The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 16 - The Fist Fighter - full transcript
Thalia's latest kick is that she wants an athlete, as professional athletes make lots of money. Football team captain Milton is that athlete of choice, whereas Dobie is nowhere close to being an athlete of any sort. As Dobie goes through the list of sports at which he may try to excel, that exercise which yields nothing, he figures that he can bluff his way into being an athlete. The school doesn't have a boxing team, so he can pretend to be an expert fighter. The key to the bluff is to beat up a known athletic entity. Dobie is certain that Moose McCullough, a Central High School graduate and who is known as the best athlete Central High has ever produced, will take a fall for him, as more than anything Moose believes in love. Moose agrees to Dobie's proposition. The staged fight works, which results in Dobie getting Thalia and being known far and wide as "The Fist". What Dobie doesn't account for is anyone calling his bluff, that person being Milton, who wants Thalia back, and who challenges Dobie to a fight. Is there any way Dobie can get out of this predicament without either being beat up or admitting his true weakling or cowardice status?
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- THALIA MENNINGER.
THALIA MENNINGER'S
THE GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH.
MY ROMANCE WITH THALIA
IS KIND OF A TRIANGLE.
I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES MONEY.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE THAT
SUCH A WARM, SOFT GIRL
CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
BUT COLD, HARD CASH.
- DON WILLOUGHBY, CAPTAIN
OF THE BASEBALL TEAM.
- NOPE.
- BUTCH GLENDON,
CAPTAIN OF THE BASKETBALL TEAM.
- NOPE.
- MILTON ARMITAGE, CAPTAIN
OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM!
- NO.
- THEN TAKE YOUR
CLAMMY HANDS OFF!
- THALIA!
- NOW DON'T SIT DOWN.
I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN SITTING WITH ANYONE
WHO ISN'T BIG AND STRONG AND
MAGNIFICENTLY COORDINATED.
- BUT I HAVE OTHER VIRTUES.
- LIKE WHAT?
- WELL, I'M HUMBLE.
- YEAH, YOU HAVE SO
MUCH TO BE HUMBLE ABOUT.
- NOW LISTEN, THALIA...
- NOW LISTEN TO ME!
CAN YOU POLE VAULT 14 FEET?
- NO, BUT I HAVE A KIND HEART.
- OR RUN A MILE IN FOUR MINUTES?
- AND I'M GOOD TO MY MOTHER.
- OR PITCH A NO-HITTER OR RUN
90 YARDS FOR A TOUCHDOWN?
- I CAN TOUCH MY TOES
WITHOUT BENDING MY KNEES.
- LET'S FACE IT, DOBIE!
YOU'RE JUST NOT AN ATHLETE!
- I DON'T GET IT!
WHY ALL THIS SUDDEN
INTEREST IN ATHLETICS?
- WHY NOT?
- WELL, IT'S KIND OF
CLEAN AND WHOLESOME
AND YOU'RE KIND OF MEAN
AND GRUBBY. NO OFFENSE.
- DOBIE, I'VE TOLD YOU
A THOUSAND TIMES,
I DON'T CARE ABOUT
MONEY, NOT FOR ME.
- NO, YOU'RE ONLY
THINKING OF YOUR FAMILY.
- YES!
- YOU GOT TO MARRY A RICH BOY
'CAUSE YOUR FATHER
IS 60 YEARS OLD
AND HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION.
- KIDNEY CONDITION.
- AND YOUR MOTHER ISN'T
GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
- NO.
- NO, AND YOUR SISTER
MARRIED A LOAFER AND YOUR
BROTHER IS UNEMPLOYABLE.
AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO SAVE THE
FAMILY FROM THE POORHOUSE.
- POORHOUSE, YES.
- YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.
WELL, WHAT'S THIS GOT
TO DO WITH ATHLETICS?
- I'VE BEEN READING
AN ARTICLE HERE.
DO YOU KNOW THAT TED
WILLIAMS GOT $100,000
FROM THE BOSTON
RED SOX LAST YEAR?
IMAGINE THAT!
JUST FOR PLAYING A COUPLE OF
HOURS OF BASEBALL EVERY DAY
AND HE GOT A NICE SUNTAN TOO.
- OH, YEAH, ESPECIALLY
IN THOSE NIGHT GAMES.
- AND MICKEY MANTLE GOT $80,000.
- WELL, HE'S YOUNGER.
- AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THE QUARTERBACK OF THE
CHICAGO BEARS GOT LAST YEAR?
- LUMPS?
- DON'T GET SMART, MISTER.
THERE'S MONEY IN
ATHLETICS, BIG MONEY.
TAKE THE SECOND
LOUIS-SCHMELING FIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT LOUIS
GOT $260,000 AND
KNOCKED OUT SCHMELING
IN ONE MINUTE AND 58
SECONDS OF THE FIRST ROUND?
- YEAH, I BET YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH THAT IS A SECOND, DON'T YOU?
- 2,271.
SO YOU CAN SNEER ALL YOU
WANT, BUT THE MAN THAT GETS ME
IS GOING TO BE A
BIG, BRAWNY ATHLETE.
- YEAH. WELL, IN THE MEANTIME,
YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT
I'M KIND OF APPEALING
IN A PUNY SORT OF A WAY.
SO HOW ABOUT GOING WITH
ME TO THE DRIVE-IN TONIGHT?
THE PICTURE'S A GASSER,
"THE MONSTER WHO
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- THE MONSTER WHO... OH, DOBIE,
YOU'RE POSITIVELY SICK-MAKING!
- WELL, WE DON'T HAVE
TO WATCH THE MOVIE,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
BUT YOU DON'T SEEM
TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
YOU AND I ARE
THROUGH! THAT'S ALL.
WHAT I WANT IS A
BIG, BRAWNY ATHLETE.
- BIG, BRAWNY, I KNOW.
- HELLO, CHILD.
- MILTON!
- HELLO, CHILD.
OH, YOU'RE SO BIG AND
STRONG AND ATHLETIC.
- I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT.
- RICH TOO.
- WELL, OLD MONEY.
- THAT'S THE BEST KIND.
- TELL ME, MY DEAR, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
- NOT A THING. WHAT
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- THE DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
THEY'RE PLAYING RATHER
AN AMUSING LITTLE PASTICHE...
- PASTICHE?
THERE TONIGHT CALLED "THE
MONSTER WHO DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- OH, I'M DYING TO SEE IT!
- NOW LISTEN, MILTON!
- WELL, SAY, SEVENISH?
- ANY -ISH YOU LIKE.
- MILTON?
- WHICH CAR SHALL I BRING?
THE LONG LOW CONVERTIBLE
OR THE LONG HIGH CONVERTIBLE?
- OH, WELL, YOU
JUST DRIVE, MILTON.
- VERY WELL. I'LL HAVE
FIDELIO POLISH THEM BOTH.
- NOW JUST A DARN
MINUTE, MILTON!
- EXCUSE ME. SONNY, DID
YOU LOSE YOUR MOTHER?
- YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND
STRONG AND OLD MONEY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- I'D LIKE TO POINT
OUT THAT THALIA AND I
WERE HAVING A
PRIVATE CONVERSATION.
- HOW NICE FOR YOU.
AND NOW THALIA AND I
ARE HAVING A PRIVATE
CONVERSATION.
SO WHY DON'T YOU TODDLE OFF?
- THALIA, I APPEAL TO YOU.
- NO, DOBIE, YOU
DON'T APPEAL TO ME.
YOU'RE A NICE, SWEET, WEAK
LITTLE MAN, BUT TODDLE OFF.
- PASTICHE.
- S-I-K. I MEAN, WHY MESS AROUND
WITH A CHICK WHO DIGS MUSCLES?
I MEAN, LOOK AT IT THIS
WAY. YOU'D GET, LIKE, MAIMED.
- MAYNARD, IT'S WRITTEN
IN THE GREAT BOOKS.
HE WHO LIVES FOR LOVE MUST
BE READY TO DIE FOR LOVE.
BESIDES, WITHOUT THALIA,
WHAT IS THERE WORTH LIVING FOR?
- YOU GONE APE? LOTS OF THINGS.
- NAME ONE.
- I'LL NAME' EM ALL!
DIZZY GILLESPIE.
- WE'RE STAR-CROSSED LOVERS,
BUT SOMEHOW, SOME
WAY, WE'LL BEAT THE ODDS.
- DADDY-O, YOU'RE LIKE A
REBEL WITH A LOST CAUSE.
THALIA ONLY DIGS,
LIKE, ATHLETES.
- OKAY, THEN I'LL
BECOME AN ATHLETE.
- MAKE ME A MUSCLE.
- HUH?
- MAKE ME A MUSCLE.
- OH.
- DOBIE, FIND YOURSELF A CHICK
WHO DIGS, LIKE,
YOUR BEAUTIFUL MIND.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE THE HIPPEST,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE,
LET'S FACE IT. YOU'RE SQUARE.
- SMILE WHEN YOU
SAY THAT, MISTER.
- YOU DON'T GET THE POINT.
A MAN IN LOVE CAN
MOVE MOUNTAINS.
- YEAH, BUT HE CAN'T
BECOME AN ATHLETE.
- I'LL BECOME AN ATHLETE.
- WHAT KIND OF ATHLETE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- BASKETBALL?
- TOO SHORT.
- BASEBALL?
- TOO SLOW.
- SHOT-PUT?
- TOO WEAK.
- FOOTBALL?
- TOO YELLOW.
- THAT LEAVES THE
GIRLS' SWIMMING TEAM
AND YOU'LL NEVER
PASS THE PHYSICAL.
- I'M SURE I HAVE
ATHLETIC ABILITIES.
THEY JUST HAVE TO BE TAPPED.
- DOBIE, LOVE HAS TAPPED
YOU SO HARD, YOU'RE PUNCHY.
- MAYBE POLO'S MY GAME
OR LACROSSE OR SQUASH.
PUNCHY? DID YOU SAY PUNCHY?
- YEAH, I SURE DID.
- MAYNARD, YOU JUST
SAID THE MAGIC GAME!
BOXING! I'LL BECOME A
RUTHLESS FIGHTING MACHINE.
- SO LONG, DOBIE.
YOU JUST CROSSED OVER!
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD.
DO WE HAVE A BOXING TEAM?
- NO.
- THEN WHO'S TO KNOW I'M NOT
A RUTHLESS FIGHTING MACHINE?
- WELL, FOR ONE,
THALIA WON'T KNOW.
- SHE'LL KNOW WHEN I
FLATTEN THE GREATEST ATHLETE
IN THE HISTORY OF CENTRAL HIGH,
ALL-CITY, ALL-STATE,
ALL INNER-SCHOLASTIC.
- MAN, YOU COULD ONLY MEAN...
- MOOSE McCULLOUGH, THE LEGEND.
OH, I KNOW HE'LL COOPERATE.
- OH, I DIG. A FIX!
- YEAH.
- HEY, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
MOOSE McCULLOUGH'S GONNA
LET HIMSELF GET FLATTENED BY YOU?
- BECAUSE MOOSE SPRINGS
FROM THAT SPECIAL BREED OF MEN.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE.
- THE PURSUIT OF LA FEMME
IS THE NOBLEST ART
KNOWN TO MAN, DOBIE.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME!
- I KNEW YOU'D FEEL
THAT WAY, MOOSE.
WE'RE CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH.
[ BABY CRIES ]
- AW, LITTLE MOOSE
MUST BE HUNGRY.
HAND ME THAT BOTTLE, WILL YOU?
- OH, SURE, MOOSE.
I...
HEY, WHAT'S THIS DOING
IN YOUR ALL-STATE
FOOTBALL TROPHY?
- OH, I FINALLY FOUND
SOME PRACTICAL USE
FOR THE DARN THING.
- OH. BOY, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D SEE MOOSE McCULLOUGH
IN AN APRON FEEDING
A BOTTLE TO A BABY.
- THAT'S THE GREATEST
KICK IN THE WORLD, DOBIE.
BEATS RUNNING FOR A
TOUCHDOWN ANY TIME.
HAND ME THAT OTHER
BOTTLE, WILL YOU?
- DON'T YOU MISS THE
CHEERS OF THE CROWD?
- AW, NO. I MARRIED
A CHEERLEADER
AND, ANY TIME I FEEL DOWN,
SHE GIVES ME TWO
LOCOMOTIVES AND A SIS-BOOM-BAH.
I FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN.
- YEAH. SAY, WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?
- SHE'S AT THE DOCTOR.
- OH? NOTHING SERIOUS, I HOPE.
- MOST SERIOUS THING
IN THE WORLD, DOBIE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
ANOTHER LITTLE MOOSE.
- NO.
- YEAH.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- AW, THANKS.
YOU KNOW, IF ALL GOES WELL
WITH YOUR PLAN TOMORROW, MAYBE
SOMEDAY YOU'LL HAVE ALL OF THIS.
- YEAH.
[ BABY CRIES ]
- WELL, I'LL BE GOING, MOOSE.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
AND I'LL TRY NOT TO
HIT YOU TOO HARD.
- AW, YOU CAN'T HURT THE MOOSE.
JUST DON'T BREAK YOUR HAND, KID.
- OH, DOBIE, HOW SWEET!
I'M JUST MAD ABOUT
BANANA SPLITS.
- IF ONLY I COULD
BE A BANANA SPLIT.
- NOW, DOBIE, LET'S NOT
MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT.
- I MAY AS WELL
TELL YOU, THALIA.
WHEN I LEAVE THIS TABLE,
IT'S ALL OVER, KAPUT.
I'LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
- DOBIE...
- PLEASE, NO PITY.
I KNOW NOW THERE CAN
NEVER BE ANYTHING BETWEEN US.
I'M TOO INSIGNIFICANT,
TOO ORDINARY, TOO COMMONPLACE.
- THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING I CAN SAY.
- YEAH?
- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
OH, THAT'S HIM!
MOOSE McCULLOUGH!
THAT'S THE LEGEND!
- SO IT'S MOOSE McCULLOUGH,
THE LEGEND. SO WHAT?
- OH, DOBIE, JEALOUSY
HAS WARPED YOUR MIND.
HE WAS A FOUR-LETTER MAN!
HE'S WON OVER 100
ATHLETIC TROPHIES!
AND THE SEVEN YEARS THAT
HE'S BEEN AT CENTRAL HIGH
WERE BRILLIANT
AND UNFORGETTABLE!
OH, I MAY DIE. HE'S
COMING THIS WAY.
- WHAT?
- WELL, HELLO.
- HELLO, MR. McCULLOUGH.
- OH, MY FRIENDS CALL ME MOOSE.
- MOOSE?
- SHE ISN'T ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS.
- OH?
- SHE'S GONNA BE.
- YOU'RE PICKING ON THE
WRONG GIRL, MR. McCULLOUGH.
SHE'S NOT INTERESTED.
- DOBIE, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
- YOU HEARD HER.
NOW WHY DON'T YOU
TODDLE OFF HOME AND PLAY
WITH YOUR FINGER PAINTING?
- MR. McCULLOUGH, SIR,
I'M NOT GONNA
STAND FOR THIS, SIR.
I KNOW YOU'RE THE
GREATEST ATHLETE
CENTRAL HIGH EVER
HAD, MR. McCULLOUGH,
AND I KNOW HOW STRONG AND
TOUGH YOU ARE AND EVEN HOW YOU
WERE A PROFESSIONAL
HEAVYWEIGHT FIGHTER FOR A WHILE.
AND EVERYBODY'S HEARD
ABOUT THAT TIME IN CHICAGO
WHEN IT WAS NIGHT AND
THOSE SIX GANGSTERS
DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU
AND THEY JUMPED YOU,
HOW YOU ALMOST KILLED THEM.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT,
MR. McCULLOUGH, SIR.
- ALL ABOUT WHAT?
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU
RUN OVER TO THE COUNTER
AND SEE IF THEY'VE GOT
YOUR PABLUM READY YET?
[ LAUGHTER ]
- WELL, I LOVE THALIA MENNINGER.
AND I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE,
AND IF YOU HAVEN'T STOPPED
BOTHERING HER BY THEN,
I'M GONNA SLUG YOU,
MR. McCULLOUGH.
OH, I KNOW. YOU MAY KILL
ME, BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
WHAT IS MY LIFE
COMPARED TO ONE SECOND OF
THALIA MENNINGER'S HAPPINESS?
SO LEAVE HER ALONE,
MR. McCULLOUGH,
OR ELSE. ONE...
- NO, NO. DOBIE, YOU'RE CRAZY!
- TWO...
- STOP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
- THREE!
- HE'LL KILL YOU, DOBIE!
- I'M SORRY, THALIA, AND I'LL
NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
- OH, BOTHER ME,
DOBIE! BOTHER ME!
- WELL, IF IT WEREN'T FOR
THE FACT THAT I'M HUMBLE,
I'D SAY KNOCKING
MOOSE'S BLOCK OFF
WAS A STROKE OF
STAGGERING GENIUS.
THALIA'S LIFE IS DISMAL
EMPTINESS UNLESS I'M WITH HER.
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, I
KNOW THE FEELING OF POWER.
I'M TOP FIST.
MEN FEAR ME BECAUSE I'M
MENACING AND DESTRUCTIVE.
IT'S A LIE, BUT I LIKE IT.
OH, HERE, I'LL SHOW
YOU WHAT I MEAN.
HEY, YOU!
- YEAH?
- PUT THESE IN MY LOCKER.
- WHAT ARE YOU? A
KOOK OR SOMETHING?
- I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- TOP FIST! GEE, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU.
I HOPE YOU'LL
EXCUSE MY RUDENESS.
- THAT WAS NOTHING.
YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN I GO INTO CHARLIE
WONG'S ICE CREAM PARLOR.
♪ TOP FIST, FIERCE AS A LION ♪
♪ TOP FIST, QUICK AS A SNAKE ♪
- TOP FIST!
♪ HE'LL BREAK YOUR
JAW WITHOUT TRYIN' ♪
♪ HE'LL MAKE YOU
SUFFER AND ACHE ♪
♪ TOP FIST ♪
- MIGHTY QUIET IN HERE.
- YEP, TOO QUIET.
- PLAY SOMETHING FOR TOP FIST.
- PLAY!
- WHAT DO YOU SAY I PICK YOU UP
AT 8:00 TONIGHT, BABY?
- HEY, CAN I SEE YOU
A MINUTE, PAISAN?
- EXCUSE ME.
LOOK, STUPID, CAN'T YOU
SEE I'M BUSY OPERATING?
- WELL, TOMORROW THEY'LL
BE OPERATING ON YOU.
THAT'S DOBIE GILLIS'S GIRL!
- LOOK, I DON'T CARE
WHOSE... DOBIE GILLIS?
- DOBIE GILLIS, THE GUY THAT
REDUCED THE LEGEND TO RUBBLE!
- HOLY SMOKE, I
BETTER GET OUTTA HERE!
HONEST, GILLIS, I DIDN'T
KNOW SHE WAS YOUR GIRL!
- YEP.
- YEP.
♪ HE'S ROUGH ♪
♪ AND HE'S TOUGH ♪
♪ BUT HE'S TENDER ♪
♪ HE NEVER HITS ♪
♪ CHILDREN OR GIRLS ♪
♪ OR WOMEN OF THE
OPPOSITE GENDER ♪
♪ OR KITTENS OR
PUPPIES OR SQUIRRELS ♪
- THANKS. WON'T YOU JOIN ME?
- AREN'T YOU WITH HIM?
- DON'T MIND ME, TOP FIST.
I'M JUST LEAVING, HONEST!
- THANKS AGAIN FOR
GETTING RID OF THAT!
- YOU'RE ROTTEN, BUT
CALL ME SOMETIME.
- MY PHONE NUMBER.
- FILE IT.
♪ TOP FIST, HIS HANDS
FIGHT LIKE LIGHTNIN' ♪
- I TOUCHED HIM. I
TOUCHED HIS FIST!
♪ HERE'S A MAN, KIND
BUT FRIGHTENIN' ♪
♪ HERE'S A MAN ♪
♪ WHO IS SWEET, BUT BOLD ♪
♪ TOP FIST, TOP FIST ♪
- SIT DOWN, TOP FIST.
- DO YOU HAVE TO CALL ME THAT?
- WELL, DO YOU MIND?
- SURE I MIND.
I'M NOT JUST STRONG AND SAVAGE.
I'M ALSO MODEST AND GENTLE.
- I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST
THAT I'M SO PROUD
OF THESE SWIFT
BUT TERRIBLE HANDS.
- COULDN'T YOU BE PROUD
OF THE REST OF ME TOO?
- WELL, DOBIE, LET'S FACE IT.
WITHOUT THESE
HANDS, YOU'RE NOBODY.
BUT WITH THEM, YOU'RE SOMEBODY.
- WHAT YOU DOIN' TONIGHT, BABY?
- WELL, WHAT YOU GOT IN MIND?
- A DRIVE-IN MOVIE?
- HEY, DADDY-O!
- SEND HIM AWAY.
- GET LOST, MAYNARD.
- IT'S MILTON, MAN, MILTON!
HE'S HERE!
- GILLIS?
- YEP?
- GILLIS, I DIDN'T COME
HERE TO MAKE TROUBLE,
BUT THALIA MENNINGER IS MY GIRL
AND I'M ASKING YOU TO
STAY AWAY FROM HER.
- YEP.
- I KNOW YOUR REPUTATION,
BUT NOBODY MOVES IN ON MY
GIRL AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
- YEP.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU
DID TO THE MOOSE.
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.
- YEP.
- YEP.
NOTHING CAN CHANGE MY MIND.
- OH, I GOTTA SEE YOU, TOP FIST,
RIGHT AWAY ON, LIKE, BUSINESS!
DOBE, YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
- DON'T WORRY. I
WON'T HURT HIM MUCH.
JUST ENOUGH TO
TEACH HIM A LESSON.
- LOOK, THIS IS YOUR OLD
GOOD BUDDY, MAYNARD KREBS.
- OUT OF MY WAY!
- AND YOU'RE DOBIE GILLIS,
REMEMBER? DOBIE GILLIS?
- OH, MY GOSH, I FORGOT!
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS!
WHAT ABOUT IT?
- YEAH, IT'S OKAY, MILTON.
THALIA'S YOURS. I'M
HANGING UP MY FISTS.
- YOU HEAR THAT,
BABY? HE'S YELLOW.
- DOBIE, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,
BUT ONE MORE FIGHT WON'T HURT.
- THERE'S ALWAYS ONE
MORE FIGHT, THALIA GAL.
DON'T YOU SEE?
IF I DON'T QUIT NOW,
I'LL NEVER QUIT.
THEY WON'T LET ME.
THERE'LL ALWAYS BE
SOME GLORY-SEEKING PUNK
LOOKING TO KNOCK OFF THE GUY
WHO KNOCKED OFF THE LEGEND.
THAT'S WHY I'M
HANGING UP MY FISTS.
- NO, DOBIE, NO.
- YOU'LL FIGHT, OR ELSE!
YOU BE IN THE PARK AT
3:00 TOMORROW AFTERNOON
OR WE'LL ALL KNOW YOU'RE YELLOW.
3:00 SHARP! YELLOW!
- MAN, YOU'RE, LIKE, NOWHERE.
LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE.
- YEAH.
- HIT THE OLD MITT!
HIT THE OLD MITT.
- OH, I'M SORRY, MAYNARD, SORRY.
- FOR WHAT?
- FOR HITTING YOU.
PRETTY TERRIFIC, HUH?
- YEAH, DEADLY. NO BUTTERFLY
COULD TAKE SUCH
PUNISHMENT AND, LIKE, LIVE.
- THAT WAS MY BEST PUNCH.
- YEAH?
- UH-HUH.
- LET'S TRY ANOTHER
APPROACH. CAN YOU FIGHT DIRTY?
- MAYNARD, TRY TO BE HELPFUL.
- OKAY, CALL OFF THE FIGHT.
- WHAT? AND LOSE FACE?
- EITHER WAY, THAT'S
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
I REPEAT, CALL OFF THE FIGHT.
YOU'LL LOSE A CHICK, BUT YOU'LL
LIKE, STAY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
- MAYNARD, WHAT'S A SPLIT LIP
COMPARED TO A BROKEN HEART?
NO, IF ANYONE
CALLS OFF THIS FIGHT,
IT'S GONNA BE MILTON ARMITAGE,
WHICH ISN'T A BAD IDEA.
- DADDY-O, THERE'S
NO WAY ON EARTH
OF TALKING THAT CAT
OUT OF THIS MASSACRE!
- MAYNARD, WHERE
THERE'S A MOOSE,
THERE'S A WAY.
- THAT'S THE OLD ONE-TWO!
- MOOSE!
- HI, MILT!
HEAR YOU'RE FIGHTING
DOBIE GILLIS TOMORROW.
- YEAH. DID HE DO
ALL THAT TO YOU?
- AW, THE PUNK GOT LUCKY.
BROKE MY JAW IN THREE PLACES.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN TAKE HIM.
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT!
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG?
- AW, I GUESS I FELL
DOWN PRETTY HARD.
COMPOUND FRACTURE.
- COMPOUND?
- YEAH, THAT PUNK
SURE PACKS A WALLOP.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN TAKE HIM.
- SURE.
- ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS STAY AWAY FROM HIS LEFT.
- RIGHT.
- STAY AWAY FROM THAT TOO.
IN FACT, IT MIGHT BE
SMART JUST TO STAY AWAY.
- I THOUGHT YOU
SAID I COULD TAKE HIM.
- WELL, SURE YOU CAN.
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT
THAT GRECIAN NOSE OF YOURS.
- WHAT ABOUT IT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, IN
CASE GILLIS GETS LUCKY
WITH ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE... AW, FORGET IT.
THOSE PLASTIC SURGEONS
CAN FIX ANYTHING TODAY.
- MOOSE, MOOSE, I
KNOW YOU MEAN WELL,
BUT YOU'RE JUST
WASTING YOUR BREATH
'CAUSE I'M GONNA
FIGHT GILLIS TOMORROW.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
- I WONDER WHAT'S TAKING
THE MOOSE SO LONG?
I HOPE HE ISN'T HAVING TROUBLE
TALKING MILTON OUT OF THE FIGHT.
- I HOPE SO TOO BECAUSE,
IF MILTON FIGHTS,
YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD.
- DOBIE! YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD.
- YOU DIDN'T TALK HIM OUT OF IT?
- I DID MY BEST.
- WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
- YOU COULD, LIKE, BLOW TOWN.
- YOU'RE GONNA STAY
RIGHT HERE AND FIGHT, BOY!
- ME?
- HIM?
- HIM! HE'S TOP FIST, AIN'T HE?
- BUT, MOOSE, YOU
KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
PEOPLE ONLY CALL ME THAT.
- WELL, THEY CALLED
ME THE LEGEND
AND, BY GEORGE, I
BECAME THE LEGEND!
LISTEN TO ME,
DOBIE. YOU CAN DO IT.
IF YOU BELIEVE IN
YOURSELF, YOU CAN DO IT!
- BUT, MOOSE...
- NO BUTS! DO YOU LOVE THALIA
OR DON'T YOU?
- SURE, I LOVE HER, BUT...
- NO BUTS! NOW LOOK, LOVE
CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.
IT CAN MOVE THE EARTH!
LOVE CHANGED A 97-POUND
WEAKLING INTO TOP FIST!
GRIT, BOY, GRIT,
COURAGE, DETERMINATION!
FIGHT, SMASH, KILL,
DESTROY FOR LOVE!
FOR THALIA. YOU CAN DO IT, BOY.
YOU CAN DO IT!
- SURE, DOBIE, YOU CAN DO IT.
REMEMBER, GOOD
BUDDY, ♪ TOP FIST ♪
♪ FIERCE AS A LION ♪
♪ TOP FIST, QUICK AS A SNAKE ♪
♪ HE'LL BREAK YOUR
JAW WITHOUT TRYIN' ♪
♪ HE'LL MAKE YOU
SUFFER AND ACHE ♪
♪ TOP FIST ♪
♪ THE WORLD STANDS
AND TREMBLES ♪
♪ TOP FIST WITH MUSCLES ♪
♪ JUST LIKE STEEL ♪
- AH!
I BROKE IT!
- NO, IT'S JUST BENT A LITTLE.
- MY HAND, MAYNARD, MY HAND! OW!
THALIA?
- DOBIE, WHAT
HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?
- THE HAZARDS OF
TRAINING, MY DEAR.
- YEAH, IT'S BROKEN,
ALL SIX FINGERS.
- YEAH, UH-HUH.
- OH, THAT'S A SHAME.
WELL, I GUESS YOU'LL
JUST HAVE TO FIGHT
WITH YOUR LEFT HAND THEN.
- YOU MEAN YOU STILL
WANT ME TO FIGHT?
- WELL, WHY NOT?
I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED
MORE THAN ONE HAND
TO TAKE A CREAMPUFF LIKE MILTON.
- CREAMPUFF?
HE'S CAPTAIN OF
THE FOOTBALL TEAM!
- YOU'LL TAKE HIM, TOP
FIST. I KNOW YOU WILL.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
- ACCIDENT IN TRAINING. YOU?
- SAME THING.
- TOUGH.
- YEAH, TOUGH.
- YEAH, TOUGH.
- NATURALLY, MY DEAR,
IN VIEW OF THESE
UNFORESEEN DEVELOPMENTS,
WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL OUR BOUT.
- UH-HUH.
- PERHAPS IN A YEAR AND A
HALF OR SO WHEN IT HEALS...
- MY DOCTOR SAYS THREE YEARS.
- I THINK YOU'RE BOTH
A COUPLE OF FAKERS.
- YES, I RATHER
THOUGHT YOU WOULD.
YOU'RE A GREAT BEAUTY, THALIA,
BUT YOU HAVE A VERY
SUSPICIOUS NATURE.
SO I'VE BROUGHT
HERE A LITTLE PROOF.
I HAVE AN X-RAY PICTURE HERE.
THAT DARK LINE YOU
SEE THERE IS A FRACTURE,
COMPOUND FRACTURE, I BELIEVE.
- VERY INTERESTING.
- ARE YOU CONVINCED NOW?
- YES, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING WRONG.
IT'S AN X-RAY OF A FOOT.
- FOOLS!
- NICE TRY, MILTON.
NOW I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE
AN X-RAY TO GIVE ME TOO?
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT.
MAYNARD, SHOW HER THE
X-RAY, AND THIS IS NO FOOT.
- AH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A HAND.
- THEN YOU BELIEVE ME?
- YES, I CERTAINLY DO.
- AND YOU'LL BE MY GIRL?
- NO, I CERTAINLY WON'T.
- THEN YOU'RE MINE.
- NO, MILTON, WHAT
I WANT IS A FIGHTER
AND A FIGHTER NEEDS TWO THINGS.
HE NEEDS LOTS OF GUTS
AND TWO HANDS OF IRON.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE AND
HE HASN'T GOT THE OTHER.
SO I'M JUST GONNA
HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING.
GOODBYE, BOYS.
- WELL, CHIN UP, FELLAS.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
YOU'RE, LIKE, BETTER
OFF WITHOUT HER.
I MEAN, WHO NEEDS GIRLS?
THEY'RE, LIKE, FICKLE AND
THEY, LIKE, SPEND YOUR MONEY
AND THEY, LIKE, BUG
YOU ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, LIKE, WHO NEEDS THEM?
- Both: LIKE, SHUT UP!
- WELL, THALIA'S ONLY A
BITTERSWEET MEMORY NOW.
BUT ALL IS NOT LOST.
I STILL HAVE MY
REPUTATION. I'M TOP FIST.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.
HEY, YOU!
- YEAH?
- PUT THESE IN MY LOCKER.
- YOU A KOOK OR SOMETHING?
- I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- THAT'S YOUR TOUGH LUCK!
- OH, WELL, POWER
ISN'T EVERYTHING.
BESIDES, I HAVE OTHER VIRTUES.
I'M HUMBLE, GOOD TO MY MOTHER
AND I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS,
AND HERE THEY ARE.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
- THALIA MENNINGER.
THALIA MENNINGER'S
THE GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH.
MY ROMANCE WITH THALIA
IS KIND OF A TRIANGLE.
I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES MONEY.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE THAT
SUCH A WARM, SOFT GIRL
CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
BUT COLD, HARD CASH.
- DON WILLOUGHBY, CAPTAIN
OF THE BASEBALL TEAM.
- NOPE.
- BUTCH GLENDON,
CAPTAIN OF THE BASKETBALL TEAM.
- NOPE.
- MILTON ARMITAGE, CAPTAIN
OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM!
- NO.
- THEN TAKE YOUR
CLAMMY HANDS OFF!
- THALIA!
- NOW DON'T SIT DOWN.
I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN SITTING WITH ANYONE
WHO ISN'T BIG AND STRONG AND
MAGNIFICENTLY COORDINATED.
- BUT I HAVE OTHER VIRTUES.
- LIKE WHAT?
- WELL, I'M HUMBLE.
- YEAH, YOU HAVE SO
MUCH TO BE HUMBLE ABOUT.
- NOW LISTEN, THALIA...
- NOW LISTEN TO ME!
CAN YOU POLE VAULT 14 FEET?
- NO, BUT I HAVE A KIND HEART.
- OR RUN A MILE IN FOUR MINUTES?
- AND I'M GOOD TO MY MOTHER.
- OR PITCH A NO-HITTER OR RUN
90 YARDS FOR A TOUCHDOWN?
- I CAN TOUCH MY TOES
WITHOUT BENDING MY KNEES.
- LET'S FACE IT, DOBIE!
YOU'RE JUST NOT AN ATHLETE!
- I DON'T GET IT!
WHY ALL THIS SUDDEN
INTEREST IN ATHLETICS?
- WHY NOT?
- WELL, IT'S KIND OF
CLEAN AND WHOLESOME
AND YOU'RE KIND OF MEAN
AND GRUBBY. NO OFFENSE.
- DOBIE, I'VE TOLD YOU
A THOUSAND TIMES,
I DON'T CARE ABOUT
MONEY, NOT FOR ME.
- NO, YOU'RE ONLY
THINKING OF YOUR FAMILY.
- YES!
- YOU GOT TO MARRY A RICH BOY
'CAUSE YOUR FATHER
IS 60 YEARS OLD
AND HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION.
- KIDNEY CONDITION.
- AND YOUR MOTHER ISN'T
GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
- NO.
- NO, AND YOUR SISTER
MARRIED A LOAFER AND YOUR
BROTHER IS UNEMPLOYABLE.
AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO SAVE THE
FAMILY FROM THE POORHOUSE.
- POORHOUSE, YES.
- YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.
WELL, WHAT'S THIS GOT
TO DO WITH ATHLETICS?
- I'VE BEEN READING
AN ARTICLE HERE.
DO YOU KNOW THAT TED
WILLIAMS GOT $100,000
FROM THE BOSTON
RED SOX LAST YEAR?
IMAGINE THAT!
JUST FOR PLAYING A COUPLE OF
HOURS OF BASEBALL EVERY DAY
AND HE GOT A NICE SUNTAN TOO.
- OH, YEAH, ESPECIALLY
IN THOSE NIGHT GAMES.
- AND MICKEY MANTLE GOT $80,000.
- WELL, HE'S YOUNGER.
- AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THE QUARTERBACK OF THE
CHICAGO BEARS GOT LAST YEAR?
- LUMPS?
- DON'T GET SMART, MISTER.
THERE'S MONEY IN
ATHLETICS, BIG MONEY.
TAKE THE SECOND
LOUIS-SCHMELING FIGHT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT LOUIS
GOT $260,000 AND
KNOCKED OUT SCHMELING
IN ONE MINUTE AND 58
SECONDS OF THE FIRST ROUND?
- YEAH, I BET YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH THAT IS A SECOND, DON'T YOU?
- 2,271.
SO YOU CAN SNEER ALL YOU
WANT, BUT THE MAN THAT GETS ME
IS GOING TO BE A
BIG, BRAWNY ATHLETE.
- YEAH. WELL, IN THE MEANTIME,
YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT
I'M KIND OF APPEALING
IN A PUNY SORT OF A WAY.
SO HOW ABOUT GOING WITH
ME TO THE DRIVE-IN TONIGHT?
THE PICTURE'S A GASSER,
"THE MONSTER WHO
DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- THE MONSTER WHO... OH, DOBIE,
YOU'RE POSITIVELY SICK-MAKING!
- WELL, WE DON'T HAVE
TO WATCH THE MOVIE,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
BUT YOU DON'T SEEM
TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
YOU AND I ARE
THROUGH! THAT'S ALL.
WHAT I WANT IS A
BIG, BRAWNY ATHLETE.
- BIG, BRAWNY, I KNOW.
- HELLO, CHILD.
- MILTON!
- HELLO, CHILD.
OH, YOU'RE SO BIG AND
STRONG AND ATHLETIC.
- I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT.
- RICH TOO.
- WELL, OLD MONEY.
- THAT'S THE BEST KIND.
- TELL ME, MY DEAR, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
- NOT A THING. WHAT
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- THE DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
THEY'RE PLAYING RATHER
AN AMUSING LITTLE PASTICHE...
- PASTICHE?
THERE TONIGHT CALLED "THE
MONSTER WHO DEVOURED CLEVELAND."
- OH, I'M DYING TO SEE IT!
- NOW LISTEN, MILTON!
- WELL, SAY, SEVENISH?
- ANY -ISH YOU LIKE.
- MILTON?
- WHICH CAR SHALL I BRING?
THE LONG LOW CONVERTIBLE
OR THE LONG HIGH CONVERTIBLE?
- OH, WELL, YOU
JUST DRIVE, MILTON.
- VERY WELL. I'LL HAVE
FIDELIO POLISH THEM BOTH.
- NOW JUST A DARN
MINUTE, MILTON!
- EXCUSE ME. SONNY, DID
YOU LOSE YOUR MOTHER?
- YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND
STRONG AND OLD MONEY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
- I'D LIKE TO POINT
OUT THAT THALIA AND I
WERE HAVING A
PRIVATE CONVERSATION.
- HOW NICE FOR YOU.
AND NOW THALIA AND I
ARE HAVING A PRIVATE
CONVERSATION.
SO WHY DON'T YOU TODDLE OFF?
- THALIA, I APPEAL TO YOU.
- NO, DOBIE, YOU
DON'T APPEAL TO ME.
YOU'RE A NICE, SWEET, WEAK
LITTLE MAN, BUT TODDLE OFF.
- PASTICHE.
- S-I-K. I MEAN, WHY MESS AROUND
WITH A CHICK WHO DIGS MUSCLES?
I MEAN, LOOK AT IT THIS
WAY. YOU'D GET, LIKE, MAIMED.
- MAYNARD, IT'S WRITTEN
IN THE GREAT BOOKS.
HE WHO LIVES FOR LOVE MUST
BE READY TO DIE FOR LOVE.
BESIDES, WITHOUT THALIA,
WHAT IS THERE WORTH LIVING FOR?
- YOU GONE APE? LOTS OF THINGS.
- NAME ONE.
- I'LL NAME' EM ALL!
DIZZY GILLESPIE.
- WE'RE STAR-CROSSED LOVERS,
BUT SOMEHOW, SOME
WAY, WE'LL BEAT THE ODDS.
- DADDY-O, YOU'RE LIKE A
REBEL WITH A LOST CAUSE.
THALIA ONLY DIGS,
LIKE, ATHLETES.
- OKAY, THEN I'LL
BECOME AN ATHLETE.
- MAKE ME A MUSCLE.
- HUH?
- MAKE ME A MUSCLE.
- OH.
- DOBIE, FIND YOURSELF A CHICK
WHO DIGS, LIKE,
YOUR BEAUTIFUL MIND.
- MAYNARD, YOU'RE THE HIPPEST,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE,
LET'S FACE IT. YOU'RE SQUARE.
- SMILE WHEN YOU
SAY THAT, MISTER.
- YOU DON'T GET THE POINT.
A MAN IN LOVE CAN
MOVE MOUNTAINS.
- YEAH, BUT HE CAN'T
BECOME AN ATHLETE.
- I'LL BECOME AN ATHLETE.
- WHAT KIND OF ATHLETE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- BASKETBALL?
- TOO SHORT.
- BASEBALL?
- TOO SLOW.
- SHOT-PUT?
- TOO WEAK.
- FOOTBALL?
- TOO YELLOW.
- THAT LEAVES THE
GIRLS' SWIMMING TEAM
AND YOU'LL NEVER
PASS THE PHYSICAL.
- I'M SURE I HAVE
ATHLETIC ABILITIES.
THEY JUST HAVE TO BE TAPPED.
- DOBIE, LOVE HAS TAPPED
YOU SO HARD, YOU'RE PUNCHY.
- MAYBE POLO'S MY GAME
OR LACROSSE OR SQUASH.
PUNCHY? DID YOU SAY PUNCHY?
- YEAH, I SURE DID.
- MAYNARD, YOU JUST
SAID THE MAGIC GAME!
BOXING! I'LL BECOME A
RUTHLESS FIGHTING MACHINE.
- SO LONG, DOBIE.
YOU JUST CROSSED OVER!
- MAYNARD, MAYNARD.
DO WE HAVE A BOXING TEAM?
- NO.
- THEN WHO'S TO KNOW I'M NOT
A RUTHLESS FIGHTING MACHINE?
- WELL, FOR ONE,
THALIA WON'T KNOW.
- SHE'LL KNOW WHEN I
FLATTEN THE GREATEST ATHLETE
IN THE HISTORY OF CENTRAL HIGH,
ALL-CITY, ALL-STATE,
ALL INNER-SCHOLASTIC.
- MAN, YOU COULD ONLY MEAN...
- MOOSE McCULLOUGH, THE LEGEND.
OH, I KNOW HE'LL COOPERATE.
- OH, I DIG. A FIX!
- YEAH.
- HEY, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
MOOSE McCULLOUGH'S GONNA
LET HIMSELF GET FLATTENED BY YOU?
- BECAUSE MOOSE SPRINGS
FROM THAT SPECIAL BREED OF MEN.
HE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE.
- THE PURSUIT OF LA FEMME
IS THE NOBLEST ART
KNOWN TO MAN, DOBIE.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME!
- I KNEW YOU'D FEEL
THAT WAY, MOOSE.
WE'RE CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH.
[ BABY CRIES ]
- AW, LITTLE MOOSE
MUST BE HUNGRY.
HAND ME THAT BOTTLE, WILL YOU?
- OH, SURE, MOOSE.
I...
HEY, WHAT'S THIS DOING
IN YOUR ALL-STATE
FOOTBALL TROPHY?
- OH, I FINALLY FOUND
SOME PRACTICAL USE
FOR THE DARN THING.
- OH. BOY, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D SEE MOOSE McCULLOUGH
IN AN APRON FEEDING
A BOTTLE TO A BABY.
- THAT'S THE GREATEST
KICK IN THE WORLD, DOBIE.
BEATS RUNNING FOR A
TOUCHDOWN ANY TIME.
HAND ME THAT OTHER
BOTTLE, WILL YOU?
- DON'T YOU MISS THE
CHEERS OF THE CROWD?
- AW, NO. I MARRIED
A CHEERLEADER
AND, ANY TIME I FEEL DOWN,
SHE GIVES ME TWO
LOCOMOTIVES AND A SIS-BOOM-BAH.
I FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN.
- YEAH. SAY, WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?
- SHE'S AT THE DOCTOR.
- OH? NOTHING SERIOUS, I HOPE.
- MOST SERIOUS THING
IN THE WORLD, DOBIE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
ANOTHER LITTLE MOOSE.
- NO.
- YEAH.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- AW, THANKS.
YOU KNOW, IF ALL GOES WELL
WITH YOUR PLAN TOMORROW, MAYBE
SOMEDAY YOU'LL HAVE ALL OF THIS.
- YEAH.
[ BABY CRIES ]
- WELL, I'LL BE GOING, MOOSE.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
AND I'LL TRY NOT TO
HIT YOU TOO HARD.
- AW, YOU CAN'T HURT THE MOOSE.
JUST DON'T BREAK YOUR HAND, KID.
- OH, DOBIE, HOW SWEET!
I'M JUST MAD ABOUT
BANANA SPLITS.
- IF ONLY I COULD
BE A BANANA SPLIT.
- NOW, DOBIE, LET'S NOT
MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT.
- I MAY AS WELL
TELL YOU, THALIA.
WHEN I LEAVE THIS TABLE,
IT'S ALL OVER, KAPUT.
I'LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
- DOBIE...
- PLEASE, NO PITY.
I KNOW NOW THERE CAN
NEVER BE ANYTHING BETWEEN US.
I'M TOO INSIGNIFICANT,
TOO ORDINARY, TOO COMMONPLACE.
- THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING I CAN SAY.
- YEAH?
- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
OH, THAT'S HIM!
MOOSE McCULLOUGH!
THAT'S THE LEGEND!
- SO IT'S MOOSE McCULLOUGH,
THE LEGEND. SO WHAT?
- OH, DOBIE, JEALOUSY
HAS WARPED YOUR MIND.
HE WAS A FOUR-LETTER MAN!
HE'S WON OVER 100
ATHLETIC TROPHIES!
AND THE SEVEN YEARS THAT
HE'S BEEN AT CENTRAL HIGH
WERE BRILLIANT
AND UNFORGETTABLE!
OH, I MAY DIE. HE'S
COMING THIS WAY.
- WHAT?
- WELL, HELLO.
- HELLO, MR. McCULLOUGH.
- OH, MY FRIENDS CALL ME MOOSE.
- MOOSE?
- SHE ISN'T ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS.
- OH?
- SHE'S GONNA BE.
- YOU'RE PICKING ON THE
WRONG GIRL, MR. McCULLOUGH.
SHE'S NOT INTERESTED.
- DOBIE, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
- YOU HEARD HER.
NOW WHY DON'T YOU
TODDLE OFF HOME AND PLAY
WITH YOUR FINGER PAINTING?
- MR. McCULLOUGH, SIR,
I'M NOT GONNA
STAND FOR THIS, SIR.
I KNOW YOU'RE THE
GREATEST ATHLETE
CENTRAL HIGH EVER
HAD, MR. McCULLOUGH,
AND I KNOW HOW STRONG AND
TOUGH YOU ARE AND EVEN HOW YOU
WERE A PROFESSIONAL
HEAVYWEIGHT FIGHTER FOR A WHILE.
AND EVERYBODY'S HEARD
ABOUT THAT TIME IN CHICAGO
WHEN IT WAS NIGHT AND
THOSE SIX GANGSTERS
DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU
AND THEY JUMPED YOU,
HOW YOU ALMOST KILLED THEM.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT,
MR. McCULLOUGH, SIR.
- ALL ABOUT WHAT?
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU
RUN OVER TO THE COUNTER
AND SEE IF THEY'VE GOT
YOUR PABLUM READY YET?
[ LAUGHTER ]
- WELL, I LOVE THALIA MENNINGER.
AND I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE,
AND IF YOU HAVEN'T STOPPED
BOTHERING HER BY THEN,
I'M GONNA SLUG YOU,
MR. McCULLOUGH.
OH, I KNOW. YOU MAY KILL
ME, BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
WHAT IS MY LIFE
COMPARED TO ONE SECOND OF
THALIA MENNINGER'S HAPPINESS?
SO LEAVE HER ALONE,
MR. McCULLOUGH,
OR ELSE. ONE...
- NO, NO. DOBIE, YOU'RE CRAZY!
- TWO...
- STOP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
- THREE!
- HE'LL KILL YOU, DOBIE!
- I'M SORRY, THALIA, AND I'LL
NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
- OH, BOTHER ME,
DOBIE! BOTHER ME!
- WELL, IF IT WEREN'T FOR
THE FACT THAT I'M HUMBLE,
I'D SAY KNOCKING
MOOSE'S BLOCK OFF
WAS A STROKE OF
STAGGERING GENIUS.
THALIA'S LIFE IS DISMAL
EMPTINESS UNLESS I'M WITH HER.
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, I
KNOW THE FEELING OF POWER.
I'M TOP FIST.
MEN FEAR ME BECAUSE I'M
MENACING AND DESTRUCTIVE.
IT'S A LIE, BUT I LIKE IT.
OH, HERE, I'LL SHOW
YOU WHAT I MEAN.
HEY, YOU!
- YEAH?
- PUT THESE IN MY LOCKER.
- WHAT ARE YOU? A
KOOK OR SOMETHING?
- I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- TOP FIST! GEE, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU.
I HOPE YOU'LL
EXCUSE MY RUDENESS.
- THAT WAS NOTHING.
YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN I GO INTO CHARLIE
WONG'S ICE CREAM PARLOR.
♪ TOP FIST, FIERCE AS A LION ♪
♪ TOP FIST, QUICK AS A SNAKE ♪
- TOP FIST!
♪ HE'LL BREAK YOUR
JAW WITHOUT TRYIN' ♪
♪ HE'LL MAKE YOU
SUFFER AND ACHE ♪
♪ TOP FIST ♪
- MIGHTY QUIET IN HERE.
- YEP, TOO QUIET.
- PLAY SOMETHING FOR TOP FIST.
- PLAY!
- WHAT DO YOU SAY I PICK YOU UP
AT 8:00 TONIGHT, BABY?
- HEY, CAN I SEE YOU
A MINUTE, PAISAN?
- EXCUSE ME.
LOOK, STUPID, CAN'T YOU
SEE I'M BUSY OPERATING?
- WELL, TOMORROW THEY'LL
BE OPERATING ON YOU.
THAT'S DOBIE GILLIS'S GIRL!
- LOOK, I DON'T CARE
WHOSE... DOBIE GILLIS?
- DOBIE GILLIS, THE GUY THAT
REDUCED THE LEGEND TO RUBBLE!
- HOLY SMOKE, I
BETTER GET OUTTA HERE!
HONEST, GILLIS, I DIDN'T
KNOW SHE WAS YOUR GIRL!
- YEP.
- YEP.
♪ HE'S ROUGH ♪
♪ AND HE'S TOUGH ♪
♪ BUT HE'S TENDER ♪
♪ HE NEVER HITS ♪
♪ CHILDREN OR GIRLS ♪
♪ OR WOMEN OF THE
OPPOSITE GENDER ♪
♪ OR KITTENS OR
PUPPIES OR SQUIRRELS ♪
- THANKS. WON'T YOU JOIN ME?
- AREN'T YOU WITH HIM?
- DON'T MIND ME, TOP FIST.
I'M JUST LEAVING, HONEST!
- THANKS AGAIN FOR
GETTING RID OF THAT!
- YOU'RE ROTTEN, BUT
CALL ME SOMETIME.
- MY PHONE NUMBER.
- FILE IT.
♪ TOP FIST, HIS HANDS
FIGHT LIKE LIGHTNIN' ♪
- I TOUCHED HIM. I
TOUCHED HIS FIST!
♪ HERE'S A MAN, KIND
BUT FRIGHTENIN' ♪
♪ HERE'S A MAN ♪
♪ WHO IS SWEET, BUT BOLD ♪
♪ TOP FIST, TOP FIST ♪
- SIT DOWN, TOP FIST.
- DO YOU HAVE TO CALL ME THAT?
- WELL, DO YOU MIND?
- SURE I MIND.
I'M NOT JUST STRONG AND SAVAGE.
I'M ALSO MODEST AND GENTLE.
- I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST
THAT I'M SO PROUD
OF THESE SWIFT
BUT TERRIBLE HANDS.
- COULDN'T YOU BE PROUD
OF THE REST OF ME TOO?
- WELL, DOBIE, LET'S FACE IT.
WITHOUT THESE
HANDS, YOU'RE NOBODY.
BUT WITH THEM, YOU'RE SOMEBODY.
- WHAT YOU DOIN' TONIGHT, BABY?
- WELL, WHAT YOU GOT IN MIND?
- A DRIVE-IN MOVIE?
- HEY, DADDY-O!
- SEND HIM AWAY.
- GET LOST, MAYNARD.
- IT'S MILTON, MAN, MILTON!
HE'S HERE!
- GILLIS?
- YEP?
- GILLIS, I DIDN'T COME
HERE TO MAKE TROUBLE,
BUT THALIA MENNINGER IS MY GIRL
AND I'M ASKING YOU TO
STAY AWAY FROM HER.
- YEP.
- I KNOW YOUR REPUTATION,
BUT NOBODY MOVES IN ON MY
GIRL AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
- YEP.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU
DID TO THE MOOSE.
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.
- YEP.
- YEP.
NOTHING CAN CHANGE MY MIND.
- OH, I GOTTA SEE YOU, TOP FIST,
RIGHT AWAY ON, LIKE, BUSINESS!
DOBE, YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
- DON'T WORRY. I
WON'T HURT HIM MUCH.
JUST ENOUGH TO
TEACH HIM A LESSON.
- LOOK, THIS IS YOUR OLD
GOOD BUDDY, MAYNARD KREBS.
- OUT OF MY WAY!
- AND YOU'RE DOBIE GILLIS,
REMEMBER? DOBIE GILLIS?
- OH, MY GOSH, I FORGOT!
- ALL RIGHT, GILLIS!
WHAT ABOUT IT?
- YEAH, IT'S OKAY, MILTON.
THALIA'S YOURS. I'M
HANGING UP MY FISTS.
- YOU HEAR THAT,
BABY? HE'S YELLOW.
- DOBIE, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,
BUT ONE MORE FIGHT WON'T HURT.
- THERE'S ALWAYS ONE
MORE FIGHT, THALIA GAL.
DON'T YOU SEE?
IF I DON'T QUIT NOW,
I'LL NEVER QUIT.
THEY WON'T LET ME.
THERE'LL ALWAYS BE
SOME GLORY-SEEKING PUNK
LOOKING TO KNOCK OFF THE GUY
WHO KNOCKED OFF THE LEGEND.
THAT'S WHY I'M
HANGING UP MY FISTS.
- NO, DOBIE, NO.
- YOU'LL FIGHT, OR ELSE!
YOU BE IN THE PARK AT
3:00 TOMORROW AFTERNOON
OR WE'LL ALL KNOW YOU'RE YELLOW.
3:00 SHARP! YELLOW!
- MAN, YOU'RE, LIKE, NOWHERE.
LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE.
- YEAH.
- HIT THE OLD MITT!
HIT THE OLD MITT.
- OH, I'M SORRY, MAYNARD, SORRY.
- FOR WHAT?
- FOR HITTING YOU.
PRETTY TERRIFIC, HUH?
- YEAH, DEADLY. NO BUTTERFLY
COULD TAKE SUCH
PUNISHMENT AND, LIKE, LIVE.
- THAT WAS MY BEST PUNCH.
- YEAH?
- UH-HUH.
- LET'S TRY ANOTHER
APPROACH. CAN YOU FIGHT DIRTY?
- MAYNARD, TRY TO BE HELPFUL.
- OKAY, CALL OFF THE FIGHT.
- WHAT? AND LOSE FACE?
- EITHER WAY, THAT'S
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
I REPEAT, CALL OFF THE FIGHT.
YOU'LL LOSE A CHICK, BUT YOU'LL
LIKE, STAY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
- MAYNARD, WHAT'S A SPLIT LIP
COMPARED TO A BROKEN HEART?
NO, IF ANYONE
CALLS OFF THIS FIGHT,
IT'S GONNA BE MILTON ARMITAGE,
WHICH ISN'T A BAD IDEA.
- DADDY-O, THERE'S
NO WAY ON EARTH
OF TALKING THAT CAT
OUT OF THIS MASSACRE!
- MAYNARD, WHERE
THERE'S A MOOSE,
THERE'S A WAY.
- THAT'S THE OLD ONE-TWO!
- MOOSE!
- HI, MILT!
HEAR YOU'RE FIGHTING
DOBIE GILLIS TOMORROW.
- YEAH. DID HE DO
ALL THAT TO YOU?
- AW, THE PUNK GOT LUCKY.
BROKE MY JAW IN THREE PLACES.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN TAKE HIM.
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT!
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG?
- AW, I GUESS I FELL
DOWN PRETTY HARD.
COMPOUND FRACTURE.
- COMPOUND?
- YEAH, THAT PUNK
SURE PACKS A WALLOP.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN TAKE HIM.
- SURE.
- ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS STAY AWAY FROM HIS LEFT.
- RIGHT.
- STAY AWAY FROM THAT TOO.
IN FACT, IT MIGHT BE
SMART JUST TO STAY AWAY.
- I THOUGHT YOU
SAID I COULD TAKE HIM.
- WELL, SURE YOU CAN.
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT
THAT GRECIAN NOSE OF YOURS.
- WHAT ABOUT IT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, IN
CASE GILLIS GETS LUCKY
WITH ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE... AW, FORGET IT.
THOSE PLASTIC SURGEONS
CAN FIX ANYTHING TODAY.
- MOOSE, MOOSE, I
KNOW YOU MEAN WELL,
BUT YOU'RE JUST
WASTING YOUR BREATH
'CAUSE I'M GONNA
FIGHT GILLIS TOMORROW.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
- I WONDER WHAT'S TAKING
THE MOOSE SO LONG?
I HOPE HE ISN'T HAVING TROUBLE
TALKING MILTON OUT OF THE FIGHT.
- I HOPE SO TOO BECAUSE,
IF MILTON FIGHTS,
YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD.
- DOBIE! YOU'RE, LIKE, DEAD.
- YOU DIDN'T TALK HIM OUT OF IT?
- I DID MY BEST.
- WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
- YOU COULD, LIKE, BLOW TOWN.
- YOU'RE GONNA STAY
RIGHT HERE AND FIGHT, BOY!
- ME?
- HIM?
- HIM! HE'S TOP FIST, AIN'T HE?
- BUT, MOOSE, YOU
KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
PEOPLE ONLY CALL ME THAT.
- WELL, THEY CALLED
ME THE LEGEND
AND, BY GEORGE, I
BECAME THE LEGEND!
LISTEN TO ME,
DOBIE. YOU CAN DO IT.
IF YOU BELIEVE IN
YOURSELF, YOU CAN DO IT!
- BUT, MOOSE...
- NO BUTS! DO YOU LOVE THALIA
OR DON'T YOU?
- SURE, I LOVE HER, BUT...
- NO BUTS! NOW LOOK, LOVE
CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.
IT CAN MOVE THE EARTH!
LOVE CHANGED A 97-POUND
WEAKLING INTO TOP FIST!
GRIT, BOY, GRIT,
COURAGE, DETERMINATION!
FIGHT, SMASH, KILL,
DESTROY FOR LOVE!
FOR THALIA. YOU CAN DO IT, BOY.
YOU CAN DO IT!
- SURE, DOBIE, YOU CAN DO IT.
REMEMBER, GOOD
BUDDY, ♪ TOP FIST ♪
♪ FIERCE AS A LION ♪
♪ TOP FIST, QUICK AS A SNAKE ♪
♪ HE'LL BREAK YOUR
JAW WITHOUT TRYIN' ♪
♪ HE'LL MAKE YOU
SUFFER AND ACHE ♪
♪ TOP FIST ♪
♪ THE WORLD STANDS
AND TREMBLES ♪
♪ TOP FIST WITH MUSCLES ♪
♪ JUST LIKE STEEL ♪
- AH!
I BROKE IT!
- NO, IT'S JUST BENT A LITTLE.
- MY HAND, MAYNARD, MY HAND! OW!
THALIA?
- DOBIE, WHAT
HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?
- THE HAZARDS OF
TRAINING, MY DEAR.
- YEAH, IT'S BROKEN,
ALL SIX FINGERS.
- YEAH, UH-HUH.
- OH, THAT'S A SHAME.
WELL, I GUESS YOU'LL
JUST HAVE TO FIGHT
WITH YOUR LEFT HAND THEN.
- YOU MEAN YOU STILL
WANT ME TO FIGHT?
- WELL, WHY NOT?
I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED
MORE THAN ONE HAND
TO TAKE A CREAMPUFF LIKE MILTON.
- CREAMPUFF?
HE'S CAPTAIN OF
THE FOOTBALL TEAM!
- YOU'LL TAKE HIM, TOP
FIST. I KNOW YOU WILL.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
- ACCIDENT IN TRAINING. YOU?
- SAME THING.
- TOUGH.
- YEAH, TOUGH.
- YEAH, TOUGH.
- NATURALLY, MY DEAR,
IN VIEW OF THESE
UNFORESEEN DEVELOPMENTS,
WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL OUR BOUT.
- UH-HUH.
- PERHAPS IN A YEAR AND A
HALF OR SO WHEN IT HEALS...
- MY DOCTOR SAYS THREE YEARS.
- I THINK YOU'RE BOTH
A COUPLE OF FAKERS.
- YES, I RATHER
THOUGHT YOU WOULD.
YOU'RE A GREAT BEAUTY, THALIA,
BUT YOU HAVE A VERY
SUSPICIOUS NATURE.
SO I'VE BROUGHT
HERE A LITTLE PROOF.
I HAVE AN X-RAY PICTURE HERE.
THAT DARK LINE YOU
SEE THERE IS A FRACTURE,
COMPOUND FRACTURE, I BELIEVE.
- VERY INTERESTING.
- ARE YOU CONVINCED NOW?
- YES, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING WRONG.
IT'S AN X-RAY OF A FOOT.
- FOOLS!
- NICE TRY, MILTON.
NOW I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE
AN X-RAY TO GIVE ME TOO?
- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT.
MAYNARD, SHOW HER THE
X-RAY, AND THIS IS NO FOOT.
- AH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A HAND.
- THEN YOU BELIEVE ME?
- YES, I CERTAINLY DO.
- AND YOU'LL BE MY GIRL?
- NO, I CERTAINLY WON'T.
- THEN YOU'RE MINE.
- NO, MILTON, WHAT
I WANT IS A FIGHTER
AND A FIGHTER NEEDS TWO THINGS.
HE NEEDS LOTS OF GUTS
AND TWO HANDS OF IRON.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE AND
HE HASN'T GOT THE OTHER.
SO I'M JUST GONNA
HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING.
GOODBYE, BOYS.
- WELL, CHIN UP, FELLAS.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
YOU'RE, LIKE, BETTER
OFF WITHOUT HER.
I MEAN, WHO NEEDS GIRLS?
THEY'RE, LIKE, FICKLE AND
THEY, LIKE, SPEND YOUR MONEY
AND THEY, LIKE, BUG
YOU ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, LIKE, WHO NEEDS THEM?
- Both: LIKE, SHUT UP!
- WELL, THALIA'S ONLY A
BITTERSWEET MEMORY NOW.
BUT ALL IS NOT LOST.
I STILL HAVE MY
REPUTATION. I'M TOP FIST.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.
HEY, YOU!
- YEAH?
- PUT THESE IN MY LOCKER.
- YOU A KOOK OR SOMETHING?
- I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
- THAT'S YOUR TOUGH LUCK!
- OH, WELL, POWER
ISN'T EVERYTHING.
BESIDES, I HAVE OTHER VIRTUES.
I'M HUMBLE, GOOD TO MY MOTHER
AND I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS,
AND HERE THEY ARE.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪