The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 2, Episode 30 - The Indian Affairs Affair - full transcript
Thrushman L.C. Carson has kidnapped Chief Highcloud of the Cardiac tribe of Indians in Oklahoma. The criminal organization also is menacing the chief's daughter, Charisma, who dances in New York. It turns out Thrush is working on a hydrogen bomb on the Cardiac reservation. Solo leads a group of Indians, all riding motorcycles, in a climatic fight with the Thrush forces.
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- How long has he been following you?
- Since I left the agency.
- Are there any more of them?
- I don't know.
I have a car herein the alley.
[HOOTING]
[HOOTING ECHOING]
- What is that?
- The cry of a wolf.
A signal for the hunters
to attack their prey.
[HOOTING]
[GUNSHOTS]
ILLYA:
Smoke signal?
Well, it looks like we might have
an Indian uprising on our hands.
You shouldn't be so modest, Mr. Solo.
After all, saving Mr. Kuryakin
from a full-scale Indian attack.
I'm sure he'd do the same for me.
[DOOR OPENS]
- Mr. Solo, I was looking for you.
- Yes, sir.
For some time now,
our intelligence reports indicate...
...that Thrush is on the verge of introducing
some new kind of hydrogen bomb.
I recall a Dr. Yahama,
a top Thrush nuclear expert.
We've just decoded the microdot report
you brought in from Oklahoma.
It seems that Dr. Yahama
has been tracked down...
...to the Cardiak Indian Reservation
outside of Oklahoma City.
Why should the Indians
make an attempt upon us?
Well, it seems this report indicates
Chief Highcloud is missing.
Thrush?
A Thrush scientist engaged
on a top project...
...is sent to an Indian reservation
without laboratory or staff.
An Indian chief is missing and the tribe
is reluctant to talk about any of it.
- Rather perplexing, isn't it?
- How perplexing is it?
Mr. Kuryakin will leave
for the Indian reservation immediately.
As for you, Mr. Solo...
The chief has a daughter have
in New York City.
According to Mr. Clark, technically.
she's still a princess in the tribe.
The tribe might talk to her.
Here's her address.
All right, I'll check on that.
[INDIANS SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOTS]
Come on. Get him.
Get him. Come on.
What's the trouble?
It's the Indians.
They wanna talk to the chief.
- Getting restless, are they?
- Yeah.
Send the chief in here.
How's Dr. Yahama?
He's just fine.
I left him back at the shack with a man.
Oh.
This just come in off the relay.
Let's see. “Thrush Central confirms units
from Nigeria...
...Bangkok, New Delhi, Kansas City.
Will be here tomorrow.“
They go on to say how important it is
that the Project 2, et cetera, et cetera.
As if I didn't know.
Ah, Chief Highcloud.
Chief, your people wanna hear from you
to know that you're all right.
I'm sure you wouldn't want them
to worry...
...so we'll just gonna make a phone call.
I won't help you.
Oh, yes, you will.
Or I gonna kill every last one of them.
You'll kill them all, anyway.
My final answer is no.
Get him out of here.
Keep him under tight security,
cut his rations down to bread and water.
And take the television set
out of his room.
I remember something
about the chief having a daughter.
Daughter, daughter...
- Where is she?
Here it is. She's in New York.
And according to this letter,
she says she has something to do...
...with the preservation
of Indian heritage in the dance.
[DRUMS BEATING]
Hi. You get my card?
Yes. Mr. Solo?
Miss Highcloud?
Look, I don't mean to pry, but our dossier
on you said that you were a student.
Yes, I am.
But when the government cut back on the
student loans I had to get a part-time job.
Now, what can I do for the U-N-C-L-E?
Is there some place we could talk?
I have to catch a 1:00 bus,
can you meet me outside?
Fine.
It's about your father, he's missing.
I'm afraid he's been kidnapped.
Kidnapped?
Come on, now.
Who would wanna kidnap my father?
Well, it's rather complicated.
My car is around the comer,
if you'll allow me to explain.
Your car. I see.
I've heard a lot about you secret agents.
Taking girls away with you
on the flimsiest of excuses.
How do I know
my father's been kidnapped?
You'll have to take my word for it.
I think I'd like something more substantial,
if you don't mind.
He has disappeared.
Your tribe won't even talk to us about it.
They seem to think we're responsible.
We nearly got scalped.
Now, they might talk to you.
MAN:
What is this?
[GAS HISSING]
[COUGHING]
Well, the bus service
hasn't improved much, has it?
[COUGHS]
[CHARISMA SCREAMING]
Welcome to the LC. Carson
Historical Western Museum.
Non-profit, of course.
I'm L.C. Carson, Miss Highcloud.
What's going on here? Where am I?
You in Oklahoma.
Not far from the reservation
of your people.
Why did you bring me here?
I represent an organization
known as Thrush.
Now, we a large organization
with varied interests.
Right now, we interested
in the Cardiak Reservation...
...as a rendezvous of sorts.
See, Thrush needs privacy.
And the middle of the desert
provides plenty of it, wouldn't you say?
- I see. What have you done with my father?
CARSON: He's here.
We brought you to convince him
to cooperate with us.
CHARISMA: I don't see how
I can be of any help to you.
I think you will.
This is a hobby of mine.
Oklahoma massacre.
An entire army unit was wiped out
by a band of bloodthirsty hostiles.
It was your people
that committed the atrocity...
...almost 100 years ago,
but that don't matter.
It could have been last week
for all they care.
See, Indians don't have no guilt.
That's why they still savages.
Chief, here's a little something
we shipped in from New York.
Your supposedly noble daughter
carrying on the heritage of your people.
This is how she's been exhibiting
your tribal dances.
- In saloons.
CHARISMA: Stop it.
It's not like that at all, father.
CARSON:
Well, new, chief.
How about that little phone call?
Well, chief?
A daughter of mine
would not dishonor herself in this way.
She is not my daughter.
CHARISMA [ON RADIO]: You shouldn't have dune that.
CARSON:
You're right.
Perhaps my approach has been wrong.
I should kill him and make it
an object lesson to the rest of the tribe.
- Not a had thought.
- Wait.
What is it you want him to do?
I want him to tell his people
to cooperate with us by keeping silent...
...and by keeping strangers away
from the reservation for the next 24 hours.
Let me talk to him. I can convince him.
Just give me a little time
to get back in his favor.
All right.
CARSON:
You have until 6:00 this evening.
I've promised the tribe to make
the chief available to them by sundown.
Could you find some
different clothes for me?
Something a little less radical.
I think I can find something appropriate.
[RADIO BEEPING]
SOLO [OVER RADIO]: Open Channel D..
- Kuryakin here.
I don't wanna startle you...
...but I'm at a place called the LC. Carson
Historical Western Museum...
...not far from the reservation.
What are you doing there?
Thrush staged a kidnap attempt
on the chief's daughter.
Are you trying to tell me
that they staged a successful attempt?
With my usual foresight,
I affixed a homing device to her coat.
I assumed they would take her
to the chief.
I allowed them to kidnap her.
Well, I'll accept that story for the moment.
What are you doing now?
I'm gonna check out their security...
...you might as well proceed
onto the reservation.
Well, the transportation supplied
by our Tulsa office...
...is not exactly the most up to date...
...but I'll drive in and let you know what
I find in the way of Japanese scientists.
All right.
He just went through the gate.
[GUNSHOTS]
[GRUNTING]
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
Father?
I brought you some tea.
Father, I want you to try
and understand about my dancing...
...it's not wrong when I do.
I do it during my lunch hour.
I had hoped you'd return to us.
Please, father.
I could never return, not to live anyway.
I just couldn't undertake
that change in culture.
I know.
I suppose that's what angered me.
Do you have a good life in New York?
- Yes. I guess so.
- But you're not sure.
You're not supposed to be happy
in New York...
...you're supposed to be lonesome.
You know, I'm supposed
to convince you to help those men.
I know.
Well, I guess all we can do is wait...
...and hope that the man
from U.N.C.L.E. can find us somehow.
The man from what?
[RADIO BEEPS]
SOLO [OVER RADIO]:
Charisma?
- Mr. Solo, where are you?
- I'm outside the museum grounds.
- How are you and the chief?
- Fine, so far.
Do you know what your hosts are doing?
No, they just want father to keep
the tribe in line until tomorrow.
Until tomorrow. All right,
you and the chief be very cooperative.
I have a man on the museum grounds,
I should be hearing from him soon.
You will tell us who you are,
why you have come to this place...
...what you want.
[ILLYA MUMBLING]
If you don't talk,
then soon will come the giant red ants...
...drawn by the sweet smell
of your pale skin.
The ants will come
and burrow under your flesh.
I looked everywhere,
but I can't find any giant red ants.
INDIAN:
There have to be some somewhere.
I think they were killed off
by the crop-dusting last year.
If you gentlemen will indulge me
a minute.
My name is IIIya Kuryakin...
...you'll find my identification card
in my wallet over there in my jacket.
And that piece of equipment
that the gentleman has there...
That was my communicator.
Listen, if you will untie my bonds,
I'll show you how we can rescue your chief.
Why should we do what you say?
We don't know you.
- You have to follow me.
- Why?
Because I have the plan.
How are you, Dr. Yahama?
Would you like some raw fish?
No, thanks.
Everything quiet?
I received confirmation today
that the units are on their way.
We'll have your bomb assembled
and out by noon tomorrow.
I must say, I'll be most happy
to leave this place.
Who's in charge here?
We have come to speak with chief.
Just a minute,
I'll put you through to him.
Wait.
We do not wish to speak with chief
on your device.
- What do you mean by that?
- We have decided.
I will go as delegate
to discuss tribal matters with chief.
- Now, just a minute.
- We have decided.
- Why can't you talk to him over this phone?
- The voice can be recorded.
I have been personally tricked that way
by the telephone company many times.
We got a problem here, Mr. Carson.
CARSON [OVER RADIO]:
What kind of a problem?
It's the Indians. They won't talk
to the chief over the phone.
They wanna send Little Beaver here
in for a powwow.
All right, anything
to keep those animals quiet.
Send the delegate in here.
I should have known better
than to try and deal with savages.
You can't tell them apart,
they all act alike.
Oh, I don't know.
You keep your people out of sight
until you hear from me.
Let's go.
[RADIO BEEPING]
Solo here.
WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]:
Our people have been trying for two hours...
...but we haven't been able
to get in touch with Mr. Kuryakin either.
- What would you suggest, sir?
- We'll just have to stay on alert, I'm afraid.
Our intelligence reports
that various Thrush personnel...
...are moving into the Oklahoma area.
Ah, so the 2 project
is gaining momentum.
Possibly.
That's what we have to find out.
If Thrush does have a new superbomb,
this will be our chance to get it.
All right, I'll keep an eye on things here.
You let me know if you hear from IIIya.
I'll be leaving for our Tulsa office
on the morning.
You can reach me there.
[WHIP CRACKING]
[GRUNTING]
Tell Mr. Carson the delegate's here
to meet with the chief.
Got a visitor for you, chief.
Something wrong?
I come to speak for council, chief.
I see.
Would you like for me to repeat that?
[WHISPERS INAUDIBLY]
Mr. Carson wants to see the girl
right away.
I'll be right back.
You two can go on with your conference.
There is another of your men outside.
- He talked to us with this.
- Communicator dart.
- Fired it through the window, I suppose.
- Yes.
My friend is always showing off.
Open Channel D.
- Come in, Napoleon.
- What's wrong?
I don't know.
Anyway.
I have to get to that telephone
across the hall.
I think it's time
that we called our Tulsa office.
It's about time
we had some reinforcements.
What should we do?
I suggest you put your ear
to the floor here...
...then you can hear
when the guard leaves.
- Really?
- Yes, it's an old Indian trick.
- I was just about to pour a drink.
- No, thank you.
I didn't offer you one.
Come here.
Come on. Come over here.
Over here.
Clean it up, squaw.
I don't have any rags on me.
Let me go.
My granddaddy hated Indians,
so did my daddy, so do I.
But one must know his enemies...
...and I have always known
of the secret ways of the savage red man.
CHARISMA: Let me go.
- Today, the white man is burdened...
...his vitality is ebbing away
while you Indians...
...still keep your savage strength.
You need a psychiatrist, mister.
You're some kind of a first-class kook.
I know you Indians possess the secret.
I want it.
Give me your heritage.
[BOTTLE SHATTERS]
[GRUNTING]
CHARISMA:
Stay away from me.
- I'll shoot.
- Not with that, you won't. It ain't loaded.
[ALARM BEEPING]
[GUNSHOT]
He said the gun wasn't loaded.
They always say that.
Which way to the chief?
Operator, this is an emergency.
I need a scrambled line.
All right, we're gonna make a break for it.
Stay behind me.
- What are you doing? Generally speaking.
- I'm putting through a call for help.
Then you better try shouting
because we just cut the phone lines.
Sony to break up
your little costume party.
How.
What's our next move?
It would be very appropriate
if we could escape now...
...but I'm a little too securely tied,
myself.
- Napoleon?
- Well, I'm not having much luck either.
I've had my men check out
the entire area.
Not a sign of any U.N.C.L.E. agents
beside these two.
I'm going out to the reservation
to meet the scientists.
- What is that supposed to do?
- I'm trying to find the right kind of music.
All right.
Go ahead.
Just like it was your lunch hour.
What do you want me to do?
First, order a jet,
have it pick me up at the shack at 1:00.
Then close everything down here,
and bum the place down...
...with them inside.
Back to work, Napoleon.
All right.
Just as you say.
I did it.
All right, for your next number,
you untie me.
We're gonna have to make this quick,
doctor.
Well, now, although you've been working
in different countries...
...independent of each other,
Dr. Yahama here has been your director.
If you will put the boxes
on the table in front of me.
Now, if you will, please unlock them.
Thank you.
Not one of you realized it,
but you were all working in a joint effort...
...to construct a new style
nuclear weapon.
A hydrogen device...
...with the megaton equivalent to any
Russian 01 American bomb.
But it has an obvious, crucial difference.
It's size.
Small enough to carry in a briefcase.
Yes, gentlemen, we've done it.
We've transistorized a hydrogen bomb.
Let's go. Into the back
of the truck. Hurry up.
- That's the last of them.
- Thank you.
[GRUNTS]
Get your shoulder out of the truck.
What was that?
It's a new combination of sleep gas
and deodorant.
I'm afraid all of the phone lines
are down.
ILLYA: They're probably assembling
the 2 project right now.
All right. We'll need some of your men.
I'll escort them down
to the reservation gate.
I should be back here
before the jet arrives.
Banzai.
The hydrogen device
is in one of these briefcases.
Since you'll be going in your separate
directions once you leave the reservation...
...it is a convenient security precaution.
The combination to your briefcase is waiting
for each of you in your home country.
And I must warn you...
...it the briefcase is opened
without the combination...
...and it does not contain the device,
nothing'll happen.
However, it the briefcase is opened
and it is the one with the device...
...the hydrogen device will be triggered.
So be careful, gentlemen.
Stop here.
Get the guns out of the trunk
and distribute them to the men.
These are all the men I could find.
All right. That'll do.
Indians. Pull the cars into a line.
We're gonna charge straight
through them.
I don't know whom I massacring.
Only this time, we gonna win.
SOLO: All right. Now, all of
you Indians, line up in front of me.
Step on it.
Straight line.
All right.
Take out your guns.
Raise you guns in the air.
Charge!
[ALL SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[AIR HISSING]
There's my jet.
Pull the cars in a circle.
All right, we've got them to take a stand,
let's close in on them.
- Where is it, Carson?
- It won't do you no good.
I found one of these
in each of the trucks.
SOLO: So now, I guess
I've gotta pick out which one, huh?
If you are lucky enough
to open the right one...
...you gonna blow up
this half of Oklahoma.
What do you suggest I do then?
I know where the combination
is at the shack...
...if you'll let me go,
I'll show you where it is.
I see. It's that simple, huh?
I think I get the general idea.
I used a similar ploy
about three years ago in Morocco.
[GUNSHOT]
Hmm.
It wasn't in that one.
It was in the spring as I recall,
three years ago, similar situation.
[GUNSHOT]
The problem was to get some
secret information out.
[GUNSHOT]
That sort of narrows it down, doesn't it?
Well, to make a long story short,
I devised a plan.
[GUNSHOT]
That's just as what you've done, Carson.
Instead of giving it to my couriers...
...I took it out myself.
Well, Mr. Solo.
I hope you don't mind my interrupting
your expedition.
No, sir, no. How did you get here?
I was in Tulsa, waiting for you call.
We heard of a Thrush jet heading this way.
We commandeered it.
I think we'll find the hydrogen device
at their shack.
Oh, we have that already.
Yes, Dr. Yahama was persuaded
to hand it over to us.
SOLO: All right, take this man to the trading
post and arrange for a security pickup.
Take the rest of these men along.
There's must be a very good reason for your
being dressed up like this, Mr. Kuryakin.
I'm anxious to read about it
in your report.
I won't forget this.
This is Chief Highcloud
and his daughter Charisma.
- This is Mr. Alexander Waverly.
- A pleasure, sir.
Well, Miss Highcloud, I expect
you're anxious to return to New York.
Yes.
I suppose you must go back.
Then as your chief and your father...
...I must pass on to you
the key to happiness.
Wherever you are to live...
...find yourself a nice Indian boy
and settle down.
I don't think you have anything
to worry about.
[ENGLISH SDH]
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- How long has he been following you?
- Since I left the agency.
- Are there any more of them?
- I don't know.
I have a car herein the alley.
[HOOTING]
[HOOTING ECHOING]
- What is that?
- The cry of a wolf.
A signal for the hunters
to attack their prey.
[HOOTING]
[GUNSHOTS]
ILLYA:
Smoke signal?
Well, it looks like we might have
an Indian uprising on our hands.
You shouldn't be so modest, Mr. Solo.
After all, saving Mr. Kuryakin
from a full-scale Indian attack.
I'm sure he'd do the same for me.
[DOOR OPENS]
- Mr. Solo, I was looking for you.
- Yes, sir.
For some time now,
our intelligence reports indicate...
...that Thrush is on the verge of introducing
some new kind of hydrogen bomb.
I recall a Dr. Yahama,
a top Thrush nuclear expert.
We've just decoded the microdot report
you brought in from Oklahoma.
It seems that Dr. Yahama
has been tracked down...
...to the Cardiak Indian Reservation
outside of Oklahoma City.
Why should the Indians
make an attempt upon us?
Well, it seems this report indicates
Chief Highcloud is missing.
Thrush?
A Thrush scientist engaged
on a top project...
...is sent to an Indian reservation
without laboratory or staff.
An Indian chief is missing and the tribe
is reluctant to talk about any of it.
- Rather perplexing, isn't it?
- How perplexing is it?
Mr. Kuryakin will leave
for the Indian reservation immediately.
As for you, Mr. Solo...
The chief has a daughter have
in New York City.
According to Mr. Clark, technically.
she's still a princess in the tribe.
The tribe might talk to her.
Here's her address.
All right, I'll check on that.
[INDIANS SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOTS]
Come on. Get him.
Get him. Come on.
What's the trouble?
It's the Indians.
They wanna talk to the chief.
- Getting restless, are they?
- Yeah.
Send the chief in here.
How's Dr. Yahama?
He's just fine.
I left him back at the shack with a man.
Oh.
This just come in off the relay.
Let's see. “Thrush Central confirms units
from Nigeria...
...Bangkok, New Delhi, Kansas City.
Will be here tomorrow.“
They go on to say how important it is
that the Project 2, et cetera, et cetera.
As if I didn't know.
Ah, Chief Highcloud.
Chief, your people wanna hear from you
to know that you're all right.
I'm sure you wouldn't want them
to worry...
...so we'll just gonna make a phone call.
I won't help you.
Oh, yes, you will.
Or I gonna kill every last one of them.
You'll kill them all, anyway.
My final answer is no.
Get him out of here.
Keep him under tight security,
cut his rations down to bread and water.
And take the television set
out of his room.
I remember something
about the chief having a daughter.
Daughter, daughter...
- Where is she?
Here it is. She's in New York.
And according to this letter,
she says she has something to do...
...with the preservation
of Indian heritage in the dance.
[DRUMS BEATING]
Hi. You get my card?
Yes. Mr. Solo?
Miss Highcloud?
Look, I don't mean to pry, but our dossier
on you said that you were a student.
Yes, I am.
But when the government cut back on the
student loans I had to get a part-time job.
Now, what can I do for the U-N-C-L-E?
Is there some place we could talk?
I have to catch a 1:00 bus,
can you meet me outside?
Fine.
It's about your father, he's missing.
I'm afraid he's been kidnapped.
Kidnapped?
Come on, now.
Who would wanna kidnap my father?
Well, it's rather complicated.
My car is around the comer,
if you'll allow me to explain.
Your car. I see.
I've heard a lot about you secret agents.
Taking girls away with you
on the flimsiest of excuses.
How do I know
my father's been kidnapped?
You'll have to take my word for it.
I think I'd like something more substantial,
if you don't mind.
He has disappeared.
Your tribe won't even talk to us about it.
They seem to think we're responsible.
We nearly got scalped.
Now, they might talk to you.
MAN:
What is this?
[GAS HISSING]
[COUGHING]
Well, the bus service
hasn't improved much, has it?
[COUGHS]
[CHARISMA SCREAMING]
Welcome to the LC. Carson
Historical Western Museum.
Non-profit, of course.
I'm L.C. Carson, Miss Highcloud.
What's going on here? Where am I?
You in Oklahoma.
Not far from the reservation
of your people.
Why did you bring me here?
I represent an organization
known as Thrush.
Now, we a large organization
with varied interests.
Right now, we interested
in the Cardiak Reservation...
...as a rendezvous of sorts.
See, Thrush needs privacy.
And the middle of the desert
provides plenty of it, wouldn't you say?
- I see. What have you done with my father?
CARSON: He's here.
We brought you to convince him
to cooperate with us.
CHARISMA: I don't see how
I can be of any help to you.
I think you will.
This is a hobby of mine.
Oklahoma massacre.
An entire army unit was wiped out
by a band of bloodthirsty hostiles.
It was your people
that committed the atrocity...
...almost 100 years ago,
but that don't matter.
It could have been last week
for all they care.
See, Indians don't have no guilt.
That's why they still savages.
Chief, here's a little something
we shipped in from New York.
Your supposedly noble daughter
carrying on the heritage of your people.
This is how she's been exhibiting
your tribal dances.
- In saloons.
CHARISMA: Stop it.
It's not like that at all, father.
CARSON:
Well, new, chief.
How about that little phone call?
Well, chief?
A daughter of mine
would not dishonor herself in this way.
She is not my daughter.
CHARISMA [ON RADIO]: You shouldn't have dune that.
CARSON:
You're right.
Perhaps my approach has been wrong.
I should kill him and make it
an object lesson to the rest of the tribe.
- Not a had thought.
- Wait.
What is it you want him to do?
I want him to tell his people
to cooperate with us by keeping silent...
...and by keeping strangers away
from the reservation for the next 24 hours.
Let me talk to him. I can convince him.
Just give me a little time
to get back in his favor.
All right.
CARSON:
You have until 6:00 this evening.
I've promised the tribe to make
the chief available to them by sundown.
Could you find some
different clothes for me?
Something a little less radical.
I think I can find something appropriate.
[RADIO BEEPING]
SOLO [OVER RADIO]: Open Channel D..
- Kuryakin here.
I don't wanna startle you...
...but I'm at a place called the LC. Carson
Historical Western Museum...
...not far from the reservation.
What are you doing there?
Thrush staged a kidnap attempt
on the chief's daughter.
Are you trying to tell me
that they staged a successful attempt?
With my usual foresight,
I affixed a homing device to her coat.
I assumed they would take her
to the chief.
I allowed them to kidnap her.
Well, I'll accept that story for the moment.
What are you doing now?
I'm gonna check out their security...
...you might as well proceed
onto the reservation.
Well, the transportation supplied
by our Tulsa office...
...is not exactly the most up to date...
...but I'll drive in and let you know what
I find in the way of Japanese scientists.
All right.
He just went through the gate.
[GUNSHOTS]
[GRUNTING]
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
Father?
I brought you some tea.
Father, I want you to try
and understand about my dancing...
...it's not wrong when I do.
I do it during my lunch hour.
I had hoped you'd return to us.
Please, father.
I could never return, not to live anyway.
I just couldn't undertake
that change in culture.
I know.
I suppose that's what angered me.
Do you have a good life in New York?
- Yes. I guess so.
- But you're not sure.
You're not supposed to be happy
in New York...
...you're supposed to be lonesome.
You know, I'm supposed
to convince you to help those men.
I know.
Well, I guess all we can do is wait...
...and hope that the man
from U.N.C.L.E. can find us somehow.
The man from what?
[RADIO BEEPS]
SOLO [OVER RADIO]:
Charisma?
- Mr. Solo, where are you?
- I'm outside the museum grounds.
- How are you and the chief?
- Fine, so far.
Do you know what your hosts are doing?
No, they just want father to keep
the tribe in line until tomorrow.
Until tomorrow. All right,
you and the chief be very cooperative.
I have a man on the museum grounds,
I should be hearing from him soon.
You will tell us who you are,
why you have come to this place...
...what you want.
[ILLYA MUMBLING]
If you don't talk,
then soon will come the giant red ants...
...drawn by the sweet smell
of your pale skin.
The ants will come
and burrow under your flesh.
I looked everywhere,
but I can't find any giant red ants.
INDIAN:
There have to be some somewhere.
I think they were killed off
by the crop-dusting last year.
If you gentlemen will indulge me
a minute.
My name is IIIya Kuryakin...
...you'll find my identification card
in my wallet over there in my jacket.
And that piece of equipment
that the gentleman has there...
That was my communicator.
Listen, if you will untie my bonds,
I'll show you how we can rescue your chief.
Why should we do what you say?
We don't know you.
- You have to follow me.
- Why?
Because I have the plan.
How are you, Dr. Yahama?
Would you like some raw fish?
No, thanks.
Everything quiet?
I received confirmation today
that the units are on their way.
We'll have your bomb assembled
and out by noon tomorrow.
I must say, I'll be most happy
to leave this place.
Who's in charge here?
We have come to speak with chief.
Just a minute,
I'll put you through to him.
Wait.
We do not wish to speak with chief
on your device.
- What do you mean by that?
- We have decided.
I will go as delegate
to discuss tribal matters with chief.
- Now, just a minute.
- We have decided.
- Why can't you talk to him over this phone?
- The voice can be recorded.
I have been personally tricked that way
by the telephone company many times.
We got a problem here, Mr. Carson.
CARSON [OVER RADIO]:
What kind of a problem?
It's the Indians. They won't talk
to the chief over the phone.
They wanna send Little Beaver here
in for a powwow.
All right, anything
to keep those animals quiet.
Send the delegate in here.
I should have known better
than to try and deal with savages.
You can't tell them apart,
they all act alike.
Oh, I don't know.
You keep your people out of sight
until you hear from me.
Let's go.
[RADIO BEEPING]
Solo here.
WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]:
Our people have been trying for two hours...
...but we haven't been able
to get in touch with Mr. Kuryakin either.
- What would you suggest, sir?
- We'll just have to stay on alert, I'm afraid.
Our intelligence reports
that various Thrush personnel...
...are moving into the Oklahoma area.
Ah, so the 2 project
is gaining momentum.
Possibly.
That's what we have to find out.
If Thrush does have a new superbomb,
this will be our chance to get it.
All right, I'll keep an eye on things here.
You let me know if you hear from IIIya.
I'll be leaving for our Tulsa office
on the morning.
You can reach me there.
[WHIP CRACKING]
[GRUNTING]
Tell Mr. Carson the delegate's here
to meet with the chief.
Got a visitor for you, chief.
Something wrong?
I come to speak for council, chief.
I see.
Would you like for me to repeat that?
[WHISPERS INAUDIBLY]
Mr. Carson wants to see the girl
right away.
I'll be right back.
You two can go on with your conference.
There is another of your men outside.
- He talked to us with this.
- Communicator dart.
- Fired it through the window, I suppose.
- Yes.
My friend is always showing off.
Open Channel D.
- Come in, Napoleon.
- What's wrong?
I don't know.
Anyway.
I have to get to that telephone
across the hall.
I think it's time
that we called our Tulsa office.
It's about time
we had some reinforcements.
What should we do?
I suggest you put your ear
to the floor here...
...then you can hear
when the guard leaves.
- Really?
- Yes, it's an old Indian trick.
- I was just about to pour a drink.
- No, thank you.
I didn't offer you one.
Come here.
Come on. Come over here.
Over here.
Clean it up, squaw.
I don't have any rags on me.
Let me go.
My granddaddy hated Indians,
so did my daddy, so do I.
But one must know his enemies...
...and I have always known
of the secret ways of the savage red man.
CHARISMA: Let me go.
- Today, the white man is burdened...
...his vitality is ebbing away
while you Indians...
...still keep your savage strength.
You need a psychiatrist, mister.
You're some kind of a first-class kook.
I know you Indians possess the secret.
I want it.
Give me your heritage.
[BOTTLE SHATTERS]
[GRUNTING]
CHARISMA:
Stay away from me.
- I'll shoot.
- Not with that, you won't. It ain't loaded.
[ALARM BEEPING]
[GUNSHOT]
He said the gun wasn't loaded.
They always say that.
Which way to the chief?
Operator, this is an emergency.
I need a scrambled line.
All right, we're gonna make a break for it.
Stay behind me.
- What are you doing? Generally speaking.
- I'm putting through a call for help.
Then you better try shouting
because we just cut the phone lines.
Sony to break up
your little costume party.
How.
What's our next move?
It would be very appropriate
if we could escape now...
...but I'm a little too securely tied,
myself.
- Napoleon?
- Well, I'm not having much luck either.
I've had my men check out
the entire area.
Not a sign of any U.N.C.L.E. agents
beside these two.
I'm going out to the reservation
to meet the scientists.
- What is that supposed to do?
- I'm trying to find the right kind of music.
All right.
Go ahead.
Just like it was your lunch hour.
What do you want me to do?
First, order a jet,
have it pick me up at the shack at 1:00.
Then close everything down here,
and bum the place down...
...with them inside.
Back to work, Napoleon.
All right.
Just as you say.
I did it.
All right, for your next number,
you untie me.
We're gonna have to make this quick,
doctor.
Well, now, although you've been working
in different countries...
...independent of each other,
Dr. Yahama here has been your director.
If you will put the boxes
on the table in front of me.
Now, if you will, please unlock them.
Thank you.
Not one of you realized it,
but you were all working in a joint effort...
...to construct a new style
nuclear weapon.
A hydrogen device...
...with the megaton equivalent to any
Russian 01 American bomb.
But it has an obvious, crucial difference.
It's size.
Small enough to carry in a briefcase.
Yes, gentlemen, we've done it.
We've transistorized a hydrogen bomb.
Let's go. Into the back
of the truck. Hurry up.
- That's the last of them.
- Thank you.
[GRUNTS]
Get your shoulder out of the truck.
What was that?
It's a new combination of sleep gas
and deodorant.
I'm afraid all of the phone lines
are down.
ILLYA: They're probably assembling
the 2 project right now.
All right. We'll need some of your men.
I'll escort them down
to the reservation gate.
I should be back here
before the jet arrives.
Banzai.
The hydrogen device
is in one of these briefcases.
Since you'll be going in your separate
directions once you leave the reservation...
...it is a convenient security precaution.
The combination to your briefcase is waiting
for each of you in your home country.
And I must warn you...
...it the briefcase is opened
without the combination...
...and it does not contain the device,
nothing'll happen.
However, it the briefcase is opened
and it is the one with the device...
...the hydrogen device will be triggered.
So be careful, gentlemen.
Stop here.
Get the guns out of the trunk
and distribute them to the men.
These are all the men I could find.
All right. That'll do.
Indians. Pull the cars into a line.
We're gonna charge straight
through them.
I don't know whom I massacring.
Only this time, we gonna win.
SOLO: All right. Now, all of
you Indians, line up in front of me.
Step on it.
Straight line.
All right.
Take out your guns.
Raise you guns in the air.
Charge!
[ALL SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[AIR HISSING]
There's my jet.
Pull the cars in a circle.
All right, we've got them to take a stand,
let's close in on them.
- Where is it, Carson?
- It won't do you no good.
I found one of these
in each of the trucks.
SOLO: So now, I guess
I've gotta pick out which one, huh?
If you are lucky enough
to open the right one...
...you gonna blow up
this half of Oklahoma.
What do you suggest I do then?
I know where the combination
is at the shack...
...if you'll let me go,
I'll show you where it is.
I see. It's that simple, huh?
I think I get the general idea.
I used a similar ploy
about three years ago in Morocco.
[GUNSHOT]
Hmm.
It wasn't in that one.
It was in the spring as I recall,
three years ago, similar situation.
[GUNSHOT]
The problem was to get some
secret information out.
[GUNSHOT]
That sort of narrows it down, doesn't it?
Well, to make a long story short,
I devised a plan.
[GUNSHOT]
That's just as what you've done, Carson.
Instead of giving it to my couriers...
...I took it out myself.
Well, Mr. Solo.
I hope you don't mind my interrupting
your expedition.
No, sir, no. How did you get here?
I was in Tulsa, waiting for you call.
We heard of a Thrush jet heading this way.
We commandeered it.
I think we'll find the hydrogen device
at their shack.
Oh, we have that already.
Yes, Dr. Yahama was persuaded
to hand it over to us.
SOLO: All right, take this man to the trading
post and arrange for a security pickup.
Take the rest of these men along.
There's must be a very good reason for your
being dressed up like this, Mr. Kuryakin.
I'm anxious to read about it
in your report.
I won't forget this.
This is Chief Highcloud
and his daughter Charisma.
- This is Mr. Alexander Waverly.
- A pleasure, sir.
Well, Miss Highcloud, I expect
you're anxious to return to New York.
Yes.
I suppose you must go back.
Then as your chief and your father...
...I must pass on to you
the key to happiness.
Wherever you are to live...
...find yourself a nice Indian boy
and settle down.
I don't think you have anything
to worry about.
[ENGLISH SDH]