The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 19 - The Secret Sceptre Affair - full transcript

[GUNFIRE]

What time do you have?

Four thirty-three. You're sure this
Colonel Morgan of yours will show up?

I don't know. He's
three minutes late.

One of the colonel's
obsessions...

was his absolute
necessity for precise timing.

That was one of the first
lessons he drilled into us.

When?

When I, uh, joined
his outfit in Korea.

Napoleon.

Hurry up, please. Get in.



Where's, uh, Colonel Morgan?

At the last moment he was called
to a staff meeting with the premier.

Not to have shown would
have looked suspicious.

I'm to bring you to
him, so please hurry.

Hurry up. Come on.

Napoleon.

- It's been a long time.
- Yes, it has.

Too long.

Now, this is my friend, Illya
Kuryakin. This is Colonel Morgan.

How do you do?

SOLO: Who tried
to kill us out there?

Why? What happened?
What went wrong?

Zia?

Colonel, we were attacked a
moment after we rendezvoused.



Two combat police: 3rd
Regiment, 2nd Battalion.

My assurances, colonel.

Only a fool could have
followed us the way she drives.

Lieutenant.

Plan B is to go into
operation, effective new.

Tell the men selected, we'll
move out as soon as possible.

Sir.

It all adds up to
one thing, Napoleon.

My being suddenly summoned to a
meeting with the premier, the ambush.

- In your organization, there is a traitor.
- Exactly.

Who he is, how much he's already told
the regime of my plans, I can't estimate.

But this I can:

To save the country, we
must attack immediately...

before more information
can be leaked. Come with me.

That will be all, sergeant.

Make yourselves
comfortable, gentlemen.

Zia, whiskey for our guests.

I'm sorry, the water's warm,
but it's the best I can offer.

Well, gentlemen, by,
uh, your coming here...

I assume that U.N.C.L.E. is
in full support of my position.

That I can count on your help.

I do have its support?

Straight, Allan?

-Of course. ZIA: Gentlemen?

SOLO: Thank you.

When I received your
request for assistance,

I turned it over
to my superiors.

They did what investigating they could
in the 12 hours before we left, but, uh...

But they couldn't find proof to
back my charges against Karim.

Premier Karim won his
post by a democratic election.

U.N.C.L.E. could
find no indication...

that he was trying to wipe
out the democracy here...

or install himself
as a dictator.

If I don't have U.N.C.L.E.'s support,
Napoleon, what are you doing here?

I know you. My
organization does not.

Uh, they have given me leave
to act under my own discretion.

Providing that we use nothing more
than sleep-inducing darts in our guns.

And my friend here came along,
I don't know, for the ride, I guess.

- Why?
- It is inevitable.

A man must die
a little every day.

All right.

This, gentlemen, is a
blueprint of the national armory.

In two hours, we will attack it.

With any luck, we'll remove
from it a golden scepter.

Now, the loss of this
scepter can force Karim...

and the military clique
supporting him to resign.

Give up, move out.

How? Uh, voodoo? We're in
the wrong part of the world for that.

Are we?

This scepter, Napoleon, is
more than just an ancient relic.

It's a national symbol, a religious
symbol of such powerful significance...

to 2 million primitive tribesmen,
that in any political upheaval...

they'd rally to the
support of its possessor...

as though he were Allah himself.

It's my hope that you'll be the instrument
of getting this scepter to safety.

To 13 Rue Lorraine
in Marseilles.

Where associates of
mine are already waiting.

The moment they have
it, secure from recapture...

Karim will be
directed to capitulate.

And if he doesn't...

he won't survive
his decision a week.

You make it sound
very simple, colonel.

But if what you say is true,
it will be hazardous to steal.

Not to mention the
steps they will take...

to prevent its leaving the
country should we succeed.

Quite correct.

The country will be an inferno.

The borders will be sealed.

The Security Police will
be swarming like locusts.

Looking everywhere,
searching everywhere.

But... not for you. For me.

What's your chance, Allan?

- Tell me something. Is it really worth it?
- Yes.

Yes, this country
is like my own.

Yes, it is. He fought for it, bled for
it. Protected it after the revolution.

Military adviser or wet
nurse, or even its conscience.

You have no idea the debt of gratitude
my people owe Colonel Morgan.

This is the only meaningful
accomplishment of my life, Napoleon.

A life of past futility...

of Ethiopias and Spains,
and Dien Bien Phus.

Of lost causes and
disappointments.

But this time, even if
it means my death...

all my labors will not
have been for nothing.

We leave in 30 minutes...

to secure a scepter.

Twenty seconds.

It's a time lock.

So far, so good.

SOLO: So that's the scepter.

That's it.

[ALARM RINGING]

We must have tripped an alarm.

Let's move out the
way we planned.

Cover us.

[EXPLOSION FROM BELOW]

SOLO: Where's Illya?

MORGAN: The concussion got him.

No, there's nothing
we can do. Let's go.

Who are you? Answer me!

Answer me!

- Excellency.
- What happened?

- Colonel Morgan. He, uh...
- Speak up.

Colonel Morgan, he broke
in, took the sacred scepter.

- He was on his way up the ladder with...
- Are you sure?

-Are you sure it was the scepter,
Ahmed? AHMED: Yes, Excellency.

He must be stopped.
He must be stopped!

I told you, my son...

you should have rid our nation
of Colonel Morgan a long time ago.

But for this, he will die.

I swear it.

MORGAN: It's all right.

I'm all right.

Lieutenant, have the helicopter
ready for immediate takeoff.

The plan to hole up until tonight
is 0”. Something went wrong.

Kuryakin was taken. We
didn't make a clean getaway.

We'll have to clear out
in the next few minutes.

What about Solo? The
unmarked car ordered

for his escape will be
here only after dark.

That can't be helped. It'll be up to you to
get him out of here in the command jeep.

You'll have to pick up the
unmarked car once you reach the city.

Yes, colonel.

Lieutenant.

Tell the pilot that
Plan C is now in effect.

Yes, sir.

Napoleon, I want you to know
I'm deeply sorry about Kuryakin.

Perhaps the premier will keep him alive
long enough for us to demand his release...

once the scepter is in France.

That should give you an
additional incentive to get through.

I have the incentive.
All I need are the means.

Zia will guide you. She'll
get you away from here...

and as close to the garage as
possible before you have to go it on foot.

Stay 0” the main highway
on the way to the capital.

Cut across the desert
using the Ben Allah road.

- Right.
- Colonel|.

The helicopter will be
ready in 10 minutes.

Good.

All set.

MORGAN: The scepter is in this.

You're an American tourist.

-Anyone for tennis?
MORGAN: Ha, ha.

All right, get going.

And, Napoleon...

someday I hope to be able to
express my gratitude and the people's...

in the measure you deserve.

SOLO: There he
goes, headed west.

I was with him for five years...

ever since my parents
were killed in the revolution.

[GASPS]

Oh, Allah.

[ZIA CRYING]

- Excellency.
- Well?

Both passenger and pilot were
burnt well beyond recognition.

Nevertheless, credentials found
in a plastic case in the wreckage...

identify one of them as
Colonel Morgan himself.

And the scepter?

What about the scepter?

There was no sign of it.

The colonel must
have passed it on.

[KARIM GROANS]

AHMED: My guess is
that he gave it to the man...

who escaped from
the armory with him.

A question, however, I can't
answer, but which fascinates me:

What is the identity of those
who shot down the helicopter?

For one thing is certain,
Excellency. My men did not.

At the moment, Ahmed. I am not
interested in what fascinates you.

What I want is the
man with the scepter.

I want him and I want him
here before the sun is up!

- Captain.
- Yes, madam.

My son is under great stress.

It might be wiser to report to me
first any information about the scepter.

Of course, madam.

As always, it shall
be as you command.

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

- Wait here.
- Where are you going?

To get you a dress.

Wearing that uniform we're
not going to get to the garage.

As a matter of fact, we're
not going to get anywhere.

Very nice. Very nice indeed.

If you want to get to the
garage, I think we better hurry.

Ah, yes, we're going to
the garage, but not quite yet.

There's a little matter of a
man named Illya Kuryakin.

You'd risk the whole
mission to save one man?

Yes, I know. It's rather
unprofessional of me...

but then, uh, I'm not perfect.

And how will you
get into the fortress?

Shoot my way in if I have to,
unless you have a better suggestion.

There is another way.

Colonel Morgan told me
about it a long time ago.

He used it whenever he wanted to
visit the premiere without being observed.

I've never used it myself.

All right, let's go.

Oh, uh, unless you'd
rather sit this one out.

I am a soldier, remember?

I beg your pardon.

Where do you think we are?

We should be under
the main building by now.

Of course, I'm only guessing.

Solo...

it has occurred to you that
Kuryakin might already be dead?

Often.

It looks like the
end of the road.

No, it's just a delay en route.

Uh, did Colonel Morgan tell you whether
this was an entrance to the fortress...

or an escape route from it?

An escape route.

Why are you hesitating?
See if it works.

It's too easy.

If this gate is here to keep people
from going into the fortress...

why is the switch
that opens it so close...

that you can just reach
through and push it?

Can you see into the box?

No, not from this angle.

Are you sure Colonel
Morgan came in this way?

Whenever he wanted
to see Karim secretly...

I would drive him to the cave
entrance where we came through.

And I would wait for
him and pick him up later.

Well, I guess the
only thing to do is try.

[SNAKE HISSES]

[SOLO GASPS THEN CHUCKLES]

ZIA: What"? What?

Well, I see we have a
little doorman inside there...

who's dripping venom.

I swear, I didn't know.

Well, fortunately, he made a
strike at the reflection from my watch.

Well, there must be something
we can use to get in here.

Oh, let me see.

Oh, this must be
what Allan used.

[SNAKE HISSES]

Well, we have something
new in skeleton keys.

A snake.

And it's some sort of poisonous viper.
A rather slow and painful way to die.

Sony. Next time, Charlie.

Come on. We're late for
our appointment as it is.

Don't move, Your Excellency.

Who are you?

You have something that
belongs to me. A friend of mine.

I would suggest that
you pick up that phone.

Shouldn't take more than a minute to have
him taken from his cell and brought here.

Who said he's in a cell?

Who said that he is even...?

If he is dead, so are you.

Security Block 3.

Sergeant, have 612
brought to my office at once.

That's right, the foreigner.

Tell the guard to wait outside. He
is to be allowed to enter by himself.

Have the guards wait
outside. I want to see him alone.

That's an order, sergeant.

Sit over there.

Do you know the meaning
of what you are doing?

Do you?

Who is to get the scepter
now that Morgan is dead?

Who are his collaborators?

Why did he tum against me
after all these years? Why?

Well, maybe he was annoyed by the fact that
you decided to take over the country...

without offering
him pan of the deal.

The least you could have done
was to offer to have split fifty-fifty.

[SCOFFS]

Is that what he said to
induce you to join with him?

Humph.

That I was planning
some kind of coup?

That charge is a lie.

A subterfuge to trick you into
cooperating in the overthrow...

of a legitimate government.

Hey.

I tell you, it is part of
a plot led by Morgan...

to take control of the country
with the help of the scepter.

Before Allah, I am innocent.

Before Allah, I am the victim, not
the perpetrator of an evil conspiracy.

That's very good, very
good. Very convincing.

Except for one thing.

Against your word stands the
record of Colonel Morgan's whole life.

An unblemished record...

that very few men in
the world can match.

I knew him.

Let's get out of here.

Your Excellency, tum around.

This will give you a
well-deserved night's sleep.

Jan.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Jan.
- Go away! We are closed!

Jan, wake up.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Jan, open the door.

Who is...? Zia, is that you?

Come in. Come in, quick.

What happened? I'd given you up.

We had some problem yesterday.
Did you know the colonel is dead?

Yes, I know. It is the will of
Allah, but I am very sorry for you.

The sooner we get out of here, the better.
The Security Police are looking for us.

I know. Here's the car.

I'll drive. I know the roads.

Open the door. I'll take that.

Zia, if there's anything
you need, money, guns.

Thanks, Jan.

[RADIO BEEPING]

-Well? JAN [OVER
RADIO]: We are in luck.

They came here after a...

Just picked up the car.
- Good.

- They were carrying a tennis-racket case.
- What?

I think the scepter is
in a tennis-racket case.

Have you informed the
captain that they took the car?

[OVER RADIO] Yes.

I hope you made it clear...

that he was to risk no
disturbance in the city.

That any shooting
would ruin everything.

He said not to worry. He
will pick some place quiet.

However, he is not too
happy about having to kill them.

He will be happy...

when I have the scepter
and he's the new premier.

Keep me informed.

Overlord to Captain Ahmed.

Come in, Overlord.

PILOT [OVER RADIO]: They're
an the El Habib mad. Heading north.

Speed, approximately
60 miles an hour.

Suggest intercept...

at Fox Charlie Two.

Good. Over and out.

Go.

AHMED: Out.

This way.

[ILLYA SIGHS]

ZIA: Don't touch me.
- Do you mind telling us who you are?

Let me introduce you, Napoleon.

This is Captain Ahmed
of the Security Police.

Acting unofficially,
I assure you.

How did you find us?

X marks the spot.

On the roof of your car.

AHMED: Try the motor.

Well?

Try the trunk.

Five seconds to tell
me where the scepter is.

I don't really know
what you're talking about.

And five seconds are up.

We'll drive to the
pit. Take the car.

I'm sure you won't mind
waiting a little longer.

Get in.

[GROWLING NEARBY]

Well, Zia, who is
your friend, my dear?

That's Madam Karim,
the premier's mother.

- Charmed.
- And you are"?

- Does it matter?
- Not in the slightest.

I wish to approach this as
though we all were civilized people.

However, since we cannot...

[BEAR GROWLING]

what is your price for revealing
where you hid the scepter?

Oh, about the same as yours
for letting us go without telling you.

You have been spared only
because of my love for my country.

A country made indolent and
sickly by the flabby hands of my son.

Choking on democracy.

General Morgan must
have hated it as I do.

And now that he's gone...

I don't see why you
cannot collaborate with me.

Well, thank you. That
relieves some doubts I've had.

Colonel Morgan was right.

The only thing he was wrong
about was the ringleader of the plot.

No scepter. Not now. Not ever.

You will change your
mind. I guarantee it.

[BEAR GROWLING]

AHMED: Into the
bear pit. All of you.

MADAM KARIM: There
is no way out. Believe me.

Shall we say, half a minute
before we let the bear get at you.

If you should change
your minds, shout.

I detest the sight of blood.

Half a minute from... now.

Oh, by the way, I forgot to thank
you for rescuing me from the fortress.

Twelve seconds.

Six, five, four, three...

- two.
- All right. You win.

You hear me? You win.

Why? They'll kill us anyway.

Well, where is it?

Let the ladder down and
I'll show you where it is.

MADAM KARIM: The
other two stay down there.

You feel, what have you
accomplished? Nothing.

Give them one more minute.

It's less risky if
they come to us.

In any case, kill only
the one with the gun.

Get ready to open the door.

We're going to go out
the way the bear comes in.

He could have saved
a few shots for the bear.

All right, get ready to open it.

[SNARLING]

ZIA: Wait. Wait.
I can't... Okay.

It sounds as if Ahmed forgot
to pull the ladder up after him.

[ILLYA MEOWING]

ZIA: I told you it was
impossible to get out of here.

The fence is charged
with 10,000 volts.

Runs through the extent
of the whole border.

Might be able to short it
with the right equipment.

Even if you could, beyond it,
there's a minefield 50 yards wide.

Colonel Morgan's idea.

He set the border about a quarter
mile inside our own territory...

to avoid incidents, he said.

Well, that was very
thoughtful of him.

No disrespect intended,
it's just a little irritating.

-Hmm. Something?

Take a look.

ZIA: Comes twice a day.

Tourists. On the way to the ruins
about, uh, 6 miles beyond the border.

- When is the next time?
- At noon.

- It's too hot after that.
- Good. We'll be on it.

Exactly what do
you intend to do?

Well, I'm not quite sure right now,
but then maybe I've had too much sun.

Though, if we're going to
take the scepter on the bus...

we'|| have to take the
scepter out of the car.

Catch.

Open up.

You sure you wanna do this?

No, but I'm going to.

I promise Colonel Morgan
I would deliver the scepter.

And I always keep my promises.

Congratulations, Napoleon. You've
more than justified my confidence.

And, Zia. It is Zia, isn't it?

Extraordinary that you were able
to get her out, as well as the scepter.

I assume that is the scepter.

Excellent.

All's well that ends well, eh?

It just proves that a plan is
no more or less effective...

than the man
chosen to execute it.

I must say, I rather thought
you'd be more surprised to see me.

In fact, I expected you
to be quite shocked.

Well, perhaps when you, uh,
see what's inside the scepter...

you will better understand
why we were not.

Would you care to open it?

No?

Well, then, allow me.

- Where are they?
- How much were the stones worth?

I estimate the diamonds must
have been about $10 million.

- How about the rubies and emeralds?
- What have you done with them?

- You'|| tell me, Napoleon 01...
- Why? Why?

After you lied to me? You
lied before I left New York.

The attempt on my life was
a lie. Karim's plot was a lie.

Your death was a lie.

Now the piece de
resistance, a grand finale, that.

The final precaution...

to eliminate the one person who
could testify to your being alive.

And while I rot in my grave, you'd
be rising like Lazarus from yours...

with a new identity,
forever safe from pursuit...

and a very, very rich man.

Why did you come, Napoleon?

I guess an
obligation to the past.

I wanted be sure
that you were alive.

If my suspicions were correct...

I thought maybe you would
like to get out from under.

Return the scepter yourself.

Sentimentality? Oh, I
trained you better than that.

Well, what are you going
to do, Morgan, kill me?

Zia?

For what?

It's all over now.
The jewels are gone.

Don't force my hand, Napoleon.

When you're old, it's
easy to be pushed.

Yes, and it's easy to fall.

Don't judge me. You have
no right. You or anybody.

I fought my wars, the right
wars, for the right causes.

And you know what I have today?
A body full of scars inside and out.

If I died tomorrow, they'd have
to put me in a pauper's grave.

Well, the answer
is still the same.

No jewels.

Don't make me do it, Napoleon.

Zia, where are the jewels?

Oh, you've trained me too.

All right.

- I'm sorry.
- Colonel|, there must be another solution.

[ZIA SOBBING]

How could he have
changed? Overnight, almost.

You heard him.

He was just tired of fighting
for other people's causes.

He wanted something for himself.

I suppose you'll be returning
to New York immediately.

Well, first of all, there's the matter
of, uh, returning the scepter to Karim...

and the, urn, rather sticky
apology that goes with it.

And then, who knows?

Maybe I'll stick
around for a few days.

[ENGLISH SDH]