The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 26 - The Love Affair - full transcript

[SIGHS]

MAN [ON PA]: Announcing the arrival
of Flight 217, nonstop from Boston.

Passengers will
arrive at Gate 14.

Flight 217, nonstop
from Boston, Gate 14.

[DEVICE BEEPING FAINTLY]

[BEEPING INTENSIFIES]

[BEEPING LOUDLY]

[SHUTS OFF DEVICE]

Wait.

Aunt Margaret.

What happened?



I'm sorry, sir. It appears she had
a heart attack just before landing.

It was awful. Poor woman.

They're taking her to
County General now.

Did you say your aunt, sir?

Yes, Dr. Armindel. She
was coming to visit...

We better get going moving.

Of course, of course. Go, go.
I'll, uh, follow you to the hospital.

- Oh, are those my aunt's? I'll take them.
- Yes. He! purse and camera.

It's all right. And would you please
send the rest of her luggage to my uncle's?

- Yes, sir.
- You're very kind.

Dr. Margaret Armindel,
age 38. Belgian physicist.

Working at the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology...

on a government research grant.

Her project: the direct transference
of nuclear energy to propulsion.



[PHONE BEEPING]

Number 1, Section 1.

When she was
taken from the plane...

she was carrying this
microfilm record of her research.

I was waiting to follow the
signals of the homing device...

one of our Boston agents
put in the lapel of her coat.

Thank you.

And you have no idea
where she was taking it?

And perhaps we never
will have any idea, Mr. Solo.

That was County General.

Dr. Armindel died of a heart
attack a few moments ago.

All right, Sarah.

[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]

Dr. Janos Hradny, Polish scientist,
disappeared from Warsaw two years ago.

The father of this
suspected project.

Suspected project?

Yes. Over the past two years, a
number of scientists have disappeared...

from both sides
of the Iron Curtain.

None of them were
connected with a related project.

It all their specialties were put together,
something like this might happen.

[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]

SOLO: Looks like
something out of Buck Rogers.

WAVERLY: Out of a
science-fiction magazine to be exact.

Published back in 1938.

It was the illustration of an
article written by Dr. Hradny.

He accurately foresaw
present day's space vehicles.

And so you believe that Dr. Hradny's
fantasy might become a reality?

Yes. But for whom?

These scientists have
been disappearing...

from communist and
capitalist societies.

They were hardly defecting
to each other's countries.

Thrush, then?

I believe so, yes.

One of their satraps,
heaven knows which one...

probably has been assigned
to develop this spaceship.

Well, now, it Thrush could
put this thing together...

they could have an invulnerable
base for international blackmail.

So where do we start?

Try Convention
Hall. Brother Love.

The revivalist?

Yes, he's holding a big
meeting there tonight.

Dr. Armindel had this in her
purse. It's a reserved seat.

We thought some woman
ought to use this ticket.

Just to see what happens.

Miss Johnson, uh, volunteered.

But she should be covered, that's
why we've secured another seat nearby.

I may have been spotted,
so it had best not be me.

WAVERLY: Whom do
you suggest, Mr. Solo?

I wonder.

MAN: Death.

It comes to us all.

From the moment we
are born, we begin to die.

So hear me.

Take my hand...

and let me lead you to everlasting
life beyond the shadows of death.

[CHEERING]

But before you may
take this first step...

on the pathway to
eternal salvation...

you must purge
yourselves of evil.

You are mortal,
therefore you are weak.

Your bodies are
frail vessels of flesh.

Uh-oh. “Someone is sitting in
Dr. Armindel's chair," said the mama bear.

“And I'd better find out what she's
doing there," said the papa bear.

- Uh, but I thought I...
- See, she's a girl and I'm a boy.

That's the best reason I can think of
for son of striking up a conversation.

LOVE: The hurricanes
of corruption...

and the tidal waves of sin.

Only the pure of soul may
travel this perilous ocean.

- Excuse me, I think you made a mistake.
- Huh?

- You've got my seat.
- Oh, I do?

Row M, seat 15. Why
don't check your ticket.

SOLO: Oh!

- Sony.
- Will you please be quiet?

- I'm sorry.
- You just" You just stay put there.

I'll sit there.

Thank you. I couldn't see
from there because of the post.

I didn't think anybody
was using this chair.

- Do you mind?
- No, no, not at all, no.

LOVE: And stand in the clear,
crystal light of divine truth...

and ask yourselves:

Do I have faith?

Do I have hope?

Do I have love?

ALL: Yes!

So find the answers, my
brothers and my sisters.

And we shall find
salvation together.

Now...

let us meditate.

Nope.

You just don't look the type.

Type?

For all this, the
Brother Love bit.

You don't really
dig him, do you?

Well, I have a great
respect for all religions...

but Brother Love, I can
take him or leave him.

You're not exactly
the type either.

I'm just doing research
for a term paper.

Hunter College?

How did you know?

Quiet. If you can't have any respect
for Brother Love, why don't you leave?

Sony.

[WHISPERING] How did you know?

SOLO: Black tights are in
fashion this year at Hunter.

Brothers and sisters...

my heart hears your call.

I feel your
love... your faith...

your hope.

And let me leave you
now with this message.

Oh, warm heart in the grave.

Oh, bridge of truth.

Oh, ivy tooth eating the
green tree of the heart of man.

Love. Love.

ALL [CHANTING]:
Love. Love. Love.

-Love. ALL: Love. Love.

-Love. ALL: Love. Love.

-Love. ALL: Love. Love.

-Love. Love. Love.
ALL: Love. Love. Love.

ALL [CHANTING]:
Love. Love. Love.

What, uh, is this?

Those are acolytes. The characters
that travel around with Brother Love.

They give free copies
out after all the speeches.

Thank you.

Was this the and now?

Yes, unless you'd like a private
meeting with Brother Love.

He has personal audiences
after all his meetings.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

We", listen, uh, why don't we go
somewhere and compare notes?

It's late and I have
an early class.

Well, we'll just, uh,
have a cup of coffee.

Didn't you get Brother Love's
message? Napoleon Solo, at your service.

- I'm Pearl Rolfe. Okay then. Coffee.
- Okay.

Oh, excuse me.

Uh, excuse me a moment.
I've got to make a phone call.

Breaking a date?

No, I always let my uncle know
when I'm coming home late.

Oh, you startled me.

Well, Papa Bear, who's
been sleeping in whose bed?

The girl said she switched seats to
get a better view. Seems legitimate.

Seems? Is that good enough?

Well, now, you not
on back to U.N.C.L.E...

and run an identity
check on Pearl Rolfe...

presumably a student
at Hunter College.

- I'll stay until you get me a clearance.
- I'll have it in about two hours.

Uh, can you keep her
interested that long?

SOLO: Hm.

Poor, unfortunate man.

Probably has a drinking
problem. Let's rest him right here.

Let him sleep it off.

Come on.

SARAH: The travels of
Brother Love and his acolytes...

have been both
extensive and international.

As you will see on page 1...

they were in Poland the week
that Dr. Hradny disappeared...

also in the areas where all
the scientists we suspect...

in connection with this
project disappeared.

The cult must be
a cover for Thrush.

There's that scent of blood-stained
events trailing in its wake.

What about this girl, Miss...?

Rolfe. She checks out. Postgraduate
student at Hunter College.

Sociology major. Had a legitimate
reason to be at the revival.

WAVERLY: Bad luck she
was sitting in the wrong seat.

They couldn't possibly
mistake her for Dr. Armindel.

WAVERLY: I wouldn't think so.

Perhaps they thought she was sent
by Dr. Armindel to deliver the microfilm.

Are they staying in New York?

Until tomorrow night when
they're all flying out to the coast.

It seems that Brother
Love is the guest of honor...

at some sort of fundraising party
out on the island tomorrow afternoon.

How's your head, Mr. Solo?

Uh, it, uh, hurts.

Well, you better do
something about it.

Because I want you to go out to
that party tomorrow afternoon...

and do something
you do rather well.

Create a fuss.

It's a pretty expensive
party, I'd say.

Suddenly I feel very Russian.

That's just your
proletarian blood.

There's no difference
between those people and me.

Depends whether you're speaking
physically, financially or psychologically.

What makes you so superior?
You don't rate yourself...

- with Dun and Bradstreet.
- Yes, but I have that elegant air...

of decadence.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

All right, I'm horned
in on your signal.

I should receive your sender
within a radius of 10 miles.

Well, let's not keep
the blue bloods waiting.

All right, it I'm not out in a
half an hour, start a revolution.

That would be a pleasure.

Smile.

Thank you.

Where do I send the quarter?

It won't cost you any more than
the price of the morning paper.

And you will be on
the society page.

Now, who are you?
Where are you from?

What do you do? Are
you rich or famous?

Well, just, uh, put me
down for a little of everything.

Oh. Do sit down and
tell me about yourself.

After all, you must be somebody.

- No, no, not really.
- Ha, ha.

You're quaint,
darling. I'm Magda.

Magda?

“Message From Magda.“ Dear boy,
don't tell me you don't read my column?

Not tonight. I have to drive.

Ha, ha. You are refreshing.

Now, you really must
tell me about yourself.

It's an interesting camera.
What is that, Japanese?

As a matter of fact,
it's a French make.

- But please, it's rather delicate.
- Oh?

Oh! Sony.

Excuse me.

Oh, my dear, how very
nice to see you again.

-Mrs. Farnham. Brother Love,
this is Mrs. Ramsey Brown.

And I can't tell you how deeply
your remarks always affect me.

Your words are
such an inspiration.

Then my mission has been accomplished.
Thank you. Thank you and go with love.

Oh!

Ah. Good afternoon. How
nice of you to come, ML "? ML"?

Smith.

Uh... Oh. Oh, of course.
The Philadelphia Smiths.

Brother Love, I'd like you to meet
Mr. Smith, a very old and dear friend.

- I'm happy to meet you, sir.
- My pleasure.

- Where's Pearl Rolfe?
- Beg your pardon?

Pearl Rolfe. What
have you done with her?

LOVE: Now, uh,
who is Pearl Rolfe?

SOLO: The young lady I took
to your revival meeting last night.

She had a private audience
and I haven't seen her since.

Now, is she here?

Really, Mr. Smith, I think
you must be mistaken.

No, this lump on the back
of my head is no mistake.

It's a love pat from
the brother here.

[GASPS]

Young man, I don't particularly
want to call the police, but...

Go on, I don't mind.

- Well, I certainly...
- Patience, patience now, Sister Farnham.

This is a misunderstanding.
I'm sure he'll find his young lady.

I'm sure I'll find her in that
group of yours over there.

These are all my
devoted followers, sir.

Well, then you shouldn't
mind if I look for myself.

Oh, now that I think of it, yes.

Yes, a young lady did
join my flock last night.

- Is she your friend?
- I'll need a better look.

Why don't you mind
your own business?

Pearl?

Can't you leave me alone?
Please stop following me.

Well, I've been very worried.
I've been looking all over for you.

You found me. Are
you satisfied now?

I knew how the young
lady felt about you, sir.

I just didn't want
to embarrass you.

-Pear|, what's this all about?
PEARL: You heard what he said.

I joined him. I'm an
acolyte. Now go away.

Mr. Smith, if you are not out of
here in precisely one minute...

I shall have you ejected.

- No more pictures.
- But I'm interested in the story.

- You heard it.
- Well, I only heard pan of it.

I'm sure there's more.

What do you suppose she'd
say if you could talk to her alone?

Not much chance of that.

Oh, there's a
tired, old cliché...

never underestimate
the power of the press.

That goes double
when it's womanpower.

- No, thanks.
- Face it, you need my help.

- And why are you helping me?
- Darling, what kind of messages...

would Magda have for her column
without juicy little tidbits like this?

Like what?

“Young girl held against her
will on Long Island estate.“

I'd get a bonus and Laura
Farnham would positively retch.

Come on. We can
get to her this way.

Come along, darling.

Do you get many
converts this way?

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

MAN: Attaboy. Go, go, go.

[ALL CHATTERING]

- Bye, Brother Love.
- Bye.

WOMAN: God bless.

WOMAN 1: Eye. WOMAN 2: Goodbye.

[BEEPING INTENSIFIES]

[BEEPING FADING]

[BEEPING STOPS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

We have a 30-minute
ride to the airport.

That's ample time to
hear your last confession.

And please, no more dramatics.

We know your relationship
with the girl. She's explained...

the coincidental
exchange of seats.

How did you get that ticket?

Dr. Armindel gave it to me.

Who is Dr. Armindel?

The physicist you
were expecting.

Oh?

Oh, come on now, Brother
Love, I can save you some time.

I have Dr. Armindel's
records on microfilm.

The way to make Dr. Hradny's
nuclear reactor work in the satellite.

Why, you seem to know
a good deal about this.

Why not?

I'm Dr. Armindel's lab
assistant. We're partners in this.

As you know, she's
in at the present time.

And she elected to stay in Boston,
have me handle the transaction.

Of course, I'll need something a
little more substantial than mere words.

What are you doing?

My, uh, cigarette case.

Try one.

The fifth one from the left.

That's the microfilm.

Is that substantial enough?

There's a car following us.

It's been behind us
since we left the estate.

I don't suppose you
know nothing about this?

Not a thing.

Magnetic grenade.

[WINDOW LOWERING]

LOVE: Bull's-eye.

Welcome to my
flock, Brother Smith.

An extraordinary lunch
hour, Miss Johnson?

I'm sorry, Mr. Waverly. I stopped
at the hospital to see how "Iva...

- Mr. Kuryakin is.
- Your sentiments are commendable...

except when they
interfere with your efficiency.

Here's a message to be decoded.

Yes, sir.

Code 53.

Uh, could you see him?

No, sir, he was well
enough to be sent home.

MAN: U.N.C.L.E.
headquarters, Los Angeles.

Brother Love and party
landed, L.A., 9:45 a.m.

Being ferried in small groups to
retreat by helicopter. No sign of 8010.

Any reply?

No.

Oh.

MAN: Come along.

MAN: Brother Smith?

Sit down, brother, sit down.

You're not concerned
about the girl, are you?

I just wondered why you
brought her all the way out here.

I couldn't let her go.

And after you forced me to expose her
publicly there amidst of my disciples...

I couldn't let her
body he found...

without inviting the
attention of the police.

However, around
here, of course...

I've got more freedom of action.

MAN: Brother Love.

LOVE: Dr. Hradny, good to see
you. How is everything going?

Oh, very well.

I have finished with
Dr. Welkin's contribution...

and sent him on to the island.

Marvelous. Marvelous.

Well, thanks to this
gentleman here...

we've got a lovely
package from Dr. Armindel.

This is the final step.

Yes, but my sister.
She isn't with you?

- Doctor, I'm doing my best. Doctor.
- You promised.

You must realize that ever
since we got you out of Poland...

the Russians have
been watching your sister.

- It takes a little time.
- Time?

HRADNY: She's old, has so
little time left. LOVE: Doctor.

I'm doing the best I can.

Now, get back to the laboratory
and examine this microfilm.

Brother Truth will show
you to your quarters...

and see that
you're comfortable...

till this microfilm
has been examined.

Just one thing, Brother Love.

Since I don't have any
sisters, my price is cash.

You will be paid in full,
brother, for value received.

TRUTH: This way.

- Another guest.
- Oh?

Yes, the best room
in the house for him.

MAN: This way.

Do you have something a
little less, uh, pretentious?

I don't see why we have
to watch him all the time.

Why don't we just
lock him up like the girl?

LOVE: Let him
stretch his tether.

We give him enough
rope, he might hang himself.

Brother Love.

You think he can see the lens?

LOVE: No, no, of course not.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

LOVE: What's the
trouble with the set?

MAN: Not a thing.

The sun's reflecting
off his cigarette case.

You can hardly see anything.

Check him.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

He's asleep.

No, no, be careful.

Now, there's a camera on
you and you're being watched.

Now, act naturally and move
around as though you were restless.

I'm sorry about yesterday at the
party. But that man, he had a knife.

Keep moving. Act
nervous and restless.

Who has to act?

Now, I want you to sit
tight for five or 10 minutes.

When I come back,
we'll get out of here.

When you come back?

Yeah, I've got a little
lab work to do first.

You can't leave
me here, not now.

I'm so scared, I'm about
ready to jump out of my skin.

Just another few
minutes, that's all.

Come on now, where's
that old college spirit?

Back at school,
where I wish I was.

You'll make it fast,
won't you, Mr. Solo?

HRADNY: But I must talk...

LOVE: Doctor, I want have
to worry any more about this.

We've got the men
here, the workmen.

We've got the tools. We've
got the gases necessary.

HRADNY: Yes, I understand, but
there is something that I must tell you.

LOVE: All I expect from you,
doctor, is that you apply your time...

night and day now
until you finish this job.

HRADNY: No, it's
impossible for me to finish.

LOVE: We have
very little time, brother.

LOVE: You realize that when you
incorporate Dr. Armindel's material...

we'll be finished here and
we'll rendezvous with the ship.

HRADNY: Yes, but there
is no chance of my finishing.

The microfilm is worthless.

Worthless?

I'm afraid you have been duped.

There are vital
sections missing.

LOVE: Are you trying to
tell me that Brother Smith...

HRADNY: Has tricked you.

[LOVE SIGHS]

Well...

I'm afraid we will have to...

reprimand him.

But, doctor, even though we're
temporarily stymied, we're not defeated.

We're gonna continue
this project on the island.

- I want you to pack up this material...
- What about my sister? You promised.

Will you stop this
sickening family sentiment?

[SIGHS]

Doctor, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Brother...

I neglected to tell you that I
completed arrangements...

for your sister's false passport.
She gonna arrive here next week.

And I'll see that she's transported
to the new location immediately.

Brother, I give you my word.

Now, come on, come on. Pack up.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Do you believe him?

You are not one
of us, Mr. Smith.

No, I'm not.

I'm an agent for an
organization known as U.N.C.L.E.

- U.N.C.L.E?
- Yes. I have little time to explain.

- You just have to trust me.
- I don't trust anyone anymore.

Yes, I know.

- Not even Brother Love.
- No.

No, but I will continue
to work for him...

until he fulfills his promise
to get my sister out of Poland.

That promise is just as phony as
his preachment on love and peace.

Doctor, you've got to
stop avoiding reality.

You've got to get
out of this cocoon.

Realize that you are just as
disposable to Brother Love now as I am.

Number one, you can't continue
work on the space vehicle...

without Dr. Armindel's notes.

Two, if he ever intended to
get your sister out of Poland...

which I strongly doubt,
he doesn't anymore.

He no longer needs you. You are
expendable and this project is dead.

You are probably correct,
at least in one sense.

I have always avoided reality.

But you are wrong to think
that the project is dead.

Brother Love will
merely take my work...

and recruit another propulsion
specialist and finish it.

Not if you destroy the
notes and the model.

And take your chances on
getting out of here with me.

What have I got to
lose, except my life?

Well, you could look
on the brighter side.

We can escape through
the passageway in the rear.

Not until we pick up
one of the disbelievers.

She's waiting in
her cell. Come on.

That's good, Pearl, keep still. Get
ready and move fast when I tell you.

Pearl, come on.

Pearl.

[WHISPERS] Pearl.

Any message for Magda, darling?

Tie them up.

Leave them with the girl.
Use wire. It's a lot stronger.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

[SIGHS]

[MUFFLED GRUNT]

[SOLO GRUNTS]

We better get out of here.

You'll be late for class.

[PEARL GROANS]

- Sony.
- Where are we?

We are back at the
starting gate, doctor.

And you are going to
remain at the starting gate...

Mr. Smith, you and
your moronic comrades.

I hope we haven't
delayed your flight, brother.

You have, you have. But
we're ready to depart now...

after we take care
of a few minor details.

Like the disposal of
three dropout disciples?

I promise you...

it will be painless.

That is very considerate
of you, brother.

This explosive little
device here will go off in...

- You're mad.
- I?

I think not.

It's the world I see
around me that's mad.

A world filled with spineless,
aimless, submissive creatures...

passing themselves
0” as human beings.

I must do something to help these
mental lepers regain their health.

Well, then, why don't you give
us spineless, aimless creatures...

another chance to
see your way of life?

“He who establishes a dictatorship
and does not destroy Brutus...

or he who forms a republic and
does not destroy the sons of Brutus...

will reign only a short time.“

Thank you, Brother Machiavelli.

You will load Dr. Hradny's
work in the helicopter.

We depart in eight minutes.

And you...

my dear friends,
will depart in...

[TIMER CLICKING]

10.

[PEARL CRYING]

SOLO: Pearl.

Come on, Pearl, stop the crying.

Got a lot of work to do before
that little device goes off.

Now, get over there
next to the doctor. Go on.

All right.

Now, both of you get your
hands next to each other.

That's right. Now...

that little button, left
heel there, press it.

Now, pull the heel
open from the back.

Now...

Ah.

Another one of your
little door openers, huh?

Right. Now, we're gonna
try to melt a few wires.

We take off the insulation. And
when we touch the contacts together...

That's right. The explosion
will melt the wires on my wrist.

Now, wait, wait just a minute, doc.
I've gotta remove most of that charge.

I wanna have us
some wrists left.

All right?

Oh, I guess I'm as
ready as I'll ever be.

HRADNY: Now?

Yeah, now.

Oh!

[SOLO GROANS]

[SIGHS]

[GROANING]

Come on.

Mr. Solo, you're
an absolute genius.

But they'll never believe
this back at Hunter College.

You're not back there yet.

We still have a few insurmountable
obstacles to surmount.

Right, doctor?

- Right, Mr. Solo.
- What are you gonna do?

Put this bomb in
Dr. Hradny's laboratory.

Why?

We've got to destroy
the model and the notes...

before they can take
off with them. Come on.

Brother Daring.

Check the cell, see that
the bonds are still tight, huh?

[HELICOPTER ENGINE HUMMING]

They're gone. We're too late.

Maybe not. Are these
pan of the model?

Yes. The third stage
and the satellite.

All right, we're not too
late. Pick up this one.

A little higher.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

All right. Stay where you are.

What the"?

Are you all right, doctor?

I... I don't seem to be
dead, so I guess I'm all right.

Looks like we're gonna have
to make this delivery ourselves.

Stay here. Help me get this robe
off, we only got a couple minutes.

LOVE: The explosion will take place
in about one minute. You then tidy up.

The helicopter will be
back for you within the hour.

You've done a splendid
job, brothers, both of you.

Well, you don't sound
very happy to be back.

College is gonna
seem awful tame.

Well, maybe there'll be
another revival meeting soon.

Will you be there?

Who knows? Goodbye.
Take care of yourself, all right?

Why should I? You
do it much better.

What's new?

Oh, nothing much. The
Coast Guard stopped the ship.

We have Brother Love's followers and
a promising lead to their secret island.

Oh, that takes care of
any unanswered questions.

Looks like you got
yourself into a little trouble.

Well, you know how it is.

It always hurts when
you break up a love affair.

Yes, uh...

I know.

[LAUGHS]

[ENGLISH SDH]