The Magicians (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 9 - Cello Squirrel Daffodil - full transcript

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‐ Previously
on "The Magicians"...

‐ Christopher Plover.

‐ The children's book author?

‐ You're familiar with my work.

‐ I've read
Martin Chatwin's book.

‐ Oh, you're the pervert
who turned him into The Beast.

‐ The age suspension spells
Martin used,

they must still
be keeping me alive.

‐ I don't know
what this signal is,

but I know why
it's targeting me,

and I'm gonna figure out‐‐
‐ Whoa, whoa, hang on!



‐ Merritt, you don't know
what that's gonna do.

‐ You're right.

‐ Ever since I found this page,
I knew it was important.

‐ It's an instruction manual.
‐ For what?

‐ The World Seed.

It can grow
into almost anything,

even an entire world.

The Couple has been looking
for the World Seed page

a long time,
and they are not good people.

‐ And they know
I have what they want.

‐ Pregnant.

‐ Shit.

Really appreciate it
if we could

keep this between you and I.



‐ Of course.

‐ Let's go find our books,
shall we?

‐ You better be able
to speed‐read.

‐ No!

‐ Okay, so what if
we locate the tree

from Seb's tattoo
and chop it down?

Would that sever this conduit?

‐ In theory, yes,

he would be mortal
and 100% stabbable.

‐ Jesus, cock and balls,
what's keeping Julia and El?

We just murdered
the goddamn king back there.

They should act like it.
‐ Ooh, sorry.

Probably just
Julia's toe worms.

Hey, we should stop
so she can catch up.

‐ You've got toe worms,

and you're moving
at a normal speed.

‐ Oh, I'm just used to‐‐

Hey, what happened to your eye?

‐ I lent it to Josh.

‐ What happened to his eye?

‐ Nothing!
He's an idiot.

He went back to warn
Tick and Rafe to get out

before things go shit‐shaped.
‐ Okay.

‐ Wait, and so why did you‐‐

‐ I'm worried, so I'm
keeping an eye on him, okay?

Christ.
‐ Oh, it's a pun.

I get it,
'cause you gave him your eye.

‐ Shut the fuck up, Fen!

‐ Okay.

‐ Julia, you have to hurry.
Are you okay?

‐ Yeah, I'm just
a little out of shape.

‐ Okay, don't mean to push,
but since we don't know

how the Centurions
will react to Seb's body,

and you were intimately
involved in making him dead,

we should probably
move more quickly.

‐ Uh...Eliot.

‐ I wouldn't if I were you.

‐ Seb.

‐ Surprised?

Take them.

The Magicians S05E09
'Cello Squirrel Daffodil'

HI Parts Deleted By
DvX3M

‐ Shit.

Sorry about that, Quentin.

Lame‐ass Welters nerd.

‐ Merritt?

‐ What‐‐what happened?

‐ You tell me.

You said you were a Chatwin,
you ripped off your patch,

and then you disappeared.

‐ Where's Julia
and‐‐and Lipson and‐‐

‐ You've been gone three weeks.

‐ Wha...

It was just a room.

No windows, no doors,

no one else there.

That's all I remember.

‐ You remember more than I did
when the signal grabbed me.

But I was there seconds,
at least I thought.

Who knows how this shit works?

‐ It's a weird one.
‐ What do your rocks say?

‐ That young Merritt
isn't under any memory curses,

so far as I can see.

‐ My name is actually Plum,
remember?

I just have to own it.

Leave the ranks of Chatwins
who go by middle names

or nicknames or, you know,
super‐villain monikers.

Hi, Plum fucking Chatwin,
cursed freak.

‐ Well, on the plus,
you don't have a brain injury,

you aren't psychotic,

and except for
the disorientation

and a little bit
of combination skin,

you're perfectly healthy.

‐ Whoa, whoa, so‐‐what?

You're done?

‐ Well, first I'm gonna grab
a bottle of tequila

so that I can really enjoy

my post‐coma
limited work hours,

but, uh, after that,

yeah, I'm done.

‐ Look, this weird room,

that's more
than we've had to go on.

‐ It's also nothing to go on
at all.

‐ The way traveling works,

you imagine a place,

see it in your mind's eye,

and then just go.

What?

‐ You do know this is the most
you've actually taught

about traveling
since you took up here.

‐ Look, my point is,

you don't have to point
on a map.

Just picture it.

‐ You want me to go back?

‐ Not really,
because it's dangerous,

but just pointing out‐‐

‐ That it's
the only thing we have,

is what you're pointing out.

‐ When I was a first year,
I had this stupid idea

that teachers knew
a ton more than me.

Gonna blow it for you.

Pretty much no one
knows dick about anything,

especially traveler shit.

What the signal is, why,

no one's waiting around
to solve it.

‐ But I've never
traveled by myself,

and I don't know how,

and even assuming you're not
completely a shit teacher,

I can't go back there,
not alone.

‐ You won't be.

‐ Oh, you stupid twat.

That hurts.

‐ Kind of late to ask
for the anesthesia spell.

‐ Done.

Now you can take people
with you when you travel,

which is why it is important
that you‐‐

‐ Yes, I read the chapters
you gave me.

I get the principles.

‐ We start with baby steps.

All you gotta do is travel us
both across the lab.

Now, I'm gonna draw a circle.

Just aim for it.

And don't worry.

If you get lost,
I'll be right there.

‐ Professor Adiyodi...
‐ It's Penny.

‐ Bringing you my troubles

has cocked things up
enough already.

I don't wanna make things
worse.

‐ Yeah, well,
messing up my life

kind of runs in your family.

I'm used to it.

‐ You're not convincing me.

‐ Which Chatwin are you
related to?

‐ Honestly, I don't know.

My parents are British.

They have the proper sense

not to speak
of the family curse.

‐ Well, you are the third
Chatwin I've met.

First one was The Beast,

who basically tortured me
when I was a kid,

but his sister Jane,

she did everything she could
to stop him.

She changed time.

She was incredible.

So family curse?

Far as I'm concerned,
the scales are even.

You could tip it either way.

Remember, aim for the circle.

Here goes nothing.

I did it.
I actually did it.

I honestly thought I was
just gonna, like, kill us both.

Like, straight up
50/50 chance‐‐

‐ Plum.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Where's the chalk circle?

‐ It‐‐it's‐‐huh?

‐ Hey, where's everybody going?

‐ Dean Shiring got dial‐up
in the computer closet.

We're gonna use it
to read the Starr Report,

or at least the blow job parts.

‐ Dial‐up?
‐ Starr Report?

That came out‐‐oh.
‐

I traveled us to 1998.

‐ Yeah, well,
I have a strong guess

which Chatwin
you're related to.

‐ "The Couple"?
Never heard of 'em.

‐ I hadn't either
until they sent

a shiitake monster after me.

I'd like to know who they are

before they come
looking for me again.

‐ Well, I know a guy.

He owes me, like, three favors,

so let's see.

‐ Thanks, Kady.

‐ Now you owe me three favors.
‐ Hmm.

‐ He wants to meet.

You are never
gonna believe where.

What the hell happened here?

‐ We've been redecorating.

Alice and Kady,
I'm so very glad you've come.

‐ Zelda.
‐ What are you doing here?

‐ Rebuilding.

Come to see George, yes?

‐ Didn't know you knew him.

‐ Hmm.
He's right over there.

‐ Oh.

‐ Hey, how did all this happen?

Are those hedges
working with librarians?

‐ Honestly, it was you.

After you helped me
burn all those books,

I realized the Library

needed to be rebuilt
from the ground up.

‐ How did you convince them
to help you?

‐ I've been helping
Kady and Harriet

remove Reed's Marks‐‐

a sort of penance,
if we're being honest‐‐

but suddenly I found myself
surrounded

by grateful magicians just
looking for something to do.

‐ What was that?

‐ Our new recruits
are enthusiastic,

but their education is spotty.

This branch is kept functioning
by very specific spells,

but proper casting,
especially here

in the Circumstances
of the Neitherlands,

sometimes eludes them.

‐ Alice, this is George.

‐ So you're the one
The Couple's after.

‐ Do you know them?

‐ No, but I know
a guy who might.

I need a day to track him down.

‐ Thanks, George.

Two favors to go.

‐ As long as your waiting,

perhaps you could help us
with a problem?

I've pulled some volumes
from the Poison Room.

Highly dangerous.

You're some of the few
I trust to look through them.

‐ What are you looking for?

‐ A way to fix magic.

Unless you have something
more important to do.

‐ Oh.

‐ Thank God we got past
the Centurions.

‐ How the hell's
the Dark King still alive?

We cut down his tree,
stabbed him.

‐ It doesn't seem possible.

‐ El said he's a healer.

Maybe he cast something
with his last breath.

I don't know,
but our friends are back there.

I can see Josh hiding out,
so he's safe for now,

but Julia and Eliot...

‐ Did they get back here
before us?

‐ Hey!

Who the fuck are you?

‐ Ah, cello.

Squirrel, daffodil.

‐ Okay.

‐ Uh, Margo,
what are you doing?

‐ Life lesson, Fen.

There's always a point
where you can decide,

"That's not my problem."

‐ Oh, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

‐ We have friends to save,
a Dark King to re‐kill.

Hang with Mad Libs pedophile
all you want.

I'm going back to double‐tap
the motherfucker

like he's Osama
and I'm SEAL Team Bitch.

‐ No, no.
Excelsior in springtime.

Excelsior in springtime.

‐ Whatever you say.

‐ I think he's trying
to tell us something

about Fillory
and the Dark King?

‐ Charcuterie.

‐ Either he had a stroke,

or some whimsical
Fillorian shit happened to him.

‐ Secrets and blueberries.

Spongy walrus hat.

‐ On the edge
of the Burnt River,

there's an insect called
the Tongue Twister

that supposedly
crawls into your skull

and confuses your words.

Is that like a stroke?

‐ Fingernail clippings.

‐ Hold up.

Somebody's near Josh.

Son of a shit,
it's the Dark King.

He's coming.

Wait, no!
God damn it!

‐ What happened?

‐ Josh put my eye
in his pocket,

so I can't see shit.

If he's got something to say
about the Dark King,

we need to know it.

‐ How?

If he's got Tongue Twisters
in his brain hole?

‐ I know a guy.

He's an idiot,

but he might be able to help.

‐ Professor Fogg?

‐ Hi.

‐ Ski masks.

Big trend in the future?

‐ Trying to avoid
a time paradox.

‐ Ah, smart and stupid.

You don't think I'll recognize
your voices?

‐ Kind of counted on you
being a little drunk.

‐ Hmm.

‐ It's the afternoon.

‐ Next time,
try Pinter's facial distortion,

literally made
for this sort of thing,

unless you, you know,
prefer this look.

‐ Yeah, look, what do you know
about time travelers?

They're a myth.

‐ And yet, here we are.

‐ Well, seems like you have
a gift, Ms. Ski Mask,

but poor aim.

‐ Can you help?

‐ Maybe.

This time bridge is set
for a fixed moment in time,

but we can remove
the temporal compass

and adjust it to help you
navigate back to 2020.

Can you feel the vibration?
‐ Yeah.

‐ Good.
It's pointing towards home.

‐ Thanks, Professor Fogg.

‐ No, gosh,
thank you, thank you.

This might all make
an excellent dissertation.

‐ Might even be worth
a promotion.

‐ Oh, God, no.

Me, Dean?
No.

I'd have to pay off
a lot of colleagues' wives.

Good luck.

‐ Did it work?

Are we back?

‐ I don't know.

‐ Excuse me.

Be a pal and sweep up
the men's dining room?

Thanks.

‐ Nope.

‐ How is Seb still alive?

‐ I have no idea.

I mean, you saw me
run him through with a sword,

which is not something
I expected to do

to anyone, kind of ever.

‐ You okay?

‐ Yeah, um,
I just have a problem,

and it's getting worse.

‐ How'd you get so pregnant?

‐ The usual way,
except it's Red Monkey Month,

so everything grows
a lot faster.

‐ I guess...

congratulations?

‐ Thanks, I think.

‐ Present deal aside,

the whole circle of life
of this,

it's kind of very moving.

‐ In a far less
dungeon‐y timeline,

I'd definitely be asking you

to throw me a baby shower
right about now.

‐ I know a spell
to make sparkling cider

get you hammered.

Perfect loophole
for this situation.

‐ Glad to see you're
keeping your spirits up.

I wouldn't want it
gloomy down here.

And now I've killed
the conversation.

‐ Are you going to execute us?

‐ I can't.

I need your help.

‐ Basic problem's the same.

We can't fix magic on Earth.

We did some stuff to the moon,
and she's mad, and she's‐‐

‐ A monumental cunt?
‐ Evidently.

So she's screwing up
Circumstances.

‐ My Akkadian's rusty,
but I‐‐I think this says

that we can win
the moon's favor if we...

‐ Virgin sacrifice.

‐ Okay, well, that's out.

‐ Not to mention,

the method of death
is pretty gross.

‐ That bad, huh?

‐ No, it's just
the lights flickered,

and now there's peanut butter
in my turkey sandwich.

‐ Thought wonky casting
was an Earth‐specific problem.

‐ I think this issue's
more basic.

All the new people
learning Library operations,

including culinary charms.

‐ At least Zelda can reassign
hedges that cast for shit.

The moon, however,
has job security.

‐ Hmm.
You're fired, Moon.

Wait, what if we could?

Fire the moon, I mean.

‐ Kind of remember hearing

Earth would end
in fiery apocalypse.

‐ No, I'm saying,
what if we got rid of it

and made a new one?

That's batshit.

‐ This book is on
Earth‐works magic

in the South Pacific.

You know, how to create
an island out of nothing.

‐ Ye‐‐that's not exactly
the same.

‐ These books are from
the Poison Room,

not for amateurs.

If there's a way
to make a new moon,

it'll be in here.

‐ Say, "Ah."
‐ Fire engine.

‐ Well, there's your problem.
He can't talk right.

‐ No shit, Gordy.
We wanna know why.

‐ Check his ears.
Anything in there?

‐ Hmm.

Just your usual ear stuff.

Hold up, what is that?

Give me a minute.
It's deep in there.

And blammo.

‐ Yep, it's a Tongue Twister.

‐ How you feeling now?

‐
Linoleum.

‐ Shit, it wasn't the bug.

‐ Huh, well,
maybe not this one.

There's a bunch in there.

Hundreds.

Thousands.

All down his‐‐mm...

spinal bones?

I can get 'em out
if I can keep one.

‐ Sure I'll regret asking.
Why?

‐ For the respect.

So I can write a...
a...

‐ Paper?
‐ Right, one of those.

It'd be huge for me.

I'll never get laughed at
at VetCon again.

‐ How long is it gonna take?

‐ Don't know.

Looks like each critter
has an energy‐meridian tether

as well as a physical one.

It's like he's possessed

by a thousand little spirits,
so...

‐ This is a possession problem?

‐ No, it's a bug problem,

and those bugs
are possessing him.

‐ Don't worry.
I deal with cats all day.

They are possessed
like you wouldn't believe.

‐ Rhubarb.

‐ That should do it.

‐ He's bleeding out!
Call a doctor!

Oh, yeah.

‐ 1920.

‐ Maybe Fogg flipped a digit
setting it.

If we can figure out
what he got wrong,

we can fix his mistake.

I just wish we had
some instructions.

‐ Excuse me.

This area is for students
and faculty only.

‐ I am faculty.
‐ I'm a student.

‐ And I am the King of Siam.
Out.

‐ Look, dude,
I don't know wha‐‐

‐ Yeah, getting in a fight

is only gonna make this harder.

Thank you.

‐ If we can't
get in the Library,

then we are stuck here
reenacting "The Help"

with these casually racist
white people.

‐ Lilian,
you're imagining things.

‐ We don't know anyone here
who can help us.

‐ I swear, Helen,
I could sense something‐‐

someone‐‐
watching me in the bath,

like‐‐like a pervert ghost.

‐ Maybe we do know someone
who can help.

‐ "Of one not easily jealous,
but being wrought,

"perplexed in the extreme;

"of one whose hand,
like the base Indian,

threw a pearl away
richer than all his tribe..."

‐ You're telling me
this guy whacks off to people

he watches
from the Astral Plane?

‐ Yeah.
‐ "The melting mood..."

‐ Do we really need his help?
‐ "As the Arabian trees..."

‐ Look, in 100 years,

he's gonna be
a really nice guy, so...

‐ Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

It just, it‐‐ah.

It won't feel like "Othello"
until I'm in blackface.

‐ Okay, so he's got
a ways to go.

Hyman.

Hey.

‐ Do I know you?

‐ Uh, yeah, I'm Pen‐‐brooke,
and this is Prune.

‐ Ah, and you are
visiting mystics?

‐ Right, from India, and‐‐
‐ And the‐‐

‐ The Dark Continent.
‐ Okay.

‐ God give me strength.

‐ Yeah, well, listen,
we needed some help‐‐

‐ I'm sorry.
I'm late to phrenology.

‐ Okay, buddy.

Listen up, dude.

We know you're the pervert
ghost of Brakebills,

so either you help us,
or everybody knows.

‐ I've looked through
everything Seb gave us,

and it seems like some sort
of communication spell.

It's going to take
the three of us.

I have no clue
what it does, though.

‐ El?

Help here?

‐
What's the point?

Once we're done, what reason
does he have to keep us alive?

‐ I don't think he'll kill us.

You.

I saw the way he talked to you.

Nobody is that hurt
if they don't care.

‐ I attract the best guys,
don't I?

‐ You attract
basically everyone,

and with that broad
of an appeal,

you're bound to magnetize

a couple of questionable
monarchs.

‐ We will figure something out.
I promise.

‐ Okay.

‐ Help.
‐ Okay.

‐ This sigil,
it looks sort of like

part of a messenger charm
that you would use

to send a letter
across a lake or a river‐‐

‐ Oh, shit.

Yeah, I recognize it.

Um, it was in a book

I was reading
right after Q died.

I was doing a lot of...
‐ Grief Googling?

‐ He wants to do a séance.

‐ But I thought
those were bullshit.

‐ Not always.

It's dark magic,
and it can go very wrong.

I never could figure it out,
but maybe he did.

‐ But why cooperative?

Three people
means a lot of power.

‐ Well, he must be trying
to contact someone

who's been dead
a very long time.

‐ Oh, shit.

I think I know who.

‐ Hello, Professor Frank.

‐ Those two can't be in here
during regular hours.

‐ Uh, they're with me.

I'm doing a report
on magic of the West Indies.

They are translating for me.

‐ Huh.

‐ Nothing, nothing.
There is nothing here.

It is all theoretical.

There's not even an entry
for a temporal compass.

‐ As far as I can tell,
time bridges

haven't even been
invented yet.

‐ Time bridges?

Like Professor Sato's work?

‐ Is that...

Hey.
‐ Yeah.

‐ This looks exactly like
the time bridge

that we pulled
the compass out of.

He's building it...
‐ Today.

That can't be a coincidence.

‐ But still,
it doesn't make any sense.

I mean, why take us here,
to today?

And why 1998?

‐ Wh‐wh‐wh‐wh‐wh...

You traveled
to the year of our Lord 1998?

No, no, no.
Horsefeathers.

What, was the world overrun
with metal automatons

taking over
all the work of men?

‐ Yes.
‐ Look.

‐
Oh, my God.

‐ September, 1998.

‐ I was holding it
when we traveled to 1998,

and then I was
holding the compass

that was made today
when we landed here today.

‐ Oh, they're totems.

Remedial traveler students
sometimes have trouble

picturing their destinations,
so holding an object

from that place
can sometimes help.

‐ Okay, so that,
but time instead of space.

So I guess in order
to get home...

‐ We need something
from our time.

‐ "From our time,"
I was gonna say that.

‐ Hey, you know this language?

‐ Um...

the front half looks like
Old Church Slavonic.

The back half,
I don't recognize it.

‐ The Slavonic part
I could read.

It's something about a seed
that could grow into anything.

What if it could
grow into a moon?

‐ I don't believe it.
‐ What?

‐ This book is missing a page,

something called
the World Seed.

‐ How do you know
what it's about

if the page is missing?

‐ Because it's what
The Couple's after,

the page, and I have it.

‐ What?

‐ Meanwhile, we're trying
to solve a different problem,

but then‐‐but there's this book
that happens to be

the same book that
the World Seed page came from?

Coincidence,
synchronicity, or...

‐ I always assume trap.

‐ How much do you
trust the hedges?

‐ About as much
as you trust the Library.

‐ Hmm.

Then there's no way
this isn't a con.

‐ We're looking for an answer
that requires unusual power.

Something unusually powerful.

Logically, it's gonna be rare,

a lot of people wanting it,
right?

So not weird, right?

Just saying.
‐ True.

I mean, it can't be this easy,
can it?

‐ Maybe everything's been
really hard for a long time,

and we caught a single
fucking break for once.

‐ Oh, hey,
Smoothie Castle card

from 2009.

‐ So we don't have anything
from 2020?

Great, so we're just stuck
in this backwards‐ass place.

‐ Did you do this?

‐ Do what?

‐ Brakebills has given me
the icy mitt.

I've been streeted.

Oh, my‐‐expelled!

Someone ratted me out
to the faculty.

‐ Well, it wasn't us.

Someone must have overheard
our conversation.

‐ Wha‐‐eavesdropping
on a private moment?

Who would do that?

‐ You, constantly,

which is why
you're getting expelled.

‐ Did you give her permission
to use irony in this way?

Just‐‐good riddance
to the both of you.

‐ This is bad.

He was supposed to stay,
get caught projecting,

and then be trapped
when someone hides his body.

‐ Okay, so then expulsion
actually saves him

from being trapped in
Astral Purgatory for a century

and saves generations
of Brakebills women

from being spied on.
‐ You don't get it.

If Hyman doesn't get trapped,
he can't help future me,

and future me can't save magic,
and we lose it forever.

We need to fix this.

‐
How?

By trapping him ourselves?

‐ Exactly.

‐ Wait.

On the bright side, this is my
chance to finally go to Europe.

I hear Weimar Berlin's
got some swell

"erotique" attractions.

‐ I bet.

‐ God, what am I doing?

I came to Brakebills
to learn, you know?

And the lesson of my expulsion
is clear as a creek.

Maybe, and I know
this is crazy,

but maybe it is wrong
to spy on people in the shower.

‐ Well...

‐ I know!

Then why did God
give you the ability

to spy on people in the shower?

‐ Look, I can't tell you
how to live your life, but...

Look, being a traveler
can feel like a burden, yes,

but not being a traveler,

not being able
to use your gift,

it's worse.

Believe me.

There's no harm
in looking, right?

You know?
‐

‐ Oh.
‐ You're a good egg, Penbrooke.

‐ Okay.

‐ Hey, before I forget,

any idea how I can
score some tickets

to the women's Welters match?

It's in an hour.

‐ Women's Welters
has a match tonight?

That's not on the schedule.

‐ Oh, it's a surprise match,
yeah.

They are probably
in the locker room right now.

‐ Uh‐huh, uh‐huh, uh‐huh,
I see.

I am going to need
to finish packing by myself.

In private, okay?

‐ Yeah, okay. Cool.

Great.
Uh, yeah, bye.

Okay, it worked.
We only have a few minutes.

‐ Okay, um,
hear me out on something.

‐ Yes, it's bad.

Magic's at stake.

Do I have to do
the speech again?

‐ I stole this

from Professor Sato's things.

Stasis charm,
freezes the wearer in time.

‐ Plum, the body isn't
supposed to be preserved.

It's supposed to die.
‐ Who says?

‐ No one ever found his body.

Maybe we were the ones
who hid it in the first place.

‐ That's not how time works.

‐
How do you know?

What matters is he'd
still be trapped

and still be on
the Astral Plane.

‐ Unless it's
a shitty hiding spot,

and Hyman finds it.

‐ Unless he doesn't,

and 100 years from now
we can fix him.

What's the point of having
this stupid ability

if I can't change anything?

‐ Who says there's a point?

You are born with this shit,

and you spend the rest
of your life

trying to survive it.

Okay? Let's go.

‐ Or you have it ripped away

just when you figured out
you wanted it.

I am sorry your shit is broken,
but the Penny I've heard about

wouldn't give a damn whether it
fucks the future or not.

He would do the right thing
for his friend.

‐ I guess having your shit
break changes a person.

‐ Okay,

so what kind of person
is new Penny gonna be?

‐ Shit.

I know how to get us
back home.

Let's do this,
and I'll explain.

‐ Okay.

Gonna be sore
when he wakes up.

‐ If he wakes up.

You ready to go?
‐ Yeah.

"Quentin Coldwater,
Welters"‐‐

how does that help?

‐ I dropped it the day
you reappeared.

When it broke, it...

‐ Became a new thing.

‐ Made the day we left,
so shall we?

‐ Yeah.

‐ He's stable.

‐ Thank you.

‐ And talking words good.

My work here is done.

Respect, here I come.

‐ Oh!
‐ Shit.

‐ All right, talk.

‐ It's been centuries
since I've been able to speak.

It's so liberating.

‐ You've been infected
for centuries?

‐ Yes, from the‐‐just after
your reign ended until today.

‐ Tell us everything
that happened.

‐ Screw that.
What's up with the Dark King?

Who is he,
where does he come from,

and how do we kill him?

‐ Well, I heard
the same story you did.

The Dark King showed up

shortly after the arrival
of The Takers,

that only he
could vanquish them.

So I was curious.

Who was this Magician?

What was his story?

So I sought him out,

and I was shocked to discover

that I knew him.

Ooh, you are good
at telling stories.

‐ Thank you.

Now, in order to talk
about who he is

and where he actually
came from,

we need to look further back

to a time before Martin Chatwin
became The Beast.

‐ Really?
‐ Shh.

‐ Long before he discovered
the Wellspring,

Martin had another plan

to make sure that he never
got sent back to Earth.

A conduit spell
to tie himself to Fillory.

‐ Once we begin, we will
only have a few moments.

‐ Seb, we should talk
about this.

‐ Look, we know
what you're trying to do.

‐ I strongly doubt that.

‐ We know it.

The Dark King used it,

except we chopped down
his tree.

‐ But there's an essential fact

that perhaps you don't know
about the trees of Fillory.

You see, there are many,
but in truth, only one.

‐ What kind of bullshit
is that?

‐ Yeah, I mean, I'm Fillorian,
and I've never heard that.

‐ You see, the roots of
the trees of Fillory intertwine

such that they become one,
not just with each other,

but with the land,
and anyone tied to that

can't be killed by just
chopping down a single tree

or even an entire forest.

They can only be stopped
by destroying all of Fillory.

‐ Wait, so you're saying
Martin tried,

but screwed up or whatever?

‐ He was thwarted
by someone heroic

who knew what he could become,

Martin's own brother Rupert,

Rupert Sebastian Chatwin.

‐ Oh, my Gods, what a twist.

You're such a natural at this.

‐ He realized
that the only way

to stop his brother
was sacrifice,

so he tied himself
to the conduit

before his brother could.

When Martin discovered
what had happened,

oh, he was furious.

He couldn't kill
his own brother,

but he could curse him
with eternal sleep.

The people of Fillory
thought he was dead.

‐ What's happening to him?
‐ Exactly what's meant to.

‐ What happened?

‐ You happened.

You brought surges of magic
so huge you woke Rupert up,

and he brought The Takers,

and then when he held them
at bay,

the Fillorians, in gratitude,
made him High King.

‐ But why did he do all that?

‐ Yeah, if he was so good,
why did he become so evil?

‐ Because while he slumbered,

he lost the one thing
he cared about,

the man he loved.

‐ Rupert, is that really you?

‐ Lance!

‐ Lance?

‐ Lance Morrison?
‐ Rupert.

‐ Yes, yes, it's me.

‐ Finally, you're here.

My love, my stars, my heart.

I sound like a fool.

You cannot know...

Do you know how much
I've missed you?

‐ What took you so long?

‐ Lance, I've been trying.

‐ You left me.
‐ No.

‐ You abandoned me.

‐ No, I needed
to stop my brother.

‐ And now I'm dead,
and you can never die.

It's cold here.
I'm so alone.

I've almost given up
so many times.

‐ No, no, just‐‐don't.

I will not break my promise
to you, okay?

I finally know what to do.

We'll be together soon,
so soon.

‐ How?
‐ Just wait by the door.

‐ I've tried.
I can't pass through it.

‐ No, I know, but you will
be able to soon.

That's why
I reached out to you,

to tell you to wait
by the door.

‐
Okay, okay.

Rupert...

‐ Listen to me.

Wait by the door.

‐ Eliot.

What the fuck did you do?

‐ And you actually think
this page

might contain the answer?

Tell us what you need.

Our resources
are at your disposal.

‐ I just need to go and get it.

‐ We'll send someone.

‐ I'd rather get it myself.

‐ A few librarians, security‐‐

seems prudent
to send one person.

‐ You almost had me.

Just peanut butter
and turkey sandwiches.

‐ I'm afraid I'm not following.

‐ We're in the Library,
where there's glitches

'cause of hedges right?

So why do these glitches
keep happening

during lunar intervals?

Why are the Neitherlands
affected by the Earth's moon?

Makes no sense.
Where am I really?

‐ Earth, which you manage
to figure out

every motherfucking time.

‐ What is this?
Some sort of illusion?

‐ Psychic spell.

Basically you're in the Matrix,

which means we're still
on Earth, hence glitches.

‐ How many times
have I done this?

‐ 18.

Been sending you back
to the beginning.

It's getting tiresome.

‐ Wait, the‐‐the books,
fixing the moon,

it was all just‐‐
‐ Bullshit.

Starting with you
getting Kady to text me.

‐ Who are you?
‐ Come on.

I'm insulted.

You've been asking about me.

‐ The Couple.

‐ Less impressive

the 18th time
you figure it out.

Look, you're sick of this.

I'm really sick of this.

Why don't we have this convo
in the real world, huh?

Not doing this 19 times.

Give me the page,
or I kill Kady.

‐ How do I know
that's really Kady?

How do I know
this is even real?

‐ Only one way to know,

and that's to feel it.

‐ What are you doing?

‐ Phosphoromancer, right?

‐ Please don't do this.

Please, please.

‐ I know you use
this finger a lot.

‐ Promise‐‐
give me the page.

If the finger's still viable,
I reattach.

‐ Middle finger,
also very important.

‐ Love spells
need a ring finger.

‐ Oh...

‐ Pinkies are crucial.

‐ Well? Alice?

‐ Okay.

Okay.

You want my thumb too?

‐ Disappointed
that this isn't working,

because the next cut
isn't your thumb.

It's Kady.

‐ The page, or kill Kady.

What's it gonna be?

‐ Okay, okay, you win.
It's yours.

It's‐‐it's fucking yours.

‐ Oh, good.

‐ Relieved.

Now, where do I go?

Oh, hold that thought.

I forgot my pen.

- Okay.
- ‐

‐ Is he all right?

‐ What do you care?

‐ It was never my intention
to hurt him.

‐ You think that matters?

I lost someone too.

And I loved him so much.

I know the pain.

It's not an excuse
to hurt people

just because you want him back.

‐ Maybe you didn't love him
as much as you think,

because you don't understand.

I have work to do.

‐ You see
what you're up against.

Fillory can never be free

so long as the Dark King
reigns.

‐ One thing I'm confused about.

Where do you fit in
to all of this?

‐ Well, Rupert recognized me.

Oh, he's always disliked me.

He's the one who cursed me
with the Tongue Twisters.

No, I shall find
no happiness in Fillory

so long as he's around.

‐ So after you leave here,
what?

Just gonna hit the streets?

‐ Oh, hardly.

I shall write.

The things I have seen,
the stories I can tell.

‐ His stories are very good.

‐ Just not exactly
kid‐appropriate.

Oh, oh, oh, vexing.

Oh, flattery flophouse.

‐ Did you really
have to do that?

He seemed like such a nice‐‐

‐ Pedophile?

He's grooming you, Fen,

because you act like you're 12.

‐ Oh, Gods.

‐ Remember, make sure to lock
on the right vibration.

‐ Can you feel it?

‐ Mm, it feels like home.

‐ Here we go.

Hi.
‐

‐ I think‐‐I think‐‐
I think we did it.

Should I let go of your ha‐‐

‐ This‐‐did you‐‐

‐ No, not on purpose.

I do‐‐I'm not sure
I even did this at all.

‐ Whoa, why do I feel
like I've‐‐

‐ Been here before.

Because this is it.

This is where the signal
brought us.

Okay, okay,
I'll just travel us out.

‐ Yeah.
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Plum.
‐ It's not working.

We can't leave.