The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 1 - Caper at the Bijou - full transcript

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL
TO CALL HIS OWN ♪

♪ IS SHE BLONDE?
IS SHE TALL? ♪

♪ IS SHE DARK?
IS SHE SMALL? ♪

♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF DREAMBOAT
AT ALL? ♪



♪ NO MATTER ♪

♪ HE'S HERS
AND HERS ALONE ♪

♪ DOBIE! ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

- MY NAME IS DOBIE GILLIS.

THIS IS WHERE I COME
TO THINK WHEN THINGS BUG ME

WHICH IS, LIKE, EVERY DAY.

WHAT BUGS ME IS THIS.

I LIKE GIRLS.
WHAT AM I SAYING?

I LOVE GIRLS,
LOVE THEM.

BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS,
SOFT, ROUND, CREAMY GIRLS.

NOW I'M NOT A WOLF,
MIND YOU.

NO, YOU SEE, A WOLF
WANTS LOTS OF GIRLS.

BUT ME,
WELL, I JUST WANT ONE.



ONE BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS,
SOFT, ROUND, CREAMY GIRL

FOR MY VERY OWN.

THAT'S ALL I WANT.
ONE LOUSY GIRL.

BUT I'LL TELL YOU
A SAD, HARD FACT.

I'M NEVER GONNA GET A GIRL,
NEVER.

WHY?

BECAUSE TO GET A GIRL
YOU NEED MONEY

AND STANDING BETWEEN ME
AND MONEY

IS A POWERFUL OBSTACLE,

A POWERFUL OBSTACLE.

- DOBIE!
- YES, DAD?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- OH,
JUST TAKING A LITTLE MONEY.

- OH, JUST PUT IT BACK

BEFORE I SEND YOU
TO THE HOSPITAL.

- NOW, LOOK HERE, DAD.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE MOVIES
TONIGHT.

- YOU HAVE TO?
- YES, I HAVE TO.

I MEAN,
THIS ISN'T JUST FOR KICKS.

THIS IS AN INVESTMENT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DEAR?

- WELL, IT'S JACKPOT NIGHT
AT THE BIJOU.

EVERY WEDNESDAY
THEY GIVE AWAY $100

AND BOY, DO I NEED IT.

I CAN'T GET ANY MONEY
AROUND HERE.

- OH, YES, YOU CAN.

THERE'S A NEW LITTLE THING
CALLED WORK W-O-R-K.

YOU PUT ON ONE
OF THESE THINGS.

- HERBERT, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- OH, I FORGOT.

I'M SORRY.
FORGIVE ME.

- YOU WANT THE BOY
TO GROW UP IGNORANT?

- LIKE ME, YOU MEAN?

- OH, NO, NO, NO. I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE IGNORANT, DAD.

- OH, THANK YOU.

- IN FACT, I THINK
YOU'RE INTELLIGENT.

- THANK YOU.

- WELL, MAYBE INTELLIGENT
IS A LITTLE STRONG.

- WINIFRED, YOU KNOW I'VE GOT
TO KILL THIS BOY, DON'T YOU?

- HERBERT,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

- OH, I'M VERY MYSTERIOUS
ALL RIGHT.

I'VE GOT A SON
AND I'VE GOT A STORE.

I WANT THE SON TO WORK
IN THE STORE. PRETTY WEIRD, HUH?

- BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS SCHOOL?

- WHAT ABOUT HIS AFTER SCHOOL?
OTHER KIDS WORK AFTER SCHOOL.

- WE'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT OTHER KIDS.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DOBIE.
DON'T YOU REALIZE

WHAT WE'VE GOT HERE?

- A BUM?

- NO.
- AM I WARM?

- SHAME ON YOU, HERBERT.
THIS IS A VERY EXCEPTIONAL BOY.

- OH, I DON'T KNOW.

- I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.
- WELL, I DO.

HE HAS A FINE,
SENSITIVE MIND.

I DON'T WANT HIM
LOCKED UP IN THE STORE.

I WANT HIM OUT
THINKING BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS.

- ABOUT GIRLS?

- ABOUT TRUTH AND BEAUTY AND ALL
THE LOVELY AND... THINGS.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I GIVE UP, I GIVE UP! GO!

THINK BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS

BUT KEEP YOUR
GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS

OUT OF THE CASH REGISTER.

- WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?
IT'S JACKPOT NIGHT.

- GET GOING.

- YES, DOBIE,
YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.

- OH, SO LONG, DAD.
GOODBYE, MOM.

- DOBIE, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO KISS ME GOODBYE?

- I JUST DID.
- NO, YOU DIDN'T.

I DIDN'T?

- GEE, THANKS, MOM.
- FOR THE...

- FOR THE KISS, YEAH.
- FOR THE KISS.

- YEAH, BYE, MOM,
BYE, DAD.

- OH, HERBERT, HOW CAN YOU BE
SO MEAN TO SUCH AN...

- AND DAD, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
I'M NOT HOLDING ANY GRUDGES.

I MEAN, A MISERABLE LIFE
LIKE YOURS WOULD TWIST ANYBODY.

- I GOTTA KILL THAT BOY.
I JUST GOTTA.

- NOW, HERBERT,
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE DOBIE.

- OH, I LOVE HIM, ALL RIGHT,
I JUST CAN'T AFFORD HIM.

HOW MUCH DID YOU SLIP HIM
THIS TIME?

[ LAUGHTER ]

- OH, HERBERT,
YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

- I'LL BE A RIOT
IN BANKRUPTCY COURT.

- WHY ARE YOU
SO ROUGH ON DOBIE?

HE'S YOU.
- ME?

- WHAT WAS YOUR MAIN INTEREST
IN LIFE WHEN YOU WERE 17?

- THE OPPOSITE SEX.

STILL IS, I GUESS.
ONE OF THEM ANYWAY.

BOY, YOU'RE FANCY GROCERIES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

- AND YOU SAY
YOU'RE NOT LIKE DOBIE.

WHY, SOMETIMES I CAN'T TELL
THE TWO OF YOU APART.

- I'M THE ONE
WITH THE APRON.

- YOU MARK MY WORDS,

SOME DAY DOBIE'S
GOING TO MAKE US

VERY PROUD OF HIM.

- YEAH,
IF I DON'T KILL HIM FIRST.

- HI, MAYNARD.
- OH, HEY, BIG DADDY.

- HOW YOU DOING?

- OH, I'M, LIKE, BEAT, MAN.

- HEY, MAYNARD, MAYNARD?
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR CHIN?

- CAN'T YOU TELL, MAN?
IT'S, LIKE, A BEARD.

- YEAH, IT IS KIND OF LIKE
A BEARD. YEAH.

- HEY, HEY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT, MAN?

- OH, I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES.

IT'S JACKPOT NIGHT.

- WHO'S IN IT?

- JACKPOT NIGHT. IF THEY DRAW
YOUR NUMBER YOU WIN $100.

BOY, DO I NEED THE MONEY.

- OH, YOUR FATHER
STILL BEING, LIKE, DIFFICULT?

- OH, BOY.

SAY, WHAT'S YOUR FATHER LIKE,
MAYNARD?

- OH, HE'S LIKE A...

LIKE A FATHER.
- TOUGH.

- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WE'RE THE BEAT GENERATION.

- MORNING, GENTLEMAN.
- OH, HI, BART.

- HOW ARE YOU, POPS?

- HOW DO YOU THINK I AM?
BROKE.

EITHER OF YOU CATS
GOT ANY MONEY?

- UH.
- UH.

- THANKS A LOT.

HEY, MAYNARD, YOU WERE LOADED
WITH LOOT THE OTHER DAY.

- YEAH,
YOU KNOW WHAT I BOUGHT?

- IT WASN'T CLOTHES,
THAT'S FOR SURE.

- AH, WHO NEEDS CLOTHES?

- YOU DO.
LOOK AT YOURSELF, MAYNARD.

YOU'RE A ONE-MAN SLUMP.

- DETAILS, DETAILS.

LOOK, AIN'T IT A GASSER?

- IT'S GREAT
IF YOU LIKE HEARING AIDS.

- WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S, LIKE, A RADIO.

A PERSONAL PORTABLE,
THEY CALL IT.

YOU PLUG THIS THING
IN YOUR EAR

AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
THAT CAN HEAR IT.

I CAN LISTEN TO JAZZ ALL THROUGH
THE CLASS AND THEN NO ONE KNOWS.

- YEAH, AND WHAT IF THE TEACHER
SEES YOU?

- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE, MAN?
HE'LL NEVER FIGURE THIS ONE OUT.

- OH, I HEAR. I HEAR.

[ SCATTING ]

- GOOD MORNING, CLASS.

NOW IF I CAN HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

I HATE TO BE A PARTY POOPER

BUT I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE
TO START THE CLASS NOW.

YOU KNOW
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION

RATHER EXPECTS THAT.

YOU DO UNDERSTAND,
DON'T YOU? THANK YOU.

NOW IF YOU'LL TURN
TO PAGE 281.

[ SCATTING ]

- HEY, MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
HE TOOK AWAY THE RADIO.

- OH.

[ HORSE WHINNIES ]

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE JACKPOT DRAWING
WILL BEGIN IN 30 SECONDS.

- HEY!
- YEAH?

- HELLO! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- THALIA MENNINGER.
I WANNA ASK YOU SOMETHING.

- I'M DOBIE GILLIS.
I THINK I LOVE YOU.

- WACKY OR WHAT?

- THALIA MENNINGER.

WHY, THAT'S NOT A NAME.
IT'S A POEM, IT'S A SONG.

- I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

- OH, NO, OH, NO,
NO, NO, STAY PLEASE.

YOU WANTED SOMETHING.
WHAT IS IT?

- WELL, IT WAS
A BUSINESS PROPOSITION

BUT WELL, FRANKLY,

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE ANYBODY
I'D CARE TO DO BUSINESS WITH.

- OH, NO, I'M REALLY
A VERY RELIABLE FELLOW.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

- HAVE YOU
GOT A JACKPOT NUMBER?

- YEAH,

777.

- MINE'S 401,
YOU WANNA GO PARTNERS?

- WITH YOU?
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

- I MEAN JACKPOT PARTNERS.

NOW, IF I WIN,
I GIVE YOU HALF

AND IF YOU WIN YOU GIVE ME HALF,
IS THAT A DEAL?

- OF COURSE, MY DARLING.

OF COURSE
MY GREAT, TAWNY ANIMAL.

- I THINK I BETTER
FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.

- OH, NO!

- CONTROL YOURSELF,
WILL YOU?

- OKAY, OKAY.

- NOW, THEY'RE GOING
TO HAVE THE DRAWING.

- OKAY.

THALIA, THALIA,
THALIA, THALIA...

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS

HERE TONIGHT IT'S MY PASSIONATE
WISH THAT THIS PARTNERSHIP

SHOULD CONTINUE
FOREVER AND EVER.

THALIA, LET ME
PUT IT TO YOU SIMPLY,

I'M YOURS.

- BOY, ARE YOU KOOKY.

- GOOD EVENING, GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

AND WELCOME
TO THE BIJOU THEATER

AND HERE WE ARE ALL READY
FOR ANOTHER BIG JACKPOT.

NOW, HAVE YOU ALL

GOT YOUR JACKPOT NUMBERS?
- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, FOLKS,
HERE WE GO.

NOW, I'M GOING TO ASK SOMEONE

IN THE FRONT ROW HERE
TO DRAW A NUMBER.

THEN I'M GOING TO WAIT
30 SECONDS

TO SEE IF THE LUCKY WINNER
APPEARS

AND IF HE DOES NOT,
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER NUMBER DRAWN,

ALL RIGHT?
HERE WE GO.

SIR, WOULD YOU MIND
DRAWING A NUMBER, PLEASE?

- SIR?

- A NUMBER, OUT OF THE BASKET,
PLEASE, IF YOU WOULD.

- OH, COOL, DAD.

- AND WHAT IS IT?

- 322.

- 322,

IS NUMBER 322 IN THE HOUSE?

- HERE I AM, RIGHT HERE,
COMING RIGHT UP.

[ APPLAUSE ]

- RATS.

- OH, WELL,
WE STILL HAVE EACH OTHER.

- FAT LOT OF GOOD
THAT DOES.

- OH, NOW, JUST A MINUTE.

- NOW, WAIT.
ANSWER ME ONE QUESTION,

HAVE YOU GOT ANY MONEY?

- NO.
- SO LONG, CHUM.

- THALIA!

- THALIA! THALIA, BABY!
- WILL YOU GO AWAY?

- I WILL NOT.
- [ GROWLS ]

- LISTEN, THALIA,

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU
ALL MY LIFE.

YOU CAN'T JUST SEND ME
AWAY NOW.

- ALL RIGHT THEN,
BUY ME SOMETHING.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT NOTHING
BUT MONEY

FROM THE MINUTE WE MET.

HOW CAN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BODY
CONTAIN SUCH A GRUBBY SOUL?

- STRAWBERRY WON-TON SUNDAE,
PLEASE.

NOW,
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO ME.

I AM NOT GOING TO GET MIXED UP
WITH YOU.

YOU'RE PRETTY GOOFY BUT THAT
IN ITSELF DOESN'T BOTHER ME

AND THAT'S WHAT
ALL BOYS ARE, GOOFY.

- WELL, THEN?
- WHAT BOTHERS ME

IS THAT YOU'RE CUTE
AND, KIND OF HELPLESS

AND DISCONNECTED
AND I COULD FALL FOR YOU

WITH NO TROUBLE AT ALL.
- THALIA, BABY.

- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT, WHAT IF I DID FALL IN LOVE
WITH YOU,

THEN WHERE WOULD I BE?

- ON CLOUD NUMBER SEVEN
WITH ME.

- IN A PIG'S EYE.

I'D BE IN LUNCH WAGONS
AND JUKE JOINTS,

THAT'S WHERE I'D BE.

- IS THAT BAD?
- YES, IT IS.

I SHOULD GO
TO GAY, MAD GLITTERY AFFAIRS

LIKE THE JUNIOR PROM.

I OWE IT TO MY FAMILY.

- YOUR FAMILY?

OH.

- MY SISTER MARRIED A POOR,
CUTE, GOOFY BOY LIKE YOU.

NOW HE LIVES WITH MY FOLKS

AND EATS HIS OWN WEIGHT
EVERY DAY.

I CAN'T BRING HOME
ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.

MY FATHER'S 60 YEARS OLD
AND HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION.

- WELL, DOESN'T LOVE
COUNT FOR ANYTHING?

- MY FATHER SAYS, "LOVE
WON'T BUTTER ANY PARSNIPS."

- DOBE? DOBE?
- MAYNARD?

- HEY, IS THAT YOU, DOBIE?
- YEAH, MAYNARD.

MAYNARD, WHAT'S WRONG?

- IT'S THOSE BIG SCREENS
AT THE MOVIES.

IT'S, LIKE, TOUGH ON YOUR EYES
SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW.

- THEN WHY DO YOU
SIT IN THE FRONT ROW?

- BECAUSE I ALWAYS SIT
IN THE FRONT ROW.

- I SEE.

- MAYNARD,

THIS IS THALIA MENNINGER.
THALIA, MAYNARD KREBS.

- SHE'S, LIKE, PRETTY.

- SHE'S, LIKE, BEAUTIFUL.

- SHE YOUR GIRL?

- YES.
- NO.

- OH, WELL,
YOU TWO WORK IT OUT.

[ PIANO MUSIC ]

- BEAUTIFUL DRESSER,
YOUR FRIEND.

- DO YOU REALLY WANNA GO
TO THIS JUNIOR PROM?

- OH, I CERTAINLY DO.

- ALL RIGHT. IT'S A DATE.

- WHOA, BUSTER, THOSE TICKETS
ARE $5 A COUPLE.

WHERE ARE YOU
GONNA GET $5?

- I'LL GET IT.

- AND HOW ABOUT A CORSAGE?
- OH, I NEVER WEAR THEM.

- FOR ME, DOPE.

- ORCHIDS.
- SON, YOU ARE MAD.

- AND WE'LL HAVE SEPARATE
RICARDOS.

- ON A FLAMING SWORD.

- SURE, AND AFTERWARDS
I'LL TAKE YOU HOME IN A TAXI.

- OH, THERE'S THE PROM,
ORCHARDS

AND SEPARATE RICARDOS
ON A FLAMING SWORD.

YEAH, AND THEN HOME
IN A FLAMING TAXI.

- OH, NOW YOU'RE POSITIVE
ABOUT ALL THIS?

- ABSOLUTELY. DATE?
- DATE! GOODBYE, DOBIE.

- MAYNARD, MAYNARD,
YOU ARE LOOKING AT A HAPPY MAN.

- WHERE YOU
GONNA GET THE MONEY?

- MAYNARD, YOU ARE LOOKING
AT A MISERABLE MAN.

♪ DOBIE ♪

- ORCHIDS, TAXIS,
FLAMING SWORDS,

WHERE AM I GONNA GET THE MONEY?
I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING.

FIRST, I WENT TO MY FATHER
BUT HE WAS KIND OF EVASIVE.

- NO!

- I MADE A VERY STRONG APPEAL
TO HIM.

IN FACT, I SAID THAT THERE
WAS MORE THAN A SLIGHT CHANCE

I'D HAVE TO LEAVE HOME.

HE WAS PRETTY BROKEN UP
OF COURSE.

- HA-HA-HA-HA!

- I'M IN TROUBLE.
I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.

- HEY, DID YOU RAISE THE MONEY?
- NO.

- HEY, MAYBE IF WE
WALKED AROUND TOWN

WE WOULD FIND,
LIKE, A WALLET.

- GREAT.

- WELL, MAYBE SOMEBODY

WILL DIE AND LEAVE
YOU SOMETHING.

- MAYNARD, YOU'RE A THINKER.

- OR MAYBE YOU'LL WIN
THE JACKPOT

AT THE BIJOU THEATER
NEXT WEEK.

MAN, WOULDN'T THAT
BE THE END?

WHAT IF THE MANAGER LEANS OVER
WITH THE BASKET,

I PUT IN MY HAND AND PULL OUT
YOUR NUMBER AND THEN...

- MAYNARD, ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING?

- I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M THINKING?

- I'M THINKING YOU'RE THINKING
THAT NO MATTER WHAT NUMBER

YOU PULL OUT OF THAT BASKET

YOU'RE GONNA TELL THE MANAGER
IT'S MY NUMBER, 777.

- YEAH, AND THEN I THROW
YOUR NUMBER BACK IN THE BASKET

SO THE MANAGER
NEVER, LIKE, SEES IT.

- YEAH,
AND I COME UP AND GET THE $100.

- AND AFTER THE SHOW
WE GET TOGETHER.

- AND SPLIT THE MONEY,
HALF FOR YOU, HALF FOR ME.

- YEAH.
HOW MUCH IS THAT APIECE?

- IF...

$50, MAYNARD.
- $50!

MAN, THINK OF THE RECORDS
I COULD GET FOR $50!

PEGGY LEE, STAN KENTON,
ED BRUBECK?

- MAYNARD?
MAYNARD, WE CAN'T DO IT.

- HOW COME?
- IT'S CROOKED, THAT'S HOW COME.

- YEAH, I'D SURE LIKE
SOME NEW RECORDS.

[ MAYNARD SCATTING ]

- YOU TALK ABOUT RECORDS.

LOOK, I'M TALKING
ABOUT LIFE ITSELF.

IF I DON'T GET MONEY
I LOSE THALIA.

WITHOUT THALIA,
WHAT'S LIFE?

- YEAH... DOBIE? LET'S DO IT!
- NO!

THINK WE COULD
GET AWAY WITH IT?

- COOL, MAN.
AFTER ALL

WE AIN'T GONNA MAKE,
LIKE, A CAREER OUT OF THIS.

ONE CAPER THEN
BACK TO THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

- THAT'S RIGHT!
- THAT'S RIGHT!

- THAT'S RIGHT! ONE CAPER,
JUST ONE,

THAT'S ALL AND NEVER AGAIN!

- NEVER AGAIN!
- NEVER AGAIN!

- NO, NEVER.

- O'REILLY!

APPLEWOOD!

COME ON OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP!

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE!

- COME AND GET US, COPPER!

- THEY GOT ME.
- BAD?

- BAD ENOUGH.

- WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GIVE OURSELVES UP?

- NEVER,
I'D RATHER GET IT HERE

THAN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.

- I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

- FUNNY.
- WHAT?

- THAT WE SHOULD
END UP LIKE THIS.

- YEAH.

- JUST A COUPLE
OF CLEAN-CUT KIDS.

- TYPICAL AMERICAN BOYS.
- YEAH.

BUT WE DECIDED
TO PULL JUST ONE CAPER.

- AND THEN WE WERE GOING BACK
TO THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW.

- THE OLD, OLD STORY.

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

- NO, NO.

- DOBIE, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG?

- O'REILLY! APPLEWOOD!

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!

- COME AND GET US, COPPER.

- WELL, I GUESS THIS IS IT, HUH?
- I GUESS SO.

- TO THINK WHERE
WE COULD HAVE BEEN

IF WE HADN'T PULLED
THAT FIRST CAPER.

- MY MOTHER
ALWAYS WANTED ME TO BE A DOCTOR.

- YEAH,
AND MY FATHER WANTED ME

TO WORK
IN HIS GROCERY STORE.

- YOU COULD HAVE A NICE
LITTLE GROCERY STORE TODAY.

- YEAH, AND YOU COULD HAVE
HAD A NICE LITTLE HOSPITAL.

- YEAH, INSTEAD HERE WE ARE,
LIKE, BLEEDING TO DEATH.

- OH!
- ALL BECAUSE WE

PULLED ONE LITTLE CAPER.

- FUNNY.
- YEAH.

[ GUNSHOTS ]

- TAKE THAT,
YOU LOATHSOME CRIMINAL TYPES.

[ GUNSHOTS ]

- NO,
I WON'T GO THROUGH WITH IT!

I WON'T, I TELL YOU,
I JUST WON'T!

EVEN FOR YOU. ONE CAPER
AND THEN ANOTHER AND ANOTHER

AND THERE I AM,
BLEEDING FROM EVERY PORE.

- WHAT ON EARTH
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- OH, THALIA,
I WANT...

- LADY, DO YOU THINK YOU
CAN GO INTO THAT LATER?

THE JACKPOT'S JUST BEGINNING.

- GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

GOOD EVENING.
HERE WE ARE AGAIN

ALL READY
FOR ANOTHER BIG JACKPOT.

HAVE YOU ALL
GOT YOUR JACKPOT NUMBERS?

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT, FOLKS, HERE WE GO.

NOW I'M GOING TO ASK SOMEONE
IN THE FRONT ROW

TO DRAW A NUMBER,
THEN WE'LL WAIT 30 SECONDS

TO SEE IF THE LUCKY WINNER
IS PRESENT.

IF NOT,
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER NUMBER DRAWN.

ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.

NOW, I'M GOING TO ASK
THIS YOUNG MAN

IN THE FRONT ROW HERE
TO DRAW A NUMBER.

NUMBER 777.

- OH, OH, DOBIE! DOBIE!
THAT'S YOU!

YES, IT IS!
YES, IT IS!

I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER.

DOBIE,
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

YOU'RE NUMBER 777.
NOW GO UP AND GET THAT MONEY!

- OH, NO, NO,
THALIA, NO, NO,

THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
THAN THE PROM.

THERE'S HONOR AND DECENCY
AND MORALITY

AND A GOOD, CLEAN LIFE.

- NUMBER 777,

YOU HAVE EXACTLY FIVE SECONDS

TO COME UP
AND CLAIM YOUR JACKPOT

OR I'LL HAVE TO DRAW
ANOTHER NUMBER.

THE TIME IS UP.
I'M SORRY.

- YOU POOR FOOL.
- YES, MY DARLING.

POOR, POOR, BUT HONEST.

- DOBIE, YOU'RE SICK.

I MEAN, YOU NEED ATTENTION.

- WE'LL JUST DRAW
ANOTHER NUMBER.

YOUNG MAN,
WOULD YOU DO US THE HONOR AGAIN?

- NUMBER 905.
- HERE I AM!

- WELL, THAT DOES IT.
SO LONG!

DOBIE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS.

IN FACT, IF IT WERE UP TO ME,
I'D STICK WITH YOU,

PENNILESS
AND CRAZY AS YOU ARE

BUT WELL,
I JUST CAN'T DO IT

TO MY FAMILY,
DON'T YOU SEE?

WELL, GOOD LUCK,
DOBIE.

AND I HOPE YOU GET BETTER
REAL SOON.

- OH, WAIT,
WHERE'S DOBIE?

- [ SOBBING ]
HE'S IN THERE.

- OH, HEY,
AM I TOO LATE FOR THE DRAWING?

- YOU MEAN YOU JUST GOT HERE?

YOU WEREN'T IN THE THEATER?

- YEAH,
I WAS, LIKE, DETAINED.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I WAS IN JAIL.

- JAIL!

- SSH! I WAS PICKED UP
ON VAGRANCY.

I THINK IT'S THESE CLOTHES.

- THEN IT WASN'T YOU WHO DREW
THE NUMBER THEY CALLED. OH!

- ISN'T THAT THE END?

I'VE BEEN WEARING THESE CLOTHES
FOR MONTHS

AND TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS
I HAVE TO GET, LIKE, PICKED UP.

OH, CHEER UP, BIG DADDY.

I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA FIND A GIRL
AND GONNA GET SOME LOOT

AND THAT OLD
BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS

IS GONNA, LIKE, FLY AGAIN.

- OH, MAYNARD.
- AND LISTEN, DOBIE

- MAYNARD?
- YEAH, GOOD BUDDY?

- LIKE, SHUT UP.

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

- DOBIE,
I JUST HAD A GOOD THOUGHT.

- WHAT?

- YOU DON'T NEED
THAT JACKPOT MONEY.

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED GIRLS.

- WHY NOT?

- BECAUSE YOU GOT ME,
GOOD BUDDY.

- I APPRECIATE THAT, MAYNARD,
BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME.

NOT QUITE THE SAME.

♪ OH, DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ WANTS A GAL
TO CALL HIS OWN ♪

♪ IS SHE BLONDE?
IS SHE TALL? ♪

♪ IS SHE DARK?
IS SHE SMALL? ♪

♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF DREAMBOAT
AT ALL? ♪

♪ NO MATTER ♪

♪ HE'S HERS
AND HERS ALONE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO HAVE
A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪

♪ DOBIE ♪