The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 2, Episode 26 - The Project Deephole Affair - full transcript

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What happened?

Kuryakin may have known
we were following him.

He and his companion
ducked into the hotel.

Did you get a good look
at this Dr. Remington?

No.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPING]

- Yes.
MAN: Sofa just arrived-

Thank you.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Where are the rest of the good guys?
SOLO: About one block away.



They expect us to come out
in exactly four and a half minutes.

- I'm Napoleon Solo, Dr. Remington.
- Hi, how do you do?

Uh, how many of the bad guys?

One car at first, but there's more
than enough of them by now.

Now remember, we want this Dr. Remington
more or less alive.

Now get everything set up
in the back alley.

They may just try to escape
through the back entrance.

What room is he in?

They're in the two windows up there.

SOLO:
All right.

It's the manager.

All right, get ready. I've got
an armored taxi cab waiting out in front.

Our people will give us covering fire.

Mr. Conway.



- Who is it?
MANAGER: It's me.

I'll, uh, be with you in a minute.

Look, Harry.
I can't get it up for you right now...

...but I will have it tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah.

So please, will you call off the dogs, huh?

MANAGER: Mr. Conway, I came
for the you-know-what that's overdue.

I'll, uh, be right with you.

Look, Harry.
there's a business associate at the door.

So I'll see you tomorrow, huh?

And please,
don't forget about the dogs, right?

- What is it?
- The rent.

Oh, yes. Yes, that.

Well, I'm having breakfast
with my business accountant.

And we will discuss it in full detail.

Narcissus.

[WEAPON COCKS]

Give me a hypodermic dart.

Someone has just provided us
with an unexpected decoy.

Take the doctor out from.

[GUNSHOTS]

NARCISSUS:
All right, let's go.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPING]

MAN: Napoleon, "Iva and Dr. Remington
inst reported into headquarters.

Good.

I wonder what I should do with him.

We're ready for you in the infirmary, sir.

Will you excuse me, Dr. Remington?

I'll be back in a moment.

Dr. Remington will be staying here
at headquarters tonight...

...as a security precaution.

Uh, what does Thrush want
with a geologist like Dr. Remington?

All we know is that
a Russian geologist...

...was killed in a Thrush kidnap attempt.

His specialty was sedimentation.

He and Dr. Remington
are the two top experts in that area.

Uh-huh. So Section One assumes that Thrush
might make an attempt on Remington.

Yes.

It appears that Thrush has a new top-secret
project we don't know anything about.

And they're desperate enough about it
to try to steal some expert help.

Well, possible.

Our guest was injected
with a harmless Thrush sedative.

He'll probably sleep through till morning.

What have you learned
from security research?

“Harry 'Buzz' Conway.
Age, 35. Occupation, none.“

Or rather, many.

He's formerly a disc jockey,
used-car salesman...

...door-to-door seller of encyclopedias,
dealer in Las Vegas.

I see. Nothing more sinister than that?

ILLYA: The only organization interested
in Mr. Conway's whereabouts...

...is one dealing
with the collection of old debts.

Mr. Conway has several.

Well, gentlemen, you've certainly
got your work cut out for you.

I think you should deliver
Dr. Remington...

...to the California Geology Society
conference by tomorrow afternoon...

...as scheduled.

Thrush is certain to make
another attempt to take him from us.

WAVERLY:
We can't keep him locked up indefinitely.

Besides, he's the key
to whatever it is Thrush is up to.

Might be nice to uncover it.

Of course, Section One realizes that our
assignment is becoming rather complicated.

Yesterday, they didn't even know
what he looked like.

And today, Thrush thinks
that Buzz Conway is Remington.

Yes, don't they?

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello. San Francisco calling?
Yes, this is she.

Yes, Mr. Elom.

Narcissus.

I've just received your telegram.

I'm very disappointed.

NARCISSUS [LAUGHING]:
Well, so am I. Don't worry, Mr. Elam.

We'll get him next time.

ELOM:
Dr. Remington is essential to my project.

The U.N.C.L.E. now undoubtedly
will guard him even more carefully.

But I'm sure you will get him for me.

Hmm.

I've been thinking a lot about you lately.

And what do you think, Mr. Elem?

IIike you.

Oh, really?

I've never said that to anyone before.

[DIAL TONE]

Leon, I would like to see those films
from the telescopic gun camera.

I've been waiting out here
for two hours.

Be quiet. Where are those photos
of Dr. Remington?

These pictures aren't much help.

Draw the curtains.

NARCISSUS: Remington received his Ph.D.
and went directly to the Pyrenees.

Where, for reasons certainly beyond me,
he stayed in seclusion tor the last six years.

Writing his article on sedimentation.

I suppose one must love rocks
or something.

LEON: He looks young.
NARCISSUS: He is.

NARCISSUS:
He certainly isn't much to look at, is he?

Napoleon, I think it is time to deliver
unto Dr. Remington a change of apparel.

I'll, uh, put a man on it right away.

Thank you.

There must be some...

Oh, dry cleaning, huh? Sure, I'll take it.

Uh, just put the tip on my bill.

Your scheme is very convincing
so far, Napoleon.

- Yes, isn't it?
ILLYA: [have one question.

Our victim is obviously
bewildered and confused.

How do we know
he'll take the flight to San Francisco...

-...and not just cash in the ticket?
- Mm-hm.

[HUMMING]

[DIALING]

Harry, Buzz Conway.

I told you I'd call you
in the morning, huh?

Uh, look, uh, how about, uh...

...say 40 bucks?
Just a show of good faith.

And, Harry, it you give me the car back,
I'll pay you the rest in no time.

What happened?
I'm still trying to find that out myself.

Okay, see you tomorrow, Harry. Right.

Oh...

[DIALING]

Harry, uh, something just came up.

Um, something pretty terrible.

Now, I can't tell you about it.

Everything's still a little blurry,
so I have to leave town now, Harry.

Goodbye.

- When do we leave for San Francisco?
- I have you booked on the noon jet.

The same one he'll be taking, of course.
I've requisitioned a private jet.

And I'll be waiting for you
at the San Francisco terminal.

[DOOR OPENS]

Pardon me, doctor.

What do I do now?

Well, nothing.
I just wanted to get you off the hook.

- Did you ring, Dr. Remington?
- Yes.

I'll have another one, please.

Oh, I'm sorry
but you're only allowed to have two.

Oh.

Well, why don't you, uh, join me
and we can share one?

Oh, I'd like to,
but regulations, you know.

Ah.

Don't be too unhappy.
this will keep you company.

- Well, thank you.
- It's not from me.

An unknown admirer.

Thank you.

- Any New York papers, please?
WOMAN: Yes, sir.

- Thank you.
WOMAN: Thank you.

WOMAN [OVER PA]: Flight 49 nonstop
from Los Ange/es, now arriving at Gate 14.

SOLO: How was the flight?
- Second class.

Snob. Here are the keys to the car.

- Let's see it we can draw them out.
- I'll meet with you at the first checkpoint.

WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Announcing the arrival of flight...

Have, uh, you heard anything on the news
about the Remington murder case?

WOMAN:
No, I haven't.

- Dr. Remington?
- Well, yes.

Well, I mean, yes, yes.
How'd you know?

The tag on your suitcase.
I'm Napoleon Solo.

The geology conference steering committee
has asked me to escort you.

Well, that's very nice of you,
but it won't be necessary.

We have a lovely hotel picked out,
it's quite a drive from the airport.

After you.

Isn't this a roundabout way
of going downtown?

I thought you might like to see
our air pollution.

Where did you get this?

Stewardess gave it to me.

Hmm.

May I see it?

Sure.

- What's the matter?
- Mind it I keep this?

Be my guest.

Fill it up. I'll be right back.

- Thrush homing device, of course.
- Mm-hm.

If they've followed us by radar,
I expect they'll be moving in at any minute.

[BUZZING]

- How long have you been waiting?
- About 30 minutes.

[THUDDING]

It's a trick. They aren't following us,
they've been following you.

Wait.

[ENGINE STARTS]

The attendant attached
a drone control to the car.

[HORN BEEPING]

[HORN BEEPING]

What's going on here?
What are you doing?

I think I can brake the car
to a stop now.

I've spotted what looks like
the control car up ahead.

I'm gonna follow it.

When you're not quite so busy...

...there are a couple of questions
I'd like to ask you.

Where do I find
Elem Industries' office?

- Twenty-eighth floor, sir.
- Thank you.

[RATTLING]

- What's the noise?
WOMAN: That elevator's out of order.

A lot of our tenants
have been complaining about it too.

He's on his way up.

You can get off here, Mr. Kuryakin.

Those weren't your men?

Of course not. They're insurance salesmen
from the next floor.

The one in the middle
used to play for Green Bay.

All right, where do we go from here?

Take him to Mr. Elom's office.

He'll be able to tell us
where they're keeping Dr. Remington.

- He's going to want to see you.
- Yes, I know.

Where are you gonna be?

Well, it may not be easy,
and I might have to get tough with him...

...but I will see if I can get
an appointment with my hairdresser.

ELOM:
Close the door.

Are you trying to blind me?
Close the door.

That's better.

Would you like a cold cup of turkey soup,
Mr. Kuryakin?

No, thank you.

I want Dr. Remington.

No, thank you.

I must have Dr. Remington.

- Why must you?
- Project Deephole.

ILLYA:
And what is Project Deephole?

Let us just say I'm engaged
in a beautiful project...

...to penetrate deep inside Mother Earth.

Cool, dark, secure.

Where we all belong.

Some of us more than others.

Where are your people hiding
Dr. Remington?

No, thank you.

ELOM:
Leon.“

...be persuasive.

That's a little more persuasion
than I had in mind, Leon.

The guy in the hotel wasn't dead,
and I've been set up as a decoy.

- Well, you've got a lot of nerve, you know?
- Thank you.

Yeah, well, watch closely
because I am going to exit.

I am walking out of this room
and nobody's gonna stop me.

Not you or your strange organization
or anybody else.

The door is locked.

Now listen, Buzz.

We didn't want Thrush
to come in here and take you.

The moment they saw you
come out of that hotel window...

...you were a marked man.
If we let you go...

...they would have picked you up,
realized their mistake, and killed you.

At least this way, you had our protection
and you performed a valuable service.

I guess you're right.

Uh, Dr. Remington is certainly
a more valuable person than I am.

Why should you expose him
to this kind of danger?

Uh... Why do they want him?

Well, uh, evidently, they want some help
with their new project.

Now, we don't know
what that project is...

...but we want to find out.

Of course, if there's, uh.
anything I can do to help...

I don't know how
I could have been so petty.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPING]

- Channel D is open.
- Have you heard from Mr. Kuryakin yet?

No, sir. Not yet.

WAVERLY: Well, I would hope
that you will hear from him soon.

Otherwise, you'll have to deliver
your bogus Dr. Remington...

...to the geology conference tonight.

Uh-huh. And it looks like we'll have to play
the game just a little longer.

Yes, Thrush will undoubtedly make
another attempt on your imposter.

But that's the risk we have to take.

Well, I have some extra men
stationed here at the hotel, just in case.

I'll report back later, sir.

Buzz, come back here.

I've had enough
of your masquerade party, Mr. Solo.

May I have the floor plan
of the hotel, please?

Now this is our floor.

And this is where we're located.

They're keeping Dr. Remington
in his room.

We'll be taking him down
the backstairs.

[NARCISSUS DIALING PHONE]

The van's down in the back.
They'll be waiting for us.

[PHONE RINGING]

Stop it for a moment, Leon.

Hello.

Narcissus, where are you?

I've taken a room near Dr. Remington,
at the Carlsbad hotel.

How did you know he was there?

Hmm. My beauty salon
is in the lobby of the hotel.

They can't keep anything
from me there.

Just a moment.

Take him downstairs.
I still have some use for him.

Narcissus.

Are you avoiding me?

Of course not, Marvin.

The tear gas equipment
and the guns are all ready.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

And please, no soup, Marvin.
Gin will be just fine.

Yes. Goodbye.

Everybody just stand still.
Don't do that.

I want a Clayton dramper...

-...on his ferringclyde.
- Huh?

Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's just past checkout time.

[GUNSHOTS]

[GRUNTING]

[ENGINE STARTING]

Where am I supposed to sit?

I'm Marvin Elom, Dr. Remington.

- I want you to help me.
- That's very interesting.

Why?

Hidden behind that center door
is a special drilling rig.

Open the door.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

I'm engaged in a project
to penetrate the Earth's crust.

Like the United States Project Mohole.

Once I have drilled deep enough
and penetrated the crust of Mother Earth...

...I can create sonic earthquake
of enormous size.

Look at that.

[RUMBLING]

Our preliminary tests
created these results last year.

Right now, we are sitting on top
of the San Andreas Fault.

Once we set off our little earthquake...

...most of California
will sink into the ocean.

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Hail to see the humor in that.

It's very appropriate that I use California,
the land of sunshine.

Where those disgusting people
mechanically expose themselves...

...to poisonous sunlight...

...in a foolish desire
to fry their skins brown.

Yeah.

Uh, what is your problem?

Your drilling problem that is.

I have run into an unusually
hard layer of sediment.

My technicians haven't been able
to breakthrough it.

We need a geologic specialist, like you.
to show us the way.

In the past few days,
I have been duped, framed, molested...

...pushed around and generally insulted,
and I've been very curious to know why.

Well, now I know why.

And now I've got some information
for you to digest.

I am not Dr. Remington.

I see.

I wanted to eliminate espionage
and get right down to science.

A collaborator of yours, I believe?

Now, doctor, will you help us?

Look, it takes you some time
to catch on, doesn't it?

- I am not--
- Leon.

Well, Dr. Remington.

What are you going to do now?

I guess I'd better have a look at that drill.

Where's Narcissus?

Do you suppose she didn't get away
from the hotel or"?

Is she avoiding me?

Have her report to me
as soon as she arrives.

[SOLO TUT-TUTTING]

You are cruel, Napoleon.

Well, I don't usually
wrestle with ladies, um...

I guess I lost my head.

Leaving me in there forever. In shambles.

Narcissus...

...you are just as beautiful as you were
four years ago in Portofino.

You really think so?

Yes, I think you're the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.

Mm, tell me more.

Your people made off
with my traveling companion.

- I won't tell you where he is.
- Well, I know where he is.

There's a homing device in his suit.

That's thoughtful.

All I want you to do
is get me past the security installations.

No.

You're quite a man.

But you'll ruin my lipstick.

Now, we'll move the angle of the drill
two degrees.

I know this sounds radical...

...but from my experience,
it's the best we can do for now.

Well, if anyone disagrees, we can
just call Mr. Elom, and I'm sure that, uh...

Uh, what do you have in mind, doctor?

I, uh, won't bore you with it.
It's very technical.

Ooh.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

The homing device finder indicates
that we should go down.

Let's take the stairs.

Mm, you really did have
a homing device sewn into his suit.

- Remarkable.
- All right.

Ladies first.

Oh.

I don't think we should step
on that magnetic plate, Narcissus.

It might set off an alarm.

Remember, whatever happens to me,
we share together.

This is a nice way to stall for time...

...but what do you know about drilling?

When I was selling encyclopedias
door-to-door, I actually read some of them.

I got up to the letter I
when they fired me for reading on the job.

Oh, doesn't look like you've installed
any warning devices here, Narcissus.

Rather careless of you, I'd say.

- You're wrong, Napoleon. There's one.
- Oh.

- Yes.
- What?

Leon!

Leon!

Oil!

[GUNSHOTS]

The head man is upstairs.

- How did you manage to strike oil?
- I knew the drill would hit.

It was on the diagram.
Private company has the oil rights...

...but that's a minor detail.

- He's been quite a help.
- We're going to need some more...

-...of your expert help, Buzz.
- You're on.

We'll take the elevator upstairs.
Now, there's a fuse box in the closet.

Give us two minutes, then short-circuit
the electrical systems, including elevators.

If anybody has to come down,
they'll have to come past us...

...and then use the stairs.

- You'll be guarding the stairs.
- I'll be guarding the stairs?

There's a very dangerous woman
locked in the closet in the hall.

Don't tum your back on her.

Boy, they work fast.

[DOOR CREAKING]

ILLYA:
That's far enough, Monsieur Elom.

Yes, I think so.

I must thank you for bringing
Narcissus back to me, Mr. Solo.

We have been apart
along time, you see.

Sorry, darling.
It looks like it's hurray for our side.

Take these two downstairs...

...and dismantle them.

I want you in my office alone.

NARCISSUS:
Let go!

--Me! Let go!

Narcissus.

NARCISSUS:
Aah!

[SCREAMING]

Oh...

[CRYING]

We didn't have any choice, Narcissus.

Oh, I don't care about him.

It's my fingernails, they're ruined.

I think I'll go and clean up downstairs.

I suppose you'll be locking me
into another closet somewhere.

No, but we'll find something just as good.

Oh, you must be very proud of what
you've helped to accomplish, Mr. Conway.

Our San Francisco office reports
the drilling site has been dismantled...

...and that Dr. Remington is now safely
lodged in San Francisco for his conference.

I'd say that is not bad chess playing.

BUZZ: Helping someone
has been a novel experience for me.

I hope the novelty doesn't wear off.

Buzz has graciously accepted
our offer of a reward...

...and has made arrangements
to pay off all of his creditors.

I see. A fresh start then, eh?

Yes, I think this time
I may come up a winner.

Well, thanks and goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Conway.

Well, good luck, Buzz.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

Harry.

- Fellas.
ILLYA: No!

I've already had the man checked out.
He's from a finance company.

- Remember these phone calls Buzz made?
- Yeah.

They weren't to his creditors, they were
regarding certain competitive horses.

Harry. Harry.

Harry!

- So you suppose he'll ever catch him?
- Probably.

Their manhunt procedures
are modeled after ours, remember?

[ENGLISH SDH]