The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 4, Episode 5 - The Prince of Darkness Affair: Part II - full transcript
Solo, Kuryakin and Annie narrowly escape a deathtrap set by Luther Sebastian, whose Third Way cult now has the "thermal prism" developed by the late Dr. Kharmusi. Sebastian next intends to hijack a U.S. rocket so he can launch the prism into orbit and blackmail the world.
[GUNSHOTS]
SEBASTIAN:
Very good, Carl.
I think I have a number of questions
to ask you.
Hmm, just one really. What am I doing?
And the answer, Mr. Solo...
...is that I'm keeping the thermal prism
for myself.
After all, I planned this entire expedition.
You seemed to have planned
everything carefully...
...so that we'd be sure and recruit you.
Put them in the boat, and tie them up.
Your plan is somewhat incomplete,
Sebastian.
The prism is only marginally effective
when it's in orbit.
You'll have to do that for yourselves.
I don't think we'll be interested
in helping you there.
Thank you,
I have taken that into consideration.
Do you remember these gentlemen,
Mr. Solo?
Disciples of the Third Way.
The white hair was my idea,
sign of fealty.
Yes, Azalea is our high priestess.
Assuming you get the prism into orbit,
what then?
The Third Way will demand
a national homeland for its followers.
We will control the balance of power
in the world.
You know what I think?
I think you people are strange,
really strange.
I don't know who you are...
...but I have a feeling you probably deserve
whatever happens to you.
I wouldn't suppose
this ship were rigged to blow up?
Wouldn't you? I would.
Full throttle ahead.
CAPTAIN: No reply, sir.
- Something must have gone wrong.
She's on a collision course.
Shall I order the boat destroyed?
[SIGHS]
Yes.
CAPTAIN:
Prepare torpedo launch.
Fire one.
Did you hear that?
Sounds like they fired a torpedo at us.
They did.
Over the side.
Put a light over there.
SOLO:
The rope, sir.
- We could use a rope.
- The water is somewhat cold.
All right.
I assure you, we have considerably
warmer water for you...
...if you don't have the prism.
The research computers cannot confirm
Sebastian's rocket capabilities.
Not enough data.
If Sebastian can find a way
to launch that prism into space...
...he will be in a position
of incredible power.
We must use every precaution, gentlemen.
Time is against us.
The Aegean island has been abandoned...
...and the Athens office reports
they've found no clues.
Here's something though,
Sebastian has a wife living in Los Angeles.
Evidently separated.
It's not much of a lead, to be sure.
Better check it out, Mr. Sola.
Yes, sir.
Uh, what about the girl
who jeopardized your mission?
She and her Turkish knife-thrower.
SOLO: Hassan?
WAVERLY: Yes.
Rather a striking fellow.
Unfortunate he was killed.
Where is the girl now?
She's in debriefing, sir. I don't believe
she will cause us any more trouble.
[ALARM BEEPING]
What happened?
We had just finished debriefing,
when she slipped out of the room.
We found her in the equipment section,
pilfering.
[ILLYA SIGHS]
I'll take her to reception.
I was just admiring
your marvelous equipment.
Why, if I had all of this at my disposal,
I'd find Sebastian in no time at all.
Your certainly not doing much
to find him.
My poor Hugh. Why, we've been engaged
for eight months now...
...and all this time,
he's been rotting in @ Turkish prison.
And do you know why?
Because your friend, Mr. Sebastian,
framed him.
Look, the fact that an innocent man
may spend the rest of his life behind bars...
...may not mean much to you,
but I love him.
We-- Don't you care?
Don't you care at all?
Sebastian was graduated from Harvard
at the age of 18.
We were married then, in Des Maines.
But everyone resented Sebastian.
They said he was too smart
for his own good.
So he went his own way.
I haven't seen him in eight years.
Now you know all there is to know.
So please leave the way you came.
You often give these guided tours?
CIA, the FBI, Scotland Yard,
the Better Business Bureau.
Over the years they've all been here
at one time or another.
I'm used to the traffic...
...though I think 5:00 in the morning
is a little too much, don't you?
I'm Napoleon S-O-L-O
from the U.N.C.L.E.
Mm. It's been some time
since an U.N.C.L.E. agent was here.
- I thought you'd forgotten about us.
- No, we never forget.
Oh, please do, and leave me alone.
A question: If you haven't seen him
in the last eight years...
...why do you stay here and keep up
this charade as Mrs. Luther Sebastian?
Oh, I have my pride, Mr. Solo.
What if everyone in Des Moines
found out that I was living here like this?
Alone, with nothing.
Hmm. What would they do? Tell me.
Oh, they'd talk.
Hmm. One last question:
Why should I believe you?
Oh, because I'm lonely.
Well, I think I'll just take a look around,
if you don't mind.
Oh, help yourself.
I'll slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, it's-- On second thought...
...don't think I'll find
what I'm looking for here.
- Are you sure?
- No.
That's the chance
I'll have to take, though.
Goodbye.
May I speak to Mr. Sebastian, please?
This is Mrs. Sebastian.
Yes, I'll wait, but please hurry.
I'll need a computer possibilities breakdown
on missile transports.
Have it on my desk by morning.
I'll try. sir, but that's a big job.
ll don't know if I'll have it by then.
- You will.
- Yes, sir.
Make a note to have Carl sent...
...on that volunteer assignment
scheduled for tomorrow.
Yes, sir.
I like the way you said that.
It has a nice tone of respect, efficiency.
- Yes, sir.
- Keep it up.
Yes, sir.
[PHONE RINGS]
- Yes.
- There was an agent here from U.N.C.L_E.
Napoleon Solo.
He--?
Still alive, huh?
Well, thank you for the call, dear.
I'll, uh...
I'll be sending you
a little something extra this month.
Luther, where are you now?
You know we're not to talk of that, Laura.
You know I have my work.
Signal the men stationed
outside my wife's house...
...to pursue and destroy
the spy that just left there.
Yes, sir.
I guess it's no secret.
My wife doesn't understand me.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Turn around, slowly.
[RADIO BEEPING]
WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:
69-3, please. Assignment confirmation.
This is 69-8. Assignment completed.
WOMAN: Your application for volunteer duty
has been approved, 69-8.
You are to proceed immediately
to Sierra Canyon Highway.
Set your homing monitors on Frequency D.
I repeat, proceed immediately.
I'll be there.
You're too late for breakfast.
- I know.
- And I ain't about to do any more cooking.
It's my misfortune.
Mom, it's time. Will you turn on the set?
Mom, please?
"Turn on the set, Mom.
Keep a lookout in the back, Mom.
Keep them covered, Mom."
SEBASTIAN [ON TV]:
Goad afternoon, gentlemen.
Today, you embark upon a mission
of paramount importance.
Our future, the future of the world...
...depends upon the outcome
of your mission today.
This afternoon, gentlemen,
you will obtain for us...
...a United States government rocket.
This rocket is the final stage
in our grand design.
And with it, we shall put
the thermal prism into orbit...
...and the world will be at our feet.
! am making a special
closed-circuit appearance...
...to our faithful members
across the country today.
They will gather in their meeting places...
...anxiously awaiting the
mission-accomplished signal from you men.
Good luck.
And keep the faith.
You four men will go with 18-B here,
and he'll fill you in on the way.
The rest of you
will be coming with me in the truck.
Now, you leave your car keys
with Mom...
...and she'll dispose of the cars.
- Where's the...?
- That door.
SOLO:
Excuse me.
Open Channel D, please.
[RADIO BEEPING]
Kuryakin here.
All right, I'm pressed for time, lllya.
I'm on the inside. With any luck,
I'll get to Sebastian's headquarters today.
Now get this, Sebastian
is using a closed-circuit system...
...built by West Industries.
- It may lea--
- Come on, let's go.
Napoleon?
Napoleon?
Thanks, Mom.
If everything goes right, Mom...
...I'm gonna be taking you away
from this place pretty soon.
But I like it here.
I know, Mom. I know.
Creeps.
Don't get too close, he's very tricky.
Open Channel D, please.
Yes, Mr. Kuryakin, what is it?
I've checked out Mr. Solo's lead.
Security Research informs me...
...that an organization
known as Three-Way, Incorporated...
...recently purchased a closed-circuit
television system from West Industries.
It was delivered to a local address.
A vacant motion-picture theater.
Checking it further,
ll discovered that the theater...
...was purchased only a few weeks ago
by Three-Way, Incorporated.
Well, I would suppose
that the theater is a meeting place...
...for Sebastian's organization.
You'd best check it out.
I'm on my way there now, sir.
Oh, I just hope he leads us to that
awful woman that killed poor Hassan.
[OMAR GRUNTS]
Did anyone ever mention
that you look exactly like your brother?
[OMAR GRUNTING]
[SIGNAL BELL RINGING,
TRAIN HORN BLARING]
CARL:
All right, men. Come on out.
There she is.
The rocket's on that flatcar.
Now, we gotta select a drop man.
Take out your ID cards.
We're gonna do this very democratically.
The highest number
which is issued to the newest member.
SOLO:
Huh.
69-8, looks like that's you.
[HELICOPTER APPROACHING]
CARL: This explosive
has a 10-second timing device.
It's just about right
to uncouple a flatcar.
Now, he'll time it so that
once you're dropped on the flatcar...
...you can blow the coupling right away,
and we'll take care of the rest.
What about the guards?
The other unit will take care
of the ones on the outside.
Uh, the car in front of the rocket
is full of federal agents...
...but we'll be in and out so fast
they won't know what hit them.
- All right, I'll count on it.
- Good luck, and keep the faith.
[BEEPING IN CODE]
[BEEPING IN CODE]
[TRAIN BELL RINGING]
You did a-- A good job.
But you'll have to ride in the back
with the rest of the men.
I can't show any favoritism.
I understand.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[DOOR OPENS]
Brothers and sisters...
...the great throbbing heart
of the Third Way embraces us.
[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING]
We who are dedicated
to a new mystical insight...
...transcending all others,
till death do us part.
We have rejected society
with all its false values...
...but never forgetting
that society rejected us first.
Brothers and sisters...
...you have found refuge
when all about you were losing theirs.
A place for all of you,
and all of you in his place.
The cry goes out to every nation.
Send us your tired, your automated...
...your exploited, yearning to break free.
MAN [OVER RADIO]: We switch you now
to Third Way Headquarters...
...for an urgent message.
SEBASTIAN [ON TV]:
Good afternoon, my brothers and sisters.
I have just received word
from our Special Forces unit...
...that they have successfully acquired
a United States government rocket.
The rocket is now on its way
to headquarters.
This rocket is the, uh, final in of a series
of, uh, unofficial acquisitions...
...we've made over the past months.
With it, we now have--
Open Channel D, please.
[COUGHS]
SEBASTIAN [ON TVI:
--to launch the thermal prism into orbit.
Within a matter of hours, we will control
the most powerful weapon in the world.
And now, my followers...
...it will be up to you,
in your individual chapters...
...to carry through on the local level.
Once the prism is in orbit,
you will form into tactical units...
...as indicated in your manuals.
You will then perform
communications control...
...carry out
all necessary assassinations...
...and generally maintain order...
...while the world is responding
to our requests.
Until then, I remain your humble servant.
Goodbye.
And keep the faith.
This man is a trespasser.
We forgive him, in our own way.
I think that he and the young lady
have just won a free trip to Los Angeles.
SEBASTIAN:
Very good.
Drive it to headquarters.
Time is of the essence.
This is an historic moment.
What you men have done today
will be long remembered...
...by the peace-loving peoples
of the world.
You have proven yourselves worthy
of the Third Way...
...and the Third Way
will show its gratitude.
I have a small surprise for you.
Azalea.
You all know our high priestess, Azalea.
- Keep them covered.
- Hmm?
A little something from the management.
[WOMEN GIGGLING AND CHATTERING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
The jeweled pin on Azalea,
it's one of ours.
I'll have Mr. Waverly
put a tracking scanner on it.
What does Sebastian
have in mind for you?
I don't know. Nothing good, I'm sure.
[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING]
Another brother.
Ahem, do you, uh, want me
to go to headquarters with you?
No, Carl. You deserve to stay here
with your comrades.
Enjoy.
Hey.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
- Hi.
-listen, I have to make a phone call.
- Oh, no.
- No, I really do.
In case you're wondering
why you're still alive...
...you will have the great privilege
of witnessing my people...
...put the thermal prism into orbit.
And use U.N.C.L.E. as a mouthpiece...
...to relay your demands to the world,
I suppose.
Exactly. I think your organization
should be very helpful.
It will save me a lot of paperwork.
- I found you again.
- Ah. So you did.
- Look what I brought you.
- I have to make that phone call.
Oh, you haven't even told me
your number.
I still have to make that phone call.
I'm 42-B. Before that, I was Margie.
Hmm. Well, I'll be right back.
[MARGIE GIGGLING]
Oh, you can't make a phone call like that,
when you're all wet.
You might get a shock.
I understand your natural enthusiasm--
Say, I thought
there was something funny about you.
Your hair dye isn't supposed to come off.
Hey, he's a fake.
Hey, everybody, he's a fake.
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
What is that?
It isn't mine.
Of course not. It's a homing device.
Which one of you did this?
[GRUNTS]
- What difference does it make?
- None, really.
What's the matter with him? Why doesn't
he speak when I ask him a question?
Well, when Omar was in the circus
with his brothers...
...well, he used to lie on the ground
and lift weights over his head.
One of them dropped.
Then put the pin on him.
Put it on.
What do you have in mind?
Well, he won't make much of a courier,
will he?
[TIRES SQUEALING, HORNS HONKING]
It happens all the time on the freeways.
The party at the warehouse
must be well underway.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for reminding me.
Loyalty is something
that's difficult to measure.
[GUNSHOTS]
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[WOMEN COUGHING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOT]
[WOMEN COUGHING]
Don't tell me,
you're another one of the Aksoy brothers.
I am Karim Aksoy. How did you know?
Just lucky, I guess.
You're not trying to tell us that you're
gonna launch a rocket from this building.
It must be some kind of a hoax.
ll can't believe you're really serious.
He is serious.
Yes, he is, isn't he?
SEBASTIAN: My technicians formed an
opening in the roof directly above the rocket.
This side of the building
has been reinforced to serve as a silo.
I think the old man is about to speak.
What's the matter with him?
He hasn't uttered a word in 20 years.
The belief is that when he speaks,
the Third Way will inherit the earth.
You probably believe that too.
I am the high priestess.
It's my job to believe it
more than anyone.
[SIGHS]
Well, I'm sure that once the thermal prism
is launched tonight, the old man will speak.
And appropriately so...
...for then we will be prepared
to fulfill his mystic destiny.
Return to your stations.
I don't want to be a killjoy...
...but isn't the control panel
rather close to the base of the rocket?
It could explode, you know.
No danger, Mr. Kuryakin.
The shield around the base is composed
of a special heat-resistant alloy.
One I created myself, as a matter fact.
My people will be well-protected.
Now, put these two under guard
in the observation booth.
That's all of them, sir.
Sign on the bottom, please.
Thank you.
How long have you been watching
this warehouse?
Day and night for six months.
The one day I'm late returning from lunch,
I miss Sebastian.
[RADIO BEEPING]
Excuse me.
Solo here.
We've tracked down
that homing device, Mr. Solo.
It was found on the body
of one Omar Aksoy.
WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]:
Nowhere near Sebastian, needless to say.
Do we have anything specific
on Sebastian from any other sources?
Nothing yet, Mr. Solo. No, not a thing.
I'm sorry about your brother.
I will repay Sebastian...
...1000 fold.
The computers are locked in, sir.
All systems go.
All units secure countdown positions.
Confirm all tower tracking zones.
- Double-lock all computers.
- Confirmed.
All right.
Countdown set for zero hour
minus 15 minutes.
When I left here last night,
they almost killed me.
Now, you got them onto me. You know
how to get in touch with Sebastian.
I want you
to get in touch with him for me now.
- No, no, I can't.
- Now.
Honest, I can't.
I'm afraid you'll have to.
The world's running out of time, and I'm
running out of patience. Are you going to--?
[RADIO BEEPING]
LISA [OVER RADIO]:
Report to headquarters, Mr. Solo.
Emergency Pattern 14.
- I'm afraid you'll have to wait, I'm about--
LISA: That's a direct order from Mr. Waverly.
All right.
I'll be back for you.
[CAR ENGINE REVVING]
MAN [OVER PA]:
H-hour minus 11 minutes, 15 seconds.
[PHONE RINGS]
Thanks, I knew you'd oblige.
Hello.
Hello.
There's a malfunction
in the nose-cone interlock.
Well, get someone to fix it.
I want a circuit breakdown
in a local area...
...on FRL23-MP246.
There's no need for those.
These aren't for me.
I was just thinking of my poor Hugh.
At this very moment...
...give or take a few hours
time difference...
...he's rotting in that awful Turkish jail.
And if something happens to me,
he'll never get out.
We've pinpointed the location, sir.
15444 Wilshire Boulevard.
Backup units are on the way, Mr. Solo.
That should be it.
I want that nose cone repaired! Now!
Too late, Mr. Solo.
SEBASTIAN [OVER PA]:
We began without you.
He's very annoying.
Can you force the door open?
They must be at the lowest level.
The interlock, is it fixed yet?
Well, lock all computers,
finalize all procedures.
MAN [OVER PA]:
H-hour minus five minutes.
SOLO:
Against the wall.
The rocket is on auto-control, Mr. Solo.
You can't stop it now.
You've done a good job,
the best you could do, but it's over.
Even if you send me to jail, I'll get out.
And the thermal prism will be up there,
waiting for me.
Maybe not.
[GRUNTS]
Solo!
[SEBASTIAN GRUNTING]
MAN [OVER PA]:
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...
...four, three, two, one, zero.
Fire.
All right, destroy all that equipment.
ILLYA:
He's dead.
[SIGHS]
I wonder what he would have said.
Thank you.
A visitor, for you.
Oh, thank you, Napoleon. Oh, thank you.
My darling Hugh,
finally released from prison...
...and you arranged everything.
Oh, thank you.
How do you do? I'm Ali Aksoy.
[SOLO SIGHS]
Where's Hugh? Where is he?
- You must be Annie.
- Well, where's Hugh?
Uh, dear, he isn't coming.
Well, it seems his mother
was notified of his release...
...and she was waiting
at the prison gate.
Well, even though
he was jailed unjustly, as was I...
...well, the family kept
the entire affair a secret, you know.
But-- But he did ask me to give you this.
Oh.
At least he sent the ring back.
What are you going to do now?
Find somebody that fits this.
Well...
Thank you, Mr. Solo, anyway.
Ahem, I'm indebted to you, sir,
for my release. Thank you.
Dear lady, I am at your service.
May I be of assistance?
SOLO:
You never can tell.
The ring might just fit him.
Well...
We'll just have to find out, won't we?
[SIGHS]
SOLO: Anything new?
- Not much.
A revolution in the Orient...
...a multi-million-dollar train robbery
in England...
...five kidnapped scientists,
and a plan to melt the polar icecap.
Good. I think I'll take the afternoon off.
[ENGLISH SDH]
SEBASTIAN:
Very good, Carl.
I think I have a number of questions
to ask you.
Hmm, just one really. What am I doing?
And the answer, Mr. Solo...
...is that I'm keeping the thermal prism
for myself.
After all, I planned this entire expedition.
You seemed to have planned
everything carefully...
...so that we'd be sure and recruit you.
Put them in the boat, and tie them up.
Your plan is somewhat incomplete,
Sebastian.
The prism is only marginally effective
when it's in orbit.
You'll have to do that for yourselves.
I don't think we'll be interested
in helping you there.
Thank you,
I have taken that into consideration.
Do you remember these gentlemen,
Mr. Solo?
Disciples of the Third Way.
The white hair was my idea,
sign of fealty.
Yes, Azalea is our high priestess.
Assuming you get the prism into orbit,
what then?
The Third Way will demand
a national homeland for its followers.
We will control the balance of power
in the world.
You know what I think?
I think you people are strange,
really strange.
I don't know who you are...
...but I have a feeling you probably deserve
whatever happens to you.
I wouldn't suppose
this ship were rigged to blow up?
Wouldn't you? I would.
Full throttle ahead.
CAPTAIN: No reply, sir.
- Something must have gone wrong.
She's on a collision course.
Shall I order the boat destroyed?
[SIGHS]
Yes.
CAPTAIN:
Prepare torpedo launch.
Fire one.
Did you hear that?
Sounds like they fired a torpedo at us.
They did.
Over the side.
Put a light over there.
SOLO:
The rope, sir.
- We could use a rope.
- The water is somewhat cold.
All right.
I assure you, we have considerably
warmer water for you...
...if you don't have the prism.
The research computers cannot confirm
Sebastian's rocket capabilities.
Not enough data.
If Sebastian can find a way
to launch that prism into space...
...he will be in a position
of incredible power.
We must use every precaution, gentlemen.
Time is against us.
The Aegean island has been abandoned...
...and the Athens office reports
they've found no clues.
Here's something though,
Sebastian has a wife living in Los Angeles.
Evidently separated.
It's not much of a lead, to be sure.
Better check it out, Mr. Sola.
Yes, sir.
Uh, what about the girl
who jeopardized your mission?
She and her Turkish knife-thrower.
SOLO: Hassan?
WAVERLY: Yes.
Rather a striking fellow.
Unfortunate he was killed.
Where is the girl now?
She's in debriefing, sir. I don't believe
she will cause us any more trouble.
[ALARM BEEPING]
What happened?
We had just finished debriefing,
when she slipped out of the room.
We found her in the equipment section,
pilfering.
[ILLYA SIGHS]
I'll take her to reception.
I was just admiring
your marvelous equipment.
Why, if I had all of this at my disposal,
I'd find Sebastian in no time at all.
Your certainly not doing much
to find him.
My poor Hugh. Why, we've been engaged
for eight months now...
...and all this time,
he's been rotting in @ Turkish prison.
And do you know why?
Because your friend, Mr. Sebastian,
framed him.
Look, the fact that an innocent man
may spend the rest of his life behind bars...
...may not mean much to you,
but I love him.
We-- Don't you care?
Don't you care at all?
Sebastian was graduated from Harvard
at the age of 18.
We were married then, in Des Maines.
But everyone resented Sebastian.
They said he was too smart
for his own good.
So he went his own way.
I haven't seen him in eight years.
Now you know all there is to know.
So please leave the way you came.
You often give these guided tours?
CIA, the FBI, Scotland Yard,
the Better Business Bureau.
Over the years they've all been here
at one time or another.
I'm used to the traffic...
...though I think 5:00 in the morning
is a little too much, don't you?
I'm Napoleon S-O-L-O
from the U.N.C.L.E.
Mm. It's been some time
since an U.N.C.L.E. agent was here.
- I thought you'd forgotten about us.
- No, we never forget.
Oh, please do, and leave me alone.
A question: If you haven't seen him
in the last eight years...
...why do you stay here and keep up
this charade as Mrs. Luther Sebastian?
Oh, I have my pride, Mr. Solo.
What if everyone in Des Moines
found out that I was living here like this?
Alone, with nothing.
Hmm. What would they do? Tell me.
Oh, they'd talk.
Hmm. One last question:
Why should I believe you?
Oh, because I'm lonely.
Well, I think I'll just take a look around,
if you don't mind.
Oh, help yourself.
I'll slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, it's-- On second thought...
...don't think I'll find
what I'm looking for here.
- Are you sure?
- No.
That's the chance
I'll have to take, though.
Goodbye.
May I speak to Mr. Sebastian, please?
This is Mrs. Sebastian.
Yes, I'll wait, but please hurry.
I'll need a computer possibilities breakdown
on missile transports.
Have it on my desk by morning.
I'll try. sir, but that's a big job.
ll don't know if I'll have it by then.
- You will.
- Yes, sir.
Make a note to have Carl sent...
...on that volunteer assignment
scheduled for tomorrow.
Yes, sir.
I like the way you said that.
It has a nice tone of respect, efficiency.
- Yes, sir.
- Keep it up.
Yes, sir.
[PHONE RINGS]
- Yes.
- There was an agent here from U.N.C.L_E.
Napoleon Solo.
He--?
Still alive, huh?
Well, thank you for the call, dear.
I'll, uh...
I'll be sending you
a little something extra this month.
Luther, where are you now?
You know we're not to talk of that, Laura.
You know I have my work.
Signal the men stationed
outside my wife's house...
...to pursue and destroy
the spy that just left there.
Yes, sir.
I guess it's no secret.
My wife doesn't understand me.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Turn around, slowly.
[RADIO BEEPING]
WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:
69-3, please. Assignment confirmation.
This is 69-8. Assignment completed.
WOMAN: Your application for volunteer duty
has been approved, 69-8.
You are to proceed immediately
to Sierra Canyon Highway.
Set your homing monitors on Frequency D.
I repeat, proceed immediately.
I'll be there.
You're too late for breakfast.
- I know.
- And I ain't about to do any more cooking.
It's my misfortune.
Mom, it's time. Will you turn on the set?
Mom, please?
"Turn on the set, Mom.
Keep a lookout in the back, Mom.
Keep them covered, Mom."
SEBASTIAN [ON TV]:
Goad afternoon, gentlemen.
Today, you embark upon a mission
of paramount importance.
Our future, the future of the world...
...depends upon the outcome
of your mission today.
This afternoon, gentlemen,
you will obtain for us...
...a United States government rocket.
This rocket is the final stage
in our grand design.
And with it, we shall put
the thermal prism into orbit...
...and the world will be at our feet.
! am making a special
closed-circuit appearance...
...to our faithful members
across the country today.
They will gather in their meeting places...
...anxiously awaiting the
mission-accomplished signal from you men.
Good luck.
And keep the faith.
You four men will go with 18-B here,
and he'll fill you in on the way.
The rest of you
will be coming with me in the truck.
Now, you leave your car keys
with Mom...
...and she'll dispose of the cars.
- Where's the...?
- That door.
SOLO:
Excuse me.
Open Channel D, please.
[RADIO BEEPING]
Kuryakin here.
All right, I'm pressed for time, lllya.
I'm on the inside. With any luck,
I'll get to Sebastian's headquarters today.
Now get this, Sebastian
is using a closed-circuit system...
...built by West Industries.
- It may lea--
- Come on, let's go.
Napoleon?
Napoleon?
Thanks, Mom.
If everything goes right, Mom...
...I'm gonna be taking you away
from this place pretty soon.
But I like it here.
I know, Mom. I know.
Creeps.
Don't get too close, he's very tricky.
Open Channel D, please.
Yes, Mr. Kuryakin, what is it?
I've checked out Mr. Solo's lead.
Security Research informs me...
...that an organization
known as Three-Way, Incorporated...
...recently purchased a closed-circuit
television system from West Industries.
It was delivered to a local address.
A vacant motion-picture theater.
Checking it further,
ll discovered that the theater...
...was purchased only a few weeks ago
by Three-Way, Incorporated.
Well, I would suppose
that the theater is a meeting place...
...for Sebastian's organization.
You'd best check it out.
I'm on my way there now, sir.
Oh, I just hope he leads us to that
awful woman that killed poor Hassan.
[OMAR GRUNTS]
Did anyone ever mention
that you look exactly like your brother?
[OMAR GRUNTING]
[SIGNAL BELL RINGING,
TRAIN HORN BLARING]
CARL:
All right, men. Come on out.
There she is.
The rocket's on that flatcar.
Now, we gotta select a drop man.
Take out your ID cards.
We're gonna do this very democratically.
The highest number
which is issued to the newest member.
SOLO:
Huh.
69-8, looks like that's you.
[HELICOPTER APPROACHING]
CARL: This explosive
has a 10-second timing device.
It's just about right
to uncouple a flatcar.
Now, he'll time it so that
once you're dropped on the flatcar...
...you can blow the coupling right away,
and we'll take care of the rest.
What about the guards?
The other unit will take care
of the ones on the outside.
Uh, the car in front of the rocket
is full of federal agents...
...but we'll be in and out so fast
they won't know what hit them.
- All right, I'll count on it.
- Good luck, and keep the faith.
[BEEPING IN CODE]
[BEEPING IN CODE]
[TRAIN BELL RINGING]
You did a-- A good job.
But you'll have to ride in the back
with the rest of the men.
I can't show any favoritism.
I understand.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[DOOR OPENS]
Brothers and sisters...
...the great throbbing heart
of the Third Way embraces us.
[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING]
We who are dedicated
to a new mystical insight...
...transcending all others,
till death do us part.
We have rejected society
with all its false values...
...but never forgetting
that society rejected us first.
Brothers and sisters...
...you have found refuge
when all about you were losing theirs.
A place for all of you,
and all of you in his place.
The cry goes out to every nation.
Send us your tired, your automated...
...your exploited, yearning to break free.
MAN [OVER RADIO]: We switch you now
to Third Way Headquarters...
...for an urgent message.
SEBASTIAN [ON TV]:
Good afternoon, my brothers and sisters.
I have just received word
from our Special Forces unit...
...that they have successfully acquired
a United States government rocket.
The rocket is now on its way
to headquarters.
This rocket is the, uh, final in of a series
of, uh, unofficial acquisitions...
...we've made over the past months.
With it, we now have--
Open Channel D, please.
[COUGHS]
SEBASTIAN [ON TVI:
--to launch the thermal prism into orbit.
Within a matter of hours, we will control
the most powerful weapon in the world.
And now, my followers...
...it will be up to you,
in your individual chapters...
...to carry through on the local level.
Once the prism is in orbit,
you will form into tactical units...
...as indicated in your manuals.
You will then perform
communications control...
...carry out
all necessary assassinations...
...and generally maintain order...
...while the world is responding
to our requests.
Until then, I remain your humble servant.
Goodbye.
And keep the faith.
This man is a trespasser.
We forgive him, in our own way.
I think that he and the young lady
have just won a free trip to Los Angeles.
SEBASTIAN:
Very good.
Drive it to headquarters.
Time is of the essence.
This is an historic moment.
What you men have done today
will be long remembered...
...by the peace-loving peoples
of the world.
You have proven yourselves worthy
of the Third Way...
...and the Third Way
will show its gratitude.
I have a small surprise for you.
Azalea.
You all know our high priestess, Azalea.
- Keep them covered.
- Hmm?
A little something from the management.
[WOMEN GIGGLING AND CHATTERING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
The jeweled pin on Azalea,
it's one of ours.
I'll have Mr. Waverly
put a tracking scanner on it.
What does Sebastian
have in mind for you?
I don't know. Nothing good, I'm sure.
[GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING]
Another brother.
Ahem, do you, uh, want me
to go to headquarters with you?
No, Carl. You deserve to stay here
with your comrades.
Enjoy.
Hey.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
- Hi.
-listen, I have to make a phone call.
- Oh, no.
- No, I really do.
In case you're wondering
why you're still alive...
...you will have the great privilege
of witnessing my people...
...put the thermal prism into orbit.
And use U.N.C.L.E. as a mouthpiece...
...to relay your demands to the world,
I suppose.
Exactly. I think your organization
should be very helpful.
It will save me a lot of paperwork.
- I found you again.
- Ah. So you did.
- Look what I brought you.
- I have to make that phone call.
Oh, you haven't even told me
your number.
I still have to make that phone call.
I'm 42-B. Before that, I was Margie.
Hmm. Well, I'll be right back.
[MARGIE GIGGLING]
Oh, you can't make a phone call like that,
when you're all wet.
You might get a shock.
I understand your natural enthusiasm--
Say, I thought
there was something funny about you.
Your hair dye isn't supposed to come off.
Hey, he's a fake.
Hey, everybody, he's a fake.
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
What is that?
It isn't mine.
Of course not. It's a homing device.
Which one of you did this?
[GRUNTS]
- What difference does it make?
- None, really.
What's the matter with him? Why doesn't
he speak when I ask him a question?
Well, when Omar was in the circus
with his brothers...
...well, he used to lie on the ground
and lift weights over his head.
One of them dropped.
Then put the pin on him.
Put it on.
What do you have in mind?
Well, he won't make much of a courier,
will he?
[TIRES SQUEALING, HORNS HONKING]
It happens all the time on the freeways.
The party at the warehouse
must be well underway.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for reminding me.
Loyalty is something
that's difficult to measure.
[GUNSHOTS]
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[WOMEN COUGHING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOT]
[WOMEN COUGHING]
Don't tell me,
you're another one of the Aksoy brothers.
I am Karim Aksoy. How did you know?
Just lucky, I guess.
You're not trying to tell us that you're
gonna launch a rocket from this building.
It must be some kind of a hoax.
ll can't believe you're really serious.
He is serious.
Yes, he is, isn't he?
SEBASTIAN: My technicians formed an
opening in the roof directly above the rocket.
This side of the building
has been reinforced to serve as a silo.
I think the old man is about to speak.
What's the matter with him?
He hasn't uttered a word in 20 years.
The belief is that when he speaks,
the Third Way will inherit the earth.
You probably believe that too.
I am the high priestess.
It's my job to believe it
more than anyone.
[SIGHS]
Well, I'm sure that once the thermal prism
is launched tonight, the old man will speak.
And appropriately so...
...for then we will be prepared
to fulfill his mystic destiny.
Return to your stations.
I don't want to be a killjoy...
...but isn't the control panel
rather close to the base of the rocket?
It could explode, you know.
No danger, Mr. Kuryakin.
The shield around the base is composed
of a special heat-resistant alloy.
One I created myself, as a matter fact.
My people will be well-protected.
Now, put these two under guard
in the observation booth.
That's all of them, sir.
Sign on the bottom, please.
Thank you.
How long have you been watching
this warehouse?
Day and night for six months.
The one day I'm late returning from lunch,
I miss Sebastian.
[RADIO BEEPING]
Excuse me.
Solo here.
We've tracked down
that homing device, Mr. Solo.
It was found on the body
of one Omar Aksoy.
WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]:
Nowhere near Sebastian, needless to say.
Do we have anything specific
on Sebastian from any other sources?
Nothing yet, Mr. Solo. No, not a thing.
I'm sorry about your brother.
I will repay Sebastian...
...1000 fold.
The computers are locked in, sir.
All systems go.
All units secure countdown positions.
Confirm all tower tracking zones.
- Double-lock all computers.
- Confirmed.
All right.
Countdown set for zero hour
minus 15 minutes.
When I left here last night,
they almost killed me.
Now, you got them onto me. You know
how to get in touch with Sebastian.
I want you
to get in touch with him for me now.
- No, no, I can't.
- Now.
Honest, I can't.
I'm afraid you'll have to.
The world's running out of time, and I'm
running out of patience. Are you going to--?
[RADIO BEEPING]
LISA [OVER RADIO]:
Report to headquarters, Mr. Solo.
Emergency Pattern 14.
- I'm afraid you'll have to wait, I'm about--
LISA: That's a direct order from Mr. Waverly.
All right.
I'll be back for you.
[CAR ENGINE REVVING]
MAN [OVER PA]:
H-hour minus 11 minutes, 15 seconds.
[PHONE RINGS]
Thanks, I knew you'd oblige.
Hello.
Hello.
There's a malfunction
in the nose-cone interlock.
Well, get someone to fix it.
I want a circuit breakdown
in a local area...
...on FRL23-MP246.
There's no need for those.
These aren't for me.
I was just thinking of my poor Hugh.
At this very moment...
...give or take a few hours
time difference...
...he's rotting in that awful Turkish jail.
And if something happens to me,
he'll never get out.
We've pinpointed the location, sir.
15444 Wilshire Boulevard.
Backup units are on the way, Mr. Solo.
That should be it.
I want that nose cone repaired! Now!
Too late, Mr. Solo.
SEBASTIAN [OVER PA]:
We began without you.
He's very annoying.
Can you force the door open?
They must be at the lowest level.
The interlock, is it fixed yet?
Well, lock all computers,
finalize all procedures.
MAN [OVER PA]:
H-hour minus five minutes.
SOLO:
Against the wall.
The rocket is on auto-control, Mr. Solo.
You can't stop it now.
You've done a good job,
the best you could do, but it's over.
Even if you send me to jail, I'll get out.
And the thermal prism will be up there,
waiting for me.
Maybe not.
[GRUNTS]
Solo!
[SEBASTIAN GRUNTING]
MAN [OVER PA]:
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...
...four, three, two, one, zero.
Fire.
All right, destroy all that equipment.
ILLYA:
He's dead.
[SIGHS]
I wonder what he would have said.
Thank you.
A visitor, for you.
Oh, thank you, Napoleon. Oh, thank you.
My darling Hugh,
finally released from prison...
...and you arranged everything.
Oh, thank you.
How do you do? I'm Ali Aksoy.
[SOLO SIGHS]
Where's Hugh? Where is he?
- You must be Annie.
- Well, where's Hugh?
Uh, dear, he isn't coming.
Well, it seems his mother
was notified of his release...
...and she was waiting
at the prison gate.
Well, even though
he was jailed unjustly, as was I...
...well, the family kept
the entire affair a secret, you know.
But-- But he did ask me to give you this.
Oh.
At least he sent the ring back.
What are you going to do now?
Find somebody that fits this.
Well...
Thank you, Mr. Solo, anyway.
Ahem, I'm indebted to you, sir,
for my release. Thank you.
Dear lady, I am at your service.
May I be of assistance?
SOLO:
You never can tell.
The ring might just fit him.
Well...
We'll just have to find out, won't we?
[SIGHS]
SOLO: Anything new?
- Not much.
A revolution in the Orient...
...a multi-million-dollar train robbery
in England...
...five kidnapped scientists,
and a plan to melt the polar icecap.
Good. I think I'll take the afternoon off.
[ENGLISH SDH]