHAT I'VE BROUGHT YOU.
- I'VE EATEN! I'VE EATEN!
- HERE. IT'S
EVERYTHING I CAN COOK.
FRANKFURTERS, SAUERKRAUT,
CHILI AND DUMPLINGS.
- THALIA, I'VE EATEN.
- OH, YOU'RE SO NOBLE, DOBIE,
NOT WANTING TO FORCE
ME INTO BEING YOUR GIRL.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE
ABOUT HAVING EATEN.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT CHATSWORTH?
HE'S SUCH A NICE
FELLA AND HANDSOME.
- AND RICH!
- RICH, YES.
- YES, BUT IT'S YOU, DOBIE.
THERE'S NOTHING
I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
I'M HOOKED. EAT!
- NO. I'M SORRY,
THALIA. I JUST CAN'T.
- BUT YOU MUST!
NOW REMEMBER,
WHEN WE GET MARRIED,
WHEN WE GET MARRIED,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE
ABLE TO AFFORD A COOK
OR GOING OUT TO RESTAURANTS.
SO I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO DO ALL THE COOKING.
SO YOU MIGHT AS
WELL LEARN TO LIKE IT.
- THALIA, LOOK...
- COME ON, DOBIE, NO ARGUING.
JUST EAT, EAT, EAT.
THERE! WASN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
YOU KNOW, IT SURPRISES ME,
BUT I LIKE DOING THINGS
FOR YOU LIKE COOKING.
- THALIA, YOU SAY WE'RE
GONNA GET MARRIED?
- YES.
- AND AFTER WE'RE MARRIED,
YOU'RE GONNA DO THE COOKING?
- YES.
- AND THIS IS WHAT
YOU COOK BEST?
- YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CALLING CHATSWORTH
OSBORNE, JR.
FOR YOU.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪