The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 4, Episode 13 - The Maze Affair - full transcript

- Good morning.
- Hi.

Hi.

Marstow's the name.

Will it be ready by 5? I
wanna wear it this evening.

Oh, no problem.

Oh, this spot.

Can you get it out?
I think it's coffee.

I don't know.

Coffees are hard to get.

Okay, thank you.
See you around 5.

Rogers, the dossier please?



- Thank you.
- Yes, sir.

That meant the sensors
on the package are reacting.

Apparently, they've
sprayed it with a substance...

to amplify any sounds
inside the package.

U.N.C.L.E. will
discover it's a bomb.

Two minutes.

That's the file on the
latest Thrush operation.

And we're adding
to it by the moment.

A molecutronic gun?

It works on a principle
not unlike that of the laser.

Yes, and I need hardly point
out the serious consequences...

if Thrush should
succeed in stealing it.

And these messages?

From Thrush itself.



We've succeeded in breaking
their most recent radio code.

Bomb Control.

Stand by for possible
demolition procedure.

Demolition unit at the ready.

Mr. Kuryakin is on his way down.

Total immersion.

They've enclosed the
bomb in steel mesh.

That won't stop it.

Twenty-nine seconds.

Bomb is now at 40-foot
level. Stand by for detonation.

We've done it.

We've blown up
U.N.C.L.E. Headquarters.

No. The bomb
detonated on schedule.

But it was under
40 feet of water.

At best, we've wet the feet
of a few U.N.C.L.E. agents.

I told Central it wouldn't work.

There is only one way
to destroy that fortress.

And that is by getting
U.N.C.L.E. to help us.

All stations, the
bomb alert is over.

Return to normal duties.

Bravo, Mr. Kuryakin, well done.

Well, now, gentlemen, where
were we before we were so taken...

to that minor annoyance?

The, uh, molecutronic gun.

Ah, yes.

Well, that's all the background
information we have.

The weapon is being developed
by Febray Electronics in Brooklyn.

A test will be conducted
for the Army this afternoon.

Mr. Solo, make contact
and take charge immediately.

Yes, sir.

You, Mr. Kuryakin, you
hold yourself in readiness.

I rather suspect you'll be
involved in this before it's all over.

Well, one thing is certain.

Thrush must not be allowed
to get that molecutronic gun.

Hi, I'm from the Argo Corporation.
I want to check the air conditioning.

Oh, sorry, buddy, you
got the wrong place.

The company handles
its own maintenance.

Hey, wait a second. There's
gotta be something wrong.

Got a work order.

Okay.

- Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
- Hm?

Hm.

No offense.

Whoever set off the alarm, he couldn't
have gotten past the voltage trap.

Very observant. This way, gentlemen.
Right in here. Put your guns down.

Step it up.

Thank you.

Open the pressure manifold.

We've got to synchronize
the wave patterns.

Someone set off Security Nine.
Go and see if they're still alive.

Thank you for opening the door.

Hold it.

Just sit down and relax,
Dr. Febray. Both of you, over there.

- I don't know what you're after...
- Terribly obvious booby trap at the door.

All I had to do was stand
aside and let it discharge.

As a matter of fact, all of your
security arrangements are inadequate.

I'll be happy to show
you how to improve them.

Now, just who are you?

I'm Napoleon Solo
from U.N.C.L.E.

All right, Mr. Solo,
you've made your point.

You've undermined
my security guards.

Now would you mind
telling me how you know...

that Thrush intends
to steal my invention?

How is not really important.
Let's just do something about it.

Oh, incidentally, there are two
guards outside in the uniform closet.

I suggest you
better release them.

Go ahead, please.

What is going on here? You've
got a man sleeping at his post.

If he were in the Army, he'd
be court-martialed and shot.

- What kind of security have you got here?
- Now just a moment.

Your explanation had
better be good, really good.

Excuse me, general.

Would you please put your attaché
cases on the table there, both of you?

On the table.

Since there was no guard
outside to check your credentials...

I'd like to see them.

Would you hand them
slowly to Dr. Febray?

Now what do you think you're...?
- Please.

What is going on here?

This is Mr. Solo from U.N.C.L.E.

Now may I see your credentials?

Generals Blaines and Wallace.
I've been expecting them.

- Now may we...?
- Not yet.

Excuse me.

Open Channel S, please.

Washington.

This is Solo, Section Two.

I'd like you to check on the a location
of two generals, Blaines and Wallace.

Stand by. We're checking.

This is totally unnecessary.

Blaines and Wallace left
Washington in a.m. for New York.

Mission classified,
but we can get it.

No, that won't be needed.
Thank you very much.

Uh, now, general, as you
were saying about security.

All right. Let's get on
with the test, shall we?

Open the vault, please.

Now you gentlemen realize, of course,
that lab tests can only give a hint...

as to the potential of
the molecutronic gun.

Well, we'll arrange for the
field testing in due course.

So this is the weapon that's going
to make all field artillery obsolete.

It's hard to believe.

Well, as I recall, general,
some Army men swore...

that the tank could
never replace the horse.

Just how does it work?

Well, I won't try and
explain the theory.

But when activated...

a beam of amplified
light is emitted from here.

When the light touches anything,
it causes such a violent activation...

of that object's
own molecules...

that within a matter of
seconds the target explodes.

Pleasant nap, Mr. Solo?

Well, it's always pleasant to wake up and
discover that you're still alive, general.

Of course, you're not a general.

No. Uh, the pay
isn't high enough.

General Blaines and General Wallace
were, uh, tied up, so we took their places.

Mm. And you're from Thrush.

Of course. SOLO: Mm-hm.

Well, you got the molecutronic
gun. Why do you need me?

Are you, uh, suggesting that
we simply kill you, Mr. Solo?

Oh, no, no, no. You can just
let me off at the next bus stop.

Well, since you were on
hand, I thought you might like...

to observe the
field trials of the gun.

I can guarantee you the best seat in
the house, since you'll be the target.

Hm.

You're in considerable danger.

With your approval, we'd like to
put you under protective custody.

You what?

You're locking the proverbial
barn door after the horse is gone.

Thrush has the molecutronic gun.

And if they kill you, they'll
have a monopoly on it.

I am not going to
sit around here...

while you go through the
motions of protecting me.

Now, you knew, you knew
that Thrush wanted the gun.

But that didn't stop
them from getting it.

Well, perhaps, doctor, we'll
have better luck with you.

In any event, the safety of
the world demands that we try.

Kuryakin here.

We have a lead on Solo.

We're getting signals from
the homing device in his tie tack.

Do you have an accurate fix?

Not yet, but we hope
to have it shortly.

This is Waverly here.

Once the fix is established...

contact all spotter stations
to pinpoint the location.

And relay all information
directly to me in my car.

Yes, sir.

Will you please see that
Dr. Febray's safety is assured?

Good day, sir.

We're getting closer.

The signals are
coming from over there.

Mr. Solo seems to
have lost his tie tack.

I hope the same
can't be said of his life.

I take it the accommodations
are satisfactory.

The devil with accommodations.

And these childish games,
passing me off as a shah.

I once passed myself
off as a Tibetan lama.

Has Mr. Solo been found?

- Not yet.
- I was afraid of that.

Now, listen, Kuryakin, I want...

Dr. Febray, I need
your cooperation.

Your molecutronic
gun emits beta rays.

This can detect those
rays several miles off.

Once I get a reading...

If you'll get a reading.

Listen, U.N.C.L.E. must have a
way of getting a message to Thrush.

Tell them I'll pay millions
to get my invention back.

- They wouldn't be interested.
- Make the offer.

They'd take your
money and then kill you.

Now, please, let's do it my way.

Only you know the wavelengths
of your molecutronic gun.

Please set these gauges to correspond
exactly with those wavelengths.

That should do it.

Thank you.

I only hope you get
a chance to use it.

The breaking of the
Thrush code, Mr. Kuryakin...

seems to be paying
off extremely well.

The latest message we've intercepted calls
for a rendezvous of their agents here.

Vinegar Wells.

Yes.

It's a, uh, desert community.

But that's only the
rendezvous point.

From there, the Thrush agents have
been directed to proceed to a testing area.

For the molecutronic gun?

Oh, undoubtedly.

But until we find
that testing area,

U.N.C.L.E. can't
launch a full-scale attack.

So find that testing
area, Mr. Kuryakin.

Yes, sir.

Am I disturbing you?

Just help yourself.
Self-service.

Oh.

Is this Vinegar Wells?

Yep. Ha, ha.

If you'd gone five feet more,
you'd have been out of it.

You prospecting?

Last couple of days, a
lot of men and equipment...

have been heading
for the desert.

Rumor is that they're digging
around the old ghost town.

- Ghost town?
- Yep.

Ain't on the map, but
if you go out 20 miles...

and then turn on the old
wagon trail about 10 mile more...

why, you'll be in it.

Might be worth trying.

Yeah, maybe.

I'll take a look at it.

That's, uh, 1.94.

Whoa, I ain't got 6 cents.

Can't you just squeeze a
couple more drops into the tank?

Oh, that's all right.
Keep the change.

Kuryakin's on his way.

Open Channel D,
please. Can you hear me?

I think I've located
the molecutronic gun.

Signal if you can hear me.

I'm getting interference on this
end, probably from the beta rays.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

This is hardly the test of
an ultra-modern weapon.

I am certain it will
get the desired effect.

Ah, Mr. Kuryakin, how
nice of you to drop in.

My apologies for the hanging.

- It may have seemed rather crude to you.
- It achieved the desired results.

Brought me out into the open.

Exactly.

And you've arrived just in time for
the field test of the molecutronic gun.

As I promised, Mr. Solo will have
the honor of being its first target.

All spotters, stay alert.

Target 13-B for Baker.

We're ready, Mr. Solo.

All you have to do is run.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Hold your fire.

He must have been
blasted right over the edge.

Want us to go down and check?

Nobody could have
survived that fall.

We'll repeat the same test
with Mr. Kuryakin as soon as...

Something's wrong.

Well, the trajectory control,
the circuitry has been damaged.

You've gained
a little living time.

But have this fixed
as soon as possible.

Sir, I... Well, the guidance
factors are pretty sophisticated.

And, uh, well, I'm not
sure we can fix this.

The inventor of the gun, Dr. Febray.
Perhaps if we got him out here.

You're quite right.

But I can't imagine that Mr. Kuryakin
would care to tell us where he's hidden.

That is only the
beginning, Dr. Febray.

You'll eventually tell us, so why
not save yourself a lot of agony?

Why not save
yourself a lot of agony?

Let us make a deal.

Of course.

Just tell us how to fix the
molecutronic gun and you can go free.

Let me go with the gun.

I'll pay 10 million.

Ten million?

My dear Dr. Febray...

Thrush will make 100 times that
amount just by using the weapon.

Get Kuryakin out of here.

Before I am finished, Febray
will beg to tell me all I wanna know.

Miss?

Miss, uh...

Hey, I... I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to...

- Hey, don't...! Cut it out.
- Get off of me!

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Well, you are hurting me.

Yeah, well, I didn't mean
to. Listen, listen, I... I...

Stop trying to kill me, will you?
I didn't mean to frighten you.

Well...

I'm sorry, but... But you did.

Look, I don't know exactly where I
am, and I've got to make a phone call.

It's very important.

You been in an accident?

Yeah, in a manner
of speaking, uh...

Could you drive me to where
the nearest telephone might be?

Well, the car won't go.

I don't know what happened.
Last night, it just conked out on me.

Last night?

Conked out? Let me take a look.

Well, ahem, you're out of gas.

How far are we from anywhere?

Well, the nearest town is
about 20 miles, Vinegar Wells.

I'm from Gossamer Flats.
That's almost 40 miles.

How did you get stuck here?

I had a fight with my
boyfriend at the country club.

I just had to get away.

Well, you sure got
away, no doubt about that.

I suppose someone will be
coming for you pretty soon, huh?

I don't think so.

When I left the club,
I told my dad I was

spending the night at
my girlfriend's ranch.

Oh. Is that near here?

It's 10 miles past
Vinegar Wells.

All right, I'll tell you what you'll do.
You just get back in the car, relax.

I'm sure someone will
come for you eventually.

- Listen, I want you to make a telephone...
- But what if nobody comes?

I mean, for days, I could...

I could die of starvation,
exposure, snakebite, or something.

I mean, where are you going?

I've still got some business
back where I came from.

Oh, please take me with you.

Well, look, it's more
dangerous going back there...

than it is for you to stay here.

You see, there are some
people back there that, uh...

- Well, they're trying to kill me.
- Kill you?

Yeah, and they're
still trying, so, uh...

If I can come back, I
will. All right, don't worry.

Well, that's a great promise. I
mean, what if you don't get back?

I'll just be somebody
you left to die.

All right, come along.

I'm sorry, Kuryakin. I broke.

- I didn't mean to, but...
- It's all right.

How long do we have before
the gun is ready for testing again?

Oh, 10, 15 minutes.

But that's time enough
for our escape, isn't it?

Well, it's not very much time.

During the fight I
started, I grabbed these.

Acid.

When they're
mixed, they explode.

I always say when you're
locked in an escape-proof room...

it's good to have a
physicist with you.

Now, the two bottles
must break simultaneously.

We need something to
fix them against the door.

Some mud. Ah.

A rock.

All right, hide. Keep
your face away.

I'm gonna get my hands
on the molecutronic gun.

But first of all, we have
to deal with those two.

I can't go any
further, Napoleon.

All right, ahem,
you rest and relax.

Maybe it'll be safer for both of
us if I go the rest of the way alone.

Will you be all right?
What about those men?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Now, if I'm not back in a couple of hours,
try to make your way back to your car.

And, uh, let's hope
we're both lucky, all right?

Okay.

Aah! Hey, wait for me,
Napoleon, I changed my mind!

- What's the matter?
- There was a snake.

A snake?

What kind of crazy
place to string a wire.

Is that dynamite?

It is indeed.

Well, what's it doing out here?

I think I know.

I think we're going
to have visitors soon.

Get a load up.

Oh, you go ahead, go ahead.

I can't...

All conferences on this
matter will be meaningless.

Mr. Waverly,
Mr. Kuryakin is calling.

Well, Mr. Kuryakin,
what have you found?

I have the gun, sir.

Very well.

U.N.C.L.E. will cover your
return every inch of the way.

What of Mr. Solo?

Mr. Solo is dead too, sir.

Are you quite
sure, Mr. Kuryakin?

Yes, I saw him killed.

Very well.

You proceed to
the nearest airport.

An escort squad of U.N.C.L.E.
agents will be on its way within minutes.

Yes, sir.

- Any luck out there?
- Yeah, all bad.

Well, Mr. Kuryakin,
what have you found?

Mr. Solo.

How pleasant to see you still alive,
and with a charming young lady as well.

I believe you've
met my superior...

Dr. Febray.

Good afternoon, Mr. Solo.

Testing my security
arrangements again?

What are they going to do to us?

Report.

Kuryakin is on his way to
headquarters with the gun.

Good. Now what about
the young woman?

Her story checks out. Abbe
Melton, Gossamer Flats.

No possible connection
with U.N.C.L.E.

Report received.

I told you. Now
you can let me go.

No, I'm afraid not, my dear.

So the whole thing
was a fake, wasn't it?

The broken Thrush code, getting us to lead
you Illya here, and you let him escape.

Even the molecutronic
gun. That's a fake?

You're rather close, Mr. Solo.

But not a fake, just not a gun.

Rather, a highly
sophisticated bomb...

which Mr. Kuryakin will innocently
carry into U.N.C.L.E. Headquarters.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Kuryakin.
- Mm.

Uh, I...

I heard about Mr. Solo.

Check this, please.

I have a very special
treat for you, Mr. Solo.

I am going to allow you to
witness the final stage in my plan...

to destroy U.N.C.L.E.
Headquarters.

Right through to the last
digit in the countdown.

So far, so good.

No reaction to
the alarm devices.

I didn't expect
any. It's not a bomb.

I see. Okay, thank you.

The device contains no
active demolition mechanism.

We can go ahead, gentlemen.

You may begin
analysis procedures.

It's begun.

Mr. Kuryakin...

in as much as your scientific
skill won us this prize...

you do the honors.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

The mechanism will be
ready to be triggered...

when the last bolt is
removed from the inner casing.

It'll be detected.

Oh, no, Mr. Solo, the
triggering is done remotely.

The bomb will send me
a signal when it is ready.

Then all I need
do is pull this lever.

And within seconds,
the bomb will explode.

Febray to antenna
tower. Antenna tower.

Increase your amplification.
Circuit signals are weakening.

Signal at peak, hold it steady.

Only a few moments more.

Abbe.

Abbe.

I want you to faint.

Faint, faint.

I'm too scared.

Fake it.

Shut up.

Go.

Lock them in the vault.

His radio.

Can you get help?

Maybe.

Thrush uses a different
frequency than ours.

Do you have a hairpin?

- A hairpin?
- Yeah.

- No.
- Anything with a sharp point?

Hey, the tips of your shoelace.

No, that's too large.

- Wait, turn around.
- Hm?

Turn around.

Okay, turn back.

I think I've got it.

Yeah.

Open Channel D.

Channel D come
in. Solo to U.N.C.L.E.

Can't they hear you?

Channel D, Solo to U.N.C.L.E.

Signal if you're receiving me.

Repeat, the molecutronic
gun is a bomb.

Are you receiving me?

- I don't think I'm getting through.
- Oh.

An odd message
on our channel, sir.

Heavy static, but we've
picked up the sender's name.

Solo.

It can't be. Mr. Solo's dead.

Repeat, a bomb. Can you hear me?

Let me follow
through on it, sir.

Gentlemen, will you
continue dismantling this?

There's just one more signal.
Bring in Solo and the girl.

A bomb that can be
detonated by remote control.

Can you hear me? A bomb.

He was trying to
contact U.N.C.L.E.

A game try, Mr. Solo.

But as you can see, you failed.

Now for the final moment.

Demolition unit at the ready.

Going for total immersion.

- Releasing...
- Now.

U.N.C.L.E. Headquarters
no longer exists.

Solo, drop the gun on
the floor or I'll shoot the girl.

Over there.

Over there.

All right, Abbe, get up.

Abbe, you can get up now.

Solo to U.N.C.L.E.
substation D-7.

What's the word on
explosion at headquarters?

Yes, a bomb went off.

You don't have any report yet?

Well, check it out. I'll
call back in a minute.

Hm.

Mr. Solo, can you hear me?

Mr. Waverly?

The bomb was sent to the demolition
tank, and not a second to spare.

We're all right here.
Give us your location.

Well, I was hoping that
you'd stay in town for a while.

- But I have a date at to the country club.
- Oh.

- And I can't wait to get back.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

- Well, get on with it.
- Hm?

Oh, um...

Abbe, Mr. Waverly wanted me to
present you with this, uh, medal.

- For bravery under fire.
- A medal?

Yes.

There you are.

- Napoleon.
- That's another part of the ceremony.

- My safety p...?
- Yeah, don't ever go anywhere without one.