The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Vulcan Affair - full transcript

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[ALARM BLARING]

[ALARM BLARING]

[ALARM STOPS]

No labels...

nothing in his pockets
except these extra clips.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

Prints removed from the ends
of his fingertips by surgery.

An assault force from Thrush.

That is their way.

[SNIFFS]



Manganese and thermite, Illya.

What do you think their purpose?

To kill him.

MAN: Quite right, Mr. Solo.

Their idea was to prevent me from acting
on some new information we just received.

Here. You can
have the information.

Then Thrush can try
and kill you for a while.

And just, uh, who is
this Andrew Vulcan?

WAVERLY: He, uh...

He's the president of the United
Global Chemical Corporation in Maryland.

He's also the Eastern Seaboard
head of operations for Thrush.

Can we take him?

Not yet, unfortunately.

However, we intercepted his
last communication from Thrush...



and decoded it to read:

"When the premier of Western
Natumba visits our plant...

we must assassinate."

That's all?

At that point, the message
was garbled and lost.

Now, the premier of this
newly independent nation...

is visiting Washington,
D.C. right now.

You, Mr. Solo, must
go there immediately...

and prevent the
assassination of this man.

Channel D will brief you.

WOMAN: This just came in.

The arrival of the Western
Natumba delegation.

Ashumen is premier.

Nobuk, minister of war.

Soumarin, economics minister.

Andrew Vulcan keeps
himself a very private person.

That's his plant in Maryland.

And watch out for the private army.
They aren't afraid to use those things.

[WOMAN SIGHS]

Well, that's the lot.

Plus what you can
dig out of that file.

Well, thank you, my
little agent provocateur.

Napoleon, Mr. Waverly thought
this might be of some use to you.

Ruttenberg College
Yearbook, 1949.

Andrew Vulcan is listed as a
senior with a degree in engineering.

But what's more interesting...

in his university days,
he also had a girlfriend.

That is interesting.

According to his
file, a girlfriend's a

luxury he hasn't permitted
himself since then.

And what was her name?

She's the one.

SOLO: Elaine May Bender
of Middleton, New York.

- Well, I just don't understand.
- Nor do I, Elaine.

All I can tell you is that I
had a call from my bishop.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Excuse me.

Yes, uh, my name is Solo.

Reverend Anderson.

You've had time to, uh, talk
to Mrs. Donaldson, I believe.

- Talk, yes. Uh, understand, no.
- Oh, the car pool. Excuse me.

- I forgot. Danny?
DANNY: I washed. Bye.

FLORIE: He did not. Bye,
Mommy. ELAINE: Florie. Oh...

- I'm sorry. ANDERSON: Ahem.

All I can say to you is that the
bishop asked me to vouch for Mr. Solo.

In all conscience, the best I
can do is vouch for the bishop.

- Goodbye, Elaine.
ELAINE: Oh, goodbye.

My superior is a very close
friend of your reverend's bishop.

I thought this, uh, introduction
might save you many, uh, doubts.

- Doubts? About what, Mr. Solo?
- There's a flight from Middleton...

to Washington, D.C.
leaving tonight at 11:15.

I want you to
take that flight...

with me.

Well, I have to do my hair. My
husband and I are going out this evening.

Oh, this room is a mess.

What the devil sort
of proposition is that?

Your maiden name was Bender.

In 1949, you were a freshman
at Ruttenberg College.

And you were, I believe the
expression is "going steady"...

with a boy named Andrew
Vulcan. Remember?

Andy? Well, of course.

Well, I haven't seen him
since then. What of it?

He heads a corporation
started for him by Thrush.

Oh.

Who's Thrush?

We don't know.

Thrush might be a
man, or a woman.

Or a committee that heads a
secret, international organization.

Very powerful, very wealthy.

Thrush has no allegiance to
any country, nor to any ideal.

It will embark upon any undertaking
it may decide is in its own interest.

And where Thrush succeeds, many,
many people pay a terrible price.

Oh...

And you, what do you do?

I'm an agent for
an organization...

designated as the U.N.C.L.E.

U.N... Oh, U.N.C.L.E.

Oh...

You know, I've heard of that.
I've read about that somewhere.

Now, your group wants
to stop this, uh, Thrush?

Along with others.

Let's say that U.N.C.L.E. is set up for the
protection of people all over the world.

Oh.

Well, what's all that
got to do with me?

I mean, I'm just a
housewife with two children.

And a husband, don't forget him.

Well, I assure you that although you
must not tell your husband about this...

he will insist that you
take that plane tonight.

What?

SOLO: I have very little time
to prevent the assassination...

of the leader of a new nation.

Now, we can place
people all around Vulcan...

but they couldn't get
through the way you could.

Only you might get close enough,
quickly enough, to be of any help.

Well, I couldn't.

It's preposterous.

No. I won't even consider it.

Now, uh, whatever
happened to red lipsticks?

You know, this is a
fraud against men.

Why? Under the new
lipsticks are the same old lips.

Well, that's a comfort.

Now, let's get down to business.

Did, uh, your husband insist?

Yes. He did.

Really, getting me
appointed special delegate...

to the National Parents
Conference in Washington.

Well, conveniently, the
original delegate became ill.

I swear, I don't know
what I'm doing here.

As of now, you are Elaine Van
Every of Northridge, Oklahoma.

Well, what's wrong
with being just me?

Well, because it will help if you're
a little more important than you.

You see, Elaine Bender
made a brilliant marriage.

You're a very wealthy
woman now. A widow.

Oil wells.

SOLO: I have your
breakfast in the other room.

French toast must
be eaten while hot.

I'm sorry to be
using your cup...

but the ladies of the conference
might have strong feelings...

about a delegate ordering two
breakfast settings in her bedroom.

[GIGGLES]

Just orange juice
for me, please.

That's all I ever
have for breakfast.

SOLO: You always eat a very
large breakfast, Mrs. Van Every.

And quite sensibly too.

Yes. Well, I'll bet she's fat.

Adults overeat in this country.

Now, Danny and Florie,
they're my children...

they'll eat anything
that doesn't...

move.

Oh...

[ELAINE CHUCKLES]

What's all this for?

Vulcan is having a party this
evening at his estate near Arlington.

As of 8:00 last night,
you were on the guest list.

A lot of important people
are going to be there.

The party from Western
Natumba, for instance.

- Hey, it's all real, isn't it?
- Why not? You're rich.

[ELAINE GIGGLES]

I recommend the, uh,
third dress from the left.

It's been worn once before
at a presidential soiree.

You'd be very flattered
to know who wore it.

ELAINE: It's beautiful,
but it's all black.

Black has never been
a good color for me.

SOLO: It hasn't?
- Uh-uh.

[GASPS]

That's right, I'm supposed to be
in mourning. Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Well, you mustn't forget.

I've told you about the
organization we're dealing with.

They kill people the
way people kill flies.

A careless flick of the
wrist. A reflex action.

I'll protect you in
every way possible.

But in the end, your
safety depends on you.

So don't forget who
you are or what you are.

I won't forget again.

All right.

The premier is to
inspect tomorrow.

That gives us a few hours
to stop the assassination.

What am I supposed
to do at this party?

Just be there. Let Vulcan
make the approaches.

- Will you be there?
- I'll be just another guest.

At the party, you are to
treat me as a stranger.

ELAINE: What if I learn something
from Andy? I mean, Vulcan.

SOLO: If anything there puzzles
you or seems urgent, signal me.

A hairdresser will
be here at 5:00.

I've checked out everyone.
They're all tourists.

It's safe to stay in your room until
9. Then go to the west entrance.

A chauffeur and limousine
will be waiting for you.

You don't overlook
anything, do you?

I'd better not.

[SIGHS]

Elaine May Bender?

Elaine May Donaldson?

Elaine May Van Every.

Well, look at you.

[GIGGLES]

[CHATTERING]

Thank you.

Good evening. I'm
Gracie Ladovan.

Acting as hostess for
Mr. Vulcan this evening.

And you must be...?

Uh, Mrs. Elaine Van
Every. A friend of mine.

Oh, yes, Oklahoma.
Oil, wasn't it?

And you're just in town for a few days?
Let me introduce you to a few people.

Oh, Charlie. Over
here, he's a senator.

[MEN CHUCKLING]

[SIGHS]

And here are our friends
from Western Natumba.

The premier, Mr. Sekue Ashumen.

- How do you do?
- Minister of war, General Molte Nobuk.

And the brilliant minister of
economy, Mr. Jean Francis Soumarin.

- May I present...
- Elaine?

Is this your first
visit to the States?

Excuse me, won't
you? I must get back.

So many undesirables try
to crash an affair like this.

[ASHUMEN LAUGHS]

Well, to answer your question.

I graduated from Dover
University some years ago.

This is my first
visit since then.

NOBUK: You have a lovely nation.

But for my temperament, I
prefer the English way of life.

ELAINE: Creating a new nation
must be a terribly difficult undertaking.

[CHUCKLING] Difficult? It's
an impossible undertaking.

However, you have an admirer.

I never thought
Mr. Vulcan was so shy.

- It is. Elaine.
ELAINE: Andy. Oh...

Elaine Bender. Of
all things and people.

Oh, look at you. I don't
believe it. In a tuxedo.

There was a time when I couldn't
get him to wear even a sports jacket.

ASHUMEN: Ah, then
you're old friends?

Shall we give them a chorus
of the Ruttenberg Rally?

Oh, let's spare them that.

Well, I've been
reading about you.

You've done so well
and I'm pleased for you.

And you. You're
married, of course.

Well, my husband died two
months ago in an accident.

Carl Van Every. You
might've heard of him.

I am sorry.

[ELAINE CHUCKLES]

SOLO: Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
- No damage, friend.

Hazards of war.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

I find myself remembering what it feels
like to be moved by the look of a woman.

It's a luxury I haven't
permitted myself in many years.

Well, I think you've
missed a lot, then.

Have you found whatever
it was you always wanted?

Yes, but now that
I've seen you again...

I remember wanting even more.

Go slow, Andy.

There's been a gap
of more than 10 years.

You can't just leap across it.

Well, then let me back
up and approach again.

In a different manner.

[MEN LAUGHING]

ELAINE: What's the matter?

Oh, nothing. Just, uh,
see some party crashers.

Wouldn't be a Washington
party without them.

[ELAINE CHUCKLES]

Ah, there you are. I
wanted to say good night.

It's time I got to the plant to, uh,
check the arrangements for the tour.

Thanks for coming, Alfred. Elaine, this
is Mr. Ghist, one of our finest engineers.

ELAINE: How do you
do? GHIST: Pleasure.

By the way, did you notice
that our friend's uncle is here?

He's just introducing himself.

VULCAN: I want to be sure he doesn't join
us at the plant. He'd only spoil things.

- Well, I'll see to that.
- And, uh...

on your way, will you ask our
friend to be careful of what he says.

- I'd like him to avoid an argument.
- I'll do that.

- Good night.
- Good night.

It's one of those amusing family feuds, but
I don't want my party spoiled by a fight.

Oh, it's such a lovely party.

I like the premier, Mr. Ashumen.

Yes, I'm gonna build a plant
for him in Western Natumba.

A duplicate of my
plant in Maryland.

That's why they're
gonna inspect it tomorrow.

It's kind of cold out here.

Have you learned to
dance since school?

I've taken lessons...

but I've had no desire to use
them until just this moment.

Now, tell me, are you having success
in attracting industry to your country?

Well, it's very difficult,
very difficult indeed.

Oh, everyone is sympathetic
but reluctant to act.

They want a lot of guarantees.

If the three of you work for
the growth of your nation...

as well as you fought for its
independence, I'm certain you will succeed.

We will work together, Mr. Solo.

Where the needs of our people
are concerned, we are brothers.

Well, good luck,
then. Excuse me.

No, no, no. You see, you're pushing
when you should be guiding. Excuse me.

You see, just in here.
It's all in the right hand.

Like this. Flat, palm spread right beneath
your partner's right shoulder blade...

arm rigid.

And then when you
turn, she follows.

Thus.

Oh, by the way...

I'm cutting in.

Laugh, I just said
something hilarious to you.

[ELAINE LAUGHS]

Now, you didn't wanna
tell me something?

- Vulcan knows you're with U.N.C.L.E.
- Oh...

He told someone to keep
you away from the plant.

Well, they are
well-informed, aren't they?

- With, uh, whom did he discuss this?
- Oh, an Englishman.

His name was Alfred Ghist. Ha.

He's over there talking to the
Western Natumba delegation.

[SOLO & ELAINE CHUCKLING]

He's one of Vulcan's engineers.

And he indicated he was
to warn someone else...

to be careful of
what they said to you.

Did you notice who Alfred
spoke to after he left you?

- He didn't talk to anyone until just now.
- Oh, I see.

Well, I want you to
do something for me.

I want you to squeeze a drop or
two of this into the premier's drink.

But don't get caught.

ELAINE: Oh, what will it do?
- Well, it'll probably save his life.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[CROWD MURMURING]

ASHUMEN: Please,
friends, don't fuss.

NOBUK: I warned you.
You drank yourself too much.

- Has someone called a doctor?
SOUMARIN: The doctor is on his way.

VALET: I'll get your car, sir.

He wants his car. Is it ready?

When the speedometer hits
50, it'll contact a thin wire...

and then our uncle will
go sleepy-bye forever.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

Channel D is open.

Report for Number One of
Section One. Acknowledge, please.

Report for Number
One of Section One.

Can confirm that premier will not be in
condition to visit Vulcan's plant tomorrow.

Therefore assassination
attempt temporarily delayed.

Repeat, temporarily delayed.

[OVER RADIO]
Acknowledge reception.

And turn off that sun
lamp before you boil over.

Acknowledged.

And don't worry, I'll
keep cool till you get back.

After all, there's a locked steel door
between me and the outside world.

Half an hour, then.

[GASPING]

You, uh, did that nicely.

What are you so upset about?
You're doing better than I am.

ELAINE: Having me put
those in the premier's drink.

SOLO: Elaine, those drops
will only make him feel ill.

They'll have no
permanent effect.

With tomorrow's
inspection postponed...

It hasn't been postponed.

It hasn't. I was
there, I heard them.

Nobuk and Soumarin will
inspect the plant tomorrow.

Andy insisted.

Vulcan insisted?
Without the premier?

Yes. Well, he said
it was important.

Now what's the matter?
Ashumen won't be along.

- So it's all right.
- No, it's not all right.

There's something
about that plant.

And I've got to find
out what it is tonight.

When Vulcan gets back, get
him to show you the plant tonight.

But he wants to take
me to a nightclub.

And you would
rather see the plant.

Flatter him, admire him
and the empire he's built.

Well, I do admire him.

And I don't believe all those
things you've told me about him.

He just isn't like that.

If that blood you just washed
off my face doesn't impress you...

then you might go down
to the river tomorrow...

and watch them fish
out what's left of my car.

Oh, I don't know what
to believe any longer.

And I don't wanna have anything
more to do with all this, I won't.

You know, you forgot
something, Mr. Solo.

When you said that I might stir
up some old emotions in him...

you forgot that he might stir
up some old emotions in me.

You're afraid?

Of course I'm afraid.

You bet I'm afraid.

But not of Vulcan.

She's the one you're
afraid of, isn't she?

Look at how well
she wears the clothes.

The jewels.

She mixes with important people.

She enjoys meeting them.

The excitement of
a Washington party.

But Elaine Donaldson
has no place here, has she?

She'll have to go home.

Back to being an
ordinary housewife.

You're afraid that
when the time comes...

you won't be able to walk away
from what you see in that mirror.

You don't believe that.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[ELAINE GASPS]

When you get to the lobby, ask him to
buy cigarettes, stall him for 15 minutes.

No.

[WHISPERS] I need 15 minutes.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

No.

Open the door.

Now.

[ELAINE SIGHS]

[ELAINE GASPS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

VULCAN: Ready, darling?
- Yes.

Operator, get me the airport.

Vanguard Air Charter Service.

I hate to admit it,
but I'm exhausted.

There's only another three
or four thousand acres to go.

Ah, well, I did I
ask for it, didn't I?

I like that.

I like that you're
interested in what I do.

This is of no importance
whatever to me. What's important...

is you.

[AIRPLANE ROARING]

Look.

What's he doing?

Get the dogs over
there, and call security.

You wait inside.
I'll be right back.

VULCAN: Stay alert. There's
an intruder on the grounds.

Just finished.

There's someone on the grounds.

Oh? It's been quiet
as a grave here.

A lovely night for
work. Here, look.

Just a hairline.

A very neat job.

If you've finished, let's clear
out and seal this room off.

We have to find our intruder.

[DOGS BARKING]

This is what the parachute
brought down, sir.

[DOGS WHIMPERING]

- A diversion.
- Why?

To allow somebody
to get to the reactor.

And I led him to it.

[DOGS BARKING]

GHIST: This room was sealed off.
VULCAN: I want it double-checked...

for any place where an
intruder could hide. Any place.

Mr. Vulcan wants you.

GUARD: Hey!

Stop him!

[GUNFIRE]

Be careful of your target.

The place is loaded with
hydrogen. You'll blow us all up!

[DOGS BARKING]

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNFIRE]

ELAINE: Come on.

This way, quick.

Oh!

Oh, no...

All right, when
we get to that car...

get down on the floor in the back. I
may have to crash through the gate.

All right.

[GASPS]

Pardon me for not
getting out of the car.

Whatever it was you gave me
has left me still feeling a bit weak.

But you don't understand.
They mean to kill you.

I think we all understand now.

Too late, I believe, Mr. Solo.

You see, no one
intends to kill me.

It's Soumarin and
Nobuk who have to die.

Follow him.

Well, I'm sure you'll find this a
lovely place to spend the night.

And it's, uh, soundproof.

Come over here, Mr. Solo. You're
about to be chained to a pipe.

Up you go.

VULCAN: Your discomfort will last
approximately an hour and 45 minutes.

When we leave the room, we'll fill it
with steam. Death will come rather slowly.

But then, uh, you're a
patient man, Mr. Solo.

And you must have been
patient, Mr. Ashumen...

to have posed as a
patriot all those years...

while you set your
country up for Thrush.

Thrush is my country.

[SOLO GRUNTS]

So Thrush achieves
respectability.

Congratulations, Mr. Vulcan.

With Thrush the government,
and with all privileges attendant...

diplomatic immunity, industrial
potential, armed forces at our disposal...

we achieve a great deal more
than respectability, Mr. Solo.

But Nobuk and Soumarin,
they would oppose it.

They are two dedicated,
intensely patriotic men...

who will emerge as martyrs.

Victims of an
unfortunate accident...

while negotiating ways to
better the lot of our people.

I will erect statues to their
martyrdom, mourn their loss...

rule in their names.

ELAINE: Oh!

The explosion should take
place at 9:00 tomorrow morning.

You will return here and
arrange for their bodies...

to be discovered in
the fire which follows.

You'd best leave
through the tunnel.

I am sorry for you, madam.

Good night, chums.

Sorry.

Oh, you were very clear
about the risks involved.

I understood them
and I accepted them.

No, you mustn't blame yourself.

Of course I don't blame
myself. It had to be done.

Look.

[ELAINE YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

[ELAINE GASPING AND MOANING]

[SOBBING]

They never saw me.

Danny and Florie,
they never saw me.

My husband, they always
saw me so ordinary...

always clean up and pick
up and run the car pool.

But you saw.

When I walked into that room,
everybody looked and they...

I mean, they all looked at me.

And then they admired me, all
those glamorous people, didn't they?

You were the most
beautiful woman there.

And now look at me.

- You dropped this.
- Oh, thank you.

[LAUGHING]

They'll be here any minute.

SOLO: Sure you're gonna be
able to hold yourself up there?

- I'll manage.
- Right.

Step this way, gentlemen,
we'll take a closer look.

Whoever comes in first,
they'll see you hanging there.

That may give me just
the moment I'll need.

I think you'll find
this interesting. I'll put

the reactor through a
typical pressure cycle.

[REACTOR HUMMING]

[HATCH OPENS]

SOLO: All right. Get
out of here, quick.

ELAINE: Well, what about you?
- I'm going up there. Go on.

Get out, everybody. This
thing is going to explode.

Come on. Move out!

[CROWD YELLS]

[GHIST SCREAMS]

All right, let's
get out of here.

[EXPLOSIONS BOOMING]

[MEN COUGHING]

Ashumen, did he get out?

Ashumen!

[ELAINE COUGHING]

No regrets about Mrs. Van Every?

No regrets.

Maybe, um, just one?

I'm content to go
home right now.

SOLO: A mother would never come
home from a trip without presents.

This is a doll.

And a build-it-yourself radio.

And for him, a sweater. It's his
size, I absolutely guarantee it.

Thank you.

You do think of everything.

- Are you getting off,
Mr. Solo? SOLO: Hmm?

[SOLO GRUNTS]

ATTENDANT: There will be an hour
delay before we return to New York.

- You could stretch your legs.
- No.

Would you like some coffee?

- No, no, no.
- Is there anything I can do for you?

Well, uh, as a matter of fact...

[ENGLISH SDH]