The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 17 - The Yellow Scarf Affair - full transcript

Oh, I love crossword puzzles.

Let's see, 5-across,
the word is “landlocked.“

And I think 11
is... E-N-D. "End.“

Well, now, you may be
right. That completes 2-down.

“A blood relative.“

“Uncle.“

Aye, that's very good, miss.

Missus. Oh, what
an interesting ring.

Well, that's a green Lion Rampant.
It's the badge of the Clan MacAlister.

Don't try to open it, dear.

There's 10 ounces
of nitroglycerin...



that says “bang“
without the right key.

Oh, deal, we have been tardy. I
do hope you haven't missed your jet.

MAN: Oh, don't you worry about
me, love. I'll manage something.

Oh, watch out for
stray birds, dear.

You know a thrush hates to
have anything stolen from its nest.

Bye.

Thank you.

Um, miss, I have
a bit of a problem.

I'm afraid that I've
missed the jet to London.

The only way I can make the connection
is to catch the Comet to Bombay.

Do you think you could
sandwich me in somewhere?

Uh, Mr. Chikhli...

What a beautiful ring.
It must be very old.

Oh, aye, it is, actually.
It's a family heirloom.



May I see it? I adore old
jewelry. It's my only vice.

- There.
- Oh, it's lovely.

It's a lion, isn't it? Is
it your family crest?

Aye, you know how
it is with families.

[GAGS]

Kali.

The plane with Duncan MacAlister
aboard suddenly lost radio contact.

It was less than
an hour out of Delhi.

They found the
wreck 30 minutes ago.

No survivors.

Poor Mac.

[SIGHS]

- What was his mission?
- Ever heard of Verac B?

Yes, it's something that
Section Three was working on.

A absolutely foolproof
lie detector, wasn't it?

There's a Verac B case.

Study it so that
you can recognize it.

Well, it's rather small
for the job it does.

Thrush managed to steal
an experimental model...

from our Tokyo division.

We got it back quickly enough,
and MacAlister was bringing it home.

Now, you go to India
and find that Verac B...

or confirm its destruction.

Well, I imagine Transportation can get
me on a flight to Bombay this afternoon.

Well, this is the
shopping list, I guess.

Don't try to do that
with the Verac B itself.

There's a nitro-autodestruct
in the one Thrush stole.

They knew it, but they didn't have
time to disarm the mechanism...

before we got it back.

It's still armed.

I'm very sorry, sir. No
one is permitted here.

Oh, yes. Uh, however, my
name is, uh, Napoleon Solo.

I'm with the Unified Northern
Casualty and Liability Exchange.

My plane just landed at
the other end of the field.

Police Inspector Irindi Darwa.

Uh, you are here for the, uh...?

Yes, uh, one of our assured was
on board, a, uh, Duncan MacAlister.

He was very heavily covered...

uh, by an uncle.

Yes, but your Mr. MacAlister must
have been an extremely pessimistic man.

A colleague of yours
arrived a short while ago.

It seems that Mr. MacAlister
is insured by his company too.

He's over there.

Well, that will make, uh, my job
a good deal easier, then, won't it?

SIMPSON: I don't, uh...

I don't see my man in here. Of
course, it's awfully difficult to tell.

DARWA: Well, two more
victims are being brought in.

If your Mr. MacAlister
is not one of them...

then he is one of four
who appear to be missing...

perhaps never to be found.

Oh, this is Mr. Napoleon Solo...

an insurance agent who is
interested in the same man you are.

- Mr. Tom Simpson.
- Oh, how do you do?

How do you do?

I guess, uh...

our Mr. MacAlister
hasn't been brought in yet.

Yes.

Uh, well, were any of his
personal belongings brought here?

All personal property
recovered is here.

Mr. Chikhli.

I'm afraid I must be going now.

Mr. Chikhli, an official of the airline,
will be glad to help you any way he can.

These two are insurance
agents. Good day, sir. Good day.

[SIMPSON CHUCKLES]

Gosh, what a mess.
Where do you start?

Yeah, there's, uh,
so much stuff here.

I think it might be best to let
the authorities sort it out for us.

Yeah, guess you're right.

Is that him?

I think so. Looks like the
photograph they showed me.

What are you looking for?

Some more positive
identification. A ring he was wearing.

It might have, uh,
fallen off in the crash.

A ring? Not likely.

What is that?

It's a coin and a
piece of a yellow cloth.

Thuggee?

SOLO: Thuggee?
CHIKHLI: No, no, no.

What could I be thinking of?
No, I was just surprised, that's all.

SOLO: The cult of Thuggee?

No, they were eliminated by
the British raj in the last century.

I just had a childhood
fantasy, that is all.

The Thugs waited by the side
of the road to kill travelers...

if I remember my history.

The method was strangulation.

A silken noose was the weapon,
weighted by a silver rupee.

That speculation is nonsense.

The day is past where a strangle! would
sit by the side of the road and wait for...

To kill... To kill...

travelers.

Please, please, it is a fantastic
idea. You must leave me alone.

- I have so much work to do.
- I'm just trying to understand it, now.

You say that the villagers
reported seeing the plane crash...

two hours after
radio contact was lost.

Now, two hours is
a rather long time.

Well, the villagers could have
made a mistake on the time.

They are ignorant peasants
of the lowest caste...

This is the final list of
passengers already accounted for.

The names of the four who
haven't been found are circled.

Thank you.

Now, do go home and try to
put it out of your mind, please.

Put it out of my mind?

Miss Purbhani was
supposed to be on that flight.

There was a last-minute change.

Well, you were very lucky.

Someone died in my place.

You still don't know why I
was taken off that plane?

My dear child, it was a routine order.
Now, it had no significance whatsoever.

It had a great deal
of significance to me.

I saw each face that
went through that gate.

You saw all the
passengers, then?

All that got on at Delhi.

Of course, there were some through
passengers from the previous places.

Uh, there was a man, MacAlister?

He was a new passenger.
Do you remember him?

Yes.

We managed to get him
aboard at the last moment.

He was lucky to find an opening.

Well, now, you were possibly
the last person to see him alive.

There are some things his
family might want to know.

Perhaps, if you'd be so kind, if you have a
few moments, you could tell me about him?

If it will help. I'll go
and get my purse.

Mr. Chikhli, uh...

could you tell me who gave the order
to take that young lady off the plane?

Well, it would be quite
impossible to trace back.

Oh...

Uh, impossible?

CHIKHLI: Well, very difficult.

I see. I'll be in touch
with you, all right?

There's a cocktail lounge at
my hotel. That be all right for you?

-Fine. SOLO: Good. Come on.

Hey, Mr. Solo, I've
been looking for you.

You, uh... You slipped
away from me at the hangar.

Yes, I was checking the invoices
of some of the passengers.

Yes, well, uh, we should get
together and compare notes.

I mean, we are looking for
the same thing, aren't we?

Fine, why don't you give
me a call at my hotel?

Uh, I'm staying at the Rajah.

- Ah, so am I.
- Good. Give me a call.

-Good. Good, I'll do
that. SOLO: Okay.

-See you later,
buddy. SOLO: Bye.

At the Rajah.

And your target...

is the bird that
glows in the dark.

Right between the
shoulder blades.

[DEIRDRE SIGHS]

I'm not very good
company. I'm sorry.

Feeling guilty over something
that you had nothing to do with...

won't help anyone.

You sound like my uncle.

Well, uncles can be right
sometimes. What does he do?

He lives in the past.

Well, India has
quite a colorful past.

As a matter of fact, only today I
learned that the American word “thug“...

is derived from the
“Thuggee“ of India.

Is something wrong?

She was on that plane.

SOLO: Who? DEIRDRE:
That woman in the red sari.

Let's take a closer look.

- Do you still think it's she?
- I'm certain.

Well, let's meet her.

-Oh, I'm sorry. Well... DARWA:
Well, Mr. Solo, we meet again.

And under much more
pleasant circumstances.

SOLO: Isn't it, though?

This is Miss Deirdre Purbhani,
and this is Inspector Irindi Darwa.

How do you do?

- Miss Sita Chandi, Mr. Napoleon Solo.
- How do you do?

Haven't we met before?
You seem familiar.

No, I would remember.

On a plane, perhaps?
I work for the airlines.

No, I never travel
by air. I'm sorry.

[CHANDI LAUGHS]

I am, um, very tired. I'd
like to retire to my room.

Of course, my dear.

DEIRDRE: She was aboard
that plane. I'm positive.

So am I. Let's go.

Uh, room 612, please.

CLERK: Six-twelve.
- Four-seventeen.

That's two floors
apart. The fates fight us.

-That's an interesting
ring. CHANDI: Thank you.

- Would you take me to my room, please?
- 01 course.

-Good night, Mr. Solo.
CHANDI: Good night.

I'm sure you have an empty
room on either side 01612.

You are lucky, sir.
Six-fourteen is vacant.

Good, uh, have my things
moved to 614. I'll be back later.

What are we going
to do about her?

Well, I'll take care of
her after I take you home.

Oh, you don't have to
see me home. Thank you.

Well, I think we'd best let the
inspector have his good night first...

before I visit her.

DEIRDREL: As you can see, our palace
was built in the midst of the poorest slum.

SOLO: Yes, I can see that, but you.
Uh, seem to live rather well, though.

Before the days of the Republic, my
uncle was the Maharajah of Pasagra.

SOLO: Really?
- But don't let it overawe you.

We can barely keep it going.

[DEVICE WHIRRING]

DEIRDRE: What's that?

What's the matter?

I don't know. An hallucination.

[WHIRRING STOPS]

On your back, I thought I
saw a glowing sketch of a bird.

There's nothing there now.

Uh, the sound seems
to have stopped.

Why don't we go inside,
out of the night air?

DEIRDRE: Please excuse me...

but my uncle prefers that I
wear the costume of our country...

when I am at home.

SOLO: Of course, go ahead.

Infrared.

[INFRARED DEVICE WHIRRING]

[GUN SHOT]

Good evening, Mr. Solo.

My niece told me you
were waiting for her here.

-She will be with us in a moment.
SOLO: How do you do, Your Highness?

No longer Highness,
Mr. Solo. We are a republic now.

Welcome to Pasagra,
just the same.

May I offer you
some refreshment?

No, uh, thank you. I
won't be staying long.

I, uh, had a little accident out on the
terrace and I got a, um, rip in my jacket.

MAHARAJAH: Oh, I am sorry.

I was told by Indra...

Or Deirdre, as she prefers
to be known in the city...

that you have come here to
investigate that terrible plane crash.

Yes, uh, my company sustained
rather a large loss in the accident.

-That is the goddess Kali,
isn't it? MAHARAJAH: Yes.

Early 15th century, I believe. At
least, it's been that long in our family.

You know something of Kali?

Well, I, uh... I know that the
Thuggees worshipped her.

- That is blood, isn't it?
- Yes, an animal sacrifice.

An old custom that I
continue, foolishly, perhaps.

Well, I must say. She
is a demanding mistress.

MAHARAJAH: Kali
is ancient history.

She, like myself,
is an anachronism.

Reality lies with those like
Deirdre, who live in the present.

Yes, Deirdre is an exceptionally
handsome monument...

to the present.

But I am afraid I have already
lost my niece to modem India.

You haven't lost me, dear.

It's simply that we must
accept the world as it is...

not as we would like it to be.

Seeing you in that sari, I can
understand your uncle's sense of loss.

I would hate to see all of the
beautiful and graceful things...

pushed out of the world in
this rush for modernization.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm afraid I'll have to go.

Will you be talking to
that woman, Sita Chandi?

Yes, I'll take care of it.

I don't know what
to make of it, uncle.

But I met a woman
at the hotel...

whom I could swear boarded
the plane that crashed.

That would be most remarkable, my
dear. I understand there were no survivors.

Well, there were four passengers
who are still unaccounted for.

I'm sure it'll all be taken
care of in a few days.

-You must excuse me. Good night, please.
DEIRDRE: I'll see you out, Mr. Solo.

First him, then Sita Chandi.

She is a danger to us all now.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[WATER RUNNING]

SOLO: A green Lion Rampant
from the Clan MacAlister.

How did you get it?

By all means, call your
friend the inspector,

and then we'll talk
of many things...

of a ring that a man were while
boarding a plane that crashed...

of a woman that supposedly
died in the crash...

and of Thuggee.

Never mind, operator.

The ring was bought
at a bazaar. So?

MacAlister never
would have sold it.

Then it was stolen from
him. How was I to know?

An airline stewardess saw
you boarding that plane.

Obviously, she's wrong.

If I had been on that plane, how
could I have survived the crash?

Yes. That is an
interesting point.

The plane crashed two hours
after radio contact was lost.

Now, in those two hours,
the plane could have landed...

in some airstrip that was
hammered out of the mountains.

The four passengers
could have disembarked...

four Thuggees.

The plane could
have been looted...

and someone could have
piloted the plane back on course...

and he could have
parachuted out, and let it crash.

- That is a fanciful story.
- Well, perhaps, perhaps, yes.

But that would explain the
tour missing passengers...

and some 70,000 pounds worth
of jewelry that was missing...

along with many other
valuables, including a typewriter.

Perhaps you'd care to tell me
what happened to the typewriter...

in exchange for a plea
for mercy at your trial.

The only trial,
Mr. Solo, will be yours...

if you're not out of here by the
time I'm ready to take my bath.

Don't let my speaking
voice deceive you.

I've been told that when I scream,
I can be heard at great distances.

My friend, the inspector...

will take a very dim view of your
forcing your way into my room...

while I was bathing.

All right.

Maybe we'll let him clarify
his view after you've dressed.

- I will be back.
- Lock the door behind you, Mr. Solo.

[WATER RUNNING]

[SOLO YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

Hey, Mr. Solo.

SIMPSON: What was this all
about? A thief or something?

SOLO: Well, he wasn't
exactly a door-to-door salesman.

It's my night to stay out of
dark comers. Twice is too many.

SIMPSON: You mean
this has happened before?

SOLO: Yeah, as a matter of fact, it did.
Someone put a bullet through my coat.

- Fortunately, a little bird had warned me.
- That's terrible.

I... I hope you, uh, got the
man who took a shot at you.

SOLO: Well, I, uh,
damaged him somewhat.

You just come up here to
make sure I got home all right?

Oh, no. No, as a
matter of fact, um...

I wanted to talk to you...

about the possibility of
working together on this thing.

Oh, really? In what way?

Well, my film has sustained
severe losses, and your firm too.

Mm-hm. And I intend
to recover the loss.

Well, of course, but
for the time being...

we may both be exerting a
great deal of wasted effort.

I mean, the loss may be
lost, impossible of recovery.

SOLO: I'm sorry, but the water
in the bathtub in the next room...

has been running long
enough to fill a pool.

What, uh...?

What happened to her?

Well, it seems the goddess
Kali has called for one of her own.

DARWA: Lies.

The British eradicated
Thuggee over 100 years ago.

-The cult of Kali is
dead. SOLO: Dead?

Or perhaps, as in the
story of Sleeping Beauty...

she slept for a hundred years.

This scrap of the strangler's
scarf was in MacAlister's hand.

And I am willing to bet that a postmortem
on the woman in the next room...

will show that she
was also strangled.

I believe there is a much simpler
motive for the death of the woman...

in the next room.

I'm very well aware of the
attention you've paid to her.

I'm aware that you changed your
room in order to be closer to her.

Because she was
wearing MacAlister's ring.

Mr. Simpson was with me
when we discovered the body.

She couldn't have been dead
more than a few minutes at that time.

Of course, I don't know
what Mr. Solo was up to...

before I came into his room.

Terribly sorry, old man, I
have tell the truth, you know.

Oh, listen, I wouldn't want
you to do anything dishonest.

Thank you very much
for your help, Mr. Simpson.

If you'll go back to your room now,
I'll come by and get your full story later.

Anything I can do
to help, inspector.

Um, if there's anything
I can do, call me.

- Oh, I will, I will.
- Good.

[SPEAKING IN HINDI]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Now that we are
alone, Mr. Solo...

perhaps you will
talk more freely.

What is your need, if you
care to explain, for this arsenal?

SOLO: I'm with the U.N.C.L.E.

Here's my identification.

I have heard of this
organization, of course.

But this... meaningless to me.

You can check with your
secret service in New Delhi.

It is now after 4:00 in the morning,
and tomorrow, 01 today, rather...

is the Hindu Feast
of Lights, Diwali.

- All the government offices are closed.
- I haven't much time, inspector.

Now, I believe that
the object that I'm

after fell into the hands
of the Thuggees...

along with the
loot from the plane.

Now, I've got to find it before
they try and dispose of it.

I will tell you what
I believe, Mr. Solo.

I believe that you have killed
the woman in the room next door.

And I fully intend to see that
you pay very dearly for that.

She must have meant a
great deal to you, inspector.

I'm sorry.

Sir...

you shall be sorrier.

In a day or two, I shall
receive information

that will confirm or
reject these credentials.

Until that time, you will
remain here in your hotel room.

If you should
attempt to leave...

we||, India is a
very poor nation.

Our jails reflect that poverty.

Put it down over there
on the desk, please.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

It's curry for breakfast. Pretty
hard on the, uh, tum-tum.

- It's pretty sloppy police work out there.
- Yes. Well, he's halt asleep.

- He's been on duty all night.
- Oh.

SIMPSON: Now, why don't you
sit down and have your breakfast...

while we have a little chat?

Well, I'll tell you, I'd
prefer a food taster first.

But you go ahead, uh, you chat.

- Are you sure you don't want this?
- No, no. Go on.

We're, um, both
after the Verac B.

Yes, that sums it up nicely.

SIMPSON: And
the way I figure it...

you have more information
on the Thuggees than I do.

SOLO: Mm-hm.

- And the Thuggees have the Verac B.
- Mm-hm.

SIMPSON: So...

So you tell me what you know.

And in exchange, you will...?

I will tell the inspector that, uh, I was
with you much longer than I really was.

And that will give you an alibi.

- And they'll have to let you go.
- That's good. That's a good idea.

I'll tell you, um, I
have a better idea.

SIMPSON: What's that?

That, uh...

is this:

[RINGING]

- Yes?
- Mr. Solo, please.

Well, I'm very sorry. He, uh,
just stepped out for a moment.

May I take a message?

Well, uh, I have some
information that he wanted.

Uh, yes. He was very
eager to receive it.

As a matter of fact,
that's why he, uh...

He left me by the phone
when he left the room.

If you'll, uh... If you'll
just give it to me.

Mm-hm.

Mr. Solo, you were coming
here to see me, right?

Yes, now, who arranged for Miss
Purbhani to be removed from the flight?

I just gave the information
to Mr. Simpson...

who said he would
pass it on to you.

I see. Why don't we save him the
trouble? You tell me yourself, all right?

Miss Purbhani was removed from
the flight at the request of her uncle.

Oh, well, that is interesting. Was
there any reason for the request given?

Uh...

It seems that the
maharajah foresaw a disaster.

Oh, I see. Well, that's very farseeing
of him. How did he manage that?

The maharajah...
consults the stars.

But of course, we modems
scoff at these things.

Would you do me one more favor?

In one hour, would you
call Inspector Darwa...

and indicate that I have gone to
visit the Maharajah of Pasagra?

- In an hour?
- An hour.

An hour.

Why an hour?

Mr. Solo. What are you doing?

Uh, well, actually, right
now. Not much of anything.

I'm just sort of
standing around here.

Who arranged this welcome
for uninvited visitors?

It was installed several hundred years
ago to protect the valuables of our family.

Now, suppose you tell me
exactly how you got in here.

Did you know it
was your uncle...

who arranged for you
to be taken off that flight?

No.

Last night, that woman,
Sita, was strangled.

She was killed because
you could identify her.

And the only person that
knew we had he! spotted...

was your uncle.

No. He couldn't
possibly do that.

Look around you. Look at these
trimmings. Look at this palace.

You have to have a lot
of money to keep this up.

And you know that his
fortune was wiped out.

- Perhaps he borrows.
- No.

He kills.

No.

Below this palace,
Mr. Solo, there is a cavern...

where Mahakali waits for you.

There, for one brief, shining moment, you
will have your answers for all eternity.

SOLO: I'm sorry.

You must come too, my dear.

From this moment on...

we must move along
the same path together.

This is not all
from one airplane.

There was recently a train
wreck near Bombay, and other...

accidents.

I see, and the disciples of your
cult share in the profit, I take it.

In the beginning, it was
the thought of profit...

that led me to revive the cult.

And later, well, I have been
a shikari, a big-game hunter.

But a tiger, after
all, is only a cat.

To stalk your own
equal, lure him...

finish him off with only brains,
hands and a square of yellow cloth.

There is exaltation.
Do you understand?

It's horrible.

You will learn this exaltation.

You will kneel to Kali.

DEIRDRE: I knew you as my
uncle. I do not know you in this guise.

MAHARAJAH: Now that
you know, you must join us...

or the children of Kali will send
you into the mists with this man.

- I could not stop them now.
- I would rather they did.

It is a fate you would
not care to share.

Watch.

Wait, wait. Let me buy my life.

I can tell you where there's
something very valuable.

And where is this item of value?

Back there, the typewriter
case. There's no typewriter in it.

It's something very
special, very valuable.

Go ahead, open it.

You'll have to break it open.

It's very valuable.

Get away from
that case, all of you.

SOLO: Thank you, Simpson.

Oh, you're very
clever, Mr. Solo.

If you drop that case,
it could blow us all up.

SOLO: That's true
enough. Let's go.

No, no. You're staying
here. Just give me the case.

The three of us
go out of here...

or up in smoke...

together.

We'll talk about that later.

[GRUNTING]

[GUNFIRE]

This is indeed a curious sight
to greet the eyes of a policeman.

Welcome, inspector...

to the nonexistent,
long-extinct cult of the Thuggees.

I, uh, must warn you that I'm
a very demanding passenger...

and I may take up a great
deal of your valuable time.

An H.A.T. hostess must respond
to the needs of each passenger.

- Inspector, are you coming on the flight?
- No, miss.

I'm just here to make certain that
Mr. Solo and his, uh, typewriter...

are safely aboard your airplane.

My superiors were
most explicit about that.

Solo!

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Well, I, uh, hope you weren't
going to try to slip away alone...

after all we've been through.

SOLO: Actually, I was thinking of it, yes.
- I wouldn't hear of it, old man.

After all, we have some
business to take care 01, don't we?

Well, uh, I don't think any
visit to Delhi is complete...

without a little tour
of their marvelous jail.

And I'll bet you that the inspector
there could arrange such a tour.

Of course.

We just have time to
inspect the cells before lunch.

Uh, wait, wait,
wait. Just a minute.

On your way. Perhaps
you'll explain your position...

in helping a man under house
arrest to escape from his room.

You have a very
pleasant journey, Mr. Solo.

[SIMPSON STUTTERING]

I protest.

Yes, protest. That is a
very fine idea, protest.

Come along.

[ENGLISH SDH]