The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Quadripartite Affair - full transcript

UNCLE agents Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuraykin face a four-cornered conspiracy comprised of an ambitious woman (Gervaise Ravel), her wealthy boyfriend (Harold Bufferton), a disgraced military officer and a scientist who has devised a chemical that induces fear. Solo and Kuryakin are helped by the daughter (Marion Raven) of a man killed as a result of the conspiracy.

NARRATOR: In New York City...

on a street in the East Forties,
there's an ordinary tailor shop.

Or is it ordinary?

We entered through the agents' entrance
and we are now in U.N.C.L.E. headquarters.

That's the United Network
Command for Law and Enforcement.

U.N.C.L.E. is an organization
consisting of agents of all nationalities.

It's involved in maintaining political
and legal order anywhere in the world.

[GARBLED SPEECH OVER RADIO]

My name is Napoleon Solo.

I'm an enforcement
agent in Section Two here.

That's Operations
and Enforcement.



I am Illya Kuryakin. I am
also an enforcement agent.

Like my friend Napoleon, I go and I
do whatever I am told to by our chief.

Huh? Oh, yes. Alexander Waverly.

Number One in Section One.

In charge of this, our
New York headquarters.

It's from here that I send these
young men on their various missions.

[PANTING]

Father!

[RAVEN YELLING]

- This is... Father, what's...?
- Get away from me!

No, don't touch me!
Don't touch me! No!

Don't touch me! No!

Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!

Stay away from me. No!



MARION: Father... RAVEN:
Never come near me.

RAVEN: Don't hurt me. No, don't hurt me!
MARION: Daddy. Daddy, it's Marion. Daddy.

Get a doctor. A doctor.
Qui... Quickly. Plea...

He's coming around,
Bufferton. It's wearing off.

That's quite interesting.

How long since he
got a whiff of that stuff?

GERVAISE [ON SCREEN]: Only 30 minutes,
darling. Not a very heavy dose, either.

PATTNER [OVER PHONE]:
The girl's going for help.

There's only one thing to do
unless you have some other ideas.

Ha. That's a fool question
if I ever heard one.

Gervaise?

Kill him.

Okay. As long as we all agree.

Karadian, don't be so
nervous. Make yourself a drink.

Gervaise? How's the
weather in New York?

You better bring your raincoats.

You know how unpredictable
it is this time of the year.

[SIGHS]

Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS THEN SOBS]

Dr. Gregory Raven
was in Yugoslavia...

on a mission for the
International Public Health Service.

He stumbled across something
that was none of his business...

and made a cursory
report to his superiors.

Then someone killed him.

According to his daughter, he was
in a state of almost pathological terror.

According to his file, he was a
normal, healthy, intelligent man.

I want to know what it is, would
reduce a man like that to a...

A whimpering rabbit.

Well, Mr. Solo?

Mr. Kuryakin?

Any ideas how you frighten
a man like that out of his wits?

Well, the fear of
death, perhaps.

If he'd been expecting
a blast from a

shotgun, he'd have
told his daughter to run.

As it was, he told
her to fetch a doctor.

Not a policeman, a doctor.

Hmm.

Nice.

Uh, his daughter. Marion Raven.

She arrived just in
time to see him killed.

Back home now, here in New York.

MARION: My report to the
police was clear enough, surely?

All my father said was he'd come across
something "interesting and alarming."

- His exact words.
- Now, he was a foreigner.

He didn't know the language, so he
must have had a local man to help him.

There was one man who seemed an
unusual sort of man for Father to know.

A smuggler of
black-market cigarettes.

Father called him a
professional bandit.

- Is that a very old-fashioned word?
- Not over there, no.

- You knew this man?
- Yes. I rather liked him.

He was so proud of
being a good smuggler.

Excuse me. Did you take
all these photographs?

- Yes.
- I like the one of the boat.

Thank you.

I wonder...

I took a photograph of a boat
once. A big yacht, the Biella.

And when I showed it to
Father, he made me destroy it.

That was the day
before he was killed.

Why, Mr. Solo, why?
Can you tell me why?

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry. I don't usually
make a fool of myself like this.

There's nothing
foolish about emotion.

Oh, it's just that I'm not used
to being under police protection.

I find it nerve-wracking,
that's all.

Oh, they're very
unobtrusive, I assure you...

but I've felt them following me
ever since I came to New York.

- It is a policeman, isn't it?
- No, it's not.

As you say, they're very unobtrusive,
but no one out there has that kind of look.

- I wish I knew what this was all about.
- We'll find out, I promise you.

Do you have any relatives out in the
country where you might go for a while?

No, Mr. Solo.

This is my home. This is
where my father and I lived.

And I won't leave it, not just
to run off like a scared rabbit.

- I see. You're not the rabbit type, huh?
- Definitely not.

You're a stubborn woman.

Well, I must do some research.
Mr. Kuryakin will look after you.

Take good care of her, Illya.

She may very well be a
stubborn woman. But she's nice.

Resolution is
my favorite virtue.

You'll get used to him.
He might even grow on you.

I'll be at HQ. Report
in on the hour.

[MARION SIGHS]

Would you like some coffee?

Shall I play you a record?

You probably don't have
anything I like. Just forget I'm here.

That won't be easy.

Just part of the furniture.

WOMAN [ON RECORDING]: The Biella.
Registered France to Madame Gervaise Ravel.

Left Valona, Yugoslavia on the 11th.
Arrived New York Harbor on the 21st.

Let's have a look at the,
uh, owner of the yacht.

Mm-hm.

- Very handsome owner.
- If you like the feline type.

Well, they purr so nicely.

What do we know about her?

HEATHER: Gervaise Ravel, 30.

Born in Aix-en-Provence,
widow of Armand Ravel.

SOLO: Oh, yes. The French minister
who committed suicide a few years ago.

MARION: Suspected of heading
the Intelligence Department...

of the French Secret Army...

and who killed himself on April
7th, 1963 rather than face trial.

- Shall I go on? SOLO: Do, do.

She is non grata in France and
has no police record in any country.

And she's classified
as dangerous.

A beautiful woman should
always be so classified.

- Me too, Mr. Solo?
- Oh, top of the list, Miss McNabb.

Uh, will you pull out some
more material for me?

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Someone once said there can
be no mischief where there's music.

Do you believe that?

Cervantes. But he was wrong.

There's mischief all around
us and it pays not to forget it.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

- Who is it? MAN:
Messenger service.

Just a minute.

- It's for Miss Marion Raven.
- Oh, I'll take it. Uh...

Uh, would you mine putting it
on the corner of the table, please?

Oh.

Ah.

- Thank you, sir.
- It's all right.

"With love, darling,
Edmund." Who's Edmund?

- He's a boy I go out with sometimes.
- Hmm. Get him on the phone.

I can't. He left town this
week. He's gone to Mexico.

It doesn't seem ominous
but it pays to be careful.

No, you'd better stay in there.

Hmm.

It's all right, you
can come out.

[SIGHS]

- It's the kind he always sends.
- Oh, that's a good sign.

But I'm going to have
them analyzed all the same.

- And that wasn't a messenger?
- Well, if it wasn't, we can soon find him.

And his fingerprints
are on the package.

Hmm. Aren't we efficient?

Heh, heh. The record
needs changing.

Madame Ravel is giving a reception
on board her yacht tomorrow afternoon.

Thought you might
want to pay her a visit.

Yes, I'd like to.

What's the news
from Mr. Kuryakin?

Well, he's supposed to have
called me three minutes ago.

[DIALING PHONE]

Murray Hill, 33098?

[ILLYA WHIMPERING]

- Illya.
- No, no.

No, no, leave me... Leave
me alone, leave me alone.

Please go away. Please,
please, don't touch me.

Don't touch me... Don't touch...

[ILLYA STAMMERING]

[WHIMPERING]

[RADIO BEEPING]

SOLO [OVER RADIO]: Open Channel D.
- Are you all right?

I mean, Channel D is open.

SOLO: Report for Number
One of Section One.

Marion Raven is missing. And I'm
all right, thank you. Acknowledge.

Waverly here.

[ILLYA WHIMPERING OVER RADIO]

Is that...?

Is that some sort of
animal I hear crying?

Yeah, something like that.

[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Can we count on these new men?

Yes. A total of 30, all
ex-officers, all with axes to grind.

They want a lot of money.

Bufferton has a lot of money.

A flat 2 million. A
bonus for the German.

- Is it too much?
- Hmm.

A single one of my emerald mines
can produce that in a single week.

Money is like
fertilizer, Gervaise.

You have to spread it
around if it's to do any good.

Or, shall we say, any harm.

And our dear Colonel
Pattner has a lot of harm.

There's no harm in overthrowing fools
who think they're running a government.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Yeah, Fire Department here.

Inspector Matheson,
from the Fire Department.

GERVAISE [OVER RADIO]:
All right, send him down.

Below decks, main stateroom.

When we pull this
off, I'll show you...

Beg your pardon.

Sorry, mister. Private.

Oh. Oh.

[SILENCED GUNSHOT]

[SILENCED GUNSHOT]

[RADIO BUZZING]

OFFICER [OVER RADIO]: Madame Gervaise,
did the fire inspector get there yet?

No, find him.

[ALARM WAILING]

Come on. I just
put them to sleep.

They'll have gentle hangovers,
but that's the hazards of their trade.

[SOLO SHOUTS]

No shooting unless you must.

[RADIO BUZZING]

Report.

We have the intruder and the
girl trapped on the upper deck.

He's armed.

SOLO: All right, jump.

OFFICER: A boat pulled up
alongside and picked them off.

They do plan well, don't they?

It's very interesting. One
disintegrated piece of candy...

that left behind traces of
chlorasine and picric acid.

And the blood slides from this young
lady match exactly those of Mr. Kuryakin.

Diphenyl sulfide.

Extraordinary. Maybe this
card will tell us something.

Colonel Adam
Pattner was on board.

Seemed very much at home
there. You remember him?

Ex-Colonel Adam
Pattner, yes. Yes, I do.

He was forced to resign his commission
because of his political fanaticism.

He had an idea the world
was being ruled by idiots.

Well, it's not the first time a man
has been ruined by a half-truth.

You all right now?

Yes. I'm still a little
frightened. Is that bad?

It was a chemically induced fear.
You have every right to be frightened.

I was too.

Well, by the looks of you two, the
drug seems to have no aftereffect.

MAN [ON RECORDING]:
Diphenylpicrincyanicchlorasine.

Known to be a powerful depressant
which acts on the nervous system...

and artificially creates a
condition of extreme fear.

It was developed by Professor
Enver Karadian during World War ll...

but work on it was abandoned...

when the gas was found to be
too unstable for efficient control.

Professor Karadian continued
his research on the gas...

in Germany, the Soviet Union
and Japan in the period 1952-1958.

He was expected to visit the
United States in April of 1959...

to demonstrate the results of
his research, but disappeared.

There's been no
trace of him since.

April, 1959.

Wasn't that the time Colonel
Pattner resigned suddenly?

Yes, it was.

I wonder if it was he who steered
Karadian away from the Pentagon.

And now someone has tamed
that fear gas and put it to work.

Miss Raven...

tell me about this Yugoslav village
that seemed to interest your father.

Well, there's not
much I do know.

A place called Nasunji. It's not so
much a village as a mountain area.

A lot of deep caverns,
I believe, where the

guerrillas used to
hide out during the war.

It's almost impassable
country, quite remote.

And this friend of your
father's, Milan Horth, lives there?

Yes.

Miss Raven, would you...?

Would you help us to find
the men who killed your father?

- I will do anything you ask.
- Good.

- Karadian, can you hear me?
- Yes. Yes, you are coming in faintly now.

- How was the meeting?
- Excellent.

I have four new groups.

We've been promised nearly 3000
men under the command of the German.

What about the containers?

They are coming off the
assembly line very fast now.

Anything else?
What about security?

- Under control.
- Tighten it up.

We've had some trouble. Raven's
daughter has been exposed to the gas.

- She's been talking, I don't know to whom.
- What?

You better expect a visit
from an unfriendly agency.

I want a red alert on all
systems, is that understood?

Of course. Of
course, I understand.

Good. Signing off.

If there's an attack, I
don't think he'll handle it.

Yes, I better get back. You
and Bufferton can finish up here.

Good. I'd like to know just who
took that girl from under our noses.

It suggests a highly
efficient organization.

They shall have to be taught
a severe and painful lesson.

Go to it, Pattner.
Go to it. Teach them.

WAVERLY: And now we'll
come in fairly low, about 5000 feet.

We'll use an old B-17,
something like that.

Smugglers are always using surplus
airplanes in this part of the world.

And that should be it.

How can you be sure of their
response to such a situation?

Well, with their wealth,
their obvious resources...

plus Colonel Pattner's
military know-how...

their reaction should
be fairly predictable.

It had better be.

Remember, if you want to
back out, tomorrow is too late.

It might be well for
you to reconsider.

You won't get anywhere without
Horth. And Horth doesn't know you.

All right, then. Next
stop, Yugoslavia.

The three of us.

CARLO: Sir.
- What is it?

- We have an intercept.
- Course, range, altitude?

Direct heading, security area.

Range: 12 miles.
Altitude: 5000 feet.

- It's coming around.
- Circling, huh?

Alert intercept.

Sound the alarm.

It's coming around for
another approach, sir.

All right. Bring him down.

The bird is on auto fire.

[SCANNER BEEPING]

Direct hit, sir. The
scanner is clean.

- Parachutes?
- None reported sighted, sir.

A lesson in manners
for clever people.

You think they picked
up the helicopter on radar?

No. We flew in too low.

Let's hope that all of their
electronic scanning equipment...

was trained on our
robot-controlled bomber.

Let's go.

Horth! Horth.

[MARION SIGHS]

- These men are your friends?
- Yes. Very good friends.

[HORTH & ILLYA SPEAKING
EASTERN EUROPEAN LANGUAGE]

[LAUGHING]

Nevertheless, hello.

[LAUGHING]

So I see the big bird go pfft.

And I see the little bird land
on the nest and lay three eggs.

So I go down to see
what the eggs hatch.

I'm glad it was you. It could've
been some of the other fellows.

Yes, there are many
strangers around here now.

You scared the wits out of
me, springing at us like that.

[SIGHS]

That's how I lost
my fourth wife.

Mr. Horth, we've come
a long way to find you.

Now you find. So?

Is it safe to talk here?

Nowhere is safe, but talk.

You'll remember Gregory Raven?

He was my friend.

And the men who killed him,
where did they come from?

Nasunji. A mountain out there.

Strangers, you said.

Do you know what they're doing?

They come from France, from Spain,
from Germany, from many places.

But what they do,
that I do not know.

Gregory Raven told me
he had found a man...

who had returned from
the caves at Nasunji.

He had returned so full
of fear he could not speak.

Raven ask me to guide him there.

So we went at night, silently.

But I could not find a
way past the guards.

There was a white gas lying on the
ground in the hollow before the caves.

Raven took my
arm and said, "Run."

Or else what had happened to the
man he had found would happen to us too.

And so, to my shame...

I ran.

Someday...

I go back and see what those
evil men do on my mountain.

Now is your chance.
Will you guide us there?

Just the two of us.

Marion can stay
here till we come back.

- And if you don't come back?
- We will.

These are the men
that killed my father.

She's a brave girl. I like.

- It'll be a tough climb.
- Don't let my sex mislead you, Mr. Solo.

I'm trying very hard not to.

Can we go?

Now.

[GOAT BLEATS]

I told you. Nowhere is safe.

Better we go now.

Well? How you like
our mountains, huh?

How much...? How much more?

Oh, four, five hours, maybe.

- I had the feeling I was in shape.
- You learn a little something every day.

Let's go.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I'll never breathe
normally again.

Take deep breaths. Slowly.

And relax. You only have few moments
before Napoleon and Horth return...

from scouting the area ahead.

Then we climb again.

It seems whenever we're together,
you always have a gun in your hand.

I never feel quite
comfortable with you, Illya.

You have to learn to ignore me.
Pretend I'm part of the background.

Just another rock or a tree.

All right.

You're a rock.

Nasunji.

The caves are through that pass
and over the bridge there, you see?

I have a feeling they're
still expecting someone.

Then let's not disappoint them.

At all times, close to me.

All right, move on down. Keep out
of sight, I'll meet you at the bottom.

CARLO: We picked up
something, Mr. Karadian. Unit 6.

Unit 6, let me see
what you've got.

All sections, start
your cameras.

KARADIAN: There they
are. PATTNER: I'm not blind.

Hmm.

I should have taken
care of her before.

Now she comes back,
with a headache...

for us.

Okay, turn them
off. Go get them.

- A woman. Couldn't we at least...?
- No.

LEADER: Disarm them.

Put these on, you'll need them.

You'll never get across
that bridge without them.

Come along, move.

[THUD]

LEADER: All right, you
can take them off now.

Okay, move along. Come on, move.

LEADER: Put the
mask on the desk.

All right, let's go.

Turn to your right.
Come on, come on.

[MEN GRUNTING]

Take the girl and run.

[ALARM WAILING]

ILLYA: Come on.

[GUNSHOT]

No, no. Horth!

Take that dog out and bury him.

Next time, it'll be you. Take
them to the command room.

Come on, hurry up.
Get those boxes in here.

[RADIO BUZZING]

GERVAISE: Go ahead.

They tricked us with a decoy airplane
but we stopped them in the valley.

The girl and two men.
Had to kill one of them.

Good. Find out who sent
them and how much they know.

Use thiopental on them, both
of them. Then get rid of them.

- Let's go. GERVAISE:
I've finished the recruiting.

We can go ahead with the attack any
time you're ready. Do you have enough gas?

Enough to flood every
military depot in the country.

I'm allowing five
days for the takeover.

The only thing we're waiting for now
are the new pilots. Where are they?

They're on their way.

I'm signing off now.

I wish we could have done
this alone, just you and I.

They'll be soon to the end of
their usefulness, both of them.

- Illya?
- Shh.

- But I'm so...
- Please. I must think.

There has to be
some way out of this.

But there just isn't,
so can't we just talk?

Not now. Just
pretend I'm not here.

Part of the walls.

That's what you are. All right.
Pretend you're part of the walls.

Or a lamp or a chair
or a tree or a rock.

But just for once...

just once, couldn't you
pretend you're a human being?

For a few moments, then, let
us pretend I'm a human being.

[MARION SIGHING]

[GRUNTING]

[MARION YELLS]

[PANTING]

[MARION BREATHING HEAVILY]

PATTNER: Energetic
young man, isn't he?

What are we going
to do with them?

What is...?

[ALARM WAILING]

PATTNER: Come on.

[PATTNER SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[STATIC CRACKLING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

Check the doors.

The conduits.
Check the conduits.

[STATIC CRACKLING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

SOLO [WHISPERS]: Hey.

[GRUNTING]

MARION: Okay.

[SOLO GRUNTING]

Sir, all conduit fires are out
but all electrical power is gone.

Double the guards at all points.

All right, men, let's go.
Come on, men. Go, move out.

Look out!

It's the gas! It's the gas!

SOLO: Kuryakin.

[PATTNER WHIMPERING]

SOLO: Hurry, I left a time
bomb in the ammunition room.

They've lost their headquarters,
their chemical plant, their scientist...

and their supply of that gas is buried
under a million tons of rock. Huh.

Well, that would seem to
be the end of it, wouldn't it?

Nothing left but an ugly scar. And
one day, that too will be covered over.

And you, Miss Raven.

We have a lot to thank you for.

If there's anything I
can ever do for you...

Ever, at anytime, anywhere.

No. All I want now is
the cozy feeling I get...

when I'm curled up on my own divan,
listening to the kind of music I like.

Goodbye, Mr. Waverly.

You know, the kind of music your
people play is hard on my nerves.

- I'll take you home.
- You don't have to.

We'll walk. It's a nice
afternoon for walking.

Well, I suppose I ought
to say it's been nice.

Well, I suppose I ought to say I
hope we'll meet again someday.

We will, no doubt. If you're
needed, where will you be?

Right where I'm needed.

Our report, sir.

The best possible thing for her.

She has a lot to forget. I told
Illya to help her put it all behind her.

Well, that seems, sir, to indicate
a very sympathetic attitude.

I'd like you to
know I appreciate it.

Well, it's all over for
Miss Raven, isn't it?

But not for you, Mr. Solo.

Gervaise Ravel? Mr. Bufferton?

Precisely.

I was afraid you'd say that.

- Well, after this weekend...
- Night.

When you've decided
what to do about them...

let me know.

Yes, sir.

[ENGLISH SDH]